Chapter Text
…
…
Some hours passed, and it once again came time for the two to try and sleep.
The light in the room was off, but the moon was full. It was rather bright.
Lu Guang was nowhere near tired. Again. He had fallen asleep during the day. Again. He looked at his watch. 02:46…
Cheng Xiaoshi was also not tired. He had his earphones in, and he had been scrolling on Douyin for who knows how long to pass the time. Eventually, he noticed his phone was dying so he placed it on the charger and stared at the rungs of the bed above him.
The younger male heard the sound of the bed creaking below him, but he didn’t think much of it. He just figured his partner was moving in his sleep or something; it sounded like that.
…
After a few more moments, the smaller male got slightly curious as to if the other was awake. He peeked his head over the railing.
Brown eyes instantly shifted to the small amount of movement he saw, and met grays.
The white haired male instantly flinched. He certainly wasn’t expecting to see eyes looking back at him.
“You’re awake…”
“…Yup.”
Silence filled the air again. Neither of the two males really knew what to say. It certainly was… awkward. The tension was thick enough to cut through with a knife, and this absolutely killed the black haired male. His mind kept racing.
“Do you do this every night? Like, you’re always tired, I know you are, but you don’t sleep at night?”
“You’ve lived with me long enough to know my sleep schedule is terrible… but yours isn’t much better, Cheng Xiaoshi.”
“You got me there-“
The older male chuckled a bit with this reply. His counterpart always could tell when he hadn’t slept well because he would be a lot moodier, or more clingy.
“Still, what’s keeping you up?”
The smaller male thought about the question for a good few moments. He wasn’t anxious or on edge or anything like that. He just simply wasn’t tired.
“Nothing in particular… unless we count you talking to me.”
“That’s rich. I know you’d still be awake whether I talk to you or not.”
Both sat there for a moment. The taller male sighed.
“I’m a bit lonely though… do you mind if I … come up there? Not for anything weird, I promise! I just wanna talk.”
Lu Guang sighed softly as well. There had been nights like this before where neither of them could sleep, so they’d just sit together until sunrise. They were memories he looked back on fondly; even if they didn’t talk, he managed to enjoy it.
“If you want to…”
“Say no more. Move over, Lu Guang dearest-“
Cheng Xiaoshi laughed at himself as he got out of his bed and climbed the ladder to the other’s bed. He loved being stupidly dramatic, and he knew his partner was entertained by the antics as well.
Gray eyes looked at the clock again. 03:04. He then scooted over some to give the other more room, and then he laid next to him.
It was the first time things felt somewhat normal again following the dive, and both were happy about that.
Brown eyes wandered as their owner spaced out. He was thinking. He thought about the events of the past couple days again. It didn’t seem like his counterpart was angry with him, so he must’ve misread the situation. He was so busy wallowing in self hatred that he didn’t even think about the reality of the situation.
He also wondered if now would be a good time to bring up a certain… other matter. His feelings for the white haired male.
Before that dive, he was aware that he felt something, but now it was even more clear to him that he was hopelessly in love with his counterpart.
Maybe…
…
A moment later, gray eyes met browns as grays narrowed. Brown eyes had been locked on the younger male’s entire frame. He was being painfully obvious about it as well. It was almost a little funny, but the younger male wasn’t entirely sure he liked that kind of attention. It once again made his heart race, as he tried his best to form sentences.
“…Cheng Xiaoshi, are you actually going to talk, or are you just going to look at me?”
“S-Shit, sorry!”
The older male wasn’t aware of where his eyes were going. He wanted to bury his face in his hands, but he couldn’t really do that without hitting the other due to the position they were in right now.
“Course I’ll talk-”
The black haired male cleared his throat, and attempted to not sound painfully awkward as he spoke.
“So like… uh. You still not tired?”
“No.”
Both faces stared at the ceiling for who knows how long.
…
The ticking of the clock seemed incredibly loud. Seconds passed, then minutes. Cheng Xiaoshi didn’t know how to feel. On one hand, he felt like this awkward patch between the two of them was his fault, and he didn’t want to make things worse. On the other, he didn’t want to let his feelings linger any longer because he knew it’d already been way too long.
He’d known how he felt.
…
He’d just chosen not to acknowledge it for all this time, because he was afraid of anything changing between the two.
…
Lu Guang just sat, mentally tracing new patterns on the ceiling he had stared at for one too many hours on his sleepless nights.
1,2,3,4…
The white haired male was happy to have his cherished person next to him. It felt nice; like he was whole. He had also been very aware that the other made him feel… something. Something abnormal, for him anyway.
He just felt completely comfortable around this person, and like he wanted to protect him at all costs. He would do whatever he could for him. He made him feel warm inside.
He wanted to be close to him, to keep being close to him. He just figured he really valued their friendship, and wanted it forever.
5,6,7…
“Lu Guang… can I ask you something?”
The younger male lost his train of thought at the sound of his counterpart’s voice. It took him a moment to process the question, as he had been very invested in what he was doing. So invested, in fact, that he almost missed it. He mumbled out a response.
“What is it…”
“I’m just curious, do you… like it when I hug you?”
The smaller male was slightly stunned that the other was even asking this question. Hugs? He wanted to know if he liked hugs?
…
He pondered on this for a moment, but deep down he knew the answer. Yes, he did. He thought about lying, but what good would that do either of them? He knew his counterpart enjoyed hugging him, and he didn’t hate receiving that affection from him.
It had been this way since the two had become close those years ago; Cheng Xiaoshi was always subtly, or maybe not so subtly, trying to make physical contact with him.
He remembered being slightly weirded out initially by how touchy feely the other was once they got closer, but he eventually came to understand that’s just how he was. After a while, he was comfortable enough with his counterpart that he was okay with being touched by him. Nobody else was on that level with him…
His voice was barely above a whisper when he answered as the embarrassment seeped in.
“…I don’t… mind it…”
“Can I hug you then? I want to.”
All rational thoughts had left the taller male’s mind. Both of those questions had just come out, and it might’ve been the sleep deprivation, but he was feeling bolder than usual.
A lot of things crossed his mind in the mental gymnastics he’d played against himself earlier, One of those being advice he’d heard from Qiao Ling.
Be honest about your feelings. If you truly are important to the other person, they will stay with you no matter what happens. Life’s too short to be dwelling on your feelings. The worst thing would be losing something you never knew you had all because you didn’t act.
He had decided enough was enough. He would play it safe.
…
Lu Guang was at a loss for words. He couldn’t say anything, no matter how hard he tried to. He didn’t know how to describe how he was feeling at that moment either. It was all good feelings… tingly feelings.
He turned to his side as Cheng Xiaoshi did the same. Gray eyes met browns, and the owner of grays slowly nodded.
The older male wasted no time as soon as he got consent, and pulled the other in for a hug.
…
It was nice. Everything seemed to just melt away in that moment, as if it was just the two of them with the world to themselves.
…
After some time in the embrace, they pulled away slightly and looked into each other's eyes again, hearts swelling.
The black haired male smiled softly as he ran his hands through his counterpart’s hair. This made the white haired male absolutely melt. His brain was completely focused on the other, so much so that he was still at a loss for words.
Brown eyes noticed grays were deadlocked on him now. He moved slightly closer to the other, their faces almost touching.
It was the first time they’d had their faces this close together, and both of them reveled in it. The smaller male noted all the details of his partner’s face he’d never noticed before, his heart absolutely pounding at the thought of feeling the other’s entire frame everywhere through his embrace.
The taller male was just happy as could be. He’d daydreamed about this for who knows how long. It’d usually go something like the thought, then light embarrassment, then he’d forget about it.
Now, however, they were here.
…
Another few minutes that felt like hours passed. More silence, except this time it was good silence.
They kept staring at each other, their feelings seemingly pouring out of their heads like running faucets without any words needing to be exchanged.
Cheng Xiaoshi moved ever so slightly closer, and— Oh. Now their noses were touching.
“You okay?”
Once again, the white haired male tried to speak; no dice. He was too flustered. He just gave a small nod. He was better than okay, amazing even.
“Great.”
The black haired male caressed the other’s cheek now, which made Lu Guang melt into his counterpart even more. He wanted nothing more… than him.
Gray eyes glanced at the other’s lips, then back to his eyes. Brown eyes did the same.
The taller male waited a moment, then decided to ask a question he never thought he would.
“… Do you want me to kiss you?”
The smaller male also never thought he would hear that question out of the other, and he shivered slightly. Yes. Yes he did.
…
His gaze drew to the other’s lips again, before he nodded slightly.
…
Permission…
The black haired male wasted no time once again. He leaned his head in. The other mirrored his movements. Neither of them had much experience with this sort of thing, but they went with it.
After a moment, their lips touched. The black haired male moved to lock his leg around the other as the kiss deepened slightly.
The angle was a little awkward with their noses almost getting in the way, but neither of them cared. It was euphoric for them both, even if it was messy. Adrenaline shot through their veins, but they both felt a sense of calmness and safety.
They really were the only people in the world right then.
…
The first kiss lasted about 15 seconds. Afterwards, they broke apart slightly, still looking at each other.
Both of them were awestruck and slightly dazed with pleasure. That… just happened. It really did.
“That was… nice.”
Cheng Xiaoshi caught his breath. He found his partner’s hand after looking for it, and interlocked their fingers. The other squeezed his hand back very tightly.
It was all extremely surreal. A short time ago, those thoughts were simply that. Just thoughts. Now, however, they were reality.
Lu Guang especially was in disbelief. He found his feelings weird and foreign when he started having them. He didn’t even remember how long ago they’d started, it was just what he came to know. He understood that they weren’t bad feelings, he just had no idea what they were or how to express them.
He thought what he was thinking was just the norm. Everyone thinks about kissing their best friend at least once, right?
“… That was your first kiss, wasn’t it?”
The black haired male smirked. He knew what the answer to this question was, he just wanted to push the other’s buttons.
His counterpart rolled his eyes. The white haired male saw through the other’s poor attempts at getting under his skin. He looked into his eyes intently as he leaned in to kiss him again. That would shut him up.
The older male tried to act angry, but he smiled into the kiss as his lips met the other’s. That was the second time.
…
The kiss was long and passionate, as both males' brains became mush. Cheng Xiaoshi continued to push himself closer to the other, as Lu Guang’s heart pounded at the feeling of the other being right on top of him.
The taller male put on a farce of being experienced, but in reality this was his first time kissing anyone as well. He was too in the moment to even think about his inexperience, however. He just did what felt right, what he thought the person he knew better than anyone would like. The smaller male received this well, and made small noises to indicate his pleasure unknowingly.
…
The two continued to make out for who knows how long. Time seemed to slow down, but moved incredibly fast at the same time.
After a while, the white haired male caught a look at the clock again. 04:15. It’d been way longer than he’d anticipated.
The two pulled away from each other slightly , both exhausted and kind of overwhelmed by everything that happened tonight. They still kept their eyes locked on each other. Luckily, it was a weekend, so they didn’t have to worry about working tomorrow if they didn’t want to. Lu Guang would probably scour the studio’s Weibo page anyway though…
Cheng Xiaoshi let out a satisfied hum. He laid his head on the other’s chest as he slowly began to fall asleep. The other also relaxed to sleep, knowing he’d just gotten everything he’d wanted.
They both would go on, together.