Chapter Text
"Ah, I'm not sure Master Diluc has ever been with anyone! He's too uptight!"
"No, idiot! He had a wife! Their wedding was everywhere."
"Well, besides her, obviously! Plus, they divorced. Maybe he's not a good lover?"
Gossip about himself makes its way to Diluc's ears as he serves a customer, and he sighs.
Someone slides up to him.
"Master Diluc, tell me, you ever been in love?"
He clenches his jaw and puts a glass down pointedly, the satisfying clunk making the person back off.
Nearly every night, the same line of questioning is brought up, and every time, he ends it before they can figure anything out.
That night, a couple more people try again to pry, and he shuts them down just as effectively, a common practice which has led to the regulars of the Angel's Share truly believing that Diluc has never been in love.
When he goes home and he lies in bed, the smell of alcohol having made its way onto him even though he's not touched a drop, he sometimes feels it too.
He sees how they could think that. He's cold, and he's not very social, but...
Some of them guess differently. They think he has a past of broken hearts, a trail behind him of lovers who miss him desperately.
He doesn't think of it that way. To him, it just feels a bit sad.
He has a history of failed relationships, sure. A history of what felt like true love, but burned out quicker than he could fan the flames.
So he lies in bed and he stares at the ceiling and his mind wanders. He wonders where it began. Where his bad luck started.
Suddenly, his ceiling is a sky and he is sixteen.
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Thoma sticks his hands in his pockets and hums as he walks. His hair is down and his smile is wide and he's next to Diluc as they walk to Windrise together.
He looks at Diluc, and finds that he's being watched intently by red eyes that dart away once they've been caught.
"You're allowed to look at me."
"I know I am."
"Then why do you keep looking away?"
"Dunno."
Thoma smiles and reaches out and holds Diluc's hand, and the Ragnvindr boy smiles to himself and tries not to let himself interpret it as anything more than friendly.
It's a sunny day. On sunny days, good ones with a solid breeze and a bright open sky, it feels like you own the world.
Especially when you're sixteen and you don't have too much to be worrying about. Of course, Diluc is a Captain by now, so he has a job, but he has a day off today since it's the weekend, and he wants to spend it with Thoma.
Windrise comes into view and Thoma turns to Diluc.
"I'll race you."
Red hair whips as he turns to face him.
"What?"
"Race. To the tree."
"I'll beat you, easy."
"Really?"
"Yes, obvio-" Thoma runs off.
"Hey! You didn't count down!"
The reply he's given is just a laugh, loud and free in the morning, and Diluc smiles to himself and chases after Thoma, catching up by the Statue of the Seven and crashing into him.
Thoma manages to hold them both up and giggles, out of breath.
Diluc smiles at him, watches him laugh, and it's catching, so he laughs too and not long later they're both laughing hysterically, trying to get the other to shut up by playfighting.
Diluc pushes his hand over Thoma's mouth and gets shoved, and then Thoma grabs his arm and twists, and Diluc pulls off his headband to let his ginger fringe into his eyes and they're both laughing and trying to tell each other to stop laughing and then Thoma gets this look in his eyes, this look that makes Diluc pause, and then he kisses him.
Thoma's lips are soft and his hands let go of Diluc's arm and lift and gently brush his jaw, just like how the breeze is brushing the leaves above them, a prayer to ask him not to pull away just yet.
Diluc has never been kissed before. He quite likes it, and when Thoma pulls away after a second he misses the warmth on his lips.
They stare at each other, both equally shocked by what just happened but neither of them running away.
Thoma frowns.
"Sorry. I- um-"
Diluc shakes his head. He doesn't know what to say. He can't word it.
He's liked Thoma for ages, he even broke up with Jean because of it, and he'd been going out with her since they were ten, but he didn't think- well, he thought maybe all that holding hands was platonic, and that Thoma got so close to him because he didn't know he liked him.
He didn't expect this, is all, but his mouth can't form the words, so instead he just moves forwards and kisses Thoma again.
Their hands link, and Thoma leans into it, having to go onto his tiptoes to account for the small height difference.
The breeze brushes the leaves and they pull apart again, both of them smiling at each other.
Diluc wants to ask what this means, what Thoma wants them to be, are they boyfriends now? If Kaeya asks what they are again, does he say boyfriends now?
But it doesn't feel right to speak, to interrupt the careful peace of this morning, so they don't.
Thoma grins, his hair in his eyes, and Diluc slides his headband on.
"There. Now you can see." He mutters, and Thoma thanks him for something else entirely.
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It was a dark day, and Diluc was running faster than he'd ever run before.
His boots hit the ground and skidded as he turned a corner, desperate to reach the dock before the boat left.
He could't breathe. This couldn't be real.
He crashed into someone and shouted an apology, already too far away for them to hear it.
Finally, his boots touched the planks of the dock, and he spotted the sailing boat, and he spotted Thoma, that red jacket and bright ginger hair burned into his eyes.
"Thoma!" He called, and the head of ginger hair turned to look at him.
He was on the boat already. Diluc ran up to it, his chest heaving with his breaths, and stepped on, wobbling but desperate to just- just-
He crashed into him, hugging him and desperately holding onto his shoulders.
"Where are you going? Why? Why didn't you tell me? Why are you leaving us?"
Thoma passed something in his hand to someone else and hugged Diluc back, his cheek against his neck.
"I'm sorry. I'm going. I... I don't know when I'll be back. I'm going to see my dad."
"You- no, you- you're just- just like that?"
"I'm sorry." He whispered, and Diluc stood up and stared into his eyes, still out of breath.
He grabbed his jacket and brought their lips together, and Thoma's hand came up to hold his arms.
They stayed there, Diluc pressing them together like he never wanted to part again, for what felt like an eternity, but at some point, they needed air, so Thoma had to pull away.
"Listen, I-"
Diluc kissed him again, clinging to this last bit of time, because what if he never comes back? What if he decides he likes Inazuma more than here?
Thoma pushed him off, and it was quiet. Diluc was gasping in air, and he looked like he was going to burst out crying.
"Diluc-"
"I... I'll miss you."
Thoma frowned and Diluc's hands let go of his jacket, his fingers jumping back as if he was toxic to the touch, as if if he held on he'd never let go again.
Thoma watched him as he got off of the boat and turned to watch him leave.
His red hair was everywhere, flames pouring down his shoulders, his eyes the same shade to match. He still had a baby face, and his clothes were still fancy, rich-people clothes that told anyone that this was a Ragnvindr, if the hair wasn't already obvious enough. He usually had a stubborn expression, or a grin when he'd thought of something stupid to pull, and he was silly and mischievous and...
He was Diluc. Diluc Ragnvindr. And Thoma loved him, but he couldn't stay with him.
He got told to sit down because the boat is setting off now, so he took his bottle of wine for his father back from the person he gave it to a second ago and he sat down and he tried not to lose sight of Diluc.
The boat lurched and began moving away, and Diluc stared, his arms hanging by his sides and his red eyes not leaving Thoma's until the boat was just a speck on the horizon, off to Inazuma.
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Diluc sighs, covering his face with his hands and scratching at the red stubble underneath his fingers.
Dwelling on his first ever heartbreak isn't a good idea, or a normal person thing to do. Plus, Thoma's gone now. He's off in Inazuma, and the Sakoku Decree doesn't exactly mean he's coming back any time soon.
And if he's gonna dwell on past breakups, there's plenty of more painful ones he can dig up. For god's sake, he's divorced, and he's only twenty-seven!
It feels like he's older.
He feels like he's older.
When did he grow up? When did all that happen?
It's the middle of the night, but the winery's only permanent resident is him, so he doesn't need to try and be quiet as he walks downstairs and finds a box in his office.
There are letters here. Important, personal ones that he doesn't like to be shared.
He finds a specific one, with handwriting he knows by heart, and sits by a lamp as he reads it.
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To Diluc Ragnvindr,
It's been years. Ten of them, exactly. We're both twenty-seven now, as long as you've managed to survive so far.
I'm sorry I haven't written to you since I left. I'm sorry I haven't tried.
The Sakoku Decree has been oppressive and controlling over everything that enters and leaves Inazuma. I haven't been allowed.
I wrote, I just didn't send.
I have piles of letters to you, a whole novel of ten years of missing home.
I think Inazuma is home now. I'm not sure.
I didn't die on my way here. The boat crashed. I was the only survivor. I washed up on an Inazuman beach, and someone took me in. He gave me a job in return for a home. His name is Kamisato Ayato. I'm grateful to the Kamisato family for saving me, and for offering me the job of being their housekeeper. I don't know where I'd be without them.
I'm safe. I'm alive. I missed you.
Maybe I'll come to Mondstadt one day to visit you, and Kaeya and Jean. How are they? How are you? How is your father?
You don't need to write back, but if you do want to, the address attached and my name will get your letter to me safely.
May the anemo archon protect you, and may this letter get to your eyes.
Thank you for waiting.
Thoma.