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The smell of pancakes and giggles waft from the kitchen as Tim and Lucy cook together. They steal kisses as the eggs sizzle in the pan on the stove.
‘This is love’ Lucy thinks as she smiles up at Tim, watching his face of concentration as he goes to flip the pancakes. Her heart feels full as she watches him do such a mundane task as making breakfast. This is the love she had been waiting for her entire life: a slow and lazy love where they can just enjoy the small tasks in life like making breakfast or sitting together in sweet silence as they fold towels and bedding. None of her other relationships had ever been like this, she never had to put up a front around Tim. He has seen her at her best and worst and she knows that he would do anything for her. So when there is a knock on the door as she Tim, and Tamara sit down to eat she thinks nothing of it. Until Tim begins to speak.
“Isabel, uh, texted me. She's in town and needed to talk, so I... I just told her to come here. I hope that's okay.” As the sentences leave his lips Lucy feels her heart drop into the pit of her stomach.
“Oh, yeah, um…” She trails off with an uncomfortable laugh as she tries desperately to will away the stones that have made their home in her gut, “Of, course.” After she finally settles on an answer Tim begins speaking again but all she can hear is the ringing in her ears and the war being raged in her mind. She tells him to stop and gives him a playful shove even though she is feeling anything but. The pit in her stomach just gets deeper when Isabel and Tim make their way to the couch and start talking in semi-hushed tones. Her vision has tunneled so much on the pair that she doesn’t even notice Tamara sliding up next to her where she stands by the coffee maker.
“Is that the Isabel? The ex-wife Isabel?” Lucy jumps slightly at the probing and the volume of the teen’s voice.
“Stop, you’re so loud,” Lucy mumbles without any bite, “Yes.” Even as Tamara is offering to do the digging and she declines her eyes never leave the pair on the couch. The way that when Isabel laughs her hand instinctually finds its place on TIms arm. The way that he looks at her like nothing else exists. The way that their bodies are facing completely toward each other, knees bumping, and bodies leaning forward. As she moves to set the coffee in front of Isabel neither party makes room for her on the couch, her couch. So she sits on the floor on the other side of the coffee table, though it might as well be a canyon with the way they continue to ignore her. This causes a pain in her chest that she can't quite place. The ringing has yet to subside, the conversation in front of her sounding distorted and hard to follow. Like she is listening to them talking from underwater.
“Lucy,” It is Tim’s voice that brings her back to the present. Snapping her out of her head. “Luce, I’m about to drive Isabel over to the station. You coming?” Lucy finds it hard to speak as if she has a mouth full of sand. Her throat is dry and she clears it before answering,
“Um, y-yeah, no” She stammers out, stumbling over her words. “I have to drop Tam off at work, I-I’ll catch up with you in about an hour?” Despite herself, it still comes out sounding like a question rather than a legitimate statement. Tim nods and gives her a small smile, as he stands he leans down to kiss her. Notably, it is on her cheek, not her lips.
“Ok, an hour.” That is all he says before turning to grab the keys to his truck. As he and Isabel leave Lucy lets her eyes linger on Isabel for the first time. She looks good, healthy. Her cheeks are no longer sunken in and her skin is no longer sallow as it was the last time Lucy had seen her at the apartment. Upon seeing her improvement Lucy instantly regrets her choice not to come. But it’s too late. Lucy knows nothing of what happens in that hour. She takes Tamara to work and tries to hold out hope that Tim won’t abandon her for his old flame. Yet she finds that hope harder and harder to hold on to. It's not like Isabel is just some old girlfriend or fling, she was his wife for a decade. While he and Lucy had only been dating for a few months.
When she finally gets to the station her eyes instantly find Tim. She finds the look in his eye as he is looking at Isabel. His first love, his ex-wife. His ex-best friend. As she looks at his face and the way it lights up, and the crinkles at the side of his eyes as he smiles the chest pains return. The feeling is white and hot and it pulls her heart from within her chest. He doesn’t look at her. He doesn’t have to. It would just confirm what Lucy already knew. It is over. She had lost him just as soon as she got him.
And in looking at the way he looks at Isabel she finds that maybe she never really had him in the first place.