Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

*The trio is having dinner together*
Marcy: Anne, can you pass the salt?
Anne: *Throws Sasha across the table*

Sasha, having just stubbed her toe: FUCK!
Anne: Hey! Mind your language:
Sasha: What else am I supposed to say, "woe is I?"
Anne:
Sasha: You have to accept that swear words are necessary sometimes.

Marcy: Who thinks I can fit fifteen marshmallows in my mouth?
Anne, shaking her head: You're a hazard to society.
Sasha: And a coward. Do twenty.

Sasha: Here’s a fun Christmas idea. We hang mistletoe, but instead of kissing, you have to FIGHT whoever else is under it.
Marcy: Sasha no.
Anne: Mistlefoe.
Marcy: Please stop encouraging her.

Sasha: In light of what you did for me, you can hug me for four to five seconds.
Marcy: FORTY FIVE SECONDS?!?
Sasha: No! Four to five seconds!
Marcy: Too late!!!

Marcy: Sasha and I were crossing the street, and this dude drove by and honked at us.
Anne, sighing: What did Sasha do?
Marcy: She chased him to the next red light, then reached into his window and...
Sasha: Who wants a steering wheel?

Sasha: *Kicks down the door, looking panicked*
Marcy: What did you do?!
Sasha: NOBODY DIED!
Anne: WHAT KIND OF ANSWER IS THAT?!

Sasha: What if I press the gas and the brakes at the same time?
Marcy: The car takes a screenshot.
Anne: For the last time, get the fuck out the car.

Sasha: Well, well, well... if it isn’t my old friend: the dawning realization that I fucked up bad.

Sasha: What time is it?
Marcy: I don’t know; pass me that saxophone and we’ll find out
Sasha: *Hands Marcy the sax*
Marcy: *Plays sax loudly and extremely out of tune*
Anne: WHO THE FUCK IS PLAYING THE SAXOPHONE AT TWO IN THE MORNING
Marcy: It’s 2 am

Anne: Is something burning?
Sasha: Just my burning love for you~
Anne: Sasha, the toaster is on fire.

Anne: What’s up guys? I’m back.
Marcy: What the- you can’t be here.
Sasha: You’re dead. We literally saw you die.
Anne: Death is a social construct.

Anne: In your opinion, what's the height of stupidity?
Marcy, turning to Sasha: How tall are you?

Marcy: Anne, keep an eye on Sasha today. She's going to say something to the wrong person and get punched.
Anne: Sure, I’d love to see Sasha get punched.
Marcy: Try again.
Anne, sighing: I will stop Sasha from getting punched.

Sasha: I prevented a murder today.
Marcy: Really? How'd you do that?
Sasha: Self control.

*Anne and Marcy, sitting in a jail cell*
Anne: So, who should we call?
Marcy: I would call Sasha, but I feel safer in jail.

Anne: You have to apologise to Marcy.
Sasha: Fine. "Un-fuck you" or whatever.

Anne: WHY. WHY did you give Sasha a knife.
Marcy: I'm sorry. She said she felt unsafe.
Anne: Now I feel unsafe!
Marcy: I'm sorry.
Anne:
Marcy: ...would you like a knife?

Marcy: .. .----. -- / ... --- .-. .-. -.-- [translation: I’M SORRY]
Sasha: What's that?
Marcy: Remorse code.
Sasha: I'm even angrier now.

Anne, driving Marcy and Sasha: So how was your day?
Marcy: We almost got surprise adopted!
Anne: What?
Sasha: We almost got kidnapped.
Anne: Oh, okay.
Anne: *slams on the breaks* WAIT WHAT?!

Anne: Marcy... Why did you draw a pentagram on the floor?
Marcy: Your text told me to satanize the house before you returned.
Anne:
Anne: I wrote sanitize, Marcy.

Anne: Bad things keep happening to me, like I have bad luck or something.
Sasha: Anne, you don't have bad luck. The reason bad things happen to you is because you're a dumbass.

Anne: Okay, truth or dare?
Sasha: Truth.
Anne: How many hours have you slept this week?
Sasha:
Sasha: ...dare.
Anne: GO TO SLEEP!
Sasha: I don’t like this game.

Sasha: I’d like to offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals.

Anne: You're right.
Sasha: That's... That's an unusual phrase for you. Did you just learn it?

Anne: You know, I'm starting to regret showing you how that blender works.
Marcy, drinking toast: Why do you say that?

Marcy: You often use humor to deflect trauma.
Sasha: Thank you.
Marcy: I didn't say that was a good thing?
Sasha: What I'm hearing is, you think I'm funny.

Anne, addressing Sasha & Marcy: And if you have any suggestions feel free to put them in the suggestion box.
Sasha: But – that’s just a trash can.
Anne: It sure is!

Anne, to Marcy: My life is in the hands of an idiot!
Marcy, motioning to herself and Sasha: No, no no no no, TWO idiots!

Sasha: Someone will die.
Marcy: Of fun!

Anne: You see, me and Sasha have the kind of connection where we can finish each other's—
Sasha: Sentences.
Anne, harshly: Don't interrupt me.

Marcy: You're 'the second worst thing to ever happen to those orphans', what does that mean?
Sasha: It means I was the second worst thing to happen to those orphans.
Marcy: But what’s the first worst thing?
*Awkward pause*
Sasha: Marcy, they...they weren’t always orphans.
Marcy:

Anne: Whaddya call a fish with no eye?
Marcy, not looking up: Myxine Circifrons
Anne:
Anne: fsh

Sasha: Don’t worry, I have a few knives up my sleeve.
Marcy: I think you meant cards.
Sasha, pulling knives out of her sleeves: No, no I did not.

Sasha: SCREW LACTOSE INTOLERANCE! I WILL CONSUME AS MUCH DAIRY AS I WANT!
Sasha, three hours later, crying on the floor: WHY DOES IT HURT SO MUCH?!

Sasha: When someone points at your black clothes and asks whose funeral it is, having a look around the room and saying 'Haven’t decided yet' is typically a good response.

Sasha: Hey Anne?
Anne: Yes?
Sasha: Can a person breathe inside a washing machine when it's on?
Anne:
Anne: Where's Marcy?

Marcy: You know, not every problem can be solved with a sword.
Sasha: That's why I carry two swords.

Marcy: Not trying to brag or anything, but I can wake up without an alarm clock now simply due to my crippling and overwhelming anxiety, so...

Anne: God, give me patience.
Sasha: I think you mean "give me strength"?
Anne: If God gave me strength you'd be dead.

Marcy: Are you the big spoon or the little spoon?
Sasha: I'm a knife.
Anne: She's the little spoon.

Chapter Text

Cinnamon: It's dark in here.
Jaiden: Don't worry, dude, I got this.
Jaiden: *Stomps his feet and sketchers light up*

Cinnamon: It's very unhealthy to bottle up all your negative feelings.
Blank: I know, that's why I bottle up the positive ones, too.
Cinnamon:
Blank: So they cancel out.
Cinnamon:

Jaiden: I'm incredibly fast at math.
Liv: Alright, what's 30 × 17?
Jaiden: 47.
Liv: That's not even close.
Jaiden: But it was fast.

Blank: English is a difficult language. It can be understood through tough thorough thought, though.
Liv: You need to stop.

Liv: Must be hard not being able to laugh.
Blank: I do have a sense of humour, you know.
Liv: I've never heard you laugh before.
Blank: I've never heard you say anything funny before.

Jaiden: I was arrested for being too cool.
Liv: The charges were dropped due to a lack of supporting evidence.

*The gang at a restaurant*
Cinnamon: You guys should get the orange soda, it's amazing.
Blank: Okay.
Waiter: Can I get you anything to drink?
Cinnamon: Orange soda, please!
Liv: I'll have the strawberry soda.
Jaiden & Blank: Me too, strawberry soda.
Cinnamon:

Liv: I made tea.
Jaiden: I don't want any tea.
Liv: I did not make tea for you. This is my tea.
Jaiden: Then why are you telling me?
Liv: It's a conversation starter.
Jaiden: That’s a lousy conversation starter.
Liv: Oh, is it? We're conversing. Checkmate.

Liv: In my defense, I was left unsupervised.
Cinnamon: Wasn't Blank with you?
Blank: In my defense, I was also left unsupervised.

Liv: Self care is actually getting into fights with randoms in dark alleys.
Cinnamon: No, self care is stuff like taking a bubble bath, or putting on a lot of makeup if you like it, or taking a nice warm nap!
Blank: Self care is the burning heat when rage washes over you!! Self care is when you feel the bones crack under your powerful fists!! Self care is the fear in your enemies’ eyes!!!
Jaiden: Lmao self care is taking your birthday cake just so I can eat the frosting.
Liv: If you touch my birthday cake I’ll make you eat your hands.

Liv: While me and Jaiden are gone, Blank, you’re in charge.
Blank: Yes!!!
Liv, whispering: Cinna, you’re secretly in charge.
Cinnamon: Obviously.

Jaiden: *Gently taps table*
Liv: *Taps back*
Cinnamon: What are they doing?
Blank: Morse code.
Jaiden: *Aggressively taps table*
Liv: *Slams hands down* YOU TAKE THAT BACK-

Liv: I learned some very valuable lessons from this.
Cinnamon: I’m guessing they are all horrible distortions on the lessons you actually should’ve taken away.
Liv: Death isn’t real, and I’m basically God.

Kidnapper, negotiating with Liv, Cinnamon & Blank: We have Jaiden. Give us 10k and we’ll return him to you unharmed.
Jaiden: Woah woah woah wait, you think I’m only worth 10k?
Kidnapper, Liv, Cinnamon & Blank:
Jaiden: MAKE IT TEN MILLION—
Kidnapper: JAIDEN STOP—

Cinnamon, holding a bottle: Is this whiskey or perfume?
Jaiden: *chugs the entire bottle*
Cinnamon:
Jaiden: It’s perfume.

Cop: You’re receiving a ticket for having three people on one motorcycle.
Liv: Shit.
Blank: Wait, three?
Cop: Yeah?
Cinnamon: OH MY GOD JAIDEN FELL OFF!!!!!!!

Jaiden: A theif.
Liv: Thief?
Jaiden: Theif.
Blank: I before E, except after C.
Jaiden: Thceif.
Cinnamon: No.

Blank: Dandelions symbolize everything I want to be in life
Jaiden: Fluffy and dead with a gust of wind?
Blank: Unapologetic. Hard to kill. Feral, filled with sunlight, bright, beautiful in a way that the conventional and controlling hate but cannot ever fully destroy. Stubborn. Happy. Bastardous. Friends with bees. Highly disapproving of lawns. Full of wishes that will be carried far after I die.
Liv: edible

Cinnamon: Remember when you didn't try to solve all your problems with attempted murder?
Liv, holding their trusty AK-47: Stop romanticizing the past.

Cinnamon: WHAT’S YOUR TYPE
Jaiden: Anything, honestly, but nerds especially
Cinnamon, desperately, as Jaiden bleeds out: YOUR BLOOD TYPE
Jaiden: Oh! B positive.
Cinnamon: DON'T TRY TO CHEER ME UP JUST TELL ME YOUR BLOOD TYPE
Jaiden:

Blank: Look. I may not be a saint, but it's not like I’ve killed anybody. I’m not an arsonist. I’ve never found a wallet outside of an IHOP and thought about returning it but saw the owner lived out of state so just took the cash and dropped the wallet back on the ground.

Jaiden: I think I'm having a mid-life crisis.
Cinnamon: You're like 15 years old
Jaiden: I MIGHT DIE AT 30!

Blank: Am I in trouble?
Cinnamon: Take a guess.
Blank: No?
Cinnamon: Take another guess.

Chapter Text

Boombox: So that's my plan.
Shuriken: Are you okay with constructive criticism? I don't want to sound mean.
Boombox: No, go ahead, I want to hear it.
Shuriken: It fucking sucks.
Valk: That's not constructive criticism.

Valk: Naturally, we are on the cutting edge of technology.
Boombox, amazed: Wow...
Shuriken, to Boombox: Well what does that mean?
Boombox: I don't know.
Boombox, to Valk: What does that mean?

Shuriken: I went through an entire character arc in quarantine.
Shuriken: I got more evil if you're curious.
Valk: Don't worry, we're still in quarantine, there's time for a redemption arc!
Shuriken: I'm going to get worse on purpose.

Valk: Please, I'm begging you, go to a doctor.
Shuriken: I'm sorry, is this OUR stab wound? Stay out of it.

Shuriken: Today is a day of running through hurdles.
Boombox: Aren't you supposed to jump OVER hurdles?
Shuriken: Whatever. Fear is only something to be afraid of if you let it scare you.

Boombox: Valk...
Valk: Oh no, 'Valk' in b-flat. You're disappointed.

Valk: *holding a crayon*
Boombox: VALK, IS THAT WEED?
Valk: N-No? It's a crayo-
Boombox: *presses 911 on the microwave*
Microwave: 911, what's your emergency?

Valk, holding cauliflower in front of Boombox: What is this?
Boombox: ...Cauliflower?
Valk, turning to Shuriken: Now tell him what you think it is.
Shuriken, arms folded: Ghost broccoli.

Boombox: I really like this whole 'good guy, bad guy' act you guys have going on.
Shuriken: It isn't an act, it's just that I'm mean and Valk isn't.

Valk: Okay, help me please!
Shuriken: I have two words for you.
Valk: I bet they won't be helpful.
Shuriken: Your problem.
Valk: I was right.

Shuriken: Come on, I wasn't that drunk last night.
Boombox: You were flirting with Valk.
Shuriken: So what? He's our partner.
Boombox: You asked him if he was single.
Shuriken:
Boombox: And then you cried when he said he wasn't.

Valk: If Boombox and I were drowning, who would you save?
Shuriken: You two can't swim?
Boombox: It's a hypothetical question, Shuri! Who would you save?
Shuriken: My time and effort.

Valk: I told Shuri his ears flush when he lies.
Boombox: Why?
Valk: Look.
Valk: Hey Shuriken, do you love us?
Shuriken, covering his ears: No.

Valk, pointing: Can I sit there?
Boombox: That's my lap.
Valk: That doesn't answer my question.

Valk: We're going to a candy store?!
Boombox: No, it's night time. Candy stores are closed.
Shuriken: We're going to ROB a candy store?!?!

Boombox: Physically, yes, I could fight a bird. But emotionally? Imagine the toll.

Valk: What do you think Shuriken will do for a distraction?
Boombox: He'll probably, like, throw a rock or make a noise. That's what I would do.
*Building explodes and several car alarms go off*
Boombox: ...or he could do that.

Boombox: Sometimes I drink milk straight out of the container.
Shuriken: The cow???
Boombox: What?
Valk: Shuriken, WHY?????

Valk: Hey, it's your turn to wash the dishes.
Shuriken: I'LL WASH THE WALLS RED WITH YOUR BLOOD
Valk: 'Kay, but before that, wash the dishes. Also, use soap this time?

Boombox: This is a mistake.
Valk, enthusiastically: A mistake we're going to laugh about one day!
Boombox: But not today.
Valk, still enthusiastic: Oh, no. Today's going to be a mess.

Chapter Text

Keytar: This date is boring!
Snowball: This isn't a date. I said I was going to the store.
Keytar: Then why did you invite me?
Snowball: I didn't, I specifically said "don't come with me," then you said, "fuck you Snowball I'll do whatever I want!"

Snowball: Look at me straight in the eyes and tell me the truth, Keytar!
Keytar: You can't expect me to look in your eyes and be straight.

Keytar: I love hearing Snowball shout at someone else. It makes such a nice change.

Snowball: Ugh, crushes are so dumb.
Keytar: I know. Whenever I’m near the person I like I just start acting stupid.
Snowball: But you’re always acting stupid?
Keytar: ...
Keytar: Yeah, don’t think about that too hard.

Keytar: Snowball is playing hard to get. Little does he know, I'm a master at playing hard to get rid of.

Keytar: Snowball, I... I love you!
Snowball: Not my problem.

Keytar: Might I make a suggestion you possibly won’t like?
Snowball: Do you make any other kind?

Keytar: I can't take this anymore, someone needs to take me out!
Snowball: In a dating type of way, or an assassination type of way?
Keytar: I don't know, surprise me!

Snowball: Keytar, you’ve tried 37 times and you’ve failed every time. Give it a break.
Keytar: DO I HEAR “FIRST TRY PART 38?”

Snowball: When I first met you, I thought you were weird and annoying.
Keytar: And?
Snowball: And you are.

Keytar: I want to kiss you.
Snowball, not paying attention: What?
Keytar: I said if you die I won't miss you.

Keytar: Will you date me? Breathe if yes, recite the Bible in Japanese if no.
Snowball: 初めに、神は天と地を創造されました。
Keytar: What the…?
Snowball: 地球は形もなく虚無であり、暗闇が深海の面を覆いました…
Keytar: Is that actually the Bible?!
Snowball: …そして神の霊が水面の上に浮かんでいました。
Keytar: And you stopped breathing, too?!
Snowball: そして神は「光あれ」と言われました。
Keytar: I would've preferred you just beat me up and called me gay!

Keytar: Your smile looks forced.
Snowball: That’s because it is.

Snowball: Do you want to explain the text you sent me last night?
Keytar: It was autocorrect.
Snowball: Autocorrect wrote "You're so hot. Please step on me"?
Keytar: Yes.

Keytar: Live fast, die young, leave behind a pretty corpse! That’s what I always say!
Snowball: You should say something else.

Keytar: I think I'm falling for you.
Snowball: Then get up.

Keytar: Do you want to play 20 Questions?
Snowball: Sure. What's your favorite color?
Keytar, laser fucking focused: Triangle. Do you like men?

Keytar: Tell me I'm pretty!
Snowball: You're pretty fucking annoying, that's what you are.

Snowball: Everyone knows that Santa is an invention designed by the big five corporations to sell tinsel and video games to an unsuspecting public.
Keytar: The whole “childhood wonder” stage just blew right past you, didn’t it?