Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Katsuki walked through the door into his house and shut it quietly before taking his shoes off. It was 5:49 pm. His parents should be getting home soon, or his mother might go drinking with her friends again and leave his father to take the train again. The last time he did that he was in a group that got held hostage in a villain attack, it was in the news for a while. He can still remember the headlines. 

"famous fashion designer bakugou Masaru injured in hostage situation." 

His mother was furious at his father for 'embarrassing' the family name. She had come home drunk from the hospital and threw her bottles and glasses at him, then clinging to him and told him how sorry she was and how she was such a terrible wife, Right before passing out on the couch. He had to call Inko and ask to spend the night once he cleaned himself and the glass around him, as well as taking his mother's shoes off and covering her with a blanket. He doesn't hate her as much as he should. He knows he shouldn't be making excuses. He wasn't a good person, he bullied his best friend and hurt him so much. He never deserved izukus forgiveness.

The sound of chiming from the clock on the wall shook katsuki out of his thoughts. He had to quickly get everything done. From the looks of the half-done kitchen, his father tried to clean it up but his mother must have pulled him away. there was food still left out on the table and the sink was half full with the soap suds all gone and the water cold. Katsuki sighed, rolling his sleeves up to his elbows, and got to work. He couldn't save any of the food, it had been out way too long so he threw it away. Cleaning up the dishes, putting them on the drying rack, and wiping down the surfaces of the countertops, stove, and table. and lastly sweeping up anything that might have fallen on the floor. Next, he moved to the living room. His father's computer was left open and his notes and papers as well as his mother's sketchbook and her notes on the coffee table. 

"Katsuki, come here" His mother called to him before he left to go to school. His mother held a pair of scissors and a warm smile
"Honey your hair is getting longer, let me cut it for you ok?" Katsuki nodded and sat down on the chair, letting his mother cut his hair. It was moments like this. Just him and his mother, his father not awake yet. once she had finished she tilted his head back and kissed him on the forehead. 

"my beautiful boy" 

He scrunched up his face and stuck his tongue out in a jokingly disgusted manner. His mother ruffled his hair and sent him off to school.

The blonde smiled at the memory and started cleaning up the contents of the coffee table. He saved the work on his father's computer and closed it, placing the papers on top of it as well as his mother's papers and her sketchbook before taking them to his parent's shared office. He placed the contents on their respectful owner's side of the big U-shaped desk. He loves the office. He remembers hiding in here when his parents had parties. Sometimes it got too loud and he would just hide in the office. His parents never fretted over it. He still does it sometimes when his parents would fight. He frowned at the memories of his mother and father fighting over something, sometimes it's him, and other times it's something about work. Most of the time it's about his mother's drinking habits. 

"ya know katsubaby? You are getting a little big, I think you might *hic* wanna skip on snacking so much" Mitsuki took another swig of her glass full of expensive whiskey. Katsuki froze. he was sitting at the coffee table and snacking on some candies. his mother was sitting to his left. "I can see some fat on your chin *hic* no...no 'oy should be pudgy" 
His mother giggled and went back to watching the TV.

From that day on Katsuki barely ate sweets. barely ate in general, sure he ate enough to keep his body mass and strength, but there were times when he just didn't eat. It wasn't the first time his mother had drunkenly spoken up about his weight. His habits got worse after the sludge villain incident. It was like he was punishing himself for being so stupid. The blonde sighed and closed the door to the office. He looked at the clock once more. 6:33. He had time. 

The blonde trudged up the stairs and into his room. He had taken a liking to making music and singing. He posted his songs to YouTube and Spotify, under the alias Baby Bugs, and got quite an impressive amount of followers. People who understood how he felt. He wrote songs saying the things he wanted to say but couldn't to anyone he knew. Wait scratch that, he sometimes told izuku and hanta. key word sometimes. He never knew how to say it, but he knew how to sing it. He opened up his laptop and hooked up his microphone and guitar to some equipment he had saved up to buy. It wasn't that hard to hide his stuff, his parents barely ever checked his room, and his mother only did it to put some clothes she bought away and to pick up some trash he had on his desk. He took out a notepad from the drawer in his desk and opened it up to an unfinished song. The blonde took a breath and started to sing. 

"I wanna rip out my intestines, throw them in the sea
 I wanna raise the money to invest in plastic surgery
 I wanna cover myself head to toe in super sexy scars
 'Cause I mean, aren't you supposed to burn if you're a star?"


"Katsuki you need to stop snacking so much, you're almost to an L"
  "Dude your face is like, so slender! you look so much like a girl!"
  "you know katsuki, you need to work harder, you're becoming the talk of the town and you need to pick up some slack you're lacking in appearance, I'm not being mean honey, I'm just worried, your gonna be a star, you gotta show them your capable of being one"


"I want to be torn apart excruciatingly
 I punish my body 'cause it's not good enough for me
 The scary thoughts are spreading like a weed
 The thoughts that say that I deserve to bleed"


  "I'm getting too big... she's right." "Why can't I be like them? why can't I be a boy?!" "I'm so fucking stupid" " I don't deserve this" "I can't do this" "Shut up, shut up, Shut up! SHUT UP!!"

"I wanna take a knife and draw a line across my chest
 I wanna feel much better than I do when I am at my best
 I wanna fly away from my own skin and find a better place
 I wanna slash across what used to be my face"

"your such a lovely beauty! the perfect disguise for me"
 "GET OFF! NO!" 
 
"I want to be torn apart excruciatingly
 I punish my body 'cause it's not good enough for me
 The scary thoughts are spreading like a weed
 The thoughts that say that I deserve to bleed

"Kit-kat, just smile ok?"
"Katsuki it's ok, things will get better, your mom's just going through a hard time, even when we were younger she's always been like this, just stay strong a while longer ok dear? she does love you, just show her you love her too ok?"

"I want to be torn apart excruciatingly
 I punish my body 'cause it's not good enough for me
 The scary thoughts are spreading like a weed
 The thoughts that say that I deserve to bleed
 The thoughts that say that I deserve to bleed
 The thoughts that say that I deserve to bleed"

  The blonde played an off-key cord and stopped singing. His throat was tight and hurting and his eyes were warm with tears. His hands shook as he held the guitar. He sat in his chair for a while, just letting his tears flow from his face, not once making a sound. His mother disliked him crying, "You make such ugly sounds honey" he remembers her telling him when she came into the office after a fight with Masaru. He wiped his eyes and put his things away. He'll edit the song before he goes to bed.

It was about 30 minutes later when he heard his father's car pull into the driveway. Looking through the window he saw a very distraught-faced masaru. His mother's shiny black Mercedes pulled in after. His mother's face was red when she stepped out and her hair was messy. Masaru opened his arms to his wife and she sobbed and fell into him. the two stayed like that for a good while, not knowing that their son was watching. 

Chapter Text

He didn't ask what was wrong when his parents finally came inside. He didn't take note of his father's exhausted stature or his mother's messy mascara or her hair. It was quiet for a while. 

"How was school Kit-Kat?" 

Katsuki looked up from his homework at his father, who was sitting across the couch with a newspaper in hand. 

"It was ok, we are gonna submit our costume designs tomorrow." 

"OH! Did you use my advice on the grenade belt?" His mother asked from where she was in the kitchen. When He showed his design to his parents both of them had opinions and notes for tweaks here and there. His mother had told him about the use of grenades that could be hooked up to his belt. He hadn't thought of that.  The boy nodded and grabbed a small notebook from his bag that was slumped by his legs and showed it to her. Mitsuki dried her hands of whatever was on them and walked into the room, eyeing the paper. She had cleaned up her face and tidied up her hair. 

Mitsuki took the paper and looked over it, humming in approval. "Masaru, Dear, he took your advice on the face mask and made the wings larger." 

"very well done Kit-Kat!" his father said and put his newspaper aside. The paper was from yesterday but he hadn't been able to read it. Katsuki smiled and sat straighter up with pride. Mitsuki hummed. That wasn't a happy hum.

"katsu-baby, what about your binder? I don't...see anything about a built-in sports top or binder?" 

He knew she would catch up on that. He hadn't told anyone else other than his teachers and the Bakusquad about him being trans. He knew he should have. Looking down at his lap and taking a sudden interest in the carpet. "I...haven't fucking told anyone else besides a few people, there are..some people in the damn tech dept that I don't...trust not to fucking go squawking about like a damn parrot."

Above him, his mother sighed in disappointment. He brought his knees up to his chest and hugged his legs. His father looked at him with a sad face. He should have said something. 

 "dude, you see that chick over there" He was waiting in the tech dept. for Hatsume to come back with some blueprints for his gauntlets. there were two tech students behind him talking freely. 

 "yeah, what about 'er?"

 "did you know she used to be a guy?" one of them said snickering. Katsuki froze, he didn't like where that convo was going. The other boy laughed and made a noise of disgust.
"that's just so wrong, trying to change something you were born with."

"I know right, what a fre-"

"Katsuki?" His mother's voice made him snap out of his thoughts. He looked up at her. Her brows were furrowed and her hand was on her hip. Oh, right the binder. His mother sighed and placed the notebook on the table. 

"Katsuki we talked about this, you have to man up and be brave, If someone talks shit, so fucking what? You're a bakugou! your skin is made of leather and your heart is strong as  steel!"

"I fucking know" He looked back at the carpet. He knows, he's sorry. His mother sighed once more before crouching down so that she was eye level with her son. A soft hand rested on his forearm. He looked at his mother. Mitsuki smiled. "how about this?" she got up and walked over to her husband, placing an arm on his shoulder. "how about you bring your costume once it is completed home, and I and your father can see if we can work our magic into building a sports top into it? not tight enough for a binder but tight enough so that it won't exactly show anything, ok?" 

Katsuki nodded. "Yeah, that sounds good" His throat felt tight, it hurt. His mother kissed his father's head and went back into the kitchen. He rested his forehead on his knees and tightened his grip on his legs, as if to mold himself into a ball, making himself smaller so that no one would notice. 

"I know right, what a freak" The other boy snickered as they continued to pick on the poor girl from afar. Katsuki hated people like them, they thought they were so smart, and they didn't understand anything about what other people felt. He gritted his teeth as they continued to talk. He thought about accidentally testing his gauntlet out in their general direction but decided not to. 

(TW)

He let himself drown in that memory for a while as he continued to work on his homework. It was about an hour later when his mother called him and his father to set the table. Dinners done. He wasn't hungry. His mother set a bowl of udon in front of him. His stomach fluttered in uninterest as he picked up his chopsticks and began to eat. His throat screamed at him to stop, and his eyes blurred but never cleared. His body screamed at him to stop, he cant eat the food. But he hasn't eaten all day. His throat burned. He didn't feel good.


Quietly he excused himself from the table. His parents are deep in conversation about some clothesline. His feet felt heavy as he walked quickly to the bathroom, shaky hands gripping the side of the toilet as his stomach brought up the occupants of his stomach. His arms felt so weak, his head spun and his throat burned. His eyes warm as tears drip dropped into the toilet, mixing with the undigested food. His stomach heaved, making him gag, It hurt. 

(end TW)

He felt a hand on his back and his mother's voice whispering to him. His shoulders shook as tears silently raced each other down his cheek. 

"Come on baby, your ok," His mother said as she rubbed his back gently. Another heave rocked his body. Nothing. He leaned back on his heels. His mother ran her hand through his hair. She had a wet cloth and wiped his chin clean of his puke and wiped his cheeks. His mother looked at him and smiled softly, bringing him in and hugging him. His body shook, his stomach hurt and his throat burned. His mother shushed him as sobs ran through his body into her chest. His father stood at the doorway. A sad frown wore his lips like a friend. His mother shook her head.





"Oh, oh, stick it down your throat
I'm watching from the bathroom
Making sure I don't choke, choke
From the words you spoke
When you're screaming at the mirror
Now you're sitting in the cafeteria
Shoving clementines and orange bacteria
Down your throat a dozen times a year, yeah
For another 'round of your bulimia"

Chapter Text

The sound of his alarm is what woke him. His mother must have set it. It was 6:50. Izuku will be here soon to walk with him to school. Katsuki looked at his messages; Izuku had messaged about 13. He had some messages from other classmates and friends as well. The blonde snorted and opened up his messages. 

Deku <3: Kacchan, did you get home safe? 5:44p.m

Deku <3: just got done with training with AM ( ˶ˆᗜˆ˵ ) > 7:15p.m

Deku <3: IM HOME! I knocked on your door, but you didn't answer. Are you okay? 7:52p.m

Deku <3: Kacchan, what's the answer to Nmbr 34 in the math???? 8:10p.m

Deku <3: KACCHAN WHAT THE ANSWERRRR .·°՞(≧□≦)՞°·. >8:18p.m

Deku <3: nvm, I got it. 3 <8:30p.m

Katsuki rolled his eyes with a snort.


    6:59a.m< ->>replying to Kacchan, what's the...<<- the answer is 1x^2/3.66 nerd :Kacchan <3


Deku <3: WHAT!?! I GOT 1x^4/3.56!!!!!!!!! also gm >7:00a.m

                                                                             
                                                                                  7:00 a.m.because you suck<3:Kacchan <3

Deku <3: typing.....

Katsuki chuckled and opened up his and Hanta's chat

Soy sauce: do you get home safe, Blazy? > 5:13

Soy sauce: >> sent attachment<<  amor This dog looks just like Kirishima. 5:50p.m

Soy sauce: is the answer to #19 for math 7.56r !?!? 6:30p.m



7:15 a.m.<->>replying to is the answer..<<- yeah, the answer is right. Blasty

                                 
   7:15 < a.m., replying to sent attachment, I always knew he resembled a dog. Blasty 

Soy sauce: ->>replying to yeah the...<<-  LETS GOOOOO!!!>7:16a.m

Katsuki looked through and replied to other texts: Kirishima's and Mina's asking about English and Rescue 101, Denki's absurd amount of memes, Sato asking about a curry recipe, setting his phone back down on the bedside table, and stretching with a yawn. His breath tasted gross and his throat burned from last night. He frowned and stared at the ceiling. His phone buzzed.

Katsuki sighed and got up, getting himself ready for the day. His binder lay on his desk chair, his mother must have cleaned it last night when he passed out. The house was quiet, most likely meaning that his parents left early to work. He still can't get yesterday out of the back of his mind. his mother's shriveled hair, her ruined mascara, and the tears. his father's face. He doesn't know what happened, and there's a part of him that doesn't want to know. Suddenly, he had a bad feeling. Something is going to happen today; he knows it. Katsuki shook his head, pulled his uniform undershirt over his head, and slipped his jacket on. He double-checked to see if he had forgotten anything.

His eyes landed on his closed laptop. He was supposed to edit the song last night but he had forgotten, He'll do it when he gets home. And with that, he made his way down the stairs. There was a wrapped bento box and a note in his father's handwriting. 

              Hey bud, me and your mom have to go in early, Something happened to one of the models and
                      Your mom has to take her place and I have to fill out some more approval forms, It's boring.

                                                                           He smiled.

                     But I made you a bento for your breakfast and your mom has leftover udon in the fridge if 
                               We do not return in time for dinner. Have a good day, son; be safe and smart.

A knock at his front door made katsuki set the note down. He's here. "The front door is open, deku!" Katsuki called out as he finished. The door opened and closed as izuku walked in. "Good morning, Kacchan! Are you ready?" The greenette asked as he excitedly hopped from foot to foot. Katsuki rolled his eyes and swung his bag over his shoulder. "Why the fuck are you so energetic!? It's too fucking early for your hyperactive tendencies, nerd." 

"I don't know; I just feel energetic today."

Katsuki scoffed and walked past Izuku and out the door. He heard the door shut, and Izuku jog up next to him. The two made their way down to the train station, Izuku talking about random things and school, the two of them getting into a small bicker about some random hero, and then Katsuki just listening to Izuku talk. The train station had yet to start its morning rush, so it wasn’t hard to get a spot on the next train. The two sat in a comfortable silence. Katsuki messed with Izuku's fingers, and the greenette took a small nap. The ride was short, maybe about 30–40 minutes. Katsuki studied the sleeping figure next to him. He had grown up so much since middle school. He got stronger, braver, and more willing to stand up for himself and other people. Katsuki remembered when the two of them confessed their feelings. It was raining. He and his mother got into a fight, which resulted in a bruised eye, and Katsuki spent the night at Inko's place. He and Izuku had gotten close again since the sludge villain's attack. He remembered how he almost gave up; he almost let himself die. That's when he saw Izuku run to save him. no one else. Just izuku. And the more time he spent around Izuku, the more he fell in love. They got together just before the entrance exam, and Izuku told Katsuki about his interaction with all his might, the quirk, and everything. The two haven't told their classmates about their relationship. They probably would feel pity for Izuku since he's so nice and sweet, and since Katsuki is brute, mean, fake, foul, and loud, he could go on and on about himself. 

A loud chime alerted him to the fact that their stop was here. The sound must have woken Izuku up too, because Katsuki felt him squeeze his hand. Both teens walked off the train and onto the platform, where they could see other UA students from other classes. Two particular students grabbed their attention. There, getting off the train across the platform from them, were Sero and lida. Izuku was quick to run over to them and engage in conversation. Katsuki trudged beside Sero as lida and Izuku had a conversation about lidas quirk performance. His feet felt heavy as they walked through the school gate entrance. Hanta tried to make conversation, but after a few two-word replies from Katsuki, he must have gotten the point that the blonde didn't feel interactive.

Izuku quickly squeezed Katsuki's hand and went to his group of friends when they entered the school. His shoes made soft thumps as he walked. He could practically hear the stares. The sludge incident wasn't something that died down so quickly, it was only 4 months ago and the still-going articles and such made it harder for him to forget it. His mother had her 50 cents of it. Called him weak for not protecting himself and dumb for going under there alone. Even though he wasn't. He quickly disposed of those losers. Fucking fakes. 

When he reached his class, he swiftly made it to his seat. Kirishima and Mina were also quick to greet him. 

"Bakugou! Did you hear we were going to do a training camp?"

"Yeah! It’s going to be so much fun, I bet!" Kirishima said with a fist, pumping to the air. Katsuki scoffed and rolled his eyes. Training was not supposed to be fun. It was supposed to be hard-working. "You dorks realize that it’s not going to be all sunshine and rainbows with what Mr. Aizawa has planned?" Mina smiled widely and swayed on her heels back and forth. "Well, yeah, but at least we can try to have fun while doing it!" 

"Yeah man! not everything has to be so serious all the time. I get that we are heroes in training, but we are still teenagers!" He did have a point with that. They were still kids. But that was no excuse. If he was going to be the best, worrying about being a normal teenager had no time in his schedule. Kirishima and Mina continued to talk with the blonde until lidas stiff ass instructed them all to sit down and get ready since their teacher was about to come in. Katsuki thought he was annoying.

Aizawa came in with some papers and placed them on the podium infront of the class. He cleared his throat to get the attention of his students.

”I’m sure most of you know already but if you don’t, there is a planned training exercise today, we will be going to area on the outskirts of the city,there we will be training hard and we will be working with TWWP, the wild wild pussycats, I expect each and everyone one of you to be respectful” katsuki didn’t have to look at him to know he was looking right at him. With a silent scoff he rested his chin on his palm and stared outside. He was gonna beat this training module out of the fucking park.

The ride there wasn’t eventful, thank god. Even though he and frog face got into a little bit of a fight, he mostly just watched outside the window, thinking to himself as the blur of the trees and people and cars merged together.

As the bus jostled over a bump in the road, Katsuki’s head tapped lightly against the window. The cool glass grounded him. He kept his eyes locked on the moving trees, trying to suppress the hollow twist in his chest. His jaw clenched. His mother’s voice still echoed in his ears from last night, shrill and sharp, laced with something that sounded like disappointment—no, worse, resentment. She hadn’t meant to hurt him, probably didn’t even realize she did, but Katsuki felt it. Every time she called him selfish for transitioning, every time she made passive comments about how “things used to be easier” before he “decided to change everything,” it carved into him like glass under skin.

She probably thought cleaning his binder and leaving him a bento was love. And maybe it was, in her way. But Katsuki was tired of love that stung like peroxide in a fresh wound.

He shifted his seat, stretching his legs under the seat in front of him. From a few rows back, he could hear Denki and Mina laughing at some joke, their voices distant. Kirishima’s familiar rumble followed, probably trying to keep them from getting too rowdy. Katsuki shut his eyes for a moment, imagining the air outside the window—freezing, biting, honest. Unlike the house he’d woken up in. When the bus finally came to a stop, Aizawa’s voice cut through the low chatter like a blade.

“Everyone off. Gear up. We’re hiking the last stretch.”

Groans of protest rippled through the class, but Katsuki was already up. His bag slung over his shoulder, his face set like stone. The sun above the trees was glaring, but the forest trail ahead was shaded and cool. He liked that. It felt…clean.

They hiked in small groups, the terrain sloping uphill and winding through thick woods. Katsuki kept to the front, away from most of the class, only occasionally hearing Izuku’s voice drifting behind him as he chatted with Iida and Uraraka. He didn’t join in. He didn’t need to. Izuku would catch up eventually. He always did.

By the time they reached the training grounds, the Wild Wild Pussycats were already there, waiting in bright costumes and warm smiles. The clearing was wide, with rocky cliffs and dense trees all around—perfect for endurance and combat exercises.

Mandalay stepped forward. “Today’s focus is pushing past your mental limits. Fatigue. Frustration. Fear. If you can’t work through them, you won’t survive out there as a hero.”

Katsuki’s eyes narrowed. Good. Finally something worth his effort. They were split into small teams. Katsuki, as usual, was grouped with people he didn’t exactly get along with—Tsuyu, Ojiro, and Kaminari. He rolled his eyes. Great. Frog girl, Tail Boy, and a walking lightning storm.

Their first task was a timed forest retrieval. A mock hostage was hidden deep in the woods, and each team had to find and retrieve it before a set time limit ran out. Easy. For someone like him, it was basically a jog.

But it wasn’t just about physical ability. The forest was rigged. Wild illusions, sound manipulation quirks, even strong scents meant to trigger emotions—all designed to disorient and distract. As they ran through the undergrowth, Katsuki felt it start: the scent of hospital antiseptic, and a voice—his mother’s.

“You’re not making this easy, Katsuki.”

His chest tightened. Fuck off. He barreled through the underbrush.

“You’re being difficult again. Why do you always make everything so hard on yourself?”

“Bakugou, are you okay?” Tsuyu asked, hopping beside him.

“I’m fine!” he snapped, louder than intended. He wasn’t. Not really. But there wasn’t time to unpack it now. The illusion warped—he saw her face in the branches, lips pursed, disappointed. Then he saw himself. The girl version. The one he killed piece by piece over the years. The one everyone expected him to be. Her hair, her soft jaw, her voice, he nearly tripped.

“Bakugou!” Kaminari grabbed his arm. “You with us?”

“Shut the hell up, I’m good!” Katsuki barked, jerking away. His palms sparked involuntarily. He needed to burn this image out of his brain.

And so, with more fury than finesse, he lunged forward. He exploded through trees and brush, following a barely visible trail until he found the hostage mannequin tangled in vines. Without a second thought, he snatched it up and ran back, ignoring the warped voices calling his name from behind him. By the time he stumbled out of the forest and crossed the finish line, his teammates just steps behind him, his breath was ragged, and sweat clung to his jaw.

Aizawa, standing off to the side, nodded slightly. “You beat the clock.”

Barely. But Katsuki didn’t care about praise.

He sat down on a nearby log and let the silence fill his ears. His chest still ached, but at least here—under the trees, surrounded by wind and pine—he could breathe. Izuku jogged over a few minutes later, his curls sticking to his forehead.

“You okay, Kacchan?” he asked gently, squatting in front of him. Katsuki nodded, barely.

Izuku reached out and squeezed his hand. “I saw the illusion. I know what it showed me… and I have a guess what it showed you.”

Katsuki didn’t answer. He just looked away.

“I’m proud of you,” Izuku added, his voice low, just for him. “No matter what anyone says. No matter what anyone thinks. You’re the strongest person I know.”

Katsuki swallowed hard. And for once, he didn’t shove the words away.

“…Yeah,” he muttered. “Thanks, nerd.”

The rest of the training day went by in a blur—combat drills, obstacle courses, and joint training rounds. Katsuki crushed every one of them, rage and pain turned into sharp focus.

But as night fell, and the fire crackled in the center of their campsite, he sat beside Izuku on a log, the warm weight of his boyfriend’s hand resting over his.

His mother’s voice was still there, whispering like static. But it was quieter now. Maybe it’d stay that way—at least for tonight.