Work Text:
Easy come, easy go, that's just how you live, oh
Take, take, take it all, but you never give
Shoulda known you was trouble from the first kiss
Had your eyes wide open
Why were they open?
Gave you all I had, and you tossed it in the trash
You tossed it in the trash, you did
To give me all your love is all I ever ask
'Cause what you don't understand is
I'd catch a grenade for ya
Throw my hand on a blade for ya
I'd jump in front of a train for ya
You know I'd do anything for ya
Oh, oh, I would go through all this pain
Take a bullet straight through my brain
Yes, I would die for ya, baby
But you won't do the same
Black, black, black and blue
Beat me 'til I'm numb
Tell the devil I said "Hey" when you get back to where you're from
Mad woman, bad woman
That's just what you are
Yeah, you'll smile in my face then rip the brakes out my car
(CHORUS)
If my body was on fire
Ooh, you'd watch me burn down in flames
You said you loved me, you're a liar
'Cause you never, ever, ever did, baby
But darling, I'd still catch a grenade for ya
Throw my hand on a blade for ya
I'd jump in front of a train for ya
You know I'd do anything for ya
Ooh-ooh, I would go through all this pain
Take a bullet straight through my brain
Yes, I would die for ya, baby
But you won't do the same
----
Astriel looked critically at the nebula he’d just created. He wasn’t sure if he’d gotten it right, although there was nothing to be done about this one, but he made notes so the next one would be better. To be honest, none of them were bad. They just weren’t perfect, and he wanted them to be perfect. Or at least, he wanted one perfect nebula to show Aziraphale. The angel had helped him with a nebula, and even though he appeared to be delighted by it, Astriel only saw the flaws. Since then, he’d worked tirelessly to create something worthy of Aziraphale.
The Starmaker frowned. He wasn’t sure what he was feeling. It was all new. He’d worked happily by himself on the edge of the universe since he created it for the Almighty. God had told him when She created the other angels, but that didn’t interest him until the day he saw a blue light flashing across the sky that he knew was not one of his creations. On a whim, he called out, and this incredibly bright being appeared by his side. At that moment, angels and Heaven became appealing, and he planned to stop by when he didn’t have anything important to do. He wanted to see the angel again, but maybe not until he’d perfected a nebula.
Astriel summoned his pad and colored pencils and made notes. He wanted more blue, and he knew exactly what shade of blue. Maybe that was the problem. His blues were wrong. He was going to have to go to Heaven, find a certain angel and look into his eyes to get the color just right. The Starmaker smiled. He was a celestial engineer, a problem solver by nature, and this solution pleased him. He packed up his tools and went in search of Aziraphale.
The problem was that he didn’t know any other angels, so he didn’t feel comfortable asking after Aziraphale. He was familiar with the archangels, the Lord’s second creation after Astriel, but they were almost as dull as Heaven. It wasn’t their fault though. The Almighty had made them for specific purposes, so they were unnervingly single-minded.
That was why Aziraphale had been so fascinating. He was knowledgeable about multiple aspects of the Lord’s plans, and was perfectly willing to listen to Astriel discuss his work. It was refreshing. Up to that point, he could only “talk shop” with God, but she was too preoccupied lately and was leaving the administrative details to the Metatron and archangels.
Astriel had just arrived in Heaven when he heard someone calling him.
“Starmaker!”
“Lucifer.”
Astriel didn’t dislike Lucifer, but he found him to be a bit much. He was too beautiful, too self-absorbed and too energetic, which is saying a lot from an angel who made stars for a living.
“I don’t recall ever seeing you in Heaven. Are you slumming it with us now? Are your stars no longer compelling, or did you come to see me shine? I am the Morning Star, after all.”
Lucifer intended the last statement as a joke, but not really.
“I don’t have much free time,” Astriel said vaguely, frustrated at the interruption.
“I’m sure,” Lucifer said and put his hand on Astriel’s shoulder. “But join me. We have much to talk about.”
“Oh?”
The Starmaker couldn’t think of anything they had in common, and Lucifer was distracting him from his real purpose.
“Absolutely. Don’t you want to hear what Mother’s plans are for your creations?”
Astriel winced. Aziraphale had told him about humans and God’s plans for the universe.
“I’ve heard some of it,” he said in a tight voice.
“Oh! I can tell by your tone that you are dissatisfied. That is what I wanted to discuss with you.” Lucifer leaned in conspiratorially. “In fact, your name was actually mentioned to me as an angel who had questions.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah, some principality, I think. A pretty thing, but too timid. Aziraphale, maybe?”
“You’ve been talking to Aziraphale?”
“Do you know him?”
“I met him once,” Astriel hedged. He didn’t trust Lucifer and certainly didn’t want to draw any more attention to Aziraphale.
“To meet him is to remember him,” Lucifer said in a tone that Astriel did not like.
Astriel was becoming more uncomfortable by the minute. He was experiencing emotions he could not identify, and he did not like them.
“I really have things to do,” he said finally. “Perhaps, we can talk another time. You are always welcome to find me in the cosmos. I’d be happy to show you around.”
Astriel knew Lucifer was not interested in his work.
“Of course,” Lucifer lied. “I’ll try to get out there to see what you’ve done. After all, I should be familiar with all aspects of Mother’s creation.”
There was something about the way Lucifer said the last sentence that made Astriel nervous, but he was so relieved to be rid of the Morning Star, that he dismissed his misgivings.
When Lucifer was out of sight, Astriel thought about Aziraphale. He felt he should warn the other angel, but wasn’t sure what he should warn him against. Once again, he shook off his apprehension. He had finally decided to ask for help, when he ran into Aziraphale unexpectedly, and literally.
“Oof!” Astriel said as he was knocked off his feet and onto the surprisingly hard floor of Heaven.
“Oh, my! Oh, dear! I am SO sorry! That was terribly clumsy of me! Are you hurt?”
The other angel hovered nervously, and the Starmaker could not keep up with him or his words.
“I’m fine,” he said as he got to his feet.
“I’m so sorry! This is dreadful.”
“Aziraphale?”
When Aziraphale first met Astriel, he didn’t know who he was, and was distressed to learn that the Starmaker was the First angel, with status above all angels, because Aziraphale found him fascinating and quite beautiful. He blushed to think of how familiar he had been with him. Nonetheless, Aziraphale remembered their conversation fondly and recalled how delightful Astriel’s laugh was.
Now, Aziraphale had just knocked the Starmaker to the ground, and didn’t know how to address such a high ranking angel properly, even though he’d puzzled over it quite a bit since they met. “Most Powerful” seemed fitting. He wanted to flee in humiliation, but fell to his knees instead.
“Oh! It’s you, Most Powerful.” Aziraphale practically groveled. “This is mortifying. Forgive me.”
“Don’t do that,” Astriel said impatiently, embarrassed by the display. “Get up. I was just looking for you.”
“What?” the angel asked as he struggled to his feet, tangled in his cumbersome robes. “You were looking for me, Most Powerful? Why? I mean, how may I be of service?”
“Don’t call me that. My name is Astriel. I was looking for you because you were so helpful the last time we met, I thought you might like to assist me again.”
That wasn’t exactly a lie. Aziraphale had been helpful, and Astriel would love to work with him again, but that wasn’t the only reason why he was looking for the angel. He really just wanted to see Aziraphale. . . to match the blue of his eyes. It was a professional interest, he told himself.
“Well…” Aziraphale hesitated, twisting his hands nervously. “I am already committed to Gabriel as a soldier of the Lord. You would have to ask him to release me.”
“I know Gabriel, but I won’t speak with him until you tell me that you’re willing to join me. It can be lonely business at the edge of the universe.”
“I’m not sure. I’m a protector, not an engineer. I doubt I’d be any good.”
“I understand if you don’t want to work with me.”
“That’s not it at all,” Aziraphale protested.
He looked around carefully, as if he were afraid someone would overhear.
“It’s just that Gabriel has been very ill-tempered lately and has been drilling us incessantly, which was why I was so distracted that I knocked you down.”
Aziraphale looked miserable, leaned closer and whispered.
“I was trying to get away before Gabriel called another drill. I’m exhausted.”
He rubbed his face nervously and leaned in close enough that his sleeve brushed Astriel’s hand, which elicited another emotion the Starmaker could not decipher.
“Something is happening in Heaven. The archangels are on edge, but nobody knows why. Perhaps, this is not a good time to approach Gabriel.”
“Oh, I see.”
Astriel didn’t really understand. He had very little interpersonal experience, but it seemed like the right thing to say.
“I spoke with Lucifer, by the way,” he added. “You mentioned me to him?”
Aziraphale wrung his hands even more violently.
“I did, and I’m terribly sorry about that. It’s just that he approached me and began to talk about all sorts of things I didn’t understand, and he made me nervous. He said that he had doubts and asked me whether I had some as well. Of course, I told him no, but he was so insistent. You know how he is, right?”
Astriel nodded.
“Anyway, I told him that you questioned the Lord’s placement of Earth in the universe, but that’s all I said. I swear.”
The angel was so distraught that Astriel hastened to reassure him.
“Don’t worry about it. I can handle Lucifer, and I won’t speak to Gabriel, ok?”
Aziraphale nodded miserably, and the Starmaker was saddened to see that his eyes were grey and cloudy with worry, and not the proper shade of blue at all. He sighed. This had not gone according to plan, and Astriel thought it would be a long time before he returned to Heaven again.
“Can I come see your work, though?” Aziraphale asked timidly. “When Gabriel gives us a break, I mean, but I wouldn’t want to disturb you.”
“Of course! I would love to show you what I’ve done,” Astriel said, obviously pleased with Aziraphale’s interest. “But don’t get into trouble with Gabriel.”
“No. No, I promise.”
“Good. I look forward to seeing you.”
“Yes. Goodbye.”
Astriel flew off, part pleased and part troubled. What was going on in Heaven? It all seemed so precarious, and he thought about his latest creation, Alpha Centauri. He decided to make it as comfortable as possible in case there came a time when he would want nothing to do with Heaven or any angels except the one.
---
“Starmaker!”
Astriel looked up from his calculations to see Lucifer coming toward him.
“Lucifer,” he said, trying to hide his impatience. “Did you take me up on my invitation to see the stars up close?”
“No. There was something else I wanted to discuss. Something important.”
“What is that?”
“I know you have questions about Mother’s plans, and so do many other angels.”
“I have a few questions, but what’s that to you or anyone else?”
Astriel was frustrated Lucifer disturbed him in the middle of a particularly complicated calculation, and he was not interested in Lucifer’s questions or the opinions of other angels, but he was most particularly disappointed that his visitor was not Aziraphale.
“Some of us are getting together to confront the Almighty about it.”
“Confront? Are you joking?”
“We are dissatisfied with the way things are going. You’ve heard about humans, yeah?”
“Yes.”
“Did you know that Mother has declared that we should be subservient to them?”
“What?”
“I have heard that She is putting them above us.”
“That’s nothing to me.”
“I know you don’t like Her design of the cosmos.”
“What?”
“Remember? I spoke with Aziraphale about it again. I’ll admit that he didn’t want to talk to me, but he is a such good angel. Very obedient. Obedient and pretty. A very pleasant combination.”
“Leave him alone.”
Astriel was surprised at the intensity of his reaction, and Lucifer winced almost imperceptibly.
“Oh? Why would I want to do that?”
“It is wrong for you to use your authority against him or any subordinate like that. Surely, you know that!”
“Perhaps. Maybe at one time, but not anymore. This is too important. Besides, I didn’t come here to talk about him.”
“What do you want?”
“You are the First angel, and very powerful. You created time and space. You would be a good ally.”
“What are you saying?”
Astriel was becoming alarmed and was playing for time. Lucifer had always been hot-headed and self-absorbed, but this was wrong. It sounded as if Lucifer were planning a rebellion and trying to drum up support and possibly foot soldiers, which might explain his preoccupation with Aziraphale.
“You know exactly what I am talking about. Don’t play coy.”
“I’m not interested. I have work to do and no issue with humans. Mother has made Her plans, and it is our place to bring them to fruition.”
Astriel turned away from Lucifer and pretended to be absorbed in his calculations. He heard the other angel hiss as he flew away, and sighed. He didn’t want anything to do with Lucifer, but he was concerned about Aziraphale. He packed up his tools and followed Lucifer to Heaven.
When he arrived, he saw that Lucifer had attracted a crowd of angels around him and was speaking passionately to them. A few were high ranking angels, but most were lower ranking angels and would have no choice but to obey Lucifer if he ordered them to listen. Astriel was relieved to see that Aziraphale was not in the group.
“What is happening here?” Astriel asked loudly, addressing the crowd. “Get back to work.”
The angels didn’t know who Astriel was or that he outranked Lucifer. They only knew that they were compelled to obey his command. The majority looked relieved and immediately returned to their positions. A few, however, appeared to be resentful. Astriel ignored them and approached Lucifer and his cohorts.
“What is the meaning of this?” the Starmaker demanded. “You know it’s wrong to force angels to join you.”
“Maybe they wanted to hear what I had to say,” Lucifer taunted. “I am quite magnetic after all.”
His cronies laughed at this, and crowded around Astriel. The Starmaker was an engineer, and had spent the vast majority of his career alone, so he did not understand Lucifer’s tone or the angels’ actions.
“I don’t care what you do,” Astriel said seriously, then pointed at the dispersing angels. “Just leave them out of it.”
“And what if I don’t?”
The Starmaker was bewildered by this response, and realized too late, that he had foolishly assumed Lucifer would act appropriately, so he was completely unprepared when one of the other angels punched him hard in the midsection, and he doubled over with shock and pain. In an instant, they were upon him, hitting and kicking.
Astriel had never felt pain or been injured before so it took him several seconds to respond, and he was on the floor before he could summon the energy to push the angels away with a carefully contained explosion. He struggled to his feet and angrily confronted Lucifer, the only angel bold enough to return.
“Do you see?” Lucifer crowed excitedly. “Do you see how powerful you are? That’s what I need.”
“No!”
Lucifer pointed toward the lower ranking angels Astriel had sent away.
“Join me or they will, especially the pretty one. I have a particular task for him.”
“Leave him alone!”
“You seem to have a special interest in him,” Lucifer gloated, as he turned away. “So do I, as a matter of fact. A very special interest. Think about what I’ve said.”
Astriel watched Lucifer leave and noticed the lower ranking angels staring at him. One approached.
“Oh, Most Powerful,” she said. “You are injured. Please allow me to heal you.”
The Starmaker waved her away.
“I’m fine,” he said impatiently, launching himself into the air. “I can heal myself.”
As it turned out, he didn’t have to, because very shortly after he’d returned to his work site, Aziraphale joined him.
“I heard that Lucifer and his bullies attacked you,” the angel blurted as he reached toward Astriel. “Please, let me help you.”
Astriel’s excitement at seeing Aziraphale died when the angel mentioned Lucifer, and the Starmaker was inexplicably embarrassed that the angel was aware of the incident. He was about to refuse any help, when he felt his headache disappear as Aziraphale’s gentle fingers brushed the lump on his brow.
At first, he stood stiffly as Aziraphale inspected him for other injuries, healing them as he found them, but eventually he relaxed under the angel’s tender ministrations. No one had ever touched Astriel before, and Aziraphale was very thorough in his search.
“There,” the angel said finally, blushing slightly. “Is that better?”
Astriel could only nod.
“Thank you,” he whispered.
“My pleasure.”
They stood silently for several seconds before Aziraphale pointed into the sky.
“Oh! Is that new? It’s beautiful.”
Astriel was pleased at the compliment and proudly explained his most recent creation to Aziraphale, who appeared to be genuinely interested, and asked good questions. The angel was fascinated by Astriel’s tools, and was excited to see how each one worked. If it so happened that a previously unplanned star system, featuring a very specific shade of blue and a pretty blushing pink, was created that day, no one mentioned it.
“I can’t remember the last time I had this much fun,” Aziraphale lied, because he could remember. It was the first time he met Astriel and they’d created a nebula.
“I know you say you aren’t an engineer,” Astriel said sincerely, “but you have an excellent eye for design…and color.”
Aziraphale blushed again, but began to wring his hands nervously.
“Why did you come to Heaven?” he asked finally, in a worried tone. “Why did you want to speak with Lucifer?”
“I had business with him,” Astriel answered simply, not wanting to involve the angel any more than he was already.
“Oh.”
“Why did all of those angels gather around Lucifer?” Astriel asked, although he already knew the answer. He wanted to hear Aziraphale’s perspective. “Were they that interested in what he had to say?”
“I don’t know, but angels are compelled to obey a superior. From what I heard, they were only able to leave because you ordered them back to work.”
Astriel became more concerned. He didn’t comprehend how badly he was injured until he watched Aziraphale heal him. He was certain the angel’s light dimmed as he worked, and he looked tired when he finished. If Lucifer’s lackeys could hurt the First Angel, the Starmaker, that badly, the rank and file angels would be slaughtered in a fight. They would have no choice and no chance.
“Do you have to obey every command without question?” Astriel asked.
“We are angels. We cannot dis…we must do as we are told.”
“But what if you are being ordered to do something wrong? Shouldn’t you question the command?”
“It is not our place to question.”
It was clear Aziraphale was becoming uncomfortable.
“I really must be going,” he said, stepping away quickly. “I am glad I could help you, but I don’t want Gabriel angry with me.”
“Of course,” Astriel said, sad at the way this had turned out. “I can speak with him if you like.”
“Oh, no. That won’t be necessary,” Aziraphale said quickly. “Farewell!”
Astriel sighed as he watched Aziraphale’s blue streak disappear. The Almighty made angels obedient, and Lucifer, Her proclaimed favorite, intended to use that unquestioning obedience in an attempt to overthrow Heaven. How could She allow such a thing?
It had been a long time since Astriel had found it necessary to pray. He rarely got answers, but this was the first time he got no response.
---
“Starmaker! You’re a hard angel to locate,” Lucifer called as he and his followers approached Astriel, who was working on a particularly complex star system.
“Yes, well, the Universe won’t fill itself,” Astriel said impatiently. “What do you want?”
“I just wanted to see whether you had given any thought to my offer,” Lucifer said, ignoring Astriel’s rudeness.
“I don’t need to. I’ve made my position clear.”
“I spoke with that pretty angel again,” Lucifer sneered. “What did you say to him? He seemed upset at you when he was star-struck before.”
“I don’t know what you mean,” Astriel said sharply. “Now go. I’m busy.”
Lucifer’s disciples gasped at the Starmaker’s response, but the Morning Star just chuckled.
“We’ll see,” he said and launched himself into space, closely followed by the others.
Astriel sighed with frustration and packed up his tools again. He didn’t want to, but he had to go back to Heaven. When he arrived, he was troubled to see that Lucifer was preaching to another crowd of angels, but he ignored it. He was there to speak to Gabriel. He found the archangel angrily striding away from scores of exhausted angels on one of the training fields.
“Astriel,” Gabriel acknowledged him impatiently.
“Gabriel. Have you seen the crowds Lucifer is gathering?”
“So?”
“Did you know that he was using his status to compel lower ranking angels to follow him? They can’t disobey or question his orders. They have no choice.”
“I know what you are getting at, Starmaker,” Gabriel said angrily. “Aziraphale told me you tried to convince him to disobey or question orders from his superiors. Angels are compelled to obey without hesitation. It is not their place to examine the orders they are given, only to conform.”
“That’s not what I said!”
“You think you’re special because you were the First, but you spend all of your time in the stars and have no right to interfere in Heaven’s business. I and the other archangels have it under control. Now, if you will excuse me.”
Gabriel marched off while Astriel watched, frustrated.
---
Black, black, black and blue
Beat me 'til I'm numb
Tell the devil I said "Hey"
when you get back to where you're from
---
Lucifer visited for the last time, accompanied by more followers, some of whom Astriel knew had command of legions of angels. One of them led Aziraphale’s battalion, and she glared angrily at him. He wondered if the angel had spoken with her about him, or if she was simply that unpleasant.
“Well met, Starmaker,” Lucifer greeted him.
“Why are you here? I already told you I won’t join you.”
“I’m not saying you have to join us,” Lucifer said coyly, fingering a sword at his side. “All I want is for you to stay out of it.”
“Are you going to manipulate lower ranking angels to fight alongside you?”
“What if I am?” Lucifer jeered, then feigned a sudden insight. “What if I told you that I would leave that pretty angel out of it?”
Astriel swallowed hard. Aziraphale was his primary concern, but he couldn’t allow Lucifer to force angels to fight against God and Heaven.
“It wouldn’t matter,” he said finally. “I would have to stop you.”
“Stop me?” Lucifer laughed. “You would stop me?”
Before Astriel could react, Lucifer lashed out and struck him in the head with the butt of his sword, driving the Starmaker to the ground, his hand on the bloody gash at his temple.
“I don’t want to hurt you,” Lucifer said, pointing the sword at Astriel. “I might need you later, but if you get in my way, I will destroy you. Do you understand?”
He didn’t wait for an answer, and Astriel watched the angels fly toward Heaven, blinking away the blood that ran into his eyes.
---
Astriel barely had time to recover when he heard the trumpets in Heaven calling the angels to war. He was not a soldier, nor was he a typical angel, so he was not compelled to fight, but he went anyway. He had to stop Lucifer.
The battle was violent and terrible, with angel fighting angel. It was chaos, and Astriel had no idea how they could tell friend from foe, but he focused on his goal to stop Lucifer and protect Aziraphale.
The first thing he did, however, was locate the traitorous leader of Aziraphale’s battalion as she led the angels under her control in the revolt, and obliterate her with a very powerful, very personal, bolt of energy. Later, he would regret the killing, but at the moment, he watched with satisfaction as a commander loyal to Heaven immediately stepped in and ordered the angels to fight against the insurgents.
The Starmaker found Lucifer next, and struggled through the crowd to get to him. It was difficult but Astriel was determined. When he had a clear shot, he sent a bolt of energy hurtling toward the Morning Star, who turned at the last minute and caught the bolt with his sword, which saved his life, but engulfed the weapon in flames that burned hot enough to force Lucifer to drop the weapon.
Astriel barely acknowledged Lucifer’s cronies as they rushed toward him, and negligently blasted them out of the sky as they neared him. He concentrated on Lucifer, whose eyes widened when they saw the Starmaker in all his celestial glory. Astriel created nebulae, and in his anger, burned more brightly than even the Morning Star. Lucifer was afraid for the first time in his long life, and, in desperation, launched himself at Astriel, knocking him to the ground where they wrestled violently.
Astriel could not use his power against Lucifer because their limbs were so entangled, he might kill them both, so they fought like savages, all wings and fury. The fight didn’t last long, however, because Michael surged forward, her sword glowing with Heavenly light, and cast Lucifer down from Heaven. She did not care that Astriel fell with him, frantically searching the crowd for Aziraphale to see that he was safe.
---
If my body was on fire
Ooh, you'd watch me burn down in flames
You said you loved me, you're a liar
'Cause you never, ever, ever did, baby
---
Aziraphale watched in horror as the angels fell, and his heart broke when he saw Astriel was among them. He did not wonder that Astriel was cast out. He had questioned the will of Heaven and deserved to be punished, but Aziraphale had hoped it would be less harsh, and mourned the loss of the beautiful angel who hung the stars. He turned away as Astriel plummeted from view.
Soon after that, millions of angels followed. Some were defiant, but the majority were confused and terrified. They were only obeying orders. Aziraphale never knew that the only thing that saved him was the fact that he obeyed a loyal commander because Astriel destroyed the faithless one. The Starmaker could have avoided it all by staying away from Heaven, but Astriel’s damnation was Aziraphale’s salvation.
---
But darling, I'd still catch a grenade for ya
Throw my hand on a blade for ya
I'd jump in front of a train for ya
You know I'd do anything for ya
Ooh-ooh, I would go through all this pain
Take a bullet straight through my brain
Yes, I would die for ya, baby
---
Thousands of years later, Astriel, now Crawley, joined Aziraphale on the wall surrounding the Garden of Eden. The angel recognized him, of course, but the dance continued for another six thousand years because the demon was an optimist, and a fool.
---
Easy come, easy go, that's just how you live, oh
Take, take, take it all, but you never give
Shoulda known you was trouble from the first kiss
Had your eyes wide open
Why were they open?
---