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Zombie apocalypse survival guide

Summary:

Andrea Kimi Antonelli and Lorenzo Fluxa reading The Zombie Survival Guide.

Work Text:

"Someone sent me a book." said Kimi as they unwrapped Christmas presents.
"Fan gift?" asked Lorenzo.
"Ah, that's it. Someone watched Prema video."Kimi handed him the book, the title read: "THE ZOMBIE SURVIVAL GUIDE", written by Max Brooks.
Lorenzo laughed, "That's sweet, just what you need!"
"It's a heavy book," Kimi said admiringly, "this guy must know everything about zombies."
"Then you must read it thoroughly." Lorenzo said, grinning teasingly.
Kimi hesitated, "I don't have much time."
"Don't worry, we can read fast." Lorenzo pulled Kimi to sit beside him and scanned the catalogue, turning to a page and reading aloud, "After being bitten by a zombie, first you feel pain, your wound will clot."
"And very scared."
"So scared that you cry?"
"No!" Kimi protested. "Well, not sure, maybe I will. Anyone can cry when they get bitten, right?"
Lorenzo shrugged. "In 5 hours you'll get fever, chills, mild dementia, vomiting and joint pain."
"What is mild dementia?"
"Like when you get drunk? Or when you race in Qatar."
Kimi sighed, "So I have 5 hours to sort out all the important stuff, call everyone, upload a farewell video, find a solid coffin to bury myself in..."
"No need to bury," Lorenzo suggested, "you can just freeze yourself. Maybe people will find a cure."
"But we know zombie apocalypse always follows floods, blackouts... Then I run away from the fridge and start biting people. That's dangerous."
"Mate, when the time comes, I don't think there will be any fresh brains left for you," Lorenzo made a sad face and turned to another page, "to avoid starvation, we should first protect ourselves from the zombies. Good news, the author doesn't think zombies have superhuman powers. They can't repair themselves, so we can definitely kill zombies, though it sounds weird. And they rot in three to five years, if we survive that long, we'll be safer. But they can walk underwater, not very inspiring. Oh, hand-to-hand combat doesn't cause infection, so at least we can fight without proper weapons."
"Zombies have the same muscle mass as when they're alive," Kimi read, "but with super stamina. FluFlu, I think you can turn into a super zombie!"
"Yeah, let's hope that never happens. I might tear down the Prema factory all by myself." Lorenzo shivered slightly.
"But you move very slowly, so you only break a piece after a piece. we might have enough time to stop you."
"Speaking of which, Kimi, maybe I should ask you for a favour."
"What favour?"
"Don't break my handsome face, thanks. Just hit the back of the head or whatever."
"You're welcome. And you must not hit my face either."
"So we reach an agreement?"
"Agreed."
So they had a pleasant fist-bump.