Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Shadybug had an awful day at school. but aren't they all?

That fucking Chloè and her bitchy minion Sabrina made sure today was going to be the worst day of the week.

They always chose one day of the week to bully her the worst. Sometimes it was Monday. Other days are Tuesday, Wednesday, and so on.

On top of that, her mother made her work for 5 hours when she came home. Marinette had barely slept the last night and she probably wouldn't sleep again until the next day, as she had patrol that night with fleabag. 

After her long hours working in the bakery and her mother yelling at her, she headed to her room, lacking sleep.

She quickly and definitely not thoroughly did her homework before transforming to meet with Claw Noir.

She headed out her balcony and was surprised to see Claw Noir standing there, waiting for her.

“Fleabag!” she hissed. “You know you aren't supposed to come to my house. We agreed to meet at the Eiffel Tower! What were you thinking? My mum could have seen you!’’

He held his hands up innocently. “Look, I'm sorry, Sha- Lady bug,’’ he said. “I just wanted to make sure my girlfriend was OK,’’

She blushed. If she was OK? What did that mean? “What are you talking about?’’ her eyes narrowed, but she was slightly worried on the inside.

“Patrol started an hour ago,’’ he said flatly.

Her eyes widened and she took out her yo-yo to check the time. It was 10:03. Shit.

“Oh, Claw!” she cried, imagining poor Claw Noir waiting at the Eiffel Tower for a whole hour by himself. “I’m sorry, I lost track of time,’’she said apologetically. “You know how my life is,’’

He shrugged, but he still looked a bit hurt. “What were you doing that was so important?”

She didn't say anything. She really didn't want to talk about it.

*Flashback*

“Look, it’s Marinette Dupain-Cheng!” Chloè whispered loudly to Sabrina as Marinette passed her in the hallway. “Ew, what is she wearing?” Chloè smirked with a look of disgust on her face. 

“Looks like something a preschooler would wear,’’ Sabrina agreed, crossing her arms over her chest. “Who even wears pigtails these days?”

Marinette blushed, embarrassed and tried to walk away quickly, but as she was passing, Sabrina stuck her foot out, causing Marinette to trip and land on her face.

Her face met the ground with a loud thud, and when Marinette looked up, everyone was staring and whispering around her, mainly Chloè and Sabrina.

“So Marinette,’’ she said, her voice slippery. “Are you having a nice trip?”

Sabrina and Chloè burst out laughing, before stalking away.

Marinette got up, shaking and ran to the bathroom. 

As she got there, she locked herself in a bathroom stall, sobbing. She didn't even care that she would be late for class. She just wanted to be anywhere else in the world. She would even rather be at home with her mother yelling at her, or fighting with Claw Noir. She just did not want to be at school. She opened her bag, still heavily crying, and pulled out her pocket knife and a bandaid. She breathed in as she lifted the knife to her stomach, pressing it into her skin…

*End of flashback*

“Hello? Ladybug?’’ Claw asked, concerned. He reached his hand out to place on her shoulder, but something in her snapped and she smacked it away angrily.

“Mind your own fucking business!’’ she snapped. She couldn't help it. All this anger had been building up inside her all day, she should've known better than going on patrol and taking out her anger on poor Claw Noir. But she just wasn't thinking.

Claw Noir just looked stunned. He looked like what she looked like when her mother yelled at her. Scared and weak. And she hated herself for being like her mother.

His expression changed quickly though, unlike when she was with her mother. He began to turn angry. 

“Fine!’’ he snarled at her. “You want to play it like that, huh, Shadybug ? You know, I thought you could change. I believed in you. I was a fucking dumbass for that, and I won’t be doing it again,’’

Saying that, he took out his stick and immediately left, leaving Shadybug by herself. 

She fell to the ground, sobbing.

What was wrong with her? Why couldn't she just be nice? Why did she have to say all of that shit? Why could she control her emotions like a normal person? Why did she always have to fuck things up?

She felt like giving up. She had nothing left anymore. Claw Noir was long gone by now, her mother had always hated her, her dad didn't give the slightest shit, and she had no friends whatsoever.

She was just alive, even though she died on the inside a long time ago. She was made and brought to earth, but what for? To suffer from her miraculous, her mother, awful Chloè Bourgeois?

She would rather die than have to go through with that any longer.

She went back down to her room, weeping and opened her drawer, taking out her small pocket knife for the second time that day. She held it up and took a deep breath in. she just needed to get rid of the pain. The sadness she had inside.

She lifted her shirt up and looked at her scars from previous cuts on her stomach, and fresh tears rolled down her face.

She took a deep breath in and brought the knife up to her flat tummy, gently digging it into her skin. She watched as her blood dripped down her stomach as it ached in pain.

She looked at herself again in the mirror. 

She didn't look any stronger or powerful. She didn't feel that way either.

She just felt sad. Sad she let Claw Noir leave. Sad she wasn't good enough. Sad she was so depressed she had to use self-harm as her coping mechanism.

But most of all, sad she was the bad version of the other Marinette. That while she was the one who suffered, the other version of her got everything. Loving parents, caring friends, a perfect boyfriend. Even though she loved Claw, he wasn’t like the other Chat Noir. They were all so… Perfect. Unlike her.

And she hated that. 

Chapter Text

There was only one place Claw Noir would be. One place he went whenever he was sad.

The Eiffel Tower. It was the first place they ever met, and she knew it was a special place for him.

She saw him from a distance, but he was facing the other way, so he couldn’t see her.

He was sitting at the edge, his legs hanging over the railing.

She landed quietly behind him, slowly approaching him.

“You know, you should try to be more discreet if you're trying to sneak up on me, cockroach,’’ he said coldly, not turning to look at her.

She was speechless. Her mouth felt dry. She opened it, but nothing came out.

“Are you just going to stand there, or…?” he said, finally standing up and walking towards her.

Before he could move or even say anything else, Shadybug jumped up and squeezed him tightly.

She began to cry again.

Instead of shaking her off and leaving again, Claw Noir wrapped his arms around her as she cried.

“Sssh, baby girl,’’ he whispered soothingly. “It’s alright,’’

Shadybug sniffed and pulled back. “It’s not though, is it?’’ she laughed, but there was no sound, no humour in it. “I fucked up, Claw. Again. With you, and with life in general.”

“Darling, you haven't fucked up anything,’’ he said reassuringly

She scoffed, looking away. “That's bullshit and you know it. I yelled at you, screamed at you. How could you possibly forgive me?”

He just shook his head. “Look at me, M’lady,’’ he said, holding her hands and she reluctantly looked back at him, into his beautiful emerald green eyes . “You wanna know why I'm still here? It's because I see you. Even when you think that no one is there for you, I will always be. Even when you think that you can't talk to anyone, I'm always here. Even when you think one loves or cares about you, I'm always right here” he presses his arm and hand onto her heart. “It's because I love you, Marinette. Even though it sounds complicated, sometimes it's that simple.”

Marinette is speechless and fresh tears roll down her face, and he wipes them away, smiling. “I’m sorry, A-adrien,’’ she whispers, pulling him in for a hug. “I didn't mean to say anything I said. I just g-get so angry sometimes.”

“You wanna talk about it?’’ he asks gently.

Marinette hesitates, but nods her head.

‘’We don't have to,’’ Claw says, sensing her uncertainty.

“No no, I want to,’’ she insists.

He nods, listening.

“I… I self harm,’’ she says, her voice croaky and weak. “And I get b-bullied at school. By Chloè Bourgeois, your old friend. My m-mum abuses me. It’s mostly verbal, b-but sometimes she h-hits me and I get bruises,’’ Shadybug detransforms and shows him all the bruises on her legs and arms. He watches silently and seriously as she continues. “A-and sometimes it’s too much, and I just want to end it all,’’ Her voice breaks off at the end, and she looks up to see Claw Noir crying, silent tears dripping down his face.

“Oh, Marinette..” he sighs, squeezing her tightly.

Even when she thinks she’s cried enough tears for one day, she continues to bawl her eyes out, digging her head into his chest as she weeps.

“It’s OK, mon amour, I’m here,’’ he whispers in her hair. “I’m right here,”

“I love you too,” she sighs, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath in.