Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Get the fuck out of here,” Akutagawa spat. He wasn’t speaking at the man across the street from him, but rather the weretiger behind him. The one who’d just walked up behind him while he was in the middle of a fight as though interrupting Akutagawa and getting on his very last damned nerve was his sole purpose in life.

Maybe it was.

“You don’t mean that,” Atsushi said calmly. “What’s the situation?”

Akutagawa flicked his gaze behind him for just a second, then back to his enemy across the street. “I don’t need your help.” The weretiger was getting quite audacious in his demands.

That wasn’t quite true. The fight had been going on for longer than he would have expected and he was starting to get short of breath. He was better when it came to taking his enemies out quickly, and he still had yet to fully recover from getting turned into a vampire. Turns out that wasn’t just a ‘sleep it off’ type of injury.

“Friend of yours?” The enemy across the street called out. That was all the warning they got before he opened fire. He had some sort of gun, but whatever it was, it was modified because he could feel the bullet tear through the fabric of Rashomon. He flung Rashomon in front of his body to keep the bullets from piercing either of them. He still wasn’t quite used to using his ability defensively, but he was getting better. The best fight was one that was over before his enemy knew he was there, but with the no killing promise he was having to get a little more creative with his powers.

Behind him he heard the shift of bone as Atsushi shifted. He heard rather than saw the weretiger pounce past him, bounding across the street at a pace that the eye could barely follow. Thankfully he knew Atsushi's attack patterns well. Atsushi lunged at the man across the street.

A thick tendril of Rashomon put a stop to that. He wrapped around his ankle, tripping the other man. “Wha-” The rest of his complaint was swallowed as Akutagawa jerked him backwards even though he was still on his belly. He slid across the pavement until Rashomon finally stopped when Atsushi was at his feet.

Only when the stupid weretiger was behind his shield did Akutagawa snap, “I told you not to butt in. Yoko Ogawa. He’s got an ability that works on touch. Something to do with memory manipulation, but I’m not sure the details. Either way, you fight in melee. You’re fucking useless here.”

“Well if you’d told me that instead of getting me to butt out then I would have known that! Look, you’re on a public street in the middle of the day. I heard you two fighting from blocks away. Someone is going to get killed if this doesn’t finish quickly.”

Akutagawa tsked. “It’s not your fight. No one’s hired you for this.”

Atsushi gave him a plaintive look. “I thought we were partners.”

He should say no. Akutagawa knew that. Whatever this was, he shouldn’t encourage it. And yet, as he slid his view to the white haired man, he found the words died on his tongue. The truth was they were stronger together. He wasn’t so proud that he couldn’t admit the other’s stamina and strength made up for areas that he lacked in. That was it, the only reason.

“Sorry to interrupt the lover’s spat,” the man across the street called out. Both members of shin soukoku jumped slightly when they realized they were not paying proper attention to the fight, and had thus given their opponent time to reload. Or maybe it was the nickname.

“... Well, I guess it's a good thing no one else saw that,” Akutagawa deadpanned. “Now,” he started as he looked at the weretiger. “Are you ready?” If Atsushi was surprised at him accepting the help, he knew better than to say anything and get his offer retracted.

They were on the same page. Atsushi held his hands up and allowed Rashomon to wrap around his claws. He gave the man across the street a wolfish grin before tearing off in his direction. Akutagawa couldn’t help but give a small smile of his own as he watched the other go. The damn memory ability user wouldn’t know what hit him.

He fired two shots off but Atsushi deflected with his claws. After the extended battle Akutagawa felt no little pleasure when their enemy realized what he’d gotten himself into.

The gun shifted direction. To him? Akutagawa prepared to dodge. He didn’t have Rashomon, but he was still a member of the mafia. He was in no danger.

The gun kept moving. Akutagawa and Atsushi realized what was happening at the same time.

Everything seemed to slow.

The gun wasn’t pointed at either of them.

“Dad?”

A young girl’s voice. She was looking over her shoulder to someone behind her.

Walking towards the scene.

The gun was aimed at her heart.

Atsushi wasn’t close enough to disarm their enemy. He was closer to the girl.He might be able to get the gun out of his hands in time, but he might not. Akutagawa saw the same thought process cross the weretiger’s mind. He was going to do something stupid.Akutagawa knew exactly what he was going to do, because that damned self sacrificing tiger was the most predictable man he’d ever met. Of course he was going to do something stupid, that was just how he operated. The pragmatic move would be to win the fight and risk the girl.

Atsushi would never take that option.

And of course, his prediction was correct. Atsushi sprung towards the girl, intent on knocking her away. His back was exposed to Yoko, but the other man didn’t shoot. Instead he reached out with his other hand and touched -

Akutagawa.

“Ryuu!” Atsushi screamed. He had the girl in his arms. She was wailing. Akutagawa looked over his shoulder to see they were both alright. No bullet wounds and Atsushi hadn’t been touched. Relief coursed through him, an emotion that had no place on this battlefield. It was a soft emotion, a crashing wave that he didn’t have time to process. But Atsushi was alright, he was looking at Akutagawa with wide eyes, but he wasn’t hurt.

Then Akutagawa looked down at his arm where Yoko had his wrist in a vice grip.

“Game over,” was the last thing he heard before darkness swam before him. Memories tumbled through his head.

Meeting the weretiger face to face and the rage at realizing that Dazai had replaced him. The grudging respect he felt growing every time that they found themselves forced to work together until their teamwork had started to feel natural and synchronous. The look on Atsushi’s face when they found out he hadn’t killed anyone as a vampire - and the feeling of his heart fluttering as he realized he wanted Atsushi to keep looking at him like that. There was more too, other images spinning together. The look on Chuuya’s face when he told him Dazai was gone. Gin starting to come out of her shell and finding her place without him. Kouyou inviting him out to karaoke at the end of a long week. The memories dripped out of his mind, trickling out of his mind like grains of sand in an hourglass.

He was unconscious before he even hit the pavement.

Chapter Text

“You can get some rest of your own, you know,” Yosano said. “That chair cannot be comfortable for this long.”

She said that in a conversational tone, though she had a feeling she knew how the suggestion would be received. Her intuition was proven correct when Atsushi just shook his head and drew his legs closer to his chest. His head rested on them as he looked down at the hospital bed where Akutagawa was sprawled out under a crisp white blanket. His clothing was damaged so sometime during her treatment he’d ended up in a hospital gown. Atsushi held his cloak in his lap, so he could give it to him the moment he woke up.

Even in his sleep Akutagawa looked antagonistic. His brows were knit together and his lip was curled up into a small snarl. He was still the most beautiful man Atsushi had ever met. Tentatively he reached out and brushed an ombre strand off his forehead. It fell back and fanned out on the pillow. At the touch Akutagawa’s face wrinkled and fell into a more neutral position. He didn’t wake up. Atsushi brought his hand back.

The fight had ended abruptly when Akutagawa passed out. Atsushi had put the girl behind him so he could shield her, but it wasn’t necessary. Yoko had turned and ran. He could have chased him, but Akutagawa wasn’t just down, he was unmoving. Like the dead. If he knew that Atsushi hadn’t even considered chasing down the enemy, he likely would have chided him. He’d take that chiding and more if the other man would just open his damn eyes, take his coat back, and speak to him.

None of his injuries were severe. Nothing that would make him fall unconscious, unable to be roused.

If he was awake, he’d be snapping at Atsushi for bringing him here. He knew that Akutagawa didn’t care for being in Yosano’s care, but he’d also once divulged to him how Mori made his skin crawl even though he wasn’t a child any longer. He’d been on his second cup of sake at the time and Atsushi was on his third, but he’d remembered. It wasn’t something he’d forget. There was no chance in hell he’d take him there.

His hands were clasped around the jacket in his lap and he fiddled with the fabric. Akutagawa had trusted him with it. Left himself vulnerable. His partner had left himself vulnerable, trusting that Atsushi could take out the enemy and he’d made… well, he couldn’t actually say he’d made the wrong call. It had been the right one at the moment, so why did everything go so wrong?

A few drops of water fell on his hands and he stared at it for a moment before realizing they were coming from him. He reached up and swiped at his eyes.

A hand on his shoulder made him jump. He looked up to see the warm gaze of Dazai looking down at him. His face was uncharacteristically soft as he took in the younger man’s appearance. Dusty from the fight still, eyes red and swollen, lips just slightly trembling.

“I heard about what happened. Any updates?” he asked with a nod towards the bed.

Atsushi shook his head. He looked around for Yosano, but she wasn’t in the room. “She’ll be right back Atsushi-kun. Just went to get some rest herself. She was up quite late running diagnostics.”

“Tch, don’t worry about it. The little menace will be up on his feet in no time. You kids are like roaches.”

He tilted his head to see Chuuya in the doorway. This felt… odd. He wasn’t sure he’d ever seen him in the agency’s building unless he was in the middle of an assault against it. To now see him leaning in the doorway of the medical ward felt even more odd. Some of his confusion must have shown on his face because Dazai moved his hand to the top of his head and ruffled his hair.

“I reached out to let him know that Akutagawa was safe with us. We’re going to head out after this guy ourselves. A little team up of our own.”

Chuuya scoffed from the doorway before heading into the room and looking down to Akutagawa, then to Atsushi. His bright blue glare was piercing and Atsushi found himself swiping away his tears and sitting up a little straighter. He wasn’t sure what the red haired man was thinking, but his frown deepened.

“C’mon shitty Dazai. Let’s go find this fucker. Maybe if I’m lucky he’ll take my memories of you.”

Dazai took his hand off Atsushi’s head as he followed Chuuya out of the room. “Aww, if that’s all you’re looking for, slug, I’m sure I can create the same result with a brick.”

They were almost out the door when Atsushi’s involuntary cry stopped them.

At first it seemed as though nothing had happened, then Dazai saw Akutagawa’s fingers twitch.

A low groan escaped his lips as his eyes fluttered open. He blinked a few times, then shot straight up.

The look on his face was alarmed and Atsushi reached out before the look in the other’s eyes caused him to stop. That look was furious.

He’d seen it on Akutagawa’s face before. It was a look that screamed don’t touch me, that he’d bite and claw and tear. Atsushi hadn’t seen that look directed at him in months.

His hand hovered near his face. Atsushi wasn’t sure what to do. He looked over to Dazai, who looked equally taken aback.

“What are you doing with Rashomon? Give it back,” he snapped.

This was all wrong. They fought and bickered before but he was starting to read the ebb and flow of Akutagawa’s moods. Atsushi watched his walls come down. Could read when Akutagawa was only putting up a front because he didn’t know how to do anything else. He could read into every little gesture and know what his partner was feeling. So why was everything in him saying that Akutagawa was an enemy? He should run. If he stayed where he was, Rashomon would impale him again and Askutagawa would only think about him as long as it took to get the blood off his cloak.

“Why-” he croaked out, but before he could finish speaking, Akutagawa was moving his gaze to Dazai and Chuuya.

He sat up a little straighter. “Dazai-san,” he said with a small tilt of his head.

This was wrong. Atsushi felt like his mind was moving too slow. There was something wrong with the way he’d addressed Dazai, but he’d be damned if he could figure out just what it was. Maybe it was because his shoulders slumped just a little. Not fully relaxing, but enough to indicate that he felt Dazai was safer than Atsushi was right now.

Was he that mad about the fight earlier? “Hey, if this is about the fight, I’m really sorry. I fucked up. I should have…” He trailed off when that dark gaze switched from Dazai back to him.

There was nothing there but fury. “Dazai,” he snapped, though his gaze was still locked onto Atsushi. “Who is this crybaby?” His eyes scanned lower and the stare intensified. “And why do you have my jacket?” He reached out and Atsushi was sure the only reason that he wasn’t being strangled right now was because Dazai stepped forward and placed a hand on his shoulder.

“Akutagawa, remind me,” he drawled. “How old are you?”

The non sequitur finally pulled his gaze off Atsushi.

“Fifteen, why?”

The answer came like a punch in the gut. Chuuya finally uncrossed his arms in surprise and all three of them stared at Akutagawa.

He stared back.

“What?”

He looked small then. Akutagawa could guess that something was wrong and his fingers clutched at the sheets surrounding him. His shoulders drew back a little until he was slightly hunched. A little smaller. Atsushi knew that move. He’d used it himself. Akutagawa shouldn’t be looking like that. It felt like he was sitting next to a parody of his usual partner. One with rougher edges, but less established walls. His body might still have been twenty but was he really fifteen in his mind?

Dazai and Chuuya also looked like they had no idea how to deal with this.

“Er - Fuck,” was all that Chuuya could manage.

“This sucks,” Dazai said cheerfully. Too cheerfully. It was the sound of a man overcompensating for the fact that in front of him was a subordinate that he hadn’t left yet. One who still looked up to him with something akin to hero worship.

One who wasn’t his partner anymore.

One who’d never even met Atsushi.

Chapter Text

Yosano got there a few minutes after Dazai messaged her and ushered them all out of the room. There had been a fuss when Akutagawa tried to get up. Dazai had to smooth things over. He seemed to be the only one with sway over Akutagawa, but something about it made Atsushi hate watching their interactions. Maybe it was knowing that in the raven haired man’s mind, Dazai was still his mentor. Maybe it was knowing the methods through which Dazai had trained Akutagawa. Or maybe it was jealousy because not too long ago Akutagwa had looked at Atsushi with a gaze other than an intense hatred.

“So, anyone going to say anything?” Chuuya asked.

They were all standing outside the door, waiting. Up until then no one had said anything.

“No plans, shitty mackerel?”

For once Dazai looked like he was at a loss for words.

Chuuya kept going, “What, don’t want to think about how you treated Akutagawa when he was fifteen? If you ask me, this is long overdue. You just waltzed back into his life with a new protegee-” here he gestured at Atsushi “-and rub it in his face. The only reason you were able to get away with any of this shit is because he grew better. ”

There was something in his tone. Atsushi looked between the two of them and he could tell that there were words unsaid hanging in the air between them. Dazai picked it up, if his expression was any indication but Atsushi just felt lost. He’d felt lost ever since Akutagawa looked at him and asked who he was.

Dazai rubbed his face. “I know. Trust me I know but that doesn’t change the fact that he is incredibly dangerous right now. If he finds out we - that I left, we might not have a way to keep him under control right now. You remember what he was like then.”

“What are you suggesting?” Atsushi asked. He did his best to keep his voice level and keep the thickness in his throat from choking up the words. Despite that, his gaze was level on Dazai. He couldn’t even pretend to be able to think and plan on the same level as the other man, but if he was suggesting they hurt Akutagawa, he’d throw hands. He was closest to the door and he pulled himself off the wall so he could stand up straight and throw a level glare to Dazai.

“Oh man, Akutagawa is rubbing off on you too, huh? Nothing like that. I’m just talking about keeping him from killing people. Atsushi, you know he’s dangerous. He was just as violent when he was fifteen as he was when you first met him, though without as much control over his emotions or Rashomon. He was more… feral back then too. I know I could have been kinder, but that doesn’t mean he wasn’t incredibly unhinged.”

He could see his point.

“So, what?”

“I think the general strategy hasn’t changed that much actually. Chuuya and I can go hunt down this guy. Then I can nullify it.”

“And you can’t now?”

“No, it has to be on the user. Sometimes I can deactivate abilities on the victims, but if this was one of them, then it would have disappeared when I touched his shoulder.”

Oh, right.

“And in the meantime?”

“In the meantime you can watch him!” Dazai sounded cheerful again.

Chuuya and Atsushi stared at him.

“I mean, you’re the one who is invested in making sure he doesn’t murder. And if he does need to be stopped, I bet you can take him since he’s not as strong as he is usually.”

“Thanks for the vote of confidence,” Atsushi deadpanned.

“Look, this shouldn’t take long. This Yoko, whoever he is, isn’t a fighter. You two would have obliterated him if he hadn’t targeted a civilian. You just need to keep him from killing anyone. Including yourself. I’ll just tell him to be nice to you since he listens to me, and then we’ll go.”

“Two problems,” Chuuya drawled. “First, do you really think telling Akutagawa to be nice would have worked when he was fifteen? Second, are you sure this plan isn’t just a way of you avoiding having to deal with your betrayal?”

His voice cracked on the last word and Atsushi finally caught the double meaning behind his words.

Dazai didn’t.

Atsushi looked between the two of them and wondered if Chuuya even knew his feelings were running so deep. He’d suspected about those two before. In fact, he and Atkugawa had once, after just enough sake that they were both a little looser with their words than they would have been otherwise. Leaning against each other, Atsushi giggling and Akutagawa - well, not giggling, but actually smiling as they discussed if they thought Dazai and Chuuya were partners or partners. The two of them had a few nights like that, and they had been becoming more frequent. It started with Akutagawa showing up with a bottle of red wine at Atsushi’s door as a ‘sorry I mangled you when I was a vampire present’ and the night had finished with him huffing out “Next time we do this, we’re heading to mine. Your couch is too uncomfortable.”

Atsushi had taken the hint and showed up that Saturday with a bottle of sake that had cost a significant part of his paycheck.

That evening had been very much worth it.

“I think he probably won’t try to murder Atsushi. If I ask nicely.”

Dazai did not address the second part of Chuuya’s question.

“If you ask him for anything nicely then he’s going to know that something is very wrong.”

“I am literally the nicest person ever, you shitty hat rack.”

Chuuya did not bother dignifying that with a response.

“Are you two done bickering?” Yosano opened the door and almost walked right into Atsushi’s back.

She looked between the three men, Atsushi still semi-guarding the door as though he thought Dazai was going to rush through it and do something stupid. Chuuya leaning against the opposite wall in his best attempt to look nonchalant though his teeth were bared into a snarl in Dazai’s direction. Dazai in between the two of them with his hands in the air as though he had no idea where this animosity was coming from and what on earth he could have done to deserve this.

Yosano rolled her eyes and closed the door behind her.

“What’s the situation Yosano-san?” Atsushi asked. “How is he?”

“Belligerent. No memories of the past five years. He’s… a lot to handle.” Her expression softened a little as she looked at Atsushi. “I knew he’d been changing since you two started working together, but the difference is stark.”

Dazai chuckled, but there was no humor in it. “That’s one way to put it.”

Atsushi clenched and unclenched his jaw. “I can do it. Keep him safe - and from hurting anyone, until we can get his memories back.”

“That’s the game plan?” Yosano asked with a raised eyebrow. Atsushi nodded firmly.

“That’s the best we’ve got,” Dazai confirmed.

“Well… it was nice knowing you while it lasted, weretiger.” Chuuya snickered.

“He’ll be fine. I’ll go talk to Akutagawa now. Anything I should know before going in, doc?”

“No, it’s not like this is medically caused amnesia. Usually avoiding upsetting the patient would be the most key thing, but I’d just be wasting my breath telling you that. I’d suggest trying to avoid stressing him out, but that’s more out of my instinct for self preservation than anything else.”

Dazai gave her a thumbs up, then strolled into the room. Atsushi hesitated, not sure if he should follow. Dazai waved him off. “It’s okay, I’ve got this.”

A few seconds later Akutagawa’s snarl echoed through the building.

“What the FUCK do you mean you left the mafia and have a new apprentice? That crybaby?”

Followed by Dazai saying, “Oh you probably shouldn’t be getting up.”

Then Dazai again, “Oh you can control bandages too, huh? That’s fun. Oh, please put down that scalpel. ”

Chuuya stuck his head in the door. He drew it back as a scalpel thudded into the wood of the door. “Hey, Atsushi, you should probably run.”

“Don’t you dare fuck up my hospital,” Yosano said as she strode in past Chuuya. “Put that down!”

Running would probably be a smart idea, but it wasn’t like this version of Akutagawa could hate him any more than he already did. He ducked into the room behind Yosano. She glowered at the two men who were wrestling on Akutagawa’s bed. Shreds of cloth were strewn about the room but were currently limp since Dazai had his arm around Akutagawa’s wrist.

They were struggling over a scalpel that Akutawaga had in hand and was trying to tug away from Dazai.

As Atsushi entered the room, he felt the intense heat of Akutagawa’s stare. “You’re the reason he left? I’ll kill you. I won’t even need Rashomon for it.”

At the mention of his ability, Atsushi drew the cloak that was still in his hands up to his chest. Akutagawa noticed. “Get your filthy hands off my jacket”

Even when they’d first met, he’d never seen Akutagawa like this. Kicking and snarling. Was this what Dazai meant by unhinged?

“Atsushi, a hand here?” Dazai’s tone was still cheerful even given the fact that he had multiple lacerations from his struggle. Akutagawa was bleeding too, from some small cuts as the two of them fought over the scalpel.

He rushed past Yosano and grabbed Akutagawa’s elbows. He was careful not to brush against Dazai because even with Akutagawa not able to use his ability he was strong. Atsushi had to draw out a little bit of the tiger’s power to keep the other man restrained. His partner kept fighting. He drew his legs up underneath himself and shot back.

His skull collided with Atsushi’s nose and the resounding crack sounded through the room.

He didn’t let go.

He could withstand this, the sharp sudden pain, the spout of blood that fell past his lips, the double vision. It was broken, but it'd heal in a few minutes. If he let go, Akutagawa would probably do worse.

A cry fell from Akutagawa’s lips and Atsushi stared at the back of his head, then down where he had him restrained. In Akutagawa’s thrashing he’d cut himself on the tiger's claws. Blood smeared across Atsushi's hand as Akutagawa continued to struggle even as the claws bit in deeper. If he was in pain it was hidden by the sheer rage on his face.

“Claws? What are you? I'll kill y -” Accidentally cutting Akutgawa did what getting his nose broken could not - Atsushi let go.

Akutagawa couldn’t have been that hurt because he gave a cry of triumph and raised the scalpel. In a second it'd be in Atsushi's neck.

"Nope."

Before he could stab anyone, it flew across the room to Chuuya’s outstretched hand. He rolled his eyes at all of them. “This is what you meant with ‘I’ve got this?’ Dazai? Akutagawa, stop trying to stab Atsushi. Stab Dazai instead.”

"Give it back then."

Chuuya paused. Debated. Thought it over.

"Mm, probably not a good idea. Maybe later."

Chapter Text

Atsushi checked the safe house out from top to bottom, making sure that no one had been here recently and there was no indication that the location had been compromised. An easy enough task, but it was made harder by the fact that he didn’t want to completely turn his back on Akutagawa. He could feel the daggers the other was glaring at him when he thought he wasn’t looking.

In the end it had been Chuuya who was able to get Akutagawa the most calm. And that was mostly by using just enough gravity to immobilize him so he would stop trying to stab them. Atsushi had been able to heal his nose, but that didn’t stop the guilt he felt at seeing the slashes against Akutagawa’s elbows. The damage had been done to stop him from stabbing anyone with a scalpel so he didn’t feel bad about stopping him.

It wasn’t really his fault though. Or not in the way where he could hold it against him.

Chuuya had laid out the details as best he could, and it was easy enough for Akutagawa to believe him. After all, he could clearly see the body he inhabited was older. Different. That had made itself very apparently after a violent coughing fit had left him unable to breath until he let down his guard enough for Yosano to assist.

It broke Atsushi’s heart to see the fear on his face after that. To see Akutagawa realize how much his lungs hurt after a skirmish like that.

He was slightly more subdued after that. As an executive Chuuya was able to order him to stay in line and at least go with Atsushi to a safe house so they were out of the way while he and Dazai went to see what they could find out about this Yoko.

Ostensibly, Atsushi was there to keep a vulnerable Akutagawa safe, so why did it feel like he was the one in danger?

After verifying no one had messed with the house, he returned to the living room. Akutagawa was on the couch, sprawled out. He was tired, barely keeping his eyes open but when Atsushi walked into the room his eyes snapped over. The pure malice there was bright and burning.

It hurt. It hurt more than Atsushi would have ever expected. All the changes Akutagawa had gone through, gone. Just like that. There was no recollection of their fights together, of them as partners. And even more recently, of friends.

“What are you looking at, you useless wretch?”

The animosity was undermined by the flecks of blood still clinging to his lips.

He didn’t say anything. Instead he moved into the kitchen and put the kettle on for tea. He’d had a chance to grab some groceries and some personal items before heading over. While he wasn’t normally a good cook, he could at least make enough to keep them alive for a few days while Dazai and Chuuya tracked down Yoko. The idea of leaving his problems to them wasn’t exactly his favorite, but he had a feeling he’d have his hands full with the bundle of animosity in the living room.

The kettle boiled and he made tea for both of them.

With a cup in hand, he brought the other out to Akutagawa. When he held it out, the other just stared at it.

“Just take it. I’m not trying to poison you.”

Rashomon lashed out and pulled it from Atsushi. He grumbled and rubbed his hand.

“I hope you remember all this when we get your memory back so you remember how much you owe me for this.”

Akutagawa snorted but started to drink the tea. His fingers curled around the cup as he warmed his fingers. He was now curled up in a tight ball at the edge of the couch. His knees were tucked against his chest and he brought the cup up against it as well. Atsushi felt something inside his chest let go he didn’t know he was holding onto.

“The tea usually helps.” He added, “When you’ve been coughing like that. You’ve told me that before.”

Akutagawa snorted but brought the cup up to take another sip. “At least you brought a good brand.”

It was his favorite brand.

It was the only tea Atsushi kept at his house any more.

“Thanks. I’ll have dinner ready soon.”

He went back into the kitchen and finished getting it ready. When the rice cooker finally went off he finished plating and went back into the living room.

The cup was on the coffee table and Akutagawa was asleep. He was in the same position as before only now his head was resting on his knees. Atsushi felt the breath leave his lungs as he took in the sight of his partner like this. Even in the fluorescent lighting, on a beat up couch, he was still the prettiest thing he’d ever seen. But this sleep was fitful. His eyes fluttered under closed lids and his lips twitched like he was ready to spew vehemence at any moment.

Both of his hands were full. Atsushi reached out and nudged him with a foot.

Rashomon snapped out before Akutagawa even opened his eyes. He jumped back just in time.

“You’re quick,” Akutagawa said. The disappointment dripped out of every word.

“Funny, you pointed that out the first time we fought too. Now stop attacking me, I have dinner.”

Rashomon didn’t tuck back into his cloak, but neither did it lash out at Atsushi again as he handed the dish to Akutagawa.

Rather than risk doing something to initiate another attack, he ate on his own in the kitchen. It wasn’t the first meal he’d had standing on his feet and leaning against the counter.

He did the dishes, then went to check on Akutagawa. He wasn’t on the couch, but the safe house wasn’t that big. Atsushi went to the door to his room and listened for a moment. Once he heard the rustling of cloth he left him alone to get some sleep.

In the living room he opened his laptop and pulled up the files he’d been working on for the last few days. He had a few emails to respond to, leads to chase. He forwarded a few of them to Yosano to get her thoughts.

It was easy to find himself wrapped up in this work and before he knew it, it was a few minutes before midnight. Atsushi stretched his arms over his head and arched his back.

He set the computer on the coffee table and began to gather up the scattered papers. His phone beeped and he looked around for a moment before finding it tucked between couch cushions. There was a message from Dazai

This is going to take a little longer than expected. Looks like he’s part of a bigger org.

The message ended with the emoji of a peace sign.

Atsushi growled and put his head in his hands for a second. It looked like he’d be stuck with Akutagawa like this for a little longer. Fuck.

He went towards his room, but swung by Akutagawa’s before heading in.

Knock, knock.

It was the least he could to pass on Dazai’s message and let him know they might need to settle in for a longer hall.

No response.

It took his tired mind a minute to realize that he should have a response, even if that response was Rashomon trying to stab him through the door.

Fuck.

He tried to open the door.

Locked.

With a touch of the tiger’s power he snapped the handle.

Empty.

The room was empty inside. The bed didn’t look like it’d even been touched. No sign of Akutagawa. Just a clue on how he got out - a window open to the blistering cold winter night.

“Fuck.”

There were other things he could say, but that was the only thing that came to mind as Atsushi dove out the window himself to find his partner before he was either killed or murdered someone himself.

Chapter Text

His feet hit the ground with a soft thud. The snow that had just started to fall cushioned the impact.

No tracks. So he left a bit ago.

He should have known better than to trust Akutagawa would have listened to Dazai after he found out the other man had left the mafia. Stay put wasn’t that hard of an order. Chuuya had given it too, it should have at least kept him from crawling out the window at midnight.

Too many assumptions. Akutagawa wasn’t the partner he used to have, not right now. Atsushi wasn’t dealing with his partner, the other half of shin soukoku, but the rabid dog of the mafia.

His stomach churned at the thought. Not just because of Akutagawa’s ferocity, but because even after everything that had happened since he’d lost his memories he still couldn’t think of Akutagawa as something to be feared. Cautious of, careful around, worried about, but not afraid of.

Maybe he should be scared. Who knew what he was doing right now?

Atsushi crouched and pulled on that tug of power that belonged to the weretiger. His nails elongated, pupils dilated. Faint markings of stripes danced across his arms, though they were hidden under the jacket he wore. Most importantly his senses sharpened. The moment of everything coming into sharp focus was always a little overwhelming.

He could see the intricate designs of the snowflakes on the ground. His nose flooded with a million scents, all the people who’d walked by, a dead mouse a few dozen feet away, a spilled coffee from earlier in the day. And the sounds - horns honking in the distance, the rumble of a sliding door being yanked open, a dog barking from someone’s yard. Thankfully all of the inputs were slightly dulled from the snow. Usually in the moment of pulling out the tiger’s senses he was vulnerable until his brain adjusted to the extra information. Akutagawa was normally extra cautious in that moment, holding back from attacking in case he needed to defend in that brief moment.

Atsushi swallowed hard and pushed away that thought as he crouched and sniffed the ground. Akutagawa’s scent was easy to pick up. He knew it well. Blood, tea, and figs.

The scent wasn’t too hidden by the snow thankfully. So he wasn’t that long gone. Atsushi started to follow the trail. They were out of the city a bit, in an area that was more suburbs than anything else, so surely he couldn’t get into too much trouble.

As soon as that thought crossed his mind Atsushi looked at the cross street he was standing on. Akutagawa was heading to the slums.

He picked up the pace.

What was he doing? Was he heading to the mafia, to Mori? They’d discussed not telling Mori what was going on, back at Yosano’s ward. Atsushi didn’t want Mori knowing that Akutagawa was in a state where he’d forgotten about his promise not to kill anyone, nor that his mind had regressed. Akutagawa had been a little too quick to agree with not telling Mori, so Atsushi doubted he was heading in that direction.

It was harder to keep track of the scent, even though he was moving faster than the other man. But even with the snow falling, there were too many distractions. Blood that wasn’t Akutagawa’s, piss, decay. Most people were off the street this time of night but he passed seedy bars with cheap whisky oozing out of windows and doors. The noise of people coughing in alleyways made his ears twitch to see if he could find Akutagawa’s particular pitch.

Not here.

He kept moving.

People called out to him. Some of them were trying to get his attention to head into a bar or gambling parlor. Some were women, wearing very little despite the cold and he flushed at their suggestions, but kept moving. Even with his fur, he could feel the chill start to seep into his bones. He could only imagine how cold Akutagawa was.

Atsushi paused at a street corner. The scent had gone cold here. He’d probably used Rashomon to travel, and once he was in the air his scent was a lot a harder to follow.

Oh, but he knew where he was. Akutagawa had pointed out this street a few weeks ago, when the two of them were looking into a job. It had been a casual wave down the road, a brief remark about living down this road with Gin after getting his first bit of money from the mafia. It had been dirty and dingy, he’d told Atsushi but there was still some pride in his voice. A reminder of where he’d come from. Since then he’d only climbed up, and the apartment he now lived in was stunning.

Gin, he was looking for Gin.

Atsushi could have facepalmed, if he wasn’t tearing down the street to find the specific apartment Akutagawa was heading towards. In light of everything else going on he’d forgotten about Gin, either letting her know what was going on, or reassuring Akutagawa that his sister was alright. She wasn’t at that apartment any longer, but he couldn’t know that.

“What the fuck are you doing,” drawled out a voice. Not one he recognized. The words were slurred, from a drink or drugs or both.

He did recognize the voice that responded.

“I hope you’ve made peace with whatever god you worship.”

The voice was cold. Dispassionate.

The first voice started to laugh, but Atsushi knew better. He heard the rustle that was Rashomon.

He was close.

With a burst of speed he slingshotted off the wall and rounded the corner to the alleyway. His feet left cracks in the concrete of the wall, but he was there.

Tiger eyes took in the scene. The man wasn’t laughing any more. His back was to Atsushi. There was another man with him, apparently the two of them had stepped out from the club to enjoy a smoke.

At the other end of the alley was a black void of Akutagawa and Rashomon.

The cloak snapped out with a gaping maw. Atsushi lunged forward to meet it.

“Don’t interfere.” Akutagawa chided.

“Gin’s not here!” Atsushi responded. “And get out of here,” he called back to the two men behind him.

Rashomon lunged, then snaked around him. It seemed that Akutagawa wasn’t above striking out at running men.

“Absolutely not!” He grabbed Rashomon around its neck and pulled back as hard as he could. Both of them jerked backwards. Atsushi landed hard at Akutagawa’s feet.

Black tendrils stabbed at him and he scrambled back before finding his feet.

“How do you know about her? Keep her name out of your filthy mouth. This ends here crybaby.”

Atsushi gulped as he looked Akutagawa in the eyes. In the blackness of midnight his eyes were pitch. His lips were curled up into a snarl.

“Please, I know things are all messed up for you, but don’t do something you’ll regret when you get your memories back.”

“I’ll thank myself for getting rid of you.”

His words were punctuated with a headfirst attack from Rashomon. Like Dazai had suggested, the attacks were basic though. He could duck and dodge most of them. A few tendrils stabbed at his ankle, but he regenerated in seconds.

“Do you think there’s a limit on that? Do you think you can regenerate faster than Rashomon can eviscerate you?”

While he had no doubt that Akutagawa meant it, he couldn’t help but roll his eyes. “I am so making you take me out for chazuke after all this bullshit you’re putting me through.”

As if on cue, Rashomon’s claws swiped at him. With a burst of speed, he dodged. This was nothing compared to what Akutagawa was capable of now. It was almost rewarding, seeing how much he’d improved since his first fight with the raven haired man.

“I keep telling you I know you. I can see through all of your moves.” He spoke as he dodged. The real trick of this fight was going to be restraining Akutagawa without hurting him further. He looked past Rashomon to his wielder. “I can tell you’re exhausted. Please just stop this before you hurt yourself further.”

“Don’t feign to know me.”

Akutagawa stretched his hand out to guide Rashomon. The jaws switched to a long claw that wrapped around his arm. The fingers extended to Atsushi.

“I’ve seen you do this a million times.”

It was easy to slip behind the attack and get face to face with Akutagawa.

“Don’t -”

Before he could say anything further Atsushi stepped behind him. He reached out for his hands - and stopped when he saw the scratches his claws had left earlier that day.

He froze.

Akutagawa didn’t.

Rashomon slammed into him. It was a simple, brutal attack. An off-guard Atsushi slammed into the concrete of the opposing wall.

His head swam. He could feel the rush of endorphins that meant his healing was stepping in, but Akutagawa was determined to press the advantage.

The claws twisted to a multitude of spikes. He threw himself to the side, but one still embedded itself in his shoulder. With a rip it tore from his skin as he kept moving.

“Just curl up and die already. I won’t lose to Dazai’s shitty new toy!”

“I already told you, I know you.”

Rashomon lunged.

He was on his feet. He knew where Akutagawa was going to strike.

He dodged.

Akutagawa tensed as Atsushi lunged for him, ignoring Rashomon. Again he stepped behind the other man, though this time he didn’t hesitate as he clenched at his wrists. The claws retracted, but he held onto the tiger’s strength.

“Let me go, you waste of space. I’ll-”

The words cut off as he started coughing. Roshomom sunk to the ground as Akutagawa rasped. For a moment it seemed like he was about to get his breath back, but then something dislodged and he fell forward. Blood splattered the ground at his feet.

Atsushi didn’t let go, but he relaxed his hold. “Akutagawa -” he started.

“Don’t you fucking dare.”

The impact was lessened by the deep rattling cough that shook his entire body. Atsushi helped guide him to his knees when he noticed the other was having trouble standing. Akutagawa hunched over, still coughing and spitting up blood.

For lack of anything else to do, Atsushi rubbed his back over his coat. He half expected the fabric to impale him, but Rashomon was still. By Akutagawa’s will or inability to fight, he wasn’t sure.

“I’m sorry. I told you the cold makes it worse. I’ve told you a million times today, I know you Ryuunosuke. I know you would do anything for Gin and you’re always worried when she’s away on a mission. I know you like any green tea the most, but genmai cha over everything else. You don’t really have a sweet tooth, but figs coated with chocolate are your favorite after dinner. You like to spend Saturday mornings going through antique stores to find things to bring home so your home looks like a haunted Victorian manor. You don’t like baths because you have to take off your coat and you feel vulnerable without Rashomon. I know you. You're my partner. So please, please just stop trying to fight me. You don’t even have to like me, I’m just asking you to let me keep you safe.”

The coughing had let up, but there was still murder in Akutagawa’s eyes as he turned to Atsushi.

He had no idea what the other man was going to say next. Or do, since getting stabbed with Rashomon was still on the table.

“Fine.” The words came out wet, burbled through bloody lips. He swiped at them and slowly started to stand. Atsushi went with him.

“Fine. Okay. Let’s head back to the house.” Akutagawa wrenched himself free of Atsushi’s gasp but nodded. He kept his distance, but watched closely as the two of them turned around and began the slow walk back to the safehouse.

Chapter Text

“I think this is the worst stakeout I’ve ever been on.”

“You think every stakeout is the worst one ever,” Chuuya pointed out.

“That’s because they all suck.”

Dazai winked.

Chuuya rolled his eyes.

Dazai responded by rolling onto his back and looking up at the snow that was falling down on both of them.

Chuuya’s grip on the binoculars he was holding tightened. He should be looking through them, across the street. They had both been lying on their bellies since the railing wasn’t very high and they didn’t want to be spotted on this stakeout. You know, their actual job. But Dazai was reaching out to try and grab snowflakes out of the air and more were falling onto his chest, his hair, his lips and he couldn’t pull his gaze away. The dark haired man was smiling, a cat like grin dancing across his lips.

He should probably be freezing since they had both been lying on this roof for the better part of a few hours, but all Chuuya could feel was a warmth budding in his chest.

“Nothing’s happened, you can relax.”

“Motherfucker, you were the one who said we should probably keep eyes on this place. The least you can do is, I don’t know, actually look?”

“Oh, I got the information I needed about half an hour ago.”

“... Hmm, do you think if I drop these on you with enough force your ability will cancel out the weight before the binoculars make a hole in your chest?”

“Chibi is so mean.”

“You are a grown ass man, or so I’ve been told. Stop pouting.”

To his credit, Dazai did stop sticking out his lower lip as his gaze slid from the falling snow, to Chuuya, then past him.

“You just don’t want to go back.” Dazai’s eyes flickered back to Chuuya’s and the redhead felt the urge to keep talking, just so he kept looking at him. So he continued. “To face what Akutagawa was like when he was fifteen and how much you fucked up.”

Dazai wasn’t smiling any more. That hadn’t exactly been his intention, but … well, he couldn’t say for sure why he’d pointed that out. It wasn’t as though Dazai was actually going to do anything about it. He’d made it very clear he intended to leave his past behind him and damn anyone who was a part of that.

“I do need to apologize to him. I - hm, you’re right of course.”

“I want that in writing.”

Dazai winked at him, just a hint of his early playfulness coming through. “I’ll never admit it to anyone else, but Chuuya is usually right. I’m only saying it now because if you tell anyone they’ll never believe you.”

“Ass. But I know you. You’re just trying to distract me.”

“Is it working?”

“No.”

It was quiet. Nothing but the soft shush on the wind as it raked across the rooftops. Chuuya shivered. Dazai noticed and responded by rolling over. Onto Chuuya’s back. He rested on top of the other man, his chin on his hat, his chest against Chuuya’s shoulder blades.

“What the fuck are you doing?”

Chuuya looked up, but where he’d expected to see a goofy expression like Dazai always wore when he was bothering him, instead he was frowning. He knew that frown. It was the look of a man with something to say and no balls to say it. Chuuya jerked his head back and knocked into his chin. His hat tumbled to the ground next to them.

“Ow!”

“Out with it! Whatever you’re thinking, just fucking say it.”

Dazai groaned and buried his head into Chuuya’s now exposed hair. For a moment he thought about headbutting him again, but he wanted to hear what was actually on Dazai’s mind.

“Akutagawa isn’t the only one I need to apologize to.”

Chuuya tried to tell himself his heart rate was only picking up because of the cold. He didn’t know if that was a thing or not, but it sounded good.

He knew better than to open his mouth and risk interrupting Dazai so he just sat stone still under him and waited. His patience was rewarded with the dark haired man on top of him slumping his full weight on Chuuya. All energy gone from bandaged limbs.

“I - You know, I have done a lot of shitty things in the past. But I try not to regret things. I feel like I made the choices I needed to make and that’s that.” He paused again. Chuuya wished he could see his face from this angle. “If I regret anything, it's that I couldn’t find a way to both keep you with me and leave.”

The snow continued to fall. On Dazai’s head, across his back. Because Dazai was still on top of him, none fell onto Chuuya but if anyone saw the wetness that streaked across his cheeks, he’d say it was just melting snow.

Chapter Text

Between making sure they weren’t followed by anyone and Akutagawa’s frequent coughing, getting back home took twice as long as it did for Atsushi to dash after him in the first place. It might have gone quicker, but Akutagawa wouldn’t let himself be touched even as his coughs left him barely able to stand.

Atsushi had never seen it this bad. The other man was too pale, the only color on him the red that slicked his lips. When he wasn’t coughing he had wrapped himself in his cloak and trudged forward. It was all Atsushi could do to keep an eye on his back and pray that he was able to get him back home safely. He offered his coat, the tiger’s natural heat, something, anything, to warm him up but Akutgawa refused. In the end he didn’t press the issue since he didn’t want to ruin this fragile peace they had between them.

As they walked he texted Gin and when he didn’t receive a response he reached out to Chuuya who let him know she was on a mission. He relayed that information to Akutagawa who only responded with a grunt.

It was well past two am when they got back to the safe house.

“I’ll get you some tea,” Atsushi said once they were inside and he’d double checked that nothing had changed since they were gone. While in the kitchen he put the kettle on. He stopped in the bathroom to grab some medication he’d received from Yosano and handed it to Akutgawa. The other man had all but fallen onto the couch in a stupor now that they were somewhere warm.

He looked between the pills in Atsushi’s outstretched hands and to Atsushi’s face. His brows furrowed. Then his gaze narrowed into a glare as he turned his head away.

“I’m not trying to poison you. They’ll help. The tea’s almost done, you can use that to get them down.”

In response Akutagawa snatched the pills from his hand and dry swallowed. Then he met Atsushi’s eyes, still glaring.

Well, at least he took them.

The kettle whistled and Atsushi fought the urge to roll his eyes as he went into the kitchen. When the tea was ready he bought a cup out to Akutagawa.

“What is this?”

The raven haired man’s voice was strained from the damage it’d taken tonight but there was still that fury that underlined everything he did.

He had sat up and was looking at the computer Atsushi had left on the coffee table in his hurry. He looked from the computer to the files as he thumbed through them. Atsushi hadn’t spent that long in the kitchen, surely he couldn’t have read through too much?

“You’re looking for a cure.”

Akutagawa’s tone wavered. Disbelief, scorn, and something else, something thicker, something hidden.

His dark gaze shot up to Atsushi’s. “You’re looking for a cure for me. That’s what this is.” He motioned to the computer.

There was no denying it. Atsushi responded, “You know healing abilities are rare. Yosano knows a few but they’re proving hard to track down. We've also been looking into a few other options. You know I regenerate, though that’s not really considered healing since it doesn’t work on anyone else. But I’ve been looking to see if there’s anyone who might be able to do something with a more creative use of their ability. I - the current you doesn't know about it. I didn't want to tell him about it until I found something more solid, but I've got a few leads.”

The room fell silent as Akutagawa processed all that.

He looked between the computer, to Atsushi still standing in the doorway with two mugs of tea.

“Why would you-” He stopped and frowned. The funny thing was, Atsushi could almost see the cogs in his mind turning. He knew what that little frown meant, what he was realizing as his brow furrowed. Could see Akutagawa thinking about what it meant that Atsushi was desperately researching a cure and lining that information up with everything else that had happened today.

Atsushi knew what Akutawaga was going to say before he opened his mouth.

“You love me.”

It was thrown at as a barb. Sharp and deadly. An accusation.

Atsushi didn’t say anything. He didn’t need to. He just handed the cup of tea to Akutagawa who took in the white haired man’s expression and read the confirmation in it that he needed.

He laughed. Atsushi took his own tea and sat down in the armchair across from him.

Akutagawa’s lips curled into a mocking jeer. “You really do. Pathetic. Do you think I might reciprocate for someone like you? You’re an unlovable brat. As if I could ever be interested in the mess that you are.” Glee danced across his face as he waited for the barbs to sink in.

Atsushi laughed.

It was a deep laugh, one neither of them saw coming. He had to put his tea down to keep it from sloshing over. Atsushi leaned back in his chair and grinned at a very perplexed Akutagawa.

“What’s so funny?”

He was still glaring, but confusion and apprehension formed his expression now. A wrinkle between his brows, uncertainty.

“Sorry, sorry, “ Atsushi said as he tried to get his breath back. He reached up to swipe away mirthful tears from his eyes. “It’s just… you know, I've been picturing telling you or you finding out about how I feel so many times. Just like, over and over again. I guess it’s something I do, scripting how a conversation might go when it’s nerve wracking like this. And I was always so scared you’d say just that. You know, that I didn’t deserve to be with you. That I’m too pathetic.”

Here he picked up his tea cup and clasped it in his hands. “But when you were talking, all I could think was, well - Akutagawa would not fucking say that.” He grinned as he took a sip. “I don’t know if he - you - the you that I know, feels the same. But I know you wouldn’t say that.” He wasn't sure what he was feeling now. There was still that trepidation at having confirmed his crush, but it wasn't like the Akutagawa that he knew was aware. It was nice to have the words spoken out loud, even if it was more than a little awkward that he said it to him while he was missing memories. Though in a way that was a blessing. Even if he thought there was a chance that the other man might feel the same way, nothing would happen between them until he was recovered.

Akutagawa didn’t know what to say to that. So instead he just gripped his own tea with a tight hold and looked down into it as though it might give him some answers.

“I’m sorry.” Atsushi’s laughter had calmed down now. “That’s - I didn’t mean for you to find out, and certainly not when you’re like this.”

“Do you really think I would…” There was still that acid in his voice, but beneath that a vulnerability. A possibility.

Atsushi held up his hands. “I don’t know. I really don’t. But uh, that’ll be between me and… I guess, future-you, from your perspective. You, when you have your memories back. In the meantime, just let me keep you safe until we can get this all figured out and get you back to normal.” He sighed and finished the last of his tea. “Now, please just get some rest. Dazai said they’ll be by tomorrow to give us some updates and hopefully a game plan.” Focusing on what was going to happen next made not thinking about his dragged out confession.

Since he didn’t want to leave Akutagawa alone right now in case of another escape attempt, Atsushi ended up falling asleep in the armchair as Akutagawa curled up in the corner of the couch. Not the most comfortable of positions for either of them, but the delicate peace between them remained unbroken.

Chapter Text

He was able to get some rest, but not much. Every noise outside of the safe house had Atsushi on edge and after a few hours he finally gave up on trying to rest and instead returned to the research he’d been doing the night before. Akutagawa was at least looking better as he slept, but last night had been the worst attacks he’d seen yet. He’d be damned if he let Akutagawa go that easily.

As he researched he kept an ear out. The messages from Dazai had been brief at best, but they were enough to put him on edge. Now that he had a few moments to himself to think, Atsushi realized he wasn’t even sure why Akutagawa had been fighting with Yoko in the first place.

No way to find out now, though Chuuya might know. Atsushi tried to put it out of his mind as he started to make breakfast. Hopefully Akutagawa would sleep a little longer. He wasn’t sure where his head would be when he woke up. He certainly hadn’t meant to divulge his crush, especially not under the circumstances. But there was a certain freedom in his newfound revelation. Hearing cruel words drop from Akutagawa’s lips had brought the contrast between who he was and who he’d been into sharp focus. Not that the Akutgawa he was familiar with never threw insults his way, but it had been a long time since there was malice behind them. Akutagawa bloviated insults and Atsushi teased back, but actual animosity had vanished a long time ago.

In his reminiscing he almost missed the noise outside.

Almost.

But he had been getting better at using just a hair of the tiger’s power, and he could use that to increase his hearing. It was a nice little trick for when he had to keep an ear out in case someone tried something. As they were now.

He padded over to the window.

Someone was in the back.

Atsushi flexed and brought out sharp claws. He clenched and unclenched them as he went to the backdoor. They were trying to get into the window.

Two voices, low and hushed even to his sensitive hearing.

The break in didn’t sound imminent, so he could get the drop on them. Literally. Coming out the window directly would put him straight in the line of fire, so he dashed upstairs to the window over where they were trying to break in.

Atsushi drew his legs under him, tapped into the tiger’s strength, and pounced.

He was a few feet out the window when his entire body seized.

“What the fu-”

He looked down to his targets below as he twisted midair. A faint red glow kept him suspended.

“What the hell Dazai? You have a key!” Atsushi snapped when he realized what had happened. He was a good ten feet in the air above Chuuya. The later had just caught him and suspended his gravity when he realized it was Atsushi and not a real threat. Of course the port mafioso would have the reflexes to catch Atsushi with his ability, despite the weretiger’s speed.

“Oh, it’d look suspicious if a safehouse had a lot of front door traffic, so I figured we’d come in the back way,” Dazai chirruped from underneath Atsushi.

He looked up, to the weretiger twisting in the air. Then to Chuuya who was also looking up at the body directly over him. Dazai took a step away.

Both of the other men realized what was about to happen a half second before it did.

“Don’t -” Atsushi started.

“Fucker-” was all Chuuya got out.

Then Dazai reached out, clasped Chuuya’s shoulder, and let Atsushi drop.

And that was how after a little less than a year after moving to Yokohama, Atsushi found himself falling out of a second story window to land ass first on a member of the mafia.

A little later they were all in the living room of the safe house, having spent the better part of the last half hour berating Dazai, who insisted it had been worth it to see the look on their faces.

Akutagawa was awake as well. He’d been out of it enough that he’d missed the commotion. Even now, as he sat up against he arm of the couch, he kept letting his head slide, then jerking it back up. Looks like the events from last night were going to have a lasting effect. Even with the medicine, he seemed to be having a rough go of it.

Chuuya had made a pot of tea and passed it out as they waited for Dazai to begin. There was no question on who was going to lead their planning, it was always going to be Dazai. Yet, even for him, he seemed distracted. Atsushi sat in the chair across the couch and watched his mentor like a hawk. There was something in the way that he shifted from foot to foot that he didn’t like. Dazai was unpredictable at the best of times, but this was something new.

Finally the silence had gone on long enough and Dazai cleared his throat. The room was quiet enough that the sound echoed.

“Uh, before we begin, I want to say…” He trailed off, almost as though the words were painful to say. He looked to Akutagawa who met his gaze for a moment before looking down in a deferential move that Atsushi hated. “I want to say sorry, Akutagawa. I wish I was saying this to actual fifteen year old you. You deserved to have a better mentor than I was.”

“Don’t say that,” Akutagawa said, and Atsushi was struck with the desperation in his voice. “You did what you had to. To make me strong.”

“No, I did what I did to make you cruel. And it was cruel of me to do it. The truth is, the strength you had back then - I guess now, from your perspective - it’s nowhere near the strength you had just a day ago. And I can’t claim to be anything but the spark for that power, all the work came from you and Atsushi. What you two can do together.”

Atsushi looked from Akutagawa to Dazai. He had a feeling that he and Akutagawa were wearing similar expressions of disbelief. He could count on one time the other man had apologized. Much less say anything like this.

He continued, “I’ll tell you again, when you get your memories back. I should have done so a long time ago. I don’t know how I can make it up to you. But I can try.”

The words hung in the air as everyone processed.

Chuuya watched.

Atsushi frowned.

Akutagawa bit his lip.

For a moment Atsushi thought he saw the hint of tears in the corner of his eye, but then Akutagawa hid his face in his knees. His body burned with the desire to sit next to him, to hold him close. But that’d be a bad idea for a number of reasons, so he turned his attention back to Dazai.

“So, we’re dealing with more than just a lone ability user. Yoko is part of a group of smugglers. They use his ability to cover their tracks. Stealing the memories - or just killing - people who find out about what they’re doing. They have a few other ability users in their group though.”

He paused to pull out a folder with a few pictures.

“You knew about them already?” Chuuya asked as he looked at the images.

“Yeah. I suspected them. I saw them last night, heading into the warehouse on our stakeout.”

“How did you know what crowd he kept?” Atsushi asked. He looked at the images himself. A few non descript men, and a woman with blonde hair and a cruel red smile. He didn’t recognize any of them.

“Because we fought them a few years ago. The last time they tried using Yokohama’s ports.”

Chuuya looked up from the folder with a frown. “I haven’t fought any of them before. I don’t recognize them at all. … Because they wiped my memory last time?” The last sentence ended as a question. The red head was frowning now. A dangerous expression flicked across his face. “Dazai,” he growled.

Dazai looked guilty again. “Yes, we fought them. And Yoko wiped your memory. Just an afternoon, I made sure that was all. I think I asked you a million times about your memories when I was trying to figure out how much you'd lost. Yyou finally told me that if I asked what you had for breakfast one more time you were going to shove your hat down my throat and make me buy you a new one. I kept tabs on the group after that, but they fled to Europe and I wasn’t able to convince Mori it was worth going after them. I went on a few trips on my own, but I wasn’t able to find them”

“What did they steal that was so important? Or try to smuggle?”

“Oh, we actually didn’t figure it out. I mean, they thought they took my memory as well, but No Longer Human nullified it, and I didn’t forget anything. But we didn’t get that far in our investigation to figure out what they were doing.”

Chuuya frowned. “Then why try to track them down all the way in Europe?”

His gaze was level on Chuuya when he responded, “They hurt my partner. Even if you just lost the afternoon we ran into them, I made sure they couldn't feel safe.”

Atsushi was pretty sure he wasn’t imagining the tips of Chuuya’s ears turning red as he looked down at the file. He wasn’t confident though, since he hadn’t ever seen Chuuya blush before.

“Right. So, back to dealing with the issue at hand. I have a plan. Atsushi, how do you feel about being bait?”

Chapter Text

Dazai beamed as he finished laying out his plan.

“I hate it,” Atsushi said once everything sunk in.

“Got a better one?”

Dazai smirked. He already knew the answer, but Atsushi still seethed under the expression.

“It’s too dangerous.”

Dazai’s brow furrowed at that, “You’ll be fine.”

“I’m not worried about me.”

Understanding crossed Dazai’s face. Atsushi was getting to be too good at reading his expressions. Well, either that or Dazai was getting to be more expressive. There was something about him that was different. Since apologizing to Akutgawa, he’d been more open. More forthright.

Dazai’s gaze moved to Akutagawa who was sitting on the opposite end of the couch. He hadn’t said anything as Dazai laid out his plan. He just kept himself curled up into a ball and Atsushi had to keep his eyes on him to make sure that his chest continued to rise and fall. Going out into the cold like that had been brutal. If Dazai’s plan went … well, according to plan, he shouldn’t be in any danger, but he’d still be close. And that was more than Atsushi can stand.

“I don’t need you babying me. I can take care of myself.” It seemed that Akutagawa was at least aware enough of the conversation to pick up what Atsushi was saying. Rashomon slithered out from his cloak and wrapped around Akutagawa’s shoulders like a snake. It coiled like it would lash out at anyone stupid enough to touch him.

“I know you can,” Atsushi agreed. “I just don’t want to take any unnecessary risks.”

“It’s going to take a little time to get things set up. You two can rest here, I’ll need you to stay put until it’s time.”

Atsushi sighed, but he didn’t see another path out of this and despite everything, he trusted Dazai. “Fine.” He rubbed his face with his hand and then motioned to the spread out files in front of them.

“So, you know everyone’s abilities except for hers?” The woman in question looked up at them from the photo. She was pretty, stunning even, but there was an arrogant smirk to her lips, even in the photo.

“Yeah, they’ve got some basic combat stuff, but it looked like Yoko really deals with most of their stuff since if people can’t remember they were there… well, then they can’t be tracked. I don’t know how she fits into the organization though. I tried, but it’s hard getting information from people when they don’t even know they have memories missing. I think she’s fairly high up though. The others seemed to take orders from her.”

Atsushi looked over the photo again, memorizing her face. She wasn’t the main target though. Yoko was.

They chatted for a bit longer and finalized the details of the plan before Dazai and Chuuya left. Only when they left did Atsushi realize that Chuuya had been quieter than normal. More contemplative. When they left he watched the two of them out of the back window as they rounded the corner. Dazai’s hand hovered over the small of his back as they walked, as though wanting but not daring to touch.

He covered the window with the curtain and went into the living room.

Akutagawa was there.

Atsushi should probably say something but he couldn’t think of a single thing. He knew he wanted to see how he was feeling, if he needed anything right now but he had a strong suspicion that if he asked a question right now he’d just continue to get barbs and insults lobbed his way. Just because he knew that the Akutagawa he was familiar with didn’t hate him, didn’t mean those words didn’t hurt. So he just went back to his default and made them both some tea.

Akutagawa took it and continued to sit huddled in on himself. Atsushi didn’t want to leave him alone, so he booted up his laptop and starting doing some work.

It was an hour before Akutagawa spoke.

“Why?”

Atsushi had a feeling he knew what he was asking. He still clarified. “Why what?”

“Why do you -” Here Akutagawa’s lips curled into a sneer. “Why do you like me?”

“I said I don’t really want to talk about it with you. I - I mean, you’re in his body, but you still basically have a kid’s mind right now.”

“I do not have a kid’s mind,” Akutagawa said petulantly. His nose crinkled in distaste, “But fine. Then can you tell me, we’re…” He paused as though the next word he was going to say was repulsive. “Friends?”

“We are.”

“How?”

“Hm, well we first met and you were trying to kill me. You didn’t, because Dazai stopped. Then we met again. And you tried to kill me. But then on our third meeting… oh wait, you did try to kill me then too I think. I don’t think you stopped trying to kill me until…” Atsushi pursed his lips in thought. “We first teamed up during a fight with some Americans. After that, we just started to work together more. It was like, when we fought in sync, like really in sync, we were stronger than either of us could be together. I can’t really say for sure the exact moment we became friends. We worked together because we had to, then because we were good at it, then because we liked it. After that, I think becoming friends was easy. I just like spending time with you, and I think you do as well.”

Gray eyes raised over the mug to meet Atsushi’s. They were slightly wide, confused.

“You like spending time with me?” Atsushi was fairly sure he hadn’t meant for that to come out as a question.

“I do. And I’m pretty sure you do too, though you’re always calling me a fool. But then…” Hm, maybe he shouldn’t tell Akutagawa about dying and getting killed and turned into a vampire. That probably would be a little too much for him to deal with right now. Already he could see the cogs turning in his mind as he struggled to deal with what Atsushi was saying.

“Hm, so at least I don’t lose myself so much not to know a fool when I see one.” There it was again, that mask of animosity while he struggled with his thoughts. That was also one of the old moves that Atsushi could see right through.

“Hm, so you’ve said.” He raised his hand and made a shooing motion towards Atsushi. “Leave me alone. I don’t want to hear any more of this.”

Atsushi smiled to himself and turned his attention back to the laptop as he left Akutagawa to think over everything.

Chapter Text

Atsushi thudded his head against the door twice and enjoyed the sharp bonk of pain. “You have got to be kidding me,” he said to no one because when he opened the door, Akutagawa wasn’t there. For just a moment tiger’s fangs curled into a snarl as he lost his temper.

“Is a little respect too much to ask for?”

No point in grumbling now. Atsushi bounded out the window and landed on the snow below. Thank god his steps were still visible and he didn’t have to even pull on the tiger’s senses to know where he needed to go. “Akutagawa,” he grumbled, but there was no real malice behind the words. Only fear.

At least the snow had stopped falling. The city was coming alive now, people on the streets, kids playing in the fresh snow, dogs barking loudly after being cooped up for the past day.

Atsushi rushed past all that in his dash to find Akutagawa.

This time the hunt wasn’t as long. He hadn’t made it as far, though of course he’d still managed to find trouble.

“Maybe if you plead, I’ll make this painless.”

Atsushi might have laughed at the blatant villainy dripping from his words if he didn’t think there was a very real chance Akutagawa would go through with his threats. “Akutagawa, stop!” he called out. He scanned the scene and found the dark haired man ahead.

Rashomon was already activated and whirring around him like a dark snake. One tendril was extended in the air over the overpass he stood on. Below cars whizzed by at terrifying speeds - terrifying in particular to the man that was being dangled over them by the black spike. His legs kicked at empty air as his hands groped at the bit of Rashomon that was wrapped around his neck and held him aloft. The threat of either choking or falling was ever present.

“Akutgawa, you made me a promise!” Atsushi yelled. When he stepped forward, Rashomon choked. At the gurgling sound the man made, Atsushi froze.

“I made no such promise, you absolute idiot. Or at least I don’t remember making anything of the sort.” His voice was silk in the worst sort of way. The voice of a man who knew he had the upper hand. Atsushi’s fingers bit into the palm of his fingerless gloves as he looked between Akutgawa and his captive. Too far away.

“Please, you’re better than this.”

Akutagawa laughed. The laugh turned into a choking cough and Atsushi stepped forward. Rashomon’s hold on the man went limp and he started to drop. Fuck. His eyes flashed as he drew on the tiger’s power but before he could step forward a tendril stabbed the ground in front of him. Atsushi raised his hand to shield from the debris that filled the air. His gaze turned to the hostage. Akutagawa had regained his grip as he straightened. His gaze turned to the white haired man as he brought his hand down from his mouth.

“Don’t presume to -”

Akutagawa’s gaze flickered behind Atsushi’s shoulder. That was enough of a warning.

Atsushi threw himself to the side. Something heavy whistled past his ears and embedded into the sidewalk. The force was enough that the concrete, already cracked from Rashomon, shattered.

“Nice reflexes there kitty,” said a voice. Low and gravely but also gleeful.

Atsushi jumped back and faced this new intruder. Akutagawa was at his back, but he didn’t do anything but watch as the figure straightened and stepped forward.

He was tall, over six feet easily, and built. The face was familiar. He was in the files Dazai had brought. A brute strength ability user, able to fortify his own physical prowess, but that was it.

He brought up the club he’d just swung.

Not a club.

A streetlamp.

Okay, maybe this was going to be a little harder than Atsushi had anticipated. The man jumped forward and swung again. This time it was easier to dodge. He saw it coming.

The streetlamp changed course and slammed into his stomach. With a scream he fell back, falling through a shop window and landing on the floor among shattered glass. Blood splattered from a million cuts as he got to his feet and found that familiar internal feral fury that belonged to the tiger. The cuts started to heal as the stripes patterned across his limbs. Atsushi felt the liquid shift as muscles bulked and he became something wilder.

If this man thought he’d already won, he was in for a surprise.

_____

Akutagawa watched.

Grey eyes didn’t blink as Atsushi went through the window. It would be too much to hope that the stupid weretiger stayed down.
Alas, he came through the window with a fury that even he envied.

“Ack! Plea - please!” His gaze slid away from the fight to the man he still held suspended over the highway.

“Oh, fuck off.” Akutagawa considered dropping him, but if the weretiger wasn’t killed he’d probably make a big fuss, so he pulled the man back and dropped him onto the pavement of the overpass. “Now get the fuck out of here.”

He wasted no time in obeying.

Akutagawa used Rashomon to push himself up into the air. His eyes flickered back to the battlefield. The weretiger was fast, but it was proving hard to surmount his enemies' pure brute strength. He tore his attention from them to the surrounding buildings.

Ah - there.

A blonde woman stood next to a man. Yoko, according the photos that Dazai had provided. The two of them were watching the fight, obviously waiting for their companion to deal with Atsushi. Just as Dazai had predicted.

He pulled out his phone and texted Dazai.

They’re on the roof of the brown building.

He closed the phone with a snap. Chuuya and Dazai could handle it from here. While he wasn’t sure exactly where the two of them were, he knew they were nearby. With a commotion and Atsushi as bait they’d want to tie up loose ends. Wear down the weretiger and then have Yoko wipe his memories. Dazai had asked them to do the same thing that had happened a few nights ago, but make it bigger. Messier.

Akutagawa supposed he could have let Atsushi known he’d planned on dangling someone over the highway during rush hour, but where was the fun in that?

“Fuck!” A cry from the white haired man drew his attention back to the fight. Akutagawa still made no motion to assist. He could care less what happened.

The tiger’s arm was broken. He stood up from a small crater on the street and held his arm to his side. Bone jutted out from the skin and it was starting to heal, but not quick enough. His opponent slammed a new weapon - a piece of rebar into his side. A crunch that even made him cringe rang through the street.

It was answered by the sound of a metallic screech above. A cloud of dust filled the air from where he’d seen Yoko and the woman. Soukoku was on the move as well.

Another scream.

He searched for the source of the sound.

This time it came from the brute. His forearm bore streaks of red from vicious tiger claws. Akutagawa didn’t care who won this fight. He had no investment in the weretiger and this new Dazai, one who apologized. So how come he was a little glad the tiger was holding his own?

He still kept Rashomon close to him. The weretiger had been insistent when they were planning that Akutagawa stay out of the fight. As if he wasn’t capable of taking care of himself. Stupid. He was staying out of this fight because he wanted to, because he didn’t care at all who came out on top. He didn’t even need to stay and watch.

Akutagawa didn’t move.

Above and in front of him, concrete broke, glass shattered, people bled. He saw the blonde woman jump down from the rooftop battle. For a moment a red glow surrounded her, then she landed on the street with a click. As though she’d just floated down the five stories. She was on the other side of the battle from him, with her brute and the weretiger fighting in front of her.

He shoved his hands into his pockets.

His head hurt. A wrinkle of pain crossed his face, but then it faded.

A memory of Atsushi grinning at him, concrete dust on his face, and torn clothing but he still reached out and put his hands on Rashomon's lapels. And the Akutagawa in his memory let him. 'Are you hurt?' he asked. And in this memory Akutgawa didn’t stab him for the impudence - he instead folded a hand over the weretiger's and shook his head. "I'm fine. Are you okay?'

As if a dam broke, more memories flooded in. The first time he’d fought the weretiger and the fury at realizing Dazai had found a better replacement. Gin, both getting stronger but also finding ties to other people in the mafia, ties that had eluded him. Chuuya checking in on him when he could and telling him stories about Dazai in the past, stories that turned him from less of a mythic figure and more of a person.

Oh and then Atsushi, Atsushi, Atsushi. The weretiger worming in under his defenses and insisting that Akutagawa could be more than a weapon until he could believe it himself. Somewhere he’d turned from an enemy to a rival, to a friend, to the hope of something more. That particular emotion, realized when they’d fallen asleep to an old movie while tangled up on his couch, had been alarming enough that he hadn’t slept for the next three days.

He remembered what had happened the past few days. Atsushi’s desperate research for a cure. His confession.

He loved him.

He loved him.

Atsushi loved him but wasn’t sure how Akutagawa felt back. As if anyone could get to know Atsushi and not love him in some way.

“Get the fuck away from him,” He snarled. Rashomon twisted in the air and slammed into the brute. He went for blunt strength over stabbing. After all, he had made a promise not to kill.

Where was the weretiger?

“Atsushi!” he called out as he stepped to the battle. Overhead he could still hear the echoes of Dazai and Chuuya’s fight, but they must have convinced the memory swiper to release his hold. That didn’t matter right now.

“Come on, you stupid tiger, where are you!”

He scanned the battlefield, but nothing. In the heady rush of getting his memory back, he’d lost track of things. The brute was down, and didn’t look to be getting up any time soon. At least that was one less thing to worry about.

Finally, a noise.

A groan of pain from an alley way and as Akutagawa used Rashomon to move faster, he saw the skid mark on the road that indicated Atsushi had been thrown this way violently.

Sure enough as he rounded the corner, he spot the weretiger. He was crumpled against a dumpster. The metal bore an Atsushi-sized dent. Debris littered across the weretiger’s legs. Large chunks of concrete that looked heavy but he’d seen Atsushi shove aside larger without a second thought.

But Atsushi wasn’t moving.

Someone else was.

Blue eyes met his as he finally came face to face with the woman in red. Her hand was on Atsushi’s cheek. The scarlet of her nails matched the blood that dripped down his face. Akutagawa also saw red. Rashomon snapped out, one snake-like head worming around the side of the dumpster, while the other struck head-first.

She managed to dodge both, but had to back away from Atsushi to do so. Good, that had been his intent.

Rashomon retreated to his side and slithered around him to form the demon armor. He lunged forward.

She wasn’t there.

She’d been there and then she wasn’t. Did she go invisible? He twisted on his feet and looked around, but was only met with a rattling breath from Atsushi.

Nothing.

No sign of her.

No sound of anyone else but the two of them in this filthy alley. It was as though she’d disappeared into thin air.

Atsushi coughed again and Akutgawa switched from battle ready to tending to his partner in a heartbeat. He knelt at his side.

“Stupid, foolish weretiger.”

The other was still breathing. His eyes fluttered open and that intense multihued stare turned on him. Akutagawa huffed. Rashomon made quick work of the debris pining him. “What the hell was that - you didn’t know how I’d react if you told me? As if I don’t feel the same. As if I’d be anything but incredibly lucky to have your attention. You really are a fool.”

Atsushi watched him, but something was wrong. He wasn’t healing. He was just sitting there, bleeding and watching Akutgawa. His expression slipped into a small frown, then he shifted his legs. A small cry fell out of his lips and Akutagawa’s heart skipped a few beats. Of course he’d heard Atsushi in pain before. They’d fought and fought together so many times. This was different. Something wasn’t right.

“What’s wrong? Can’t you just -” He motioned to his legs, to his head, to the other injuries he’d sustained. “-fix this?”

“What do you mean- fix this?” Atsushi’s voice was all wrong. Small. Rough with pain. He looked like he wanted to move but was scared of the pain that came with it. He looked around the alley, then back to Akutagawa. The look on his face was wrong, wrong, wrong. Akutagawa remembered the past few days, he knew he’d been unbearable but surely that wasn’t enough to get Atsushi to change his mind? Not that he wouldn’t deserve it if he did. Not like he deserved the weretiger’s affection in the first place.

Atsushi didn’t say anything about that. Instead, what came out of his mouth was far worse than any condemnation could be.

“Uh, I’m really so-sorry. Do I know you?”

Chapter Text

He was back in Yosano’s medical ward, and by god, did he wish it was him on the bed again. It wasn’t fair that it was Atsushi this time. It shouldn’t ever be him.

Dazai nudged at his hand with his own and he glared at the older man. Dazai didn’t say anything, he just held out a cup of tea and wordlessly handed it over. Akutagawa took it but didn’t say anything. After a moment’s pause between them Dazai cleared his throat as though about to speak.

“Don’t say anything,” Akutagawa said. “Unless it’s about Atsushi I don’t care. I don’t want to hear your fucking apology right now.”

“Okay. Not going to say anything about that, I can take a hint. But… Akutagawa, you do know this isn’t your fault right? Beating yourself up over this won’t do anyone any good.”

“How can you say that? He was fighting them and I just watched. Like a coward.I could have stepped in, but I just didn’t care. And who knows what they did to him? It wasn’t Yoko, you two got him and -”

“I can fill in some gaps there.” Chuuya rounded a corner to join them in the hallway. He looked smug, self-satisfied. Bits of blood clung to his knuckles but the way he wiped them off indicated it wasn’t his own. Dazai motioned for the ginger to continue. “The woman’s name is Yei. Likely a pseudonym. Even Yoko didn’t know too much about her. But she’s a power copier. Looks like with two people able to wipe memories really helped with them staying hidden. He knew a little bit of some of the powers she’d taken, but not too much. As far as I could tell, it sounded like she was really the brains of the operation. Yoko was just a grunt.”

A memory came to Akutagawa. “I think she used your Tainted Sorrow. She jumped down from the building. I didn’t recognize it at the time.”

Chuuya looked pale. “Dazai -” Akutagawa’s gaze snapped up. He wasn’t sure he’d ever heard Chuuya sound as scared as he did right now.

“She hit you. During the fight, the one from years ago. She must have grabbed it then.” Dazai chewed on his bottom lip for a second. “I don’t think she got corruption though. I mean, if she had, she would have been killed by it without a nullifier.”

“Can she just stockpile abilities then?” Akutagawa asked. “If she held onto Tainted Sorrow from that long ago?”

“Yoko, didn’t seem to think so. I think maybe she can only hold onto a certain number at a time. He mentioned her having to drop his ability, and pick it up again when they needed it.”

“Where is he now?”

“Ranpo is chatting with him. I just wanted to get the basics. Don’t think of going after him now Akutagawa. Atsushi might have lost his memories now, but you remembered everything when you got them back. He’ll probably do the same.” Chuuya gave him a warning look and Akutagawa rolled his eyes but didn’t remove himself from the chair. If he went after Yoko now, he might not be here when Yosano finished. “Atsushi will want you to be there.”

He wasn’t sure that was the case. He wouldn’t blame the weretiger if he didn’t want anything to do with Akutagawa right now.

Just as he thought that, the door opened.

Akutagawa scanned the doctor, looking for some hint of what she was going to say before she even opened her mouth. He clocked bags under her eyes and a slight sluggishness to her. Not good signs.

“Okay, so I’ve got a little good news and a lot of bad news.”

He leaned back in the chair and did his best to keep his face neutral. Yosano shared a look with Dazai and he must have gathered some hidden meaning because he said, “It’s okay to say whatever you need near Chuuya and Akutagawa. I trust them to keep this from others in the mafia.”

He looked over to the men in question and they both nodded.

Yosano started, “So he got hit with the same thing as you Akutagawa. Lost a similar chunk of time. I think maybe four or five years, but I can’t say for sure because he’s not sure how old he is.” Something flashed across her face, but Akutagawa didn’t know her well enough to put a name to the emotion he saw. When she spoke again, her voice was thick. “I’m not sure if that’s because his head is fuzzy after getting hit with the ability or if at that point in his life he wasn’t sure.”

“Why - he - at the orphanage, you think they wouldn’t tell him?” Akutagawa’s voice was raspy. He sat up straighter and stared at the doctor as though that might start to give him some answers.

“I’ll get to that,” she said, not unkindly. “But first, he’s injured. Thankfully not bad enough that I can use my ability. And he’s healing… quicker. Not nearly as quick as he can with the tiger’s regeneration, but quicker than a normal human can, so probably best to just let him heal on his own. He’s already confused enough, I don’t want to hurt him any further now, even if it would be to heal him.”

“So he doesn’t have access to the weretiger?” Dazai asked.

“Sort of. I checked with Fukuzawa-sensei, to see how that worked with his ability. It looks like since he still considers him one of his men there’s still some power there, so I’m guessing that’s why he can use a little bit of it to heal himself even if he’s not aware of the weretiger’s power. I mean, his legs are broken in a few places, but at the rate he’s going he’ll be able to walk on it in a day or two.”

Akutagawa frowned. He didn’t want the other to be in any pain. If he had access to his ability he could heal the injury in seconds.

“There’s also the issue of his mental state.” Again she was speaking as kindly as she could, yet Akutagawa couldn’t help the dark look that crossed his face.

“What about it?”

He must have let his fury slip more than he intended because Dazai put his hand on his shoulder. Rashomon slumped back into his jacket. Ah - he hadn’t even realized he’d pulled it out. His temper was getting the best of him.

Yosano was watching him closely. “Sorry,” he muttered to the doctor. “I know you’re helping.”

She shifted and he saw a knife in her hand. Despite the circumstances, he was glad to see it. Good to know the ADA’s doctor wouldn’t go down without a fight.

She continued, “He’s… He’s a little confused right now. I let him know that he’s lost some memories, but I didn’t want to overwhelm him. He doesn’t know about his ability, or the mafia. He knows he works for a detective agency and I let him know we were his friends, but…” She trailed off as she rubbed her face with her palms. Undoubtedly she was exhausted with all the shit Akutagawa and Atsushi were pulling now.

“How much do you know about where he grew up?” she asked. The question was directed to Akutagawa.

“He’s mentioned what his life was like there. Cruel. Always in these stupid little oblique references but under that… it sounded terrible. I can’t figure out if he really doesn’t think it was that bad, or if that’s just what he wants me to think.”

“It’s that bad,” Yosano said bluntly. “He hasn’t really divulged more details, but with the way he’s acting, I can fill in a few blanks. Which means you’re going to be on your best behavior. Atsushi knows you care for him.” Did everyone in the ADA know about his crush? Akutagawa didn’t care for that implication. “But this Atsushi doesn’t. Don’t be an asshole.”

“You didn’t treat Akutagawa nearly as kind,” Chuuya pointed out with a huff.

Akutagawa knew why that was the case, but he still appreciated that Chuuya stuck up for him. Still, he shook his head. “I didn’t need to be handled with kid gloves when I came to. I was actively trying to murder you. Somehow, I don’t think that’s where the stupid weretiger’s head is at.”

“Yes, that,” Yosano confirmed. “Also please don’t call him stupid. At least not until he gets his memories back and knows you don't really mean it. Now, ready to head in?”

She opened the door and Akutagawa got to his feet. His body felt like it was filled with lead. No doubt the ADA members had a little more information about Atsushi’s experience at the orphanage. If they were this concerned, what did that mean for the weretiger? He swallowed past a lump in his throat and went into the room.

Chapter Text

Atsushi was sitting up on the bed. His legs were covered with a blanket, but the shape under the covers indicated they were bandaged and bulky. His hands were folded in his lap and he fiddled his fingers with nervous energy.

At the sound of the door opening he looked their way. Akutagawa’s eyes met his and instantly he felt dizzy. They were still the same stunning hue they always were, but there was no recognition in them. Usually when he caught the weretiger’s eye there was a softening there, a smile shared between the two of them. Instead Atsushi’s eyes just searched his face. It was an intense gaze and Akutagawa knew what it was instantly. He was trying to tell if he was safe. Something sharp hit under his ribs at the realization. But there was something else behind that look, something that Akutagawa couldn’t pick up. Atsushi’s eyes darted from Akutagawa's to his lap, with the tips of his ears turning pink. His lips pursed and Akutagawa couldn't figure out what just happened.

Dazai knew what it was though, or at least, Akutagawa was pretty sure he did, judging by his chuckle. He looked over to his former mentor but Dazai just mouthed ‘later’ and moved to sit on the chair at Atsushi’s side. Chuuya came up behind him and put his hand on the back of the chair. For lack of anywhere else to go, Akutagawa stood next to Yosano, on the other side of the bed.

“The doctor says we’re coworkers?” Atsushi asked.

Dazai nodded. “You and I- and the doctor are. You started working here after leaving the orphanage. The two-” He indicated Chuuya and Akutagawa. “-are friends. We were working on a case and you got hit with an ability user.”

“Which is how I lost my memories?” he asked.

“Yes.”

“And I’m - I’m not at the orphanage any more? I live somewhere else?”

“You have a dorm with us.”

“Can I see it?” He spoke hopefully.

“Ah - I’m sorry, no. We’re going to have you go somewhere else. Somewhere safe. The people who did this are still out there. But don’t worry - Akutagawa here is going to go with you.”

This time there was no mistaking the look on Atsushi's face. He was scared. It was there for just a moment, then replaced with a blithe smile. Akutagawa had seen him wear that smile so many times. He hadn’t fully appreciated until now, just how much it was covering up.

“We’re … friends?” he asked.

Akutagawa shifted from foot to foot. He wasn’t a comforting presence to anyone, so it seemed dramatically unfair that he was being asked to soothe this anxious child. He wanted Atsushi better - of course he did. Which meant that someone who was actually good at this stuff should be the one to speak with him. Still, he would try his best. “Yes. I - I am sorry for what I said when I first found you. I did not realize you had lost your memories. I would have been less ... aggrieved.”

Over Atsushi’s shoulder Dazai gave him a thumbs up and motioned for Akutagawa to smile.

He attempted to do so.

Chuuya and Dazai both gave him an immediate thumbs down.

“It’s alright. I’m fine,” Atsushi said. He was very obviously not fine. There was still that slight wobble to his voice and his expression twitched every so often as he moved, as though he were in pain. “Nice to - well, I guess not meet you. But uh, to see you again?” He reached up and brushed his longer bangs past his ear.

This time Akutagawa’s soft expression was natural. “Nice to see you again too.”

Dazai clapped his hands. “Alright - so we’re going to get you two back to the safe house, and get you somewhere you can rest Atsushi. The rest of us will figure out what to do next.”

Atsushi nodded and swung his legs over the side of the bed. Akutgawa reached out without thinking and grabbed him back the back of his hospital gown, stopping him from stepping off the bed. A mistake. The kid flinched at his touch and Akutagawa let go.

“What are you doing? Your legs are broken. We’ll get you a wheelchair.”

Atsushi looked guilty again. “Sorry, sorry! I uh - I can make it work though. I mean, I need to be able to walk. I’m just dead weight otherwise and I need to …” He trailed off and looked desperately around to the people in the room. Looks of confusion and worry met his eyes and he shrunk further in on himself.

Dazai was the first to break that awful silence. “You need to what?”

Atsushi turned his attention to him and opened his mouth as though to speak. No words came out. Then, after a few moments. “I just need to earn my keep, you know? I can do wh - whatever I was doing before I lost my memories. It - uh, might just take me a little longer, but it’s not a big deal. I can be helpful.”

No, no - Akutagawa stared at the hand that was still outstretched in Atsushi’s direction, even if he didn’t dare touch him again. He hated every word that was spilling out of his mouth right now.

“Atsushi, you don’t need to earn your keep right now. We can take care of you until this is resolved. Your legs are broken, you need to rest.” Dazai was on the edge of his seat as he spoke, ready to keep Atsushi from trying to stand if he needed to. Yosano had moved closer as well. Akutagawa remembered what she did with unruly patients and watched her closely, in case he needed to interfere further.

“But I’m hungry.” Atsushi covered his mouth with his hands as though he hadn’t meant for the words to slip out.

“It’s alright,” Akutagawa said. Atsushi looked over his shoulder to him. That damned smile was worn like a mask, but it was wobbling. Atsushi looked like he might cry at any second. “We’re not - we’ll get you something to eat. That’s not a problem.”

It clicked.

What Atsushi was implying.

He thought that even with legs broken in multiple places he still needed to work to earn his food.

That without him doing something to deserve a meal, they’d starve him.

Anger was a familiar emotion for Akutagawa. He couldn’t think of a day, hour, minute, where it wasn’t simmering under his breast. Sometimes it was a roar, sometimes a peep, but it was always there.

Since getting to know the weretiger, that inferno of rage had simmered. Some days he’d even thought it might have gone out.

His fury had never been as intense as the wildfire inside him now.

“Akutagawa,” Dazai said as he placed a hand on his shoulder. “Why don’t you go get some groceries and some changes of clothes for Atsushi and then meet us at the safehouse? Make sure you aren’t followed.”

His tone was cheery but Akutagawa picked up the implication under it. You’re scaring Atsushi. He doesn’t know the anger isn’t directed at him.

As if he’d ever hurt Atsushi on purpose. Akutagawa knew that. But Atsushi didn’t.

Without a word or a glance in the weretiger’s direction, he nodded and left the room. For a moment he just stood there. If he ran into any of the detectives as he left the building, he wasn’t sure what he’d do. Atsushi would be very upset to regain his memories and find out that not only had Akutagawa killed someone, he’d killed one of his coworkers.

His raspy breaths filled the empty space.

It didn’t help that his chest still felt as though someone had punched his sternum. Curse his younger, foolish self.

Somehow he managed to get the groceries and clothing without bloodshed. His head felt fuzzy the entire time, as though he were half somewhere else. Back in the hospital room as Atsushi tried to convince them that he could help. That he had to justify accepting their assistance.

At least no one bothered him. In fact, everyone who ran into him at the grocery store or in the street took one look at his face and decided to go the other direction.

He got to the safehouse a few hours later, having taken a circuitous route to make sure he wasn’t followed.

Dazai and Chuuya were in the living room. Atsushi was propped up on the couch with his legs supported by pillows. He was talking animatedly with the two older men and had a cup ramen in hand. Two empty ones sat on the table in front of him, already consumed.

As soon as he stepped into the room, the chatter stopped. Atsushi paused with ramen noodles half to his lips and looked to Akutagawa. At least he didn’t look like he was making himself as small as he had been in the hospital room. He still wasn’t sure what to make of the raven haired man. Unsure if he was safe to be around.

How could Akutagawa convince him otherwise? When the positions were reversed Atsushi had convinced him… well, he hadn’t convinced him to behave, but at least that Atsushi was someone he could trust not to kill him. How could he do the same to Atsushi? He wasn’t soft, wasn’t kind. The grace that the weretiger mete out at every possible moment did not come naturally to Akutagawa, if it came at all.

He stepped around them and to the kitchen.

“Ah - wait. Akutagawa, right?”

He stopped when Atsushi said his name.

“Do you want to join us? Chuuya-san was just telling me about a fight he got into as a kid.”

Fuck, of course Atsushi would still try and be kind. Of course. Akutagawa nodded and sat on the other end of the couch. The weretiger settled back down and looked to Chuuya to continue the story. Akutagawa closed his eyes and listened to them talk. For now, it was enough to be next to him.

The conversation started to die a few hours and four more cups of ramen later. Akutagawa tried to remind himself that Atsushi always had a fierce appetite and this body was far more nourished.

“Hey kid, want to see something cool?” Chuuya asked as he stood up. Once Atsushi nodded the redhead reached out and tapped him on the shoulder. For the Tainted Sorrow surrounded him and Atsushi gaped in surprise as Chuuya ushered him to his room while keeping him aloft.

“That is so cool!” was the last thing Akutagawa heard as they rounded the corner. A few minutes later Chuuya came back into the room and took his place on the couch.

“Alright, kids in his room. I assume we’re heading out so we can get started?” he asked to Dazai.

“No. Atsushi doesn’t know he’s got the weretiger. He’s under Fukuzawa’s ability so I don’t think he’ll go on a rampage, but I figured we can stay here tonight in case I do need to nullify him. So for tonight we can just make a plan and start looking for them in the morning.”

“Back at the hospital. What was it that you noticed? When we first walked into the room?” Akutagawa asked.

As soon as the words left his lips he regretted them. Dazai’s expression was absolutely gleeful. He gave a sharp grin that showed teeth as he said, “You mean you don’t know? You must get that look all the time! Or maybe your expression keeps it away.”

“Dazai,” he growled. “I can’t use Rashomon against you, but I can hurt you in other ways.”

“Aww, chibi, look at how mean he’s being! Just because he can’t pick up on very obvious clues.”

“I should let Akutagawa kill you,” Chuuya deadpanned. “I could deal without this as well.”

“What. Clues.” Akutagawa’s growl was turning into a snarl. “What was Atsushi thinking when he saw me?”

“Oh, that was the look of someone who’s got it down bad~. He thought you were cute.”

Akutagawa’s brain short circuited.

“I - he - what - no he doesn’t.” His brain caught up with his mouth. “No, he’s terrified of me.” He fought to keep the bitter edge out of his voice.

“Well, you’ll have time to work on it since you’ll be watching him for the next few days?”

“What?” Akutagawa stared at his former mentor. “Why? You should stay here, since you can take care of the tiger. Let me and Chuuya go after them.”

“Nope~ I’ll stay tonight to watch the tiger, but after that, you should keep an eye on him. You’re still pretty sick after your stunt and -”

“-and Dazai is playing matchmaker,” Chuuya interrupted.

“That too!” Dazai seemed to have no shame about the admission.

“He’s a kid.” Akutagawa pointed out. “Mentally at least.”

“Yes, and I know you’re not going to harm him. Or cross any boundaries while he's like this. But he’ll remember that you took care of him. Well - assuming that his memory loss follows the same trajectory yours did. Look, just stop looking like you’re contemplating murder and things will get easier.”

“I am contemplating murder. I’m going to find every bastard who worked at that orphanage and tear them limb from limb.”

“Understandable. But Atsushi won’t approve. If It helps a little, the headmaster is dead.”

“It’s not enough. I need to do more for him.”

For once the jovial tone was gone from Dazai’s voice as he suggested, “Maybe Atsushi doesn’t need that right now. Maybe he just needs your support and patience. Do you think you can manage that?”

“For him, yes.”

Chapter Text

For him, yes.

For him, anything.

But that didn’t mean he had to like it. Akutagawa retreated to the room he slept in while his own memories were stolen and tidied up a little after how he’d left it. The room was a far cry from the apartment he lived in now, paid with from his mafia earnings. A small bed in the corner, a drawer, and a beat up desk and four dingy concrete walls. To his child-like self, it had seemed like a palace. Was Atsushi feeling the same? Was this room a step up from where he lived in the orphanage?

Maybe he shouldn’t be asking himself that. The more he thought about the orphanage and what little Atsushi had revealed about it thus far, the more he wanted to launch himself out the window and tear every part of it apart. Only Dazai’s reminder, that Atsushi would want to know he’d been there for him when he got his memories back, kept him inside. Well, that and it was still frigid. He was starting to feel a little better but the past few days hadn’t been kind to his lungs. No - he hadn’t been kind to them. As much as it stung to be taken off the battlefield, he was glad for the chance to recover. Of course that meant he’d have to stay and keep Atsushi safe. A task he was wholly unequiped for.

Akutagawa shrugged off his jacket and shoes and flopped onto the bed. How had everything become so tangled? If his younger self hadn’t been so astute as to realize the weretiger’s crush, everything would be easier. Ah, but of course, now he was remembering the little speech he gave.

“I know you, Akutagawa.”

As he looked over to the shared wall he couldn’t help but wish Atsushi did. The Atsushi in the same house as him. If he could just talk to him when he had his memories then…

Something akin to hope fluttered in his chest. Atsushi loved him. He loved him.

Yet another thing he was wholly unequiped for, but this realization was terrifying, giddy, exciting. His mind kept bringing up the look on the weretiger’s face as he laughed, the concern when he’d found Akutagawa near his old home, the care he’d taken even when Akutagawa had thrown his kindness back in his face.

He loved him.

The thrill of that revelation wasn’t going to go away any time soon.

A noise on the other side of the wall drew his attention. Akutagawa frowned and sat up on the bed. Atsushi’s room bordered his. It came from there. Another sound. Faint, but the walls were thin.

Fuck.

He was crying. Akutagawa was very familiar with the sound, a low wet noise that meant he was trying to keep himself from being too loud.

He got up and knocked on the door. On the other side he could hear covers shifting and a muffled sob. “Uh - who-” The voice was choked and Akutagawa closed his eyes and clenched his fist.

“Can I come in Atsushi?”

“Y - yeah.”

The weretiger was pulling himself up to a sitting position. He was desperately trying to get his face into some semblance of control, but losing badly. His eyes were red and wet as he swiped at them. His shoulders were down and he looked small. So small. His body was an adults, yet there was a childishness to it as he shied away from Akutagawa’s gaze.

“Sorry - did I wake you up?”

Akutagawa shook his head. He grabbed the chair from the bench and brought it over to the bed so he could sit beside him.

Crying like this, Akutagawa was struck with just how young he was. He knew his mind was, at least right now, but this Atsushi was vulnerable. He didn’t have the tiger as far as he knew, and he was a raw nerve exposed to a vicious and cruel world. Akutagawa wanted nothing more than to have his partner back, the raging tiger belied by Atsushi’s inherent kindness, but for now he’d just settle on keeping his younger- minded self safe and comforted.

“Do you want to tell me what’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong.”

The words came out between a small hiccuped sob.

Akutagawa had to bite his tongue to keep a growl of annoyance coming out. It wasn’t his fault. The stupid weretiger was probably used to keeping things bottled up. The weretiger had always been a person who’d worn his heart on his sleeve since Akutagawa had known him. How unfair that he felt the need to hide it away now.

“Please, I’ve told you. We’re friends. You can tell me.”

He allowed the offer to hang in the air. Patience did not come naturally to him, but he would hold onto the silence to give Atsushi space to speak.

“I - it’s just all overwhelming. Everything seems so different. I’ve never really been out of the orphanage before and now you are all talking about ability users and hunting people down and I don’t know what I’m doing here. I can tell you’re keeping things from me.” Here Akutagawa’s heart gave a nasty startle. “- You - none of you have done anything but be so nice, but I feel like I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop, you know? That I’m going to do something wrong and I’ll be on my own like this.”

Yes, he knew. He knew what it was like to be in a room of capricious adults who were content to ignore you, only to strike because they thought you looked at them wrong. Akutagawa had gone the path of a rabid dog, scared of being hit so he’d hit first. It seemed Atsushi had gone the other direction - make yourself small, make yourself useful. He could understand. He was able to hold onto his fury because he had Rashomon, unskilled though he was back then.

Atsushi didn't know he had anything.

“You’re right, we are keeping things from you. You’ve got enough to deal with right now, we didn’t want to overwhelm you.” Here he reached out and took his hand. It was warm. He always ran hot and Akutagawa was glad for it when the weretiger always warmed his numb hands. As if reading his mind, Atsushi gave his hand a little squeeze and a small smile.

“But please do trust that we’re your friends. You’re… very special to all of us.” Crouching his true sentiment behind a royal we seemed safest. “And there’s nothing you can do that would make us leave you on your own. We - no, I owe you far too much for that.”

Atsushi didn’t look like he believed him, but no longer was he crying. “How did we meet? We’re partners?” The question came out barely above a whisper, like he thought he might be asking for too much.

“Our first meeting… wasn’t great. I don’t think myself a kind man, but I used to be crueler still. You met me then, and we fought. A few times in fact, but to make a very long story short, the circumstances changed and we had to start working together. You were kind to me, even though we butt heads a lot. Far kinder than I deserved, and - like I said, I do not consider myself a kind man.”

The next bit was hard to say, but Atsushi was watching him with rapt attention and he deserved to know some of the good he’d brought into this world. “But if there is any spark of kindness in me now, it was you who ignited it.”

((Gay people say I love you in a normal way challenge failed.))

Akutagawa still does not think he’s capable of being comforting, but at least Atsushi isn’t shrinking away. Instead, he looked at Akutagawa with something like awe. Maybe it was the tidbits of information about his future. Maybe it was the sheer reverence dripping in Akutagawa’s every word. Maybe it was the simple joy of having his hand held - a physical touch that while cold, held the intention of warmth.

“That’s - uh, uhm, I really helped that much?”

“All that and then some. You’re adored Atsushi.” He quickly added - “Your coworkers like you a lot. You have a good friend, Kyouka, who you watch over even though she -” Hm, he probably shouldn’t make a joke about how vicious Kyouka’s power could be. “-even though she sees you as a brother.” It wasn’t quite what he meant to say, but it would suffice for now. “You have Dazai’s partner - an insufferable blonde-, who has been training you.” Akutagawa smiled at a memory before sharing, “He insisted on joining us for lunch one day, when he found out you and I spent time together after work. It was very amusing, he kept interrogating me. The nature of our relationship had changed by then, but he was still very cautious for your sake. I was aggrieved at the time, but I’m glad that you have friends to make sure you’re safe.”

They continued to talk like that, Akutagawa sharing details of his friends, of some of the work they’d done. Atsushi listened with wide eyes and eventually a small smile.

When it started to become obvious that he could barely keep his eyes open, Akutagawa gave his hand one last squeeze and said his goodnight. He kept an ear out for any further crying when he went back to his own room, but the house was silent for the rest of the night.

Chapter Text

One eye cracked open as he heard movement upstairs. After a moment he recognized the sound as someone crying and he could make a strong guess as to who. He let out a defeated sigh and started to wiggle himself loose so he could go check on Atsushi.

Before he made much progress, another sound. This time it was Akutagawa’s soft footsteps and Dazai leaned back against the arm of the couch with a smile. Good, he’d hoped that would happen. While he would have gone to Atsushi if he needed, he was rather comfortable where he was.

His gaze dropped down to the ginger propped up against him.

Chuuya was solidly asleep against his shoulder. Head tilted back, snoring softly, and his legs sprawled, one on the couch and the other on the coffee table.

Dazai could die right here and be perfectly content with that avenue of oblivion.

Now that he’d woken up it’d be a moment before he was able to get back to sleep himself.

He snaked an arm around a tiny waist and snuggled his hair into those soft red curls. Chuuya mumbled something, half asleep still.

“Hm?”

“Go back to sleep, asshole,” Chuuya said. One brilliant blue eye cracked open and gave a sleepy glare to his partner.

“Of course.” Dazai hummed. As if he could, when Chuuya was like this.

This wasn’t uncharted territory for soukoku, strictly speaking. Back when they’d been in the mafia there’d been a number of nights tangled up in each other. When things were dangerous and they had no one else they could trust, they could find rest with each other. Dazai hadn’t realized how much he missed physical intimacy until now. Finding it again, he couldn’t imagine letting go. Didn’t know how he could in the first place.

No one else got to see this side of Chuuya. Tired and sprawling, like a tiny starfish determined to take up as much space as possible. Head tipped back, neck exposed. Trusting that he could slumber on top of Dazai and Dazai would make sure he was safe. He’d betrayed that trust so many times, and his silly chibi kept putting himself right back into the palm of his hands.

He’d be gentle this time.

He was sick of making concessions. Leave the mafia and lose Chuuya. Help the ADA and make enemies of his old partner.

Nothing had changed, not really. The old dynamics were still in play. The mafia only had a fragile relationship with the ADA. A peace that could be broken at any minute, for any reason. Dazai was still a messed up shell of a human and Chuuya - bold, beautiful, brave Chuuya, still probably hated him for every time he’d treated him as just another pawn in a cascading river of schemes.

“You aren’t going back to sleep.”

Chuuya was still sprawled out, but this time two eyes were looking up to meet Dazai’s own.

“Sorry, I was just thinking.”

Chuuya snorted. “Tomorrow is going to be a long day.”

“They all are.”

“Don’t get melancholic on me. I can’t deal with it right now.”

“Then how about something else?” Dazai suggested.

Chuuya raised an eyebrow. It was the only muscle he’d moved during this entire conversation.

Dazai shifted his hand to support Chuuya’s back before he leaned down and kissed him.

It was a sleepy kiss, as kisses went. He’d expected fireworks - or a gunshot if Chuuya didn’t feel the same about him - but there was just … peace. Chuuya pressed his lips back in a steady push-pull. He tasted like the mint of his toothpaste. He tasted like the wine he’d had this evening. He tasted like home.

It was perfect.

Chuuya was the first to pull back. His eyes scanned Dazai’s face and Dazai didn’t know what he was looking for so he let Chuuya see all of him. The vulnerability was both overwhelming and intoxicating.

Chuuya must have liked what he saw because he tangled his fingers in the curls at Dazai’s nape and brought him down for another sweet kiss.

Chapter Text

Akutagawa was the first one up in the morning. That wasn’t normally the case, usually when he finally fell asleep he was dead to the world. However, he wasn’t in his normal room and his sleep was fitful as a result. Or maybe that was because he kept half an ear out for sounds coming from the other room in case Atsushi woke up again.

Either way, he was up and though his bones dragged, he knew he wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep. He left his room, only stopping on his way downstairs to put an ear to Atsushi’s room. No sound.

He went downstairs.

Dazai and Chuuya were both sound asleep on the couch. For a moment he felt irritated that they were able to sleep so soundly, and wondered how both of them could get any rest when they were so exposed.

Then he saw their poses.

Chuuya was fully on top of Dazai, arms around his neck and face buried into the crook of his neck. Even in sleep Dazai clung to the back of Chuuya’s jacket like a dying man.

Akutagawa wished Atsushi had his memories so he had someone to share the significance of finding them entangled like this. It had turned into a running morsel of gossip, with Atsushi sharing a grin as he told him about just how many times Dazai mentioned Chuuya during a meeting, or Akutagawa texting him a snapshot of Chuuya on the phone with Dazai looking slightly too over-eager for a simple conversation.

Later, they could talk about it later. He’d add it to the list of things he needed to discuss with the weretiger. It was one more thing on an ever growing list.

He went into the kitchen and started to scrounge up something for breakfast. While he wasn’t normally a great cook, he could at least try and make something nourishing for the weretiger.

Akutagawa got as far as getting the rice in the rice cooker before it all came to a head. He took a step back, his backside hitting the counter before he slid to the ground. He buried his face in his knees and focused on taking long, deep breaths. His lungs didn’t want to cooperate.

His ears picked up the sound of someone else stepping into the room. He tried to get up. No luck.

The sound of pots and pans clanking was soon followed by something sizzling on the stovetop. A few minutes later and the sound of eggs cooking filled the room.

He was finally able to look up. Chuuya was in front of him, though he was facing away, towards the stove. With a glance over his shoulder he met Akutagawa’s gaze before turning back to his cooking.

“Do you want to tell me what that’s about?” he asked as he motioned to his pose.

“No.” Akutagawa’s refusal was an instinctual one, delivered quick and sharp.

He reconsidered.

“It’s about the stupid weretiger.” Chuuya’s grunt somehow managed to contain the sentiment ‘I thought so’ but he didn’t say anything else.

“You know, when I first met him I thought he was just so, so, fucking stupid. He had Dazai as a mentor and the ADA obviously cared about him and he had the audacity to be haunted by his past. I thought… I knew it was shitty. I knew he was abused, but I told myself at least he had a roof over his head. He at least knew where his next meal was coming from and where he’d sleep at night, so that’s why he could afford to be so soft. He didn’t grow up on the streets so obviously he had it better than I did.”

His voice sounded empty and hollow, even to his own ears.

“I can’t believe I was such an idiot.”

As he spoke Chuuya had kept cooking. Just listening. He wiped his hands off on the towels hanging on the oven door before kneeling down and pulling the younger man into a hug.

For a moment it was stiff as Akutagawa was unwieldy. Then he slumped and allowed Chuuya to offer some comfort.

Too soon, Chuuya pulled away.

“I don’t think that’s really fair. Comparing your childhoods is a game both of you will lose. Your -” He paused as he searched for the right word. “-your animosity and his desperate attempts to be a martyr are both responses to what you needed to do to survive.”

“I was such a monster to him then.”

“He knows you better. He’s made you better. And you’ve also made him better. The Atsushi you know, with his memories, he’s not mired in the past. So don’t get stuck there yourself.”

Akutagawa snorted. “When did you get to be so wise?”

“That’s the trick, if people think you’re a hothead, they’ll miss that you’re actually super smart underneath.” Chuuya gave him a wink - a wink! - and Akutagawa felt his heart pang again at the desire to go tell Atsushi that after falling asleep on Dazai, the ginger was in the best mood Akutagawa had ever soon.

He pulled himself to his feet and helped Chuuya start to plate up the eggs, along with some carrots and cabbage he’d cooked up. Of everyone in the house, he supposed it made sense that Chuuya was the only one who could cook.

Akutagawa grabbed a plate and went into the living room to put it in front of a slowly waking Dazai. The older man nodded his thanks, then something over his shoulder caught his eye.

Atsushi, coming down the stairs.

Atsushi, using his hands to carry as much weight as possible. Because just trying to walk down the stairs was putting him in pain.

“Atsushi!” Akutagawa growled. He was turning towards him, ready to pick up the stubborn tiger and get him off his feet.

He stopped.

Froze.

Just as Atsushi had.

The moment he’d said his name - no, the moment he’d said his name and then started striding towards him with a furious expression - he’d frozen. Atsushi was shaking slightly and his gaze was trained on Akutagawa as though waiting for a blow. For him to hurt him because of course any time his name was said in anger it was followed by violence.

Fuck.

“I - sorry. I just didn’t want to bother…” Atsushi is standing on the second to last stair with his face scrunched up in pain, but Akutagawa doesn’t dare take another step near him. He kept babbling, “Didn’t want to bother anyone. I can take care of myself, you don’t need to even think about me.I’m fine, really. I can -”

He stops himself when Akutagawa stretches Rashomon towards him. “What is that?” His terror is overwritten with curiosity for a moment. In that brief moment Akutagawa gets a glimpse of the child he might have been. Bright and curious, eager to learn.

“It’s my ability. Now relax.” Using Rashomon for something other than attacking doesn’t come easy to Akutagawa, but the creature falls easily into wrapping gently around Atsushi. He allows Rashomon to become a sling of sorts and carry him over to the couch where he’s deposited near Dazai. Akutagawa pulls Rashomon back into the cloak and he’s watched the entire time with wide eyes.

“I am sorry for yelling. I’m not angry at you. You are not a bother. Just let us take care of you.”

He does his best to keep his voice level. And this time he almost succeeded, but thankfully Atsushi seemed quick to pick up that his anger was born of worry.

“I - I really am okay. It’s not as bad as it was yesterday. My legs don’t really hurt.”

“That is not the same as being okay to walk on.” He’s trying to keep his tone as light as he can, but it's hard when Atsushi is sitting up like he might try to stand again. Not to mention he didn’t believe a word coming out of his mouth right now.

“Okay, okay,” Dazai butts in. “Atsushi, Akutagawa is right. We’re here to keep you safe and healthy until we can get your memories back.” He leaned forward and whispered something into Atsushi’s ear, something that Akutagawa couldn’t hear. The reaction was immediate and Atsushi flushed a deep red before falling back into the couch cushions.

Dazai threw a self-satisfied smirk towards Akutagawa.

“Do I want to know?” Chuuya asked as he brought the other three plates into the room. Two in hand, one floating behind him. He made sure everyone had one before plopping into an armchair and propping his feet up.

“Alright, time for a game plan,” Dazai started. All eyes in the room were on him.

“Let’s end this once and for all.”

Chapter Text

They discussed their plans over breakfast eaten on the couch. Akutagawa kept his eye on Atsushi, who seemed focused on the food. He’d tucked himself into a ball on the edge of the couch and brought the food Chuuya brought out into his lap. The food disappeared quickly behind surreptitious bites and with a hand around the plate as though defending it. As though he thought they were going to take it away from him any moment. As though he still didn’t believe that they would just feed him without it being a cruel prank or a lead up to some punishment.

He finished the plate and Akutagawa took it from him. He refilled it in the kitchen and brought it back out to Atsushi as Dazai and Chuuya still chatted. Atsushi’s brow wrinkled as he looked between the plate and Akutagawa in confusion. Tentatively he reached out and took the second helping from him. Then, as though scared Akutagawa would change his mind, he started to scarf the food down. His fingers gripped at the edge of the plate so hard that his knuckles turned white.

Akutagawa sat on the middle of the couch and tried to tune into the planning, but it was a futile effort. Atsushi had finally had enough to eat and he was watching Dazai and Chuuya as they spoke. It was obvious most of the conversation was going over his head. It was also obvious that what he could understand seemed to make him nervous.

He stayed in that small ball, eyes tracking every hand motion. At Dazai’s ‘well, we can’t do that since we can’t risk her getting ahold of corruption’ he frowned. Chuuya’s response of ‘if she gets it, we can make sure you’re there to negate it so she doesn’t take down too many buildings’ did not seem to ease any worries.

His fingers itched to settle on Atsushi’s back, or rub his arm, but unlike the Atsushi he knew, this version likely wouldn’t find the touch comforting. He missed the ease of their simple touches, even though that’d been a relatively new development for them. Like everything with the weretiger, it was addicting.

“Akutagawa?”

His name drew his attention from Atsushi to Dazai.

Dazai blinked a few times as though waiting for a response, then grinned. “Someone isn’t paying attention~”

Chuuya tossed an elbow and hit Dazai in the side. “Akutagawa, he was asking if you might be up to try and do some recon tonight. If you’re feeling up to it, I know things have been rough for you the past few days.”

Akutagawa looked at Atsushi from the corner of his eye and saw the silver haired man was looking him over as though checking for injury.

“I’m fine, I can do it.”

“I - really? From what you all have said, they’re pretty strong. They’re the ones that did this, right?” Atsushi motioned to his still-bandaged legs.

“Yes, which is why we’re going to make sure they suf-” Akutagawa paused before he could finish promising to make their enemies suffer. He still very much wanted that to happen but Atsushi was already skittish enough. “... they get what’s coming to them.”

He wasn’t sure how much that actually softened what he wanted to say, given that the words still left him as a growl. His familiar rage was still inside him, bellied by the desire to make the people who hurt Atsushi pay for what they’ve done. Behind him he could hear Chuuya silently laughing. Apparently a censored Akutagawa struck him as funny.

“Oh - uh, I mean, I’m sure you’re really strong too! I just don’t… don’t want you to get hurt.” He flushed then added, “Any of you!”

Akutagawa’s rage softened. “We’ll be fine. Though, I don’t like the idea of leaving you alone here.” He shot a look to Dazai.

“No, we’ll have someone from the Agency come by and keep you company Atsushi. Probably Yosano-san, or Kunikida. You met Yosano already, and Kunikida is a good friend as well.”

It would be for the best, Akutagawa told himself. He was utterly unable to take care of Atsushi like this. Either of them would be much better at offering them comfort. Yet the idea of anyone else being around a vulnerable Atsushi made his stomach do flips. Logically he knew that they’d both take care of Atsushi, and yet…

Yet he wanted the other man safe. Secure where he could see him.

Akutagawa swallowed hard and then looked back to Dazai. He nodded. Dazai’s lips curled into a small frown but he nodded back. Both of them knew what the other meant. This was going to be over soon. By whatever means necessary.

The conversation continued from there. Akutagawa paid a little more attention than he had been, but Dazai and Chuuya would handle most of it. Finally they finished and the other pair left.

Leaving him alone with Atsushi.

Akutagawa sighed and got up. He gathered the dishes and took them into the kitchen. After setting them on the counter he came out to see Atsushi scooting to the edge of the couch like he was about to get up.

He narrowed his eyes.

Atsushi paled. “Sorry! I just wanted - uhm, I - I-” He stuttered around his words and Akutagawa fought to bring his expression into something more neutral.

“Atsushi, if you want to go somewhere, let me help. At least until Yosano-san clears you.”

“I - I just figured I’d go back to where I slept. I just don’t want to be in your way.”

“You’re not in my way. But if that’s where you want to go, I can do that.” Rashomon wrapped itself around Atsushi and held him aloft. Akutagawa walked him up the stairs and settled him into his room. The entire way Atsushi seemed fascinated by Rashomon. He slowly stroked the fabric with tender fingers. “If you want to get up, please call me. It’s not a bother, I promise. You’ve taken care of me very recently, it’s the least I can do to return the favor.” Rashomon used a tendril to make Atsushi look at him and see that he was speaking the truth.

Atsushi nodded and Akutagawa let him settle in before heading downstairs and finishing the dishes. He tidied up a little before heading to his own room to read.

It was an hour before he heard it. A small cry of pain.

He was on his feet before it even finished. Akutagawa didn’t think, he just entered Atsushi’s room, Rashomon curling into grasping claws.

No one else was in the room.

Just Atsushi on the end of the bed. Shirt off, looking into the mirror over the dresser. Two fingers tracing three scars across his ribs.

He knew those scars.

A memory of him and Atsushi at an traditional inn. Their mission was over but Atsushi had insisted they spend one more night so he could actually try out the hot spring. At first Akutagawa had refused, but the weretiger’s interest and enthusiasm was infectious. He still only took off his coat when he found out their room had a private spring.

Bathing with the weretiger wasn’t as tedious as he thought it would be. Atsushi was riding the high of getting Akutagawa to agree to join him, and was on his best behavior. He only splashed Akutagawa twice.

He would never admit it, but the springs had been nice. Warm on tired muscles and a nice distraction after a rough mission.

The view wasn’t bad either. The weretiger had been filling out lately, as his muscles bulked from training and he inhaled every scrap of food he could find. Akutagawa had enjoyed the eye candy when he thought Atsushi wasn’t looking.

Of course, it wasn’t just muscle he was looking at. There were scars there, most of them older. The tiger’s regeneration meant most of Atsushi’s fights didn’t leave him with permanent marks, but it didn’t do anything with old injuries. The most notable had been the marks of parallel lines.

“Iron fire poker. While it was hot,” Atsushi said when he noticed Akutagawa was looking.

“Does it still hurt?”

Atsushi shook his head and Akutagawa had crossed the water to get closer. With slow fingers he’d reached out and touched the marred skin. His eyes had met Atsushi’s then, a look shared between them. A silent communication of ‘I won’t let anyone hurt you like this again’

Atsushi had responded with a hug. Naked and as vulnerable as he’d ever been, Akutagawa had returned it.

This Atsushi didn’t remember that. This Atsushi yelped in surprise when Akutagawa entered and grabbed at his shirt to try and hide the scars. He moved too quickly and lost balance.

Akutagawa stepped forward to try and catch him before he fell off the bed, but he was too slow. Atsushi hit hard, his head snapping back and cracking against the metal frame.

A snarl erupted from his lips, low and menacing. The snarl of a tiger and as he floundered Akutagawa and Atsushi noticed at the same time that the tips of his fingers were clawed. His still-naked torso bore tiger stripes.

Akutagawa stepped forward. Atsushi’s dazed eyes moved from the claws to Akutagawa. “Don’t come closer!”

He sounded scared. His usual gaze was now the tiger’s golden stare, but his pupils were pinpricks. Not scared. Terrified.

“Atsushi, calm down. This is-”

In his panic, Atsushi seemed beyond being able to listen. He kicked out to try and scramble away as Akutagawa took a step forward. His leg pushed against the ground, but it hurt him. The pain pushed him further into his ability and his wail of pain turned into a roar.

Akutagawa held out his hands but didn’t move closer. “Atsushi, please. You’re okay. Let me approach.” He tried to speak calmly, but it did no good. Atsushi turned that feral gold gaze on him. Akutagawa saw the moment the Atsushi he knew slid behind the tiger's mind and power. He still didn't move, even as Atsushi lunged towards his throat.

Chapter Text

Most of Akutagawa’s training had involved deploying Rashomon as fast as possible. First with Dazai, then on his own. Being able to skewer the enemy before they got a chance to actually strike at his frail body was the only way he’d survived thus far.

Since he’d made the deal with the weretiger and the two of them had been working on missions that didn’t involve slaughtering everyone in sight, Rashomon had evolved. She’d learned to shield, to manipulate and mislead. He still had to think about it every time. It had to be a conscious choice to use Rashomon for anything but slaughter, and he was getting quick about it, but not quick enough.

Which was why he froze.

The weretiger was lunging at him, but only at a fraction of its normal power. If he struck at Atsushi like this, he was liable to hurt him. The urge to fling the claws that Rashomon already wielded was his first instinct. He froze rather than fight.

He at least had the wherewithal to get armor around his throat. When tiger teeth wrapped around it, they bruised but didn’t puncture.

Akutagawa collided with the wall behind him. He and Atsushi broke apart. He brought his armor around his entire body now. His hand reached up to touch his throat, where teeth had gnashed just seconds ago. Rashomon was intact there. The tiger was unrefined right now. Not strong enough to tear through Rashonmon. He’d take the small blessing. He needed it, because Atsushi was surging to his feet. He wobbled like a newborn faun before turning his gaze to Akutagawa.

His stomach twisted when he realized that Atsushi’s legs were still hurting him. “Stupid weretiger, calm down!”

The words fell on deaf ears. He could tell, the weretiger’s lips were pulled into a snarl that bore sharp fangs. There were no vestiges of his partner in those golden eyes, just a hurt tiger lashing out in pain. And fear. Akutagawa wasn’t sure he’d ever get the image of Atsushi looking at his claw tipped hands in terror out of his head.

The tiger lunged.

This time he was more prepared.

Akutagawa stood his ground and Rashomon swarmed around him. Her claws were gone, replaced with ribbons of cloth. Like a mummy, they encased the struggling Atsushi.

Atsushi thrashed violently in her hold. Without the tiger’s true power of tearing through abilities, his attempts were futile. That and…

Akutagawa’s brow wrinkled as he tried to make sense of what was happening. The tiger was still trying desperately to get out of his cloth prison, but Akutagawa hadn’t left him a hole large enough to worm through. Yet, even in his rage, he wasn’t trying to tear Rashomon. His attempts to get out consisted of trying to get his claws through the small holes Akutagawa had created so he wasn’t without air.

With a start he remembered the reverence Atsushi had touched Rashomon earlier, when he was in his right mind. Ah, his soft hearted weretiger.

“Nakajima, please, you’re not in danger. I’m sorry I startled you. You’re safe. I’m not going to hurt you.”

He wasn’t sure if it was his soft tone, the use of Atsushi’s given name, or the weretiger running out of steam, but his struggling slowed, then stopped. Akutagawa thinned Rashomon so he could see Atsushi better.

The white haired man was breathing hard. Most of his tiger like features had diminished, but his eyes were still cat-like slits and he was staring at his hands. His still claw tipped hands. As Akutagawa watched, his breath hitched. Atsushi’s increased in tempo and started coming out in harsh pants.

He needed to stop this. “Atsushi-” he started as he stepped forward.

Even still cradled in Rashomon, Atsushi tried to squirm backwards. “Don’t come near me!” The terror was back in his eyes. “I tried to - I tried to kill you. I’m a monster.” His throat convulsed like he wanted to say more, but he couldn’t get it out past his ragged breathing.

Akutagawa almost wished they were still fighting instead of dealing with this panic attack. At least in a fight he had an idea of what he should be doing.

“Look at me weretiger!” His previous edict of not speaking harshly to Atsushi was out the window as he tried to get the other man’s attention on him and away from his spiraling thoughts. “You are not a monster. You have an ability. One you can control. I’m sorry we didn’t tell you. I’m fine.” He retracted his armor and held out his hands to show that there was no blood. Getting slammed into the wall hadn’t been great, but that was the least of his worries right now. “You’re okay. Can you just focus on breathing for me?”

Atsushi was crying now. Deep sobs, but quiet. The quiet of someone who’d learned that if he was going to cry it was in his best interest not to let anyone else hear. Akutagawa’s heart broke again.

He stretched out a hand as though to touch Atsushi’s shoulder, but stopped.

Atsushi noticed and looked at him in confusion.

“Uh, you said not to touch you.” Akutagawa said as way of explanation for why he stopped. He drew his hand back to his side.

“Oh.” Atsushi took a few gulps of air. “Oh, uhm-” He seemed to have something he wanted to say but couldn’t get it out. For lack of anything else to do, Akutagawa just hovered. Ready to step in in case Atsushi had legitimate trouble breathing.

“T-thanks. Uhm, no one’s really ever listened when I…” Akutagawa knew what he was saying. That no one listened when he asked not to be touched. He was getting enough of a picture of the orphanage to realize that Atsushi likely had no autonomy over himself. He knew what it was like to feel powerless.

“I’ll listen. I promise. Any request, anything you need. I’ll do it.” He spoke with reverence and hoped that Atsushi heard it even in his distress. He meant it. If the weretiger asked him to never kill again, he would. If the weretiger asked him to take out the entire world, he would. Even now, scared and vulnerable, he had Akutagawa wrapped around his little finger without knowing.

Or maybe he did.

He reached out to Akutagawa and it was the invitation the dark haired man needed. He used Rashomon to sit Atsushi on the edge of the bed and he sat next to him. Atsushi wrapped his arms tightly over his chest. He buried his face in the side of his neck, and cried. His body was still shaking, but stilled as Akutagawa pulled him into a hug. Atsushi’s fingers curled against the fabric of the back of his cloak. His breathing was still coming in hiccuped sobs, but at least it wasn’t a full blown panic attack any more.

Akutagawa rested his cheek on the soft white hair and just focused on holding him safe and close.

They stayed like that for a while until the sobs reduced to sniffles, then shallows breaths. Akutagawa loosened his hold and Atsushi pulled away while he stretched tense muscles. Rashomon reared her head and butt it against Atsushi’s.

He giggled and reached out to pat her on the head. “Hey. I’m sorry I tried to scratch you earlier. Uh-” he looked to Akutagawa. “Uh, can it - he - she? - understand me?”

“She. And yes, I think she can. She has a bit of a mind of her own.” Akutagawa pulled his hands into his lap and gave Atsushi a small smile. “I think she always had some sentience, but it was you who first asked. It was never something I wondered about. She was always a tool for me. I referred to Rashomon as an ‘it’ but you insisted on trying different pronouns. Rashomon seemed to prefer ‘she’, so she it is.”

“Aww, well she’s sweet.” Atsushi’s eyes were still red and swollen with tears, but he was smiling. He scratched Rashomon’s head, and in turn she nipped harmlessly at his fingers. Akutagawa just watched.

“I’m glad you think so. Now, how are you feeling? Your legs, and that was quite the head injury.”

Atsushi reached up to the spot where he’d collided with the bed and winced. “Uh, it’s tender but I don’t think it’s too bad. And my legs are still sore, but it’s not as bad as it was.” His brow furrowed.

“I’m not too surprised. The weretiger gives you some regeneration capabilities. Usually you’d have completely healed from such injuries.”

“Wow! So wait, it wasn’t something the doctor did?”

Akutagawa, who had this point had the misfortune of being on the receiving end of Thou Shalt Not Die a few times just gave a thousand yard stare.

“No. No it was not.” He cleared his throat and added, “I mean, she did help set it and other doctor … things, but the actual healing came from your own power.”

“So, the -” Here Atsushi paused and took a deep breath. “- the tiger. Can do things other than…” He trailed off as he looked at his now human hands.

“The tiger can do quite a lot. You’re a force to be reckoned with, Atsushi.”

Atsushi flushed and then looked to Akutagawa for a moment before looking away.

“What?” Akutagawa asked, bemused.

“Oh, just, you called me Nakajima earlier. Uh- do you do that often?”

“Sometimes. Mostly when I need you to pay attention. You have a thick skull.”

Atsushi laughed. “That’s fair. So do I ever call you…”

“You do. Ryuunosuke.”

“That’s a good name. Ryuunosuke. I like it.”

Akutagawa smiled. “Thank you. Now, I’m going to call Yosano-san and ask her to come over a little early, just to make sure everything is good.” He ruffled Atsushi’s hair and made it an unruly mess before going to grab his phone. He made a few calls and then returned to Atsushi’s side where he remained until the doctor arrived.

Chapter Text

Yosano flicked the light from one eye to the other and seemed satisfied with what she saw. “No concussion. It’s a little tender, but no lasting damage. Now let’s check your legs.” She examined them, then drew back from the couch so Atsushi could take her hands and try to stand. His gait was still wobbly, but he was able to take a few steps to her satisfaction. “How does that feel?”

Akutagawa listened from the kitchen as Atsushi responded. He was much calmer now, though he still stuttered a little as he answered Yosano. Akutagawa, whose frame of reference for doctors was either Mori or other personnel hired by the mob, was impressed with her kindness with him. Not that he thought her an unkind woman, but she had a vicious streak when she wanted. But with Atsushi the way he was now, she was patient and explained what she was doing before she did so. In return, Atsushi wasn’t shrinking in on himself any longer as he chatted with her.

“Alright, good. You’re alright to walk, just take it easy. But it does look like pulling out some of the tiger’s power earlier did move things along. Just don’t do that again.”

“No, I won’t,” Atsushi said quickly. “That was … uh, a lot. And -” he eyed Akutagawa as he stepped into the room. His gaze was specifically on his neck, where he’d tried to bite.

“Don’t worry about it. Besides, I was due for some karmic payback for biting your neck when I was a …”

“When you were what?”

Akutagawa looked down at him and pursed his lips. He had spoken carelessly.

“Are you keeping things from me again?” Atsushi’s voice was soft. Akutagawa flushed and looked down at him, but there was a spark in Atsushi’s eye that told him he knew exactly what he was doing.

“Oh, just when I was a vampire.”

“What?”

His eyes were wide as he reevaluated Akutagawa. He saw as Atsushi’s eyes scanned over his outfit in particular. “Are you still -”

“No. This is just how I dress.”

“Like a vampire.”

“... sure.”

Atsushi grinned at him and Akutagawa couldn’t help but return the expression. He was so glad to see Atsushi loosening up. No longer did he flinch every time Akutagawa looked at him. He was smiling, teasing, acting like the child he was. Finally Akutagawa was seeing glimpses of the weretiger he knew, a fiercely loyal man who liked taking advantage of what the world had to offer. He liked him much better this way.

“Alright kids, behave,” Yosano chided, though she was smiling as well. “Well, we’ve got a little bit before you need to head out, Akutagawa. Kunikida will be here in a few hours as well.”

Akutagawa nodded and handed a plate of curry to both of them before sitting down with some himself. He didn’t eat right away though, since he was watching Atsushi first. The weretiger didn’t notice, since he was focused on his food. Akutagawa had noticed that during other meals. His defensiveness over anything he’d been given spoke to a history of not having enough, or of it being taken away.

At least now he was a little more relaxed than he was over breakfast. He still ate quickly and with his arm curled around his plate but he wasn’t tucked into a little ball. He should have guessed it’d be too much to expect him to get over a lifetime of conditioning so soon. The Atsushi he knew had a big appetite but also loved sharing food. He always insisted that Akutagawa try a bite of what he was eating, or for him to eat more. How much did it cost the weretiger to get to that point? It spoke to a deliberate effort to be generous with what little the stupid ADA paid him.

Well, he'd never go hungry again. He’d make sure of it.

After lunch they decided to watch a movie out of lack of anything else to do. Akutagawa had spent his fair share of time at a safehouse and was familiar with fighting the crushing boredom, but Atsushi had started to get fidgety.

They’d settled on something actiony, but no one was really watching it. Atsushi had settled onto the couch next to Akutagawa and Rashomon had reared out a head so she could nibble at the weretigers fingers, much to his amusement. Akutagawa watched them, only occasionally using Rashomon to bump gently into Atsushi’s head. Unbeknownst to both of them, Yosano watched the pair with amusement.

It was halfway through the movie when Atsushi caught Akutagawa’s eye. He wanted something, but rather than ask, he looked down to his lap. Akutagawa used Rashomon to nudge at his chin and bring their eyes together. He cocked an eyebrow in question. Still silent, Atsushi motioned to the spot on the couch next to Akutagawa. He raised an arm to make room and Atsushi scrambled over to the spot.

He curled up against Akutagawa’s side as Akutagawa settled a hand on his back. Slowly, tentatively, he laid his head over Akutagawa’s chest and settled there. His ear over his heart.

Over Atsushi’s head, Akutagawa gave an anxious glance to the doctor. Things were already getting confusing between his own crush, realizing the weretiger’s emotions when his own memory was compromised, and Atsushi finding him handsome. The last thing he wanted to do was something that might hurt Atsushi or take advantage. But at the same time, the kid seemed desperately in need of some kind of human connection. This newfound desire to be close to Akutagawa felt like comfort.

It seemed Yosano agreed because she nodded at him. He took that as an okay, and kept Atsushi next to him for the rest of the movie.

When the movie ended and Atsushi loped to the bathroom, Akutagawa had a chance to confirm.

“Yeah, you’re fine. Just… I know he looks like an adult, but you’ve got a twelve or thirteen year old in there. You can deal with your crush when he’s back to normal.”

“I - I do not have a crush. I wouldn’t - I don’t even like him.”

“Mm, yep, I can see that. Still mortal enemies I see. Look, just don’t do anything you wouldn’t do if you weren’t hanging out with a twelve year old.”

“I cannot emphasize enough how much I do not know what I would do if I spent more than ten seconds in a room with a pre-teen. The last time that happened was with Q and he was actively trying to murder me.”

“Good thing you don’t have to worry about that with Atsushi.”

For lack of a better response, Akutagawa grumbled, a low note that came out more like a groan.

She ignored him in favor of looking at her phone. “Ah, Kunikida is here.” She stood and left the room to let him in. The pair returned just as Atsushi came down the stairs.

“Ah, Atsushi!” The blonde only gave Akutagawa a cursory glance before he approached Atsushi with enthusiasm. He brought his hands up as though he was going to engulf him in a hug. Atsushi froze. Akutagawa’s eyes widened. Kunikida failed to notice. “I’m glad to see you on your fee-”

He stopped as Rashomon engulfed his torso and tugged him back, several feet away from Atsushi. Akutagawa twisted his head from where he sat on the couch and snarled, “Don’t touch him without asking.”

He anticipated Kunikida thrashing against Rashomon, but he seemed to catch on that Atsushi was just staring at him. Akutagawa huffed out an impatient sigh and brought Rashomon back to him. “He doesn’t know you. Do. Not. Touch. Him.” They locked eyes and Akutagawa tensed for a fight, verbal or physical. Instead, Kunikida nodded.

He turned to Atsushi and bowed. “My apologies. I was presumptuous. I am glad to see you up though. It’s my privilege to assist tonight.” Akutgawa watched him a moment longer, to make sure he had no more presumptions about touching Atsushi, then he relaxed.

“It’s… it’s alright. Kunikida, right? I was told you’ve been mentoring me?”

“Yes! Hand to hand. You’ve come a far way. Ah! I have gifts from the rest of the agency.”

Kunikida took the chair opposite the couch as Atsushi sat next to Akutagawa again. That got a raised eyebrow from the detective, but Atsushi’s good mood was rapidly returning and Akutagawa hoped he wouldn’t press the issue.

Instead he reached into a bag and pulled out a brown satchel. “That’s from Ranpo, I’m pretty sure it’s just pure sugar.”

Atsushi reached in and pulled out some small hard candies. He took one and offered them to the rest of them, but they declined. “They’re for you Atsushi,” Akutagawa told him softly. Atsushi’s hand curled around the bag.

Kunikida was pulling out something else. With a sigh he said, “This is from Kyouka.” He put three knives on the table between them. “She said they were ‘emergency knives’ in case you needed them.”

Akutagawa nodded. Sensible girl.

The gifts continued. A handheld game system from Tanizaki. A bag of apples from Kenji. Kunikida himself had brought a few books. Akutagawa smiled as Atsushi’s eyes got bigger and bigger with each present thrust into his hands.

“This is… for me?”

“I told you, your friends adore you.” Akutagawa couldn’t help the small smile that crossed his lips. He had meant it when he said it earlier, but it was nice for Atsushi to be holding a physical reminder of that fact. Akutagawa had many thoughts about the detective agency as a concept, but he couldn’t deny that he was glad Atsushi had so many people in his life that cared for him.

Atsushi fiddled with the game Tanizaki gave him and Akutagawa looked from him to Kunikida. The blonde was sitting on the edge of his chair and observing. The two of them locked eyes and Akutgawa knew they were both remembering the last time they’d been face to face.

They had just finished lunch. Atsushi had been there for the bulk of the meal, but had to dash after Dazai called him. Akutagawa had tried slipping away as well, but Kunikida had placed his hands on the table and asked, “What are your intentions with Atsushi?”

“My intentions? I’m going to kill him in a few weeks.”

“You are not going to kill him in a few weeks.”

Akutagawa scoffed.

“You died for him. You are not going to kill him.”

Akutagawa rolled his eyes.

“You just split your desserts.”

“That was just practical. We both wanted to try both the chocolate and strawberry cakes.”

“You let him have ninety percent of both.”

Akutagawa crossed his arms over his chest and glared.

Kunikida rubbed his temples.

“Lets just… put that aside. Atsushi mentioned going to your apartment over the weekend.”

“And what of it? If he’s not working, he’s not your responsibility.” He smirked and added, “Or are you worried about his virtue?” The implication had the desired effect of raising Kunikida’s blood pressure, but the unintended side effect of panging his own heart. As if Atsushi would ever be interested in him in that way.

“If it will put your mind at ease, we just watched a movie.”

“I don’t care about what you two were literally doing. Just…” Here Kunikida’s shoulders slumped. “Just be careful with him. With his feelings. He cares deeply for you. If you betray that trust, I don’t care about the alliance with Mori. You’ll pay.”

His golden eyes locked on Akutgawa’s gray. There was no hint of a lie there. Akutagawa met his gaze with defiance, then his expression changed to something less abrasive.

“I’m glad Atsushi has such good friends,” he said finally.

Both of them were surprised to find he meant it.

Akutagawa broke their gaze first. Kunikida was looking a little too smug for his tastes.

“Tomorrow,” he said.

Atsushi looked up to Kunikida, confused. “What about tomorrow?”

“It’s supposed to be an important day for you and Akutagawa.”

Wait - tomorrow? Akutagawa thought for a moment, then realized what tomorrow was. Six months to the day after they made their pact.

He groaned and buried his face in his hands. He was supposed to kill Atsushi tomorrow.

“What’s tomorrow?” Atsushi was now very confused and looking between the two men. Yosano seemed to have also pieced together what Kunikida was referencing because she snorted. “Are you alright?”

“Yes, I’m fine. Your friend-” here, he shot a narrowed gaze to Kunikida, “-is just reminding me that you and I had some plans. But they’re obviously not happening now. We can revisit once you’ve got your memories back.”

“What sort of plans?” Akutagawa pursed his lips. “Are you keeping things from me again?”

He made the mistake of looking at Atsushi, and when he did he saw Atsushi giving him puppy dog eyes again and they both started laughing. “Don’t you dare start that again!”

“Do you have more secrets? Are you also a weretiger? Or maybe a werepanther, with all the black. Actually, I think you’d be a raven. Or a bat.” Both of them were still laughing as Akutgawa took note of the time and began to get up.

“I’ll tell you later. I’ve got to go though.”

“Alright. Be safe! Let me know when you get back.”

“You’ll be asleep then.”

“I don’t care! Do it anyway, Ryuunosuke.”

“Fine, fine.” Akutagawa rolled his eyes at the use of his given name, but he was still smiling as he left the house and went to meet Dazai.

Chapter Text

Already he was regretting agreeing. Akutagawa had added a scarf to his normal outfit, but it wasn’t enough. Not compared to the warmth of the safehouse. Not compared to the warmth of sitting next to Atsushi as they joked and laughed. He wasn’t exactly a person who laughed easily, but as always, the weretiger was just… nice to be around. It was stupid of him to joke around with Atsushi while his comrades were around. He had a reputation to uphold. It wouldn’t do for them to think him weak. Yet, that seemed to happen more and more around Atsushi. Little inside jokes shared between them. Shoulder to shoulder when watching a movie. Communications shared without words.

Too bad he was going to have to kill him tomorrow.

Akutagawa groaned into his hands.

“Something bothering you?”

He whipped his head up to meet Dazai’s blithe smile.

“Dazai-san.”

He didn’t answer the question.

“Where’s Chuuya?”

“Wow, you really weren’t paying attention. Too much of a risk that Yei gets her hands on him and manages to get corruption since we don’t know how her powers work. That’s why you’re joining me for this.”

He nodded stiffly and the two of them walked, Dazai slightly in the lead. Akutagawa knew he should be focusing on the mission, but his mind wasted no time in going back to Atsushi. Was he alright? While he didn’t care much for Kunikida, it was obvious he cared deeply. Yosano was sharp with both tongue and blade, yet gentler than he’d ever seen with this younger Atsushi. No, he knew the weretiger was safe. He couldn’t tell himself that the reason he wanted to go back was because he’d left his partner in a precarious situation. No, he wanted to go back for the simple reason that he wanted to be there.

As if he knew what he was thinking, Dazai said, “And to think, you were so adamant against keeping him company at the safehouse.”

“Someone else would have been more of a comfort to him. I couldn’t even manage to avoid him falling off the bed.”

“What happe -No, doesn’t matter. Akutagawa, he both wants and would want you there. You know that. Why -” Dazai cut himself off and sighed.

“You’re enough, you know. For Atsushi. More than that too, as a fighter, as his partner. I’m sorry I ever made you think otherwise. You’ve become stronger than I would have ever imagined. But… better too. A better person than I could ever hope to be myself.”

Akutagawa froze.

It was everything he wanted to hear, and meaningless at the same time.

“I - hm. That information does nothing for me.”

Dazai laughed, but it was slightly bitter. “I’m a day late and dollar short I guess. Figures.”

Akutagawa rolled his eyes. “Look, I - I do appreciate the apology. It doesn’t make things better. Don’t think I haven’t noticed you’re trying to do better in how you treat the weretiger. In how you’ve been treating me and Chuuya. That’s what makes things better. And maybe we can talk more when this is all over, but right now the only thing that matters to me is getting Atsushi’s memories back. I don’t know if - if I am enough for him, but I want to hear it from him.”

He started walking again, and Dazai trotted to keep up.

“I am glad to see how much you’ve grown, Akutagawa,” he said as they resumed their earlier pace.

“I’m glad to see the same for you as well.” Akutagawa gave him a smug smile. “So, did you or Chuuya confess first?”

“What?! No, I mean - we have not - I am - we are not dating! This is just a - we’re work friends, if that. I don’t want to talk about it. How do I know you’re not trying to throw me off? Maybe you confessed to Chuuya. ”

Akutagawa sucked in a breath through his teeth in disbelief as Dazai continued to babble. He interrupted. “Hey, Dazai.”

Dazai stopped flailing. “Yeah?”

“If you break his heart again, they will never find your body.”

He turned and kept walking but he heard Dazai’s soft response of, “I won’t. I promise. I won’t.”

Akutagawa smiled as the two of them pressed on, now ready to deal with whatever waited for them in the night.

Chapter Text

It was three in the morning when he got back to the safehouse. He and Dazai had spent the better part of the night watching the warehouse, but it was silent. They likely had moved elsewhere. Then it was another hour of taking a laborious route back, to ensure he wasn’t followed. Dazai went elsewhere. Akutagawa neither knew where, nor did he care.

His mind was on one thing.

He passed Kunikida in the living room. He sat on the couch but was on his feet as he slipped inside. Only when he clocked that it was just Akutagawa did he sit back down. Yosano was sprawled on the couch but still cracked an eye open to ensure there was no threat. He gave them both a nod before heading upstairs.

“Hey, I’m back,” he said softly as he rapped on the door to Atsushi’s room.

He heard shuffling on the other side, then the door opened.

Atsushi was on the other side, bleary eyed but smiling. He rubbed at them, then opened the door for Akutagawa to enter. “How was it? Are you okay?”

“It was fine. Boring actually. Nothing happened. How were things here?” He brought a hand up, then paused in a silent question.

Atsushi nodded it was okay for him to continue and Akutagawa gently ruffled his hair before tugging at the long strand on the side. Atsushi responded, “Quiet here too. They were really nice. Yosano taught me some card tricks. We should play sometime.”

Akutagawa hummed an agreement. “Sounds fun. Now, you go back to sleep. I fulfilled my promise. I’ll be here when you wake in the morning.”

“Good night, Ryuunosuke.”

“Good night, Atsushi.”

He turned to leave.

Something was wrong.

He looked down the hall. Nothing. No sounds. Just a silent house in the middle of the night. But something had ticked off his senses.

Danger.

From where?

Atsushi had started to close the door. Akutagawa put a hand out to stop it. When Atsushi looked at him in confusion, he put a finger over his lips in a sushing motion.

Atsushi threw a look around the room and frowned. He took in a deep breath and Akutagawa was surprised to see his eyes narrow in cat-like slits. He could use the tiger’s senses? They were stupid to try and avoid telling Atsushi about the weretiger if he could get a grip on using his powers this quickly. His heart swelled with something akin to pride, but he pushed it aside. There was still danger here. He knew it in the way something crackled in the back of his head. An instinct that was born while living on the street. An instinct that had kept him alive thus far.

He crossed the distance to stand next to Atsushi. Rashomon emerged and shielded his other side.

Atsushi’s head whipped to the side. His nose caught something. It twitched and then Atsushi looked over his shoulder, to the window. Akutagawa followed his gaze to the opposite side of the room.

“Wow, I didn’t think the jig would be up that soon.”

Yei slunk out of the shadows like she was there the entire time, though that was impossible. She was less than ten feet from a tense Akutagawa - a position that would make almost anyone run fleeing in terror, yet her pose was relaxed. Calm even. The pose of a woman who knew she wasn’t in any danger. Akutagawa wanted to prove her wrong, but he could feel Atsushi pressing to his side, holding onto his jacket, and he knew he couldn’t take any unwarranted risks. Not until he was out of here and somewhere safe.

“Go down to Yosano and Kunikida,” he told him. Akutagawa stepped forward, which put him between Yei and the kid.

“Too late,” she said smugly. She brought up her hands to show stained white gloves. In the dim light of the room Akutagawa couldn’t quite make out the color, but he could guess. “I took care of them before coming up here.”

“You should have made sure we were dead, bitch.”

Akutagawa and Yei’s eyes both flickered to Yosano and Kunikida in the doorway. Her shirt was a mess of gore, but both members of the ADA stood tall. He snorted. A mistake on Yei’s part. One she would come to regret. Atsushi looked between them and Akutagawa. He was still clinging to his coat. “Go,” Akutagawa said softly. ‘Out of here.”

He didn’t say that he wanted Atsushi to avoid seeing what came next. This version of Atsushi only knew him on his best behavior. He didn’t need to see what was about to happen to Yei.

“I don’t think -”

She stopped when she saw the look on Akutagawa’s face. Every bit of fury at finding out what the orphanage had done to Atsushi. The fiery spirit at his fifteen year old self. The impotent rage at just holding his weretiger in his hands and knowing that his demons were years in the past and nothing he could do anything about now.

But he could at least make Yei hurt.

It wasn’t enough. He wanted to rend the whole world for Atsushi, though he knew the weretiger wouldn’t want that. He’d behave, if he must.

After she was dead.

She got over her cowing quick enough and stretched out a hand towards him. Rashomon flared, and he had just enough time to split space so whatever she was throwing at him was devoured.

A bullet whizzed past his ear, but the shot came from behind He threw an irritated look to Kunikida. He threw an equally irritated look back.

“I do not remember asking for your assistance.”

“You think you can take her alone?”

She tried to take advantage of their chat and threw a knife at Akutagawa’s head. Rashomon caught it between her teeth and swallowed it.

“Fine. But stay out of my way”

“Deal.”

The knife inside Rashomon exploded. Rashomon wrapped additional tendrils around it. They slowed the shrapnel but several still embedded themselves in flesh. Akutagawa growled and Rashomon lashed out. Yei grinned. It was a deranged expression and Akutagawa couldn’t help but return it with equal fervor.

Rashomon stabbed. She wasn’t there.

“Damnit!”

Was it invisibility? Teleportation? He was careful getting back to the safehouse. He shouldn’t have been able to be tracked, and yet she obviously had. It was hard enough to fight a user with an unknown ability, much less someone with an unknown number.

Kunikida tched and kept his gun out as he looked around the room. “Any idea where she went?”

“So far it seems their tactic has been to eliminate the memories of those who have opposed them. Safe to say we’re all targets now.”

“Then let's regroup. We’ve already contacted Dazai and Chuuya.”

Dazai. His ability was the best trump card they had.

Akutagawa nodded and turned to leave.

A yowl tore through the air. A tiger’s scream.

Followed by a cry of pain from Yosano and Kunikida and Akutagawa were both running toward the sound, down the stairs and into the living room.

The brute from earlier - the one who’d hurt Atsushi while his younger minded self had just watched - had Atsushi by the throat. He was kicking out wildly, not making contact. Yosano was in a heap at his feet, stirring but slowly. Too slowly.

“You had more bite earlier, kitty,” he crooned.

In response, Atsushi bit him. He must have drawn out some semblance of the tiger’s power, because the fangs he bit with punctured the skin of his hand. The acrid spray of blood filled the room and Akutagawa grinned. Until the man reared back and threw Atsushi into the far wall.

Too bad Rashomon was faster. She cushioned the weretiger’s fall and he collapsed harmlessly to the ground. Atsushi got to his feet and wiped at his blood filled mouth. “Is that enough of a bite?” he asked as he spat blood to the ground. Akutagawa was torn between pride and the knowledge that he should not be involved in this fight.

“Rashomon, Sawarabi,” he spat out. She obeyed and the swarm of spikes sprung up to thoroughly impale the brute.

To Akutagawa’s chagrin, the few areas they broke his skin only left shallow cuts. His ability spoke to more than just increased strength then. Kunikida was shooting too, but his bullets did nothing but glance off. Yosano was still at his feet. Until she was out of the way, he couldn’t use any kind of gas or grenade.

Frustrating.

Akutagawa stepped into the room and Rashomon flared out. The room was small enough that for a moment he obscured everyone’s vision. Spikes kept the enemy at bay as gentle tendrils brought Yosano closer to the stairwell. She was already using her ability and when Rashomon settled, the four of them stood together.

Kunikida took the opening. He lobbed a stun grenade in the enemy’s direction. Akutagawa followed with Rashomon’s hungry, gaping mouths. Large fists swatted her. The cloth tore at his hands, but gave as good as she got.

Until one meaty hand got a hold of a neck and yanked. Akutagawa was thrown off balance and pulled into the room.

He had just enough time to get his armor around his torso before the man’s hands closed over his neck.

Akutagawa reinforced Rashomon, expecting to get choked. What he did not expect was to get thrown through the far wall, onto the street. He landed at Yei’s feet.

“You lot are like roaches,” she said before stomping down.

His Rashomon coated hand caught her heel. He grunted and then flung her back. “Tenma Agito,” he snapped as he sent a tendril after her. Behind him he could hear Yosano and Kunikida engage with the other enemy. Where was Atsushi? Between the fights and getting thrown through the wall, he’d lost track.

He’s smart. He got somewhere safe.

Akutagawa wasn’t a praying man, but he sent a prayer that was true. No god should answer his prayers, but the tiger deserved it.

He reinforced tenga and dashed in the direction he threw Yei. She was waiting for him.

It was a fight he was doomed to lose. That much became apparent very quickly. She didn’t seem to have a great grasp on any particular ability. It didn’t matter though, given the sheer quality she threw at him. Every time he began to figure out a way to counter or get Rashomon close, she pulled something else up.

“Of all the overpowered bullshit -” he started.

He did not finish the sentence because something started to drone in his ears. It started as a buzz but built into a swarm, a roar, an avalanche. Akutagawa screamed and covered his ears, but he could feel blood oozing down, flowing through his fingers and doing nothing to keep the sound out.

As quickly as it came on, the sound stopped. A roar lingered - no, that wasn’t from one of her abilities.

It was the stupid weretiger.

He got to his feet. The earth pitched sideways. Or maybe that was him falling over, he wasn’t sure at this point. Everything spun around him. He couldn’t tell which way was up, where his body was. The disorientation spread through him like wildfire, leaving him trapped in his own assuredly weak body. Just what had she hit him with?

If it wasn’t for the knowledge that the weretiger was fighting in his stead right now, he might have just closed his eyes and let the vertigo take him. But even over the ringing in his ears, he could hear the desperate growls of a tiger club trying to roar.

No, no.

He couldn’t let Atsushi fight like this. Akutagawa opened his eyes. The greens and browns of the forest morphed into each other. And red. So much red. He was on his side, the blood from his ears had smeared across his eyes. Rashomon still wrapped around him, but she nudged a tendril at his head to try and rouse him.

His head screamed at him, but he sat up. Too slow. He was moving too slow. Bits and pieces of the fight broke through his damaged ears. Atsushi screaming. Wood breaking. Gunshots.

Someone was in front of him. He felt the presence more than heard it. His vision was still swarming.

“Get out of here,” he said.

“No, not while you can’t move.”

Akutagawa grit his teeth at the inane response and surged to his feet. He stood for less than two seconds before falling back down. What the hell had she done to him?

Atsushi was at his side. He was getting enough feeling back in his body to recognize the weretiger’s grasp on his elbow. The touch was tender, too tender. Too scared of hurting him with claws he couldn’t control. Akutagawa regretted letting the boy know about the weretiger. A little knowledge was a dangerous thing.

“Touching.” Yei’s smug voice cut through the fray.

It was all the warning they were going to get. Atsushi was between the two of them. He was scratched, bloody and shaking but still insisting on standing between the two of them. Scared out of his mind but shielding Akutagawa while he was down and vulnerable. He would fall in love all over again just for that simple act of kindness. It was stupid, of course. The weretiger should be far from here, but it was just like him to worm his way in where he shouldn’t be.

Of course he was getting his orientation back just in time to see Yei holding up a pair of knives like she’d exploded earlier. Akutagawa saw her intent before she struck.

He snaked an arm out and grabbed the weretiger’s ankle. Atsushi yelped as Akutagawa drug him back. At the same time he pulled himself up, cradling over Atsushi's body with his own. His hand pressed the weretiger’s head down, shielding him as the knives exploded. He focused Rashomon on covering Atsushi. It slid off his body and wrapped around Atsushi. That left him vulnerable, but he didn’t second guess his choice. When it came to defending the weretiger, he never would.

“I’m so sorry Atsushi,” he whispered as he closed his eyes and waited for the evisceration.

“Oh, I think that’s enough of that.”

No explosion.

“You couldn’t have gotten here any earlier Dazai?” Akutatgawa asked when his mind caught up to what had happened. The shards of the knife fell onto his back. Inert now that Dazai had Yei in a chokehold. She struggled and screamed but Akutgawa watched them long enough to verify she wasn’t getting out, then turned his attention to Atsushi.

The man under him wasn’t moving. “Wait -no -no.” He flipped him over and let out a shaky breath when he saw the other was still breathing. Now his head was swimming for fear and Akutagawa had to force himself to calm down. He was alive. He checked him for injuries and found a few, but nothing that should be fatal.

Atsushi’s brow furrowed and he blinked a few times. Purple and gold danced in his eyes as they stared up, then found Akutagawa’s gray. With Akutagawa’s help he sat up.

“First Fukuchi, now this. You have got to stop doing that Akutagawa.”

“You-” Akutagawa’s voice came out as a rasp. “You remember Fukuchi?”

“I remember everything.” Atsushi reached out and settled Rashomon onto Akutagawa’s shoulders as they both moved into a sitting position.

“Oh. Good. I was going to tell you something when you had your memories back.”

Atsushi smiled. He had missed that smile.

“What were you going to tell me?”

“I don’t remember. It was very important.” Akutagawa’s brow furrowed as he wavered. Atsushi reached out and steadied him. His head was swimming right now, but he refused to let himself rest. There was something important he had to do, if only he could remember what it was.

Atsushi was holding him up. His stupid, soft hearted, gorgeous weretiger. “Yeah? Well, maybe it can wait.”

“No it can’t.” Akutagawa blinked the blood out of his eyes as best he could. Atsushi leaned over and helped by rubbing at them with his sleeve. “Oh, I remember.”

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”

The words hung in the air between them. So precious. So fleeting. Words made of glass. A whispered confession between the two of them. They left his lips like a piece of paper slipped under the door, so thin that he wasn’t sure Atsushi could have ever heard them.

Atsushi opened his mouth as though to say something, but seemed to change his mind. Akutagawa’s heart dropped, but then Atsushi’s lips were on his. His arm snaked around Akutagawa’s waist, a lifeline to keep him from collapsing then and there. He might have, his head was now swimming for an entirely different reason.

It was just a peck, as kisses went, but full of all the tenderness and care that Atsushi could muster. Akutagawa shivered at just the simple touch. The confirmation that he held the weretiger’s affection.

He did, right?

His gray eyes skimmed over Atsushi’s face as they pulled apart. He tried to keep the desperation out of his eyes. Desperation to hear his affections were returned. Desperation to kiss him again. Atsushi had made him quite the desperate man.

“I love you too. Of course I do, Ryuunosuke.”

Akutagawa laughed then, a low sound that turned into a raspy cough. Atsushi rubbed at his back and wrapped his arms around him.

“Fuck. I - Nakajima.” He took Atsushi’s face in his hands. Atsushi, who was looking at him like he was the night sky. He was warm under Akutagawa’s long fingers. He brought him in for another sweet kiss, and as though they’d done this dance a million times already, Atsushi let himself be lead.

Each kiss was an entirely new experience. New details emerged, Atsushi’s slightly chapped lips, the blood that could belong to either of them at this point, how Atsushi let out small mewls when Akutagawa sucked at his lower lip.

“Dazai, we’ve got the big guy restrained back there, and -”

Akutagawa supposed he should probably stop now that he heard Kunikida approaching but he had just found out that Atsushi went virtually boneless when he nibbled at his earlobe and he was busy taking advantage of that newfound knowledge.

“Oh good grief.”

They had been spotted.

Atsushi was giggling as he pulled back. Akutagawa could give less of a rat’s ass if his companions saw them, but Dazai said, “Oh good, I was wondering if you two were ever going to stop and give me a hand here.”

“Still not going to,” Akutagawa said as he cupped Atsushi’s face and tugged him back in.

Atsushi shook his head. “You should probably get some medical attention.”

“I’m fine.”

“You are actively bleeding.” Atsushi softened the news that their makeout session was being cut short by kissing his forehead. He stood and helped Akutagawa do the same. Another wave of vertigo hit him but Atsushi was already there, holding up his weight. The injuries he’d sustained from the fight were gone. Good, he was tapped into his full power again. “C’mon, let's get you to Yosano.”

“Then I can kiss you more?”

“Weren’t you going to kill me today?”

“Kill. Kiss. I was only two letters off.”

Chapter Text

“I am going on vacation after this. Turning my cell phone off. None of you will be able to find me.” Yosano was grumbling out loud, a sure sign that she was running on too little sleep and too wired after a fight.

“Thank you,” Atsushi said.

She harrumphed, but the hands that were tending to Akutagawa were never anything but soft. Those hands belied the rough words.

They were in her infirmary again. She’d appraised Akutagawa on site and decided he was okay to get treated back at the ADA. Atsushi had remained at his side the entire time, helping him stand where he needed it and letting him rest his head in his lap during the car ride over. Kunikida and Dazai had stayed behind to handle the transfer of the pair to Ango. Akutagawa had suggested they handle things themselves, but Atsushi had chided him for trying to break their pact on its literal last day.

“Then I still have a few hours to kill you,” he’d grumbled. He’d stopped grumbling when Atsushi kissed him.

Atsushi could get used to this. He should have tried this method of getting Akutagawa to stop growling at him a long time ago.

“How are you feeling now Akutagawa?”

“Fine.”

“Are you keeping things from me?”

Akutagawa glared. “You cannot keep using that line, stupid weretiger.”

Yosano rolled her eyes and finished her work. She left them still bickering.

“Seriously, how are you feeling?” Atsushi nudged his side and Akutagawa moved over on the hospital bed to allow room for him to slide in. Atsushi wrapped an arm around him and just held him. A simple touch. One he never thought he’d accept from the weretiger, not for a million years.

“Dizzy still. She said it will be a bit before my eardrums recover. And sore. I’m joining Yosano on her vacation. I could sleep for a week after this.”

“Where would you even want to go on vacation? I cannot picture you lounging on a beach.”

“I don’t think I’ll even leave my bedroom.”

“Well, then I hope Yosano isn’t joining you.”

“Mm, no I guess I don’t want that either.” Akutagawa turned to catch Atsushi’s eye. “But I don’t have to be in there alone.”

“Yes, very sexy. Dealing with you when you’re too dizzy to stand up straight.”

Akutagawa snorted. He knew well he was losing his gruff persona with the weretiger, but it was worth it to see Atsushi blush as he pressed kisses to his cheek. “Come home with me.” He then added, “I don’t have anything straight in mind.” It was worth the attempt at a joke to see Atsushi snort at the unexpected words. He could still see the refusal on Atsushi’s lips. Akutagawa quickly added, “To rest, weretiger.”

“I know you know what my name is at this point.” Atsushi grinned. He kissed Akutagawa. A slotting of their lips and a slow push-pull that was both so new and so familiar at the same time. All thoughts of the conversation fell out of his mind in favor of chasing down the weretiger’s lips. His fingers shook slightly as he grabbed the other’s suspenders and held him close. Akutagawa’s tongue pressed into Atsushi’s lips and he was rewarded with their parting. For the first time in a while, he felt warm. On fire even. Atsushi pulled him into his lap and Akutagawa groaned. His breath hitched as his brain started to swarm. It was all he could do to stay upright but he fought the urge to collapse just so he could keep Atsushi's lips on his.

Atsushi pulled away and broke the kiss.

He did not pout. Akutagawa might have pursed his lips in a fit of petulance, but it was not a pout.

He was the rabid dog of the mafia. He did not pout.

“Stop pouting,” Atsushi said. Akutagawa rolled his eyes. “I stopped because you’re going to keel over at any minute and I’m too tired to fully carry you. I’ll call a cab. Let’s get you home.” Akutagawa nodded and started to get up. It was slow going, but Atsushi was there with a steadying arm and a kind smile.

“And?” Akutagawa prompted as they started to make their way through the building. The sun was just starting to come up. The building was empty for at least an hour more so there was no one to watch as they slowly made their way through. Good, that meant he could use Atsushi as a crutch without anyone else watching.

“Well I’m certainly not leaving you alone like this. I’ll stay. But no funny business!”

“Weretiger, you are going to have to define funny business. Because you’ve had your tongue down my throat for the better part of the last few hours.”

It was so easy to make Atsushi blush. He was never going to get tired of it. While it seemed the weretiger was perfectly content to make out with him every time Yosano left the room, talking about it turned him into a tomato.

“I - I just. Uhm. That is-”

Maybe he shouldn’t be teasing the man he was leaning on. Atsushi stumbled and Akutagawa did the same since he was more leaning on Atsushi than his own legs. Atsushi stopped to steady them both. “Atsushi,” Akutagawa began once they were more stable. “You know I won’t ask you to do anything you don’t want. That - uh, listening to you. Your requests. That wasn’t just for your younger self’s sake. If you don't want to have sex, we won't.”

“Oh, let’s get one thing clear.” Atsushi carded his fingers through Akutagawa’s hair. They were inches from each other now. Exhausted body to exhausted body. It still felt nice. Akutagawa would sooner die than admit that every time Atushi’s hands were on him, he felt safe. Secured. Moored in an ocean. “I’m not saying no because I don’t want you. I’m saying no because you have ruptured ear drums and if I were to let you go right now, I think you’d just fall over. That is the opposite of a turn on. So, I guess little kisses are fine. We probably just shouldn't be making out because you keep almost passing out and I don't want you to get hurt. More than you already are.”

“Maybe I’ll concede you have a point, but that’s only because I’m seeing two of you right now and I’m outnumbered.”

“Oh my god.”

“Kisses later then?”

“I’ve created a monster. But hm, for right now, yes. No kisses. Kisses later.” Atsushi put his finger over Akutagawa’s lips. “We can reevaluate when we get to your place.” His phone dinged and he checked the message. “C’mon, cab is here.” He moved back to Akutagawa’s side and together they went outside. Once they were settled in the back, Akutagawa took his hand. The weretiger squeezed it. Akutagawa smiled, then leaned forward to roll up the window between the back and the front to allow them a private conversation.

“I’m sorry,” Akutagawa started. “For threatening to kill you. So many times. And for being cruel when I found out you liked me. And for when I did actually try to kill you.”

“Please, you didn’t even come close.” Atsushi scoffed. “And I just… I didn’t like seeing you like that. Like you were when we first met. I like this you so much more.” He brought up their joined hands to his mouth and pressed kisses to Akutagawa’s knuckles.

“I get that. I like this you better too. Though that was mostly because someone had to think I was cute from the get go and make things awkward. I was so scared to do something that’d harm you.”

“Look, you should be flattered that you gave me another gay awakening. Because you are very, very pretty.” Akutagawa looked at him out of the corner of his eye. He couldn’t help the small smile that tugged his lips up. Atsushi was doing his best not to make eye contact as his cheeks flushed an endearing red.

“You are rather dashing yourself weretiger. And…” Here his voice got small. “I’m sorry. For underestimating what that place was like for you. I’m sorry I couldn’t actually get you out of there.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“I’m still sorry. You deserved better.”

“I have better now.”

Akutagawa watched him. His longing must have shown on his face because Atsushi said softly, “You can kiss me if you want.”

He did. And he did.

When he pulled back, Atsushi was smiling at him. Akutagawa took that smile in, just enjoying that fact that it was for him. Because of him. He tugged on the weretiger’s long bang. “So, another gay awakening? When was the first?”

Atsushi groaned. “Technically a bi awakening, I guess?” His eyes slid to Akutagawa’s. The raven haired man read a touch of anxiety in the look, though he couldn’t imagine why. Atsushi looked down to his lap. It was as though he was waiting for some comment from Akutagawa, but Akutagawa had no idea what it could possibly be. When it became apparent he wasn't going to say anything, Atsushi explained. “Uh, some people have given me crap for it before. Told me to pick a side.”

Akutagawa felt very out of his depth, but he settled his hand on Atsushi’s shoulder. “No one at the ADA, I hope. Because if so, I’ll -”

“No - no, nothing like that. I… I realized I liked both while at the orphanage. But you know, there wasn’t a lot I could do about it then. Too busy just trying to…” That far off look came across his face. Like he wasn't there any more. Akutagawa squeezed his shoulder to try and bring him back to the present. Atsushi shook his head and gave Akutagawa a grateful look before continuing, “Once I was a little settled in Yokohama, I went to a few gay bars, just to try it out. Most everyone was really nice! It was just a few people who were kind of shitty about me being bi, but then everything started getting so busy with work and I just didn’t go back. Then once things calmed down after everything with the decay of angels, I started spending time with you and I didn’t even think about going again.”

Akutagawa pulled him in to his side. Atsushi felt solid under his arm and he reveled in his warmth. His fingers traced mindless patterns over his bicep. Saying without words ‘I’m here’.

“How about you?”

“Hm?” Akutagawa hummed.

“When did you realize you like… well, I assume men, but…”

“Ah, that.” Akutagawa paused. “About a month ago.”

“What!”

Atsushi shot up and looked at him. The sudden movement made Akutagawa queasy and Atsushi balked and reached out to grab his shoulder.

“Don’t move so quickly, weretiger!”

The driver threw them a warning look and Atsushi gave him an apologetic smile before turning his attention back to Akutagawa.

“Sorry, that just surprised me. How did that happen?”

“How does anything in my life change nowadays? Because of you.” Akutagawa snorted. He settled back in his seat and leaned into the weretiger’s shoulder. Just because his head was still spinning. That was all. “I’m not generally… interested in people. On a general basis, or a romantic one. I have been tolerating you for a while, but I only realized my interest was romantic in nature last month.”

Being vulnerable like this wasn’t easy. That was something Atsushi seemed to pick up on because he didn’t comment on Akutagawa’s categorization of his feelings. Both of them knew that ‘tolerating’ was putting things mildly.

“How did that happen?” Atsushi asked gently.

“One night, when we were watching a movie. You fell asleep. You always fall asleep.” Atsushi looked away, guilty. As if he could help it when he and Akutagawa were tucked under a warm blanket after a large meal. “And you were sort of muttering to yourself. And I wasn’t sure if I should wake you. I couldn’t tell if it was a bad dream or not. I … I didn’t want you to be upset, even if it was just in a dream. And then you said my name and I just - I hoped you were dreaming about me. I guess once I had both those thoughts back to back, it just clicked. Only for you though. No one else has interested me.”

“Ah, so you’re trying to make up for twenty years of no kisses.”

“I’m trying to get as many in as I can before we-” He swallowed the self pitying words. Akutagawa turned to look out the window. A mistake. The buildings and people were blurring and he had to shut his eyes to keep his vision from swarming.

Gentle hands on his cheeks pulled him to look to Atsushi. “Hey, just look at me.” Atsushi smiled at him when their eyes met. “You’re scared. Of what?”

Akutagawa had realized his emotions around the weretiger had shifted when Atsushi started to show a more direct, blunt streak. Much as it’d enraged him to hear Atsushi throw his former obsession with Dazai in his face, part of him had been thrilled to hear his rival wouldn’t be cowed. So many people groveled the moment that he threw as much as a nasty look their way, but Atsushi never had. He’d met every barb and insult Akutagawa had thrown his way with a forthrightness and equal fervor. Atsushi never met a threat any way but head on.

Akutagawa hated that trait right now.

“I’m not scared.”

Atsushi didn’t say anything.

He just allowed the question he’d already asked linger. Akutagawa’s face in his hand. Akutagawa closed his eyes. His body itched, like a million bugs were under his skin. If this was anyone but Atsushi he’d already be striking with Rashomon, just to stop himself from feeling this way. Like everything with Atsushi, he was the exception.

So he allowed himself to tumble into vulnerability. “I thought for the longest time that Dazai had given me a reason to live. That all I needed to do to die happy was to please him. Then you wormed your way under all the defenses I put up and I dared to want for more. A good life, with you. I stopped caring about getting Dazai's approval and tried to do... better. To be better. But who am I to hope for something like that? You know what I've done in the past. There are so many reasons you should be running in the opposite direction. You’ll realize that sooner rather than later.”

“I doubt that. Akutagawa Ryuunosuke, I love you. The first half a dozen times we met, you tried to kill me. If that wasn’t a good litmus test for not running, I don’t know what is. I’ve seen you at your best and at your worst, and you know what? Your best just keeps getting better. Every day. I’m not going anywhere.”

Akutagawa closed his eyes again. Twin trails of tears trickled over his cheeks, which Atsushi brushed away with a delicate touch. He no longer felt unmoored. Atsushi made a very good harbor. “I suppose that means you’ll want me to continue this silly ‘no killing people’ thing.”

“Hm, I can’t really comment since I didn’t hold up my end of the bargain and engaged with you in a battle to the death.”

“We still have this afternoon. I could kill you for lunch. But hm, I guess I can keep trying to avoid killing others. I will make an exception if our paths ever cross with anyone affiliated with the orphanage.”

“Deal.”

Chapter Text

Dazai rapped on Chuuya’s door and waited for a response. The door opened so quickly he wondered if Chuuya had been waiting on the other side. He was still dressed in his usual outfit from when they’d parted earlier. The only difference was his hat was gone and the ginger looked tired. Like rather than resting he’d been spending the last few hours pacing around his apartment.

“It’s done.” Dazai said. His voice came out uncharacteristically somber, so he over corrected. “All taken care of, without any help from the chibi.” His voice sounded forcefully fake to his own ears. He had a feeling Chuuya read the egregious tone as well.

Chuuya scoffed and raised his goblet of wine to his lips before taking a long dreg. Dazai still stood in the doorway. “Congrats. Another feather in your cap. Is there a reason you couldn’t just text me?”

A million answers shot through his mind.

To lie.

I just wanted to see the look on your face when you found out we didn’t need your help at all.

To tell a version of the truth.

I wanted to see you.

To say words that would end this.

This was a mistake. I’m too much a mess myself to keep your heart safe.

To say words that would maybe lead to the possibility of more.

I want you.

Instead what left his mouth was, “I wanted to spend the night with Chuuya.”

Almost anything would have been better. He realized that as he saw a flash of hurt cross Chuuya’s face, only to get shoved down from years of practice dealing with Dazai’s bullshit.

“You think you can just waltz in here and - and what, I’d fuck you? I have a little self respect. I’m not dealing with your bullshit. I won’t. You don’t get to ask that of me, just because you decided to be …” Here he trailed off. Dazai realized Chuuya didn’t know how to categorize what had been happening between them the past few days. The apology. The kisses.

He brought his hand up to slam the door on Dazai’s face.

Dazai reached out a hand and caught it before it closed between them forever. His hand hit the wood with a solid thud.

“Ow, you’re strong,” he whined as he rubbed his throbbing hand.

Chuuya looked like he was considering just throwing Dazai down the stairs.

“I said the wrong thing,” Dazai said meekly.

“You never say the wrong thing. You’re fucking Dazai Osamu.”

“That’s not true.” Dazai said. He gave a bitter laugh. “When it comes to Chuuya, I think I’m always saying the wrong thing. If I ever had the right words for you, I would have told you I loved you years ago. I want to spend the night with you. I don’t care if we watch one of those terrible French movies you seem to like or we play fucking checkers. I just want to be where you are.”

Chuuya did not say anything.

He just took another sip of wine and watched Dazai breathe heavily as though that confession was wrought out of him.

Beat.

Another sip.

Dazai was still breathing raggedly as he waited for condemnation, damnation, salvation.

Finally, Chuuya finished his glass. He didn’t say anything before turning and heading back into his apartment. Dazai flinched.

Then Chuuya raised his hand and motioned for Dazai to follow him, still not uttering a word. Dazai didn’t need him to say anything. He and his partner were in sync.

He followed Chuuya and shut the door behind them.

Chapter Text

Atsushi had been to Akutagawa’s home before. He’d been here last week in fact. The heat had gone out in his dorm and he’d shown up with a box of figs and a rueful smile as he asked to crash for the night. Akutagawa had invited him in as though it was perfectly normal to have your rival show up on your doorstep for dinner on a Tuesday evening.

Things were a little different now.

Atsushi hovered near Akutagawa, ready to catch him if he fell. The dizziness was still there, but he insisted on trying to walk on his own. Atsushi had grit his teeth, but followed, as he was asked.

His home was as lavish as it’d always been, if slightly neglected from Akutagawa’s days away. Atsushi loved coming over. The house was large, large enough that Akutagawa had a study and spare room. All his furniture was imported, green velvets and dark woods that leant itself a very Akutagawa-esque air that was made for the dramatic black coats and glossy boots that its owner favored. The first few times he’d visited, Atsushi had been scared to touch anything in case he left so much as a mark. But at this point he’d been here often enough that it started to feel like home, though that might have been more because of Akutagawa than the house. Atsushi chuckled to himself. He supposed he might have figured out his crush sooner if he’d thought of the implications of feeling at home whenever he was with Akutagawa.

Atsushi removed his coat and shoes at the door and held out his arm so Akutagawa didn’t fall over as he did the same. Rashomon stayed on his shoulders and Atsushi frowned.

“I’ll go turn up the heat.”

He went to the thermostat and returned to Akutagawa’s side. Not quick enough. Akutagawa started to stumble as he tried to head down the hall. Atsushi got to him before he fell, but only because Rashomon stuck out three tendrils and braced him.

“Okay, easy there.” He placed his hands on Akutagawa’s chest and helped prop him up. Rashomon slowly retreated.

“Alright, let's get you to bed.”

He could tell Akutagawa was exhausted because he just nodded. Atsushi helped him to his bedroom and put his hand on his shoulders. “Can I take off Rashomon?”

Akutagawa hesitated, then nodded. Atsushi knew he was asking a lot. For Akutagawa to leave himself defenseless. To let Atsushi be his shield from the rest of the world. “I’ve got you.” He shrugged the cloak off his shoulders and looked him over when he was done. “We’re both pretty grimy. Do you want to rinse off before sleeping?”

“Okay, but no funny business.” Despite the exhaustion in his voice, Akutagawa sounded amused. Atsushi smiled and stepped in front of him so he could pull Akutagawa to him. He tucked him against his body and squeezed gently.

“Of course not. Now, c’mere, hold onto my arm.” Piece by piece he stripped Akutagawa’s clothing off. By the time he was leading Akutagawa into his en suite, the blush that had crept up his cheeks was a raging inferno. It was hard to avoid looking at Akutagawa and still get him into the bathroom, but somehow he managed.

It didn’t help that Akutagawa seemed very amused by the whole situation. “Are you going to bathe fully clothed, weretiger?”

“Oh - uh, I figured I’d just shower after getting you to bed.” Looking at Akutagawa’s face wasn’t much better than looking anywhere else. Not when Akutagawa was wearing an expression of smug bemusement.

“If you insist.”

Atsushi swallowed. Closed his eyes. Stripped off his clothing in a hurried rush and then stood there for a moment, furiously blushing.

His cheeks felt like they were on fire when he looked next at Akutagawa, but his nerves were slightly settled when Akutagawa looked back at him. There was only love in that expression. Even exhausted and filthy and standing naked in Akutagawa’s bathroom, Atsushi felt nothing but adoration coming from his partner.

He moved to Akutagawa’s other side and turned on the hot water. Once it was warm enough he led them both into the shower. It was one of those nice ones, that fell like rain and it was just what tired muscles needed. Atsushi stayed at the edge of the spray, allowing Akutagawa to take the majority of the heat. The raven haired man’s pallor diminished and he seemed slightly rejuvenated. Atsushi still took the shampoo from him and used it. Akutagawa’s hair was like silk under his fingers. Akutagawa tipped his head back so it rested on Atsushi’s shoulder as Atsushi lightly scratched at his scalp.

“Do you like that?” he asked.

The response came in the form of a nod that he felt more than saw. “Sleepy?” Another nod. He pressed a kiss to Akutagawa’s cheek, then began washing the shampoo out with one hand. The other wrapped around his waist, to help keep him steady and on his feet. Akutagawa took a shuddering breath, which made Atsushi pause.

“Your lungs?”

“Yeah. Sore. Still not fully recovered from running around in the snow the past few nights.”

Atsushi pushed back a few locks of wet hair and kissed Akutagawa’s temple. “Okay. Let's get you dried off and to bed. I’ll grab you some of the medicine Yosano got you before you go to sleep.” Akutagawa folded his hands over the arm wrapped around his waist.

“Just a moment, Nakajima. Let me just enjoy the warmth.”

Atsushi wasn’t sure if he was referring to the shower, or their bodies pressed together, but either way he was inclined to let Akutagawa have this. He would give him anything he wanted.

“Okay.” He punctuated his words with soft kisses to a pale shoulder, and this time when Akutagawa shivered, he was pretty sure it had nothing to do with his lungs or the temperature. Atsushi said, “Sorry,” he whispered. Right into Akutagawa’s ear. The other flushed red, and pulled away. “Sorry, sorry!”

“Stop apologizing, weretiger. Just… maybe don’t do that if we’re not uhm…”

“If we’re not going to have sex tonight?” Akutagawa made a noise between a groan and a scoff, which Atsushi chuckled at. He could see the other was flushing. “You’re not beating the Victorian child allegations there Akutagawa.” Akutagawa covered his face with his hands.

Atsushi tugged them down so he could see his face. “Are you - I mean, is this okay? I won’t tease you about it if you don’t want.”

“No, it’s fine. I just…” His voice dropped pitch as he struggled to fight through the words. “I just went from not caring about sex in any capacity to actually wanting it. These aren’t desires I’ve spoken out loud before.” In response, Atsushi squeezed the hands he was still holding.

“Well, we can talk about it more later. Alright?”

Akutagawa brought their joined hands up together so he could kiss the weretiger’s fingertips. “Very well.”

He let Atsushi take the lead in turning off the shower and bringing him a towel. Atsushi dried himself before helping Akutagawa do the same. The proximity gave Akutagawa a good view of lithe muscles. Pretty. Atsushi looked up and Akutagawa fought the urge to look away when their eyes met. Instead he reached out and ran a hand over the other’s upper arm as he admired.

In way of explanation Atsushi said, “Well, I had to work on getting stronger. I was supposed to have a fight to the death with my rival. Then I needed to be strong enough to protect him too.” He grinned. “You see, he has this terrible habit of throwing off his coat when he needs the protection the most.”

“Perhaps he wouldn’t have to do that if his rival didn’t keep sticking his nose where it didn’t belong.”

“We will never know, because that’s not going to stop.” Atsushi straightened and helped lead him to the bed. He brought over a pair of black sweatpants for Akutagawa before raiding his closet to find shorts that would fit over his hips. Akutagawa took no little pleasure in watching him look. He finally found some and put them on before leaving the room for a moment. When he came back he asked, “Did you enjoy the show?”

“Very much,” Akutagawa confirmed.

“Ha. Well, here.” Atsushi held out a few pills and a glass of water. Akutagawa took it and swallowed them before settling back down on the bed. He’d taken the left side and motioned for the weretiger to take the other. Atsushi did, after turning off the lights. It was well past sunrise at this point but large curtains kept the sun at bay.

It was funny, Atsushi had spent the night before, but always in the guest room. His heart fluttered at the thought of sleeping in Akutagawa’s bed. His very nice bed. With very nice sheets. And a very pretty man between them. Sliding under the covers felt monumentous. Holy. He was joining Akutagawa in the place where he was most vulnerable. No Rashomon. Being here indicated a level of trust that made Atsushi’s heart swell. As he settled in he reached over and found Akutagawa so he could pull him closer in the dark.

Akutagawa turned towards him. Atsushi allowed just a hint of the tiger to leak through so he could admire the face that was mere inches from his. High cheekbones. Dark eyes. Soft lips.

“Your eyes glow when they do that. Like a cat’s.” Akutagawa’s hand came up to rest on his cheek, stroking the skin just below his eyes. A gentle hand.

“O- oh. I can turn it off.”

“Don’t. It’s stunning.”

Atsushi propped himself up on one hand so he could look down to Akutagawa. Messy black and white hair was splayed across the pillow. Still damp from their shower. His chest rose and fell with steady breaths that rasped slightly. Their eyes met each others in the dim light and Atsushi smiled. He had the advantage of seeing better, but he made sure Akutagawa knew what he was doing as he dipped his head down. He closed most of the distance between them and without hesitation, Akutagawa crossed the rest.

Kissing Akutagawa was electric.

Without thought, Atsushi pressed him down into the mattress as his hand came up to rest on his chest. “Ah- sorr-”

Akutagawa shushed him with another kiss. “I’m not going to break. I’ll let you know if it's too much.”

“Please do.” He tried to give the other a stern look, but Akutagawa just grinned.

“I can’t see you,” he said in a tone that indicated he had perfectly seen the look Atsushi had given. Atsushi wasn’t able to protest further because Akutagawa snaked his arms around Atsushi’s chest and brought him down on top of him. He had to put an arm out over his head to keep his full weight from falling down. Despite Akutagawa’s insistence that he was fine, tonight had been rough for him. Atsushi wouldn’t be.

Akutagawa’s hands traveled the length of his body. Not in a way that Atsushi thought he was seeking to break their agreement to wait, but rather to explore. For a moment Atsushi wondered if Akutagawa had anyone touch him like he was precious. Something special. Maybe Gin?

He should probably stop thinking about Gin when Akutagawa’s hand was on the back of his leg. Akutagawa pulled him to the side and Atsushi allowed himself to be led. The movement slotted his leg between Akutagawa’s. He settled himself down so he was resting more fully on top, though still careful to avoid putting too much weight on him. They were roughly the same height, but Akutagawa was so much thinner, especially since Atsushi had been training and building some muscle.

Once he was settled, Akutagawa wasted no time in bringing their lips together again. Atsushi felt the deep breath he took and then they crashed together. He broke the kiss to nip at Akutagawa’s lower lip and they both groaned. “Ah, fuck,” someone said, and Atsushi had no idea which one of them it was. Maybe both of them.

He kissed him again, then pressed his tongue to Akutagawa’s lips. They opened in permission and he was diving, drowning, sinking in a mess of teeth and tongues and spit and love. Akutagawa’s hand grasped at his hair and held him close. The other was still on the back of his thigh. Holding tightly, like he was scared to let go. His nails dug into his flesh, but not hard enough to hurt, just enough to make Atsushi shudder in delight.

“Y - yeah?” Akutagawa said as Atsushi broke the kiss so they could both breathe a little. “That’s good for you?”

“Very much so,” Atsushi confirmed. His voice came out as a rumble as he nosed against Akutagawa’s neck and pressed soft kisses there. “You feel so good.” Akutagawa shuddered in response.
“Oh?”

“Weretiger,” Akutagawa started to warn.

“Did you like that? Being called good?”

“Weretiger!”

“I’m not going to say it again, not unless you tell me you want me to. If you want me to praise you, you’re going to have to ask for it with words.” Akutagawa growled in response and while Atsushi was still giggling to himself, he flipped them over so he was over the stupid weretiger. He loomed over him and looked down with as much disdain as he could muster.

The sudden movement was a mistake. His head spun and the glower he was trying to give was replaced with a look of nausea. Atsushi slowly sat up, then pulled Akutagawa into his lap and held onto him so he didn’t shift while his balance was tilted.

“Hey, you gonna get sick? I can take you to the bathroom.”

“No, just give me a moment.”

He felt stupid that his attempt to turn the tables had gone so embarrassingly wrong, but there were worst things than sitting in Atsushi’s lap as his hand rubbed his back in comfort. A few moments like this and Akutagawa could feel his mind start to drift towards sleep. Frustrating. He wanted to keep kissing Atsushi.

“I did.”

“Hm?” Atsushi said, and from the exhaustion in his voice Akutagawa knew he shouldn’t hold out hope they could resume their earlier activities.

“I did like the praise.”

“You sound so mad about it.” Akutagawa growled at him and Atsushi kissed his neck in apology. Then nibbled. He rolled the skin under his thankfully human teeth and ignored Akutagawa’s indignant scoff. When he was done leaving his mark, he kissed the spot, just as contrite as he could be.“Good boy,” he said as he looked up through white lashes and blinked innocently.

“Weretiger, you should probably stop or we’re going to have a problem.”

Atsushi paused in confusion, then Akutagawa shifted uncomfortably in his lap and he realized what was happening. “Sorry.”

“You apologize too much.”

“Sorr-” Atsushi stopped himself. Akutagawa reluctantly pulled himself off his lap and settled back down on his side of the bed. The room was finally no longer swimming. Atsushi did the same, though his hand reached out to stroke Akutagawa’s hair. It was a tender motion, one that felt sacred. Akutagawa turned on his side to look at Atsushi. In the dim light of his bedroom, the weretiger looked like an angel.

They both paused, then started laughing at the same time. Just like that, the holy reverence in the air dissipated and it was just them. Two enemies, turned rivals, turned friends, turned lovers.

Atsushi couldn’t wait to see what they became next.