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Chapter Text

It had been a week since Station 19 had been set on fire and the reemergence of Maya had shocked the team. She had thought the adjustment would be okay, that she could handle it. Her and Carina knew there would be hard times and knew things wouldn’t get better overnight. 

Turns out that her team and friends weren’t the only ones who were surprised. Somehow, the media had jumped on the story. Apparently an Olympic champion turned Firefighter hero turned hostage to an arsonist turned hero again was a really captivating story, one Maya was not ready to share.

The constant presence of reporters and paparazzi outside her hospital room was suffocating. Teddy had banned them all to outside of the hospital and had gotten fed up with them posing as doctors and nurses to get an interview. Maya couldn't even step outside to get fresh air without being bombarded with questions and camera flashes. It felt like her every move was being scrutinized, her every emotion dissected for the world to see. 

Her poor wife was constantly being followed when she would leave the hospital, everyone wanting to get her take on things. She felt bad for Carina, she didn’t deserve this kind of attention. Those nine months when she had thought Maya was dead was as hard on her as it was for Maya, but all of the attention was on the blonde.

Then there was Lucia, who she had barely seen since that first day she was brought in. Carina and Maya had agreed to shield her from the cameras and reporters. She may only be six months, but neither woman wanted their daughter to be plastered all over the newspapers or social media.

“You alright, Bambina? You seem quiet,”Carina asked as she packed up the hospital room. She had been staying there every night to make sure Maya was never alone.

Maya sighed, her eyes fixed on the window where she could see the swarm of reporters waiting outside. Somehow they knew she was being discharged. "I'm just tired, Carina," she replied, her voice filled with exhaustion. "I never expected all of this attention. It-it’s overwhelming."

Carina walked over to Maya and rested her head on her shoulder. "I know, amore. It's a lot to handle, but we'll get through this. We always do."

Maya leaned into Carina's touch, finding solace in her wife's presence. "I just want things to go back to normal," she whispered. "I just don’t know what that is anymore."

"Maybe this is our chance to redefine what 'normal' means for us. We can create a new normal, one where we prioritize our own well-being and happiness above everything else."

Maya nodded, her eyes still fixed on the chaos outside. She would be lying if she said she wasn’t afraid of what was to come. She still hadn’t had time to process her captivity nor the events that followed. 

There was a knock at the door that caused the wives to look away. Miranda Bailey appeared through the door.

“Are you ready, Bishop?” The doctor asked.

Maya took a deep breath and nodded, her hand seeking the comfort of Carina’s. "Yes, I'm ready," she replied. She knew that leaving the hospital meant facing the outside world and all the attention that came with it, but she also knew that she couldn't hide forever.

Miranda Bailey smiled warmly at Maya and Carina. "Alright then, let's get you out of here," she said, motioning for the blonde to have a seat in the wheelchair. 

Maya didn’t protest. She was feeling a lot better than she had, but knew she still had a long way to go. Her injuries weren’t life threatening, but they were painful. Her ribs were still sore and she had a boot on her foot where she had the fracture. She also had bandages where the burns on her wrist were, but overall she would be fine. Physically anyways.

As they made their way through the hospital corridors, Maya noticed the sympathetic glances from the hospital staff. They had all heard about her ordeal and were rooting for her recovery. Some of them she knew personally as Carina’s friends. Maya appreciated their support, but she also longed for a sense of normalcy, where she could just blend in and not be the center of attention.

Once they reached the hospital entrance, Maya's panic escalated. The swarm of reporters and paparazzi was even larger than before. Camera flashes blinded her momentarily, and the barrage of questions and shouting only added to her anxiety. Maya gripped Carina's hand tighter, seeking comfort amidst the chaos.

Miranda Bailey, ever the composed and confident woman, stepped forward and shielded Maya from the crowd. "Give her some space, people! Show some respect!" she commanded, her voice cutting through the noise. The reporters reluctantly backed off, giving Maya a small window of relief.

Carina guided Maya towards their waiting car, shielding her from the prying eyes and intrusive questions. Maya sank into the backseat when she noticed the driver.

“Agent Sanders, what are you doing here?” Maya asked as Carina closed the door behind her.

“I wanted you to make sure you made it home safely,” he said as he pulled away, trying to avoid hitting any of the paparazzi. “You’ve been through enough, Bishop. It’s the least I could do.”

"Thank you, Agent Sanders. I appreciate it," she replied. She knew that having him there provided an extra layer of security and comfort, not only for her but for Carina as well.

As they drove away from the chaos, Maya couldn't help but feel apprehensive. The hospital may have been suffocating, but at least it provided a sense of safety. Now, she was entering a world that felt foreign and unpredictable, even if it was her own him. But over the course of the past week and a half, most of her time had been spent at Grey-Sloan.

Carina reached over and gently squeezed Maya's hand. "We're almost home, Bambina," she said softly. "Once we're there, we can shut out the noise."

Maya nodded, her gaze fixed on the passing scenery outside the car window. She didn’t know what to say. She had never been able to shut off her mind, now was no different. She didn’t know how she was going to overcome these feelings. But she knew she had to try. For Carina and Lucia. She had survived being held hostage, and she would survive this too.

As they pulled up to their apartment, Maya noticed a crowd of people piled around by the entrance. Her heart sank as she realized that the attention had followed her home. She could see the flashes of cameras and hear the murmur of voices. Maya's anxiety spiked, and she tightened her grip on Carina's hand.

Carina glanced at Maya, concern all over her face. "Stay in the car, Maya," she said firmly. "I'll handle this."

Maya nodded, her heart pounding in her chest. She watched as Carina stepped out of the car and faced the crowd, her posture strong and determined. Carina had always been protective, the one who could handle any situation. Maya had always admired that about her, and in that moment, she felt a surge of gratitude for her wife.

“You think she’s going to yell at them?” Sanders asked as the car idled.

Maya smirked. She wished she would but knew she wasn’t going to.

Carina raised her hand, signaling for the crowd to quiet down. "Listen up," she called out. "I understand that Maya's story has captured your attention, but she needs time and space to heal. We appreciate your support, but please respect our privacy."

She slid back into the car as Sanders proceeded towards the back. The same way he had snuck Maya in when Sanchez was still free.

“I was hoping you’d let them have it,” Sanders joked with the Italian.

“They get me being nice once before they see my other side,” she responded as she reached back for Maya’s hand.

“It’s a terrifying side,” the FBI agent confirmed before he parked the car and helped the two women out. “I would know.” 

Maya managed a small smile, appreciating the lighthearted moment amidst the chaos. She knew that Carina had a fierce protective side, one that she was sure she had unleashed on Sanders when she found out she was alive. She wished she had witnessed it.

The agent escorted the wives upstairs to their apartment before departing, promising to keep in touch. He made them both promise to call if they needed anything and that he would keep them updated about what was happening with Sanchez.

With the door to the outside world closed, Maya and Carina were finally alone without the possibility of being interrupted. Carina wrapped her arms around Maya, holding her tightly as if to shield her from any remaining traces of the outside disarray. Maya closed her eyes as she allowed herself to fully lean into Carina's embrace. The familiar scent of their apartment, the warmth of their shared space, provided a temporary relief. 

They stood there for a moment, finding solace in each other's arms. Carina's touch was grounding, a reminder that she was not alone in this overwhelming journey.

"I love you, Carina," Maya whispered.

Carina tightened her grip. "I love you too, Maya. You’re home now and you’re safe.”

“How are you feeling?” Maya asked as she pulled away, still keeping her hand attached to her wife’s.

Carina led them over to the couch, easing Maya down before joining her. “I’m okay. I’m just worried about you.”

Maya lay her head on her wife’s shoulder as Carina’s arm wrapped around her shoulders. It felt so homely and comforting, but also foreign. 

Maya couldn't help but feel a sense of disconnection from her own life. The events of the past week had turned everything upside down, on top of how messed up everything was for the last nine months, and she struggled to find her footing in this new reality. She had always been the strong one, the one who held everything together, but now she felt lost and vulnerable.

Carina sensed Maya's inner turmoil and gently stroked her hair. "We'll get through this, Maya," she reassured her. "And I will be here every step of the way."

Maya nodded, her eyes welling up with tears. "What do I do now?" she whispered.

Carina kissed the top of Maya's head, her heart hurting for her wife but knowing she needed her to be strong for the both of them.

“One day at a time. That’s all we can do. We’ll call the psychologist that Sanders recommended and go from there.”

The firefighter knew that she had to talk to someone, her thoughts were all over the place. She didn’t want to burden Carina anymore than she already had. She wished she never told her how she was really feeling. The hurt in her wife’s eyes after that was the worst thing she had ever seen.

After a few more minutes of just lying in her wife’s arms Maya asked when Lucia would be home. She knew Andy had her so she wouldn’t be bombarded when they went home. It was safest that way.

“Andy will bring her by tomorrow around breakfast. I wanted to give us some time to relax and collect ourselves back at home before she came home. Is that okay?” Carina asked hesitantly.

Maya found the question odd. She didn’t feel like she should have much of a say in Lucia’s life right now. She barely knew her. But she was still her mother…

“Yeah, that’s fine,” Maya responded, masking her true feelings. If there was one thing she didn’t want Carina to worry about, it was their daughter.  Maya knew that Carina had been taking great care of Lucia during her absence, and she trusted her wife's judgment. 

“Is it alright if I take a nap?” Maya asked. Her emotions were exhausting. That, and the dodging of the reporters.

Carina smiled softly, understanding the toll that the past few days had taken on Maya. "Of course, Bambina," she replied, gently brushing a strand of hair away from Maya's face. "You rest, and I'll be right here when you wake up."

She placed a kiss on her wife’s lips and made her way to the bedroom. As she laid down only one thought crossed her mind: how was she going to do this?

Chapter Text

Carina felt the weight of the day bear down on her as Maya walked into their bedroom. It was the culmination of everything both her and Maya had been through. She tried to ignore her own feelings, knowing that in comparison to what Maya survived, her little near death moment was nothing. 

But she couldn't help but feel overwhelmed. The responsibility of being Maya's rock, of being the one to hold everything together, felt like a heavy burden on her shoulders. Carina knew that Maya needed her strength, her unwavering support, but she also needed a moment to process her own emotions.

She took a few moments to herself before she decided to call her own therapist, scheduling an online session for as soon as possible. Thankfully, she had a cancellation in an hour. 

The doctor started seeing her therapist when Maya was pronounced dead. She had to overcome the overwhelming sadness she felt in order to be there for their daughter. It was with her help that she was able to move on to become the best mother she could. Now, she needed to change her entire way of thinking.

When the camera connected an hour later, Carina was ready.

“How are you doing Carina? It’s been a while,” Dr. Shapiro said when her face appeared on the screen.

The Italian sighed. "I've been better," Carina admitted, her voice heavy with exhaustion. "I don’t know if you’ve seen the news lately, but Maya is alive. She was alive the whole time and was being held hostage and tortured. But she’s home now and….I don’t know what to do.”

Dr. Shapiro's eyes widened in surprise. "Oh, Carina, I had no idea. I’ve seen the news but never made the connection. That must have been incredibly traumatic for both of you. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. How are you feeling about Maya's return?"

Carina took a deep breath, trying to gather her thoughts. "Relieved, of course. I thought I had lost her forever, and now she's back. But it's also overwhelming. Maya is struggling, understandably so, and I want to be there for her. But I also need to take care of myself and Lucia. I feel like I'm carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders."

Dr. Shapiro nodded empathetically. "It's completely normal to feel that way, Carina. You've been through a tremendous amount of stress and uncertainty. It's important to remember that you can't pour from an empty cup. Taking care of yourself is crucial in order to be able to support Maya effectively. Have you been able to have any open conversations with Maya about how you're feeling?"

Carina shook her head. “She only just came home today. After she literally threw herself off a ledge to save me from a fire last week at the station.”

Dr. Shapiro looked shocked. "That sounds incredibly intense. It's understandable that both of you may need some time to process everything that has happened. However, it's important to eventually have those conversations with Maya. Open communication can help both of you navigate through this difficult time."

"I know you're right, Dr. Shapiro. I just don't want to overwhelm her further. She's already been through so much."

The therapist offered a gentle smile. "Finding the right balance between supporting Maya and taking care of yourself can be challenging, but it's not impossible. Remember, you don't have to carry the weight of the world alone. Reach out to your support system, lean on friends and family, and don't hesitate to ask for help when you need it."

“And keep this in mind: It's admirable that you want to be there for Maya, but remember that vulnerability and open communication are key in any relationship, regardless of the trauma. Maya may also find comfort in knowing that you're going through your own emotions and seeking support. It can create a sense of solidarity and understanding between the two of you."

Carina took in Dr. Shapiro's words. "You're right, vulnerability is important. I need to let Maya know that I'm here for her, but also that I have my own struggles too. We can support each other through this."

Dr. Shapiro smiled warmly. "That's a great mindset to have. Remember, healing takes time, and it's a journey that both of you will be on together. It's okay to not have all the answers right now. Just take it one step at a time, and don't forget to prioritize your own well-being as well."

As the session was coming to an end, Carina heard a noise from their bedroom. She thanked the other doctor for squeezing her in on such short notice and scheduled another session the following week.

As she ended the call, Carina walked into the bedroom to find Maya mumbling in her sleep. She did it every time she was asleep in the hospital. Every time she fell asleep it never seemed to be restful. She would often ask how she slept, but Maya always said that it was a good sleep. The bags under her eyes and silent screams in the night said otherwise.

Carina gently sat down on the edge of the bed, reaching out to stroke Maya's hair. She couldn't help but feel protective of her wife, knowing the horrors she had endured. Carina had seen some of it firsthand.

Now Maya’s face was all over the news, being hailed as a hero, everyone wanting to know what she went through to survive. When they pulled up to their home, which was supposed to be a safe place, Carina wanted to scream. She saw her wife’s face drop at the crowd and needed to do something. But she knew it was ultimately moot and that several reporters still remained outside.

Her mind was brought back to her wife as she cried in pain in her sleep. 

Carina watched Maya toss and turn, her face contorted with anguish. She wished she could take away her pain, erase the nightmares that haunted her every night. Gently, Carina whispered soothing words, hoping to bring some comfort to Maya's restless slumber. It’s what she had done every night since Maya had returned. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn’t. 

As she sat there, Carina couldn't help but reflect on the strength Maya had shown throughout their relationship. Maya had always been the one to hold Carina up, to be her rock in times of need. She recalled Maya going above and beyond for her when Andrea died. Now, it was Carina's turn to be that support for Maya. She knew it wouldn't be easy, but she didn’t care. Her wife deserved it all.

Carina tucked herself in beside Maya wrapping her in her arms. She would hold her until her world was better. Then she swore she would hold her tighter.

——————————

Maya awoke to a warm breath on her neck. She wasn’t sure when Carina had come to bed with her, but she was glad she did. The nightmare she was having was too vivid, too chilling. Her heart was beating out of her chest. She was surprised the thumping didn’t wake her wife.

Carefully, Maya untangled Carina’s arm from her body. She knew she hadn’t been sleeping much and didn’t want to wake her. The blonde quietly slipped out of bed, her feet padding softly on the floor as she made her way to the living room. She needed some space to collect herself, to process the remnants of her nightmare that still lingered in her mind. But was it a nightmare if it had actually happened to her? The weight of everything she had been through felt suffocating at times, and she needed a moment of solitude.

Sitting on the couch, Maya wrapped her arms around herself, trying to find comfort in the silence of the room. She closed her eyes, taking deep breaths to steady her racing heart. The images from her nightmare flashed through her mind, the fear and pain still fresh. Every night it was the same. She was back in those dark and dingy rooms, tied up, being mocked or beaten.

Maya's body trembled as she fought to push those memories away. She knew she was safe now, that she was home with Carina, but the trauma still lingered, refusing to release its grip on her mind. She had survived the unimaginable, but the scars ran deep.

Unable to calm herself completely, she decided that she would make Carina dinner. It allowed some sense of normalcy, even if Carina was the one who would cook for her. Her wife deserved to be taken care of for once, after everything she had done for Maya and Lucia. Maya quietly made her way to the kitchen, trying to focus on the task at hand. As she chopped vegetables and prepared ingredients, she found some comfort in the everyday task.

Carina stirred awake, noticing Maya’s absence. Her senses were immediately drawn to the comforting aroma wafting through the air. She followed the scent to the kitchen, where she found Maya lost in her own world. Carina approached her wife, wrapping her arms around Maya from behind.

Maya, however, panicked at the sudden touch. She jumped back quickly, knocking some items off the counter, her body tensing as her mind flashed back to her time away. She had went to cower before she realized that it was Carina. 

Carina's heart sank as she saw the fear in Maya's eyes. She immediately stepped back, giving Maya space and apologizing softly. "I'm so sorry, Maya. I didn't mean to startle you."

Maya took a few deep breaths, trying to ground herself in the present. She looked at Carina, her eyes filled with tears. Before Carina could say anything else, Maya bolted into the bedroom.

Carina stood frozen in the kitchen, upset with herself for causing Maya's distress. She knew that moments like these would happen, that the trauma Maya had endured would resurface. But it didn't make it any easier to witness let alone be the cause of. She felt herself shed a few tears of her own before pulling herself back together.

After a few moments, Carina gathered herself and followed Maya into the bedroom. She found her curled up on the bed, her body shaking with sobs. Carina approached her cautiously, sitting down beside her.

“I’m going to touch you now. Is that okay?” Carina asked.

Maya simply nodded and Carina lay her hand gently on her wife’s shoulder. Making sure she truly was okay with the contact. When she didn’t flinch the brunette lay down with her and pulled her into her arms. 

She wanted to say something, anything, to make her wife feel better. But she knew that there were no words for the moment. Instead, she chose the physical contact as the safety net. Maya, in turn, flipped over so that her head was on Carina’s chest.

Carina held Maya tightly, her arms wrapped around her, providing a sense of security and comfort. She knew that sometimes, words weren't enough, and that physical touch could convey more than any spoken language. She pressed gentle kisses to Maya's forehead, her temple, her cheeks, silently reassuring her that she was there.

Maya clung to Carina, her tears soaking into the fabric of Carina's shirt. She felt every emotion - fear, sadness, anger - they were all swirling inside of her. Most of all, she felt hatred. She hated herself for cowering at her wife’s gentle touch. She had no reason to feel like that, no reason to frighten Carina. But she did. 

“Why were you cooking, Bambina?” Carina asked a while later when she felt Maya’s sobs lessen, wanting to focus on something else.

Maya sniffled, her voice shaky as she responded, "I just...I wanted to do something for you. I needed to."

Carina's heart skipped a beat. Despite her own pain and trauma, Maya still found it in herself to think of Carina and try to do something for her. Carina gently brushed a strand of hair away from Maya's tear-streaked face.

"You don't have to do anything for me, Maya," Carina whispered. "Just having you here with me, safe and alive, is more than enough."

Again, Maya just nodded, not able to find the words to convey her feelings of appreciation. 

“What do you say we finish cooking together?” Carina asked.

Maya looked up at Carina. She nodded again, a small smile tugging at the corners of her lips. Carina helped her up from the bed, their bodies still intertwined, and they made their way back to the kitchen.

Chapter Text

The next morning when Carina awoke, she noticed Maya’s side was empty. She checked her phone to see that Andy was going to be bringing Lucia by shortly.

The previous night they finished cooking together in silence. Carina could tell Maya was having a hard time with how she reacted. She had barely touched her food, which was worrisome to the Italian as Maya had already lost so much weight. 

Carina had held her tightly throughout the night, offering comfort as they watched a movie. But now, as the morning light filtered through the curtains, Carina couldn't help but feel a pang of worry. She quickly got out of bed and made her way to the living room, hoping to find Maya there.

When she didn’t, she decided to check the bathroom. She couldn’t hear the shower or see a light on, but the door was closed. Instead of barging in, in case Maya was in there, she decided to knock as to not startle her.

“Maya?” She called through the door.

“I’m here,” Maya answered quietly from the other side of the door.

Carina let out a sigh of relief. “Are you okay? Is it alright if I come in?”

Maya hesitated for a moment before responding. "Yes, you can come in."

Carina slowly turned the doorknob and pushed the door open, revealing Maya sitting on the floor in the dry shower with a towel covering her thin frame, her eyes red and puffy from crying.

The Italian walked into the shower and sat down next to Maya. She reached out and gently took Maya's hand in hers. "What do you need?”

“I, uh, I have to shower but my leg started hurting when I was getting undressed.”

“How about I get you a stool to sit on so you don’t have to put so much pressure on it?”

Maya nodded, grateful for Carina's suggestion. Carina quickly left the bathroom and returned moments later with a small stool. She carefully placed it inside the shower, ensuring it was stable and secure.

"Here you go," Carina said softly, helping Maya to sit down on the stool. Then she carefully removed the protective boot. "Is that better?"

“Yes, thank you,” Maya responded, her eyes shying away from her wife’s.

“I need to remove the bandages on your wrists too,” Carina said as she pointed towards Maya’s wrists. They had suffered second degree burns the previous week when she had escaped.

Maya nodded, her gaze still avoiding Carina's. She extended her arms, allowing Carina to carefully unwrap the bandages. As the fabric fell away, revealing the raw and tender skin beneath, Carina wanted nothing more than to have five minutes alone with Sanchez. Maya winced slightly, but remained silent. 

“I’m going to go wait for Andy and Lucia, but please call me in if you need anything.”

Maya nodded and Carina left the bathroom, giving Maya some privacy to shower and tend to her wounds. As she made her way to the living room, Carina couldn't shake off the worry that had settled in her chest. She knew they had to call the trauma psychologist today.

A key in the door disrupted her thoughts as Andy walked in carrying the sleeping six month old. 

“You’re going to have to go back to knocking, you know,” Carina joked as she reached for her daughter.

Andy chuckled softly, carefully handing Lucia over to Carina. "I guess old habits die hard," she replied. "How's Maya doing?"

Carina sighed, her gaze shifting to Lucia in her arms. "She's struggling," she admitted. "It’s been hard for her, especially when the reporters were following us home yesterday.”

Andy scoffed. “Oh, I saw the news. Loved your speech by the way.”

The doctor looked shocked. “They aired that?”

“They had nothing from Maya, so her wife asking for privacy was the next best thing. You know how the media gets when someone turns up from being held hostage. Now it’s an Olympic champion who saved a station of firefighters after escaping from her own hell and that makes it more captivating.”

“She’s a person, not a story,” Carina retorted bitterly.

Andy nodded in understanding. "I know. But unfortunately, the media doesn't always see it that way. They thrive on sensationalism and exploiting people's pain for their own gain."

Carina sighed, her grip on Lucia tightening. "I just wish they would leave us alone. Maya has been through so much already, and now she has to deal with the added pressure of being in the public eye."

Just then they heard a small crash from the bathroom. Carina deftly passed Lucia back to Andy and hurried into the bathroom.

She entered the bathroom to find Maya on the floor, clutching her injured leg. The stool had toppled over, causing Maya to lose her balance. Carina quickly knelt down beside her, gently cradling her wife's head in her hands, not caring that she as getting wet. She did care about how hot the water was. How long was Maya in here like this?

"Maya, are you okay?" Carina asked. 

Maya winced in pain. “Yeah, I’m not sure what happened.”

Carina carefully helped Maya sit up, shutting off the water as they moved, and supported her weight as they both struggled to their feet.

"Let's get you out of the shower.” 

The brunette reached for the towel that Maya must have discarded before she turned the water on. As she handed it over she got her first real glance of the state of Maya’s body. She had been respectful of her wife’s privacy, allowing her to be alone when she changed. Now, she saw the full weight of the trauma. 

Maya’s once strong body was now frail and covered in yellowed bruises, in the final stages of healing. The muscles that were once so prominent were now nothing but a memory. She also saw the stitches from her surgery, the ones she had ripped from her fall the previous week. 

Gently, she wrapped the towel around Maya's trembling body, holding her close as tears welled up in her own eyes but shielding Maya from them. She didn’t want her wife to see her cry because of her.

Carina guided Maya out of the shower and into the bedroom, where she helped her sit on the edge of the bed. She quickly fetched a fresh set of clothes and handed them to Maya, grabbing some for herself to do the same.

"Take your time getting dressed," Carina said as she turned around to once again give Maya her privacy, but wanting to stay close. "I'll be right here."

“You’re allowed to look,” Maya said shyly. “I know I don’t look the same…”

Carina turned back around quickly as she heard the vulnerability in her wife’s voice. She knelt down in front of her, taking Maya's hands in hers.

"Maya, you are the most beautiful person I know, inside and out," Carina said, her voice sincere. 

“But-“

“No buts.”

Maya gave her a small smile and started to dress, knowing she was going to need Carina’s help to rewrap her wrists. She knew Carina had been nothing but respectful and was letting Maya dictate how things would proceed, never wanting to overwhelm her. But the truth was that everything was overwhelming. She felt as if no matter what she did she was wrong, even when no one gave any indication of it. And she didn’t think she could voice her feelings, fearing it would hurt Carina to hear. Her wife didn’t deserve that.

Carina stayed by Maya's side, assisting her with dressing and carefully rewrapping her wrists after changing herself.

Once Maya was dressed, Carina gently guided her back to the living room, where Andy was waiting with Lucia. The sight of her daughter brought a small smile to Maya's face, a glimmer of joy amidst the pain and struggle.

"Hey there, little one," Maya cooed as she sat on the couch next to Carina.

Lucia's eyes lit up as she saw her mother, and she reached out her tiny hands towards Maya. Maya looked at Luci and then at Carina and Andy.

“Is it okay if I hold her?” She asked.

The question hurt Carina. Maya was her mother too and she felt bad that she even thought she had to ask for permission.

"Maya, you don't have to ask for permission to hold our daughter. You're her mother. You always have been and you always will be."

Maya nodded solemnly. She didn’t feel like her mother sometimes because of the things she had missed. Pushing those thoughts aside, she reached out and gently took Lucia into her arms, holding her close and cherishing the feeling of their daughter against her chest. It was the first time that she held her, not having the strength to do so over the past week.

Carina sat beside Maya, her hand resting over Maya's shoulder, offering support and comfort. They sat together, a family reunited, enjoying each other's presence.

“You did so good, Carina. She’s so beautiful.” Maya held her a little tighter, laying her head over her daughter’s, cherishing the contact she never thought she would have. 

Her daughter and her wife were the reasons for wanting to survive and as she sat here with them now, she felt terrible for the dark thoughts that had crossed her mind during those truly horrific times. If she had gave in to those feelings she never would have had this moment. 

“So, what are your plans for the week?” Andy asked after a few minutes.

“I’m going to call that psychologist that Sanders recommended,” Maya responded. 

Carina smiled at her wife, happy that she was willing to do something she once dreaded without a fight. 

“Did they say anything about the station?” Carina questioned Andy.

Thankfully, Station 19 hadn’t burned down completely, but the damage had been significant. The fire had destroyed a large portion of the station, leaving it uninhabitable. The firefighters were temporarily relocated to a nearby station while repairs were being made. Andy explained that they were all given a week off to cope with the trauma, more if they needed it, which none of them wanted. 

“And what about Sanchez?” Andy finished as she hadn’t been informed much about him. 

Carina glanced at her wife and noticed her flinch at the name. 

Carina took a deep breath before responding. "Sanchez is in custody. He's facing multiple charges, including kidnapping, assault, and arson. The FBI is still investigating, but they have enough evidence to build a strong case against him."

Maya's grip on Lucia tightened slightly, her face contorting with fear. Carina knew that it was because it was possible that Maya would have to testify if there was a trial. She worried about the kind of psychological trauma it could cause Maya. Sanders promised to try and avoid that at all costs, but he couldn’t guarantee it. Carina pulled her wife and daughter closer to her, offering what little comfort she could. 

As the day went on, Andy went home, leaving Carina and Maya to spend their time together as a family, cherishing the moments of peace. They played with Lucia, taking turns holding her and making her laugh. Carina cooked a lasagne for them, hoping to entice Maya to eat more and regain some of the weight she had lost. She watched as Maya pushed most of it around her plate, not really eating much.

In the afternoon, Carina made the call to the trauma psychologist that Sanders had recommended. She explained the situation and Maya's struggles, and they were able to schedule an appointment for the following day. Unfortunately, it meant that they had to leave the apartment as she was unable to come to the apartment that day. Still, Carina felt a sense of relief knowing that Maya would be getting the professional help she needed to heal.

As the evening approached, Carina and Maya decided to watch a movie together after putting Lucia to bed. They cuddled up on the couch, with Maya resting her head on Carina's shoulder. It was a simple act, but it brought them both comfort.

During the movie, Maya's body tensed up and she began to tremble. Carina immediately paused the movie and turned to face her wife, concern written on her face.

"Maya, what's wrong?" Carina asked softly.

Maya took a deep breath, trying to steady herself. "I...I had a flashback," she admitted shakily.

Carina wrapped her arms around her wife. "I’m sorry that this keeps happening. If there’s anything you need me to do that can help, just let me know.” 

Maya took a few more steadying breaths. “I wish there was, Carina,” she said aloud. 

But in her mind all she could think was that she was beyond help. 

No one could save her now.

Chapter Text

The next morning Maya stood in front of the bathroom mirror looking into her own helpless eyes. She hated what she saw. She wished that she could see what Carina saw in her. The way her wife looked at her made her feel like everything would be okay, even if it was just for a moment. 

But her mind said otherwise. Her mind was filled with self-doubt and self-loathing. She couldn't shake the feeling that she was broken beyond repair, that the trauma had irreversibly damaged her. Maya's hands trembled as she reached for her pain medication, hoping that it would provide some relief from the physical pain at the very least.

She preferred the physical pain. She knew how to cope with it and how long it would take to go away. But the emotional pain, the darkness that consumed her, was a different story. It was unpredictable, suffocating, and seemed to have no end in sight. Maya felt like she was drowning in it, unable to find a way out.

Maybe this psychologist would be helpful. Diane had been. She had to try to be positive. The other options were not something she could afford to think about. Not again.

“Bambina, are you ready?” Carina called as she knocked on the door.

Maya took a deep breath, trying to compose herself before opening the door. She didn't want Carina to see the turmoil inside her, the darkness that threatened to consume her every thought. She put on a brave face and opened the door, forcing a smile.

"Yeah, I'm ready," Maya replied, her voice sounding more confident than she felt.

Together with Lucia they made their way to Carina’s Porsche. Thankfully, it appeared that the media had backed off as they made it to the vehicle without being stopped. That gave Maya a small bit of comfort.

Twenty minutes later they were arriving at the psychologists office. When Carina parked they decided to stay in the car for a few minutes while Maya collected her thoughts. 

She knew what therapy was like with Diane, especially that first session she had so long ago. She remembered how exhausted she felt after. Now she felt like this was going to be so much worse.

Maya was terrified to relive her captivity with someone new. She had repeated it only once so far, to Sanders and Carina, and that seemed like something she had to do at the time. She had a reason to tell it: to capture Sanchez which translated into protecting her family. Since they were safe now with Sanchez locked up, speaking it out loud again seemed daunting.

“Do you want me to go in with you?” Carina asked as the hour approached for Maya to head inside.

Maya shook her head. “No, it’s okay. Lucia is asleep and I don’t want to disrupt her.”

Carina nodded understandingly, though her concern still lingered. “I’m just going down the street to the grocery store while you’re in there. I’ll be back by the time you’re out.”

“Thank you,” Maya responded meekly. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Bambina.”

With a final kiss and promise that she will be here when she gets out, Carina left as Maya walked into the office where she approached the receptionist's desk and checked in.

Maya took a seat in the waiting area. The room felt suffocating, filled with the words she was about to share. She glanced around, trying to distract herself from the anxiety that threatened to consume her. She closed her eyes, taking deep breaths in an attempt to ground herself.

Finally, her name was called, and Maya stood up, her legs feeling weak beneath her. She followed the psychologist into a small, cozy office, adorned with calming colors and soft lighting. The psychologist, Dr. Dylan, greeted her with a warm smile.

"Good morning, Maya," Dr. Dylan said kindly. "Please have a seat. How are you feeling today?"

“I’m feeling okay,” she lied. It was just how she had been responding lately, even though she knew it wasn’t true. It had not been true for a long time.

Dr. Dylan studied Maya's face for a moment, sensing the underlying tension beneath her words. "Maya, it's okay to not be okay," she said gently. "I’ve spoken to Agent Sanders. I know some of what you have been through. So, I’m going to ask again. How are you?"

Maya hesitated for a moment, unsure of how to answer. She had become so accustomed to putting on a brave face, pretending that everything was okay so everyone around her would be okay.

But sitting in that office, with Dr. Dylan's kind eyes looking at her, Maya felt a small bit of hope. Maybe, just maybe, she could allow herself to be vulnerable, to let someone in and share the weight of her pain.

"I...I'm not okay," Maya finally admitted, her voice barely above a whisper. Tears welled up in her eyes, threatening to spill over. "I feel broken, like I'll never be whole again."

Dr. Dylan nodded empathetically. "It's completely normal to feel that way after experiencing trauma," she reassured Maya. "But I want you to know that healing is possible. It may not be easy, and it may take time. So, tell me what brings you here to me?”

“You said you spoke to Sanders…”

“I did. But I want to hear your side. I want to hear what you went through, not second hand information.”

“I-I was kidnapped nine months ago. They, uh, they forced me to commit arsons across the country. I was beaten and abused. My family was threatened and used against me so I wouldn’t fight back. Everyone thought I was dead until an undercover agent helped me escape.”

Dr. Dylan listened attentively. “That certainly seems like a lot for anyone to go through.”

“It’s not even all of it,” Maya whispered. “I missed the birth of my daughter. I wasn’t there for my wife during the good times or the bad. My time with Sanchez…it was...it was hell. I felt like I lost myself in that darkness, like I was no longer in control of my own life. But now, even though I'm safe now, I can't escape the memories. They haunt me every day, and I can't shake the feeling that I'm still trapped in that nightmare. And now I’m spreading that darkness to my wife and daughter.”

Dr. Dylan leaned forward. "Maya, I want you to know that what you're feeling is completely understandable. Trauma has a way of affecting every aspect of our lives, and it's not your fault. You didn't choose to go through this, and it's not your responsibility to protect your wife and daughter from the darkness you're experiencing. They love you and want to support you through this."

Maya nodded, tears streaming down her face. "I know they love me, but I can't help but feel like I'm burdening them with my pain."

Dr. Dylan reached out and handed Maya a tissue. "It's common for survivors of trauma to feel that way. But you have to remember, love is not a burden. And I doubt very much that your wife thinks of it like that.”

Maya took a deep breath, trying to steady herself. "I just...I don't know how to move forward. How to let go of everything and find some semblance of normalcy again. Every time I close my eyes, every time my wife touches me, I’m just reminded of everything.”

"Healing takes time, Maya. It's a process, and it's different for everyone. I think what you went through was incredibly traumatic and it makes sense that you are still having trouble readjusting. There’s nothing wrong with that. It's important to remember that there are strategies and therapies that can help you navigate through this.”

“I just don't know where to start."

Dr. Dylan smiled reassuringly. "We'll start by creating a safe space for you to explore your emotions and experiences. Together, we'll work on developing coping mechanisms and strategies to manage your fears. It won't be easy, and at times it may get hard, but we can get you through this."

Maya nodded, feeling a glimmer of hope. Maybe, just maybe, with Dr. Dylan's guidance, she could find a way to navigate through the darkness and reclaim her life.

"Thank you," Maya whispered. "I'm willing to try. I want to heal for Carina and Lucia. They deserve it.”

“But also for you, Maya. It all starts with you.”

A knock at the door disrupted the doctor.

“I’m sorry to intrude,” said the receptionist, “but there’s a situation out here.”

The doctor looked confused for a moment but politely apologized and excused herself from the blonde as she followed the receptionist out.

Maya sat in the office, her heart pounding with worry. She wondered what could be happening outside that required the doctor's attention. Her mind raced with worst-case scenarios, fearing that something terrible had occurred.

Minutes passed, and the silence in the room only heightened Maya's anxiety. She desperately wanted to know what was going on, but she also didn't want to intrude or make the situation worse. She felt torn between staying put and going out to investigate.

Finally, the door swung open, and but instead of the doctor she was met by someone she felt like she had seen before.

“You’re Maya Bishop?” The man asked.

Maya didn’t answer. She sat there confused, eyes wide with surprise.

“What was it like living in captivity, having everyone think you were dead while you were being tortured?” He questioned. It was then that she realized he was from the media. She had seen him waiting outside of the hospital when she was released.

Panic surged through her veins, and she felt her body freeze in fear. The memories of her captivity flooded back, and she could feel the darkness closing in on her.

"I...I can't," Maya stammered, her voice barely audible. "Please, just leave me alone."

The reporter smirked, clearly enjoying the discomfort he was causing thinking he would get something good. "Come on, Maya, the public deserves to know what you went through. It's a compelling story, don't you think?"

Maya's hands trembled as she clutched the armrests of the chair. She felt trapped, cornered by the prying eyes and invasive questions. She desperately wanted to escape, to find safety away from the media circus that had surrounded her life.

"Please," Maya pleaded as she stood up and began to race out of the room.

Maya's heart pounded in her chest as she sprinted down the hallway, desperate to escape the reporter's relentless pursuit. She could hear his footsteps behind her, his voice echoing through the corridor as he continued to shout questions at her.

Tears streamed down Maya's face as she pushed open the emergency exit door, the cool air hitting her skin as she stepped outside. She glanced around, searching for a place to hide, to find peace from the chaos that had consumed her life.

What she was met with instead was a slew of different reporters, all waiting for her. Maya's heart dropped as she realized there was no escape. The reporters closed in on her, their cameras flashing and microphones thrust in her face. Panic overwhelmed her, and she felt her body go numb.

"Maya, can you tell us about your time in captivity?"

"How did you manage to escape?"

"Are you seeking justice for what you went through?"

“How is your family coping with learning you were alive this whole time?”

The questions bombarded her from all directions, each one reopening wounds she had been desperately trying to heal. Maya's mind raced, searching for a way to protect herself, to shield herself from the prying eyes and invasive questions. But there was nothing she could do. She was surrounded.

But then, a familiar voice cut through the chaotic orchestra. It was Carina, pushing her way through the crowd, her eyes filled with anger.

"Back off!" Carina shouted, her voice commanding and fierce. "Get away from her!"

The reporters hesitated for a moment, taken aback by Carina's sudden appearance and harsh tone. She reached down for Maya, who barely registered her savior.

Carina pulled Maya close, shielding her from the reporters' prying eyes. She wrapped her arms protectively around Maya, creating a barrier between her and the mess surrounding them as she led them through the crowd.

Carina's grip on Maya was firm yet gentle, guiding her through the sea of reporters. As they made their way through the crowd, Carina's voice rang out, forceful and commanding. "No more questions! You’re going to back the fuck off and leave her be!"

The reporters seemed momentarily stunned by Carina's assertiveness, their cameras and microphones lowering briefly, giving the wives a chance to get away.

Carina led Maya to her waiting car, where Vic waited in the drivers with Lucia in the back. The car door closed, enveloping them in a momentary bubble of safety.

“Maya? Bambina, can you hear me?” Carina asked as she noticed the blank stare that remained on her wife’s face.

Maya’s face, however, showed no sign of changing. Wherever she was, it was not with them.

Chapter Text

“Maya!?” Carina said more urgently, trying to maintain some sense of calmness she knew her wife needed.

But Maya remained unresponsive, lost somewhere no one else could not go.

“I think she’s disassociated,” Vic said from the drivers seat as she drove away from the reporters. “Diane had taught me a little about it.”

She had never seen anyone struggle with dissociation before, but knew it was a defense mechanism someone’s mind would employ when overwhelmed by trauma. It was a terrifying sight, watching her wife retreat into herself, unreachable and lost.

“Wh-what can I do?” She asked Vic desperately.

Vic glanced at Carina in the rearview mirror. "We need to ground her. We have to get her to a safe and familiar environment. Somewhere she feels secure."

Carina nodded, her grip on Maya tightening. "Our home," she said firmly. "We need to get her home."

Vic nodded in agreement, driving towards their apartment as quickly as she could while still ensuring their safety. The car ride was filled with tense silence, broken only by the sound of Maya's shallow breaths.

As they pulled onto their street, Carina gasped at the sight of their once peaceful home now surrounded by reporters and cameras. She knew they couldn't go inside, not with Maya in this state. They needed to find another safe space, somewhere away from the prying eyes and intrusive questions. Vic drove past the horde, now turning towards Grey-Sloan.

Carina gently brushed a strand of hair away from Maya's face, her touch soft and tender. "Maya, love, please come back to us," she pleaded.

But Maya remained unresponsive, lost in her own world. Carina knew she had to remain calm and strong for her wife, but inside, she was filled with fear and desperation.

As they arrived at Grey-Sloan Memorial Hospital, Carina quickly ushered Maya inside, shielding her from the prying eyes of the reporters who had followed them, while Vic took Lucia. The hospital staff, aware of the press and Teddy’s instructions, immediately sprang into action, allowing Carina to safely guide Maya to her office.

Carina gently laid Maya down on her couch. "You’re safe now, Bambina," she whispered, “Please come back.”

Carina sat beside Maya, her hand gently stroking her wife's hair as she waited for any sign of recognition. The room was filled with a heavy silence, broken only by the distant sounds of the hospital bustling outside.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, Maya's eyes blinked rapidly several times. Carina smiled kindly as she saw a glimmer of recognition in Maya's gaze. "Maya," she whispered, her voice filled with relief.

Maya blinked a few more times, trying to focus on her surroundings. "Carina? When did we get here? What happened?” she asked.

Carina placed her hands on her wife’s cheeks and rested her forehead on the blonde’s, grateful that she was back. “What’s the last thing you remember?”

Maya furrowed her brow, trying to piece together the fragments of her memory. "I... I remember talking with Dr. Dylan," she said slowly. "And then…this."

"You, uh, dissociated, Bambina," she explained gently.

“I what? Why?”

Carina took a deep breath, trying to find the right words to explain this delicate situation. "It's a defense mechanism, Maya," she began. "Your mind was overwhelmed by everything that was happening, and it needed a way to protect itself. So, it created a sort of barrier, disconnecting you from the present moment."

Maya's eyes filled with confusion and a hint of fear. "But... I don't remember anything. Why did it happen?"

“Reporters posed as patients to get into the doctor’s office. They ambushed you,” Carina said delicately. 

Maya's eyes widened in shock as Carina's words sank in. "They... they did what?" she stammered, her voice trembling.

"They took advantage of your vulnerability," she said, trying to contain her anger. "They invaded what was supposed to be a safe space and it was too much for you to handle."

Maya just sat there, eyes downcast, trying to figure out how to process everything. Every time she was feeling like she could make it through this, something else came along and pushed her further down. What was the point of even trying anymore?

She wanted to get better for Carina and Lucia, but they had been doing fine without her. Her reappearance only sent everything into a a further tailspin. Even the fire station didn’t survive her coming back. What did that say about her coming back? None of this was felt worth it.

“Hey, what are you feeling, Bambina?” Carina asked after a few moments of silence.

Maya knew she couldn’t tell her the truth.  She couldn't burden Carina with her true feelings. She couldn't admit that she felt like a failure, like she was causing more harm than good by being present in their lives. She couldn't bear to see the disappointment in Carina's eyes, or worse, the pity.

"I... I don't know," Maya replied. "I just feel... lost." It wasn’t a total lie nor was it the total truth. The truth was way too dark to say out loud.

Carina knew her wife was struggling, she could see it in her eyes, but she also knew that Maya needed to find her own way back. Carina couldn't force her to heal or to feel better, but she could be there to support her.

"You're not alone," Carina said softly. "We're in this together, remember? We'll find a way through this, I promise."

More than anything Maya wanted to believe Carina’s words. They seemed so kind, so sure. But she was anything but. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't shake the feeling of doubt that lingered within her. She had been through so much, and each time she thought she had found stability, it was ripped away from her. How could she trust that this time would be any different?

She took her eyes off of the floor to look into Carina’s, wanting to tell her, pushing the doubt she had aside. Yet, one glance and there was no way she could break her heart further. Maya saw in those caramel eyes sadness and fear. She was struggling too. Why should they both suffer?

Maya’s mind was made up. So, she forced a small smile and nodded. "I know. Thank you for being here for me."

“I love you, Maya. I’m not going anywhere.”

Maya knew deep down that Carina meant those words, that she truly loved her and wanted to support her through this difficult time. But the weight of her own insecurities and fears made it hard for Maya to fully believe in that Carina deserved all of this.

"I love you too," Maya whispered. She meant it with her whole being, but that didn’t stop her doubts. She couldn't help but wonder if she was truly deserving of Carina's love and unwavering support. She was a sliver of the woman she had fallen in love with.

And now she was losing that sliver.

—————————

Several hours later, after Carina and Maya had snuck back home with the help of Sanders, they sat on the couch. Lucia slept on Maya’s chest. Carina gently traced circles on Maya's arm, trying to provide some comfort. The events of the day had taken a toll on both of them, and the weight of it all seemed to press down on their shoulders.

Maya's mind was still clouded with doubt and self-blame, but she couldn't deny the warmth and love she felt in Carina's touch and with her daughter in her arms. It was in moments like these where her mind was battling itself. Here she was reminded that she wasn't alone, that she had someone by her side who would fight for her, even when she couldn't fight for herself. This was when the rational side of her mind was in control. But the question always arose: for how long?

For how long could Carina continue to support her, to love her unconditionally, despite all the darkness that seemed to follow Maya wherever she went? How long could they dodge the media and the reporters? What about if there was a trial? Could she realistically continue like this?

These questions swirled in Maya's mind, threatening to drown out the love and support that Carina was offering. She knew she couldn't keep burdening her wife with her own doubts and fears, but she also couldn't shake the feeling that she was a ticking time bomb, waiting to explode and destroy everything in her path.

“Dr. Dylan promised she would be coming here from now on,” Carina said, interrupting Maya’s spiraling thoughts. “She seemed really apologetic.”

Maya nodded and kissed her daughter’s head. She was thankful her mind blocked out whatever it was that happened. Clearly, it knew she was not okay.

“Did you like her?” The Italian asked having not been able to even ask how everything went before it all went to hell.

“Yeah, she seemed nice.”

Carina could sense how short Maya was being, and she knew there was more to the story. But she also knew that pushing Maya to talk about it right now wouldn't be helpful. Maya needed time to process everything that had happened, and Carina needed to respect that. She was going on learn more patience.

"I'm glad she seemed nice," Carina replied gently, not pressing any further as her phone buzzed with a message. She picked it up and read what Andy had written. She glanced at Maya tentatively before excusing herself to the bathroom.

She looked back at her phone and reread what Andy sent: “Maya’s dad did an interview...”

Carina opened up the link that was attached and began watching the patriarch of the Bishop family speak.

“Maya is a strong and resilient woman," Maya's father said in the interview. "She has been through so much, but with my training I know she was able to survive. We are all rallying behind her, supporting her in any way we can."

Carina was fuming as Lane Bishop was claiming that he was behind what made Maya survive, when it was all because of the blonde herself.

“Have you spoken to your daughter since she escaped?” Asked a reporter.

“Yes,” the man lied. “I have spoken to her several times and she is doing fantastic after saving so many lives.”

“Did she tell you what it was like for everyone to think she was dead for so long?”

Lane nodded. “She handled it like a champ. She did not once give up hope that she would be found. She fought for months to escape her captors, not once giving in. She was strong and continues to be so.”

“Was she abused?”

“Like I said, she fought back. She gave as much as she got because she was strong. She is a hero.”

“What about her heroics at Station 19 that saved all of those lives?”

Carina couldn’t listen anymore and she closed the browser. She felt her blood boiling. He hadn’t even reached out, not that she would let him say a word to her wife. And how dare he twist Maya's story and claim credit for her strength? How dare he downplay the trauma and pain she had endured? Carina clenched her fists, feeling the need to defend Maya, to set the record straight.

But she knew that confronting Lane Bishop wouldn't solve anything. It would only add fuel to the fire and give him the attention he so desperately craved. Maya didn't need that right now. What she needed he would never offer and that was love. Love without conditions, without the need to win something.

Carina took a deep breath, trying to calm herself down. She reminded herself that Maya's well-being was the priority, and getting caught up in a battle with her father would only distract from that. 

Returning to the living room, Carina found Maya still cradling Lucia, her eyes shut in her own sleep. Carina sat down beside her, placing a gentle hand on Maya's back, careful not to wake her.

This was all that mattered: her family.

Chapter Text

It had been almost a week since the disaster at the psychologists office and things had not gotten better for Maya. She spent her days in a haze of numbness, going through the motions while feeling nothing. She would force a smile for Lucia and Carina, but inside, she felt empty. She couldn't shake the feeling that she was failing as a mother, as a wife, as a person. But Maya couldn't bear to see the disappointment in Carina's eyes if she admitted to her that she had given up.

She still felt trapped in her own mind, unable to escape the constant barrage of negative thoughts, of the vivid memories of her time being held by Sanchez. Carina had been doing her best to support Maya, but it seemed like nothing she did could break through the walls Maya had built around herself.

Carina hoped that her upcoming appointment with Dr. Dylan would break her out of her depression. The Italian had been in contact with the doctor, updating her on Maya's deteriorating mental state. The therapist assured Carina that she would do everything in her power to help Maya through this difficult time. Carina held onto that hope, desperately clinging to the belief that Dr. Dylan could provide the guidance and support that Maya needed.

As the day of the appointment approached, Carina found herself growing increasingly anxious. She knew that this session could be a turning point for Maya, a chance for her to start healing and finding her way back to herself. But there was also a part of Carina that feared the worst. What if Dr. Dylan couldn't help? What if Maya's depression was too deep, too ingrained to be overcome?

They also hadn’t left their apartment, the media still lingering outside. Especially because the date was approaching for Sanchez to be arraigned. Sanders said that the man was refusing to plead to anything, his lawyer insisting they take it to trial. That would mean that Maya would have to testify and there was no chance that would be good for her state of mind.

As the day of the appointment with Dr. Dylan arrived, Carina found herself unable to sit still. She paced back and forth in the living room, her mind racing with worry. She desperately wanted to be there for Maya, to hold her hand and offer her support, but this was Maya’s time to be alone with her doctor.

When Maya emerged from their bedroom, Carina's heart sank at the sight of her. Maya looked even more withdrawn, her eyes hollow and distant. She also looked impossibly skinnier, barely eating anything her wife made, although she pretended to. Carina's instinct was to rush to her side, to wrap her in a comforting embrace, but she held herself back. She knew that Maya needed space, that pushing her too hard would only push her further away.

"Are you ready? She will be here in a few minutes,” Carina said softly.

Maya nodded, “I guess.” She spoke with a voice that lacked any enthusiasm or hope. Carina could see the exhaustion etched into every line of Maya's face, and it broke her heart.

“Lucia and I are just going to be over at Andy’s place, but we will be back as soon as the session is over.”

Maya nodded again, her gaze fixed on the floor. "Okay," she murmured.

Carina reached out and gently brushed a strand of hair behind Maya's ear. "Remember, I love you, Maya. Take your time, and we'll be waiting for you when you're ready."

With that, Carina turned and headed towards the door, her heart heavy with worry. As she stepped outside, she took a deep breath, trying to calm her thoughts. She knew she had to trust in Dr. Dylan's expertise.

Meanwhile, Maya stood alone in the living room, feeling anything but hopeful. In all honesty she felt as if this was going to be useless. She was not worth everyone’s efforts.

Tears welled up in Maya's eyes as she battled with her own demons. The weight of her feelings was suffocating, and she wondered if she would ever be able to escape its grip. The thought of disappointing Carina and Lucia only added to her guilt and despair.

After Maya heard the door close behind Carina, she sank onto the couch, feeling the emptiness of the apartment engulf her. The silence was deafening, amplifying her negative thoughts and insecurities. She couldn't help but question if she was truly deserving of the love and support she received from her family.

Maya couldn't shake the feeling that she was a burden, that her struggles were too much for her loved ones to bear. The weight of her depression seemed insurmountable, and she wondered if she would ever find a way out of the darkness.

As she sat on the couch, tears streaming down her face, Maya's thoughts turned to Dr. Dylan. She desperately hoped that this appointment would be different, that this time she would find the help she so desperately needed. But a part of her couldn't help but fear that it would be just another failed attempt at finding relief.

The minutes ticked by slowly, each one feeling like an eternity. Maya's mind raced with thoughts of what she would say to Dr. Dylan, how she would explain how she was feeling. But as the time for the appointment approached, she found herself at a loss for words. How could she possibly articulate the pain and emptiness she felt inside?

Just as Maya was about to give in to the overwhelming urge to cancel the appointment, there was a knock on the door. Startled, she wiped away her tears and took a deep breath. This was her last chance, her only opportunity to find a way out of the darkness for her family.

With trembling hands, Maya opened the door to find Dr. Dylan standing there, a warm and compassionate smile on her face. “Hello again, Maya. May I come in?”

Maya nodded. "Yes, please come in."

Dr. Dylan stepped inside. Maya closed the door behind her and led the way to the living room, where they both took a seat. The therapist's eyes were filled with empathy as she looked at Maya, her gaze filled with understanding.

"I am so incredibly sorry for how that last session ended and that I have not been able to get here sooner. How have you been since then?" Dr. Dylan asked gently.

Maya hesitated for a moment, unsure of how to put her feelings into words. But she had to try. Right?

"It's been...hard," Maya admitted, her voice trembling. "I-I don’t remember much that happened after that session. But since then everything just feels so much worse. I feel like I'm drowning in my own thoughts, like I can't escape the darkness. I'm trying to be there for my family, but I feel like I'm failing them. I don't know how to find my way back to myself. I don’t know who that is anymore.”

The doctor listened attentively. “The only person you need to focus on right now is you, Maya. And I believe that your family would say the same thing. I have been speaking to your wife extensively and I guarantee you that she does not feel like you are failing her. You’ve gone through something incredibly hard and it’s going to take time to overcome.”

"I just...I don't want to be a burden to them. I don't want them to have to constantly worry about me."

"Maya, your family loves you unconditionally. They want to support you through this, even if it's difficult for them at times. You are not a burden to them. In fact, they want nothing more than to see you heal and find happiness again."

Maya sniffled, wiping away her tears. "But how do I do that? How do I find my way back to myself?"

The therapist smiled softly. "Healing takes time, Maya. It's a journey, and it won't happen overnight. But with the right support and guidance, you can start to rebuild yourself. We'll work together to develop coping mechanisms, to process the trauma you've experienced, and to find ways to manage your depression. It won't be easy, but I believe you can do it."

Maya took a shaky breath. "I want to believe that I can find my way back, that I can heal. But I’m too far gone. I wish everyone would stop focusing on me and get on with their lives. Without me.”

Dr. Dylan leaned forward, her voice serious. "Maya, have you had any serious thoughts about harming yourself?”

Maya’s eyes drifted to the floor, she had no idea how to answer that. She hadn’t had any conscious thoughts of hurting herself, but the idea didn’t seem so bad. If she was dead then the pain and emptiness wouldn’t feel so overwhelming. It had been a constant thought for a long while before she was freed.

“Maya?” The doctor brought her back to the present.

Maya's eyes looked up at Dr. Dylan. She knew she couldn't hide the truth entirely. "I...I've had thoughts," she admitted, her voice barely above a whisper. "But they were more from my time when I was being held hostage. There were times when it seemed like the perfect solution, my only escape. Sometimes those thoughts come back.."

Dr. Dylan's expression turned grave. "I'm so glad you shared that with me. It's important to be honest about these thoughts, even if they're difficult to talk about. We're going to work together to find ways to manage these thoughts and keep you safe. But if it any point they become more prominent, you need to tell Carina, me, anyone. Understand?”

Maya nodded, a slight smile on her face. She didn’t believe any of it. She couldn't fathom a future where she could truly be happy and free from the darkness that consumed her. It all sounded too good to be true. She didn’t have the strength to keep fighting. The past nine months she had been fighting and look what it got her. It nearly got Carina and her friends killed. If she continued to fight, what then? Would Lucia be next?

She would never allow that.

———————————

Carina was exiting her car, running to the back to grab Lucia when she saw the doctor leaving the building. She had seen her picture online, never having actually met the woman. She rushed towards her, her mind filled with a mix of hope and fear.

"Dr. Dylan, how did it go?" Carina asked.

The therapist's face softened as she looked at Carina and Lucia. "You must be Carina . It’s nice to put a face to the voice. I wish I had better news. Maya is in a very fragile state right now. She's struggling a lot, I believe she may be suffering from Complex PTSD.”

Carina's heart sank at the mention of the diagnosis. She had heard of it before, but she never imagined that Maya could be experiencing such a severe form of post-traumatic stress disorder. The weight of the diagnosis settled heavily on her shoulders.

"What does that mean for Maya?" Carina asked.

Dr. Dylan sighed, her expression filled with empathy. "Complex PTSD is a more severe and chronic form of PTSD that often occurs as a result of prolonged trauma, such as what Maya experienced during her captivity. It can manifest in various ways, including emotional dysregulation, dissociation, and feelings of worthlessness, shame, and guilt."

Carina's heart hurt. She couldn't imagine the pain and suffering her wife had endured, and now to learn that it had left such a lasting impact on her mental health was devastating.

"But," Dr. Dylan continued. "With the right treatment and support, Maya can learn to manage her symptoms and find a path towards healing. It won't be easy, and it will take time, but I truly believe that she has the strength to overcome this. She’s already overcome more than most people ever could.”

"I'll do whatever it takes to support her through this. I just want her to find peace and happiness again. She deserves that.”

Dr. Dylan smiled warmly at Carina's unwavering commitment. "That's exactly what Maya needs right now. A strong support system can make all the difference in her recovery. I'll be working closely with her to develop a personalized treatment plan, including increased therapy sessions and potentially medication, to help her manage her symptoms and regain control of her life and feelings."

Carina held their daughter tighter, hoping she couldn’t feel the sadness she was experiencing.

“You need to keep a real close eye on her,” the doctor said. “Some of what she shared was concerning, and while I can’t share specifics, you need to watch her. You need to know that her emotions cannot be controlled  with the CPTSD without proper management. Do what needs to be done to protect her, but also yourself.”

Carina swallowed the bile in her throat. “What does that mean?”

“Hopefully nothing. Possibly everything.”

Chapter Text

When Carina walked into the apartment Maya was no where to be seen. She placed Lucia in her chair and walked over to their bedroom. She found her lying on the bed, facing away from the door.

Carina approached the bed cautiously. She could see the tension in Maya's body, the way her shoulders were hunched and her hands clenched into fists. It was clear that Maya was in a deep state of distress.

"Maya," Carina whispered. "Are you okay?"

Maya didn't respond, her silence only adding to Carina's worry. She took a step closer, reaching out a hand to gently touch Maya's shoulder. Maya flinched at the contact, her body tensing even more.

Carina's heart ached at the move. She knew that Maya was in a fragile state, but she had hoped that the therapy session would have provided some relief. It was clear that the road to recovery was going to be long and difficult, more so than she hoped.

"Maya, please talk to me," Carina pleaded softly. "I want to help you, but I need to know what you're feeling."

Maya turned her head slightly, her eyes filled with pain and sadness. "I...I don't know, Carina," she whispered, her voice trembling. "I feel so disconnected from everything, including myself. I don't know who I am anymore."

Carina could see the torment in her wife's eyes, the struggle to make sense of her own identity after enduring such trauma. She knew that Maya's journey to healing would be filled with moments like this, where the weight of her past would threaten to consume her, but she had hoped it wouldn’t be this bad.

A cry from the other room caused both women to look at the door, interrupting their moment. Maya was the first to get up and head to their daughter, needing an escape.

Carina followed closely behind, her heart still heavy with concern for Maya. As they entered the room, they found Lucia crying in her chair, her tiny face red and tear-streaked.

Maya quickly scooped up their daughter, cradling her in her arms and whispering soothing words. Carina watched as Maya's touch seemed to calm Lucia, the sound of her voice bringing a sense of comfort to their daughter.

Carina couldn't help but feel a mix of emotions as she watched Maya with Lucia. On one hand, she was grateful that Maya had this connection with their daughter, a source of love and joy that could bring some light into her life. On the other hand, she couldn't shake the worry that Maya's struggles with CPTSD might impact their ability to provide a stable and nurturing environment for Lucia. But that didn’t seem accurate. Here Maya was, in a state of crisis, and still she chose to comfort Luci.

Carina's admiration for Maya grew in that moment. Despite her own pain and turmoil, Maya always put Lucia's needs first. It was a testament to Maya's strength and love, even in the face of her own struggles.

Carina approached them, placing a hand on Maya's back. "You're an amazing mother, Maya," she said softly. "Lucia is lucky to have you."

Maya looked up at Carina, her eyes filled with exhaustion. "I'm trying, Carina. I really am," she whispered.

Carina leaned in, pressing a gentle kiss to Maya's forehead, noticing she didn’t flinch this time. "I know you are, love. And you’re going to get through this. You’ll find a way to heal, for you and for Lucia."

Maya nodded, her grip on Lucia tightening slightly. How could she speed up her healing, at least for Carina’s sake? 

“Can I take you out to dinner?” She asked suddenly, causing Carina to do a double-take.

“Like a date?” The Italian asked, dumbfounded.

“Is it dating if you’re my wife?” Maya chuckled softly, a hint of a smile playing on her lips. "Well, maybe it's more like a date night then," she replied, her voice filled with playfulness. She could do this. This is what her wife deserved. 

Carina was stunned by the sudden shift in her wife’s mental state. It was a small step, but it was a sign that Maya was willing to try to make sure they were okay, even in the midst of her own struggles.

"I would love that," Carina said with a smile of her own. “I can cook here for us-“

“No. I want to take you out.”

“What about the reporters?”

“I’ll ask Sanders for help. Just, please?”

Carina nodded. "Okay, Maya. Let's go out. Just the two of us, away from all the stress. I think that would be wonderful."

Maya smiled. “Good. Let me put her down for a nap.”

“I’m going to make us lunch,” Carina responded as she turned towards the kitchen.

Maya’s smile dropped slightly, she felt exhausted trying to maintain it for her wife. The truth was that she felt anything but okay, but the sound of Carina’s sad voice as she pleaded to be let in was the worst thing she had heard. She was just going to have to fake feeling better.

She carried her daughter over to her room and laid her in the crib. Maya gently tucked Lucia in, making sure she was comfortable and safe. As she stood there, watching her daughter sleep peacefully, Maya couldn't help but feel a pang of guilt. She wished she could be the mother Lucia deserved, one who wasn't constantly battling her own demons. She wished she could be who Carina wanted, but she was gone. 

Maya was just going to pretend until she couldn’t anymore. 

—————————————

It was a couple days later when they had planned for their night out together. Sanders had agreed to send an escort to make sure that they weren’t bothered and Andy and Vic had agreed to babysit.

Carina stood in front of the mirror, adjusting her outfit nervously. She had chosen a simple yet elegant blue dress, wanting to make the night special for Maya. She knew her body had changed since Lucia was born and was afraid of how Maya could react, knowing it was an unfounded fear. She hoped that this night would bring them closer together and a sense of normalcy, even if just for a few hours.

Maya walked into the room, her eyes immediately drawn to Carina. She couldn't help but smile at the sight of her wife, looking stunning just as she remembered everyday since she was taken . 

"You look beautiful," Maya said softly.

Carina blushed, feeling a warmth spread through her at Maya's words. "Thank you," she replied. "You look amazing too."

Maya had chosen a simple yet stylish outfit, one that accentuated her natural beauty but was a little loose due to her weight loss. Still, Carina couldn't help but be captivated by Maya's presence, even while going through her struggles.

As they made their way to the restaurant, Carina couldn't help but feel some relief. The escort provided by Sanders ensured that they were able to enjoy their evening without any interruptions or unwanted attention. It was a small gesture, but it meant the world to Carina.

The restaurant was dimly lit, creating an intimate atmosphere that allowed Carina and Maya to focus solely on each other. They settled into their seats, their hands finding each other's across the table.

Maya took a deep breath, trying to push away the thoughts and worries that had consumed her for the past few days. She wanted to be present in this moment, to enjoy this time with Carina. She knew it wouldn't be easy, but she had been through much worse.

“We don’t have to talk about anything you don’t want to tonight, Bambina,” Carina said lovingly. “Tonight is just for us.”

Maya nodded in appreciation. “I-uh I do want to know some things…about when I was gone…if that’s okay.”

Carina squeezed Maya's hand gently, understanding the importance of Maya's need for answers. "Of course. I'll tell you anything you want to know," she reassured her.

Maya took a moment to gather her thoughts before speaking. "What was Lucia’s birth like?”

Carina smiled at the thought of Maya wanting to know about the day their daughter was born. “Well, she was early, just like her mommy.”

“Anything on time is late,” Maya said with a chuckle, reminding Carina of the exact words she uttered to Andy that day.

“Oh I know your philosophy,” Carina responded teasingly. “But I was just sitting on the couch watching the news when the contractions started.” She didn’t mention that she had been watching the New York Public Library Fire, knowing that Maya had a hand in it. “I called Andy to take me to the hospital,” she continued.

Maya listened intently, her eyes filled with curiosity and a hint of guilt. She knew that her absence had caused Carina to go through the birthing process alone, and it pained her to think about the moments she had missed both with her wife and with their daughter.

Carina continued, her voice warm, not wanting her wife to feel bad for missing anything. "Andy was there for me every step of the way. She held my hand and kept me calm as we made our way to the hospital. We talked a lot about you and just imagined how you would have been reacting. And when Lucia finally arrived, it was the most incredible moment."

Maya's eyes welled up with tears as she imagined the scene. She had been preparing for it since the day they had found out Carina was pregnant. Now, she had missed the birth of her own daughter, a moment that she could never get back. The guilt weighed heavily on her, but she knew that dwelling on the past wouldn't change anything. She had asked because she wanted to feel a part of that time.

"I'm so sorry, Carina," Maya whispered. "I wish I could have been there with you."

Carina reached across the table, gently wiping away Maya's tears. "Maya, it's not your fault," she said softly. "You were taken from us, and we couldn't control that. What matters now is that we're together, and we get to be a family.”

Maya nodded, her heart hurting but choosing again to focus on the positive. For Carina. For Lucia. She knew that dwelling on what she had missed would only hinder her attempt to appear like nothing was wrong. Maya took a deep breath, trying to push away the guilt and sadness that threatened to consume her.

"Tell me more about her," Maya requested. “What was she like as a newborn?”

Carina's face lit up as she began to describe their daughter. "Oh, Lucia was the most beautiful baby. She had these big, bright eyes that would just captivate you. And her little hands, so tiny and delicate. She was so alert, always looking around and taking in the world."

Maya listened intently, joy and sadness filling her heart. She had missed out on so many precious moments with Lucia, but hearing Carina talk about their daughter brought some comfort, at least she had someone to lean on, to brighten her days.

"She was a good sleeper, too," Carina continued. "She would curl up in my arms and just drift off to sleep, so peaceful and happy. And when she woke up, she would give the sweetest little smiles. It was like she knew how much joy she brought to our lives."

Maya couldn't help but smile at the image Carina painted. As Carina spoke, Maya could picture Lucia in her mind as a newborn, her tiny features and the way she would curl up in her mother's arms. It was bittersweet, knowing that she had missed out on those early moments, but also grateful that Carina was willing to share them with her. That she had them at all.

It reminded her of why she did what she did: to protect her family. She had wanted them to have a happy life and to hear that they had while thinking she was dead, it felt worth everything she had endured. Mostly.

As the night continued the two wives continued their light conversations about work and Lucia. They laughed and shared stories of their past, enjoying each other's company. Carina watched Maya eat more than she had been. This is what she had needed. There was hope that everything would get better.

They made their way home without incident. The security detail Sanders had provided doing its job. As they entered their home, Carina couldn't help but feel a sense of contentment. The night had been a success, a small step towards healing and rebuilding their relationship. Maya seemed more at ease, more present, and Carina hoped that this was a sign of progress.

Maya turned to Carina, a soft smile on her face. "Thank you for tonight," she said sincerely. "I needed this."

Carina reached out, taking Maya's hand in hers. "I'm glad we could have this time together," she replied. "I love you, Maya."

Maya's eyes filled with tears, overwhelmed by the love she had for her wife. “I love you too.”

Carina leaned in to press a gentle kiss to Maya’s lips. Maya met her halfway, wanting to deepen it, something that they had yet to do since her return.

The brunette gasped with pleasure at the sudden feeling. She had missed the feeling of being intimate with her wife, but didn’t want her to feel rushed into anything, especially because of her healing injuries.

Carina pulled back slightly, her eyes searching Maya's for any sign of discomfort. But Maya's eyes were filled with longing, a desire that matched Carina's own. 

"Maya," Carina whispered, her voice filled with a mix of caution and desire. She knew she should stop, to let Maya heal more, but the yearning she had for her wife was taking over. "Are you sure?"

Maya nodded, her grip on Carina's hand tightening.

Carina had missed this intimacy, missed the way Maya's touch could ignite a fire within her. But she had to be patient, understanding that Maya needed time to heal. And now, it seemed that time had come.

With a soft smile, Carina leaned in once more, capturing Maya's lips in a passionate kiss. The months of longing and separation melted away in that moment, replaced by a renewed sense of love and desire.

Their kiss deepened, their bodies pressing closer together. Maya's hands found their way to Carina's waist, pulling her even closer. Images flashed through her mind, moments from her captivity that she had blocked from her own mind, threatening to ruin this moment. But Maya needed this for Carina. She needed this to feel right. To not feel so broken.

She couldn’t be this broken…

Chapter Text

Carina felt the shift in Maya before she tasted the tears that had made their way to their intertwined lips. She pulled back slightly, concern written in her features. "Maya, what's wrong?" she asked, wiping away the tears that stained both of their cheeks.

Maya took a shaky breath. "I'm sorry, Carina," she whispered, her voice barely audible. "I just... I don’t know what’s wrong with me..”

“Nothing is wrong with you, Bambina. We don’t have to rush anything. This night was perfect as it was.”

“I want you. I don’t want you to think I don’t,” Maya said timidly. “You look so beautiful, but I-I can’t get out of my own head.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Carina asked as they sat down in the couch. She wanted to give Maya the power to decide how to proceed.

Maya nodded. Deep down she didn’t want to burden Carina, she didn’t want to share some of her memories. Memories that were hazy and not something she wanted to talk about with anyone. Were they even real? But her wife deserved answers to her own hesitance, even if it hurt Maya to relive it. 

"I want to be close to you, Carina, but there's a part of me that's still scared. Scared of..." she didn’t finish her thought as more graphic images appeared in her mind.

Carina grabbed a hold of both of Maya’s hands in an effort to reassuring her, however she pulled away suddenly. Violently. 

The sudden emergence of this behavior startled Carina. She was afraid of what her wife could say, having only now just realized something. She had never asked her if they had sexually assaulted her. She knew that they had run every test imaginable, including STI’s, when she was in the hospital, but the thought never even crossed her mind. Yet here, now, she was afraid she missed something big.

“Maya, did they sexua-“

“I-I don’t know…”

Maya's voice trembled as she interrupted Carina's question. The fear in her eyes was palpable, and Carina's heart hurt at the idea. How could she have not thought of it sooner?

“I was drugged. I—I-I don’t know…” but she knew the truth. Those images that flashed while kissing Carina and after were memories of days she had tried so hard to forget. Maya's body tensed as the memories now flooded back in full force, overwhelming her senses. She could feel the weight of their hands on her drugged body, too heavy to move or fight back, the suffocating fear that consumed her every breath. They were days that had left scars on her soul, scars that she had buried deep within herself, deeper than some of the other ones she had.

“Bambina, it’s ok-“ Carina started but didn’t finish as Maya pushed herself further away.

“No, no, no…” Maya repeated. Maya's voice cracked with anguish as she pushed herself away from Carina. "I can't handle this right now. I cant do this…."

Maya was going into a frenzy, not hearing anything Carina was saying nor wanting any kind of physical contact. Her breathing became rapid and shallow, her hands trembling uncontrollably. Carina watched in concern, unsure of how to help her wife in this moment of distress. She knew that Maya needed space, but she also didn't want to leave her alone in such a vulnerable state.

Maya seemed to have blocked those memories from her mind, she had been through so much that she was trying to protect herself. Now, Carina was left speechless, unsure of how she could possibly help her. 

"Maya, please," Carina pleaded softly, reaching out to touch her arm. But Maya flinched away, her eyes full of tears.

"I can't, Carina," Maya choked out, her voice strained. "I can't…It's too much."

Maya began walking towards the door. No idea what her destination could possibly be, but not feeling worthy of being in the presence of her wife. She was broken beyond repair.

Carina watched Maya move towards the door, her mind racing with worry and fear. She couldn't let Maya leave like this, not when she was in such a fragile state.

"You can’t go out there, Bambina. The reporters…." Carina pleaded. Without thinking, the doctor rushed after her, grabbing her gently by the arm to stop her.

Again, Maya’s body reacted negatively to Carina’s touch. She jerked her arm away harshly, but she watched the sadness in Carina’s eyes amplify. She was a horrible person for causing all of this pain.

"Please, Carina, just let me go," Maya cried, her voice now trembling.

Carina hated having to watch Maya's pain unfold before her. She knew she couldn't force Maya to stay, she never wanted her to feel trapped again. But she also couldn't bear the thought of her wife facing the world alone in this vulnerable state, the reporters had already proven to be malicious. 

Carina took a deep breath, trying to find the right words to convince Maya to stay. "Maya, I understand that you're hurting right now, and I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through. But please, let me be there for you. Let me protect you from what I can, from those reporters who only want to exploit you."

Instead of reaching for Maya the Italian put her body in front of the door. She didn’t think Maya would get physical with her and she couldn’t comfort her wife through touch. This was the only way she could think to protect her.

“Please, Maya. Please…”

The blonde approached her wife, trying to get to the door. She was banging on her wife’s shoulders, needing her to move. She needed her to move. She needed…

Maya’s tears became heart wrenching sobs as she fell to the ground. She had no idea what to do, how to alleviate her pain. Her world was caving in and she was being crushed. How did everything keep getting worse?

Carina knelt down beside Maya, her heart breaking at the sight of her wife in such agony. She wouldn’t touch her until Maya said it was okay, but she would remain close so that her wife knew she wasn’t alone.

"Maya, I'm here," Carina whispered. "I'm not going anywhere. I promise."

Maya's sobs echoed through the room, each one a dagger to Carina's heart. She wanted to reach out, to hold Maya and tell her everything would be okay. But she knew she couldn't. Not yet. Not until Maya was ready.

The blonde just lay on the ground, the tears coming nonstop. Carina stayed by her side, laying down next to her, within arms reach just in case, her heart aching with every sob that wracked Maya's body.

As the minutes turned into hours, Carina stayed by Maya's side, whispering words of reassurance. She didn't know if they were helping, but she hoped that they were. She hoped that Maya knew she wasn't alone, that she had someone who loved her unconditionally and would stand by her no matter what.

Eventually, Maya's sobs began to subside, replaced by quiet, shaky breaths. Her body was exhausted, drained from the emotional turmoil she had been through. She lay there on the floor, her eyes closed, her body trembling slightly.

"Maya?” Carina whispered.

Maya didn't respond, but Carina didn't expect her to. She just wanted Maya to know that she was there, that she wasn't alone. But Maya had cried herself to sleep right there on the floor. The sight was heartbreaking. Maya’s face was tear streaked and red. She didn’t look peaceful in her slumber, only tormented.

Carina gently brushed a few strands of hair away from Maya's face, careful not to wake her. She looked at her wife, saddened by the new revelations. She wished she could take all the pain away, wished she could bear the burden for her. But all she could do was be there for her, to support her.

The Italian knew she was going to have to call Dr. Dylan to move up their appointment. She wasn’t sure what was going to happen, but she knew they needed professional help to navigate through this, probably drugs too. She also knew she needed to inform the FBI about the new information. It was a lot to process, but it had to be done.

Carina gently got up from the floor, careful not to disturb Maya. First, she grabbed a blanket from the bedroom and draped it over her poor wife. Then she went to the kitchen and made a cup of tea, her mind racing with thoughts. She needed to stay strong for Maya, she couldn't afford to break down now.

She dialed Dr. Dylan's number, her hands shaking slightly. "Dr. Dylan, it's Carina. We need to see you as soon as possible," she said, her voice trembling.

After arranging an appointment for the next day, Carina called Sanders. She informed him about the new information.

Sanders was silent for a moment on the other end of the line. "I'll let the prosecutor know right away," he finally said. "We'll do everything we can to get these bastards on everything."

"Thank you, Sanders," Carina replied. She ended the call and leaned against the kitchen counter, her body shaking. She took a deep breath, trying to steady herself. She had to be strong for Maya. 

Why was this a never ending nightmare? Every time they thought they had a moment of reprieve, things became worse.

She finished her tea and went back to the living room, where Maya was still sleeping on the floor. Carina sat down next to her, gently stroking her hair. She didn't know what the future held for them, but she knew one thing for sure - she would be there for Maya, nothing would change how she felt.

"I love you, Maya," she whispered, her voice filled with emotion. "I'm here for you. Always."

She knew that the words were not enough, that they could not erase the pain and fear that Maya was feeling. But she hoped that they would provide some comfort, some reassurance that she was not alone in this fight.

Carina stayed by Maya's side, watching over her as she slept. It wasn’t long before she felt her own eyes begin to drift close. She didn’t want to fall asleep, to leave her wife alone in case she woke up, but the exhaustion of the night was getting to her.

Carina fought against the pull of sleep, but it was a losing battle. She was emotionally and physically drained. She decided to lay down next to Maya, keeping a respectful distance but close enough to be there if Maya woke up. She closed her eyes, promising herself that she would wake up at the slightest movement from Maya.

As the night wore on, Carina found herself drifting in and out of sleep, always alert to Maya's presence beside her. She was plagued by nightmares, images of Maya's pain and fear haunting her dreams. Each time she woke up, she would check on Maya, her heart aching at the sight of her wife's permanently tear-streaked face.

—————————

When Maya awoke, the first thing she noticed was her wife lying on the floor next to her in a deep sleep. Just for a moment she didn’t know why, but the memories flooded her mind like a tsunami. She let out a soft whimper, her body curling in on itself as the memories threatened to consume her. 

She had to get away from her poor, sweet, innocent wife. Maya was not worthy of being this close to her anymore. She had thought this before, but now…now she was too tainted. She got up, careful not to disturb Carina.

Maya moved quietly, her body aching from the emotional and physical toll of the night as well as the sleeping on the floor. She glanced back at Carina, her heart hurting at the sight of her wife, so peaceful in sleep. She didn't deserve to be burdened with Maya's pain, with her past. 

She moved towards the front door, needing to get out. To get away. But as she reached for the doorknob, she hesitated. The thought of facing the world, the reporters, alone was terrifying. She felt a wave of panic wash over her, her heart pounding in her chest. She was trapped, caught between the pain of her past and the fear of her future.

She turned back, her eyes landing on Carina. Her wife was still asleep, oblivious to the turmoil Maya was going through. She looked so peaceful, so innocent. It was a stark contrast to the storm raging inside Maya. The storm Maya just was.

She knew what she wanted to do. But would her wife ever forgive her?

Chapter Text

Carina woke up to the sunlight now streaming in through the windows. She blinked, her eyes adjusting to the light. She turned to look at Maya, but the space next to her was empty. Panic surged through her as she quickly sat up, her eyes scanning the room for her wife.

"Maya?" she called out, her voice shaky. There was no response. She got up, her heart pounding in her chest as she moved towards the bedroom. "Maya?" she called again, louder this time.

The bedroom was empty. The bathroom too. Carina felt a knot forming in her stomach as her hopes were dashed that Maya was still in the apartment. She rushed to the kitchen, her heart pounding harder, louder. But the kitchen was empty too. The apartment was eerily silent, the only sound being the ticking of the clock on the wall. 

"Maya?" Carina called out again, her voice echoing in the empty apartment. She felt a wave of panic wash over her. Where was her wife? 

She quickly grabbed her phone and dialed Maya's number. It rang once, twice, three times, but there was no answer. Carina felt a lump forming in her throat as she ended the call. 

She tried to calm herself down, telling herself that Maya was probably just out for a walk, even though she was afraid of the media. But she couldn't shake off the feeling of dread that was creeping up on her. 

She hastily put on her shoes and grabbed her keys, heading out the door. She had to find Maya. She couldn't bear the thought of her wife being alone in her current state. What could she be doing?

As she walked down to her car, she kept her eyes peeled for any sign of her wife. Unfortunately, there will still a couple of reporters who approached her, shouting out questions.

“Dr. Deluca! How is your wife? Has she discussed her captivity with you?”

“How does it feel to be married to a hero?”

Carina ignored them, her mind focused on finding Maya. Hopefully she didn’t encounter them when she left. How long had she been gone? 

She got into her car and started driving. She drove around the neighborhood, her eyes scanning the streets for any sign of her wife. But there was no sign of Maya.

She checked the park, the coffee shop they used to frequent, even the gym where Maya used to work out from time to time back in the day. But there was no sign of her. 

With each passing minute, Carina's worry grew. She felt a knot in her stomach, her mind filled with worst-case scenarios. She tried to push them away, to stay positive, but it was getting harder with each passing minute. 

She decided to go back to the apartment, hoping that Maya had returned. But as she opened the door, her heart dropped. The apartment was still empty. 

Carina felt a lump in her throat as she sank down onto the couch. She felt helpless, lost. She didn't know what to do, where to go. All she knew was that she had to find Maya. 

She picked up her phone again, dialing Maya's number. But again, there was no answer. Carina felt tears welling up in her eyes as she ended the call. 

"Maya, where are you?" she whispered, her voice filled with desperation. She felt a tear roll down her cheek, but she quickly wiped it away. She needed to call in reinforcements.

——————————

The blonde firefighter hadn’t even noticed that the sun had risen. Maya had been walking aimlessly for hours, her mind a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions. She had left the apartment while Carina was still asleep and it was still dark, needing some time alone to process everything that had happened. The new memories that she had buried were the most painful of all.

How could she have been sexually assaulted? How could she have forgotten something so big? How could she expect anyone to love her?

She felt a shiver run down her spine as she remembered the horrifying details. The feeling of helplessness, the fear, the pain. It was all too much. She had tried to bury it deep within her, but it was now resurfacing, haunting her every waking moment.

She had left the apartment without a word, not wanting to burden Carina with her pain. She knew her wife was already worried about her, and she didn't want to add to her stress. But now, as she walked aimlessly through the streets, she realized that she had made a mistake. She should have told Carina. She should have let her in.

Quickly, she reined in that thought. This was not Carina’s burden to bear. She had failed, she was broken, she had to deal with it.

Alone.

She soon found herself outside of Station 19. It was still off limits after the fire, reconstruction due to start soon. Still, Maya was drawn to this place. It had been a second home and it was the place she almost lost her entire family.

Ignoring the yellow tape, Maya decided to head inside. The building was a shell of its former self, charred and blackened by the fire, yet the fire didn’t get to everything. The smell of smoke still lingered in the air, a stark reminder of what had occurred. Maya walked through the empty halls, her footsteps echoing in the silence. 

She found herself in the garage. It’s the last place everyone had been in before their escape. She saw the spots her friends and Carina had been tied up, where she had struggled to get to them and free them. She was thankful she had succeeded.

Maya looked up at where she had jumped from to reach them in time. The memory was still fresh in her mind, happening only a few weeks ago, the adrenaline, the fear, the relief when she had managed to free them. But it was also where she had been began to feel as if everyone was risking their lives for her when she hadn’t meant for any of that to happen. She wasn’t worth that effort. 

The guilt was overwhelming, a heavy weight on her chest. She had put her friends, her family, in danger. And for what? To save her? She didn't feel worth saving. Especially after the new revelations.

She moved into the front entrance. It was the least burned of all. She had glanced around quickly when she had arrived that day, seeing it for the first time in nine months, but was too preoccupied to take anything in. Now, she walked to the cabinet that contained Pruitt and Dean’s pictures, memorials to fallen firefighters. Only now her picture was there, everyone thinking she was dead for the time she had been missing.

She looked at her picture, a picture of someone she no longer was. How many times did Carina have to look at it and be reminded of her supposedly dead wife? What about her daughter?

She sank down onto the floor, her knees giving out under her. She felt a wave of despair wash over her. She was a shell of the person she used to be, a ghost haunting her own life. She felt the tears welling up in her eyes, but she fought them back. She had to be strong. She had to keep going. She could continue to pretend, right?

But how could she keep going when she felt so broken? How could she face her wife, her daughter, her friends, when she felt like she was falling apart?

She felt her phone ringing in her pocket, knowing exactly who it was. But she couldn’t bring herself to answer. 

Maya sat there for what felt like hours, lost in her thoughts. She felt the tears finally spill over, running down her cheeks in a silent testament to her pain. She felt so alone, so lost. She didn't know how to move forward, how to face the world with this new reality.

She looked at her phone again, seeing the missed calls from Carina. She knew she should call her back, let her know she was okay. But she couldn't bring herself to do it. She couldn't bear to hear the worry in Carina's voice, to see the pain in her eyes. She couldn't bear to be the cause of her pain anymore. She couldn’t even handle being the cause of her own pain.

She felt more guilt wash over her. She had left without a word, leaving Carina to wake up alone and worried. She knew she should have told her, should have let her in. But she was afraid. Afraid of the pity, the worry, the fear.

She put her phone away, her heart sinking in her chest. She knew she had to go back, had to face Carina. But she couldn't. Not yet. She needed more time. Time to process, time to heal, time to figure out how to move forward.

She got up, her legs shaky under her. She looked around the station one last time. This place had been her home, her sanctuary. And now, it was just a painful reminder of everything she had lost. The inside of the station was like looking into her own mind and body. Burnt and broken.

She walked out of the station, her steps heavy. She didn't know where she was going, didn't know what she was doing. All she knew was that she had to keep moving, had to keep going.

As she walked, she felt the tears start to fall again. She didn't bother to wipe them away, didn't bother to hide them. She let them fall, let them wash over her. She was broken, she was lost. She was still here, still fighting. But for how much longer?

She just wanted to disappear, to escape from the pain that was consuming her.

And that gave her an idea.

————————————

“Any word?” Andy and Vic said as they entered the apartment where Carina was currently pacing. They had left Lucia with Travis, not wanting the baby to see her mother in this state.

"No," Carina replied, her voice strained. "I've called her a dozen times, but she's not answering."

Andy and Vic exchanged a worried glance. They knew how much Maya had been struggling since her return, how much she had been bottling up inside. They hadn’t spent much time with her, but they saw how everything was physically effecting her.

"Have you tried calling the hospitals?" Vic suggested.

Carina shook her head. "I don't think she's hurt. I think... I think she just needed some space."

"But she should have told you," Andy said. She was mad at her friend for putting her wife through this. She had suffered so much and now she was suffering again. "She should have let you know where she was going."

Carina nodded, her eyes welling up with tears. "I know," she said. "But she didn't. She was…remembering things that she hadn’t before. And now I don't know where she is or if she's okay."

"We'll find her," Vic said. "We'll find her and bring her home."

Carina nodded, still trying to hold back her tears. She knew they were right, they would find Maya. But the question that haunted her was would Maya want to be found?

“Have you tried the station?” Andy asked.

Carina shook her head. “It’s been closed since the fire and sealed off.”

Andy and Vic exchanged a glance. "Maya might not care about that," Vic said. "The station was her second home. She might have gone there."

Carina looked at them, her eyes wide. "You think she's there after what happened?"

"It's worth a shot," Andy said. "We'll go check."

Carina nodded. "Thank you," she said.

As Andy and Vic left the apartment, Carina sank down onto the couch. She felt a wave of exhaustion wash over her. She was worried, scared, and she felt so helpless. She wanted to go out and look for Maya, but she knew she had to stay put in case Maya came back.

She picked up her phone again, dialing Maya's number. But again, there was no answer. Carina felt a lump in her throat as she ended the call. She felt so lost, so alone. She didn't know what to do, where to go. All she knew was that they had to find Maya. 

She looked at the clock on the wall, the ticking seeming to echo in the silent apartment. Each tick was a reminder of the passing time, of the growing worry. She felt a knot in her stomach, her mind filled with worst-case scenarios, especially after the recent revelations. She tried to push them away, to assume Maya would walk in those doors at any time, but it was getting harder with each passing minute.

Finally, after another few minutes, her phone rang and the name on the screen caused her heart to drop.

Chapter Text

While looking at her own memorial, Maya realized that she also had a grave. A grave that she obviously wasn’t buried in. But it was a place where she could disappear, where she could escape from the world and the pain that was consuming her. She knew it was a drastic measure, but she felt desperate, lost. She needed a place to hide, a place to heal. Cemeteries are often quiet enough. 

She quickly walked towards the cemetery. It was a short walk, but it felt like an eternity. With each step, she felt the weight of her guilt, her pain, her fear. She felt like she was walking towards her own death, and in a way, she was. She was leaving behind the person she used to be, the person she no longer recognized.

When she finally reached the cemetery, she felt a chill run down her spine. It was eerily quiet, the only sound being the rustling of the leaves in the wind. She walked towards the front office to find out where she had allegedly been buried, her heart thumping in her chest.

The older woman behind the counter looked at her in surprise when she asked for the location of her own grave. She didn't ask any questions, though, just handed her a small map with the location marked. Maya thanked her and walked out, her steps heavy.

She found her grave a couple hundred yards from the entrance, the headstone simple and unadorned. It read, "Maya Bishop, beloved wife, mother, and friend. A hero who gave her life in service of others." She felt a lump in her throat as she read the words. She was none of those things. Not anymore.

She sat down, leaning against her tombstone, looking at the dead flowers that were there. Clearly, no one visited anymore. She wondered when they would dig it up and let Lieutenant Frank be buried properly in her own grave.

And then it sank in: she was looking at her own grave.

Maya felt a wave of anguish wash over her. She was a ghost, a shell of the person she used to be. Maybe she truly was dead. She felt the tears building up in her eyes, but she fought them back.

She sat there for at twenty minutes, lost in her thoughts. She felt the tears finally spill over, running down her cheeks in a silent testament to her pain. She felt so alone, so lost. She didn't know how to move forward, how to face the world with this new reality.

Did she even want to?

Carina saw Maya sitting against the familiar sight. She had spent nearly every week here since the day they had “buried” Maya. It was why Doris had called her and told her Maya was there. She had breathed a sigh of relief when she learned she was okay.

But seeing her now, sitting against her own tombstone, Carina felt a fresh wave of fear wash over her. She looked so lost, so broken. So much more so than she had before. Carina felt her heart break for her wife. She knew Maya was struggling, but the revelation about her being sexually assaulted was a new level of pain that Carina had never witnessed before. 

She slowly approached Maya, her steps hesitant. She didn't want to startle her, didn't want to push her away. She knew Maya needed space, but she also knew she needed support. It was a very fine line.

"Maya," she said softly, her voice barely above a whisper. Maya didn't respond, didn't even look up. She just sat there, staring blankly at the ground. Carina felt a lump in her throat as she knelt down in front of her.

"Maya," she repeated, her voice trembling. "Can you look at me?”

Maya finally looked up, her eyes red and swollen from crying. She looked at Carina, her gaze filled with so much pain and desperation that it took Carina's breath away. She reached out, gently touching Maya's face. Maya flinched at the contact, but didn't pull away.

"Bambina," Carina said. "I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. Please don’t run away from me."

Maya didn't respond, but she didn't pull away either. She just sat there, staring at Carina with those haunted eyes. Carina felt her heart shatter at the sight. She had never seen Maya like this before, so lost, so broken.

She reached out, gently taking Maya's hand in hers. Maya's hand was cold, her fingers trembling slightly. It was almost winter and late fall in Seattle was cold enough.

Carina didn't know how to fix this, how to make things better. But she knew she had to try. For Maya, for their family, for herself. She couldn't just stand by and watch Maya suffer.

She pulled Maya into a hug, holding her tightly. Maya didn't resist, but she didn't return the hug either. She just sat there, limp in Carina's arms. But Carina didn't let go. She held onto Maya as tightly as she would allow.

She whispered words of comfort, of love, into Maya's ear, hoping that they would somehow reach her wounded soul. And as the tears continued to stream down Maya's face, Carina knew that she would never give up on her.

As they sat there in the cemetery, Carina could feel Maya slowly starting to relax in her embrace. The tension in her body began to ease, and Carina could sense Maya coming to a little bit, finally understanding that her wife was there.

“I’m sorry,” Maya whispered.

Carina held Maya even tighter as she responded. “The only thing you have to be sorry for is leaving without telling me where you were going. That is it.”

Maya nodded, her tears continuing to flow. "I didn't know where I was going," she admitted. "I just needed to escape, but I don’t know how or where or…or if I can ever come back from any of this..”

“There aren’t going to be any immediate answers, Bambina. It’s okay to hurt for a little while. I wish there was a way for that to not happen, but that’s just how it goes. I just need you to know that you have me to lean on and not run from. I want to listen to everything you’re feeling, no matter what. I only want to help you.”

“Who even am I?” Maya's voice trembled as she asked the question.

"You are Maya Deluca-Bishop," Carina said firmly. "You are strong, resilient, and compassionate. You are my beautiful wife and a loving mother to our daughter. You are a survivor. And you are not defined by anything that happened to you."

Maya looked at Carina, her eyes searching for any hint of hesitance, finding none. Carina held her gaze.

"You are defined by how you rise above it," Carina continued. "By how you fight back, by how you heal. You are defined by the love you give and the strength you show. Maya, you are so much more than what happened to you. You are a survivor, and I believe in you. Just please, let me help you.”

Carina's words and support gave her a sliver of strength, a tiny spark of determination to fight back.

"I don't know if I can," Maya cried. "But I want to. I want to try. For you.”

“You can’t do it for just me. It has to be for you first and foremost,” Carina answered.

“You sound like Dr. Dylan…”

Carina smiled softly, brushing a strand of hair behind Maya's ear. "Well, maybe she's onto something," she said. "But I truly believe that you have the strength within you to overcome anything, Maya. And I'll be right here by your side every step of the way."

Maya nodded, snuggling back into her wife’s side. She didn’t believe any of the words her wife was saying, but she did know that Carina believed in them. She believed in her. And maybe that would be what she needed.

——————————

When they returned back to the apartment an hour later, Maya sat on the couch while Carina made her a cup of tea. She had been outside in the cold for a while, Carina didn’t even know what time she had left. The Italian doctor wanted to make sure her wife was warmed up.

Carina handed Maya the steaming cup, and Maya gratefully wrapped her hands around it, feeling the warmth seep into her cold fingers. She took a sip, relishing in the comforting taste and the soothing sensation it brought.

Carina took a seat next to her wife, within touching distance while still respecting her space. Now that Maya was a little more put together she was afraid that she would push her away like she had initially. At the cemetery Maya’s guard was down. Carina wanted to be cautious.

To test the waters, she placed her hand on the blonde’s knee. Maya flinched slightly, but didn’t pull away. Still, Carina didn’t want to overdue it and removed her hand.

“Can you tell me what you need right now?” The Italian asked kindly.

Maya shook her head, her eyes downcast. “If I knew I would tell you. But…I just…don’t.”

Carina nodded understandingly. "Okay," she said softly. "That's okay, Maya. You don't have to have all the answers right now. Any answers even.”

“I-I feel so numb, Carina. But everything also just….hurts.”

Carina knew that numbness all too well, the feeling of being disconnected from oneself and yet overwhelmed by pain. She wished she could take it all away, but she knew she couldn't.

“What do I do?” Maya begged.

Carina took a deep breath, trying to find the right words. She knew that there was no easy fix, no quick solution to Maya's pain. But she also knew that they couldn't stay in this dark place forever.

"I think the first step is to allow yourself to feel," Carina said gently. "It's okay to be numb, to be in pain. But you can't stay there forever. You have to let yourself process what happened, to grieve and heal."

Maya sighed sadly. “And what if I don’t want to feel?”

“There is no other option, Bambina. Any alternative you may be thinking isn’t okay.”

Maya looked at Carina. She had thought about taking her own life just to end those memories that came flooding back to her. Clearly, Carina had thought she might as well. 

"But it's so hard," Maya whispered. "I don't know if I can handle it."

Carina reached out, offering her hand to Maya and letting her be the one to initiate contact. Thankfully, she did. 

"I know it's hard. But I lost you once and it nearly killed me. Now, I can be here for you. I can’t protect you from the past and for that I am so sorry. But I can be here to support you as you navigate through your future. Our future," Carina rectified. “For our daughter.”

Maya’s sobs began to build back up. Her feelings of hopelessness resurfacing at the mere mention of Lucia. It was obvious Carina believed in her, was there for her regardless of what she went through. But all she felt about herself was tainted, worthless, and broken. Not that she could voice that to her loving and caring wife.

All she was ever going to be was damaged. Damaged and conflicted. Why did she keep letting Carina try to save her? She literally just told her how losing her almost killed her. What was going to happen if she lost her this time?

Carina could see the turmoil in Maya's eyes, the battle between wanting to push her away and desperately needing her support. She knew that Maya's self-worth had taken a devastating blow, and it broke Carina's heart to see her wife in so much pain unable to do anything to alleviate it.

“Dr. Dylan is going to come by a little later to help,” Carina said, hoping it would bring Maya some peace of mind. Unfortunately, it had the opposite effect.

“Carina, I don’t want to talk to anybody about this. I don’t….I can’t.”

"I know it's difficult, Bambina. But you know Dr. Dylan specializes in trauma and she can help guide us through this. She's experienced in helping survivors of everything you’ve been through. You’ve already spoken to her about other things that happened in those nine months."

Maya shook her head, tears streaming down her face. "I don't want to relive it, Carina. I don't want to keep talking about it over and over again. I just want it to go away."

Carina hated watching Maya's anguish unfold before her. She understood Maya's resistance to reliving the painful memories, but she also knew that healing required confronting the past.

"I understand that it's overwhelming," Carina said softly. "But burying it won't make it go away. It will only fester and continue to haunt you. Talking about it, as difficult as it may be, is a step forward."

Carina paused, giving Maya a moment to process her words. She knew that Maya needed time and space to come to her own decision, but she also wanted to gently encourage her to consider speaking about everything.

"Maya, I know it's scary," Carina continued. "And you don't have to relive it all at once, but taking small steps towards healing can make a difference."

Maya wiped away her tears, her expression heart-wrenching to look at. Carina could see the internal struggle within her, the battle between wanting to protect herself and wanting to find a way to heal.

"I just don't know if I'm ready," Maya whispered.

“Do you think you will ever be ready?”

Carina's question hung in the air, the weight of it pressing down on Maya's already burdened shoulders. She took a deep breath, trying to find the strength to say anything.

Finally, after several moments, Maya spoke. “Can you also call Diane?”

Chapter Text

Maya had sat mindlessly on the couch as she waited for her old therapist and her new one to arrive. She had asked for Diane because she had driven her away from the brink of self-destruction before. Now, she felt so much closer to that edge. She felt it was truly a last ditch effort now.

As Maya sat there, her mind filled with fear of the possibilities that all of this could lead to, she couldn't help but wonder if Diane would be able to help her this time. She had relied on her in the past, and Diane had always been a source of guidance. But this time felt different. This time, Maya felt like she was teetering on the edge of a precipice, unsure if she could find her way back.

The sound of the doorbell broke through her thoughts, and Maya's heart dropped. She glanced at Carina, who gave her a reassuring smile before getting up to answer the door. She had stayed by her side since they had gotten home, doing her best to give Maya the space she needed. The blonde took a deep breath, trying to steady herself as she prepared to face her past once again.

Diane entered the apartment, a warm smile on her face. She had a calming presence, one that Maya had missed. Diane's eyes met Maya's, and she could see the pain and vulnerability reflected in them.

"Maya," Diane began. “It is so good to see you.” She, like everyone else, had heard about Maya’s supposed death. She had attended her funeral and mourned her loss. She was also shocked to learn that she had been held hostage and her death faked.

"It's good to see you too, Diane."

Diane approached Maya slowly. She could sense the weight of Maya's pain, the heaviness that seemed to consume her. She saw every change in the firefighter, from her physical appearance to the way she carried herself, the burden weighing her shoulder down. She knew that Maya had been through unimaginable trauma, and she wanted to do nothing short of help her.

"I'm so sorry for everything you've been through, Maya," Diane said empathetically. "I can't even begin to imagine the pain you must be feeling. But I want you to know that I'm here for you, just like I've always been and you will get through this, just like you always have.”

“This is different,” Maya said hesitantly. “Everything is so different.”

“It is different. I’m not debating that. This is a whole different kind of trauma. But, remember how hopeless you felt when we first met and remember how much you overcame to finally heal.”

Maya nodded, her eyes already filling up with tears. She remembered the darkness she had once been trapped in, the darkness that had consumed her. She had almost lost Carina. She would have never had Lucia if she had given up. And she remembered how Diane had helped her find her way back to the light and back to her family.

"But this feels so much bigger," Maya whispered, her voice trembling. "I don't know if I can find my way back this time."

Diane offered her a small, reassuring smile. "Maya, I know it feels overwhelming right now. But you are stronger than you realize. You've faced unimaginable pain before, pain you never expected, and you found the strength to heal. I believe in you, Maya. And I will be here every step of the way to help you find your way back."

Carina appeared from the kitchen, suddenly. “I’m going to head out,” she said wanting to give her wife privacy. “Do you need anything, Bambina?”

Maya looked at Diane and then back to her wife. “Can, um, can you actually stay?” She asked timidly.

Carina's eyes softened as she looked at Maya, understanding how afraid she must be. "Of course. I'll stay," she said as she walked over to the couch and sat beside the blonde.

“Is, um, is that okay?” Maya asked Diane.

Diane smiled warmly at Maya. "Absolutely, Maya. Having Carina here for support can only be beneficial. Anything you need to help you is fine by me."

Just then there was another knock on the door. Dr. Dylan had arrived which meant that things were about to get hard. Diane excused herself to answer the door so she could have a brief conversation with the trauma therapist, giving Maya and Carina a moment to themselves.

Maya looked at Carina, her eyes filled with vulnerability."Thank you for staying," she whispered.

Carina smiled softly, her love for Maya shining in her eyes. "I will always be here for you, Maya. If you need me to leave for any reason, just let me know."

Maya shook her head. “You deserve to-“

“Hello again Maya, Carina,” Dr. Dylan said as she entered with Diane.

Maya and Carina greeted Dr. Dylan with a polite smile, their nerves still evident in their expressions. Dr. Dylan was a renowned trauma therapist, known for her expertise in helping individuals navigate through the darkest of experiences. Maya hoped that she was up for the challenges she kept bringing to the table.

"Thank you for coming on such short notice, Dr. Dylan," Carina said.

“I understand that what Maya has gone through has been a lot. And I also understand that there’s going to be a lot of road blocks along the way to healing. But that’s okay,” Dr. Dylan said as she sat down beside Diane. “Where would you like to begin. What brings us here today?”

Maya glanced at Carina who returned a soft smile. “I-I had new memories. I guess I, uh, I guess I blocked it out.”

Dr. Dylan nodded understandingly. "It's not uncommon for survivors of trauma to block out certain memories as a way of self-preservation," she explained. "Our minds have a way of protecting us from overwhelming experiences until we are ready to process them."

Maya took a deep breath, her hands trembling slightly. "I’m not sure I’m ready to process them though.”

"That's completely understandable, Maya. Processing traumatic events can be incredibly difficult and overwhelming. It's important to go at your own pace and only delve into those memories when you feel ready."

Maya looked down at her hands. "But what if I never feel ready? What if I can't face those memories?"

Dr. Dylan leaned forward. "Maya, I’m going to keep saying this but healing is a journey. You’re not going to have all of the answers when you want them. It’s a marathon, not a sprint. It's okay if you don't feel ready right now. Healing takes time, and it's important to honor your own process. We can work together to create a safe environment for you to explore those memories when you feel more prepared. Maybe what we can talk about right now is how you’re feeling. Let’s start with yesterday. You don’t have to mention what you remembered, only how you felt.”

Maya glanced back at her wife’s encouraging eyes. She had wanted her to stay for a reason. Carina deserved to know how her mind worked, even if she didn’t. She wasn’t sure she would ever be able to voice any of what she was about to say to Carina, but she needed to let her hear it.

Maya took a deep breath and sighed. “I woke up and I just felt so…I felt like…I feel so lost and broken. Those memories…they ruined me more than I already was. Am.”

Tears welled up in Maya's eyes as she struggled to find the right words to express the depth of her pain. Carina reached out and offered her hand which Maya took.

Dr. Dylan responded empathetically. "It's completely normal to feel lost and broken after new revelations, Maya. It's a heavy burden to carry, and it's okay to acknowledge that. What happened next?”

“I didn’t want to be a burden to Carina. So I left,” Maya whispered, causing Carina to suck in a breath. 

“Where did you go?” Diane asked. 

Maya shrugged. “At first I was just walking aimlessly, but when the sun came up I went to the station.” Her voice trembled as she continued, her eyes fixed on the floor.

“And why did you go there?”

"It was where I had almost lost everything. My friends, my wife. And I-“ she stopped suddenly.

Diane, Dr. Dylan, and Carina all encouraged the blonde to continue with their eyes, letting Maya set the pace.

“I-I felt guilty,” she finished, her voice cracking. “Everyone almost died. Because of me.”

“Maya, no,” Carina said, stopping her wife’s train of thought. “None of that had anything to do with you.”

“But it did, Carina. Sanchez would have never burned the station down with you guys inside of it if I didn’t escape.”

Carina squeezed Maya's hand tightly. "Bambina, you can't blame yourself for what happened. Sanchez was the one responsible for his actions, not you. You did what you had to do to survive, and I am so grateful that you did. We all are. And that thought hasn’t crossed any of our minds, I can guarantee you that.”

“And from our previous conversations,” Dr. Dylan continued, “you said he had other plans. At some point your friends would have been in danger, even more people in fact. Your actions only saved them.”

They let Maya sit on that information, giving her time to try and see it as everyone but her saw it. Maya's mind was racing, trying to process the words of comfort and reassurance from Carina, Diane, and Dr. Dylan. She had always been her own worst critic.

“Then what happened? What were you feeling?” Diane asked after a few moments.

“I thought about dying. Not-not that I was going to do anything. I just…I thought of how it must feel to not feel anything. Then I remembered I had been dead. So, I went to the cemetery to see my grave.”

“How did it feel to see that?” Dr. Dylan asked.

“I felt like I really was buried there…”

“Why?”

Maya took a deep breath, her voice barely audible. "Because seeing my own grave made it all feel so real. It was a reminder of what I had been through, what I had lost. Almost lost. It felt like a confirmation that I had truly died inside, even if I was physically alive. The person I was before all of this is just…gone.”

Carina looked at her wife sadly. Her eyes were staring only at the ground, full of a sadness that never seemed to dissipate.

Carina reached out and gently lifted Maya's chin, guiding her gaze to meet her own. "Maya, you are not gone. You are still here, and you are still the incredible person I fell in love with. I see your strength every day, even when you can't see it yourself. You have been through so much, but you are still standing. You are still fighting. And I am right here beside you."

“I-I know you are here. But I mean it Carina, I’m not the person you married. I’m not…I’m not….”

“What, Bambina?”

Maya squeezed her eyes shut tightly, willing herself to find the words that haunted her regularly. "I'm not worthy of you…of your love. Of raising a family with you. I’m…I’m a burden and I’m broken and I’m tainted and-“

“No,” Carina interrupted, her voice was firm, cutting through Maya's self-deprecating thoughts. "Maya, you are not a burden. You are not broken or tainted. You are a survivor, and you are so incredibly strong. I could never have been what you’ve been through and been fighting as hard as you have to come back to me. I love you, and I am proud to be by your side. I am proud to call you my wife. We will continue to face this together, just like we have faced everything else. You are worthy of love and happiness. Never, ever doubt that."

Maya's tears flowed freely now, her heart mourning her old self but thankful that her wife still loved her. Carina's words were like a temporary balm to her wounded soul, offering her the love she so desperately needed. She leaned into Carina's embrace, feeling the warmth and strength of their connection.

Dr. Dylan and Diane watched the couple with a gentle smile. "Maya, what Carina said is true. And it's okay to feel lost and broken, your feelings are valid. But we’re here to listen until you feel better, so don’t bottle it up."

“I think that what you two need is to get away from here, somewhere peaceful and away from the reminders of the trauma and the triggers," Diane suggested. "A change of scenery might help you both find some peace."

Maya looked up at Diane with her tear-stained face. "You think that could help?" she asked.

Diane nodded. "I truly believe it could, Maya. Sometimes, being in a different environment can provide a fresh perspective and allow you to find some much-needed alone time with your family. It might give you the space and time to heal without the constant reminders of what you've been through. And we’ll make sure we’re available if you need us.”

Carina squeezed Maya's hand, offering her silent support. "We can go anywhere you want, Maya. Just name it, and we'll make it happen."

Maya looked at Carina, the hope shining through her eyes. The idea of leaving their familiar surroundings seemed both daunting and enticing. But deep down, Maya knew that a change of scenery might be exactly what they needed to help the healing process.

"I...I think that could be a good idea," Maya finally said, her voice wavering slightly. "How do you feel about the woods?”

Chapter Text

The truth was Carina hated the woods, but it was something that Maya enjoyed. So, she sucked it up and booked them a cabin deep in the mountains. She’d be damned if they ended up camping and Maya agreed to a nice, rustic, secluded cabin.

Dr. Dylan had prescribed Maya some medication to help with her CPTSD. She was up for anything to try and alleviate the negative feelings. So far there hadn’t been any significant changes, but both Maya and Carina knew that it came with time.

Now, they were in the car on their way to their destination, Lucia asleep in the back seat. Maya remained silent, staring out the windows as they drove the several hours to the cabin.

Carina glanced over at Maya, trying not to be concerned about her silence. She reached out and gently squeezed Maya's hand, offering her a small smile. "Hey, you okay?" she asked softly.

Maya turned her gaze towards Carina, her eyes filled with a mix of emotions. "I'm just...nervous, I guess," she admitted. "And I’m not even sure why.”

“It’s okay to be nervous, Bambina. It’s just the three of us for the first time without any kind of interruptions or possible distractions.” Carina could see the weight of the past months still lingering in Maya's eyes.

Maya nodded, her grip on Carina's hand tightening slightly. "I know, it's just...everything feels so different now. I mean it is…after…everything.”

“How about instead of thinking of it as an escape we think of it as a vacation? Our first family vacation,” Carina suggested.

Maya's lips curled into a small smile at Carina's suggestion. "Our first family vacation," she repeated softly. "I like the sound of that."

“Perfect! Then that’s what this is!”

When they arrived at the cabin , Maya's nerves began to ease slightly. The cabin was nestled in a picturesque clearing, surrounded by tall trees and the sounds of nature. It felt like a sanctuary, a place where they could find solace and healing. And there was no one around for miles.

Carina parked the car and turned off the engine, taking a moment to appreciate the tranquility of their surroundings. She turned to Maya, “I’ll grab Lucia and you grab the luggage?”

Maya nodded, knowing Carina had packed too many shoes and didn’t want to carry the bag. Together, without waking the baby, they entered a quaint, little cabin that they would call home for the next week.

The cabin was cozy and inviting, with a rustic charm that Maya couldn't help but appreciate. As they stepped inside, the scent of pine filled the air, somewhat calming Maya's nerves. The living room had a fireplace ready to be lit and it was surrounded by comfortable couches and a plush rug. It was the perfect place to curl up with a book or simply enjoy each other's company.

Carina gently laid Lucia down in the nearby bedroom, making sure she was comfortable before joining Maya in the living room. Maya had already started unpacking their belongings, organizing their clothes and toiletries in the drawers, proving she was still the same old Maya, despite her trauma.

The Italian approached her wife and placed a hand on her shoulder, causing Maya to flinch slightly. Carina knew it was involuntary, a result of her assault, but she also knew Maya let it get to her every time. It was why she hadn’t hugged or kissed her without asking first.

“I’m sorry,” the blonde whispered as she turned around, her head hung low.

Carina gently lifted Maya's chin, her eyes filled with understanding. "Maya, you have nothing to apologize for," she said softly. "I know it's going to take time for you to feel completely safe again, and I will wait for as long as it takes."

Maya looked into Carina's loving gaze. "Thank you," she whispered. "I don't know what I did to deserve you."

Carina smiled, her thumb gently wiping away a stray tear from Maya's cheek. "You didn't have to do anything, Maya. I love you no matter what. But you don’t have to put everything away. You deserve to relax.”

“We both know I’ve never been able to relax,” Maya responded meekly.

Carina chuckled softly, her fingers intertwining with Maya's, who was happily accepting the physical contact. "Well, maybe this vacation is the perfect opportunity for you to learn," she suggested. “Besides, you kind of did on our first vacation.”

Maya sighed, her shoulders slumping slightly. "I'll try."

“That’s all I ask,” Carina responded with a kiss to Maya’s cheek. “So, how about you stop unpacking and start up the fire?”

Maya nodded, a small smile tugging at the corners of her lips. "Alright, I can do that," she agreed. She released Carina's hand and made her way to the fireplace, gathering the necessary materials to start a fire.

Carina watched Maya pause, seemingly afraid of something. But she pushed it aside and continued. As Maya carefully arranged the logs and lit the fire, Carina couldn't help but feel a little bit of hope. Maybe this vacation would be a turning point for both of them, a chance to heal and create new memories together.

With the fire crackling and casting a warm glow throughout the cabin, Maya joined Carina on the couch. They sat close, their bodies pressed against each other, finding comfort in the familiar presence. Maya leaned her head against Carina's shoulder, feeling a sense of peace settle over her.

As they sat in silence, the only sounds being the crackling of the fire and the soft hum of nature outside, Maya felt her body relax, she just really wished her mind would follow. She hated how her mind worked. Memories began to consume her thoughts, from those she remembered readily to some she had buried.

She closed her eyes, taking deep breaths and focusing on the warmth radiating from the fire. Carina's steady heartbeat beneath her ear provided a soothing rhythm, grounding her in the present moment.

Carina gently ran her fingers through Maya's hair, her touch gentle. "Just breathe, my love," she whispered softly. "Let go of everything else and just be here with me."

Maya nodded, her body slowly melting into Carina's embrace. She let herself be enveloped by the love and safety that Carina provided, allowing herself to fully surrender to the moment. The weight of her past began to lift, if only for a little while.

Carina felt the change as well. She felt her wife’s body melt into hers and she knew this getaway was what they needed. She just wished they had thought of it sooner.

“Better?” The Italian asked, knowing the answer.

“Better. Thank you for agreeing to this. I know it’s not exactly your scene.”

Carina chuckled. "It's not my scene, but it's your scene," Carina replied with a smile. "And seeing you relaxed is all I need." She leaned in and pressed a gentle kiss to Maya's forehead. "I would do anything for you, Maya. You know that, right?"

Maya nodded. "I do. I’m sorry if-“

“Nope. You’re going to stop apologizing. There is none of that while we are here.”

A cry startles them from the other room, Lucia having woken up from their long drive.

“I’ll get her,” Maya said as she left the warmth of her wife’s arms, placing a kiss on her forehead before walking to get their daughter.

Carina watched Maya go, a sense of relief washing over her. She was grateful for Maya, for her willingness to face her fears and try to heal. She was thankful that she hadn’t lost her, those months thinking she had were some of the worst. 

As Maya entered the bedroom, she found Lucia lying on the bed giggling and kicking her tiny legs in excitement. Maya couldn't help but smile at the sight. She scooped Lucia up into her arms, cradling her gently.

"Hey there, my little love," Maya cooed, pressing a soft kiss to Lucia's forehead just as she had her mamma. "Did you have a good nap?"

Lucia responded with a toothless grin, her eyes sparkling with joy. In that moment Maya felt pure joy. Despite the darkness that had consumed her for so long, she had this beautiful little girl who brought light into her life.

She carried Luci back into the room with Carina and the fireplace. Carina looked up from her spot on the couch, her eyes lighting up at the sight of Maya and Lucia. "There's my two favorite girls," she said happily.

Maya settled down on the couch next to Carina, cradling Lucia in her arms. The baby cooed and reached out for Carina, her tiny fingers grasping at the air. Carina gently took Lucia's hand in hers, her heart happy for this little family they had created and was finally together peacefully. 

They sat together, basking in the warmth of the fire and the love that surrounded them. Maya couldn't help but think back to moments when she had wished for this, never actually thinking she would get it.

“It’s moments like these I never thought I’d get,” Maya whispered as she leaned back against Carina, Luci sitting comfortably in her  arms. “I would dream about them. Especially after I finally had a face and name for our daughter.”

Carina held her wife tighter. “Maya, you don’t have-“

“No, I want to. I want to talk to you. About everything. Not all at once. But bits and pieces.”

“Only what you’re comfortable with.”

“That’s the thing. I’ll never be comfortable about any of it, but I have to live with it regardless. And I need to find a way to be okay with it. The only way I can think of is by talking to you. You saved my life so many times. You have no idea.”

“What do you mean, Bambina?”

Maya took a deep, steadying breath. She looked at her beautiful daughter in her arms and knew that she had to be honest with Carina about everything, no matter how much it hurt. It was the only way any of them would heal.

“Every single day I thought would be my last. I never thought I would make it out alive and I honestly don’t think it was Sanchez’s intention either. And everyday I thought about giving up, trying to come up with ways to end it.”

Carina remained stoic, no matter how hard it was to hear about her wife’s suffering.

Maya continued, her voice trembling slightly. "But then I would think of you. I would think of your love, and all of the things I missed about you. How, just maybe, I’d get this moment with you and our baby. And that is how you kept me alive.”

The Italian pressed a kiss to her wife’s head, not able to convey the words she wanted to say. She was just so thankful that Maya never gave up.

“So, yeah. I want to talk to you. About everything. And I know that you’ll never judge me for how I was feeling and I know you’ll just let me feel without an ulterior motive.”

“I will always listen, Bambina. But can I ask you a question?” She felt the blonde nod under her chin. “Why did you pick the woods? Other than the fact you know it would drive me crazy.”

Maya let out a small chuckle, her voice tinged with a hint of sadness. "The whole time I was with Sanchez and the syndicate I was always stuck in a warehouse or some dingy apartment. I never saw the light of day, never felt the fresh air on my skin. When we’d move I’d just be drugged, expect for that one day…” she paused, hating the fact that she had been so close to Carina and Luci but still so far. “I’ve always liked the woods. It’s peaceful, secluded. Plus, I know you would have never taken Lucia here alone so I know this is her first time without having to ask.”

"I'm glad you chose the woods," Carina said softly, a slight smile on her lips. "It's a beautiful place, just like you. And you're right, I would have never brought Lucia here without you. This is her first taste of the great outdoors."

“Thank you.”

“Why?”

“For lying and saying you’re glad I chose the woods. We both know you hate it.”

Carina shook her head. “Not when it’s with you I don’t,” she responded. And she meant it. 

She would go anywhere with Maya. 

Chapter Text

The next couple of days were peaceful. Maya and Carina spent some of their time in the woods, exploring the trails and enjoying the serenity of nature. The cold weather doing nothing to deter them. They took short walks, hand in hand, with Lucia bundled up and nestled in a baby carrier against Maya's chest. The crisp air filled their lungs, rejuvenating their spirits.

During their walks, Maya opened up to Carina, sharing small bits and pieces of her captivity. Maya seemed lighter. Happier. She had been sleeping better, having less nightmares. This vacation was exactly what they needed.

One day, while Lucia was taking a nap and Carina was cooking, Maya was taking a walk around the cabin gathering firewood. As she was walking back, her mind flashed back to one of those nights she had forgotten about. She felt the men’s hands grabbing at her skin and the complete hopelessness she had felt during the time.

Maya's heart raced as the memories flooded back, threatening to consume her once again. She dropped the firewood and clutched her chest, struggling to catch her breath. The weight of her past pressed down on her, threatening to suffocate her in its darkness.

Carina, hearing the tumbling of the logs, rushed out of the cabin and found Maya on her knees, hands clutching her chest.

"Maya!" Carina exclaimed, rushing to her side. She knelt down and gently took Maya's hands in hers, Maya fighting against the touch, trying to ground her. "Breathe, Maya. Just breathe."

Maya's breaths came in short, shallow gasps as tears streamed down her face. She felt trapped, suffocated by the memories that had resurfaced. She had thought she was doing better but now she wasn’t so sure. Carina's touch, her voice, were the only things keeping her anchored to the present. She felt bad for trying to rip her hands away at first, but now she needed the warmth her wife provided. 

Carina continued to hold Maya's hands, her touch clearly now a lifeline. "You're safe, my love. You're here with me. Focus on my voice, on my touch. You're not alone anymore."

Maya tried to focus on Carina's words, on the warmth of her hands, but the memories were overwhelming. The darkness threatened to consume her, to drag her back into the depths of her past.

Carina's voice grew more urgent. "Maya, look at me. Look into my eyes. You're not there anymore. You're here, with me. You're safe."

Maya forced herself to meet Carina's gaze, her eyes filled with fear and pain. "I can't... I can't escape it, Carina. It's always there..."

“Yes, Bambina, those memories are always going to be there. But you don’t have to face them alone.” Carina gently wiped away Maya's tears, her touch a soothing balm against the pain. "We'll face them together," Carina said softly. "I'll be right here by your side, holding your hand every step of the way. You're not alone anymore, remember? We’re back to you and me."

Maya nodded, her grip on Carina's hands tightening. She took a deep breath, trying to steady herself. Carina's presence was a lifeline, grounding her in the present and reminding her of the love and safety she had back.

"I thought I was better," Maya admitted. “I thought this wouldn’t happen anymore.”

Carina knew how hard Maya had been working to heal and move forward from her captivity. But she also knew that healing wasn't a linear process, and setbacks were a natural part of the journey. Maya did too, Dr Dylan had said so, she was just hoping she would be one of the few it didn’t affect.

"It's okay, Maya," Carina reassured her. "Healing takes time, and it's not always a smooth path. It's normal to have moments like this, where the memories resurface and feel overwhelming. But remember, you've come so far and I’m so proud of you.”

Maya nodded, her tears slowly subsiding as she took in Carina's words. She knew deep down that Carina was right. And she knew she had to push through it.

"I'm just scared," Maya admitted, her voice barely above a whisper. "Scared that I'll never fully escape the darkness. I-I know that saying it before was unrealistic because I wasn’t getting help. But now I’m actually trying and I just-“

“Want results right away?” Carina finished, knowing her wife. Maya nodded affirming what the Italian had said. “The results are there, Bambina. You’re doing so well, but you have to give yourself time to heal. It's okay to feel scared, but remember that it’s a journey and it’s going to take time.”

After a few moments Maya was finally able to catch her breath and calm down. She stood up and picked up the logs she had dropped. “I-uh I think it’s going to snow so let’s get the fire going,” she said as her and Carina walked back inside.

Maya quickly got the fire going while Carina finished prepping, the crackling flames providing a comforting warmth that filled the room. Maya sat down on the couch, still feeling a bit shaken from the memories that had resurfaced. Carina sat beside her, wrapping her arm around Maya's shoulders.

“What happens when we go back?” Maya asked, her eyes trained on the flames before them.

“We continue doing everything that we have been here. Talking, living, and getting through everything as a family. You’ll continue seeing Dr. Dylan and Diane and we take each day one day at a time.”

“I don’t know if I want to. Go back that is. I like it here. Just us three,” Maya said with a small frown.

Carina squeezed Maya's shoulder gently, understanding the fear and hesitation in her words. She had grown to love their peaceful retreat in the woods, away from the reminders of everything they had been through. But she also knew that they couldn't hide forever.

"I understand, Maya," Carina said softly. "This place has been a sanctuary for us, a place where we have been able to heal. But we can't stay here forever. We have a life waiting for us back home, and we have to face it."

Maya sighed, leaning into Carina's embrace. "I know you're right. It's just...I don’t know what going back means. I know I’ll have to go back to work eventually and so will you. I just…” she paused, unsure of what she was afraid of exactly.

Being here with her wife and daughter was everything she wanted her life to be. But she knew that this was far from reality. The worst was over: the torture, the assault, that was all behind her. Why did she feel like going back home was the worst thing that could happen now?

Maya's thoughts swirled with uncertainty and fear. She had come so far in her healing journey, but the idea of returning to reality brought a wave of anxiety crashing over her. The safety and peace they had found in the woods felt like a fragile bubble that could burst at any moment. That would burst the moment they were home.

Carina sensed Maya's inner turmoil and tightened her hold on her wife. "I understand your fear, Maya. Going back home means facing the outside world again, with all its triggers and reminders. But remember, we're not the same people we were before this week. We're stronger now, and we have both come a long way in communicating.” Carina paused, choosing her words carefully. "We have each other. We'll face whatever comes our way together, just like we always have."

Maya nodded, taking comfort in Carina's words. She knew deep down that she couldn't hide in the woods forever. Going back home meant facing the challenges and triggers that awaited them, but it also meant reclaiming their lives and finding a new sense of normalcy.

"I trust you, Carina," Maya said softly. “We’ll be okay.”

Carina smiled at her wife who she couldn’t be more proud of. She glanced out the window and noticed that the snow had started to fall. It was already coating their surroundings. 

“Let me check on Luci. I want her to see her first snowfall with her mommy,” Carina uttered as she ran out of the room.

Maya watched Carina disappear into the room, a small smile tugging at the corners of her lips. She loved how her wife could change every horrible thought in her mind and make it happy, something worth remembering.

As Carina returned with Lucia in her arms and the family of three approached the window, the baby's eyes widened in wonder at the sight of the falling snow. Maya's heart thumped harder as she watched her wife and daughter. Once again thankful for all that she had.

————————

“I never thought I’d be this okay with having no reception,” Carina said as her and Maya cuddled on the couch watching a movie with Lucia. “It’s nice to not be bothered.”

Maya chuckled, snuggling closer to Carina. "Yeah, it's definitely a nice break from the constant notifications and distractions. Just us, our little family."

A knock on the door shattered those thoughts The snow was still falling heavily outside and the wives were wondering who could possibly be out in this weather.

Maya and Carina exchanged a confused glance before Carina carefully set Lucia down in her chair and made her way to the door. Maya followed closely behind, her mind playing every possible scenario.

Carina opened the door to find a man standing on their porch, bundled up in a heavy coat and hat. His face was flushed from the cold.

"Hello," he said, his voice muffled by the scarf wrapped around his face. “I’m sorry to bother you but I got lost on the trail. I was hoping I could come in and warm up a bit. Maybe wait out the storm?”

Maya and Carina exchanged a quick glance, their concern evident. They were hesitant to let a stranger into their cabin, especially given their recent experiences. But they also couldn't turn someone away in the midst of a snowstorm.

Carina stepped aside, allowing the man to enter. "Of course, come in," she said, her voice cautious. "At least so you can warm up."

The man nodded gratefully, his eyes scanning the cozy cabin. "Thank you, I really appreciate it. I promise I won't overstay my welcome."

Maya watched the man closely as he entered, her instincts on high alert. She couldn't shake the feeling of unease, especially after everything they had been through. But she also didn't want to jump to conclusions or let fear cloud her judgment.

Carina closed the door behind the man and gestured for him to take a seat by the fireplace. "Make yourself comfortable," she said, her voice still cautious. "We'll get you something warm to drink."

Maya grabbed Luci and followed Carina into the kitchen, her mind filled with thoughts and concerns. "Are we sure about this, Carina?" she whispered, keeping her voice low so the man wouldn't overhear. "I mean, we don't know anything about him. What if he's dangerous?"

Carina sighed, understanding Maya's worries. "I know, Maya. But would you want me to turn him away?”

Maya hesitated, torn between her instinct to protect her family and her desire to show kindness to a stranger in need, especially as a first responder. She knew that Carina had a point - turning the man away in the middle of a snowstorm seemed heartless. But the fear still lingered in the back of her mind.

"I don't know, Carina," Maya admitted. "I just... I can't shake this feeling."

Carina placed a comforting hand on Maya's arm, her eyes filled with understanding. "I know it's scary. Just a few minutes then we will point him in the direction he needs to go, okay?”

Maya nodded, her grip on Lucia tightening. She trusted Carina's judgment, but the fear still gnawed at her.

Carina poured two mugs of hot cocoa and handed one to Maya, their hands briefly touching in a reassuring gesture. "Let's just keep an eye on him, Maya," Carina said softly. "We won't let our guard down, but we can still show kindness."

Maya took a deep breath, trying to steady her nerves. Carina was right, they could still show kindness while being cautious. They walked back into the living room, the man sitting by the fireplace, his hands wrapping around the warm mug Carina handed him.

"Here you go," Carina said, offering a small smile. "It should help warm you up."

The man nodded gratefully, taking a sip of the hot cocoa. "Thank you," he said. "I really appreciate this."

Maya watched him closely, her instincts still on high alert. She couldn't shake the feeling that something was off, but she also didn't want to jump to conclusions. She decided to strike up a conversation, hoping to gather more information about him.

"So, how did you end up getting lost on the trail?" Maya asked, her voice friendly but cautious.

The man sighed. "I'm not from around here," he admitted. "I thought I could handle the hike, but the snowstorm came out of nowhere. I lost my way and ended up wandering for hours."

Maya nodded. It seemed like a plausible explanation, but she still couldn't let her guard down. She glanced at Carina, who seemed to share her concerns.

"We'll help you find your way back once the storm passes," Carina said. "But for now, you can stay here and warm up."

The man nodded gratefully, his eyes filled with relief. "Thank you," he said again. "Do you mind if I use your restroom?”

"Not at all," Carina replied, gesturing towards the hallway. "It's just down the hall, first door on the left."

As the man made his way to the bathroom, a small cry escaped Lucia’s mouth.

Maya quickly scooped up her daughter. “Does someone need a diaper change?”

Lucia's cry grew louder, confirming Maya's suspicion. She carried Lucia to the changing table in the bedroom, gently laying her down and beginning to remove her wet diaper.

“You have a beautiful family, Bishop,” the man said, reemerging from the bathroom with a sinister smile. 

And just like that, Maya’s peaceful vacation turned into everything she feared.

Chapter Text

Maya quickly spun around, placing herself between her daughter and the now dangerous man. Carina was still in the living room, unaware of what was happening.

"What do you want?" Maya demanded calmly.

“The Syndicate has unfinished business.”

“Sanchez was arrested, it’s over,” Maya responded as bravely as she could. She was glad her voice didn’t convey the fear she was really feeling.

The man chuckled. “You think he was in charge? You’re funny.”

Maya glanced behind her, making sure her daughter was still okay, before turning back to the stranger. “You can have whatever you want, just leave my family alone. Please.”

“Unfortunately, the deal is to eliminate all of you,” he said as he pulled out a gun from his pants. “We had fun while it lasted.”

“Maya? Is everything okay?” Carina called from the living room. The blonde could tell that she was walking towards them.

Before she could react, the man whipped around and grabbed Carina who had arrived faster than Maya thought she would. “Thanks for joining us,” he whispered in her ear as he pressed the gun to her head.

"Let her go!" Maya shouted, her voice now trembling with desperation. Her poor Carina had a gun to her head. Because of her. "I’m the one the syndicate has a problem with. I’m the one who escaped."

"Please," Maya pleaded, her body shaking. "Let Carina and Lucia go. They have nothing to do with this. It's me you want."

The man's grip on Carina tightened even further, causing her to wince in pain. "Oh, I know they have nothing to do with it," he said, malice dripping from every word. "But these are the orders because you had to ruin everything."

“Maya, just protect Lucia,” Carina begged.

“I-I…” she had no idea what to say. She felt frozen, unsure of how to get everyone out of this, but she needed to figure it out fast. “You don’t have to do this. The Syndicate has no control anymore. They’re falling apart. How many have been arrested? You don’t think they’ll sell you out for a deal?”

“Whether they do or not doesn’t matter. You’re the one who ruined it all. And now you and your family will pay the ultimate price.”

The firefighter was terrified. She needed to do something. She needed to be brave and get this man away from her wife. She glanced into Carina’s eyes before coming up with an idea.

Her gaze shifted to behind the man and she cocked her head to the side. “What are you doing here?” She made it look like she was talking to someone behind the man in hopes he would turn around or his guard would drop, even slightly. Thankfully, it did.

Maya took advantage of the momentary distraction and lunged forward, grabbing onto the gun and the man’s hand so he couldn’t point it at anyone. Carina, quick on her feet, managed to break free from his grip and scramble away to stand in front of Lucia.

Maya’s body was still frail and small from her captivity. Her strength was no where how it used to be, but she let the adrenaline and anger take over. This man had threatened her wife and daughter. There was no worse offense.

Carina watched as her wife fought for dominance. She saw the gun being moved as Maya tried desperately to get it away. She watched his arm twist so that it was out of sight but between the two fighting, when suddenly she heard a shot go off. She saw a flinch from Maya before she heard two more shots go off in quick succession.

Both her wife and the man fell to the ground and remained still. Then Maya rolled away, her fingers leaving the man’s neck that Carina only just noticed. “I got him,” she said painfully. “He-He’s gone.”

Carina rushed over to Maya, her heart pounding in her chest. She knelt down beside her, tears streaming down her face. "Maya, are you okay?" she asked with a tremble. She reached to remove Maya’s hands to check her wound seeing a small bit of blood but was stopped.

Maya winced in pain, clutching her side where she had been shot. "I'll be fine," she managed to say through gritted teeth. "Just... call for help and take care of Lucia."

Carina nodded, her hands shaking as she reached for her phone to call for help. She remembered then that they didn’t have any reception. She also remembered that there was an emergency radio somewhere in the kitchen and raced to grab it, trying desperately to get a signal. Finally, a crackle of static broke through, and Carina relayed their location and the situation, her voice urgent.

The voice on the other end responded, saying help would be there as soon as possible, but it might be delayed due to the weather. Their best estimation: one to two hours.

Carina raced back into the bedroom where Maya had crawled closer to Lucia, but the trail of blood she was leaving behind was growing. Carina's heart dropped at the sight of the blood. She knelt down beside Maya, her hands shaking as she tried to remove Maya’s hands to more closely examine the wound that she had thought was only a nick. Now she knew it to be much worse. 

She was a doctor. She could help. She had to.

Carina carefully removed Maya's hands, revealing the deep, now heavily bleeding gunshot wound. She noticed there was also no exit wound. The bullet was still lodged inside of Maya. Any movement could be detrimental. Panic surged through Carina as she assessed the severity of the injury. It was clear that Maya needed immediate medical intervention.

"Bambina, stay with me," Carina pleaded. "Help is on the way, okay? Just hold on."

Maya's face was pale, her breathing shallow. She weakly nodded, her eyes filled with pain. Carina quickly tore a piece of fabric from the bed and pressed it firmly against the wound, trying to stem the bleeding. She knew it was only a temporary solution, but she had to do something to buy Maya the time they needed before help arrived.

Maya managed a weak smile, sweat dripping down her forehead. "I'm so sorry, Carina," she gasped, her voice strained. "I didn't want any of this to happen."

“No, no. You were right. I shouldn’t have let him in. I should have listened. I should have-“

“I love how kind you are and I wouldn’t change a thing. This isn’t your fault. Please don’t think that for a second.”

Carina's tears fell freely as she listened to Maya's words. How, despite her pain, she was the one comforting her. She knew deep down that Maya was right, that blaming herself wouldn't change the situation they were in. But it was hard not to feel responsible for what had transpired.

"I love you, Maya," Carina whispered. "And I'm not going to lose you. Help will be here soon, and they'll fix you up. Just hold on a little longer."

Maya placed her bloody hand on top of Carina’s, which was still applying pressure to her wound. "I'm not going anywhere," she said. Before she could say more Lucia started crying from the changing table. 

Carina glanced over at Lucia, her heart breaking at the sound of her daughter's cries. She knew she had to tend to her, but she couldn't bear to leave Maya's side, not even for a moment.

"Carina, go to Luci," Maya urged. "I'll be okay. Just take care of her."

Carina hesitated for a moment, torn between her wife and their daughter. But she knew what she had to do. With a heavy heart, Carina reluctantly released the pressure on Maya's wound and rushed over to the changing table.

She quickly wiped off her hands which were coated in Maya’s blood, picked up Lucia and cradled her in her arms. She whispered soothing words, trying to calm their daughter's cries. She rocked her gently, shushing her softly as her tears fell. "Mama's here and Mommy will be okay," Carina murmured, trying to will it into existence.

Carina's heart hurt as she watched Maya lying on the ground, her face becoming more pale and her breathing labored. She knew that time was running out, and she needed to do something to keep Maya stable until help arrived.

Carina gently laid Lucia back down on the changing table as soon as she was calm and rushed back to Maya's side. She grabbed a pillow from the bed and carefully propped it under Maya's head, trying to make her as comfortable as possible. She then grabbed a blanket and draped it over Maya's trembling body, hoping to provide some warmth, knowing the bloodloss was causing a chill.

"Carina," Maya whispered weakly. "Take care of Lucia. Promise me."

Carina nodded. "I promise, Maya. I'll take care of her. And so will you. It’s just taking longer because of the weather but help is coming. But you have to fight, okay? You have to stay with us. We didn’t get you back to give up.”

Maya managed a faint smile. "I'll fight, Carina. For you and for her."

Carina resumed putting pressure on Maya’s wound, noticing the wince at the contact and the bigger pool of blood that had formed in that short time.

The Italian knew she needed to do something more to keep Maya alive until help arrived. She remembered the first aid kit they saw in the bathroom and rushed to retrieve it. With shaky hands, she grabbed the sterile gauze and bandages, desperately trying to remember her trauma medical training. She then had another idea. One that would be painful but could save her wife’s life: cauterizing the wound, even if she had to do it with the bullet inside. It would stop the bleeding and give the first responders time.

“Maya, I can stop the bleeding…but only if I-“

“Cauterize it,” Maya finished. Her paramedic training also keeping her on her toes. “I had the same thought.”

“We don’t have any medicine that would help you with the pain. And that would also mean looking for the bullet…”

“Do what you have to. I can take it,” Maya responded weakly.

Carina nodded and carefully removed the makeshift bandage she had placed on Maya's wound earlier, her heart pounding. She knew that she had to try to find that bullet but she didn’t have much time. She had to work quickly and efficiently.

Carina took a deep breath. She knew that every second counted, and she couldn't afford to make any mistakes. With a pair of sanitized tweezers from the first aid kit, she carefully probed the wound, her nerves a wreck when she realized just how deep the wound was. Too deep to safely retrieve the foreign object and too deep for the short tweezers.

Maya did her best not to make a sound, she just gritted her teeth and clenched her fists.

“Bambina, it’s too deep. I can’t get it out. I’m going to have to cauterize it with the bullet still inside of you,” Carina cried.

"I trust you. Do what you have to do."

Carina took a deep breath, trying to steady her trembling hands. She ran to the kitchen and grabbed a large metal spoon, soaking it with alcohol making sure it was clean, and raced to the burning fire in the living room and held them over the flame, heating it until it glowed red-hot. The smell of burning metal filled the air, adding to the tension in the room.

“I’m so sorry but this is going to hurt,” Carina said as she ran back in and knelt beside Maya, who nodded once and closed her eyes. With a steady hand, Carina pressed the searing hot spoon against the wound. 

The smell of burning flesh filled the air, mixing with the scent of blood and fear. Maya's body tensed with the agonizing pain and she let out a muffled cry, her fingers digging into the ground.

Carina's heart shattered at the sight and sound of Maya's agony, but she knew that this was their only chance at stopping the bleeding. She held the spoon against the wound, cauterizing it. Maya's body convulsed with each searing touch, her pain evident in the tears streaming down her face.

Maya's body went limp as she lost consciousness, her breathing ragged and shallow. Carina finished and quickly wrapped fresh bandages around the wound, applying pressure to keep it sealed. She prayed that it would be enough to keep Maya stable until help arrived.

Carina sat back, her hands covered in blood and sweat. She looked at Maya's pale face, her eyes closed, and felt nothing but guilt. How did these horrible things keep happening?

"Please, Maya, hold on," Carina pleaded. "Help is on the way. You're strong, and you can fight through this. We need you. Lucia needs you."

Now all she could do was wait. Wait and hope.

Chapter Text

Carina was aware that time was passing. She had checked on Lucia who, thankfully, had fallen asleep. Now, Carina sat on the floor between her unconscious wife and the dead man. She didn’t want the first thing Maya saw if she woke up to be the man she killed. She knew she could’ve left the room but she was also afraid of leaving Maya alone. Carina didn’t want to risk moving her or the bullet that was somewhere in her wife.

The Italian couldn't help but replay the events in her mind, from letting the stranger in thinking he was in need of help to watching her wife flinch at being shot because all she ever wanted was to keep her family safe. 

Her eyes remained transfixed on  Maya, paying attention to the rise and fall of her chest. Thankful for every breath. She wondered if she should be doing something else. Should she be cleaning up all of the blood? Who even was this man that almost killed them? 

Carina crawled over to the body, finally looking at the pale, dead man. She wanted to feel bad but couldn’t find that emotion in her arsenal. All she felt was anger. Anger for the people who had kept her family apart and even more for those who tried to rip that away now that they were together again.

A knock on the door disrupted those thoughts. She had no clue how much time had actually passed. Hopefully it had been long enough.

Carina quickly stood up, her body tense with apprehension. The last knock on that door didn’t end well. She cautiously approached the door, her hand hovering over the doorknob. 

"Who is it?" she called out.

"It's the police," a voice responded from the other side. "We received a distress call. Is everything okay in there?"

Carina let out a breath she didn't realize she was holding. Relief washed over her as she realized that help had finally arrived. She quickly unlocked the door and swung it open, revealing two police officers standing outside in the snow, the storm still raging behind them.

"No, everything is not okay," Carina replied hastily. “My wife has been shot! Please, she needs a hospital!”

She led the two officers down the hall to the bedroom. They were met by a gorey sight. One of the men checked the dead man while the other went over to Maya.

He carefully examined Maya's wound, assessing the severity and the need for immediate medical attention. Carina watched anxiously, hoping they weren’t too late.

"We need that ambulance here right away," the officer said into his radio. "We have a gunshot victim in critical condition. And another deceased.” The officer explained to Carina, who had picked up her sleeping daughter, that the ambulance wasn’t too far behind, but the roads and conditions were precarious which significantly slowed their progress.

As they waited for the ambulance, Carina provided the officers with a brief account of what had transpired. She explained how her and Maya had let the stranger in to rest but that a struggle ensued, and the moment when Maya was shot while trying to protect their family. She also explained about the syndicate and why they were targeted.

“You need to contact Agent Sanders of the FBI. He needs to be made aware of the situation,” the Italian said as the paramedics rushed into the room several moments later.

They carefully loaded Maya onto a gurney and told Carina to follow them to the ambulance. An officer offered to watch Lucia but Carina vehemently refused. She was going to keep her family together as long as she could.

Once they were all loaded onto the ambulance Carina kept a close eye on Maya’s vitals. They were bad, but they were there which meant she was alive. With one hand holding their daughter the other was gripping Maya's hand tightly. 

She couldn’t understand how the Syndicate found them or why they were still trying to kill Maya. She just wanted her family to heal and move on, but there were too many obstacles preventing them from doing so.

The ambulance was moving slow, the hills of the mountains covered in ice and snow. Carina was worried about every bump in the road, fearing that every jolt would worsen Maya's condition, move the bullet so much that it hit something critical inside of her wife. She couldn't help but feel a sense of desperation. How much more did they have to go through until this was all over?

As they finally arrived at the emergency room, a team of doctors and nurses rushed to meet them, ready to take over Maya's care. Carina reluctantly let go of Maya's hand, hoping these people were as good as her friends. 

She watched as they whisked her wife away, disappearing behind the doors of the operating room, leaving her standing there holding Lucia, covered in Maya’s blood.

“Would you like a change of clothes?” A nurse said apprehensively as she approached the mother and daughter. “We have some scrubs you could use.”

Carina nodded, grateful for the offer. The nurse led Carina to a small room where she quickly changed into the scrubs, discarding her blood-stained clothes. Lucia remained with the woman just through the doors, always within eyesight.

She felt the vibration on her phone that was now in her hands. Now that they were back within service she realized all of the messages that had come through, most of them from Sanders, some from Andy and the others. She didn’t get a chance to read them, however.

What caught her attention first was a news alert involving Sanchez and how he had escaped from prison. The article was no more than five hours old. Carina's heart dropped as she read the news. Sanchez, the man who had been responsible for tearing her family apart, for torturing her wife, was now on the loose.

As she stood there, lost in her thoughts, a familiar voice broke through her despair. It was Agent Sanders who had come through the door, had tracked her down. She realized she hadn’t yet looked through any of the messages or listened to the voicemails. 

"Carina, I've been trying to reach you," Sanders said urgently. “Are you okay? Is Maya?”

Carina looked up at Agent Sanders, her eyes filled exhaustion and fear. "Maya’s been shot," she replied. "They're operating on her now. We-we don’t know what happened or why. One minute we were fine and then..."

“Sanchez escaped,” Sanders said bluntly. “He’s looking for anyone who could testify against him. Starting with Maya. That’s why I was trying to get to you, but the storm slowed me down.”

It felt like a cruel twist of fate, as if the universe was conspiring against them. She couldn't believe that after everything they had been through, after finally finding a semblance of peace, Sanchez had managed to slip away.

"What happens now?" Carina asked. She couldn't bear the thought of Sanchez finding them again, of him threatening their family once more. 

Agent Sanders sighed heavily. "We need to get you all to safety," he said firmly. "You’re all going to go into protective custody until he’s found. You will need round-the-clock protection. We'll relocate you to a secure location, where you'll be under constant surveillance. Sanchez is dangerous, and he won't stop until he eliminates any threats to him. And he will use you and Lucia to get to Maya if he has to."

“If she makes it out of surgery…” Carina whispered.

“She will,” Sanders’s said fiercely. “And when she does we will all be on the move.“

“She’s not going to be okay,” the Italian looked into the agents eyes. “She was doing so well this week, but now…now it’s like all of her fears are coming true. I don’t know if I’ll be enough to bring her back this time…”

“Look, you have to take this one step at a time. The first step is your wife coming out of surgery. Let’s get there first.”

Carina nodded, taking a deep breath to steady herself. She knew Sanders was right. She walked out the door and took her daughter back from the nurse.

“I’m not leaving your side until you three are in the safe house,” Sanders assured as they made their way to the waiting room. “Andy is packing some things for all of you as we speak.”

Carina thanked the man but couldn’t think of anything else to say. Her mind was a mess. She couldn't help but wonder how they would ever find peace and normalcy again. The thought of constantly being on the run, living in fear, was a heavy burden to bear.

“Mrs. Bishop?” The Italian heard several hours later. She saw the doctor approaching her. She didn’t even think of correcting the name, just being Maya’s wife regardless of the name was worth it.

“Is she okay? Is she alive?” Carina asked hesitantly. She was terrified of what the answer could possibly be.

The doctor gave Carina a sympathetic look before speaking. "Maya made it through the surgery," he said. "The bullet was successfully removed, but she lost a lot of blood. The cauterization you did probably saved her life, stopping the bleeding in time. The bullet did hit her liver, but we were able to repair it. She's in critical condition, and we'll need to closely monitor her. She's stable for now, but we will need to keep a close eye on her."

“Is she able to be transported?” Agent Sanders said from behind Carina.

The doctor looked at him cautiously. “It’s not advised. She’s still in critical condition and-“

“Is it possible?” The FBI agent asked again, this time more urgently.

The doctor looked at Carina if it was okay to answer to which she nodded. The man sighed. "Technically, yes, she can be transported," he said reluctantly. "But it's risky. She needs constant monitoring and specialized care. Moving her could jeopardize her recovery."

Carina looked between the doctor and Agent Sanders, her mind racing. She knew they needed to get to a safe location, but she couldn't bear the thought of putting Maya's life at further risk.

Agent Sanders seemed to read her thoughts. "Carina, I understand your concerns," he said gently. "But we have to consider the bigger picture. Staying here puts all of you in danger. We have the resources to provide the care Maya needs while keeping her safe. It's a difficult decision, but it's the best chance we have to protect your family. Believe me, I wouldn’t suggest this if there was another option.”

Carina took a deep breath, trying to slow her racing heart. She knew Agent Sanders was right. Staying in the hospital was risky, and they couldn't afford to let Sanchez find them again. Maya's safety, and the safety of their family, was paramount. Still, everything seemed to be moving too quickly.

"Okay," Carina finally said. They needed that speed. They didn’t know how long before someone from the Syndicate found them. "If it's the best chance we have to keep Maya safe, then we'll do it. We'll go with you to the safe house. But only if the medical equipment and doctors are there before we get there and when we need them."

Agent Sanders nodded. "Yes, absolutely. Thank you, Carina. I know this isn't an easy decision, but I promise we'll do everything we can to ensure Maya's recovery and your family's safety."

Carina gripped her daughter a little tighter. “Before we go, can I please see my wife? I need to see her. I need to know-“

“Yes, absolutely. The sedation should be wearing off. You can follow me while your friend arranges the details,” the doctor responded.

Carina looked at Sanders, who promised to make this as painless as possible, then followed the doctor to once more see her wife lying in a hospital bed.

Chapter Text

Carina stood by Maya's bedside, her heart hurting at the sight of her wife hooked up to various monitors and IV lines. Maya looked so pale and fragile, and Carina couldn't help but blame herself for what had happened. If only she hadn't let that stranger into their cabin, none of this would have occurred.

She hated that once more she stood with their daughter looking down at the blonde who had sacrificed herself for them. The amount of times that this had happened was far more than one person should ever have to deal with. Maya, however, was no ordinary person.

Maya was stronger than anyone she had ever known and had an unwavering love for her family. But even Maya would break when she found out that Sanchez was still after her. Even more so when she found out he had escaped from prison.

Carina couldn't bear the thought of Maya waking up to the news of Sanchez's escape. It would shatter her, and Carina didn't know if she had the strength to put the pieces back together this time. She reached out her free hand and gently brushed a strand of hair away from Maya's face, her touch as light as a feather.

"I'm so sorry, Maya," Carina whispered. "I promise, we'll keep you safe. We won't let him hurt you again."

She heard a small groan coming from the tiny blonde lying on the bed. Maya's eyes fluttered open, squinting at the hospital lighting.

“Car?”

“Hi, Bambina. Don’t try and talk. You’re in the hospital and just got out of surgery.”

Maya's brow furrowed in confusion, but she seemed too weak to protest. Carina could see the pain in her eyes, both physical and emotional.

“You and Luci?” Maya rasped anyways, needing to make sure they were okay.

“We’re both okay and right here,” she held the baby up for Maya to see that neither of them were harmed.

Maya's eyes filled with relief as she saw Carina and their daughter unharmed. She weakly reached out her hand, and Carina gently took it in her own, careful not to disturb any of the IV lines.

"Maya, I need you to listen to me," Carina said. She needed Maya to know the truth, especially since they would soon be on the move. "Sanchez escaped from prison. He's out there, and he's looking for you. That was why that man came to the cabin. We're going to be okay, but we need to go into protective custody. We'll be relocated to a safe house where we'll have round-the-clock protection. I promise, Maya, we won't let him get to you again."

Maya's eyes widened in fear, her heart monitor giving away her feelings. Carina knew it wasn’t ideal, but Maya needed to know because things were about to happen quickly.

“I-I-I-“ she couldn’t form a sentence, her mind was moving at a million miles an hour. Her family was now being forced into hiding because of her. How could she justify any of this? All of this was her fault. She should have just died. She should just…

Tears welled up in Maya's eyes as she processed Carina's words and her dark thoughts. The fear and vulnerability that had been building inside her suddenly came crashing down. Everything she had dreaded was coming to fruition. She would never truly be free.

Carina's heart broke at the pain in Maya's voice. She leaned in close. "Bambina, we don't have a choice. We have to do whatever it takes to keep our family safe. I won't let him hurt you again, I promise."

“I’m-I’m not worried about me…” Maya whispered. She couldn’t voice her true feelings any longer. Carina didn’t deserve this. Lucia didn’t deserve to grow up like this. She felt her chest tightening and her breathing getting ragged. She was working herself up too much, only now she didn’t think she would be able to calm herself down.

Carina could see the panic in Maya's eyes, and she knew she had to act quickly to calm her down. She gently squeezed Maya's hand, trying to provide some comfort amidst the chaos that was raging behind those blue eyes.

"Bambina, listen to me," Carina said soothingly. "I understand that you're worried about us, but we're a team. We face everything together, remember? We'll get through this, just like we have before."

She wished she saw her words calm her wife like they had done a dozen times in the past week alone. This time, however, there was no change. Maya remained tense, her breathing becoming more erratic.

Before she could even attempt to calm her wife down, a nurse rushed in with a sedative. Carina watched as the pain in her wife’s eyes disappeared into nothingness. 

“Carina, the medical transport is here to-“ Sanders paused as he noticed the scene before him. “What happened?”

“Exactly what I was afraid of,” Carina responded as she held her daughter tighter. “Are we ready to go?”

—————

Carina sat silently in the back seat of the van that was taking them to the safe house. Lucia was buckled safely next to her and Agent Sanders was driving. The medical van in front of them was transporting Maya.

Carina's mind couldn’t shake the feeling that things were irreversibly damaged. That her wife was now too far gone to help her. It scared her to her core and now they couldn’t even lean on their friends. They were on their own.

Glancing at Lucia, who was fast asleep in her car seat, she felt an immense sadness. Sadness that she had to grow up in a world where danger seemed to always be lurking around the corner. Sadness because her mommy was injured more than she hadn’t been since she had been in her life. Sadness because she didn’t know what was to come.

“How did they find us?” Carina asked after an hour of traveling in silence. “Not many people knew where we were.”

Agent Sanders glanced at Carina through the rearview mirror before returning his attention to the road. "We're still investigating that, but it's possible that Sanchez has connections on the inside. We're looking into any potential leaks within the system."

That made Carina’s blood boil. She clenched her fists as she stared out the window. “So now not even the FBI is safe?” She asked angrily. “Should we even be going to a safe house?” She could no longer shield everyone from her true feelings. The world was out to get them and she didn’t even know who to trust anymore. She wasn’t sure how to protect her family.

Agent Sanders sighed. "Carina, I understand your frustration and fear. But right now, the safe house is our best option. We have taken every precaution to ensure its security and I will personally be overseeing everything."

Carina nodded, though her anger and frustration still simmered beneath the surface. She knew Agent Sanders was doing his best to protect them, that he did mean well, but the situation felt overwhelming. She couldn't shake the feeling that they were constantly one step behind, always playing catch-up.

She wasn’t sure of how much time passed by but soon they were pulling up to an unfamiliar house. It was a quaint, secluded cottage nestled among tall trees, its windows covered with heavy curtains. It seemed peaceful, but Carina couldn't help but feel a sense of unease. This wasn’t their home, but it was going to be for the foreseeable future.

As the van came to a stop, Agent Sanders turned to Carina. "We're here," he said. "This place has been thoroughly secured. There are security cameras, alarms, and a team of agents stationed nearby. We'll do everything we can to keep you and your family safe."

Carina unbuckled her daughter from the car seat and held her close, taking comfort in the warmth of her little body. She looked at Agent Sanders and nodded, knowing she needed to say something.

"Thank you, Agent Sanders," she said softly. "I appreciate everything you're doing to protect us."

He nodded in response and opened the door, stepping out of the van. Carina followed suit, carefully carrying Lucia in her arms. She walked to the medical van where Maya was currently being unloaded. She was still unconscious, but she looked a lot less pale than she had.

Carina watched as the medical team carefully moved Maya onto a gurney and began wheeling her towards the cottage. Carina followed closely behind, her grip on Lucia tightening. She couldn't help but feel anxious as they entered the safe house.

Inside, the cottage was cozy, with a small living room, a kitchen, and two bedrooms. The walls were bare, reminding her that this was no one’s home. It was merely a stopping point on their way to normalcy, whenever that would be.

Carina walked into one of the bedrooms and gently laid Lucia down in the crib that had been set up for her. She watched as her daughter stirred slightly before settling back into a peaceful sleep.

Turning back to the living room, Carina saw the bed Maya was now lying on. The machines that had been promised were all being connected to her battered wife. She knew that she would physically recover from the gunshot, it was everything after that now worried her.

Carina continued to look around, taking notice of the video footage on a computer in the corner. It was camera feeds from outside of the cottage.

“There will always be someone stationed outside and also monitoring the footage,” Sanders said as he approached the feeds. “You’ll have your privacy inside of the house, but the wall phones are functional if you need anything.”

They had ditched their cellphones before leaving the hospital, not wanting to give Sanchez and the Syndicate any opportunity to stalk them. 

Carina walked over to the wall phone and picked it up, testing it to make sure it was working. She noticed a list of numbers taped beside the wall, clearly for them to use if need be.

"Thank you, Agent Sanders," she said.

Before leaving he further explained how they would obviously be unable to contact any of their friends and family. Sanders would personally vet anyone who was going to be in charge of watching over the house as well as the doctors in charge of Maya’s care. He would also be leading the investigation into a possible leak.

“What about Dr. Lewis or Dr. Dylan?” Carina questioned. She knew her wife was going to continue needing her therapists after all of this.

"Dr. Lewis and Dr. Dylan are aware of the situation and have been briefed on the need for discretion. They have both agreed to continue providing therapy for Maya remotely, through secure video calls."

Carina watched as he left the room a short time later, leaving her alone with her thoughts. She couldn't help but feel a sense of unease settle over her as she looked around the safe house. It was a stark reminder of the danger they were in and the uncertain future that lay ahead.

She walked over to Maya's bedside, taking a seat next to her. Maya still looked so fragile, her face peaceful in her unconscious state. Carina felt all of the responsibility fall on her shoulders. 

Her wife was strong, but even she could only handle so much. She had worked so hard to bring herself back from the brink of despair but now Carina feared the worst. The look on her face in the hospital paired with Carina’s inability to calm her was proof that when Maya woke up things would be a whole lot worse.

Chapter Text

Maya’s body ached as she began regaining consciousness. She remembered the cabin and the fight. She remembered how Carina had to cauterize her wound and the searing pain. And finally she remembered waking up in the hospital and the truth of how they were found.

Sanchez had escaped. He was on the loose and looking for her.

Maya's heart raced as the reality of the situation hit her once again. She tried to sit up, but a sharp pain shot through her side, reminding her of her injury. She winced and laid back down, taking deep breaths to calm herself and ease the pain.

Carina, who had been sitting by her side, immediately noticed Maya's distress. She reached out and gently placed a hand on Maya's arm. "Take it easy, Bambina," she said softly. "You need to rest and not move around too much."

Maya’s eyes looked at her wife, checking her over just as she did in the hospital to make sure she wasn’t injured. When she was sure she was physically okay, the darkness that had been following her for months consumed her.

Her mind and thoughts now remained in the cabin. Her worst fears had come true. She had brought danger to her wife and daughter. She had been so close to losing them. The man had a gun to her wife’s head. Because of her. All of the feelings she had pushed down and hid were surfacing. 

Carina saw her wife’s eyes become dull right in front of her. She knew that Maya was lost in her thoughts about everything that happened. She clearly remembered Carina telling her that Sanchez had escaped and sent people to kill them.

“Maya, can you hear me?” The Italian asked gently. She waved her hand in front of her favorite pair of blue eyes, but there was no movement.

Carina realized that her wife had probably disassociated. It was the second time she had done so since escaping the Syndicate. The first time was because she had been bombarded by the reporters, but now seemed so much worse.

It pained her to witness her wife retreat into herself. She knew that Maya's mind was trying to protect her from the overwhelming emotions and trauma, but it was difficult to see her like this. What was worse was that she had no idea how to help her. 

Carina tried to steady herself. She knew she needed to be strong for Maya, but in that moment, she felt overwhelmed by her own helplessness. She couldn't bear to see Maya suffer like this, and she desperately wanted to find a way to bring her back. 

Yet she was also suffering from her own trauma. She too was nearly killed by the man. She still felt the cold barrel of the gun on her head. She remembered the look of despair on Maya’s face as she desperately tried to find a way to save her and her own race to protect their daughter when she did, leaving Maya to fight the man alone.

Carina took a deep breath, trying to push aside her own fear and pain. She knew that she couldn't let herself fall apart now. But she also didn’t know how much longer she could keep herself together for everyone else. 

She glanced around the unfamiliar setting, feeling a sense of isolation. It was as if the walls were closing in on her, suffocating her with the weight of their trauma. She had no one to talk to. Maya was not okay and they were allowed no contact with any of their friends. How could she continue to do this? 

Carina's gaze returned to Maya, her heart saddened further at the sight of her wife's vacant expression. She knew that Maya needed her now more than ever, but she couldn't help but feel a twinge of guilt for not being able to fix everything. Still, she had to find a way to bring Maya back from the darkness.

Gently, Carina reached out and took Maya's hand in her own, giving it a reassuring squeeze. "Maya," she said softly. "I need you to come back to me, to us. We're safe now. Here. So, I need you to tell me five things you can see.”

There was still no sign of recognition in Maya’s face. The blank, lifeless state remained. Carina refused to give up, though. She went to the kitchen, looking in her freezer and pulled an ice cube.

Carina returned to Maya's side, holding the ice cube in her hand. She gently pressed it against Maya's cheek, hoping the cold sensation would bring her back to the present. "Bambina, feel this," she said, guiding Maya's hand to hold the ice cube. "Tell me what you feel."

Maya's hand twitched slightly, her fingers clutching the cold surface. Slowly, a flicker of awareness crossed her face. 

She blinked, her eyes focusing on Carina's face. "Cold," she whispered. “It’s-uh-it’s cold.” She gripped the ice cube tighter, feeling it begin to melt from her heat.

“Good…good,” Carina sighed, happy to see her wife coming back from wherever she went in her mind. "You're here with me now. Can you tell me four things you can hear?"

Maya's brows furrowed as she concentrated, her mind slowly reconnecting with her surroundings. She listened intently, trying to pick up on any sounds around her. After a moment, she spoke softly, "I can hear... the sound of a clock ticking... some wind chimes ... the rustling of leaves outside... and... your voice."

“Should we keep going?” Carina asked cautiously, willing to further go down the list of senses to bring Maya fully back.

Maya shook her head. "No, I think that's good for now," she replied. "Thank you. I'm sorry for... for-uh drifting away like that."

“You have nothing to apologize for.” Maya noticed the smile on Carina’s face didn’t reach her eyes. Yes, she was relieved that Maya was okay, but how much more could the blonde keep putting her wife through? How much more did she have to suffer because of her?

“Um, how did they find us?” Maya asked after a few moments of uncomfortable silence.

Carina's smile faded, replaced by a pained expression. She hesitated for a moment, unsure of how much she should reveal to Maya. But she knew that honesty was crucial.

“Sanders isn’t quite sure, but he thinks there may be a leak in the bureau.”

Maya's eyes widened in shock at Carina's words. “And where are we now?”

Carina took a deep breath, her gaze shifting to their current surroundings. "We're in a safehouse," she replied. "Sanders arranged for us to stay here temporarily until they can capture Sanchez."

“Is-uh is that safe? If the FBI has a mole-“

“Sanders said the information is limited from everyone and that he is personally in charge of our safety," Carina tried to reassure Maya. "He's taken extra precautions to ensure that we're protected. We're being monitored closely, and there are cameras and agents outside watching everything."

Maya nodded numbly, her mind still reeling from the revelation of a possible leak within the FBI. She trusted Sanders, but the thought of someone on the inside working against them was unsettling. She couldn't help but wonder if they were truly safe, even in this supposed safehouse. Everything just kept getting worse. How could she possibly keep her wife and daughter safe if everyone was working against them?

“You also have to try and limit your movement for the next few weeks,” Carina continued. “They were able to pull out the bullet but your body needs to heal. Sanders was able to get the equipment you needed brought here.”

Maya nodded, understanding the importance of allowing her body to heal. She glanced around the room, noticing the medical equipment that had been set up nearby. It was a stark reminder of the danger they were still facing. She couldn’t even stay in a hospital safely. 

Carina squeezed Maya's hand gently. "I know it's difficult, but we have to trust Sanders and his team," she said gently. "They're doing everything they can to keep us safe. We just have to stay strong and have faith that they'll catch Sanchez soon. And you, me, and Lucia are all safe. That’s the most important thing.”

But for how long? Maya thought to herself.

Her mind was filled with doubt and fear. She couldn't shake the feeling that danger was lurking around every corner, that they were constantly being watched. She knew she had to trust Sanders and his team, but the uncertainty was eating away at her. She didn’t think she could do this much longer. She couldn’t bear the thought of her family always being in constant danger. 

Her life wasn’t worth all of this. She had already cost several agents their lives, Alex and the agent who had been stationed outside of her apartment. Her friends were nearly killed at the station. And now her wife and daughter had been face to face with a killer.

Maya's thoughts spiraled back into a dark place, consumed by guilt and self-blame. She couldn't help but feel responsible for the chaos and danger that had infiltrated their lives. She had brought this upon them, and she didn't know how to live with the weight of that guilt. She should have never escaped. She should have let Sanchez kill her.

When she had been brought to the carnival by the Syndicate and saw her family they weren’t sad. They had been smiling and having fun because they thought she was dead. Their lives had turned out great without her. The moment she was back everything had gone to hell.

She thought the pain of knowing that her loved ones thinking she was dead was unbearable, but now she knows it was for the best. She had become a burden, a constant source of danger and pain for those she cared about the most.

“Maya? Did you hear what I said?” Carina asked, breaking Maya out of her spiral.

Maya blinked, her eyes refocusing on Carina's worried face. She realized she had been lost in her own thoughts again, shutting out the world around her. She forced herself to focus on Carina's words.

"I'm sorry," Maya said, her voice barely above a whisper. "I... I didn't hear you. Can you repeat what you said?"

Carina's concern deepened, but she tried to keep her voice steady. "I said that we're going to be okay," she said firmly. "I love you."

“I love you too,” Maya responded without missing a beat. No matter how dark she would get Carina was the light. Her love for her wife was never in doubt.

This time Carina’s smile reached her eyes. She leaned in and gently kissed Maya's forehead, her lips lingering for a moment. "We're going to get through this," she whispered. 

Maya just nodded. She wanted to believe her wife, but she just couldn’t see a way out. Every time they felt safe something happened that popped their bubble. But Maya knew that she had to give Carina something. She had to pretend that they were in the best possible place they could be for the time. That this was truly what was best for their family.

She had to push aside her doubts and fears. She had to be strong for Carina and Lucia. She couldn't let them see her crumbling under the weight of her guilt and self-blame. She had to find a way to keep them safe, even if it meant sacrificing her own happiness. Even if it meant…

As Maya looked into Carina's eyes, she saw the love reflected back at her. It was in that moment that she made a silent promise to herself. She would do whatever it took to protect her family, to ensure their safety and happiness. She couldn't change the past, but she could protect their future.

With or without her.

Chapter Text

Maya remained immobile for the first few days in the safe house. Her wound was healing and Carina waited on her hand and foot while also tending to Lucia. She plastered a smile on her face and never let Maya see the toll it all took on her.

But Maya noticed.

She could see the exhaustion in Carina's eyes, the way her shoulders slumped ever so slightly. Maya knew that Carina was doing her best to hide it, to be strong for both of them, but Maya couldn't help but feel guilty. Guilty for being the cause of all this pain and suffering, guilty for not being able to protect her family.

When she was finally able to start moving around, Carina forbid her from doing much. She didn’t want to risk any further damage, therefore she still felt useless, she was unable to tend to her daughter or help her wife.

Maya's frustration grew as she watched Carina tirelessly take care of their daughter and manage everything around the safe house. She wanted to be an active participant in their lives again, to take some of the burden off Carina's shoulders. But every time she tried to help, Carina would gently push her away, insisting that she needed to focus on her recovery.

Today was the day of her first online session with Diane and Dr. Dylan and she definitely needed it.

Maya sat in front of the laptop, nervously fidgeting with her fingers. She had been looking forward to this therapy session, hoping that it would provide some clarity and guidance amidst the darkness that was taking over. She felt herself losing the fight within herself.

Carina was in the other room putting Lucia down for a nap. Maya had told her that she wanted to do this session alone. Carina gave her a sad smile but completely understood. 

As the session began, Maya took a deep breath, trying to calm her racing thoughts. She knew that this was a safe space, but who could she honestly trust anymore? She hoped that Diane and Dr. Dylan could help her find a way to navigate through the darkness that consumed her, including that thought.

Diane's warm voice filled the room, her face and Dylan’s appearing on screen, she greeted Maya. "Hello, Maya. How are you feeling today?"

Maya hesitated for a moment, unsure of how to answer. "I... I don't know," she finally admitted. "I feel lost, overwhelmed, and guilty..."

“And what do you feel guilty about?” Dr. Dylan asked.

“The danger I put my family in.” Maya's voice wavered as she spoke, the weight of her guilt evident in her words. "I can't help but blame myself for everything that's happened. If I hadn't escaped, if I hadn't come back into their lives, none of this would have happened. They would be safe and happy."

Diane and Dr. Dylan’s faces blurred for a moment. Maybe because of the connection, but it was quick so Maya didn’t think much of it.

“It’s normal to feel that way, Maya, but that doesn’t make it true. You-“ this time the image on the screen froze and the audio stopped.

“Hello?” Maya asked the frozen screen.

Maya realized there was a technical issue with the session. She desperately tried to reconnect, but the screen remained frozen, and the audio remained silent. Then there was a flash of a new face. A new person. Except they weren’t new.

It was Sanchez.

Sanchez's face filled the screen, his cold, menacing eyes staring directly at Maya. Fear gripped her heart as she instinctively reached for the laptop, ready to slam it shut. But before she could react, Sanchez's voice echoed through the room.

"Maya, Maya, Maya," he taunted, his voice dripping with malice. "You thought you could escape from me, but you were wrong. I always find my target, no matter where they hide."

Maya's hands trembled as she went to disconnect from the session. 

“And I wouldn’t hang up on me if I were you. Your family’s life depends on it.”

Maya's heart thumped painfully in her chest as she froze, her finger hovering over the disconnect button. The threat in Sanchez's voice was all too real, and she knew she couldn't take any chances. She had to listen to what he had to say, no matter how much it terrified her.

"What do you want?" Maya managed to choke out.

Sanchez's lips curled into a sinister smile. "I just want them same thing as you, Bishop. I want this all to end.”

“It’ll end when you’re in prison and you’re not hunting my family.”

Sanchez laughed. “Yeah, that may be it for me. But you, well…if I’m in prison it will never end for you.”

Maya's blood ran cold at Sanchez's words. The threat was clear - as long as he was alive, her family would never truly be safe. The weight of her guilt intensified, knowing that her actions had brought this danger upon them.

"Wh-what do you mean?" Maya asked.

Sanchez leaned closer to the screen, his eyes burning with a twisted satisfaction. "You see, I've learned a few things about you during our time together. I know what keeps you up at night, what haunts your dreams. And let me tell you, it's not just about me anymore. There are others who want a piece of you, if you know what I mean. Also there are those who want revenge for exposing us."

She was going to be sick. He obviously knew about the sexual assault she had endured during all of those months in captivity. The memories of that time flooded back. The trauma she had endured was something she had tried to bury deep within herself, something she still hadn’t recovered from, but now Sanchez was using it against her.

"Who... who are these people?" Maya asked in a whisper.

Sanchez chuckled darkly. "Oh, you'll find out soon enough if you don’t do what I need. They're lurking in the shadows, waiting for the perfect moment to strike. Waiting for my command. They’re everywhere. You already met one in the cabin.”

She knew he was telling the truth because of everything that happened in the woods. Maya couldn't let her family be harmed because of her past any more. She needed to find out what Sanchez wanted from her. She would do anything if it ensured her family’s safety.

"What do you want from me?" Maya questioned.

“Simple. You are going to meet me, alone.”

Maya's heart sank at Sanchez's demand. The thought of facing him again, of being alone with the man who had caused her so much pain, sent shivers down her spine. But she knew she had no choice. If it meant protecting her family, she would do whatever it took.

"Where and when?" Maya asked, her voice steady despite the fear that consumed her.

Sanchez's smile widened, his eyes gleaming with a sick satisfaction. "I'll send you the details shortly. Be ready to meet me within the next twelve hours. And remember, do not tell anyone. Including Sanders. I’ll know if you do.”

“And my family?”

“If you show up they will be safe.”

She had no choice but to comply if it meant keeping her family out of harm's way. She couldn't risk their lives by involving anyone else, not even Sanders, who had been a trusted ally throughout this ordeal.

"Fine," Maya said. "I'll meet with you."

Sanchez smiled satisfactorily, clearly amused. "Make sure you say your goodbyes."

As the screen went blank, Maya took a deep breath, trying to steady herself. She knew what the outcome of this meeting was going to be. Yet, somehow, she wasn’t afraid.

She knew that the next few hours would likely be her last. She had to prepare herself mentally and physically for the encounter with Sanchez. Plus, she had to find a way to escape the security detail. An address suddenly appeared on the blank screen. She knew it was where she had to meet him. Or rather a car to take her to him as the message stated.

The door down the hall opened and Maya slammed the laptop shut, not wanting to alert Carina to what had just transpired.

Maya quickly composed herself as Carina entered the room, unaware of the dangerous situation that had just unfolded. Carina gave Maya a concerned look, sensing that something was off.

"Is everything okay, Maya?" Carina asked.

Maya forced a smile, trying to hide the fear that still lingered within her. "Yeah, everything's fine. Just had a little technical glitch with the therapy session."

Carina nodded, though her worry was evident in her eyes. "Are you sure you're okay? You seem a bit shaken."

Maya took a deep breath, trying to push down her anxiety. "I'm fine, really," she reassured Carina. "Just upset at the technical difficulties."

Carina didn't seem entirely convinced, but she didn't push further. Instead, she walked over to Maya and wrapped her arms around her, offering a comforting embrace. "I’m here if you need me, Bambina."

Maya held onto Carina tightly, finding comfort in her embrace. She knew that she couldn't risk putting Carina and Lucia in danger. She had to find a way to protect them, even if it meant sacrificing herself. So she would enjoy these last moments that she had with her wife. With their daughter.

"I love you," Maya whispered. “With everything I have.”

Carina pulled back slightly, her eyes locked in to her wife’s. "I love you too, Maya."

They stayed in each other's arms for a while, cherishing the love and warmth that they shared. Maya's mind was full of thoughts of what lay ahead, but for now, she wanted to focus on the present moment, on the love that surrounded her. 

Not an hour later a cry came from the bedroom. Lucia was awake.

Maya and Carina quickly separated and rushed to Lucia's side. Carina scooped her up in her arms and soothed her with gentle whispers. Maya watched them, a bittersweet smile tugging at her lips. She wished she could be the one to comfort their daughter, to be the one to chase away her fears and worries one last time.

“Can I make you dinner?” Maya asked. 

Carina looked at her hesitantly. “You’re still recovering. I can co-“

“Please?” Maya interrupted. "I want to do something for you, Carina. Let me take care of dinner tonight. It's the least I can do."

The Italian hesitated for a moment before caving. Truth was it would be nice to not have to worry about something, even as minor as dinner.

Carina smiled softly, touched by Maya's desire to contribute despite her recovery. "Alright. If you're up for it, I would appreciate your help with dinner. Just promise me you won't overexert yourself."

Maya nodded, grateful for the opportunity to do something for her wife. One last thing she would do for her to express her love. It wasn’t much, but it was all she could do.

She raced into the kitchen to begin preparing. Her time was limited, but Carina didn’t know that. Tonight they would go to sleep together but Carina would wake up alone.

Maya pushed away the thought, not wanting to dwell on the inevitable. She focused on the task in front of her, chopping vegetables and preparing the ingredients for a simple yet comforting meal. Despite the looming danger, she was grateful for this moment, for the chance to do something for Carina, to show her love and appreciation.

Carina entered the kitchen, holding Lucia in her arms. The little girl's eyes were still red from crying, but she had calmed down considerably in her mother's arms. Maya smiled at the sight.

Carina set Lucia down in her high chair and watched as Maya continued to cook. "You’re not going to give me food poisoning, are you?” She joked.

“It was one time!” Maya laughed. “I’m seriously never going to live it down, am I?”

“Absolutely not. I wouldn’t be a good wife if I let you forget.”

It was moments like these that she cherished the most, the simple joys of being together, now as a family of three. She couldn't help but feel a pang of sadness knowing that this would be their last meal together.

As Maya finished cooking, she plated the food and set it on the table. Carina joined her, bringing Lucia's high chair closer to the table. They all sat down, ready to enjoy the meal.

The room filled with laughter and conversation as they ate, the reality of their situation momentarily forgotten. Maya watched Carina and Lucia, their smiles and laughter bringing a sense of peace to her heart. She wanted to hold onto this moment, to savor it for as long as she could.

But as the meal came to an end, reality began to creep back in. Maya glanced at the clock, realizing that time was running out. Her heart felt heavy as she looked at Carina and Lucia, knowing that she had to say her goodbyes.

Together they lay with Lucia in their bed, Maya having asked for some family time. Their daughter had fallen asleep and Maya could see in Carina’s eyes the tiredness overwhelming her.

Maya gently brushed a strand of hair away from Carina's face, her heart shattering at the thought of leaving her behind. She wanted to hold onto this moment forever, to etch every detail of Carina's face into her memory. 

"I wish things were different," Maya whispered.

Carina reached out and took Maya's hand, intertwining their fingers, not knowing the true meaning behind her wife’s words. "Me too, Bambina. But we will be okay."

Tears welled up in Maya's eyes as she nodded. This was her goodbye. The goodbye she never had before she was kidnapped and the goodbye Carina had no idea was actually a goodbye.

Maya leaned in and pressed her lips against Carina's, pouring all of her love and emotions into the kiss. It was a bittersweet moment, filled with both longing and acceptance. Carina pulled back slightly, her eyes searching Maya's face for answers.

"What's wrong, Maya?" Carina asked.

“I just love you. I need you to know that. You and Luci are the best things that have ever happened to me. If I could make this all end, I would give anything. And I promise, if given the opportunity to, I would do it all.”

Carina’s tired eyes reflected the love right back at the blonde. “I love you too and I’m so glad you came back to us. Now let’s get some rest. You’re still healing.”

Maya nodded, the weight of her impending departure wearing heavily on her soul. She knew that she had to stay strong. With one last lingering look, Maya reluctantly pulled away and settled into bed beside Carina. They wrapped their arms around each other, finding peace and tranquility in the warmth and comfort of their embrace.

Maya was terrified of what awaited her, of the danger she was willingly walking into. But she would do whatever it took to protect her family, even if it meant giving herself up.

In the darkness of the room, Maya whispered her final words to Carina’s sleeping form. "I'll always love you, Carina. No matter what happens, I hope you remember that. Everything I am doing I’m doing for you."

Chapter Text

She carefully got out of bed when she heard the breathing from her wife even out. Maya tiptoed out of the room, trying not to make a sound. She knew she had to be quick and stealthy if she wanted to carry out her plan without waking Carina. Every step felt heavy with the weight of her decision, but she couldn't let fear or doubt hold her back.

Maya made her way to the living room, where she sat down to try and steady her mind. The truth was that she wasn’t sure if she was making the right decision. Was she really doing this for her family or was she doing it for another reason, one she couldn’t even admit to herself?

She knew that meeting Sanchez was dangerous, but she couldn't let him continue to threaten her family. She had to find a way to stop him, even if it meant putting herself in harm's way. Especially if it meant putting herself in harm’s way. 

Her life didn’t matter. Only Carina and Lucia’s did.

Maya glanced at the clock on the wall. She had less than two hours to meet Sanchez’s driver. Tears started to drip out of her eyes. Her darkest thoughts coming to the surface as a small cry escaped her lips.

“Bambina?” Carina sleepily called from down the hall.

*No, no, no. Please don’t come*, Maya thought to herself. “I’m fine, Carina. Go back to bed.”

Carina's voice was filled with concern as she stepped into the living room, her eyes still heavy with sleep. "Maya, what's wrong? Why are you crying?"

Maya quickly wiped away her tears, not wanting to worry Carina any further, needing her to go back to bed. "It's nothing. Just... just some bad dreams. I'll be okay."

Carina's brow furrowed as she approached Maya, her voice turning skeptical. "What aren’t you telling me?” She knew her wife better than she was being given credit for. 

Maya hesitated, hating just the thought of lying to Carina. But she knew that she had to protect her, even if it meant keeping her in the dark. "I promise, it's nothing. Just some residual emotions from everything we've been through. I don't want to burden you with it."

Carina's eyes searched Maya's face. "Nothing about you is a burden. Now spill.”

“Carina, I can’t-“

“No. We’ve been through too much to deal with anything alone. I need you to let me in.”

Maya’s breathing started to quicken. She needed to avoid this conversation. She had said her goodbye. What was happening? This wasn’t her plan.

“I-I-I can't," Maya stammered, her voice trembling. "There's something I have to do, something I have to face alone."

“That’s not acceptable, Bambina. There is nothing either of us ever have to face alone anymore. Don’t you understand?”

Maya wanted nothing more than to confide in Carina, to let her in and share the burden she carried. But the fear of putting her family in danger held her back.

"I know," Maya whispered, her voice filled with anguish. "But this is something I have to do. It's the only way to keep you and Lucia safe."

Carina reached out to cup Maya's face, her touch gentle and full of love, but also demanding. "What are you talking about?”

Her resolve was crumbling. The contact weakened her as more tears started to pour from her eyes. Her wife always had this effect on her and she would always be weak for her.

“Sanchez,” the blonde whispered.

“What about him?”

Maya closed her eyes, not able to look into the gorgeous brown ones that were begging to be let in. Not wanting to see the disappointment that was about to unfold. “If-if I meet with him, he will leave you and Luci alone…”

Carina's eyes widened in shock, her hand falling away from Maya's face. "What? What do you mean?”

“He hacked into the computer. The session with Diane and Dr. Dylan…he said if I met with him and did what he said he would leave you alone.”

Carina sat there in shock trying to control and process her thoughts. She felt so much anger coursing through her. Both at Sanchez and also at Maya for trying to hide this.

“And you were what? Just going to sneak out without telling me?” She tried to hide her contempt, not wanting to upset her wife but knew she wouldn’t be able to do it for long. “You were just going to leave me and our daughter to wonder where you went?”

Maya's heart shattered at Carina's words, the pain in her voice cutting through her like a knife. She had never wanted to hurt Carina, but she believed that sacrificing herself was the only way to keep their family safe.

“And everything before we went to bed, what was that? Was it all an act? Was it you saying goodbye to us? You think that was fair?” Carina continued. She was fuming even though she knew she should calm down. The Italian in her was taking over.

"I... I didn't want to worry you," Maya choked out. "I thought it would be better if you didn't know, if you didn't have to live with this fear. I wanted to protect you, Carina. I still do."

Carina's eyes filled with tears as she looked at Maya, her voice trembling with anger. "Protecting us means being here with us, Maya, not walking into the arms of a madman. And what did you think would happen? That he would just leave us alone after you go to him? You don’t think that psychopath is lying? It’s a death trap, Maya. He’ll kill you!!”

Maya's tears flowed freely now, her heart breaking at the pain and anger in Carina's voice. She had never wanted to cause her wife more pain, she had just run out of options.

"I... I thought if I did what he wanted, he would leave you and Lucia alone," Maya whispered, “He told me he would…”

“And what did you think would happen to you?!” Carina’s anger could no longer be hidden. She was mad at Maya for lying and trying to just disappear. She couldn’t be that naive to not understand that her life was at stake.

“It didn’t matter so long as you were safe.”

“He would kill you and that would leave me wondering what happened to you. How is that fair? I spent nine months thinking you were dead, did you really want me to go through that again?”

“I-uh-“

“I can’t Maya! I can’t lose you again!”

“B-But I want to die…” Maya finally admitted in a hushed tone, causing Carina’s anger to quickly dissipate. It was the thought she couldn’t even confront within herself, and now the most important person in the world was also aware.

Carina's eyes widened in shock, her heart breaking at Maya's admission. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. The woman she loved, the mother of their child, wanted to die. It was a devastating revelation that left Carina feeling helpless and desperate.

"No, Bambina," Carina pleaded in a whisper.

“I-I know it’s a suicide mission. But I’m too much of a coward to do it myself. A-all I want to do is protect you, get you away from everything dangerous. But I can’t. I’ve tried everything and it just keeps getting worse. I can’t protect you. I can’t protect our daughter. I can’t even function without losing a piece of myself. You’ve done so much and I see how much it’s affecting you and I can’t let it continue. I’m too broken. They broke me and I can’t be put back together anymore. You tried but I’m not worth anything to anyone anymore.”

Carina's heart shattered as she listened to Maya's words. She couldn't bear to see her wife in such pain, to hear her believe that she was worthless. Carina reached out and took Maya's trembling hands in her own.

"Maya, you are worth everything to me," Carina said. “And you’re everything to Lucia. I can't imagine my life without you. You are the strongest person I know, and you've already done so much to protect us, more than anyone ever should. I understand that you're hurting, that you feel broken, and I’m sorry that I missed just how bad you were feeling. But I told you before that any alternative was not an option. You will not leave us, Bambina, and we will get you the help you need to see that your life is worth so much more than you think.”

Maya's tears continued to fall as she looked into Carina's eyes, seeing the love tamping down the previous anger. She wanted to believe her, to trust that they could overcome this darkness, she just wasn’t there yet.

“I don’t know, Carina.”

“Then we will figure it out. Together. And that can only happen if you are here. Alive. With me.”

“Everything hurts so much…I can’t get away from it,” Maya cried as Carina carefully pulled her wife to her. Her touches were delicate, as if making the wrong move would cause Maya to disappear completely.

Carina held Maya tightly, her arms providing a sense of comfort and security. She knew that Maya was in a dark place, overwhelmed by the pain and trauma that had now fully consumed her. Carina wished she could take away all of Maya's pain, to shield her from the darkness that had engulfed her completely.

"I know it hurts," Carina whispered. "But now it’s your turn to lean on me. Let me in. Give me some of the pain and when you’re strong enough I’ll give it back. But losing you is not, nor will it ever be, an option.”

Maya clung to Carina, her body shaking with sobs as she allowed herself to be vulnerable in her wife's arms, especially after the words she had once said were now echoed back. She had been carrying the weight of her pain alone for far too long, and now, with Carina's support, she finally felt like she could let some of it go.

Carina held Maya even tighter, her own tears mingling with Maya's as she whispered words of love and reassurance. She promised to be there for Maya every step of the way, to help her heal and find the strength to fight the darkness that had encompassed her.

"I love you, Maya," Carina whispered. "And I will do whatever it takes to help you through this. We will make it through this. But you do not have the right to take you away from me.”

Maya’s sobs continued to echo throughout the empty house. Carina hoped they wouldn’t wake Lucia, Maya needing this time to come to terms with her emotions. She had been trying so hard to suppress them for so long, to hide her fears from her family, it was no wonder she was breaking down. But she would always rather this than lose her completely.

Carina also needed this time to figure out her own emotions. She had been so angry at her wife for keeping the secret about Sanchez and she had unleashed that anger. She had been bottling up her own emotions just as Maya had, her sadness and fear, but then hers presented as anger when unleashed. 

How she yelled at Maya would stay with her for a long time. She had her own issues she should have also been working through during this time. Instead, she bottled them up thinking it was for the best. 

But she was being a hypocrite. She told Maya to share her feelings while hiding her own. Maybe it was time for both of them to be honest. Maybe how they had been going about everything had been wrong. She thought she was protecting Maya, but Maya was no fool. She knew how to read her wife. And Maya knew that Carina was hurting too, that she had been carrying her own burdens silently.

Therefore, while both thought they were protecting the other, only more pain was caused. It was time to change those habits. It was time to move forward, for real this time. They needed to face their demons together, to be open and vulnerable with each other.

As Maya's sobs began to subside, Carina gently pulled away and looked into her wife's tear-stained face.

“I’m here with you, no matter what. There is no other option, my love.”

Maya nodded, thankful for her wife and her ability to see through her. For the first time she truly felt as if she had told Carina, and herself for that matter, the whole truth and it felt liberating. But there was still one problem.

“What about Sanchez?”

“That’s not your burden to bear, Maya. It’s time we heal.”

Chapter Text

They were in the car with Sanders being moved to a different location, one that only the current agent was aware of. The breach in security was the final straw when it came to trust. Clearly, someone in the FBI was assisting the fugitive.

Carina had also shared her fears about Maya’s safety for herself. Her suicidal ideation was too concerning to ignore.

Maya sat in the backseat, her eyes fixed on the passing scenery, her mind still reeling from the emotional conversation with Carina. She couldn't shake the guilt that weighed heavily on her heart. Carina's words had struck a chord within her, reminding her of the love and support she had in her life. But the fear of putting her family in danger still lingered. It always would.

Sanders glanced at Maya through the rearview mirror, concern etched on his face. He had been assigned to protect Maya during these times, but he couldn't help but feel a sense of responsibility for her well-being beyond just the mission. 

“Where are we going?” Maya asked numbly, her eyes still directed outside. The more she thought about things the deeper she fell, but now she had a lifeline in Carina, stronger than it had been before.

Sanders’ gaze travelled to the Italian, wondering who should be the one to tell her. Carina knew it would be better coming from her.

“We’re going to a facility where you will get the help you need, Bambina,” she said gently.

Maya finally looked away from the window, her attention turning to her wife. “Wh-what does that mean?”

Carina took a deep breath. She knew that this was a difficult conversation to have, but it was necessary for Maya's well-being.

"It means that you'll be receiving professional help, Maya," Carina explained softly. "We've found a secure facility that specializes in inpatient treatment for trauma and mental health, and they have experts who can guide you through the feelings you’ve been having. They'll provide you with the support and tools you need to heal."

Maya's eyes welled up with tears once again. “I-wh-what about you and Lucia? What about Sanchez?”

Carina reached out and took Maya's hand, squeezing it gently. "Lucia will be staying with Andy and Vic at a secure location that only Sanders knows. I’m going to the facility with you. I want to be there for you when you need me. And I have my own things to work through.”

Maya wasn’t sure how she was feeling. Her family was being separated, it was everything she didn’t want. But she also knew that her thoughts were too much to handle on her own anymore, it’s why she opened up to Carina in the first place. Before she made an unforgivable mistake, one that couldn’t be reversed.

"And Sanchez?" Maya asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

Sanders decided to chime in. "He’s my responsibility, Maya. I already have a plan in place. You just focus on your healing and I’ll focus on protecting you and your family. We both have our own missions, let’s focus on that."

Maya’s mind was swirling with conflicting emotions. She appreciated Sanders' reassurance, but the fear of Sanchez's reach still lingered in the back of her mind. She knew she had to trust in the plan and in the people who were working to keep her and her family safe.

Carina squeezed Maya's hand tighter. "Are you okay with all of this?” She asked hesitantly, afraid of what the answer could be.

Maya was trying to gather her thoughts. She looked into Carina's eyes, seeing the love and care reflected in them. She knew that Carina was doing everything she could to support her, and she didn't want to let her down, not again.

"I...I don't know," Maya admitted. "Part of me is scared, scared of what might happen, scared of leaving you and Lucia behind. But another part of me knows that I can't keep going on like this. I need help, Carina. I need to face this and find a way to heal."

Carina nodded, her heart breaking for Maya but also happy to hear her admit that she needed help. 

"I love you. And I cannot lose you. I mean that. I will do everything I can to help you get past this.”

Maya managed a small smile. “If there is one thing I know for sure it’s that I love you. Thank you for believing in me, even when I don’t believe in myself.”

Carina leaned over and placed a kiss to the blondes forehead. Maya lay her head against her wife’s shoulder, allowing the brunette to envelope her safely. For the first time in a long time, Maya dozed off into a peaceful slumber.

———————

When she opened her eyes she realized that they had reached their destination. Maya looked out the window and saw a large, modern house surrounded by lush greenery. It seemed peaceful, a stark contrast to the chaos and darkness that had consumed her life recently. She took a deep breath, trying to steady her nerves as she prepared to face the challenges that awaited her inside.

Together the wives exited the vehicle. Sanders saw that they made it inside and had sworn that Lucia was in good hands. He had given Carina his phone number and a cellphone that couldn’t be traced. It also contained the number to the phone Andy would have so they could always be in contact. 

Maya held tightly onto Carina's hand as they walked towards the entrance of the facility. She could feel the weight of the decision she had made, the uncertainty of what lay ahead. But she also felt a glimmer of hope, knowing that she had her wife by her side and that she was taking the necessary steps towards healing.

As they entered the facility, they were greeted by a warm and inviting woman.

“Hello! Please come on in!”

The woman's smile was genuine and comforting, instantly putting Maya at ease. She introduced herself as Dr. Blaine, the lead therapist at the facility. Maya could sense the compassion radiating from her expression.

Carina squeezed Maya's hand, silently reassuring her that they were in this together. Maya took a deep breath and followed Dr. Blaine into a cozy and inviting room, filled with comfortable chairs and soft lighting.

As they settled into their seats, Blaine began speaking. “I know that this whole thing is unorthodox, we don’t normally let spouses in to support each other as it’s usually an independent healing process,” she said looking directly at Carina. “But your entire situation is anything but ordinary. We understand the importance of having a strong support system, especially in such unique circumstances. We believe that having Carina by your side will only enhance your healing journey, Maya, while working on her own.”

Maya nodded, grateful for the understanding and flexibility of the facility. She knew that having Carina there would provide her with the comfort and strength she needed to face her demons. Her many, many demons.

Dr. Blaine continued, her voice gentle yet commanding. "I want you to know that this facility is equipped with highly trained therapists, psychiatrists, and counselors who specialize in trauma and mental health. They will work closely with you to develop a personalized treatment plan that addresses your specific needs and goals. Our goal is to create a safe and supportive environment where you can explore your emotions, process your experiences, and learn healthy coping mechanisms."

Maya was sitting in silence, trying to process it all. The truth was that she felt beyond help, that she was just too far gone to return to her old self. The words sounded promising, everything she wanted for her future, but not realistic. 

“How does it sound, Bambina?” Carina asked when she noticed her wife zoning out. 

Maya's gaze shifted to Carina, her fears visible in her eyes. She wanted to believe in the possibility of healing, but the weight of her own self-doubt continued to hold her back. 

“I’m not sure,” she responded honestly. Her throat was too dry to say more.

Carina reached out and gently cupped Maya's face. “Are you feeling overwhelmed right now?” 

The blonde nodded. Her wife’s brown eyes were so caring, almost too caring. She didn’t deserve her. She didn’t deserve all the effort that everyone was going through just so she could heal. Her best friends were watching their daughter and her wife was entering this unknown for her. 

Carina’s thumb rubbed back and forth on Maya’s thigh, grounding her back into the present. “Stay here,” the Italian whispered. “Don’t worry about anything else.”

Carina's words were a soothing aid to Maya's troubled mind. She took a deep breath, allowing herself to be present in the moment and to trust in Carina's unconditional support.

Dr. Blaine observed the exchange between the two women, recognizing the depth of their connection and the importance of Carina's presence in Maya's healing journey. She spoke up, her voice gentle.

"Maya, it's completely normal to feel overwhelmed and unsure about this process. Healing takes time, and it's okay to have doubts. But I want you to know that you are deserving of love, support, and the opportunity to heal. We are here to guide you through this journey, every step of the way."

Maya nodded again, cursing herself for not being able to add much to the conversation. The doctor could clearly see it on Maya’s face so she decided to continue. “How about we get you two settled into a room and then we will give you the tour? I know it’s pretty much an ordinary looking house but we want you to feel comfortable here.”

Maya managed a small smile, grateful for the doctor's understanding and willingness to accommodate their needs. She was unsure how she could go through this without her wife. Carina gently squeezed Maya's hand, silently reassuring her that they were in this together.

"That sounds good," Carina replied. "Thank you for being so accommodating."

Dr. Blaine led them down a hallway lined with doors, each one leading to a private room. Maya couldn't help but feel a sense of trepidation as they walked, her mind racing with who could possibly be behind those doors, but she knew that fear was unfounded.

As they reached their assigned room, Dr. Blaine opened the door and gestured for them to enter. Maya took a deep breath, summoning the courage to step into the room. The space was cozy and inviting, with soft lighting and comfortable furnishings. The bed was big enough for her her and Carina. She had been terrified they would be separated. Overall, it felt comforting, a place she could be in safely.

Carina followed closely behind Maya, their hands still intertwined. She could sense Maya's apprehension and wanted to provide as much comfort and support as she could. She was just thankful with how open Maya was to this whole thing. She remembered a time when this would have caused a great divide between them.

Dr. Blaine entered the room after them, closing the door behind her. She took a seat in one of the chairs, motioning for Maya and Carina to do the same. 

"Please, make yourselves comfortable," Dr. Blaine said warmly. "This is your safe space and will be for as long as you need. Sessions will be held elsewhere so when you need time to decompress and relax, this room is all yours.” She smiled at them reassuringly. “I’ll give you two a few moments to unpack and settle in. When you’re ready just meet me back down the hall and we will continue our tour.”

Maya and Carina nodded in appreciation, grateful for the doctor's understanding and consideration. As Dr. Blaine left the room, Maya let out a sigh of relief, feeling a small weight lifted off her shoulders. She turned to Carina and offered her a rare smile.

“Thank you,” the firefighter whispered as Carina took a step so she could embrace her wife.

“Why are you thanking me, Bella?”

“Yo-you saved my life. You continue to save me. For being here with me. For believing in me when I can’t. I just- thank you.”

Carina’s hand traveled down to the spot where Maya’s still healing bullet wound was and gently touched it. “And you have saved me and our daughter many times. It’s called love, Maya, and that’s what we’re doing. Just loving each other without a try thought for anything else.” Maya's eyes filled with tears as she looked at Carina, overwhelmed with gratitude for the support her wife had given her and continued to give her. “Now, should we meet back up with Dr. Blaine?”

Maya nodded, ready to truly begin her healing journey.

Chapter Text

The first day was just them settling in and familiarizing themselves with the new environment. The doctor was aware of how much moving they had done recently in attempts to hide, so she allowed them the space they needed to get comfortable and to start to feel safe.

Maya and Carina spent the day unpacking their belongings and making the room feel more like home. They carefully placed photos of Lucia on the bedside table and arranged their clothes in the closet. It was a small gesture, but it brought a sense of familiarity and comfort to the room.

They received a call from Andy letting them know that Luci was safe with them. She promised to check in everyday, but to make sure they focused on themselves. 

It gave them peace of mind knowing that Lucia was in good hands and being taken care of. They knew that they needed to focus on their own healing for now, but the fact that their daughter was safe brought the comfort that they needed to be able to continue.

As the day went on, Maya and Carina took some time to explore the facility. Dr. Blaine showed them around, introducing them to the common areas, therapy rooms, and outdoor spaces. Maya was impressed by the peaceful and serene atmosphere of the facility. It felt like a safe haven, a place where she could truly begin her healing journey.

Throughout the tour, Maya and Carina encountered other patients who were also seeking treatment for their own mental health struggles. Maya was uneasy around them. She didn’t like the thought of anyone seeing her as weak, even though the patients here had gone through traumatic experiences of their own. None of them were going to be focused on her. 

Carina noticed the apprehension in her wife’s eyes during the tour, but chose not to say anything until they were alone. She wanted Maya to feel comfortable and not ambushed.

After the tour, Maya and Carina returned to their room. Maya layed down on the bed as Carina went to the bathroom. The blonde’s body was exhausted. She was still far from healed from the gunshot wound she sustained only a week ago. It was also the most social interaction she had in a long time. Overall, she just felt drained.

“Can I change your bandage?” Carina asked when she came back into the room.

Maya nodded and sat up on the bed, pulling up her shirt to expose the bandage covering her wound. Carina gently peeled off the old bandage, revealing the raw, still-healing skin underneath.

As Carina cleaned the wound, mindful of the stitches, and applied a fresh bandage, Maya couldn't hold back her tears. She was grateful for Carina's presence and the love and care she showed, but she also felt all of the guilt again. Guilt for putting Carina through all of this, for being a burden on her.

"I'm sorry," Maya whispered, her voice full of remorse. "I'm sorry for everything I've put you through, Carina. I never wanted to be a burden."

Carina paused her actions, her eyes narrowing at her wife. She wanted to be mad at her for continuing to apologize for the things that were beyond her control, but she knew better. Instead, she placed a gentle kiss on Maya's forehead before continuing to tend to her wound.

"Bambina, you are not a burden," Carina said firmly. "I will continue to tell you until you believe me. None of what happened was your fault, nor could you have done anything to stop it. I know you’ll understand that one day. Until then I guess I’ll be a broken CD.”

“Broken record,” Maya corrected with a small smirk. 

“Ah, yes! Broken record!” Carina chuckled at the correction of the idiom, grateful for the small moment of levity amidst the heaviness of their situation. She finished tending to Maya's wound, pressing a gentle kiss to the new bandage, and then sat down beside her on the bed, allowing Maya to cuddle into her.

"I love you, Maya," Carina said sincerely. "And I will continue to support you through this, no matter how long it takes. Just trust the process and trust me."

Maya leaned into Carina's embrace, feeling the love she was exuding. She knew that she was lucky to have someone like Carina by her side, someone who loved her unconditionally and was willing to go to great lengths to support her.

"I love you too, Carina," Maya whispered. 

“How did you feel about everything we saw today?” The Italian asked.

Maya took a moment to gather her thoughts before responding. She knew that Carina had noticed her unease earlier, she never seemed to miss anything. "It was overwhelming," she admitted. "This is all overwhelming. Seeing all those people who have gone through their own struggles, it should have made me feel like I’m not alone. But it actually made me feel vulnerable and exposed. I don't like the idea of being seen as weak, even though I know that that’s not the case.”

Carina nodded understandingly, her fingers gently tracing circles on Maya's back. "I get it. It’s how your mind was conditioned to work, especially now because you've been through so much it makes sense that you would feel like that. But I know you know better now. I know how hard you’re trying to overcome that and everything.”

Maya sighed, her head resting against Carina's shoulder. "I am trying, Carina. I really am. It's just...a lot. Everything feels like it’s too much.”

“And you make sure you tell that to the doctor tomorrow. Don’t hold anything back. Because I’m going to tell you the same thing she’s going to tell you tomorrow: you don't have to face this alone and it’s going to come with time. Everything will get better.”

Maya sighed and closed her eyes. She had heard it every day since she had escaped, but so far nothing had been better.

——————

“How was your first night?” Dr. Blaine asked as Maya sat down in the cozy office that resembled a small living room.

The blonde took a moment to collect her thoughts before responding. She had a restless night, her mind filled with a whirlwind of emotions and memories, knowing she had to share them once more with a stranger. It was difficult to put into words how she truly felt.

"It was...challenging," Maya admitted, her voice sounding exhausted. 

“Why was it challenging?”

“Yesterday…it was kind of overwhelming. I’ve-uh barely interacted with anyone the past month, ten months really, and so yeah.”

The doctor nodded. “So, tell me, why are you here?”

“Because I need help.”

“With what exactly? What can I help you with?”

Maya knew what she was doing. She needed the firefighter to tell her everything, even though she definitely knew of her situation. But again, having to talk about it was hard.

“I need to move on from everything that has happened to me…”

“That’s what you have been trying to do for the past month with your other doctors. Why are you HERE, in this facility?”

Oh Maya thought. She needed to voice it. Her deepest, darkest secret that she didn’t even want to tell Carina.

“I-uh-I was going to put myself in a situation that would have got me killed,” she whispered.

“And why would you do that?”

“To protect my family.”

“And?” Dr. Blaine was not going to let her get away from the truth. 

“B-because I wanted to die…” Maya's voice trembled as she admitted her darkest truth to Dr. Blaine. The weight of her words hung heavy in the air, and she could feel the doctor's gaze on her.

Dr. Blaine remained silent for a moment, allowing Maya's words to sink in both for her and the woman who had uttered them. She knew the importance of creating a safe and non-judgmental space for her patients to open up, especially when it came to discussing such sensitive and vulnerable topics.

"I'm glad you shared that with me, Maya," Dr. Blaine finally spoke. "It takes a lot of courage to admit something like that both to yourself and to someone else.”

Maya’s eyes remained downcast. She had known she had those feelings, but the first time she had said them was when she had a plan to die, albeit a real crappy plan. 

“What led you to those feelings?”

Maya half-chuckled. “The past ten months?”

“We have time to talk about all of it. But what specifically caused you to all of a sudden want to end it? To formulate a plan and be done?”

The blonde sat there for a moment, thinking of everything that had occurred over the course of the year. She had thought about dying many times, had opportunities where she could have made it happen, but why now? It was a fair question to on and one she hadn’t thought too much about.

“My wife had a gun to her head,” she began quietly, pinpointing the lowest of points for her. “And I was standing in front of our daughter to protect her. And all I could think….was this was all my fault. Carina and Lucia could die because I survived.”

Maya's voice trembled as she recounted the horrifying moment. The memory was still fresh, the fear and desperation she had felt consuming her entirely. She had believed that her mere existence was a danger to those she loved most.

Dr. Blaine listened attentively, her expression empathetic yet focused. She knew that Maya's guilt and self-blame were deeply rooted, and it was crucial to understand the extent of Maya's emotional turmoil.

"I can't imagine how terrifying that must have been for you and your family," Dr. Blaine said softly. “Do you think Carina thought the same thing, that it was all your fault that a man was holding a gun to her head?”

Maya shook her head. She knew undoubtedly that the thought never once crossed her wife’s mind.

"No," Maya replied, her voice certain. "Carina would never blame me for what happened. She's always been supportive and understanding, even in the darkest moments. It's just...my own guilt that makes me believe that it's all my fault."

Dr. Blaine nodded, acknowledging Maya's feelings. "Guilt can be a powerful emotion, but it's important to remember that it doesn't always align with reality. Besides guilt, what else did you feel?”

“What do you mean?”

“Guilt is strong, but it’s not the only emotion that led you to want to commit suicide, was it?”

Maya hesitated, her mind racing with a whirlwind of emotions. She knew that guilt was a significant factor, but there were other emotions that had contributed to her desire to leave this life.

"No, it wasn't just guilt," Maya admitted. "There was also this overwhelming sense of hopelessness and unworthiness. It felt like no matter what I did, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't escape, they were always after us and they always found us. And my wife was so supportive but after what happened to me, after everything she was continuously put through, I know I don’t deserve her."

Dr. Blaine listened intently, her gaze filled with empathy. She understood the weight of Maya's emotions and the deep-rooted beliefs that had taken hold of her.

"Maya, it's important to recognize that those feelings of hopelessness and unworthiness are not a reflection of your true self," Dr. Blaine said gently. "Trauma can distort our perception of ourselves and the world around us. It's not uncommon for survivors to feel this way, but it doesn't mean it's the truth."

Maya nodded, her eyes still downcast. She knew deep down that Dr. Blaine was right, but it was difficult to fully believe it. The past ten months had left its mark on her, and it was hard to see herself as anything other than broken and unworthy.

"I understand what you're saying, my wife says it too," Maya said softly. "But it's hard to shake off those feelings. They've become so ingrained in me, it's like they're a part of who I am now. They’ve reshaped who I am.”

Dr. Blaine leaned forward slightly, her gaze filled with compassion. "I want you to know that you are not defined by your trauma. You are a survivor, a strong and resilient person, and I’m sure you’ve been told all of this before. It's okay to struggle with these feelings, to feel them as they come, but don’t let them settle. Healing takes time, and it's a journey that we will embark on together to overcome them.”

Maya nodded, her eyes welling up with tears. She appreciated Dr. Blaine's words of encouragement and support, but it was still difficult to fully grasp the idea that she could overcome these deeply ingrained feelings. She had been trying for a month already.

"I want to believe that," Maya whispered. "I want to believe that I can heal and move past all of this. But it feels so overwhelming, like I'm drowning in these emotions."

Dr. Blaine smiled softly. “Good thing you have a life vest then.”

Chapter Text

While Maya was in her own session, Carina was also meeting with a therapist. She had wanted to come to the inpatient facility to support Maya, but after her reaction to everything she knew that she needed help too. To better support Maya as well as herself. Everyone always told her that she needed to take care of herself to take care of her family. Now, she knew it to be true.

Carina sat in the therapist's office, her hands clasped tightly in her lap. She felt a mix of nervousness and relief, knowing that she was finally taking the step to seek help for herself. She had recently tried being the strong one, the one who held everything together for Maya and Lucia. But now, she realized that she needed support too.

The therapist, Dr. Sofia Alvarez, had a warm and welcoming presence. 

“What brings you here with us, Carina?” The doctor asked kindly.

“My wife was abducted ten months ago and we all just assumed she had died. Really, she was held captive, tortured, and assaulted before she escaped and found her last month. She’s been so lost and sad and I don’t know how to help her, not to mention I gave birth to our daughter while she was gone. For the last month we’ve basically just been on the run trying to survive,” the Italian rattled off the events of the last year.

Dr. Alvarez listened attentively, her expression filled with empathy. She could sense the weight of the past year's events on Carina's shoulders, and she knew that it had taken a toll on her mental and emotional well-being.

"That sounds incredibly difficult, Carina," Dr. Alvarez said softly. "You've been through so much, but I asked what brings you here.”

“I just told you.”

“No, you told me what happened to your wife and how she’s been feeling. I want to know how YOU are coping with everything that has happened.”

Carina sighed. “I’m not. I'm not coping," Carina admitted. "I've been so focused on taking care of Maya and Lucia, making sure they're safe and supported, that I haven't taken the time to process my own emotions. I feel like I'm constantly on edge, like I'm just going through the motions without really feeling anything."

Dr. Alvarez nodded understandingly, her gaze filled with compassion. "It's understandable that you've prioritized Maya and Lucia's well-being, but it's important to remember that your own well-being matters too. You can't pour from an empty cup, Carina. How have you been feeling lately?"

Carina took a moment to collect her thoughts, her eyes gazing down at her hands. "I've been feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, and scared," she admitted. "I'm scared for Maya's recovery, scared for our future, and scared of what might happen next. I feel like I'm constantly waiting for everything to fall apart."

“It’s okay to feel scared. I couldn’t imagine not feeling that way after everything that has happened to you. But you certainly don’t have to hide your emotions.”

Carina nodded, her eyes welling up with tears. "I know, but sometimes it feels like I have to be strong for everyone else. I don't want to burden Maya with my own fears and anxieties when she's already going through so much."

Dr. Alvarez leaned forward, her voice gentle. "Carina, it's important to remember that vulnerability is not a weakness. Opening up about your own struggles can actually strengthen your relationship with Maya. She needs to see that you're human too, that you have your own fears and worries. It can create a deeper level of understanding and support between the two of you.”

Carina took a deep breath, her shoulders sagging. “I’ve been told that before. But Maya…she hurts when I hurt. If I tell her the truth I’m afraid it won’t make anything better, it’ll only worsen it.”

Dr. Alvarez nodded in understanding. "It's natural to have those concerns. But keeping your emotions bottled up can also have a negative impact on your own well-being. It's important to find a balance between supporting Maya and taking care of yourself. Have you considered discussing your concerns with her?”

Carina sighed, her gaze fixed on her hands. "I have, but I'm afraid of burdening her even more. She's already dealing with so much, and I don't want to add to her pain."

The therapist leaned back in her chair, her expression thoughtful. "It's important to remember that relationships are built on trust and open communication. By sharing your own struggles and fears with Maya, you're allowing her to support you as well. It's a two-way street. You don't have to carry the weight of everything on your own."

Carina nodded slowly, her mind processing Dr. Alvarez's words. She knew deep down that the therapist was right, but it was still difficult to even think of talking to Maya about it.

“What if we spoke to her together?” The doctor suggested. “A sort of mediated conversation. I’m sure there are things she may be too afraid to admit to you. Perhaps this could be a good way to start fresh.”

Carina considered the therapist's suggestion, realizing that it could be a way to create a safe space for both her and Maya to express their fears and concerns without feeling like a burden to one another. It would be an opportunity for them to start fresh and rebuild their trust and communication.

"I think that could be helpful," Carina replied. "I want us to be able to support each other through this, and if a mediated conversation can help facilitate that, then I'm willing to give it a try."

Dr. Alvarez smiled warmly. “Perfect! She’s waiting across the hall!”

“What? Now?”

“Dr. Blaine already asked her if it would be alright and Maya agreed. We figured with spouses here together that it would be a good chance for you two to talk openly.”

“O-okay. Let’s go.”

The two women got up and traversed the hallway. Dr. Alvarez knocked on the door and entered upon confirmation from Dr. Blaine.

Maya looked up as Carina and Dr. Alvarez entered the room. She was a little surprised given how the doctor had only just mentioned talking together with Carina a little earlier. Still, she was happy to see her.

Carina took a seat beside Maya, their hands instinctively finding each other's. Maya squeezed Carina's hand, silently conveying her gratitude for being there.

Dr. Blaine smiled warmly at the couple. "I thought it would be beneficial for both of you to have an open conversation, to express your fears and concerns in a safe and mediated environment," she explained. "This is an opportunity for you to say the things you are too scared to say, which you both have expressed.”

Maya and Carina exchanged a glance, both of their nerves palpable. They knew that this conversation could be a turning point, a chance to truly understand and support each other.

“The main reason why we’re doing this is because we believe one of your biggest obstacles, for both of you, is your fears about upsetting the other.”

“How would you know that if you only just met us?” Carina asked.

“Am I wrong?” Alvarez countered.

Carina and Maya just looked at each other, both shaking their head at the truth.

“Who would like to begin?” Dr. Alvarez asked.

Carina glanced over and saw Maya looking down. She knew that she had to start, to show her wife that everything was okay. That they could talk and continue moving forward.

“I will,” the Italian said with a reassuring smile to her wife. “I haven’t-uh been handling all of this well. I spent nine months thinking you were dead. I went to therapy to try to come to terms with it before Lucia was born. And I did eventually, as well as I could. And then you were back and alive, but all that time you were alive and being tortured. Since I found out, all I have wanted to do was protect you, to be strong for you. Then every time we feel safe, things go wrong. We haven’t had a moment to really decompress…and I think I got lost along the way here.”

Maya listened intently, her heart aching for Carina as she spoke. She gently squeezed Carina's hand, silently encouraging her to continue.

"I've been so focused on being there for you and Lucia, making sure you both feel safe and supported, that I haven't taken the time to process my own emotions," Carina continued. "I've been feeling overwhelmed, scared, and exhausted. I'm scared for your recovery, scared for our future, and scared of what might happen next. I feel like I'm constantly waiting for everything to fall apart. And I feel like I’m not enough to make sure you’re safe.”

Maya's eyes filled with tears as she realized the weight Carina had been carrying all this time. She had been so consumed by her own pain and trauma that she hadn't fully recognized the toll it had taken on Carina. She had noticed, but didn’t do anything to alleviate it. Maya reached out and gently cupped Carina's face.

"Carina, you are more than enough," Maya said. "You have been my rock, my support, and my anchor throughout all of this. I'm so sorry that I haven't been able to fully see and acknowledge the pain you've been carrying. And I don’t want you to hide your feelings from me…I-I couldn’t have made it this far without you. But that’s a lot of pressure on you…”

“And I wouldn’t have it any other way, Bambina. I want to be there for you. But I don't want you to feel like you have to protect me from your pain. I can’t be there for you if I’m guessing how you’re feeling. It only hurts me more when I get it wrong. When I see you slipping away from me…I-“

Maya nodded, tears streaming down her face. "I'm so sorry, Carina. You’re right. You can always talk to me, I don’t want you to hide it all away. You deserve to have someone to listen to you.”

Carina wiped away her own tears, feeling a sense of relief wash over her. It was a relief to finally be able to share her true feelings with Maya, to let her know that she needed support too.

“Maya, what would you like to tell Carina?” Dr. Blaine asked after a few moments.

“Uh y-yeah,” the blonde stuttered. “I-I’m obviously having a hard time with everything too. I have definitely been hiding my feelings. I feel like a burden, like I’m ruining your life.” She took a deep breath, trying to collect her thoughts. “W-when I saw you at the carnival, you looked so happy. You had no worries in the world. But when I escaped, when I came back into your life, everything went to hell. We’ve been hunted down ever since, and you've had to deal with so much because of me. You almost died, twice, because of me. I even put Lucia in danger! And all I can think to do to make it better is to just disappear. It’s not so much that I want to die, I just want to make your life easier. I want it to be what it was when I saw you that day.”

Carina's heart shattered as she listened to Maya's words. The pain and guilt in Maya's voice were almost unbearable. She reached out and gently took Maya's trembling form in a hug, refusing to let Maya disappear into the darkness of her self-blame.

"Maya, none of this is your fault," Carina said firmly. "You didn't ask for any of this to happen. Yeah, maybe we looked happy that day, but we were at an event honoring you. I just was happy to be able to share a piece of you with our daughter. Nothing made me happier than learning you were alive. And I don't want you to ever think that you're a burden or that you're ruining my life. You are my life, Bambina. I love you, and I will always stand by your side."

Maya's tears flowed freely now, her grip on Carina tightening. She buried her face in Carina's shoulder, seeking solace and comfort in her embrace.

“What else, Maya?” Dr. Blaine asked, shocking Carina. There was more that her wife was dealing with alone, she could only assume what it was. Unfortunately, she was right.

“I-I-um,” this one was harder for her to say. She still hadn’t come to terms with this part of her captivity. “I feel dirty. Broken. What they did to me…”

Carina's heart broke as Maya's voice trailed off, her words filled with pain and shame. She held Maya even tighter, her own tears mingling with Maya's. Her remembering her sexual assault had caused her so much pain since the moment that memory came back to her.

“…I’m damaged. I’m not worthy of…I can’t…”

Carina couldn't bear to see Maya in so much pain, blaming herself for what had happened to her. She gently lifted Maya's face, her voice filled with love and compassion.

"Maya, you are not dirty or broken," Carina said firmly. "Do you think that of me because of my past?”

Maya's eyes widened at Carina's question, her tears still streaming down her face. She shook her head, her voice barely a whisper. "No, of course not.“

“Then why should you think it of you?” Carina continued, her voice filled with conviction. "Your worth is not defined by what happened to you. What those people did was a reflection of their own darkness, not a reflection of who you are as a person. You are so much more than what they tried to take from you."

Maya's tears continued to flow as Carina's words sank in. She had never considered that perspective before. She had been blaming herself for what had happened, feeling dirty and unworthy of love and support. But Carina's words challenged that belief, offering the ideas of hope and helping.

The two wives held each other in the embrace, everything that needed to be said out in the open. Both of them felt lighter, like the future truly would be better. The weight of their shared pain felt a little more bearable now that they had each other's full support. They knew that healing would take time, but they were committed to facing their fears and working through their trauma together.

Dr. Alvarez smiled warmly at the couple. "I'm glad that you both were able to express your feelings and fears to each other. Remember, healing is a journey, and it's important to be patient and kind to yourselves as you navigate through it."

“And now there’s one last thing we wanted to share with you,” Dr. Blaine continued as the two women looked on curiously. “Ryan Sanchez, or Dixon, was killed in a shootout with the FBI this morning.”

Carina and Maya exchanged a stunned glance, both of their faces breaking out into smiles. 

It was over.

Chapter Text

Six Months Later

“Carina! Does this look okay?” Maya called from the bedroom.

Carina walked into the room, a smile on her face as she took in the sight of Maya standing in front of the mirror, which was something that took her months to be able to do. She was wearing black dress pants and a vibrant blue blouse, one that matched her eyes.

Maya had put on some of the weight and muscle that she had lost, but not nearly as much as she had hoped. She was still uncomfortable in her body, but was much better about coping with it and definitely better at talking to her wife about it.

“You look beautiful,” Carina answered truthfully, coming up behind and wrapping her arms around her.

It was another big accomplishment for Maya: not flinching when she was touched. When it was a surprise, yeah, she still got scared, but Carina always made sure that Maya knew her intentions.

“It’s just the first time I’m seeing everyone in months and-“

“Relax, Bambina,” Carina said as she spun her wife around so they could be face to face. “It is our daughter’s first birthday party. Their attention will only be on her,” she joked. “My attention, however, will be on you.” She leaned in and captured her wife’s lips on her own.

Maya melted into the kiss, feeling a rush of love and warmth fill her. She wrapped her arms around Carina's neck, deepening the kiss. It was a moment of pure connection and joy, a reminder of how far they had come together and how close they had come to losing it all.

The intimacy between the two was slowly coming back. Carina following Maya’s lead at how far they would take things as she came to terms with her sexual assault.

As they pulled away from the kiss, Maya rested her forehead against Carina's, their breaths mingling. "Thank you for always being patient with me," she whispered.

Carina smiled softly. "I will always be patient with you, Maya, because that means I have you. Now, are you ready for some fun? Everyone is waiting.”

Maya nodded and headed over to Lucia’s room where she lay in her crib in her dress. Carina followed behind Maya, and watched as she picked her up, melting at the sight of the kisses she peppered along her head.

As Maya cradled Lucia in her arms, Carina approached them, gently placing a hand on Lucia's tiny back while the other wrapped around the blonde. "Happy first birthday, my little princess," Maya whispered. She looked up at Carina, her eyes shimmering with tears. "I can't believe our baby is one already.”

The tears were both happy and sad. It was something Maya had been talking to her about a lot in recent days. It mostly stemmed from the fact that she wasn’t there the day she was born as well what she had been doing that day. She had had several breakdowns, but made sure that Carina and Diane were involved with the feelings as they came. And to her, Lucia was six months. She had only been in her life for half that year due to her captivity. It was another feeling she was working on.

Carina nodded. “Me either, but I am so grateful because every day I see her become more like you. Perfectto.”

The family headed to Carina’s car and made their way to the newly built Station 19 for the party. Where else would a one year olds birthday be held?

Once they pulled into the station parking lot, they saw all of the familiar cars. Maya took a deep breath, feeling a mix of excitement and nerves. It had been months since she had seen her colleagues from Station 19, and she couldn't help but wonder how she would be able to handle everyone at once.

“You let me know when you’re ready,” Carina reassured from the drivers seat. She had noticed as Maya’s body tensed as they had got closer to the building.

She hadn’t been back since that day she had ran away from Carina when it was still a charred mess. Where she had seen the memorial to herself because everyone thought she was dead. That was one of the darkest days and she had handled it poorly. But, once more, Carina had been a saving grace.

It’s only a building, she told herself. The memories she had made since then had been more than enough to overcome this obstacle. Besides, she’d been through worse. What was a birthday party surrounded by friends compared to her life for those nine months?

"I'm ready," Maya said, determination lacing her words. She unbuckled her seatbelt and stepped out of the car, opening the back to grab the birthday girl. Carina following closely behind.

As they walked towards the entrance of the newly built Station 19, Maya couldn't help but notice the changes. The station had been almost completely rebuilt, a fresh start after the devastating fire. The exterior was sleek and modern, a stark contrast to the charred remains of the old building that Maya remembered. The entrance was adorned with balloons and decorations, signaling the joyous occasion of Lucia's first birthday. Her friends definitely outdid themselves.

Maya took a deep breath, reminding herself that this was a celebration, a chance to reunite with her firefighting family and share in the happiness of their little girl's milestone. Carina squeezed her hand reassuringly as they stepped inside the main entrance, her grip on her daughter tightening ever so slightly.

They were met by a chorus of “Happy Birthday’s” as the crew of the station welcomed the Deluca-Bishops. Lucia was giggling as Travis and Vic threw confetti and Andy came up to steal her godchild, spinning her around in the raining rainbow.

Carina wrapped her arms around Maya, enjoying every moment. She watched as Maya's eyes lit up with pure joy, her smile radiating happiness. This was what Carina had always wanted for her family, a chance to be together happily.

The group migrated into the barn, where the tables were set up. But what caught Maya by surprise, causing tears to pool in her eyes, was the banner under the one that said happy birthday.

Welcome Back Investigator Deluca-Bishop

It had been a tough decision to quit firefighting, but her scars ran too deep to trust herself with other lives like that anymore. Maya had instead decided to pursue a career in fire investigation. Her knowledge had been used as a weapon. And now she was determined to make a difference in a different capacity. She had been working hard to rebuild her confidence and trust in her abilities, and seeing the banner welcoming her back meant more to her than words could express.

As Maya wiped away her tears, she felt…validated. Her journey had been challenging, damaging, and seemingly endless, but she had come out stronger on the other side. The support and love from her wife, had been instrumental in her healing process.

“Did you know?” She asked Carina.

The Italian shrugged. “They asked if it would be okay. I said you would love it.”

Maya looked around the room, taking in the familiar faces of her old colleagues and friends. They were all there to celebrate Lucia's first birthday, but Maya knew that they were also celebrating her own milestone. They had witnessed her struggle and had stood by her side, offering their unwavering support.

Agent Sanders approached Maya with a warm smile, pulling her into a tight hug. "It's so good to see you, Maya," he said genuinely. "Thank you for having me.”

The agent had become a fast friend of the family and she was happy to see him there along with her old friends. She looked around at all of the smiling faces, her daughter now back in her wife’s arms.

And she realized what she almost lost, what her decisions could have cost her in the end. 

But now, she got to be a a wife and mother. And most importantly, she got to be a survivor.