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Imogen hated being cold. She always had. Their brief stint in Uthodurn had been miserable, for more than one reason. But she was never cold with Laudna beside her. Anyone else might be put off by her less than average body temperature, but it was familiar to Imogen. Reassuring that Laudna was still there after the days without her.
So when Imogen started awake, the red storm quickly fading from her memory, cold and alone, she knew something was wrong. Laudna had taken the final watch of the night, but she was usually nearby. And always there after a nightmare. Imogen squinted in the semi-darkness, the sun starting to rise and offer a little light.
“Laudna?” She didn’t want to be too loud and wake everyone else up. She’d probably just stepped away for a minute. Nothing to be worried about. But Imogen was worrying. She couldn’t help it. The recent encounters with Otohan had put them all on edge and the memory of their sword going through Laudna still kept Imogen up some nights, “Laudna?” A little bit louder. She brought out a couple lights, keeping them dim and away from their still sleeping companions. She stood, carefully stepping around everyone, shifting her lights as she went. The fire had mostly dwindled down to embers, untouched for a couple hours by the look of it.
Imogen looked around, trying to figure out where Laudna could’ve possibly gone. Because she wasn’t around. Hadn’t moved to a different spot in camp, wasn’t just out of sight in the trees. Imogen could feel the panic rising, and walked over to Orym, curled up beside Fearne. Knelt down and gently shook him awake. To his credit, he didn’t immediately wake up and try to stab her. He did sit up quickly, reaching for Seedling and squinting around.
“Whatshappening?” He looked around, seeing Imogen and relaxing a little.
“Sorry, I’m sorry. You didn’t hear Laudna step away earlier did you?” Imogen kept her voice low, not wanting to worry him. He rubbed his eyes, getting the sleep out of them.
“Laudna? What do you mean? Where’s she at?” He extricated himself from Fearne, nimbly wriggling free without waking her up, and looked around, more alert and awake.
“I don’t know. Did you hear anything? I know you were asleep, but if anyone did, it’d be you.” Imogen looked around, hoping she was overreacting and Laudna would come out of the shadows with some animal bones in hand, talking to Pate on her shoulder. But there was nothing. Just the sounds of the forest around them.
“I mean, I thought I heard something moving around a couple hours ago. But that’s not unusual and if it was important, Laudna would’ve woken us up.” He started pulling on his armor, trying to be quiet. Neither of them wanted to wake anyone else up yet if they didn’t have to. But even while asleep, Chetney had the hearing of a wolf and was grumbling from where he curled up by a tree.
“Why are you two so loud? Some of us need a full eight hours of beauty sleep here.” Imogen looked over at him.
“Sorry Chet. Did Laudna say anything to you when she took over watch earlier?”
“Laudna? No. Said the weather was nice and hoped I slept well. Her usual stuff. Why?” He stretched and scratched at his ears. Imogen would never say it out loud, but it very much reminded her of a dog.
“I can’t find Laudna.” There was no way to keep the worry from her voice now. And Chetney caught it easily.
“Okay. Gimme a second.” He pulled his coat free from where he’d wrapped it around his pillow and pulled it on. His muttering and grumbling was enough to stir the other three. The man was quiet only when he tried. And never right when he woke up.
“We heading out already? Can’t we sleep in one morning? Just one?” Ashton pulled their own pillow over their head, burying his face in the dirt.
“Where’s breakfast? FCG, I don’t smell anything.” Fearne stretched out, shaking some dirt free from her fur.
“Not started yet. Didn’t know we were getting up. Early start? I can get something going real quick.” FCG’s eyes lit up as he came to, the imperceptible hum of their inner workings revving up as well.
“Not right now Letters. Have any of you seen Laudna?” Imogen pulled her hair back into a ponytail, needing something to do with her hands.
“Not since last night, no.”
“Is she not here?”
“No. She’s not and I don’t know where she is. Did anyone hear anything strange?” She looked around, trying to see if there was anything to indicate where she’d gone. But she wasn’t a ranger or tracker of any sort. She couldn’t read lines in the dirt or breaks in twigs. Ashton rolled over and started shoving things into their bag.
“Didn’t hear anything. But if something grabbed her, they got a hell of a headstart, so we gotta go now.”
“Hey, uhh, Imogen? Did you see this?” Orym was over by where she and Laudna had been sleeping. He was holding up a folded piece of paper with Imogen’s name on it. In Laudna’s spidery handwriting.
“No. No I didn’t. Where was that?” She carefully took it from him.
“Right here. Where her things usually are.” He added. Imogen didn’t understand what he meant until she looked, really looked, at their shared space. Laudna’s pillow, blanket, and backpack were gone. Pate’s little house nowhere to be seen.
“What the hell?” Imogen sat down and unfolded the letter, letting the others get themselves up and ready for the day.
Imogen, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. But I had to do this. I couldn’t risk anyone else’s safety anymore. I don’t know if I can keep Delilah under control indefinitely. I can’t promise I won’t hurt any of you. And I don’t know how I’d live with myself if I lost it. If I hurt you. So I had to go. You’re better off without me. It’s for the best, for everyone. I promise. I love you. And that’s why I had to do this. I’m sorry.
“What the fuck?” Imogen stared at the letter, tightening her grip on it until it tore under her nails, “What the fucking hell?”
“Imogen?” Fearne walked over and knelt beside her, prying the letter free and looking it over herself, “Oh. Oh no. Orym, here.” She passed it along, the torn and crumpled paper passing from each member of Bells Hells to the next. Imogen wasn’t even paying attention. She turned her back to them and immediately sent a message to Laudna.
“Laudna, what the hell? Where are you going? What do you mean ‘you had to do this’?” A couple heartbeats passed and she was afraid Laudna wasn’t going to answer her. And then she heard her.
“Imogen. You’re awake sooner than I’d thought. I’m sorry, really. I had to go, okay? Please let it happen. Don’t try to find me.”
“What do you mean don’t try to find you? Where the fuck are you going? We’re in the middle of nowhere. It’s not safe.” She didn’t care if it was another spell. She’d use all she had and then some if she had to.
“I’m not an amateur at disappearing Imogen. I’m rather good at it actually. But I had to go, okay? I’m sorry.”
“You’re sorry ? Laudna, get your ass back here. Please. We can’t do this without you.” Her voice shook as she stopped herself from saying that she couldn’t do it without her. Already, she could feel herself falling.
“I can’t. The possibility that I could hurt any of you is too much. I’m so sorry I had to sneak away. I love you.”
“Laudna, please. Come back.” Another spell gone. This one, unanswered. She knew it had found where it needed to go. But Laudna didn’t respond, “Laudna?” One word for a spell. One word, ignored. Imogen angrily wiped some tears off her face, debating using another spell.
“Imogen? What is it? Where’s she at?”
“She left us. I don’t know where. Chetney. Fearne. Can you follow her tracks? Catch her scent and go?”
“Of course. But Imogen. I don’t think she wants us to.” Chet kicked a pebble, avoiding her glare. She could feel the air around her sparking more than usual as she felt her control slipping.
“I don’t care. Can you follow her? Letters? Can you scry on her?” She turned away from the gnome to the robot. No one would meet her eyes.
“I can try to, sure. Shouldn’t we respect her wishes though? She wanted to go.”
“I don’t give a shit. She is alone and these woods are not safe. We all got our asses handed to us yesterday by a troll that had wandered too far.”
“She can handle herself, Imogen. We know that.” Orym strapped his shield to his arm, looking to Chetney. They weren’t going to help her. They were just going to let Laudna go. Just like that. A shadow vanishing into the night.
“I found her!” Fearne called from beside the now dead fire. The silver mirror FCG had acquired in front of her. Her eyes were unfocused and glowing a faint green, but she was smiling. Imogen didn’t even look at Orym or Chet and almost tripped in her haste to get next to Fearne.
“Where is she? Is she okay? What do you see?”
“Shhh. Hang on, I’m focusing. She’s still in the woods I think. Just a bunch of trees from what I can see. Pate is with her. I can’t tell if he’s scouting or just chatting. She’s just walking though. That’s all.” Fearne stayed like that for a little bit longer before she blinked and her eyes were back to normal. She smiled at Imogen, giving her arm a reassuring squeeze, “Okay. So we’re going now right? C’mon fellas.” Fearne stood, pulling Imogen up with her and waiting.
“Fearne. I mean. She left of her own accord. I think we should respect her wishes.”
“Fuck that. She’s our friend. We’re going after her. With or without you.” Fearne linked her arm through Imogen’s, “I can ask the animals which way the spooky woman with a talking, flying rat went. Us witches have to stick together.” Imogen had never loved Fearne more.
“Alright, alright. Give us just a second. Need to make sure the fire is out and that we have all our things.” FCG used their wheel to cover the ashes of the fire in dirt while folding up a blanket in a perfect square. Just for Ashton to grab it and toss it into the portable hole. They also shoved everything else into it, dirt, twigs, leaves, and pebbles included. She was going to have to clean it out soon. There was so much in it now.
“Thank you. Thank you so much.” She would have left without them. She really would have. It was a hell of a lot easier with everyone else though. She helped put everything away, keeping herself busy. Laudna had hours on them. They needed to go before they lost her for good, “Chet? You got this?” Imogen hated that her voice shook.
“I got this, Imogen. Your girlfriend has a very unique scent. Could follow it with my eyes closed.” Chet proved his point by closing his eyes, dramatically sniffing the air, and walking towards the trees. Before promptly bonking into one and almost falling over, “Shit.” He opened his eyes and rubbed his nose.
“Hey Pock’O Pea, maybe keep your eyes open for this one. It’s important.” Orym patted his shoulder, waiting for the rest of them. Imogen understood where they’d both been coming from, letting Laudna go like she wanted. But it wasn’t happening.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Shut up and be on the lookout for anything off. Use those peepers for something useful.” Chet took another breath and started moving again, same direction as before, but avoiding the trees this time. They filed behind him, Orym looking all around, Ashton and FCG behind her and Fearne in the middle. Almost felt normal. Almost.
Imogen trusted Chet’s tracking and Orym’s eyes, but Laudna had such a headstart on them. And she’d said it herself, she was an expert at disappearing. She’d had thirty years of hiding to excel at it. The sun slowly continued its steady rise, chasing away the remaining mist and waking up the various critters in the area. Steady animal sounds was a pretty good indicator that Laudna was not anywhere close. She creeped most of them out and they avoided her. No one had much to say as they trekked, everyone focused on what they were doing. Imogen was also a little worried that if she tried talking, she’d fall apart. Because what if they found Laudna, but she refused to come back? What if she was just gone? Or Delilah had taken over? There was so much that could go terribly wrong. But she couldn’t let her just leave like this. Without saying a proper goodbye. Not a chance.
“Hey. Things are getting funky up here. She’s not as present. But the smell was strong. Any of you magic fuckers got anything that can help?”
“I think I have just the thing. Hold onto your butts, give me just a second.” FCG spoke up behind them. Imogen looked over her shoulder to see them take out their Changebringer coin and mutter a couple words. The wires on the top of their head sparked a little and when he opened his eyes, they were glowing slightly, “Ope. Yup. Okay. I’m getting a ping on Pate’s house. That way.” They pointed to the side of where Chet had been leading them.
“Dammit, I was close. Letters, what’s the distance on that spell of yours?”
“About a thousand feet.”
“Okay. Thought so. Imogen, how are we approaching this? Because if we’re not careful she will hear us coming and potentially just bolt. You know her better than anyone. We could be quiet about it and hope she doesn’t attack us thinking we’re something scarier than she is.” Orym turned to look at her.
“I, uh, I don’t know. She told us not to follow her. Here we are, doing the exact opposite. She might not even talk to us.”
“Imogen. She’ll talk to you. Don’t worry about that.” Fearne patted her shoulder, “How about we start treading a little lighter, I’ll help with that no problem, and once we’re super close, you go talk to her on your own. We’ll be around if you need us.”
“Genius. Let’s go, before this runs out.” FCG tapped their head.
“You’ll get her Imogen.” Ashton said from the back of their line, resting an arm on FCG’s head. Imogen nodded, not knowing what to even say, “Lead the way Letters.” Ashton removed their arm, the lava cracks catching the sun in an interesting pattern.
“Can do. Excuse me, pardon me. Coming through.” They wheeled around them, taking Chetney’s spot at the front. Fearne muttered a couple words beside her and they all watched the trees and shadows sort of bend around to conceal them just a little bit better. And they started walking again. The silence even more encroaching than before. The more they walked, the quieter the critters became. She was close. Like being on Ruidus and being able to sense Fearne, Imogen knew Laudna was nearby. She could feel her. FCG rolled to a stop, holding up the buzzsaw on their arm.
“That way. She’s not far.” They whispered. Imogen nodded. Her ears were buzzing. The background noise of the thoughts she was purposefully keeping out of her head.
“Go on Imogen. Get her back, okay? We need her to finish this.” Fearne gave her a gentle shove and Imogen started forward without them. She wasn’t as quiet once she got farther away from from Fearne, but she wasn’t loud by any means. She kept her eyes and ears peeled for anything to indicate Laudna was nearby. Even with the sun fully up, they’d made their way into a darker part of the forest and Imogen couldn’t see as well. Laudna of course would have no issue at all. She couldn’t put up her lights though, not without giving herself away. She was close though, she knew she was. The animal sounds were almost nonexistent. A surefire sign that Laudna was nearby. She just couldn’t fucking see. She blamed the dim lighting on her tripping over a rock. Not her own two left feet.
“Shit. Fuck. Balls. Ass. Dammit!” Each word came out a little louder than the previous one as she slowly pushed herself off the ground. She leaned back on her feet, wiping mud off her hands.
“Imogen?” Laudna. Imogen put her lights up immediately. The soft purple glow filling up the small clearing around them. Laudna was standing across from her, hand held up defensively. Her prepared spell fizzled out when she fully processed she was looking at Imogen, “What the hell are you doing here?”
“What the hell am I doing? Laudna, what the fuck are you doing? You’re just going to leave before the sun comes up and assume we’d just let it happen? That we’d let you leave ?” Imogen started to stand up and Laudna immediately closed the space between them and helped her. Her hands were cold, but familiar. Imogen held tight, knowing full well nothing would get her to let go now.
“Imogen, I asked you not to follow. To let me go before I could hurt any of you.”
“And I didn’t listen. That much is obvious. You do not get to leave with a letter. No ma’am. If you’re going to leave me, leave us, you do it to our faces. I don’t care how hard it is.”
“Imogen.” Laudna’s voice shook and she squeezed Imogen’s hands before trying to draw her own back. Imogen didn’t loosen her grip and Laudna wasn’t able to pull free. She sighed, “Imogen, please. It’s for everyone’s safety. Better for the group. Delilah is dangerous and we don’t know when she’ll make her move for total control. I can’t risk hurting any of you. Especially you.”
“How do you plan on taking care of the bitch on your own? Huh? What if you’re just out here, alone, and she swoops in? You could just disappear and I would have no idea.”
“Imogen, please. You don’t need me, really. I’ve seen how Ruidus has affected you. How at home you felt somewhere where you fit right in. You’re better off without me.” Laudna shrugged, her joints cracking just loud enough to be heard in the empty clearing. The buzzing in her ears was back, louder this time. That was the only explanation for what she’d just heard.
“What?” Imogen couldn’t even ask out loud and had asked in Laudna’s head without meaning to. Laudna wasn’t phased and responded mentally as well.
“I said, you’re better off without me. You don’t need me Imogen.” Imogen couldn’t help letting go with one hand and covering Laudna’s mouth with it, mental communication be damned.
“Laudna. Laudna,” She needed to make sure Laudna was listening to her so she was talking out loud again. She was almost pleading, “Laudna. You think I don’t need you? That I’m better off on my own? Really? Please tell me you know me better than that. Please. You saw how things were when we met. How I was treated in Gelvaan. I was miserable on my own. It was bad. I don’t know how much longer I would have lasted. I’ve told you that, once before. But you didn’t hear me.”
“Imogen.”
“No, please Laudna. I should’ve said this to your face ages ago. I was afraid to. I don’t know why. I guess I thought it was something you already knew. Listen to me,” Imogen put her hands on either side of Laudna’s face, making sure Laudna was looking at her. Laudna stared, her large dark eyes unblinking for a lot longer than most people could handle, “Laudna, you saved me. You did. You came to Gelvaan and gave me a way out of there. You saved me. And I have been trying my damndest to make the life you saved worth it. You think I need Predathos and the Reilorans? The powers that come from it? I don’t. I never did. I don’t need any of it Laudna. I just need you, okay? You’re my tether, remember? You can’t leave me adrift, okay. I don’t give you permission to do that. You don’t get to make this decision of what’s best for me. I don’t care about Delilah. We’ll figure her out. You are what I need in my life. More than anything else.” Before Laudna had a chance to respond, Imogen stood on her toes and kissed her. Things had been a little strange since her admission at Morri’s, but this was simple. Kissing Laudna was easier than breathing. Laudna’s now free hands moved then, one to the small of Imogen’s back, pulling her closer, and the other running its fingers through her hair. Imogen knew she was crying, begging Laudna not to leave her. But she’d said all she could. Whatever came next, was all Laudna.
Laudna pulled back from the kiss, a ragged sigh escaping as she did. Imogen looked up, her little orbs of light making Laudna paler than usual, eyes more shadowed and dark. But it was still Laudna, nothing could change that. She still had a hand on Imogen’s back and the one in her hair migrated to cradle her cheek. Imogen leaned into it. She needed Laudna to stay. But if she really, truly thought leaving was best, she wouldn’t stop her now.
“Imogen. You know I’m in love with you right?” Imogen nodded, a small laugh bubbling up. They had made that abundantly clear as of late, “I thought leaving would protect you. I still think it would. I sometimes feel like I can’t trust my own actions. If they’re me or her.”
“We will figure it out, Laudna. We have so many powerful allies. Maybe not Keyleth and her irritable tinkerer, what with his history with Delilah. But the wizard and librarian with abs. They have powerful friends. And one of them has the ability to communicate across long distances like I can. It’s uh, interesting, but I could maybe contact them and they could help. Please don’t leave.” Imogen took a deep breath before adding in Laudna’s head, “But I won’t stop you this time if you think you should.” It broke her heart to even think it, but she wasn’t going to take the choice away from Laudna. She’d never do that. Not to her. Laudna pressed her forehead to Imogen’s closing her eyes. Imogen didn’t press into her head to figure out what was going through it. Another line she wouldn’t cross.
“Alright,” Imogen waited, holding her breath, “Alright I’m not going anywhere.” Imogen breathed, the weight she’d felt since waking up alone finally lifting.
“Thank you.” Imogen closed her own eyes, leaning into Laudna more, pulling her into a tight hug. Bony as hell and rail thin, but it was Laudna. It didn’t matter. Laudna returned the hug, shaking just a little.
“I’m sorry.” Laudna whispered.
“You have nothing to apologize for. Okay?” Laudna nodded, kissing Imogen’s forehead.
“Are the others around?”
“Somewhere back that way.” Imogen motioned the direction she’d come from.
“Mmhm. Should maybe tell them it’s okay right?”
“Mmmm. In a minute. It’s quiet here. Let’s enjoy it for just a minute.”
“I can do that.” She felt Laudna smiling when she kissed her. She kissed back, tethered once again to the world and the thing that mattered most.