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Bill rarely left the house unless it was to disappear into the mindscape or to go somewhere with his partner and their kids. On the few occasions that he did go out on his own, however, it never ended well for him.
Tonight, the only reason he left was because they needed groceries and Pine Tree was busy writing. He’d gotten to a good part in his novel, apparently, and if he left to get groceries, he would “lose the spark.”
Bill had planned to take the kids with him, but Dipper had given him a Look, one that said, “You know that Hazel will want a ton of candy and you won’t be able to resist buying it if I’m not there.”
He wasn’t wrong, so Bill went alone.
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When he returned an hour later, plastic bags hanging from each wrist, his family wasn’t alone in the house.
He knew it before he had even approached the front door, freezing as a bad feeling shot through him. He always knew when Pine Tree or the kids were in danger, but this was different. It was a subtle kind of danger.
A danger that said that there was another demon too close to what was his. He knew exactly who it was, and he was snarling, “Tad,” even as he threw the door open and stormed into the room, bags of groceries banging against him.
… And he promptly froze as he took in the sight of his partner and children sitting casually on the couch with another demon like it was the most normal thing in the world.
Tad Strange was lounging on the couch like he belonged there, in a full suit and with Hazel sitting on his lap. Dipper was sitting on the other end of the couch, a smile on his face that faded when Bill stormed in, and Makona was in between them.
Bill shut the door behind him as the room fell silent, all of the people in it looking at him in shock. The kids looked confused, Dipper surprised, and Tad pleased, lips curling into a smirk.
Bill maintained his calm for a full two seconds before he dropped the grocery bags to the floor, snarling, “What the f-”
“Bill!” Dipper shot him a look.
Bill pressed his lips together tightly, sure his eyes were flared red. “What the heck,” he hissed, glaring at the other demon sitting on his couch and being all-too-familiar with his children.
Bill didn’t have anything against Tad Strange. He didn’t particularly like him, though he didn’t really like any other demons. Demons weren’t supposed to get along.
And they certainly didn’t get along when one stepped into another’s territory.
“Dad, why haven’t we met Uncle Tad before?” Hazel asked, giving him a confused look. Neither she nor Makona came running to greet him like they usually would have when he or Pine Tree got home, looking all-too-content with Tad.
“Uncle Tad?” he repeated, glare switching to Dipper. “Pine Tree, a word, perhaps?”
Dipper knew not to argue when he got like this, so he sheepishly stood, ruffling Makona’s hair and sending Tad a polite smile that was responded to with a lascivious smirk that had Bill’s hands curling into fists. Bill strode to the kitchen without picking up the groceries, Pine Tree’s footsteps trailing hesitantly behind him.
Once they were out of earshot, Bill whirled around, glare piercing enough to make Dipper shrink back a little. Seeing his partner and not having to see that thing on the couch made him deflate, and he relaxed a bit, taking a breath to calm himself.
“Mind telling me what the fuck is going on?” he hissed quietly, crossing his arms over his chest. His territorial side was going insane, a bloodlust coming over him at how badly he wanted to rip the other demon’s throat out.
“He just- he stopped by!” Dipper defended, waving his hands frantically. “I don’t know if he was looking for you, or for me, or- what else was I supposed to tell the kids? They don’t know you’re a demon!”
“Maybe tell them something that doesn’t make it look like I’m buddy-buddy with another demon,” Bill grumbled. “Why is he still here, anyways? Why haven’t you kicked him out?”
“I tried.” Dipper frowned. “The kids wanted him to stay. He’s telling them stories.”
Bill’s fists clenched again, anger flaring up at the idea of his kids getting along with Tad. “Well, he’s going to be leaving now, one way or another.”
He went to push past his partner, but Dipper’s hand shot out, grabbing his arm and stopping him. The demon shot him another glare, but Dipper ignored it, instead reasoning, “The kids will be mad at you if you make him leave.”
“So what?” he snapped.
Dipper raised an eyebrow. “Remember when you told Hazel we couldn’t get a cat?”
Bill shivered at the memory. There had been fire. A lot of it. “So-”
“Or when you made Makona go to bed early even though a new episode of his favorite show was on?”
“Chaos, fine, he can stay,” Bill snapped, throwing his hands up.
When they returned to the living room, Tad was grinning.
-----
“-and that’s the story of how your dad and I destroyed an empire.”
Dipper looked like he was about to die. Whether that was because he was mortified at the story itself or because their children now knew about it, Bill wasn’t sure.
All he knew was that he was ready to kill Tad. Rip his tongue out, and then kill him.
The story was exactly the type that Hazel would eat up, which was likely why she was staring at Tad with wide, amazed eyes, completely unfazed by the vague mentions of bloodshed. Even Makona looked enraptured, oddly unaffected by a tale that normally would have frightened him.
And Bill was not jealous. Absolutely not.
“Dad, why don’t you ever tell us fun stories like that?” Hazel whined, turning big brown eyes on him. His fist clenched in his lap from where he was sitting on a kitchen chair, pulled in after he realized that there was no room for him on the couch with the rest of his family.
Okay. Maybe he was a little jealous.
“What do you mean, Sapling?” he asked, the words coming out a bit more abrasive than he’d meant for them to. “I tell you guys stories all the time.”
“You don’t tell them like that,” Makona interjected, throwing him a sympathetic look. Dipper tried to stifle a laugh, and Bill shot him a glare.
“Don’t worry, kiddos,” Tad drawled with a grin, locking eyes with Bill. “You can always count on your Uncle Tad to entertain you.”
Bill was grinding his teeth hard enough to hurt. As the kids chorused, “Yaaaaaaay!” Tad turned his gaze on Dipper.
“Y’know, Dipper, I’m always up to entertain you, as well.”
Dipper just chuckled nervously, giving the other a polite smile, but Bill would have been surprised if he wasn’t already on fire at this point.
Tad Strange was flirting with his partner. And making no secret about it, either.
Granted, Dipper probably didn’t realize that he was being flirted with. He tended to be the most oblivious person in the world when it came to that; Bill had been trying to court him for two years before he finally had to spell it out for Pine Tree what was going on.
It took every ounce of self-control he had not to rip out the other demon’s throat. For the kids, he told himself. Restrain yourself for the kids.
This helped to ground him a bit, but that bit of self-control continued to diminish as Tad stretched one of his arms over the back of the couch, hand lightly brushing against Dipper’s neck before settling right by his head. If Dipper had any problem with this small touch, he didn’t indicate it.
“Uncle Tad, what do you do for a living?” Hazel asked suddenly, drawing all of their attention back to her. Bill tried to calm his breathing, the burning of possession in his chest.
Tad’s eyes flicked to Bill for a moment; through his glare, the blonde demon tried to communicate that he wouldn’t hesitate to tear him to pieces if he told the kids anything more incriminating than what he’d already said. From the other side of the couch, Bill could see Dipper’s breath catch.
“I’m a…” He glanced at Dipper. “... dealmaker.”
“What’s that?” Makona asked, frowning in confusion.
“He… helps people who need things,” Dipper interjected, shooting a panicked glance at Bill. The demon just sat back in his creaky wooden chair, crossing his arms and giving his partner a cool stare. He’d gotten them all into this.
“Are you busy a lot?” Hazel questioned. Bill couldn’t see her eyes from how she was looking at Tad, but he imagined they were full of worry. “Dad and Papa both have to work a lot, too, but they still find time to play with us. Are you going to be able to come see us again soon?”
A look of confusion showed briefly on Tad’s face before he laughed, ruffling Hazel’s hair with his free hand in a move that was all-too-familiar. “Of course I will, kiddo.” He turned another sultry look on Dipper, drawing a growl out of Bill. “I’m looking forward to getting to spend more time with your Papa, as well.”
“Alright, you’re done.” Bill was on his feet and had crossed the distance in a second, pulling Hazel off of the demon’s lap and ignoring her cry of indignation as he set her on Dipper’s lap instead. He grabbed Tad by the collars of his shirt, hauling him off the couch and disgusting in the way that the smirk didn’t leave his mouth the whole time.
“Wait, Uncle Tad, where are you going?” Hazel cried. Bill didn’t look, but he could hear Dipper trying to shush her as he struggled to hold her back as she kicked and tried to get on the floor.
“Uncle Tad has to leave now,” Bill spat, iron-tight grip switching to the demon’s arm as he pulled him towards the door.
“Wait, I wanna say bye!” Makona was there and hugging Tad’s leg before Bill could think to stop him. He froze, wanting to rip his child away from the other demon but knowing how much Dipper would disapprove. Despite what all his instincts were telling him, he sighed and stepped away, giving Pine Tree a look and a nod to indicate that he could let go of Hazel.
The seven-year-old ran to the other demon immediately, and he crouched down to their level to give them both sickly-sweet smiles and one-armed hugs. It made Bill’s blood boil.
Both of his kids threw their arms around his neck and asked him to come back soon. He assured them that he would, giving Dipper another flirtatious smile with the words that totally went over the writer’s head.
By the time that Bill had shoved the other demon out the door, he was ready to slaughter an entire city as frustration relief. Tad only looked all the more pleased, leaning against the doorframe and giving Bill a lazy smile.
Bill lowered his voice so that the kids wouldn’t hear him, leaning out and hissing, “I don’t want you near my family again, Strange.”
Tad’s smile only grew. He raised an eyebrow. “I dunno about that, Billyboy. Your family seems to quite like me. And I quite like that tasty human of yours.”
Bill’s breathing stopped. The words were a clear threat, a clear challenge of his authority.
He hesitated before spitting, “Get out of my sight before I rip you to shreds.” He slammed the door before he could change his mind.
It wasn’t until later, as he sat around the dinner table with his family and the kids drilled him about information on Uncle Tad, that he realized that he had never found out what the demon had come for in the first place.