Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Getting shot sucks. 

Eddie knows that, the knowledge tucked away in the back of his mind from the last time a surgeon had to dig bullets out of his skin, but somebody, apparently, decided that he needed a reminder. 

Getting shot by a sniper in the middle of the street on a beautiful LA morning was definitely not on his bingo card this year. 

It’s a little better, this time around. Chris is older, and they have a bigger support system, including his crew and Ana, who…

He’s really trying. He is! It’s just that he looks at her sometimes, and he feels… nothing. 

She’s very sweet, and incredibly smart. He can see that, objectively, she’s beautiful, but there’s just… nothing. They’ve been dating for a few months, and he keeps telling himself to just give it time, it’ll happen eventually. He cares about her, of course. They’ve spent so much time together, he can’t deny that he cares about her as a person, but other than that…

So, he keeps trying, because he’s already run off two partners, and Chris deserves someone who will stay. Ana seems interested, and Chris likes her well enough. She was his favorite teacher, after all, so the introduction went alright. Yes, maybe it got off to a rocky start, where Chris disappeared into his room and refused to come out once Eddie said he was dating again. Listening to his son cry through the door and being told that he didn’t want Eddie around shattered whatever was left of his heart.  

Eddie’s pretty sure Chris is just scared of caring about someone else and losing them, like his mom. 

Like Buck. 

Even now, more than a year and a half after Evan Buckley disappeared out of their lives, the wound still aches. 

Bobby gathered them around one day and let them know that Buck dropped the lawsuit. Eddie remembers feeling something akin to relief mixing in with the anger that was ever-present back then. He may have been mad at Buck, but he was still Eddie’s best friend, and he had missed his partner so much. 

Bobby quickly dashed that relief when he informed them, haltingly, that Buck had also resigned from the LAFD. All calls to his phone got the same message, that the number was out of service. When they went to his loft after shift, they found it empty, and the landlord took all their spare keys back, explaining that the apartment was no longer Buck’s. 

Maddie didn’t even know where Buck was, and she cried when she admitted that they hadn’t been very close because they kept butting heads about Buck finding a different job. 

They were all hopeful that, like the last time Buck went out on his own, he would send Maddie postcards to let her know he was okay. When one month, and then two, and then six months went by without a word, their hope waned. 

After a year, it really sunk in that they might never hear from him again. 

His departure hit the team hard, but Bobby especially. When he admitted one night that he was the reason Buck had been held back, because of Bobby’s own worries, it fractured their already tenuous hold on the belief that everything would eventually be okay.

It wasn’t okay, and sometimes, Eddie thinks it never will be again. 

It’s gotten better, sure, as time has passed. They can go on a crazy call and not automatically search out for Buck, to make sure that he isn’t going to go off the rails. When they have to do a rope rescue, Bobby has finally broken the habit of stuttering over Buck’s name as he hands out orders. 

Sometimes, someone can even bump Eddie’s shoulder, and he doesn’t automatically expect to see Buck when he looks up. 

Not very often though. 

Some of that might be habit, possibly, but he thinks a lot of it is hope. Like, if he just keeps believing that Buck will be there the next time he looks up, he can somehow will it into existence. 

He’s never really been a big believer in “manifesting”, or whatever it was that May had said one day, but to bring his best friend back, Eddie will do anything. He’ll join a cult and dance naked around a bonfire, write his wishes on strips of paper and leave them in a mason jar under the full moon, anything , if that’s what it takes. 

While his recovery might be slightly easier with the additional support and without the need to take care of a toddler by himself, it’s harder in a lot of ways too.

He was hit with a larger caliber rifle, so the wound itself is more severe, and will take longer to heal, but he also lost a lot more blood this time around. 

He bled from a larger wound, one that was uncomfortably close to his heart, and it was a good while before anybody could get to him, since they were pinned down by sniper fire that nobody could tell exactly where it was coming from. 

Captain Mehta had called for backup as soon as they all realized what was going on, but it took time to mobilize, and he had lost a substantial amount of blood by the time the police showed up with shields and got him help. 

The bullet had entered at just the right angle to collapse his lung, and he had lost so much blood that his limbs were cold, and his kidneys had started to shut down. 

He had lost consciousness long before they got him into an ambulance, and he coded several times between the ambo ride and the surgery. 

Eddie honestly thought he was going to die, laying on that hot blacktop. He was sure that they wouldn’t get to him before he bled out, and his only thought was that at least Chris was going to see Buck soon, since Eddie had put the man in his will as Chris’ legal guardian a year prior. 

He only regretted that he wouldn’t be around to see him, too. 

He begged and pleaded with the universe to let him live, if only for long enough to say goodbye to his son and see his best friend one last time. 

The doctors said it was a miracle that he survived, making absent comments about guardian angels. 

Eddie didn’t have the heart to tell him that he lost his guardian angel almost two years ago, especially when Ana - who was at his bedside when he came to - was so relieved that he was awake. 

He was in a coma for a few days, and then had to stay for observation and dialysis for a few more, but now, a week after the shooting, he’s finally home. 

Carla, Pepa and Abuela had taken turns watching Chris while he was in the hospital, and Eddie was relieved to hear that. Not because he didn’t trust Ana to watch him, but they definitely weren’t at that stage in their relationship yet, where she’s solely responsible for making decisions for his kid. 

The fact that she’s been dropping hints about being the one to stay and help him around the house - essentially moving in - while he’s incapacitated is making him itchy enough as it is. 

She hasn’t asked outright, and he’s skirted around her insinuations, but he knows they’ll have to talk about it soon. 

He just doesn’t know what he’s going to say when she finally gets around to point-blank offering. 

She’s at work today, and Chris is at school, so he gets at least a little relief, where he can let his mask slip, just a little. Carla has been around, but she left just a few minutes prior to pick Chris up, since he’s not really able to drive. 

They had a small get-together last night; everyone came over for a couple hours to see with their own eyes that he was okay and left once he took his last round of pain killers for the night. 

It was nice, getting to see the people that he thought he’d never see again, but it - just like every other gathering they’d had recently - was missing something, a Buck-sized hole in the space that everyone was trying to ignore. 

A frantic knock on his door draws him out of his melancholy. 

He struggles to his feet, groaning and cursing whoever is at the door. Don’t they know he’s in pain? Can’t he get even the slightest break? 

By the time he gets to the door, the person on the other end has knocked two more cycles, each growing more frantic than the last. 

He reaches for the handle and grumbles. “Jesus, I’m coming, can you-”

His words die off as his breath and his entire body freezes in what can only be described as shock. 

“Are you okay? I just heard what happened, I had to make sure that you’re okay. I mean, I know you’re probably not okay, but I needed to see for myself that you’re alright. Alive, at least, I guess. You- are you?” He rambles, hands clenched by his side, then held out in front of him, folded as if in prayer, probably in an attempt to stop himself from touching Eddie. Those ocean blue eyes that Eddie has missed so much drag across every single inch of his body, lingering on the sling holding his arm and shoulder stable. 

“Buck?” 

Chapter Text

Eddie blinks rapidly, trying to clear his gaze, but his vision never changes. 

Evan Buckley is on his front porch. 

He looks like shit, to be honest. 

His eyes are bloodshot, making them seem even bluer than normal, and they’re surrounded by dark bags, like he hasn’t been sleeping well. His hair is longer than it’s ever been, and the curls are limp and bedraggled. His normally smooth-shaven jaw is covered in several days' growth, which Eddie has never seen. Even when Buck was recovering from the ladder truck landing on his leg, he never let it grow for more than a day or two. 

Buck is also skinnier than Eddie’s ever seen. He’s still muscled, Eddie can see the definition in his arms where he’s flexing as he squeezes his hands together, and his shoulders are still strong looking, but he’s almost willowy, which is not a word that Eddie has ever thought described Buck. Even back when they first met, when Buck wasn’t quite as broad as he was at the end, he was still sturdy, thick, even. But now, not even the extra scruff on his face can hide how thin his face is, his cheekbones and jawline even sharper than before. 

He looks so young, and yet so tired, so weighed down, as if he’s lived a thousand lifetimes since Eddie last saw him. 

The silence draws out between them, Eddie too stunned to answer Buck’s barrage of questions, only realizing too late that Buck has taken his lack of an answer in the worst way possible. 

“Right.” He nods, stepping back with a small nod of his head and a sad chuckle, knocking a fisted hand against the flat palm of his other. “Of course, it’s weird that I’m here. I don’t know why I thought it wouldn't be. I don’t even know why I thought this was a good idea, actually. This was dumb. I’m an idiot, I’m sorry for bothering you. Uhm, I hope you heal… quickly. Well. Uhm, bye.” He stutters out, the tears and devastation that are so clear in every syllable give Eddie the wake-up call he needs. 

“Wait!” He demands, begs, a little too loudly, stopping Buck dead in his tracks. “You’re- you’re really here?” He whispers, afraid that this might be a dream, and that moving too fast or speaking too loudly might ruin the illusion. 

If this is the only way he gets to see Buck; if he never actually woke up and this is all made up by his subconscious, he wants to enjoy every single second that he gets. “Ho- whe- why? You- am I dreaming?” He stumbles over himself, trying to calm his fragmented heart as it tries to jump out of his chest and cross the distance between them. 

Buck huffs an uneasy laugh, dropping his chin to his chest and rubbing the back of his neck, peeking up at Eddie through his lashes. He’s uncomfortable, but he stopped trying to leave, at least for right now, so Eddie is counting that as a win. “That’d be a really shitty dream.” He jokes, but neither of them laughs, because being here, this close, when he never thought he’d get to be again, feels a little bit like salvation. Maybe a little bit like damnation too, if he’s going to wake up and realize that Buck is still gone. 

When the joke doesn’t break the tension, Buck sighs and answers his other half-asked, jumbled questions. “I literally just got into town. I was working on the other side of the country, up in Maine, when Taylor Kelly called me. Which was weird, since I haven’t kept in touch with anyone. I genuinely have no idea how she tracked me down, but she did. She did, and she told me that you got-” He cuts off sharply, like he can’t force himself to say it, blinking rapidly when his eyes grow glassy, jaw clenching as he takes a breath and forces himself to continue. 

“She told me that you got hurt and thought that I might want to know. I was at work at the time, but my boss figured out almost immediately that I’d be fucking useless, so he sent me home, and now I’m here, because even though we haven’t spoken in almost two years and I know you probably hate me and don't want to see me again, I still- you’re still-” He cuts off again, digging his fingertips into his eyes, and Eddie feels like he’s driving them between his ribs instead. 

He can’t breathe, can’t believe this is actually happening. His nose burns and his eyes itch, but he can’t look away, can’t make himself do anything but stand here and watch, and listen. 

“You can hate me for the rest of our lives, but you and Chris are still the most important people in my life, and I had to make sure you were okay, because, while being out in the world without the two of you is hard enough, I was only able to do it because I knew you were here, that both of you were okay, and alive. ” He finally forces himself to admit desperately, hands outstretched again, like he’s reaching out to touch Eddie. 

“When did Taylor call you?” Eddie manages to force the question through his tight throat, but just barely. 

“Tuesday morning. Well, I guess Monday night.” Buck answers automatically. 

It’s almost 3pm on Thursday. “How long does it take to drive from Maine to LA?”

Buck coughs guiltily. “To drive straight through is almost 2 days. I ate in the car, but I- well, I didn’t want to kill myself or anybody else on the road, so I had to stop and sleep a few times.” 

Eddie swallows again, feeling like his heart is trapped in his throat, making each breath a little shakier, each question a little more strangled. “When was the last time you got more than a few hours of sleep?”

Buck looks up to him then, so broken and guilty and earnest, Eddie knows that whatever’s about to come out of his mouth is going to break his heart. 

“How long has it been since I left LA?” Buck asks instead, and Eddie was right. 

He thinks that’s the last time he got any decent sleep, too. 

“I never hated you. I could never hate you. Missing you these last few years has been like missing a fucking limb .” Eddie admits just as desperately, lunging forward to pull Buck into a hug, free arm circling around his neck and yanking. 

Everything stops around them, and Eddie’s whole body turns liquid in pure, unadulterated relief when Buck - cautious about his injury - wraps his arms just as tightly around Eddie’s waist, holding onto him just as urgently. 

He still smells like Buck, like he did back when he was Eddie’s, and that - the familiarity of being in these arms, even if they weren’t big huggers back then - is the last straw. 

Eddie hasn’t cried about this latest trauma. He hasn’t allowed himself to break down, knowing that - even with his injury - people would still be counting on him, so he couldn’t let himself fall apart. 

But now, as Buck’s own tears soak the skin at Eddie’s throat where he’d buried his face, Eddie finally allows himself to let go, just a little. 

His hand curls into Buck’s hair and he just holds on, letting some of the never-ending grief leak from his eyes and stain Buck’s stale shirt.

After not nearly long enough, Eddie forces himself to calm down and draw out of the hug, though he doesn’t let Buck go very far, wrapping his free hand around one of his wrists and dragging him into the house. 

They walk through the house towards the living room, gently dropping down onto the couch. If Buck notices how Eddie leans into him a little on the walk over, he doesn’t say anything, just wraps an arm around his waist and takes the additional weight. 

Once they get seated and Eddie gets comfortable, Buck asks about how he’s doing, and about Christopher. 

Eddie doesn’t share how close he actually came to dying, but by the grim look on Buck’s face and the thin set of his lips, Eddie thinks he figured it out anyway. 

Before they can dive too much further into anything, they hear movement at the front door, Carla and Chris returning from school, the boy chattering about his day and discussing the homework he has. 

Buck parked on the street, so Chris probably didn’t pay any attention to the familiar Jeep, otherwise, Eddie knows there’d be a very different reaction. 

He’s not sure what that reaction is going to be, exactly. 

Chris missed Buck a lot in the beginning, and he was angry with the 118 when Eddie admitted that they drove Buck away. He remained hopeful that Buck would come back, that he couldn’t stay away from his best friends for too long. 

As time passed, though, Eddie noticed that Chris asked about Buck less, and whenever the man was brought up, there was a little frown that would break across his face. 

Through Chris’ psychologist, the boy was able to admit that he was mad at his mom, both for disappearing in the first place, and also for coming back and going away again, permanently. Eddie and the doctor had worked hard to assure him that his feelings weren’t wrong, that he was allowed to feel whatever he was feeling.

Chris was so young when Shannon left the first time, he only really remembered her through Eddie, and pictures that he refused to hide away. He just knew that she was his mom, and that she should be with them. 

With Buck though, Chris was old enough to remember his entire time with the blonde in his life, and when he stayed away, Eddie knew that it hurt him more and more with each passing day. 

Eddie went in the opposite direction. He’d started out so angry, both at Buck and at the situation in general, but that anger faded into something hopeless and sad the longer he went without his partner. 

All that to say that Eddie isn’t sure how this reintroduction is going to go. Hell, he wishes it wasn’t going right now at all, not before he could learn for sure why Buck is here or, more importantly, whether he’ll keep in contact this time when he leaves again. 

But it’s too late now, so he stands, using Buck’s offered arm for leverage, and heads to the kitchen. “I’m not sure how this is going to go, so let me talk to him first, prepare him at least a little bit.” He says to Buck, noting the sad, guilty look on his… friend’s? Face.

He’s slow moving, but Chris’ face lights up when he sees Eddie. “Hi Dad!” He greets cheerfully, smiling when Eddie leans over to press a kiss to the top of his head. 

“Hey mijo. ” Eddie greets with a soft smile, relishing in his son’s presence and his happy recount of his day.

When he comes to a stopping point, Eddie breaks in. “Hey, bud, there’s someone here that wants to see you.” He says, before Chris can launch into another story. 

Chris looks confused, but excited, a social butterfly through and through. Eddie carefully sits down next to him and looks him in the eye. “Now, I know this might be a lot, and I just want to remind you that your feelings aren’t wrong, no matter what they are. However you’re feeling about the situation is okay.” He reiterates the same thing Chris has already learned in therapy. 

Chris nods, and Eddie takes that as the encouragement it’s meant to be, and they both stand. Carla follows along behind them curiously. 

Eddie walks into the living room first, where Buck has risen from the couch and is now standing by the coffee table, awkwardly wiping his hands against his pants, like he’s trying to get rid of sweaty palms. 

Eddie can hear Carla gasp behind him, but he’s too busy watching the way Buck’s eyes grow glassy at the sight of Chris, realizing just how much the boy has grown since Buck’s been gone. 

Chris is silent beside him, eyes wide. “Buck?” He finally whispers after a long moment, just as unable to believe it as Eddie was earlier. 

Buck nods, swallows heavily, and pastes a smile on his face. “Hey Chris.” He says softly, all the adoration from before, the love that had always been in Buck’s voice and on his face when he spoke to or about Chris, now mixed with a heavy dose of apprehension. 

Chris doesn’t make any of them wait much longer, running across the room as fast as he can and practically throwing himself against Buck, who automatically kneeled down to catch the boy, tears spilling down over his cheeks. 

“I missed you so much! You left! You said you wouldn’t leave, and you left! It’s been so long, why did you leave?” The boy sobs into Buck’s shoulder, and Eddie watches from the door frame as Buck’s grip tightens, tears coming faster now in face of the kid’s obvious devastation. 

“I’m so sorry, Superman. I’m so sorry. I made a mistake, and I hurt everyone, and I knew that nobody would want me around anymore, so I left. I shouldn’t have done it though, because I missed you so much, buddy.” 

Chris cries harder. “I wanted you around! Me and Dad did, always. You left us. I thought we were your family.” 

Buck’s eyes stay closed as he buries his nose in Chris’ hair and takes a deep, stuttering breath, a move that Eddie knows so well, because he does it all the time. There’s nothing quite as calming or grounding as the familiar scent of your kid, and to see Buck do it now, even after all this time apart, like Chris is still someone so important to him, it’s bittersweet. 

“I know you did; I know buddy. You and your dad are my family, you’ve been with me every step of the way over the last few years. There’s not been a day that’s passed that I haven’t thought about you or wished that I was here. In fact,” He says, scooping Chris up and settling the boy on his hip, encouraging him to continue to rest his head on Buck's shoulder, he walks past Eddie and Carla, giving them a reassuring nod, and then heads out the door. 

They follow him as he walks to the back of the Jeep and unlocks the door, pulling out a small duffle bag before returning to the house. 

Eddie feels silly, a bit like a baby chick following its mother’s every step, but that’s the way it’s always been with them. He’s followed Buck into dangerous situations unblinkingly, because wherever Buck is, that’s where Eddie wants to be. Wherever he leads, Eddie is more than willing to follow. 

Buck sits down on the couch again, arranging Chris so that he’s more comfortably spread across his lap, and then he starts to open the bag. “When I say that I missed you every day, Superman, I meant it. I wrote you a bunch of letters, and I picked up a new postcard in every new place I landed.” He says, and shows off the contents of the bag, which is stuffed with paper, and a few trinkets as well. “Every time I saw something that reminded me of you, I bought it. Some of these letters have pictures that I included because I wanted to share it with you. I never forgot about you, bud, not even for one second.” He promises, so earnestly. 

Eddie has long since lost the battle against his own tears, and after a look to his right, he can see that Carla isn’t much better. 

Chris is quiet as he hesitantly touches all the letters and cards. “I think I’m still mad at you.” He whispers, shamefully, and Eddie steps forward to help, or reassure him that that’s okay, but Buck moves before he can say anything, moving his hands to cradle Chris’ face and holding eye contact with him. 

“That’s okay. You’re allowed to be mad at me. I broke my promise. I left you, no matter what my reasoning was or how right I thought I was at the time. You be as mad as you need, for as long as you need. I will still be here, and I will still love you. Always. That will never change.” He promises through his tears, and Chris nods before leaning in for another drawn out hug that Buck is all too willing to provide. 

After a long minute, Chris puts the bag in his room, and then goes to do his homework at the table, and Carla sweeps in, wrapping Buck up in a hug of her own, tight enough that Buck winces at the pressure around his ribs, but melts into it without complaint. “Oh, Buckaroo. It is good to see your face again.”

“It’s good to see you, Carla. I missed you.” He promises, smiling softly. 

She pulls back and pats his cheek lovingly. “Of course you did.” She says with a wink, and that helps lift the atmosphere slightly, drawing a laugh out of Buck for the first time since he arrived. 

An alarm goes off on Eddie’s phone, and Carla bustles around, getting his medication and ordering him to sit back on the couch. He’ll never let it show how grateful he is for that order, but man, he didn’t know standing could be so exhausting. 

She gets him a drink and his next round of antibiotics and another pain killer, and watches hawkishly as he swallows them, while Buck volunteers to get started on dinner. 

It’s a little early, but nobody calls him out on it, all of them needing to take a second to process. 

Eddie leans back against the couch and lets the noise wash over him. Chris working on homework, asking clarifying questions every once in a while that Carla answers in between chatting with Buck about what he’s doing, the familiar sound of knife cuts and clanging pans a sweet melody. 

It’s so similar to how it used to be that Eddie can pretend it’s always been like this, that Buck never left. Maybe it’s even better than before. Maybe Buck never leaves. Maybe he stays here, in the Diaz home, and this - 

Eddie stops that thought in its tracks, smothers it and stuffs it down somewhere unreachable. 

It’s just because he’s back. It’s a lot of emotions, and it’s just a little confusing. He’s confused, that’s all. He wouldn’t normally think things like that. 

(He also refuses to be upset by the loss of the tiny sliver of fat on Buck’s lower stomach, or the loss of mass on his frame. He very deliberately does not remember wondering what it would be like to grip those muscles or sink his teeth into that skin. As far as he’s concerned, those thoughts never crossed his mind. If they did, it was because he was exhausted and it was late at night, and nobody can be blamed for the things that cross their mind at 2:40am.)

Soon enough, dinner is done, and the table is cleared off and set, all four of them gathering around to eat. The first bite of Buck’s cooking after a year and a half of surviving on whatever Eddie is able to scrounge up tastes like heaven. He’s pretty sure he can actually hear a chorus of angels singing somewhere in the background. 

Even Chris, who’s quieter than normal, hums appreciatively. Eddie’s cooking has improved - by necessity - but he’s nowhere near Bobby or Buck’s level. 

Midway through dinner, Carla asks the question that Eddie’s been dreading. “So, Buckaroo, when do you have to leave?” She asks pointedly, and Eddie watches out the corner of his eye as Chris freezes, lips turning down in a frown. 

Buck chuckles awkwardly. “Uhm. That’s a good question. I actually- I don’t really have a plan for that?” He answers, but it sounds more like a question. 

Eddie’s head pops up to look directly at him. “What do you mean? Don’t you have a job, a life, to get back to?” He asks. 

Buck shrugs, playing with the food on his plate. “Once I left LA, I started working as a floater for different departments all over the country. Some of them weren’t- they didn’t love that I sued the LAFD, but as a floater instead of a full-time employee, they were willing to overlook it. I’ve bounced around all over since I’ve been gone, working in one department for a couple months and then moving onto the next. I was up in Maine most recently, but as soon as I heard about what happened, I sent in my notice. It was about time to move on from there anyway.” He says, like it’s no big deal. 

“So, where are you staying while you’re here? How long are you here?” Carla presses, and Eddie leans forward in his seat, also interested in the answer. 

Buck rolls his lips between his teeth and resolutely avoids eye contact with anyone at the table. “I don’t know, and I don’t know. Honestly, I wasn’t sure that I’d be wanted here, after how everything ended, and the way I left, but I couldn’t just act like it didn’t happen. I couldn’t go on about my life and pretend that Eddie didn’t get hurt.” He answers softly, glancing up at Eddie quickly before glancing away. 

There are so many things Eddie wants to say, but he doesn’t know how to say them, or even if he should, but Carla sends him a pointed look, and he makes himself say something. 

“You’re always wanted here, Buck. Like you said, we’re still family, no matter what’s happened.” He says gently, pursing his lips when the blonde rapidly blinks away glassy eyes again. 

“Have you talked to anyone else recently? I’m sure Maddie would love to see you again.” He offers, instantly thrown by the way Buck’s eyes flash with something ugly, hurt and anger and betrayal all mixed into one.

“No.” He says, and that’s all. 

An odd tension falls over the table at the finality of the word, so unlike Buck’s usual reaction to his big sister. It’s startling, and Eddie wonders if something happened between the siblings that the rest of them weren’t privy to. 

Eddie hums thoughtfully, eyes bouncing between Buck and his son. 

“You know, the doctor said that it would be best if someone stayed with me, with us, through my recovery.” He remarks casually, keeping an eye on both of them. They both look confused at first, but small amounts of hope start to spread across their faces, and Eddie silently breathes a sigh of relief. “I’m not cleared to drive, and I have a ton of appointments to keep on the right track, and even with one-hand, everything is going to be tough, especially when I’m on these pain meds, because they make me a little fuzzy around the edges. The doctors mentioned hiring an at home nurse, and Carla is too busy with other clients to stay with me 24/7, and everybody else has their own stuff going on. You- I mean, if you wanted to, you could… stay here? I mean, obviously, you won’t be solely responsible for everything, everyone has already offered to help as much as I need, but…” 

He hesitates to say the next part, a little uncomfortable with how vulnerable it is, but Buck has been very honest with his feelings since he first arrived. Eddie’s not sure if it’s the exhaustion loosening his filter, or if he just assumed that everything was already ruined and that this would be the last time he would see Eddie ever again, so why not just lay it all on the table? Plus, if it’s about Eddie, and them needing help, instead of Buck not having anywhere else to stay, he might be less hesitant to accept. It’s a little emotionally manipulative, possibly, but it’s also just a fact of their friendship. Their own needs seem to come last when their partner needs them. Well, for the most part. Eddie fucked up before, but he’s hoping that he still knows Buck, that he hasn’t changed that much out on the road. He thinks if he has to let Buck out of his sight anytime soon, he might actually break out in hives. 

Eddie also figures he owes it to Buck - and maybe to himself, too - to be just as open, no matter the reason. Maybe if they were better at this two years ago, Buck might’ve come to him when it felt like everyone else was against him, and maybe the lawsuit wouldn’t have happened. 

“Honestly, I would feel better if it was you.” He forces himself to say, allowing Buck to see the honesty on his face instead of hiding it away. “I’m not saying you have to, or saying that to like, manipulate you into staying if you don’t actually want to, but just… if you do. If you want to stick around. We- I would like to have you. Here.” He says, voice barely above a whisper, and the way Buck is looking at him, like he can see right through to the core of Eddie, leaves him a little breathless. 

Buck slowly turns to face Chris at the other end of the table. “What about you, bud? Would you be comfortable with me staying here?” He asks, and Eddie melts a little at the way he never fails to include Chris in everything. Eddie’s pretty sure he knows the answer, pretty good at reading his son’s facial expressions after this long, but he stays quiet. “This is your house too, and if me being here all the time would make you uncomfortable, then I won’t stay here. I can stay in the area, if you want me to be around, but your comfort matters here, too.” 

Chris tilts his head to the side, eyebrows scrunched in thought for long enough that Eddie starts to worry that he made a mistake, before he grins and says, “You owe me a lot of pancakes, so I guess you should probably stay.” 

Buck chuckles, the relief so clear in the sound and the way that his shoulders drop back down to his sides instead of by his ears. “I think you’re right, Superman.” He says, and then turns back to face Eddie, his eyes so warm, it’s almost suffocating. “Yeah. If you’re both okay with it, there’s nowhere else I’d rather be.” 

Chapter Text

When Ana texts him later that evening, he assures her that he has everything covered, and encourages her to rest, stating that she’d done so much for them already, and that she deserves to take a break. 

She pushes, but eventually lets it go. 

He doesn’t know why he didn’t tell her about Buck coming back. Nor has he told Buck about Ana. Ana knows about Buck, in vague terms. She’s seen the pictures on the walls, and has heard Chris talk about the man, but she came around long after he left, and the thought of introducing those two parts of his life makes something in his stomach squirm. 

So instead, he doesn’t mention Ana, and it seems that Chris and Carla both take his lead on it, because neither one of them even hints at the existence of his girlfriend. He’ll tell them both about the other, eventually, but for right now, he just wants to enjoy Buck being back for a little while.

After dinner, Carla goes home, and the three of them settle in for the night. Chris goes to his room, stating that he’s going to read some of the letters that Buck wrote for him, while Buck cleans Eddie’s shoulder and then sits him on the couch, coming back out with a glass of water and the rest of his evening medication. 

They sit on the couch and watch TV, and it’s awkward. Silence, existing in each other's space, has never felt weird before, but it does now. It feels like there’s a giant chasm between the two of them, and Eddie has no idea how to even start to breach that space. 

He wants to know everything . He wants to know why Buck left, why he stayed away so long. Wants to know everything he’s done since he’s been gone, and if he found new friends. 

A tiny, selfish part of Eddie hopes that he didn’t. He hopes that Buck missed the Diaz’s as much as they missed him, but the bigger part of him is nauseous with the thought of Buck being out in the world, alone, with nobody looking out for him. 

He hopes that somewhere, somebody had his back, even if it wasn’t Eddie. 

Chris comes out after a little while, and it seems as though a lot of his anger has faded, at least for the time it takes for him to crawl up on the couch and ask Buck questions about things that he’d written. 

Buck does a good job of putting on a happy face, smile across his lips and exaggerated hand gestures, but Eddie can see the sadness around his eyes, can hear the notes of melancholy in his voice, and he notices that a lot of Buck’s stories don’t include other people. His ones about work do, the other firefighters he worked alongside on calls, but in his personal time, it sounds very lonely. 

It sounds so much like the stories he used to talk about his childhood, where Maddie was the person who starred in those most often, and it seemed like their parents were never around. Eddie learned later in their friendship that Maddie left for college when Buck was 9, and he thinks he can see flashes of that lonely kid in the man sitting across from him now.

He hates it. 

At that point, he makes it his mission to keep Buck in his and Chris’ life again. Whether it’s keeping him here in LA, or the Diaz’s picking up and moving again to follow him to wherever he ends up. 

He’s lived almost two years without Buck, and it’s not a life he’s rushing to get back to. 

Ana never crosses his mind as he comes to that conclusion, nor does he listen to the tiny voice inside his head that whispers, Friends don’t do that. It took you years to follow Shannon, but you won’t hesitate to follow Buck?  

He’s very good at ignoring things that make him uncomfortable. 

Eventually, it’s bedtime, and Eddie runs through Chris’ nighttime routine and tucks him into bed. 

Eddie notices how Buck hangs back, wishing the boy good night when he leaves the living room, instead of tagging along to the bedroom, reading stories and wishing for sweet dreams. 

It’s probably better this way, giving all of them a chance to breathe, get used to being around each other again, but it’s still another thing that’s changed from before, and therefore, Eddie hates it. 

By the time Christopher is asleep and Eddie walks back out to the living room, it looks as if the 9-year-old isn’t the only one exhausted from the long day. Buck is still sitting on the couch, head leaning against the back of the couch, tilted to one side, chest rising and falling steadily. 

It’s only then that Eddie remembers that Buck admitted earlier that he drove all the way across the country in just over two days, on limited sleep, and Eddie can’t stop the pang of guilt that squeezes his chest for keeping him up for even longer. He wanted to be around Buck, to finally bask in the warmth of his orbit after being cold for so long, but he did it at Buck’s expense. 

As he rifles through the hall closet to grab the extra blankets and pillows for the couch, he swears to do better, to be a better, more thoughtful friend. 

Buck barely comes to when Eddie shakes his shoulder, eyes half lidded and bleary, movements jerky as he grabs the pillow and then tilts sideways on the couch, asleep again almost as soon as he’s horizontal. 

The indulgent grin on Eddie’s face lingers long after he spreads the blanket over his sleeping friend and crawls into his own bed. 

—

The next morning is hectic, getting Chris up, fed and ready for school, as well as getting Eddie ready for his next round of dialysis and PT, but Buck still handles it like a pro, breakfast and coffee on the table and shuffling around the Diaz boys until they’re out the door and climbing into the jeep. 

Eddie responds to a few texts during the ride, reassuring everybody that he’s fine and has things covered, that he’ll reach out if he needs help. With his dominant hand in a sling, it takes him a while to get everything typed out, which is an annoyance he hadn’t considered up to this point. 

For the first time, he’s thankful for the pandemic, if only because it keeps his parents firmly in El Paso. Not wanting to chance travel yet, it leaves their worrying restricted to texts and phone calls. 

Bobby is still out on light duty from his own wound, and mentions coming over one day, likely to commiserate, but Eddie gives him a noncommittal answer, not wanting to agree to anything without talking to Buck. 

He’s trying to keep the blonde around, and shoving the man responsible for holding him back in the first place would probably not be very conducive to that. Therefore, no surprise Bobby. 

The team, his sisters and Ana have all sent him texts, wishing him a speedy recovery and reminding him to call if needed. Ana more so than the others, stating again that she can be around if he needs her, that he doesn’t need to rely solely on Carla for assistance, a point that he neatly side-steps, promising her that he’s not, and that he’ll speak to her soon. 

By the time Buck drops Chris off at school and then makes his way to the center for Eddie’s next dialysis appointment, he’s responded to at least the messages that were already on his phone this morning, and he feels like he has a pretty good excuse not to respond right away. 

His doctors are confident that he won’t need to be on the dialysis treatment permanently, saying that his kidneys just need a little help after losing so much blood, but he still hates the procedure. 

It’s really not all that complicated, he just has to sit in a chair and let a machine clean his blood for a few hours, but he always feels so weird after. Cold and dizzy and a little bit achy. He looks forward to the day that he can stop the treatment. 

Buck sits with him, scrolling through his phone and occasionally sharing stories from his travels, but it’s still so uneasy around each other. They haven’t spoken about why Buck left, or what happens when Eddie is all healed up, and it all weighs heavily in the air around them. 

Eddie does his best not to shiver through the appointment, grinding his teeth to keep them from clattering as he shakes, but of course Buck notices, eyes narrowing before he stands and strips his hoodie off and lays it across Eddie’s chest, the warmth from his body heat a balm to his discomfort. 

“I’ll remember to bring a blanket next time. Maybe even some of those hand warmers, I can’t imagine those are hard to get.” He says, already pulling Amazon up on his phone.

“No, I’m fine, it’s fine.” Eddie disputes, though he doesn’t move too much, not wanting to dislodge the large hoodie draped over him. 

Buck gives him a deadpan look. “Eddie, are you cold?”

He tries to argue. “I’m fine. It’s only for a little bit, I don’t need to lug a box of supplies out here just to sit in a chair for a few hours.”

Buck rolls his eyes. “Eds, look around.” He gestures to the other people in the room, most covered in their own blankets, or hoodies, compared to Eddie’s joggers and button up tee. “You don’t have to suffer through this, Eddie. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be comfortable while you’re recovering.” Buck tells him softly, eyes wide and open, and Eddie is just as helpless against them now as he always has been. 

“Fine.” He sighs roughly, biting back a tired smile at Buck’s triumphant grin before he dives back into online shopping. Plus, the thought of being warm, all wrapped up in a soft blanket, warmth radiating from the small pouches as he tries to ignore just how chilly he currently is, is nice. 

Buck asks further questions, obviously reading up on the side-effects, because he asks questions about his favorite snacks and drinks to combat low blood pressure, as well as making notes to ask his doctor about whether he should be taking supplements to replace the vitamins he could be losing, which could result in cramps and itchy skin. 

When Buck reads aloud that blood clots are also a rare side-effect, his voice trickles off, both of them thrust back to Buck throwing up blood in Athena’s backyard. Before Eddie can say anything - not that he’d have any idea what to say - Buck is moving on, adding that to his list of questions for Eddie’s next appointment. 

By the time he’s done, Buck has a list a mile long with questions, and an Amazon package already on the way to Eddie’s house for the next go round. 

Eddie aches at how easily Buck seems to step right back into his mess, just like he did the first time around. From calling Bobby to make sure Eddie could take care of Chris when Abuela broke her hip, to introducing him to Carla, now to doing anything possible to make sure Eddie is comfortable as he heals and keeping an eye out for every possible complication, making sure he’s as educated as possible to assist in his recovery. 

For the first time in almost two years, Eddie feels like he can finally breathe again, letting his partner shoulder some of the burden that’s been resting solely on his shoulders for so long. 

He just hopes he’s not getting used to the feeling, only to lose it again in a couple months. 

Chapter Text

It goes that way for a few days. Buck corrals Eddie and Chris, bundling them up for school, PT, checkups or other various appointments. He sits by Eddie at the doctors, taking notes and asking questions while Eddie sits there and watches on in amusement. 

He gets Chris from school, helps with homework, makes dinner, takes care of the house and makes sure Eddie takes all his medication on time. 

If Chris and Eddie have an overlapping schedule, he calls Carla, or she shows up randomly to check on them, but other than that, their aide is getting some well-deserved time off. 

When Pepa and Abuela come over for a visit, they’re shocked to see Buck, but fuss over him almost as much as they do over Eddie, and then they start coming over more. 

Everyone has been reminding him to reach out if he needs help, but he doesn’t know how to tell them that Buck has Eddie’s recovery and their day-to-day life moving like a well-oiled machine, operating smoother than they probably ever have, because all of Buck’s focus is on them. 

He doesn’t have to worry about work, or any of their family. He eats, sleeps and breathes the Diaz boys, all day, every day. 

Eddie feels bad, reminding him that he doesn’t have to do everything for them by himself, that they can call any number of people to give him a break, if he wants to go out and do something for himself, or visit anybody that he’s missed in 2 years, but he remains stoic, firm in his stance that there’s nowhere he’d rather be, nobody he’d rather be with than them. Eddie tries not to let that go to his head. 

Eventually though, the real-world creeps in, bursting their little bubble. 

Carla is visiting, and Buck is currently working on dinner, Chris at his side, having retaken his place as sous chef - his anger having faded soon after Buck's reappearance, a therapy session and a few frank discussions - and Eddie is sitting at the table, enjoying the environment when there’s a knock at the front door. 

He wrinkles his forehead in confusion, glancing at Buck in silent question, but he looks just as lost, and more than a little apprehensive, which means he probably didn’t invite anyone over himself. 

He waves Carla off when she moves to get the door, pulling himself up instead and slowly making his way across the house. 

The sight of his girlfriend holding grocery bags in her hands shouldn’t make his stomach drop, but it does. “Ana!” He says in surprise, unease prickling hot in his stomach as she smiles and leans in for a kiss. “What are you doing here?” He asks, not moving aside for her to enter, a move she notices, if the look on her face is anything to go by. 

“Well, I haven’t seen you or Chris in a few days, and I can’t imagine that you feel much up to cooking, so I thought I could make myself useful, and we could spend some time together.” She offers sweetly. 

Eddie swallows harshly, gaze darting to the kitchen, unbidden. He can’t really think of a good reason not to let her in, other than his own discomfort, so he bites back a sigh and steps out of the way, allowing her to enter. “Sure, of course. Dinner is already on, but I’m sure we have enough room for one more.” He makes himself say, forcing a smile to his face. 

She looks surprised, but walks into the kitchen anyway, Eddie trailing behind her, looking forward to this dinner about as much as he did family dinners back in El Paso. 

“Eds, who was-” Buck’s question trails off as the two step into the kitchen, confusion flashing across his face as he takes in the woman he doesn’t know walking into the kitchen like she belongs there. 

Two sets of eyes dart to Eddie in question, and his head already hurts from how tightly he’s grinding his teeth to fake a smile. “Ana, this is Buck, my best friend. He got back to town after he heard about my injury and has been staying with us to help during my recovery.” He notes the flash of hurt in Ana’s eyes at the knowledge that he has somebody else taking care of him instead of her, but she schools her expression quickly. 

“Oh, the infamous Buck! Christopher spoke about you all the time.” She says with a smile, which doesn’t clear up any of the confusion on Buck’s face. 

“Buck, this is Ana Flores. Chris’ former teacher, and my girlfriend.”

He sees something crumble in Buck’s eyes, but he never lets it show on his face, and Eddie doesn’t understand. 

“It’s very nice to meet you, Ms. Flores. I’m making pasta for dinner, but you’re more than welcome to join us. Chris is washing his hands, and Carla is setting the table, since everything is almost done.” He offers kindly, but his happy tone can’t hide the way his shoulders hunch a little, like he’s closing in on himself. 

“That would be lovely, thank you. I didn’t realize you were already working on dinner, so I bought some groceries, but I can stash these in the fridge and go say hi.” She explains, and then turns on her heel to do just that. 

The silence is oppressive, tension strong enough to be cut with a knife, and Eddie doesn’t understand where it’s coming from. He doesn’t know why he feels so guilty, or why this introduction makes him feel like there are bugs crawling under his skin. 

Ana exits the room without a backwards glance, and he can hear her speaking with Carla, and then greeting Chris when he enters the room. 

“Girlfriend, huh?” Buck asks, attention focused on stirring whatever it is on the stove, back fully to Eddie. 

He shrugs his good shoulder, rolling his teeth between his lips and trying to understand why he feels like he’s in trouble. “Yeah, we ran into each other again a couple months ago, and it just seemed like the time.” He responds lamely. 

Buck hums thoughtfully. “Why am I here if you have a girlfriend that, very obviously, wanted to be around to help you out during your recovery?” His voice is soft, but sharper than before, and Eddie cannot shake the feeling that he misstepped, somehow. 

“We’ve only been dating for a few months. It’s way too soon to put that on her, to make her responsible for all of this. Plus, she’s a teacher, and school is still in session, so she couldn’t really be here all the time, not without taking time off of work, or calling in everyone else for help, too. Given all that, it just made the most sense for you to be here instead. Plus, I mean, Chris and I both missed you a lot, so having you stay here is also a little selfish on our part.” He justifies with a small frown, trying to understand why Buck seems so upset with him. 

The blonde is quiet but seems to drop it. “Alright, well, dinner’s ready, so if you want to head into the dining room, Carla and I will bring everything out.” 

He finds himself looking at Buck, trying to understand where he went wrong, but then Carla bustles back into the kitchen, fluttering around and grabbing things, so he allows himself to be pushed out. He presses a kiss to Christopher’s hair and takes his seat, returning Ana’s strained smile as food is placed on the table and Carla and Buck find their seats. 

Carla and Chris carry most of the conversation, either unaware of, or ignoring the tension between the three other adults. They talk about school, Chris’ friends and what he’s learning. Ana and Buck add to the conversation where they can, but Eddie sits back. 

His shoulder is starting to ache, and he’s confused and it’s making him a little grumpy, so he focuses on cleaning his plate, already addicted to Buck’s delicious cooking again. 

When there’s a lull in the conversation, Buck looks to Ana. “So, Ana, Eddie said that you used to be Chris’ teacher?” He asks politely, giving her an opening to talk about her job and, arguably more importantly, how she and Eddie met. 

 She takes the opportunity with a rueful smile, though her eyes shine when she gazes at Eddie adoringly. “Yes, I was Christopher’s English teacher last year. He was an absolute delight to have in class.” Those words are directed towards the boy in question, who just smiles shyly and continues eating. “It’s actually kind of funny now. We met at Christopher’s student-teacher conference, but there was actually an incident a few days later, and that was the first time we really interacted.” 

Eddie can’t help but to wince at the reminder, both because of his own reaction, and because of what happened. It hurt his heart to learn that his son wanted to do something, and that he didn’t feel like he could. He knows that kids fail, that they fall and have to get back up again, but to be called a liar because Eddie has always said that Chris could do anything he wanted, and then to have that thrown back in his face, made him feel like a failure. Again. 

He also doesn’t like to think back to that time, because then he has to remember Ana telling him that Chris needs to accept his limitations, which sounded eerily like his mother, and he tries not to think too hard about that, because it makes him a little uncomfortable. 

He looks around the table and sees that he’s not the only one who looks vaguely uncomfortable. Chris looks embarrassed, eyes glued to his plate, and Carla looks uneasy, guilty gaze darting between the three of them. 

When nobody continues the story, like Eddie assumes Ana thought someone would, Buck looks at Eddie and asks. “What happened?”

Eddie takes an inconspicuous breath and pastes on another smile. “Some kid snuck a skateboard into school, and they were all trying it out at recess. Chris wiped out, and I may have lost my temper, a little. I apologized though, after Chris and I sat down and talked.” He supplies, and it occurs to him how he leaves out the parts that make Ana look bad, the parts that make him doubt whether he did the right thing by asking her out when they ran into each other again. 

“He was very apologetic; it was very sweet. I understood how difficult it can be, raising a child with special needs. We had a good talk about finding our limitations and redirecting to better things. I was still Christopher’s teacher though, so nothing happened, but a year later, after I’d moved into my current Vice Principal position, I ran into Edmundo one day. He tended to a burn on my hand, and we had breakfast together after he got off work, and we’ve been together since.” She finishes with a pleased smile, looking at Eddie, as if expecting him to add-on about how wonderful their love story is. 

“Yeah, that was the shift that Hen and Chim lost their minds. It started when the probie said the q-word, and ended with somebody stealing the engine right before we were called to a 5-alarm fire.” He says instead, feeling more comfortable sharing stories about work than he is about his relationship. 

It’s just because he’s a private guy. Hell, the team didn’t even know about Shannon until she showed up at the station during the toy drive. Buck knew, of course, having been the person Eddie turned to when he was struggling with whether he was doing the right thing or not. 

Buck’s eyes narrow, whether at the change in topic or what Ana said, but he allows it anyway. “The q-word is no joke. The EMS gods don’t play around. I said it once, taken out of context, and we had a record number of calls that shift. Including me getting caught in the fire suppression system.” He says with a wide eyed-look that’s mostly aimed at Christopher, who automatically has questions about that. 

He lets himself be pulled into their conversation, doing his best to ignore the disgruntled look on Ana’s face because he didn’t pile on about how wonderful their relationship is and how lucky he is to have met her. 

Dinner seems to drag on forever, especially when Chris asks to have ice cream for dessert, making it even longer that they’re all sat at the table. Ana stopped shooting him confused looks shortly after the conversation about their relationship, but Buck hasn’t. He ignores those too. 

Finally, food is eaten, and the table is cleared. Carla has to go home, giving them all a hug before exiting the house, and Buck orders him to sit on the couch and get comfortable while he gets Eddie’s next round of medication. When he and Chris take a seat on the couch, Ana automatically sits beside him, though she does make sure to avoid bumping or leaning too hard on his arm, which he’s thankful for. 

Buck stumbles slightly when he comes back out and sees the three of them, but he recovers so quickly that Eddie’s almost sure he imagined it. After ensuring Eddie swallows everything, he excuses himself back to the kitchen, mumbling something about cleaning up and washing the dishes. 

Eddie wants to call him back, tell him that he doesn’t have to do that, but Eddie definitely can’t, not since they don’t have a dishwasher. Buck does the dishes after every meal, but it feels wrong this time, with him, Ana and Chris on the couch watching a movie, like he’s separated from them in a distinct way, which bothers him, for some reason. 

Since he can’t understand what he’s feeling, let alone put anything into words, he begrudgingly lets Buck go, turning his attention to the movie his son put on, and tries to avoid the way Ana’s gaze grates over his skin like nails on a chalkboard. 

It takes Buck far longer to come out to the living room than normal, like he’s trying to give them time together, which Eddie should appreciate. He should appreciate the way his friend is being flexible, making room for Eddie’s girlfriend that he just found out about. He should be relieved that Buck is respecting the fact that they continued living after he left, and that he’s making himself scarce in order for them to continue that life, but it feels wrong.

It feels wrong that Ana is in Buck’s spot. They always hang out after dinner, whether it’s watching tv, or playing games - board or video - with the three of them. It feels like family time, but now, the pieces are wrong. They shouldn’t be wrong, though, is the thing. Ana is his girlfriend. She’s been around for several months. She likes Chris, and Chris likes her, too. She’s not a replacement for Shannon, but she seems to enjoy being with them. She should be who he’s comfortable with. 

He’s confused and achy and tired and he really hates recovering from being shot. He feels like the explanation is just out of reach, but his brain is too fuzzy with pain killers and ache to grab it. 

Buck sits in the loveseat and spends the rest of the movie whispering to Chris, until the boy falls asleep. Once the credits start to roll, he whispers that he’s going to put Chris to bed, carefully maneuvering the 9-year-old into his arms and carrying him down the hall, so skilled and steady in his movements that Chris never once stirs. 

Eddie stands and turns the tv off, even knowing that he and Buck will probably be up for at least a little while longer, but Ana seems to understand the unsubtle hint, because she also stands and begins to gather her things. 

She places a kiss on his cheek after he walks her to her car. “Well, I’m significantly less worried about you now that I know Buck is here to take care of you guys.” She tells him. “Let me know when you’re feeling up to it, and maybe we can do this again?”

He nods, a half-ass agreement, but he blames the pain meds for it, and he’s sure she does too, because she just gives him another kiss and then climbs into her car. Eddie makes sure she gets out of the driveway and onto the road before he makes his way back inside, leaning back against the door after he locks it to soak in the quiet in the house for the first time this evening. 

Buck hasn’t clicked the tv back on yet, so Eddie walks into the living room, finding the man has already changed clothes and set the couch up for the night. “It’s been a long day, I figured you wouldn’t mind turning in a little early. Let’s get you changed and then we can hit the hay.” He says, already halfway down the hall before he finishes the sentence. 

Eddie is helpless to do anything other than follow along, since he can’t change clothes without help right now. His arm is still in a sling, and even just the thought of stretching it out makes him want to cry.

Buck is efficient, having helped Eddie undress, shower and redress a dozen times already, but he’s also infallibly gentle. His fingers are tender as they release the tension of the strap and pull the sling off, quick as he undoes the buttons of Eddie’s shirt and eases it down his arms, and just as caring as he does it all over again in reverse after he changes the bandaging. 

He lets Eddie brace himself on Buck’s shoulder as he steps into his sleep pants, pulling them up so Eddie doesn’t have to try and wiggle them up with one hand. Then, he steps away to pull the blankets down and fluff the pillows that are there to support his shoulder so he can get some sleep.

The two of them have always had comfortable silences, both back when they were partners, and even within the last week, but this, Buck tight-lipped and pensive through the entire process and avoiding looking at Eddie, leaves the quiet anything but comfortable. 

Eddie wants to ask, wants to know where he went wrong, what he did, because he knows this silence. This is the silence that comes before an argument, where Shannon would compile her evidence, sort it out in the best forms to truly drive home everything he did wrong. It’s the silence that his parents had before they used to tell him how he was failing at being a father, a son, a man. This is the calm before the storm, and he can’t lose Buck again, but how can he say anything? He’s not going to rush any kind of confrontation, not when it could send Buck running again. 

So, he follows along numbly, taking his turn in the bathroom and echoing Buck’s sentiment to sleep well before he climbs into bed. 

Even with the pain killers fully in his system, it takes him a while to fall asleep that night. 

Chapter Text

He’s on the street again. The pain is overwhelming, starting in his shoulder and radiating through his body, so much so that it takes a minute before he can focus on anything else.

When he does, he almost wishes he hadn’t. 

Buck is standing above him, covered in blood. It’s sprayed all over his face, his arms, his light shirt. Not only that, but there’s also a growing spot on his lower torso, and Eddie just knows that Buck’s been hit, too. 

He tries to speak, tries to scream for help, screams at Buck to put pressure on it, to get out of the line of fire, to do anything but just stand there and stare at Eddie with such a look of disgust on his face. 

“This is what being around you does, Eddie.” Buck sneers, and Eddie shakes his head frantically. He doesn’t want Buck to be hurt. Buck can’t be hurt. Not because of Eddie. He’ll never recover. 

“Your parents knew it. Shannon knew it. They knew that you could never get it right. That’s why your wife left, why your parents tried to take Chris. That’s why I left, too. You think it’s a coincidence that all these people keep leaving you? Shoot, it won’t be long before I go again, and I’m sure Ana will see it too before long, and you’ll be all alone again. Just what you deserve.” 

Eddie is sobbing, begging Buck not to leave him again, begging him to take back what he said, because Eddie isn’t sure he can fight those thoughts if his best friend sees all of that in him too. If Buck can see all the ways that Eddie is unworthy, then it stands to reason that he really is. 

He’s startled awake by a sharp voice and pressure on his good shoulder, Buck’s worried face hovering over him. 

It’s only then that he realizes it was just a nightmare, but his face is already wet with tears, and he’s too raw to do anything except clutch Buck and attempt to drag him closer. “I’m sorry.” He stutters out through his tears. “I’m so s-sorry, I’ll be better. I’ll d-do better, I promise, just pl-please don’t go. Please don’t go, Buck. I ca- I can’t- Don’t leave, please don- don’t leave.” His words are jumbled, unfinished and broken up from his panicked breathing, but Buck must be able to understand what he’s trying to say, because his face falls into something resembling heartbreak before he lays down on the bed and gathers Eddie close, encouraging him to rest his head against Buck’s shoulder and follow his breathing. 

“Eddie, Eds, oh, my God. I won’t. I’m not going anywhere, not ever again. I won’t leave, I promise. You and Chris are the most important people in the world to me. Walking away from you guys once was nearly impossible. There’s no way I could do it again. I’m so sorry, Eddie. Fuck, I’m so sorry.” He whispers, agonized, tucking his face into Eddie’s hair and holding the man tighter. 

Buck allows Eddie to continue clinging to him, whispering apologies and promises into his hair until the brunette finally calms down, exhausted from both the nightmare and the subsequent breakdown. Plus, Buck’s fingers stroking through his hair isn’t helping him combat the heaviness in his eyes. 

“You okay now, Eddie?” He asks, voice barely audible, as if he’s worried to break the moment. 

Eddie can’t shrug, not with his bad shoulder in a sling and his good one holding his weight against Buck’s chest, so he just hums and burrows closer to Buck’s warmth, planning to soak in the comfort his friend is providing for as long as he’s willing to provide it. “Just a nightmare. ‘M good now.” He promises, words slurring as the need for sleep weighs more heavily on him. 

When Buck makes to pull away, Eddie grabs onto the front of his t-shirt and clenches tightly. “Don’t go.” He pleads. 

It’s quiet for a moment, neither of them moving, and Eddie is too tired to even think about apologizing or taking it back. Finally, Buck comes to a decision, because he moves the both of them until they’re back under the blankets and adjusts Eddie so he’s not putting any strain on his shoulder, but still resting on the man. 

It’s only seconds later that Eddie is drifting back to sleep, totally comfortable and feeling safe for the first time in a long time. 

—

He wakes up the next morning to an empty bed, propped up by his new horde of pillows. For a moment, he thinks he dreamt the exchange, until he moves his head and bumps against the pillow on the other side of the bed and inhales the familiar scent of his best friend. 

He knows that if he lays in bed for too much longer, he’ll overthink what happened, will be embarrassed and ashamed, and honestly, his shoulder is already starting to hurt again, and the thought of adding mental anguish to the already existing physical pain is just too much. For the first time, he’s actually looking forward to taking a pain pill. Maybe if his head is a little fuzzy, he’ll be able to face Buck without remembering the feel of those fingers in his hair, or the warmth of his body caging Eddie in. 

It’s worth a shot, at least.

As if he can read Eddie’s mind, the bedroom door opens, and Buck tiptoes in, freezing in place for a moment when he meets Eddie’s eyes and realizes that he’s awake. “Hey. I was just coming to wake you up, it’s time for your meds.” He explains, and Eddie can only nod with a sigh, reaching his hand out when Buck comes over to help Eddie stand without rolling on his arm. 

He follows Buck out to the dining room after a pit-stop to the bathroom, and finds his pills, his breakfast, and a glass of water already on the table in front of his usual seat, for which he gives Buck a grateful smile. 

The blonde just grins back, finishing up whatever is in the pan and chatting with Chris. He remembers Buck’s promises the night before, that he’s not leaving them again, and prays that he meant it, and that it wasn’t just platitudes meant to ease Eddie’s anxiety in order to lull him back to sleep. 

The morning is casual in its domesticity, the three of them sitting around the table, eating and talking and laughing. It’s Friday, but the school is having a teacher in-service day, so they’re not rushing to get Chris off to school, able to languish in the ease and warmth of a leisurely morning. 

Hen had texted a few days prior, asking about a sleepover with the boys, and since Eddie can’t drive, and Buck has no interest in letting anybody know that he’s back just yet, Carla is coming to pick him up later and drop him off at the Wilson’s. 

Eddie “helps” Chris pick up his room and pack clothes for a few days, since he’ll be staying Friday and Saturday night, in what he’s sure is a bid to give him a few days to relax without having to worry about his son. The thought of not having Chris home makes him a little uneasy, but he knows that he can’t let fear dictate his and Christopher’s life, so he does his best to match his son’s enthusiasm. 

Having lived through the lock-down, the boy was confused and upset because he couldn’t see anybody, and to him, it felt like everyone was leaving again, and that was a conversation that broke Eddie, to hear his son worry that he’d done something that made everyone leave him. He’s not sure how well he reassured the boy, since it was a very uncertain time, but as vaccines have rolled out and restrictions have been lifted, he’s made an effort to make sure Chris gets time with all their loved ones. Whether that’s sleepovers with Denny, Harry and his schoolmates, or picnics in the park with Pepa and Abuela, he doesn’t want Chris to miss anyone if he can help it. 

Having Buck live with them the past couple weeks has definitely helped with that, since he was one of the people that Chris missed the most. 

Speaking of, Eddie notes said man’s odd behavior this morning. He’s still just as attentive, especially to Chris, but he jumps at Eddie’s voice when they walk back into the living room after packing Chris’ bag, and he seemed preoccupied when he was cooking and cleaning up breakfast. 

He remembers the odd silence from last night, and the nightmare that may or may not have come about due to that behavior, and he just hopes that Buck will talk to him about whatever it is that he’s done, so he can fix it. 

Carla bustles in with a warm greeting and an even warmer smile. She visits for a few minutes, but Chris is too excited to sit still for longer than that, and is unsubtly rushing them out the door, to everyone’s amusement. 

After the door clicks closed behind them, Buck turns to look at him, fidgeting with his hands and chewing on his bottom lip. He meets Eddie’s eye and opens his mouth, as if to say something, before changing his mind and looking away. 

He flushes at Eddie’s raised brow but doesn’t actually speak until Eddie prompts him. “Alright Buck, you’ve been squirrely since last night. What’s going on?”

He huffs out a breath and scrunches his nose, and then lets it all out in a rush. “I know Ana was talking about Chris and how he “redirected his interests” away from skateboarding, but there are accessible skateboards out there, and I know it’s not my place, but if he wants to skateboard, I feel like there’s a way he can do what he wants, and I want to help him do it.” 

Eddie smiles sadly. “I’d like that too, and I looked up those skateboards when it happened, but they’re insanely expensive to buy, and I just don’t have that kind of cash laying around.”

Buck bounces on the balls of his feet anxiously. “What if we make it? I mean, we can buy everything today, I’ve already looked it all up and everything we need is in stock. It might be a couple days before it’s ready, but I worked construction in Georgia before I moved to LA, and it’s fairly straightforward.” 

His eyes are wide, hopeful but uneasy, and his bottom lip is red from his teeth, and Eddie just stands there and stares.

Buck heard a story about an interest Chris had in passing, years ago, and has already done research into making it possible for him. Instead of assuming that he couldn’t do it, he found a way to get around his CP and still try new things. Eddie had the same idea, looking up ways for Chris to skateboard, but he didn’t have the time or the know-how to build one from scratch, but here Buck is, volunteering his own time and energy to help. 

“I mean, it’s totally up to you. I don’t even know if he still wants to skateboard, if he actually has “redirected” and found something else he likes more, but I just figured.” He shrugs uncomfortably. “I can do it. It’s not like I don’t have the time, and the materials aren’t that expensive, and I haven’t had a ton of expenses since I left, so I have the money for the materials. If you don’t think it’s a good idea, then I totally-”

“I think it’s a great idea. If you’re serious, and you’re genuinely okay with doing it, then I think it’s perfect.” Eddie interrupts, not able to listen to Buck doubt his idea again, not when his intentions are so pure. 

“Really?” He asks, a smile growing on his lips until it’s blinding. “Yes! Okay, let’s go! We just need to hit the hardware store for the frame, and then the sports store for the harness and the skateboard!” He’s bouncing on his toes again, this time out of excitement instead of discomfort. 

Eddie tags along behind him, listening to the blonde ramble on about how they’re going to make it, everything they’re going to need, and the hope that they can finish it before Chris comes home from his sleepover. 

It’s calming, listening to the familiar cadence of Buck’s voice as he drives, that excitement he used to know all too well from having it in his ear constantly. It helps soothe the bruised part of his heart, and quiet the voice in his mind that whispers that he failed, that he’s lied to his child and hurt him. It's also reassuring to learn that the previous silence had nothing to do with him, that he didn't somehow already mess up where Buck is concerned. He's a little too used to silences that intend to destabilize him to expect anything different, but it's a nice surprise. 

Having Buck’s familiar frame at his side in the stores, shoulders bumping together, is perfect. He has to stop for a second and pinch himself on the thigh to make sure that this is real and not just a really long, really great dream. 

It’s everything he’s been missing for so long, and it’s real. Buck’s back, at Eddie’s side, just like he should be. 

“Hey, you okay? Are you in pain? That pill shouldn’t have worn off yet, is something wrong?” 

Buck’s increasingly concerned voice pulls him out of his thoughts, and he can’t help the soft, disbelieving smile that pulls his lips up. “No, nothing’s wrong. Just, I can’t believe you’re really here. I missed you so much.” He finds himself admitting, though he hates the way Buck looks so disheartened before he moves in and enfolds Eddie into a warm hug. 

“Yeah, I’m here, Eds. I’m so sorry that I left. There was a lot going on back then, and I very obviously didn’t handle it the right way. I never should have left. I was running, and I left you, and I’m so sorry. You and Chris are my family, and I regretted it every single day. I just didn’t know how to come home, if I could even consider here home anymore after everything I did, the way I hurt everyone.” He whispers, and Eddie’s heart aches at how lost he sounds. 

“You always have a home here, with me and Chris. No matter what happens.” He reiterates, speaking directly into Buck’s shoulder, as if he can force the words and the reassurance directly into Buck’s body. 

He doesn’t know if it works, but Buck drops his head to bury his face in Eddie’s neck. “I won’t ever do it again. You guys are stuck with me now, for good. Living without you guys was awful, and after being around like I have these last few weeks, I think it would actually kill me to be so far away from you again.” 

Eddie’s glad Buck isn’t looking at him, because he can only imagine how soft the look on his face is. “Well, we can't have that.” He says teasingly, before he raises his shoulder slightly to get Buck’s attention. “I know this isn’t really the best place for this conversation, but maybe, while Chris is away this weekend and we’re building this thing, we can continue it? There’s probably a lot we still need to talk about from back then, because we don’t want to live without you again either.” He says softly, watching as Buck’s eyes grow glassy and he blinks rapidly to clear them. 

“What about your girlfriend? I thought that you’d be taking advantage of having a kid free weekend to get some adult time in?” His face is scrunched in confusion, and Eddie’s balling his fist so tightly to restrain from thumbing at the muscles to smooth them out that he’s pretty sure he’s drawn blood, but his answer is automatic, not an ounce of hesitation in his whole body when he counters. 

“You’re more important.” 

Chapter Text

Gathering the materials for their project doesn’t take long, since Buck seems to know exactly where everything is and the specifics of what he needs. Eddie is mostly just there for the ride, sticking to Buck like Velcro and trying to ignore the dull sense of paranoia that’s buzzing under his skin at being out in the open again. 

He’s glad when they get home, even if he has to force himself to look away as Buck carries everything in, muscles in his arms and back flexing as he lifts everything out of the bed of the truck and moves it all to the garage. 

Why he’s noticing that, he can’t explain. He’s been doing it a lot, though - the noticing. He watches Buck’s fingers and the way they move when he flails his hands as he speaks. He finds his eyes drifting down the length of his arms as he cooks, and the way his biceps bulge as he picks Christopher up. 

The worst part is, it's not even a new thing. He remembers years ago, watching as Buck rolled up the hoses, back arched and arms moving fluidly. He remembers seeing him in the gym, sweat rolling down the side of his face, oddly beautiful with his face flushed from exertion. Or the smile on his face when they had calls with kids, so full of warmth and radiating kindness that even the most scared kids couldn’t help but be drawn to. 

He doesn’t understand why he keeps thinking this, why he’s noticing these things on his male best friend. 

He doesn’t remember doing this with other people. Sure, sometimes he finds himself noting that Ana is looking pretty or would think that a dress looked particularly nice on Shannon, but he doesn’t remember ever feeling… warm when anybody else rolled up the hoses, or cooked for him, or lifted his son, or did nothing more complex than simply existing. Nobody else makes him feel a little like he wants to bite them, just to see what the flesh and muscle would feel like between his teeth. 

It’s just that he’s noticing now that he’s noticing these things, but he’s still trying to puzzle out what they mean. 

Buck has moved a chair out to the garage for Eddie, so he doesn’t have to sit on the ground, and placed him next to the toolbox, so he can hand over whatever Buck needs as he does the majority of the work in putting it together. 

In between instructions about which tool is next needed, or note about what he’s doing, the two of them talk. 

They talk about Buck feeling left behind after his injuries, about how much it hurt to see his name plaque taped over. He talks about how he just wanted to come back to his family, to his calling, and how betrayed he was when he found out it was Bobby that was holding him back, and how it hurt that he also lied about it. 

Eddie talks about his anger, his arrest for assault and then getting involved in street fighting, sheepishly avoiding Buck’s eyes when his brows damn near hit his hairline. He talks about Shannon, and how Chris’ nightmares about the tsunami featured his mom, and how confused he was that they couldn’t save everyone. 

They talk about the grocery store and their individual takes on it, and Eddie apologizes for his words, and Buck apologizes for not being there when they needed him. They talk about the will, which is emotional for both of them, the reminder that Eddie could have died this last time, and that Buck wouldn't have known about it until somebody called him to come get Chris. They're not in the same situation anymore, but the reminder is still sobering, especially with how close to never waking up again Eddie was. 

Finally, after they order lunch and eat it inside, Buck starts telling him about the things that he didn’t know, and what eventually drove him away. 

“I had asked questions about the blood clots, because I really didn’t feel like I’d overexerted myself that much, and I wanted to know if there were any other possibilities, any issues that I should look out for in the future. To do that, they looked back through my medical history, keeping an eye out for anything that looked weird.” 

He pauses to take a deep breath, closing his eyes and leaning forward to rest his forehead on the frame. “They called me in to ask about some procedures I had when I was less than a year old, and I had absolutely no idea what they were talking about. I mean, I was a rough kid, falling out of trees, jumping homemade ramps, leaping over fences, you name it. Maddie took me to get stitched up dozens of times, but nobody ever said anything about it that young. My doctor looked into it and found out that they were harvesting bone marrow. As a baby, and I couldn’t think of a single reason why. I called Maddie first, but she said she didn’t know anything about it. So, I called my parents. They didn’t answer, of course,” He clarifies with a broken laugh. “I had to leave them a voicemail, practically begging them to call me back and tell me about my own medical history that they’d hid from me.” 

Eddie wants to vomit at the thought of a baby Buck being stuck with a hollow needle and not understanding what’s happening. He doesn’t know a lot about that procedure, but he’s familiar enough with it to know that it hurts, and he can’t imagine putting an infant through that if it wasn’t necessary for their health. 

“Turns out, it wasn’t just my own medical history they were hiding. My mom had definitely had a few glasses of wine when she eventually called me back, kept going on about how children die, how I was born for something and I couldn’t even do that, and how horrible it was for them as I grew up. Midway through her rant, I finally got her to tell me what the hell she was talking about. Apparently, I had an older brother. His name was Daniel, and he was diagnosed with Leukemia when he was 7. Nobody in the family was a match, so they whipped one up.” He raises his arms in a dramatic motion, and Eddie’s eyes nearly pop out of his head. 

“What?!”

“I was specially made to save my big brother. Savior sibling, test tube baby, spare parts, whatever you want to call it, that’s what I was. Obviously, it didn’t take, and Daniel died about a year after I was born. My parents, in their grief or shame or whatever, picked up and moved towns, all while getting rid of any mention of Daniel. They made Maddie promise to never talk about him, they got rid of all of his things, just completely erased his existence, and I never knew about him. It made sense though, the way I grew up. I always knew they didn’t want me, but I figured I was just an accident, an oopsie, but nope. I was specifically created for a purpose, I just failed, and they never forgave me for it. That’s a direct quote, by the way. Mom told me that, said she hadn’t, and she probably never could. They were stuck with the wrong son, and it was just too much. Bobby didn’t want me back, everybody was pissed off because of the lawsuit and wanted nothing to do with me, Maddie lied to my face and my parents confirmed that they never wanted me, that I was nothing more than a means to an end, and I couldn’t take it anymore. If nobody wanted me around, then I just wouldn’t be around. I decided not to bother anybody with my continued presence. I broke my lease, filled my duffle bags with the clothes I needed, sold off everything else and took off before anybody knew I was gone. Besides, because of the lawsuit, nobody was really looking for me, which gave me plenty of time to get everything handled and get out of town. By the time my lawyer got the correspondence to turn down the settlement and drop the suit, I had already canceled my phone plan and was on my way to Colorado.” 

Before Buck has finished his story, Eddie is out of the chair and dropping down on the ground beside him, wrapping his free arm around Buck’s waist and pulling him into his side. The last couple sentences are mumbled into Eddie’s shirt, and he has to close his eyes against the heartbreak he can hear in his voice. 

As angry as Eddie had been when Buck originally left, he can understand it now that he knows the whole story. Buck has always struggled with feeling unwanted, they had a talk about that fairly early in their friendship, when Eddie questioned why Buck was such a dick during his first couple shifts, Buck had quietly admitted that he was scared Bobby and the others would see how much better Eddie was and get rid of him, so this is not news to Eddie, how unsure Buck is about his place in people’s lives, and he can see how everything would pile up and be too much, being told over and over again that he wasn’t wanted, how he would eventually take that to heart and not be around. 

It also explains why he’d been so reluctant to see Maddie since he’s been back, no doubt the feelings of betrayal aren’t easy to forget. Any lingering anger that he’d been unknowingly harboring over Buck’s disappearance melts away, especially as Buck trembles at his side, struggling to get himself under control. 

“I fucking hate your parents.” He says, grinning when it startles a laugh out of the blonde, which was his goal. “Seriously though, that never should have been put on you. You were a kid. The fact that they did it so young is insane, but then to hide it? To deprive Maddie of the chance to grieve and deprive you the chance to know your brother, that’s bullshit. Also, if I ever hear you refer to yourself as “spare parts'' again, I’m going to smack you upside the head, or something. I can’t imagine how difficult it must be to lose a child, especially to something like that, but you still deserved to be loved. You deserved to have parents that gave a shit about you, and I’m so sorry that you didn’t get that. Seriously, I hope they don’t ever come to California, because I cannot be held accountable for my actions.” He says seriously, but Buck lets out what he can only assume is a relieved chuckle. “Thank you for telling me this. I can’t imagine how hard it must be to talk about, and I’m honored that you trust me enough to share it with me.” He murmurs, briefly leaning his weight further into Buck’s side, their bodies swaying lightly in time before Buck rights them again, looking up to Eddie with a smile. 

“Thanks for listening to me.” 

“Always.” He promises. 

It’s only then that he realizes how close they are, their faces only inches away from each other, close enough that Eddie can feel Buck’s breath fluttering against his face with every exhale, enough that he can see each individual eyelash on his eyelid. 

He doesn’t know who moves, but with their next inhale, their noses bump, sliding alongside each other softly. 

Something is fluttering in his stomach, a feeling of anticipation, but lacking the ever-familiar sense of anxiety that normally comes with it. It feels like excitement, warm and soft, and he doesn’t know what’s happening, but he likes it-

The sound of a car door closing in the driveway on the other side of the garage door startles Eddie out of whatever spell he’s fallen under, the two men pulling away from each other sharply. 

They don’t get a chance to talk about whatever the hell just happened before there’s a knock on Eddie’s front door, and Buck is helping him stand. 

He peeks out the window and turns to Buck after a heavy swallow. “That’s Bobby’s truck. He mentioned coming over to check on me, but I kept putting him off because I was going to talk to you about it before inviting him over, but he apparently got sick of waiting because he’s here -”

Buck grins at Eddie’s rambling. “Eddie, it’s fine. I already told you, I’m not leaving again, which means I’m eventually going to have to face everyone. I’m okay. Let’s go reassure him that you are, too.” He opens the door that leads into the house and steps through before Eddie can think up an argument. 

“Okay, but if you get uncomfortable, you just tell me, and I’ll ask him to leave. I’m serious, Buck. This is your home too, and I want you to be comfortable.” He pokes Buck’s back and enjoys the rumbling of his low laughter. 

“I appreciate that, Eds, but I’ll be fine. It happened a long time ago, and I don’t blame Bobby. Not anymore, at least. Having me around all the time is a lot. As far as I’m concerned, you and Chris are damn near sainthood for putting up with me 24/7 the way you have been for the last few weeks.” 

The words are obviously meant to be a joke, but there’s an underlying kernel of truth there, and Eddie ignores the second round of knocking to rest his hand on Buck’s shoulder and force the blonde to meet his eyes. “We’re not “putting up” with you. Having you around is not a burden. We love you, and we want you around, forever. Don’t let this surprise visit scare you into forgetting that.” He warns, squeezing Buck’s shoulder and then moving to answer the door before he can offer up a rebuttal. 

“Hey, Cap.” Eddie greets as he swings the door open to reveal a smiling Bobby Nash. 

“Hey, Eddie. I know you said you’ve got everything handled, but I was just cleared to drive, and had some free time, so I figured I’d pop over really quick and check on you. You doing alright?” He asks, critical eyes scanning Eddie’s frame as if to confirm that there aren’t any new injuries he needs to be concerned about. 

“I’m all good, Cap. Here, come in.” He offers, stepping back and giving the older man space to enter. “Doctors are pleased with my kidney function, so they’re backing down the amount of dialysis, and they’re hoping to get me out of this cast on my next appointment, depending on how the scans look. All in all, they’re happy with how everything is healing.” He shares easily. 

“Good, that’s good to hear, Eddie. Sounds like you’ve got some damn good help, too. Hen and Chim said that you haven’t called them for a ride or groceries or anything. Did Ana get some time off work to help you out?” He asks and understanding strikes Eddie. 

Bobby’s here to check on his physical healing, sure, but also on his mental state. After Buck left, Bobby got very into mental health, and he cracked down on everybody, sending them all to therapy upon the slightest hint that they might need help. He went himself, finally processing what happened with his family back in Minnesota, and how that trauma affected him and his decision to hold Buck back. 

Eddie had been placed into therapy after he was caught fighting, but he was also suspended until he got cleared from the department therapist and was only allowed back on the condition that he kept up the appointments for a set time. 

Originally, he hated those days, hated sitting in that room and rehashing everything he’d ever been through, but eventually, to his own annoyance, it did help. He feels more grounded now, less like he’s one mistake away from ruining everything, and he’s not letting his anger control him anymore. 

He knows that he’s going to have to pass another eval in order to go back to work after his recovery, but he’s not dreading it like he used to. 

“No, Ana is still working. Carla helps when needed, but I lucked out, got the best help available.” He nudges Bobby’s side with his elbow and jerks his chin to where Buck then walks into the room, steps more hesitant than they have been since that first day he showed up on the porch. 

“Buck?” Bobby’s voice is quiet, eyes wide like he’s looking at a ghost, and Eddie imagines that he probably looked the same when he opened the door and saw his long-lost friend. 

“H-hi, Bobby. Don’t worry, I’m not planning on asking to come back, I just showed up because I heard Eddie was hurt, and then stuck around because he needed help. I don’t-”

His words are cut off when Bobby jogs forward and captures Buck in a bone crushing hug. “Buck, I owe you an apology. I was wrong to hold you back. I was feeling guilty that you were crushed under the truck in the first place, since Freddie was going after me, and then almost losing you so many times, I was scared, kid. I know I told you that first year that we weren’t a family, but you changed that. We are a family, and I love you so much, the thought of you coming back and getting hurt again under my watch scared me shitless, Buck. I was letting my trauma color the way I saw you, and you didn’t deserve that, nor should I have lied to you about it. My hesitance never had anything to do with your abilities as a firefighter and everything to do with my own fear. I’m sorry, and I hope that, one day, you can forgive me.” 

Eddie watches as the words sink in, Buck’s blue eyes - still a little bloodshot from their conversation in the garage - grow glassy again as he sinks into the hug from Bobby, his arms coming up to curl around and cling to the back of his shirt, face tucked under the older man’s chin. 

“I forgive you. I’m sorry I caused you so much grief instead of just talking to you. Maybe it would’ve ended differently.” 

Eddie can only see Bobby’s back, but he’s pretty sure he can hear the smile in his voice as he rests his cheek on the top of Buck’s head. “I should’ve talked to you, too, Kid. We need to work on our communication.” 

Buck and Eddie both chuckle, more out of relief than any amusement. They spoke, and everything is alright now. Eddie has a good feeling now, about Buck staying, and possibly coming home to the 118. 

It’s almost enough for him to forget about what happened in the garage. 

Almost. 

Chapter Text

Bobby, whose love language has always been food, insists on whipping something up for them to eat. 

He pays close attention as they explain what they’re building for Chris, asking questions and offering to help at the unveiling, since Eddie isn’t in any shape to be pushing a giant frame around with his 9-year-old son inside it at any point soon, and after checking with Eddie, Buck shyly agrees. 

Once the food is eaten and the dishes are cleared, the three of them return to the garage, Bobby following Buck’s instructions to assemble what’s left of the contraption, asking questions about what Buck has been up to since he left. 

Eddie catches the way Bobby looks at the blonde, eyes never leaving him for longer than absolutely necessary, worried that he might disappear if he looks away for too long, and Eddie knows the feeling. 

Buck’s been around him for weeks, basically living out of his pocket, and he’s already sworn that he’s not leaving again, but it still seems surreal. He knows that the feeling will eventually wear off the longer he’s around, but Eddie hasn’t gotten there yet, and Bobby didn’t even find out that he was back until today, so he understands the disbelief. 

They finish the skateboard quickly, much faster than Buck assumed, and there’s a glint of pride, and something softer in his eyes as the three of them stand back and admire it. Buck wants to test it out before they put Chris in it, to make sure that it’s sturdy and isn’t going to hurt him, so Bobby offers to come back the following day to help push it around, asking hesitantly if he can tell Athena that Buck’s back. 

“Of course, Bobby. I won’t ask you to keep this from your wife, but… maybe you can let me tell everyone else? I mean, I know I have to, that I need to face them all eventually, but I’d prefer to do it on my own terms.” 

Bobby waives his concerns away immediately. “Buck, of course. This isn’t my news to tell, so you do this at your own pace. Athena will probably want to see you, though. Is that alright?”

And that’s how Buck, Eddie, Bobby and Athena all ended up at the skate park the next day. 

They met at the house to grab the skateboard, and Athena wasted no time in wrapping Buck up in a tight hug, the same way her husband did the day before. Buck, who has thrived on physical touch for as long as Eddie’s known him, melts into the embrace with a smile. 

Athena and Buck have never been super close, so their reunion isn’t as heavy as Eddie’s or Bobby’s, but they both looked genuinely happy to see the other, though Athena does fuss at him for losing weight and not eating, and Bobby is quick to promise that he’ll make all of Buck’s favorites, now that he knows the man is back and in need of sustenance. 

He meets Athena’s eyes in amusement, knowing that Bobby is prepared to go full Dad-mode, in an effort to repair their bond, to keep Buck around, and also just because Bobby is very dad-like, especially when it comes to Buck. 

Once they get everything unloaded at the park, Buck and Bobby push it around for a little while, making sure everything has set and that it will hold together with pressure on it, while he and Athena stand back and watch. They realize that Chris won’t get to do anything crazy on the board, but they still want to make sure it’s safe. 

Once everyone is satisfied with the frame, they load it back up into Eddie’s truck and drive back to his house. He had forgotten how nice it was to sit back and let somebody else do the driving. Ever since Buck left, he’s been solely responsible for the transportation of the family. Even when he goes out with Ana, it’s expected of him to drive her everywhere. Normally, he doesn’t care about gender stereotypes, because he likes to take care of people, but he doesn’t love driving, not like Buck does, and before, Eddie was always quick to agree when Buck volunteered to drive anywhere. 

Whether that was the day abuela broke her hip and he needed to get to the hospital to get Christopher, or when they would carpool into work together, when the three of them would have a day out, or when the two of them would get food, Eddie was most at ease when he could let Buck worry about LA traffic and the city’s insane drivers. 

Part of him is annoyed by it now, only because he’s not allowed to drive because of his shoulder, and he doesn’t like being told he can’t do things. Which is a little ridiculous, because even if he was okay to drive, there’s still a 98% chance that he’d be tossing Buck his keys anyway. Sometimes, he really hates his brain. 

Buck and Bobby put the skateboard back in the garage when they get back to Eddie’s house. He lives in a pretty good neighborhood, and it’s not like an accessible skateboard is a really hot commodity, but they’d rather be safe than sorry. 

The Grant-Nash’s visit for a little while, but have to head home before too long, since Athena is scheduled for a shift that afternoon. Their departure is marked with several hugs, for both Buck and Eddie, and quiet descends on the house once the door latches behind them. 

Eddie had taken his medication with breakfast, so he and Buck sit on the couch and watch a show that’s inappropriate for Christopher and have a lazy day. It’s nice, nicer than he remembers a lazy day being with anybody other than his son. 

When he and Shannon were together, they rarely got lazy days after Chris was born and he enlisted, their days when he was on leave were full of caring for an infant and taut with tension more often than not. Especially after he reenlisted without talking to her. After that, there was always an undertone in their daily lives, a current of anger and disappointment that was never really addressed, but always present. 

With Ana, if she comes over and watches TV with them, he feels like he constantly has to be on his guard. He has to listen to every word she says and carefully word the perfect response. He has to keep an eye on her at all times, to offer a blanket if she seems cold, or offer a refill if the ice in her empty cup clinks. He has to keep an ear tuned to her and Christopher’s conversation, making sure that Chris is comfortable with her and that they’re both happy. 

It’s exhausting. He ends up so focused on them that he misses whatever it is he’s supposed to be watching, and then he has to bluff his way through the conversation about it later. 

It feels like he’s on, constantly, so being here with Buck, not having to worry about doing anything more than existing, is like a breath of fresh air. The stress has slowly been falling off his shoulders since the man’s return, able to share the load again, and he vows not to take it for granted like he did before. 

Ana had texted him that morning, like she always does, reiterating her suggestion that they all do dinner again, and Eddie promises to check with Buck and let her know when the best time would be, and wishes her a pleasant day. 

Her return text is a little short, and Eddie wonders if she meant this weekend, since Chris had mentioned his sleepover at dinner the other night, but he shrugs it off. He never told her that it would be this weekend, and Frank worked hard to get Eddie to realize that other people’s expectations are not his problem. 

He’s still working on that idea when it comes to his parents, but he thinks he’s getting better. 

Buck whips up some dinner while Eddie sits on the counter beside him, conversation flowing freely between them. They talk about the show, what they think will happen next, and about dinner, what Buck’s making and what all goes into it. They speculate about Chris’s reaction to his surprise tomorrow, and they talk about Buck’s plan to reintegrate himself back into the family. While they eat, Eddie tentatively brings up what happens after he’s cleared and goes back to work. Since Buck has been working as a firefighter all the time, Eddie’s pretty sure he’s going to go back to that, but Buck hasn’t mentioned whether he wants to come back to the 118 or not, and Eddie’s maybe been avoiding that question, scared of what the answer might be. 

Buck deflects, stating that he just wants to make sure Eddie heals up, and that he wants to see everyone again before he makes any decisions. 

They binge watch a few more episodes, and then Buck changes the bandaging on his shoulder before covering it and helping him shower. 

It’s a well-established routine by now, and it’s not like Eddie has anything that Buck hasn’t seen before, but it never fails to make him a little fluttery when he feels Buck’s large hands on his wet skin, those long fingers thoroughly scrubbing through his hair. 

Don’t even get him started on the way Buck helps shaves his face, lifting him up by his thighs and placing him on the sink and then stepping between his legs, his breath dancing gently across Eddie’s face and neck. 

He hasn’t forgotten about what happened in the garage the other day, but moments like this bring it back up to the forefront of his mind. 

Buck looks better now than he did on that first day, minimal scruff on his jawline, dark bags nearly gone now since he’s been sleeping more soundly on Eddie’s couch, less gaunt looking with all the home cooked meals he’s been making for the Diaz’s, as well as the sweets Abuela keeps making for them that are dropped off by Pepa. 

More importantly though, the haunted, dead look in his gaze has mostly faded away, replaced with a familiar sparkle that Eddie remembers. He looks so alive, and so lovely now. He looks more like the Buck that Eddie has always known, and there’s something so reassuring about that. 

—

Carla picks Chris up from the Wilson’s the next morning, and drives him to the skate park, where he, Bobby and Buck are waiting. He looks confused, since Carla had been sworn to secrecy. 

Eddie steps up to meet him, crouching down to meet his son's eyes. “Hey bud, remember how we talked about us trying new things together?” He asks, grinning when Chris nods, looking curious. 

“Well, when we shared about what happened with the skateboarding the other day, Buck and I got to talking, and while you were gone this weekend, we figured something out.” He then nods to Buck, who smiles, unrestrained, and then whips the cover they’d hidden the board under dramatically. 

“A skateboard?! For me?!” He shrieks, looking between Eddie and Buck in question. 

Buck joins Eddie in front of Chris, dropping to one knee. “Dad and I have always believed that you could do whatever you wanted, even if we have to find a different way than the other kids do. So, whatever you want to do, we want to help you do it. Hence, the skateboard.” He says with a flourish, and Eddie’s heart warms at the look of wide-eyed wonder on his son’s face. 

“This was your dad’s idea, but he’s not quite as good with the building and the math as I am.” Buck teases, winking at Eddie, who just rolls his eyes fondly. Before Eddie can remind Buck that he doesn't know math either, Chris responds.

“Can I try it?!” He asks excitedly, practically sprinting across the park when they nod. 

Buck and Bobby help get him strapped in while Carla documents the process, and Eddie stands back and watches, nerves running through his body. He wants this to work, wants Chris to be happy, and hopes that it’s everything his son was hoping for. 

Once Chris is harnessed up, Buck shoots Eddie an excited smile, eyes sparkling, before counting down from 3. When he hits 1, he and Bobby push on the frame, and they’re off. 

Christopher’s shriek of glee echoes in the air around them, and Eddie can feel his own mouth curl into a smile, growing until his cheeks ache with how wide it is. 

Buck peeks back at him, as if he wants to share in this moment with him, and it finally hits him. He finally understands what all of these signs have been pointing to, what all of these flutters and this warmth means. 

He loves Buck. 

He’s in love with Buck. 

That’s why he was so miserable when he originally left, why he walked around with a broken heart for a year and a half, why he was ready to follow wherever Buck led as long as it kept them together. It’s why his closeness both excites and calms him, why he was able to soothe Eddie after the nightmare he had the other night, why he named him as Christopher’s legal guardian, because he knew, even when he couldn’t understand fully, that the three of them were a family. That they belonged together. 

Flashes of their lives race across his mind, from that first meeting, all the way to the past few weeks, and he realizes that this isn’t a new feeling. He didn’t just fall in love with Buck. He’s been in love, he’s only just realized it now, watching as he pushes Chris around on the skateboard that he hand-built for his son, because Buck has been just as invested in them as they are in him. 

He dropped everything when he heard that Eddie had been shot. He had no idea what kind of reception would be waiting, but he needed to check on them, needed to see with his own two eyes that they were okay. As if that wasn’t enough, he practically gave up his own life to take care of them, throwing himself back into their family and bending over backwards to help during this awful time. 

He’s in love with Evan Buckley. 

And he thinks that Buck might just love him, too. 

Shit. 

He really needs to break up with his girlfriend. 

Chapter Text

He knows that he’s not fully present the rest of the evening, mind racing with the new information revealed to him, and whirring with what he has to do next. Even if Buck doesn’t feel the same, or doesn’t want the same thing, it would be awful of him to continue this with Ana, especially since it’s very clear that he’s not as invested in this relationship as she is. She deserves to find someone that wants her, not someone who wants to want her. 

He’s pretty sure the others assume it’s because of his medication, but Buck knows better, shooting him concerned glances throughout the afternoon, but never bringing extra attention to his spaciness. 

Bobby, Buck, Chris and Eddie have dinner together that night, and Eddie feels like it’s okay for him to not be as dialed in, not when the person he trusts the most is around. Buck will take care of everything, so it’s okay for him to turn his brain off a little. 

When Bobby finally makes his exit, it’s about time for Chris to start getting ready for bed. He doesn’t need as much help as he did a few years ago, but Buck sticks close by, just in case he needs help.

He yells when he’s ready to be tucked in, gaining Eddie’s attention long enough for him to walk down the hall and kiss his little forehead and wish him sweet dreams, watching with in total contentment as Buck does the same. Then, they flick off the light and close the door before making their way down the hall towards the living room. 

Hen is coming over the following day, at Eddie’s request. He hasn’t reached out much, so when he texted and asked if she could stop by on her next day off, she was quick to respond that she was off on Monday and would come over whenever he needed. 

He and Buck spoke about how to do this and agreed that Hen would be far easier to deal with than Chim and Maddie, especially since those two would have to be done together. Chim would never be able to keep that secret from Maddie, and they didn’t think that Maddie would fare much better, not with how emotional that reunion is going to be. 

So, Hen is coming over tomorrow to have lunch with them while the boys are in school, and then he’ll text Chim to see if they can come over later in the week. 

Fortunately, that gives him a few free days to meet with Ana. He thought about asking Buck to drive him to see her, but decided against it, feeling a little weird that the person who he wanted to be with instead of her would be the one driving him around. 

He takes a deep breath when Buck comes back out to the living room with a couple drinks, and the words rush out of him in a single breath. “Hey, do you think that maybe, one day this week, you could get out of the house for a little bit?”

Buck’s head tilts, eyebrows pulled low on his forehead as he considers Eddie. “Yeah, I mean, of course I can. This is your house Eds, if you need a break or something, just let me know. I mean, I can look into getting my own place again, since you’ll be out of the sling soon, and I-”

Eddie shakes his head vehemently. “No. No, that’s not what I’m saying, that’s- I’m not asking you to do that, at all. I just- I need to talk to Ana about something, and I don’t really want an audience for that.” He says, noting the way that Buck’s face falls before he covers it quickly with a wry smile. 

“Ah, the girlfriend, I see you.” He says teasingly. “Yeah, of course. I need to go grocery shopping here soon, anyway, just let me know what day and I’ll get out of your hair.” 

Eddie nods his thanks but doesn’t confirm or deny his obvious assumption. He feels like he owes it to Ana to make sure that she’s the first one he tells about the fact that he’s breaking up with her. 

They watch some action movie, and Buck doesn’t get halfway through it before he has to start stifling a few yawns. 

Eddie teases him about how he’s getting old and can’t keep up with the kid these days, and Buck responds by lightly smacking him with a throw pillow. 

He barely makes it to the end of the movie, and Eddie is glad they took care of cleaning his wound before they started the movie, so he can just knock his good shoulder against Buck’s to wake him up long enough so that he can grab the blankets and the pillow for the couch, bidding Eddie a drowsy, but sincere, good night, half-lidded eyes following his every move. 

Eddie tries not to preen under the attention, finally understanding why he loves the feeling of Buck’s eyes on him and wondering how he hadn’t figured it out sooner. 

—

They take Chris to school the next morning and then drive to Eddie’s next doctor’s appointment, where they learn he can start leaving the sling off for longer periods of time, as well as do small stretches to limber it up, much to his relief. 

Being down to one arm, especially his non-dominant one, is very annoying, and he’s glad now that he has some physical proof of his healing. 

They have about an hour before Hen is going to arrive by the time they get home, so they pick up around the house, though having been out of the house yesterday and having a kid-free weekend, it’s less cluttered than usual. 

Eddie knows that this is how Buck deals with stress though, so he keeps his thoughts to himself and does his best to reassure his friend that it’s going to be okay. Hen is one of the kindest people they know, and she didn’t really have any personal feelings about the lawsuit. 

By the time the doorbell rings, Buck has dusted, polished, swept and mopped, and yet, his head still jerks towards the noise. 

“Buck, it’s Hen. It’s going to be fine. I promise.” He says before going to grab the door and welcoming their friend in. 

She notes that his sling is off, so he gives her a rundown of how he’s healing and sharing the doctor’s thoughts. 

She hums in the right places, asking questions that he knows is from her own experience in med school. Thankfully, with Buck’s thorough research, he has answers to all of them. 

Eventually, she asks a question in the same line as Bobby, wanting to know when Ana is going to be around so she can thank her for taking such obvious good care of him, and he is struck, again, by just how fucking oblivious he was. 

“Actually, Ana hasn’t been the one helping me out. She’s still got work and everything. Plus, that would’ve been a lot to put on her, so soon into our relationship.” He mentions casually. 

Hen’s eyes narrow. “I thought you said that you didn’t think Carla would be able to take all that time to be here for you guys?”

He knows his growing smile is a little too obvious, but he can’t help it. “Yeah, Carla has been great at filling in when we need it but help actually ended up showing up on my doorstep that first day.” He winks, watching her eyes widen, one hand coming up to cover her mouth as Buck steps into the living room. 

Man, they’ve gotten really good at coordinating dramatic entrances. 

“Hey, Hen.” He says shyly, hands buried deep in his pockets, weight shifting from one foot to another. 

Hen’s eyes flick to his, as if to make sure that this isn’t some shared hallucination or something, but he just nods and jerks his head towards Buck in encouragement, and that’s all it takes for Hen to snap out of it. She crosses the room in seconds and pulls the blonde into a hug, one that he folds himself into immediately. 

“Buckaroo, I can’t believe you’re actually here. We’ve missed you so much.” She shares, voice a little watery. 

Buck sniffles, resting his chin on her shoulder. “Yeah, I missed you all, too.” He promises. 

Hen holds onto him for a little while longer, but as soon as they separate, she’s asking a ton of questions, wanting to know exactly what he’s been up to, and why he didn’t keep in touch, and telling him that he damn well better be staying in LA, or she’s going to kidnap him and make sure he can’t leave ever again. 

Buck just laughs, a full hearty sound that always makes Eddie's heart flutter, and corrals her to the kitchen, graciously allowing her to continue her inquisition as he prepares their lunch, though he does wave Eddie to his usual spot on the counter. Close enough to feel involved, but not too close as to be in the way. 

Hen arches her brow at that, but when neither of them answer the unspoken question, she returns to the conversation. 

Throughout prep and lunch, they make sure to catch each other up on anything they can think of that happened in the time apart. Buck gasps in excitement after hearing that Hen is training to be a doctor, and asks her a million questions about that, and in turn, he shares stories about places he’s traveled to. She even asks about Chris’ skateboard, having seen it on Instagram, an app that Eddie only uses because it keeps his family from constantly calling him to see what Chris is up to. 

He’d chosen a picture that hid Buck from view, not wanting to blow his cover just yet, but the fact that they did it at all was exciting. 

Buck does warn Hen that Bobby and Athena are the only other ones who know that he’s back, but that they’re having Chim and Maddie over later to share the news and ask that she not say anything to them yet. Of course, she promises that she’ll keep his secret, but Buck does mention that she could tell Karen and Denny, not wanting her to keep a secret from her wife, especially not when he didn’t really have any problems with the Wilson’s. 

Their afternoon together only ends because it’s getting to be time that kids need to be picked up from school, but Buck promises that he’s staying in LA, and that they will see each other again soon. 

She wraps him up in another tight hug, and then gives Eddie one as well. She doesn’t say anything, but she’s far too smart for Eddie’s own good, and the question is clear in her eyes. He nods, which only causes her to smile brighter and pull him into another hug before taking her leave. 

The rest of the night follows their normal routine. They get Chris from school, do homework, make dinner, and then spend time together until it’s time for bed. 

The only addition is when Eddie hears back from Ana, saying that she can pick up some food and spend her lunch break with him the following day, or can come over after work if he doesn’t want to wait for the weekend. 

Since he doesn’t want to send her back to work after breaking up with her, he picks the after-school option. 

He wishes it was already later in the week, so he didn’t have to do it on a school day and mess with the schedule the three of them have, but it’s only Monday, and he doesn’t want to drag this out for any longer than absolutely necessary, for both of their sakes. 

She promises to see him after work, replying with a kissy face emoji, and he tries not to let the guilt consume him for the hurt he’s about to cause. 

—

He does his best not to showcase how anxious he is the next day, though he knows Buck is probably chalking it up to excitement or something, because he doesn’t know that Eddie is about to break up with someone for the first time. He really doesn’t know how he’s going to do it, the best way to get his point across without hurting her too badly, but he has 0 experience in this field, and it’s stressing him out a little bit. 

Okay, or a lot. 

The plan is for Buck to pick up Chris from school on his own, and for them to do some grocery shopping, including picking up the ingredients for the cheesy chicken and broccoli casserole of Buck’s that Chris loves so much. The recipe itself is kind of time consuming, so Buck doesn’t make it often, but it’s one of Chris’ favorites. 

Eddie might have specifically asked Buck to make it for tonight, and maybe it’s wrong to bribe his child, but Chris was very worried about people leaving, and Eddie has no idea how he’s going to react once he shares news about the breakup. 

Ana shows up exactly on time, giving him a soft smile when he opens the door and leaning forward to kiss him, a motion he not so subtly dodges, pressing one to her cheek instead and inviting her in. 

Once they settle on the couch, they make small talk about their day, but she can obviously tell that something is up, because she cuts him off gently when he starts talking about the dry spell they’ve had. 

“Edmundo, is something wrong? Did they find something wrong with your shoulder?”

He wants to groan, because she’s genuinely so kind, and she obviously cares about him and Chris, and he wishes that he could love her, but he just can’t , and it makes him feel like an asshole. 

“No, my shoulder is healing fine. They’re letting me ease off of the sling a little bit at a time, which is nice.” He shares, but when she remains silent, waiting for her to tell him the rest of what’s on his mind, he sighs, shoulders hunching in on himself. 

“Ana, you’re wonderful. You’re so sincerely kind, and thoughtful. You’re incredibly smart and beautiful, but I just, I don’t-”

“I can’t compete with Buck.” She finishes knowingly, and Eddie’s head whips up to meet her gaze. 

She looks sad, but resigned, like she knew this was going to happen, which doesn’t make sense, because Eddie hasn’t seen her in person since he’s learned about his feelings. “Wh-what?”

She smiles sadly at him. “That’s what you mean, right? You’re breaking up with me, because Buck is back, and he has always been your family.” 

When he just stares at her in astonishment, she laughs softly. “I’ve kind of been waiting for this, honestly. I mean, I do like you, and I have genuinely enjoyed our time together, but it never felt like you were fully yourself with me. Then, after you got hurt, I barely saw you. I was your girlfriend, and yet, I was the last person that you wanted around to take care of you. Plus, I think I could be blind and still see the way the two of you look at each other.” 

He goes to object, but finds that he can’t, because she’s right. She was supposed to have been his partner, someone he was thinking about building a life with, but even before Buck came back, between his family and the 118, she would have been the last person he asked for help. 

When he closes his mouth and flushes guiltily, she chuckles at him, though she also has to wipe a few tears from her face. She doesn’t seem angry though, or distraught. Just a little sad, and he thinks that’s a pretty good indication that they were always headed here. He was never fully comfortable with being himself fully, and she kept sticking around, hoping that he’d get there eventually. 

“It seems to me like Buck is a wonderful person, and he very obviously cares about you and Christopher very much. Plus, he’s not too hard on the eyes, either.” She mentions conspiratorially, and that shocks a stunned laugh out of him.

Based on the smirk on her face, that was the plan all along. 

She stands then, grabbing her bag and waiving him up. 

He walks her to the door and closes his arms around her one more time when she steps in for a hug. 

“I hope he makes you happy, Eddie. You deserve it.” She tells him kindly, and he smiles back at her. 

“You too, Ana. You are going to make some man very happy.” He responds honestly. 

She winks at him as she steps out onto the porch. “I know.” 

He’s still chuckling as he closes the door behind her after watching her drive off, and marvels at how much lighter he feels. 

Chapter Text

Buck doesn’t ask any questions when he and Chris arrive home, just does a scan of the room and then raises a brow at Eddie when he finds it empty of any guests. Eddie only shrugs noncommittally and asks what they got from the store, letting Christopher’s chatter divert attention. 

It’s not until much later that night, long after Chris has gone to bed, that he finally asks. “So, good afternoon?”

Eddie purses his lips in thought. “I mean, I don’t know that I would say it was good, necessarily, because break ups rarely are, but she took it well. I think we both knew this wasn’t going to be the rest of our lives.” 

Buck’s head whips around the stare at him, jaw parted and eyes wide. “You broke up with her? Shit, Eds, I’m sorry.” He says sincerely, and Eddie can only smile at him. 

“I appreciate that, Buck. I think she knew before I did that I wasn’t in that relationship the way I should have been. I regret hurting her, because she is genuinely an amazing woman, but she’s just not the one for me, and that’s okay. She’ll find someone better, and I want that for her.” He replies, taking a drink of his water and watching out of the corner of his eye as Buck processes what he’s said. 

Eddie hears him mumble something about “better than you ”, but it’s spoken so low that he can’t hear the whole statement. Before he can ask though, a hand lands on his shoulder, squeezing lightly. “You’ll find someone too, Eds. You’re a catch, and anybody would be lucky to have you.” 

It takes everything in Eddie not to say or do something stupid, like ask if Buck wants him, or skip the talking all together and kiss him stupid, but this is important. Outside of his son, Buck is the most important person in his life, and that means that he needs to do this right. 

That means coming up with a plan and not jumping directly into bed with his best friend hours after his ex-girlfriend leaves the house for the last time. 

Not that he’s been cleared for any activities in bed besides sleeping, of course. 

Okay, so he needs to heal up first, and then he can woo Buck into his bed. 

And preferably into taking his last name as well. 

But all of that is definitely in the future. For now, he just thanks Buck for the vote of confidence and turns back to the movie. 

If he slumps a little closer to Buck as the movie goes on, that’s between him and the couch. 

—

Getting Chimney and Maddie over to the house turns out to be a little trickier than they had originally thought. Between his and Chris’ daily life, Chim and Maddie’s work schedules and appointments for her pregnancy, a week and a half passes by before they can get together for dinner. He assures them that it’s just a dinner, that he’s well-taken care of and doesn’t need them to do anything for him, that the get-together can wait until they all have time, not wanting to add any stress to their already full plates. 

In that time, the rest of the family has taken to texting and stopping over when they’re free to visit. Bobby and Athena visit, bringing May with them, as well as Harry, who gives Buck an absentminded hug and then disappears with Chris into the boy’s bedroom to play on their switches. 

Buck and May spend some time catching up, since May has graduated school and is currently working at the dispatch center instead of attending college, much to Athena’s initial displeasure. 

Although, that doesn’t stop her from bragging about how well she’s doing now, of course. 

On another day, Hen invites them all over to their house for dinner, now that she knows they have Buck to drive them around. 

The conversation flows so freely as food is consumed; it almost feels like Buck never left. There’s no awkwardness between any of them, no walking on eggshells or trying to parse out the right thing to say. It’s just them, family together again, picking back up as if no time has passed. 

Also in this time, Buck and Eddie grow closer. It’s not a noticeable thing, not to outsiders, but Eddie knows it. 

He convinces Buck to stop sleeping on the couch, citing that it’s not good for his back for the long-term, and also that having him closer helps Eddie sleep better, as if his mere presence holds the nightmares at bay. 

After what they both know is only a token objection, Buck agrees, each of them sliding into their own sides of the bed easily, as if they’ve always done it this way. 

Eddie also lets his touch and his eyes linger, smiling gently when Buck catches him staring instead of looking away hastily in guilt. 

Based on the warmth in Buck’s eyes and the way he always seems to lean into Eddie’s touch, he feels pretty confident that the blonde doesn’t mind the extra attention. 

On the day schedules finally align enough for Chim and Maddie to come over, Chris has been sequestered away to his abuela’s for the night, wanting to spend more time with the older woman now that restrictions have been lifted further. 

Instead of Buck hiding away like he had the last time members of the family stopped over, he’s standing a few feet behind Eddie when he goes to open the door when they hear a knock. 

Chim and Maddie both smile when they see him, handing him a bottle of wine and stepping in for a hug. 

“Good to see you on your feet and out of that sling, Eddie.” Chim says emphatically, and Eddie has to clear his throat a little bit at the sincerity in his words. 

He knows everyone has been excited to see Buck, but even before they knew he was back, they continuously called and texted him to check in, including him in the group chats and letting it be known that, despite him not being at work, he was missed, they still loved him, and were there for anything he and Chris needed. 

Their support was unconditional, and after feeling like he’s been scraping and begging for that from his wife and his blood family, the way his chosen family gives it so freely always hits him directly in the heart, the reminder that he really has finally found the family he’d been searching for. 

Buck is just out of the way enough that they can’t see him until he takes a few steps back for them to cross the threshold, which means he gets to watch in real time as they both stop in their tracks, eyes growing wide as disbelief settles in. 

“Hey Maddie. Chimney.” Buck says softly. 

“Evan?”

“Buck?”

Their exclamations overlap, the words coming out shaky and quiet. Nobody moves for a long minute, and the silence grows increasingly uncomfortable. Chim’s gaze darts back and forth between the siblings, trying to determine how the reunion should go, and failing. 

Buck’s eyes fall almost immediately to Maddie’s stomach, widening with realization, darting back up to Maddie’s face who smiles softly, answering the unspoken question. “Yeah, your niece should be here within the next few weeks. She’s a major cookie monster, we've learned.” She shares, and it feels like an olive branch. 

Eddie claps Chim on the shoulder and jerks his head towards the kitchen. “Chim, how about you come help me finish up in the kitchen, give these two a minute to catch up.” He suggests, catching the grateful look Buck sends him. 

Chim looks undecided, but finally gives in when Maddie sends him a strained smile and makes his way further into the house. 

He pulls Buck into a hug when he passes, slapping him on the back and welcoming him home, emotion clear on Buck’s face when he returns the hug and squeezes his eyes closed. 

Once Chimney lets him go and heads towards the kitchen, Eddie steps up and lightly squeezes his wrist. “I’ll be in the kitchen if you need me.” He reminds, and he doesn’t think he’s imagining it when a little bit of the tension around the blue eyes melts away, though he only nods in thanks. 

He plans on giving the two of them as long as they need to clear the air, knowing there’s a lot that they need to talk about. Probably more than they’ll get through tonight, but Eddie’s hoping they can at least get started. 

Buck wants to forgive his sister and rebuild their relationship, even with the way she lied to him for his entire life and the way it felt like she had taken their parent’s side against him. Eddie would have supported him either way, but Buck’s heart has always been the thing he’s led with, especially when it comes to his big sister. He’s not sure if their relationship will ever be the same, but he’s pretty sure they both want to fix it, which is already half the battle.

Buck gave him specific instructions to finish the meal, which mostly just includes adding the finishing touches and making sure nothing burns, but it gives him and Chim some time to catch up. Eddie tells him about his recovery and how Buck showed up on his front porch like a gift from God, and Chimney shares stories from work and updates about how Maddie’s pregnancy is going. 

When voices rise in the living room, they both freeze, each wanting to go and support their Buckley, but knowing that this is something the siblings need to do themselves. Chim makes a move to get up, eyes glued to the space separating the two rooms, but Eddie catches his gaze and slowly shakes his head, reminding the other man that the talk needs to happen. 

Chimney doesn’t look happy, but he does sit back down and refocus on their conversation, asking about the skateboard they’d built for Chris, doing his best to keep his eyes on Eddie and not stare a hole through the wall. 

It’s a good while before Buck and Maddie enter the room, and their eyes are both red and glassy, but they’ve each lost some of the tension they’ve been carrying around, and there’s hesitant smiles across both faces. 

Maddie goes directly to Chim, who wraps an arm around his pregnant girlfriend and places a sweet kiss to her temple, quietly checking in with her. Eddie watches as the other man’s shoulders relax at her reassurance. 

Buck walks past him to check on the food, already teasing him about not burning it, and Eddie wants so badly. 

He wants Buck to come to him for comfort, wants him to seek his touch to be grounded. He wants to love Buck out loud, fully and totally, instead of in stolen glances and lingering touches. Eddie wants to kiss his birthmark when the blonde is upset and nuzzle into those curls when they first wake up. He loves Buck, in any way he can have him, and he’ll never say that it’s not enough, because he’s so undeniably grateful that they’re even in the same city again, which is everything he’s wanted since the day Buck left them, but he won’t lie and say that he doesn’t want more. He doesn’t know that he could ever have too much of Evan Buckley. 

He grits his teeth as Buck calls for him to set the table so they can eat and reminds himself that he has a plan. He’s going to heal up and do it right, so Buck doesn’t feel like he has to stay to take care of Eddie, like he’d be leaving him in a lurch if he doesn’t feel the same. 

He wants Buck to stay because Buck wants to. He wants Buck to choose them, chose him in the same way that Eddie is choosing Buck, and that can only happen when Buck has the freedom to make that choice. 

So, that means he has to swallow down all the yearning, and the pining and the needing, until they’re in the place where they can both make an actual choice. 

—

The following weeks pass by much as the ones before, with Buck, Eddie and Chris operating like a family of their own. Now that the entire core group of the 118 knows that Buck is back, they all spend more time together. There are days out and lunches in, as well as a barbeque at Bobby and Athena’s, to celebrate Buck’s return to LA as well as Eddie’s continued progress. 

Eddie tries to encourage his best friend to get out of the house more, especially now that he’s in a better place to do things for himself again, but the stubborn bastard refuses, continuously stating that he can see the others if he wants to, but that he’d prefer to be at home, with Eddie and Chris. 

He does leave when he gets a text that Maddie is in labor, but he still texts with Eddie the whole time he’s in the waiting room, keeping him updated and asking him about Albert, since the two haven’t formally met yet. 

When he goes silent for a while, Eddie assumes he must be busy, but he’s still wholly unprepared for the picture he receives of Buck holding a teeny tiny baby wrapped in a pink blanket in his massive arms, a smile so wide that Eddie’s surprised it hasn’t cracked something. 

Suddenly, Eddie is very relieved that he insisted Buck go by himself, because if he was there to witness this in person? He’d probably jump the man in the middle of the hospital, and he really cannot afford to be arrested for indecent exposure at this point in his life. 

When Buck gets home that night, he floats through this house like he’s walking on air, eyes indescribably bright as he shows Eddie and Chris other pictures he’s taken and tells them what happened seemingly every second that they were apart. 

Chris asks a million questions, wanting to know when he can meet his cousin, and Eddie’s heart nearly bursts with the way that Buck doesn’t even seem to think about the implication of that relation, explaining that - between the pandemic and how exhausting birth is - it might be a little while before Maddie and the baby want to be around a lot of people, but that as soon as they’re settled and comfortable back at home, Buck will take the boy to meet her. 

Given that Buck spent most of the afternoon and evening at the hospital, bedtime rolls around quickly, and although Chris grumbles a little about it, he goes without much fuss. 

After he’s tucked in and snoring, the two men come back out to the living room, and Eddie is subjected to more torture. 

Okay, so torture is probably dramatic, but he still thinks it’s an apt description. 

They sit on the couch and click the tv on, picking something mindless to watch. Or, maybe it’s not mindless, Eddie has no idea what they land on because he’s too focused on the way Buck is talking about everything he wants to do as an uncle, and the plans he has to help both Maddie and Chim, and their newborn. 

He’s rambling about welcome home baskets and being the cool uncle his niece comes to when she wants to get her nose pierced or when she’s mad at her parents. He’s talking about going over to let Maddie sleep, or to clean up and give her time to bond with the baby without having to worry about frivolous chores that Buck is perfectly capable of doing, and Eddie just… 

Leans over and kisses him. 

He doesn’t think anybody can really blame him, though! He’s in love with Buck, and the man is sitting so close to him that the blonde is practically in his lap. He’s so warm, and he’s so close, and he’s inconceivably beautiful like this, so happy and excited, both about the arrival of his niece, but also so excited to share everything with Eddie. 

It feels like they’re a couple, debriefing about their day and sharing hopes and plans for the future, and Eddie is only a man, and he’s a weak one, at that. At least, when in relation to Evan Buckley, he is.

To be totally honest, he thinks he should get a gold freaking star for resisting the urge to do this up until now. 

Having not planned to do this just yet, it takes him a couple seconds to realize that it’s actually happening and not just a really detailed daydream, and when it finally does sink in that he’s ruined his previous plan, it also registers that Buck is kissing him back. 

There’s a hand on the back of his neck, holding him in place, and Buck’s tongue is sliding across his lips, demanding entry that Eddie all too willingly grants. 

It’s surreal, the feeling of Buck’s lips and tongue against his, teeth nipping at his bottom lip before it’s being sucked into the warmth of Buck’s mouth. 

He doesn’t know where the sigh of relief comes from, but he feels it soul deep. They’re finally here. They’ve survived everything and they’re here, together now. 

After an indeterminate amount of time, they have to break apart to breathe, but they don’t go any further than they absolutely have to, noses brushing with each heaving exhale. 

“I didn’t mean to do that yet.” Eddie admits, eyes still closed, continuing when Buck hums inquisitively. “I had a whole plan. I was going to wait until I was fully healed so you didn’t feel obligated to say yes when I asked you on a date. I was going to buy you flowers and maybe chocolate, and I was going to open your doors and maybe go for a kiss at the end of the night, depending on how the date went. I did not plan to kiss you in the middle of your sentence because I underestimated my self-control when it comes to you.” He laments, grinning when he can feel Buck’s laughter across his face, even more so when the man leans forward to press their lips together again. 

“That’s very sweet of you, and I will definitely say yes if you still want to do all of that, but Eddie, I’ve been in love with you for a very long time. I already know what my life looks like without you and Chris in it, and I don’t ever want to go back to that.” 

Eddie’s already shaking his head, tugging at Buck’s waist until the blonde gets the hint and swings one leg over to straddle Eddie’s lap, very gently wrapping his arms around Eddie’s neck. 

The brunette leans forward, lifting his own arms to wrap them around Buck’s waist, their bodies so close together that there’s even enough room for the light to pass through them. He rests his forehead against Buck’s shoulder and soaks up their closeness. 

“Yeah, me too. I didn’t realize it until after you came back, but fuck, I should have known, because I was miserable with missing you the entire time you were gone. I kept waiting for the ache in my chest to fade, like it did with Shannon, but it just never did. I woke up missing you, and I fell back to sleep missing you, and it took me up until a few weeks ago to realize that the ache I kept feeling was love.” He admits softly, nuzzling into Buck’s throat and breathing deeply, wholly content for the first time in a very long time. Maybe ever. 

Buck hums, his nose in Eddie’s hair. “I knew that I wanted you practically from the beginning, but then we became friends, and I pushed it away, because you didn’t need me like that, and I tried to forget about it. After I left though, I realized it hadn’t gone away just because I quit paying attention to it. It just kept growing and growing until it felt like that’s all I was, just a human vessel full of love for you. And I had just left you. ” He says with disgust, failing to hide the way he sniffles heavily, and Eddie lifts his head to place a kiss on the underside of his jaw, struck by the novelty of the height difference, especially like this. 

“Hey, stop. You can’t keep beating yourself up about it. You’re here now. You came back, and that’s what matters.” He says emphatically. 

Buck leans back and cradles Eddie’s face in his large hands. “I am, and I swear to you Eds, I am never leaving you and Chris again. Not if I have anything to say about it. They’ll have to pry me away from you and I’ll still fight to come home to you. You are the rest of my life, Eddie.” He promises, blue eyes deadly serious where they’re trained on brown, and Eddie feels something in his chest finally loosen where he’d still been apprehensive that this was too good to be true.

He reaches up and rests his hand on the back of Bucks neck and applies pressure until the other man follows his silent instructions and leans down to connect their lips once more. 

“You and me. Our family for the rest of forever. That’s all I want.” He murmurs against Buck’s lips, unwilling to part for too long. 

He feels those plump, pink lips curve up into a smile, even as Buck nods his head softly. “The rest of forever, Eddie.” He says, but it feels more like a promise, like a vow. 

Throughout all the fear and heartbreak, all the drama and the angst and the feeling of being lost, they’ve finally made it. They’re here, together, and it’s the simplest thing in the world. 

It was always going to be them. 

—

Two months later, after Eddie gets the clearance to return to work, he does so with Buck at his side, walking hand-in-hand into the next chapter of their lives.