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“What’s wrong, Jade? You look upset.”
“Jade, you look like you’re about to cry. Is everything okay?”
Since the day Jade was given her position as retainer, these were the questions she heard the most. She couldn’t help her stoic, somewhat mean resting face, and she was certainly never on the verge of tears like more empathetic people would suggest. She was far too proud to show that kind of weakness around others. No, most times she was perfectly present and attentive. Occasionally she would drift off into day dreams about ideas for her next novel, but overall her sour facial expressions were neutral nine times out of ten.
One of the few people who understood this was one she didn’t expect. Prince Diamant’s other retainer, Amber, picked up on almost all of Jade’s eccentricities right away. It was almost like magic. He could walk into a room she was in and gauge her current mood almost instantly. For one such instance, she decided to ask him about it. It was during the campaign they fought in alongside the Divine Dragon, and he had happened to walk into the dining area of the Somniel while she was contemplating a description for a novel idea. “Hey Jade!” He had seen her armor and high ponytail first, and greeted her before he even fully saw her. When his eyes did meet her gaze, he stopped in his tracks. “Oh, sorry. You look like you’re thinking about writing things. I can leave you to it.”
Jade held a hand up to stop him and beckon him closer. “No, please stay. By no means do I need this whole area to myself. You’re free to stay here just like everyone else is.”
Amber stepped closer and put a hand on the back of one of the chairs at Jade’s table. The sun gleamed off his bright blonde hair, making it look like it was on fire and lighting up the room around him. “Yeah, but if I stay I’ll wanna sit with you.”
“And I will welcome it. Please, do sit down.”
“Well, if you insist.” Amber took a seat across from Jade and surveyed their surroundings. “So are you not thinking about writing stuff?”
Jade shook her head. “No, I truly was thinking about writing, but I realized that I wanted to ask you something when I saw you come in.”
“Will it help with your writing?” Amber asked, eyes bright at the idea of helping Jade out.
“Not particularly, no,” Jade said. “But it is something that’s been on my mind.” She paused to wait for him to respond, but he was silent, so she just let it rip. “How can you read my emotions so well? Everyone else assumes my resting face is angry or upset, but you always seem to know what I’m thinking. Why is that?”
Amber seemed to make a showing out of considering the question, but ended up giving a shrug. “Y’know, I’ve never really thought about it, but it turns out: I don’t know! I’m surprised other people have a hard time reading you, to be honest. But I can tell you how I figured out that you weren’t the kind of girl to wear your heart on your sleeve, if that will help.”
Jade pursed her lips and nodded. “Alright. Go on.”
Amber leaned back in his chair and placed his hands behind his head. “It was the day of that tournament. Remember when we stumbled on that poor lost child and ended up helping to get them...uh, un-lost?”
Jade didn’t have the heart to tell him he could have gone back and re-worded that without her judgment, instead she nodded. “Right. I remember. You were the first to offer your help.”
“And you ended up helping too,” Amber supplied. “See, when you heard the kid crying, I noticed your face didn’t change. Not one bit! So at first, I was like ‘wow, this girl doesn’t care about anything.’ But then when you ended up finding the parents first, I was even more confused because your expression still hadn’t changed!” His hands hadn’t stayed behind his head for long, because as Amber’s story progressed, he was getting gradually more animated with his gestures and body language. By the end, he was upright in his chair and his hands were going every direction he could make them go in. “So then, when you ended up beating me in the final match, I noticed that you had just won a whole fighting tournament, but your face was still perfectly…”
Amber paused for a long time.
“Neutral?”
“No no…”
Jade struggled to think of what other description he could have been thinking of behind that thoughtful expression.
“Oh, right! Normal! Your face was totally, completely normal. As if you hadn’t just become a hero. So that was when I realized. I was all, ‘this girl is just like the alpacas back home. You have to read her body language to know what she’s feeling, and not her face.’ And uh, the rest I kinda figured out as I went along.”
Jade was stunned. “You mentally compared me to an alpaca.”
Amber nodded proudly. “Yuh-huh!”
Jade felt her lips curl up into a rare smile. “Whatever works for you, I guess.”
Amber leaned back in his chair again and crossed his arms over his chest. “I guess I’m just an expert at reading people.”
“You should have used that expertise when Anna sold you the map to a fabled treasure that she had literally just made up.”
“Hey! I still haven’t followed that map yet, so it hasn’t been proven wrong yet!” He tried to right himself again, but his chair was too far gone, and he ended up falling backwards onto the pavement in a blur of blonde hair and a loud yelp.
“Hm.” Jade let out her trademark light laugh as he scrambled to get back up and beg her not to put what he’d just done in her next story. She promised she wouldn’t, but mentally filed that moment away for later.
Amber served as a great inspiration for Jade. Thanks to his hijinks, writing her favorite genre—comedy—came easier to her than anything else. On top of that, he was an all around great friend to her. What had started as a strictly professional relationship between coworkers had grown into a close friendship, and that continued even after the war was over.
Predictably, it took a long while for anything to go back to normal once everything was said and done, and the biggest item to mark off the to-do list was Diamant’s coronation as the king of Brodia. It was a stressful few days for everyone involved, but few felt it quite as much as Diamant himself, and as his retainers, some of that stress was theirs to shoulder as well. Amber’s most valuable asset during these hard times seemed to be his sunny disposition, as whenever he was in the room, everyone would breathe a sigh of relief no matter how useful he was making himself. Even when he was distracting Jade from writing the speech Diamant was meant to give, she couldn’t find it in her heart to be annoyed with him, as his presence helped clear her mind so she could shave off parts of the speech that were unnecessary or distinctly not Diamant-like.
The coronation went off without a hitch and said speech was delivered perfectly to uproarious applause. The celebrations went well into the night, but then again, that wasn’t hard to accomplish in a capital city surrounded by mountains and prone to early sunsets. Still, no matter how little sun was peeking into the throne room, the room remained bright whenever Jade would glace at her lord and her fellow retainer.
Until she looked to Diamant to see a completely stone-faced expression on his face. She stepped closer to him and leaned in, talking low enough not to be overheard by the crowd. “Prince—er, King Diamant, what’s the matter?” She asked.
Amber heard her speaking and leaned in on Diamant’s other side. “Is something the matter, Diamant?” His voice was noticeably louder, but a stern look from Jade got him to dial it back.
Diamant started to shake his head, but didn’t get far before he was dropping the act. “It’s nothing. I’m just...thinking.”
Jade narrowed her eyes at him. “They don’t seem to be pleasant thoughts.”
“I suppose they’re not.”
Amber put his hands on his hips. “Well what is it? You know you can tell us anything, right?”
Diamant smiled and reached up to wipe at one of his eyes. “You’re right, I can. I was just thinking about my father. And how much I wish…” He trailed off to heave a deep breath, his chest rising and falling dramatically. “I wish he could be here to see this.”
Jade gave a solemn nod. “I understand. I can’t fathom how hard it is for you to have to take your father’s place without his blessing.”
She watched a tear well up and threaten to run down Diamant’s cheek. “I miss him, Jade.”
“Hey, cheer up!” Amber slapped the new king of Brodia on the back, causing him to take a half step forward due to the sheer shock of someone actually hitting him. “I don’t think King Morion would want to see you all upset about him not being here. He’d want you to be happy!”
“Amber, this might not be the time,” Jade muttered.
Diamant righted himself again. “I am happy. I just wish I could share this happiness with my father.”
“I get that,” Amber said. “But hey, remember what you said in your speech?”
Diamant looked to Jade to see if she knew what he was referring to, but when she gave him a shrug, he turned back to Amber. “Which part?”
“The part where you said something like…” Amber straightened up, held his fist to his chest, used his other hand to slick his bright hair back, and put on a really bad impression of Diamant. “’Our deeds have been written forever in history’ or something. I stopped paying attention until that part.”
“Thanks,” Jade said in her best deadpan. Which was pretty good, considering.
“Basically, what I mean is that Morion will never really be gone. As long as we all remember him, he’ll always be with us, even if it’s only in spirit. And since he was so important, he’ll never be forgotten.”
Diamant nodded. “Right. But it still hurts that he can’t be here in person.”
“Heck, none of us will ever really be forgotten!” Amber flexed his muscle and gave a cheesy grin. “We’re heroes now! We’ll always be the stuff of legends!”
“Looks like you got what you always dreamed of,” Jade said.
“I kinda did!” His grin was contagious, and he could see the people he was talking to fall victim to it by wearing small smiles of their own. “Hey, see, that’s a face more like what King Morion would want to see right now.”
Diamant laughed. “Thank you Amber.”
“You’re surprisingly wise, despite what your behavior might suggest,” Jade remarked.
“I think I might just be really good at cheering people up.”
“Hm.” Jade held a hand to her mouth to stifle her laughter, despite the fact that it was already stifled without help. “Now that isn’t one I can argue against.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Amber looked at her with genuine confusion. Clearly he didn’t remember their prior conversation on the Somniel.
“Don’t worry about it,” Jade assured him. “Now let’s rejoin the fun, shall we?”
Finally, things returned to normal after that night. Diamant’s duties increased tenfold, and as such, so did Jade’s and Amber’s. Sometimes it felt like they would go days without seeing anyone but each other. Jade would sometimes see weeks go by without so much as picking up a pen to write despite her ideas running rampant. Still, despite how busy they were, Amber continued to serve as a beacon of morale and a shining example of keeping a cool head under pressure. Even if he didn’t realize that was what he was doing. It was a struggle to keep up with his optimism and energy sometimes, but he would always be nearby to lend a helping hand or supportive quip.
“Jade? Are you alright?”
Jade shook her head out of a day dream to look at Diamant. The door to the throne room closed behind them as they made their way to their rooms for the night. “Oh? Sorry, were you trying to speak to me, King Diamant?” It had been about three years at this point, so she was more than adjusted to his new title, even if Amber still struggled.
“No, but you looked like you were about ready to cry.” Diamant looked her way with worry on his face. “You know you can take a break if this is too stressful, yes?”
“Of course. I wasn’t distressed, I was just thinking,” Jade assured him, placing her hand on the wall idly as they rounded a corner.
“What were you thinking about?” Diamant asked. “You don’t have to tell me if you were plotting out a story.”
Jade shook her head, fully aware of the physical hazard her hair became when she did so. “Not at all. I was thinking about how we’ll manage when Amber’s on his trip back home later this month.”
Diamant barked a laugh. “Right. Things are about to get rough without an extra set of hands around, aren’t they?”
“Indeed they will, but rest assured that your Iron Wall will double down on her efforts.” They had reached the point where they needed to separate to get to their rooms, and Jade stopped to salute as she spoke.
Diamant placed a hand on her shoulder with a smile. “At ease. I have the utmost faith in you.” Jade put her arm back to her side. Diamant didn’t look like he was ready to leave yet, though. “What time does he depart again?”
“If I remember correctly, he said ‘bright and early.’ Which for him, means about an hour after the sunrise.”
“I’ll see him off in the morning, then,” Diamant said. “Hey, Jade?”
Another question seemed to be on his lips, so Jade stayed rooted where she was. “Yes, my lord?”
Diamant nodded down the hall in the direction he needed to go. “Come with me, I have something to ask you.”
Jade followed as they started winding through the castle to Diamant’s quarters. Castle staff dwindled as they went, so Jade figured he was hoping for privacy before he asked his question. There was a tense silence as he physically struggled to find a wording for his question that he liked. “How...no, that’s not it. Rather, do you…”
“...Yes? The longer this takes, the less likely it is you’ll be awake to see Amber off in the morning.”
Diamant sighed. “I’ll just come out and ask it.
“Do you love Amber?”
Jade gasped and paused in her tracks. “King Diamant…? What brings this on?”
Diamant didn’t notice she had stopped and was still walking as he spoke. “I’m not sure, but it’s a question I’ve had—Jade?” He turned around to see he had gotten a full few yards from his retainer. “Oh. Shocked to stillness, are we?”
“Uh, yeah.” Jade found herself speechless. Which for an author, was saying a lot. “Seriously, why do you ask this?”
“It’s just this feeling I get when I see you two interact.” Diamant had come closer, so he lowered his voice, just in case. “And reading your descriptions of Amber? It really does feel like someone who’s writing about the love of their life.”
Suddenly, it felt very warm in Jade’s armor. “I’m not sure this is an appropriate topic to broach with your retainer. Especially when you’re talking about your other retainer.”
Diamant shrugged and kept walking. Despite wanting to escape the conversation, Jade followed after him, acknowledging that he hadn’t formally dismissed her yet. “I’m not saying I would have a problem with it,” Diamant promised her. “If you do feel that way about Amber, I’d support you two in every way. I know and trust you both enough to know that it wouldn’t affect your performance.” He stopped to think, letting Jade finally fully catch up. “Well, it might affect Amber’s performance, but a funny mark on the wall is enough to do that.”
“Hm,” Jade laughed.
Diamant let out some laughter of his own. Notably normal laughter. “That was a good one huh?” He didn’t wait for Jade’s response and kept explaining himself. “Anyway, I realized that you look at him differently than anyone else.”
“Oh really?” Jade found herself amused by this specific reasoning. “I’m famously hard to read, and you think there’s something there when I look at Amber?”
“Yes.” They reached the grand door to Diamant’s chambers and he turned to face her. “I see it in your eyes. It’s like you actually show emotion like the rest of us when he’s around.”
“I see.”
She did not see.
“You don’t have to do anything about it,” Diamant said. “I’m just pointing out something I felt like I noticed. If you do feel this way, you should tell him. If you don’t, disregard what I said. Either way, I will see you tomorrow. Goodnight, Jade.”
“Goodnight, King Diamant.” She remained rooted in her spot until the door was closed and latched behind him, at which point she began the longer trek back to her room. As she walked, his words buzzed around her mind. Amber was a very important person to her, and she did feel like he was closer to her than anyone else she knew. He was indeed like family. But...were her feelings for him romantic?
These thoughts had a stranglehold on her mind until she reached her own chambers, which were predictably right across the hall from Amber’s. His door was open, and she happened to glance over to see that he was busy packing inside. She stopped in her tracks again and just watched him go about his business, blissfully unaware that he was being watched. After a few moments, she finally approached and knocked on the open door.
Amber only jumped a foot in the air and his scream was only slightly shrill.
“Oh, Jade!” He said when he saw who it was leaning against the doorframe. “Going to bed?”
Jade nodded. Even though the only light source were the candles in Amber’s room and the lighting in the halls behind her, it still felt like the sun was shining off his messy, blonde hair. “Diamant and I stayed behind a little after you left to sort out some last minute business.”
The bright side to having an unreadable expression was how easy it was to lie. And Amber, despite being the only person in the world who could gauge her feelings, didn’t question what she said for a second. “Right. Sorry I’ll be leaving you guys like this, but it’s been so long since I’ve seen my family…”
She held up a hand to stop him. “Say no more. Your family is important.”
There was that toothy grin again. “I knew you would understand, Jade!”
“We’ll just have to hold our own birthday celebrations when you come back, won’t we?”
He perked up at those words. “Ooh, that sounds like fun! It’s a date!”
That phrase gave Jade pause for obvious reasons. She shook her head to get the thoughts brought on by Diamant out of her head. She turned to leave, but no matter how hard she tried, her feet wouldn’t let her move from that spot. “Amber.” His name came from her mouth against her will, but now she had his attention again and had to do something with that.
“Yes? What’s up, Jade?”
A long silence fell between them. The words were on her tongue, but she was terrified to actually say them. Finally, she took a deep breath and turned her head to look back at him.
“Be careful. And...bring me back an alpaca blanket. It gets cold in here.”
It was as if the silence had never even happened. “I promise, on both counts! See you when I get back, Jade!”
“See you, Amber.”
Jade went back to her room and stayed up late into the night. She tried to sleep, but her mind didn’t want to let her rest, and eventually she ended up writing until she was practically passed out at her desk.
She slept through Amber’s departure.
But that was okay. He’d only be gone half a month. Perhaps, Jade thought, she could use that time to properly think out how to tell him what Diamant had discovered.
She quickly discovered that the idea was never going to pan out. Between her increased duties as Diamant’s temporary only retainer and all her pressing novel ideas, she found herself constantly busy. The time to think about what she would do once Amber came back grew smaller and smaller. As the day of his projected return approached, it seemed as though the sun was shining just a bit brighter through the thick, mid-winter cloud cover over the capital.
A few days into the month and about three days after Amber’s birthday, Jade was stirred by a soft knocking at her door. She dismissed it as the sounds of the old castle settling into its foundation and rolled over, but then the knock sounded again, louder and more firm.
She sat up in bed and made sure nothing was exposed before answering the knocks. “What is it?” The sun was only beginning to come through her windows, giving her a rough estimate of what time it was. She had been told by Diamant to take the day off that day, so she was intending to sleep in, but it seemed her visitor had other ideas, as it was around the time she would be waking up anyway. The door slowly slid open to reveal Alcryst, shaking in his boots as per usual and looking absolutely distraught. As per usual. So no warning bells yet.
“I’m so sorry to wake you up, Jade. I’m sure there’s about a million other people you’d rather see darkening your doorstep.”
Jade shook her head. “Seeing as it’s my day off and I planned to sleep in, the list of people I’d like to see at this hour is startlingly low.”
Anyone else would probably have reacted poorly to such a statement, but Alcryst was so used to slinging worse insults at himself that he didn’t even acknowledge it. “Jade, there’s something I need you to know. And, uh, I need you to tell Diamant this too.”
Jade rubbed at one of her eyes and narrowed the other a Alcryst. "Something you need me to tell Diamant? You’re his brother. Whatever you have to tell him will sound much better coming from your mouth.
Alcryst shook his head slowly. “No, I really think he would rather—no, he needs to hear this from you. This isn’t even me being down on myself. You know, like I do. This is seriously something you should tell him. Besides, you really should know this too.”
Now Jade was getting the hint that something was wrong. There did indeed seem to be an urgency to his voice that she was picking up on as she woke up. In fact, Alcryst of all people storming into her room at all was odd. “What is it?” She asked cautiously. One of her hands grabbed the edge of her blanket in case she needed to suit up quickly.
Alcryst swallowed hard. “Something terrible has happened, Jade.”
A long list of names flashed through Jade’s mind. Had the ruler of another country fallen ill? Did one of the older members of the army she fought alongside succumb to old age? Did Brodia’s relationship with another country fall apart overnight?
Of all the possibilities that ran through her head, the next words out of Alcryst’s mouth wouldn’t have been an option in her mind in a million years.
“Amber is...no longer with us.”
Jade froze up, the color draining from her face in the blink of an eye. “...Who?” Her voice was the smallest it had ever been. In fact, she wasn’t even convinced she’d said it.
“Amber. Your fellow retainer?”
“N-no I heard you. What?” Jade could come to feel bad about the conflicting words she was saying, but in the moment, it didn’t make a difference to her.
Alcryst delivered the news as if he’d rehearsed it, which he honestly might have. “About a week ago, there was a nasty snowstorm along one of the passes you have to take to get to Amber’s village. When the storm had passed and you could travel through the pass safely, a scouting party went through and...found him along the side of the road.”
“Was he attacked?”
Alcryst shook his head. “He didn’t have any external injuries. In fact, they couldn’t find any sign that anything happened to him. From the looks of things, it just seemed like he was there one moment...and gone the next.
“There was nothing they could do.”
Jade shook her head. “No. You’re kidding me.”
Alcryst didn’t respond to that. He just looked at Jade with a sheepish, but serious expression. That conveyed all he needed to. Jade realized that no, of course Alcryst wouldn’t be lying about this kind of thing. In fact, the only reason he’d be speaking to her about it at all was if it was real.
Which it was.
A feeling took hold in Jade’s chest that made her blanket feel ten times heavier than her armor. “What?” She repeated.
“And now you see why I’d rather you tell him?” Alcryst stepped closer, placing a hand on the mattress at the other end of the bed. “We’re going to send a scout to his home village to tell his family. But I’d rather Diamant know before I send them. I’m sure he will make sure they receive all the support they need.”
Jade nodded. “I understand, Prince Alcryst.”
Silence.
“Jade, I’m so sorry.”
“You may leave, sir.”
Alcryst bowed and left the room, closing the door tight behind him. Jade stared at the door in disbelief. The sun’s colors were coming into her window more than they were when she woke, but they felt muted. Like something was missing.
“Amber?” Jade called to the door. “Amber, you better be on the other side of that door, and you better barge in and tell me this was all a sick fucking joke!” Her volume grew louder as she spoke, until the last words came out as a hoarse scream. She leapt from bed and swung her door open to give Amber a good thrashing for coming up with such a cruel prank.
But no one was there. Just an empty hallway. Amber’s chambers were across from hers, and the door was just as tightly closed as it was the night before. Jade dashed across the hall and threw that door open, its hinges nearly breaking from the force.
And no one was there, either. Just an empty room.
“I have to tell Diamant.”
It felt as though she was in a daze as she suited up. She put on her trademark armor that she wore whenever she was on duty, but the whole process felt unreal. For all she knew, she could have been entering the throne room in nothing at all.
Diamant was understandably surprised to see her, shifting in his throne with the ghost of a laugh on his lips. “Jade? I thought I told you to take the day off.”
Jade could only bring herself to nod. A lump had formed in her throat that prevented her from saying anything.
Diamant picked up on her demeanor quickly. “What’s wrong, Jade? You look upset.”
Jade slowly looked to the ground at Diamant’s feet, unable to make eye contact with the king.
“Jade, you look like you’re about to cry. Is everything okay?”
There were those questions again. Usually questions she shrugged off so easily, but this time, there was no denying a thing.
Finally, Jade choked out, “I don’t think I’ll be able to serve my duties as your retainer today.” Her voice was strangled, like every word out of her mouth was a struggle to say. Her voice was breaking uncontrollably, and she knew the floodgates were about to open.
“What is it?” Diamant rose to his feet, a worried expression on his face.
The sound of Jade falling to her knees drowned out what she said, and the uncontrollable sobs that followed only further obfuscated her words.
“Jade? Jade!” Diamant ran across the throne room until he reached her side, dropping to one knee of his own and placing a hand on her head, careful to avoid her ponytail. “What is it?”
Jade collected herself long enough to say the words, “it’s Amber,” before breaking down again.
“What?”
Jade looked up, into Diamant’s eyes. “He’s gone,” she sobbed.
“What?!”
Jade’s explanation was a lot choppier and messier than Alcryst’s had been, as it was all spoken through bouts of crying that she would never, under any circumstances, had expected anyone would hear from her. But eventually, the whole story was relayed. By the end, Diamant and Jade were sitting on the floor of the throne room together, sharing in the shock at the news silently.
“You are relieved of your duties today,” Diamant said at last, his own voice shaking. “As...As am I.”
“King Diamant…?”
“I’m sure Alcryst can handle whatever needs to be done today on his own. We need time to...process this.” Diamant rose to his feet and offered Jade his hand. She took it and, with some struggle, he helped to her feet, armor and all. “Go take your armor off and…do whatever you need to do. If that happens to mean talking to someone, you know where to find me.”
Jade gave a weak salute and left. She blinked and she was in her room, sitting on the floor with her armor in pieces around her. The next time she blinked, she was fully under her covers, sobbing about how unfair it was. The next, she was dutifully doing the exercises she did every day to keep her health up.
Before she knew it, she was out on the training grounds. The sun was...somewhere, but it didn’t matter what time it was, so long as she could see the poor training dummy she was about to unleash hell upon. She was armed with an axe bigger than herself, hefting it up with ease thanks to her armor being off. She ran headlong at the dummy and, with a mad, feral scream, brought the blade down, cleaving the dummy right in two.
The straw went everywhere, the wood stake holding it up was cleanly split down the middle, Jade’s anger had successfully been channeled into training.
But she didn’t feel better. The feeling in her chest hadn’t gone away. Amber was still gone.
And he wasn’t coming back.
An hour later, the captain of the guard found her openly weeping right there in the training grounds, axe still in hand.
Jade watched the sunset from Diamant’s chambers, sitting on the edge of his bed while he sat in a nearby chair, staring out the window blankly.
“I keep hoping that he’ll come through that door any minute and tell me everything’s okay,” Jade said.
Diamant shook his head. “I remember feeling the same way about my father. But just like back then…”
“It won’t happen,” Jade supplied. “I know.” She buried her face in her hands. “Amber’s gone. And he’ll never know how I felt about him.”
The king put a reassuring hand on her knee. The gesture only made Jade feel numb inside.
“He was like a brother to me!” Jade sobbed. “Why didn’t I tell him…?”
Diamant said nothing. What was there to say? The two sat in the darkening room, no sounds between them aside from Jade’s sobs, and the occasional sniffle from Diamant.
Jade didn’t sleep that night.
Alcryst expected a scout to be sent to inform Amber’s family of his passing, but instead, Diamant and Jade went personally. The younger sibling was understanding that he would need to attend to manners for a while and wished them well as they left.
Amber’s mother at first thought nothing of her son’s boss and coworker appearing on her doorstep without her son with them. Instead, she invited them inside for tea, an invitation they couldn’t refuse with a clear conscience. It was plain to see where he had gotten his sunny disposition from.
“Oh, you’re Jade, right?” She asked as she set the tea cups down in front of them. “You actually got here just in time! Amber got started making this for you before he left, but he ran out of time, so I told him I’d finish it and send it after him. But since you’re here, I’ll hand deliver it!” She scurried off into another room for a moment, leaving Jade and Diamant in the room alone.
“This sucks,” Diamant sighed. Jade could only nod her agreement silently.
Before she could think of anything to say, Amber’s mother came back and handed Jade the gift she promised. It was an alpaca wool blanket, dyed to match Jade’s hair color, and with her name embroidered in one corner. “He said you asked for one before he left. Isn’t it soft?”
Jade merely stared at it in disbelief. It was the blanket she requested as an excuse not to tell him what she wanted to on the night that felt so long ago. A gift lovingly crafted and left behind by someone who didn’t expect it to be one of his final acts of kindness. At once, a painful reminder of words left unsaid and a beloved memento from someone who cared.
Jade buried her face in the blanket and cried. She didn’t know what else she could do in that moment.
Diamant took that as his cue to finally get down to why they were there. “There’s...something we need to tell you, ma’am.”
After sharing a cry between the three of them at that table, Diamant left behind a hefty sum of money for the grieving family. Amber’s mother promised she’d pass the message along while Diamant similarly promised a grand memorial for his fallen retainer. They stayed the night and left the next morning.
As they rode away, horses trotting dutifully down the path, Jade wrapped the blanket around her shoulders. Her mind was alight, but one thought echoed louder than the others, and it was the one she spoke to her king.
“They took the wrong one.”
“Pardon?” Diamant asked. “I didn’t quite catch that.”
She didn’t really want to be heard, but she couldn’t avoid his question for the whole trek back to the capital. “Whatever force decided that Amber needed to die picked the wrong retainer to take.”
Diamant gasped. “Jade!”
“You saw the tears that lovely woman shed yesterday,” Jade snapped. “She didn’t deserve to have her son taken from her before he even hit thirty.”
“And the alternative was Amber and I delivering the news to your parents and watching them break down over their daughter passing,” Diamant said. “Jade, the correct answer was that neither of you deserve to die. No one deserves this. This is just a random tragedy without any rhyme or reason to it.”
Jade had no response to that. She knew he was right, but a part of her still thought about how, if she was given the choice, she would have offered her life in place of his in an instant.
She wore that blanket tight around her shoulders for the whole ride back to the capital.
Amber’s memorial had become a city-wide event. A hero from the war and one of the king’s trusted retainers drew quite the crowd, but after the dust settled and the bulk of the attendees had gone home, it became a gathering of the folks who fought alongside the Divine Dragon milling about and sharing fond memories of the man they were there to remember. From Zelkov’s appreciation of his wool supply to Alear’s insistence that Amber had taught him how to speak alpaca, the stories were numerous and the laughs were plentiful. Jade participated of course, but she was finding it hard to give genuine laughs of her own.
The stories only made her sad that no more new memories would be made, and the portraits of him that lined the walls served as mere splashes of light amongst the muted colors of the rest of the world. Ever since he had passed, Jade’s world felt emptier. Darker. Like her sun was shining less bright. Tears stained her cheeks, and they only flowed more freely as the night went on.
People were slightly wary of her cloudy disposition, but finally, after the sun had set, someone aside from Diamant approached her. “You know, I find the concept of religion to be a bit weird.”
Jade was shaken out of her thoughts by that ice breaker. “Wha…?” She turned to see Alear, his familiar head of red and blue hair sidled up next to her. “Divine Dragon?”
“At least, the way we do religion is weird,” Alear elaborated. “I might have a strange perspective on this as I’m the one people worship, but isn’t it strange that people pray to me and I’m just...here?”
“Divine One, what the hell are you talking about?” Jade asked.
He shrugged. “Just some food for thought. I thought you might appreciate the distraction. I could tell you were struggling with your current thought process, so I thought I’d give you a new one.”
“So I’ve really become that easy to read, have I?” Jade could feel her dry sense of humor starting to bubble back up to the surface. The weeks since his passing had provided good days and bad, but knowing she would never see Amber again had thus far kept Jade from indulging in her sillier side.
“No, but who wouldn’t be distraught, going through what you are?” Alear leaned against the wall and looked out to the crowd. He seemed to be grateful to not be the center of attention. “You see, millions of people pray to me every day. And, don’t tell anyone, but I don’t hear them.”
“You don’t?”
“I get this faint feeling that someone is thinking of me, but that’s all that manifests from people’s prayers. But I do catch glimpses of what some of those folks are feeling sometimes. That’s when things get weird to me.” He looked up to one of the portraits of Amber, that cheesy grin smiling back at him through time. “People ask me to give them good fortune. To show them the way. Some blame me for letting bad things happen. Some wish for me to make bad things happen to others. But I can’t do any of that. I’m just...a person. A very important, divine person, but I certainly don’t have the power to influence events across the world.”
Jade tried to gauge the Divine Dragon’s expression, coming up with nothing. “Why are you telling me all this?”
“I just…” Alear heaved a deep sigh. “I don’t want you to blame me for what happened to Amber. If I had any say in things, he’d still be here. And he’d be calling what I’m talking about a bunch of mumbo jumbo.”
“Of course I don’t blame you.” Jade shook her head. “There’s no one to blame. There was nothing anybody could do.”
“Ah, there you are.”
Alear tensed up, but relaxed when the voice was revealed to be Diamant’s. “Oh, hey Diamant,” he said. “Were you looking for me?”
The king nodded in Jade’s direction, one cup of tea in each hand. “No, I was actually looking for her. Wanted to make sure she’s okay.”
“I don’t know if I’ll be okay for a very long time,” Jade said.
Diamant handed her one of the cups. “You know he wouldn’t want us to be sad, right?”
They each took a sip while Alear responded. “You’re right. He’d want us to be joking and laughing, and maybe even snuggling with some alpacas.”
“That’s easy for him to say,” Jade said after swallowing her tea. “He’s not the one that has to deal with the heart break.”
That trio stood there for a moment while Jade’s sentiment hung in the air like a foul stench.
“Do you remember what Amber said at my coronation?” Diamant asked.
“He said a lot. All the time,” Jade mused. “You’ll have to be more specific than that.”
“When I was upset that my father wasn’t there, he told me that as long as we keep him in our memories, he’d never truly die.” The king looked into his tea as if hoping what to say next would materialize in the liquid. “That’s true for Amber, too. All the things he did, all these people who loved him, and the books you wrote about him mean that he will never, truly be gone.”
Alear crossed his arms and nodded agreement. “Diamant is right. It hurts that Amber can’t be with us anymore, but he’ll never fade from our hearts.”
Jade finished her tea and handed the empty cup back to Diamant. “I know you’re right. But it doesn’t make me feel any better now.”
Diamant finished his own tea before speaking. “Trust me, I went through the same thing. You will probably never truly feel better. It will get easier, but it will never be the way it was. You just have to learn to adjust to it. And once you do that, I think you’ll come to agree. Now, let me take these back before something happens to them. Divine One, may I get you some tea while I’m gone?”
“That would be lovely, Diamant. Thank you.”
Diamant left Jade and Alear alone again. Jade looked around at all the lives Amber had touched. How loved he must have been. How much joy he spread. “Divine Dragon. Do you believe in reincarnation?”
At first, his answer came in the form of a thoughtful hum. Finally, he said, “I couldn’t say. Why?”
Jade hugged her arms close to her chest. “I can’t say whether I believe in it either. But...if it is real...” She took a deep breath to control her speech. “Whatever he comes back as, I hope he finds his way back into my life somehow.”
She let herself cry openly again. For the first time in days. Alear merely hugged her tight, giving her a literal shoulder to cry on.
“I think...he’s probably going to come back as an alpaca. Let’s be honest.”
That tension breaker caught Jade so off guard that she laughed genuinely. A real, normal laugh for the first time she could remember. “Thanks, Divine One. I needed that.”
Time heals all wounds. Some wounds, though, end up being too deep to truly go away. Jade thought of Amber almost every day for the rest of her life. Some days were easier than others. And true to Diamant’s word, she would never truly be over the man who brought so much color and happiness to her life. But she would eventually be okay. It was just a matter of getting there. The road to get there was bumpy, and she would have to wrestle with her feelings of guilt and mourning at times she didn’t even expect those feelings to come up. But years passed, and feelings that were suffocating at first faded into dull pains only felt on rare occasions. Amber was still with her. In the way the sun would cast a sparkle on freshly fallen snow, the way precious gems would glitter in candlelight, and the soft touch of the blanket he’d started making for her all those years ago. And many, many years down the road, she liked to think that he was with her in the form of her eldest child playing in the fields outside her window. She remembered the wish she’d expressed to Alear at Amber’s memorial all those years ago. Looking at her son with a cheerful grin he definitely didn’t get from his mom and blonde hair that absolutely radiated color in the sun, she felt that maybe, just maybe, her wish had been granted after all.
And the mere idea that Amber’s spirit had found its way back to her brought her peace.