Archive of Our Own ^beta

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You see violet and shades with wings. You sense motion, feel wind as something moves by right in front of you. You hear the energy crackling through your wand, and vaguely register that your glasses, where, Sol probably knocked them off. You snarl.

You channel more energy into your wand and then slam to a stop.

Your throat tightens, and your fins flare out. His hands falter, and then the papping resumes, accompanied this time by a shoosh. You barely choke back a sob as your fists unclench. Your wand clatters to the floor like the broken pieces of your self.

“Shoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooosh. Shoosh, Eridan.” He’s the quietest you’ve ever heard him, and you’re shaking, choking on air as your gills flare under your scarf, looking for water that isn’t there. You sob, and he presses his forehead against yours, his hands firm and present on your jaw, thumbs pointing up, saying, ‘if you try to bite i will stop you.’

You won’t. You don’t think you could. Your knees buckle and then pain.

You deserve it.

The darkness creeps in on you and tries to take over, and instead of letting it this time you feel nothing, empty yourself so there’s nothing there for it to control. You’re motionless, not really seeing or feeling or even hearing anything.

You float.

Chapter Text

You open your eyes to a grey ceiling. Your vision is fuzzy, not sharp like your glasses make it, but you probably shouldn’t be around sharp anything right now, for several varied reasons. You try to sit up, but burning hands gently press you back down.
“Is this okay?” You glance to the side to see movie posters at about the same time you notice the edges digging into your sides is he

this is a pile.

He stopped you from killing Fef and he brought you to his pile. No, you don’t even think he had a pile before this

He stopped you from killing Fef and made a pile to put you in
you

nod. You nod, because if you talk the sound waves will shatter this fragile dream.

He sighs, and then you feel him, burning hot, snuggling up against your side, nuzzling into your neck and purring, and you chirp, your scarf is gone where is your scarf fuck he can see them he knows

about your gills. Your inadequate, broken gills that get inflamed and bleed from the chemicals in Alternia’s oceans. Your weak-as-shit fucking defective gills. You’re one of the trolls natural selection would have taken care of.

You flinch, and reach up to cover them even though you know he’s already seen them, how small and deformed and unnatural they are. He immediately draws back, and you curl up, waiting for the insults and teasing that you had always been taught would come, but he’s just hesitantly papping your shoulder and making worried sounds. You peek at him.
“What’s wrong, did I do something you aren’t okay with?” You whimper confusedly in your throat what is he doing why does he care

“Just let me know, okay?” You sob, and tip over into his chest, pushing the side of your head against him and purring shakily as tears run down your cheeks. He paps you on the cheek, and you hiccup.

He doesn’t actually want you around. He’ll just kick you out as soon as he can be sure you aren’t a threat to his real friends. You lift your head, stare him in the eye.
“I should go.” He frowns, seeming annoyed more than anything.
“Are you fucking kidding me, asshole? When was the last time you ate a real meal, huh?” You shake your head, because it doesn’t matter.
“I should go.” He shakes his head.
“No.” You furrow your brow, lean towards him menacingly, and snarl.

And wow that was a bit over the top.

He’s frozen, not breathing, eyes closed, neck bared. You can see his hands shaking and fuck he’s afraid of you. You freeze for a long moment, and then he says into the silence, quiet but relatively loud,
“No.” He’s afraid, you hear it in his voice, he’s actually afraid he’s going to die here and still telling you not to go. Your resolve shatters into a million pieces.
“Okay.”