Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

"Don't leave."

Screams and panicked cries fill the hallways and classrooms.

"Please don't leave me."

Isak's hand is slipping from her grasp as she desperately hangs out of the window.

"I can't lose you too."

She's screaming to her father as the zombies begin to swarm him.

"After everything-"

They're standing in the rubble of the old construction building, Cheongsan is gone, everyone is gone -

"I just need you with me."

The girl before her stands, face and clothing covered with blood and dirt, skin sickeningly pale and making the redness around her left eye stand out alarmingly. Her appearance is stomach-churning, but somehow she looks more beautiful than ever.

Onjo stumbles forward clumsily, staggering into her arms. Her body is cold and frail, but it's all the warmth and security Onjo needs. She begins to sob, choking on her tears.

"Please, Namra."

"Onjo..."

She can hear Namra's voice trembling.

"Y-you need to leave."

With her remaining resolve she pushes Onjo away from her chest and begins to back away. She avoids looking at her face, because she knows one glance at her tear stricken face will crumble what little willpower she has left.

"Namra." Onjo sobs. "I can't- I won't leave you here."

"No." Namra bites the inside of her cheek, forcing down the tears boiling to the surface of her eyes. "No, no, no, I won't put you in danger-"

"You won't!" Onjo cries out in frustration. "We- we can make it to the mountains if we run, if we just stay together, we can-"

"No." She turns and begins to walk away.

"Namra-"

"I said no."

"Please just-"

"I nearly killed you!" Namra screams, whipping around. The dam has broken, tears are streaming down her blood spattered face, and her body is shaking violently.

"Look at this- look at me- I can't control myself! I-I wanted to bite you, I was hungry, I-" She finally collapses to the ground, arms closing around herself as she shakes with her cries. 

"I'm a monster."

Everything is too much, it's all too loud, her body aches, she's so, so hungry, she can't control the overwhelming sobs racking her frame, she feels as if she's drowning on land-

Warmth envelopes her figure, and she desperately clings to it as if it were her lifeline. She can hear Onjo's hushed sobs and whispers in her ear, but she hardly registers it.

They lay there, in their own little world as they claw at each other's backs as if they'd disappear at any moment. The horde of snarling undead outside the building could have swarmed them and ripped them to pieces, but it still would not separate the intertwined girls.

"Look at me."

Namra doesn't dare move from her position, if anything burying herself deeper into the other girl's embrace.

"Darling." She freezes. "Look at me."

She hesitantly raises her head to meet the girl's eyes. Tears were still streaming down her face but she was doing her best to give Namra a reassuring smile.

"Don't make this harder."  Onjo's smile drops. "I-I'm not in control of myself anymore, there's no telling how long it would be until I-"

"I'd trust you with my life."

"Y-You don't understand, I can't do that to you, if- if I were to-" She swallows thickly. "I couldn't live with myself if I hurt you."

Onjo's grip on her arm tightens. "You would never hurt me."

"No." Namra rises, stumbling back once more. "No, I won't do this. You saw what I did to that body. There's no telling if or when I'll snap like that again. W-what if this time I actually-" She chokes out a strangled cry. Staggering backwards, she averts her gaze once more. "I'm going to run outside and distract the zombies. You should have enough time to escape and go to the mountains. Find the others. Don't come back for me."

Onjo stands up in defiance. "I'm not leaving you here."

"It's too dangerous." 

"You promised me that we would stay together. No matter what." 

"What does that matter if you're not safe? Do you know how scared I am that I'll black out again and wake up to find you- you- dead, by my own hands? You're safer without me. You can't stay with me, I'll only put you in danger-

"I don't care!" 

They're face to face now, the air still with shock at Onjo's outburst.

Cupping her jaw, Onjo repeats, softer this time- "I don't care."

She yanks Namra forward, their lips pressing together messily. They kiss hungrily, desperately, teeth clashing and noses bumping as they hold each other gently and firmly at the same time. The tang of iron stains Onjo's mouth and pierces her throat, but it doesn't faze her. Everything she can't say, all her frustration, her fear, her loneliness, her overwhelming need for Namra, she pours into the kiss. With every push of her lips, she conveys everything she can't through words- I love you, I can't live without you, please, please, don't leave me- and Namra understands.

Namra opens her eyes when Onjo's lips begin to taste of salt. She presses a shaky kiss to the girl's forehead as she wipes her cheeks with her thumb.

"I- I can't go on without you." Namra doesn't respond, only pulling her closer to her chest. Her sobs only get heavier. "You're the only one I have left. I've lost- I've lost everything. If you weren't here I don't know what I would do. If I lose you too then I- then-" She takes a shaky breath. "I would have no reason to go on."

Namra stiffens at the implications. She looks down at the trembling girl in her arms, who suddenly feels so small and fragile in her hold, as if a wrong touch would shatter her.

She drops another kiss to her forehead. "It's alright." She shushes her softly. "I won't leave you. I'm right here." 

Onjo raises her head to stare into her eyes, and it doesn't take long for their lips to meet once more. Over and over again, with earnest whispers of I love you breathed in between. 

The destruction, the zombies, the bombs from the government, none of it exists to them, in their own small pocket of the universe. They were with one another, and that was more than enough.

-

Hours later, Namra sat by the window of the building they were refuged inside, watching the streets beneath. A few zombies were stumbling around aimlessly, and she watches as they wander alleys and paths with no direction, no life left in them. She wonders how many of them had families, partners or children that were waiting in quarantine camps, if any of them were clinging onto the hope that they were still alive and well, or if they'd all completely given up on seeing their loved ones again.

She wondered briefly if, had she convinced Onjo to leave, she would have waited for her. If she had made it to the camp, would she still think of her? Would she look for her after she was released? Would she... light a campfire for them?

It wasn't a thought she wanted to dwell on.

Tearing her gaze away from the window, she looked down and redirected her attention to the girl who was now fast asleep on her shoulder.

Despite the blood and grime coating her face, she looked peaceful. Namra from a few months ago probably would have died on the spot from embarrassment at their close proximity, but now she can only feel her half-dead heart warming with affection.

She isn't stupid. Nothing about their situation is looking good. They needed to find Onjo food, and soon, with how malnourished and exhausted she was already.

There were still zombies stalking around the area, and despite their efforts to block off all the entrances, if they were to break through the two of them had no chance of defending themselves.

Namra didn't fully understand the changes happening to her, and there was a very real possibility that she could snap and any second and become a deranged, bloodthirsty flesh-eater.

They were pretty much at rock bottom. There really was no reason for her to be feeling happy in that moment, or relaxed, or anything other than, fear, despair and hopelessness.

Yet somehow, despite that, with Onjo tucked into her side, snoring adorably, and her hand loosely intertwined with her own, she couldn't stop the smile that spread across her face.

Maybe they were stuck in a building with a horde of flesh-hungry undead waiting outside to rip them to pieces. Maybe they did have a government that didn't give a shit about their survival and left them to fend for themselves. Maybe they were beaten up, on their own, half dead (quite literally), sleep deprived and hungry.

Namra didn't give a fuck about any of it in that moment. She and her girlfriend were alive, and they were together. She had hope. They were going to make it out of this.

-

Being half dead didn't stop the shock of fear that racked her body whenever she came face to face with a zombie.

Since she'd been bitten they didn't acknowledge her presence in the slightest, but she still froze when she heard their distorted gargling, or or caught sight of a twitching body beneath the many piles of rubble.

Seeing their mangled, bloody faces up close certainly wasn't pleasant either. If she'd eaten anything recently, she's fairly sure she would have vomited it up as she spots one of them blundering around the aisles across from her. 

The bombs from the government had taken out many of the zombies, but there were still a resilient few that had either been out of range of the explosions, or had simply refused to die, despite their limbs being torn and their undead skin burned through.

This particular one seemed to have suffered the latter, Namra can see that it was missing it's right arm and a decent chunk of the connected shoulder. It's abdomen had been ripped open, organs hanging grotesquely from the open wound. She grimaces, but keeps focused on her task. 

Finding stores that hadn't been blow to pieces turned out to be a challenge, and most that had survived to some degree were void of products that were salvageable. She'd seen (and smelt) one too many ruins filled with rotted food than she'd wanted to.

So far, the only items she'd been able to recover that weren't too damaged or old were two packets of instant ramen, and a slightly crushed looking protein bar. Certainly not the finest of meals, but it would do for now.

A glimpse of brightly coloured packaging catches her eye. Crouching down to move away some wreckage obscuring it, she recognises the familiar logo of one of Onjo's favourite snacks. The sight brings a mix of emotions to her chest.

She could picture clearly how her girlfriend's face would light up whenever Namra gifted her a pack of them after school, and how she would happily munch on almost the entire packet, but always making sure to offer some to her. 

She wonders bitterly if they would ever be able to enjoy the simple pleasure of even snacking together after this mess. Pushing that thought aside, she tucks the small box under her arm as she continues her scavenge.

When she returns to the building serving as their temporary refuge, she finds Onjo curled in on herself, clutching her stomach in pain. Her heart clenches as she shakes her gently, and presents her gathered morsels, feeling a bit like a cat bringing a dead mouse to it's owner.

Onjo gladly wolfs down the protein bar, and nibbles the edge of the uncooked noodles before placing them aside. Namra doesn't miss the small smile that makes it's way to her face as she spots the packaging of the snack that she brought. She wordlessly opens the box, before grabbing one of the sticks inside and holding it out in front of Namra's mouth. The familiar taste makes her chest feel warm, and for a moment, she can pretend that the two of them are out at the park or in Onjo's bedroom, just enjoying eating together.

The box empties quickly, and she can see her girlfriend's face fall slightly before she turns to her. 

"Thank you." She murmurs, and Namra doesn't need to ask why. She nods silently, and leans into press a small kiss to her lips. It's a small moment of normalcy, which have become so rare now, and they both savour it.

"We need to move soon." The moment breaks, and they are sucked back into their reality. Onjo only hums. 

"I saw a police station near the outskirts while I was out. It doesn't seem too damaged. If we make it there by nightfall, we can try and continue through the mountains in the morning. With any luck, we'll find a camp in a couple of days."

Onjo nods, but neither of them say what they are both thinking, 'Then what?'

The possibility of the military denying Namra entry to the camps, or even killing her on the spot, is high. With her inhumanly freezing skin and bulging red eye, it wouldn't be a surprise if they were to think she was a threat. They would be split apart against their will, and likely wouldn't have any way of reuniting. 

Onjo grips her hand a little tighter.

"Let's go."

They move the temporary blockages they'd secured around the doors, and Namra does a quick scout of the area. Once she's sure there are no zombies lurking in the surrounding streets, she returns to Onjo and takes her hand once more.

"You ready?"

The girl looks ready to say 'yes' but then stops herself. She turns back to face Namra. "Just a minute."

She brushes a strand of her girlfriend's hair behind her ear, before leaning up to plant a kiss on her lips. Namra tilts her head to reciprocate, but Onjo's already pulling away.

"I love you." 

Namra doesn't like how final it sounds, and she pulls her into another kiss almost defiantly. "I love you too." 

Pressing their foreheads together, Onjo gives her hand one last squeeze. "I'm ready now."

Chapter Text

Namra tugs them both into a narrow alleyway. It's cramped and has a foul smell that burns Onjo's nostrils, but she doesn't protest as the other girl clamps a hand over her mouth.

"It's all right," Namra murmurs. "It's not close. I can- I can hear one moving, but it's faint. We should wait here for a few minutes, just to be safe."

These periodic stops where a precaution Namra had insisted on taking whenever she thought she could hear the distinct snarls of the undead that prowled the streets of the city. 

"Just in case." She'd said. "It's not worth the risk of running into one. You're in no condition to fight, or to run."

Whilst necessary, their frequent stops delayed the journey significantly, stretching what should have been a roughly three-hour trek into almost double the length, and it felt tenfold as tiring.

The minutes pass in tense silence. Namra's brow furrows in concentration as she strains her ears, waiting an extra minute to make sure that the creature's din had faded completely before releasing a breath. 

"It's gone. Let's keep moving."

They stumble out of the alleyway, peeking around just to be sure it was clear. Peering around, Onjo takes in their surroundings for the first time.

Her heart twinges as she realises she recognises the spot they're in. Just weeks prior, they had wandered down this very street, hand in hand like countless times before, completely unaware of what their reality would be so very, very soon. 

The small stores lining the pathway, the bustle of shop-goers, the delicious smells that wafted from the bakeries, now gone, with only rubble and eerie silence in place.

She hadn't even noticed herself slowing to a stop before Namra tugged her arm. 

"Are you alright?"

Onjo blinks, taking in the area once more before tearing her gaze away. "Yeah, sorry. It's just this street-"

"I know." She feels the other girl kiss her forehead softly. She pauses for a moment, letting her eyes wander the wreckage. "I miss it too."

She's not quite sure whether Namra means this street specifically, or their whole city, or even just regular life, before this tragedy. She nods anyway, pressing herself closer into her girlfriend's arms.

They stay like that for a few moments before pulling away. "We should keep moving." Namra reminds the other girl reluctantly. 

She nods, absently, gaze still locked on the ruined street. Looking around, now, at the city she grew up in, that she spent her afternoons and weekends running around the streets of, at the little cozy shops and cafes and parks that dotted the city, the school that had practically been a second home to her all these years, to see it now as it is- ruin and rubble and chaos and death- it feels awfully surreal.

 Ever since the first outbreak of the virus in their school, everything had practically been a blur. She hadn't even really stopped to grieve, focused only on survival. Now, seeing what her city- her home- has become, it all crashes down on her at once. 

A sudden, deafening wave of overwhelming defeat washes over her, crushing and consuming her. It feels as if everything has gone numb and cold, and she wonders- What’s the point?

Why were they even trying? What were they even planning to do? How did everything go so wrong so quickly? Why did this have to happen? How was any of this fair?

Suddenly, her limbs feel like lead, and she wants nothing more than to stop, curl up on the ground, let the zombies tear her apart for all she cares.

She's beaten, she's starving, she's grieving, and god, she's tired.

She staggers to a stop, hand slipping out of Namra's grasp. Her shoulders shake as she curls in on herself, the first tears springing from her eyes.

Namra’s speaking to her now- she sounds concerned, Onjo thinks- but she can’t make out what she’s saying with how her head is pounding, and her ears feel as if they’ve been stuffed with cotton.

Sobs begin to wrack her body as she sinks to her knees, and fuck, she hasn’t realised how sore and dizzy she felt until now. The urge is strong- to just collapse right here and finally rest- and she doesn’t think she has the strength to stand back up.

"-njo?" A voice breaks through to her muddled brain. "Onjo, what's wrong?"

A smooth hand cups her jaw, and she lifts her gaze to meet Namra’s eyes, dark pools that are filled with worry.

Namra tugs her into her arms, where Onjo gratefully collapses against her chest. She hiccups, trying to catch her breath, but another wave of exhaustion and dizziness washes over her, and she can’t help but sob again.

Namra rubs a hand up and down her back in an attempt to soothe her, letting her cry into her neck. The girl clings to her like a lifeline, and she can only whisper words of comfort and brush away her tears.

 Onjo sniffles desperately, wiping at her eyes and trying to stifle her cries enough to speak.

“Tired.” She chokes, still shaking with tears. “M’ so tired.”

Namra thinks her heart breaks a little bit at how frail and scared her girlfriend sounds. She tugs her back into her embrace and wraps her arms more securely around her. A kiss is pressed to the top of her head.

"I know, my love, I know. It's alright," She coos in her ear. "Stay with me for just a little longer."

Onjo hears Namra begin to mutter, half to herself. "We need to find somewhere for you to rest." She mumbles, glancing around at their surroundings.

Suddenly, she's being lifted into the air, and she immediately wraps her arms around Namra's neck.

"Is this alright?" She hears, but she can't respond, only tucking herself further into her girlfriend's nape. They're moving now, but she's too tired to make out where. The temptation to give in and drift off to sleep is tantalising, but she forces herself to stay conscious. 

The streets and scenery around her blur together as they move, and she does her best to ignore the throbbing of her head and the dizziness settling in. Namra's arms around her anchor her to the world, and she clings to them like a lifeline, trying to even slightly lessen the sickening feeling of being on an out-of-control carousel. 

Eventually, the light around them seems to darken and Namra's walking slows to a stop. She lowers the two of them to the ground, trying her best to make comfortable seating with the materials around them. Onjo can't tell exactly where they are, but it seems to be an office building of some kind judging from the wreckage of desks and computers. 

Namra settles against a wall, pulling her into her lap, prompting her to rest her head under her chin. She spends a few minutes fussing over Onjo and ensuring she's comfortable in place and planting small kisses to her head and shoulders occasionally. 

“I’m sorry.” Namra murmurs. “We should have stopped earlier. You’re fatigued.”

Onjo hums. She doesn’t really care about that- or anything- at the moment, and she really, really, just wants to drift off to sleep.

"You can sleep now, darling. You've done so good." She whispers affectionately in her ear, pressing another soft smooch to the side of her head. "Rest well."

Onjo can only grunt sleepily, snuggling comfortably into Namra's front as she settles herself. She'd never felt more exhausted in her life, and all of a sudden, her girlfriend's chest feels like the softest pillow she's ever slept on. 

Her eyelids begin to droop, she hasn't felt this relaxed in what feel like forever, and she lets the sensation of Namra's finger scratching her scalp lull her into a deep slumber.

-

"Shit."

Onjo is jolted awake as her girlfriend frantically shakes her shoulders, hissing in her ear urgently.

The alarm in Namra's voice is evident. Onjo doesn't know what's happening, can't comprehend enough as she tries to shake the fogginess of her head, but it doesn't take much to figure out what she's seen. 

An angry, animalistic growl reaches her ears.

God, they really couldn’t catch a break.