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When will he be back?
That thought haunted Matthias’s mind daily, he anticipated the arrival of his wooden enemy with each passing hour. Fearing that if he let himself rest, the crafted image of his perfect self would be sat staring back at him once he awoke.
Louis’s permanent smile haunted him. His unblinking eyes stared daggers into his soul. Reminding him that a hunk of wood had been a better son than he ever was.
Matthias soon found that each time he would rid himself of that wretched puppet, it found its way back to him at shorter intervals. The first was ninety-three days. Then, after Matthias had reduced it to ash in the fireplace, it returned within seventy-one. Then that gap became smaller and smaller until Matthias was driven to the brink of insanity. He decided at around the twelve-day-interval that he *had* to find out where it came from. He had to.
And that’s what brought him to the manor.
And what a horrible place it was, after a few weeks here Matthias was no longer surprised that the origin of his torture came from here. The replicas of Louis were *meant* to drive him insane. It was bait to lure him into the games of death that he now played. And like a lamb to a slaughter, he bit the fishhook.
But, it wasn’t all bad. If he hadn’t fallen for such a cheap trick, he would have never met Mike. What an inconvenient double-edged sword.
Mike was like Matthias completely and utter opposite, but not in the way Louis was. Mike wasn’t a constant reminder of who Matthias isn’t, he was rather assurance. Assuring Matt that he didn’t need to be perfect at all. Because he didn’t need to be optimistic and bright for people to take a liking to him, because Mike did. With all his flaws and disfigurements, Mike was still taking a liking to him. No puppet needed.
Mike was his first friend, not just in the manor but in general. He always had a hard time talking to others as a kid. He was introverted, gloomy, and anxious. So when Mike first introduced himself on his first day in hell, he was sure he would forget him and would probably never really see him again. But that wasn’t the case. They actually found out they had a lot more in common than they originally thought.
They were both performers, even though Mike was more in the spotlight than Matt was. And they both lost their family in a fire. But Matthias wouldn’t dare tell him that it was his fault.
It was a very specific thing for them to bond over, especially with their differences in personalities that in reality, seemed to complement each other rather than clash. Mike brought him out of his shell more and allowed him to feel less trapped in his own mind. And Matthias acted as Mike’s voice of reason, being the person that grounds him when his energy gets too high for his own good. And even with Matthias he was calmer, slower with him. He knew when to stay a little quieter when Matthias grew sensitive to the noises around him. Matthias also found out that his constant enthusiasm was a ruse, Mike tended to pretend that everything was alright rather than face the problem head on. And being trapped in the manor probably didn’t help this sentiment. But with Matthias, he felt comfortable to open up about his real concerns and bottle his ails up. Because Matthias was a great listener, not necessarily good at advice, but advice isn’t really what Mike is looking for most of the time.
It was a wonderful change of pace, just what Matthias needed. But why here? Why did he have to go through hell and then some just to find a singular ray of sunlight in the darkest forest clearing.
knock knock.
The sound of knuckles against wood pulled the puppeteer out the dark pit of his mind. He started to recollect his thoughts, he was in his room, no lights, just the sound of the wind and the sight of his ceiling to keep him company. Matthias pushes himself upright just as another knock came from the door, in which Matt forced himself to leave his bed and head towards the it. He reached for the knob but froze, his fingers just barely grazing the metal. Who…was behind the door? Could it be—
“Matt, come on, I know you’re in there. I haven’t seen you all day, you’re worrying me!”
Mike.
Matthias breathed a sigh of relief before opening the door, only slightly though. It was open just enough to reveal himself and see his friend at the same time,
“Sorry, I’ve just been feeling a little under the weather.” He lied.
Mike’s smile faded, twisted into a concerned frown, “Oh, how bad is it? Please tell me you haven’t been blowing chunks all over the place!”
“No no! It’s nothing serious i’m just—exhausted, is all.” He reassured frantically.
Mike deflated, seemingly out of relief, “Oh, alright.” He smiled back, though in his eyes there’s still an ounce of concern, “Would you like some tea? Usually that helps me.”
Matthias thought on the offer for a second before replying, “I’d like that.” In a mumble. When he answered, he opened the door wide enough for him to step out of the room, Mike backed up to let him through.
“I’m guessing that means you wanna come with?” He asked, laughing a little. Matthias looked back at him, sort of dumbfounded but in reality he just hadn’t processed what Mike said. He had only stepped out of his room on impulse.
“Er—! Yeah, yeah I do.” He replied after a series of blinks and his mind-gears turning.
Mike laughs again, already starting to walk towards the kitchen and expecting Matthias to follow, “Alright, but don’t get me sick!” He jests.
Matt indeed follows suit, walking just behind Mike, not enough to seem like he wasn’t following him, but enough to be associated. Mike notices pretty quickly however, and he tugs Matthias’ sleeve and pulls him forward, “Come on, no need to walk behind me, Matt.” He says with a chuckle. Mike seems like he likes to laugh, even if some of his giggles seem more forced than others. This one didn’t feel that way, though.
“Sorry.” Was Matt’s only reply. Feeling he face heat up at the sudden contact, even if it was only through his shirt sleeve.
Wait, he was blushing? But why? It was only Mike.
Wait a minute.
The rest of the walk to the kitchen was silent, the two merely enjoying the presence of the other. Matt being too conflicted with his feelings to start a conversation, and Mike being too tired to do so.
Once they both got into the kitchen, Mike wasted no time to pour the already hot water from the kettle into the cup, Matthias, who rested at a nearby countertop and drew an unpredictable pattern onto the marble, was confused at first until he caught sight of the steam.
“Did you already have the water ready?” He asks with a tilt of his head.
“I uh…” he brings the cup closer to Matthias and sets it down in front of him, Matt notices it’s color and quickly realizes that the leaves had already been infused, “…Actually already made the whole thing, aha.”
Matthias wraps his hands around the ceramic cup, looking up at Mike with a slightly raised eyebrow, “You had the whole thing ready?”
Mike scratches the back of his neck and averts his gaze, “I—“ he gulps, “I originally made it for myself.”
“Oh…” Matt looks away, gluing his eyes to the tea before taking a small sip. The water was still very hot, so Matthias only drank a tiny bit before setting the mug down. He heard that Mike had said something, but it unfortunately fell on deaf ears. Matthias was too caught in the feeling of the water burning his tongue and the fingers that were wrapping around the mug, not enough to sting but enough to be *felt*. The twinge of pain reminds him that he hasn’t been reduced to wood yet.
But what if he already has, what if everything that makes him human was an illusion? Was Louis more alive than he is? Would Matthias bleed if cut? Matthias shut his eye tightly, feeling the wave of phantom pain crash over his empty socket and the scars that adorned it. Why did these thoughts follow him wherever he went? If Louis wasn’t his biggest worry, his paranoia came to replace it. Matthias can never know peace. All because of his selfish decision to play with fire. It was all his fault. Maybe he had truly died in that accident, maybe he died and is now suffering through eternity in hell. Was his life before the manor and after the tragedy his form of limbo? And if so, why was Mike here? Mike didn’t seem hell-worthy. Not in Matthias’ eyes anyway.
He didn’t know much of his past, just that he was apart of a circus show that burned down prior to him coming here. He doesn’t know much beyond that, though. And frankly Mike didn’t know much of Matthias’ past either. Just that his family was famous for their puppetry, and Matthias simply wasn’t performer worthy. Of course, Mike knew more details than that, as did Matthias. But really, neither wanted to get into the nitty gritty of their lives. And neither chose to pry.
Through all this reminiscing, and Matthias hadn’t noticed his tears had started to season his tea. Dripping down into the cup and onto the counter.
Mike was quick to place his hand onto Matt’s shoulder, “Matthias? What’s wrong?” He steps closer, pushing the cup away to prevent more tears from falling in and adding a more salty taste to the tea.
Matthias places his hand tightly around his mouth in a poor attempt to stifle his sobs.
“Matthias—hey, come here.” He pulls Matthias into a hug, wrapping one arm firmly around him and placing his other hand on the back of his head, softly petting him somewhat. Unsure of what caused him to breakdown so suddenly. Matthias limply fell into the hug, no protest or struggle. He just melted into the others arms and cried into his clothes, deciding to apologize for staining them with his meaningless tears later.
“It’s okay, just let it out.” Mike whispered. He felt Matthias’ arms slowly but surely return the gesture.
After a few moments of sobs and tears, Matthias was finally able to choke out, “It’s all my fault.” He sniffles, “I wasn’t good enough and they replaced me.”
“That—Matthias that can’t be your fault.” Mike assured. “Because you’re good enough to me, more than that even.”
“No—no you don’t understand,” He said, his throat starting to grow tighter, “If I-I had been a b-better son none of this would have happened!”
Matthias was almost interrupted by Mike tightening his hold around him, squeezing him consolingly, “How could you have been a better son when they never gave you a chance to be their child at all.”
“I-I don’t know! I could’ve—“
“There was nothing you could do, and that’s not your fault.”
“The one thing I could do got them killed.”
“Wh—“ Mike pushes Matthias off of him, holding him in place by the shoulders. Matthias’ head hung limp, facing the floor with his tears still streaming and dripping onto their shoes. “…what?”
Matt sniffs, “The fire, remember when I told you about the fire?” He grabs Mike’s hands and pulls them off of him, thinking that surely he’ll despise him after this confession.
“How could I forget?”
Matthias steps back, frantically wiping his tears away, “It was my fault. All I wanted to get rid of that damn puppet. I didn’t mean for them to die! I just wanted to be their son!” with each word his voice became more strained, filled with pain and malice.
His fingers dove into his hair, slightly grabbing and pulling it, “Sometimes I wish I died with them, because after I survived, that thing haunted me, taunted me.” He looked at Mike with a hurt look, and Mike looked back in shock.
“Every single time I tried getting rid of him he kept coming back! That’s how I got here in the first place.”
“Matthias—let go of your hair, d-don’t hurt yourself.” He says, knowing that he can’t reassure him right now and just wants him to get his feelings out. Preferably without accidentally harming himself.
Matthias obliges, opting to tug at his clothes instead, Mike seemed relieved by that at least, “Do you know what it’s like for a hunk of wood to be better than you? Replace you?”
“No, and I can never imagine what that feels like, Matthias.” He steps closer, very slowly as to not startle Matt, “But it’s not your fault, that whole thing could have been prevented if your parents had just…been your parents.”
Matthias’s breath hitches, the words piercing his heart, his wooden, mechanical heart. At least, that’s what he thinks. Was there truly any difference between him and Louis other than him being the more refined version of himself? But, Louis couldn’t cry like Matthias could.
Mike took notice of Matthias seemingly easing up, and took another step towards him. He was now close enough to comfortably touch him, but he wouldn’t. Not yet anyway, not until he knew it was stable.
Matt looked up at Mike like a wounded animal, wrapping his arms around himself. His eyes pleading for nothing. Just pleading for whatever he could give him.
“I…” Matthias started, Mike gave him his full attention, “…Sometimes I feel like I’m the puppet.”
Mike cocked his head to the side, his face never changing from the soft, worried look. It didn’t have an edge of hate behind it, “What do you mean, Matt?”
Matthias pried his arms off himself and stared down at his palms, “I mean—I don’t feel real sometimes, I feel like I’m just dragging myself around, like I’m a puppeteer to a useless meat sack…” he closes his hands, nails digging into his flesh, “…i’m just a worthless chunk of woo—“
Matthias was cut off by Mike’s hand placing itself onto Matt’s chest, feeling his heartbeat.
“You have a heartbeat, seems pretty real to me.” He says, his gaze meeting Matthias’.
“U—uh…” his heart skipped a beat, surely felt by the other, he was right. It was undeniable that in fact had a heart. He was human, alright. But then why did he feel so disconnected from his body? If he wasn’t artificial then was this normal?
Mike smiled warmly, breaking the silence that Matthias couldn’t even hear through his thoughts. “Say, s-since your parents didn’t show you enough love,” He looks down as his other hand grabs one of Matt’s, “Do you think—I could do the job for them?”
Mike didn’t look back at Matt’s face for a while, but before he got an answer he could feel Matthias’s heart quicken its pace underneath his palm, that’s a good sign, right?
Finally, Matt answered, “Yeah…of course, just—my heart’s brittle.” In a barely audible whisper, heard only by Mike. The hand on his chest dipped down to grab his free hand and pressed his forehead against Matt’s.
“Thank you, I have no intention of breaking it, I promise.” He says, “But uh, can I ask you something?”
“Huh?” Matthias croaked, feeling dizzy from the sudden change in topic.
“Sorry if now’s a bad time, but I forgot to ask about your nightmares.”
Matthias looked to the side, the counter top paid him no mind, he wasn’t sure how to answer and the kitchen wasn’t going to help.“Oh—they’re still…”
“Bad? Have you been able to sleep through them?”
“Not really.”
“Hmm,” Mike lifts his head up to better speak with Matt, “So I had this idea—“
Matt laughed softly, though it was more like a snort.
“Hey wait a second! Don’t laugh yet!”
Matthias smiled, only slightly but it was enough to reassure Mike, “Sorry, Sorry, what is it?”
“So! I was thinking, if someone else was there while you were sleeping, maybe you’d feel more safe and hopefully sleep through the whole night.” He explained, wiping what little tears Matt had left on his face.
Matthias blinked, “I…actually haven’t thought of that before, but it seems possible.”
“Great! I was also think maybe my room would be better since—I dunno maybe your room just has some horrible vibes.”
“Maybe.” He shrugs, still a little shaken up by his episode, so he couldn’t entertain Mike’s antics at the moment.
“Cool, should we go now?” Mike says, understanding Matthias’ issue.
“That’s fine.”
Mike nodded, letting go of one of his hands and leading him out of the kitchen, the cup of sadness flavored lavender tea was left to cool indefinitely.
The walk down the hall and towards Mike’s room was just as silent as the last, but this time they were hand in hand, and Mike seemed more comfortable with making conversation.
Halfway through the walk, they happened to stroll by some windows where Matthias took the the time to admire the moon. Tonight had a clear sky, meaning the waning gibbous was in full view. He was pulled back to reality when Mike briefly squeezed his hand and ran his thumb over his skin.
“Your hand is too soft to he wood.” He mumbled, almost distantly and not directly at Matthias. Just him thinking out loud.
Matthias clenched his jaw, this feeling was most definitely something Louis could never feel. That was the one thing Matthias had over him.
“Yeah, I guess your right.” Matthias replied under his breath just as they arrived at his room.
Mike opened the door, doing a mock bow and gesturing for Matthias to enter first, “After you.”
His room looked the same as the other guest bedrooms, the only main differences being how it was arranged, the blanket on his bed matching the pattern on his outfit, and the supplies he used to make his bombs that were scattered all over the desk.
“Make yourself at home, I have a feeling you’ll be staying here more often.” He said as Matthias sheepishly stepped inside.
Matthias peered at Mike over his shoulder, “Y-you do?”
“Well—if you sleep well tonight, I’d want you to be able to sleep peacefully every night so…I would want…” he trails off
Matthias nods slightly, “I’d like that, I’ll…think about it.” Matthias looks out the window, the curtains were open so he could resume his observation of the moon.
Mike goes around his room, tuning off the lights but keeping the one on his desk on, “You don’t mind this one staying on right? I think some light might help you at night.”
Matthias stares at the desk lamp, zoning out a bit before yawning through his answer, “That’s okay.”
Mike hums in response and walks past him. He stops at the wardrobe, pulling out some more practical clothing to sleep in, “Do you need clothes, Matt?”
“Probably.” He muttered, “This isn’t very comfortable to sleep in.”
“I bet,” he hands some folded clothes to Matthias, “Here.”
Matthias mumbles a thank you, he looks at clothes to see what he would be changing into and then looks up see Mike already starting to undress.
“Eep—!” Matthias quickly turns around and hides his face in the fabric, it smells like Mike, which hardly helps the flushing of his face.
“Oh! Sorry! I’m used to changing in front of people, I’m sorry I really should have asked.”
“N-no! It’s fine…” Matt replied, muffled by the clothes in his face. He looks up and turns around slightly, peeking at Mike who had now turned his back as well, catching a glimpse of his back muscle before he quickly averted his gaze again. Mike had a pretty athletic build, he expected nothing less from an acrobat but the sight still flustered him further. So much so that he had almost forgotten to put on the clothes he was given.
After a few minutes, they had both changed into more comfortable clothing.
“Are you done? Can I turn around now?”
“Yeah, I’m good.” Matthias said while he turned, Mike soon mirroring this.
Mike takes a look at the clothes, though it may have looked like he was checking him out, “Okay cool, they fit! I was scared they wouldn’t, though the shirt kinda looks big.”
Matthias tugs on the collar of the sleep-shirt, “I-it’s fine, no need to worry about it. It’ll be good for one night.”
“Good, but if it gets uncomfortable just get another from the wardrobe, okay?” Mike pulled back the covers from his bed and slipped himself into bed, sliding farther down so Matt would have enough room for himself, “Are you okay sharing the bed? I don’t want you sleeping on the floor, you know.
Matt shrugged, “I’ve never shared a bed before, so I don’t think I have a preference.”
“Alright then! Hop on!” Mike answered, smiling.
Matthias ended up staying in place for awhile, once again staring at the outside through the window.
“You comin’?” Mike calls after a few moments.
Matthias jumps, “Er—yeah!” He gingerly approaches the bed, standing just at the side of it as if waiting for his body to move its own. But there were no strings attached to him, he would have to make his own body move. Mike pats the mattress beside him, which finally gets Matt moving.
He slipped into the bed, sinking into the mattress and holding onto the soft covers, leaving a fair enough room between the two of them. After he go comfortable he brings the blanket closer to his face, “It’s so soft…”
“Isn’t it? I got lucky with this one.”
“How did you find this?”
Mike shrugs, “Found in a linen closet, it matches my outfit so I couldn’t just not take it, you know?”
Matthias hums, smiling slightly. “Yeah, it’s a nice quality too.”
“Fancy manor stuff, It’s one of the few good things about this place.” His eyes start to grow heavy, he readjusts his position and closes his eyes, “Goodnight, Matthias.”
“Mm, goodnight, Mike.” Matthias mumbled back, probably made incoherent by the blanket over his face.
They lie in the sweet sound of silence that seemed to lull Mike to sleep first, Matthias heard him let out a few small snores. Somehow, he didn’t find them annoying. Rather, he found them comforting in a way. It drowned any paranoid thought that clouded his mind.
“You fall asleep quick, must be nice.” He murmured, letting himself succumb to his tiredness as well after a while. No nightmares came his way either, Mike’s plan succeeded.
A few hours into the night, Matthias, being the light-sleeper he is, was jolted awake by Mike wrapping him up with his arms and holding him close. His heart was beating out his chest once he realized what was happening, did Mike even know he had awoken him? Was Mike even awake at all?
Matthias didn’t want him to let go, though. The position felt safe, Mike smelled like vanilla and honey. It was strangely nostalgic. And with the way his head was sat on his chest, he could hear the pitter patter of his heart. Though it wasn’t as quick as his own. But it was still a very grounding noise that adde to comfort of his snores.
Matt returns the hug, making it an actual cuddle now. He basked in the safety of his embrace, feeling like nothing can hurt him anymore, he was safe, and he could rest.