Work Text:
"Older men declare war. But it is youth that must fight and die."
It isn’t enough. That was the only thought running through Obi-Wan Ben's mind as he watched the battle.
The Young had rallied for a final battle to hopefully defeat the Elders, and it had seemed like they were winning.
But the Elders were pushing back, mercilessly slaughtering their children, grandchildren, nieces, nephews.
The tide of battle surged around him as he fought, blaster in one hand, vibroblade in the other. Neither were his lightsaber, but they worked. He didn’t have his lightsaber anymore, not since Master Jinn-
He didn’t have his lightsaber anymore.
The battle was bloody and brutal, each side fighting viciously, giving and taking ground in equal measure.
Duck. Ben ducked under a blaster bolt, opening his connection with the Force until it seemed he could see the entire battlefield (a deserted city ruined by generations of war) in his mind's eye, being guided around attacks and towards the most vulnerable spots on his enemies.
He knew he shouldn’t be opening himself up this much to the Force, especially not during a battle such as this one, where he risked losing himself to the Dark currents of emotion twisting through the conflict raging around him.
But it gave him the advantage he needed to save Young, and that was not something he could pass up. He had seen too many die under his hands on the surgery table or under his command to give up something that might save them.
(He resolutely ignored the tendrils of Darkness creeping in as the simmering flame of icy rage at these who were supposed to protect their charges grew with each death)
Neither side could gain the advantage. And then-
He saw Cerasi weaving through the fighting, gathering Young to her as she slaughtered Elder after Elder with a coldness and brutality one would not expect of her if they had not known her well.
She was much like himself in that regard, Ben reflected as he dodged a makeshift knife and casually slit the throat of the offending fighter. Both of them abhorred fighting except when absolutely necessary. And yet, both of them were among the best killers in the Young.
(They hated it because they were so good at it, because they could kill without blinking an eye. They hated the feeling of slipping further and further into the cold mindset needed for war. They hated sacrificing their comrades like cheap credits.)
It was because of his opening to the Force that Ben saw the sniper bolt zip towards Cerasi. It was because of his distance from her and lack of training that he was unable to stop it. He had heard of Masters who could freeze a blaster bolt in the air, but he had been rejected from left the Order before he could learn anything even close to that.
He watched her fall to the ground excruciatingly slowly, as if time seemed to slow. He became aware of slowing from a desperate sprint to kneel at her side, cradling her in his lap as he frantically tried to heal her, his sister, his closest confidant.
It was of no use. He could do nothing to stop her from dying in his arms.
He heard a high-pitched ringing in his ears and became aware of a scream tearing itself from his throat.
He stayed there, curled over Cerasi for Force-knew how long, until the outside world came crashing back into his awareness.
With infinite gentleness, he laid the body on the ground, and closed her eyes before standing up.
He was barely aware of himself as he tore through the Elder like a demon come for the payment denied it. And in a way, was he not? They had killed Cerasi. He would tear the price of her death from their flesh, blood, and bone.
His connection with the Force augmented his body and mind, turning him from a dangerous fighter into an assassin droid cloaked in flesh.
None could stand against him, and those that narrowly escaped him found themselves facing a vengeful Nield. They had taken his love, they would find no mercy. Nothing could protect them from the wrath and hellfire now raining down on them.
The Force alerted Obi-Wan of some of the Elders running away from the battlefield.
No. There would be no escape. Not for these monsters (these demagolka, whispered the Force).
With a bloody snarl, he dropped his blaster and vibroknife, reaching out with the Force, finding all the Elders.
His senses reached for them, slithered between coils of muscle, rushing up tunnels filled with roaring blood, grasping the light that was their very soul and twisted.
Every Elder immediately dropped to their knees, writhing in pain as their body betrayed them, twisting in unnatural ways as his pain became theirs.
The Force’s laughter danced in his mind as they screamed. More, it whispered. More. Make them suffer as you have.
The temperature started dropping around Ben. Frost formed on the ground, and curled up the bodies of those he directed it at. The pain the Elders were in resonated in the Force, and so Ben almost felt high off of it as it fed into him then back out.
Such was his focus on them that he did not feel Nield approach until he laid a hand on Ben’s shoulder.
“Enough.” The normally angry and bloodthirsty teen just looked tired. “Release them. We’ll round them up and figure out what to do with them later.”
Ben snarled, unaware of the gold beginning to shimmer across his irises like an oil spill. “Enough? When will it ever be enough for what they did?”
“Ben.” Nield’s soft voice cut through the emotions blinding the repudiated Padawan. “Is this what Cerasi would have wanted?”
The anger drained out of Obi-Wan, taking the gold shimmer with it and leaving him feeling empty.
“No.” He softly said. “It isn’t what either of us would want.”
~~~~~~
Later, after tying all the Elders up and leaving a guard of Young on them, Nield found Obi-Wan lying on the roof of a building that hadn’t been too destroyed, staring up at the stars.
“Am…” Ben hesitated, not looking at Nield. “Am I a monster?”
Nield sat down next to him with a sigh of relief at finally being off his feet. “No. Or at least you aren’t any more of a monster than I am.”
Ben huffed. “That doesn’t exactly make me feel better.”
Nield gave a lopsided shrug. “You have done things that would probably be war crimes nearly anywhere else in the Republic. It’s a simple fact.”
Ben sat up and pulled his legs up to his chin. “So I am one.”
“Are we not all monsters sometimes?” Nield idly mused. “All of us, every one of the Young, have been in fights and done things we regret. I can say with certainty that there are others lying in bed right now wondering the same question that you are.”
“So I’m a monster with company.” Ben thunked his head onto his knees. “Wonderful.”
Nield sighed. “Yes, we’re monsters. But we are the monsters that do terrible things so those who come after us won’t have to. It is for the future generations that we fight, and make this sacrifice knowing the scorn that might come from them in their ignorance.”
Nield turned to look at Ben. “This is all for a reason. This pain you feel right now? It is all to make the galaxy a better place for those coming after us.”
Ben looked up, meeting Nield’s gaze.
“Is the purpose of life not anything more than to leave the world a better place than we found it for the generations after us?” He murmured, quoting an old philosopher he had studied in the Temple.
“Exactly.” Nield agreed.
The two sat there gazing at the stars for a time, taking the moment for what it was. A chance to rest. There would be precious few moments such as this in the future.