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Chapter Text

The blue light faded as Sam leaped into yet another body. He looked around at his surroundings. Much to his shock, he was in some sort of white room surrounded by men wearing the strangest uniforms and pointing guns at a door.

It looked like some bad sci-fi movie or something. Sam looked down and noticed that he was wearing armor that looked to be made of solid gold. He moved his arms around in amazement, trying to be discreet. Next to him, he suddenly noticed, was some sort of blue and white machine on what might be legs? This had to be a movie, he concluded. He was acting in some B-list sci-fi movie.

All of a sudden, the door opened, revealing dozens of people in white armor who immediately started to shoot at the men. Sam instinctively bolted for cover in shock. It looked like the troops were shooting some kind of light blasters. Immediately, he noticed the inaccuracies in the weapons. It was impossible to see light be shot from a blaster, since light moved so quickly the shot would be instantaneous. No, this movie was not going to do well at the box office. Still, he ducked for cover, unsure of what his role was as he tried to avoid the shots.

A trooper near Sam was suddenly shot in the chest and collapsed to the ground. Sam winced. That looked painful. He hoped the man was okay. He carefully pulled him aside to check on him, only to gasp as he put his hand on the man’s chest.

The trooper had no pulse. He was dead.

There was no blood, only a burn above his armor. It seemed impossible, but this scientifically-inaccurate blaster had killed this man.

Sam gulped, starting to get a really worrying feeling.

“Cut! Cut!” he yelled, jumping up. “Cut!”

“What the kriff are you talking about?” another trooper shouted over the firing. “Cut what? Get to safety, droid! He’ll be on his way soon!”

Sam swallowed in terror. It couldn’t be… could it?

Before he could process this terror, Sam instantly felt cold, as if he had been dunked in ice water. He heard the sound of heavy breathing. Hiding behind a corner, he watched as a person decked out in all black, the white troopers surrounding him, made his way through the room. Everything about this man spelled power. Terror. He had had his suspicions, but when that man in black showed up, Sam knew for sure.

This was no movie.

“Oh boy,” he gulped.

“Sam! This way!”

Sam spun around instantly. It was the voice of the person he desperately wanted to hear now. Al Calavicci signaled for Sam to follow him as he ran down a corridor.

“There’s a bathroom around this corner, two doors to the left! We’ll talk in there!”

Following his hologram’s instructions, Sam quickly found what seemed to be the bathroom and ducked in, slamming the door rapidly as his heart beat faster than it had in a long time.

“Okay, they won’t find you in here,” Al said, appearing next to him.

“What the hell is happening, Al?” Sam asked. “I thought I was in some bad movie at first, but then they all started shooting at each other, and people were dying, and then that man in the black suit came, and it was so cold–”

“I know, Sam, I know,” Al said. “We’re all freaking out back at HQ too. This leap… something’s different about it.”

“You’re telling me,” Sam muttered. “What does Ziggy say is going on?”

Al looked a little uncomfortable. “Well, uh… that’s the thing… you haven’t looked in a mirror yet, have you?”

Sam shook his head. “No, Al, I haven’t. I was too busy not getting shot!/”

“Well, you’d better,” was all Al would say. Sam turned around and gasped as he saw his reflection for the first time since leaping in.

In the mirror was what could only be described as a robot. Made of a gold metal, facing him were circular unblinking eyes and a mouth that would not move. He was a robot.

“I… I’m a robot,” Sam said out loud. An idea that he had been forming in his head fully came to be as he voiced his question. “Al… am I in the future?”

To Sam’s surprise, Al shook his head. “That’s just it, Sam. Not only are you in the past, but you’re billions of years in the past. In a whole other galaxy.”

Sam gaped. He had not been expecting that.

“It’s a long time ago, Sam. In a galaxy far, far away.”

Chapter Text

“This can’t be right,” Sam said for the third time.

“I’m telling you, it is!” Al insisted for the third time. “Ziggy swears on it, and she can’t believe it either! Do you realize what this means, Sam?”

“That the universe is far bigger than we realized,” the Quantum Leaper finally said. This, hands down, had to be the strangest leap he had ever experienced. He was a robot , billions of years in the past , in another galaxy !

Normally, Sam would be thrilled at this discovery, but given that he had just narrowly avoided being shot and was still recovering from the chill he had felt from the man in all black...

“Human-like aliens existing billions of years in the past,” Sam muttered. “Unbelievable….”

“You’re telling me,” Al said. “This leap breaks every law of science and nature! Ziggy can’t believe this.”

“Well what does she say?” Sam finally asked. “What does she know about this?”

“Not much,” Al admitted. When Sam gave him an incredulous look, he added, “It’s billions of years in the past in a whole 'nother galaxy! Ziggy’s been trying, but information is pretty much non-existant! All Ziggy was able to recover is this.” Al tapped a few buttons on the handlink as he talked. “Some sort of lone transmission that Ziggy couldn’t trace, it’s not much, but it’s all the information we’ve got. Listen to this.”

Al pressed the last button and for a moment there was silence. Sam gave Al a confused look, only for Al to hold up a finger that signaled “Wait for it.”

That was when the music erupted. Sam flinched in shock. “What was that?” he asked.

Al shrugged. “No idea. It just came with the transmission. Ziggy liked it, she always had a flair for the dramatic.”

Before Sam could say something else, words started to be projected out of the handlink, revealing shocking information:

“ It is a period of civil war.

Rebel spaceships, striking

from a hidden base, have won

their first victory against

the evil Galactic Empire.

During the battle, Rebel

spies managed to steal secret

plans to the Empire's

ultimate weapon, the DEATH

STAR, an armored space

station with enough power

to destroy an entire planet.

Pursued by the Empire's

sinister agents, Princess

Leia races home aboard her

starship, custodian of the

stolen plans that can save her

people and restore

freedom to the galaxy.... ”

“What was that all about?” Sam finally asked.

“Beats me. We have no idea where it came from or why it was even made, but this is all we know about whatever galaxy you’re in.”

“Okay,” Sam said, trying to process the recording. “So there’s some civil war going on… evil Galactic Empire… evil Galactic Empire?”

Al nodded. “Yeah, Ziggy’s trying to scan for any reports of these guys. From what we can tell, they sound an awful lot like space Nazis.”

Sam winced. He had a special hatred for prejudice and discrimination and loathed hateful groups like the KKK or the Nazis. The hatred had only intensified after all his leaps and had lived the lives of the people these groups targeted.

“And this ‘Galactic Empire’ has a space station that can destroy an entire planet?!”

“That’s what this transmission says. But remember the ending, this Princess Leah has the plans to this Death Star thing! By the way, Death Star? Really? Why don’t they just call it ‘the Evil Space Station that Blows Up Planets?’”

“So I have to stop an entire civil war?!” Sam asked, appalled.

“Er, no,” Al assured him, checking the handlink. “According to Ziggy, you have to make sure that the plans to this Death Star get to the rebels. If the rebels get the plans, they can destroy the Death Star and stop it from blowing up any planets. But that’s all she’s got. Not who you are, or anything else about this galaxy.”

“Okay,” Sam took a deep breath, trying to process all this. “I’m a billion years in the past, in another galaxy, there’s a civil war going on against space Nazis, there’s a a princess who has the plans to destroy the space station that can destroy entire planets , and, oh, yeah! I’m a robot! Am I forgetting anything?”

Al thought for a moment. He checked the handlink before saying, “Oh, yeah! If you don’t find the princess right now, she’s going to get captured.”

Sam sighed. “Okay, good.” Then what Al said sank in for both of them. “ What?! ” they both exclaimed.

Sam instantly ran out of the bathroom, searching for the princess, Al right behind him.

“Come on, come on, come on,” Sam hissed. “Where are you, Your Highness?”

“Sam!” Al suddenly called. “Over here!”

Sam quickly followed his friend’s directions, leading him to a woman in all white kneeling to the blue and white machine from earlier.

“Whoa,” Al gaped. “Look at her, Sam! She’s–”

“About to get caught,” Sam reminded his libidinous friend. “Your Highness!” he called out.

The woman suddenly stood up, turned and ran before Sam could reach out to her. He moved to follow her, only for the blue and white machine to move in the opposite direction and beep at Sam. At first the Quantum Leaper ignored the machine’s beeps until Al kneeled down at the machine and said, “Uh, Sam? I think it’s trying to talk to you.”

Sam looked frustrated. “Is this really important, Al? The princess is about to be captured, and she has the plans to the Death Star! If she gets caught, do you know how many people will die? Entire worlds, Al!” The idea of a planet-destroying weapon had really gotten to Sam, and he was determined to see it destroyed before it could cause any harm.

“But that’s the thing, Sam,” Al said, reading from the handlink. “The princess doesn’t have the plans.” He gestured to the blue and white machine. “This little guy does.”

Sam stopped in his tracks at that. “What?”

Al kneeled down, looking at the machine. “I think this guy’s another robot, like you, Sam.”

The machine–bot suddenly beeped frantically and stepped back away from Al. The Observer raised an eyebrow. “Can he see me?”

He raised a hand. “Hey, little guy. Can you see me?”

The blue and white robot continued to beep frantically, sounding almost annoyed.

“Okay, he can see me,” Al nodded. “So robots can see me then? Or is it just this guy?”

“Does it matter?” Sam snapped. “The princess is still in danger! I won't let anyone be lost, Al.”

The robot beeped frantically, clearly trying to tell Sam something.

“He's trying to tell you something, Sam. Can you understand it?” Al asked.

“No. Why should I be able to?”

“Well, you’re the robot!” Al threw his hands in the air.

“No I’m not, remember!” Sam snapped.

The robot was still beeping frantically.

“Can Ziggy understand what it’s saying?” Sam asked.

“Oh, good idea.” Al tapped a few buttons on the handlink. “Gooshie! Have Ziggy translate this robot’s language!”

After a moment, Al frowned. “What? C'mon!”

“What did Gooshie say?” Sam asked.

“He says the robot’s code is too complex to translate with our technology. But you might be able to help.”

“Me? How?”

“Well, not you, you. The robot you’ve leaped into. He might be able to understand.” Al tapped another button on the handlink, opening the door to the Imaging Chamber. “I’m gonna go talk to Rosie the Robot and see what I can get out of him.”

“You can’t just leave me here!” Sam hissed. “We know nothing about this time and place! What am I supposed to do?”

Al shrugged. “You want my advice? Follow the little guy.”

“What?” Sam turned around, only to find that the blue and white robot had vanished. After quickly scanning the area, he spotted the robot swerving around. “Hey! Come back here!”

While Sam went off to chase the smaller robot, Al stepped through the door to the Imaging Chamber and closed it.

“My word,” C-3PO muttered. “Your computer droid does not seem to like me very much.”

“Yeah, join the club,” Al muttered. He was in the Waiting Room, trying to get information out of this robot. It was freaky to see Sam moving and talking like this. For all of his friend’s uptightness, he had never been as robotic as he looked now, with the robot in Sam’s body.

“In my thirty-two years of being active, I have never encountered a droid with such a satirical personality.”

“Droid,” Al repeated. “You mean android?” He had heard Sam use that term before to describe artificial intelligence. Sam had tried to explain the difference, but Al hadn’t been able to follow.

“Well, yes,” C-3PO nodded. “With all due respect, Admiral Calavicci, when can I return to my ship? The princess will be needing me.”

“Soon,” Al promised. “We just need you to help us so we can help you. Now, our ‘droid’ is having some trouble understanding your friend back there, the little blue and white guy.

“Oh, you mean R2-D2,” C-3PO said. “He is my counterpart, and I have known him for as long as I can remember. I do hope he is not bothering your friend.”

“Well, we’ll find out as soon as we can understand what he’s saying. Now, Gooshie says–”

“Gooshie?” C-3PO looked perplexed. “What is a Gooshie?”

“He’s my friend,” Al explained. “He’s got a weird mustache and really, really bad breath. Dr. Irving Gushman. He thinks that if we upload your code to Ziggy, we can upgrade him and we’ll be able to understand what your friend… R-Two-D-Two… is saying.”

C-3PO seemed to consider that. “Theoretically, that might work… but the odds of success are 52.71% to 1.”

Al shrugged. “Well, we’ve beaten worse odds before. C’mon, let’s get to work.”

“Come on, where are you going?” Sam asked, growing more and more frustrated.

The robot looked like he was trying to get a message across to Sam, who was still unable to understand.

“Where are we going? Where is Princess Leia?”

The robot took Sam all over the ship, hiding whenever troopers showed up. Finally, they came to a hatch of some sort.

“What are you doing?” Sam asked. The robot appeared to be fiddling with the components somehow. A door opened and the robot drove into it.

“This is an escape pod,” Sam realized, following the robot in. “But we can’t leave! The princess–”

Before Sam could finish, the door closed and the pod ejected.

“OH, BOY!”