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Nikolai had looked at him, “make sure nobody sees you leave.”
They had talked about it; Nikolai had a reputation to hold and was legally married to Alina, still they met. But they had to keep secure. Dominik always made sure to pull his hood over his head and keep his eyes on the ground.
Nikolai knew how to hide things; make up excuses. He had grown up like that, Dominik was not surprised when he was told one day; “Tell your comrades you are out for a run, makes the most sense when you´ll return flushed.”
But Dominik was Commander himself; he knew how to be careful and kept to the less used halls.
Dominik had felt bad when he pulled Nikolai into an old unused study room, but his chambers became too dangerous, “we can always stop,” he said sheepishly, but he knew well enough that Nikolai would risk it a million times to only feel his lovers' lips against his.
Longing stares in meetings, they were impossible to keep apart, Dominik feared. It was born from a single glance all these years ago, when they were only kids.
If only Dominik had kept his head down, hadn´t talked with the energetic young prince he wouldn’t have to see everything go down. Because he was sure that one day it would, their lies would be uncovered and their secret love would die, if it had not already died a million little times.
A million little times had they met up and what had started out as a lovely teen secret in beautiful rooms ended up as clandestine meetings in the dirty stalls.
Dominik told himself every time he could always stop, but Nikolai was a drug and Dominik was addicted to him; to the colors he had showed Dominik he could not see with anyone else; he was always searching for that first high, their first kiss, first everything.
“Commander Vertov,” in the few instances that Nikolai acknowledged him with other people present, it was no more than his rank and meaning to the army. It was like Dominik; his childhood best friend didn’t even exist for him. Even the maids were confused, they had saw them grow up together, but he was not supposed to leave a trace behind. Nikolai really made him an idiotic fool.
Nikolai was not blind; he had seen what it did to Dominik.
“Baby-” he had pulled him into an old kitchen smelling of mud, but Dominik walked further into the room away from him “stop that...” he whispered, looking away. “Darlin-”
But Nikolai couldn’t finish the pet name that would usually end any of Dominiks doubts
“Stop it!” he nearly screamed, “stop calling me darling, stop calling me baby!” Nikolai looked at him in shook “look at this godforsaken mess that you´ve made me” he ran a hand over his face
“don´t you see? For you I ruin myself and I risk my life because I love you” but we can't keep doing this, were the words he could not say out a loud, but Nikolai knew what he thought.
“Dominik-”
“I can´t act like I don’t love you and still I have to watch you kiss her” if Nikolai would mutter a word in their secret language he would carve in, there was no one he could talk to in that language, except for Nikolai.
It was as if with all he was, he belonged to Nikolai only. All he was, was part of this secret, only one side of an illicit affair.