Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The camp’s firelight was barely enough to write with. But the stranger made do, laying on her belly as she scratched on parchment all her troubles from the days past.


I don't know how I got here. 

The memories don't come clearly, not while the flesh-ship was on fire and the world outside was a literal hellscape. No, the memories then were in flashes, tall skyscrapers and the sound of Airplanes as they took off from the runway, the smell of my dogs as they bound and bay around the fenced yard, chasing every bird in sight.  At first, it was all just some horror show straight out of some Aliens vs Predators ripoff but it all came to a head when she jumped me. The gith. I know her. I felt a painful itch at the back of my eyeball when I saw her.

Lae’zel. The memories came clearer then.

Fuck me. I’m in Baldur’s Gate. I remember whimpering. Lae’zel, the bitch, hissed out hurtful comments which all just boils down to “No, idiot, we’re in Avernus. Now get your shit together and help me kill these imps” which was honestly all well and good, ‘til I realized. I don't know who I am. I don't know what I do, nor what race I even was- but, it wasn't hard to realize what race I was. A quick stock of myself revealed that the weight on my head wasn't from a head injury but from horns, ones that curl up and out like a mountain goat’s only without the twist in them. My skin still looked like my normal light tan, but I had sharp nails, thick and cracked. And, most mind boggling of all, I had a tail. 

In older editions of D&D, a teifling’s tail was prehensile. But this one obviously wasn't. I could flex the muscles and hold it still, but I had as much control of it as I did my own calves, which is to say, not much without moving other parts of me. 

The strangers tail flicks from under her bedroll as she crosses her legs in thought
 

But anyways, I fumbled through that first imp fight. It didn't go well, I almost lost an eye. Though it was a good thing I suppose, I apparently cussed out the imp so creatively in pain and panic its brain melted out of its ears. Thank God I didn't have this kind of power back at home.

The stranger smiles morosely as their quill hovers above the pages, ink blotting as it drips.

Home. I don't think any of these people would believe me. Lae’zel would have my head in an instant, believing the tadpole had taken hold. Gale might consider interrogating me about it but I doubt it wouldn't get any further than wizardly curiosity of a lunatic's babbling.  Its entirely a bad idea to open up. At least this early into forming “the Party” and we hadn’t managed to gather everyone yet. Shadowheart was easy, she's a good person, deep down, and one to respect secrets. Asterion still tried to put his knife against my throat even though I saw it coming. Not that I was quick enough to roll away, my fucking horns dug into the dirt and got lodged in a rock, No instead, I managed to clip him with said horn, accidentally spraying dirt all over his face. I apologized, and so did he. So technically we're good. But I know how he is. The game tried valiantly to catch his likeness. But everyone is so very real here. Astarion looks like an orchid in the sun. I hope he hasnt caught me staring. though even if he did he most definitely is letting it get into his head. I know of you, you little drama queen. I know your type. 

In other news, Gale had been as wordy and chipper since the moment he birthed himself from the waypoint sigil. I remember joking about it. He laughed, awkwardly. It was a terrible joke to be fair. I remember speaking the next dumb thought in my brain other than the terrifying, nagging impulsion. 

The stranger winces, a hand pressing against their forehead to soothe a sudden pain before they continue writing.

The Dark urge. I’m possessing the Murder-hobo. Which is just my dumb fucking luck really. Not only have I no clue how I managed to get inside this world. I was somehow possessing the worst person to be in as well. I’d rather not write too much incriminating here. God knows there are some itching fingers in this lot.

We got into the grove just before sunset. We’re camping inside for now. It’s only been one day since the crash. I’m hoping for the best ending. I have to be careful with people going around detecting thoughts. But just for tonight. I miss home. I miss my family. I hope they’re okay. I know I play a lot of D&D but this is just ridiculous. I have to find a way home. I have to get strong enough. Surely if there's a plane shift spell, there must be a World shift somewhere above 9th level. Even then, it's practically unheard of. Besides, is my body even still alive back home ? or have I died and reincarnated? What Happened to me?

Anyways, I managed to get an empty journal rummaging around some crates around camp. I plan to write as often as I can. Maybe one day I can talk to these people about my troubles. But for now I’ve tried to be as open as I can be about the Urges. They're not Me. The urge is dead. I’m on the helm now. And I will sing, swindle and lie my way home. Get to a high enough level to Wish myself home and get rid of the Absolute while I’m at it. Anyways, I should sleep. I’ve to do the druid grove tomorrow. I'll bring along Shadowheart, Astarion and Gale. Wyll should stay and train the teiflings as much as he can. Act 2 will not be kind to them, but I hope this much at least, can help their chances. 

The stranger throws a soft dusting of powder on the pages to dry the ink. Before turning to the very start of the empty journal.

If you're reading this. That means I’ve failed, or you’ve snatched this off of me. Which would be a marvel to consider, especially since I plan to keep this damned thing as close to the chest as possible. Literally. Well, Either way, congrats

Anna 

The stranger, Anna, flips the journal to the other end, writing at the back of the empty leatherbound.

Shadowheart
Astarion
Gale
Lae’zel
Wyll
Karlach
Halsin
Jehira

Act 1
-Letter in the bog for Kahga
-Dont forget the crypt Withers might help
-Get Scratch
-owlbear? Consider it.
- AVOID ALPHIRA AT ALL COSTS

Act 2

Act 3

Chapter Text

Anna sits with her legs hanging off the ledge near the entrance of there the Kids sneak off to find Mol. Her journal on her arm as she writes

It hasn't been a full day yet but a lot has happened. I managed to talk Kahga out of killing Arabella. It felt awful, I kept my whole body tense and tried to keep focus. I could feel the prickling, tingling want to instigate the poor girl to run. It's that same kind of feeling I get when I used to itch to draw, a nagging, innocent urge that felt as if there was no real harm if I just let it happen. If I just followed through. It's almost diabolical how easy it feels to give in. I have to keep myself in check. It's a good thing I remember most of the dark Urge actions.

I managed to talk to nettie too, the game downplayed how unnerving it is to talk her down from trying to kill you if you so much as twitched the wrong way. Astarion wink-wink-nudge-nudge me about the Wyvern poison. He’s right of course, I’d never take the damn thing but only because I knew we were perfectly fine if we stay far enough away from the absolute for now. The thing that irked me the most is everything else that happened. I saw Sazza get shot, that sent a zap of good feelings down my spine, enough that my tail fucking Wagged . Shadowheart made a comment of it, I wanted the ground to swallow me whole.

I also managed to talk to “Auntie Ethel”. The game doesn't do it justice how there's an odd, almost wavering around her, like too hot asphalt sending mirages. No one else seemed to notice though.. Maybe it was just me. I sold some knicknacks we got from the goblins we killed on the way in and I managed to haggle a good enough deal for us to get some soap and other comforts. The others looked at me weird at how happy I was with a single bar of soap. But it was fae made and doesn't smell like animal fat. It even had lavender in it. I’m very very excited for a bath later tonight, some hot water and a water tight barren and I’d be a very happy tiefling. 

I still have to deal with the Goblins in the secret entrance and the Harpies at the beach. Wish me luck.


The next entry comes later that night. The page sporting specks of blood and warping of paper from wet hands as Anna writes a continuation. Sitting in a barrel of magic warmed water by the lakeside, journal propped on a makeshift bath caddy which is really just  a plank of wood over the top of the barrel

In the game, Prestidigitation doesn't work, maybe because of the many uses of the spell. But here, it does. Gale knew the spell and I had managed to get him to teach me. Though maybe threatening nudity wasn't such a good idea, he seemed all too enthused to let me bathe in a barrel right by the campfire. Everyone else looked far too amused when I struggled with the set up but look who's laughing now. I can see even Asterion considering it from here. 

Gloating aside, today was a shit show and a half. The goblins were not that hard to deal with as we came up behind them, I managed to get one of them to run right into one of the guardian statues' gaze. It made the urge feel better, watching that poor goblin get phaser beamed to an agonizing death. But the day really fell apart when we fought the Harpies. It was almost too late when I remembered, the boy had been in neck deep waters. Gale tried to grab the kid and drag him back while I was being harried by angry bird ladies who apparently didn't like my rendition of William Taylor. The sea shanty was what immediately popped into my head. Its a fucking ear worm too, I sang that song for weeks when I was in college, playing through a pirate campaign. That one didn't end too well.

A shadow blocks the fire light and Anna pauses in her writing, looking up quickly. It was Wyll. He seems curious about Anna’s whole setup, and beats around the bush before she ultimately offers to let him have the barrel when she's done. That apparently broke the floodgates as Shadowheart and Asterion both spoke up having called dibs apparently. Anna laughs to herself and calls out the both of them for not having helped her when she was preparing her bath. The two sulk back into their tents. Wyll laughs and offers to let Shadowheart use it instead, ever the gentleman. The Cleric smirks to herself at the victory. Astarion gives Wyll the stink eye.

Anna finishes her bath and sits by the campfire, opening her journal back to her entry before she's interrupted again. 

“Ingenius that, your little camp bath set up. Where did you learn to do that?” Gale asks as he too comes to rest by the fire.

Anna closes her book before answering him. “Summers at my grandmother’s I’m afraid. She didnt have a bath but she had Barrels and barrels out in her backyard to catch the rain water. We would rough it out with the barrels and buckets before I got lazy enough to just, Dunk myself in one. I’d clean myself beforehand of course, she'd smack me upside the head with a ladle if I wasted two barrels for a bath.”

Gale hums, “And where is this wizened grandmother of yours now? You said you weren't from the city?”

Anna shakes her head and speaks half truths. “No, I’ve never been to Baldur’s gate. I’ve never been far from home really. So this is all new to me,”

Shadowheart walks past them to the makeshift bath, a look on her eyes as Anna speaks the half lie. “I suppose that explains things,” She says.

“What's that supposed to mean?”

“She speaks of your prowess, or lack thereof.” Lae’zel chimes in. a pause in her sword care. “You move like a youngling freshly hatched”

“Wha- I do not!”

Everyone in camp bears a look that says otherwise. “At the very least my dear,” Astarion says “You're better suited to standing still and singing anywa- Hey!”

He dodges your wooden spoon.

“Ungrateful lot, don't come crying to me to sing your boo-boo’s away.”

“Now now, it's all in jest, we assure you.” Gale says, placating. “I’m sure in our journeys together there will be much practice to be had either way. Don't take it to heart.”

Anna huffs and goes back to her Journaling as everyone goes back about their business.

I think I just had the weirdest group interaction. Admittedly it was centered around my very beloved bath Barrel. But still. The game doest really go in depth as much as reality. I suppose this is some reassurance that I’m not *in* the game, but in the *world.*

A world about to be invaded by illithids. I suppose I should worry more about pressing issues. Like how I got here. I know Dark Urge was their own person. Their own entity before they became me. Am I just the soul that now lives in this body after they got killed? Or.. and I hate to even consider it, am I the parasite, puppeting this body, fighting off the remnants of its old master. But if I *Am* the parasite, I, for sure, am not part of any hive mind. I feel like myself. Individual. Alone.

Some things to consider I suppose.

Chapter Text

I decided to rush to the bog today. I had to stop the ritual. This world wasn't the game. As was established in many ways already at this point, which meant that unless I stopped it, Kahga would succeed and the grove would be given to the shadow druids. Which I don't know much about other than they’re Bad News Bears.

So obviously that meant we did a bunch of stuff today. We stumbled upon Ed and his siblings, I was tempted to let them get mauled by the owlbear mother, almost realizing too late that it was a compulsion from the Urge. I told them to go their way, I was not their Commander and they could fuck right off. They seemed angered by that and left us be. It was Shadowheart who started looting Ed’s body before I could stop her. The tadpole almost got her before she managed to shove it in an empty bottle and tossed it to me. She said something about making me lug around the noisy loot considering I was jingle-jangling already apparently. I didn't bother trying to talk to her around that deflection and left it be. 

We crossed the bridge to the blighted village and I foraged and meandered my way to Scratch. The poor baby was still by his master, the game didn’t show how you could see the dogs ribs and hip bones, starved yet still calm and protective over their owner. I left him what food I had on me and a bowl of water. He licked my hand, I know I’ll see him in camp soon. Asterion bitched about wasting a perfectly good rabbit on a mangy dog before we stumbled on his, er, Left overs. I wasted no time asking for ShadowHeart’s help in butchering the thing. Astarion looked hilarious as I innocently pointed out the lack of blood. The boar was fresh at least. Couldn't have been there for more than an hour or so. I froze the meat with Gale’s help and we skirted around the blighted village towards the bog. We saw Ethel with Mayrina’s brothers. But, once more, unlike the game, Ethel killed them with a wave of her hand just as we crested the hill. Everyone was shocked, but it didn't take much to continue on our way. We made our way around the bog, the glamor over the place dissipating for me immediately while everyone else took a while. Maybe it's cuz I already knew there was a glamor in place? 

Anyways we managed to get to the edge of the boardwalk and trudged over the beach and onto the ancient tree where the wood woads and mephits were. 

Maybe this is were I fucked up. I must have been acting strange all day in their eyes, moving with single minded focus. Eitherway, I managed to quickly make a plan with Shadowheart, Gale, Asterion and Lae’zel. The Mephits went down first, thank god. Lae’zel and Shadowheart were holding up well against the woads as we focused fire. But still Gale almost went down. I pushed him out of the way just as the Mud Mephit exploded. I DID NOT want good Ol’ Nuke-man to blow up on me. My back is still smarting from the sharp rocks and bludgeoning muck that shot out from that elemental fiend.

When we finally managed to get rid of the guarding elementals, I scoured the tree, looking for that nook with the letter. It was Lae’zel who noticed it after I rounded the tree twice, getting increasingly desperate.

Gale took it from her and read it aloud, extremely curious and almost downright hostile from how strange I must have been acting. When everyone realized it was what we needed to stop Kahga. They all looked at me. I begged them to trust me, that I would explain later. Shadowheart, surprisingly, was on my side.

Gale traced on the ground the sigil of the waypoint outside the grove and I quickly made my way to the druid's inner sanctum. I didn't care at this point if the others were still following me but I could see the growing vines starting to encase the grove and I made haste. I showed Rath the letter and we fought in the sanctum. I was tired, almost depleted and desperate. I dug deep and gave a great bellowing screech that shook the walls and shot Kagha slamming against the wall over the deep pool below. A sickening crack and the smear of gore and light pink matter as her body slid down the cavern wall was horrifying.

Everyone else made quick work of the other shadow druids and Rath quickly bade the end of the Ritual outside.

Camp was tense after that. For context, it's been two days of resting. I’ve been, more or less, grounded. Shadowheart and the other’s have gone to scrounge around the blighted village and the risen road while Wyll has been keeping me in his sights in the grove. I’ve been keeping out of trouble but the others haven't really been talking to me whenever they got back. I can hear them sometimes, arguing when they think I’m sleeping. With my luck I’ll wake up to Lae’zel’s sword at my throat or with their blood on my hands. At least now I know the longer I go without feeding this urge, the harder it is to notice the compulsions.

That night Anna wakes up tied against a tree as all the companions are arguing around her. They were all armed.

“In Creche K’liir interrogations are far more succinct, we cannot trust her words, Pain will bring make her spill the truth”

“There's no need for that Lae’zel. I’ve placed down the zone of truth and confirmed the spells hold on her, she's still an ally we need, if you could sheath your bloodlust for one damn second-”

“Look, I’m all for a good lynching but is this really-” Astarion complained before getting cut off by Anna’s sleep hoarse voice.

“I-is this an execution or an intervention?” 

“Well, that entirely depends on you. And, the truth please.” Gale grounds out.

“ Who. are. you.” Lae’zel grounds out.

“Well, I’m not a mindflayer. So…”

“Yes, I can see that, mortal. I asked WHO are you.” Lae’zel hisses, her grip on her sword tensing as if to strike.

“You’re no wizard yet you show exceptional talent for divination. No one knew of the letter, no hint as to its existence, and yet you knew. I appreciated your help when I was in danger, but it's best if you are honest with us now.” Gale adds, arms crossed over his chest, his gaze accusatory.

“Look” Anna starts. “I sincerely mean you all no harm. I- I just know things sometimes. But what I know is different. It doesn't necessarily always come true.” Anna looks each of them in the eye. “I don't know WHO I am but I know things to come. And I’m trying to help and survive gods dammit.”

Shadowheart tilts her head at that. “You lied.”

Anna sighs, “Yes. No. it's complicated. This head is very empty and very crowded at the same time. My name is Anna. but I wasn't always Anna. It’s hard to explain. But I wasn’t lying about trying to help you okay? I am. I just want to fucking Live.” Anna heaves.

“Fuckin, Jesus christ cant you all understand that?” Anna slumps.

Shadowheart glances at Wyll and gives him a nod. He leans over to cut the rope.

“Well, I think this has been an Educating experience, worries aswayed, secrets painfully prodded and UN-revealed. Truly a waste of our time.” Bemoaned Astarion as he stalks off back to his tent.

Anna goes back to her corner of camp too, but rest comes fitfully. Her journal, a comforting weight on her chest as she clutches it tightly trying to find rest before sunrise.

Chapter Text

It's gotten harder to write in peace. I might have gotten everyone to suspect me of some nefarious dealings but I managed to explain enough to avoid Laezel getting intimate with my innards. I barely slept that night, terrified that one of them would decide to change their minds about me keeping my head. At least we still have a common goal of dealing with the tadpoles. The morning after that, I went around camp and tried to talk to them about it and assuage their suspicions but no one would hear me out entirely. Wyll put it best, I think, Unless I was willing to part with the whole truth, it would do me no favors to ask for their unwavering trust. 

It’s no secret that I know things. Things that I have no possible way of knowing outside of divine prophecy or some kind of powerful divination. But every single one of these people- well except lae’zel, have dark secrets they want to hide. Secrets that I, already, know about. 

Anyways, Shadowheart, Lae’zel, Gale and Astarion didn't find much in the blighted village. I was glad to hear they managed to persuade the ambush. Astarion was all too happy to use his tadpole and convince some goblins that he was this “True Soul” business. They also managed to help that deep gnome in the windmill, when I asked if they opened the barn door they all made different faces which made me cackle. I pretended  of course that I had the unfortunate position of knowing unfortunate events within the vicinity. Shadowheart pitied me. 

As we left camp that day I made my way up to an outlook where I knew there was a harper cache. We needed the supplies and food. Only, I forgot what happens if you go there without having first met a certain someone.

Fucking. Raphael.

There was almost nothing different from his whole spiel, it was kind of terrifying being suddenly pulled into the house of hope without any way to stop or resist it. I turned him down politely. Almost too politely. Just before he sent us back with a promise of being “around when all hope is lost” he looked at me strangely, and smiled in a way that sent my skin crawling. I don't like it. And I don't like him. Everyone was understandably shocked and upset at the sudden devil’s deal that fell on our lap and it took a moment for all of us to let it all sink in before we continued to pilfer and take supplies from the cache.

From the look out you could see the whole nautiloid crash site. It was surprising and frankly, disturbing to see a squid-ship with its tentacle teeth still twitching even days after the incident. It was starting to smell horribly. But I spied the Crypt from where I had stood and smacked my forehead.

Withers. I had forgotten about him. I’m certain he exists. Considering what comes next. It’s important for me to go and get him. The problem was. There were currently 6 of The Party. If we needed to save up on time. Some of us had to go and get the grandpa. But splitting up the party… maybe it's something to consider once we have the right numbers…

Still, I pointed out the crypt to everyone and managed to convince them to check it out with me. There would be some gold there to find, and some supplies to steal from soon to be dead grave robbers. By about midday we managed to clear out the crypt of said grave robbers, and navigated through the trapped room. Yknow, finding those buttons isn't as easy as the game makes it out to be. Still though it's nice to hear the jingling of weighty coin pouches. Money is divided evenly with everyone of course.

I did try to get rid of the weapons of the sleeping undead before they reanimated, and we managed to get most of them. Until I tossed the quarterstaff off the railing and bonked the soldier skeleton on the head. I keep forgetting he's down there, I swear to god. We took them down quickly, Gale did not appreciate the multiple domes of silence and neither did I but everyone else managed until the spell dropped and we could contribute. 

Finally, we got Withers, who is far more disturbing to see in real life. Very, crusty, but moist. He asked his usual questions too. What is the worth of a single mortal life? Safe to say, I went on a rant about that. Like, a person can make a multitude of choices and decisions that could be as inconsequential to the world as the wriggling of a worm. But they could also affect the greatest change. A million choices to make in a lifetime, a million other lives changed in consequence. One life is nothing against the majority, but one life is never so solitary, it touches everything and everyone in mere 6 degrees of separation. In the end, I suppose my answer was, it depends on the mortal. 

And that would have been that. Until Withers looked at me, stared into me and did something I didn't expect. He broke script. “Thy presence was not intended, observer.” he said to me “for what purpose you inhabit thine flesh, I shall keep watch”

I could feel everyone staring at me then. “I didn’t intend to, I found myself here, an actor in a play I never auditioned for.... I’m just trying to survive.. To see beyond the ending and wish for home” 

After that Withers followed us out of that crypt and back out into the sun. We stopped and rested not too far away for a quick rest. The air was tense. But I had given them enough of a hint already in that conversation with withers. They’ll come to their own conclusions and that's all fine by me. 

After lunch we made our way through the blighted village up towards the risen road. We had a rough time with the gnolls, I managed to put the hyena’s to sleep before they could change and Astarion made quick work slitting their throats. The smell must have gotten the rest of the hunting parties' attention as they came at us. Gale laid down the slip and slide and I hurled yo mama jokes at whomever got back up. The melee people tried to deal with them in the greased puddle but that meant having to walk in it. Honestly it was hilarious to watch but I didn't dare laugh mid combat. Gale and I shared looks though.

We found Karlach after that. Wyll was about to charge when I held him back, or tried to, I held on tight to the collar of his padded armor digging my heels in as he marched right up to the burning barbarian. I begged him to stop and Karlach took that opportunity to explain her situation. She didn't even manage to get through it all when the bluetooth tadpole connection linked up.

It was horrifying to see it all as if you lived it yourself, flashes of the pain, the fire, the fear and grit to survive, survive no matter what. And the elation, the joy of being in Faerun again. It took little more than that to talk Wyll down. Karlach offered to come with us once we helped her deal with the people after her. I was sorely running out of spells already at this point but I still had my voice and cantrips cost nothing so I didn't mind heading straight there.

I told everyone on the way up about the roof and the balcony inside. They were used to me having odd information, but not karlach. She found it cool though, bless her heart. Called it a gift, no reason to be afraid of anything so long as I knew what was coming she said. I and honestly, with Karlachs brawn and my foresight, yeah it would seem that way. But I doubt it would last for long…stories like these have a way of throwing plot twists aimed for the ankles. 

We cleared out the paladins after Karlach and looted the place dry before making camp just outside the blighted village. And just as I was about to strip for my barrel bath- Mizora arrived.

“Oh for fucks sake-”

Mizora said her peace, Wyll turned into a tiefling. He's very distraught about it. Then Withers showed up in camp with not a single how do you do. A very VERY long night. I was grateful for my bath more than ever at this point. Tomorrow we go to the burning building, before making our way to the goblin camp… it's almost been a week since I got here.. Christ what I wouldn't give for some coffee, or Rice.  I’d give my kidney for rice. I’m so sick of bread and cheese. 

Anna dries her notes with powder before closing her journal and tucking it back to her chest. Just in time to see Gale walk over to her.

“Gale. Do you need anything?”

“Not in so much as a question I’ve been meaning to ask you. I can't help but think about that odd mysterious conversation you had with our resident lich.”

“You mean my impromptu lecture on my philosophy of the universe and the huma- er, sentient experience?”

“Ah, no, though I do want to pick at your brain with that some other day. It was what you said ‘see beyond the ending and wish for home’. What did you mean by that?”

Anna ponders, before shrugging her shoulders as she sways on her feet. “I can't see til the end of time, I don't think anyone can. Too many possibilities, branching realities after every choice made or unmade. Far too much for my little brain to hold, I wouldn't have space for all my songs and insults.”

“And this wish for home? Am I wrong to assume you mean the miracle spell? The one in legends of djinni’s and devils and gods? Why would you ever need something like that to go home? Or perhaps you mean to make one for yourself?”

Gale had stepped closer in his rant, far too close for Anna’s liking. And his prodding wasn't making her feel any safer at the moment either.

“The only logical conclusion I can think of for one such as yourself to need such a miracle, is if-”

“It exists. My home exists. Gale. I exist. So my home exists.” she pokes him in the chest, needling him back a few steps as she gets up in his face.

“But understand that if I say it's impossible to get there, then believe me, it is.  I have absolutely no idea how I got here, but how I ended up here doesnt matter cuz I can't change the past .” she hisses out through clenched teeth.  “Just. leave it be. Trust that my goal wholly aligns with everyone's continued survival and best interest at heart. Now good night.” Anna stops away from his camp where her bath barrel was close by and makes her way towards the fire where her bedroll lies. She doesn't bother with her usual fussing before bed and just gets into her bedroll and tosses the blanket over her, ready for the day to be over.

But of course it wouldn't be that easy. She woke up to the feeling of danger. Only to see Astarion hovering above her awkwardly, fangs out like he was about to take a bite off of her face. She sees him see her staring. “Shit-” He scrambles back as Anna sits up in bed, squinting. “I-its not what it looks like-” the pale elf stutters.

“Save it. I know.” Anna interrupts.  Astarion blubbers “wha- you kne- WhaT?!” 

Anna just rolls her eyes and rolls up her sleeves. “Just drink already. I know you havent found anything substantial out in the woods. The bears are all inside the grove.”

The vampire just looks at her, slack jawed. His eyes looked down at her clean, offered arm. “You- you're serious. Just like that?”

Anna just lays back down, arm held out still in. “yes. I’m sure and I’ll stop you once I’m getting woozy. So are you gonna nibble or not?”

There was a moment of just nothing as Anna covered her eyes with her other arm, never felt comfortable seeing something go into her skin, not even the needles for the many times she's needed an IV drip. And then she felt Astarions gentle hold on her arm, feeling the skin closer to her elbow prickle before the pain of sharp teeth sinking into her skin.

It felt odd. Numb. Her fingers tingling before a heat not unlike wine settles into her, feeling it move through her, up her arm, into her heart where it grew. Spots start to dance in her vision.. She reached out to tap Astarions cradle hold of her arm.

“Hm?-” the fangs pull out “oh, ah right.” there was a swipe, a lick and the bleeding stopped as the bite mark healed close. Anna peeks up at him now, seeing as the unhealthy flush of his cheeks fade to a warmer undertone. He certainly looks less sickly now. Better than he's ever looked really.. 

“You look better, good luck on the hunt.” Anna yawned as she settled back in for bed.

Astarion pauses before he leaves..”This is a gift you know.. I won't forget it, Anna” then he stalks off into the night. Once she's sure he's far off away from camp. She cradles her arm to her chest. The warmth in her heart hotter than the campfires embers, drifting to sleep from the comfort it brings.

Chapter Text

I think it must be around 3am. He hasn't gotten back yet. I’m tossing this note into the fire when I finish. I just couldn't sleep. My heart is pounding in my ears and I find myself grinning before spiraling on the verge of tears. I love him. I knew I loved him. As much as you can love a concept, adore an idea, worship a painting. I played the game so many times just to see him, hear him. Love him. And now he's here. And it's all the same but it's all so different too. I see and I know and I love and it's so hard to remind myself that it's not the same. It's so easy. It's too easy. Like breathing, like blinking. Loving him is natural. But it also feels wrong. 

Secrets stolen, not earned. Moments of honesty anticipated, never able to stand on equal ground on the grounds that I know.

Everything is so easy when you know what is about to happen. Everything except for love.

I’m terrified of it. What if I break script. Without the first kill, something else would give out first. I have to keep this in check. Pour out my love into paper and burn it all to ash. Leave it in the ground where it can't crawl back to me.

I wonder if he knows. I’ve been lazy in hiding it. I notice him constantly. My eyes find him from across the room, not that it's hard, he walks with an energy to him even before I gave my donation willingly. I’m glad to see him better. When morning comes they’ll want to kick him out. I know what happens if he leaves. I’d sooner leave with him…

Dammit all. He's real. And that makes it all the more harder. I wish I had my phone.. I’ll have to settle for a worry stone for now. Then, I have to find Halsin. I know I can talk to him. Tell him the full, honest truth. Maybe he could help me…  

The note is tossed into the cinders, smoldering before the ink really even dries. It burns away slowly, the ash flying off from a cool breeze. A secret stolen by the breeze…   

That night, Anna dreams of home. The sounds of a bustling Milktea place in the mall, some loud event happening in the large open area. A table top convention. She remembers this. She shouldn't be late, her table is waiting for her. She was their only Cleric, a poor priestess of Lathander trapped in Elturel as the city descended into hell. The chains, They were called to break the chains. Hurry, Hurry!

Chapter Text

We’re taking a moment to rest. We just finished killing the owlbear mom. Cub will follow after us soon, hopefully the goblins won't catch it. Scratch has been following us from a distance too but has still been too shy to come over. I was right about the morning. Astarion arrived late, enough for everyone to confront him. Of course I defended him, some of them are hypocrites in regards to being a danger in camp. Looking at you “walking nuke”. I talked with him afterwards, we’ve agreed that enemies are on the menu, not that I care much for them either way. But in situations where hunting is going to be hard in the future, especially act 2, I was okay sharing. Consent, of course, was imperative to anyone else within The Party.

He seemed awfully curious as to how I knew he was what he was come the morning. I considered deflecting, but I knew it would be in poor faith, he was being honest with me, a twig of an olive branch for sure but. It wouldn't be fair to him. So I told him a secret in return.

My real name was Natasha. And I was human. I’ve never fought a day in my life but the body I’m in is obviously trained. The body I’m in likes killing, thinks about it constantly. It scares me.
But I’ve been managing to control it at least. So while he had the Thirst, I had The Urge. In that we have something in common. He seemed to humor my secret, stranger things have happened, but disliked the comparison of his situation and mine, thinking I was belittling his suffering, saying something like, blood keeps me alive. It's nothing like your silly urges. I gave him no troubles after that, only a quiet “I hope you're right.”

We’re meant to go get Halsin soon. We found the entrance to the goblin camp. I should try to speak with the ogres in the village and pick up the other side quests in the area. Though, NOT  THE BOOK. definitely not the book. Bad book. Very bad. Not something we should play around with in real life.

Also, Withers is in camp now. Knowing who he is makes it all the more endearing, really. Despite knowing that he's only an observer, it's comforting knowing he's watching over us. In another life I was never afraid of death. It became a comfort during difficult times. It’s that same comfort I feel around him. Seen with no judgment, known with no expectation. I suppose it's as close to faith as I’ve ever had in life, both of them. 

I should try to talk to him tonight if things go well. We're in for a long day after this bit of rest. Should no more entries appear in this journal.

Know that I tried. That I existed. 

We got him. We got Halsin, got Volo. The cub must have wandered into the goblin camp while we were finishing up in the blighted village. Managed to set him free on the way in. Liam was dead when we arrived. Things are different from how I knew them. We still need to fight our way out. Gale can't seem to circle us out of here. Too many of us to fit, he says. So, like I expected. Long Fucking Day.





Shadowheart fishes out Anna’s journal and pockets it for now as she tries to revive their eccentric bard. The idiot, too caring for her own good, took a sword to the gut while the sharran wasn't looking. Reviving her felt strange. Difficult. Like trying to shove a wriggling fish into a pipe with oiled hands. But she managed. Anna gasped awake and joined back into the fray, Shadowheart not far behind. Journal forgotten in her pockets.

Chapter Text

Anna, covered in soot, sits in the abandoned ruins by the camp. A summoned globe of light dances ever so gently above her horns like a moon between them as she writes, far far away from her companions. Her tail swooshes the air behind her, cutting through it like a riding crop, a sign of agitation and rage. Or, it could have been rage, had her face not been taught in distress and hurt. 

I was right. It was a long Ass Fucking Day. We managed to find a way out of the goblin camp without having to kill everyone and risk dying on the way. No, instead Halsin shifted into a warg, Volo and a few of the others tossed onto his back like a sack of potatoes pretending to be prisoners while Gale, Wyll and I disguised ourselves as the leaders of the goblins and pretty much just, walked out with purpose. It was near perfect, we were almost out when the bodies of those we massacred inside were found. We couldn’t very well lead them back to the grove so we ran, as fast and as far as possible, losing them on the Risen Roads. Only, since they didn't find us, they found the duke’s manor. I realized too late and barely managed to make it in time as the fists were already inside to rescue Florrick. Halsin, and shadowheart summoned water, I sang til my throat hurt, everyone else was hauling buckets. Even Astarion. 

We managed to save the counselor but  it didn't really matter in the end as the duke was still captured. It was my fault, I dropped a thread. I never paid attention to the risen roads in my play through. It's still so hard to reconcile the game that I knew and the reality around me. There aren't any saves, no redos, no backtracking. For fucks sake I’m already fucking up in act 1 part fucking 1. We havent even gotten to the creche. Or the damned underdark. Not to mention act 2, or literally any companion quest in act 3. 

And to make matters worse. Shadowheart took my journal, which she read. Then hid. Then apparently Astarion stole it from her thinking it was Shadowheart’s Diary. Made mockery a whole show of it at dinner, still not aware it was mine. He read the first page. Lauded Shadowheart for the compliment. Again, it was Mine . But it was too late. By the time I came back from camp, everyone had crowded around My Journal . I didn't understand how they found it. I didn't know Shadowheart took it when I went down. I knew she meant well when she did that. I kept that journal right over my heart. I knew revivify worked the same way as a defib. 

I understand that she forgot, it was A Long FUCKING DAY. But they had no right to read it. And now they know. Hints and riddles and my fucking journal. They know as much as I do now. Especially from the first fucking entry. Everyone looked at me, everyone stared (well except for Lae’zel, she wanted no part in it. But I knew she listened, she stayed right at hearing range.) as I marched over and ripped my journal from them.

I think I said something harsh, I said a lot of things really but I don't recall it now. I mean. I should be glad for this really, I didn't have to tell them myself, didn't have to repeat the same explanation and defense to 6 different people. But instead I feel… Betrayed? I never realized how important it is that I had that choice. That I could give them my trust in my own time. Instead the decision was made for me. 

It hurts to think about what they must have said behind my back. Maybe they’re mocking me right now. The crazy bard with the wild imagination. Mad even before the tadpole. A country bumpkin who got dropped one too many times by the goat she was birthed from. 

Tears fall onto the empty parts of the parchment. Anna sniffles and leans away from the paper, wiping her eyes. The motion brings something  moving in her periphery, she startles badly as she scrambles for her dagger- only to realize, it was Gale.

“What?” Anna bites “I thought I told you to fuck off.”

Gale shuffles his stance, “well, yes, you did in fact say that, and a few other very creative descriptors of where to stick our nose next time you find it in places you don't welcome, but, well.. I want to, um, apologize.” 

“Oh really! I didn't know you even had that word in your superfluous vocabulary! It was interesting though, how many renditions of ‘damn this bitch be crazy’ you could come up with. Like, the usuals were expected, mad, insane, nutjob. But Bedlamite was new. Truly your intellect knows no bounds!” 

“I can understand you’re upset. And I dont blame you, we should have stopped the tomfoolery the moment it started, though I will admit I had no power to resist getting even just a hint about your-” 

“My what? Oddity? Psychopathy?” 

“Secrets. You can't fault us for being curious. You’ve acted with foresight better than any divinations I know of, both arcane and divine. You know of people and places as if this isn't your first time here even though we’ve seen your memories and know you have no history. Of anything.”

“So, what? I was a riddle? A conundrum? Am I not a person? Do I not deserve the same amount of respect and honoring of boundaries, of which I have honored EVERYONE in this damned Camp. I have the decency to keep what secrets that are not my own, close to my chest and straight to the damned ditch I’ll die in if need be.”

“... you are right. You've been more patient and kind to me, to us, than anyone could ask of a person. And as much as we suspect and distrust, your actions have never contradicted any of your promises. It is my fault, our fault, for taking it for granted. You have been kind. You didn't deserve what happened tonight. We apologize”

“... You don't speak for the group, Gale Dekarios.”

Gale visibly pauses at that. His mind is quick to realize the possible extents of her knowledge. “For the moment, I do. Karlach suggested it and we drew lots. We imagined it would seem more like an attack or an intervention had we all just shown up here to harry you with our sincere apologies, well, most of us.”

“Fine.” 

Gale lingered as Anna found her place once more, crouched on the empty window ledge, knees propping up her journal as a mage hand held up the ink bottle and quill. She looked up at him. 

“Is there anything else? Oh great ex-arch wizard?”

“Is it true? About where you come from I mean. Are you truely from another material plane?”

Anna sighs. “Yes. one populated by only humans and any divine presence has long left or are far more subtle and distant than you can fathom. Magic also completely does not exist in the way it does in Faerun. Now if that's all please leave me alone.” 

“You're joking.” 

Anna levels him a look 

“By the gods, you're not... Can.. Can you show me? If that’s alright with you of course.” 

Anna thumps her head gently against the wall looking up to the sky as if in prayer, though the only prayer in her mind begs for patience. 

“You probe and I’ll let you in. I don't know how to use it as well as the rest of you do.”

That was as good of a permission as he was going to get, so it was with a careful proding that the wizard wander through the Bard's mind and memories.

Anna feels a pressure where she imagines the proverbial third eye to be, she mentally and physically relaxes as she thinks of Home. She can see it vividly behind her eyelids. Sees her opening the entry gate to her home, getting jumped by her large triplets of Malinois hounds. Care, Bear and Ross. She hears the sounds of a large plane land by the runway just across from her home. Living along the strip beyond the airport for as long as she has, the sounds of the great flying machines are familiar and calming to her. 

Memories of school, of her friends, of the internet and the wide breadth of reach at one's fingertips, the vastness of life on earth, and how little one single person is against that ocean. The thoughts of the internet transitions to music, playlists upon playlists of her characters, the stories she's woven with her friends like a true memory in her mind. 

But, there are blotches, sunspots that dance within the memories. What were her friends' names? What did her mother sound like? She had siblings, she knows she does but.. How many? Was it a brother? Or a sister? 

Anna starts to become distressed and something else overtakes, the yearning, the hunger, the feeling of blood, so deep and fresh it pools around her like an ocean. Hands clawing and grasping and forcing her head up to swallow the deluge, to let it flood inside her, to drown her- to overcome her.

Gale pulls back with a gasp, Anna clutches her head. At this moment, the wizard understands. She has never lied. His heart breaks for her. And it stirs something in him. A want to protect. To learn, to know. Perhaps, then, she will be his redemption.

Chapter Text

The morning was understandably awkward. It made breakfast hard to swallow as the tension in the camp was thick enough to cut with a knife. I figured the best course of action was to talk to everyone privately as we got ready to head out for the day. Halsin and Volo had gone their own ways as we cleared out the fire yesterday. We’re supposed to meet back up at the grove to figure out if Halsin could cure us of the worms.

I knew shit like this breaks a party. I’ve seen it happen too many times in my friend groups. So after choking down Gale’s best attempt at pancakes (made from pumpkins, it was good. Wish we had more salt) I did the agonizing thing of talking it out. They don't include this in the bard class description. It’s like 80% of the job.


Out of everyone, Karlach and Lae’zel were the easiest to talk to, I suppose since I did more or less write in here how I’m from somewhere else entirely, they could understand where I was coming from. I never really got to know much of Lae’zel in my playthroughs. It was a surprise to hear the hint of sympathy in her tone. Though I should have expected the digs at my floundering attempts at fighting, she still, sort of gave me a compliment? I was very surprised.

I guess she’s going to be teaching me how to improve my footwork from now on?

Karlach was sweet. Didn’t ask and apologized before I could say anything. Apparently she thought it was just Astarion being Astarion. But when she saw my face, she said her heart fell through her stomach. I wanted to hug her. I did the best I could with my words. I told her I didn’t blame her and there are no hard feelings.

Wyll and Shadowheart had the most questions. And I answered them all truthfully. They asked if I lied about my grandmother, if everything I wrote was true. Wyll asked what a Nuke is, and that I just told him it was something I couldn’t tell as it wasn’t my secret to share. Shadowheart wanted to know the extent of my knowledge. I knew I couldn’t say, but seemed appeased when I said I would be happier to forget what I knew than to live the burden of knowing them here. She asked a few more questions but left it at that. 

Astarion was difficult to talk to. Not because this all started because of a prank of his devising, or that he was being snarky and seductive and cruel. It was difficult because I know him best. I know that his hooded eyes, chin down and lip smirking was a face he made when he’s uncomfortable. When he’s desperate.

There were a million things I could say. And they all crowded around my throat and I choked. It took an uncomfortable second for me to ask him to come with me.

“You can say no.” I added in haste. “I just.. I want to talk in better privacy..”

Astarion seems to pause for a moment before holding his arm out. “Well lead the way, Ana.”

Hearing him say my name like that rung in my ears. But we walked a short distance to where the road bends towards the broken bridge back to the grove before I stopped.

“Okay, here is far enough.” I paused to turn to him, and startled. He looked like he was ready to fight me or to flee but couldn’t decide what to do first. “I just have one question, Astarion, and then you can ask me about anything.”

I looked down at the paved road covered in dirt, rubbing the sole of my boot into the stone to clear away the dust. “Why didn’t you stop reading when you figured out it wasn’t Shadowheart’s?” 

I looked up in time to see him flounder. “Well, frankly Ana, I… I don’t know. I thought perhaps if I kept reading, surely there was some saucy detail that could.. Make it even.”

“You knew my secret. I don’t know a single thing about you.”

“I told you about .. My urges.” I muttered.

“Yes, well, being a little murder fiend doesn’t really make you a different creature entirely.” He groused.

“Fine. So ask. Any secret you want, I will tell you the god’s honest truth.”

“And simply take your word for it?” He asks, hands crossing over his chest as he half turns away. I can feel myself staring. So I reach into my pack and toss him a scroll with the Zone of truth spell on it. He caught it with barely a blink.

“I had it ready in case anyone asked.”

He grumbled as he casted it over us. I let myself surrender to it willingly.

“Alright, so. What do you want to know?”

“How much do you know about me?”

I balked. “A- A lot.”

He hums. “Do you work for Cazador?”

“The fuck? Never. I’d rather kiss wither’s spiny toes than ever bend to that whiny bastard.” I hissed.  Astarion laughs a little at my emotional response.

“Have you ever met Cazador?”

“Never in person.” 

“What do you mean ‘Never in person’ ” I could feel a pressure digging into my mind before I could stop him-

Visions of my computer screen as I desperately try to figure out how you are supposed to stop Cazador. I brought Halsin and Shadowheart and summoned a fucking Deva but I kept losing him. No! There has to be something I’m doing wrong! All the guides say it’s the easiest boss fight, but I can’t seem to get it right! What am I missing? I can’t see through my tears. I’ve reloaded the save 7 times now. Do I just not bring him with me? No, he wanted to come. It was his choice. I need to respect that. God- Astarion, I’ll save you. Please hold on. I won’t lose you-

I physically try to wrench myself away, but Astarion grabs me.

The scene changes, a different play through, the final run of the fight. I see myself misty stepping to him- “Astarion stop!” I yell, voice echoing with power as I manage to command him to let me go. I back away from him quickly as the command fades. Astarion snarls angrily “Why ?!” he marches towards me. 

“Y-You’re not supposed to know that yet!” I said, trying to stand my ground.

“So what? I just die?!”

“No! I- I figured it out! I won't let it happen!”

“Because you truly inspire confidence in your battle prowess! Sure! Why don't I leave it all to you.” He mocks 

I shake my head. “All I did in that fight was get you out of that pillar. You had handled the rest!” With the truth spell still in place, I knew he felt I wasn’t lying. He stops just a step away from me. I could feel the bite of the tree bark on my back.

“You will help me free myself from Cazador. Or I will kill you myself. Until then, you are not leaving my sight.”

I nod.

“Good. Now we should go see that druid.” He backs off enough and we head back to camp together. 



I wish I could hug scratch right about now.