Work Text:
It would’ve been just another normal night, if Scott hadn’t let me take him to a party. It was outside, with a guarantee of some random guy playing a guitar while chugging beer out of a red solo cup.
I had never known Scott to be a drinker, of any sort. As the two of us walked through the wooded outskirts of Toronto, we began to see silhouettes of drunk and sloppy makeout sessions, and the light of a campfire.
“We’re here, don't be stupid.” Scott looks at me like I just punched him in the gut. “Okay, I’m not that stupid.” He walked over to a cooler to find a drink.
Scott pulled out two cans of beer for the both of us, handing one to me enthusiastically. We cracked open our cans, toasting each other as we took a swig. After our first round, Scott began to loosen up and talk to people.
I knew I would have to stay somewhat sober to get Scott home. But three drinks in, I gave up on that idea. Shocker. After what felt like hours, Scott approached me, clearly intoxicated.
“Dude.. There's this punch.. itz so good..” I chuckled to myself before finishing a cup of beer. “Can we head home soon..” It was more of a demand than a question, so I agreed.
We stumbled over the trail back, lazily gripping to each other’s shoulders for support. “I’ve never been this drunk in my whole life.!”
“Dude.. ‘zit okay if I crash at your place?” Scott nodded and we continued our drunken walk back to his house.
When we arrived, Scott struggled for a good ten minutes to get the key into the keyhole. I grabbed his hand, guiding the key in. We walked inside, taking off our shoes and running down to the basement where Scott slept.
The two of us crashed onto his bed, turned something onto the tv as we giggled. I looked at Scott. His greasy long hair, his beautiful hazel eyes, the sweat dripping down his cheeks.. God, I wanted him.
My hand rose to hold Scott’s cheek. His skin was so soft, so warm. I leaned in to kiss him gently. To my surprise, he leaned in, kissing me back. I hadn’t imagined Scott to be a good kisser, but he was. He really was.
Scott’s lips were chapped from the cold, but I didn't mind. My hand trailed to hold his waist as his tongue slipped into my mouth. The feeling was a high I hadn't reached with any other man.
Scott’s hand gently caressed my face. I looked at him, his cheeks were red, and his body looked tense.
“W- Wall.. I gotta go..” Suddenly he scrambled off the bed, frantically running to the bathroom. I followed to hear sounds of vomiting coming from through the door. I opened the door, walking over to him.
“It’s alright.. let it out..” I tried to comfort Scott as he threw up. It stopped soon after, so I helped him up. I took a warm and damp washcloth to his face, wiping the remnants of vomit off.
I encouraged him to brush his teeth, so he did. The sound of the toothbrush grinding against his teeth was the only sound in the room. He spat into the sink, almost in a daze.
“What just happened..” Scott’s face was flushed. Underneath his eyes, there were dark circles. “God.. Why am I so drunk.. Why am I so stupid!”
“Scott..” I reached my hand out to hold him. He hit my hand away with the force of a sledgehammer.
“D- Don’t touch me.!” He spat. I pulled my hand back. “I’m not supposed to be like this. I’m not supposed to like guys.”
“It’s okay.. Just come lay down..” I said calmly, my voice quivering.
“I can’t.. I just can't.”
Scott was crying now. Tears filled his drunken eyes. He paced out of the bathroom and around the basement, thinking of any reason this might have happened.
“Why’d you kiss me, Wallace.” His tone was harsh, almost like a blade chopping food.
“I don’t know.” I couldn’t come up with some sob story excuse as to why I had kissed him. I kissed him because I loved him. I kissed him because I wanted him like I wanted all those guys I brought back from gay bars. Scott wasn’t one of those guys. Not even close.
“Don’t lie.. You like me Wallace.. Don't you?
I nodded my head at him in shame. The fear bubbling up in my stomach wouldn’t let me speak. I stayed silent as he ranted.
“I don’t understand.. Why me.? What do I have that other guys don't.? What makes me so much better?” Finally, Scott sat next to me on the bed.
He ran his hand across mine, dragging his fingertips across my knuckles. He looked terrible, like he just got hit by a freight train.
He kissed my cheek softly before speaking. “I- I can't..”
“Why not..?” I pleaded, begging he would change his mind.
“I wish you were a girl.”
The words enveloped my brain. I simply sat there. Unloved, Unwanted.
I got up, sitting on the floor. He stayed in his bed. He eventually laid down, falling asleep.
I walked around. I couldn’t sleep. I just thought about Scott. I love Scott. I want him to be happy. No, I want him to be happy with me.
His soft snores filled his bedroom. I just listened as the tears rolled down my cheeks. There was a puddle forming on my shirt. I am so pathetic.
I found an unused blanket on the floor, so I covered myself up with it. I knew I would be passed out on the floor when he got up the next morning, So I just stayed there. Laying on his cold, hard floor.
I don’t know why I decided to kiss Scott that night. Maybe I thought that he might enjoy it. Maybe I just wanted him to. I knew this would happen. I just knew.
I knew Scott Pilgrim could never love me. He could never love me the way he loved a girl.