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The Baobei Mystery

Summary:

Hei Xiazi only went to the SID headquarters because he was bored, but the staff speculating about an overheard conversation between their chief and Wu Xie proves to be very very entertaining.
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This is a Bonus fic for the series. Doesn't make a ton of sense if read as stand-alone. At least some knowledge of this series AU required

Notes:

Joining in on borrowing Hyde's universe for a birthday gift! Wanted to keep it light and fun, and what's better than the chaotic SID staff (now with Iron Triangle) for that.
Thank you MeLuci_fer for the concept of an overheard convo and a very gossipy staff as well as helping me brainstorm and beta reading for me! Needed some help with all the names and titles since that's normally something I ask Hyde about but this fic was a surprise jsksj. Luci, you're incredible. Thank you for all your help and support and enthusiasm for this fic 💙
Happy birthday, Hyde!!! :D

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Most would say that Hei Xiazi had no good reason to go to the headquarters of the Special Investigation Department. Once they might have been right, but how could he resist when he was bored because Xiao Hua had left for a job - one that he had insisted he didn’t need Hei Xiazi’s presence to cause more problems, which was just rude. Now that Wu Xie had brought his group into the folds at SID, it gave the mercenary the perfect excuse to see what chaos was bound to happen at any given moment. Between the growing romance between the chief, Wu Xie, and the professor as well as the colorful staff, Hei Xiazi knew he’d find at least some entertainment among that building.

“No. No. That is exactly what I heard Zhao-chu say,” Wang Zheng was insisting as Hei Xiazi strolled in. She hovered nearby a set of desks, where Yaba Zhang sat with the fat cat lounging on his lap. Liu Sang sat at his own desk, still typing away at a report, but Hei Xiazi had no doubt that the young man knew, and had heard, everything. Whatever everything might be.

Hei Xiazi glanced around to take in the rest of the department that was around. The monk was sitting on the corner of another desk, quiet as he considered. The zombie was lingering close by as he always tended to do, but didn’t seem too invested in the conversation. It was rare to see him truly invested in anything. Zhu Hong stood closest, more invested than all the rest. 

Pangzi, who was leaning back in his chair with his feet perched on his desk, huffed a bit of a laugh. “He called someone else ‘baobei’ and that Wu Xie wouldn’t believe how ‘graceful and surprisingly flexible’ whoever this is was?”

“Exactly!” She seemed confused more than upset, but the growing look of judgment on Zhu Hong’s face promised this conversation wouldn’t just die out.

“Sounds like your chief had an exciting weekend, huh?” Hei Xiazi spoke up as he stopped behind Xiaoge’s chair, reaching down to pat the cat’s head. 

Da Qing immediately noticed the difference between steady and gentle strokes of the person whose lap he was in from Hei Xiazi’s sudden patting. He reached back with surprising speed and swatted at his hand with a hiss. “Who do you think you are to waltz in here and try to pet me? I’m not just some cat!” Da Qing seemed ready to fight but Xiaoge’s hand continued its steady pattern and when he reached around to stroke the underside of the fat cat’s chin, it distracted him almost shockingly well. 

“Lao Hei,” Wang Zheng bowed a bit in greeting. She was always very polite with him, the rumors about just how old he actually is left her erring on the safe side instead of just calling him by his name as many others did.

He nodded his acknowledgement before continuing, “So, were you eavesdropping on your boss?”

“Of course not! I was just going to his office to get him to sign off on some paperwork when I heard he was having a conversation and didn’t enter.”

“What else did they say?” Lin Jing asked.

“Wu Xie responded that he absolutely did know what the Zhao-chu was talking about and he was ‘very familiar’ with what baobei was capable of.”

Hei Xiazi glanced over at those he had traveled with many times before. Xiaoge kept an impassive expression as he continued to pet Da Qing. Liu Sang barely shook his head in something akin to mild irritation but still some fondness. Pangzi looked like he was holding back his amused grin. So they weren’t going to be clearing things up by sharing what they knew about the trio? He laughed. Well if that’s the case, Hei Xiazi wouldn’t mind adding to the chaos a bit for his own entertainment.

“So they’ve found another that piques their interest? Both of their interests?” Hei Xiazi grinned as he turned back to focus on the rest of the gossipers.

“Are they just going full open relationship? Nothing can stop the shameless Chief, can it?” Zhu Hong seemed to be working herself up more. It was almost sad to see. It hadn’t been hard for Hei Xiazi to notice the way she looked at Zhao Yunlan soon after he started coming around when he was bored. He’d seen many get consumed by such feelings and resentful of the rest of the world. His only hope was that maybe seeing someone she cared about be happy might help her realize that she deserved the same. 

Wang Zheng spoke up before he could, moving closer to Zhu Hong and almost resting her hand on her shoulder in simple comfort. “At least if both of them are talking about it, it isn’t some kind of sneaking around? That could lead to trouble in the department if that was the case.”

“Of course it isn’t. Zhao-chu would never!” Hei Xiazi caught the hints of several smiles from many around them at her defending. It was the norm. She would talk badly about him but also be ready to dismiss things that tarnished his character too greatly.

“True. He isn’t ashamed of his nature, so there’s nothing to hide. And we can’t be surprised by Wu Xie’s involvement. He is a married man after all.” Lin Jing glanced over as he spoke, seeming to be careful about the reaction of those that Wu Xie brought with him into the department.

“Oh, Tianzhen can certainly be just as shameless. They’re a good duo in that respect.” Pangzi agreement relaxed the monk.

“So clearly, they’ve found themselves another interest. One that they’re both familiar with if what Wang Zheng overheard is to be believed.” He glanced over at Liu Sang, seeing if the one with superhuman hearing had anything to confirm or add, but the man stays overly focused on his screen. When he didn’t speak up, Lin Jing continued, “Was there anything else, Wang Zheng?”

Hei Xiazi had to admire the monk. Despite the teasing from the chief, Lin Jing definitely belonged among the detective force here. It just seemed that he was more eager to dedicate himself to mysteries like his chief’s personal life than paperwork during the slow season for the department. 

Wang Zheng ducked her head almost in embarrassment. If a ghost could blush, she surely would be right then. “Well, I sort of panicked. Overhearing such conversations is dangerous.” The phrasing was interesting. Hei Xiazi kept his focus on her a moment longer than everyone else, who were more interested in the chief at the moment. Maybe whatever time or culture she had been lived in had harsh punishments for those that were caught eavesdropping?

“I mean, it’s obvious what’s going on,” Zhu Hong spoke up again, seeming calmer than she had been when Hei Xiazi first entered the room. Everyone looked at her expectantly, so she continued, “They met someone new, probably at that bar they’re always going to. Because Zhao-chu is shameless and it seems Wu Xie isn’t so different from him, they couldn’t resist some random man. Probably a model or artist, from the way the chief talks.” She huffed but kept her composure. “They took this man home, probably Zhao-chu’s place since Wu Xie has his husband at home.” She glanced over at Da Qing. Of anyone, the cat would be the most likely to know of any visitors the chief had.

“I can feel your eyes on me. Finish your own story before I speak my mind.” Da Qing had yet to open his eyes, still enjoying Yaba Zhang’s attention too much to do much else.

“Fine.” There was a hint of a hiss in her words. Her scowl might make lesser men cower, but with such a strange department she didn’t stand much of a chance. “This baobei clearly pleased them both. Of course, Zhao-chu couldn’t just stop at one time together. Wu Xie would have had to go home to his husband, leaving despite attempts from Zhao-chu and baobei luring him to stay. But once Wu Xie was gone, nothing would have stopped him from getting completely consumed in this new man. It’s honestly a surprise he isn’t covered in marks when he came in this morning!”

“So, baobei is a man they’ve both had sex with and are now discussing it at work? Because they both want to have sex with him again?” Wang Zheng asked, curiously.

“Clearly! Talking about his sex life at work is nothing for the shameless Zhao-chu.”

Wang Zheng seemed to think about that for a moment before nodding a bit in agreement.

“Ridiculous!” Da Qing spoke up as he hopped off Xiaoge’s lap onto his desk, taking the moment to stretch before lounging out across the entire desk. Clearly it was his turn for what he thought of everything. Hei Xiazi couldn’t believe his luck at finding such easy entertainment.

“What do you know that we don’t then, Deputy Chief?” Zhu Hong sounded annoyed, barely holding back her anger at the cat.

“I know Lao Zhao. And I know more about the world than any of you. I’ve been around since humans were just pathetic little creatures barely making it through winters!”

“Please, grace us with your wisdom then,” Hei Xiazi couldn’t help but interjet. It was likely the fat cat would have spiraled and never got to actually talking about Zhao Yunlan if he went on one of his human tangents. 

It earned him a low growl and a half hearted swipe in his general direction, but the comment did get Da Qing to focus. “Clearly,” he paused dramatically to look at all the people surrounding him, “Lao Zhao has met someone that Wu Xie already knew. And such grace and flexibility leaves but one explanation! And it’s far more concerning than some meaningless hookup at a bar!” He sat up and his tail hit heavily against the keyboard nearby. A steady thump showed the growing annoyance from the cat. “My master has clearly met another cat! And he dares to compliment such a simple creature while I am still here! I guarantee though, he did not bring such a pest into our home. I would be able to tell. But I won’t let him off easy. This! This is the only thing he would sneak around about. That man is shameless, but he knows I will make him pay for such a thing!”

The rest of the department was silent as the cat yowls. Zhu Hong looked beyond annoyed at the theatrics. The over the top behavior even got a reaction out of Chu Shuzhi, barely shaking his head as he stared up at the ceiling, probably cursing whatever brought him from his average undead existence to be working in such a crazy department. Wang Zheng looks completely confused now, poor ghost. 

It’s when Pangzi and Hei Xiazi make eye contact that the silence was finally broken, the two not able to stop the laughter that had barely been kept at bay. It seemed to break the tension and confusion in the room, with even Lin Jing chuckling along. “Oh, Da Qing,” Pangzi managed to say after taking a few deep breaths to compose himself. “I can guarantee you that Tianzhen isn’t familiar with some cat. You’re the only one that has ever tolerated him. That man was raised with dogs and doesn’t know the first thing about befriending a cat. He’s not at all ‘familiar’ with such things.”

The disagreement earned some grumbles from the cat as he hopped off the desk with a heavy thud when he landed. Hei Xiazi could barely hear his mumbling of “stupid humans” and “what does he know” as the cat walked past him towards the kitchen.

“There’s still some of that turbot that I cooked for lunch in the fridge if you want a snack,” Pangzi called after the annoyed cat.

“You’re lucky that you’re a good cook, you fat man,” he shouted over his shoulder, his swaying tail giving away his excitement at the snack.

“So are you! Without me you were eating fish out of a bag, fat cat,” he joked back.

With the cat appeased, the rest of the group focused back on each other. “He does have a point though,” Lin Jing spoke up, earning some confused looks from the others.

“So you also think there’s another cat?” Pangzi asked with a teasing grin.

“No, don’t be foolish. But I do think Da Qing was right in the fact that whoever this baobei is, Wu Xie is more familiar with them than Zhao-chu. I’d venture to say that the has only just met this man, but Wu Xie seems happy that they finally have crossed paths.”

Hei Xiazi held his tongue. The monk was smarter than many gave him credit. Pangzi kept his calm demeanor. “So what? You’re saying Wu Xie is up to something? I hate to break it to you. Tianzhen is always up to something,” he joked.

“Exactly. He’s always up to something, and it seems that this might be the next big step for what he was hoping would happen when he approached Zhao-chu.” Pangzi’s gaze is steady and unwavering on the monk. He’s a friendly guy, but Lin Jing would be smart to not accuse Wu Xie of anything in his presence, even if he’s on the right track in some ways. “From their mutual happiness, we can see how that’s a good thing.” The monk was a smart man indeed. “Wu Xie has brought a lot of good to this department, and to the Zhao-chu’s life. I doubt that this is any different, though more complex.”

“Don’t let Tianzhen hear too much of your praises, he’ll never let any of us forget it,” Pangzi jokingly grumbled, resting back into his chair again. It has been barely noticeable, but he’d shifted to be ready to move quickly when the monk started his explanation. As much as Hei Xiazi was entertained by fights in a gravesite camp, he was glad one didn’t break out in the office.

Lin Jing simply rolled his eyes at the mock complaint. “I’d be curious to meet this baobei . He’s surely more involved than many of us might realize. And to earn praises from both Wu Xie and Zhao-chu, a formidable and impressive… person.”

Zhu Hong scoffed. “How can you say such things? When we’ve seen the types that have drawn the eye of the ever shameless chief in the past.”

“I get the impression that Wu Xie has… raised Zhao-chu’s standards in some ways. Given him new experiences he never realized before. With Wu Xie by his side, our chief is on a better path to cultivation, should he properly dedicate himself in the future. And if Wu Xie brought this baobei into Zhao-chu’s life, I believe the same can be said for this man as well.”

There was a pause. Hei Xiazi only barely noticed the brief look exchanged between Yaba Zhang and Pangzi. “It’s surprising Lao Zhao calls you a fake monk so much when you say things like that. You sound like you just walked out of a temple this morning. Cultivation? Is that a normal goal for people anymore? Other than you?” Pangzi laughed a bit to himself, running a hand through his loose hair.

The teasing didn’t make Lin Jing embarrassed. With Zhao Yunlan’s constant pestering, it made sense that he could hold his own against such dismissals. “Cultivation is a path any can take as long as they choose it. It would do Zhao-chu well to not ignore a path that could favor a man with so many… peculiarities.”

Hei Xiazi couldn’t help but laugh at the word choice. “Peculiar is certainly one way to describe your chief, Lin Jing. I didn’t know you could be so polite.” Pangzi’s deep laugh was quick to join his as the sound echoed around the high ceiling.

“Sometimes politeness is necessary,” is all the monk has to say for himself. He was an interesting fellow. More right than anyone realized. Hei Xiazi would bet he had even more ideas about Zhao Yunlan and Wu Xie and their third, but knew better than to show all of his cards when there wasn’t a need. He’d probably be a really good poker player. There was a good chance Hei Xiazi might one day be able to convince him to join a game sometime. He shouldn’t need to ask Amitabha for forgiveness, as long as they don’t get too carried away.

“What about you, Pangzi? Surely, one of the few men that know Wu Xie the best has an explanation for what we’ve heard today?” Hei Xiazi shifted focus away from Lin Jing. Best to leave the man alone instead of pestering or lying to get him off his very accurate thought process.

A grin broke out across Pangzi’s face. “Oh, of course, Hei Xiazi. You understand things so well. I’ve known Tianzhen for so long! Obviously I have an explanation.”

Liu Sang’s act of pretending to ignore everything happening around him faltered as he could help but huff at the over the top behavior. He was probably wondering why couldn’t they just mind their business and keep their mouths shut. Pangzi noticed the dropping composure too, if the quick glance in the other’s direction meant anything. Liu Sang must have noticed the look too. “Don’t,” he threatened with a glare.

“Come now, Sang Bei’er! Help poor Pangzi out with this. You’ve got so much insight on Wu Xie… especially on his more recent relationships.”

“I hate you,” he responded in a dull tone. He hardly meant it.

Pangzi waved away the comment and continued on his own, “Wu Xie has a certain taste for partners. There’s a reason I didn’t ever see him in a serious relationship until he met his sweet husband and now with Lao Zhao. But now that he’s met them, oh he’s so indulgent to those that have his heart!” Pangzi pretended to swoon dramatically.

“You say that like he goes along with anything? We’ve seen Wu Xie stand up to Zhao-chu and keep him in line,” Zhu Hong interrupted.

“Good eye, Hong-jie,” Pangzi praised, probably thrilled that someone was engaging with his chaos. Hei Xiazi could certainly say he was glad. “You’re right, Tianzhen isn’t some pushover, but what his partners want, he also usually wants as well. And Liu Sang can confirm when I tell you that he’s very… encouraging of his partners and their interests. It makes perfect sense that this baobei has both Zhao-chu’s interest and Wu Xie’s familiarity.” It was a dangerous game to speak so closely to the truth, but Hei Xiazi figured the man knew what he was going.

“I will confirm no such thing!” Liu Sang shouted. “Stop pulling me into your perverted story. I don’t want to hear what I hear anyway. I certainly don’t want to recount it just so that you can prove some dumb point.” 

If someone didn’t know Liu Sang and his dynamic with Pangzi better, they might think there was genuine hostility between the pair, but Hei Xiazi knew that the young man just pushed back against Pangzi naturally and Pangzi loved to tease him at any chance. It also helped that Yaba Zhang was still relaxed where he was sitting. If either Pangzi or Liu Sang were genuinely upset, he would step in to defuse the situation. Knowing all of that, it was easy for Hei Xiazi to continue enjoying his entertainment.

Pangzi brought his feet off his desk as he sat up to shake a scolding finger at Liu Sang. “Always so disrespectful. A young man like yourself should do better.” That didn’t get a comment from the other. It was too regular of a comment to warrant a response. “Well, I guess I’m all on my own with this.” He sighed dramatically as he looked over at Zhu Hong. “Oh, if you think they are shameless at the office, imagine what I have to live with sharing a home with Tianzhen? I don’t know what I did to deserve such a thing, I swear,” he joked, getting a genuinely amused smile from the woman. 

“Probably some tomb curse,” Yaba Zhang broke his silence. A barely noticeable quirk of his mouth was his own grin.

“Ai! How many times do I have to tell you that I am not cursed? Xiaoge!” Pangzi threw his hands up in the air. “You touch one mysterious and glowing sarcophagus and you never live it down.” He was still grinning, happy to be the new center of the show and slowly drawing attention away from the speculation around Wu Xie and Zhao Yunlan’s conversation. It was expertly done, like watching an actor on a stage. But it was so much better than that, because most of his audience didn’t even realize the show they were getting. The smiles coming naturally across many of the faces circled around the desks.

“So you can keep your hands to yourself just about as well as you can stay on topic?” a rough voice interrupted from slightly outside of the circle. Chu Shuzhi spoke! Hei Xiazi couldn’t stop his laughter. It took a lot to draw the zombie into the group, but the few comments he has heard from the other were always amusing. 

“Just as bad,” Yaba Zhang agreed. “It’s a surprise he still has his hands and his mouth.”

“Ah, the men have turned their backs on me. Oh, beautiful a-Zheng and Hong-jie! Please save me from these brutes! How ruthless they are!” Giggles erupted from Wang Zheng and Zhu Hong struggled to keep her composure as Pangzi joked more.

A new voice cut through all the chatter and laughter. “What’s all this shouting about?” Zhao Yunlan asked as he stepped around the corner of the hall that led to his office.

“Pangzi has been betrayed, sir,” Zhu Hong joked. 

“Oh really?”

Pangzi still grinned as he spoke, “Incredibly betrayed.” 

“That’s a funny way of saying: you got called on your bullshit,” Liu Sang added.

“Ah, see now that makes more sense.” Zhao Yunlan laughed at the overdone offended look on Pangzi’s face.

“Truly, I have enemies everywhere. My own Sang bei’er. Is our connection not sacred to you?”

“Connection my foot! You wish you had a connection with me.”

“Oh no. I don’t think I could compete with Xiaoge in that regard. He’s not as interested in sharing as Tianzhen.” Xiaoge simply nodded, making Hei Xiazi chuckle to himself.

“What trouble have you caused this time?” Wu Xie joined in as he stopped to stand next to Zhao Yunlan. 

“Me? Trouble? I would never! That’s you that brings trouble wherever you go, Tianzhen.”

The friends laugh together at the age old teasing between the pair. The joy in the air was enjoyed by everyone before Zhao Yunlan noticed Hei Xiazi’s presence. “What are you doing here?”

“Was just stopping by. Bored.”

“Xiao Hua left for work again?” Wu Xie assumed.

“I can find entertainment without relying on him.”

“Yeah, entertainment like showing up at my office without reason and distracting my staff?” Zhao Yunlan didn’t know Hei Xiazi as well as some of the others that actually had taken up a position in his department, but they were familiar enough that they could have some banter between them without worry of offense.

“Your staff were perfectly distracted when I showed up.”

“Of course, they were.” He turned his stare on everyone else. “I should cut your bonuses, every last one of you.” The routine sounds of protest sparked up. 

Ah, chaos and entertainment for sure. An evening well spent. Hei Xiazi couldn’t wait to tell Xiao Hua all about how it was only a matter of time before what started way back on that mountain when a strange man was found in a silent temple would soon come to a head with Zhao Yunlan at the center of it all.

Notes:

A fun chaotic time for sure with some of my favorite characters! :D Poor Lin Jing being distracted and ignored despite how right the monk might be ;)
Again, happy birthday to Hyde! Such an incredible person that I'm lucky to call my friend 💙
Hope you enjoyed. Comments welcome and appreciated