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“Oh no, no, no, I am not going to our high school reunion. You couldn’t make me if you promised that Beyonce and Taylor Swift were coming. No way. Forget it, Scott.” Stiles closes his cash register and tucks the bag of neatly counted cash underneath his arm. He sticks his phone in between his ear and shoulder. “Why would you even want to go anyway?”
“Because it’ll be great! We’ll get to touch base with some old friends,” Scott says. “Besides, I heard through the grape-vine that Derek Hale might be there. Maybe you can finally score a date with him!”
Stiles bends down to his safe in his office and starts spinning the dial to unlock it. He winces and has to take a moment before he braces himself for the one hundred and thirteenth lie he’s ever said about Derek to Scott. Not that’s he’s been counting. “Yeah, yeah, maybe. That’d be strange. I don’t know. I don’t think I’ll be coming.”
“Free food, Stiles.”
He laughs as he throws his cash bag into the safe. He’d done well today. Stiles closes up the safe and spins the dial. When he stands up, he says, “Scott, free food doesn’t work anymore. I’m all grown up.”
Scott snorts. “Erica said she’ll be there on Facebook.”
Stiles’ eyebrows shoot up. Erica had been one of his best friends in high school. There are few people better than her. She’d ended up taking off with Vernon Boyd - the shy kid that everyone thought was a mute because he never spoke to anyone ever under any circumstances - and traveled for six years. They’d lost touch and he’d just been telling Scott two weeks ago about how he missed her and her crazy in his life.
“I’ll be there.”
Scott shouts in triumph and Stiles finishes locking up his shop. By the time he’s walking down the street, he’s said goodbye to his best friend. He can’t help but wonder what this means for him and Derek. They’d spent the last summer of high school secretly dating each other. They’d been so happy. So in love. Stiles shivers at the thought of seeing him again.
The damn man will probably look even better than he did. Stiles tugs his sweater close and waits for the bus. He really needs to get a new car, but after his Jeep finally died last month, he can’t bring himself to get a new one. Stiles looks down at his phone.
He wonders what Derek’s first words will be when they see each other again. Probably something lame like Hi, how have you been? or maybe he’d ask him to remind him of who he is. Fuck knows Derek had been embarrassed by him back in high school. Who’s to say he’d even acknowledge him now?
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Stiles promises himself he won’t spend the night looking for Derek, and it turns out that he doesn’t have to. Derek is standing on the other side of the gym, tugging at his bow tie and looking especially annoyed. Stiles turns away and focuses on Scott.
“Think Allison will be here?”
“I hope so. But she’s probably married with three kids by now. She was always meant to be a great mother and to have all the happiness in the world,” Scott says. He looks at Stiles. “Think she’ll remember me?”
"Scott, you dated her for six years. I think you’re good,” Stiles says, shaking his head with amusement. “C’mon, buddy. Let’s get some alcohol into our systems. Tell me if you spot Erica, okay?”
“Okay,” Scott says. He looks around nervously. “I really hate that Allison and I broke up. I miss her all the time. But she’s right. We needed to experience life apart.”
“And now that you have?” Stiles asks.
“I want to experience the rest with her,” Scott responds. He nudges closer to Stiles at the bar, trying to get in between him and someone else. “Lydia still refuses to tell me how to get into contact with her, so I’m hoping she’s going to show.”
“Lydia is a tough person to crack. She probably thinks of it as some sort of test. To see how hard you’ll work to get to her or something,” Stiles says after they order their drinks. “I see Isaac.”
“Isaac?” Scott spins on his feet to look in the same direction as Stiles. “Wow, he got super mega hot. Let’s go say hi.”
“Okay,” Stiles says. He thanks the bartender for his drink and they start to walk over when Stiles spies Derek looking at him. Fuck, fuck, fuck. He adverts his gaze almost immediately and joins the table with Scott. “Hey, Isaac.”
“Hey guys,” Isaac says, smiling at both of them. “It’s been a long time, eh? Did you guys just get here?”
“Yeah. You’re the first person we’ve even talked to. Except for Caitlin at the Check-In table,” Scott tells him. "You?”
“Other than Caitlin, and um…my girlfriend…” Isaac hesitates before he says, “Scott, I don’t know how to say this. I’m…dating Allison.”
Scott’s shoulders drop. Stiles looks upward. He doesn’t want to deal with a depressed Scott tonight. But then Scott says, “Too bad. I was really hoping you were single.”
Stiles’ lips part and he tries to muffle his laughter. When he realizes he can’t contain it, he excuses himself from the table. He wanders over to the snack table and watches them from a distance. Scott hasthat look on his face. The look that says he’s completely captured by Isaac. Stiles has only ever seen Scott wear that look around Allison before.
He grazes the veggies and dip for a few minutes and scans the room. He sees a bunch of familiar faces. Some that he doesn’t remember or recognize. Then he spots Erica and Vernon Boyd entering the gym.
“No freaking way.”
After all this time, they’re still together. He’s surprised and he makes his way towards her. When she sees him, she shouts, “Stiles!”
Then she’s rushing to throw her arms around him. She gives him a bunch of kisses on his cheeks and then drags him towards Boyd. “Vernie, do you remember Stiles?”
“Of course. He was one of the few people who were nice to me,” Boyd says, with a bright smile. He holds out his hand and Stiles shakes it. “Nice to see you again, Stiles. Erica only came to see you again.”
Stiles grins. “I only came to see you again!”
“Really?” she says, eyebrows up. She leans in and whispers, “What about Hale?”
Stiles shakes his head, hoping she’ll drop it. Erica had figured out his secret affair with Derek Hale two months after it started. She’d caught them sneaking into an empty room once and had confronted him. Stiles hadn’t been able to tell anyone else, and when it was over, he’d been too embarrassed to admit he was Derek Hale’s dirty little secret.
“Boyd’s cool. He’s my husband now.”
“Soon-to-be husband,” Boyd corrects, smiling at her like she can do no wrong. “She has a question for you.”
“Will you be my best man?!” Erica blurts. She’s never looked so happy, so beautiful.
Stiles starts laughing. “You never did things the normal way, huh, Erica? I’m so happy for you both - congratulations. And yes, I’d be honoured to be your best man.”
Erica throws her arms around him. “I knew it’d be like nothing changed.”
“Same.” He melts into her hug a little longer than usual. It’s been a long time since he’s felt her that close. For a while, Erica was the only one he could turn to when he had issues with Derek. She was the only one he could trust. Not that he couldn’t trust Scott. But he’d promised Derek he wouldn’t breathe a word to anyone. It’s not his fault that Erica had caught them. Really. It’s not.
“Have you talked to Hale?” Erica asks, glancing across the room. “I’m guessing by the way he’s panting after you, no.”
“He’s not panting. Still the Drama Queen I see,” Stiles teases. “I missed you after high school.”
“I know. I’m sorry I took off without a proper goodbye. It wasn’t planned,” Erica says, glancing at Boyd. She grabs his hand and leans into him. “I was talking to Boyd at graduation and he was saying how he wished he could see the world, and I just….I wanted to give him that. So I took all of my money from my mom’s death and we took off.”
Stiles smiles. “I know. I kept updated on stuff through Facebook and Instagram. You’re terrible at replying to messages.”
“I know. Sorry. But okay, whoa, Scott and Isaac seem pretty into each other?” Erica says, looking behind Stiles. She wiggles her finger in the air.
He turns to see that she’s correct. “Isaac’s dating Allison.”
"Harsh,” Boyd murmurs. “Well, maybe they’ll all work something out.”
Stiles snorts. He couldn’t see Scott being down for a poly relationship. But then Scott laughs at something Isaac says and lets his hand settle on his arm. Stiles might have to reconsider his original thought. Scott seems very comfortable with Isaac, very quickly.
“Oh god, here comes Ally,” Erica whispers. “Think they’re will be drama? Awkwardness? I can’t look away.”
Stiles loves her so much. She’s always down to creep other people’s lives. He steps beside her to have a better view. Allison and Scott hug, and it doesn’t seem as awkward as it should’ve been. She joins them at the table and soon they’re all laughing about something.
“Boyd might be right,” Stiles murmurs. “Go Scottie.”
Erica laughs. “Boyd’s got a sixth sense about things like that. Right, Boyd?”
“Right. And my sixth sense is telling me we should walk away right now,” Boyd says, gently leading Erica away from Stiles. He adds, “Good luck, Stilinski.”
Stiles has no idea why they’re walking away until he turns to see Derek coming closer. He has no where to run, so he stays where he is. Leaning against the wall, and hoping that Derek would be polite and continue walking.
“I was in love with you,” are Derek’s first words to him. Those aren’t lame at all. They leave Stiles a little at loss for words, because he hadn’t prepared himself for that.
“Wh–?” is all Stiles can manage.
“I was in love with you, you know. And I’m so sorry that I kept that from you.” Derek straightens his shoulders. “The last time we saw each other, you asked me if it had meant anything to me at all. It did.”
“Oh for fuck’s sake,” Stiles murmurs. He runs a hand through his hair and shifts on his feet as though he’s going to walk away. But he can’t. He can’t leave now. “I–I know.”
“You know?” Derek asks, seeming surprised now.
“I knew you loved me too. I had–at the end there–I had wanted you to say it then. But you didn’t. I still knew.” Stiles shakes his head and huffs. “What the fuck, Derek? You can’t just come up to someone and say shit like that.”
Derek tilts his head. “But I needed you to know. It’s been haunting me for the past ten years.”
Stiles can’t look away from Derek’s face right now. He wants to. He wants to be anywhere else but here. God, Derek always had to be so damn difficult with his feelings. He nods.
“Yeah. Yeah, but it hasn’t been haunting me for the past nine and a half.”
Derek’s lips part and Stiles is finally walking away from him. He goes up to the bar and orders a shot of tequila. It’s going to take many more shots to get him through this evening. He can feel it.
He glances back to see Derek staring at him.
♚♞♚♞♚♞
“Stiles,” Derek breathes. His breath is hot against Stiles’ ear and of course, that turns him on. Everything about Derek turns him on. All the time. Every day. Stiles is pinned against the wall by Derek and he feels like he’s going to crawl out of his skin if Derek doesn’t touch him right now.
“Fuck,” Stiles whispers. “Fuck, Derek, I can’t do this.”
Derek freezes, pulling away from Stiles a bit.
“You’re not naked enough. We’re not naked enough. Take my clothes off already. Please. Fuck me,” Stiles begs. He arches against Derek, pulling him closer. “I can’t get enough of you.”
“Oh thank god,” Derek murmurs. Then he’s carefully tugging Stiles’ shirt up with his fingers trailing along his stomach.
“You’re such a tease,” Stiles whispers, his breath hitching.
“You love me like this,” Derek whispers back.
"I do, I do,” Stiles says before Derek’s lips are on his again. He feels like he’s drowning in Derek. He doesn’t even care. It’s not a bad way to go.
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“You can’t ignore him all night,” Erica points out twenty minutes later. “He’s going to come up and corner you into talking.”
Stiles takes a swig of his drink before he answers her. “I’m so fucked. Did I tell you what he said to me? The first time we’ve spoken in ten fucking years and he starts with–”
“‘I was in love with you.’ Yeah, you told me.” Erica pats his knee and shakes her head. “You’re pathetic, Stiles. Because you’re totally still in love with him and you have no idea.”
“Nope. No way,” Stiles says, shaking his head. “Don’t you think if I was in love with him still that I would’ve jumped his gorgeous, grown-up bones by now?”
Erica laughs. She doesn’t respond, but gives him an amused look and gets up from the table. She rubs her thumb against his cheek for a couple seconds, and then wanders over to Lydia and one of the twins…probably Aiden. Stiles has no idea how everyone seems to remember one another. Hell, maybe Lydia’s talking to the other twin. Eric…Ethan? Whatever.
He glares at his drink. He’s not drunk, and he still has a while before he’ll be nearly drunk enough to talk to Derek again. Of course, with her leaving, it’s the perfect opportunity for Derek to join him.
Stiles realizes this a second too late. Derek has already sat down in Erica’s place.
“That seat is taken,” Stiles says, glaring at Derek.
“Yes. By me. Listen, Stiles, I’ve spent ten years trying to figure out how to tell you how I feel.”
Stiles raises an eyebrow. “You’ve wasted ten years then. It doesn’t matter to me how you feel.”
“You don’t mean that. You can’t mean that,” Derek murmurs. He leans into Stiles and puts his fingertips onto the tips of Stiles’ fingers. “I missed my chance ten years ago. I don’t want to miss my chance to tell you how I feel now. I can’t go another ten years knowing that you’re out there, waiting to have an excuse to see you again.”
Stiles rolls his eyes. “God, you’re being so dramatic, Derek. When did you turn into the Drama Queen? I thought that was Erica.”
“And you’re being an ass,” Derek snaps. “I know I hurt you.”
“Do you?” Stiles asks, leaning towards Derek. “Do you have any idea? I spent the following five years after high school questioning everything I knew about myself. Is this guy really into me or am I going to be another dirty little secret? What if he doesn’t want his friends to know about me? Do I know what love even is if I’m just a big, fat embarrassment to other people? How can anyone love me, ever want to be with me, if the guy I had a secret affair with couldn’t even love me publicly? And oh fuck, my favourite questions that kept me up at night - why didn’t he fight for me? Am I not worth fighting for? How could you give me up so easily? How could you cut me out of your life like that?”
Derek doesn’t seem to have any answers to that. Stiles goes to the bar for another shot. It’s going to be a long ass night.
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“I wish it could always be like this,” Derek whispers into Stiles’ chest. They’re curled up in a small clearing in the middle of the woods. It’d become their secret spot, their safe place from the rest of the world. Stiles has his hands behind his head, lying on his back, and Derek curled up into him with one arm wrapped around him tightly.
Stiles nods. “Me too. Things seem so perfect, so right, when we’re out here together.”
“Problems no longer exist,” Derek adds. “No longer matter.”
Stiles takes one hand from behind his head to rub his fingers in Derek’s hair. “When we started this, did you think it would last this long?”
Derek’s quiet for a moment. Finally, he says, “No. I didn’t think we’d ever start this. But I’m so glad we did.”
Stiles chuckles. “You mean, you didn’t think you’d drag me into a bathroom at Heather’s party and pin me to the door and fuck me fast and rough like you did?”
“No, I didn’t think I’d do it,” Derek admits. “I never imagined you being into me like that.”
“Hmm, and here I thought you’d been planning that for weeks with all the secret steamy looks you’d been sending me.”
Derek laughs. He turns to lean up and press his lips against Stiles’. “We could talk about the ones you sent me back.”
“Mm, we could. Or I could show you what I was thinking when I gave you those looks.”
“Let’s do that. Much better idea,” Derek says, as Stiles pushes him down onto the ground and straddles him. Derek laughs and whispers, “Yes. That’s a much better idea.”
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“Stiles, I might leave early,” Scott says, bouncing up to him. Stiles looks at the smile on his best friend and tries to muster up his best one.
“Yeah? You gonna ditch me for sex?” Stiles teases.
“Yeah,” Scott says, ducking his head. He quietly adds, “Allison and Isaac have kind of asked me to join them tonight?”
“Dude, what are you standing around me for? Go! Have fun and be safe,” Stiles says, laughing. Scott throws his arms around Stiles.
“You’re the best. There’s no friend like you.” Scott has never looked more excited. Stiles laughs as he watches his best friend skip back to Allison and Isaac, who are waiting at the door for him.
Stiles wonders if he should skip out too. He and Erica had already made plans for next Tuesday night. He has a weekly lunch with Lydia on Sundays. There’s no one else he’s here to see.
Yet he looks at Derek and sighs. Maybe his words hurt the most, and maybe his sudden confession of love after all these years hurt more, but somehow, Stiles wants to see this stupid thing through.
He grabs another drink from a server passing by and chugs it before he walks over to Derek. Derek’s standing with some people he doesn’t remember. He taps Derek’s shoulder. “Can we talk?”
Derek doesn’t even excuse himself. He grabs Stiles’ hand and yanks him through the nearest doors into the hallway. “Stiles, I—I miss you.”
Stiles nods. He’s overcome with a bunch of emotions he can’t be bothered to figure out right now. He continues walking beside Derek in silence. Maybe things weren’t meant to be between them. Maybe they should part ways, spend another 10 years thinking about one another. Or maybe…
Stiles reaches out to grab Derek’s hand again. Derek’s eyes meet his, wide with surprise. Stiles gently pushes Derek against the lockers and takes his free hand to brush Derek’s cheek.
“Stiles, are you sure?”
“No,” Stiles whispers. “Are you?”
“No.”
But then they’re kissing as though they’d never stopped the first time.
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“You look like a dork,” Stiles informs Derek. He flicks Derek’s stupid cowboy hat and peers at his secret boyfriend with a goofy grin. “Please tell me you’re not wearing this to the Hallowe’en dance.”
“Why?” Derek asks, spinning around in Stiles’ bedroom. He’s wearing his own skinny jeans, but he’d pulled on one of Stiles’ plaid shirts and stole his cowboy hat that he’d won at the county fair two years ago.
“Because I might not be able to keep my hands off you,” Stiles murmurs.
“I guess it’s a shame that there won’t be a Hallowe’en dance this year then, seeing as we’re done high school and all now.” Derek tips his hat at Stiles and says, “Since that’s the case, would you honor me with a dance?”
“I stand corrected. You are a dork. And you look like a sexy one too,” Stiles says, scrambling up from his bed. He slips his hand into Derek’s. “I suppose I could dance with a dork.”
Derek pulls him in and starts to sway. “You make me so happy, Stiles.”
He doesn’t know how to express the way those words make his chest swell with happiness, so he leans in and gives Derek a soft kiss. He hopes that conveys how he feels well enough.
“You’re doing a pretty good job of keeping your hands from striping this outfit off,” Derek teases during the third song.
Stiles smiles. “I just want to enjoy this for now. It might not last forever and that scares me. I can’t imagine not being with you, Derek.”
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“Stiles–Stiles, wait,” Derek says, when they’ve managed to get themselves into the boys’ locker room. He takes a step back from Stiles and both of their chests are rising and falling hard. “We shouldn’t just jump back into this.”
“No?” Stiles breathes. “Isn’t that what you want? Isn’t that what you were looking for with that big, bold confession of yours?”
“No. Yes. But no,” Derek says, rubbing the bridge of his nose. “Stiles, I’m sorry that I fucked up. I’m sorry that I couldn’t seem to come out to my family or friends when I was with you. That wasn’t fair to you.”
“No, it wasn’t,” Stiles agrees. “I was okay with that though.”
“I’m sorry that I just took off.”
“Okay,” Stiles breathes. After finally hearing the words he had longed for, he realizes that it doesn’t matter anymore. Too much time has passed. The hurt and anger he had once felt had faded into a slow ache. A slow ache to be with Derek again.
“You deserve so much better than me,” Derek says, shaking his head. “We can’t do this. I don’t deserve this.”
“And there, you lost me,” Stiles says, giving Derek a little smile. “I haven’t managed to date anyone longer than three weeks. Want to know why?”
“Why?” Derek asks.
“Because three weeks is the longest I can date someone knowing they aren’t you. Then I feel guilty because they’ll never measure up. They’ll never be you. So I let ‘em loose before they develop any serious feelings,” Stiles says. He’s still breathing hard, but he has a better handle on it now. “You’ve ruined me for anyone else, Derek Hale. Like it or not, it doesn’t matter what either of us deserves. What matters is who we want, who we need. There’s no one but you for me.”
Derek lets out a scoff. “You’ve dated no one longer than three weeks?”
“I’d call Scott to confirm, but he’s busy with Allison and Isaac. You said sorry. I accepted. Now rip off my clothes and have your way with me because it’s been ten years since we’ve had sex together. And that’s ten years too long, Derek.”
"Hard to argue with that,” Derek murmurs.
“Why would you want to?” Stiles asks, walking towards Derek. He smiles into their next kiss.
Okay, so perhaps he won’t ever get all of the answers he’d once desperately wanted. That’s okay with him, because Derek’s shoving him against the wall and he hears his shirt rip.
Just like old times.
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"Why are you doing this?” Stiles asks, tears in his eyes.
“I–I just have to,” Derek says, sounding desperate. Desperate and pathetic as he breaks up with Stiles.
“Don’t. Derek. Don’t.”
“I have to.”
“Did it mean anything to you? Anything at all?”
Derek’s silent.
“But I don’t want to know who I am without you. Derek. Derek!”
And then he’s gone and Stiles is crumbling down onto his knees in their secret place in the woods. Between his sobs, he shouts, “Don’t–don’t leave–me–here–alone!”
It doesn’t matter. Derek’s gone and he’s begging the trees.
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“So you told Scott, huh?” Derek asks, as he pulls Stiles back into bed with him. “What’d he say?”
“He said that I have a tell when I lie and that I lied to him a hundred and six times,” Stiles says, burying his face into Derek’s neck. He inhales just because he can. “He doesn’t know that it’s actually a hundred and thirteen times.”
“It’ll be our little secret,” Derek murmurs. He freezes for a moment and asks, “Bad choice of words?”
“Mmm, seeing as you posted a photo of us shirtless on Facebook for the whole world to see, I think we’re okay with those words.” Stiles presses his lips against Derek’s briefly. “But just for the record, you don’t have to share our entire relationship with Facebook. Most things are okay to stay between us.”
Derek brushes his fingers through Stiles’ hair. “Yeah, but I want the world to know how madly in love with my boyfriend I am.”
Stiles grins. “Boyfriend.”
“Boyfriend,” Derek repeats. “How’s Scott doing?”
“Back to Scott already. Am I not doing a good enough job being half-naked and on top of you?” Stiles asks, shifting so he can rub his crotch against Derek’s leg.
Derek laughs. “You’re doing a great job. I’m just mildly curious to know how it went with Allison and Isaac!”
“Great, actually. They’re planning on going on their first official date next week.” Stiles leans down for a kiss. When he pulls back, he asks, “Now are you going to be my date to Erica and Boyd’s wedding next month, boyfriend?”
“Hmmm,” Derek says. “That’s such a big commitment.”
Stiles pouts.
“You can count me in. For now and for the rest of our lives,” Derek murmurs.
“Forever and always,” Stiles promises back. “You know I think it bodes well for us that we can slip back into being us after ten years.”
“Like we’re meant to be,” Derek teases. “I like it, you big dork.”
“I love you,” Stiles murmurs. He waits a beat before asking, “Too soon?”
“No, no, you just left me a little breathless.” Stiles beams and then Derek says, “Your knee is in my side.”
Stiles jumps back and then Derek bursts into laughter. He rolls Stiles over and pins him to the bed. “Gotcha.”
“Meanie!” Stiles declares, when he realizes that Derek was teasing him about being breathless because of the knee in his side.
Derek runs his hands over Stiles before he leans down and whispers onto Stiles’ lips, “I love you more.”
♚♞♚♞♚♞
“Derek, what are you doing?” Stiles asks. He has no idea why the most popular guy in school is dragging him down the hallway. Then Derek yanks him into the bathroom and shoves him against the door. Stiles blinks. “Derek, what is going on?”
“You wouldn’t stop running your mouth. I get it, okay? You hate me. You hate me so much that you’d tell everyone at this party how horrible I am–”
“I don’t hate you,” Stiles interrupts. “In fact, I don’t hate you one little bit. I wish that I did. But no, instead, I have to be completely turned on by you pinning me to this door.”
Derek relaxes a little. “You don’t hate me?”
“Not at all. You’re attractive, you’re funny, you’re really nice to everyone, and you told Boyd that he has a cool hat.” Stiles tries to shrug, but Derek’s grip on his shoulders make it a bit difficult.
“You’re turned on by me right now?” Derek asks now.
“I’m pretty sure you can see my hard-on,” Stiles admits. It’s the alcohol, he tells himself. Maybe he’s only had two drinks. But it’s definitely the alcohol that has him speaking so boldly to the most popular guy in school.
Derek’s eyes drop down. Then they’re back on Stiles’ face. “Can I?”
“Can you what?” Stiles asks, a little breathless now.
“Kiss you?”
“Yes.”
The second Derek’s lips are on his, Stiles is trying to figure out how to lock the bathroom door with his hand. Derek’s a bit distracting but he manages to lock it. When Derek pulls back, looking a little confused and a little shocked, he asks, “Was that okay, Stiles?”
“Oh yeah. Definitely okay. You can always do that with me. Whatever you want, I am yours. Fucking hell, Derek, did you take kissing lessons?” Stiles asks, rambling because he’s nervous and craving more of Derek’s touch.
Derek shakes his head. “You’re the first person I’ve ever kissed.”
“If you keep kissing like that, I’m going to start hoping I’m the last.”
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