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Chapter Text

The torchbearer.

That's what they call him, they’ve been calling him that for years now. 

He's an adult now and he's been bearing the torch ever since he turned from a scrawny child to a not so scrawny man.

There are days where he's not sure why he does that, why he accepted all of it, why he took the whole thing in his hands. Sometimes it feels like it's too much, too much for him to bear, that the fire is burning too hot and he’s seconds away from burning completely.

The only thing he knows is that he always has wanted to escape, DEMA, Trench, whatever, he has never wanted to be a part of what he was taught when he was a kid, he never cared about the bishops or the vialism.

Maybe it was because of his father, because of how he died (they killed him) and how he disappeared (they used his body). Josh was smart, smarter than any other kid around, he saw the way his father's eyes lit up while talking about vialism, how he wanted to be chosen to be a part of the bishops.

No one really knew how it worked but they all followed them, followed their words, their orders and the message of how killing oneself was viewed as freedom, how that was the greatest honor, how it would make you an honorable citizen.

Josh never believed it, never followed it, he was 4 years old and saw the bishops with terror more than with awe, he grew up running away from their cults, his father constantly grabbing him back by the collar, sitting him and shutting him up.

His father wanted to be a bishop and in front of a 13 year old Josh Dun, his body was made to be killed itself and used by one of them.

NICO was his name, the bishop that seized him.

Josh saw how one night, his father was taken from his bed to the church, Josh followed silently, light as a feather the way only he knew how, saw the neon tubes and how his dad face lit up when they made him touch one then saw the small change on his expression, to one in terror and regret and how he did not wanted to do that, but it was too late, they made him kill himself, making it look like it was the best thing to do, “the glorious gone” that's what they called it, but the only reason they needed him dead was because they wanted to use his dead body as a vessel, without a care about the soul that was once residing it. 

They seized him.

Josh saw red. They saw him.

The bishops followed him, the dead body of his father followed him. 

Josh ran away. 

That was 12 years ago, he ran away from DEMA, he didn't know how he managed to escape, that night he got away and hid far from his home. He wanted to go away, try to cross the border and get away from DEMA, he was a kid but he was determined.

But he needed to see his mom for the last time.

Josh doesn't remember it all too well, time went by, he hid, he ran, he got to see his mom from afar and left her a scrawny note telling her that he loved her but he couldn't stay there not after what he saw, he told her how she shouldn't trust the bishops and what they said, he told her he would come back for her and her younger sister. He told her TO NOT SAY ANYTHING.

That night his mother lost her husband and son and was left with his mind full of thoughts about how she shouldn't trust the only world she knew.

Josh ran and ran, so silently and so cautious, he knew this was his only chance at changing his fate, he didn't remember how much time he spent escaping and hiding until his body collapsed, he wasn't sure if he had crossed the borders from DEMA but he was so tired, days had gone by since he saw his father's death and decided to change his life. But now as he couldn't move his body from the ground in the dark night, he accepted that that was how he would die, trying to escape. He was a proud kid, because maybe if he died right then and there they wouldnt find his body and use him as a vessel and maybe his body would rot there and someone would find him and know that he tried to reclaim his life and death into his own hands and not on the dark painted bishop´s hands. He hoped that if someone found him, they would get inspired and do the same thing as him.

Reclaim what's theirs, their lives and death, and bodies and minds.

And souls.

So he closed his eyes and waited, and waited for death…

One that never came.

Chapter Text

“Torchbearer!” Someone called as Josh was walking past one of the many tents.

It was late afternoon, the sun was hiding shedding its last rays at their camp, banditos where lighting up the campfires, some people were finishing up their tents as they had to switch places just a few days ago as they saw some vultures come closer, Josh lead them all to move away so the municipality of DEMA couldn't even think to get close to them. Josh knew how to keep them all safe.

“What's up, Ethan?” He said, slowing down to match his pace to the old man following him.

“Did you heard? What they´ve been saying?”

“What they’ve been saying, old man?” Josh asked with an affectionate tone, only half curious as it wasn't the first time weird sayings went around in Trench, the older banditos believed in a lot of weird prophecies.

“The prodigal son has finally escaped DEMA.” Ethan said as they walked, he had a serious face, his lips in a thin line, looking a bit worried.

“I thought that story was made up.” Josh said, stopping on his tracks, he wanted to be fully attentive in this conversation, he knew this could be important, the temper of Ethan told him so.

“Some of us thought that too but Navina felt it and you know We've always trusted her and her visions.” Ethan said and grabbed one of Josh´s hands in both of his and Josh intuited what were the next words to come out of his mouth. “You know she saw you coming and how you would lead us.”

Josh knew. That's the story Ethan told him when he saved him from death´s hands at his escape from DEMA when he was just a child. Josh had fainted embracing death and when he woke up, he was surprised to see he was alive and not alone.

Ethan and Navina had saved him and given him a home outside of DEMA, at Trench. Navina told him how she had a dream of a young rebel boy fighting against the bishops and their religion, she saw how he ran and hid and she also saw how he collapsed near the tunnels that marked the outside of DEMA. That's when Ethan went and grabbed him bringing him to what would be his new found home.

Navina also told him and all of the Banditos at that time when they were reunited around the big bonfire, how she saw that this kid with scraped knees and bloody elbows would grow up to lead them on the fight against the bishops.

Josh would never forget that, the way the Banditos looked at him with looks of uncertainty but hope, so much hope. They were all escapees and some of them were old, they had left DEMA a long time ago, some of them without their families, just like Josh who left his mom and sister. 

All of them had hope in their eyes as they watched this kid that Navina swore was their soon to be leader that would make DEMA fall against them and give them back the people they had to leave behind.

Years went by after this, Josh had felt the pressure of being the so-called leader, the Torchbearer of the Banditos, the leader of a rebellion, but every year that passed showed him and the others how Navina was right, as Josh would constantly lead them to the best, helping other escapees and maintaining Trench the way the bishops wouldn't do it with DEMA.  

That's why Ethan and the others believed everything Navina said, she was gifted with her visions, she saw the coming of Josh, the Torchbearer and saved him from death.

And apparently now she was doing the same with The Prodigal Son.

“I know, I trust her with my life too.” Josh looked around and saw Navina sitting by a campfire. “Is she going to tell everyone?”

“You should go and talk to her now, you know there's something you need to to do from now on, so prepare yourself”

Josh knew, ever since he got to Trench, he was preparing himself for this.

“Ok. I'm going”

Navina always smelled like smoke, she was the one who liked to prepare the bonfires, she was a bit younger than Ethan but sometimes Josh thought she seemed and had the strength of someone even younger than Josh. 

“My young Bandito, Ethan told you what I saw?” Navina asked when he got closer to her, it was a chilly night but the fire always kept them warm.

“Yes. I kind of felt something too, I saw something.” 

Josh sat beside her on the ground, their eyes met and Josh thought how much he liked her warm brown eyes, they reminded him of her mother´s.

“How so?” She asked, her long black hair swaying with the wind.

“I dreamed about a man” 

Josh wasn't lying, last night he dreamed about a man with pale skin, black hair and brown eyes on the fields near the river. It was something vague, the memory was hazy and blurry but Josh felt something strong as the man looked at him like saying “Come and find me.”

“Did you? I knew, my young Bandito, that you were gifted like me. Was this man by the river by any chance?” Navina asked while brushing Josh´s hair tenderly.

“Yeah, Navina, He was… I felt like he wanted me to find him.” Josh said. “I´ve felt this for a long time, that I have to find someone for this to work. This is the moment I´ve… We’ve been expecting.”

Him is what they´ve been expecting, the missing puzzle so they can finally be free and win against the bishops, against DEMA.

Josh turned and locked eyes with Navina and he knew that she was thinking the same thing.

“Is there something you want to ask? or is everything clear in your mind?”

Do you know what you have to do? Josh knew this was the real question Navina wanted to ask.

“I just need to know. In my dream, it was sunrise by the river where I saw the man… the prodigal son. Is that the time we have to go and find him?”

Navina nodded but then she added. “You know you cannot find him until he finds you, right? His mind may still be controlled by DEMA´s mindset.”

“Why did he escape then?” Josh asked with a tone of concern.

“He knows there's something wrong there, he knows that's not his place, He can feel it and he can feel you calling him just like you feel him calling you” Navina said. “But it has to be his choice to join us, we are not like the bishops”

We are not like the bishops.

“I´m so happy you found me, Navina. You´re so wise.” Josh said, giving her a small smile and grabbing her hand. “Can't wait for this so-called prodigal son to join us, and I know, I’ll be patient, everything in its time.”

“Everything in its time, my sweet Torchbearer.” She said, squeezing his hand back. “And remember, East is Up.”

“East is Up, Sweet Navina.”

“Banditos, Gather up, please!” Josh said standing by the biggest bonfire, ceremonially he had his torch on his hand as the sun was already deep hidden and he had to give this important message as the mission had to be on for early tomorrow morning. “There´s  something we need to do tomorrow morning.”

The Banditos closest in age to Josh gathered around him, almost 20 to 30 there listening to him with curiosity. The atmosphere got more and more insurgent as the banditos kept coming and sitting close to their leader.

“Ooh, Does this have something to do with the prodigal man?” Mattia, Josh’s closest friend asked as he was sitting beside him. 

“Exactly, as you all may have heard, we need to help someone find the torches.” Josh responded, watching as they all looked at him attentively, he looked at everyones pair of eyes watching the glint of rebellion on them, feeling the fire on his heart burning stronger. 

“Where and when do you need us, Torchbearer?” Kea asked, her fiery eyes becoming more fierce by the fire in front of her as she removed the petals from a yellow flower. 

“We go out tomorrow before the sunset, we need to get to the river before the sun goes out and there we'll wait.” Josh said, walking around to get a good look at everyone. “This is important, we’ll be by the mountains, we can’t talk to him yet.”

Not yet. It has to be his choice to join us.

“Why can't we talk to him? Isn’t he supposed to be ours? The stories says he’s a Bandito” Sanno asked, almost arrogantly.

“He’s not ours, Sanno. No one’s ours, being a bandito it's a choice not an obligation, by now he’s just an escapee, he has to choose us” Josh said standing in front of him, lighting his face with the fulgor of his torch.

“If he has to choose us, why is he supposed to be this oh so prodigal thing? Wasn’t he born for this?” Sanno kept asking, with a genuine curiosity.

“He’s a citizen from Dema, not a Bandito yet. He may be revolting against vialism and the bishops, but we have to help him on this path just as we had helped everyone else here” Josh said and saw how Sanno’s eyes filled with understanding. “Are we good, Banditos? East Is Up.”

“We good, Torchbearer.” Some of them responded and some war cries were heard around, Banditos loved the moment they had to find someone new for their group. Loved to help the escapees to open their eyes. “East is Up.”

It has to be their choices. We are not like the bishops.

Josh went to sleep that night, excitement blurring his mind as he thought how by the sunset he and this man that had appeared on his dreams, asking for his help with his brown deep eyes would meet and everything, everything would really start.

Chapter Text

SAHLO. FOLINA. SAHLO. FOLINA.

It was something on Tyler’s mind, repeating as a mantra, he didn't understand what the words meant but they were clouding his thoughts.

SAHLO. FOLINA. SAHLO. FOLINA.

He felt helpless, he felt desperate, he was running around but he had nowhere to be, nowhere where he belonged. Where was he? Why was he here?

He couldn't remember how he got out of DEMA. He felt like his body just appeared outside the border, he had never been outside the border, he had thought about it many times.

His mind had wandered outside, many times. 

But his body had never touched outside before, where Trench really was.

What am I doing here? He asked himself as he just walked.

And as the desperation filled his mind, he could also gather his surroundings at the back of it. 

He had never seen something like this, so green, so full of colors, so vivid, so alive.

He didn't know what he was doing there, but he felt like he belonged there more than with the bishops, more than with DEMA.

As he walked, his mind got less and less cloudy. He felt like there was where he had to be. At first he felt like he didn't belong, but he did, there was something calling for him there, somewhere.

It was early when he had woken up by a river, he was soaking wet and cold as the sun wasn’t up yet. 

SAHLO. FOLINA. Kept repeating in his mind as he decided to just walk.

He had never seen something like this in his 22 years of life as DEMA was anything like this, as the sun started to go up, he saw the real colors of everything, his mind feeling overwhelmed by all of it.

He had planned to escape before, never had the guts to do it. He knew there had to be something more, something other than what they had presented to him, he knew the bishops and their religion wasn't the only thing, not for him at least. 

He knew there were more escapees, he had heard the rumors and the gossip about them, he heard they were feral, almost like wild animals.

If you wanted to be a disgrace to everyone around you, you would be an escapee.

Tyler didn't want to be a disgrace, but being behind the walls of his room at the towers did not feel like home either. Tyler feels like he doesn't have a home.

Right now he just has the green grass around him, the blue from the river and the sky making him feel a bit more alive than the gray he was used to.

SAHLO. FOLINA. SAHLO. FOLINA. SAHLO. FOLINA. SAHLO. FOLINA.

He heard it.

The rumble of horseshoes on the ground. The quick pace of it.

He felt it.

The presence of a bishop near him.

They found him. He was a disgrace, he would be executed and his body would be used as a vessel. He knew that, he didn't want that. They would seize him.

He ran.

SAHLO. FOLINA.

He felt his heartbeat thumping by his ears, his breath catching on his chest as he ran as fast as he could. The bishop and his horse are chasing him, wanting to drag him back to his misery.

Tyler wouldn't let them. He couldn't get back, it wasn't his place.

That's when he saw him.

A man, with a dark green hooded crow with yellow tape on his shoulders, arms, and a big X on the front. His face was covered with a yellow bandana as he was bearing a torch, helping the rising sun to light even more the scenery as he was on the top of the mountains surrounding Tyler. 

Tyler realized he had what looked like the jacket Tyler had found hours ago by the river, the same yellow details.

Tyler felt hope as he saw him, he felt like he had seen this man before, in his dreams. It felt like time stopped when he appeared, almost demanding his attention.

Tyler ran faster. 

But Nico, the bishop, had his ways of messing with Tyler’s brain. Tyler felt it even in DEMA, he knew Nico and the other bishops had something planned for him, something he didn't want to have anything to do with.

That's why he escaped.

But Nico, he played with his mind, making Tyler feel weak, insecure, desolate, so so depressed. He benefited from Tyler’s sadness and bad thoughts.

It was like it made the bishops stronger.

Tyler didn't know exactly what was what the bishops wanted with him, but he wasn't going to stick around the city to find out.

Tyler froze. He was paralyzed. Literally paralyzed, he stopped on his track, his legs wouldn't respond to his orders, his body wasn't responding.

SAHLO. FOLINA. 

Tyler wanted to scream, he was desperate, he had never felt something like this before. 

He wasn’t in control of his body, and his mind was getting cloudy and blurry.

He stood there helpless, he felt the man with the torch’s eyes on him as Nico got closer on his horse.

He felt him watching as Nico got off his horse and walked towards him with his crimson cloak flowing with the wind, putting his dark painted hands on his neck making him unable to breath as Tyler closed his eyes.

“Let me go.” Tyler choked out. 

Nico laughed. 

“I’m not taking you, Clancy. You will follow me.” He said, hoarse voice making Tyler tremble. “I’m not forcing you, this is your choice.”

Nico turned and went back to his horse, now galloping slowly as Tyler followed.

Stop. Stop. Stop. Tyler said to his legs that kept walking, his body was under Nico’s control, his words piercing his brain, this was not his choice. It is your choice, Clancy. It’s the right choice. You have to come back home. DEMA is your home, Clancy.

SAHLO. FOLINA. Tyler looked up and what he saw left him in awe. The man on the mountain wasn’t alone.

There were many, many more with him, besides him, the mountains surrounding Tyler were full of those people with dark green jackets and yellow tape covering their clothes, and they were all looking at them, at Nico and Tyler.

At Tyler who was being controlled by the bishop. Were they escapees? Were they good people? Or feral animals like everyone at DEMA said?

“SAHLO. FOLINA” The man bearing the torch shouted and Nico stopped, making Tyler stop too as they both stared as a million of yellow flower petals fell from the sky, from the hands of all these people watching down at them.

Tyler felt how he regained control of his body, of his hazy and blurry mind. He felt how he gained back his strength, his rebellious thoughts, his desire to escape, his hatred for DEMA.

So he ran again.

The people at the mountain were shouting for him, still throwing petals at him, the yellow so bright, making him feel safe underneath their eyes and feeling that the jacket he was using was connected with them, the yellow tape on his shoulders the same as the ones on the man with the torch.

He was vivid, he had never felt something like this before, he felt like he belonged there with them, the more he ran the less blurry his mind felt, the more he ran the more he could feel how his body and soul were out of the bishops limits and how he could win back his freedom, he wanted to escape Nico so he could get to them, the people on the mountain and the man with the torch, they felt like his people .

….

Tyler woke up.

He woke up from a dream in which he saw a green field, a blue river, blue sky, and huge mountains surrounding him. Everything was beautiful. 

He woke up from a dream in which he felt like he belonged, he remembered many pairs of eyes on him, he remembered a man, a torchbearer helping him, a connection so strong, something he had never felt before.

But that was what it all was, a dream, a dream of freedom, of what may be outside the walls, the border of the city, what may be at Trench where there were the rebellious escapees.

A dream. Tyler thought as he stared at his four gray walls and ceiling, covering his body with his thin sheets. He felt like crying, like howling, how could his mind come up with something so tortuous.

He was so devastated that he didn’t see the jacket on the floor beside him, with yellow tape covering it and a yellow flower on the chest pocket.

He was so devastated that he didn't see his shoes destroyed from so much running.

Has it really been a dream, Clancy? Or was it a reality the bishops wanted to keep you away from it?

Tyler went back to sleep with tears soaked eyelashes and a black stained neck with figures of fingertips on it.

SAHLO. FOLINA.

Chapter Text

He lights his torch and goes on his way to search for him, to find him.

The Banditos were all gathered outside their tents, ready to go on their paths to find who they wanted to be a new member of their group.

They all started walking towards the mountain, before the sunrise, with the Torchbearer leading them and lighting their walk.

Josh wasn't sure why he was so nervous, it wasn't the first time they went on a mission to save someone, but he dreamed of the man once again last night when he went to sleep after talking with Navina and the other banditos, and what he saw wasn’t really hopeful.

He saw him, the man, but he was wearing the gray jumpsuit characteristic of DEMA, he had his eyes full of sadness, that was the only thing Josh could remember because his face was kind of blurry, edges of the dream scenery. 

Josh saw a bishop too, staring at the man from a corner.

What if saving the man would mean getting the bishops at their backs? Josh and the Banditos were constantly escaping, they couldn't risk being caught by DEMA, they had been fighting for years, building this rebellion.

Josh was anxious, this wasn't like any other saving mission. He had his people on his back, and this new man too.

…

“That's him?” Kea asked, the Banditos were all by the mountains, dressed with their attires following Josh who you could only see his eyes, he liked that way, made him look more mysterious and hard to read as a yellow bandana covered the lower half of his face. 

They were hiding in plain sight, they could look at the man without him being able to look at them back. They watched as he was walking, he looked scared and confused. The sun wasn’t up yet.

He had found the jacket they had left at the river days ago so someone could find it and feel hope, so they could get the message that they weren’t alone outside, that in Trench no one was left alone and that help was on its way.

“Why can't we just go and grab him? Talk to him? He has to know about us already.” Lain asked, his brow furrowed, staring down at the man who kept walking, looking around like it was the first time he has ever seen anything. Which probably was true, this was probably the first time he has ever been outside DEMA. 

“Not everyone thinks we’re good, Lain. He may still have DEMA’s mentality and you know what they think about us.” Torchbearer responded.

“Yea, they think that we are dirty animals.” Arrian said as he pushed Lain playfully then barked multiple times as they ran around, then he added. “That we are feral and a disgrace to their religion.” 

Josh had a small grin as he told them to be quiet.

“That we shouldn’t be alive.” Mattia said darkly.

“Exactly. But we are none of that, are we?” Josh asked as Lain and Arrian stopped on his track. 

“Can't say anything about Arrian, he seems like a wild and dirty animal to me.” Lain teased.

“Shut up.” Arrian said, shoving him again.

Josh enjoyed their banter, they had escaped DEMA together, been friends since they were little, and it wasn't long ago since they became Banditos as they were both young, 19 years old each, been escapees for almost a year now. Their playful youth lightning Trench more than any torch Josh could bear.

SAHLO. FOLINA.

“Torch, Look!” One of the banditos said, pulling Josh out of his thoughts.

Josh felt his stomach sink.

A bishop.

It's been years since he saw one, and it wasn’t any bishop. It was Nico, the one who seized his father.

Josh froze as he stared at the bishop on his horse galloping, chasing the man, the prodigal son who was running, desperately escaping from him.

Josh knew, they weren’t supposed to interfere, it was him who must find them, not the other way around, but he couldn’t let him get caught by Nico, he wouldn’t let that happen, it was his job to save and keep people safe. 

He wouldn’t fail like he felt he did when they stole his dad's body and soul.

He unfroze and took several steps forward, coming out of hiding while with a gesture maintaining the Banditos in their places. It felt like he had to be the first to be seen by the man, so he could send his strength his way.

Their eyes met, they were afar but Josh felt his strong gaze towards him, towards his torch lightning his path, lightning his soul filling it with hope.

Run. Run. Run. You are not alone. I’m here for you. We’re here for you. Run. You’re not theirs.

All of those thoughts went around Josh’s mind, trying to send them to the man’s brain, giving him all of his rebellious energy so he could escape and be free from DEMA.

He watched as the man ran as fast as he could, being followed by the white horse and red cloaked bishop. Josh felt like his heart was on a fist, anxiously expecting Nico to turn around and leave them alone, to get back to his damned city. 

Something that didn’t happen. He saw how the man stopped running abruptly, he saw his confusion, and Josh knew that he was no longer controlling his mind and body.

“What’s going on?” Sanno asked, worried in his voice. “Why did he stop?”

“The bishop’s controlling him.” Josh replied.

They all stared at them, watched how Nico dirtied the man’s neck and made him follow him back. Josh couldn’t let that happen, he saw the man stare at him with anguish in his eyes.

Josh looked at the Banditos and they all got his message. 

They walked and stood beside Josh, filling the mountains with their presence, making their presence known to the man so they could give him hope.

“SAHLO. FOLINA” Josh shouted. 

Banditos threw their flower petals around, bathing the man and the bishop with them, making them stop walking.

Nico stared straight at Josh’s eyes and Josh felt like he had several years less, he felt like he was a kid hiding watching the bishops kill his father. 

Josh kept his eyes fixated on the bishop’s one. He wasn’t scared anymore, he was the Torchbearer after all, the leader of the Banditos, the leader of a rebellion.

He wasn’t scared of the bishop. Dema didn’t control him anymore.

The man started running again with a newfound energy, the Banditos around Josh shouting, barking, howling, making so much noise so the man could get filled with the energy of their riot, so he could get away from Nico’s clutches.

And when it looked like he was finally getting away, Nico stared straight into Torchbearer’s eyes, maliciously smirked and grabbed the man by his neck.

The man fainted, it looked like his soul wasn’t on his body anymore as Nico pulled him on top of his horse and before anyone could do anything, they saw how they went galloping hard and fast back to DEMA.

…

“We couldn’t save him, Navina. What did I do wrong?” Josh asked when they were back at their camp, all of the Banditos temper being dark and gloomy. “Should I have done something different? Should I’ve gone and fought? So Nico couldn’t take the prodigal son back?”

Should I have been better? Why wasn’t I better? Why wasn’t I a better leader?

“Calm, My little Torchbearer.” Navina said as they were walking around their camp, Banditos were preparing their lunches and the kids were running around filling the gloomy atmosphere with innocent giggles. “Every mission has its flaws, it wasn’t the moment for him.”

“It looked like it was the moment. I saw him, he didn’t want to go back.” Josh insisted. “What if they do something to him?”

What if they killed him?

“You know how important he is. The bishops need him, a bishop himself went to bring him back and you know they dont do that for normal escapees.” Navina said, looking straight at Josh’s eyes, trying to reassure him. “He’s gonna be okay. We have to wait”

“Wait for what?!” Josh asked, almost scandalized. “Navina, we can’t wait”

Josh couldn’t wait, it took all of his strength to not go after the man this sunrise, he wanted to take his body away from the bishop, from Nico’s claws and bring him back to what he knew would be his home. With him.

Josh didn’t know if this strong feeling that he felt in his chest when he thought about this man, this strong feeling of protection, was because of his leader nature or because of something else. 

“Josh, you can’t rush this. When the moment comes, you will feel it.”

“Navina, I can feel it now, I feel him calling me, he wants my help. He wants me to go and find him.” Josh said, voice full of fervent emotion, a hand clutching his chest. 

Navina looked at him, stopped on her track, and really stared at him with an indecipherable look.

“Then if you are so sure, you gotta do what you have to do.” She said with a small smile tugging at her lips. “At the end of the day, you may know a bit more than me, Torchbearer.”

And with that, Josh’s mind cleared. His eyes hardened with determination.

A new mission had to be prepared and this time they wouldn’t fail.

They had to go inside DEMA and they wouldn’t come back to Trench without the man that appeared in Josh's dream.

“Banditos, gather up!”

Chapter Text

It’s been too many years since Josh was at DEMA, too many years since he was a weak and weepy kid that had fainted because of fatigue and starvation after being followed by Nico and his father’s corpse for days. 

After they had their lunches, Torchbearer and his Banditos began their journey to the city they all wanted to destroy. Josh would be lying if he said he wasn’t nervous, anxious and oh so afraid, but he knew things were going to be okay, and they would go back to their camp with a new addition to their group. But he still was afraid, what if this man wasn’t anything he thought he would be? What if Navina was right and this wasn’t the moment? What if they had washed this man’s brain and made him a puppet?

What if they’ve already killed him and seized his body?  

Josh wasn’t ready to see another corpse following him. Especially not of someone who was supposed to be the last puzzle piece of their rebellion.

“Torchbearer, tell me that I’m not the only one scared about this.” Mattia asked as he matched Josh’s pace, Josh as usual was at the very front bearing his torch lightning their path, this had to be done late at night so they could get in the city by the tunnels underground. “Haven’t been this near ever since the thing we did last year.”

Josh remembered it with a small smile, they were pretty reckless and fearless that one time.

A group of Banditos small like this one had wanted to mess up a bit with the damned city, it was getting late at night, the sun hiding leaving them with their riot-ridden heart as they had made their way to DEMA, getting as close as they could, standing by the neon gravestones (which had given them a bit of chills but they did their best to ignore it). 

Mattia was the one with the idea, They wanted to show DEMA and the people that were there that there was something else outside, that their lives didn't had to be controlled by those rotten bishops and their awful religion, that they could fight against the system because there were more people outside waiting for them, to join them in their rebellion. 

That they had their backs. 

They were by the Neon Gravestones where they had a perfect view of the big statue at the center of the city, they made sure no one was around so they couldn't get hurt and sent some yellow flowers on fire on their way like grenades. They sended a message, the yellow flowers being their code.

They knew they were reckless, but they were full of rage. After that, there were many escapees that joined them, like Lain and Arrian, they said that that action had made them feel like they were not alone and that they needed to find some people like them that wanted the same thing.

Rebellion.  

“You’re not the only one scared, Mattia. This isn’t like what we had done before.” Josh responded then gave him a smirk. “And yeah I remember, we were reckless.”

“We can’t be reckless now.” Mattia added with a smirk of his own.

“We can’t be.”

They finally got to the entrance of the tunnels after walking for what seems like an eternity, Josh stared at the pair of eyes of the Banditos that he most trusted: Lain, Arrian, Mattia, Becca, Kea and Sanno, and knew that there were no ways that this would go wrong, he felt it on his gut. They were all with torches illuminating their faces and the dark night, tonight they were all torchbearers with him.

They started to make their ways on the tunnels, Josh didn’t remember but he knew Ethan had saved him by taking him through these same tunnels to take him outside of DEMA, and now Josh was doing the same for some other chosen one for this war that needed to be fought better sooner than later. 

“Where to, Torch?” Becca asked as they got to a difficult path. Josh guided them, only trusting his instincts, Lain and Arrian had his back as they were the newest in the group, meaning they were the last people that had crossed this place so they remembered it better.

“How do you know where to find him, Torch? How do you know if he’s ready for us to find him?” Sanno asked. 

“I just know it.” Josh replied, ending the conversation with that. Because it was the truth, he didn’t have any other answer than that one, he felt a strong connection with the man, and it was telling him that he was already waiting for him, for them to come and find him.

They kept walking with their torches on, in silence, focusing on if they heard anything that could alarm them of someone watching their tracks. Josh didn’t really knew what they would do if someone caught them, but he felt hopeful that that wouldn’t happen.

They got to the statue that they had lately only seen by afar when they did their little rebellious act and they felt so exposed as they were in the center of the city.

And they waited. Their torches were the only source of light in the deep darkness. 

Josh felt nervous, what if he was wrong and the man turned out to be a failure, something different from what they needed, what if it was all a trap?

And then, after minutes of waiting Josh saw him.

He seemed younger as he got closer to them. Dark hair, pale skin, big brown eyes filled with anguish beneath his furrowed eyebrows. 

He was wearing his dark green jacket and it looked perfect on him, he looked like a Bandito even before being one. 

Josh took a step forward, towards him and pulled down the bandana covering the lower half of his face and offered him a gentle smile, the one he used to greet new people.

“Hello.” The man said, almost shyly. Averting his gaze.

Josh wanted to laugh, nervousness filling him and he realized that he had never felt like that with any other escapee he had to help.

“Hello. I’m the Torchbearer.” He began. “We are Banditos. We came for you.”

The man looked at all of them and Josh saw that he had yellow petals coming out of his chest pocket. The man’s gaze softened as he realized that they were there to help him and not hurt him.

“I know. I was waiting for you. Thank you.” The man said, looking straight at Josh’s eyes. “My name is Tyler.”

“Let’s go, Tyler. The trip is long.” Josh said. “We’ll introduce ourselves when we get you out of here.”

When we get you home safe.

Tyler smiled as they started their path back.

Chapter Text

Tyler was quiet. Really quiet as they made their way outside, walking through the tunnels with Lain and Arrian guiding them at the front, Sanno and Kea were behind them, Tyler at the middle besides Becca with Josh and Mattia at the back so they could protect everyone from every angle. They had already given their names to Tyler, a small friendly introduction.

Josh saw how Becca asked Tyler if she could put some more yellow tape on his jacket as the ones it had before were starting to wear off. 

“Bishops can’t see yellow.” She simply said, Tyler nodded and she adorned his jacket with it, on both shoulders and arms. 

“Want me to carry your backpack, Tyler?” Josh asked, liking the way the man’s name rolled out of his tongue. “Looks heavy.”

Looked like a whole life was inside of it.

Tyler stilled his walk and looked back at him, still with a bit of a shy expression and Josh wanted to laugh again at the situation. Why was he shy?

“Yea, if you want.” He replied, giving it to him then added. “Want me to carry your torch?”

Mattia and Kea laughed. 

“Oh no, You can’t. He wouldn’t be the torchbearer without a torch.” Mattia said, teasingly. “Right, Torch?”

They were getting closer to the end of the tunnels and it felt in the atmosphere as it got lighter and playful. 

“Right.” Josh replied, taking Tyler’s backpack and putting it on his back. “But tonight we’re all torchbearers, aren’t we?” 

“Hell yea.” Lain said, youthful excitement in his tone. 

“But there’s only one leader.” Becca said with a glint in her light eyes. Josh shook his head with a grin, even after all this time it was still weird being referred to as their leader and now he was the one feeling kind of shy. 

They got out of the tunnels, and Josh gave his torch to Tyler so he would feel more into the group, their fingers brushed and Josh felt a rush of electricity, he stared at Tyler and saw him with an expression that told him that he may have felt the same.

Strange.

 “You’re the leader of the Banditos?” Tyler asked as Mattia went to the front with the others, them switching places so now Tyler was at the back with Josh.

“Yes, it seems like it.” Josh said with an affectionate tone. “Got stuck with them”

He heard some jokingly offended responses at the front but he ignored it as he got lost in Tyler's gaze, he had such expressive eyes that were looking at him with what looked like admiration.

“That’s amazing. I’ve heard just a little about you guys.” Tyler said. “I was near when the rain of fire flowers happened. I kept one hidden in my drawer.”

He admitted and Josh laughed.

“Yea? We were remembering that too. In the city, did they know it was us?” Josh asked.

“Yeah, they figured it was you all.” Then Tyler made a strange gesture.

“What is it?” Josh inquired, curious to the change of demeanor.

“Nothing… It’s just, you don’t seem like what they say about you all.” Tyler said averting his gaze from Josh's intense eyes.

“We know what they say, Tyler. Don’t worry about that.” Josh reassured him. “Hope you don’t think that, though.”

Tyler turned his face at him and was very very quick to say. “NO. no. no. I swear I don’t.”

He looked almost afraid and Josh's heart sank, he was just being playful, he forgot for a bit that he was a new escapee, he only knew the way DEMA’s citizens talked to each other, which was nothing friendly, everything being an accusation. 

Josh felt like he knew him for more time than just a few hours. He had to keep in mind that this was a man that a day ago was spending his time followed and stared down by the bishops.

He wasn’t one of them yet.

“Calm down, Tyler. I wasn’t accusing you of anything.” Josh was quick to respond, almost wanting to put a reassuring hand on the man’s shoulder, but he didn’t as he didn’t know how the touch would be received.

“Hope you don’t think that we are feral animals when you see Arrian’s eating manners.” Sanno said, wanting to bring back the playful banter. 

Josh stared at Tyler waiting for his reaction, and was left pleased when he saw him cracking a small close lipped smile. His eyes nervously looking at them all, thought.

It was the first time Josh saw him smile, and even if it was little, he thought that he wanted to see more of that.

“Or lack of eating manners, to say it better.” Lain added.

“I know you.” Tyler said moving a bit so he could take a better look at Lain. It looked like Tyler regretted the words that left his lips. 

They were getting closer and closer to their camps as they were walking fast, DEMA being left behind with every step, Josh asked himself how Tyler would be feeling with all of this.

“Yes?” Lain said, staring back at him, walking backwards so he could watch their new addition. “I don’t think I saw you before. In there.”

“I don’t think you saw me either, I was quiet most of the time.” Tyler said with a shrug. “But you used to hang out with my brother, Zack.”

Lain stopped, making them all stop as well.

“Y-Your brother was Zack?” He asked with a strange expression.

Tyler’s face fell.

“Yes, Sorry. Shouldn’t have mentioned him.”

“No, It’s okay… It was worse for you than it was for me. I’m sorry.” Lain said and Josh couldn’t avert his gaze from the exchange, watching their sad eyes meeting each other.

Josh wanted to know, wanted to ask who was Zack and why did it generate such a sorrowful reaction, but he knew that this wasn’t his conversation, and as he crossed stares with the other banditos, he saw they all felt the same.

Lain turned to the front and they started to walk again, this time in silence.

Josh stared at Tyler who looked downhearted. Josh got an idea, he grabbed yellow tape from his pocket, cut a heart shape and tilted his head to the side to catch Tyler’s eyes.

“Can I?” He asked, showing him the tape. Tyler nodded as Josh placed it on his jacket, the place where his heart was. “Corazón”

“What’s that?” Tyler asked and placed his hand on the tape, almost caressing it. 

“It means “Heart” in spanish.” Josh replied, giving him a warm smile.

“Corazón.” Tyler repeated, then kept his gaze as he gave him back a smile. “I like that.”

They fell back into a silence but this time it was comfortable.

…

“We are back!” Arrain said when they got close to their camp. 

“Arrain shut up! It’s still night.” Kea told him, shushing him. She was right, it was still dark, the sunrise being just a few hours away. 

They switched their torches for hand lanterns.

Their camp was quiet and calm as everyone was asleep. The bonfires had been put out hours ago as there wasn’t traces of smoke in the air. 

“This is where you live?” Tyler asked and Josh saw how he was touching the tape on his heart “corazón”.

“Yea, you like it?” Josh asked back. He knew this was nothing like the places at DEMA, so he was a bit unsure of what Tyler’s thoughts would be. “I know it's really different from DEMA.”

That was exactly why Josh liked it so much. It was warm and welcoming even if it was night and all the people were fast asleep, there was just something in the air that made you feel like you were at home.

“Yeah… It’s different.” Tyler said watching around, the other Banditos were getting ready to sleep for a bit before the sun went out. “Good different.” Tyler was quick to add.

“Good.” Josh simply said then gestured Tyler to follow him to his tent, they had prepared it with Navina before they left. “You will sleep here. We prepared it for you, hope you like it.”

He went inside with Tyler at his back, it was a simple tent having a makeshift bed and a night table with  a drawer, he hoped this was enough for Tyler.

Josh turned to look at their new member and got lost in the way the lantern lit his deep eyes.

“It’s great. Thanks.. Uhm… Torchbearer?” Tyler said, sitting at his makeshift bed and lighting his own lantern with the fire from Josh’s. “You haven’t told me your name. Or its just “torchbearer”?”

Was it a joking tone that he heard in Tyler's voice?

Josh giggled.

“Oh no, that's just my… role?” Torchbearer. Leader of the Banditos said “But the name is Joshua. Josh”

Tyler grinned. “Josh, I like it.”

Josh felt shy under his gaze as he realized it was the first time they were alone with one another, it felt surprisingly comfortable.

“Thanks. I like Tyler too.” Josh replied, giving a smirk back. “I’ll leave you so you can settle and tomorrow we can talk a bit more if you want.”

Tyler stared at him with a strange expression, it felt like he wanted to say something but then he decided to just say. “Yes, Ok. I’ll like that.”

“Night. Tyler.”

“Night. Josh.” 

And with that Josh left this new man’s tent, ignoring the feeling of wanting to stay there to talk some more, pushing that thought aside as he went to lay on his own bed to think about the events of the evening.

…

Josh didn’t get that much sleep on what was left of darkness, he had to do some things early in the morning, the sun was going up following his back as he woke up and went on a walk around their camp.

He had to make sure no one had followed them after their rescue mission. He couldn’t risk their group's safety, so he did what he always did, he went and protected.

He started by the east, he walked cautiously and in so much silence that not even his footsteps would make sounds, he went like that checking every perimeter close to their place.

By the south on a path not so far from their camp he saw a figure. Josh tensed.

Was it a bishop? What was he doing here? Scratch that, of course he knew what he would be doing here.

He got closer with his heart thumping at his ears, he felt like he could kill him but he knew that wasn't the smarter thing to do.

As he reached the figure he realized it was no bishop. It was Tyler who was sitting on the ground with a journal on his hand and a pen on the other.

“It’s early, why are you up?” Josh asked, puting aside the feeling of uneasiness, as he got beside him, making Tyler jump at the sound of his voice. “Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you.”

“It’s fine.” Tyler replied. “Couldn’t sleep much.”

And Josh saw it, he really took a look at the man’s face as it was the first time he could see him with the sun shining on them. In the quietness of Trench, not escaping from DEMA, Tyler looked tired with bags beneath his eyes and Josh wanted to ask exactly since when he hasn’t got any sleep.

“Can I ask why?” Josh asked tentatively as he didn’t want to cross any boundaries.

“Just… I’ve been thinking too much. Feels weird being here.” Tyler replied not looking at him but ahead of him still bathing himself with all the green, blue and warm orange that was around him, not being able to believe it. “Feels weird being here and not there.”

“I know, Tyler. The first days are the worst.” Josh said and finally sat beside the man, still giving him his space nonetheless. 

Tyler finally met his eyes with a curious glint on them.

“How do you know that?” He asked, turning all his attention to the man besides him. “You weren't born here?”

“Oh, no.” Josh told him with a laugh. “I’m an escapee too.” 

“But you are the leader, I thought…”

“Yes, I know what you’re thinking… but no, I wasn't born here, I just got here one day and it felt like this was my place, my home, my people and they… they chose me to lead them.” Josh drifted as he got engrossed in his memories. “Even when I was back there, I felt like they were calling for me, like this was the place I always should’ve been.”   

“I felt something like that too.” Tyler said, still staring at Josh. “I actually… no, nevermind.”

“What? Tell me.” Josh urged him to speak as Tyler stared back at the front and drifted his eyes away so Josh couldn’t read them.

“This may sound stupid but… it was you, I felt like you were calling me? I don’t know.”

Josh grinned.

“It’s not stupid. I was calling you.” Josh said even if it hadn’t been intentional. “I dreamt about you, you know?”

Tyler looked at him and blushed.

“What?!”

“Yea, Yea… I know it sounds crazy, but I saw you before I saw you, I knew where to find you.”

I needed you, we needed you. 

“I’m thankful for that.” Tyler said shyly then his demeanor changed to a stoic one as he added. “Did you do some weird Bandito mind thing?”

“What do you mean by “weird Bandito mind thing”?”

“I don’t know, like getting into my head?” Tyler asked, feeling aversion towards the idea of someone else getting inside his brain, thoughts and dreams. “Playing with my thoughts?”

“What? Tyler, I’m not a bishop, I can’t control your brain if that's what you’re asking, I have no access and never had.” Josh said as he held his hands up in a gesture of surrender, maintaining Tyler’s gaze with his own strong pair of eyes.  he didn’t want Tyler to think that he was some kind of mind-controller freak. “In here, In Trench, your brain it’s yours and no one can mess with it.”

“Then why did you appear in my dreams too?” Tyler asked.

“I did? I don’t know. Can’t give you an answer, boy.” Josh replied with honesty, he didn’t really know what was with this weird connection between them. “But... the more time you’d spend here with us, you’ll realize some things just don’t have answers… they’re just things that happen… like me seeing you, us seeing each other.”

Tyler nodded but still felt a bit uneasy, his DEMA mindset made it difficult for him to just accept that answer.

“We Banditos… we have a strong connection, we can feel when the other’s are in need of help.” Josh kept talking as they both saw how the sun was shining brighter on top of them, warming the skin that it could touch. “There’s this cry for help we do when we need each other…”

“Sahlo. Folina.” Tyler said in unison to Josh.

“You know it?” Josh asked, of course he knew Tyler had heard him say it when they were by the mountains watching as he escaped Nico, but he didn’t think he would catch on it or even remember it.

“Yes… When I was escaping Nico that phrase kept repeating in my mind… I felt it like a cry for help… and then you, you all appeared.” 

“You were calling for us, we felt it and went for you.” Josh said.

“But I don’t understand… I’m not a Bandito.” 

“What do you mean? You become a Bandito ever since the first moment you begin to doubt the bishops and their religious preach, ever since you rebel to that system you become a part of this.” Josh said, touching Tyler’s left shoulder lightly, then grazing the heart-shaped yellow tape on Tyler’s heart. Josh felt relieved when Tyler didn't flinch or avert from his touch, it almost looked like he leaned to it. “From that moment, we are with you and you’re one of us.”

Tyler felt his heart fill with an indescribable emotion.  

“I’m a Bandito.” He said for the first time. Accepting his status. “I was a citizen… then an escapee… and now I’m a Bandito.”

Josh stared at him with something close to pride on his gaze, he loved that moment, when people realized they belonged there with them. That this was their home, and that they were waiting for them to come home.

“Yes, you are” Josh said and this time he grabbed Tyler’s shoulder with intention, wanting to send his message with strength. “ Welcome to Trench.” 

“Welcome home ”

Chapter Text

Josh and Tyler went back to the camp in silence, but it wasn’t an uncomfortable silence, Tyler looked like he was deep in thoughts and Josh just left the silence to settle between them. He understood that their conversation may have been too much for a first time but Josh knew Tyler was different. After all he was the so-called prodigal son.

And that brought Josh a brand new set of questions, did Tyler know this status? Josh didn’t think so as it looked like Tyler knew as much of their new world as what Josh informed him.

How would he feel with this? Josh could sense Tyler had a history with his mind being used and controlled without him being able to do something against it, so how would he feel with a title that meant he had to do something that he may not control on his own? A title that meant people were expecting things from him that may be out of his control?

Would this be too much for him?

Josh asked himself all of this staring at the side profile of this man who brought so many thoughts with him, filling Josh’s mind.

It was just that Josh knew what it was to be given a title that you never asked for, a title that gave the people around you an idea of you, of what you did and what you have to do. A title that came with so much responsibility, because this wasn’t a child’s game, this was a fight that needed to be fought and all of their titles brought with them questionings, insecurities and doubts, all along to the good side of these titles, this being the knowledge that they could do things to change everything, to change the world they lived in.

That's why they needed those titles.

Joshua. Torchbearer, Leader.

Banditos. Rebels, Insurgents.  

Tyler. Bandito, Prodigal son.

All perfect puzzle pieces in this soon to be war that needed to be carried out perfectly so they could all win and finish this all and be free.

“You want to see how the mornings are here in Trench, Young Bandito?” Josh asked Tyler, finally breaking their silence as they finally got to the camp and Josh was getting tired of listening to his own thoughts.

Tyler seemed to glow at the nickname, apparently liking his new status. He nodded, not saying anything.

“We usually hunt for the week so in the mornings there will be food to ravish.” Josh began as he guided Tyler to the place where a group of Banditos were preparing their breakfast. “We take turns every day so everyone has their time in every role, meaning you’ll soon get to be here or outside with the hunting group.”

Josh knew this was so different from DEMA as all they ate there was boxed and canned food with awful looks and even worse taste.

“I like that.” Tyler said watching the group cook something that looked fresh and his stomach growled, he hadn’t realized how hungry he was.

“Theo, this smells so good, could you give us a plate here? Our new Bandito is starving.” Josh said, putting his hand on the light haired man’s shoulder. Theo was the best cook out of everyone and he knew how to make the best meals out of everything they brought back to the camp, from wild leafs to some weird new animal they had found outside. 

“Of course, Torch. There you go.” Theo said, handing them two plates then added looking at Josh. “You could give me a hand and make sure everyone has their plates?”

“Of course, chef.” Josh replied then had an idea. “I’m gonna make a meeting.”

“Banditos, Gather up by the central bonfire please!” Josh said with a warm but authoritative tone and Tyler looked how everyone followed his order. 

Josh and Tyler went to the bonfire followed by Theo and the other people that were cooking with him. When they were all together, Tyler could count how many of them really were, there were from 40 to 50 people there, ages varying from toddlers on their parents’s arms to old-aged people, all having in common the yellow duct tape details on their attires.

The same that Tyler now had.

“I’m going to present you to everyone, is that ok?” Josh asked Tyler, grabbing his forearm and getting his face closer to the man so he could be the only one to hear his question. If Tyler said no, Josh wouldn’t do it, he didn’t want him to be uncomfortable. 

Tyler seemed unsure but then he nodded with a close lipped smile.

“Ok. I want you all to keep enjoying this amazing breakfast that Theo and the others prepared while you’re listening to me.” Josh began and Tyler took a bite of his food to soothe his aching empty stomach. It was delicious. “As you all may know… last night we went on a mission.”

“A rescue mission.” Josh said, trying to catch everyone’s pair of eyes. “And we brought back a new Bandito.” 

Everyone hollered with joy and Josh laughed hard, he loved this moment, he loved how happy his family got when they got a new member. 

“You want to introduce yourself?” Josh asked now the question being aimed directly at Tyler, giving him the push that he needed to talk to his new family.

Tyler blushed beneath everyone’s curious eyes and coughed with nervousness.

“Uhm… Yeah. I’m Tyler, Tyler Joseph… I was a citizen and now… I’m a Bandito.” Tyler began with an unsure tone but as he talked more, the more his voice got stronger.

Everyone cheered for him. Some of the older ladies went to give him half sided hugs, Josh didn’t miss the way Tyler tensed, but he knew it was normal towards these newfound touches, at DEMA affection wasn’t well seen, and a hug was never given to anyone, everything being harsh and cold.

Josh caught Tyler’s eyes, asking him with his gaze if he was ok or if he wanted him to take him out from there.

Tyler grinned, giving Josh his answer that he was fine with this. More than fine actually, he had never felt something like this, but all he did know right then was that he didn’t want to stop feeling this affection from the people around him.

“Prodigal son.” 

Josh heard the whispers from some of the Banditos, as Mattia went and hugged Tyler tightly.

Josh freeze, he didn’t want Tyler to know his title yet, he wanted him to get comfortable with them first before they started to ask for some things from him, some responsibilities. 

He knew he was being very overprotective but he couldn’t stop it, he knew how overwhelming these things were at first, he wanted to be the one to give this information to him, maybe to prepare him for it.

Josh was sure of that as he stared at the man’s eyes who were slowly but surely filling with joy and something that seemed to say that yes, he was finally home.

…

“These are Navina and Ethan.” Josh introduced the old couple to Tyler. “They’re the ones that pretty much get things going around here.” 

Tyler shook their hands and received with gusto the hugs they gave him.

“You seem even younger than what I saw.” Navina said.

“Saw?” Tyler asked.

“Oh, Josh didn’t tell you? I saw you coming.” Navina told him as it was simple to understand, her brown eyes looked even softer as he was staring at the young men in front of her. 

“Oh, yes. I mean he told me he dreamt of me, I didn’t know someone else did too.” Tyler said looking shy, sending a look at Josh’s direction. “But, Why? Why did you two saw me?”

Navina and Josh shared a look that was indecipherable for Tyler. Josh tried to tell her with his eyes how he didn’t want to tell Tyler yet the whole thing, that he needed more time. 

Navina understood. Of course she did.

“Oh, Young Tyler. Some things don’t have a reason… Maybe it was because we knew you were part of our group even before you knew it. We were expecting you with open arms to our family.” Navina said, and Josh liked that she wasn’t lying. They were, in fact, expecting him to be a part of their family.

Tyler blushed and gave her a genuine smile. 

“I’ll leave you all for a bit, I gotta take care of something.” Josh said, not missing the opportunity of grabbing both of Tyler’s shoulders as he left them. “Take care of him while I’m gone.”

He didn’t miss the way Tyler blushed even deeper.

…

“I don’t want Tyler to know about the “Prodigal Son” thing yet.” Josh said as he reached Mattia who was outside of his own tent. “I want him to settle here first.”

“Why, Torch?” Mattia said and looked at him with a strange expression. “Weren’t you given the title of Torchbearer slash Leader just hours after you were found?”

“Yes, I know that.” Josh said, looking at the ground. “But this is different… He is different.”

“How is he different?” 

“I don’t know… he has spent more time at DEMA than me, for a start. And this whole thing is way more important than my title… I think this is bigger than him, bigger than all of us.”

“I get what you mean Josh… but I don’t think not telling him is gonna change anything.” Mattia told him. “We all have our titles out here, we all have things to do. The only difference between us and you two is that you’re not only Banditos… I get there are some heavy things at your back, more weight, but telling him it can help you to share that weight just like you do with us.”

Josh sighed. He knew Mattia was right, but there was so much in his brain at that moment, their conversation that morning replaying itself over and over. Tyler had just accepted his role as a Bandito after being a citizen of DEMA for so long… and now he’s supposed to tell him that everyone is expecting something from him? Him to be a savior? They’ve known him for less than a day.

“You’re frying your brain right there, leader.” Mattia kept talking when Josh didn’t speak, then he touched Josh’s hair affectionately. “You know there’s a war that needs to be fought soon. Everyone is expecting something from us.”

It was like he had read his mind.

“I don’t know if I trust him yet.” Josh said and a small part of that was true, because, How could he? He has known Mattia for years now as well as some other Banditos and that was where his trust was laid. He knew Tyler was a Bandito now but still, he couldn’t risk everything they had built out there at Trench. He had a strong feeling on his chest that Tyler was what they needed but his anxiety wouldn’t let him just trust on that. He needed to be 100% sure with this new man in their lives. Their rebellion counted on that. 

“It looks like Navina has already accepted him.” Mattia said as they both watched at their directions and Josh left a small chuckle, Navina had her arm intertwined with Tyler as they were walking around deep in conversation. Josh liked the way Tyler’s eyebrows were furrowed as he was immersed in the conversation. It was cute.

“Of course she did.” Josh replied then turned to Mattia. “Thanks for the conversation, brother. But I just need more time and I’ll tell him, I don't want to make it look like I want it to be a secret but… Inform this to the other banditos, please.”

Mattia sighed, he didn’t agree with Josh’s decision but he just nodded.

“Of course, whatever you say, leader.”

Leader, Josh thought. That was his title and the constant weight on his shoulder. The thing that sometimes left his night without sleep and rest as he thought about how he had all his people on his back. 

Josh sighed and rubbed his eyes as Mattia walked away from him, he stood there alone for a minute, collecting his thoughts, and then walked towards his own tent.

He didn’t catch Tyler’s eyes that followed him with something that looked like worry as he walked away.

Chapter Text

Josh realized that Tyler liked to sing, he liked to sing a lot.

He had caught him humming almost every minute of the day, it's been weeks now since he became a part of their group, and Josh had found himself gravitating towards him at least once every hour of their days, he wouldn't admit it to anyone but as he was in charge of assembling their groups for the different chores around, he would always put Tyler with him.

He needed to have an eye on him, it was just that. No other reason. It wasn’t because he liked Tyler’s personality or because he liked the way his eyes lit up when he smiled…

Stop. Josh. You’re being weird. Josh told himself.

But yes, Josh had caught Tyler humming or even singing softly to himself many times now when he thought no one was listening to him. But Josh was, he always was. 

“You like to sing, huh?” Josh said as he mentally facepalmed himself, he felt awkward, he was awkward. They were on the security night shift surprisingly together and alone, they were with Kea and Mattia too but they were on the other end of the camp. 

Tyler and him were walking around a bit until their shift ended in less than an hour and they would switch with Sanno and Becca. The night was chilly and stars covered their path.

Tyler chuckled, making Josh feel less awkward.   

 “Yes… a bit.” He said with a close lipped smile. “Back at DEMA… I couldn’t really sing though, I guess that's why I do it here all the time.”

“I get you… there wasn’t really a place for singing back there.” Josh replied, they were walking close to each other, too close, Josh thought as their shoulders would brush with every step they took. Josh didn’t mind. “Is there something in particular that you’re constantly singing or humming?”

They didn’t really have music back there, only the chants of the bishops when they were doing their rituals, and Josh was sure that Tyler wasn’t singing that.

Tyler looked timid as he stared at the ground and replied.

“Uhm… Yes there is… It’s something I made.” He looked sheepish.

Josh beamed with curiosity.

“You made a song?!” 

“It’s nothing really! It’s just something I like to do… I write things in my journal and then… give them music.” 

Josh couldn’t be more intrigued with the man besides him. 

“Well… I don’t think it's nothing… you should sing to me sometime.” Josh cocked his head to catch Tyler’s eyes then grinned at him adding “if you want.”

Josh liked how Tyler’s cheeks burned up. He was cute. Josh grimaced at the thought.

“I will… sometime, but not now… it’s not finished yet.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll wait for it.” 

Josh thought he could wait years for it patiently just so he could listen to Tyler’s voice and the thought made him feel something weird in his chest. He pushed the feeling away.

Tyler chuckled.

“You like music too?” Tyler asked after a while of comfortable silence.

“Of course! You didn’t know that I’m the best percussionist here?” Josh asked with a playful tone. “I also have the best rhythm out of anyone at Trench.”

“Then we should make music together.” Tyler asked, surprising Josh with his confidence and the playful banter he threw back at the leader.  

“Anything you want, Young Bandito.” Josh replied, pushing his shoulder with his own with a smirk. And he wasn’t surprised that his words were the most honest thing he had said lately, yeah, he would give Tyler anything he wanted.

“You keep calling me, young Bandito. How old are you anyway?” Tyler asked. 

“I’m roughly 25, I think.” Josh replied, staring at the sky, he wasn’t sure, age wasn’t something important around the Banditos. “How about you?”

“22. I’ll turn 23 soon.” 

“So you are in fact a young Bandito .” Josh said, wanting to keep their playfulness. “Younger than me… We’ll celebrate your birthday here then, you only have to tell us when it is.”

“Yeah… I will.” Tyler replied and then Josh felt the switch in his mood. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure, Go ahead.”

Tyler stopped walking and took a while to collect his thoughts as he hugged himself.

“Do you ever miss it? The city, I mean.” 

Josh, who had stopped too, felt how his temper hardened.

“Why would I?” He asked with a tad bit more venom in his voice than was needed. “Why would I miss that goddamn city?”

He saw how Tyler's face fell and he felt as if he was punched on the pit of his stomach. Tyler looked hurt.

“Damn it, I’m sorry, Tyler.” He said, shaking his head and running his fingers through his hair with frustration. He hated himself for making Tyler feel bad after he asked something that apparently took him a lot of confidence. “I’m sorry… It’s just this is all too difficult… and when I think of that city it just gets in my head and I get this uncontrollable anger.” 

Tyler was still hugging himself and Josh took the courage to place his hands on both of the man’s shoulders. Tyler had a sad gaze.

“To answer your question… No, I don’t miss it. Ever since I gained consciousness I had wanted to escape. That place never felt like my home anyway, but… I do miss someone in there.”

Tyler stared at him with attention and Josh let his arms fall from his shoulder. 

“Who, Josh?” Tyler asked softly.

“When I escaped… I left my mom and my little sister there.” Josh said and resumed his walk. He heard Tyler keeping his pace behind him. “I just… went away and left them there.”

Josh felt hot tears wanting to escape from his eyes, but he didn’t let them, it has been years since he last cried. He hadn’t thought of the people he left behind in a long time.

He didn’t know what possessed him to be telling Tyler all of this.

“Not so much of a good leader, huh?” He asked bitterly, letting out a dry empty laugh.

“No, Josh. Don’t ever say that… you sacrificed so much to be here, I’m sure your family would be proud of you. Of everything you are doing out here.”

Josh wanted Tyler to stop talking, it was all so much, it was the first time he felt all these raw emotions coming back like an avalanche and punching him in the face.    

“I only wanted to escape so I could finish this all… so I could get better and stronger and come back to save them.” Josh said, staring at anything but Tyler that was besides him now, walking with him. “ But it’s been years and nothing’s happening yet.”

“Something’s going to happen soon, Leader. I can feel it and I know you can feel it too. And we’ll go back and save everyone we have left behind.” Tyler said, grabbing Josh’s forearm making him stop. Josh's heart stopped beating when Tyler grabbed his hand and squeezed it hard with determination. “And we’ll do it together.”

Josh fought hard against the tears attempting to spill, he was the leader, he couldn’t cry. But why did it feel so safe to do it with Tyler? Why was it so easy to push down his guard when he was with him?

“You’re right, Bandito. We’ll do it together, all of us.” Josh said, giving back a squeeze at Tyler’s hand. “What about you? Do you miss it?”

Tyler’s face was unreadable. A million emotions going through it.

“I can share all you have said, about wanting to escape and feeling like that wasn’t my home but sometimes I do miss it, I just… that’s where I grew up you know? That's all I really know. I left my mom and dad too, but they knew that me leaving was something that would happen sooner or later. Especially after Zack.”

Tyler looked like he wanted to physically cover his mouth after he said that, and Josh remembered when they first brought him to the camp, the conversation he had with Lain.

Josh couldn’t stop himself from asking. “Tyler, Who is Zack?”

Tyler retreated his hand from Josh’s as he started to quickly walk away, Josh saw how he started to pull his hair and Josh felt worry fill his veins.

He went after him, and when he catched him he pulled him into his arms.

“Shh. Tyler… It’s ok. You don’t have to answer, come here. Shh, it’s ok.” Josh said as he hugged the fighting man, who tried to push him away but he failed and ended up hugging Josh back, making two fists on the back of Josh’s hoodie as he grabbed him with strength.

“He was my brother. Josh… He… he… was my everything.” Tyler sobbed into Josh’s chest, where he had buried his face. “He was my everything and I couldn’t save him. I couldn’t do anything when they… when they killed him and seized his body.”

Josh felt a tremble running through his spine as he felt the young boy crying on his arms, as he felt his whole body trembling, he hugged him tightly and caressed his hairs. Wanting to give him as much comfort as he could manage. He knew what it felt like, he knew exactly how it felt what Tyler was describing, he had felt the same when he watched his father die.

“He wanted to escape too… we were preparing to do it together… Oh Josh, Zack was a bandito even before we knew what it was to be one, he despised the bishops, he despised the city… he wanted to destroy it and that's why the bishops got to him and destroyed him first.”   

Tyler hiccuped, telling him the story of his rebel brother. 

“I believe you, Tyler. I bet he was a fighter… and I bet he’s so proud of you for having escaped. He’s living through you, through us. His spirit will always live with our rebellion, My sweet Bandito.” Josh said, resting his forehead on the top of Tyler’s head, wanting to share his thoughts through that connection. “We’ll destroy them, destroy that city… in memory of your brother and all the fallen ones… my dad too.”

Tyler hugged him tightly, still sobbing softly on his chest. Josh hugged him back with the same strength, and even more, as he caressed Tyler’s back.

“We’ll do it Tyler, I know, I can feel it. The end of this is coming soon… we are going to end things.” Josh said with fervent passion. Almost scaring himself with the intensity of his words.

“I just want it all to end.” Tyler said, sniffing.

“I know, boy. Trust me, I know. Don’t worry, it's going to be over soon, I promise you.” 

And Josh had never said more sincere words before.

They stood there, grabbing each other for a while, while Tyler regained his composure and could breathe normally again.

“Torch!” They both jumped when they heard a voice calling Josh, coming towards their direction.

Josh squeezed Tyler tightly one last time and let him go as he faced back towards the girl that came into their directions.

“Uhm… Sorry, Torch. I just came here to switch places. It’s time for my and Sanno’s turn, so you can both rest.” Becca told him, looking apologetic to have interrupted them. “Nothing new?”

“No, Becca, everything’s alright. Be careful.” Josh replied and he saw how Tyler looked like he was deep in his thoughts, his eyes still red from crying.

Josh grabbed his hand tightly. He didn’t care that Becca was in front of them or that Sanno was arriving with them.

“Hi brothers.” Sanno saluted Tyler and Josh. “Go to rest, we’ll catch it from here.”

“Have a nice shift.” Tyler said, acknowledging them. They both nodded in their direction and Josh mentally thanked them for not bringing up Tyler’s bloodshot eyes.

“Tyler.” Josh called him when they started to walk back to their tents. “If you want, we can finish this conversation tomorrow.”

“Actually… uhm… I wanted to ask you something.” Tyler said looking timid, not staring at Josh but to the ground. “Can I sleep in your tent?”

Josh felt his heart skip a beat, and it must have shown it on his face because Tyler was quick to add. “It’s just that I haven’t slept well in days… and I think it’s because I’m alone.”   

“Ok. Tyler.” Josh replied when he had found his voice.

“Ok?”

“Yes. You can sleep in my tent… it’s just that I don’t have another bed.” Josh told him looking sheepish. “But it’s fine, to me. I want you to rest.”

“We can sleep together if it’s fine with you… I used to sleep with Zack all the time.” Tyler said, and Josh couldn’t tear his eyes away from the blush creeping through his cheeks all the way to his neck.

“For me it’s ok.” Josh replied, they had reached Josh’s tent and he opened it gesturing Tyler to go inside. “Make yourself comfortable. There are clothes in the drawer by the left. You can change… I’ll be right back.”

Josh saw Tyler go inside as he stayed outside and walked a bit far from his tent and panicked .

Were they really going to sleep together?! Josh had said yes because it was impossible for him to say no to Tyler. But now his mind was getting all fuzzy with the thought that yes, apparently he had accepted to sleep with Tyler on the same bed. 

He hadn’t slept with anyone in years, the last person had been his little sister back at DEMA.

Of course he was panicking.

But this was different, he was just helping a friend out. Friend.

Was Tyler his friend yet? God, Josh had too many thoughts in his head and it started to ache. He took a big breath and went inside the tent. Tyler was already at the makeshift bed, he had one of Josh’s shirts on. 

Josh ignored the weird thing his heart did at this.

“Josh… Are you sure this is fine? Am I not making you uncomfortable?”

“No. Ty. It’s ok… I’ll change too, don’t look.” He said, the last bit with a bit of a cheeky tone

Tyler covered his eyes with both hands and then spread his fingers as he watched through them making Josh chuckle. “Pervert.”

Tyler laughed, he had occupied the left side of the bed and turned his back at Josh to give him some privacy.

Josh changed to something more comfortable to sleep, something warm as the nights were still a bit chilly.

He stood there staring at Tyler’s back for a bit and then took the courage to slip into his own bed.

They laid there in silence until Tyler broke it with a soft whisper.

“Thank you, Torchbearer.” 

“Anytime, Ty. Rest well.”

And Josh knew that what he said was true, he would let him slip into his bed to rest well anytime he wanted.

They both fell asleep safe and sound. Resting better than they ever did before.

Chapter Text

Josh thought that the sleeping together incident would happen just once, Apparently Tyler had other plans. 

The day after that, they had gotten up together, Tyler with his hair mussed up and looking well-rested, Josh felt something on his chest at the sight of the man, he looked younger, his eyes puffy from sleep. Tyler had thanked him and told him that it was the first night in months that he had a full night of good sleep. Josh felt a bit timid as he said with full honesty that it was the same for him, it was true, Josh didn’t remember the last time he had rested so well. 

Tyler went to his tent to change clothes, Josh felt a bit shy thinking what would the others think of this, of Tyler leaving Josh’s tent in the morning, but when he stepped out of his tent, everyone was still fast asleep. 

The day went by without news, they did their chores, still together on their shifts, they talked a lot, Josh felt like he had never talked that much in his life, he learned a lot about Tyler, he learned that Tyler loved to stare at the sky, everyday and night he would be looking at it, admiring it .

“At Dema, everything was closed, I couldn’t look at the sky every hour of the day.” Tyler replied when Josh asked.

Josh learned that Tyler wrote, he wrote a lot, he had a journal and when they weren’t doing tasks Tyler would be writing, even doodling sometimes. He had drawn Josh; a caricature of him with his torch, Tyler gave it to him when they were at Tyler’s tent, the sun hiding bringing the night out and Josh felt how the thing on his chest became almost too intense, almost overwhelming him, Tyler must have sensed that because he gave him a side hug, Josh surprised as it was the first time Tyler had initiated touch. Josh let his guard down and buried his face on Tyler’s neck, grabbing tightly the drawing on his hand.

Was this the way Tyler saw him? The drawing had him with an upright posture, with strong factions while he beared his torch, looking like a leader.

“I know it's an ugly drawing but you don’t have to cry about it.” Tyler said jokingly and slowly caressed his nape. Josh let out a laugh.

“It’s not ugly, Tyler. It’s… amazing, no one has ever drawn me before.” Josh said, still touched by the gesture. “No one has ever even given me a gift before. ” 

“It’s fine to know I’m the first then. But I feel like I should’ve made something better.” Tyler said, still caressing Josh’s nape and Josh was getting scared of how comfortable the position they were in felt.

“Stop it. I love it.” Josh said. “I will treasure it forever.”

Then Josh caught that the sun was hiding outside. He untangled himself from Tyler’s embrace, wanting more than anything to stay there with him, and stood up.

“It’s getting dark, I gotta go.” He added, offering Tyler a warm and sincere smile, he saw Tyler stay at his bed staring at him like he wanted to say something, but Josh was already turning around to go but as he did, he felt Tyler’s hand grabbing his forearm and making him turn.

“Or you could stay here…” Tyler said, almost looking unsure of what came out of his mouth, Josh turned fully while Tyler was still grabbing him and cocked one eyebrow. “I still have your shirt…”

“So I could stay here because you have my shirt?” Josh asked, playfully. 

Tyler rolled his eyes. “I have your shirt and… last night… I slept better than I have in a long time, and I think you did too…” Then he added with a smirk on his own “Kinda look like you needed it though.”

Josh faked annoyance. 

“So you’re saying you think I look tired? Bet you saw me when I went to grab you from DEMA and you thought “Damn, This man looks awful, he looks exhausted, I won’t go with him.””

“No no no! I’m not saying that.” Tyler replied looking embarrassed and scrambling his words. “You look fine! More than fine! And when I saw you I thought the complete opposite, not exhausted but cool and charming and god, I should shut up now.”

Then Tyler let go of Josh’s forearm to cover his face with both hands, Josh let out a big laugh and grabbed them, wanting to peel them out of his face.

“I know Tyler! It’s a joke!” Josh said and Tyler laughed beneath his hands, which he was strongly trying to keep them on his face so Josh gave up and said. “Ok! If I stay with you would you retire your hands?” 

Tyler slowly did as he was told and Josh was met with the most beautiful smile he had ever seen. 

“My plan worked.” Tyler simply said, then he went to grab Josh’s shirt which he had left at his bed before they went to do their chores. “Here, you can change, grab anything else you need… I won’t see.” 

Tyler turned his back at Josh and started to undress, changing to something more comfortable. Josh caught himself staring at Tyler’s back exponse, the skin was tan and lean.

“I don’t think you won’t see… with you saying something about me being cool and charming.” Josh teased as he turned around with a violent blush covering his face, his voice sounding rough, he quickly changed into his shirt and some bottoms Tyler gave him.

“Shut up, Leader.” Tyler said back. 

They both went to bed, Tyler still at the right side and this time Josh took no time to go and settle besides him. It almost felt natural, like they were made to be at the side of the other.

“You’re not feeling pressured to be here, right?” Tyler asked after a while, their only source of light being the lantern on the side, Tyler was facing up and Josh was at the same position. 

Josh turned his head to stare at the profile of the man besides him.

“No, Tyler… I actually didn’t want to leave.” Josh replied with honesty, the silence crisp evolving them, turning their atmosphere into something more intimate. It almost felt like they were the only people existing at that moment.

Josh almost could forget all about a horrible city and bishops that rule it. 

“I feel at ease when I’m with you.” Josh added after a while and he saw how Tyler’s cheeks coloured a deep read as he smiled shyly. Then Josh turned to face up. “I want to ask you the same thing back… you’re not feeling pressured to be here either? At Trench I mean… with us?” With me?. 

Tyler turned his whole body to his side, his front facing Josh now who was still staring at the top of the tent. His gaze burning holes at Josh’s side profile.

“Why are you asking that? Do I look like I’m not having a good time?”

“It’s not that… it’s just that I know the weeks have gone quickly, you’ve accommodated yourself amazingly, everyone in here loves you… and I know how that feels, to be a part of something bigger than oneself and that’s why I’m asking it… If you’re sure this is the place you want to be? if you’re not feeling pressured to stay after we took you out of DEMA?”

Josh turned his face to look at Tyler, to read his expression, his eyes. Josh’s left hand was lying between their bodies. Tyler was staring at it when he replied.

“I don’t know how to explain this… it’s been hard for me to put it into words but I want you to be sure that I’m not feeling pressured… this is what I’ve been wanting my whole life, to feel like I belong somewhere, with people that care and that matters, that look at me with affection in their eyes, not with rejection and accusations.”

Then Josh felt how Tyler slowly put his left hand on top of Josh’s and softly intertwined their fingers. 

“This is the exact place I want to be, Torchbearer, and everyday I’m thankful for you to come and save me from that damn city.”  

Josh felt a stream of emotions running through his whole body, the main source being the place where their fingers were linked, Tyler’s eyes being warm pools of brown, his soft smile on his dark pink lips making Josh feel things he had never felt before.

“This is the exact place I want to be.” Tyler repeated, looking at Josh with a strong gaze as he gave Josh’s hand a squeeze. 

This. This bed. This bed with both of them in it.

“This is the exact place I want to be too.” Josh told him and squeezed his hand back.

Tyler huffed a smile and closed his eyes. Josh smiled too then looked back at the ceiling.

They both fell asleep like that, again together, a night the same as before, their hands never leaving the other’s hands for the whole night.

And it was true, this was the exact place they needed and wanted to be, one with the other.

Chapter Text

“Sleeping together, huh?” Mattia asked one morning, they were on their hunting shift together, it was days after the night Tyler and him had slept together for the first time and they’ve been switching tents, one night sleeping at Tyler’s the other night at Josh’s, and last night it was at Josh’s. They were careful to not let anyone see it, it was just that Josh was nervous of the reactions, they would think this was something different from what it actually was, even if they went to sleep holding hands… and would wake up embracing the other.

Mattia should’ve seen Tyler leave Josh’s tent in the morning, wearing one of Josh’s shirts.

“Shut up, It’s not what you’re thinking.” Josh replied, hiding the blush that crept on his neck and face. 

“What am I thinking?” Mattia asked with a suggestive tone and made kissing sounds as he side hugged him just to annoy him. 

“I don’t know, don’t want to imagine what’s going on in that mind of yours.” Josh said pushing him away and Mattia looked fake offended, putting a hand on his chest. 

“You offend me, leader.” He said. “You wanna know what I’m thinking? I think you took the new bandito into your bed and then you used him …”

“Mattia!” Josh shouted to shut him up, he couldn’t believe how warm his face felt as some images appeared on his mind. He had such a good imagination. “I need you to focus on the chore, please.”

Mattia was acting weirdly, his weird tone and stare made Josh feel uneasy.

“I’m kind of sad, though.” Mattia kept talking, ignoring Josh’s request and notorious discomfort. They were deep in the trees that surrounded their camp, both with bows and arrows as it was their weapon of choice for hunting. Every morning Josh had to inform his group of their shifts. Josh's shift was originally with Tyler but Tyler didn’t know that, so Josh asked Mattia instead to go with him, leaving Tyler at the cook shift with Theo and the others. 

Josh needed to think without the man that was clouding his thoughts besides him, but Mattia wasn’t helping bringing the topic on. 

“Why?” Josh asked with a sigh, trying to show Mattia how uninterested he was with the conversation they were having. They already had their bags full of things they had caught, so they were already heading back and Josh wanted nothing more than to get in their camp, in his tent and hide there. 

The bed must smell like Tyler. Josh’s mind conjured that thought and Josh wanted to bury his face on the mud they were walking and scream. Why did Tyler bring so many mixed feelings in Josh’s mind and heart? It was like when he was with Tyler, everything felt easy and good but when they weren’t together, Josh's mind would fill with too many questions without answer, the first one being: why did he feel that way when he was with him?

“You replaced me.” Mattia said, sounding almost hurt. “I was your right hand before he came.”

Josh couldn’t miss that his voice had a weird edge behind the forced playful tone.

“Oh, Mattia. Are you jealous?” Josh said with a mischievous tone, wanting to keep it like that, like a banter between them. Trying to ignore the tension he felt between them, the air feeling too thick.

“Maybe I am, Leader.” He replied as they were already at the entrance of their camp, Josh was walking quickly and Mattia was following his march. “And you’re escaping.”

“I’m not escaping, Mattia. It’s just that I have so many things in my mind right now.” 

“Is he on your mind?” He asked and Josh’s eyes subconsciously went to Tyler who was cheerfully chatting with Theo and Lain.

“No.” Yes.  “You know what I’m thinking, Mattia. This whole thing, I need to plan what we’re gonna do.”

It was a half lie because he was thinking about that but he was also thinking about Tyler and how he would fit in the plan.

“You’ve been with him in every shift.” Mattia kept going with the topic and Josh wanted to rip his hair out. It looked like he knew something about Josh that not even Josh knew. “Is that because you want to keep an eye on him like you told me before? Or is it because you developed a liking towards him?”

“Mattia, I don’t know what you’re implying.” 

“I was your right hand before him, Josh. I know you and I know that you’re lying to me.”

“You’re still my right hand, Mattia. I tell you everything.” Josh said, rubbing his eyes already tired of talking. “I’m just keeping an eye on him.”

“Keep telling yourself that… I bet you haven’t told him yet.” Mattia said and that was a low blow.

Josh felt venom in his voice and he felt the urge to shut him up, he wasn’t being his normal self, he was saying things to hurt and it ached in Josh’s chest. 

“Would you please stay out of my hair? I know what I’m doing, Ok?”

“I don’t think you do, Torch. Because if you knew you wouldn’t be spending too much time with him, especially not sleeping with him.” Mattia said, getting closer to Josh, they were almost the same height, Mattia being a finger taller, then Mattia placed both of his hands on Josh’s shoulders and the thoughts behind his eyes were unreadable. “You know what's going to happen with him when the rebellion starts. You can’t appreciate him if he won’t get to see our victory.” 

Josh’s breath hitched at his throat and he felt like vomiting.

“You cannot be distracting yourself with a boy when our revolt is so soon. We need your focus here, Torchbearer. I need your focus.”

Mattia finished his gut punching words and slowly caressed Josh’s neck with both hands, brushing his pulse point as he stared deeply inside Josh's eyes. 

Josh felt how his demeanor hardened and nodded with decision. He was feeling strange, almost like his body and mind went on autopilot. A whole stream of images went on his mind, the plan he had to create was slowly unfolding in front of his eyes. He knew what he had to do, he knew what he had to make everyone do, he knew what Tyler had to do, what his role meant in this.

He knew exactly why he didn’t have to appreciate him.

“I’m focused, Mattia. For me there’s nothing more important than our soon to be victory. I’ll tell him today.” Josh found himself responding, in a monotone voice, soulless, almost a voice that wasnt his own.

“That’s the leader that I want to see.” Mattia said, smirking at him and Josh felt uncomfortable under his gaze. Alarms went on in his brain. There was something weird.

Mattia turned his gaze at the men cooking and let out a dark chuckle as his eyes rested on Tyler, then he grabbed Josh by the chin and turned his head towards his direction.

“That’s a dead man walking.”

Tyler was already looking at Josh, catching his eyes, and Josh wanted to scream. 

Prodigal son. Dead man walking.

Those words kept repeating in Josh's mind, like a diabolical mantra. He didn’t know where they came from.

“You know what you gotta do, leader?” Mattia asked, his voice too close to Josh’s ear, making Josh’s skin get goosebumps. He wanted to run away from there, to run away from Mattia's cold fingers on his skin. 

“I know.” Josh replied and saw how Tyler raised his hand to salute him with a sincere smile but a weird look on his eyes as he saw the exchange between the men looking at him, oh what a pretty smile , Josh thought at the back of his head. But the thought was quickly replaced with other images, and was quickly buried deep deep in his mind.

Mattia let his chin go and took a step back.

“It was a good conversation. Hope you still get the plan on track, friend. ”

The last word felt like a stab to Josh’s heart, like Mattia had spit on him.

Josh was numb, felt numb, everything felt cold and Josh realized that Mattia’s eyes didn’t have the glint they usually had, they were dark, almost black and they were piercing through Josh, arrows to his mind and soul.

Josh had never felt like this before with him. Was this the real personality of the friend he knew for years?  

Josh didn’t reply and went to his tent quickly to hide. 

Prodigal son. Dead man walking.

Prodigal son. Dead man walking.

Prodigal son. Dead man walking.

…

Tyler with his warm smile saluting at him, alive.

Tyler, deep asleep beside him with Josh’s shirt on and a peaceful look, alive.

Tyler fingers intertwined with his, alive.

Tyler’s face buried on Josh's chest as Josh embraced him.

Alive.

Josh laid on his bed, he stared at the top of his tent, he had a million things on his mind, Mattia’s fingers that touched his neck were burning his skin. 

He felt soulless. Hopeless. Mindless. He felt like he had no control over anything.

Leader? Torchbearer? Those were his titles and they didn’t mean anything. What was he leading? Nothing.

Everything was written already, they all had roles to fulfill, chores to do. But Josh wasn’t leading as it was all already decreed. His talk with Mattia opened his eyes to that.

How would he get all of this going without going crazy? Without losing his mind?

He closed his eyes and there were two images waiting for him: Tyler’s smile and Mattia’s dark gaze as he stared at the man.

SAHLO. FOLINA. 

Josh cried for help as he buried his head in his pillow.

He was right. It smelled like Tyler.

Chapter Text

Josh was going crazy, he was losing his mind.

Torchbearer became a shell of what he once was, nothing was filling him. 

He wasn’t feeling anything. He had spent every day with Mattia, they avoided Tyler, Josh didn’t really know if this was his decision or he was just following Mattia. Who was the leader again? Josh or Mattia?.

“We need to get this ready, Josh.” Mattia whispered in his ear.

Josh had stopped doing chores, as well as Mattia, Josh would wake up in the mornings, he would inform Sanno of the groups and their shifts, leaving Sanno in charge of that, and Josh then, careful to not cross paths with Tyler, went to Mattia’s tent, finally just deciding to stay there.

They would spend the whole day there, when someone asked, Josh would tell them they were doing something important, that they would know it soon, it had to do with their rebellion, they were preparing it.

Josh wasn’t even eating, it was more than a week already and he felt weak, Mattia wasn’t eating either but he looked fine with it, like he didn’t need to.

Josh’s mind was fuzzy with tiredness, hunger and something else he couldn’t name, but at the back of his mind he could see that Mattia wasn’t fine, his eye bags were bigger and darker as the days went by, he was skinnier and his skin had a ghostly color, he almost looked like dead walking, like a corpse.

Josh asked himself how he would look, the only time they got to see their reflection was when they went to the river to wash themselves.

He hadn’t done that either.

Josh felt like his body wasn’t his body, it felt like he was on autopilot and someone was using the controls to move him as they pleased. Make him say what they wanted. Use his mind as they pleased.

He felt like a puppet who had lost the power on his strings, he didn't know to whom belonged the hand that was controlling his body altogether.

Josh wanted to scream but he couldn’t, he hadn't seen Tyler since the last night they shared a bed.

Mattia was everywhere, his strong gaze keeping Josh in place and Josh felt stupid, it was never like that before, Mattia never acted like that and now he was staring at Josh with piercing eyes that almost said “I’m in control now, so obey me.”

They were watching the maps, creating attack plans when someone called outside Mattia’s tent.

“I'm here to see Josh.” 

It was Navina, Josh could see her face when Mattia had opened up his tent.

“We’re busy. You can talk to him later.” Mattia replied harshly.

Josh felt uneasy, Mattia had never talked to Navina like that before, his voice missing the usual affection he had for the woman.

“No, I can’t. I need to talk to him right now, I have to see him.” Navina insisted and as Mattia was going to reply again, Josh found his strength and took control of his limbs as he stood up and pushed Mattia aside rather harshly. 

“Come in, Navina. Mattia, you can wait outside.” Josh said, his voice rough but finally sounding authoritative, like he was the leader after all.

“This is my tent.” Mattia replied with one lifted eyebrow as Navina came inside the tent.

“Wait. outside.” Josh simply said, staring straight at Mattia’s eyes. 

Mattia left without a comment.

As Navina stood inside, Josh felt embarrassed under her gaze, like a little kid who was caught doing something that they shouldn’t do. But Navina’s eyes were full of affection and so much worry.

“My young bandito look at you, what's happening with you? You’re not like this.” Navina voiced, fondness dripping from his tone “What's going on with Mattia? You two look like corpses.” 

Josh couldn’t respond, he didn’t know what to reply to that.

“Josh step out, leave this tent, it's not good for you. I haven’t seen you in more than a week.”

“It’s my responsibility.” Josh simply declared as he had found his voice or it was someone else using his voice? Josh couldn’t tell, everything was filled with unfamiliarity. “There's something eating my insides.”

The last bit was said in a whisper, Josh feeling his mind get a bit unfoggy, wanting to express what was on his mind to Navina, he knew she would be the only one that could unknot it.

Well, not the only one… another person could too.

“What is it?” 

“What Tyler needs to do… w-what’s going to happen with him.” Josh babbled, his words stumbling as they came out, a bit of confusion and unsureness covering his thoughts.

“What are you talking about, Torchbearer?”

Torchbearer, Leader. The title sounded foreign to Josh’s ears.

“Navina, you know, we all know that Tyler has to do” Josh whispered, the desperation sliping into his tone, his eyes with a glint of agony on them. 

“What does he have to do?”

“DIE.” Josh cried out the word he was so afraid of saying, the word that brought him anguish and despair. “Tyler needs to die for the plan to go through.”

He saw how Navina’s expression changed to a shocked one, his eyes filled with confusion and worry and concern, she took hold of Josh’s face as some tears began to stream down the man’s eyes, covering his cheeks.

“Oh Joshua… no… he doesn’t…” She began to whisper softly but with strength behind her words as she caressed Josh’s cheeks, but then shouts and revolting from outside made them jump, Josh went out of the tent quickly with his heart thumping violently, something had exploded on the near bonfire and one of their tents was catching on fire.

It was Navina and Ethan’s tent.

Navina went running to pull out Ethan as she held him tightly, Josh saw how some Banditos took control of the situation, helping Ethan out and extinguishing the fire, Mattia was quickly back at Josh’s side and as he placed one hand on Josh’s shoulder, Josh found himself again in the deep entrance as Mattia pulled him back to his tent, Josh caught Navina’s stare before he went inside and he could see that she was worried, she was concerned, she tried to step inside Josh’s mind but she couldn't, there was something blocking it.

Josh was under control and Navina didn’t know how to help him out, her tent catching on fire as she was trying to do so made her realize that that was a message for her “step out”

She was scared, there was something, someone at their camp making Josh act like that.

She went to talk to the only other person who could help her with this.

…

Josh feels strong hands pulling him out of Mattia’s tent at midnight, he had fallen asleep there after the incident, almost passing out of exhaustion. The person that grabbed him also had put his hand on Josh’s mouth so he couldn’t scream, Josh felt terrified, the blurriness from sleep clouding his mind as he’s being manhandled out of the tent, out of the camp, he tried to fight but he was so weak so he just let it happen, if someone was going to kill him, they would make him a favor.

The person finally releases him as they get to a place a tad bit far from the camp.

Josh’s ready to fight and run back but then he sees who brought him there… 

Tyler, it was Tyler.

He had brought him to the place they talked on his first day. Josh feels hot tears pool at his eyes and then they begin to fall easily across his cheeks.

“Josh, what's wrong? What's going on?” Tyler asks, quick to pull Josh into his arms and hold him as the man begins to cry, sobs shaking his whole body. “Shh… Shh.. It’s okay… I’m here for you… it’s okay.”

Tyler comforts him.

“No, no, no, no… it’s not okay… no, no.” Josh hiccups, his tears staining Tyler’s shirt. “You shouldn’t be here… why did you come? Why did you pull me out?”

“I couldn’t leave you, Josh! I haven’t seen you in days! I was worried… you wouldn’t even look at me… you even ran away from me!” Tyler said, sounding hurt, making Josh cry even harder, gripping Tyler’s shirt so tightly as he felt the sobs escaping his mouth, tearing open his chest. “But I’m here for you now… please tell me what’s going on so I can help you… please, Josh, please.”

“Yes, Josh… tell him.”

Both men freeze as they realize they weren’t alone. Josh quickly removes his face from Tyler’s chest and takes a step back to look who the intruder was.

It was Mattia. Josh’s mind returns to his enrapture as Mattia’s eyes pierced his.

“Tell him… Leader, He needs to know what you’ve been planning.” Mattia spoke in a deep tone, his ghostly figure looking even worse at the darkness of the night. “You could even do it right now.”

Josh feels how his legs take steps towards Mattia, an order that his brain never gave, he’s walking towards him without control of his body but it all stops, the fogginess of his brain clearing as he feels a strong grip on his own hand, bringing him back to the moment, back to life. 

“Is there something you’re not telling me, Josh?” Tyler asked, inquisitively as he grabs Josh’s hand, his eyes never leaving Mattia’s, trying to understand what's happening there, why Mattia’s saying what he’s saying.

Josh stood in silence, not looking at Tyler but looking at Mattia as he felt Tyler squeezing his hand, almost coaxing him to speak, to answer his question.

“Josh. Tell me. Tell me now what it is.” Tyler insists, wanting Josh to turn and look at him, wanting Mattia to go away, wanting all of this weird mood and atmosphere to stop.

“Tell him that he’s the prodigal son. Tell him how he fits in this rebellion.” Mattia orders Josh and finally Josh turns back to look at Tyler, to see his reaction.

“What’s this prodigal son thing?” Tyler asks, confusion filling his expression. “Josh, I want to hear you! I need to hear you! Talk, please!”

Tyler’s expression turns from confusion to understanding and then to hurt and betrayal.

“Tyler… I…”

“Were you gonna use me? To win against DEMA, against the Bishops?” Tyler almost shouted, letting Josh’s hand go violently. “Was this the only reason you were interested in me? To use me as a weapon? Is this war the only thing important to you? Is this why you kept me alive?”

“Tyler… It’s not like that.” Josh tries to explain, his brain short circuiting, too many thoughts in too little time, images and words attacking him while Tyler keeps accusing him.

“I don’t want to hear it. I. DON’T. WANT. TO. HEAR. IT. I’m tired of being used!”

Tyler, I don't want to use you, I’ve never wanted to use you, Tyler, I care for you, I hate this. Please help me… help me… helpmehelpme… im not in control Tyler helpme… HELP ME!

“You have to die, Tyler. You cannot keep living, You have to die! I want your death!” 

No, No, NONONO… Tyler… don’t listen to that… I don’t want that, Tyler, it’s not me speaking… I can’t control my brain or my words… Please help me… help me… helpmehelpme… im not in control Tyler helpme helpme… HELP ME!

“I want you dead! I need your death! YOU HAVE TO DIE!” Josh’s screaming, his face contorted, his hands are pulling his hair and Tyler’s afraid, he’s terrified.

That’s until Tyler sees Mattia behind Josh, sees the way his mouth vocalizes the words that are coming out of Josh’s lips and he realizes that’s not Josh talking.

“Josh! Look at me!” Tyler steps up and grabs Josh’s face with his both hands, trying to bring him back, to pull him out of his entrance. “You’re being used Josh!”

Tyler sees with his peripheral vision how Mattia runs to them.

He has a knife.

Mattia quickly tries to attack Tyler but Tyler dodges it as he throws Josh to the ground, pushing him away from Mattia’s crazy assault, Mattia doesn't stop as Tyler eludes his first hit, he tries even harder, Tyler running back as Mattia’s swinging his dagger at him, Tyler tries to punch the knife out of the man’s hand but Mattia’s quick to lash out a crosscut on Tyler's face making him lose his ground as Mattia overpowers him, Tyler ignores his pain as he feels the blood running down his nose and cheek and kicks the knife out of Mattia’s hand, this doesn’t seem to stop the maniac as he launches himself to the ground on top of Tyler and chokes him. 

That’s when Tyler sees it. Really sees the man on top of him. He feels it on his neck as his trachea is being crushed.

That was not Mattia.

“You’re… you’re a… bishop” Tyler breathes out his words, his hands clawing at the hands that are squeezing his neck tightly.

Mattia smiles an awful smile from his position on top of Tyler, his neck and hands turn to a painted black and his eyes get a yellow color as Josh is seeing the scenery unwrapping in front of him, his body paralyzed ever since Mattia first launched himself to Tyler.

“Sacarver.” Tyler rasps out with the last sound his vocal cords can conjure and he sees how Mattia/Sacarver’s smile disappear off his face, his eyes losing the yellow instead turning completely black - even the white parts- as the grip on Tyler’s neck loosen letting him finally breathe.

Mattia’s body falls to the ground beside Tyler as he’s gasping and coughing for air. Josh finally feels how his mind is freed from the haziness of his enrapture, he quickly regains the control of his body and crawls to check out Tyler.

“Tyler, oh, Tyler… are you okay? Please, tell me you’re okay… please, please, please.” Josh pleads, his hands grabbing Tyler everywhere trying to check if Mattia’s knife had hurted him somewhere else, he panics as he sees so much blood coming out of the wound on Tyler’s pretty face, Mattia’s knife had injured a line from his nose to his left cheek. 

“Josh, Josh!” Tyler vocalizes, one of his hands coming up to grab Josh’s own hands to try to calm him down. “Calm down, he didn’t hurt me anywhere else… just my face.”

Josh wants to scream, and as he had found his voice again and his control, he does it, he screams out of frustration hiding his face on Tyler’s chest, he had let this happen, he had let Tyler get hurt, he couldn’t stop it, he couldn’t move to protect him. 

“I thought… I thought he was going to kill you… Tyler… I thought you were going to die.” Josh sobbed onto Tyler’s shirt grabbing it tightly on his fists. “I thought I was going to lose you and I didn’t do anything to help you.”

“Shh… Josh… I’m fine… I’m here… he didn't kill me, and you couldn’t do anything, he was controlling you.” Tyler muttered, his voice rough as the results from the choking were hurting his vocal chords, he had his hands on Josh’s hair, petting it trying to ground him and make him realize that they were still together, they were both fine.

Josh lifted his head up, still crying, still sniffing then he seemed to really register Tyler’s injury.

“You’re bleeding, Ty! Here let me help you.” Josh said, worry and distress filling his words as he ripped his shirt to make a cloth so he could clean Tyler’s face, then with another one he pressed it against Tyler’s wound to stop the bleeding.

“What’s going on! Guys! Josh! Tyler!” They hear shouting coming for them from the camp’s direction. “Where are you!?”

“We’re here!” Josh finds himself shouting back as he sees their group coming to find them; there’s Sanno, Lain, Arrian Kea and Becca at the front with their lamps and at their back there’s Navina.

As they get to them, all their faces turn into expressions filled with worry and are quick to help them both to get up. Paying special attention to Tyler who is now pressing the bloodied cloth to his face.

“What happened? Tyler, Josh are you okay?!” Becca asks as she takes one of Tyler’s arms to wrap it around her shoulders to make him lean into her. “We heard screams and we came to check.”

Josh shakes his head, unable to put into words what had gotten down there, then he seems to remember something and looks at the body on the floor.

“That’s Mattia!” Kea cries out as she goes to the face down corpse on the floor, she turns him to face upwards and they all see how it looks like he’s not freshly dead, that his death didn’t happen there.

Josh goes to inspect the corpse, the corpse of one of his best friends, his right hand, and he feels like vomiting.

“Apparently, he’s been dead for a while.” Tyler says through the cloth. “A Bishop has been controlling him.”

The atmosphere around them it's dark and filled with fear and uneasiness.

“That’s why he had been acting so strange lately.” Lain whispered as silent tears streamed down from his eyes. “He wasn’t him.”

Josh felt like he was punched in the gut, he felt nauseous as he realized all the time he spended with Mattia that last week, he had spent it with his corpse, with a puppet being controlled by a Bishop and that he himself was being controlled by that bishop too.

Josh felt like he was going to lose it, his mind had been used and he hadn’t been able to do anything to stop it, to fight against it. His friend was killed, and he hadn’t been able to protect him.

Josh looked around him, his body finally feeling all of the fatigue of all he had gone through, and he saw that his family needed him, needed him to be a leader again, a title he had put aside the moment the bishop took control of him and Mattia.

“Let’s go back to the camp, we’ll talk about this tomorrow…” Josh announced “Becca, you take Tyler to get stitched up… I’ll take Mattia so we can give him proper ceremony.”

“I’ll do it, Torch… you don’t look that good either.” Sanno noted. “Me and Arrian can take him.”

Josh looked at Sanno and silently thanked him as he didn't have the energy to do it, his chest feeling constricted any time he stared at the corpse of his friend.

“Go on. I’ll take the back.” Josh ordered and everyone started to make their way, Tyler and Becca were in front of Josh and he noticed that Tyler was slightly limping, he may have injured himself while he was tussling with Mattia. 

“My young Torchbearer… I’m so sorry you had to go through this.” Navina expressed as she took his arm and made him wrap it around her shoulders so he could lean onto her, Josh almost collapsing to the ground because of the tiredness he was feeling, the time without eating and resting were affecting him. “I’m sorry I didn’t catch it earlier.”

“Navina… You don’t have to be sorry… we never thought a bishop could get here… neither we would have thought he would take control of me and Mattia.” Josh was quick to reassure her, his eyes almost closing on its own as they walked behind their group. 

“When I went to see you both… I knew something was wrong but my tent caught on fire, Ethan got mildly burnt and I got so scared… I felt there was something evil around, that’s why I asked Tyler to get you out of there.”

Josh hadn’t even thought about why Tyler went to pull him out of Mattia’s tent, now it made total sense that Navina went to talk to him.

“When you said that he needed to die, I realized that there was something going on with you… you would never say something like that.”

Josh turned to Navina and rested his forehead on the top of her head, trying to transmit all of the care he had for the woman. 

“Thank you… for telling Tyler… he saved me.” Josh said, the sincereness in his voice no longer scaring him. 

Josh thoughts were running around his mind and as he collected them, he was sure of a couple of things:

Now I need to save him too. I’ll make sure no bishop can put his claws on him again.

I’ll do anything to protect him. 

I’ll do anything to protect Trench.

Chapter Text

Mattia was dead.

Apparently he had died a while ago, Josh thought it was before they went on their hunting shift, when he was acting all weird about Josh sharing a bed with Tyler.

Mattia was dead and his body, his corpse was being controlled by a Bishop, he was a vessel, he was being seized. There was no respect for his death, they destroyed him and used him.

That’s all they knew how to do. Destroy and use. 

Josh felt destroyed. 

Josh felt used.

After the events between Tyler, Josh and Mattia’s corpse, they all got back to the camp, Becca with Tyler taking him to stitch his wounds, Josh hoped it was nothing serious, as Navina took him to his own tent, the one he hadn’t used in more than a week.

Josh wanted to go with the other banditos that were carrying the dead body of his friend, their friend.

God, Josh felt like puking and he did, right outside of his tent, all the contents being gastric bile as his stomach was empty, it hurt him all the way up his esophagus.

“Navina… Let me go with the others… I need to help them… I need to bury my friend… I need to bury my brother.” Josh mumbled as he was hunched over himself, wiping his dirty mouth with his hand. Navina caressing his back and watching him at his worst, taking care of him.

“You can't! Josh, baby… look at yourself! you’re exhausted, you need to rest… they’ll take care of it, you know it.” Navina remarked, helping him straighten out. ”Tomorrow you’ll wake up better and I’ll feed you and we’ll take care of you.”

Josh started to sob violently. His cries came from his chest, hurting everywhere in his body as they made their way up until they left his mouth.

He covered his face.

“I couldn’t take care of Mattia… he died, Navina. He’s dead and I couldn’t do anything… I was with him all this time… and he wasn’t him… he wasn’t him, Navina. He wasn’t him… he wasn’t him… he was a corpse… I was talking to his corpse… I was talking to a bishop.” Josh babbled, his words coming out in a frenzy between his fingers as he started to claw at his face. “A bishop was inside my mind… Navina… I could feel him control me… taking all my happiness away… I… I don’t know who I am… I wanted to die… I… I want to die.”

Navina gasped with worry as she tried to pull Josh’s hands away from his face. 

“Josh, baby! Stop, don’t hurt yourself! Don’t say that!” Navina cried out as she tried to peel Josh's hands out of his face, but his grip was strong, the urges to hurt himself were intense as he wanted to feel pain, wanted to feel the pain to feel like he was himself again, to feel that he had control over his decisions and emotions, to feel like he could do anything he wanted, even generate damage to his own skin.

He peeled the skin out of his forehead and cheeks just to feel like he was in control again.

Navina finally gathered the strength to try to stop Josh’s assault at himself. She hugged him tightly as he started to fight her grip, her hands being peeled out of his face as he was being crushed in between Navina’s arms.

“Josh, what’s going on?” A voice came from behind Navina, then Josh was being crushed with two bodies against him, hugging him, grounding him. It was Ethan who was hugging his side as Navina was at his front.

“He’s hurting himself, Ethan!” Navina informed, her voice full of anguish as they both tried to stop Josh’s fidgeting and fighting, he was gone, his eyes were closed, whimpers coming out of his mouth, his mind suffering the impacts of the recents traumatic events.

“Stop, Josh! We’re here for you… we love you!” Ethan almost shouted, he kept repeating it like a mantra against Josh’s ear. “We’re here for you… you’re safe… we love you.” 

We’re here for you. You’re safe. We love you.

We’re here for you. You’re safe. We love you.

We’re here for you. You’re safe. We love you.

“Control your own mind, Josh. It’s yours and no one else’s… you can win it, little one. I know you can, you’re strong… You’re safe… You’re our leader… we love you.” Ethan kept chanting as Josh’s sobs became louder.

Your mind it's yours and no one else’s.

Your mind it's yours and no one else’s.

Your mind it's yours and no one else’s.

“Come back, Josh. Come back, Josh. Come back Josh.” Navina vocalized along with Ethan’s chants. 

Come back, Josh.

Come back, Josh.

Come back, Josh.

Josh?.

Josh.

I’m Josh.

Josh finally stopped his fighting against the arms of the people that loved him the most. He opened his eyes slowly to see the worry on theirs. 

He wanted to keep sobbing, he wanted to scream his heart out, but he was tired.

“I’m... Josh.” He blurted out, his voice low and raspy as his vocal cords protested.

“Yes, Josh… You are!” Ethan replied, letting his body go tentatively, waiting for his reaction, ready to act if he saw Josh trying to hurt himself again.

His nails had left deep red marks on his face, some parts mildly bleeding.

“I’m… the leader. I’m the Torchbearer.” Josh kept going, searching through his mind all he knew about himself and this place. Finally getting back control as he found a full mess inside his brain. “I’m at Trench. This is Trench.”

Navina and Ethan both nodded as they gave him warm looks, the anguish still present at the back of their eyes. 

Josh gave them a small smile back that didn't meet his eyes.

“I’m better now… I’m sorry… Ethan and Navina.” Josh apologized, hiding his face with shame. His words coming out slurred and sounding weak, like they didn't want to be heard.

They weren’t supposed to see him like that. All broken.

“Don’t be sorry, young one. We love you and we care for you and we’ll always be here for you.” Navina told him, this time caressing his cheek softly and full of love, her eyes letting silent tears roll down.

“Love you both too.” Josh sniffed. “m tired… wanna rest."

Josh still felt the disgusting taste of his vomit on his mouth and he knew he wouldn't be able to rest with that. 

“Let’s get you in your tent… I’ll go and grab water for you, sweet Josh.” Ethan said, patting his shoulder.

Josh only nodded as Navina pulled him inside his tent. Inside it wasn’t like Josh remembered it, there were some things that weren't his on his bed, on the floor, but he wasn’t sure as he wasn’t really trusting his mind.

“Let’s get you to bed, okay?” She offered and Josh nodded again, too tired to speak. He looked at Navina trying to tell her with his eyes that he needed to change, his shirt was torn, his clothes were muddy and they had a bit of Tyler’s blood on them.

Navina understood and stepped outside the tent, but still hyper focused on any sound that could indicate that Josh was trying to hurt himself again.

Josh took out his dirty clothes and put on new and comfier ones then he laid on his bed and covered himself.   Moments later Navina stepped inside with Ethan behind her, he had two beakers: one empty and one with water. 

“For you to rinse your mouth and here so you can spit it out. Don't want you to go outside again.” He explained.

Josh did as he was told and gave back the beakers to Ethan. They both went and hugged him tightly once again.

“Do you not want us or one of us to stay with you tonight?” Navina asked and Josh just shook his head no. They understood him and with saying their good nights and “we love you” they left, Navina kissing his forehead before she did.

When they left, and Josh realized he was alone, fear started to grow in his stomach, running through his veins. 

He was terrified. He was alone, Anyone could go and hurt him now, and possess him again, making him do anything they wanted to.

Josh started to tremble, the only light on his tent coming from his lamp besides him, he was exhausted but he wanted to get up, bring back Navina and Ethan to tell them that he did wanted them to stay, but he didn’t want to be a burden, go to see Tyler, to see how he was, to see his brothers and sisters and family, he couldn’t rest, he couldn’t sleep like this, he couldn’t sleep alone. 

For the first time in a while he felt alone, not having the corpse of his friend beside him and a bishop controlling his brain. His hands quickly traveled to his hair, pulling hard at his strands, closing his eyes as he felt small whimpers leave his mouth.

That's when he felt someone coming inside his tent, he opened his eyes to see the only person he had wanted to see.

Tyler.

“Josh… Josh… Shh… Stop… It’s me, I’m here.” Tyler whispered, his voice still a little hoarse because of the previous assault he had gone through, as he went to sit beside Josh, quickly pulling him into his arms, pulling away his damaging hands from his hair, he had managed to pull out some strands. “Calm down, Dear. I’m here with you… I’ll never leave you alone again. You’re fine, we’re fine. Breath with me.”

Josh began to breath as Tyler was instructing him to, hearing Tyler’s soft whispers against his hair, he was rocking him gently as their breaths got synchronized, pulling Josh out of his crisis.

Josh stopped tearing up as his ear was pressed against Tyler’s chest listening to his heartbeat, a stream of thumping that relaxed him and made him want to finally go and sleep.

“Feeling better, Dear?” Tyler asked after a while of rocking and Josh listening to his heartbeat.

Josh nodded tiredly. Finally feeling the panic and fear leave his body completely, calm and tranquility replacing it. 

Josh lifted his head from Tyler’s chest wanting to see his face, Tyler’s arms still engulfing him. Their faces mere centimeters away from each other.

Josh got to study Tyler’s features, his long eyelashes over his deep brown eyes that were staring back at him with fondness, his pouty pink lips, his subtle stubble and finally Josh’s eyes rested on his nose and cheek, that were covered with a small piece of fabric where his wounds were.

“It’s okay, Josh. I’m okay, it doesn’t hurt.” Tyler replied as if he could read Josh’s mind, one of his hands coming up from Josh’s back to rest his palm on his cheek caressing there, Josh had marks of his own on his face and Tyler was sure that he had made them himself. “They took care of them, they were mild, nothing important.”

Josh nodded, enjoying Tyler’s touch on his cheek, then he saw the marks on Tyler's neck, bruises were forming there in the shape of hands that had choked him hours ago, Josh was still angry at the fact that Tyler had gotten hurt and he couldn't had done anything to stop it.

“Let’s sleep, sweetheart.” Tyler whispered, his own tiredness getting to him, feeling like his eyes were closing on their own. As Josh nodded, Tyler was quick to positionate himself laying on his back on the bed with Josh’s body on top of him, his head on Tyler’s chest once again.

Tyler embraced him with force, stroking his back, his arms, running his fingers through his hair, feeling how Josh was slowly but surely drifting to a very needed sleep and Tyler following him not quite after. 

That was what they both needed, when they were together nothing could go wrong.

…

Mattia’s ceremony was the next day, they had all woken up and gone to eat, Theo preparing all their lunches. Tyler had woken up before Josh, enjoying the last moments of peace before they had to face the day. Josh was still sleeping, his face buried on his chest, both of his hands gripping Tyler’s shirt in fists, like he was scared that if he loses his grip, Tyler would disappear.

Tyler had buried his face on Josh’s hair and caught that there were some balding spots from where he had pulled his hair out, they’ll have to shave all his hair later. Tyler heard the voices of the banditos outside and knew that the day had to start for them, he softly shook Josh to wake him up as Tyler knew he couldn’t go to take their lunches and leave him alone, he was afraid that Josh would start hurting himself again.

They left the tent silently, Josh still rubbing the sleep out of his eyes as they went to eat, he had thrown a beanie on top of his head to cover his messed up hair and had covered himself with his hoodie, looking bigger than ever on his figure.

Josh's stomach was growling with hunger but he still felt like vomiting with every bite of food even if he had missed Theo’s cooking. He went around the camp behind Tyler, making himself as little as possible, not being able to face the others yet.

At midday, with the sun on top of their heads, they began to prepare the big bonfire a bit far from the camp, Lain and Arrian stacking wood, everyone else with torches, this time Josh was beside them, trying hard to stand still, he had his full attire on, his hood covering his beanie and his bandana covering half of his face, the only thing you could see were his eyes, he had his torch too and Tyler was besides him. 

When the wood was ready, all banditos made a line so they could light the bonfire with their torches and when it was lit and glowing, the last to put his torch was the Torchbearer.

“Today we say our farewells to a brother.” Ethan began his speech, he always did them, the death ceremony was always led by him, fortunately there hadn't been that many. “Today, beneath the fervent sun and the roaring wind we say our farewells to a Bandito.” 

Josh felt empty, he was standing right besides Ethan, Tyler now was back with the other banditos surrounding them, Josh already missing his warmth.

The fire was trying its best to burn him from outside to the inside, to bring him back from the depths of his damaged mind. He was dissociating, not wanting to be there, not wanting to witness the goodbye of his dearest friend.

Then it got worse as Sanno and Kea arrived with a sheet covered lump on their hands in front of them, the large group of banditos separating, letting them pass until they stopped in front of the fire.

Josh closed his eyes as he felt how they threw the lump - Mattia’s corpse - to the bonfire.

Ethan grabbed his forearm, giving him the hint that it was his turn to speak. Josh opened his eyes and he catched the stare of all his group waiting for him, waiting for his words, Josh pulled down his bandana and opened his mouth as he took a step to the front.

Vivil savne deg. Vielsker deg.

...

Vivil savne deg. Vielsker deg.

...

Vivil savne deg. Vielsker deg.

...

...

Josh furrowed his brows, he tried to speak, the words repeating in his mind, his script well learned but nothing was coming out of his mouth.

He couldn’t speak. His throat was constricted, not being able to let sounds come out. He sighed tiredly and pulled his bandana back up.

“Vivil savne deg.” Ethan said instead, sensing that Josh couldn’t do it. “Vielsker deg.”

“Vivil savne deg. Vielsker deg.” All the banditos voiced back like a chant, it was their farewell chant to a loved one that had left them, to a loved one that wasn't there anymore because his soul had already traveled the skies as they were burning his body so it wouldn't be used as a vessel, so they could give him a proud goodbye, a proud rest.

Vivil savne deg. We’ll miss you.

V ielsker deg.  We love you. 

Vivil savne deg. Vielsker deg.

We’ll miss you. We love you.

They stood there, all watching the fire consume what was left of Mattia. Josh stared, choking up tears, swallowing down sobs as he had to appear fine in front of everyone.  

He tried not to think about Mattia getting killed, he tried not to ask himself how it happened, how Mattia felt his last seconds of life, how lonely he must have been. He tried not to think about Mattia’s smile when they first met, he tried not to think of Mattia helping him bring all the escapees to Trench, and he especially tried not to think of the Mattia he saw at last.

Knowing that that wasn’t Mattia. That wasn’t their Mattia.

Jegkommer tila savne deg. Jeg elsker deg. 

I’ll miss you. I love you. 

Brother.

Chapter Text

Tyler felt his chest heavy.

He had surprised himself when he had asked Josh to sleep together as he couldn't bear another sleepless night, he got more surprised when Josh accepted and they had spent the night together in Josh’s tent. That was the first night of almost a week of sleeping together.

Tyler had never felt more at peace in his life before, well, maybe when he was with his brother he felt safe, but now Zack wasn’t around and Tyler had felt lonely until he met the Banditos. 

Until he met Josh. 

Sleeping with Josh made Tyler’s heart swell, sometimes Josh fell asleep first and Tyler found himself staring at the other man, staring at his long eyelashes, the freckles that adorned his cheeks and crooked nose and the way his whole expression softened while he was resting. It was a bit mesmerizing, to see the leader drop his constant hard facade and stoicism, and get to see his face relaxed, his brows not furrowed and his lips not in a constant thin pressed line.

Tyler wouldn’t admit it to anyone, but he enjoyed those moments where he got to see that side, a side he had found even when the leader wasn’t sleeping, Tyler had made it his personal mission to make the Torchbearer lose his facade when they were together, he liked to see the man smile and even laugh when they were talking about everything and anything, Tyler thought that Josh needed that, with all the weight on his shoulders, he thought that the man needed to feel at ease with someone, needed to feel that he could really be himself with someone that cared for him.      

It was months ever since Tyler had first stepped foot on Trench, months ever since he first saw Josh, when he had caught those eyes and knew that everything would be okay if they were together.

Tyler felt his chest heavy.

They had been so good together, they had spent almost every minute together, even sleeping together, until that morning. 

They had woken up, hands still clasped together but this time Josh and Tyler were facing the other, well Tyler was facing the leader’s chin and neck as they were close, so close. Tyler had their intertwined hands close to his lips and Josh was covering Tyler’s body with his other arm, his fingers grazing the small of his back.

Neither of them said anything about their sleeping positions but both their faces were redder than ever. 

After that, Josh had gone to his hunting shift with another bandito, Mattia, and Tyler had stayed in the camp with Theo, wanting more than anything to be with the leader instead but understanding that maybe they needed a bit of time away from the other, that maybe they were too immersed in the other.

Tyler was having a great time with Theo and the others, they made lunch and made sure everyone was fed, they were eating and chatting when Tyler caught sight of Josh coming back, looking annoyed and with his hard mask on while Mattia was talking to him. Tyler tried not to stare and give them their privacy, it wasn’t like he was jealous or something, it was just that he missed talking to Josh and hearing his voice, also he wanted to hear all about his shift with Mattia and what had him with such a tired looking expression.

Tyler ignored them, quickly engaging in a conversation of his own with Theo, talking about Theo’s family there: his wife and two children that were running around their camp, Theo told him his son liked to make music and Tyler promised he would go to his tent one day so they could sing together. That’s when Tyler catched Josh staring at him with a weird look, but not only that, Mattia was looking too with his fingers on Josh’s neck and chin.

Tyler felt a pang of something in his chest, something so intense he wanted to run to both men and take Josh with him, pull him out of Mattia’s touch. He controlled that something but as he stared at Mattia who was smirking, he felt like something wasn’t right.

Tyler felt his chest heavy.

That was the last time he had seen Josh’s eyes in days. 

That afternoon, he had tried to find him and talk to him after the event with Mattia that morning, but he couldn’t find him anywhere. He went to his tent with a plate of food, Tyler thought he would be hungry as he hadn’t eaten anything before he went out that sunrise and he hadn't seen Josh anywhere near the food that whole day.

But Josh wasn’t there, in fact, Josh wasn’t anywhere.

Tyler tried to shut down the pang of sadness that invaded him, he should’ve known that would happen, Josh was tired with Tyler’s presence and had escaped somewhere so Tyler couldn’t find him. Maybe he was with Mattia in his tent.

Tyler couldn’t stop his feet as they were moving on their own until he was at the side of Mattia’s tent and, yes, he could hear Josh’s voice, he was in there.  

Tyler felt like an idiot, had he thought that their arrangement of sleeping together would last forever? Of course, Josh was doing it just because he felt pity for the younger.

Stupid, Stupid Tyler. What did you think? That he enjoys your company? He only says that because he pities you.

Tyler tried to shush the voice in his head but he knew he couldn’t, his insecurity and bad thoughts coming back at full force, he hadn’t felt that way ever since he had been in the presence of the bishops of DEMA, but now he was in Trench, there couldn’t be bishops at Trench.

Right?

He went to Theo’s, to keep his promise of singing with his son, so he could forget everything and not spend the night totally alone.

Tyler felt his chest heavy.

It was more than a week already and he hadn’t seen Josh ever since that morning they had woken up embracing the other. Josh was even avoiding him anytime he would catch him outside of Mattia’s tent.

Did I do something wrong? Tyler wanted to ask Josh. Maybe I was too intense? Showed too much? Asked for too much?

Tyler was sad but also Tyler was angry. He thought he had a friendship with the leader and he knew that those nights they shared weren’t false, they couldn’t be. So why was Josh acting like this? Why was he avoiding him like a plague? Tyler knew there was something wrong but couldn't quite figure out what it was.

That was until Navina came to his tent one night - scratch that - Josh’s tent. Tyler was ashamed to be found laying on the leader’s bed by the older woman, but he hadn’t been able to go back to his own tent, not after spending so much time with Josh, he missed to be surrounded by his presence so, a sleepless night, he decided he would occupy Josh’s tent and bed, that way, if the leader ever came back, he would be obliged to talk to the younger.

That was Tyler’s plan as he stayed all those nights sleeping at Josh bed, the leader’s essence drifting away more and more as the nights passed, even if he stole one of his shirts and wore it so he could feel closer to the other man. 

It wasn’t his plan to be found by another person there though, but something in Navina's eyes made him feel at ease, like she wasn’t going to judge him.

“I knew I would find you here. I know you miss him as much as I do.” The woman simply said as she took a seat at Josh’s bed besides Tyler who was scribbling on his journal, he had closed it when Navina came in, to give her his full attention.

“I do.” Tyler simply replied, because why would he deny it, he was in his tent just because he missed his scent and laugh and eyes and everything. Then Tyler seemed to remember something as he asked “Is Ethan alright?” 

He had been in the nursing shift when Navina had arrived with Ethan beside her, he was mildly burnt, some places of his face and right arm had been the more affected but luckily nothing severe.

“He’s alright, young one. A bit shaken up about what happened, he says… he says he saw something when it happened.” Navina spoke in a whisper. “He says it was someone who did it, he heard someone outside the tent and as he tried to see who it was… the tent was catching on fire.”

“Who would do that, Navina? I don’t understand.” Tyler asked, feeling his heart getting heavy, he felt in his gut that something was wrong if it was someone who did that.   

Navina looked straight at his eyes, his stare so intense it made Tyler petrify.

“Mattia.” 

Tyler’s heart skipped a beat.

“What… Why? Did Ethan see him?”

“No, he didn’t… he couldn’t… but today I went to see Josh at Mattia’s tent and, oh, Tyler…”  Navina finally broke as she let her face fall to her hands as his body moved in a full sob then she kept muttering through his fingers as Tyler was quick to sit beside her and caress her back. “Josh looks awful… he looks like a corpse… he’s having a bad time and I don’t know what to do… I don’t know how to help him… but I know this has something to do with Mattia, he was so cold towards me… and he looks awful too, even worse than Josh… his eyes, Tyler, they were full of hatred…”

Tyler was listening close to what Navina was saying feeling anguished at the hurt on the woman’s voice. She regained her composure and rubbed the tears away from her eyes and cheeks, Tyler grabbed her hand when she left it on her lap and he gave it an encouraging squeeze, knowing the woman wasn’t finished talking.

“Josh said horrible things… things I never knew I would hear from him, and when I tried to talk him out of that mindset… Ethan and our tent got burnt, when I got beside Ethan… Mattia was quick to pull Josh inside his tent, none of them took the time to check Ethan, they would’ve never done that before… there’s something happening to them and I can’t do anything to help them.”

“I’ll take Josh out of there.” Tyler stated with fervent passion behind his voice. “Something’s happening and I can’t leave him alone…. I… I gotta help him, if I talk to him then we can help them both… him and Mattia.”

Navina gave a squeeze to Tyler’s hand back, a few rebel tears leaving her eyes as she could see how important Josh was to Tyler. She knew she had made the right decision to come and talk to the boy.

“Do what you have to do, Young Bandito… and if anything happens, just cry for help and we will be by your side.”

Tyler nodded, the eyes of the man he missed appearing on his mind, telling him that it was the moment to save him and bring him back to life.

… 

Tyler felt his chest heavy.

Josh was sobbing, grabbing Tyler’s shirt in his fists, his whole body convulsing with the force of his cries.

“Josh, what’s wrong? What’s going on?” Tyler asks, demanding to know, trying to understand what’s happening to his friend, why was he avoiding him, what was Mattia doing to him, but as he saw the state of the other man he realized that what he needed in that moment was comfort. “Shh… shh… it’s okay… I’m here for you… it’s okay.” 

Josh kept crying, sobbing, his tears staining Tyler’s shirt that he stole from Josh’s tent.

Josh tells him about how he shouldn’t be here, asking why Tyler pulled him out of Mattia’s tent. Tyler’s begging Josh to talk to him, to tell him what’s going on so he can help him, he says how hurt he felt when Josh avoided him, not even sparing him a look and Josh cries harder at this. 

Tyler’s begging, with his heart on his throat when they hear the voice of a third person.

Mattia.

It all goes downhill, Josh leaves his side trying to join Mattia even when Tyler stops him, Josh looks like he is in some sort of enrapture, his mind no longer there but in possession of someone else. And when Mattia says that Josh was planning on using him, to win against the Bishops, Tyler feels his heavy heart break, he had trusted the leader in so little time, he had felt a connection between them, and now he was feeling how everything was going to garbage, confirming that everything was fake, Josh had only stayed with him because he needed him to be a weapon, he needed to use him, not because he liked or enjoyed Tyler company, why would he? Tyler was nothing special, Tyler felt like he was nothing, his mind running with hurtful words, making him want to cry and scream at the two men in front of him. 

Josh is the first to scream, telling Tyler how much he wants him dead, how much he needs him to die, and Tyler’s surprised to hear the words come out of his mouth as they were the words that Tyler used to tell himself all the time, back at DEMA, what his mind would conjure against him, letting him unable to get up of his bed, unable to sleep at night, wanting to disappear.

Tyler’s paralyzed but he sees something that catches his attention and he finally realizes what's happening, a full shiver runs through his spine as he sees who’s controlling Josh; it’s Mattia.

Tyler grabs Josh’s face with force, trying to pull him out of his entrance, trying to save his mind from that torture he knows he’s going through. “Josh! Look at me! You’re being used, Josh!”

What he wasn’t expecting was Mattia’s attack, Tyler pulls Josh out of the way to protect him, he tussles with Mattia, his body and mind only focusing on dodging his hits with his knife. 

SAHLO. FOLINA. SAHLO. FOLINA. SAHLO. FOLINA.  

Tyler gets distracted as he misses a punch to throw the knife out of Mattia’s hand, and Mattia takes advantage of that as he quickly lacerates Tyler’s face. 

Tyler doesn’t realize when Mattia had overpowered him and was now choking him in the ground.

He can feel it.

He can feel it before he knows it. It’s in his touch, his eyes, his dark smirk.

Tyler knew all of that all too well. Who was attacking him wasn’t the man, the body that was on top of him, instead it was someone else using his mind and this vessel as a puppet to go with his plan of finally capturing Tyler.

He knew it perfectly, that was what he was escaping from.

“Sacarver.” Tyler rasps out, his lungs not receiving enough air as he begins to feel like he’s going to pass out at any moment.

He knows it before he feels it, saying his name it’s the only way he can get the Bishop to leave the body he’s seizing. He knows its Sacarver, he knows him too well, recognizes the grip of his hands on his throat, recognizes the stare and the way he’s toying with his mind too.

He had become familiarized with it when they had taken him as a prisoner back in the city.

The body of a friend is finally released as he lies without a soul in it besides Tyler. Finally becoming the corpse he had to be, not a puppet that was used by someone else.

Tyler’s dissociated, trying to fill his body with oxygen with big gasps of air, trying to grasp reality and not letting his mind go back to that dark time in DEMA. That's when he feels Josh’s desperate voice and wandering hands running through his body trying to repair his broken pieces splattered on the floor and Tyler’s quickly to come back and help the wretched man. 

It all goes downhill from there.

Tyler felt his chest heavy, he was terrified.

A Bishop had gotten so so close to them, Tyler knew sooner or later they would’ve find the way to him, he also knew that a bishop killing him would be the best case scenario for him if they got their claws on him, preferring that over the other option that would be them using him again for their own benefits. That’s why he finally decided he had to escape, the way they were using his body and mind was destroying him worse than any other death. 

His mind felt destroyed when he watched how they destroyed Josh’s mind.

Tyler knew it very well, knew how it felt to have someone else controlling your actions, leaving you in despair. It was worse for Josh, he was being controlled but also he had to endure his friend’s dead body besides him at all times, he had to see how his friend was used to hurt Tyler, he knew that fact was messing up with his friend's psyche.

Josh wasn’t talking, he was hurting himself and that's why he couldn’t be left alone. 

After they took Tyler to clean the wound on his face (he would have a new shiny scar on his nose and cheek now) he had crossed paths with Navina and Ethan who were both looking anguished, Navina told him what happened with Josh; that he had vomited, that he had tried to hurt himself, how he was talking about wanting to die not really knowing where he was or who he was either. She told him that he hadn’t wanted them to stay with him and how scared she was of him being left alone in this moment of weakness. 

They stared at each other, a silent conversation between their eyes, Tyler nodded once and after saying their goodbyes, he went to Josh’s tent.

Tyler wanted to scream, he saw the figure of the man that was suffering deeply as he went inside his tent, his fingers pulling out the hairs out of his head, raw red lines covering his oh so pretty face that Tyler had enjoyed to stare at so much.

Tyler was quick to comfort him, pull him into his embrace, try to make him feel safe and cared for, trying to pull his mind out of that dark place he knew it was, he hugged him and caressed his back and arms and everything his hands could grasp, he rocked them both while whispering soft words into his ear. 

…

Next day it was Mattia’s death ceremony and Josh couldn’t speak, Tyler saw how he choked up when he had to say his part, Ethan taking the lead coming for his help. The day had gone like that, when the fire had finally burned the entirety of Mattia’s corpse, all the Banditos went back to their tents, Josh being left behind sitting on a trunk beside the violent bonfire that had consumed his friend’s body. 

Tyler didn’t force him to talk, he just offered his shoulder for him to rest his head as they watched the fire.

“I know what you’re going through, honey . Trust me, I know… I know how much it hurts.” Tyler began whispering into his hair as he took his hand and squeezed it. “But you’re strong, Torchbearer… Josh, you are so strong… I know you will make it, you will fight against this.”

He saw how Josh closed his eyes but he knew he was listening to him, the tension in his body saying it so. Tyler left the sound of his voice to disappear through the air, not adding anything else, realizing maybe Josh didn’t need to talk more about what was happening to him.

After minutes, Josh lifted his head to stare at Tyler and Tyler felt a bit timid beneath his intense gaze. It was almost like Josh was trying to talk to him through his eyes as he couldn’t do it with his voice. 

“Honey.” Josh mouthed, no sounds coming out as Tyler read his lips. 

Tyler blushed deeply. Josh was talking about the term Tyler had used with him, it had escaped his mouth, his affection growing so deeply he had to show it through a word towards the other man.

“Yeah… h-honey…” Tyler uttered, his shyness slipping through his actions, his face a deep red as he started to fidget with his fingers and looked away from Josh’s deep light brown eyes. “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable… I’m sorry… I won’t call you that again.”

Josh let out a small huffed laugh and Tyler felt his fingers grabbing his chin softly to turn his head back in the direction of Josh’s own face, they were close and Tyler felt like all the air was pushed out of his lungs as his heart thumped loudly in his chest.

“I like it.”  Josh said with no sound, exaggerating his lips and tongue movements so Tyler could understand what he wanted to say. “Honey.”

The last bit he mouthed it and jabbed a finger to Tyler’s chest, it was him saying it back.

Tyler couldn’t control the grin that took over his features as his blush was settled permanently on his cheeks. He lifted his own hand as he brushed Josh’s cheek adoringly, his hand went up until he grabbed a rebel lock of hair that had escaped the man’s beanie then he remembered something.  

“Can I cut your hair?” Tyler asked in a whisper, not feeling the necessity to be loud, then he added. “Honey.”

Tyler liked to say it.

Josh gave him a half smile as he looked at the ground, his hand leaving Tyler’s chin, but the hand that was on his chest went quickly to grab Tyler’s hand that was on his lap, Josh played with his fingers timidly as his other hand went to pull down his hoodie and take out his beanie.

“Do. I. Look. bad?” Josh articulated his question, averting his gaze looking unsure as he ran his finger through his hair.

“No, no! You don’t, Josh!” Tyler said almost too quickly and too fervent as he grabbed Josh’s face, cradling it on his palms.

And Tyler was telling the truth, even if Josh still looked sick, a bit too thin, his eyebags prominent with red mild scars on his forehead and pieces of hair missing, he still looked like the most beautiful thing to Tyler’s eyes.

Tyler wouldn’t say it though, he would just say. “There’s no way you could look bad, Josh.

I just think… it would be a good way to start over again. Think of it as something cathartic… as you cut the hair that's a bit messed up at this moment, you’ll give it the opportunity to grow back again… This time stronger and even healthier.” 

Tyler knew that his words had a deeper meaning behind, it wasn’t only about hair, this was about Josh too and the state he currently was in. 

Give yourself the opportunity to grow back again, stronger and healthier. 

Tyler knew Josh understood what he was trying to say, he could see how the words affected the other man, how he got subtly teary-eyed and then he nodded.

“I would like that.”

They decided they would do it there, Tyler left Josh telling him he would come back in a minute, he went to Lain and asked for his things to cut hair as he was the one who always did it for the other banditos. Lain offered to do it himself but Tyler denied, he felt it had to be done by him.

He went back, with scissors and a razor, he covered Josh’s body with some fabric he found and got to work, cutting all of his hair. When he was finished, Josh collected every strand of hair and Tyler saw there were some silent tears running down his cheeks.

Josh threw his hair to the fire. 

Tears soaking his face but a look of determination in his eyes, he was using this makeshift ritual to say goodbye to his messed up hair and messed up mind, to promise himself he would let himself grow back again stronger and healthier.                                                                                        

He had to, he owed himself that much, he was still alive and he had many things to be thankful about, his group - his family - their soon to be revolution and Tyler. 

Josh didn’t realize when he began to cry, he only took notice of it when he felt Tyler’s arms embracing him.

“It’s ok, Honey. You’ll be okay. I’m here for you.” Tyler repeated like a mantra and Josh wanted to cry even harder because he had never felt so cared for before, so understood.

He peeled himself out of Tyler’s embrace, rubbing his eyes hard wanting to stop his crying. Then when he was able to do it, he saw what Tyler was doing.

He was cutting his own hair. 

“We’ll get to grow stronger together then.” Tyler explained in a whisper as he cut lock after lock of brown hair. 

Josh couldn’t control it. He cried harder.

Tyler kept cutting his hair, his mind made up, realizing he would do anything for Josh, anything for him to be happy again, he would make him company in everything.

Josh made him sit down at the same trunk he was sitting before, and finished cutting his hair. When it was done, Tyler did the same, he went and threw his hair to the fire.

Both of them saying goodbyes to the persons they were before, as they let themselves grow and think of a better future, a better tomorrow in where they were together. 

Fine, happy and together.

When they had put out the bonfire, Tyler took Josh to the river so they could wash themselves before going back to the camp. 

Josh saw himself for the first time in days. He took long looks at himself in the reflection of the waters, he saw his scarred forehead and his scrawny look, he saw his shaved head and for the first time felt a bit of hope.

Josh still felt pretty much broken inside, but after all of Tyler’s care, he almost felt like a brand new person. 

That night they went together once again, to Josh’s tent so they could sleep together, where they belonged.

In the arms of the other.

Chapter Text

Days went by and Josh was feeling better but he was still not talking. He had communicated this towards the other Banditos through Tyler one late afternoon while they were skinning some rabbits for their dinner.

Tyler was by his side all the time and he knew how to translate everything Josh was trying to say, they had even made up their own language through signs or lip reading.

Tyler enjoyed reading Josh’s lips because it meant he could stare at the other man’s lips without it being weird. He was allowed to do it, to see the way his lips parted as his tongue darted out to mouth some words with excessive amounts of L’s or R’s, even if he missed his voice, he knew it was matter of time for Josh to talk again, he just needed time to sort out his thoughts.

In the meantime, yeah, Tyler would enjoy staring at the man’s lips. They were captivating.

Josh had elbowed Tyler as they were standing beside the other, each one of them with a rabbit on their hands. Tyler gave him his attention.

“Could. You. Tell. Theo. And. The. Others?” He mouthed while doing signs with his bloody hands. “I. Can't. Speak. Yet. They. Should. Know.”

Tyler nodded, turning his head to Theo and the other Banditos who were accompanying them, preparing their meals.

“Josh - Torchbearer - wants you to know that he’s not ready to speak yet and he thinks you all should know that… he needs time.” Tyler translated, capturing everyone’s attention, he felt a bit uneasy beneath their eyes but he was doing it for Josh, he was being his voice.

“It’s fine, Torchbearer.” Theo replied, his soft gaze on Josh. While the other Banditos nodded beside him, everyone showing his support and patience towards their leader, then Theo added with a smirk “Is that why you both shaved your heads though?” 

Josh huffed out a laugh and nodded.

“My. Voice. Will. Grow. Out. With. My. Hair.” He vocalized as Theo watched him with attention to catch every soundless word. 

Theo laughed and Tyler enjoyed the way the man could turn the atmosphere into an easygoing one. Josh was smiling.

“I bet it is and soon you’ll be singing with Tyler, huh?” Theo commented. “That’s why you shaved your head too, Ty? To get a better voice? Your voice it's already nice, man. Now little Tim will want to shave his head too.”

Josh stared at Tyler and Theo not understanding what Theo was talking about, he knew Tim was his son though but he didn’t understand what he had to do with the conversation.

Tyler was red in the face.

“Nah, I wasn’t going to let Josh shave his head alone, we made a pact together, you could call it a friendship pact.” Tyler replied to Theo.

Friendship. Were they friends? Josh asked himself feeling a strange emotion on his chest, he felt like it wasn’t enough of a word - of a title - of what was between them, he felt like what they had was so much more than friendship.

Josh felt like their souls were linked. That wasn’t just a mere friendship.

“Josh?” Tyler vocalized, bringing Josh back to reality. His deep brown eyes beneath his furrowed eyebrows were looking at him with confusion as to where his friend’s minds had gone.

“Sorry. Zooned. Out.” Josh replied with a close lipped smile, his hands still signing while covered in blood. Ugh, it had dried out. “What. Were. You. Saying?”

“You seemed confused for a bit… I was telling you that I went to Theo’s tent nights ago and met his son.” Tyler explained looking sheepish.

“Not only that, Tyler showed us his talents, he’s a great singer, did you know that?” Theo continued and Josh felt a bit jealous at this. Why had Theo heard Tyler sing but not Josh?

Oh yeah, because he was being a prisoner inside his own body, right, how could he forget that?

Josh just denied with his head. Then an idea appeared in his mind.

“Musical. Bonfire?” Josh told Theo and he saw how the older man’s eyes lit up.

“Hell yea, Leader!” Theo replied with excitement. Now Tyler was the one confused. “I can see your frown, Ty. Musical bonfire is something we’ve done in the past, we just gather around the bonfire at night and sing some tunes… you’ll love it.”

Josh wasn’t sure if he wanted to do that event, the last one was prepared by Mattia and Josh was still missing him, but he knew it would be good for the group, as the days had been really gloomy after Mattia’s death.

“Do you want me to tell the others, Leader?” Theo asked and Josh nodded.

“They’ll. Be. Happy. With. It.”

…

Tyler and Josh got back to Josh’s tent after eating, Theo had told the whole group and they had been all excited about it.

Even Kea and Lain who had been sorrowful and downcast after Mattia’s passing away. Josh was happy to see that they had smiled at the news and they had even started to prepare something with Arrian. 

They were sitting at Tyler’s bed when Josh scribbled something on a piece of paper and gave it to Tyler. 

“WILL. YOU. PREPARE. SOMETHING?”

Tyler stared back at him and lifted an eyebrow. 

“Wanna. Hear. You. Sing.” Josh vocalized and Tyler was once again enraptured by the movements of his lips and tongue.

He was damned. He wanted to kiss him. Tyler was taken aback by this realization, of course, of course he wanted to kiss him, he had wanted to kiss him ever since he first laid his eyes on him, ever since they shared their first touches. 

Josh waved one hand in front of his face to bring him back to reality, a reality in which he wasn’t placing his lips on top of the other man’s soft looking ones.

Tyler blushed deeply, he felt his face on fire as he tried to push those thoughts away, they were friends, nothing more, he couldn’t be thinking those things about his friend.

“Sorry… got distracted.” Tyler replied looking sheepish, carding his fingers through his hair, then he remembered he didn't have any, it had been kinda of a good idea to discard his hair as he was used to playing with it so much until he almost ripped it off out of nervousness. “But yeah I will prepare something… just for you, hun.”

Josh huffed out a laugh at the nickname, feeling warm all over because of it.

“I. Can. Help. You. If. You. Want. … I’m. A. Great. Drummer.” Josh mentioned as he knocked Tyler’s shoulder with his own, getting closer to him, sitting beside him in the bed. 

Tyler wanted to kiss him. 

Tyler wanted to kiss him so badly, and this new information was turning his insides into fire, the places of his arms and leg that were touching Josh’s felt like they were melting. 

And to make things worse (best) Josh had started to tap his thigh as if he was playing percussion finishing his solo with a firm grip on said thigh leaving his hand there, waiting for a reply, for a reaction.

Tyler stared at him a bit dumbfounded, almost like he was in a daze. He knew he felt some things towards the leader he had never felt before for other people, but why were they hitting him now all of a sudden? Was it because he had been so scared of losing him that now everything was coming towards him in full force?

“I can see you’re the best drummer ever, Josh. I’ll be honored if you help me.” Tyler replied, swallowing down everything that was going through his mind and gave the other man a warm smile as he grabbed the hand that was still at his thigh. “Had you prepared something for this before?”

And as soon as those words left Tyler’s mouth, Tyler knew it wasn’t a good question to ask.

Josh's face that had been filled with softness and teasing grins soon turned into anguish as his eyes darkened.

“With. Mattia.” Josh mouthed as he nodded looking at the floor, his fingers playing with Tyler’s. “I. Really. Miss. Him. You. Know?” 

“I know, sweetheart.” Tyler acknowledged and brought Josh’s hands to his lips, placing a soft kiss there, wanting to comfort him. “Are you feeling good doing this?”

Tyler knew it had been Josh’s idea but still, he had to ask. 

Josh nodded.

“I. Miss. Him. … But. I. Want. To. Remember. Him. Like. That.” Josh signed and mouthed. “And. I’m. Glad. I’m. Not. Doing. This. Alone.”  

Tyler wanted to kiss him so so so bad, to show him how much he cared for him, to try and transmit his deep feelings through that gesture, and for a minute, he was losing his internal battle as he went to grab the man’s cheek on his palm, caressing it softly as he leaned forward.

Only to be interrupted by someone calling Josh outside. It was Kea.

“Torchbearer, come outside! I need you!”

“Wait. Here.” Josh told him while standing up and Tyler grabbed his hand.

“You don’t want me to go with you? To help and translate?” Tyler asked and Josh denied with his head, Tyler loosened his grip on Josh’s hand and saw him stepping out of his tent.

Tyler stayed there sitting at Josh’s bed as he heard the woman talking to the leader about the bonfire that night. 

Tyler’s thoughts were full with the sight of Josh’s lips, Josh’s tongue, his soft hand on his thigh burning where it was placed, how could he’ve been so naive? Of course he was smitten for Josh, he may have even been smitten for him ever since he laid his eyes on him for the first time, how could he’ve taken so long to figure that out? 

With this new explanation of his feelings towards the other man, came a lot of other questions, the first one being: Did Josh feel the same way?

Tyler doubted it. He knew Josh could only see him as a friend.

The second question being: Would Tyler tell him about this? 

Answer: No. No. No. Of course Not. Negative. 

He wasn’t going to risk their friendship with his dumb feelings. 

Tyler stood up and began to take his shirt off, he wanted to tidy up for the bonfire, he had some of his things in Josh’s tent as they would stay together almost every night, still under the excuse of better sleeping. Also, because Tyler wanted to keep an eye on him, Josh has been better lately, but at night he still got nightmares that made him wake up screaming and clawing at Tyler’s arms, trying to grasp reality and escaping the images his own mind would conjure. And Tyler was always there, to scoop him in his embrace, rocking them back and forth, whispering sweet nothings into the other man’s ear as he tried to comfort him and help him relax towards another state of sleep, this time hopefully without nightmares.

Tyler cleaned himself quickly, shirtless searching for one of his shirts somewhere, he didn't have any clean ones so he had to take one of Josh's.

He heard the talking outside stopping and Josh stepping back inside. He heard more than he saw the sharp intake of breath and Tyler knew what Josh was seeing.

He was scared of turning around to see his reaction, but he knew it would be cruel giving him his back, not letting Josh communicate through his signs and mouth.

“I wanted to change quickly… didn’t want you to see this.” Tyler explained turning around to face Josh as he made attempts to put on the shirt he stole from Josh. 

Josh grabbed his hand, stopping his action and Tyler saw the worry in his eyes.

“They. Did. This. To. You?” Josh mouthed, softly caressing Tyler’s hands that were turned into fists, scrunching the shirt between his fingers. “The Bishops?”

Tyler nodded.

As his back had been on full display towards Josh, Josh could catch a sight of a few deep scars that went from his shoulder blades to his lower back, they were already faded and they weren’t as big as they used to be. 

The memory still hurts Tyler’s mind, the scars even as they were healed, still burned his back when he moved his muscles. There hadn’t been that many hits, or many times where this happened, but it needed that little to happen to turn Tyler into a mess of anguish and desperation, his body hurting the same way his mind did. 

“There’s. A. Lot. Of. Things. I. Don’t. Know. Don’t. I?” Josh asked, his face soft, an expression of sorrow on his pretty features, and Tyler felt like crying.

He nodded again, trying to find his voice.

“Do you know how I realized it was a bishop tormenting you and Mattia?” Tyler finally uttered, staring at their linked hands. Hot tears pricking at the back of his eyes but he wouldn’t let them escape, he was tired of crying and pitying himself. “I’ve been where you are, Josh. They’ve done that to me, they… used my brain too.” 

Tyler began speaking and then felt like he couldn’t stop, Josh’s eyes burning holes into his skull as Tyler still refused to look at him, unable to catch his stare, to see pity there.

“My bishop was Nico, he saw something in me and suddenly I was being led to these meetings with… all of them. They said I had something and they needed me to “help the people” with what I had… I don’t know what they meant by that, but they trained me and made me do things I’m not proud of… When I tried to escape the room they had me for the first time, I couldn’t even leave the towers… Sacarver caught me and they took me to a dungeon and did this.” 

Then Tyler dropped Josh’s hands and his shirt on the floor as he turned around and showed him his lower back. “They did this one too.” 

Josh saw it and he couldn’t contain the gasp. It was an iron mark, a mark that was embedded in Tyler’s skin on his left hip. Josh knew what it was, many of the banditos who had tried and failed to escape before they were found by the group had that mark.

It was a form of torture from the bishops, a form of owning even; You tried to escape, you’re marked, you’re ours, you can’t leave the city, we won’t let you.

They had marked Tyler with a hot iron brand that left a symbol scarred on his back, reminding him everyday what he had to go through to be in this place, in the camp with the other banditos, with the other rebels.

Bishops tried to make it a mark of showing that these people were still their property.

Banditos made it a mark of pride of their rebelness. 

F.P.E: Failed Perimeter Escape. 

“Few. Proud. Emotional.”  Josh mouthed as he made Tyler turn around and grabbed him tightly by his shoulders, staring at Tyler’s eyes with intensity. 

Then Josh grabbed Tyler and engulfed him into his embrace, the feeling deep in his chest too intense as he tried to show everything he was feeling into their hold onto each other. 

Josh held Tyler close and caressed everywhere he could reach, his palms feeling warm on Tyler’s skin, his back, his shoulder blades, tracing the scars there then traveling to his shoulders, his waist, everywhere he could grasp.

I'm here. You’re here. They’ll never put their hands on you again. I won’t let them.

Josh’s thoughts were running a hundred miles per hour. He made a squeaky sound as he tried to speak, he wanted his voice back, he wanted to be able to tell all that was in his mind against Tyler’s ear.

“No, Dear… Don’t force it if you’re not ready yet… The first time it happened I couldn’t speak for weeks.” Tyler muttered against Josh’s shoulder where his face was buried. 

Josh didn’t feel better with Tyler's words. What did he mean by the first time? He wanted to ask, he wanted to know how much pain Tyler had to endure before finally being free from that city, before he could escape and be where he belonged; Josh’s arms.

Josh felt like crying but he didn’t, he didn’t because Tyler didn’t cry either as he was telling him about his scars.

Josh reluctantly pulled him away to see his face, not before he stole a kiss onto his naked shoulder.

“You’re. So. Strong. Tyler.” Josh mouthed, their faces so close, Tyler could feel his breath against his lips, he could almost taste his tongue. “I’m. So. Proud. Of. You.”

“Nothing to be proud of, Honey. I just… wanted to survive. I felt you calling so now I’m here.”

“I’ll. Call. You. Always. This. Is. Where. You. Belong.” Josh articulated as his fingers grazed Tyler’s soft skin, tracing the new scar that adorned his nose and cheek. He felt brave and went to kiss his nose and cheeks. “I’ll. Always. Protect. You. Dear.”

This time, Tyler did free some rebel tears.

“And. We’ll. Burn. That. Fucking. City. To. The. Ground.”

…

The bonfire was burning up prettily against the dark night. Josh and Tyler both went to join the others who were already sitting around it as they made their best attempt at leaving their early conversation behind, too much thoughts, too many emotions.

The first to go out and show something was Theo, playing a song on a flute, while his son Timmy sang. Tyler recognized that it was a song that he had shown to the kid.

Second, went Kea, Lain and Arrian. Only their voices and a guitar that Arrian was softly strumming.

… …

♯♯

Well if I die before I get it done, will you decide?

Take my words and turn them into signs that will survive

Because a long time ago, I knew not to deprive

♯♯

It's safe out there and now you're everywhere, just like the skies

You are love, you are the love supreme, you are the rise

And when you hear this, you'll know it's your jam, it's your goodbye

♯♯

Like I said, you know I'm almost dead, you know I'm almost gone

And when the drummer drums, he's gonna to play my song to carry me along

Like I said, you know I'm almost dead, you know I'm almost gone

And when the boatman comes to ferry me away to where we all belong

♯♯

… …

Everyone’s eyes were flooding with tears when they were finished, all unspoken knowing it was a song about Mattia, a goodbye song. A farewell song, a song that said we’ll never forget you.

When Kea sang about the drummer, he stared at Josh and even if they had talked beforehand about what song they would be playing, it still made Josh’s chest feel tight, and his tears made their way down his cheeks, Tyler had grabbed his hand and grasped it tightly and Josh was thankful of having him.

Josh couldn’t really stop thinking about their conversation before, he wanted to know more about what Tyler had gone through back in the city, what the bishops did to him, why the bishops used Mattia and him to get to Tyler, what they used him for? And why were they so scared of him being outside with the banditos?

Josh knew it was a matter of time now, he needed to get back to work, he needed the plan to go on and he needed to finish it and as he said to Tyler earlier, he would burn that city to the ground and he would finish the bishops one by one. Gnawing on the bishops and clawing their way to their system. 

For Mattia’s soul that was resting, he was everywhere now, just like the skies.

For Tyler’s scars.

For every bandito that was there with him and for every person that was inside DEMA that was dreaming of something more, dreaming of rebellion and freedom.

“For Mattia.” Kea proclaimed softly.

“For Mattia.” Everyone replied, staring at the starry sky.

...

Tyler was the next and Josh could see that he was nervous, he hadn’t told him what he would be playing and singing, he only had said it was something he created and that Josh had to tag along with his percussion the way he wanted, he knew Josh would get the vibe and do something beautiful with him.

Tyler had a small instrument with him, a ukulele, he told Josh he used to play it all the time back at DEMA, before they had taken him to the towers.

“This is a song I made when I first got here… This is about you all.”

♯♯

I could take the high road, But I know that I'm going low

I'm a ban-, I'm a bandito

I could take the high road, But I know that I'm going low

I'm a ban-, I'm a bandito

♯♯

Josh felt the music running through his veins, Tyler’s soft but powerful voice filling the space between every bandito, filling their ears with the harmonious sound he created between his voice and his instrument. A world being created with his lyrics and soft strumming.

Josh sat on top of his box and began to pound on it.

♯♯

This is the sound we make. When in between two places

Where we used to bleed. And where our blood needs to be.

…

In City, I feel my spirit is contained

Like neon inside the glass, they form my brain

But I recently discovered it's a heatless fire

Like nicknames they give themselves to uninspire

Begin with bullet now add fire to the proof

But I'm still not sure if fear's a rival or close relative to truth

Either way it helps to hear these words bounce off of you

The softest echo could be enough for me to make it through

Folina, Sahlo Folina

Sahlo Folina, Sahlo Folina

…

Folina, Sahlo Folina

Sahlo Folina, Sahlo Folina

♯♯

As Tyler began to sing their cry for help, the words they exclaimed when they were in need, everyone accompanied him, singing as well.

The harmony that was being created right there and then by all of their voices, made chills run through Josh’s body as he kept drumming on the box, chills running through Tyler’s body as he kept singing with them, his spirit being fueled by their voices and the strength they put beneath those words. 

It wasn’t strange that when he finished his strumming and Josh followed him finishing the song, everyone’s eyes were now filled with tears, some of them even crying openly.

“That bad, huh? I knew my voice wasn’t that good, damn, I’m sorry.” Tyler half joked and he was pleased with himself as a chorus of soft laughter replied.

“We’re crying because it was beautiful, young bandito.” Navina remarked, her head laying on top of Ethan’s left shoulder. “We needed that.”

“We needed to remember who we are.” Sanno expressed, sniffing softly, his hands being held by Becca and Arrian that were on both sides of him. “Thank you, Tyler. You’ve made us the best gift ever.”

“I’m thankful… for being here. Thank you, Thank you all.”

Thank you, Tyler. I’m thankful you’re here. Josh thought while he rubbed his eyes, cleaning the remaining of tears.

Their eyes linked and Josh went to grab Tyler’s hand and used that to bring him closer to him, putting his lips against his temple.

Tyler blushed deeply, his cheeks burning from smiling too wide.

They spend a few more hours there, until the bonfire went out, some other banditos sang something too, Navina and Ethan even went and sang some songs from times before.

The atmosphere was warm and full of care, and love.

Because that was what was fueling them, the care they had for each other, the love they had for people, they knew this was right and everything about that city was wrong. 

They were full of care and love and will to keep living, to be thankful of the existence of the person besides them. They wanted to save everyone.

They would save everyone, they were just waiting for the exact moment so they could do everything right.

Midnight on the top of their heads as they said their goodbyes and went into their tents.

Tyler of course staying with Josh once again.

“So… what did you think?” Tyler asked, looking sheepish and shy. 

Josh simply grabbed his hand and pulled him to the bed so he could sit beside him, he grabbed the other man’s chin as he made his face turn so his lips could get close to his ear.

“Sahlo. Folina.” He softly whispered. So low, his voice so weak as he hadn’t used it in days, but Tyler heard, of course he did, he had missed his voice so much. “Thank you, Tyler.”

And when Tyler turned his head towards their leader, their noses touched and neither of them knew who made the first move.

But their lips touched for the first time and Josh felt how his mind and body began to turn into fire, he saw his torch being lit for the first time, he saw the bonfires they pulled every night, he saw flames and sparks beneath his eyelids and he could almost even taste the ashes from the ground when everything was burning. Burning. Burning.

Everything was burning, his hands that were grabbing Tyler’s cheek and the back of his head, Tyler’s hands that were placed on his waist and thigh. Everything was burning, including them both.

Tyler on the other hand, He wasn’t seeing fire as he was kissing and being kissed by Josh. No, he was seeing green and blue and yellow and a big field filled with grass and plants, a big sky on the top of his head so clear and clean, air filling his lungs with pure oxygen, he saw yellow flower petals falling from that sky, covering his view, covering him as he felt protected for the first time, as he felt for the first time that he wasn't alone.

But most importantly, he saw Josh on top of a mountain, he saw Josh smiling, laughing, sleeping beside him, his freckles, his light brown eyes, his lips and tongue and teeth.

And Josh saw Tyler too.

Their kiss was soft but passionate, tender but with intention. The way their lips were brushing against each other was overwhelming Tyler, his hands rubbing Josh’s waist and traveling to his back, massaging there, tracing his soft lines and edges and Josh felt like he was drowning when Tyler opened up his mouth as they deepened their kiss. Both of them exploring the other with their hands and mouth. 

Josh wanted to worship Tyler and Tyler wanted to do it back. They savored each other until they realized one of them was crying.

Josh pulled away reluctantly and cupped Tyler’s face on his palms, giving small kisses on every part of his face, kissing away his tears.

Tyler was letting his tears run down his face freely, feeling overwhelmed, his whole body with goosebumps. His lips still warm with the memory of Josh’s lips on them.

“I’m in love with you, Josh… I’m in love with you… I’ve never done this before… I’ve never felt this way before.” Tyler babbled, his eyes staring at every part of Josh’s face, his face blurry from his tears.

Josh kissed him again, briefly, Tyler feeling embraced by the sensation as Josh locked their lips together in a soft peck.

“I know… Love… I feel… the same.” Josh murmured, his voice still hoarse and soft and so quiet. “I’m in love with you… Thank you… Thank you, Tyler… For existing.”

And Tyler began to cry harder as he was scooped into Josh’s arms and they both laid on their bed. Josh kissing everything he could reach, the top of Tyler’s head, his forehead, his nose and finally his lips, giving soft pecks telling him with those actions: I’m here for you, I’m in love with you, I care for you, I’ll protect you.

They fell asleep that way, embracing the other, their lips finally meeting. Their hearts finally being open for the other.

Nothing else mattered for them because if anything happened they would endure it together.

And they would both burn that fucking city to the ground.

♯♯

I created this world to feel some control

Destroy it if I want

So I sing Sahlo Folina, Sahlo Folina

♯♯

Chapter Text

They messed up.

They messed up.

Josh didn’t understand, didn’t remember exactly when everything went down.

In one moment, he and Tyler were good, perfect, amazing, together.

And at the other, Tyler was gone.

Tyler?

Josh wasn’t sure.

They began their day like any other before, the only difference being that this time they were more intertwined than ever, their legs were tangled together, Tyler’s face was buried deep in Josh’s neck, inhaling his scent while laying almost on top of him.

Josh was humming peacefully, welcoming back his voice, warming up his vocal cords, as he caressed Tyler’s back, his hand grabbing the hand that Tyler had placed on top of his heart, feeling his heartbeats. 

They would stare at each other from time to time, Tyler supporting his chin onto Josh’s sternum as he catches every tiny detail on Josh’s face, adoring the freckles that covered his cheekbones and nose and the way his eyelashes were resting against his cheeks underneath his closed eyes.

It was almost like Tyler wanted to make himself tiny so he could live on those eyelashes, he wanted to be so tiny so he could fit into Josh’s pocket and follow him anywhere he would go. 

The thought made him chuckle and the sound made Josh open his eyes.

Tyler, still caught in the fantasy he created in his head, thought that he would’ve been sent flying away with the action of Josh fluttering his eyes open. Maybe he would’ve taken an eyelash with him.

“Care to tell me what are you laughing about?” Josh asked. Softly and slowly, still getting used to talking again. 

“Nothing, Hun. Just… thoughts. You have the prettiest eyelashes, did you know that?” Tyler replied and enjoyed the way Josh’s face became red as he got shy because of the praise.

“Yours are prettier.” Josh simply replied, placing a tiny kiss on Tyler’s nose. “Your nose is pretty too… your cheeks… your forehead… your eyes…” 

As Josh was naming the parts of Tyler’s face he went and placed tiny soft kisses anywhere he could reach. Then he finished as he kissed Tyler’s lips, placing a big peck on the full pink bottom lip.

“You don’t know how much I wanted to kiss you.” Tyler mentioned with honesty, his fingertips tracing Josh’s pouty lips and just because he could do it now, he went and took his lips in another kiss, slowly but with intention, showing him how much he actually wanted to do that.

“I can tell.” Josh whispered as their lips parted, Josh’s smile so close to Tyler’s mouth he could actually taste his teeth. “I remember when you appeared in my dream, Ty. I remember when I first saw you… I felt this strong connection towards you… even before I truly knew you.

I saw you coming here with us… with me, it was written on the sparks and ashes of our bonfires… you were calling for our help and that's why I went to that field that day, and when we couldn’t take you with us that time… we went to the city to pull you out… You being here, was written on our fires, my Tyler. 

I never told you this… but … we knew a so-called prodigal son would find his place in our camps, our ashes, our burnt ground and our thick skin. And he… you… would lead alongside me, the Torchbearer, to our victory against the Bishops. Against Vialism.

I never told you this before, I just didn’t want to put that weight on your shoulders yet. But I think that now is the time… you’re a bandito, you’re our prodigal son and most importantly… you’re the man I’m in love with, the man that appeared in my dreams and stole my heart right there and then… now you’re here and you gave me my heart back but not before setting it on fire on my chest, like my own personal torch to bear deep inside.”

Both men shed some tears as Josh finished his small speech, Tyler had placed his ear on Josh’s chest, listening to his heartbeat, almost being able to hear the flames in there that became more violent with each thump, the flames licking every part of Josh’s body as the blood pumped through his veins. Tyler could feel the fire traveling to his own body through Josh’s fingertips that were now placed with strength against his shoulder blade and hip.

“You don’t talk for days and now you find your voice to say all that, Josh? To make me cry?” Tyler, at loss for words, mumbles with his head tightly pressed against Josh’s chest bones, not wanting to miss one heartbeat. 

He can hear the rumble of Josh’s chuckles too.

“You’re not the only one who gets his way with words, sweetheart.”

Tyler sniffs a little. Never feeling so cared about before, never feeling these things before towards no one. But right now, it all felt so right, like it was something that was meant to be.

Written on the sparks and ashes, like Josh had said. He would lead alongside the Torchbearer against the bishops.

And Tyler knew where he had to start.

…

When they decided to get out of bed, both of them went to wash themselves by the nearby river and Josh was thankful of not having hair to wash anymore.

He was feeling better than he had in days. His mind not feeling fuzzy anymore, his body not feeling foreign, and his voice, finally his voice was back for him, and his throat wasn’t constricting any time he tried to express something. 

Josh’s eyes went to Tyler who had his naked back turned towards him and he repressed the urges to kiss every one of his scars. But when they went back to their tent and Tyler was grabbing a shirt to pull on, Josh couldn’t resist anymore.

As he placed his hands on the other man’s waist to keep him in place, he started by the right shoulder, making Tyler shudder by the action and the warmth of his lips against his cooled down skin, then Josh went down, to his shoulder blade, to the middle to his vertebrae, kissing the pointy spines as he went to the other shoulder, traveling down kissing the inferior angle of both his scapula, then as he went and kneeled behind Tyler, following his spinal column, he placed a final kiss on his left hip where the F.P.E mark was. 

“You’re so beautiful, Tyler.” Josh whispered, resting his forehead against his hip. “You have me wrapped around your finger.” 

He heard Tyler’ soft crying but he knew it was a good cry, he knew it was because he could feel the affection through Josh’s words and actions.

“I want… no… I need to destroy everyone who did this to you.” Josh kept murmuring, feeling an intense burning beneath his words as he rubbed his head onto Tyler’s mark then he hugged his middle. 

Tyler broke down and turned around, kneeling so he could embrace Josh tightly.

“I want to burn them to the ground, Tyler. I need to set that city on fire. Real fire. Real light. I need to take everyone out of there, I want to show them Trench… I need them to see this, to see our fields, our sky, our fire.” Josh's words felt desperate now, almost like he was praying, his eyes fixated on Tyler's as Tyler kept weeping, letting his tears fall freely.

“We’ll do it, Love. We’ll do it, let's not waste time, we can do it together, I know that, I can feel it.” Tyler responded with fervent passion looking back at Josh. “We’ll save everyone, we’ll show them.”

And when Josh lifted his head to stare at Tyler’s eyes, they both knew the other was right, they both knew it was starting now, they just had to prepare everything and everyone.

The fire had already started to burn them both, now they just needed to spread it.

…

They took their paths for the rest of the day, Josh, with his newfound voice, told their group they needed to start their real revolution right now. He had lost too much time while being incarcerated on his own mind, he needed to do something. 

He asked for a small gathering with Kea, Sanno, Lain and Arrian, those being the banditos he trusted the most. All of them having the F.P.E mark too. 

They’ll have to infiltrate the city, they already did it once before when they brought back Tyler. The plan was to get inside and become almost like citizens, so they could start their riot from the inside, by educating the other citizens, teaching them exactly what bishops were doing.

They were killing people and seizing their dead bodies. There wasn’t any “glorious gone”, all of them, their lives were taken away from their hands, from their power, instead being grabbed by dark and greedy claws as they became more powerful with the more bodies they seized.

Josh was preparing that with the other banditos, all of them having in their memories their brother Mattia, the one rebel that was killed and possessed because those bishops were so scared of their rebellion and what would mean when they finally gather their strength to go against their towers.

They would do that for him, for Mattia, for Josh, whose mind was broken but not anymore, for Tyler and for every bandito who had earned their burnt mark, for every bandito that escaped, and for every person inside the city who was wishing for things to be different.

When Josh finished talking with the banditos, he had to go and find Tyler so he could talk to him too, presenting him the plan they had prepared and the role Tyler had to pursue, because they would be side by side doing it, but Josh knew it was reckless to go with Tyler inside, Josh knew Tyler was important for the Bishops, Josh knew they would recognize him at the very first sight. He wasn’t like all the other escapees, he was memorable.       

He’ll have to think about it more, give it a few rounds so he could decide what to do. But he felt like their time was coming to an end, he needed to be quick.

…

Josh didn’t found Tyler in their tent, neither in his own, it was weird because it was already late at night, when they parted ways Tyler told him he would be with Theo and his son, so Josh went there too and asked Theo if Tyler was inside, Josh was beaming with riot fueled excitement and needed to talk to his boy, his Tyler. 

Josh got confused when Theo told him that Tyler wasn’t there but that he had gone hours ago, telling him he needed to do something.

Now he needed to find him, a deep fright settling into his chest, his burning fire heart feeling violent and ill inside of him, he needed to find Tyler, he needed to see him and know that he was alright.

He went around the whole camp, Tyler was nowhere, no one had seen him either for the last few hours. Josh decided to go outside their camp, away from the river too, into the forest and that's where he heard voices. He hid his body as he put out his torch and his burning fire heart, hoping its violent thumping wouldn’t bring attention to his hiding spot.

He heard the voice before he could see who it belonged to.

“Clancy.” The rough sounding voice said.

Josh was confused. He stepped closer, his footstep being featherlight, not making any sound, wanting to see what was going on.

He saw it, the cloaked figure with his back towards him. He felt it, the way it was toying with his mind, making it all fuzzy like static. 

He knew this feeling.

“Thank you for calling me, Clancy.” The voice coming from the red cloaked figure expressed and he was in front of someone.

Josh didn’t want to see who it was, already having an idea of who it was.

“Thank you… for coming. I needed you, I needed this.” Another voice replied and Josh recognized it right away.

He stepped even more closer just so he could gather the face of the man whose voice belonged to.

He felt a strong pang into his chest, he felt how his heart stopped burning and became ice cold, his veins and arteries feeling frozen. 

He saw Tyler’s face staring at the bishop in front of him. He saw Tyler’s face and neck and arms and body, he gathered everything, the picture in front of him, and he saw that Tyler’s neck and hands were painted with a dark black.

Just like a Bishop.

Neck and Hands painted in deep black. Mirrorring the bishop in front of him.

The bishop that was toying with Josh’s mind in his hiding, the bishop who was the thing Josh swore to destroy. 

Josh saw the marks on Tyler’s skin and he had told him he would burn anyone who had ever laid their hands on top of him. And now Tyler was talking with one, talking peacefully with one, he had called him here, the only place they never had to step foot into.

Josh saw how the bishop turned around and began to walk away, he heard his stomps and then he heard horse footsteps that quickly turned into silence as Tyler stood there alone, watching him leave too.

His neck and hands were still dark.

“What are you doing, Tyler?” Josh’s voice broke the silence, lightning back his torch, disrupting the darkness that was surrounding them. “Or should I say… Clancy?”

Tyler jumped when he heard the other man’s voice. He turned around and caught Josh’s stare, shivering with the coldness he saw there, not being able to see the usual warmth that welcomed him.

Tyler felt caught, Josh wasn’t supposed to be there.

“Josh…” He began to say, trying to explain.

“Josh, what?!” Josh exclaimed, rage filling his voice as he took several steps forward, stopping in front of Tyler/Clancy, whatever, just where the bishop was just minutes ago. “What are you trying to say? Are you gonna explain why you went in the middle of the night to meet with a bishop?” 

Josh’s voice got angrier as the more words came out of his mouth.

Tyler was at loss for words, his mouth gaping open like a fish out of the water, not knowing how to respond, not knowing how to explain.

“You are a traitor. You are betraying your family” Josh kept talking in the face of the other man’s silence, his voice sounding broken. “You are betraying me.”

“No, Josh, It’s not like that… listen to me, please.” Tyler begged, his eyes filling with tears, his vision blurry. “He wasn’t any bishop… he wasn’t Nico.”

Josh laughed bitterly. Feeling his mind filled with uncertainty, feeling rage, betrayal, hurt so much hurt, pain, pain, pain, anguish, sadness, sadness at seeing Tyler’s eyes filled with tears, tears soaking his cheeks, seeing the sorrowness filling Tyler’s eyes and expression, seeing him in a state of wretchedness.

But most importantly, there was rage and betrayal, at seeing Tyler here in the forest with a bishop with him, while Josh and the Banditos were preparing everything.

“He wasn’t Nico?” Josh repeated with his voice full of venom. His eyebrows almost touched his hairline. “That’s what you’re going with? Do you think I care what bishop was that? It. was. A. bishop. Here, at Trench. Where he shouldn’t even be near. He shouldn’t even be near your family. Your people. You listening, Tyler? YOUR. PEOPLE.”

Josh felt desperate. Not understanding anything, that morning they were perfect, it was perfect, it was full of loving and tenderness and so much fire and warmth.

Now, Josh only felt ice cold running through his veins, ice cold covering the space between them.

“You don’t understand! He was Keons!” Tyler tried desperately to explain to his lover. “He’s going to help us!”

“You’re doing this, behind my back.” 

 “Josh, please!”

“Leave.”

Tyler froze. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He couldn’t believe those words were coming out of Josh’s mouth, of the man he was in love with.

“Go back to DEMA, where you belong.”

“Josh. stop. You don’t mean this. You're being unfair.”

“I"m being unfair?! You're the one sneaking out to meet with a bishop and I'm the one who's unfair?” 

“Josh, stop this, it seems like you don't even know me, but you know me! I know you do!”

“Do i? Tyler? Clancy? I don't even know your real name! To me, right now you're just like any other citizen of that fucked up city with your brain washed. Right now, with your painted neck and hands, you're just like a Bishop.”

“You're being cruel.” Tyler said as tears were running down his cheeks freely.

“I'm being fair. Go away.”

…

They were messed up.

Josh didn’t understand why everything had to go down.

In one moment, he and Tyler were good, perfect, amazing, together.

And at the other, Tyler was gone.

Tyler?

Josh wasn’t sure.

Chapter Text

Josh had messed up.

Josh had messed up.

Josh didn’t understand, didn’t remember exactly when or why everything went down.

In one moment, he and Tyler were good, perfect, amazing, together.

And at the other, Tyler was gone.

Tyler? Clancy?

Josh wasn’t sure.

He didn't even had given him the time to explain. Because there had to be a reason, right? A reason for Tyler to be with a bishop late at night, to have called a bishop here.

But Josh couldn’t deal with the rage he felt at that moment, the anger, because it was his family, his people, his place that was at risk, he didn’t know if he could trust the man he was in love with, he had told him sooner that day that he had him wrapped around his finger, but that didn’t mean that he would be blind towards this, that he would put his people in a state of danger.

They had just started preparing their scheme, had just started to create the foundations of their plan, were just talking about infiltrating that goddamn city and a bishop appeared near? It made Josh feel uneasy.

But at the same time, Josh felt wretched. He had let his anger pull the worst of him, and without a second glance, he had thrown Tyler away like he was nothing, like he was no one.

But to Josh he wasn’t no one, he was close to being everything to him.

Why did things get complicated? Why didn’t he listen to what Tyler had to say?

Because there had to be a reason, right?

Josh had gone back to the camp, to their - his - tent and was ready to call it a night, he hadn’t looked back when he left Tyler in the forest, he heard his pleas and sobs, but he didn’t look back, he couldn’t, anger blurring his thoughts. 

But now in his tent, alone, filled with Tyler’s scent, Tyler’s clothes all laying on the ground, Josh regretted what he did, Josh knew he messed up.

How couldn't he have given him time to explain? 

With that thought in mind he went outside once again, needing to find Tyler and hear from his mouth whatever he had to say. He owed him that.

Josh went and walked and walked

And walked.

And walked.

…

He couldn’t find Tyler anywhere. He went to the place he left him and he wasn’t there, he wasn’t anywhere.

Josh was starting to get desperate, he had been so rough, so mean, so evil, throwing him away like that, ignoring everything they had gone through, ignoring how Tyler helped him through all the shit show that had happened to him.

But, that shitshow had started because of a Bishop in Trench, and now he had seen another, one that Tyler called.

Josh’s thoughts were tormenting him, not knowing what to do. He felt his heart icy cold, the flames inside no longer burning like they did earlier that day, earlier when he and Tyler had stayed in bed just staring at each other and talking.

Had that been a lie? Was Tyler lying all this time? Was he a traitor?

Josh’s head started to ache with everything. His nails dug deeply into his palm as he kept walking, getting almost to the end of the forest, too far away from the camp.

…

“...Torchbearer...” 

Josh stopped in his tracks and turned everywhere, searching where the sound of his title came from. He found nothing, only trees that were dimly lit by his torch.

The voice sounded foreign.

“...Here...” 

The voice said again, with an almost mocking sound with an edge of disdain.

“Who’s there?!” Josh asked, demanding tone in his voice as he kept staring around, not finding anything or anyone. Had he finally gone crazy? Was he hearing voices?

Was someone inside his head? He felt the voice coming from inside his head, he couldn’t see anyone near.

“...I told you. I’m here….” 

The voice said, sounding closer but still inside his skull, sounding clearer like a whisper with the breath hitting his nape, making a shiver run through his spine. 

“...You’re not looking…”

“What do you mean?!” Josh shouted, he turned around quickly, the flame of his torch faltering with the movement. “I’m looking! I can’t see anything! Who are you? Where are you?!”

He felt the voice giggle bitterly, the voice inside his mind giggled.

“...You’re so angry that you can’t even recognize my voice? …” 

…

“Tyler?!” Josh demanded, sounding annoyed as he stood still. “You’re playing games with me now?”

Josh was still surrounded by darkness only being softly illuminated by his fire, that being the only source of light, around him the trees were empty, the night was silent, the only thing disrupting the silence was that voice inside his head talking to him.

“...You’re angry. I don’t like seeing you angry…”

“That’s why you’re hiding? Because I’m angry? Where are you?”

“...I told you. I’m here. You’re not looking…” 

Josh’s jaw clenched with annoyance. He wasn’t in the mood for games and Tyler’s voice inside his head had a mocking undertone to it.

“Quit playing games and talk. I’m ready to hear all about it.” 

“...I’m not ready to tell you all of it. I’m not ready for you to see all of me. I don’t think you’re ready…” 

“I thought I had seen all of you already. I guess I was wrong.” 

“...You can never see all of someone, not even in a million years, Torchbearer...” 

“Tyler, stop this. Let me see you.”

“...That’s not my name, isn’t it? You heard it...” 

“I don’t know what I heard… I’m not even sure of what I saw.”

“...Tyler’s my middle name. My first name it’s Clancy.

It was also the name of the first body I was obliged to Seize…”

“...”

“...I told you you weren’t ready…”

“No! Ty-... Clan-... I’m ready.”

“...Keep calling me Tyler. That's why I introduced myself like that...”

“Tyler, let’s go back. Let’s talk about this in our tent.”

“...No. I need you to hear this first. You kicked me out before, you’ll do it again…”

“Tyler I’m sorry… That’s why I came looking for you… Please, let me see you.”

“...Not yet. Be patient…”

Josh gulped, swallowing thickly and simply nodded at the emptiness in front of him, hoping that wherever Tyler was he could see him.  

“... Like I told you… Tyler’s my middle name. Clancy it's the first, the one my father gave me.

It was also the name of the first body I was obliged to Seize…”

“...”

“...Do you trust me, Josh? …” 

“...”

“...”

“Yes.”

“... Close your eyes…”

And Josh did. Because at that moment it didn’t matter anything else, the only thing important in that moment was Tyler’s voice inside his head, the man he was still so in love with. 

Josh stood there with his eyes closed, his hand still holding his torch, feeling freezing cold everywhere even if the night was warm and so quiet. 

He jumped when he felt fingers grabbing his throat. Warmth traveling through the tip of the fingers that were touching him, warmth pooling in his neck and the feeling burning his tongue, teeth and palate, flames licking their way up to the back of his ocular globes, to the place they were resting against his skull, his bones turning into molten lava as the warmth, the fire, the flames traveled through the totality of both hemispheres of his brain, going back to where his thalamus laid on his foramen magnum, grabbing his brainstem and the nerves coming out of it, licking each one, turning them into fire.

“...You’re not looking, Josh. I need you to see. I’m making you see it…”

The voice was on the side of his face now, so close to his ear, to his nape as the owner of the voice placed a soft burning kiss there.

“... Are you scared, Josh? …”

And Josh didn’t know how he could reply with his skull burning with flames everywhere, but he did with a tongue like a blaze, rising firestorms above his throat where the fingers laid.

“No.”

“... Then open your eyes…”

…

His eyelids protested, his eyes had been seared by the inferno going on behind, and Josh swore he could feel smoke coming out of his eyes socket. But he did, he opened it and he saw what Tyler wanted to show him.

They weren’t in the forest anymore. They were inside the city. They were inside the towers.

They were inside a room.

“...This was my room…” Tyler whispered, his voice still licking Josh’s ear as his dark hands were still grabbing his neck tightly. “... Don’t look back. Just stare at the front, what do you see? …”

“...What do you see, Josh? …”

“Is that you? In the bed?”

“... Don’t be too loud or you’ll scare me…”

…

The scene in front of Josh went like this: A gray room with gray walls and ceiling, no windows, only a bed to the left with a figure sitting at the edge of it staring in front of him, to the door.

“... Here they come…”  

The scene changed, the door opened and crimson cloaked figures appeared, disrupting the grayness surrounding them. It was three of them and grabbed the Tyler in front of them with force and violence pulling him outside the room. 

"1100011TODAY1101100ITS1100001YOUR1101110DAY1100011 1111001MAKE1100011US1101100PROUD1100001 1101110 1100011 1111001"

Rough sounding voices resonated everywhere, it shook Josh’s burning skull and brain. 

The scene changed and now they were at their ceremony room, neon lights illuminating it. 

The body of a young man laid on the floor. It wasn’t breathing.

Josh’s breath hitched at his throat and he felt more smoke come out of his mouth, through his trachea, his lungs were catching fire too making it difficult for him to breath.

The Tyler in front of him that was being grabbed by two cloaked bishops looked lifeless too, he stared at the body on the floor in front of him then at the bishop standing beside him.

It was Nico.

"1100011WHAT1101100WAS1100001HIS1101110NAME1100011 1111001"

The lifeless looking Tyler asked, still staring at the ground, to the long haired boy that almost looked like he was sleeping, his young face distraught, like he was having a bad dream. 

"1100011C1101100L1100001A1101110N1100011C1111001Y"

Nico smirked devilishly. Behind him was another bishop and Josh recognized that it was the one he saw with Tyler - the real Tyler - before at the forest. 

Keons.

He looked anguished.

"1100011 1101100 DO1100001 1101110IT 1100011 1111001"

And Josh saw how Tyler - Clancy - In front of him went and kneeled to be closer to the corpse’s level, he saw how Tyler’s hands circled the boy’s neck and he saw how Tyler’s own neck and both of his hands turned dark black as the neck of the boy turned too.

Then he saw how the corpse opened his eyes and both him and Clancy got up, Clancy standing behind him, grabbing him by his throat as he stood in the middle of the circle of Bishops surrounding them.

Josh wasn’t staring at the corpse that had come back to life beneath Clancy’s fingertips, no,  he was staring at Clancy behind, almost hiding himself behind the dead body of a young man.

Clancy was crying, silent tears streaming down his face as he possessed a body, as he made a show in front of bishops. Josh’s eyes traveled behind him and saw that Keons was sharing tears with him.

"1100011WHATS1101100YOUR1100001NAME1101110CHILD1100011 1111001"

The corpse opened his mouth at the same time Clancy did. Clancy crushed his throat with both hands and rested his forehead on the space between his shoulder blades as he sobbed a reply with both voices coming out of the dead kid's mouth.

"I1100011AM1101100CL1100001A1101110N1100011C1111001Y"

"..."

"..."

"!!!"

Josh was suffocating, he couldn’t breath, his lungs were filled with too much fire, too much smoke, he opened his mouth to swallow air but all that came out of it was so much fumes, so much flames licking outside of his teeth, so much ashes, he coughed and coughed trying to make space for the oxygen he needed. He was suffocating, the fire inside of him consuming him, burning his intestines, his stomach, his lungs, his esophagus, his trachea, his tongue, teeth, palate, skull, nerves, brainstem, cerebellum, his brain, his eyes, his eyes, his eyes, his ocular globes melting inside their sockets. He couldn’t breath, he couldn’t breath, he couldn’tbreath hewasburningburningburningburningBURNINGBURNINGhelphelphelpHELPHELPHELPHELP.

“Josh! Breath! Come back! Listen to me! BREATH! BREATH!”

“...”

“COME. BACK. BREATH.”

His face was being grabbed by firm hands, his throat had been released of the fingertips melting there.

He felt lips on his own lips, a mouth placed firmly on top of his, fingers grabbing tightly his jaw as they forcibly opened his mouth and oh sweet oxygen was being pushed inside of his buccal cavity as Tyler breathed inside his mouth, his tongue pushing more and more air as he felt his lungs finally being able to fill with the oxygen they needed, his bloodstream receiving it gladly and sending it to his whole system, finally putting down the inferno going on inside his body.

The oxygen that Tyler shared ignited a whole new inferno.

His hands went and grabbed Tyler’s back, wanting to feel his body, wanting to feel that he was real, that he wasn’t a fidget of his imagination, that he wasn’t the Tyler of the vision he just had been shown, that he wasn’t the Tyler that had put that inferno inside of him.

They pulled apart and Josh gasped for air but he soon realized he preferred the air that Tyler was sharing with him through their locked mouths. He went in again, searching for that sweet drug, that sweet sweet oxygen, wanting to steal it from Tyler’s own set of lungs.

They fell to the ground, Josh knocked Tyler, climbing on top of him, straddling him with his hips, not letting him move, not giving him the opportunity to escape.

Tyler grabbed his hips with strength pulling him even closer, wanting to feel every inch, wanting to feel that this was real and not an hallucination.

Josh took possession of Tyler’s lips, tongue, teeth, he took everything he could, he licked inside his mouth, he bit the full bottom lip as Tyler’s hands ran through his body, through his hips, his back, his shoulders. They gasped into each other's mouths, fighting to see who would gain the most oxygen out of the two.

Tyler bucked his hips up onto Josh and Josh suppressed a groan. Josh grinded his hips down harshly and Tyler grabbed them with both hands as he moaned into the kiss, wanting to feel more, but at the same time wanting to stop.

He sucked Josh’s tongue into his own mouth, devouring him and then gasped for air turning his head to the side, needing to clear the fog of arousal on his mind. It wasn’t the moment for that.

“Who are you?” Josh asked, breathless, as he hid his face on the crook of Tyler’s neck, his legs still imprisoning Tyler, pushing him to the ground, both flushed together as they felt how affected the other was by their desperate kiss and touching.

“I’m Clancy. Clancy Joseph. Tyler’s my middle name.” Tyler replied in a whisper, regaining his breath, he felt like he had given all his air reserves to Josh, he felt dizzy. “I’m still the same. Just a little change on my name. I’m still the same. I still love you, Josh.”

“Let’s go back to the camp.” Josh simply said, his stolen breath hitting Tyler’s neck.

Tyler sighed as Josh stood up, he saw as the other man arranged his clothes and pulled down his shirt to hide the front of his trousers looking shameful. He helped Tyler get to his feet, Tyler didn’t care about the state of his clothes or the state of the front of his trousers.

Josh's torch had been long forgoten on the ground, Josh was thankful that it had went out and nothing had caught on fire. Too much fire already.

He lit it up again.

“Did you just seize me? What you did there, did you seize me?” Josh asked, staring straight at Tyler’s eyes. Blank expression on his face.

Tyler nodded.

“I guess I can do it on living people as well… I needed you to see that. I needed you to understand what made me like this… they made me a weapon and that's why I escaped.” 

“They know you can make this on living people?” Josh asked, getting closer.

“No. I didn’t know either… you’re the first alive person I do this to.” 

Josh’s eyes softened, his entire demeanor changed. 

“You’re not a weapon, Tyler.” 

“Maybe I want to be one, I would be your weapon, the Torchbearer's weapon.”

“No. You’re a person, you are your own person, I don’t want you to be a weapon, you’re not meant to be used, not by me, not by anyone.” 

“...”

“Was Keons the one crying with you when you seized your first corpse?” 

“Yes. He was the closest to me… he helped me escape, he isn’t like the other bishops… he wants us to win.”

“Do you trust him?” 

“Yes.”

“Then I trust him too. And I trust you… Clancy.”

Clancy smiled and Josh caressed his cheek. 

“Let’s go back, Torchbearer.” 

And when they were walking back hand by hand the Torchbearer said. “I love you too... Clancy. 

Let’s give a new meaning to your name, you’re not named after the first body you seized, you were born as Clancy, your father gave you that name, and you will die like that. The bishops won't steal your name and give it to a dead body.”

Clancy kissed their linked hands.

What they didn't catch as they went back to their camp, was that a crimson cloaked figure was watching their steps, almost stepping on their shadows.

And this time it wasn’t Keons.

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Chapter Text

“Do you prefer being called Tyler or Clancy?” Josh asked the day after, it was still morning, still too early for them to get up, the sun not being up yet.

They were comfortably snuggled into the other, Josh’s face buried in Tyler’s nape as his arms were wrapped around his middle, his chest colliding with Tyler’s back as he was hugging him from behind. 

“Hmm… I’m not sure… Clancy is my given name, my family called me that, the occasional Tyler being yelled out by my mom when I was being mischievous as a kid. But… the bishops called me that too… and they did when they were obliging me to seize… and they did when they were punishing me so… I guess that's why I introduced myself as Tyler when I got here… I kind of wanted to leave that behind… wanted a new beginning.”

Josh hummed in understanding, knowing what Tyler was saying.

He hugged him tighter. 

“At the end of the day it’s just a name… It doesn’t change who I am or what I went through.”

“You’re right, my love.” Josh whispered, kissing Tyler’s clothed shoulder. “When you first got here I was scared… the thing about names and titles, they have meanings behind them, people would expect things from you when you accept them… I was scared to tell you about the whole Prodigal Son thing, I was afraid it would scare you out, that your name was already written on our constellations… that we were expecting things from you even before we knew you.”

“It’s alright… I will do anything you ask me to.” 

“I don’t want you to. I want you to do what YOU want to do. I’m not asking you to be a weapon for this rebellion, I want you to be a protagonist of it, not something to use. ”

“Josh, I get it… all of you are not like them, you won’t make me do things I don’t want to do… that’s why I tell you…” 

And Tyler turned around in Josh’s arms to be face to face with his lover, their noses touching. 

“I would gladly let you use me, I would gladly be your weapon. I want to. I don’t care what my name or my title is, all I care is that you love me and I’m yours. If you can put to good use what I’m gifted with, I’ll give myself entirely to you.”

“Tyler…” Josh whispered, suddenly feeling that the tent was a hundred degrees hotter, that they were too close but too far apart at the same time. “I think that you don’t know how your words are making me feel. How this is affecting me.”

“Yeah? Then show me.” 

It was the inferno once again, the same feeling he had when Tyler had just finished seizing his mind and body, like he was in need of Tyler’s oxygen and wanted - needed - to feel him panting into his mouth. He remembered the way his body felt beneath him back there outside their tent, outside the camp. 

He remembered how easy it had been to throw his body to the ground and pin him there, having him squirming under his thighs and hips where he had him entrapped, he remembered how Tyler’s hands had traveled up and down his back, how they had grabbed his hips with force making him move against his own.

He wanted - no - he needed to feel that again. Slowly he moved his lips to hover over his throat, moving still so slowly, his lips barely touching Tyler’s skin, feeling goosebumps arise on his neck at the mere feeling of his breathing so close, until he stopped at Tyler’s right ear. 

“You want me to own you, Tyler?” He whispered, his voice suddenly so hoarse with the newfound arousal. “You want me to possess you, Clancy? ”

He heard Clancy’s gasp and he enjoyed the way his hands grabbed his shirt tighter where they were placed at the small of his back.

“Please.” Clancy sighed with a whine following the sound as Josh latched his mouth on the other man’s neck, with no rationals thoughts left in his head, only acting by instinct, by desire so deep in his gut, being installed there ever since Clancy first said he wanted to be owned by Josh, to be used, to be his weapon.

It tore a deep grunt out of Josh’s mouth as he licked a stripe from the base of Clancy’s neck to his earlobe, where he went further and bit there, wanting to hear more sounds from Clancy.

It was the trust that Clancy had shown him that made him act like that, Clancy trusted him so much that he showed this vulnerability only to him, trusting so much that he trusted his life to him. And Josh wanted to always keep that trust to him, wanted to be the only person Clancy could trust in, the only person that gets to see Clancy like this, a whiny mess beneath his lips and teeth, begging for more.

“Josh…” Clancy moaned his name but Josh didn't want that. Didn’t want to hear his name coming out of his mouth.

“No, not “Josh”. Call me Torchbearer. ” He whispered as he turned them over, Clancy’s back to the mattress and his own body laying on top of him, between his thighs, his hips flushed against the other. “You wanted to be mine, didn’t you? You wanted to be Torchbearer’s?”

Torchbearer didn’t knew where all of this was coming from, it just felt right to control Clancy like that, it was almost as if Clancy’s desires were being transmitted to his own mind, almost as if Clancy’s desire to be dominated by Torchbearer was coursing through Clancy’s fingertips that were now grabbing Torch’s shoulders with force.

“Yes, Jos-… Torchbearer. I want it, all of it.” Clancy mumbled, his voice laced with desperation and arousal. “I want you.”

“I want you too, Clancy. God, I want you so much.” Torchbearer said as he started to trail kisses on Clancy’s jaw, slowly moving up until he captured his lips, claiming them as his own as he kissed him with so much passion, asking for entrance with his tongue, wanting to taste all of Clancy.

Clancy gasped as they breathed inside each other’s mouths and Torch sucked his bottom lip into his mouth, biting it hard, ripping cries out of Clancy’s throat. He let the Torchbearer use him as he pleased, he opened his mouth for him, let him explore it with his tongue as he feverishly started to move his hips, wanting to be touched, wanting to feel Torchbearer against him. 

Torchbearer’s hands traveled to Clancy’s hips, stopping his movements, pinning them to the bed, not giving him the relief he wanted.

“Slow down, love. Let me explore all of you.” 

Clancy keened high on his throat at the command, enjoying the way Torchbearer’s voice became rougher with want. 

He kept still, waiting for the other man to do something, anything .

Torchbearer planted a kiss on his jaw once again, he licked and bit a certain spot at Clancy’s neck that made the other man whimper out loud, almost too loudly to Torchbearer’s ears, so he covered his mouth with one skilled hand as he shushed him, telling him to enjoy.

Clancy closed his eyes as Torchbearer’s tongue began to trail down to both his collarbones then kissing the middle of his chest right at his sternum, where the collar of his shirt began.

“Let me take this out, you want it out?” Torchbearer asked, slipping his finger at the collar as he suddenly straightened up with his other hand still covering Clancy’s mouth.

He enjoyed not giving him the opportunity to talk, only being able to see his expressive eyes that were showing everything that was going through Clancy’s mind. 

Clancy nodded and Torch was quick to discard his thin shirt, leaving him with his exposed chest begging to be marked by Torchbearer’s mouth and teeth.

He stopped for a second to gather the view in front of him.

Clancy looked disheveled with his mouth parted and his eyes glossy with arousal. He looked blissed out just by a few kisses and licks from Torchbearer’s tongue.

“God, Clancy. You’re so gorgeous… you’re taking my breath away.” Torch said with his voice dripping with fondness, the arousal being pushed to the back of his mind as he stared at the man beneath him, as he stared at his eyes and the trust and love that was in them.

At that moment, Torchbearer loved him so much. He was so deeply in love with him.

He pulled out his hand from Clancy’s mouth so he could give him a soft peck on his lips, wanting him to feel that rush of affection towards him.

“I love- hearing you say my- name like that.” Clancy remarked as he was being kissed more than once, feeling Torchbearer’s strong calloused hands that had been burned too many times before, caressing his sides, grabbing his waist as Clancy’s hands resumed their spot at Torch’s shoulders. He was still fully clothed.

“Clancy.” Torch whispered, kissing the edge of his mouth. 

“Clancy.” Torch kept vocalizing as he planted an open mouthed hungry kiss at his adam's apple.

“Clancy.” This time his lips went again to his sternum, sucking a red mark there, right at the middle, marking him as his own, marking him as Torchbearer’s property.

“Clancy.” His chest was being assaulted by tongue and teeth, leaving more rebel red marks in their trail, Clancy feeling unable to breath properly as Torchbearer was destroying him and pulling him back together beneath his exquisite mouth.

“Clancy.” He went to his stomach, on top of his bellybutton as he licked tentatively around it, then he traveled down, down, down… oh.

“Clancy.” He licked at the trail of hair that disappeared under his underwear that was currently tented with his state of arousal. Torchbearer’s chin touched his sex and Clancy sobbed as he felt that devilish tongue move even further down his path.

Clancy’s brain short circuited as he saw and felt how Torchbearer mouthed his bulge through his undies.

“Torch-… Oh -.. Torchbearer… uh- … I’ve never… I’ve never done this … I’ve never felt like this before.” Clancy sobbed as he felt his body almost buzzing with so much want and desire towards the man that was currently kissing his more intimate parts, that was currently seeing him like no one has ever seen him like before. “You’re making me crazy.”

“Me neither… Clancy. I was waiting for you, Love. I was born to worship you and only you.” Torchbearer said, his face and mouth still oh so close to where Clancy was more sensitive. “I want to worship every part of you, I want to make you mine and I want to be yours too.”

“Forever?”

“Forever, my flame.” Torch replied as with one swift motion, he pulled Clancy’s underwear off, leaving him completely naked at his disposal.

Torchbearer wanted to cry at the sight of his lover fully naked in front of him, feeling like he was granted a holy vision, so holy it was making his eyes burn and water at the same time. He felt like sobbing, like full on crying as his tears would wash his lover’s skin, would wash the scars that covered his hip bones - he would ask later if they were self inflicted, they looked like it- the mole he had on his right thigh, his sight went up to his chest where it was adorned with teeth marks and redness all over that were beginning to turn purple, a bruise that had been made by Torchbearer’s hungry mouth as he had wanted to devour him whole.

He wanted the marks to be there always, he wanted Clancy to be his, like this, always. 

“T-Torchbearer… do s-something… please.” Clancy sighed his words, reaching out with his palm open to touch anywhere he could at Torch’s body. “I want to see you too.”

Torchbearer quickly discarded his own shirt as he stayed in place between Clancy’s thighs. He was so wrapped around Clancy’s finger, anything Clancy would ask him he would do. He would give him the whole world if he wanted it.

He would burn the whole world too if that was what he desired.

A breath hitched at his throat as Clancy lifted his torso from the bed, both his hands being placed at Torch’s waist as he regained control of his actions.

This time it was his mouth that began to light fire into Torchbearer’s chest. It was his tongue that created paths of sweet ecstasy in its trail. It was his teeth that were softly scraping away any ounce of sanity from Torchbearer’s mind. 

“Mark me.” Torchbearer exhaled in a soft moan, his hands softly crading Clancy’s skull in his palms. One hand traveled to his chin, lifting his head and dropping a wet kiss at his cherry tinted lips, sliding his tongue inside the other man’s mouth, desiring more than anything to completely ravish him and being owned by him. “I am yours too.”

Their lips created a melody of smacking sounds and sighs of pleasure as Clancy groaned at the request. When Torchbearer let his face go, he dipped his head to the side of his navel, a bit lower and did as he was requested. He bit hard there, sucking an angry red mark then soothing it with his tongue. 

He did the same to the other side.

Then he bit again right at the middle, right beneath his belly button and on top of his underwear that was carrying his raging erection. Enjoying the sounds Torchbearer was letting escape from his mouth.

“I want to see you.” Clancy repeated, hooking his fingers on the hem of the undies that were covering what was left of his modesty. “Can I? Please, Torchbearer?”

Torchbearer threw his head back, staring at the ceiling because the sight he had in front of him was too much to bear. Clancy laying with his thighs open for him, his soft palms and fingers grabbing tightly his last garment of clothes, his mouth so close to where he was aching. His eyes were so holy and devilish at the same time, shining with arousal and excitement and tenderness and curiosity and passion, so much passion, so much love and fire, fire, fire and everything was on fire with Clancy.

Torchbearer only nodded, not trusting his voice to be able to express coherent phrases, he only wanted to say “I love you. I want you. I need you. Let me possess you. Please, Please, Please.”

When Clancy discarded the last piece of clothes he could hide behind and grabbed him with softness but determination, he did shed some tears, he never thought this would be something that was allowed for him, never knew he could be loved like this or that he could love like this, with such intensity and pureness.

Clancy started to move his hand with a swift motion, stroking him up and down and a shiver ran through Torch’s back as a moan was ripped out of his mouth, all the way out of his lungs. He couldn’t resist it, the fog of his mind was only letting him think about Clancy and Clancy, and his eyes and mouth and god, his hand.  

He captured his lips once more, kneeling between Clancy’s legs as he took him into his hand too, gripping him tightly wanting nothing more than to pleasure him, nothing more than to hear his sounds, it was like a melody to his ears, the most beautiful song Clancy has ever sang were the sighs and whines he was emitting as his length was being fondled by his lover.

They both got enraptured in a pleasurable haze, with palms squeezing each other, mouths biting and sucking and lapping at the other's tongue, nails being dragged at the other’s back, teeth biting shoulders and necks and noises, so much noises, cries and pants and please, keep going, please, oh, i love you, i want you, i need you, i own you, you own me, im yours, im yours, im yours, god, im yours.

Clancy’s back was once again pressed at the bed as Torchbearer pushed him so he could lay on top of him, he took his hands, the one that Clancy had on him and the other one as he intertwined their fingers beside his head and began rolling their hips together.

With nothing covering them, nothing coming between them, everything was so much more intense, so much more intoxicating as Clancy let out streams of keens and ragged pants as he asked for more and more and more. Torch rocked their hips together as they thrusted and grinded against each other, Clancy lifting his hips in perfect sync so they would rub against the other as he kept repeating a litany of so good, so good, keep going Torch, so good.

“I love you, Clancy. I love you, I love you.” Torchbearer panted as he buried his face on the other man’s neck, unlinking one of his hands from Clancy’s fingers as he went and grabbed them both into his feverish palm. “I love you. I own you. I love you. I own you. ”

Tyler cried out at the feeling, thrusting his hips up into the tight grip that Torchbearer created with his hand and his own length as the sensitivity was going up and up, feeling them so close and hot and wet and good, so so good.  

“I love you. I am y-yours, Torch–... I am yours f-forever. You o- oh god-…you own me... a-ah... I’m yours.” Clancy mumbled as he felt himself slowly losing his mind and sanity, feeling so close to the other like he never had before, feeling their hearts beating at the same rhythm, finally feeling at home, feeling like he belonged somewhere, like he was finally someone.

He was finally someone’s.

“Clancy. Clancy. Clancy. I’m yours t-too. I love you” 

“I’m close, o-oh… I’m so c-close. You’re mine, Josh. Oh, Josh. You’re mine, you’re mine.”

“Let go, love, let go. Let go. Oh, Tyler. You’re mine, you’re mine, you’re mine.”

"...!"

The climax hit them both at the same time, Tyler arched his back as he full on sobbed from the pleasure and the pure love he felt, he shuddered and trembled as his soul left his body for a few seconds, tears of ecstasy coming out of his eyes as he felt Josh following him right behind, Josh grunted deep in his throat as he rubbed them both through it, his palm moving quickly, squeezing every last drop of their orgasm. He spasmed and bit hard at Tyler’s already marked shoulder as he shouted and let himself go, covering them both with their releases. 

They shared their shockwaves, their souls intertwining together as they were riding their high, not wanting it to end, sharing breaths as their lips found eachother once again. They licked into the other mouth as Josh released both their hardness that were turning soft against each other now as he moved to the side, laying on the bed, his head resting on Tyler’s bitten and marked shoulder.

“I love you so much, Tyler, so much… you can’t imagine how much I love you, how happy I am to be here with you.” Josh said his voice sounding hoarse, almost babbling his words out as his eyes were closed, feeling exhaustion taking over his muscles.

“I love you too, Josh. I’m so happy you’re mine, I’m so happy I’m yours.”

They exchanged their words of love, their vows to each other to be their other half forever. They cleaned themselves but still stayed at the bed, not wanting to pop the bubble that they were comfortably in. The post orgasmic haze, the atmosphere so thick and intoxicating as they were plastered together, resting their foreheads against the other as their breaths mingled and they rubbed their noses together. Josh planted a kiss at Tyler's scar there.

“I will follow you anywhere you go, my Torchbearer.” Tyler whispered, grabbing the hand that Josh had placed on top of his heart and lifted it to his mouth to place a soft kiss there. “And I know that anything you plan will lead us to win.”

That was when Josh remembered where they were, their names, who Torchbearer and Clancy really were and what their titles meant. 

Everything came back too quickly to his mind, almost giving him whiplash. Only yesterday he was preparing his big plan to infiltrate the city, only yesterday he had been seized by his lover.

Only yesterday a bishop - even if it was apparently a good one - had been close to their camp.

“Calm down, love. Don’t think about it now. Rest, we’ll see all about it later.” Tyler kept talking as he was only met by Josh’s silence and his suddenly too tense muscles that only minutes ago were pure melted jelly. 

“Yeah... We’ll see it later, my flame. I swear I’ll tell you all about it. But you got to know that for you, I will burn everyone that has laid their fingers on you and make you suffer before.”

…

A red cloaked figure in the distance laughed bitterly.

“I’m closer than you think. We're coming for you. No chances”

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