Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Fives groans, hanging upside-down from his bunk staring at Echo, who's thoroughly engrossed in what appears to be a holonovel.

"I'm so karking bored." Fives tosses a pillow at Echo's head, "How much farther is it to Xelipfon?"

Echo rolls his eyes before answering, "Two more days, just like it was when you asked 3 minutes ago."

"Arghhh but I'm bored!"

"You were literally begging for a day off less than four hours ago."

"Well, yeah, but that's before I knew I had one." Fives huffed, dramatically sliding down the top bunk and landing with a dense 'plop' onto Echo's.

"Break my bunk and I'll break you." Echo states, still not looking away from his holonovel.

"I'd like to see you try," Fives taunts.

"I wouldn't have to try." Echo mutters, swiping to the next page.

Fives looks scandalized, "Rude." He sighs dramatically once more before draping himself across Echo's lap directly in front of his holopad. "What are you reading, Ech'ika?"

"Nothing now, apparently." Echo shoves Fives into a slightly different position that allows him to see the holopad once again, "But I had been reading about natborn religions."

"Religion?" Fives tries out the word, "What's that?"

"Hmm it's complicated," Echo concludes, "But basically some natborns seem to need some usually invisible entity in which to place the blame for all of their wrong doings, or alternatively an entity that implies an existence after death."

"An existence after death?" Fives frowns, "But if you still exist how can you be dead?"

"Remember what the Alphas told them Prime had told them about the Manda?"

"Yeah," Fives snorts, "And the part where he said we didn't stand a chance of going there too."

"Well that's sort of Prime's religion, I think." Echo says, "There's also some religions that believe in reincarnation."

"Which is... what?"

"Basically where if you weren't good enough in your life you start over and have to do it again and again until you are."

"Oh, I didn't know natborns could get reconditioned too," Fives ponders.

"I don't think it's quite-"

"It must be exactly the same." Fives determines, "I wonder how they do it without Kaminoan tech though?"

"No, I think they get new bodies though. Reconditioning doesn't give you a new body."

"Ehhh it's still basically the same thing." Fives shrugs, "Why'd you start reading about it?"

"General Kenobi mentioned the religion of a group of natborns on the last campaign as the reason why they refused to bury their dead despite the sanitation concerns."

"Oh they wanted to cremate them?"

"No, they wanted to lie them out on towers in the sun so the birds can pick at them til only bones are left. And then they wanted to cremate them. And then spread the ashes in their fields as fertilizer."

Fives stares at him for a long moment, then nods. "I mean, I guess a body's more useful as food than rotting in the ground." then he reconsiders, "but if you're rotting in the ground then you're gonna end up food anyway, just by different critters. So I don't really see how it matters?"

Echo shrugs, then gestures to his datapad, "Me neither. Thus the holonovel."

"Lemme see that," Fives snatches the datapad from his hands, ignoring Echo's screech of protest.

"Give it back!"

"No, I'm reading." Fives refuses, "I thought you wanted me to read more."

"Read on your own holopad!"

"Nah, you've already got it pulled up. More convenient."

"For you, maybe!"

As it turns out, Fives is very capable of reading intently while in a headlock. Echo is dismayed, but also unwilling to tighten the headlock further, for fear of actually injuring his twin.

"You're so karking stubborn." Echo groans.

Fives ignores him, quickly scanning through the book, much to Echo's dismay. He pauses about a third of the way through the holobook and shifts his head to look at Echo, who has planted himself on top of his back so that he can read over his shoulder.

"So there's all these religions, right?"

Echo nods, unsure where Fives is going with this.

"Where did they come from?" Fives asks, "Like did people just... did they always believe these things? Just randomly know them upon being born? Is it a species thing?"

"No, religions may be more common within a particular species, but they're rarely limited to them." Echo answers, "For the most part, religions just kind of. Occur."

"Just occur?" Fives mutters, "Does everyone have a religion? Do we have a religion?"

"I mean we're probably supposed to have Prime's." Echo reflects, "Usually it's passed down from buir to ad, but we don't really have buire. Prime's the closest thing we've got. Or maybe the Jetii like Master Koon?"

"Eh I guess they're sort of buire? But not really." Fives frowns, "I can't believe they even took religion from us. It's literally just made up stories and words and we're not allowed to have it because Prime says so."

"I don't think Prime took it from us on purpose," Echo says slowly, "I don't think Prime has it anymore either. He did tell the Alphas not to look for him in the Ka'ra, because he won't be there."

"He said that?" Fives questioned, "How can you just lose a religion like that? That and the armor are the only things he had left of his buire. And he'd just give one up? For no reason?"

Fives scowls, "If I had a buir, I would keep everything I had from them."

"I mean sometimes new religions happen," Echo says, "They just spring up and people start following them. Usually it happens with new being groups."

Fives blinks, "We're a new being group." he says, "Could we have our own religion?"

"I mean in theory, yes, but usually-"

"Excellent. I'm building a religion," Fives determines, "We need something to pass to the tubies so they aren't left out from this whole religion thing too."

"It's not a thing you build di'kut, it's just a thing that happens."

"Well why would I wait for it to 'just happen' when I can make one myself." Fives points out, "Plus, it can't be that hard. You just need what? A deity, some holy stuff, a ritual or ceremony thing, and a bunch of beings to follow it. All of which we have."

"A Deity?"

"We can make one up. That's what all the rest of them did, right? That or just pick someone who died a long time ago." Fives grabs his datapad from on top the bed and pulse up the notes section. "Alright, we should probably start with a list of potential deities."

"Some religions don't have a deity at all though?"

"Eh, yeah, but I think it would be cooler to have a big universe dude to celebrate than it would be to not."

"Or dudette."

"Or dudette," Fives agrees, "Soooo what type of things makes a good deity? Like what should they be like?"

Echo squints, scrolling through a few pages of the holobook, "They could be benevolent, neutral, or malevolent. We should probably decide that first."

"Well we don't want them to karking kill us," Fives scoffs, "So malevolent's out. And the galaxy is too damn kriffed up for me to believe that any being controlling stuff is completely benevolent, so we kinda have to go with neutral."

"Fair enough," Echo agrees, "So do you want to go the route of a dead being from a long time ago or the route of a being who never had a physical form?"

"It'll be harder to find holy objects related to them if they were never a physical being that would need objects, soooo."

"Physical being, got it." Echo nods, "Plus if they actually existed we won't have to make as much up, so it'll be easier."

Echo briefly wonders how he let Fives talk him into this, but he supposes it doesn't much matter now. Sighing, he opens a new document, titles it "Vodeism", and starts scrawling down notes.

Chapter Text

"Ok, so physical being, presumably someone dead, that holds some level of significance to us..." Fives nods, trails off, then looks at Echo. "Any ideas, Ech'ika?"

Echo squints at the holobook in front of him, "Well, a lot of times there's some sort of story about the deity creating the people that worship them? Being made in their image and all that?"

"The Kaminoans can get karked," Fives growls, "There's no kriffing way that-"

"I wasn't talking about the Kaminoans," Echo says, "I was talking about Prime."

"Prime?" Fives frowns, "But isn't our deity supposed to be neutral? We can't use Prime for that because he's one of the biggest sha’buire that I've ever-"

"So are many typically considered 'neutral' deities," Echo supplies, "one of the demorian cultures has a deity that banished a whole being group to eternal damnation just for being the 'wrong' ones. You don't have to like the deity, they just have to hold a lot of power over you."

"So then..." Fives scratches his head, "Ok. Ok, that works with Prime."

"Actually no wait-" Echo scrolls to a different part of the holobook, "Usually they're supposed to be dead for a long time. Like a really long time."

"Well Prime's been dead what? Six months?" Fives leans over Echo's shoulder to see the holobook, "That's a long time, right?"

"Most religions have a time frame of a few millennia ago," Echo frowns, "But I mean 6 months is a really long time..."

"I feel like this is one of those 'my religion my decision' type of things," Fives says decisively, "And 6 months is like... a whole half of the war, and the war started forever ago. That's just gonna have to be good enough. Plus, a millennia from now, six months ago will be over a millennia ago. So, really, we're just ahead of the game."

Echo shrugs, "Ok."

"So." Fives says, stealing the datapad from Echo's hand and scrolling through their notes. "What do we have next..."

Echo immediately swipes it back from him, giving him a stinging smack to the back of the head. "Hands off, di'kut," Echo scrolls to the bottom. "Uhh... Holy objects."

"Oh, that one's easy," Fives grabbed for Echo's comm.

"Hey! Use your own!"

"Yours is closer."

"Yours is literally in your pocket!"

"My hand was closer to your pocket than mine."

"Kark you!"

"No thanks, I could never be with someone with such a boring haircut."

"We have the same karking haircut, dipstick!"

"Wow, I didn't know you wanted me this bad, Ech'ika-" Fives grins and leans in, gently caressing a slow, sultry hand down the side of Echo's face.

"Ew! Kriffing hells- stop it -," Echo swats at Fives, shoving him away, "Fine! You can use my comm!"

"Why thank you very much, so very generous of you..." Fives dials the code and waits for it to pick up. "Hey Sneaker! How's it going, vod? Yeah? Oh, same, same. Nice! Well, hey listen, I've got a question for you - You don't by chance have..."

Echo listens to Fives prattle on for a bit, swaying off track multiple times to tell or listen to stories that they never end up finishing. At one point, both of them were telling stories simultaneously, interjecting from their own to comment on the other's, before going right back into their own story. Echo is fairly certain that by the end of the conversation nothing has actually been said despite them talking for over ten minutes.

"Yeah, yeah, thanks for picking up I know you're- yeah, yeah, Echo says hi! Say hello to- yeah, of course, tell her to- uh-huh. Yeah. Bye!" Fives hangs up the comm and looks over at Echo, "He'll bring it by in about 15 minutes."

Echo stares at him, "You never even asked for anything, how could he-"

"My man Sneaker always knows what we need," Fives says, "Remember when you needed that one thing with the... with the blue thing on it? And the orange label?"

"No."

"Yeah, well," Fives says, "He's where I got it from so... he'll pull through. Trust me on this one."

Echo raises an eyebrow and sighs, "Whatever you say, Fives. Now, what is this 'it' you're talking about?"

"The holy object."

"Uh-huh..." Echo says, "And what might that be?"

"You'll see when it gets here! You'll love it, I promise."

(15 minutes later...)

"Oh Sneaker's here." Fives suddenly comments, looking up from the datapad he's tapping away at.

Echo frowns, "No one knocked on the door..."

"Nah, he's not at the door, lemme just-" Fives drags a stool over to the air intake vent and knocks at the vent with an old muddy set of boots.

"Vod, you're getting mud ev- ," Echo's cut off as the vent drops open and a vod falls from the ceiling.

"Thanks!" Sneaker greets, "This one's always tricky to do without help. Hinges are a little rusty, I think."

"Oh really?" Fives inspects the vent, "Could probably get maintenance to come down and-"

"Nah, I like the challenge of it. Leave it."

Fives nods, "Did you get what I asked for?"

"Did I get it?" Sneaker looks offended, dramatically clapping a hand over his heart. "What do you take me for? A hu'tuun? Of course I got it!"

A puff of dust comes off Sneaker as he digs through his pockets.

"I swear it was right-" Sneaker tries another 3 pockets, "It's..." Another 4 pockets. "Ah! Right here! One holey sock! At your service!"

"And you're sure it's his?"

"Well it ain't standard issue, and none of the Alphas or Nulls came to raise hell when I took it, so..."

"It's his." Fives nods, "Thanks buddy, I think we got it from here. Need a hand getting back up there?"

"Nope! Been practicing my leaps lately." Sneaker says enthusiastically, before jumping directly up, grabbing the edges of the vent and scrambling into it.

There's a quiet "Toodle-oo!" as the vent shuts and little skittering noises as Sneaker sneaks away.

Echo looks in dismay at the muddy, dusty mess on the floor, then looks over at Fives, who's grinning and inspecting his newly acquired sock.

"Isn't it beautiful, Ech'ika?" Fives holds it up for him to see, "The first holy object of our religion! And it's straight from Prime's drawers in his private quarters, if the rumors are to be believed. I think next, I'm gonna try to get some of that one cheese he-"

"Fives."

"Yeah?"

"It's Holy Object," Echo says, "Not holey object."

"You literally just said the same thing twice."

"Prime give me patience..." Echo sighs, rubbing his forehead.

"That's the spirit!" Fives exclaimed, "See, my religion's working already!"

Upon finishing Echo's holobook, Fives determined they needed first-hand information.

"It's all so vague," Fives frowns, "There's nothing about any specific rituals or parables or even histories."

"That's because it's an ' Overview of Sentient Religions'." Echo says, "It was never meant to contain the specifics. You'd have to go straight to the religious texts or a practitioner for that."

Fives crinkles his nose, "I'm tired of reading. Where do we find a practitioner?"

"Of what religion?"

"I don't know, any of them," Fives shrugs, "I'm not picky."

"General Skywalker is a Jedi."

"Yes and?"

"That means he's a practitioner."

"Of what religion?"

"Jedi."

"That's a religion ?!"

"They live in a karking temple, di'kut."

"O-oh... yeah no that makes sense I guess," Fives says awkwardly, "I guess I just never thought of the temple as being, ya know, a temple temple."

"We should probably make a list of questions first before we go asking about it..."

"The General doesn't seem very religious," Fives considers, "He doesn't really do the usual Jetii osik."

"Well we're not docked with anyone else right now, so he's really our only option," Echo supplies, "Maybe we can try someone else once we get to Coruscant. Plus, who are we to say how religious he is? We don't even have one yet. And we don't even know their beliefs? Maybe he's the normal one and the other Jetii are kriffed up."

"Yeah, right, let's go with that."

"Just give him the benefit of a doubt is all I'm saying, ok?"

It was immediately clear that Anakin had no kriffing clue what he was talking about.

"Uhhh... I mean, I've always thought about it as sort of- well- ," Anakin stutters, "Honestly I don't really know? I just kinda... do stuff. And I mean, it usually works? There's these little things called midichlorians, and I've got a lot of them. More than anyone, I think, and so that makes me the chosen one."

"The Chosen Ones!" Fives exclaims, "I read about those! I didn't know the Jetii had a chosen one! What are you chosen for?"

"Uhh... Master Jinn said something about bringing balance to the Force."

"Cool! How are you planning to do that, Sir?"

Anakin hesitates, rubbing his neck, "There's not really a plan per se... I'm just kinda figuring it out as I go- ,"

"Because the Force is going to tell you?"

"Oh- uh- Yes! Exactly!" Anakin nods, "Just ya know, following the will of the Force. And if it's the will of the Force, then it's going to happen anyway, right? So like no matter what I do, it's all gonna lead there, right?"

"I mean you're the Jedi practitioner, shouldn't you know, sir?" Echo asks.

"Oh I didn't mean it as a question," Anakin backtracks, "I was just making sure you were following. What I was saying. I mean."

"Of course, sir," Fives nods firmly, "Well thanks for the explanation, I guess."

"Uh yeah, no problem, ask away whenever you want." Anakin grins, "Everything belongs to the Force, and the Force is in me, soo... got all the answers up here." Anakin taps on his head.

"... Cool," Echo shifts his weight, awkwardly trying to figure out what to say next.

Fives grabs him by the wrist and starts tugging him along, "Bye sir we gotta go! Rex's keeping us busy you know how it is!" Fives gives the General a salute with the incorrect arm and takes off in the opposite direction, practically dragging Echo with him.

Once out of earshot,

"So we can both agree that was a bunch of banthashit he just pulled out his shebs, yes?" Fives asks.

"Oh 100%."

Chapter Text

"We can't just already be dead!"

"Says who?!" Fives asks, "Wasn't there that one with reincarnation where you die and then you-"

"But that means you go back to the living world and live all over again, you don't ascend yet!"

"Also why do we have to ascend? Like why can't we just... descend?"

"Because that's where the bad afterlife usually is."

"Not in my religion," Fives shakes his head, "some of the shinnies are afraid of heights. The good afterlife is supposed to be good, you shouldn't have to face a phobia to get there. No. In my religion, I'm gonna swap them."

"But what about the shinnies afraid of holes and deep spaces?"

"Can't make everyone happy," Fives shrugs, "more are scared of heights than depths."

"But you're supposed to make everyone happy, that's the point of the good afterlife."

"Well if Prime wanted everyone to be happy he should have planned it out himself, because I ain't smart enough to make it happen." Fives determines, "Plus, like we said earlier, he's a karking shabuir. He'd swap the signs on them just to kriff with people."

"There aren't any signs on afterlifes-"

"There are on mine." Fives insists, "Some shinnies are stupid. Gotta make sure it's clear where they're supposed to go."

"Ok, fine, whatever, you can have your signs," Echo sighs, "Back to the main problem. We can't already be in the good afterlife."

"Why not? Why should we wait to get there?" Fives asks, "that's dumb. Why would we wait to die to go there when we could just make here the good place?"

"Because, one, the journey of the religion is like the whole point of it. You have to prove you deserve to be let in," Echo says, "and two-"

"But what about the tubies that get culled though? If we wait, then they don't get let in because they don't have a chance to do the journey. We can't just send them to the bad afterlife because they haven't had a chance to exist." Fives frowns, "But I guess... I guess you have a point. They're not here anymore, and they can't possibly go to the bad afterlife because they haven't done anything to deserve it yet, so then... I guess here can't be the good afterlife. Otherwise the tubies would still be here."

Echo nods empathetically, "Which brings me to my second point. Here, this universe, it's not perfect. It's not good enough to be the good afterlife."

"Yet." Fives says firmly, "It's not good enough yet. Which means if we just work on making it better then the tubies will- yeah that makes sense because if we make it better than the tubies will never get culled to begin with, right? Which would make here the good option. We just have to work on fixing it."

"You want to fix the entire universe," Echo says slowly, "So that you don't have to wait 'til death to get to the good afterlife."

"Yeah, why not?" Fives shrugs, "I mean worse case scenario, we fail, but we make the living universe better. Where's the downside?"

"I think you are grossly underestimating how difficult this will-"

"Doesn't have to be easy," Fives says, "Just has to be possible. And even if it isn't-"

"Then at least you've made the world a better place," Echo nods, catching on. "Ok, I like it, Picasso."

"What's a Picasso?"

"I don't kriffing know, I just heard 'Soka say it once." Echo shrugs, "Context clues, ya know?"

Following the successful mission on Xelipfon, the Resolute docks on Coruscant for a few days to restock and let the men have a bit of a break.

Which, for better or worse, gave Fives and Echo plenty of free time to go investigate the Jedi archives for themselves.

"Are we even allowed to be in here?" Echo whisper yells.

"Nope!" Fives grins and shuffles through some some more books. Actual real paper books.

Echo's fairly certain that Madame Nu knows they're there. She's a Jedi afterall, she must sense their... vibes. Or something.

At any rate, the theory that Anakin did not pay attention in his Jedi classes is quickly confirmed.

"He's got no clue what he's talking about," Echo huffed, "And he's supposed to be their 'The Chosen One'."

"Most powerful of all of them," Fives marvels, "And he knows less than a tubie about how it all works."

"Not a tubie," Echo corrects, "The Jetii call them initiates."

"Eh, close enough."

"If we're going to ask questions, we have to be respectful," Echo points out, "and that means using the right terminology."

"It's not my fault they went and made it all complicated!"

Fives yelps, nearly jumping out of his blacks as Madame Nu appears less than a foot away.

"Trooper Fives, is it?" She says.

"Uh yes? Madam Nu?"

"Do you know what this place is?"

"The Archives," Fives bit his lip, getting a little nervous.

"And do you know how you're supposed to behave in the archives?"

"Um... Well?"

"No," Madame Nu says, "You're not supposed to behave at all in the archives. Because you're not supposed to be here without a Jedi escort to begin with."

"O-oh..."

"Now," Madame Nu continues, "I've chosen to ignore that rule for the sake of your curiosity and willingness to learn." Madame Nu breaks into a gentle smile, "I've not seen anyone tear into 'Introduction to Jedi Philosophy' with such enthusiasm in quite some time."

Fives gives a hesitant smile and wipes his sweaty palms on his blacks, "Heh, uh- yeah-"

"But the one rule which I cannot budge upon," Madame Nu's face levels out to reveal the sternness it had a moment ago, "is that this is a library. This place is for reading and concentration. Which means that I should not be able to hear your squabbling from my desk across the room, yes?"

"Yes, Madam Nu." Fives says.

Following a questioning look from Madam Nu, Echo echoed the sentiment.

"So when I walk back over to my desk," Madame Nu says, "There won't be any more proof that I left two troopers unattended in the archives. You must've snuck in so carefully, I simply did not see you. I should have been able to sense you, but then, the Force works in mysterious ways. It must've concealed you from me for some purpose. And who am I to question the will of the Force, hm?"

Fives grins, relief spreading throughout him. "You're letting us stay!?"

"Shhhhh..." Madame Nu glances around, ensuring there is no one else present, "I will remind you once more that this is a library, Fives."

"Sorry," Fives whispers loudly, "I just got excited."

Madame Nu sighs, "I couldn't tell."

After quietly observing the pair for several days at the Archive, Madame Nu's interest is piqued.

Not even her archivist in training has shown such zeal for the texts as Fives and Echo have of recent. The trainee is a dedicated study, obviously, but they're not so thoroughly engrossed in their work so as to forget to take breaks.

What makes this phenomenon even more fascinating is that, if she's not mistaken, these are some of Anakin's boys. Madame Nu's not certain he touched a text for the whole of his apprenticeship. It certainly doesn't seem like it at times.

If she'd known she'd have such vivacious readers that shared her passion for information, she may have invited the troopers to see the achieves earlier.

Commander Cody has come in a few times, always accompanied by Master Kenobi, of course. He's always seemed rather interested, asking impressive questions and whatnot. However, all of them linked back to the war in some way, and learning what he could do to better serve his General.

Despite the rather loud nature of the boys' discussion, Madame Nu rather enjoyed listening to them debate the finer points of Jedi philosophy. It was interesting getting to hear the perspective of those who had not been raised in their beliefs and had only tangentially been exposed to them. In their attempts to understand and process broader concepts, they created several analogies that Madame Nu fully intended upon sharing with the younglings. They also created several other analogies that would never be shared with the younglings, and that Madame Nu would rather forget herself. They were, however, accurate enough to show an in-depth understanding, despite the crudeness on occasion.

If she just so happened to forget a small box of chocolates and a few hydropacks on their study table one evening - no, she didn't.

And if she found the box and the hydropacks sitting on her desk one morning with a small note that said "Think you forgot these, I'm glad no one snatched them!"? She definitely didn't smile at their thoughtfulness and lack of assumption.

And she definitely didn't put them back with a note saying "No, I didn't."

Chapter Text

Unfortunately, all good things must come to an end, and so does Five and Echo's time at the archives.

Luckily, they've acquired enough notes and information to keep them occupied and spark a whole new list of questions. Which is convenient, given that their next mission has them docking with the Negotiator.

It's relatively easy to set up a meeting with the General, although the pair does receive a quizzical look from the Commander.

Cody squints at them, debating their intention for a moment before agreeing, "So long as no pranks are happening."

"What? Us? Never." Fives shook his head, "How dare you even imply it - We would never do such a thing, right, Ech'ika?"

Echo nods in agreement, "Of course not, that would be against regs."

Cody squints harder.

Everyone knows that although Fives does brainstorm the pranks, Echo is the true mastermind who commander-proofs them. They can't get in trouble for following the regs, after all. Echo just happens to know every loophole and odd set of phrasing there is. You have to know the regs to break them without actually breaking them. Although it may not seem it, between the two of them, Echo was definitely the crafty one. He's just better at hiding it.

Fives makes the hairbrained idea and Echo figures out how to make his twin's vision reality (with a few of his own finishing touches, of course.)

"Whatever," Cody sighs. "He's a big Jetii, he can handle himself. Just no property damage, no vode damage, and no Jetii damage, tayli'bac?"

"Elek, alor."

"'lek, alor!"

"No galactic relations damage either."

"You're asking for so much, Commander!" Fives sighs dramatically, "Such oppressive conditions!"

"It'll be fine, sir," Echo assures him, "It's genuinely not a prank this time, we're just curious about some Jetii stuff is all."

After eyeing him one more time, Cody nods, "Alright. Pretty sure he's off prancing around and gathering his tea at the moment, let me know when and if you manage to find him. And tell him to answer his damn comm."

"Gathering tea?"

"Tea comes from leaves, di'kut," Echo swats the back of Fives' head. "Those leaves have to come from somewhere."

"Oh, I just figured since they were in the little bags..."

Cody shakes his head, "Away with you both, before I assign you catch-up flash modules. Clearly you didn't pay attention the first time."

"Kark that!" Fives grabs Echo and sprints in the opposite direction, Cody looking after them with a smirk on his face. He wonders what condition his Jetii will return in.

Cody hopes it's glittery this time. Those are always the best ones.

It takes Fives and Echo awhile to locate the General, but once they're near, you couldn't miss him.

"Uh... Sir?"

"Yes, Echo?" General Kenobi does not open his eyes.

"Do you have to make the leaves glow to make tea?"

"No, no, of course not." Kenobi says, "The leaves just weren't quite ready to be picked yet, so I resolved to speed up the process. It's a good opportunity to practice my connection with the living force, at any rate."

"I see," Echo frowns, "So what exactly are you doing to them?"

"Just maturing them a little further," the General explains, "They were still too young for picking."

"Oh, so you can make organisms just... get older?" Fives asks, "And that's ethical?"

Obi-Wan shrugs, "I'm going to eat them either way, may as well make them taste better when I do. I fail to see how making them older makes it unethical?"

"Well, supposing they were sentient..." Fives began. "And some species of plants are," Echo continues for him, "Even ones we haven't discovered are yet,"

"I suppose I haven't thought of it that way before," The General admits, "but if one thinks so broadly, then I imagine there aren't many ethical actions left in the universe."

"So Jetii don't actually intend to protect all lives, like was in the document," Fives says, "You only protect sentient ones."

Echo nods, "Otherwise you would only eat ration bars and protein mush, like we were designed to. In order to protect all life, you would have to only consume pre-formed molecules that never had lives of their own."

Obi-Wan frowns, "I'm not certain what you're trying to accuse me of, but-"

"We're not trying to accuse you of anything, sir," Fives says, "We're just trying to understand your religion."

"It's been very confusing and conflicting so far," Echo agrees, "There are so many contradictions, and it has changed so much over time."

"Yeah, it's nearly unrecognizable compared to what it was when it started."

"You've been studying Jedah?" Obi-Wan questions, "Whatever for?"

"Well, Echo was reading that book on Galactic religions that you suggested," Fives says, "And we figured it's kinda rude not to know anything about your religion considering how much the Jedi do for us."

"Oh," Obi-Wan smiles, "That's very respectful and kind of you both. Where have your studies taken you so far?"

"We've not gotten too far yet," Echo explains, "But first we talked to our General, but that didn't seem to... well, he didn't-"

"Our General knows nothing." Fives says bluntly, "No offense."

Obi-Wan sighs, "None taken. He never did care to pay attention in his lessons. So you must've gotten more information elsewhere then?"

Echo nods enthusiastically, "We went to the Archives next,"

"The Archives?" Obi asks, clearly surprised, "Madame Nu allowed you in there?"

"We... didn't really ask?" Fives says, "We snuck in, but she found out anyways. She didn't seem to mind all that much, so long as we were quiet."

"You two? Quiet?"

"Respectfully, sir, go kark yourself."

Echo squeaked and elbowed Fives in the side, "Fives!"

"It's fine, Echo," the General smiled, "It's all in good fun."

"If you say so, sir,"

"Anyway, back to the point," Obi-Wan says, "The Archives, hm? Those are some pretty high level readings. Even Masters often have trouble interpreting them."

"It was kinda difficult, until we realized that if we just cut out the fancy words and used simple ones to replace them it all made a lot more sense. Or rather a lot less."

"And the reason you wanted to meet with me is to get some clarification?"

"Yes, if you don't mind, sir?" Echo asks.

"Of course not, what would you like to know?"

The questions begin simple, with things like "How did you become a Jedi?" and "How long does it take to become a master?" and "What's the actual difference between a Jedi and a sith?".

It's not until they begin to get progressively more deep and... questionable that Obi begins to get concerned.

"So like... since Jetii and the sith are kinda mirrors of each other, then they probably have a lot of the same pieces, right?"

"I suppose so, yes," Obi answers, "They began the same and diverged somewhere along the way."

"So if Jetii holy objects are like holocrons with information and stuff, then Sith must have the same things? And if Jedi have healing rituals, then do the sith have sickening rituals? Or deading rituals? What's the mirror equivalent?"

They've been asking more and more questions about the sith over the course of their talk, and Obi's beginning to become concerned that they may be a little too interested.

Cautiously, Obi reaches into the force and prods at them, looking for any threads of Force sensitivity he can find. Fives does have alarmingly impressive shields...

Echo noticed Obi-Wan slowly closing off a bit as time went on and they asked more specific questions. He was about to tell Fives it was time to go, clearly Obi-Wan was close to being done answering questions. But then Fives began asking questions about one of the most fascinating parts of the Force and Echo... got a little excited.

"So you guys worship microscopic bugs?" Fives asks animatedly, holding out two fingers pinched close together to signify the size he's speaking of.

"Uhh... not exactly?" Obi-Wan says, "We follow the will of the Force. The bugs I believe you're referring to, the midichlorians, allow us to access and interpret it."

"Oh, so the bugs are your priests then." Echo nods decisively.

Obi stares at them.

Blinks.

Stares again.

"Well, I- I suppose-"

"So if your bugs are priests then your clergy live inside of you, which is definitely different than any religion I've ever seen-" Fives begins, but is cut off by Echo.

"No, wait, there was that one in those galactic whales re-"

"Oh yeah! The purgils!" Fives nods, then grins, "Oh that makes sense! Because of the-"

Echo nods in agreement, "Makes perfect since with-"

Fives nods back, "Of course, it's so clear now-"

Obi awkwardly takes a step back, "I do believe it may be time for me to head back to my office now, I'm sure Cody's-"

"Oh, I forgot - I've got a message from him for you, sir!" Echo says.

"What might that be?"

"The Commander said for you to 'Answer your damn comm'," Echo says, then shortly adds, "Sir."

Chapter Text

"Ready?"

Fives just grins in response and holds his hand up high enough it could be seen across the mess hall.

Echo presses flickers the lights in the hall as Fives bids for attention verbally.

"Hear ye! Hear ye!" Fives calls out. "Behold! The magnificent! The perforated! Prime's Holy Sock!"

The mess hall splits about fifty-fifty with half standing in confused silence and the other half with delayed, although enthusiastic cheering.

Many shinies look to their ori'vode to determine how to respond to Five's shenanigans. They make quick work of imitating the vod, whether it they were rolling their eyes, crossing their arms, or cheering loudly at the chaos.

Fives climbs the strategically placed ladder and pins the sock high in the corner of the mess hall, at which point Echo (who has strategically snuck off in the chaos), flickers the lights dramatically.

"Gather around, gather around," Fives prompts the vode nearer. "Prime does not gift us this honor freely. He does ask something in return."

"And what might that dead motherkarker be asking from us?" A sergeant asks skeptically.

"He asks only for the simple offering of our thoughts," Fives states softly. "We must all eat our pudding cup whilst standing before the holy sock, and think of Prime. That is all he requires."

The sergeant thinks for a moment.

"Alright, yeah that's valid."

Earlier that day...

"Many religions include offerings of foods and fineries to their deity, often through presenting the valuables to the Holy items which somehow send them unto the deity," Echo reads. "This part seems pretty important."

"Well, we don't exactly have fineries and a sock can't eat pudding cups," Fives frowns. "Plus, Prime would disapprove of wasting all that, soooo... what if we just eat them in front of it? Have a symbolic offering?"

"What do you mean symbolic?"

"I mean by eating the food we're keeping ourselves well, right? And we're basically a bunch of primes, right? So feeding us feeds Prime."

"I guess that makes sense," Echo squints. "But isn't it supposed to be some sort of sacrifice?"

"Yeah, I'm sacrificing the fact that I'm not eating a second pudding cup."

"But we never get two pudding cups?"

"You never get two pudding cups. Speak for yourself."

"You're getting a second and you didn't tell me how?!"

"Consider it a sacrifice to the Holiness of Prime's left sock."

"There are no left and right socks, there's just socks."

"Tell that to Prime."

News about Fives and Echo's new religion spread through the ship like wildfire.

A new line was added in mess hall to make the process of the offerings more orderly and smooth.

"Truly a shame Prime died before the blueberry flavor came out. I think he would have loved it," reflects one vod.

"Yeah, that osik's good enough it could wipe a grimace off even his face for a few seconds," agrees another.

"What do you think he would say if he knew his sock was in our mess hall?"

"He'd probably think it was some kind of jetii osik," the vod shrugged. "Mind control and the like."

"I think it's kind of nice to have a piece of him here," another says.

"Vod, we're all pieces of him."

"You know what I mean. It's not the same. It's nice to have a little reminder of him."

"Clearly you didn't ever have a training session with him," the vod rolled his eyes. "What I wouldn't give to forget."

"Ask the Holy sock for brain bleach when you get up there then."

"Maybe I will."

Fives was vibrating with glee.

"It's working!" He stage whispers to Echo. "They're eating their puddings before the Holy sock and they're thinking of Prime!"

Echo nods, baffled. "It is. If I didn't know better, I'd almost say they like it too..."

When designing the clones, the Kaminoans coded them to be excellent communicators. Upon decanting, they realized there were a few flaws to their plan.

Clones were indeed excellent, clear communicators. They were also prolific communicators. Just because they can get something across in just a few words doesn't mean they will.

For that reason, there is one skill at which clones are invariably the best.

Gossip.

Echo crinkles his nose at the sound of Fives' comm going off and presses a pillow to his ears.

"Holy Kriff, Ech'ika! Look at this!"

It seems Prime will not be allowing him to sleep in today.

Fives hangs down from his bunk and slithers onto Echo's once again crushing him in the process.

"What in the galaxy could be worth being awake at this hour?" Echo groans, blinking tired eyes open.

Fives shoved his comm into Echo's face and it took a couple blinks for the screen to clear enough for Echo to tell what he was looking at.

"Karking hells," Echo says, pulling the comm closer. "...Is that?"

"It's a Holy Boot," Fives nods. "Wax just found it up in same corner of the mess hall."

"How'd they get it up that high?"

"Pesky's work, I'm sure."

"Ah, that tracks. I didn't see the vent," Echo frowns. "How did they know about it?"

"I mean, comms are a thing. That we have. And use. Often."

"Yeah, but spreading to a whole other battalion? This quick?"

Ping!

Fives opens the message and cackles.

Chapter Text

Something else one should note about vode is that, when intrigued about something, they are insatiable.

It doesn't take long for Fives to decide, given the early success of their religion, that he needs more information. So far, he's exhausted the Jedi archives, General Skywalker, and General Kenobi.

"They're all so karking stupid," Fives shakes his head. "They don't even know what they believe."

"Maybe you should go straight to the source then?" Echo suggests.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, if none of the Jedi seem to agree with each other, then surely the leaders of the order will have the legitimate way things are supposed to be interpreted?"

"You mean Yoda?"

"I'd been thinking of General Windu, but ye-"

"Perfect! We'll be back in Coruscant in a few days anyway!" Fives gleefully says. "You can talk to General Windu then."

"Now wait just a minute-"

"No no no it's perfect. I'll talk to Yoda, you talk to Windu. Surely at least one of the supreme priest carriers will have the information we're needing."

When Fives finally finds Yoda, it's in the room of a Thousand Fountains.

He's currently hunting and posed to pounce by the looks of it. Fives waits a moment longer for Yoda to catch his dinner. It's truly distrubing how easily the squirming frog slips down his throat.

"Trooper Fives, here, why are you?" Yoda asks, then licks the remains of the frog from his lips.

"Have questions for you, I do," Fives begins. "Speak in riddles, why do you? Demand it, does the Force?"

Yoda blinks at him.

He's never had riddles spoken back before.

"Demand it, the Force does not," Yoda answers. "Demand it, the council's lack of humor and levity, does."

"For comedic relief, this is?"

"One of many reasons, it is."

"Other reasons, there are?"

"Old, I am. Let the young translate me, I do. Listen to others, work enough is," Yoda explains, then continues. "Infuriate the council members, it does. Slow down their decisions, it does. Make them think twice, it does."

"Wise you are," Fives nods sagely.

"Questions, you said you have?"

"To have tiny priests inside you, how feels does it?"

"What."

Meanwhile, Echo and Windu are chiling in Windu's office.

"Chilling," meaning Echo finds himself standing awkwardly in the doorway waiting for Windu to look up from his filmsy work and notice him. He's been standing there for well over half an hour, despite having knocked on the doorway several times.

Eventually, Windu sighs.

"You're more persistent than most. Take a seat."

Echo startles at the sudden recognition and scrambles into the chair opposite to Windu's desk.

"You know I was there?"

"I'm a Jedi, of course I knew you were there."

"Then why did you make me-"

"I was hoping you would go away."

Echo awkwardly watches Mace continue doing his filmsywork for a few minutes before Mace looks up at him.

"Is there a reason you're interrupting my daily filmsy work penance?"

"Well, sir, I just had a couple questions, well they're not really my questions, they're actually Fives' questions, but I'm kind of helping soo..."

Mace puts down his stylus and rubs his temple, leaning back in his seat.

"Alright then, let's hear them," He sighs. "Apparently the Force has elected to declare them as important."

Echo nods and pulls out what appears to be a small piece of filmsy and begins unfolding it.

Mace watches as Echo continues unfolding it. And then unfolds it a little more. A piece of filmsy that size should not have been able to be folded that small.

By the time Echo seems to have finished, he holds up the piece of filmsy and prepares to speak, but then hesitates.

"Oh, oops," He mutters, and then he picks at the corner of the filmsy and it doubles in size once more.

Mace's headache spikes. He's not sure if it's the shatterpoint or just... this.

The Force suddenly bangs on his mind's shields like a gong to make sure he knows it's a shatterpoint.

Mace winces, presses a hand to his temple, and reaches blindly for his comm.

"Penny, clear my schedule for the day. It appears I'm going to be busy for a few hours, and I will be having a migraine at 3pm."

Echo looks at him, unsure.

"Well, let's get on with it," Mace sighs. "What's the first one?"

"How does it feel to have tiny priests inside of you?"

Mace gives himself a moment to process before saying:

"You've been speaking to Knight Skywalker, haven't you?"

"Uhh not recently, sir?"

"Recently enough, it seems."

Mace raises his comm to his lips again.

"Remind me to schedule Knight Skywalker for remedial ideology lectures."

"He's already scheduled, sir." Penny answers.

"How long has he been going to them?" Mace frowns.

"He hasn't, sir."

"Can he even do that? Skip?"

"I don't know, Master Windu, you're the head of the council. Can he?"

Mace groans and rubs his eyes, "Remind me to get a secretary with less attitude."

"I'll put it on your calendar, sir."

Echo smiles awkwardly.

"What's your next question?" Mace asks. "I refuse to dignify the first with an answer."

"Uh ok... since you're the master of the order, does that mean the priest bugs talk to you the most even though you don't have as many as General Skywalker?"

Mace takes a deep breath, trying to summon every last ounce of his dignity and patience.

"Alright," He nods slowly. "Apparently we're dignifying it. What are these... 'tiny priests' you are speaking of?"

Echo gives him the most judgmental look, "You're the head of the Jedi Council and you don't even know your own religion well enough to know your tiny priests?"

"I've never heard of 'tiny priests' so you're going to have to explain a little further please."

Echo shakes his head in dismay, "The tiny priests that live inside of you and help you talk to the force. The mito- midi- midichloria? Mitochondria?"

Ohhhh... Now it's starting to make a little more sense to Mace.

"You mean midichlorians," He nods.

"So you do know the tiny priests?" Echo narrows his eyes. "Why did you say you didn't?"

"I assure you, trooper, it's not out of any malice," Mace states. "I... have simply never heard them referred to that way."

"So your first question was what does it feel like to have midichlorians," Mace nods. "You should be able to answer that one yourself, given that you have some."

"I have tiny priests?"

"You do. Everyone has them. Some more than others."

"Well, yeah, I just didn't think that vode could have them."

"Why wouldn't you?"

"We were cloned in tubes, not born," Echo explains. "So unless the Kaminoans put the midi-whatnots in the tube, how could we have them in us?"

Which, Mace thinks, is actually an excellent point.

He's never heard of a force sensitive Kaminoan.

In fact, he's never heard of a force sensitive in any species that reproduces via cloning.

"Honestly, Echo, I'm not certain," Mace answers bluntly. "I'll have to get back to you on that one. Perhaps we could get you or one of your brothers tested. That would at least answer the question of whether you have them, if not how they got there."

Needless to say, that is not the end of Echo's questioning, and the questions do not get any easier at all.

Mace is rapidly and repeatedly prompted to think about the Force in terms he'd never considered before.

"So when Jedi go rejoin the Force after they die, what do they do?"

"What do you mean?" Mace asks, frowning. "I'm afraid I don't quite understand the question."

"Like is this a soup or salad situation?"

Mace is no less confused.

"I'm... still going to need more explanation. Soup or salad?"

"Do they all combine and dissolve into Force soup and become a collective consciousness or do they retain their individual consciousnesses and just kinda link arms, pull a three Kobalts in a trench coat routine and go 'I am the Force, do not doubt my wisdom despite the fact that I'm made up of thousands of di'kuts.' "

Echo wiggles his fingers for effect.

Mace purses his lips, "Uh... Both? I believe?"

Echo nods and scrawls down some more notes onto his datapad.

"And woul dyou say it's more soup or more salad?" He asks.

"Ummm..." Mace considers. "Next question please?"

Turns out Echo is very good at the game "Stump the Master."

"Why are you all Generals if you're supposed to be peacekeepers?"

"Sometimes when there is no peace left to keep, you must make it for yourself," Mace explains. It's taken him a long time to terms with that himself.

"And you think you can do that by cutting droids in half with Force-powered laser beams?"

"I think that's a bit of an oversimplification," Mace frowns. "We're protecting the galaxy from those that would see it suffer."

"By cutting droids in half with Force-powered laser beams," Echo levels.

Mace sighs.

"What would happen if the Separatists won?"

"They would likely take control of all Republic planets and impose strict laws and rules on them that would only serve to benefit the upper classes."

Echo squints.

"So... if nothing would change, why are we fighting it so hard?"

"Things would change," Mace insists. "Just think of what could happen to you and your brothers. You could be forced to fight wars, forced to comply with orders you don't agree with."

Echo squints harder.

"How... how does that change things?"

Mace blinks.

Mace is now thoroughly overwhelmed and struggling to keep a professional bearing as he continues to get more and more bewildered. The questions just keep rolling.

"So the Jedi have a code, right?"

"Yes, of course."

"What's it say?"

Mace quotes the code to him from memory and watches as Echo processes for a moment.

"There is no emotion, there is peace.

There is no ignorance, there is knowledge.

There is no passion, there is serenity.

There is no chaos, there is harmony.

There is no death, there is the Force."

"Respectfully, Sir, that sounds fucking boring," Echo says bluntly. "And it's literally impossible."

Mace stares and waits for the galaxy-rearranging explanation he knows is coming (as is par for the course for all other questions.)

"Logic dictates that if one thing exists, the lack of it must also exist, yes?"

"I don't understand what that has to do with-"

"How can there be knowledge if there is no ignorance? Like you can't just be born knowing stuff. Even if you're decanted like me, tubies don't know anything until they start the sleep words and flash modules. In order for knowledge to exist, there has to be ignorance first."

Echo continues his tirade.

"And 'there is no emotion, only peace'? Either all of you are really karking horrible Jedi or that's a bunch of banthashite. And 'there is no death, there is only the Force'? You literally just said you have to die to join the Force? Which. Means that death is in fact a thing that exists."

Echo emphatically gestures with air quotes every time he references the code.

"And 'there is no chaos, there is harmony'? Have you met Master Kenobi? Knight Skywalker? Master Yoda?"

Mace sighs.

"Unfortunately," he says. "They are called the disaster lineage for a reason."

"So either you don't give a kriff about your code," Echo continues. "Or you're all really bad at following it."

"I feel like I follow it fairly well," Mace ruffles in response.

Echo raises an eyebrow and gives him a dead stare.

" 'There is no passion, only serenity.' You sure looked serene when you found out what decommissioning was," Echo states flatly. "You sure looked serene when you thought Master Kenobi had been blown up. You sure looked serene when-"

"Alright, alright, little sithhells, I get your point."

Eventually, Echo's list did actually run out questions.

While Echo may have gotten some answers, all Mace got was questions.

Mace, his mind tumultuous, decides he must meditate on the concerns Echo has brought to light.

He finds himself slowly, reluctantly inching his way over to Master Yoda, who was also meditating.

"So. I have some questions," Mace admits.

Master Yoda gives him a long look.

"Come to see you, Echo did?" Yoda asks.

"Yes?" Mace is a little startled that Yoda already knew what was on his mind.

"and come to see me, Fives did," Yoda nods sagely. "Troubled, I am. Troubled you are, as well?"

"Kriff."

Meanwhile, Fives and Echo compare notes.

"Well, I mean the inconsistency gives me hope for our religion," Fives starts. "Clearly you don't have to have everything figured out for it to work."

Echo snorts, "You don't even have to have most of it figured out, apparently. Master Windu didn't even know if his tiny priests had names!" Echo rolls his eyes. "Imagine being someone's holy secretary your entire life and they never even bother to address you directly? That's got to be so rude. I'm surprised the tiny priests don't rebel."

"Wait!" Fives jumps on the idea. "Maybe that's what happens when you fall? Your priests rebel?"

"But... if that's the case, then the whole order will fall one day," Echo says with slight horror and no small amount of accompanying consideration.

"But the why do some fall faster than others?"

"I don't know," Echo shrugs. "Maybe the ones who fall faster did something extra to piss them off?"

"Huh," Fives considers for a moment, then lies the topic to rest. "Anyway, General Yoda invited me to go frog hunting with him."

"He did what now."

"Frog hunting. He says they're a delicacy on his planet," Fives adds. "I wanna try them."

Chapter Text

Fives and Echo dig through their notes for much of the next few days.

"What if-"

"No."

"But you don't even know what I was going to-"

"Yes, I do, and no."

"But Ech'ika!" Fives whines. "How are we supposed to get an unbiased opinion if we don't-"

"We are not talking to a sith."

"What if it wasn't a very sithy sith?" Fives bargins. "We can do our research, find the one that's least likely to murder us-"

"Which would still be very likely," Echo raises an eyebrow. "Plus, how would we even contact them? It's not like we can just pull one up on speed dial?"

Fives pursed his lips, looking away innocently.

Echo squints.

"Something I need to know about, di'kut?"

"I... may or may not... possibly... happen to know a thing."

"A thing?"

"A thing," Fives confirms.

Echo squints harder, "And?"

"And one of our beloved Jetii may in fact have a sith in their comm codes."

"How the hells do you know that?!"

"Mayhaps I swiped one so I could change the background image and just so happened to receive a text-"

"There's a jedi. Receiving texts from a sith," Echo clarifies. "And you didn't tell anyone?"

"Like I said," Fives says, "They're not a very sithy sith. And I wasn't completely stupid, I scrolled down through some of the messages. They were all completely innocent, mostly happy birthdays and some war memes."

"War memes?"

"Yeah, some of them were pretty great. I sent them to the group chat."

"Those came from a sith?!"

"I know, right? Who would have thought the sith have such a great sense of humor," Fives grins, but then turns a little more serious. "I really don't think this one would kill us over a couple questions. We could even use a burner com and make it anonymous. Is it still treason to conspire with the enemy if it's just research?"

"I mean, technically-"

"If anyone asks, we can just say we're gathering info. For non-treasonous purposes beneficial to the Republic, of course," Fives determines. "That should be fine. So long as we don't use the word 'conspiring'. Or 'treason'. It'll be fine.

"Maker, I hate you."

Count Dooku glances over as his com buzzes and does a double take when he sees that it's from a number neither he nor the com recognizes.

"How does it feel to have tiny priest bugs inside you?"

Dooku blinks.

"And who might this be?" he taps out.

"An interested party."

"Interested in what exactly?"

"Tiny priests."

It goes even better than Fives had anticipated.

Each question he asked was met with what appeared to be honesty and a fair evaluation of the darksiders' stance. Dooku did not seem to strictly adhere to the guidelines he spoke of, and when Fives asked as much, Dooku had merely replied that he doesn't follow the stupid parts.

"That doesn't sound very sithly."

"Frankly, I don't give a fuck."

After more conversation, Dooku admits that he's not overly attached to being a sith and mostly just wants to do whatever he wants. Given that's not acceptable for Jedi, he figured he may as well try the other side, and they've yet to kick him out for it.

Meanwhile, the Jedi had tossed him at the first sign of darkness. If the sith won't get rid of him for keeping a little light, then Dooku thinks he may as well stick around.

"That's so valid." Fives agrees.

Dooku entertains their questions with such a patience and willingness. He wasn't nearly as thrown by the tiny priest questions as the Jedi had been - just told them that he wasn't sure. He had been exploring the force in more abstract, conceptual sense as well lately.

"So like. What exactly do sith do? What is the goal here? With the war?"

"I can't speak for the wrinkle, but personally, I have no intention of taking over the republic, maker knows I don't need that drama, I just want to force a reset. I want the senate to restart from zero and rebuild more fairly. Unlike the Jedi, I'm willing to do what's necessary to make that happen. Sidious is merely a means to an end."

"Ok, ok, that makes sense. A lot of the senators are some of the biggest pricks I've met. Next question: so the jedi have a code thing that they follow, do the sith have one too?"

"Yes, of course. It reads as follows: 'Peace is a lie, there is only passion. Through passion, I gain strength. Through strength, I gain power. Through power, I gain victory. Through victory, my chains are broken. The force shall set me free.'"

Fives and Echo read through the creed.

"This is what the Jedi have a problem with?" Fives questions.

Echo shrugs, "I guess?"

"There's literally not a problem with this," Fives scrolls back through the creed again to make sure. "I mean, sure, it's a little... dramatic, but like. They're force users. Force users are dramatic."

"But peace isn't a lie though? That's what we're fighting for."

"Yeah, but there will never be true peace. Peace is total lack of conflict. Even if we come to a compromise with the separatists, there will still be conflict. As long as there are opposing views, conflict will always exist," Fives says. "The galaxy would be a boring place without it. Without conflict, we'd never make any sort of progress. Nothing would ever change."

"Hmm," Echo doesn't sound particularly convinced, but he concedes that Fives may have a point.

"And I mean at least they're a lot better at sticking to their code?" Fives adds. "Sure helps that it's possible to follow it, at least. Honestly, I feel like the General would like that code. It seems his style?"

"Do you think the Jedi know the sith code?" Echo asks.

"Dunno, but I don't see why they would. Maybe they wouldn't be at odds with the sith if they knew what they were actually about. I don't know how anyone could have a problem with breaking chains and being set free, given how anti-slavery they are."

Fives watches as a strange look slips across Echo's face before disappearing again.

"You ok, vod?"

"Yeah, I just - do you ever think that maybe we..." Echo starts, but hesitates. "Nothing, it's stupid."

Fives raises an eyebrow, "I can see the gears grinding in your bucket. This sounds juicy. We agreed to share juicy things, Ech'ika."

Echo rolls his eyes, but nods, "Sometimes I wonder if the Jedi are actually against slavery."

"Why would you think that they aren't? You saw how they reacted in Zygerria," Fives says, confused. "And with Skywalker's history..."

Echo tilts his head, "We don't get paid, Fives."

"Yeah?"

"And we can't quit."

"Yeah? And-" Fives pauses. "Oh."

"Uh-huh."

"But they treat us so- he gave me a whole chocolate bar once," Fives says. "We've got the best education in the galaxy. I don't feel like a slave."

"We fight and die for a Republic that doesn't acknowledge us as sentients. And they bribe us not to worry about it with pudding and chocolate. And it works," Echo presses. "We don't have a choice. We never had a choice."

Over the course of a few weeks, Fives and Echo continue to message back and forth with Dooku, becoming increasingly familiar.

One day, Fives stares at a new message.

"Kark."

"Kark what?"

"He totally thinks we're darksider tubies," Fives realizes. "He thinks we're looking for a Master."

"What? No, he-" Echo pauses. "Oh kriff."

They stare at the comm.

"I mean... we don't have to tell him we're not. We can just continue on as we have been," Fives says slowly. "Because I don't think you can teach apprentices from far away it's more of a buir type position. And honestly, I mean..."

"No."

"What? He's nice?" Fives shrugs defensively. "Plus, he didn't make you stand and wait for you to go away for nearly an hour like Windu did! And he's not a Sith Sith, he's just a... sith. Lowercase sith. Just got disappointed and... sauntered vaguely downwards."

"Maker, Fives, you can't just-"

"Watch me," Fives says bluntly. "I'm gonna be Uncle Half-Sith's favorite. I'll let him know you think a chains breaker is evil."

"I don't think he's evil, I just-" Echo hesitates. "We're digging ourselves a really deep hole, Fives. If the Jedi find out -"

"They won't," Fives shrugs. "And even if they do, what are they gonna do about it? Give us a stern talking to? Extra training?"

"But what we talked about earlier-"

"The Jedi aren't like that," Fives says firmly. "They're caught between a rock and a hard place just like we are. They didn't order us. They're at least trying to protect us. Plus," Fives adds. "We're getting so much new material for our religion. And I understand the force way better now than I used to. That's going to come in handy at some point, I'm sure of it. The general gets himself in all sorts of scrapes, and now we know a little more of how to get him out of them. This only benefits the Republic. It's still not treason."

Echo rubs his face tiredly, "At least if we go down,"

"Then we go down together," Fives finishes, pulling Echo into a keldabe. "But we've got a new problem."

"Great. What's that?"

"Dooku's not a real sith."

"Uh-huh?"

"That means we need to find a different one,"

"Hells n-"

"And it also means we now have a third party to consider," Fives continues, ignoring Echo's plight. "If he's not a jedi, and he's not a sith, then what the kark is he?"

Meanwhile, Fives and Echo's newly shared draft of the book of Prime is going viral on the GAR net. The "12 Commanderments" are especially popular. Fives figured they would be, given that he took the idea from a pretty common natborn religion. But having a list of ground rules seems like it will be pretty helpful for shinies especially. Fives is careful to phrase the commanderments in such a way that acknowledges that there may be unprecedented circumstances when following the commanderments may not be the correct way of handling a situation. These are guidelines for decision making. Nothing more. The original religion Fives snatched the idea from had been quite a bit more aggressive in the application.

"Never kill when maiming will suffice. It makes the clean up easier,"

Fives remembers receiving that bit of advice from the Alphas during ARC training, and they received it directly from prime. Seems pretty solid to him, so he includes it in the commanderments.

Chapter Text

"Good morning, darling," Obi-Wan greets, passing over a mug of caf to the Commander as he lumbers up to the bridge control center. "Sleep well?"

Cody mumbles his thanks, and then something that sounds vaguely positive.

He never was a morning person, despite the kaminoans' best efforts. They never could train the morning grogginess out of him.

"I'm glad you slept well," Obi-Wan says. "See I tried, went to bed early, just as Helix ordered, but I couldn't stop thinking about something."

Cody takes a long sip of his caf, sighs, and resigns himself to wake up now.

"What's that?"

"Well, you see, Commander, I couldn't help but wonder about the Boot."

"The boot? Sir?"

"Yes, the boot in the mess hall."

"The boot in the..." Cody blinks and rubs his eyes, fighting off the last of his sleepiness. "Was a trooper out of regs or something, Sir?"

"Regs? Heavens no. You all can wear whatever the kriff you want, Force knows I don't care," Obi-Wan shakes his head. "No, I was referring to the boot pinned to the ceiling."

"The boot on the..." Cody prays to the Manda for patience. "Would you like to take a walk down to mess, Sir?"

"Gladly."

It's not long before they reach mess.

Cody stares up at the boot, watches the line form beneath it as they collectively eat their desserts dramatically, holding each bite in the air and raising it high before eating it.

"Sir, I - " Cody stutters. "I've not been to mess in a few days, I was just having it brought to the office. I'll... I think I need to make a few calls."

Obi-Wan grins, "I look forwards to hearing the conclusion of your investigation. I must say, I'm rather baffled at this point, but it's got me incredibly intrigued."

Cody sighs and pulls out his com.

"What do you want?"

"Morning to you too, Fox. Got a question for you," Cody begins. He can nearly hear the eyeroll on the other side of the line. "No, no, don't hang up, you shebs!"

"Fine, but make it quick, I'm busy."

"You're always busy."

'"Sure am. 10... 9... 8..."

"Hells, ok, why the fuck is there a boot on the ceiling in my mess hall?"

"Why would I know that?"

"Because the vode surrounding it look like a kriffing cult, and that's right up your corries' alley."

"We're not a cult."

"Says the vod with hundreds of vode with identical paint and a step count to walk the corridors the right way."

"It's just regulation."

"Whatever. You really don't know anything about it?"

Cody can hear Fox sigh over the line.

"Just that you should be thankful it's a boot," Fox says. "We've got a half a pair of kut'ika up in each mess."

"Yours too!?"

"Unfortunately it seems to be contagious."

"Did they say where they got the idea from?"

"I was able to trace it back to this book - here, I'll send you the link - shiny told me it got mass messaged about a week ago. Not sure why we didn't get sent it too. Seems like the culprit was selective."

Cody scrolls down through the holobook briefly.

"501st?"

"Oh hells, yeah. They're written all over this banthashit," Fox says. "Can't prove it though, who ever sent it out covered their tracks well."

"My credits are on Jesse."

"Jesse? Nah, this is Fives' work."

"You think he can spell well enough to write this?"

"You don't give him enough credit," Fox says. "Kid's smart. Stupid, but smart."

"I still don't think he's got the attention span. This document is dozens of pages long."

"I guess we'll find out."

"I guess we will," Cody says. "You're buying me a drink next leave if you're wrong."

"I prefer a triple-shot espresso martini. With one of the little umbrellas. Oh, and I mean a triple shot of vodka and triple shot of espresso," Fox says. "Just in case you were wondering what to buy me when I'm right."

"Awfully cocky there."

"Not cocky when you're right."

"Whatever, vod'ika. Talk to you later, I've got to go rip Rex a new one."

"'Kay, have fun. Be saving up for my drink - those things aren't cheap."

"Oh kark you."

"You too!"

Rex squints at the holo.

Cody looks pissed.

Well, that's not good.

"Got something you want to tell me, vod'ika?"

Rex shrugs unsurely, "I don't think so?"

"I'm told you might be able to explain to me why my troopers are worshiping a karking boot in the corner of my mess hall."

Rex blinks and is immediately exhausted.

"Manda, they actually did it," Rex rubs his face. "They actually - gods."

"Who did what, Rex?"

"I didn't think it would get this far - it was just - I thought it was just gonna be here -"

"Rex."

"Listen, I'll fix it, I swear, I just need to - "

"I need to know who did it."

"There's no need to push this higher, this is just ship level osik, ok? You really don't have to - If Kenobi's mad, I'm sure I can have Anakin -"

"No one's getting in trouble," Cody sighs. "Yet. But I need to know who did it."

"It really doesn't matter, Sir, it's just a couple bored troopers being -" Rex cuts himself off. "I'll take full responsibility."

"No, I don't give a kark about who's taking responsibility, Rex. Who's idea was it?"

"Sir, it was just a harmless little -"

"Just tell me!"

"Fine! It was Fives!"

"Fuck!"

Rex startles as the image rattles from Cody slamming a fist on the table the comm sat on.

"Gods damn it, Fives!"

"Wha-"

"Did Jesse at least help him?"

"Jesse? I mean, I'm sure he encouraged it, but -"

"Kark him to hells - fuck. Ok. I've got to go. Talk soon."

Rex stares at the comm as Cody hangs up.

"Was that Cody?" Pipes up a voice from the doorway. "I've never heard him that angry before. What was that all about?"

"No kriffing clue, Commander," Rex shakes his head. "No kriffing clue."

"I'm here to report on the boot, Sir."

Obi-Wan takes in his Commander's appearance and feels the annoyance in the Force.

"Are you well, Commander?" Obi-Wan asks. "You seem..."

Cody mumbles something Obi can't quite make out.

"What was that?"

"I owe Fox a drink..."

Chapter Text

"Maybe... Vode An?"

Echo chews on his stylus, "I guess that could work."

"We don't really have much other music to go off of," Fives points out.

"I know, but I still feel like we need more than one."

"Does it have to have words?"

"Well, not necessarily, but usually it-"

"Bam. I got it!" Fives nods definitively, standing as he does so.

He takes a bow, then a deep breath, and begins to clang his vambrace against his chest plate rhythmically. He proceeds to hop and clang his thigh plates, then leans forward and catches himself in the chest plate with his knee a few times.

Another dramatic bow.

"There," Fives nods. "More music."

Echo raises an eyebrow, "But can you do that identically twice in a row?"

"Uhh not yet, but with some practice I could!"

Echo considers him for a moment.

"I mean, it... it is a cool cultural feature, and it draws back to our history and our lifestyle," Echo admits. "I like it, conceptually. We can call that a work in progress."

"What can I say?" Fives looks very proud of himself, "I'm just the man with the plan."

"None of this is planned. You were just flying by the seat of your blacks-"

"And landed safely on the ground, thank you very much. I'd like to see you manage to banthashit your way through that."

"Don't need to, that's what I've got you for."

The beep of Fives' comm disrupts the conversation.

"Kark, Rex wants me."

"For what?"

"Dunno," Fives frowns, "It's not my week for fresher duty, and I've not been late at all lately, thanks to your scrupulous shebs."

"You gonna go?"

"Mmm prolly gonna be 10 minutes late."

"Why?"

"Haven't ticked him off in awhile, I need my fix of Rex frustration."

The comm beeps again and Echo grabs Fives' arm to read it.

"I don't think you'll have any deficit even if you leave now," Echo raises an eyebrow. "Actually, we're going right now."

"We?"

"Yeah, I want to watch."

"Kark you."

Rex watches the pair trot up at a distance. He stares at them for a long moment without speaking as they fiddle uncomfortably beneath his gaze.

"Gods, I don't even know what to do with you," Rex says, rubbing his eyes. "I know the answer but I'm asking anyway. Answer honestly. Do you have anything to do with the sock hanging in the mess hall?"

"Yes," Echo nods

"But also no," Fives adds.

"I'm going to need a little more than that."

"Yes, in that we sourced the sock."

"But no, in that it's the will of Prime. It was always going to happen."

Echo suddenly turns his head to Fives, "I thought we decided against the concept of fate?"

Fives stage whispers, "We never decided, we were still discussing it."

"So you just decided on your own then?"

"It's convenient this time."

"That's not how religions work, it's not about what's convenient -"

"Could have fooled me - "

Rex sighs more loudly, "I suppose this does explain it. I knew Fives was - but of course you two were in cahoots together. I thought better of you, Echo. Guess I should have known better."

"You really should have," Echo agrees.

"Can you... explain to me what exactly is happening on this ship. And the Negotiator. And the Triumphant. And the karking corrie base. How the actual kriff did you get them involved?"

"We got the Corries?!" Fives cackles. "Oh, it's all coming together now."

"What is coming together?!" Rex says desperately. "What in the galaxy are you doing? And why is it contagious?"

"Because religion is contagious. It's meant to be," Echo says, as though that tells Rex anything at all.

"Religion?" Rex asks, "You're building a cult?"

"No -"

"Ehhh..." Fives contrasts, "I mean it's kind of a -"

"It's not a cult," Echo repeats. "It's almost a cult, but it's still missing a few factors. We've not got that far yet."

"You're trying to create a cult."

"Not exactly," Echo says. "But some religions do end up going that way."

"So many words have happened and I still know no more than I started out with."

'We're building a religion," Fives says bluntly. "And we figured forgiveness was going to be easier than permission, which is why you're finding out the specifics now rather than earlier."

"At this point, you've already lost," Echo says sagely. "It's too late. We've spread too far."

"It may be time to enact the 'if you can't beat them, join them,' concept."

Rex does not manage to eradicate the religion.

In fact, all he manages to do is convince them to put the sock on a ornamental shelf instead of just pinning it up.

He mentioned how it made the mess hall look sloppy and was immediately concerned when Fives agreed and promised to do something about it.

How kriffing dare they get kidnapped after pulling banthashite like that. The audacity - he didn't even have time to yell at them first.

Rex huffs and shovels a spoonful of protein mush into his mouth as Kix stares murderously at him.

"This enough, buir?" Rex asks sarcastically. "Can I go find my kriffing men now?"

"Finish that corner of the plate and then yes," Kix says. "You don't think clearly when you're hangry. You'll be much more efficient now."

"They could be torturing them, Kix, or maybe - maybe we're too late already - " Rex growls, "And I'm sitting here eating karking mush."

"And also flying through the galaxy at thousands of lightyears per second," Kix says. "With with both your jedi, your jetii'ika, and your ori'vod on a warpath helping you. You can take a moment to fill your boots. And with what we may come up against when we get there, I'd recommend getting all the food and rest you can."

Kix watches Rex take the last two bites of his mush and then scurries off somewhere to either alive or unalive someone else.

Rex stares up at the sock shelf.

He takes a sip from his canteen, then stands and moves closer to the shelf.

He stares at the shelf for a while longer before,

"Oh, what the hells..."

Rex shakes his head and rips the seal off his pudding.

"They better be alive when I get there," he threatens the sock, jabbing his spoon towards it.

He stabs the pudding with all the anger of an exasperated ori'vod and eats with with the same energy.

"Gods damn you - fucking dominos."

Cody blinks, then squints harder through his binoculars.

"... sir, what exactly am I looking at?"

"It appears to be a dinner party, dear one," Obi-Wan sighs.

"Is that - "

"I believe so, yes."

"Why are they not - "

"I assure you, I wish I knew."

Cody squints even harder, aiming his binocs towards the head of the table.

"... is that?"

"Count Dooku, yes, it is."

"... Did he just pass Fives a bowl of fruit?"

"gods, Cody, are you going to continue asking stupid questions? You're worse than a shiny."

"Forgive me for being in shock by the enemy feeding kriffing luxuries to their prisoners of war."

"They do seem rather comfortable, don't they?" Obi-wan mused. "Not an ounce of fear to be felt in them."

"I should tell Rex we found them, he's been worrying himself sick," Cody mumbles. "He'll want to help rescue them. It's probably a good idea to wait for the back up, just in case."

Cody sends off the message and receives a response almost instantaneously

"TELL ME WHERE THOSE BANTHAKRIFFERS ARE THEY ARE SO DEAD CODY I'M NOT EVEN JOKING"

Cody rolls his eyes and sends the coordinates followed by,

"they're safe for now and as far as we can tell, uninjured."

"THEY'RE ABOUT TO BE"

"KARKING PRAYED TO A FUCKING SOCK FOR THEIR DIKUT'LA SHEBS"

"u what"

... a couple hours ago ...

"Uncle Half Sith?" Fives says confusedly.

"Uncle wh- wait a second -" Dooku stares at his captives. "Surely you're not..."

"How are your tiny priests?" Echo asks, then adds. "Honestly, this is easily my favorite time of being a prisoner of war. Your cuffs don't even hurt that much."

"You're... clones?"

"I mean," Fives raises an eyebrow and makes a show of looking himself up and down. "I'm not sure what else we'd be. You're still a clone, right Ech'ika?"

"Last I checked, yes."

"Fascinating," Dooku says under his breath, "So you're the ones who've been asking all the questions about sithism?"

"We figured we needed a better understanding of exactly what we're fighting against and why we should be."

"And what have you determined?"

"To be honest, I still really don't understand why," Fives admits. "People are allowed to have different opinions. I don't know why they insist on killing us about it. We're not even part of your religion. Or the Jedi's. We believe in vodeism."

"Vodeism?"

"Pretty cool, right?" Echo says proudly. "We made it ourselves."

"You made... your religion?"

"All of them started somewhere," Fives shrugs. "We took bits and pieces we liked from other religions, Jedha and Sithism mostly, just because that's what we know the most about. And we just sort of made our own."

"You included sith theology?"

"Not theology so much as... ideology," Echo corrects. "It made a lot more sense than Jedha's framework though, so we probably borrowed a little more from you guys. Speaking of which..." Echo spares a glance to Fives.

"Oh yeah!" Fives nods. "So like, since you're not actually sith, you're just uncle half sith, who would you say is like... a sithier sith who still probably wouldn't kill us if we asked questions. I need like... at least 80% sureness that they wouldn't try to murder us."

Echo clears his throat.

"Ok fine, like 93% sureness," Fives amends.

"You call me Uncle half-sith?"

"Yeah, 'cause you told us yourself some parts are stupid and you don't follow them. So. Half-Sith."

"No no, that part makes sense, but Uncle?"

"Dunno what else to call you. 'Count' feels a little formal now, with all we know of each other, but I guess we could go back to it if you're not comfortable."

"... I suppose... I suppose uncle is fine."

"Awesome!"

"Sweet!"

Dooku stares at them awhile longer, trying to reconcile these faces with the voice that had asked deep and insightful, though odd, questions over comm.

"Would you like to tell me more about your... 'vodeism'? Perhaps over dinner?" Dooku asks. "I'd be interested to hear what you've come up with and the way you've woven sith ideology into it."

"Sure, Unc, what are we eating?"

"Mmm I'm not sure what's on the menu today. They just sort of... bring things. There's always something good."

"Who's 'they'?"

"Ah, that would be Mealy and Flinter, my servants."

"Oh yeah, I forgot you were like, royal and shit," Fives nods. "That must be neat."

"A burden as often as advantage, believe it or not."

Echo looks at the high arching windows surrounded by art, "I believe it. Those frames have to be hard to dust. I'm sure they keep you busy enough, even before doing your royal duties."

Dooku raises a brow, "I don't dust them, that's what Lieldra is for."

"Lieldra?"

"My maid."

"Oh."

"So like, what do you actually do then?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, if Darth Sidious is running the war, and you're just kinda going where he tells you to. But you're not actually fighting that much because you have droids and you don't actually like fighting the jedi, then like. What are you for?"

"Honestly? Funding. I pay for a lot of damn droids."

"So your job is being rich?"

"Essentially."

"That's a cool job," Fives decides. "Maybe I try that one day if we ever start making credits."

"It would take a long time to make that many credits," Echo shakes his head. "We'd likely die first."

"Shut it, killjoy, a vod can dream."

Dooku releases their cuffs with a swish of his hand and with one more draws the seats out from the table which the vode eagerly sit down in.

"What type of wine would you like?" He asks, "It's Taungsday, which is fish night. I'd recommend something white."

"Wine? I've heard of that. Is it more like moonshine or ale?"

"... I'll pick something for you, yes?"

"Sure, sounds great!" Echo's attention is suddenly caught by a bowl on the table. "Wait - is that an actual grape? I've only seen those things in flash training!"

"You've never had a grape," Dooku says blankly.

He processes for a moment before raising his comm to his lips.

"Mealy, darling, bring out the good stuff for tonight's dinner. We've got guests. All the freshest foods you can find."