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Cheng Xiaoshi loves and loves and loves. He loves fiercely and wholly, as if he’s trying to make up for not receiving enough of it as a kid. He loves enough for the both of them, Lu Guang thinks, and feels guilty for it. Lu Guang loves him, and he hopes Cheng Xiaoshi knows that, even if he can’t express it in the same ways that Cheng Xiaoshi does. Cheng Xiaoshi loves verbally; loves through touch; loves through action, but Lu Guang... Lu Guang doesn’t think he’s ever even said the words to him. Cheng Xiaoshi deserves it; deserves all the love in the world, all that Lu Guang can give. Lu Guang knows that Cheng Xiaoshi has all of him. But maybe to Cheng Xiaoshi, it’s not as clear. Lu Guang resolves to make it as clear, somehow.
Unfortunately for Lu Guang, the internet isn’t very helpful in this regard. Grand gestures and flowers may be one way, but Lu Guang thinks that’s a little too much for him. He supposes Qiao Ling would be able to give some advice, as she knows Cheng Xiaoshi best, but he feels his face heating up at even the idea of asking her something so personal. He goes back to scrolling through articles, and sighs as he can’t find anything helpful. It’s then that Cheng Xiaoshi decides to make an appearance.
“Whatcha doin?” he asks, peeking over his shoulder.
“Nothing,” Lu Guang answers immediately, his tone a bit higher and more frantic than the question demands. He immediately closes the browser, turning to face Cheng Xiaoshi and feigning nonchalance. He feels like he’s doing a good job, but he also knows that Cheng Xiaoshi can see right through him most times. Cheng Xiaoshi quirks an eyebrow.
“Suuuure. Anyway, I dunno if you heard me calling or not, but Qiao Ling texted me saying she’ll be here in 5 with a new customer.”
“Okay,” Lu Guang says, getting up from the computer. They head downstairs. The rest of the day continues as normal, with Lu Guang turning over ideas in his head, which makes him more distracted than usual. He’s thankful that Cheng Xiaoshi does nothing more than tease him for spacing out.
Days pass without much development in the “tell/show/do something to convey to Cheng Xiaoshi how much he means to you” department. He feels like there’s never a good time, or when there is, he clams up and ends up saying nothing. He feels like he needs to come up with a solid plan to follow through, instead of just waiting for a good moment. But as things always seem to be with Cheng Xiaoshi, the opportunity comes unexpectedly and without warning.
They’re making out on the couch one night, and Cheng Xiaoshi pulls away for a minute to catch his breath. But not too far; never too far. He brings his hands up to Lu Guang’s face, stroking his thumb over his cheek, and lightly knocks his forehead against Lu Guang’s. He looks up at him with a smile, face flushed and hair messy, and Lu Guang thinks he’s never looked more beautiful.
“I love you, you know,” he says, and Lu Guang’s heart catches in his throat. It comes so easily to him, and Lu Guang wishes it could be that easy for him, too. Cheng Xiaoshi expects nothing in response, and just smiles achingly sweetly at him.
Lu Guang knows he loves him. And Lu Guang hopes that Cheng Xiaoshi knows that, too. But even if he does know it, and would never ask for more, Lu Guang wants to give him the world. Besides, he deserves to know it anyway, even if Lu Guang is too much of a coward to say it as often as he deserves. Cheng Xiaoshi seems to notice Lu Guang getting lost in his own mind and tilts his head inquisitively.
“Lu Guang?” he asks. Lu Guang takes a breath in. Maybe Cheng Xiaoshi can blame it on him still catching his breath from the earlier kissing. He looks him right in the eyes.
“I love you too. It’s important to me that you know that,” he mumbles out way too quickly and quietly, and he worries if it was even intelligible. But Cheng Xiaoshi’s eyes go wide, like the stars have fallen into them, and he lunges forward, embracing Lu Guang tightly.
“Lu Guaaaang!” he drawls, practically bouncing up and down on the couch with excitement. Lu Guang slowly brings his arms to Cheng Xiaoshi’s back to hug him back.
“I mean it,” he reaffirms, as embarrassing as it is. This is for Cheng Xiaoshi, he reminds himself. His embarrassment doesn’t matter.
“I know!” Cheng Xiaoshi exclaims. “It’s the first time you’ve said it,” he says, pulling away to look at him, mouth still plastered with a huge grin. “You don’t have to push yourself, you know,” he continues. “I know you; you must’ve been worried about that for a while, huh.”
“Shut up,” Lu Guang mumbles, looking away. Cheng Xiaoshi laughs and leans forward to plant a kiss on Lu Guang’s forehead.
“Well. I love you more. So there,” he says with a grin as he pulls back. Oh. So now he’s declaring a challenge.
Lu Guang doesn’t have a retort, and instead opts to start kissing him again, which Cheng Xiaoshi lets out a happy hum in response to.
But in the back of his mind, his competitive spirit is kicking into high gear. A challenge has been issued, and Lu Guang isn’t going down without a fight.