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The first thing Henry does after their conversation about getting serious about starting a family is, of course, buy books. He comes home after work the very next day with a stack of them that is almost as tall as Alex when he starts piling them up on the table.
“I stopped by OutWrite,” he announces as if it wasn’t obvious.
OutWrite is Henry’s favorite bookstore in their neighborhood. Maybe in the world. It was the perfect little pocket of the universe where every book was for or by queer people and Henry had fallen in love with the place. He stopped by every time he could to chat with the couple of girls (who are coincidentally also a couple) that owned it. He knew instantly that it was the perfect place to get the kind of books he was looking for.
“I can see that,” Alex laughs,marveling at the enormous amount of books. “Were there any books left once you were done raiding the place?”
“Alex.” Henry looks at him seriously. “We have a lot to learn.”
Henry watches as Alex slides one book in particular off of the pile and shows it to him, as if he wasn’t the one who bought it. He quirks an eyebrow at him and Henry shrugs. It’s a cookbook.
“I know it’s not my strongest suit, but I’m going to have to learn.” Henry nods to himself, standing straighter.
“Baby.” Alex stands to stroke Henry’s arm reassuringly. “Your mini quiches are getting better,” he says and nods. Henry rolls his eyes.
“Well, it won’t be enough.” Henry takes the book and adds it back on the pile. “The girls said they didn’t have many cookbooks in stock at the moment, but they’ll get some more by next week.”
“I don’t want to discourage your book shopping spree because honestly? I love it. But baby, you’re not going to learn everything from books alone. We are going to learn when we have the kid here with us.”
Henry nods and replies quietly, “I just want to be prepared. I realized I don’t know the first thing about kids.”
“Henry Fox Mountchristen-Windosr,” Alex starts accusingly, and Henry stares at him. “That’s simply not true! You’ve been working at the shelter for years! Your favorite part is the kids! I’ve seen you around kids, baby. You’ve absolutely got this!”
Henry blushes at Alex’s words and brings him in for a hug, biting his own bottom lip before he kisses the top of Alex’s curls. He was so caught up in the “parent” part of the whole thing that he didn’t realize it was a lot simpler than that. They were going to get to take care of another human being, and the title didn’t matter. They both knew the basics of that. They’ve been taking care of each other for ten years. They’re together in this, and most importantly, they have plenty of love to give.
“You and me, right?” Henry finally says when he pulls back.
“You and me.” Alex agrees.
The road to actually getting a child is not as long as Alex said it might be, but it sure isn’t easy.
Once they apply, they’re taken into consideration probably way easier than if it was any other couple. At least, that’s what Alex thinks. But when Henry listens to the story of the little girl that could be theirs, he thinks it’s more like fate. Written in the stars .
There’s no convincing Alex to calm his nerves so he doesn’t go off on another rant about social injustice and classism again though, no matter how much Henry tries to reason with him. Not because Henry doesn’t agree with him about all those things, he does. Their privilege is unfair towards others, it’s true. But at least they’re helping someone who needs it.
It’s a whole process, and it takes time. The home study is extensive and they go through all kinds of paperwork, which honestly feels like giving away too much information but eventually, the day they get to meet Eva arrives.
Henry feels as if he’s going to vomit the entire contents of his stomach, which consists of only two cups of tea and a few Jaffa Cakes because nothing else would pass down his throat. The smell of Alex’s breakfast alone was making him gag, so he left him to eat alone.
He goes out for a walk before they are meant to bring Eva home, mostly to try to clear his mind. It does not help. It actually makes it worse, and he curses himself for not bringing earphones with him or something.
His entire life as he knew it, the life he grew to love, was about to change completely.
When he gets back home, he finds Alex with a stuffed lion in his hand, pacing around the living room. “They said they’re on their way,” he announces.
“Do you think we are ready?”
“We are about to find out.”
When the doorbell rings, they hold hands and look at each other. The last time it’s just the two of them. Then they open the door together.
Ever since Henry found out about Eva’s background, that her mother came from Colombia, he’s felt anxious about connecting with her. He thought that she’d look a lot more like Alex than him and they’ll have an instant connection because of it, that he’d have to work a little extra to make her feel like she belongs here with them, with him.
What Henry wasn’t expecting was the way that little girl looked at him for the first time. Her big brown eyes open and curious. It disarmed him completely. She couldn’t stop looking at him.
“Hi. I’m Henry,” he says, leaning down to where she’s sitting in her stroller. He decides to kneel down to be at eye level with her and he offers her his hand, which she hesitates to take before she grabs a few of his fingers and squeezes them. Henry smiles brightly at it. “This is Alex.” He turns to his husband and Alex waves. “You are going to be staying here with us. We have a room for you and some toys and books.”
“She really likes books,” the social worker informs them while she makes herself comfortable at the table and starts to spread out the final paperwork for them to sign.
“You do? Me too. I love books.” Henry isn’t sure how much she understands him, but he’s read that it’s good to talk to kids this age and let them know what’s going on.
They learn from the social worker that she should be talking by this age, but she isn’t. Eva is 18 months old and she’s walking fine and she likes to play and listen to music, but she’s not very chatty. She says it’s not rare for kids that don’t have the stability of a home to delay speaking, but still leaves the card for a family therapist they can consult if they’d like.
“We should show her her room.” Alex says once every last bit of paperwork is signed and the social worker leaves. “Can I pick you up?” he asks her, offering his arms to her, and she nods and lets herself be picked up.
Even though she goes shy but is comfortable with Alex, she can’t tear her eyes away from Henry as the three of them walk up the stairs.
For a girl that didn't talk, she really could scream.
When Henry and Alex finally put her down to sleep in the bedroom June and Nora helped decorate, Eva lasts a split second before screaming her little lungs out. The moment they get to the door, it’s like a siren goes off and there’s no calming her down. They pick her up and walk around the room. They take turns bouncing her. They try singing. They try reading to her. It’s like she knows if she calms down, they’re going to put her back in her cradle, and she really doesn’t want that, apparently.
Henry is about to panic. He’s questioning all of their life choices up until this point. He’s never felt so unprepared in his entire life.
“Maybe we should call the social worker?” he asks Alex as he watches him rock Eva. She’s clinging to his neck and still wailing desperately.
“I may have an idea.” Alex looks unsure when he turns to Henry. “When I was a kid, I loved sleeping over at my abuela’s, but when nighttime came, I was scared shitless to sleep alone in my room at her place. I don’t really know why.”
Alex is explaining and Henry is confused for a moment because he doesn’t understand how that’s helpful, but he’s listening and willing to do whatever Alex is going to suggest.
“I would climb into her bed and she’d let me sleep with her.” He gives Henry a knowing look and then looks at Eva. “It’s her first night in a new house with two strangers. Maybe she doesn’t want to be alone.”
“Is that allowed?”
“Sweetheart, when has that ever stop-” Alex smirks, but Henry interrupts him.
“Yes, you’re a miscreant. We know.” Henry holds out his arms to take Eva back and Alex hands her to him. “Hey,” he says softly. “Sweetheart. Would you like to sleep with us instead of sleeping here on your own?”
Eva blinks, her eyelashes dark and heavy with tears. She looks up at him, and Henry’s heart fills with an ache because he doesn’t know how to make her understand that she’s safe and they’re not going anywhere. But his heart also fills with something else, something a little brighter. Then, she nods.
“Okay,” Henry decides. “Let’s have a little sleepover then.”
Alex grins at him and Henry suspects that this was his plan all along, but he doesn’t say anything- at least, not now that Eva is starting to calm down. She’s not screaming anymore but little sobs still escape her lips. Henry soothes her, stroking her back while the three of them make it to the master bedroom.
After taking their turns changing into sleepwear, they’re all finally in bed and Henry can see that Eva is so exhausted but she’s still fighting sleep. It breaks his heart.
“You can sleep now. We’re not going to take you back to your room, sweetheart.”
“Hey, you’re stealing my nickname.” Alex teases Henry.
“Get another one.” Henry says dryly and Alex chuckles, but they all soon fall into a comfortable silence.
But when Eva doesn’t seem to be able to sleep, Henry resorts to singing again. He choses a song he remembers Arthur singing to him when he was little. Now that he’s older, there are many memories of his father that are a little blurry or unclear, but the calmness he felt whenever he heard this song in his father’s voice is something that Henry will carry in his soul forever. He could loose his memory completely but his heart would know and remember.
Stars shining bright above you
Night breezes seem to whisper "I love you"
Birds singin' in the sycamore trees
Dream a little dream of me.
Say "Night-ie night" and kiss me
Just hold me tight and tell me you'll miss me
While I'm alone and blue as can be
Dream a little dream of me
Eva’s breathing finally slows down and she turns on her side, facing Henry. She reaches out to grab the collar of his pajama top and slowly tucks herself into his chest. He hugs her close and puts his hand on top of Alex’s that rests on her back.
“We did it,” Alex whispers.
Henry nods. And finally, they all just sleep.