Work Text:
Dear Diary, whoever out there cares,
It has been so long since my mother died.
Father still doesn’t really let me out. I don’t see anyone my age besides Chloe, and she’s my friend but she and I are pretty different.
I want to explore the world, but I’m just stuck modeling and in this room on my own.
I would take a normal teen’s bedroom if it meant I could go to school and not be so lonely.
I’m thinking that when school starts up again, I’m going to go to school. It’s going to be hard without my father’s permission, but I’m going crazy. I need something more.
Every time I try to ask him when I can meet others, or go out, he just asks me if my lessons are not enough.
Last time I complained he introduced me to Kagami. We have more in common and we do fencing together.
I don’t really consider those lessons being around people my age, since we’re so focused on lessons and there’s not enough time for interactions.
I want real friends, people I chose because we have similar likes or because we just… get alone.
Not these people that my father chooses because they’re of a high enough status to be my equal.
But telling him that is like…
It’s like crying out in empty rooms. With no one there except the moon.
No one hears me. I think Nathalie does, and I think she cares a little, but she doesn’t really get my father to bend, and I don’t know if it’s that father won’t even listen to her, or if she just doesn’t care enough to try for me.
I’m fine growing up and being whatever my father wants, I like making him happy, and I’m sure my mom would be proud of me too.
But why can’t I have a childhood before that?
I…
Adrien’s tears dotted the paper after that.
He rubbed his eyes and closed the notebook before hiding it away. He had to be careful. He didn’t want his father to know about the notebook and demand to see it because Adrien had a hard time saying no.
That’s why he was formulating a plan to get into school that would see his father learning about it only after he had started.
But that was still months away.
Adrien looked around the room and stood abruptly. He had to get out.
He checked his schedule and grinned.
There was no modeling scheduled. He had already completed his lessons for the day. It was one of the rare days he had nothing scheduled.
There was just dinner at the usual time.
Adrien decided he had to get out and wander the city. He didn’t know Paris well enough despite all the shoots he had been doing.
He wanted to explore everything and grab something to snack on and just… be. He didn’t feel so alone in the city.
He wandered the city for hours, only stopping for snacks. The fresh air, being around people… it was so freeing.
But when he got home that night, it was to his father, angry at him for disappearing.
He hadn’t shown up to dinner and of course Nathalie said something to his father.
He should have thought about it.
His father didn’t even ask him why he had left. Just grounded him and told him that he wasn’t going to leave his room for anything outside of his schedule for the next month. All meals would be delivered to him unless he was supposed to be out and about.
Even then, his father had canceled lessons and modeling for two weeks so Adrien could think about what he had done. He’d be telling everyone that Adrien needed a vacation.
Adrien was in solitary confinement.
Once he was finally alone, Adrien fell to the ground like he had been a puppet held up by strings.
He laid on the floor and wondered what the point was. Why bother getting up when it would just be nothing but food for two weeks?
Why bother getting up if his father never let him do anything?
No, there was still hope… he could keep looking into schools so that he could go to school. If even that didn’t work, well, then he was out of luck and there really wasn’t a point in going on.
Adrien dragged himself to bed and eventually fell asleep thinking of his mother.
.
All Adrien had was his journal. His father would be angry if he joined any online forum and talked to anyone there.
Adrien had no one but himself.
After a few days of nothing, Adrien grew angry enough to start throwing things and destroying them.
He didn’t care about the nice things in his room that most kids would not have in their house, let alone their bedroom.
He just wanted to be able to see people. To not be alone anymore.
After the rage faded, Adrien wedged himself between a displaced couch and the wall and cried.
He hated this more than his usual daily routine.
Adrien felt the rage come and go for days, destroying more and more until he had no energy left.
At that point, he didn’t get up for food, he didn’t get up to go shower, he just scrolled through social media and his favorite sites when he was awake and bored enough, but most of the time he slept or laid awake, thinking about how his mother would have never allowed this.
Sure, he had never been the most socialized kid, but if he had told her that he wanted to go to school, she would have made it happen.
Adrien cried on and off.
He couldn’t stand being so alone. That was why he had left in the first place, but that only put him in solitary confinement, no interactions with anyone, aside from sometimes Nathalie.
When the day came that everything was to resume again, Adrien almost didn’t get out of bed.
But his father came by and reminded him that he had obligations. He had to go to his lessons and the scheduled modeling session.
Adrien got ready for his day.
It was nice to interact with people again.
None of them commented on how quiet he was, if they even noticed.
When he returned to his room, everything that had been broken was replaced. It no longer was a mess.
In fact, it looked more like it was staged for people to visit than a teenager's room.
Adrien sighed. Even in his own room he couldn’t be a kid.
He sat on his bed and sighed.
He would figure out how to sign up for school without his father. He would try to attend school.
If he couldn’t… Adrien didn’t know how long he could last, living like this. So alone. He had no one. No friends, not ones he chose.
Adrien rubbed his eyes and started looking.
He didn’t know what he would do if his plans for school fell through.
He just knew it was his last chance for a childhood. If it fell through…
There was no hope. He would be alone and isolated until he found some way to break away from his father. Or his father died.
Adrien went through his days with renewed determination. He would go to school.
No more isolation. He would make it stop. He had to make it stop. He didn’t want to be alone anymore.
.
When he did finally get to school, it didn’t work out as smoothly as he would have liked.
But even if his father hadn’t relented, Adrien no longer had to worry about being alone.
He had Plagg, Kwami of Destruction, and a friend to keep him company even at his most isolated.
That meant more than anyone would ever understand.