Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

There are a small handful of thoughts that might pop into one's head if you ran into someone who looked exactly like you.

Perhaps you'd think ‘oh did I have a long lost twin?’ Or ‘did someone use body craft to look like me? For some reason?’ Or maybe ‘huh that person looks exactly like me! What serendipity!’

When Siffrin and Loop looked at each other the thought that crossed both of their minds was: “either they're a changeling or I am”

One actually was a changeling, so they were partly correct in this case.

They didn't know how they remembered but they both knew that there are legends about these fae doppelgangers, that they wish for nothing more than to steal the heart of the person whose face they stole, for power, for acceptance, to trick more people, to lessen how uncanny they could be.

Either way, it's a death wish to be around someone who shares the same face.

So of course Siffrin and Loop decided to travel together. After all they were both terribly lonely and you can do very dangerous things while lonely. And they didn't know who was the changeling so what was the harm? Neither of them could remember much of anything anyway. Might as well travel together with the ticking time bomb.

There were differences between them of course, one of them was a changeling after all. A notable difference between them was that Loop's eyes were two different shades. A fact that Siffrin became aware of quickly, it was a novel thing to look at someone who looks like you, it's interesting to take note of the differences.

The differences grew the longer they stayed by the other's side. The similarities between them also grew, however that matter is thoroughly off topic at the moment.

More examples of differences are as follows:

Siffrin couldn't sing to save his own life but Loop's voice was like birdsong, charming, sweet, and enchanting like the stars.

Neither were great at taking care of their own hair but Loop learned early on that they could shove a brush into their Stardust's hands and get their hair brushed and braided, so of course Loop ended up with longer hair.

Siffrin had a way with his knife while Loop had dropped their knife too many times to count.

Siffrin wears a big wizard-like hat and a cloak, both in the same darkless shade. And has dyed their hair dark as the night, and has kept it at the same length as when they first met Loop. With help from Loop giving it regular trims.

Meanwhile Loop, who at this point has rather long hair, kept its original shade, in a braid. They tended towards wearing a lightless shirt with puffy sleeves with pinpricks of light all over giving the impression of wearing the night sky. They have also taken to wearing a cape over one shoulder, a cape similarly dark like the night. A skirt being the only bit of notable lightness in their outfit.

They are a rather eye-catching pair, Siffrin dislikes this fact greatly, Loop on the other hand simply grabs Siffrin's hat and starts playing a song waiting for coins to inevitably be tossed into said stolen hat. The pair needs to eat after all. And well Loop's voice is almost hard to not listen to.

They do prefer to travel through the wilderness. If they go into a town it leads to the same blinding question every time: are you two twins?

Siffrin will stammer out an under-baked explanation.

Loop will laugh and say: "Of course not!” while failing to give an explanation at all.

After all the explanation would be one of us is human, one of us wants the other dead to pretend to be human just a little bit better. And humans are quite rude to those they deem to be inhuman even in the nicest of places.

Neither of them ever tried to figure out which one was a fae in human's clothing, after all if they tried then they'd have to face that they might be…

Well, it's an understandable fear isn't it? Having your humanity ripped out from under you? Of course neither wanted to face such a fear, who would?

The two continued on like this for some time, and as quickly as such disasters tend to happen, suddenly there was a man calling himself The King while freezing Vaugarde in time.

While the pair were still in Vaugarde.

Which unfortunately puts a damper on traveling about with no goal in mind. So of course what our two travelers did instead of doing something smart, like finding a way out of the doomed country for example, was to continue onwards. This was unsurprising seeing as they were traveling with someone who very likely will end up trying to kill the other. So what was a smart option wasn't at the forefront of their minds was it.

Perhaps one might argue this was a good thing, if the pair fled they wouldn't see three people struggling against a sadness, and thus wouldn't be there to lend a hand. The two jumped into the battle and did what they did best.

Loop's song put the monster to sleep, Siffrin's dagger made sure it'll never wake up again.

Then after the battle was done the two walked off ignoring the people they just fought beside, manners aren't that important around someone who might kill you one day so neither had used them in some time. The young woman of the group chased after them to ask if they'd join her quest to end the king's terrible curse, and with nothing better to do the pair agreed.

Mirabelle was the woman's name, Siffrin ended up calling her ‘Mira’ and Loop eventually called her ‘Plum’ after only calling her ‘housemaiden’ made her sad.

Loop simply didn't like having anyone's name in their mouth; it wasn't anything personal. Which is why Odile was known as ‘madame’, exclusively, all in all not an uncommon way to refer to the researcher. They haven't thought of what to call the fighter so the fighter he stayed.

Isa as he was known to Siffrin was also saddened by this, but Loop seemed to care more about Mirabelle being sad so they didn't try that hard to find a nickname for him. Sif as they were known to Isabeau had told him not to feel let down by this, offering to brainstorm nicknames for the big guy themselves. Isa had smiled at this and Sif's stomach flipped at the sight, Siffrin then proceeded to ignore addressing any feelings he had about said smile.

Siffrin did talk to Loop and brainstormed a great many nicknames for Isabeau for Loop to use. They said each one didn't sound right. So Fighter Isabeau stayed, one might think it was a spite thing at that point. And perhaps it was, perhaps Loop had seen Isabeau stumble his way through a conversation with Siffrin, his face dark and felt a strange feeling of possessiveness towards their Stardust. Perhaps. But that was silly. Of course that isn't the case. Just don't ask for the actual answer, there isn't one.

The kid once they joined got a nickname before Isabeau, Loop had actually graced them with several different ones: Nibbles, Bumblebee, twinkle star and lastly: The great, noble and esteemed snack leader. Bonnie liked some of those better than others. And Bonbon was used by both Isabeau and Siffrin.

That is until tragedy struck.

Siffrin lost an eye to a sadness while protecting Bonnie, now you may think this was the tragedy in question and you're not incorrect but not correct either.

Loop was the first to change Siffrin's bandages for their eye, they insisted and they thought they could handle it but their hands burned as they cleaned the wound and, and….

And well they remembered something about changelings while dressing their oldest friend's injury: the fae don't have blood.

And if Siffrin bleeds, if fae can't bleed, well it's a simple deduction isn't it? Siffrin was out cold while Loop stared at them. The pieces falling into place, they grabbed the knife at Siffrin's side and sliced a thin line across their own arm.

They didn't bleed.

It didn't even hurt, it just felt a bit itchy. Their breathing quickened and they lifted up their skin and pulled. And pulled and pulled! Hoping above all that they made a mistake, that'll see blood, human blood. The itch intensified, all they could feel was the desire to rip off their skin so the itching would stop.

Still no blood, just stars against inky darkness, their true skin under their skin. Stars, stars, stars!

They glowed, pinpricks of astral lights embedded into their skin under what they thought was their skin, inhuman painfully inhuman.

They smoothed down the cut and stitched up their own skin with shaking hands and walked out of the tent. They were glassy eyed with a thousand yard stare when they did so, and if their party noticed how distraught Loop was, well they just assumed it was about Siffrin's injury. 

They were both correct and incorrect.

They curled up in a ball in the tent they shared with Mirabelle and Bonnie and stared straight ahead unblinking. The world spins, their vision feels fuzzy, they realized that they never could see out their right eye and tried desperately to not think about the implications. Their fragile sense of their own humanity, their personhood was ripped out from under them. The stitches on their arm itched. Loop's memory wasn't the best but every single odd thing they did, the evidence of Loop's inhumanity started adding up in their mind. They had a death grip in their own hair and-

Loop realized something, something that made them feel cold, something important to them above all else: they were an active danger to Siffrin, their Stardust. It's an inborn thing isn't it? For a changeling to want to kill their double?

They had simply been staring at the tent wall glassy eyed until that last thought, with that last thought Loop started to cry.

Mirabelle had walked in at that point, and quickly kneel next to them informing them that everyone was concerned when they didn't join for dinner, (Loop idly wondered if they actually needed to eat) and had brought them food. They took the food and nibbled the food without tasting any of it. Mirabelle's hands fluttered around clearly trying to figure something to say. In the end Mirabelle had made some excuses about Loop's hair being in disarray and if they would be okay with Mirabelle brushing and braiding it. They nodded before she could mention that Siffrin was normally the one to braid their hair. They didn't want to think about Siffrin.

They allowed themself to relax as Mirabelle combed through their long hair, she was more careful than Siffrin, but Siffrin and Loop tended to have playful debates while he did their hair which lead to Siffrin doing a playful tug of Loop's hair whenever they said anything particularly annoying and outlandish. Which was often. Loop was deathly silent as Mirabelle combed through their hair, they weren't sure that they were breathing.

Afterwards as they struggled to sleep they hoped that Siffrin didn't realize what they did, that he wouldn't look at them differently, that they wouldn't hate them. That they didn't realize how stupid it was to keep them around.

….

When Loop finally managed to fall asleep they dreamt of their hands around their Stardust's neck.

They tried to not throw up afterwards. They barely succeeded. Mercifully the rest of the night was dreamless. They woke up tired the next day.

Loop was almost grateful that Siffrin's injury meant them being so out of it wasn't suspicious, everyone was out of it. Mirabelle walked into Siffrin's tent to do more healing craft, hopefully to at least make it so they'd be able to make it to the next town.

They try to not think about how if the party knew how dangerous Loop was to Siffrin they'd obviously throw away Loop. Why'd they keep around the Loop when they have Siffrin, obviously Loop was the spare here.

Loop gripped their arm feeling the stitches under their fingers and desperately hoped that they'd never become a danger to the rest of them.

They can't lose them, they've already lost their humanity the same night Siffrin lost his eye, they don't want to lose anything else.

Loop looks up at the morning sun and tries to not think about the stars under their skin.

And they fail, and they fail, and they fail.

Chapter Text

Dormont is a peaceful place with a rather peaceful meadow. It was the kind of place that bores anyone who spent any significant time in town. That won't be a problem here seeing as Siffrin and his party are only there for a few days to defeat The King. Somehow a villain freezing a country in time isn't subtracting from the peaceful atmosphere. It is a downer, obviously but not vibe ruining.

Siffrin was laying in said peaceful meadow taking a nap, on this peaceful day before the end of the world. Mirabelle was walking up to Siffrin's sleeping form calling out his name. She tried valiantly to wake up the sleeping beauty, however she only got them to crack open their remaining eye to look at her. She relented and allowed him to slumber for a few more minutes.

Then though sheer force of will Siffrin sat up and walked into town. Amazing. Truly amazing. The ability to wake up and talk to someone. The talk went well aside from one stumble on Siffrin's part. He recovered, managing to backpedal and not upset Mirabelle with his lack of enthusiasm. With said recovery Mirabelle asked for his help with her sleepover idea.

“- And Loop is… oh no. I don't know where Loop is!” the housemaiden realized after effortlessly listing the locations of every single other party member. “They just wandered off! Oh no I hope they're okay!”

Siffrin grinned,  “I'm sure they've died the second they left our sight. Dormont is verrrry dangerous.”

Mira paused to level a playful glare at Siffrin, “I know they're probably fine, but…” she looked nervous, “Loop… has a talent of getting in trouble,  you know this.”

The laugh escaped them before he could stop it, “I do but it's funny trouble. Remember last town when they managed to make an army of chickens to follow them to-”

“Siffrin! That wasn't funny!” She said while laughing undercutting her point greatly. “And it was only 20 chickens which doesn't count as an army.” 

“Well, that guy deserved what happened to him, even if it wasn't an army.”

Mirabelle looked unimpressed at the notion that ‘that guy’ deserved the chaos of Loop's army of 20 chickens. ‘That guy's’ great and terrible crime was that he was mean to Mirabelle. Which means that everyone but Mirabelle thinks he deserved worse. She sighed, “I don't want to add more to your plate after asking for your help already but…”

Siffrin smiled softly, “I'd be able to find them.”

She smiled back. “Thank you, Siffrin, try to stay out of trouble, okay?”

“No promises!” He said over his shoulder as he walked over to the store to inform Odile of the sleepover idea Mira had. In typical Odile fashion she called them kids, pointing out the holes in plan before agreeing to the sleepover idea.

“- I better get a bed to myself.”

“Mira and Bonnie will probably share.”

“Mirabelle and Bonnie huh? I guess that leaves you, Loop and Isabeau to fight over who gets the last bed I suppose.”

Siffrin frowned at this. He would rather not fight Isabeau or Loop! “I'll just sleep on the floor and let them share.”

For some reason Odile huffs a laugh at this, well by ‘some reason’ means that Odile is very aware that both the party's fighter and its bard are both rather taken with its rogue, not that said rogue is aware of this fact. 

“That'll be better for keeping the peace I suppose. It'll also be quite amusing.” 

Siffrin was confounded by this statement. They moved on to asking about the future. They smiled as she talked about continuing her travels without the party or simply returning home, he ignored the pit starting to form in his stomach. He deflected when asked about his own plans, saying he will create a new field of research. 

Before Siffrin could leave the store he paused,  “Oh I thought I should ask, have you seen Loop?” 

“Hmm, no I can't say I have, we should probably find them before they… do something.”

Siffrin laughs, “they can behave themselves.”

“Oh can they? Will miracles ever cease?” Odile gives Siffrin a smirk, looking up from her book.

“They can, it's happened before.”

“Must have at some point, I will have a hard time trying to recall such a thing.”

Siffrin stuck out his tongue, “I will continue on with my noble search for our very well behaved Loop elsewhere.”

A snort escaped from Odile as she turned back to buying supplies, “Good luck, Siffrin.”

He continued on with his task; talking with Bonnie about the sleepover and the future, they didn't mention wanting to go on more adventures with Frin, Siffrin didn't know what they expected, Bonnie hated them now after all. One more question to ask.

“Do you know where Loop is Bonnie?”

“Huh? No I don't, why don't you know where they are?”

“Do you think I just know where they are at all times????”

“They know where you are.”

Siffrin blinks rapidly, “What do you mean?”

“Every time someone wonders where you are they know where you went! They told me it was magic! Why can't you do the same thing, dummy?”

….

“People can't do magic Bonnie.”

“Hehe just because you can't doesn't mean Lulu can't!”

Siffrin didn't have anything to say about that and continued on, they paused to ask Mirabelle what she'll do afterwards, after the king was defeated, if he'll be defeated. She mentions a pilgrimage, he wonders how that's  different from what she's already done and he smiles and ignores the growing pit once more.

Isabeau time! They made to what most people's standards be a passable pun about the tree, to Isa it seemed to be the funniest joke in the world. The traveler told him about the sleepover and asked about what he'll do if they beat the king. A fashion designer apparently, Sif smiled enjoying knowing something new about their dear comedy partner. Ignoring the pit that grew just a bit more at the fact that everyone will go their separate ways. He'll deal with those feelings later he supposed.

They were about to ask Isabeau about the potential whereabouts of Loop but after looking at the tree closely Siffrin smiled, and continued on their way. He saw their boots sticking out from underneath the favor tree, something easily overlooked at a glance. 

“Loop!” 

They jumped, having been rudely woken up from a nap. They moved glare at perpator of this grievous crime then softened at the sight of their Stardust. 

An important fact about what Loop has done after realizing the true nature of their reality: they tried to avoid Siffrin as much as possible. The fact that Siffrin ‘abandonment issues extraordinaire’ has not noticed this meant that Loop was impressively bad at staying away from him.

“Stardust, why have you awakened me from my slumber?”

“Oh Mira had plans for a sleepover at the clocktower.”

“Ah yes, what was going to happen anyway by a different name. A sleepover does sound better, more whimsy to it.” 

“I guess so. Why are you under this tree anyway?”

“It's a smarter place to take a nap rather than in a sunny field. I'm surprised you didn't get burned.”

“I don't get sunburned that easily!”

Loop simply stared at them unblinking until Siffrin looked away. Loop grinned, “Hm, I thought so.”

Maybe someone else more observant would notice that Loop's teeth were on the sharp side, more fanglike, dangerous. Maybe Siffrin did notice and had long stopped caring about all the little signs of points to Loop belonging to the fae. Maybe Stardust cared more about the fact that Loop was his friend rather than their potential to be a changeling. And could ignore addressing the clear inhumanity of said friend.

How foolish. 

He shifted his weight a bit before clearing their throat. “Loop, what will you do after we beat the king?” 

And he hoped dearly that Loop would mention traveling together, like they did before the pair even met the party, it wouldn't be odd would it? To fall back into step with them, a return of their shared status quo, it just made sense. 

Loop froze, before the question fell from Stardust's mouth they had picked up their lute fiddling with the strings playing a few notes, afterwards they were lost in their own head. The truth is that Loop would love to say what Siffrin desperately wanted to hear right that moment. 

What they said next was instead: “We won't beat him, most likely, so why would it matter?”

Deflection is a tool Loop might be accused of overusing but, the fae can't tell an outright lie can they? Implication is another tool they are fond of using. Because even if they can't lie doesn't mean they like to be honest. 

“But if we did what would you want to do?” Siffrin pushed. 

Stars, what they wanted to do was to stay alongside these people who they care about more than anything, stay by Stardust's side until he finally gets sick of them.

But instinct demands something entirely different from Loop. They remember all too well the feeling of his knife in their hand. It's odd, how well that knife fit in their hand, the knife they had carried around before they met Stardust felt like it burned whenever they tried to hold it. Stardust's knife almost felt nice to hold. Loop hadn't hurt Siffrin that night, but they could have. If no one else was around who's to say they wouldn't have cut him open while he was so weak and helpless. Taken his heart and devoured it whole. So Loop can't do what they want, it goes against their very nature doesn't it? 

“I had planned,” Loop said carefully, because what they planned was very different from what they wanted, “to attempt to travel alone.”

What Loop meant by this was: I don't trust myself, I don't want you dead, we were blinding idiots for traveling together in the first place, even if I wouldn't give up knowing you for the world, I wish for your safety over my happiness.

For Siffrin the growing pit turned into a chasm and he almost wanted to scream ‘You too Loop? After everything you too will abandon me?’ 

He doesn't say that, “Ah finally got sick of me haha?”

Someone who'd never ever seen a human face before would be able to tell how fake his smile is as they said that. It's impressive in how unconvincing it was.

“No I haven't!” Loop said quickly enough that they forgot to hide what they felt. “I just-”

They searched their mind desperately trying to find a way to word their reasoning that wasn't the truth, and couldn't find one, so they left the unfinished sentence in the air and smiled, “Stardust have you made a wish to the favor tree yet?” 

“No I haven't but Loop-”

“You should do that, it's good to have all the help we can possibly get.” They then walked away not trusting any part of themself to not do something to their Stardust. For good or for ill.

Siffrin watched them leave. They then went about finding the perfect leaf to make their wish with. They thought about a wish about Loop then decided it was something too selfish for him to ask, so he wished to see Bonnie reunited with their sister. At least that's what he thought they wished for but you know better than that don't you? 

As Loop walked away they ignored the strange tugging on their chest and made their way to the clocktower. Siffrin showed up a bit later having decided to wander around talking to people in Dormont first. Most likely to help push what Loop said into the back of their mind. 

The meal Bonnie made was delicious, obviously. Loop ate allowing themself to enjoy it even as a strange foreboding made its way into their very core. 

Mirabelle got up afterwards and tried to give everyone a way out of her quest, an out literally no one in their group would want to take. And no one did.

“Really Plum,” Loop drawled smirking her way, “you'd need to try harder than that if you wanted to get rid of me.”

Mirabelle gave a watery giggle at that, “I wouldn't ever want to do that Loop.” 

There was a group hug that Loop didn't join, staying next to Stardust and making an exaggerated ‘aww’ at the sight. 

A bit later before they all went to sleep Loop pulled Mirabelle aside for a more sincere pep talk, whilst carefully avoiding mentioning Loop's growing gut feeling of dread. Mirabelle hugged Loop one on one seeing as Mirabelle had touching Loop privileges for a while at that point. An honor that so far only Stardust also had. 

Siffrin had taken out a bedroll out of their supplies after informing Isabeau and Loop of his decision to let them share the last bed. Loop promptly claimed one side of the bed. Isabeau attempted to let Siffrin have the bed. This went on for a little bit before Madame Odile got tired of the two's nonsense and told him to just go to bed. Then he did.

After that the night passed by uneventfully. 

The locked door of the house stood imposing before all of them. As they all unlocked the door they were all nervous. Loop watching the door open became certain of what the feeling they had since yesterday was about: someone will die today. 

There's an awareness of what will happen that some fae have, not unlike animals acting strange before a natural disaster. Loop felt this kind of feeling before, just before Siffrin lost their eye in fact. 

Everyone walked ahead, Loop's body tensed as they took up the rear, gripping the crossbow they got as a replacement when they finally dropped their knife in an area where they couldn't get it back. 

So far it was normal, Mirabelle got nervous over fighting a sadness, Siffrin found a key, they found a few tonics in the room across from the key. While picking up said tonics Mirabelle happily informed the group that she had taught Loop some healing crafts but that they should still be careful with cooldowns. Odile seemed to want to ask why Loop had gained such a sudden interest in healing craft, however all it took was Loop to glance at Siffrin's eyepatch for madame Odile to put the pieces together and drop it.

Then there was the death corridor. 

Siffrin was tasked with looking around to find traps, Loop was next to Mira seeming uncharacteristically worried. 

Siffrin… didn't find anything amiss. 

Mirabelle was still worried, Loop didn't say anything because they couldn't explain the gut feeling they had so they didn't say anything as everyone reassured Mira. Siffrin was in the middle of the room. Nothing was happening. Siffrin is okay. Alive. 

Maybe Loop was just being paranoid, just because they got a bad feeling once and something bad then happened didn't mean anything. So Loop let themself relax.

“Everything's fine!”

Then the boulder fell.

The smell of blood, of iron was overwhelming. It burned Loop's throat, like the air itself was tainted by Stardust's blood. The sound of bones cracking, the squelch of the blood, the big blinding stone sitting where Siffrin once was, mocking all of them. 

Someone screamed out Stardust's name.

Loop realized it was them.

Then-

They were underneath the favor tree. And they sat there. Unmoving. 

For most people this would be explained away as a dream. Loop didn't have someone walking up to them repeating themselves or anything like that. But Loop knew what happened with such clarity, time itself had moved back, reset. 

The fae can sense these things after all.

Siffrin walked up to them after a while. Shifting their weight from side to side.

“Um, Loop? Has anything… odd happened lately?”

Loop couldn't help themselves; they started to laugh hysterically. 

Because odd was underselling it. 

“There are a great many different words I'd use aside from ‘odd’ to describe watching you die Stardust!” They exclaimed their voice a touch hysterical. 

Siffrin's eye widened, “Oh,” they said softly, “you remember that.”

“Why wouldn't I-” they started before looking closely at Siffrin. 

Oh.

They already asked the others, didn't they? And no one else knew what Siffrin was talking about did they? 

“Stars.” Loop cursed. “How blindingly wonderful.”

Chapter Text

“So!” Loop clapped their hands together trying to chase away their nerves, “We are in a timeloop, now what?”

Siffrin tilts their head like a confused puppy, “Are we sure it's not a one time thing?”

Loop was certain. They couldn't explain why but they were very certain, almost as Loop could feel the flow of time being tied into a knot. Because they could. 

“Gut feeling,” Loop said simply, Siffrin nodded, he could understand that. A gut feeling has saved the pair's life before. Multiple times actually. “So, have you told anyone about what happened- ah who am I kidding of course you didn't.”

“Hey! I just thought… it's not something that I can easily explain.”

Loop decided that did make sense; it was a bit out there. Although  ‘I'm looping in time’ might be good to tell them, eventually. Maybe. It's only the first loop, they barely have any information and madame Odile probably would want information. 

“So I was right then.” Loop grinned, they do so enjoy being right. Siffrin glared at them, Loop's smile grew wider. “We can always tell them later-”

“No.”

Loop paused to stare at them, “No? Why no Stardust?”

He started to backpedal, “I mean, why should we? I can use this to help everyone, it can just be a fun story we talk about after we beat the King.”

Ah the dread is back in full force, how fun. “Will we beat him?”

“We have unlimited tries Loop! Of course we'll beat him, maybe not this loop-” Loop laughed at that, “but eventually we will!”

“I reserve the right to tell everyone if need be.” Siffrin opened his mouth as if to protest but Loop continued, “I won't tell them right now don't worry. It'll be… a last resort.”

“Promise?”

“You have my word.” It's a powerful thing, a fae's word, because they can break promises as easily as they can lie. Meaning it's quite impossible. 

Siffrin exhales and smiles, because they trust Loop, something Loop tries desperately to not feel guilty over. He then promptly sat next to Loop and leaned into their side, burying their face into the crook of Loop's neck. 

Ah, Loop thought, they are barely keeping it together huh?

It wasn't uncommon for Loop and Siffrin to touch each other, mostly small things like holding hands, shoving each other playfully and of course doing the other's hair. But it's an unspoken thing between them that they could, if need be, initiate what would be overwhelming amounts of contact normally. On bad days you could find either Loop or Siffrin flopped on top of each other not talking. It was a bit odd to their other party members, seeing as they believed the pair hated touch. 

Loop of course refuses to explain themself at all, Siffrin, when pressed just looks confused and says, as if it's the most obvious thing in the world: ‘It's Loop’. As if that's all the explanation needed. 

So Loop said nothing more and ran their fingers through their Stardust's hair until his breathing evened out. He was slow to move away from Loop but eventually he got up, Loop waved to them as he left, he waved back.

Then Loop was alone. 

Their own mind betrays them at the very moment Stardust leaves their view, a thought shoving their way to the front of their other more scattered thoughts: you said his name.

Not Stardust, not Frin, not Sif but the whole thing. Siffrin. They said it.

They are not supposed to say anyone's name. Loop tries desperately to reason their way out of a spiral by repeating three times out loud:

 “He didn't hear it, they were dead, he couldn't hear it.”

It worked, barely. Threes are comforting to the fae after all. 

Watching their Stardust die in front of them wasn't the first time Loop has said someone's name. It might've been easier if it was, they might be able to move on without worry. They sighed. 

They've been smart about not saying any party members’ names, but the first time they said someone's name is something they don't remember but haunts them. It was when they were a child and with a man who wasn't from Vaugarde but had spent enough time there to adopt some of the country's ideals. Ideals such as acceptance of the strange and odd. Like a changeling child who could say nothing at first but learned language too quickly, who never blinked, and only breathed when they spoke. Who had a stolen face of a child who shipwrecked in an entirely different country. He took in this child into his traveling crew of actors, no one aside from him liked said child, looking at their oddities whilst keeping a hand on their weapons. 

Loop made the mistake of asking him for his name.

He made the mistake of giving it.

His name was Lupe. 

Loop could be forgiven for misspelling their pilfered name all this time, they only heard it spoken. If they wanted to see how it was spelled tough luck, they were chased away quickly after receiving it. The actors who traveled with the man, loved him, cared for him, actors who saw their friend glassy eyed and stock still, with that horrible changeling child spouting words that made their heads hurt terribly by his side. They did what they thought was best and made sure Loop could never return to that family ever. 

… So they never saw it written down. 

Of course Loop doesn't remember where they got their name, but they remember the lesson, the rule that was burned into their mind: never ask anyone for their name. 

They have said someone else's name three times in their life so far, not counting their most recent blunder.  Bad things happened to all three. Loop doesn't remember any them but they remember the lessons now written into their very soul:

Don't ask for names, don't say them, and never make a command in the same sentence with the name.

All rules written in blood so to speak. 

They stare at the ground and wonder if this is their fault. If somehow saying Stardust's name caused a blinding timeloop. Perhaps. Even if it's not the case, Loop might not be an innocent bystander in this. Or maybe they are. Either way it's time to move forward to the clocktower once again. 

The party noticed how off the pair were, of course they did. Neither ate as much as they usually did. Luckily Siffrin lied for both of them saying he got bread for both of them to eat earlier. 

That was a common favor Siffrin did for Loop, lying for them. 

After dinner Siffrin, who still was a bundle of nerves, asked Isa if he was okay taking the ground, feeling guilty the minute the request left his mouth. Because it was Siffrin asking he happily agreed, honestly proud of Siffrin for asking in the first place. 

Perhaps it would've been smart to use this time of sharing a bed to strategize, instead the pair wordlessly held on to one another trying their best to fall asleep. This was helpful in its own way and the pair managed to stabilize themselves before they stood at the door to the house once again. 

Retracing their steps was an odd experience, seeing the same walls, sadnesses and rooms. They should probably get used to it, the story is far from done, and Loop knows better than to think they'll survive this loop. At least the foreboding feeling was easily stomached this time, this loop was doomed but it's not the end of the world. Well… it's not permanently the end of the world. 

This time when they entered the death corridor Siffrin checked each pillar with an unprecedented scrutiny. He groans when he looks at the middle right pillar and presses the switch. The boulder fell. Crushing nothing but the ground below. The sigh of relief escaped from Loop before they could stop themself. They think they saw Odile glance at them but didn't dwell on it. 

Once they got past the first trap Siffrin turned left to go down a hallway, there was a room with a sword hanging on the wall. Mirabelle took it for herself after a touch of hesitation. 

… Loop wished she'd be able to keep it, that they wouldn't have to pick up equipment everytime , oh well, guess they'll just have to get used to picking stuff up over and over and over again. 

Siffrin looked at the rack of weapons in the room and a conversation about houses offering lessons on how to make weapons started.

“I took Loop to one of those lessons after they lost their knife,” Isabeau supplies, “I was… surprised when they made a crossbow.”

“I'm a good shot,” Loop replied, twirling an arrow between their fingers. And it was the weapon with the least amount of iron, less likely to burn them. “I don't even remember where I got that knife.”

They didn't really care about the loss of their old knife, it was dull and poorly made,  nothing like Stardust's frankly beautiful knife that Loop wanted to steal and press into Stardust's-

Loop forced themself away from that train of thought. 

“You are almost scarily good, have you used such a weapon before?” Odile inquired.

“No.” 

Odile hummed, then wrote something down, “Interesting, I wonder why you chose a crossbow then?”

“Had a good feeling about it.”

“I see.” She seemed to make another note.

“Madame?”

“Yes Loop?”

Loop grinned, “Usually, I'm very sharp; I can kill, maim, or give you direction. What am I?”

She smiles just a bit, “An arrow, really Loop if you wish to stump me, you shouldn't be holding the answer in your hands.”

Loop giggles, putting away the arrow and steepled their fingers, “I wanted to give you an easy one. We have a long way to go. Wouldn't want to work that brain of yours too hard.” 

“Of course not.” Odile shook her head and put away her book. For now.

Loop wasn't too upset about never being able to throw off Odile, after all madame had yet to figure out the riddle of Loop's existence. It was almost fun having her suspicious yet indulgent towards Loop. Instead of suspicious and scared or suspicious and angry. Or a great deal of the many other emotions Loop had pointed their way. Curiosity was harmless and fun in comparison. 

After they made it back into the hall it was discovered that the door at the end of the hallway was locked, time for backtracking. Once they went into the hallway on the right, Loop had to stop themself from stumbling. 

Siffrin was going to die in this hallway. 

They were about to ask Mirabelle if there was another deathtrap when Siffrin took a turn into a room instead of walking straight down the hallway. Loop felt themself relax even if they knew it wasn't going to last. 

Siffrin explored a bit and found a checkerboard, Isabeau let out an exaggerated sigh, “Can Sif and I finally be unbanned from team checkers?”

“Well,” Loop started voice coated by venom and honey, “Maybe if our darling Stardust over there would be able to resist cheating maybe~” The fae liked rules, begrudgingly respected those who one upped them while following them, despised those who broke them. In the grand scheme of things cheating at checkers didn't really matter, still it made Loop mad.

Siffrin had the audacity to wink at Loop, Loop glared back. Isabeau stifled a laugh. 

“Clearly they cheated because they knew they couldn't beat me and Lulu!” Bonnie exclaimed, raising their little arms over their head. “We managed to beat Belle and Dile once!” They continued proudly.  

“I believe that you two can win again!” Mirabelle encourages with a smile, “plus it was funny to see madame Odile so confused.”

“I won't let myself be tricked next time, so I doubt they have any wins in the future.” Odile stated simply. 

“Absolutely no faith in us Madame? That's fine, it'll make victory that much better.” Loop said a touch too intense. 

“We'll see,” Odile replied also with an inappropriate level of intensity. 

Bonnie and Mirabelle looked at each other then shrugged, their team members taking the game too seriously had become part of the fun. And if it wasn't? Well their friends would probably be willing to cool it with the competitiveness if asked. Or maybe they'll just watch the two play and root for which one they'd want to win. Siffrin would probably root for Odile if for nothing else than to annoy Loop.

Siffrin continued to look around, frowning at the lack of keys then walked back into the hallway, Loop watched as the party walked up to a strange blob of floating water. 

Tears apparently, they were dangerous obviously since according to Bonnie they froze you in time. 

Siffrin… was looking at it for far too long. 

He smiled and pointed in the opposite direction, “What's over there?”

“Oh?” Isabeau said while looking where Siffrin was pointing, “Are we being distracted?”

Loop was still looking at Siffrin. Still looking as he plunged his arm into the tear. Saw Siffrin be frozen in time. Watching the life fade from his remaining eye and body and-

Time moved backwards, and Loop felt a tug on their stomach. 

It's funny. Last time they were so distracted that they didn't notice the sensation. This time the discomfort was almost in the forefront of their mind. Almost. The thought that actually stayed front and center was: Oh I wish we won't have to go back to the beginning every blinding time.

And by some miracle they didn't end up under the favor tree for the third time, instead they were at the beginning of the first floor. How? Loop looked at Siffrin who looked just as confused. Oh well, Loop would rather try to get stronger and prepare to fight the king instead of lollygagging around Dormont. 

Siffrin looked like he wanted to talk with Loop, but Loop shook their head then mouthed ‘later’ at them. He seemed to begrudgingly accept that answer. Their Stardust probably didn't want to be grabbed by Loop and shaken while Loop yells ‘What were you thinking??!’ which is something that they wanted to do very badly. Really this was a mercy on Loop's part.

Luckily Siffrin didn't decide to throw himself into any more tears and they moved on finding firstly a door with a word lock that they didn't have the key for, and a room housing a strange sadness, paper type, quick work was made of it. It dropped a crest. 

Siffrin looked at it confused until apparently getting an idea and guided everyone to a pathway blocked by a row of tears. Loop hadn't noticed the hallway, they were a tad preoccupied keeping an eye on their Stardust, hoping they didn't end up dead. Again. Siffrin had noticed and held out the crest towards the row of tears. He let out a sigh of relief after the row disappeared. Ah so he wasn't sure about that. 

Siffrin bumped his hip on the counter in the next room. And said ‘nya’ Loop smirked as Stardust tried to deny it. 

“Alright, nya.”

“MADAME?”

Loop giggled, “You're so cute Stardust~”

He turned to look at Loop and opened his mouth to protest but then a dawning horror came over his face. Horror? Why? Oh. Loop understood now. They smiled, sharp teeth perhaps a bit too proudly on display. They'll always remember this. 

How delightful. 

Siffrin clearly disagrees but oh well. There was a key in that room, but that wasn't as important as Loop having a new thing to hold over Siffrin's head and tease him about endlessly. Clearly. 

There was only one more key needed for that floor and luckily Siffrin managed to go in the right room for said key on the first try. Loop thought they'd just move on but instead Stardust went into the other room as well. The fighter pretended to attempt to read his fortune from a craftology book. He was corrected on this by Madame Odile. Loop wondered what it was about the fighter that made Loop so confused. He tells quite a few lies for such a genuine man, small ones, ones that Loop flat out doesn't understand the purpose of. It was almost like he wanted people to think he was stupid. Strange.

They saw him glance Loop's way for a second, understandable, the mystery of what Loop's craft type was well known in the group. Loop simply refused to answer whenever asked. The answer that almost forced its way out of Loop's mouth once was ‘wish craft’. Which sounded fake to them and would've confused even Loop. Their basic attack just copycatted whichever craft was used last. Just like how they copied Siffrin's appearance. Hm, they did not want to think about that. So they won't.

Loop decided to keep everyone in the dark, so they give anyone who asks a wink while refusing to answer, thankfully it didn't count as a lie. At least not by fae rules. Humans call that a lie by omission, fae find this to be a bit overdramatic. It's not their fault that humans decided that things other than saying something blatantly wrong counted as lies.

Loop was grateful when Siffrin decided to stop going down pathways he knew already was wrong and opened the door to the second floor. They faced a sadness that was stronger than they all were used to, the party won, barely, Loop made a note to talk to Siffrin about going out of their way to fight more sadnesses. The king was obviously going to be stronger than this sadness. 

Loop barely paid attention to snack time aside from choosing something at random and thanking the great and noble snack leader for the food, when prompted by Siffrin.

Once again Siffrin defaulted to going down the left hallway first, and they ran into a frozen housemaiden. Something that upsetted Mirabelle for obvious reasons. Loop didn't know what to say. At least half of the comforting things Loop could say were lies, so they settled on holding one of her hands while Isabeau attempted to do most of the comforting, getting her to talk about who this person was when everyone was still moving. 

They looked through the Head Housemaiden's office and didn't find anything. Then they discovered that the library door was locked and well… apparently there was a key in there, Siffrin just didn't find it. 

Siffrin looked embarrassed then stared at Loop before simply grabbing them and pulling them to the side. “I-”

“Why did you touch that tear?” Loop couldn't stop themself from asking.

Siffrin blinked then shrugged, “I wanted to see if it caused a loop.”

Loop's gut instinct was to admonish him for being unnecessarily reckless but wanting to know if something could cause a loop was good information to have. So they let it go and nodded their head.

“Well there's a tear over there isn't there?” Loop will just have to look away this time. Not stare as the life leaves his eyes, they can do that. Probably. 

“I wanted to loop back to Dormont.”

Loop stared at him, “Okay, I don't know why'd you want to do that but go ahead. I don't know why you would tell me.”

He… looks confused. “Aren't you the reason we looped back to the first floor?”

Loop wanted to say no, of course not, that didn't know why he'd think that. The word no didn't, couldn't escape their mouth. So it was a lie. They were the reason? How strange. 

They didn't answer, instead making a  demand, “Well I want a reason why.”

He nods, apparently finding this reasonable. “I wanted to ask for the openphrase for that door on the first floor,” he smiles, “It might be useful.” 

“Fine. I won't stop you.”

Loop looked away as Stardust walked towards the tear, they got to hear the rest of the party call Siffrin's name, they forced their eyes shut and waited for-

They felt a tug on their stomach and-

They woke up staring at the leaves of favor tree for the third time. Already Loop is getting sick of the sight. Who knows how long it'll be until they make it to the king. It's only the third loop. How many more will be needed? 

… Maybe threes aren't that comforting to the fae after all.

Chapter Text

They internally debated on going and exploring Dormont if Stardust was so insistent on spending time here, not getting any closer to beating the king. But they don't know how many times they'll be here in this calm before the storm, they would rather save some things to be surprises, although Loop doubts Dormont is a town with many surprises. 

Loop decided on staying under the tree until Siffrin came to talk to them for politeness sake, kicking their feet as they waited. The fighter was in view when they sat up, they looked at him curious. 

They wondered how he saw them, what he thought when Loop crossed his mind. If he even ever had them on their mind. Which was unlikely honestly. Loop didn't think they were mean to him, if they were he'd tell them to knock it off surely. He didn't seem to be the kind of man who'd take that lying down. Or maybe he was.

Loop was as fond of him as they were the other party members. It was just fun to… needle him considering his obvious feelings for their Stardust. 

Despite themself they hope he'll be able to tell them. They would be a adorable couple, and wouldn't have to field uncomfortable questions about how much they looked like they were twins or-

Loop shut their eyes, breathing in and out harshly. No. Stop. They berated themself, they knew they had to stop thinking about stuff like that. After this journey, after they broke out of these loops, Loop will never see Siffrin again, let alone be around to make sappy declarations of love. That will be Isabeau's job. He'll be good at it. Siffrin will be happy and safe. That's what they want, it has to be what they want. 

And they need to stop being so blinding possessive towards them. 

Although the feeling is lessened by the idea of sharing Stardust. It would be adorable, Loop and the fighter both working together towards the noble goal of making Stardust a flustered mess. Again something Loop needed to stop thinking about. It couldn't happen. Maybe if their affections were pointed towards Isabeau it would've been fine, Loop doesn't think about tearing out his heart in a desperate bid for humanity. 

They frowned, their eyes staring at the ground, it's dumb to think about this. To think about anything other than the end goal of letting Siffrin go. They can't go back to before Siffrin lost their eye, when they had a small inkling of what feelings they had towards him. Knowing it was love was easy, knowing if it was romantic was harder. 

Then because the Universe itself seems to hate Loop in particular, it was after Siffrin lost his eye, when he started moving around again, he tripped and Loop caught him… Stardust looked up at them with a grin and said, ‘thank you Loop!’ 

With Stardust in their arms and him pointing an unfairly adorable grin their way, Loop couldn't deny it. They were in love with him. And they hated that fact. Truly hated that they had to put the blindingly obvious pieces together after it was painfully clear that it was an impossibility to have such a relationship. 

Ah speaking of the Universe hating them, Siffrin was coming, Loop snapped up, kicking their feet again, slipping on a smile. Can't let them see Loop be lost in thought, he might ask what's wrong and Loop might answer truthfully. Horrifying. 

Siffrin stopped to talk to Isabeau first, he made a pun about the tree Loop happened to be under, they both laughed, Siffrin's voice was strange as they did so, then Isabeau raised his hand towards Siffrin's shoulder and then pulled his hand away at the last minute. Loop wouldn't care about the interaction that much aside from the fact that their Stardust watches the fighter's moments with a touch of confusion in his eyes. That didn't seem like something he'd notice. If it happened once. Ah so this has happened before. How amusing. 

Stardust waves bye to the fighter and walks over to Loop. He sat down across from Loop giving them a smile.

“Sooo, did you get what you came for?” 

Siffrin nodded quickly then pulled out a flower holding it towards Loop, “Flower for you!”

Loop stared at it in confusion, “I thought you wanted to loop back here to get a openphrase?”

“Oh I did, I just also wanted to give the flower to you this time.” 

“Who did you give the flower to before?” If Loop was able to lie they might've thrown in ‘not that care about that’ or might've said ‘I don't want your stupid flower Stardust’.

“I gave it to Mira the first time, I didn't even grab it the second time around.” He pauses, “Aren't you going to take it?”

They had been holding out the flower to Loop the entire conversation. It was quickly becoming unbelievably rude for Loop to be sitting there doing nothing. 

“You should really give it to someone else.” Loop said instead of just taking the flower. 

Siffrin's face falls, “Why? I don't see why you wouldn't want it.”

They do want it but they need to stop. Stop being close to them. Close enough to hurt him. “I do- I- just give it to someone else, how about the researcher?”

There was some sort of understanding that flashed on Siffrin's face and he put away the flower. 

“Well!” Loop said, trying to chase away a strange feeling of disappointment, “we're going to have to go through a whole floor again, and this time maybe just head straight for the keys.”

Siffrin laughed, “Alright, mx. Impatient.”

Loop glowered at him, Siffrin just grinned back. 

Loop wondered if he was even taking this seriously. He in a way was not. Siffrin had Loop with him, Loop who he'd spent years with, who'd helped them out of danger too many times to count. His faith that Loop will help him out of this mess was unshakable. For now.

“Ugh,” Loop pinched the bridge of their nose, “don't you want to spend less time hearing the same things over and over again?”

“It's not that bad.”

“Yet.”

“... Yet” Siffrin reluctantly agrees.

Eventually they both left the favor tree and went back to the clocktower. Loop decided it was best for Isabeau and Siffrin to share the bed this time and was rewarded with Isabeau trying to confess to their Stardust. And chickening out. Wonderful.

“Stop flirting and go to sleep.” Loop grumbles from the floor and gets a much more rewarding experience of Isabeau stuttering and trying to explain himself. He got a pillow thrown at his head. Loop laughs before Odile threatens them all into silence.

Loop didn't need to sleep. They never really did need it. The fae didn't tire of their dances, riddles and games and could go deep into the night while any humans tried to keep up failed miserably. There's a reason why joining a fae party was seen as an act of hubris. Humans are filled with hubris, it was funny how even the most obvious warning signs get ignored by them.

Loop didn't need sleep but it was a way to pass the time. So they did, wishing that it was dreamless. They got their wish this time.

They woke up to a giggle, cracking their eyes open to see Mirabelle smiling at them. 

“Looks like you got a gift Loop!” She said another round of giggles coming out of her.

“Wha?”

Mirabelle pointed towards a mirror and Loop looked to see-

….

….?

They were wearing a flower crown? Did someone put it on them while they were asleep? Why? They looked around and spotted Siffrin's grin.

“Stardust what-”

“Flower for you.” He said simply and smugly. 

That little-

When did he even have the time? Well Isabeau sleeps like a rock and this was not the first nor last time they'll use this fact to mess with someone. 

There were a great number of things that might have happened to Siffrin in that moment if Odile hadn't come along to hurd the group into moving forward. Luckily for Siffrin he did get to live a little bit longer that loop. Hm. Maybe such jokes were in bad taste.

…. Loop kept wearing the flower crown when they went into the house. They then tried to avoid Siffrin's beam at that fact.

The first floor was a blur, partially due to Loop almost refusing to pay attention and because Siffrin did take the advice of making a beeline for the keys. The storage room had at least a few items that could be useful, but Loop felt like it would've been better to just press on.

There was a book that caught their eye, in a language that they felt like they should be able to read and sometimes was barely able to. They left the book alone, an odd fear lacing through their bones.

That book was filled with dangerous information that they didn't want to have. Luckily for Loop they won't need it. Yet. 

Getting past the first boss sadness was a bit easier now that they didn't mess around or well understood the deal with it at least. 

This time he did find the key in the head Housemaiden's office, taped under the desk instead of inside it. They could be forgiven for that. He was missing an eye so missing things make sense. The library was smaller than Loop expected, oh well, it made Siffrin finding the key easier. 

Siffrin on the way to the library Siffrin managed to not look at the frozen housemaiden in the hallway. On the way back they seemed to not be able to help himself and stepped up to them. 

Mirabelle and the fighter seemed to notice the earrings, bonding earrings apparently, whatever those are, and started fantasizing about the romantic reunion that was sure to take place aloud. Loop couldn't help themself. They took out their lute and started playing a suitably dramatic and romantic song to accompany the pair's story. Odile let out a long suffering sigh and Loop couldn't help the grin that grew on their face. Eventually Bonnie interrupted and Loop couldn't stop themself from laughing. 

… They were more relaxed with their lute in hand, they don't remember where they learned to play it but it was helpful, either from playing on the streets or hired to play at an inn or two it had kept them fed. They didn't switch out the lute for their crossbow aside from having to fight sadnesses for the rest of the floor. 

So they played as they all walked, changing the song slightly for conversations and such. Odile probably finds it irritating, maybe Siffrin as well but no one stops them. Loop was grateful for that.

Loop's mind wanders off into their past travels with Siffrin, when it was just the two of them, Loop prefers traveling together with the others more if nothing else then because of how new everything was. They weren't used to people liking them. Having people to laugh with them. They got used to Siffrin's company and they love them, greatly, embarrassingly, completely, but Loop had to admit that the pair was too dependent on each other. There was a reason Loop decided to share a tent with Mira instead of Siffrin. It was necessary to be able to be apart from them. Loop just wanted a world were cutting themself out of Siffrin's life wasn't necessary-

Stop thinking about it. Stop it. Don't ask for things. It's dangerous when things like Loop get what they want.

….

Moving on. 

They found another strange sadness, the ones that drop crests, and have a bit of a problem considering it was scissors type and there is something of a drith of rock type moves in the party. They did manage it. Again barely. Loop hoped that it wouldn't become a pattern; scraping by, half the party looking in bad shape. Well at least they won't have to waste time and crafts trying to figure out what type the sadness was next time.

Hm. They hate that. The knowledge that they will fail, the mere idea that they'll get to the king and beat him feeling like a joke. Next time. Next time. Next time. It's becoming such a common thought! 

They hate it! They hate it! They! Hate-

“- But only one crest!” Bonnie knocked the thought out of their head and they looked around. 

Ah, a choice they see. Beauty alliance vs the age alliance. Such a difficult decision. Loop walked past both and stood by a pillar.

“Looks like you're the tie breaker, Stardust~” Loop sing songs and starts to play a song to fit with the suspense.

The look of betrayal on their Stardust's face was truly priceless. 

“You're not going to choose a side?!”

“Of course not! What if we choose opposite sides? We'd end up nowhere,  so~ choose a side Stardust~”

“Loop does have a point.” Odile muses, “Having an even number of people makes it possible for this way of deciding to end up being unproductive.”

Stardust pouts then turns to the beauty alliance, “Because Odile agreed with Loop, I chose the beauty alliance.” 

“Excellent choice Sif!”

“I didn't realize that you could be this petty Siffrin, I'm disappointed in you.”

“I bring it out of him Madame.” Loop says with a wink.

“Clearly, you two bring out only the best in each other.”

“Obviously,” Loop says with a bow, “it's hard to imagine who'd I be without them.” 

“Aww!” Mirabelle exclaims, and Loop realized that they sounded genuine instead of layering on sarcasm like peanut butter. Oops! It was typically an excellent loophole, saying something in the least genuine way possible and it doesn't matter if it's actually the truth. 

Loop looked away playing with a flower on their crown.

“Disgusting,” Odile says with a smirk, “Siffrin please spare me from more emotions and use the crest already.”

Siffrin looked away from Loop, giving Odile a mock salute and used the crest. The beauty alliance was actually the correct choice and they went on to the third floor. 

Two strong sadnesses. Luckily one was a paper type so it was easy to whittle down it's heath and-

Oh.

It killed its partner. Ha… for no reason other than to save itself, to gain more health that would be gone soon enough anyway. How pathetic. 

Loop landed hit on it that halved its remaining heath. They felt wrong footed as they did so. An all out attack ended the thing's miserable existence. Good. Loop hated the thing, glad it's gone. Glad that they get to teach it the same lesson later. 

The stitches on their arm itches. 

The party finds another safe spot and settles in for a second snack break. Loop was trying desperately to clear their head when dearest Isabeau decided that was an excellent time to talk about death.

When Siffrin was asked about what they should do with his body he said to bury their body on the highest peak. That sounded familiar to Loop somehow. 

“And Loop? What about you?”

“I won't die easily. So it won't matter.” Fae can die, as is the nature of living means that that life can be taken away, but Loop was correct in the case of being hard to kill. Unless someone had weapons made of iron. Loop did feel like they were forgetting something about their own morality. And they were forgetting something. Something important. Something to be relearned later.

“How confident of you Loop, it's truly extraordinary to have someone so tough on our side.” Odile says, rolling her eyes. 

Loop smiled back. Bonnie was ready with the snack and Loop picked a madeleine, Siffrin chose some pineapple with sugar on it.

Suddenly Loop was slammed with the feeling of foreboding and they slapped the pineapple out of Siffrin's hands.

“Wha-”

“You're allergic to pineapples.”

Siffrin stared at Loop in pure confusion, “Am I???”

“You really are.” It was the only explanation for that sudden feeling, the fact that as soon as the pineapple wasn't in Siffrin's hands the feeling disappeared was proof of this.

“Huh, then I'm glad you remembered Loop, I'd rather not deal with a sick Siffrin today. No offense meant of course it's just better for all of us to have our wits about us.” Odile said, flipping through her book. 

Hm, Loop had a feeling that Siffrin wouldn't just be sick, but dead. Loop didn't say anything to the contrary. After all that was harder to explain wasn't it? The gut feeling that pineapple would kill them vs the assumption of an unfortunate event in Loop and Siffrin's past. 

Bonnie gasped, “I could have made Frin sick?!”

“It wouldn't be your fault Bonnie,” Siffrin says quickly, “I just didn't remember, if anything it would've been my fault.”

Bonnie frowned and looked at Loop, “Is… is Frin al-dur-ick to anything else?”

“It’s allergic, Boniface.” Odile corrected.

“Are they allergic to Madeleines? Or fish heads?” Bonnie continued suddenly worried that Siffrin would be unable to eat anything they made.

“I know I can eat fish heads Bonnie, it's fine.” Siffrin said, “And you've seen me eat madeleines before.”

Bonnie hasn't looked away from Loop, “Can they?”

“Don't worry Bumblebee, they aren't allergic to your other snacks.”

Bonnie finally relaxes and demands Frin to choose something else, Siffrin decided to eat the much less dangerous fish head. And so the snack break went on without any more problems. 

Loop looked around briefly, and realized something, these people trust them with Siffrin's safety. Siffrin trusts them. They have failed them at least three times and will continue to fail.

They think about their dreams of their hands around Siffrin's neck, cutting him open to grab at a still beating heart, and a recent dream where they tore him open with their teeth. Loop was probably the worst person to be trusted with their safety. 

They decided to not think about it. There's a whole new floor to explore after all. Maybe they'll even get to the king this time. 

Ha. 

Loop knew that was a lie. 

Chapter Text

The party was greeted by the sound of the king crying once they got to the third floor. It was a horrible sound, Loop tried to seem unaffected by it.

“Oh boohoo, I'm a villain freezing an entire country in time and I'm soooo saaaad.” Loop grumbles aloud. Then grins, “what am I?”

Odile gave them a look, “Loop that doesn't even count as a riddle.”

“So you're stumped?”

“The answer is the king, obviously because it wasn't even a riddle.”

Loop giggled and the party continued forward to a key… it didn't seem to be useful seeing as the door was blocked by… thread? 

Bonnie attempted to cut it with Siffrin's knife, but it only made a dent. So the goal is to find a better knife. Ugh the whole place is covered with what might be thread and while walking past some of it bushed Loop's arm, they shuddered with disgust. 

This floor seemed larger than the previous floors, and Loop felt a bit anxious, it wasn't like Siffrin was going to end up dead in the next few seconds but there was the start of the feeling. It was distant but present in the forefront of their mind. 

Great, they love knowing that their friend is going to die. They are almost getting used to it. Almost, it takes more than watching something happen three times to get desensitized. How lucky. They have to suffer more before they get to disassociate! 

Siffrin walked around and ran into a room with a big mirror, Isabeau looked at it closely and- 

“What was that!” Bonnie exclaimed. 

“Hehe BEHOLD!” Isabeau said, showing off a piece of paper. 

Oh! It was a picture of all of them. Odile offered for Siffrin to carry it, they enthusiastically agreed, he smiled at it. Loop looked at it over Siffrin's shoulder, hm maybe they should stand out of the line of sight of the mirror next time. It just wouldn't do for their Stardust to have any reminders of them. 

If Siffrin abandoned them they certainly wouldn't want any reminders. Well. Sharing the same face would be an obvious reminder wouldn't it? 

Siffrin found a key after the flash from the mirror revealed it, which was a relief, already finding the first key had to be a good omen. At least they hope so. 

Siffrin glanced down the hallway they didn't go do then seemingly decided to head back towards the left hallway. They found some paper mache hands, a row of tears then the door to the key they already found. Another row of tears, then-

“Oh that's! That's my room…”

“Ooooh what new Plum lore can we learn here?” Loop said, walking forward into the room and started looking around. 

“Don't tease me Loop!” Mira said going to stand next to Loop who had started to look through the bookshelf. This quickly turned into Mirabelle making book suggestions for Loop. Siffrin seemed to be looking around for a key but apparently there wasn't one within this room. Eventually they got Loop and Mira to stop talking about books to look for keys in a different room. 

They found the next key in a room where someone was apparently using bodycraft to undergo a change. Loop looked at the bodycraft book perhaps a bit too long. Would they even be able to use it? It wouldn't change what they were, it would just throw out some of the evidence of their inhumanity. What would they look like if they decided to try it? Do they actually want to look different? 

“Loop?” Isabeau said his face in an expression that looked dangerously like empathy. “We should move forward.”

“Ah sorry, I got lost in thought.” The party moved forward, but Loop could feel the fighter glancing at them. They hated it, at least he won't remember this. Loop didn't think they wanted to know what was going through the fighter's head.

They found a third strange sadness behind a locked door, a rock type, luckily Odile had strong paper attacks so they made quick work of it. 

The problem quickly became apparent, there were three rows of tears, one crest. Siffrin walked back and forth obviously nervous, he then turned to Loop, a smile starting to form, Loop liked when Siffrin smiled, most of the time. Not this time.

“Well, since Loop didn't help choose which row to choose last time-” Siffrin took out the crest and held out the crest towards Loop, “So it's only fair for our dear Loop to decide this time.”

“What.” Loop glared at Siffrin who seemed to think every glare shot his way should be met with a smile in return. “Shouldn't this also be put to a vote?”

“Hmm, no I think I see where Sif is coming from!”

Of course he does. Siding with Siffrin is second nature to him. Loop does a very good job at not rolling their eyes.

“Lulu is magic so they'd probably choose the right way!” Bonnie says with such enthusiasm that Loop almost agreed with no more questions. They regret responding with a knowing smile when Bonnie asked if they were magic. It was too close to the actual truth of what Loop was.

“I doubt that they are ‘magic’ Boniface but I will admit that they do seem to have good instincts, so hopefully that will translate to this.” Odile says and Loop knew they were outnumbered. At that point even if they could get Mirabelle to agree that this was a bad idea- which was unlikely, Mira was looking at them as if she had full trust in Loop- Loop would have no ground to stand on. 

They took the crest from Siffrin. 

He beamed. 

Loop hates that they love him sometimes. 

They were temporarily the one to guide the group, Loop didn't like this, they preferred to be behind Bonnie. Easier to protect them that way. Siffrin being behind them was a less strange feeling, they switched off who was leading on their solo travels together. This was great until one of them got into trouble. Which was more common for that to happen with Loop in the lead. Odd things sometimes just… happened to Loop.

Loop went to the row of tears next to the mirror room first, the feeling of dread was present tugging at the back of their skull. So not that one, got it. The next row Loop checked out was the one in the hallway with Mirabelle's room, again the feeling of dread. They went to the row across the pottery room and-

Dread. Each row of tears leads to a dead end? How could that be? Loop stared at the crest as if it'll give them the answer. It gave them no insight. Loop wanted to break the damn thing. 

Siffrin leaned forward to whisper in their ear, “We can always loop back, Loop it's fine if you don't get it right.”

It's not fine. They don't want to get used to seeing their Stardust die. They don't know why every single pathway was a dead end, is it that something else blocks them from proceeding? They don't want to brute force it. But… they've been standing there for too long and if each path feels the same it's not like they have anything to go on.

They used the crest. And walked into… an observatory.

Loop's throat felt tight. Siffrin stared at the window, stars visible even when they should've been hidden behind daylight by now. They party observers that this is a side effect of the king's power. Loop was only half listening. Staring at the stars with an unbelievable level of melancholy, they thought of the stars beneath their skin, the sharpness of their teeth, the way strangers looked at them with a knee jerk reaction of fear before the confusion set in. Siffrin never was afraid of them. It'll be easier to leave if they were, if Siffrin realized what they were and rightfully wanted to protect themself. 

… Did Siffrin even want to protect themself? This whole timeloop business is making Loop doubt that self preservation is a thing Siffrin possesses. 

Loop didn't like this train of thought. Instead they went about helping to find a key or a knife. They weren't successful. They chose a dead end. It's their fault Siffrin will die again. When they saw Stardust walk towards a tear they looked away but-

The thing about looking out a window at night is that it's… reflective. Not a perfect mirror by any means but that doesn't stop the facts does it? Loop watched Siffrin freeze, life crawling out of his skin inch by inch, blanketed by a sea of stars. Everyone but Loop yelled out Siffrin's name. They don't have the privilege of saying anyone's true name after all. They shut their eyes shut.

Loop was pulled back to the entrance of floor three. The tugging was still unbelievably unpleasant. Siffrin simply smiled at everyone and moved on. Loop was grateful for the ability to be in the back, they needed a moment to recover. Siffrin made a beeline for the mirror room, seeming excited. Loop moved out of the way from the picture once the flash hit. This time Siffrin's joyous smile faded a tad when he looked at the photo. He looked at Loop eyebrows knitted together with a frown making its home on his face. Loop looked away from him. They only glanced at the photo but they knew they weren't in it this time. Mirabelle made a comment about how they should make sure Loop was in the photo next time. Something Loop is sure is going to be eased from the timeline anyway, Mirabelle can say all she wants that Loop should be included but it won't matter will it? 

These people will want to stay in touch with Siffrin, someone who for their own sake Loop has to cut out of their life. Loop will have to give up the party at the same time they give up their Stardust, maybe they could get away with sending letters, maybe conveniently be unavailable to visit at the same time as Siffrin is going to be there. Maybe they could be selfish and at least try to keep Mirabelle. There wasn't a hierarchy of who Loop felt the most love for, it was simply different forms of love for different people but it was undeniable that they are closest to Mirabelle and the other one they are closest to…

Well it's already decided that keeping in touch with him was a bad idea. Too much temptation. Temptation to do a great deal of horrible to idiotic things. From tearing out his heart and swallowing it whole to confessing their feelings. Both equally disastrous in their mind. Loop does a very good job at not thinking about what that says about them.

….

Siffrin went on the most effective path to getting all the keys again. Once the crest was back in his hands he looked to Loop again. This time Loop shook their head in a very clear no. Siffrin respected this thankfully. Siffrin went to the pathway that was in the farthest left hallway. And-

There was a note on the door that said the key was hidden in a classroom on the second floor. 

Oh. This was it wasn't it? The reason each way felt like a dead end? There weren't any keys in the other rooms but that doesn't mean they had the key to the way forward. 

And-

Loop clapped their hands trying to push down their nerves, “that's just a shame isn't it? Oh well! See all of you earlier!”

“Earlier?” Mirabelle asked, looking at Loop before gasping.

Loop was closest to the nearest tear. Siffrin nor anyone else would be able to stop Loop from doing what they did next.

Shoving their hand into a tear. 

It wasn't painful, more cold, like being thrown into a lake that was about to be frozen over. It wasn't something that could really be called a death. Something in between life and death with one idea being stretched across this strange experience, this middle existence. A dream was the closest word that fit.

Loop dreamt of Mirabelle and Siffrin braiding their hair. All three of them were laughing together.

…

They were at the beginning of floor two. Loop walked ahead ignoring everyone asking what they were doing. They marched to the classroom and found the notebook described in the note. They threw it open in a sign of utter disrespect and found the key.

A crying mask. Fitting. 

The party walked into the room a beat later.

“Hi everyone!” Loop held up the mask to their face, before a waving it around to show their plastered smile underneath.

“I found a key!” 

Chapter Text

The party was staring at them. Loop stared back with a smile.

“Loop…” Odile looked at the key in Loop's hands, “care to explain why you ran off?”

“I knew where one of the keys were.” And Loop didn't want to have to act normal after shoving their hand in a tear. Didn't want to see any of their faces for a bit. Didn't want to risk not getting the key.

Being unable to lie makes acting hard teehee~

“And how did you know this?” Odile pushed.

“I'd like to keep some secrets to myself Madame, isn't it good to have the keys? So does it really matter how I knew this information?”

Odile wanted to ask more questions, they could tell, Odile isn't actually good at hiding her suspicions. Loop smiled. They keep smiling, there's not a lot of things Loop could say.

Loop promised not to talk about the loops after all, they can't break their promise~

They break eye contact with Odile and goes to hand over the key to Siffrin and he takes it without looking at it, they were busy looking at… Loop. Hmm, most of the time Loop can read Siffrin's face very well, this time they can't parse it.

“Stardust?”

Siffrin…. Hugged them?

“Why did you blinding do that Loop?” He whispered harshly in their ear.

Oh so he's angry, he was holding on to Loop really tight, it would be uncomfortable if being held this tightly wasn't nice. They'd call the hold he had on them possessive if they didn't know better. Loop was the possessive one after all.
They almost wished Siffrin was strong enough to break them in two. Hm, Loop pushed that thought out of their head, they didn't know where that came from.

“What? Is it such a bad idea to see if I could loop as well?” Loop tried to move out of their grip, Siffrin held them tighter somehow.

“This is something for me to deal with, not you.”

Ha! As if seeing him die over and over isn't part of dealing with it. “I won't apologize if that's what you're waiting for.”

A small laugh escaped them and he pulled away from Loop and then looked at the others. All of them were just standing there staring at them, stars, how were they going to explain this? Loop managed to deflect a bit but that didn't truly throw Odile off.

“Thank you Loop for finding a key, I am forever in your debt.” Siffrin says with a hand over his heart, and in such an obviously teasing tone that it causes Odile to roll her eyes and look someplace else. Thank the stars.

“No you aren't, don't say that.” A strange urgency lacing their voice. No one wanted to be indebted to one of the fae. Even to one you mistakenly believe to be kind. Especially to one you think is kind. Those tend to be the most dangerous ones.

“Maybe you should be in the lead! To make sure we don't miss any keys.” Siffrin said with a fake smile. Loop frowned.

“You'd be better at finding the keys. I don't want to be in the lead anyway.”

A bitter laugh comes out of Siffrin's mouth, “Sure, let's go with that!”

Loop wanted to say more but Siffrin moved on looking around the classroom, like there was another secret to be found. Something that can be missed. Or it could just be that they didn't even walk through the classroom before. The party stopped at a list of names. The people of Vaugarde seem to give their children multiple names. Smart.

“Nille has a friend who said that it's good that we have multiple names, because then they're harder to steal.” Bonnie said proudly crossing their arms.

Loop froze and glanced at Bonnie. Mirabelle looked at the preteen confused. “How would someone steal a name?”

“Well- I dunno… but! It apparently can happen! Sissy said she saw it happen once.”

“And this friend of your sister is a trustworthy source Boniface?” Odile says with a bit of an indulgent smile.

“Yeah,” Bonnie says seriously, “said it was really messed up to watch it happen, and she doesn't lie about stuff like that.”

“Ah huh, I don't think naming yourself after someone is ‘messed up’ as you say Boniface but I guess if she's a trustworthy source I'll say I believe that.”

Bonnie frowned, “No I don't think that's what she meant, like actually stealing someone's name not just having the same one.”
Most of the party looked confused by that, Loop didn't want to see what expression was on Siffrin's so they carefully avoided looking at them. Siffrin had to know on some level right? That stealing someone's name is something that can happen. Maybe he's seen it happen. Loop hopes he hasn't. No one should see that.

The party moves on. Loop tries to not think about dark eyes turned glassy with a far away stare like he saw something that broke his mind. They don't even remember who's eyes they shouldn't think about.

It must not be that important.

Loop actively chooses the beauty alliance with Siffrin this time around no need to mess around with their lute this time. Out of curiosity Loop looks over a book on traps.

… Loop wonders if they could get away with blinding killing whoever made a trap that activates when everyone feels safe. Siffrin walked over to the book and before he could even ask Loop pointed to the trap that killed him. He joined in with the glaring. Once it was obvious that the pair was getting odd looks again, they weren't exactly doing well at being inconspicuous this loop, Siffrin led the party to open the door to floor three.

… and the pair of sadnesses. Loop asked if they could focus on the rock type one. They received a few odd looks but the party complied with their request. Maybe it was just the desire to see what would happen. Though it could be the hope that maybe the fight would be different enough that it removes the memory of the first time. Of something eating its partner.

Everyone whittled down the rock sadness’ health and-

Ah.

This time around the rock type sadness didn't get killed, it sacrificed itself. That…

That was worse.

Sacrificing yourself for a monster. Why would anyone do that, to look at something monstrous and love them, to want them to live at the expense of your own life? It was reductive, idiotic and ridiculous, why, Loop couldn't understand it. They didn't want to understand it. They….

Loop just continued on with the fight, they wanted this thing dead after all, might as well get a speck of fleeting joy from ripping it apart once again.

The snack break came and went without any pineapple scares this time around and they went on to the third floor. This time Siffrin didn't go straight for the keys instead walked down the hallway they hadn't gone down yet. Loop would be annoyed if it wasn't understandable for Siffrin to double check things that go around. They've missed things that caused multiple loops. Loop was directly responsible for one of them… they stopped thinking about that.

The new hallway leads to a room with a frozen housemaiden and her dog, the housemaiden had a big ol bow just like Mirabelle. Which was adorable when after everyone paid attention to the dog first Mirabelle realized that it was her that gave said housemaiden that bow. And funny, that was a funny thing to happen.
Siffrin glances at then glares at a cookbook for croissants, Loop was as much in the dark about what happened with croissants that made Siffrin hate them as anyone else. That annoys Loop, being in the dark when it comes to Siffrin,  were they being entitled? Probably.
It wasn't like it meant anything anymore, to be the person who understood him, that knew him the best if they were just going to leave.

Siffrin seemed to pay attention to the conversation again and watched as Mirabelle and Isabeau called Odile cute.

Well… and Loop, they couldn't resist joining in. “Absolutely adorable Madame! I agree with the beauty alliance on this matter 100%!” Which wasn't a lie, on some level Loop agreed with the sentiment of Odile being cute.

Odile stared at each of them in turn, “I wonder how cute you'd find me when I put wasabi in your sandwiches when you least expect it? You'd help me won't you Boniface?”

Bonnie grinned, “I'm always up for putting spicy stuff in people's lunches.”

Mirabelle and Isabeau backed down with this threat. Loop doubled down.

“Do your worst Madame~” Loop says just as Siffrin lets out a laugh.

“Looks like Siffrin wants a sandwich as well.”

“That would be so cute of you Odile.”

“Boniface we are surrounded by enemies on all sides, we will start a plan of attack later.” Odile says looking down at Bonnie who nodded seriously. Mirabelle and Isabeau looked nervous at this statement, Loop just giggled.

Siffrin looked around and found a book about craft that was skipped over, some eye patches and a-

A secret passage? In a crack in the wall? That leads to a normal looking hallway with a room that held a bunch of romance novels. Why did someone feel the need to hide their romance novels in a secret room? They must be a guilty pleasure kind of novel if Loop had to guess, they were hit with the need to try to read one.

Before they could grab an interesting looking one Siffrin moved on finding a jackpot of useful items and a note from someone who ran away from home-

“I ran away from home once.” Siffrin says out of seemingly nowhere. Loop whips around to stare at him as he continues on to say he ran away due to not wanting to eat their vegetables.

“Really Stardust that's the reason?”

Stardust smiled, “Of course! So I took our boat out and ran into my friend on the way so of course I took them with me.”

“Your friend?” Loop says slowly, “you took a friend with you to run away?” Their head started to hurt for some reason…

“I was going to come right back! Plus it was smart to bring them with me, they were my guiding star after all.”

Loop looked at Isabeau, that was Siffrin's making a joke face but Loop didn't get the joke? Isabeau looked just as lost so that's comforting.

“What happened then?” Odile questioned and Siffrin continued.

“I rowed around for a bit then went to go back when- when-” Siffrin paused and stumbled then looked around at everyone, confused. “Sorry, what was I talking about?”

“Did you forget what you were talking about while you were talking???” Bonnie exclaimed.

“We really need to do something about your memory problems, Siffrin.” Odile tsks.

… that sounded so familiar? Why? Loop tried to think but was only met with spikes of pain.

They went out of the secret room, Loop was trying to stop the horrible headache that was starting to form. With limited success.

Mirror room.

Loop got ready to move out the way before the flash but Siffrin grabbed their waist and pulled them back into frame. The picture showed their face being dark while pressed into Stardust's side. They looked away. Siffrin looked overjoyed at the picture this time. Loop didn't think they had a heart but something was pounding in their chest.

The rest of the floor went on normally enough, but Loop's mind wandered towards the mirror picture until they got back to the room where the loop ended last time.

“Huh there's a note taped to the door.”

“Can I see it? Oh, huh it says where to find the key Loop picked up…” Mirabelle stares at the note, something sad creeping into her facial expression.

Loop felt on edge, as they moved on, they could feel Odile's eyes glance at them from time to time. Hm hopefully next loop they'll do better at hiding anything suspicious from her.

Next loop. Ugh of course it would be too much to ask to be able to beat the king the first try. Loop should just feel grateful for having more than one try. Thank whatever god they don't remember having. Would a god even want to have a changeling as a worshiper? Probably not. So really it's a kindness to not even attempt to thank anyone.

They are thankful that they still have Siffrin even if that's unbelievably selfish of them. Even if it won't last. They don't like the memories of Siffrin dying but at least it didn't stick.

They- they nearly ran over Bonnie when the party stopped walking.

Oops.

They apologized to the kid while the others talked about finding a bathroom. The group decided to stop for a break. They didn't need to go so Loop mostly stood outside pacing back and forth before they ran into Mirabelle who got out first.

“Oh sorry Loop um… can I ask you something?”

Ah, that's a bad idea, Loop should say no, “Of course you can Plum!”

… they are so bad at saying no to these people.

“Okay um! I was wondering if you'd tell me how you knew about the key? If that's okay?”

Oh so it was a really bad idea! How could they answer that? “Well I… I would like to say why but I can't yet.”

Loop would actually. They liked talking with Mirabelle! Siffrin didn't seem to care that he's died multiple times, they can't talk to them about it. But obviously Mirabelle would understand why Loop would be, you know upset over one of your best friends dying over, and over and over-
Hm, Loop places that on the list of things to not think about.

“Oh! Did you promise not to tell?” Loop nodded. “Then I'm sorry I asked!”

“No it's fine, I know I've been… odd today.”

“No you haven't been…” Mirabelle trails off after Loop levels her with a look. “Okay yes you've been weird today, but everyone is nervous today! It's understandable that you'd be… off.”

Loop laughs, “It's a big day.”

Mirabelle nods, ringing her hands, she probably wants to bite her nails. “A really big day… Do you think we'll be okay?”

“I hope so.” Because the actual answer is no. We won't be okay, we're going to die. Die and die and die and die and-

“I hope so too! It's just… that note made me realize something…”

“Oh?”

“They tried to trap him in,” she said while taking out the note from her pocket, “didn't didn't know how his curse worked so… these people they sacrificed themselves in vain and I-”

Oh. Oh Mirabelle… “It won't be in vain.”

She looked up at them, “you think so?”

“I…” they won't beat him this time, Loop could feel it, but they could start again right? “I believe that the King will be taken down.” Just not this time.

Mirabelle didn't look convinced but she did smile at them, and they smiled back. Everyone else eventually filed out of the restroom and moved on to an intact change god statue,  a rarity so far. Some of them prayed, Loop just looked at the statue in silence.

….? A key appeared in Siffrin's hands? What the-? They were teleported to the beginning of the floor??? What?

The third floor was strange, Loop decided.

Well it's convenient at least? Loop isn't going to question it.

Once they got to the door to the next floor Mirabelle talked about her realization about the keys. Loop didn't want to repeat what they said earlier, so they didn't.
Siffrin cut though the thread and they moved on, fighting the next strong sadness. It was tedious but this time everyone was still in good shape as they moved forward.

They ran into Mirabelle's roommate, her frozen roommate, her face resigned frozen in that state forever. Mirabelle continues forward, clearly shaken and upset. Loop couldn't do much aside from watch as Mirabelle breaks down and reveals That it was the head housemaiden who blessed her, not the change god. Loop didn't see much of a difference, the end result is the same. But it so clearly matters to Mirabelle so they weren't going to say that outloud. Instead they waited until the others were done to supply her with a simple but honest; “We agreed to go with you on this journey and I think I can speak for everyone when I say that who blessed you wasn't a factor in that decision. We're with you no matter what happens.”

Loop could say more, they probably should, but they didn't know what to say. Or what even they could say about it.

Mirabelle luckily did seem to calm down as she was convinced to take a break before the king. And Bonnie made some wonderful snacks as always, one of them in particular felt… familiar to Loop, a friend who loved them used to share them with Loop they think. Siffrin seemed to adore the malanga fritters as much as that frien- ah the headache is back. They decide to stop thinking about it.

That helped with the headache only a little bit. How irritating to have a headache going into a fight with an evil monarch. Ugh.

They eat in relative silence, glancing at Mirabelle from time to time. They should say something… anything to comfort her. They aren't that good of a friend are they? They are better at teasing rather than comforting, deflection rather than sincerity. Sharp edges and teeth rather than something soft and human.

They really needed to stop thinking like that. Feeling sorry for yourself means nothing, says nothing about your character aside from being self absorbed.

It was time to face the king. There's time for less important things later.

Walking into the room that housed the king made Loop realize something; it was hair. It was hair that covered the walls of the third floor, hair that blocked the doorway to the king's chambers. Gross. How long has it been since he washed it? They almost had half a mind to flat out ask him but once Loop looked at him…

They couldn't explain why yet, but they hated him. Pure hatred at first sight is a much more common thing than love at first sight, and much more realistic. Loop could barely breathe, they stared at the star embedded into his armor, fear and disgust rising in their chest. Not yours, that doesn't blinding belong to him, echoed in their mind.
They don't understand why.
They want to rip the glowing star out of his armor to free it. To save it from being used and trapped in a cage of iron.

Iron.

The king's armor is made from iron. They can sense it, feel every part of their body begging them to run. They won't. Till the end. Even if this was a permanent death for Loop they wouldn't back away. It wasn't like they had that much to live for aside from the party anyway.

There was a bit of back and forth between the party and the king, Loop couldn't bring themself to join in. Everything they'd want to say to him didn't even make sense even to them. Why waste time spouting nonsense? There were other things to focus on.

“You traveler.” The king's voice booms throughout the hall.

Odile looks between herself, Siffrin and Loop.

“Bright one.”

Well that only clears things up a tiny bit. Siffrin makes a gesture to ask if he's talking about Loop or himself.

“I have no desire to speak to such a creature, I'm talking to you Bright one, you with the hat.” He sounds annoyed by having to clarify, it was kinda funny- wait ‘creature’? Did he just-

“What did you just call them?” Siffrin says glaring up at the king.

“Do not remember, bright one? You of all people should know just how dangerous it was to be around one of those things, oooohhhhhh but you must not know, must not remember to be willing around something like it.”

It. The king just called them a ‘it’, they feel…. Many things actually, many feelings are racing through their mind. None of them are pleasant.

Siffrin's glare hardens, “let's just get on with the fight.” They pull out their knife, everyone follows suit, Loop fumbles with their crossbow before being able to point it at the king.

“I am a merciful king, I will give you all time to come to terms with your death, even to those who don't deserve such mercy.”

Loop could tell, even with his face behind that certain of hair, that he meant Loop. That it was Loop who was undeserving of mercy, even his warped sense of mercy. Loop could feel their mind going into a panic, they shoved it down. No time. Later, they will deal with the implications later.

They got in a few blows on the king and then-

They saw a vision of the future.

And suddenly they didn't have any strength to go on.

Loop ears were ringing. All they could hear was shouting, telling Bonnie to run, yelling at the king, trying to get their bodies to move. Loop looked up. They could see one of the king's eyes, it was glaring at them with so much hate. You'd think it was Loop who just killed all of his loved ones instead of the other way around.

Then his iron gauntlet crashes down on Loop. And. They. Die

For humans it would be the crushing that killed them, the weight of it. For Loop it was the burning feeling of iron, the metal was undeniably cold.  Yet it burned. Every inch of Loop's body was on fire. It was a relief when though it all, Loop felt that tug on their stomach.

They were pulled backwards in time.
And they woke up under the favor tree.

Ah, one single hit. One hit! Were all of them that weak? Or was the king just that strong? And-

Loop realized- no they remembered that's the better word here, remembered what the heart of a fae looks like. They look like stars. Like the star the King wears on his armor.

The king wasn't a fae. No fae would be able to wear iron, to drape themselves in it no less. The king is almost painfully, obviously, human. That heart wasn't his.

He murdered for that heart. Killed a fae then wore that heart as a trophy.

A trophy.

Loop felt sick. Felt furious. That man ripped out the heart out of one of Loop's own and then wore it, embedded it into something that burns. If the fae could live on in some way after being killed that one was still in pain. Tears streamed down Loop's face before they could stop it. How dare he?

How dare he think he could get away with it? Away with…

Oh…. No, no, no.

Now Loop realized something. The king hated Loop almost as much as Loop hated him. That's not the important part. What's important is why.

He knows.

From the moment Loop stepped in front of the king he knew. He saw the fake and the original and knew which one was which so quickly.

The king knows Loop is a changeling.

And he wants Loop dead, perhaps more than he wants to freeze Vaugarde in time.
They wouldn't even be the first fae he killed.

Loop was in trouble, they hope that Siffrin didn't put together the pieces, that-
Well it doesn't matter if Siffrin didn't realize this time around. They will eventually if the king has any say about it.

Stars…. Loop was doomed. 

Chapter Text

Loop wasn't having a breakdown.
This was a lie, but even if the fae can't lie aloud they can lie to themselves.

They had been scratching the arm with their stitches, it didn't have much of an effect, the cut they had made that night had long since healed. Really, there was no reason to keep the stitches in their arm, aside from being a reminder.
A horrible reminder of what they were.

…

‘It’ ‘creature’ ‘don't deserve such mercy’

Was the king wrong? He's in the wrong in general, but can it be said that he was wrong about Loop?

It was strange. Loop couldn't say they've felt kinship with anyone aside from their party, but, it was instinct to want to take back the heart away from the king. To avenge a fae who was a stranger to Loop. Even thinking about it now out of the heat of the moment, they can't change their mind on the matter. Doesn't want to change it.

Maybe the king was at least wrong about one thing. Something like Loop does deserve mercy. Deserves to not suffer endlessly.

If the reason Loop remembers the loops is due being a fae…

It's something that prickles at the back of their mind, the idea that a fae can live on though their heart. Maybe it was just a fairytale, something to stop the younger fae from being too afraid of humans-

Loop blinks hand flying up to their head with a sudden spike of pain. Ugh, they needed to stop thinking. Just stop thinking.

….

At least they aren't surrounded by iron at all times. Small mercies.

They could barely think during the king fight, that much iron made Loop's head go fuzzy. Like the starting signs of heat stroke.
It's a novel experience, to feel like one was both freezing to death while also feeling like they were being set on fire.

Loop wants to set the king on fire. Show him how it feels to be burned alive. They want him dead. Dead. Dead.

Siffrin walked towards the favor tree at that point, knocking Loop's murderous rage into the back of their mind instead of the front of it. They watched as again Siffrin told the same joke, the same actions taken by both parties. Their Stardust did so love routines, Loop could probably repeat each of his routines like the songs Loop had memorized.

Siffrin waved goodbye to the fighter and walked towards Loop. As he got closer Loop reminded themself that the king didn't say anything that would expose Loop last loop. That didn't stop the dread filling their chest.

“Are you okay?” Siffrin asked once under the favor tree with them. Ah. Must have allowed their feelings to show too obviously! Oopsie!

“Getting crushed to death isn't a great feeling as you may know Stardust.~” Perhaps not the nicest way to phrase that. Siffrin flinched but quickly leveled a look at Loop. They looked away.

“Can you actually answer the question Loop?”

“I don't want to.”

Siffrin let out a long sigh, as if he wasn't just as bad as Loop in this matter. Siffrin sat next to them instead of the seat across from Loop, they pulled Loop into a hug, “I'm sorry you ended up in this mess Loop, I should have to do this on my own.”

Loop laughed. “You'd go crazy if I wasn't here.” They leaned into the hug, embracing Siffrin back after a beat.

“... Probably.”

“Probably he says. Let's try definitely or absolutely.” Loop says, a smile threatening to form on their face.

Siffrin laughed then laid themself across Loop's lap, “Oh, it's true, I'd be nowhere without you Loop!”

“Hey now I thought I was the overdramatic one.” Loop didn't mean to have one of their hands stroking through Siffrin's hair, but that's what happened anyway. It was natural to be so… touchy with them. For everyone else it was something that they can want but can never ask for. Except maybe from Mirabelle.
It's better for everyone to keep their distance from the predator anyway, who knows when they're going to bite.

“We can share the title if you want.” Siffrin says relaxing into their touch. Loop wondered if they'd be so relaxed around them if he knew what Loop was. Sometimes they aren't sure.

“What if I fight you for it?”

“Then I'd let you win.”

….

“Did you want to talk to me about anything Stardust?”

“Like what?” He looked like he was on the verge of falling asleep on their lap.

“Shouldn't we strategize?”

“Hm?”

Loop stopped playing with his hair, “We were killed in one hit, Stardust.”

“Oh, I was going to check in the secret library in the house for shield spells then go against the king again.”

Loop stared at them, “The secret what?”

***

The secret library was on the second floor in the non secret library. Something that Siffrin didn't bother to explain to them even after they asked many times, apparently responding with ‘oh you know’ to any question Loop asked was peak comedy to their Stardust.

They'd be more annoyed if they didn't find a reasonable way to deal with the king.

If Loop was alone in this they'd probably stay at the final floor and try to luck out and beat the king… eventually. Maybe if they all got stong enough? No. That's dumb, one would need an absurd amount of health to survive that attack.

Siffrin guided them to the secret library after finding the switch, the room was rather small, Loop had secretly hoped for something grand. Something worth being hidden. Books about something called ‘colors’ didn't fit that image honestly.

On the third shelf is where a shield spell was learned by Mirabelle, Loop tried to follow her explanation, but failed miserably. A shame. It would be good to have two people who could use the spell on the party.

Well if it works. Then it would be useful.

Optimism was never one of Loop's strong suits.

Siffrin went about gathering every tonic, juice and broth he could find as they went up the house once again. Loop didn't comment on it. It was smart. Smart to make sure that they'd survive after the first attack if the shield spell worked.

Loop zoned out for most of the floor, briefly zoning back in when people asked them something. It was a relief once they got past the floor two bosses again. Loop carefully didn't pay attention to the fight using whatever craft was asked of them. They didn't want to see what happened this time, killed or sacrificed the same sadness falls first all the same, making the surviving one reckless and easily killed without it's partner.

It didn't matter. The end result is the same. It doesn't matter how both ways the fight could go is burned into their mind.

Mirabelle sat next to them in the safe room before floor three. She looked determined as grabbed Loop's hand, “Tell me what's wrong Loop.”

Ah, they messed up. “What makes you think something is wrong?” Loop is forever grateful for leading questions, at least now they might be able to address one thing.

Mirabelle gives them a look, Loop smiles back and Mirabelle sighs. “You've been quiet all day, you keep whispering stuff to Siffrin then looking nervous afterwards, and you've been looking at that weird thread like you want to burn it-”

“That's the king's hair,” Loop says before they could stop themself.

“Oh! Gross.” Her nose wrinkled up also looking at the hair visible from this room. “That doesn't explain why you've been so quiet, you're normally not quieter than Siffrin.”

Ah. Yeah that would be suspicious wouldn't it? Loop was talkative, either making an aside or singing softly or loudly at the drop of a hat. It was a habit that formed while traveling together with Siffrin, the silence was unbearable at first and Loop knew Siffrin wasn't going to break the ice. So Loop talked. And talked and joked and-

Loop doesn't remember what they said, but it made Siffrin laugh hysterically and fall onto their lap. Neither of them touched each other before that point yet… It felt good, nice. Loop wasn't used to touch, at least not touch that wasn't connected to violence, either the promise of it or already carrying out the act. People rarely liked to keep something like Loop around.

But touching Siffrin felt like something lost, something unbelievably precious being returned to them. A lost limb that they didn't realize was lost.

Loop couldn't be sure but they could swear they saw the same kinds of emotions flashing through their eyes. At least they hoped so selfishly, so terribly selfishly.

Touching anyone else didn't feel like something that could feel nice until Mirabelle.

Loop squeezes Mira's hand realizing that they've been quiet for far too long.

“I had a nightmare. About the king killing us all.” Technically it's a memory. A memory they see each time they close their eyes. So by technicality it counts as a dream. Technicalities are useful to the fae.

“Oh Loop,” she looked sad. Nervous. Hm maybe Loop should have found a different way to word that. A way that wouldn't make things worse. “I had a dream like that too.”

Huh?

“Huh?” Loop dumbly said aloud…

“Well, it's very likely that something will go wrong… I'm glad that it hasn't happened yet but it could and… I'd be dragging you all down with me…”

“You aren't dragging us anywhere Plum, we willingly followed you.”

“I… know but that's due to being... blessed by the change god-”

“No.”

Mirabelle looked at Loop in surprise, “no? What do you mean Loop?”

Ah, Loop wasn't doing a good job at hiding their feelings this loop. “I'd still join this quest no matter who blessed you, even if you weren't blessed at all. I don't think I'm alone in this.”

“Oh.” Oh no she looks like she is going to start crying! How do they fix this? “Oh thank you Loop!”

Loop blinks, “your welcome?” They were just saying what popped into their head.

“Do you mean it?”

“Of course?” Loop looked around and saw that everyone was not so subtly glancing their way. They quickly looked away.

Isabeau didn't try to start a conversation about anyone dying that snack break, and Loop was honestly a bit grateful. They didn't want to think about such things.

The third floor went by normally enough, Siffrin gave them a look before they entered the mirror room which seemed to imply that he wouldn't let Loop step out of the way of the photo. So Loop didn't but that didn't stop Siffrin from having a hold on their wrist. Stubborn little thing. Loop couldn't help but smile at him.

They didn't want to look at the photo at first but Odile looked at it with a smirk directed towards Loop. So their curiosity got the better of them. And they looked to see a photo of them with Loop looking at Siffrin in a way that felt so obviously lovesick. Loop asked to keep the photo. Mostly to stop their Stardust from looking too hard at it.

Stardust begrudgingly let them keep it. If they survive this loop maybe they'll give it to Siffrin, they just wouldn't want to be there when they put the pieces together. If they did put pieces together. The fact that Isabeau's feelings seem to not be known by Siffrin implies a lot.

Nothing else of note happened on the third floor this time, but Loop did find it odd how Siffrin didn't mention running away this time when he went into that room to get that jackpot of items. Oh well, sometimes he doesn't just repeat everything he says.

Loop didn't want to think about anything once they got to the room before the king.They were all killed last time. They might be killed again, would the shield even work?
They don't want to face him again. To feel the iron. To not be able to think because the smell was overwhelming. Iron mixed with sugar in such a way that breathing in caused their mouth to feel like it's coated in the stuff.

They don't want to face him yet they do it anyway.
Loop doesn't want bring any attention towards themself so they say nothing, do nothing aside from silently pulling out their crossbow and pointing it at his throat.

The king asked if Siffrin remembered, and their Stardust replied with a simple ‘remember what?’ the king cries at those words.

Then the battle began.

They threw some attacks at the king while Mirabelle casts her shield spell. And…

They survive his attack.

Loop misses their next attack out of surprise. They survived. They… survived?

They might even have a chance at beating him!

….

They didn't. He used the same attack again and Mirabelle wasn't able to cast the spell again in time.

Loop made sure to loop to the room before the king again. Siffrin looked confused as Loop walked into the next room before him.

“I just want to win this.” Loop said to him before everyone else followed suit.

“Yes but-”

“I want to beat him, as many tries as it takes. Is there really anything more important than this anyway?”

Siffrin looked away, “I guess not.”

It did take many tries. Each misstep was deadly when facing the king. With each mistake they did crawl closer to the goal. Loop felt the iron like their body was coated in it, yet they couldn't take a break. If they did…

Who knows if they'd be able to try again? To face off against him and ignore the fear, the pain, the-

“Hey king? Can you do me a favor?” What in the Universe is he doing? “Can you kill me first?”

“Of course bright one, may death bring it all back.”

The rest of the party members call out to him. Loop doesn't. They can't say anyone's name, especially not their Stardust's. Never. Not again, the weakness of saying something they shouldn't would never happen with Siffrin ever again.

…

Interesting fact about the fae: they can lie to themselves.

They… Stardust, Siffrin is crushed by the king's fist and they loop back. They stare at Siffrin once back in that damned room trying to chase away the image of it. Of him being crushed. It's different than that blinding rock, that was a mindless object, not a human willingly ending another human's life.

The crush of the iron distracted Loop from looking too closely at anyone else every time they died to the king. They… regret that decision now.

Loop tried to pull him aside but instead he simply moved forward satisfied seemingly by being the only one killed that loop.

They felt sick. They wanted to talk to Siffrin about what they just pulled but knew they wouldn't be able to. They really only truly get to talk to Siffrin under the favor tree. How irritating.

Before Loop's focus was on killing the king. Now it was keeping everyone alive.
No more close calls, everyone needed to be up and Mirabelle should refresh that blinding shield as much as possible.

They've actually gotten farther than they ever had before…
There was something that felt dangerously like hope growing in Loop's chest.

And then it happened, Mirabelle, beaten up badly yet far from dead, stood up straighter and spoke to the king, and each word out of her mouth had such an air of finality… the others joined in saying their parting words to the king.

This couldn't be anything else aside from the ending. This time a good one.

“I guess there isn't anything for me to add,” Siffrin says and it was something Loop agreed with fully, they had nothing to say to the king.

“So all you need to do now is disappear.” Yet another thing Loop agrees with.
Loop shouts out the battle cry of ‘disappear’ with everyone else, the first thing they even bothered to say to the king.

And the king did disappeared, Loop wished that they could've got the star from his chest freed first but at least he's gone.

He's…. Gone?

He's gone!

Loop celebrated along with everyone, smiling both with relief and joy. They won! They did it now all that was needed to do was follow Mirabelle to go meet the head housemaiden that she's talked so much about.

… there still was something that felt… off but, Loop could ignore that.

They've won after all. What else would matter at this point anyway?

They won. Everything is fine. Time to go meet the head housemaiden.

It's the end of the journey. 

Chapter Text

It has been a while since Loop felt fresh air.
Stupidly Loop stopped counting how many loops it had been because… this was it right? The end of the story, the standing ovation. The evil is defeated and everyone goes their separate ways.

They take a deep breath in and out.

The walk to meet with the head housemaiden was brief yet felt strangely like it took forever. The head housemaiden was a surprisingly tall and beautiful woman. She was beautiful in a similar way that the favor tree was beautiful, something that felt impressive to see. (Like really why is she so tall?)

She talked with Mirabelle about the blessing she gave Mira, managing to make her words comforting in the end.

Siffrin went about talking with everyone saying his goodbyes it seems like. Loop walked over to the balcony, looking out at the daytime sky. They won, the king's influence was gone and-

And Loop has to leave. That's what they promised themself, they will protect Siffrin from them, from the changeling who wishes to steal his heart. Loop only stayed around for so long because they didn't want to abandon Mirabelle to go on this quest without all the help she could get. Since they beat the king, Loop has no reason to stick around.

Loop breathes in and out, trying to not panic. There's no reason to panic now. They won.

Loop watched Siffrin talk with Mirabelle and Loop debates on if they should at least try to say goodbye to her first. Before leaving. Before they never saw Siffrin or really, likely any of them, ever again. Loop felt their resolve bending and realized that they'd be able to talk themself out of it.

Talk themself out of leaving. Out of not being able to travel with Siffrin. That even if they wanted to keep their Stardust safe, they could be talked into ignoring the facts.

Saying goodbye was dangerous.

They breathed in once again, and looked at where their Stardust was now. He was talking to Isabeau. It's obvious what Isabeau would want to say to Siffrin. They haven't talked about it, but it seemed like he knew about their feelings for Siffrin like they know his.

He's about to try to confess to Siffrin.

Ah, how about that! Walking away feels so much easier now!

They walked away as quickly and quietly as possible. The head Housemaiden stops them. She looks apologetic as she did so but that didn't stop the panic from starting to ebb into their body.

“My apologies! You seemed to be in a hurry but I really wanted to talk with you, Loop, was it? I was just so curious about you is all!” She says with a sweet smile upon her face, it wasn't the face that should cause dread yet… yet Loop could feel it, something was wrong. Something was broken… failing…

Loop pinched themself and forced their head to tilt back to look at the head housemaiden.

“About me? Why?” You know why, a voice chimes mockingly, distantly in their head, you know. “Wouldn't you rather talk to someone else?”

“Oh, I was planning on talking with The traveling one, Siffrin I believe his name was, later as well it's just-”

‘You know, you could tell by the way she looks at you, you know,’ repeated in Loop's mind, they needed to run. They needed to get out of here. They-

“You're a changeling, correct? One of the fae-” There was no malice in her voice, no hatred in her eyes, just pure curiosity. That didn't stop the panic from overcoming them.

Loop was trying to be subtle before, now they couldn't resist just running away.

The last thing they heard was Siffrin going up to Euphrasie and almost shouting, “What did you say to them?”

Ah Stardust, so protective, so sweet, and so easily distracted. Now Loop should have plenty of time to get out of there. Small blessings, they supposed. They burst out of the room and down the hallway ignoring the people who were up and moving around.

They had to get out. Couldn't stay, couldn't answer questions, couldn't say goodbye. They turn into a new hallway and-

They trip.

They hit the floor hard, to the point of their skin on their hands being torn off by the impact. They could see the stars under their ripped skin, the lightless of it. The night sky.

It wasn't their fault that they did so, after all something was wrong. Sugar, burnt sugar filled the air. Loop gagged, looking around, but they could barely see anything, hear anything over the ringing and static filling their ears.

Loop couldn't breathe.

Something was broken

Failing

Rotting

And-

….

Loop was under the favor tree. Again.

…

They're back?

How? Why? What blinding happened once they left the room? And why do they feel…

Relieved?

Really? Are they really that pathetic, that they're happy to be trapped here as long as they don't have to leave their Stardust? Are they really that love sick? That disgusting?

Ha…. Hahaha. They grab handfuls of their hair and pull, and pull, and pull. It hurts, but it's not like they're going to bleed! The fae don't do that. They don't do human things like bleed, lie, and break promises.

They dared to be happy in this cage, so they needed a little reminder that's all, they are not human. And they can't stay. To want, to hope, to wish to stay is dangerous.

What needs to happen is that they need to figure out what caused the loop last time and stop it from happening again. So next time they could actually leave.

… Even if that's not what they want.

It's dangerous when things like Loop get what they want, they know this. Selfish things, greedy things, monstrous things. Like Loop. They really should remember what they are. For everyone's sake really. Not just Siffrin.

…

How did the head housemaiden know what Loop was? Are they really so obvious? That anyone who even glances at them knows how inhuman they are? Ha! Wow! Really they don't know how the party hasn't killed Loop by now! Don't they see what's wrong with them? How dangerous they are? There's a child in the party! A child who is around a monster, a fae, a thing known for stealing children!

Loop covered their face in their hands. Ha… it's not really their face is it? It's their Stardust's face, scarily absent of flaws, of marks, of scars, to show they are alive.
Humanity is found often in the imperfections.

No blood. They didn't bleed when they fell. Really, a human's hands wouldn't be so torn anyway! For humans their skin was a part of them. Not a costume that was easily ripped apart~

Once again Loop wondered how they managed to not notice. To look in a mirror and ever believe that they were anything else. The researcher may not know what they are but that's due to not having the right information. One book explaining what changelings are would very likely be all she needed.

Loop folded in on themself, burying their stolen face in their knees.

They wondered if they could just leave now. The party could win without them. It would be annoying to leave each loop but maybe Siffrin would think they flat out disappeared from existence, and eventually would stop checking. But, Loop was selfish weren't they? They wouldn't be able to leave Siffrin.

…

No they will. They will leave. After the loops are broken! They just wouldn't be able to stomach leaving their Stardust in the dark with this. That's all. They just have to be helpful, useful, needed by Siffrin for a bit longer.

Just to get out of the loops.

Then they'll leave.

Forever.

They just need to be strong enough to do it when the time comes.

“Loop?”

They jumped up, coming face to face with Siffrin, who was looking right at them. “Ah Stardust, hello.” Loop paused for what felt like forever to them, trying to think of what they should even say. “How can I help you on thi-”

“Loop, are you okay?”

Ha! What a stupid question. “What do you think, Stardust?”

They wince, “Yeah, I… what did the head housemaiden say to you? After talking with her you just ran, and I didn't get any answers from talking with her so-”

“Not telling. What about you Stardust? What did she say to you?”

“She just started talking about something being broken. I barely got her to say anything before she started breaking down…”

They weren't exactly expecting to get any kind of answer honestly but, that was interesting wasn't it?
“Ah so you didn't somehow get yourself killed after I left you alone for two seconds. That's good.”

“Hey wait-”

“Or suddenly had a heart attack.”

“Did you think I had a heart attack???”

Loop just smiled at him. Siffrin groans, “Something being broken is a good start with figuring out why we looped back at least, maybe you could talk to her again.”

Siffrin stared at Loop some more. “... I guess, we don't exactly have too many leads do we?” No they do not. Siffrin shifted to the side looking down. “I did have one idea but you're not going to like it…”

“Oh come on Stardust it can't be that bad-”

“I wanted to try talking with the king?” Siffrin says quietly, almost sounding apologetic.

Loop sat down, they couldn't exactly just keep standing after hearing that. What was Stardust even thinking????

“Never mind! I was wrong! Why would you want to talk with him about anything Stardust?!” Loop really hoped no one else was nearby, they couldn't resist yelling after hearing that.

“It was a bad idea I just…. We both have power over time, and he seems connected to everything that's going on. I just thought it might be useful.”

….

“I guess…”

“But I won't do it if you don't want me to Loop, I don't want to make you…” He trails off looking away from Loop. How annoying.

“Make me what Stardust? Use your words, you can do it! I believe in you~”

He didn't even roll his eyes at that, they just looked at Loop in eyes, “I don't want you to hate me.”

Ah.

Loop didn't know how to react. Honestly it was ridiculous. The mere idea that Loop could hate Siffrin was ridiculous, maybe in a different universe, but not this one. They didn't always like them but they always loved him. Sometimes it felt like their heart wanted to escape their chest and claw its way into their Stardust's chest instead. He has their heart and yet they think Loop could hate him? That's almost funny!

Almost.

Sometimes they wish they could. It would make leaving so much easier.

“Stardust! I could never hate you~” He didn't look convinced, Loop sighed, “I- look it's true that I want nothing to do with him, I'd have nothing to ever say to him, but… you do. If you think it would be worth it go ahead I can't exactly stop you can I?”

The pair sat in silence for a spell before Siffrin harshly took a deep breath in and out. “It'll be a last resort. Mira wanted to talk with me so I can follow up on that first anyway.”

Ah, the housemaiden wanted to talk with them, that's new. “Why's that?”

“I… may have had a breakdown in front of her when she came to wake me up…”

“You know if you wanted to make sure that no one knew something was wrong you have to act like normal.” A bit harsh perhaps, but it was Siffrin who said not to say anything to the rest of the party. So it's really on them to make sure everything goes according to plan.

Siffrin glared at them and Loop took immense joy in getting to simply grin at them in return. If they're going to be stuck here for a bit longer they might as well try to poke some fun at their dear Stardust while they still can.

They had a feeling that it wasn't anywhere near close to being over yet.

“Loop you weren't exactly being normal when I came to talk to you either!”

“I was having a breakdown in a much more private place than an open field so my point still stands.”

“Sorry for not having a breakdown in an appropriate enough time and place for you Loop.”

“You're forgiven.”

“Ugh, are you going to tell me what was wrong now?”

“Guess~ maybe it's that we are stuck in a timeloop still~”

Maybe. It was part of it.

Siffrin frowns and opens their mouth but Loop stands up then claps their hands before he could say anything. “Well you said our dear housemaiden wanted to talk with you! It seems important to go see what she wants!”

Loop then quickly walked away.

They didn't want to interact with anyone for the time being so they did something very logical. They walked straight into the surrounding woods the minute they were out of sight from their Stardust. Very normal behavior.

It was nice actually, just walking around trees and plants, seeing what animals would be so bold as to come close to them. It tends to be the animals who've become buddy buddy with humans that tended to despise Loop. It made sense, you tended to want to protect your friends and your average dog really wished to protect their owners.

But, if they decided to use their… ‘skills’ every single creature would be eating out of the palm of their hand wouldn't they? It was something they could do, they knew this, the power they have wasn't anything to sneeze at after all.

That didn't mean it was a power they should use.

They think of glassy eyes and almost too perfect movements like a thing that knew how humans were supposed to move but forgot that humans trip and stumble.

They think of the horror in the eyes of passersby, of actors running them out of town, of people who didn't understand what was going on but was still smart enough to fear them.

The power of names and how it felt to say them. Of saying a command and being obeyed without question. Knowing without any doubt that someone would be robbed of their ability to leave if Loop said their name and told them to stay.

Loop had only small tastes of that power yet they missed it. Wanted to make food for everyone knowing too well that would be an act of possession instead of kindness. Instinct ran deep in their very core. They knew what consequences would follow their actions in the same way they knew when their Stardust was going to die.

…

Was it any wonder then that they'd think of themself as a monster? What else would want to dig their claws into what they loved and never let go? They almost wished that they were alone in these loops so they could say the names of their party without hurting them-

Wait did the loops reset something like that?

…

Never mind, they shouldn't even think about something like that. It's getting dark anyway so they should head to the clocktower.

They stopped by the shop first, when they got there no one else was still in the shop aside from the shopkeeper. They looked at the price of the items that they would need for their idea and sighed. It wasn't that expensive really but it was still enough that it would be noticed if it was taken out of the party's budget. Loop simply left without buying anything.

What they wanted wasn't that important anyway. It never is.

At the clocktower Loop barely paid any attention to conversation at all until Mirabelle was talking about her worries about the quest at hand, Loop then smiled and said simply, “We'll be able to defeat him Plum.”

Because well at that point they already had. And so really the quest wasn't even about him anymore.

At least not to Loop.

The fighter and Siffrin were sharing a bed that loop and… Loop packed up their bedroll and went outside.

They didn't want to hear Isabeau stumble through a failed confession of love… again. Loop didn't want to think about how he might've got the courage to tell them at the end. Of Isabeau sweeping Siffrin off their feet. Loop would rather sleep under the stars and try to not think about their own skin.

They lay out there for a bit looking up at the stars instead of sleeping when Siffrin came out and sat down next to them. Their head snapped up to look at him, confused by why they'd be out here at all.

“Couldn't sleep, wanted to check up on you.” Siffrin says with a shrug.

“Sneaking out of the fighter's bed to come see me? How scandalous Stardust~”

Siffrin seemed to ignore them simply scooting close to Loop, burying their face in Loop's hair, “I wanted to talk with you more anyway.”

Loop lets out a dramatic sigh, “Can't get enough of me can you?”

Siffrin paused for a beat before attempting to get closer to Loop. “I wanted to ask if there was anything that I could help you with.”

They froze, technically speaking there were a lot of things Siffrin could do to help them. But, nothing that wouldn't expose Loop in one way or another.

So how do they even answer that?

“Why do you ask Stardust?”

“Well I was planning on helping everyone, but I couldn't find you-”

“Well that sounds like you'd be too busy for little ol me anyway, helping out everyone like that.”

“But Isa said that he wanted me to help everyone else first before he'd let me help him so really I need to know what you'd need Loop.”

Ah… so that's the reason why. They sit up leaving their Stardust on the ground halfway on the bedroll and the grass. “You could just lie to him. Say you helped everyone.” Siffrin could lie. Because unlike Loop he was human.

Siffrin sat up as well taking Loop's hand in theirs, “But I want to help you Loop.”

Maybe so, at least right now they want to help Loop, who knows how he'd feel about them if they knew how much of a monster Loop was.

“I'll try to think of something Stardust.”

“I feel like you shouldn't have to think about it so hard…”

Loop laughs, of course he could tell something was wrong with them, it's so obvious isn't it? “Just because I have problems doesn't mean you can help with them, Stardust. I'll try to give you an easy one~”

Siffrin laughs at them squeezing their hand, “you're upset aren't you?” They stare at Siffrin confused, “You always try to annoy me so I'll leave you to wallow in it all alone when upset~” Siffrin says in an imitation of Loop's voice.

“Are you going to leave me alone then?”

“You wish, and I want to watch the stars anyway.” Siffrin snuggled up next to Loop and well, it wouldn't hurt would it? To allow themself his company for a bit? Loop buried their face into his cloak.

Loop doesn't need to sleep but they still fell asleep while in their Stardust's arms.

They may be stuck here but at least for now they aren't alone. For now at least. 

Chapter Text

The pair had given the rest of the party a scare when they weren't found immediately, which was fine, it wasn't like they'd all remember it in the next loop anyway. 

The end result is still that they all got to the front of the house to unlock it. Five orbs, six party members, Loop hadn't fully paid attention to this little fact before because dearest Siffrin shared his orb with them. Just another reminder that they didn't belong, it's fine. They know that they're the spare. Everything is fine. They stop thinking about it and go into the house once again.

They need to think of something Stardust could help with. Okay any issues due to being a fae is off the table, and so is not wanting to leave, maybe their worries about the loops? No Siffrin is in the same boat he can't exactly help. 

…

Maybe he could actually? There's so much they don't know. Maybe one of these loops they could stay behind, it would be strange for both of them to leave, but maybe… 

Siffrin said he didn't die last loop, but they seem to only loop when they die? Well either way it wasn't like that was something that could be solved by either of them right now. For everyone else any problems would have to be solvable within one loop. Loop… doesn't think they have any of those kind of problems. 

There are rules to this that Loop doesn't know, and not knowing the rules is something that spells doom. If you know the rules you know how to bend them, how to win. How to escape from these loops. The fae like rules for a reason. Just because you follow the rules doesn't mean you have to play fair.

… Everyone had stopped walking. Loop hadn't noticed at first. They looked up to see Siffrin stabbing a sadness over

And over

And over again. 

Oh… that's new. Loop stared, not entirely sure what face they were making, at Siffrin until they finally killed the thing. Loop looked away. It was rude to stare after all. They shouldn't have done so in the first place. 

“I got it!”

Loop looked up and saw Siffrin's face fall and then- 

There was a tugging on their chest and-

Loop stumbled as they were pulled a few minutes back in time. They were facing the same sadness once again. Huh?

Siffrin… looped back without dying. How…

How interesting. Is there a connection between this event and the last loop?

Everyone fought the sadness without Siffrin going berserk on it. It was a shame that they couldn't reasonably pull their Stardust aside to talk but, well it's not like they have any solid information right now.

Maybe they should pay more attention this loop? It could  be that the loops have started to break down and now they happen even if Siffrin doesn't die. 

They almost wanted to ask Odile for help, but they made a promise so they needed to do this with Siffrin alone.

….

Oh they are doomed. Loop wouldn't call Siffrin dumb but sometimes they are really stupid. So was Loop honestly. It almost felt obvious, the reason why the loops lasted past beating the king something at the back of their mind knows but, they can't put that feeling into words. 

How annoying. 

Aside from that unexpected loop the rest of floor one went by normally, Siffrin did seem to pick up a sharpening stone but picking up random things was normal behavior for their Stardust. Loop has simply taken out their lute and started playing to pass the time. Honestly it was their way of zoning out at this point. It was fun to be playing the exact right kind of backing music for each situation. 

While the rest of the party was distracted by some book Loop saw Siffrin make the fourth craft hand sign that Loop taught him forever ago. Loop was surprised they still remember it honestly. It always felt a bit odd, almost like a tugging on the back of their skull when Siffrin called them.

(Loop)

[Hiya Stardust! Why haven't you called me for so long-]

(I was worried about it looking weird to everyone else.)

Ah they guess that's understandable, Stardust was always so worried about what the party thought of them. For Loop… well it wouldn't matter what they all think about them would it? They're the spare, Siffrin's double. The strange, annoying bard.

(Are you using the loops to write new songs?)

[Teehee what if I am?] 

Siffrin glared at them. Loop pretended to be shocked.

[What? You don't like my music?]

Predictably Siffrin started to backpedal. 

(Wait no it's just… is this really a good time?)

[What else is there to do in a timeloop Stardust?] 

(Get out of it????)

[Okay tell me how to get out then.]

(....)

[I'm waiting Stardust~]

(.... Shut up.)

Loop mimed zipping their mouth closed then of course made an extra loud note on their lute. To their absolute delight Siffrin groaned aloud. Which then made their party members look their way. Loop smiled, “Oh we were just having a conversation don't worry about it~”

“But neither of you was talking.” Bonnie says looking in between the two of them. “Right? Did I just not hear anything?”

“I didn't hear anything either, Boniface, so either that's a lie or somehow Loop managed to be quiet.”

Loop places a hand on their own chest in mock offense. “I never lie Researcher, how dare you~”

“Maybe they can have conversations by just looking at each other!” Isabeau supplies, “I wouldn't be too surprised if I'm honest…”

Loop barely managed to stop themself from laughing, “Oh wow Fighter how did you know?”

Mirabelle jumps, “Wait really?????”

Loop smiles and takes care to make the call sign on the side where the party can't see.

[Well it isn't really just by looking at each other is it Stardust? There's a few more steps than that.]

“Ugh shut up Loop.” Then paused realizing that he said that aloud.

“Wait did they say something to you???” Mirabelle says with both shock and awe.

“Let's just move on already…” Stardust says walking out of the room.

“...” Odile stared at Loop, they of course simply smiled back. They weren't going to escape this loop, and even if they did, it wasn't like they were going to stick around, so did it really matter if they were suspicious? The answer is of course not~

“We should follow the leader~” Loop says, making a move towards the door.

The party members took a minute to look at each other in confusion before following Siffrin. 

Getting through the first floor boss was almost stupidly easy this go around, even if everyone aside from Stardust and Loop's levels reset each new loop. 

At snack time Loop attempted to talk more with Siffrin, however they dodged any attempts and they moved on to floor two. Loop made the call sign and… nothing. Was Stardust really going to ignore them? Seems so… Loop just followed along, they'll… try again later.

Siffrin flipped through a bunch of lists of books that were checked out, apparently finding something about a family tale? Odd. 

Nothing else strange happened, which was annoying because it led to nothing. The walk through the house was almost painfully normal. Loop didn't pay attention to the floor two boss this time,  because they can in fact learn from their mistakes. 

Mirabelle didn't try to say anything to them on the second snack break and Loop almost missed it, missed having her attention. But that was good right? Loop was acting their version of normal. They make little asides, play music, annoy both Stardust and the rest of them. 

Stardust refused to talk then as well. 

Floor three. 

They didn't move out of the way of the mirror picture. But, well they couldn't muster a smile either. 

Stardust looked at it and seemed to have some sort of realization. He actually tried to talk with them. Loop walked ahead. 

When they got to Mirabelle's room, Loop felt a pull on their mind.

(Loop-)

Ha…

[Oh so now you want to talk? Only when it's about me and not you right?]

(Look I just didn't like that you told them about the…. Calling thing.)

[Why? It's not like they'll remember it next loop. Speaking of which, that loop in the first room-] 

(No. I don't want to talk about that.)

….

Of course he doesn't. 

[It could be important.]

(.... Can we please talk about something else?)

[Like what Stardust?]

There was a long pause.

(Can you distract Mirabelle for me?)

[So you just wanted to ask for a favor?]

Some deep part of them felt insulted. You shouldn't just ask for favors from the fae. Loop of course pushed the feeling down even as it made their stolen skin crawl. 

(No, I also wanted to talk about the mirror picture-)

[I'll distract the housemaiden.]

Then they hung up.

They walked up to the bookshelf and took out a book and walked over to Mirabelle. “Plum! Can you tell me about this book?”

Loop had already talked about this same book with Mirabelle before. But, it did seem to distract her last time. It… felt a bit hollow talking about it this time around. But, hopefully this wouldn't have to be a repeat conversation. 

They don't like knowing what everyone has to say. They don't like feeling so dismissive of what the party thinks of them. 

At least they saw Siffrin walk towards the door so they could move on. The rest of floor three went by in a blur, and Loop tried to stop themself from their rising panic at having to fight the king again. 

They almost want to mess up on the third floor boss to drag out the time before they had to see him…

Really they were being ridiculous, they have already beat him. He had already been defeated once. It'll be fine. They may have failed to realize that the loop wasn't over before but, it isn't over. So they need to get used to it. To seeing him, fighting him, and winning. And they get to kill him again, that's a plus.

They still flinched when they walked into the room, if nothing else from being hit with the overwhelming feeling of iron.

They did their best to not pay attention to anything he says, Siffrin didn't seem to be listening either…

A last resort, that's what Siffrin told them about talking to the king and seeing as the whole fight Siffrin was quiet as can be he meant it.

Loop still hated it. The iron still causes their head to hurt, the king's gaze still makes their skin crawl. Each word he says puts Loop on edge as if he could expose Loop as a changeling at any moment. And he could, couldn't he? The party won't remember but Siffrin will. 

A changeling, a monster, a fae so many ways to doom them with so few words. 

They do beat him. He doesn't reveal Loop's inhumanity. This time. But, Loop may never be out of the woods. The king has so many opportunities to do so, who knows if they will be able to get out of this without being outed as a changeling? 

Maybe, Loop thought as they walked to the head housemaiden once again, maybe they should just tell Siffrin instead of waiting for the king to do it first. 

It's a terrifying thought, telling Siffrin. 

They might as well tear their own heart out and offer it to their Stardust with how venerable that would make them. No, they refuse. The king may be able to tell but that doesn't mean that he'll share that information with people who are nothing to him. Loop's secret is safe. They'll never have to worry about that.

….

They stand at the balcony once again staring out into the distance. They don't want to talk with the head housemaiden. So they won't, plus they need to see first hand what happens when Siffrin talks to her. If what happened last time happens again that is. 

Siffrin talked with Bonnie first and then Isabeau, Loop watched out of the side of their eye even if they didn't want to know what happened. 

…. Isabeau tried to confess but Mirabelle interrupted by asking for a group hug.

Loop never loved Mirabelle more than in that moment. 

Well that might be a lie but the petty joy in their heart said otherwise. Loop smiled and awwed at the group hug Mirabelle asked for. They almost wanted to join in this time. Almost.

After that they overheard Siffrin asking what Isabeau was going to say. 

Oh!

Isabeau didn't say it yet. Loop hid a smile behind their hand. They really should stop being so petty about this. However! It's the last loop where Isabeau sweeping Siffrin off their feet matters. This loop isn't going to be the end! So Loop can feel overjoyed by… watching someone who they care about fail to express his feelings for someone else who they also deeply care about…

….

It's a good thing really that Siffrin won't have to see their face ever again. He wouldn't want to be near them if he knew half the things that passed through their head.

Eventually Siffrin walked over to them and Loop did their best to make the fake smile on their face appear real. 

“Loop…”

“Yeah Stardust?”

“.... never mind. If this is the last loop-”

“It's not.” They said it too quickly, shot down any small hope Siffrin had. How cruel. 

How in character of them~ 

Always doing what was worst for Stardust~

Ugh how cruel for the universe to not let Loop cut themself out of Siffrin's life already. Why let them pretend that they care? That Loop wasn't anything less than a monster? 

Siffrin frowns, “No of course it's not but Loop are you sure you want to travel alone?”

A dangerous question, “Stardust I already said that I planned to travel alone.”

Siffrin was quiet before looking up at Loop, “Do you hate me?”

“What? No, of course not!”

“Then why?” Siffrin's voice sounded like they were trying so hard to stay quiet, to stay calm. “Why do you want to leave me?”

I'm dangerous, I'll just hurt you in the end, sometimes I want to, I want to hurt you, tear you apart, crack your ribs open one by one. I love you. I'm the worst possible person you could be with.

That's why.

Loop smiles instead of saying the truth, “I'm sure there's better people for you to travel together with Stardust, why don't you just ask your party members.”

“Our party members, Loop, they don't belong to me.”

They might as well belong to Siffrin, it wasn't like Loop had any claim to belonging to them. Such kind and caring people wouldn't stand to be around a monster. None of them are Loop's. 

Maybe once upon a time Loop belonged next to Siffrin's side. Now that was a laughable idea. 

“Why don't you just go ask them?”

“Why don't you answer any of my blinding questions Loop?!”

“I don't want to~ Teehee~” 

“Agh, I'll get an answer out of you eventually Loop.”

“Your welcome to try~”

Siffrin looked at them for a beat too long then hugged them?

???

What are they-

“I'll keep asking until you tell me the truth, Loop.”

“I never lie Stardust.”

That got a laugh out of them and he let go looking towards the head housemaiden, “I want to see what she says, if she says something different…”

“What if she doesn't say anything new?”

“Then I guess wait for the ending.”

Wow, Loop didn't like that answer but still they waited as Siffrin talked with her. They couldn't hear what was being said but they could see Siffrin's face fall. The same overwhelming horrible feeling hit them again. And then they waited 

For 

The 

Ending 

And- 

Why! Hello again, favor tree! Still the same boring leaves and trunk and roots! Oh boy!

They need something new. Badly. 

They marched up to Isabeau who jumped when he saw them “Oh Loop! Hi! Where did you come from?

“I was napping under the favor tree, listen Fighter if Stardust asks for something to help you with just let them help you, even if they haven't helped me out. Just ignore me.”

He frowns at this, “I wouldn't want him to ignore you Loop-”

“There is nothing safe for me to ask of him, I want him to skip over me.”

He frowns more somehow, “Loop-”

Stardust rounded the corner then and saw Isabeau and Loop talking to each other. He blinks in confusion before hurrying over to the pair. “Hi? What's going on?” 

“I have no ideas for what you could help me with, I was telling your dear Fighter over here that if you asked to help him to ignore that I wasn't helped yet.”

“But Loop, I think what I'd want to do would take up a lot of time so-” Isabeau started to say Loop leveled a glare at him and he shut up quickly after that. His face was also weirdly dark but Loop ignored that.

“Ignore me. Got it?”

“Loop really, are you sure you can't think of anything?” Siffrin asks with an edge of irritation. 

“Nothing that I'd want your nose in Stardust~” Then of course Loop walked away. 

“So! You were planning on helping everyone today?” They heard Isabeau say as they were walking away. Loop got away fully before hearing what Siffrin had to say in return. 

They sat out of view and watched the shop.

Well… that idea they had last loop would be something new…

It was a bad idea.

But they wanted to do it so badly. And… they could… test something.

It might be useful information to have, to know, to see if the loops would erase something like that. 

Siffrin walked into the shop. Loop paused, they couldn't do something like that in front of Siffrin. They just couldn't. It was a bad idea anyway it wasn't like they were going to pull something like that in front of Odile anyway so-

Loop stood watching as Siffrin and Odile walked out of the shop.

Ah. Well that solved that problem.

Still they stared at the door for what felt like forever. The researcher isn't there. There's no one aside from the shopkeep. Loop walks over and pushes the door open before they could stop themself. 

This was a bad idea. 

“Oh hello! You're one of the saviors aren't you!” The shopkeeper says with a smile. Loop doesn't smile back. 

“Yes I suppose so.” Loop looks around, they should just walk away they don't need to test this but…

“What is your name?” Loop asks, both horribly disgusted and excited. They never asked anyone in their party for their name, just had learned them from listening in. It was safer that way, at least that's what Loop tells themself. 

He says his name simply because telling it to anyone else would be normal. 

Loop repeats his name back and asks for something. The man stumbled up and away from the shop counter. Running to grab what Loop asked for. 

Loop pushed down any feelings that came from finally saying someone's name after years of holding their tongue. 

They don't even know if the feelings are excitement or disgust. Maybe knowing them it was both.

The items were in their hands as quickly as possible, at least as fast as the shopkeeper was able to move. He pushes the items into Loop's arms with a slight edge of panic behind otherwise dead eyes.

Loop pretended not to notice. He'll be back to normal in the next loop. At least that's what they're testing for right now. That's what they hope will happen. The loops reset everything. There's no reason why it would work differently this time.

Loop looks away. “You will close your shop for tonight and go to sleep, you will not remember any of this once you wake up, do you understand?” Loop says slowly. They see the man nod his head like he was nothing more than a puppet and he moves away. Loop walks out of the shop. 

The items they wanted in hand.

Hopefully what they wanted was worth it. Hopefully in the next loop the shopkeeper won't have anything wrong with him. And it was fine right? As long as no one remembers anything it's fine. As long as the spell gets broken with the next loop it's fine.

The consequences are nonexistent here.

…

It's fine. 

The stage awaits its new props.

Chapter Text

Everyone had a picnic under the stars that loop, but it was hard to simply enjoy it like they normally might've. It was still a nice night but Loop already knew that, they've already spent a night under the stars in a past loop. They spent said night with Siffrin. Loop eats instead of thinking too much about it. 

At least everyone seemed happy. Loop decided it was best to act like they were happy as well. 

Loop took the floor again, they simply slept in a different room this time. They pretended to not notice Siffrin checking up on them in the middle of the night. 

They woke up to a flower next to their side with a note that said simply ‘a flower for you!’

Despite themself, an actual smile found its way to their lips. They placed the flower in their hair, Siffrin would just force it on them if they didn't, clearly the only reason for Loop doing so. 

Ha, even Loop didn't believe that. 

Siffrin sat through doing the tutorial this loop, probably just to be extra nice to the party this time around. Or to stop themself from doing what he did last time. 

It was… irritating to go through it all but, well it makes Mirabelle feel better, at least for this loop. 

It's not the last loop.

It would be nice if it was, Mirabelle seemed happy after her talk with Siffrin, everyone was. They could tell that Siffrin was still annoyed, maybe even angry at Loop for not giving him a problem to solve. 

But did it matter? Really truly mattered?

….

The first floor went by in a burl, it was honestly one of the least interesting floors to go through repeatedly. Maybe there was something important they're missing on this floor, who knows. 

Either way not much seemed to have changed this time, at least if it did the changes weren't anything of note.

The banter when they got to the first snack break was slightly different, not really anything of note. Loop didn't even pay attention to what they chose that loop,  everything has started to taste the same anyway. 

Siffrin looked through a bunch of the books at the library that time around. Siffrin looking longingly at the plays, Mirabelle recommending books about the change belief, and… diaries? 

Mirabelle read one of the diaries aloud. It had a kid complaining about cleaning their room and… about the island that disappeared. Loop stared at the diary. Why did that sound so… familiar? They must have heard about it at some point they guess but, as everyone talked about it a hollow feeling grew in their chest. 

Loop was grateful when everyone moved on from the library. 

They tried to push any thoughts related to the diary as Siffrin completed the floor once again. He was getting fast at doing so, it was kinda depressing to realize that. Siffrin was picking up each key with the same kind of ambivalence that one has towards brushing your teeth. 

Once again they fought the nightmare couple known simply as the floor two bosses. Loop still hated them. Hated to think about them, to fight them, to see themself in a monster. Well maybe Loop should stop being so dramatic, you are supposed to see yourself in your own kind after all.~

Loop sat down waiting for The Fighter to start talking about their deaths again, and he did of course. Loop answered the question of what to do with their body as dismissively as possible. There isn't much reason to care. They might never have the question apply to them. Loop didn't even know if the fae left bodies behind to do anything with.

“Why are you talking about what to do if we die?” Bonnie says making both Loop and the party jump. Were… they listening in every time? Oh they hate that. The kid shouldn't have to deal with this, shouldn't have to think about any of it. No child should. 

Bonnie grabbed a hold of the conversation then, talking about how Siffrin and Bonnie made a promise to protect each other. How adorable. They went on to say how everyone will protect each other. Loop hoped that nothing would go wrong that loop. It would be bad for everyone to break their promises. 

…

“Should I add a promise to protect you as well Bumblebee?”

That was a bad idea, Loop can't so easily break promises, but they so strongly wanted Bonnie to… have extra protection. They managed to keep them out of danger for now but that might not always be the case. 

“Sure!” Bonnie says smiling, “And I'll protect you too Lulu!”

Loop smiled softly, “I promise to protect you.” 

It really didn't matter if it was a bad idea, Loop had done it anyway and as always when they did so it felt like a higher force was going to make them keep it. They don't mind it. There were a great deal of horrible things Loop would be willing to do for Bonnie's sake. For everyone in the party as well.

Snack time went on as normal after that, Loop got a fish head, they never remembered eating it before yet it tasted familiar…

Siffrin went around checking up on everyone before moving on, they stopped at Loop looking at them for a beat. Before smiling at them.

“Thank you for making that promise, Loop.”

“You're not the only one who cares about the kid Stardust…”

“I know it's just… it's different when you promise something.”

It really was. 

“It's not like you were planning on breaking that promise anyway Stardust, I just added to it.”

“Still… Thank you.”

“Yeah, yeah move on already you sap.”

Siffrin stuck out his tongue at Loop then did in fact move forward to the next floor. 

Loop held their breath as they heard the King's cries. It was time for their idea. They really hoped it would work, they didn't want to play around with fire for there being nothing to gain. That they messed with someone's very mind, maybe permanently, just to be left looking like a fool.

…

It probably isn't worth it even if it did work. They've been pushing what they've done into the back of their mind, almost hoping to forget the look in the shopkeeper's eyes….

They… should at least see if it even works before going into a spiral… 

They pulled out one of the torches they got from the shop along a crafted lighter, apparently a new replacement for simple matches.

Loop looked at the entrance blocked by the king's hair and Loop walked up to it. The party didn't notice at first which honestly was more than fine. Loop didn't need anyone to see them fumble at first.

Luckily for Loop the attention turned to them just as the torch was lit. Loop smiled, holding the torch over the blockage of hair ready to drop it at any moment, really it was taking all of Loop's restraint not to set it on fire already. 

Isabeau was the first to notice. “What do you have there, Loop?” 

“A torch.”

Odile stares at the torch in Loop's hand eyebrows raised, “And why do you have a torch?”

“I wanted to set the King on fire,” Loop says simply… and honestly. “And this seems like a solution to this little problem here.” Loop kicks a bit of the hair. Cutting out a whole floor was part of the whole reason Loop allowed themself that little… experiment in the first place. 

And they really wanted to set the king on fire. 

And everything in this blinding house is so… cold. 

Bonnie rushes to Loop's side, smiling widely, “Yeah! Let's set that crab on fire!”

Odile allowed herself a smile, “Ah yes arson, the solution to all our problems.”

“I'm glad that you can see it from my perspective Madame!” Loop says with a bow.

Isabeau hums, “You know, this goes against my defender training, but I also want to see this!”

“What if this doesn't unblock it?” Mirabelle says looking at the fire and the door nervously.

“There has to be another way to unclog around it here Mira.” Siffrin says with a smile, clear excitement in their eyes. Something new, something that cuts out already repeated events. “If it doesn't work we can look for a different solution!”

Mirabelle nods slowly, seeming reassured, “Okay let's try it!”

Loop salutes Mirabelle then sets the hair on fire.

…

!

It worked! Loop grinned, arson is a solution to their problems! Loop wonders if they could set the time loops on fire? 

Probably not. They aren't that lucky. 

They just need to settle for setting the king on fire instead. 

They moved ahead, fought the boss and met the roommate once again. 

….

Mirabelle was still upset but Loop could swear that she was less so this time around. Was it because she didn't know that the people of the house were the ones to lock the doors? Or because she talked with Siffrin?

They weren't sure…

The conversation at the snack break was different quite a bit actually and Loop felt… 

Disconnected.

Family… Ha… They don't count, they wouldn't count if everyone knew what Loop was. They played with the remaining unlit torches as they all talked. They did care about these people, in a different set of circumstances Loop might've been able to think of them as that. 

But it wouldn't do, to be selfish, to try and grab at relationships that they were just going to abandon. One of the torches cracked in Loop's hand, they simply placed that one behind them. No need to bring attention to themself. This was never about them to begin with. These were Siffrin's friend quests after all. Not theirs. 

“Loop?” Mirabelle asks softly, “Are you okay?”

Oh oops. 

They tried to say ‘I'm fine’ but of course the words got stuck in their throat, ah, it always hurt, physically to lie. Now their throat hurts… great. They rubbed at their neck. They tried their best to smile at Mirabelle. It probably looked like a grimace. 

“I don't want you to worry about me. Sorry. Just ignore me.” 

“We don't want to ignore you Loop,” Isabeau says, glancing between them and Siffrin as he says this.

Loop also stole a glimpse of Siffrin's face… 

He was staring straight at them, a similar expression to what he had yesterday when Loop still didn't give them a problem. 

Loop looked away. 

“Look this isn't about me-”

“It's about all of us Loop,” Odile says looking at them sternly, “We are going to face the king soon and it wouldn't do for any one of us to falter.”

“Sorry…” Loop grabbed onto their arm looking to the side.

A look of sympathy seems to cross Odile's face, “Loop… do you also have a complicated relationship with the word ‘family’?”

Huh? No of course not why would they-

“Yes.” They answered, because they didn't realize that was the truthful answer. 

They froze. 

Then they opened up their mouth without thinking. “The last time people called themselves my ‘family’ they ran me out of town.” Stop talking, just stop it, none of them need to know this. “I was only a few years older than our dear snack leader when that happened.”

Ah. That was a mistake. Everyone looks horrified. Backpedal now. “I- that wasn't the worst thing to happen to me, you shouldn't worry-”

“Um buddy you do know how that's worse right?” Isabeau says worriedly. “That's the opposite of reassuring Loop.”

It…. Was?

“That's awful! After we kick the king's butt let's find them and give them a piece of our mind for hurting Lulu!” Bonnie says holding their frying pan like a weapon. 

Oh no, wait-

“Yeah!” Mirabelle, wait Mirabelle???? Says in agreement???? What??? “Do you remember their names Loop?”

“Or where they lived perhaps?” Odile says with a smirk. 

“No, I don't and I wouldn't tell you if I did anyway?”

“I guess we'll just have to find them the hard way.” Siffrin says. Siffrin???? What does he even mean by that anyway???

“It was an actors troupe Stardust, I don't think you want to end up banned from going to plays ever again because you assaulted some of them.” 

“A small price to pay for revenge.” Siffrin says smugly.

“Yeah!” Bonnie shouts jumping a bit.

“And thank you Loop for that lead, that narrows it down a lot.” Odile states writing something down in her book.

Huh what??? Oh stars at least she won't remember that next loop.

….

“I hurt one of them. Badly. I deserved it, to be ran out, being abandoned, every last bit of it.” That had to be true right?

Or they wouldn't be able to say it. That's what they believe to be the truth anyway. 

….

Why didn't anyone look like they believed them?

“Loop…. You were a child.” Isabeau says gently, “I don't think that should have happened no matter what you did.”

“Well, you're allowed to be wrong I guess…” Loop muttered under their breath. 

Mirabelle marched up to them grabbing their hands, “Loop do you want to hurt any of us?”

“What? No of course not! Why-”

“Did you want to hurt your last family?”

“... no, of course not.” But that didn't stop them from hurting them.

“Families do sometimes hurt each other…” Isabeau says just as gently as before, “It's the mark of a good family to have if they all try to mend what's broken. And you know, not abandon a child who didn't know what they were doing.”

….

What if said child is dangerous? 

“You and Siffrin have a lot in common don't you?” Odile says matter of factly, “Am I going to need to drill it into both of your heads that we care about you?”

….

“Maybe so Researcher.”

They got a small laugh out of the older woman. “I do still have a bone to pick with those people who chased out a literal child, so any more information about them that you can remember will be very useful to have.”

Loop laughs, “Careful Madame, you might give people a skewed idea of what your research is about!”

A pause, Odile then looks straight at Loop, “And what is it that you think I'm researching? As far as I remember you never guessed.”

Oh! They haven't, have they? Loop smiles, “What doesn't exist, but has a name?”

Odile looked confused for a beat then smiled a bit as well, “Nothing.”

Ha! “Well~ did I get it right Madame?”

A chuckle, “Yes Loop you did.” Success!

Mirabelle looked surprised but then decided that Loop was apparently more important than the discovery of the nonexistent research, how flattering. “Well that said, Loop you don't have to consider us your family but! If you want to be, know that we care about you! And! Even if you aren't comfortable with the word that won't stop us from caring!”

“Yeah!!!!” Isabeau exclaims, and Loop couldn't help the smile that came across their face.

…

Maybe.

Just maybe they could indulge a bit, allow themself this, at least for this loop. Only for this loop.

“It… would be nice to consider you all family, if that's okay?” Loop says quietly looking down. 

“Oh, Loop…” Mirabelle cups Loop's face in her hands and gently tilts their head to look at her. “Of course it would!”

“Isn't that what we already were saying?” Odile says simply. 

“Hush!” Isabeau replies, Madame Odile then rolls her eyes.  

It felt nice to be included, to be noticed, but they had interrupted what was Siffrin's moment hadn't they? They look towards him and-

He was beaming at them,  bright as one of the stars in the sky. Oh. He wasn't upset about this at all. Isn't that odd? This was his moment with his family and Loop butted in with their own issues. Who wouldn't be mad at that?

“I'm bored, it's snack time now, everyone sit down!” Bonnie says, grabbing their snacks for that floor. Loop let the familiar words wash over them as they chose some snacks and ate them quietly. 

“You know, I have a good feeling about this! We'll beat the king for sure!” Mirabelle says and Loop nodded along smiling. They've already beat the king before and the feeling of dread was actually different when the loop ends due to a death and if it was the other kind of looping. They didn't notice at first because the feeling of upcoming death was overwhelming. The other kind was subtle, an undercurrent of silght unease. Hard to separate from normal anxiety. 

Either way Loop knew they wouldn't die to the king this time and that was reason enough to be optimistic. 

Siffrin got his hair combed through by Mira. Had to look pretty to kill a tyrant after all. 

Once again they all walked up to face the king, he asked the same question to Siffrin once again.

Siffrin replies with “Do you?”

And the king cries. 

Then the battle begins, Loop waits for them to survive the first attack before lighting another torch, and setting his greasy hair on fire. It didn't kill him, but it clearly injured him before he used his tears to put the fire out. Cheater. Should've let himself be set on fire like a good sport. At least that shortened the length of the fight. And his hair.

The king glared at Loop and then at the length of his hair with despair. It didn't matter, he'll have his gross hair back to a ridiculous length next loop. He'd also be alive for a bit to enjoy it. Lucky him.

Eventually the fight once again ends with them victorious. And once again; the walk towards the head housemaiden. Loop didn't really want to talk or look at her so they didn't. Last time she didn't engage unless Loop drew attention to themself. Maybe she'd try to talk with them if the loop lasted past when Siffrin talked with her. Luckily for Loop it doesn't last that long, huzzah.

Loop went to the place they did the last few times, the balcony overlooking a frankly gorgeous view. They would move to a new spot, but they felt like there was something out there they were missing. It would be good to figure that out. 

Siffrin talked to Bonnie and Mirabelle first that loop but Isabeau didn't even try to confess that time. He probably thought that he'd have time to tell them later, unfortunately for him he was wrong. 

Siffrin walked over to Loop then, a slight smugness to his smile. “So you do care about everyone huh?”

Oh, ugh, “Shut up Stardust.”

“Never, plus it was always obvious, it's just nice to confirm it!” 

“Count yourself lucky.”

Siffrin smiles, “I am lucky, I'm with all of you.”

“Sap.” They look away, they'll allow themself this, don't remind them about leaving, talk about nothing. They want to let themselves believe in a world where they don't leave, at least for this loop. Is it selfish? Oh, of course it is. Too often they were selfish in regards to Siffrin. “Let's talk more later okay? You still have Madame to talk to.”

He looked disappointed. But nodded and walked over to Odile. 

They went back to looking out into the distance. What was that out into the distance? Loop leaned a bit over the edge. 

“Siffrin?” Loop jumped and turned around, Odile was looking at Siffrin who had moved on to talking with the head housemaiden. 

Ah, they noticed. Loop didn't want to get closer to the head housemaiden but… if something changed that has to be a good sign. They didn't join in calling out to Siffrin but they did move forward with the rest of them. Isabeau was closest, he tried reaching out to Siffrin but…

Well the tugging still came.

And Loop still ended up under the favor tree. 

….

No, they aren't going to just wait for Siffrin to visit them that time. They got up and briskly walked past Isabeau. They gave him a passing wave when he was surprised to see them but it wasn't the time to talk right now. Loop ran into Mirabelle next and cheerfully informed her that they could be the one to wake up Siffrin. And so finally then ended up in the field where Siffrin started each loop.

Siffrin had his head in his hands, and he was laughing, it wasn't a happy laugh. 

“Stardust.”

They jumped and looked up at Loop. There was a long pause as they just looked at each other. 

 “I- it didn't work, Loop.”

They cringed and sat down next to him. “No it didn't, it… would be nice if that's how it got solved wouldn't it?” 

Siffrin grabbed on to Loop's waist and buried his face into their shirt. Loop jumped a bit at the sudden contact but then ran a hand through their Stardust's hair, waiting for his breathing to even out. 

“No one remembers it, Loop, I-” he stops his head snapping up towards Loop's face, “No, that's not right, you also remember it.”

His face was so close to their's… “I guess I do Stardust.” Not that it matters. 

He smiles, “At least I still have you.”

Ah… 

“Yes, I guess you do.”

For now.

He still has them for now. “Are you going to try that again?”

Siffrin winces, “Not right now. There's other leads right?”

Are there? They next to nothing about the loops but where would they find that information…. Ah, there's still a potential lead.

Loop doesn't want to follow up on that lead.

“I guess…” they sigh, they don't even like suggesting it…

“The king?” Siffrin says looking at them. “He might know something…”

Loop laid back on the grass, “He might. But I still don't want to talk to him at all.”

“I'll be the one talking to him.”

“Fine, I still don't like it.”

“If it doesn't lead anywhere I'll drop it okay? I don't like the idea that much either but…”

“He could know something?” Loop forced out.

Siffrin nodded and looked away. Loop got up. They…

Oh stars they still needed to check if the loops reset… that.

Loop turned to Siffrin, "I need to check up on something, if you want to talk with me more call and ask to meet at the favor tree okay?”

Siffrin nodded, looking a bit confused. He'll stay confused. Loop wasn't about to tell anyone what they've done. 

Loop walked away towards the shop, they quickly opened the door and looked at the shopkeeper. He jumped slightly then greeted them, normally. 

He's fine, it didn't last past that loop. It's fine.

….

Loop walked in to say hello to Odile, mostly because it would be weird to just stare at the shopkeeper and then leave. 

Loop… decided on not trying that again so soon either. Repeating things might make them stick. And Loop doesn't want that to be permanent. 

But… that's great information to have right? That it's not permanent? The test had to be worth it. It's not even like they really hurt anyone. Not… not this time at least. 

….

And here Loop was acting like their Stardust talking with the king was the worst thing they'd could be using the loops to do, when Loop was…

They don't… want to think about it anymore. 

Everything was fine. They are fine. Loop just needs to make themselves be careful with what

they allow themself to do is all.

They'll just have to be careful. And they will be.

…

Back to the stage Loop.

Chapter Text

Loop was going to strangle Siffrin. 

The party was at the entrance to floor three, which wouldn't be that odd but-

[Stardust.]

(It was an accident! I wasn't looking where I was going and… well…)

[How did you even die in Dormont? Did you drown in the river? Found a cliff to jump off of?]

(...)

(I slipped on a banana peel.)

[Are you joking?]

(No, that's what happened.)

[What.]

(But! We can loop forward! Isn't that good information to have?)

Loop hangs up, ignoring the sound Siffrin made aloud when they did so. They guess so, still Loop didn't like the whiplash of just existing in Dormont just to be hit with the overwhelming feeling of knowing Siffrin was going to die then suddenly being so close to facing the king again. 

And they were under the impression that it would take at least a day or so before having to see the king now it was a few hours at most. Having to deal with Siffrin talking with him. The monster who knows what Loop is…. Loop was not looking forward to it, to put it lightly. It was going to happen one way or another anyway they guess. 

They were glad that they had to actually go through the floor that time around. More time in between them and the stupid king. They stood in the line of sight for the mirror picture, hopefully the smile they slapped on looked natural. They don't want any questions derailing the loop. What they wanted was for the king to not be a potential lead in breaking the loops. Loop didn't want to see him again. Hear that voice again.

…

It was simple enough going through the house. Like how a mild headache that has lasted for days is simple. 

They stayed in the bathroom for as long as they could that loop. 

Alone, they just needed to be alone for a minute. 

Why was the universe dragging this on? Why hasn't the story ended? The closing number has already happened! Why, why, WHY? 

They should already be in a different country unable to hurt Siffrin or dead already!

Maybe, maybe…. If Siffrin stayed dead then they… could have stayed-

No. No, that's worse. Wrong. They don't want Siffrin dead, that's why they have to leave right? Because they don't want him to be hurt. To be killed. 

…

For someone who doesn't want that to happen they sure have been standing around doing nothing! 

As Siffrin dies and dies and DIES!

They are a horrible, horrible, HORRIBLE friend to their Stardust. Might as well just grab their knife and plunge it into his chest for how helpful Loop has been so far. They need to leave. Leave, leave, leave. Even if they want to stay, because of course that's what they want! Selfish little fae, always grabbing onto what they can't and shouldn't have! 

These loops have to end sometime right? One day everyone will be happy, the king's stupid sobs will be silenced. Forever. Isn't that a beautiful thought? Not having to hear that voice ever again?

They just need to be happy with that. Losing everything for the greater good. Loop can overcome their nature. Be better. Better than the king, than the sadnesses, than the horror stories that were told over and over and over again about the fae. To the point where they had to have heard them right? You don't tell that many horror stories about something that is harmless. Right?

They think of a dead eyed stare, the only emotion left behind being simple, innate fear.

Ha…

They already know they aren't harmless! They've already proved it! Teehee~

At least that reset.

They don't know when the loops will stop. What if next time there wasn't a reset? No do overs? 

They should've just followed their own blinding rules.

No worries. They'll just make sure to do so moving forward. 

….

They exit the restroom. And join the others. 

Time flies when you're having fun, so of course the time drags like a corpse behind them. It felt like a lifetime before they were face to face with the king again. The bane of their existence. And his dumb hair. Loop wanted to set it on fire again. 

Siffrin didn't flinch when the king spoke, Loop still did.

Siffrin looked at them first before asking questions. Silently asking permission. 

Ugh the things they let them do.

They nod. Might as well get this over with.

Stardust asks simple questions at first, like why would he even do this, he gives a suitably stupid speech about Vaugarde being ‘perfect’ and wanting to ‘protect’ it.

How stupid. That wasn't protection. You don't protect something by keeping it in a cage, trapped. 

Loop didn't say anything. They could see the hatred directed towards them each time the king looked at them. But it felt like he didn't want to talk to them just as much as Loop wanted to tear his tongue out of his mouth, so his blinding voice never had to be heard again. As a bonus, maybe he could choke on his own blood! And die!

Siffrin asked more questions and Loop stopped paying attention. 

….

The shield spell wasn't up when the king used his attack. They… Siffrin asked to be killed first again. Loop felt sick. They opened their mouth to maybe counter bargain, for them to be the one killed first instead, but their mouth was dry, sound didn't want to come out, they hated the feeling of the king's craft. It felt… wrong, unnatural, the power he wields isn't his to use. That giant monster stole it. Stole the power he uses, it wasn't given.

Siffrin dies by the king's hands. Again. 

They looped to floor one.

Siffrin simply did a few small stretches then went about exploring the floor. Loop felt off balance as they followed behind. Siffrin had to be hiding how he felt about the loops, about dying. He was just acting nonchalant because it would be worrisome if he didn't! Loop scratched at their skin again. It felt like the itching was getting worse. Like they just had to cut off the skin to get some relief. 

They should really stop thinking about it. It won't help anyone to act suspicious. Loop focused on Siffrin and what he was doing, it was better to think about that instead of… well, everything else. 

Siffrin seemed to be looking at every single book they could find, which made Loop wonder why he didn't just start at the library? 

Hm… Stardust stops at book in one of the dorm rooms, a craftonomy book apparently. The party did their whole discussion about it when Siffrin asked about time craft. Must have been something that the king mentioned. Loop at least payed attention as the group talked about the power of time craft, and how it should've killed the king to even try it. Loop would've liked it if it did kill him dead.

That seemed to be what they were looking for due to the fact he went ahead completing the rest of the floor. Nothing else was out of place until floor two.

“Age alliance.” Siffrin said, Loop had sat out on the decision making once again, apparently this was a mistake because Stardust went ahead with choosing something that they knew was a dead end.

Siffrin used the crest. The party moved forward,  Loop tried not to show any emotions about it. Siffrin looked through everything in that dead end room pulling out a broken doll out of a closet and hugging it briefly. Eventually he moved forward out of the room and towards a tear.

Loop… didn't want to watch them die again. They panic and they grab the back of their Stardust's cloak and pulled him back from the tear, Loop quickly sucked in a breath and touched the tear themself.

….

Loop dreams of making food with Bonnie, playfully ruffling their hair when they complain about how Loop was doing something. 

They wake up.

… Pushing the unrealistic dream to the back of their mind they looked around.

Loop had their Stardust decide where to loop to that time, they end up at the room before the king.

They won that time. Loop didn't care about any blinding thing the king had to say aside from him dying.

Loop attempted to not even see the head housemaiden but, well, that upset Mirabelle. 

Which of course was worse than death so of course they dropped the issue and walked along with everyone. 

It was fine. The head housemaiden just posed the same threat of exposure with a nicer smile is all. 

They were a stewing pot of misery. Once again they tried to walk away. Out the door away from everyone, maybe this time they'll actually get out and finally stop being a danger to their Stardust. 

…?

They got past her without any questions? What changed? They thought based on what Siffrin told them that she was incapable of change? 

Maybe that was only the rule for Siffrin? Can she change what says, what she does when it's someone else? What are the rules?

They… need to know. They walk back up to her. 

… then past her, sitting next to Mirabelle instead of what they planned to do. They were a coward. They didn't want to talk to her. What if she just says the same thing to them again. What if Siffrin overhears, what if everyone does?

“Oh hello Loop! How… Loop are you okay?” Mirabelle asks, looking straight at them.

“The head housemaiden intimidates me.” It was at least some of the truth even if Loop was incapable of saying the full truth.

“Oh! I can see why, but she's really nice, I promise!” Mirabelle says earnestly.

Loop smiled, of course she'd say that, it's not her fault she doesn't have the context, “I believe you. That doesn't stop the feeling from… still being there…”

“Hm, well I guess you don't have to talk with her. And if! If you happen to want to try to say something to her someday, you can use it as an excuse to visit!” Mirabelle pauses then in a panic continues on, “I mean only if you want to visit Loop, I wouldn't want to force you or make you think that you have to-”

Loop laughs softly, “I wouldn't need an excuse to want to visit you Plum.”

Mirabelle blinked owlishly then smiled “Oh! Well! Then know I'd love for you to visit me if you find the time to, you know visit in between your travels.” A pause, she looks  at them, seeming to consider something, “Will you be traveling together with Siffrin again?”

Wuh oh

How were they supposed to answer that? 

….

“I don't think we will…” Loop says, looking to the side away from Mira. “But, I've traveled alone before so it won't be anything new for me.”

Mirabelle frowns, “I know but… you've told me before how happy you were traveling together with us once… you also told me to never tell anyone else about that but!”

Oh! Loop does remember that! That was… before Siffrin lost their eye… hm.

It was a game of truth or dare and Mirabelle was running out of dares she felt comfortable giving Loop. So Loop finally choose truth for once, Mirabelle asked how Loop felt about traveling with everyone. Loop told the truth. 

It was embarrassing. 

“But… I worry about you being all by yourself Loop, sorry for overstepping but-”

Loop needed to stop this. Mirabelle is likely the one person who they'd actually tell the truth to, and that's something world ending for Loop.

They clap their hands together,  “Why Plum! Are you asking me to travel together with you? If so, I accept.”

Mirabelle pauses, “Huh? Wait… Loop, do you want to travel together?” She brightens up significantly, “Because I haven't gone on my pilgrimage yet and it would be nice to have someone with me.”

Oh! 

Loop was almost a bit sad that this wasn't the last loop, continuing to travel together with Mirabelle sounds fun.

“I'd be honored.” Loop says, again letting themself live in the moment even if it was about to get ripped away at any second now. In the background they hear Odile interrupting Isabeau's confession and quickly stomps out any petty feelings of triumph. This wasn't about Siffrin and any feelings they'll never act on, this was a moment of enjoying being around a good friend. 

…

They tried to leave without saying goodbye to her the first time Loop got to this point. How stupid. That won't be something they'll do again. They can keep some of their family with them can't they? Maybe they could even get away with spending time with Siffrin still! They wouldn't be so stupid as to kill them in front of a party member right? Being alone on the road is dumb but! Maybe! They can stay, at least a little bit? 

…

Are they being entitled? Far too optimistic for their own good? They don't know…

That was something to worry about when or if the time loop breaks. Does it matter if they stay or leave if they're stuck here? Hmm, they are with everyone still, they still have time. They might be able to find a way to be near Siffrin while keeping them safe can't they?

And if they still have to leave in the end, they don't have to leave everyone. 

They just need to actually follow their rules, follow the rules, don't hurt any of them and as a reward for good behavior they can stay. That's fair right?

….

They should just stop thinking about it. None of them would want to keep around a monster anyway. Isn't that why everyone was on this mission right? To rid the world of a monster? Really Loop shouldn't impose a second one on everyone….

“Loop?”

Oh they were zoning out, how rude of them, quickly fix it-

They opened their mouth but they were met with the overwhelming smell of burnt sugar. Oh they didn't even notice… Siffrin had already started talking to the head housemaiden. That's fine, they'll just have to wait for the ending again. 

So

     They 

           Wait 

              For

      The 

          Closing number 

Once again

They find themselves under the same blinding tree.

They hate this tree even more with each passing day. Shoving down the need for something new they sat up. Wanting caused them to break their rules. It's dangerous. They can't do that again. Shouldn't have done that in the first place. 

Breathing in and out Loop tried to compose themself for the main character to come and visit them. They weren't in a place to go and get them that time.

Ah the grand entrance. He seemed to brush off Isabeau this time around, Loop felt a bit bad, considering how quickly after lying to the Fighter Siffrin made a beeline for where Loop was…. Well the reasons were clear, weren't they? 

Ha… no one should be in a rush to talk to Loop. There were better things to do with your time just in general! 

Siffrin opened his mouth and started talking, ah, he wanted to use the banana peel to loop forward again…

They were asking Loop for permission first. At least he had some courtesy the other person stuck in this with them.

Really Loop should say no but…

They have an idea, an idea that wouldn't even need any of their rules to be broken! 

They slap on a smile, “it's good to not repeat too much of the loop each time. But Stardust-”

It was a bad idea, if they mess this up Siffrin will remember. 

But who cares? This isn't breaking rules, this was an idea outside of the rules, if they mess up they'll hurt no one but themself. And that's fine isn't it?

“-Can I get a hug first? I want one.”

Siffrin looked happy about that and with no hesitation hugged Loop. They allowed themself to enjoy the contact, the feeling of their Stardust's arms around them while they gently took something off him while he was distracted and placed it behind them. 

Loop waved them goodbye then walked past the favor tree as soon as his back was turned. 

They weren't going to waste time doing what they planned. 

Stardust was going to use the banana to loop again, they told Loop as much. Loop only agreed because during their hug…

Loop stole his knife.

It was a bad idea.

But they…. Wanted to know.

In the forest past the favor tree there was a lake with a clear and calm surface. It works for Loop's purpose. As a mirror. 

They looked down at their own reflection. 

….

They knew what their skin under Siffrin's stolen skin looked like, but… what about their own actual face? What… what did that look like?

….

They should stop waiting around, Siffrin could trigger the loop at any moment. They should either give up or get it over with. Deep breath in. And out. Don't think about how breathing might not even be necessary for a fae.

They grab a hold of the knife. And brings it towards their face. 

…

Where…

No, that's not an actual question, is it? Loop knows where to cut. They look down at the lake and cut across their blind eye, the one Siffrin lost. Might as well match that part of their darling Stardust as well. 

Light explodes into the clearing, Loop steps back from the lake, their good eye blinded temporarily. They blink looking back down. 

Ah

It was coming from them, their head emitting light like a sun, like a star. They could actually barely make out the eye they cut over.

Like last time Loop took a knife to their own skin, it didn't hurt. It was nothing but the reveal of the truth underneath. 

They wanted it to hurt. But the only thing that could hurt them was iron wasn't it? Iron or….

…

They didn't want to think about what else could hurt them. It was something they knew, they knew, but pretended to not know.

There was a price to becoming a changeling, it gives you another weak spot. 

…

It was the reason why changelings kill their doubles, they wouldn't even need iron to kill a fae that stole their face. Any weapon wielded by them…

Hahaha wow! Loop sure did a bad job at not thinking about it~

Siffrin… wouldn't even need a weapon to end Loop's life, his two hands will do just fine.

Siffrin wouldn't do that. Really, Loop chose the perfect victim in stealing Stardust's face, they don't even know how long ago they did that. How did they even meet him? How-

When-

<<<<

Loop blinks a bit dizzy, what… happened?

What were they thinking about? It felt important… but nothing came to mind? 

Ah, well, either way the dread was back. Siffrin was going to die soon. Might as well wait for the inevitable. 

But… firstly they raise their hand to their face pumping some healing crafts over the cut they just made. The surrounding area was plunged into its comfortable darkness as the beacon of light that was apparently their own actual face got resealed behind the human skin they wear.

They wouldn't want to damage their costume too badly. It can't be easily replaced after all~

And right on cue there's the tugging. Stardust must have hesitated with the banana peel. Loop didn't blame them. They also hesitated on what they planned to do with that loop as well.

First floor once again. Again Siffrin was looking through nearly everything. They did that with floor two and three as well. Odd. Clearly he was looking for something Loop didn't know what. 

Whatever it was he was looking for they didn't find it because he did another sweep of the third floor after getting the star crest. 

He… went through a dead end again. The last room that was blocked by tears that they haven't been in yet. 

It's fine. He's looking for something, looking at places that they haven't yet is smart! It's fine, Loop just needs to make sure that they get to a tear before Siffrin does. 

If he's going to ask the king to essentially spare everyone it was the least Loop could do to make sure they don't have to die each time. 

….

If Loop could, they'd take every death off of Siffrin's shoulders. At least that's what they'd like to think that they'd do. Loop was so selfish, so afraid that they couldn't stop the king from killing him. Can they really truly believe that they'd be able to stomach getting crushed by a boulder? Breaking their neck? Willingly offering themself to be killed by a man they hate to the depths of their soul?

The only death Loop has done really was falling asleep and not waking up. They've heard people refer to that as the… nicest way to go, putting it lightly. 

….

The room seemed to be where was writing some poetry, the group seemed to decide to finish someone's poem.

Loop would've been against this if they knew it wouldn't matter. 

Peel a orange open-

“Blood on your hands~” Loop says, earning a giggle from Mirabelle. 

“Mirabelle… have you been recommending books to Loop?” Isabeau says looking up from the poem.

“Oh, well maybe a few books, and! Loop has taken me to a few musicals as well.”

Oh Loop actually remembers that too! Siffrin prefers the non musical form of theater but Mirabelle was interested in learning more about it. Hmm… Loop misses musicals, it was nice to hear someone else singing, performing, and dancing around. It was something that Loop has considered, joining in a trope and traveling to do group performances. But, Loop knew better. It's easier to leave if you need to if you have no ties. Nothing to hold on to. And Loop often needs to leave on short notice. 

….

“It's very apeeling,” Siffrin says, knocking Loop back into the present moment. There was an uproar of laughter from Isabeau and groans from the rest.

Hm, Loop smiles and turns to Isabeau, “Fighter, did you know that there's a musical where one of the songs is just a bunch of puns in a row?”

Mirabelle giggles and Siffrin frowns, both of them seemingly realizing what Loop was talking about. 

“Oh?” Isabeau looked mildly interested, Loop smiles. 

“Don't trust them Isa, the puns in question are about killing people and cooking them into pies.” Siffrin warns.

“OH???” He looked shocked. It was very funny. 

“Aww, Stardust why do you have to ruin my fun~”

They got a glare in response. Maybe they should have given them more of a warning aside from recommending the musical solely on ‘there's a song with puns in it’ however one must consider: it was funny.

Plus Loop knows for a fact that Siffrin likes that song, even if he denies it. 

They moved on, that didn't stop Loop from starting to hum the song in question as Siffrin looked around the room. Mirabelle talked about books with Odile, Bonnie picked up a book and refused to show Siffrin what the book was about. Loop stayed on guard for when Siffrin was done with the room. 

There were no tears in the room at least, and Siffrin wouldn't go ahead without everyone even if it was to start a new loop by touching a tear. Siffrin lingered a bit letting Mira read through one or two of the stories in that horror analogy she was so excited about. It was relaxing to listen to her read, she always made little gasps and hums as she reacted to the story at hand.

It was after Mirabelle placed the book back on the shelf that Siffrin made a move for the door. Loop… ran out the door before Siffrin could. That didn't stop him from catching up quickly. Really Loop should stop wearing higher heels than Siffrin, being taller than him isn't always worth the speed debuff.

“Loop-”

“It's a dead end Stardust, you know this.” Of course he does. He picked it well knowing fully that it would end in death. “I'm simply going to be the one to… trigger the loop this time.”

The others came into the hallway then looked between the two in confusion. 

“I'm not going to-” Siffrin was close to them. Close enough to take their knife again. 

So Loop grabbed it and showed off that they grabbed it to their Stardust and threw it in the opposite direction of the nearest tear.

“Go fetch, Stardust~”

In his surprise Siffrin seemed to forget that it didn't matter if he lost his knife, so they went after it. 

Loop of course took the chance to shove their hand into the tear. 

And they-

They dream…

Loop dreams of devouring their Stardust's heart whole.

Because of course they did. Why wouldn't something like them dream of something like that?

They wake up from that nightmare staring at the branches of the Favor tree, crying. 

Stop it. Feeling sorry for yourself will do nothing, stop blinding crying. Stop, stop, stop it!

But apparently they can't~

Wow crying over something dumb that's their own fault~

You'd think they stole the king's face instead of Siffrin's with all this blinding crying!

They hiccup and try to stay quiet, they don't want anyone to-

“Loop?”

-to hear them… they look up at the fighter worry written all over his face.

“Loop, are you okay?” Isabeau asks gently, “you're… crying.”

…..

Stars… they failed horribly at that, didn't they?

Chapter Text

Loop didn't say anything at first, they just stared at Isabeau. Hopefully they can get out of this.

Wiping some of the tears away they tried to keep their voice neutral, “there's more important things to worry about Fighter, really you shouldn't worry about me.”

He frowns thoughtfully before speaking, “Hmm, nah that's dumb, you can't stop me from worrying about you unless you let me help!”

“Is this really-”

“Okay, I'm going to stop you there, let's try this, yes or no do you want to have a talk?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well you always try to not answer questions instead of giving a straight forward answer,” Loop flinches, Isabeau  continues, “sooooo I'm asking for one! Yes or no Loop, I won't leave until I get a yes or a no!”

Oh… they aren't getting out of this, huh? 

….

“Yes… I would like to talk.”

“Yay! Caught you! You will be emotionally vulnerable!” 

Loop let out a startled laugh at that, Isabeau smiled brightly, “It looks like you have in fact done that Fighter, excellent job.” 

Tricking a fae was impressive, but well… it's probably easier to trick Loop than literally any other fae. 

Thankfully Isabeau didn't force them to talk at the tree, they didn't want Siffrin to walk in on them. Isabeau, ever the gentleman, let Loop chose the place to talk when they asked. 

It was a lake not covered by the darkness of the forest, it was one on the outskirts of Dormont, connected to the river that ran through part of the town. If half the background wasn't covered by the king's craft, Loop would've called the place pretty.

Right now it is nothing but depressing. 

The silence was deafening, most of the birds had been frozen or have flown away, and Isabeau was obviously waiting for Loop to be the one to start talking. Loop sighed, picking up a stone and skipping it over the unfrozen parts of the lake. It got to three skips before hitting the frozen area with a plink and sinking down to the bottom. 

They said that they wanted to talk. So on some level that must be true, still that doesn't mean that they actually want that vulnerability exposed. What can they even talk about? The loops were a no go, and so is being a changeling, and obviously they can never tell him that they think about hurting Siffrin… So what possibly could they even talk about?

Ah wait they do have something in common with the fighter don't they? That's something to talk about! 

They turned to face Isabeau who jumped slightly then smiled at Loop. 

Loop forced a grin and clapped their hands, “So! Fighter, wanna tell me why you haven't confessed to our dear rogue yet?”

He freezes, “I don't know what-” he looks at Loop then signs, “Yeah I wouldn't believe me either. I've tried! I just feel like it was never the right moment.”

“Well I think you should do it anyway. No matter if you get interrupted or if it doesn't feel like the right moment or not.” 

They pick up another stone, by the looks of it someone had been collecting skipping stones, Loop would've felt bad about using them if it wasn't all going to be reset anyways. They only got one skip that time. Hmm disappointing, Loop looks in the pile for a better stone for skipping.

They look back at Isabeau, what they were expecting was embarrassment or perhaps determination to actually confess. Well Loop wasn't really expecting the latter option, they'd need to put more work in for that they're certain. No, what they saw in his eyes was… pondering? No, maybe realization? Loop wasn't sure, all they knew for sure was that he was clearly thinking about something…

“Loop… why do you want me to confess to Sif?”

Loop pauses and forces a smile onto their face. “Why wouldn't I want that? Stardust is a dear friend of mine after all, clearly I'd want him to be happy.”

“I think they'd be happy if you confessed your feelings too, you know.” He says softly. Loop couldn't help themselves from flinching, he didn't know what he's talking about. No one wants a confession from a monster. Isabeau frowns, “Feel free to stop me if I'm overstepping at all but… I feel like you are telling me to confess as a deflection? So you don't have to deal with your own feelings.”

Well! This is going horribly! “I thought you'd be happy about me not getting in your way, fighter! Talk about looking a gift horse in the mouth!~” Loop looks down,” And who's to say he'd be happy to know my dumb feelings?”

“They aren't dumb Loop! And sure I sometimes get jealous about how close you two can be-”

“‘Sometimes’ he says~”

He frowns briefly before pushing forward, “But! I like seeing how happy he is around you. How comfortable they can be, it's nice to know that you'll be there when I can't be! You won't be getting in the way, it'll be better if we both said how we felt instead of only me. Do you understand what I mean?”

Loop looks away. “They're comfortable and happy around you too, fighter. I'm not special.”

“... you're special to Siffrin I'm sure about that.”

How do they get out of this? This isn't helpful, he's supposed to be the one convinced to make a grand declaration of love, not to be one trying to convince Loop to do it instead. “What? Do you want us to force him to choose one of us?”

“No? We can share- I mean! If Sif happens to… want to date both of us I'm fine with that. Plus… he's known you longer, if forced to choose I don't… I don't know if my chances are great if I'm being honest.”

….?

“Fighter, I think you made a big mistake if you think knowing me longer helps my chances.”

“Loop I've only grown to like you more as I've gotten to know you. I think you're underestimating how lovable you are!”

They drop the rock they were holding and spin back to face him. They open and close their mouth dumbly before forcing out a quiet, “it's still weird. Weird to date someone who looks exactly like you.”

“Well you don't look ‘exactly’ the same. I could spend a long time listing the differences between you two honestly! But also… does it matter?”

“Why wouldn't it matter? Why don't you find it weird?” They didn't know if they were grasping for excuses or looking for reassurance.

“I just don't? Maybe it's just because I know both of you, but I don't think it's weird.”

Hm. The feeling of relief probably meant that they were looking for reassurance, how annoying. “I… just tell them how you feel, ignore me.”

“I don't want to ignore you, Loop.” It felt like he said that before. Or at least something similar. Loop decided to become utterly fascinated with a stone instead of looking at him. Huh, this rock seemed to have many little rocks within it, how neat. 

“Loop…” Isabeau says, trying in vain to tear Loop's attention away from the stone. Hm, despite being a bunch of rocks stuck together the surface of the stone was rather smooth. It had clearly spent a good amount of time in the sun seeing how pleasantly warm it felt in Loop's hand. “Loop.”

It was actually a very pretty rock, Siffrin would have probably had picked it up just to look at it, maybe they should give the rock to him, hmmm. “Loop!”

They jumped and finally looked back at Isabeau. “Yes fighter?”

He stares at them for a bit before throwing on a smile, “How about we make a deal, Loop?”

“A… deal?” Loop hated how alert that word made them, how it made their whole body pickled with excitement. The fae ever so love deals. “What kind of deal?”

“Well if one of us gets the courage to be honest with our feelings about Sif, then the other person also has to be honest! A deal to make sure neither of us can chicken out!” He smiles, “That sounds fair right?”

Hmm, he's right, that does sound fair. It also sounds dangerous… but… he always gets interrupted, always fails to say what he wants to say. Will he ever confess within these loops anyway? No, they think, no, he'll never get to say it in these blinding loops. They can feel that being the truth. So… Loop doesn't have to ever say it either then! For Isabeau's sake! He won't remember this deal past this loop and if Loop were to confess and he doesn't, well, that's breaking a deal with a fae! A very dangerous thing indeed. Loop wouldn't place dear Isabeau in such a dangerous situation like that!

Loop smiles, “Well of course my dearly beloved rival, it's a deal!” 

His face went dark, “Huh?!?”

“What? You don't like ‘my rival’ as a nickname? I thought you wanted a different one aside from ‘fighter’.” Loop says keeping their face carefully neutral.

“I mean yes I do! Um, there were more words in between ‘my’ and ‘rival’... I mean it'll be suspicious if you were calling me your rival, and people might ask what you mean and…”

“I mean my rival in the ever so competitive field of love of course! That much is obvious Fighter~”

He says something Loop couldn't hear then smiles nervously, “Do you have any other nickname ideas?”

Loop pretends to hum thoughtfully, “How about Beauty? Or maybe you'd prefer Handsome?”

Isabeau has his face in his hands, it was very funny, “Maybe I'm okay with ‘Fighter’ for now actually…”

“Oh okay,” Loop says, absolutely failing at keeping their amusement out of their voice. “See you later then fighter, good luck on spitting it out first~”

He laughs, “Good luck to you too Loop.” 

He smiles, Loop smiles back and they go their separate ways for now. 

They walk back into Dormont, glad about finding control over that conversation. It could've gone much worse! 

They walked around the town, debating on whether or not to try to talk with Siffrin. 

… Actually now that they are thinking about it they'd prefer to just go back to the clocktower early! They can talk to their Stardust later.

While making a beeline for the clocktower Loop had the pleasure of finding out that apparently Mirabelle had the same idea as Loop. Because they ran into her on the way. Literally ran into her. And now they were on the ground. 

Not one of Loop's finest moments. 

“Oh, sorry Loop! I must have not been paying attention!” Mirabelle says helping Loop up from the ground.

“I wasn't exactly fully aware of my surroundings either Plum.” They say with a smile, and Mirabelle smiles back. 

There was a beat of silence and Loop debated on if they should walk ahead, the only reason why they haven't is that Mirabelle really looked like she had something that she wanted to say.

“Do you want to walk to the clocktower with me?” Loop says after another beat of silence. Mirabelle nodded seriously. They took a longer way than just jumping over the broken bridge, walking through a wooded area towards a thinner and thus easier to cross part of the river. 

“Loop?” Mirabelle says finally. “Can… I talk to you about something?”

Loop nods, vaguely wondering what changed this loop. Maybe it was simply the act of running into her before they both were at the clocktower. But maybe it was something else entirely.

Another pause. “I don't know how to say what I want to say without sounding weird…” Mirabelle admits quietly. 

“Then sound weird, I won't judge.” Loop says poking her cheek, Mirabelle smiles and pokes Loop back with a giggle. 

“... I just had a conversation  with Siffrin about… things and that got me thinking that I…” Mirabelle looks at Loop somewhat strangely. “I knew, I talked with Siffrin about not wanting, not being able to stomach having a romantic relationship but I knew that already because I… I've already tried to force myself to feel that way.”

Oh? Well, Mirabelle not wanting a romantic relationship wasn't exactly news to Loop, they have seen how uncomfortable she was when someone did flirt with her. And Loop was more than willing to be… creative if such someones didn't have the wisdom to back off.

“That sounds uncomfortable.”

“It… was very uncomfortable.” She pauses again, almost seeming ashamed? “It was you, I tried to force myself into getting a crush on you?”

What? She'd what??? Loop couldn't help themself from staring at Mirabelle flabbergasted.

The utter confusion must have shown on their face because Mirabelle quickly continued. “I mean! I thought if I could have those… feelings it would be for you, it made sense to me! At least once someone thought we were on a date and I didn't know why the idea made me uncomfortable! If I were to go on an actual date with you it would probably be fun! But! But…”

“But, you wouldn't want to go on a date with anyone?” Loop supplies not sure if that's even helpful to say. Loop didn't think that anyone should want to go on a date with them anyway. 

“No… I don't think I would. It just feels different if the expectation is ‘we are on a date’ instead of ‘we are two friends hanging out one on one’ you know?”

Loop felt like they at least vaguely understood so they nodded their head, Mirabelle let out a sigh of relief. 

“Good, at one point I was planning on trying to ask if you'd want to try going on a date but, it always felt so weird to ask!” 

“I wouldn't know how to react if you did ask.” Well in actuality Loop would probably say yes then feel bad about ‘leading Mirabelle on’ considering Loop's stupid, stupid feelings towards their Stardust. Loop was grateful to know that the lack of romantic feelings between them and Mirabelle was mutual. 

“Well! I guess we don't have to think about that… but… are you the same way Loop?”

“Unfortunately not, I've been infected by romantic feelings a few times.” Loop says with drama, smiling when Mira giggled.

“Um, what about sexual attraction? Sorry if that's weird to ask! I was just wondering because… I don't have those feelings either?”

Oh!

“Luckily I'm spared from that at least~” 

Mirabelle beamed. Then she seemed to remember something leaning forward, “Do you happen to have a crush on anyone right now?” She says with a strange amount of eagerness.

…

Loop blinks and slowly nods to confirm that fact. Not trusting their voice to be neutral. 

“Is it Siffrin?” Mirabelle asks excitedly and Loop freezes. 

“Am I really that obvious?” Came Loop's soft reply.

Mirabelle's eyes widened and she was quick to grasp Loop's hands, “Oh no! No it's not that you are obvious or anything like that, it's just that…” A pause,  Mirabelle seemed to be thinking about what to say next. “You've known him the longest, and you… well you sometimes pretend that you're outgoing but anyone who knows you knows that you take time to warm up to people! So it probably had to be someone in our party! And I guess it could've been Isabeau-” Loop didn't know what face they made to the idea of them crushing on Isabeau but Mira quickly added, “It definitely wasn't Isabeau, I think you'd… be more upset by the idea that I don't want a romantic relationship if it was me, and Odile… I guess it could've been her but, well she might be too old for you? I don't know! I don't know how to explain why I think it's unlikely but it is!”

Loop looks away, “So that leaves only one person…”

Mirabelle nods, “I think it would end up working out if you were to tell them how you felt!”

Ah, Loop didn't want to have another conversation about how it's a ‘great idea to tell Siffrin how they feel!’ Another person who doesn't understand how dangerous Loop is, how the only way towards safety is Loop cutting off the ties between the pair. How to convince her of the obvious? 

…

Well, honesty is the best policy. So Loop told a half truth. “I think that he'd be better off with someone who doesn't think about hurting him don't you think?”

“... What do you mean Loop?”

Loop closes their eyes, “It's constant, the thoughts about hurting him, I don't like them yet they continue incessantly.” They pause, they don't want to go into detail. It's bad enough that they're saying this at all! “I don't think he'd be safe around me.”

…

Mirabelle isn't saying anything, Loop opens their eyes to look at her preparing for the horror and disgust that will surely be written across her face.

Loop sees concern instead. 

…?

“Loop, that just sounds like intrusive thoughts?”

What???

“What do you mean?”

“Intrusive thoughts? I mean it's in the name isn't it? They are thoughts that intrude into your brain and feel awful! You don't want to have those thoughts but they pop up anyway! I hate them…”

… wait.

“Do you have them?” Loop asks, surprised by the mere idea that Mirabelle could possibly have such thoughts.

Mirabelle seemed to realize what she basically admitted and nodded, “Yes I do, it's part of the reason why I like horror stories so much! It helps to reframe them as thoughts about fictional characters for me.”

Oh…

But… that can't be what's happening with them! They are a changeling! Something that's actually dangerous! It's different, Loop is a ticking time bomb, and Mirabelle is Mirabelle! 

“Loop, do you think I'm a bad person for having those kind of thoughts?”

“What no! I-” They looked up at her to realize that she was smiling, huh?

“So, why would that make you bad if it doesn't make me bad?” She says with a gentle smile on her face.

It's different! It has to be different, Loop has acted on such thoughts before right? So it's not comparable! 

Mirabelle seemed to get more worried the longer that Loop didn't respond, “Have you hurt Siffrin before? Is that why you're worried?”

Loop shakes their head, “I… could hurt them.” They could crack open their ribs, or strangle him, or cut him open with a knife, or many, many other things. “Who knows what I might have done if the rest of you weren't around…”

“... but you've traveled with Siffrin for much longer than you knew any of us?”

But Loop didn't know what they were back then, didn't realize how dangerous they were! Ignorance is bliss after all. Loop looks away from Mira. 

Mirabelle seems to think for a bit, “Loop I'm sorry to ask for this but… can you make me a promise?”

Loop looks back at her in surprise, “What kind of promise?”

“Well! If it worries you to travel alone with Siffrin then can you promise me if everyone still wants to travel together  after the King that'll you'll stay with us?”

It sounds unlikely that everyone would want that, Bonnie wants to see their sister, Isabeau has an old job to return to doesn't he? And Odile is probably sick of them by now.

Loop knows Siffrin wants to continue to travel with them. That's because he doesn't know any better. 

… And neither does Mirabelle for that matter. 

It was unlikely.

“Are you going to ask everyone if they want to continue traveling?”

“O-oh um maybe after we beat the King and have dinner together I'll bring it up!”

And she'll never get the chance to ask, they never get that far, the loop rests before that. 

“I promise.” Loop says because it'll never happen, never matter.

Mirabelle smiles because she doesn't know how empty the promise is. And she never will. 

Loop smiles back, because that's just what you do when Mirabelle smiles.

The pair finally made it back to the clocktower, and Loop spent some time alone. They stared up at the ceiling, thinking. 

Maybe they could talk with Odile and Bonnie as well. Maybe they shouldn't be playing with fire and try to talk with Odile, she was someone dangerous to talk to if you have secrets. But, she has no information in regards to the fae, or she would've already kicked Loop out of the party. Still… that's going to be a no go from Loop. They have some logic at least.

Bonnie is someone who they could talk to, but there isn't much important to talk about with a preteen. You wouldn't want to shove problems onto a kid anyway. 

Bonnie did get to the clocktower early as well but as far as Loop could tell that was something that they did every loop to start making food both for tonight and the climb up the house. Mostly Loop left them to it.

Aside from one thing.

The fritters, something was missing from them last time they had some, which was the last loop they had them? Loop can't recall but it was more than once right? They've long since stopped paying attention to what they chose to eat; it's easier to let everything fade into background noise. 

Either way Loop knew it needed spice. It wasn't bland but a kick was something they remembered. 

However it took Loop only two steps into the kitchen for darling Bonnie to be waving a spoon threateningly towards them. Understandable considering they only liked having someone else in the kitchen with them if they're being taught something. 

“Out.” Bonnie says seriously while booping Loop with the spoon. 

Normally Loop would comply with the orders from the great, noble and wise snack leader. However.

“Is this your first time making malanga fritters?” 

The ever so dangerous spoon was lowered, “wait Lulu have you made them before?”

Loop grinned, they had something to teach.

And so they did. Bonnie did an excellent job without explanation before and so hopefully this time they'll do even better. There was a chance that Loop made it worse. They do that sometimes. 

Afterwards Loop did the smart thing by leaving the preteen to their cooking, they stayed in the room mostly because Bonnie directed them to keep an eye on some of the food as Bonnie prepared something else. Loop heroically saved some samosas from being burned.

Eventually Odile had also ended up at the clocktower, but she seemed to have a new book she was reading so Loop left her alone. 

It was interesting being in this moment. Feeling the clock tick down towards tomorrow, knowing that it's very likely that the same thing will happen that always does. But today enough was different. Enough that being in the moment didn't hurt.

It was odd when Siffrin and Isabeau didn't show up but after Bonnie tasked everyone to grab food to bring to the pair that Loop realized what happened. Siffrin went and talked with everyone again. Loop didn't know what to feel about that. Oh well it's not like it's the end of the world, Loop didn't really pay attention the first time Siffrin did that anyway.

It was actually nice to eat outside, under the stars. Loop didn't allow themself to appreciate it last time. A shame really.

It was also nice in a much more petty way to know for sure that Isabeau didn't confess since Loop didn't feel compelled to do the same. So Loop ate, talked and laughed, ignoring their Stardust who was looking at them for some reason. 

It was nice, having talked with some of their party members that loop. But unlike Siffrin this wasn't something that they could do again. They couldn't lie, and part of their safety relies on no one in the party remembering any promises or deals they made with Loop. Empty promises and forever unfulfilled deals. 

…. Was that a good thing? Was Loop just being unbelievably selfish? Perhaps. But the fae are inherently selfish creatures, and whether they like it or not Loop is one of them. And riddles, deals and misdirections make the human skin feel less itchy to wear. 

None of them will remember what Loop said to them after that loop, this was something they knew from experience and the strong sense that this wasn't the last loop. They would appreciate it more if they didn't have the vague knowledge that none of this mattered. 

…

Eventually the necessity for sleep that humans tend to have caught up with everyone, and they all went to sleep. Loop stayed outside the clocktower, so they could ‘sleep’ outside. 

Like last time they did that their Stardust came outside to see them. 

“Wasn't content with just one stargazing date tonight, Stardust?~”

A pause, “How did you know it was me?”

“I just did.” 

“I didn't get to talk with you yet, so,” Siffrin sits down next to them, “we can talk now.”

Hm. “Still determined to fix a problem for me, Stardust? You're so sweet, but-”

“Loop. Why did you…. It's my job to start a new loop. You don't have to touch tears, you shouldn't do that.”

Ah. Of course. “Why does it matter? It triggers a new loop either way.”

“This isn't for you to deal with-” Loop grabs Siffrin's chin covering his mouth as well. They wanted him to just shut up and listen sometimes.

“Now, now Stardust~ considering the obvious fact that I blinding know about the loops means it's also my blinding problem to deal with! I'm not going to sit back and watch you die if I can do something to stop it. Do you understand?”

Siffrin still looked unconvinced. Loop sighs and lets go of them. 

“That doesn't mean you have to die Loop. It isn't like it's fun to watch you die!”

“Hypocrite. What about me being the one to watch you die makes it better for you? Explain yourself quickly~”

“It's different!”

“How? Because you don't have to watch? I have to watch my oldest friend die and be okay with it? That's not fair Stardust!” Siffrin just stared at them. And Loop couldn't help themself from continuing, “this whole time loop nonsense has been a nightmare to deal with and are we really any closer to finding out how to end them? No! No, we are not! Fighting over who has to touch the tears isn't helpful!”

“... Loop, I'm sorry.”

… Ah maybe they were too harsh. “I'm sorry for yelling.”

“It's just that… I think it takes longer when you touch the tears, it's instant when I touch them.”

… what?

“What do you mean?”

“Like it's usually a minute or two after you've been frozen and it…. It feels different than when I die, is all. So I don't want you to do that? Death is just death but seeing you frozen feels like… the world is ending…”

…

    Wait a minute…

“Stardust is that also how you felt when you killed that sadness?”

Loop saw them tense up which told them the answer without anything being said. So that was part of it wasn't it? Siffrin loops when they die or if something happens to make him feel like the world is ending, this was new information! New rules! A way to understand what was going on! Loop sat up suddenly much more alert. They grinned.

Loop hummed, “No need to answer me Stardust~ but, hmm, I do wonder why you went around talking with everyone again! I doubt much will change this time around.”

“... I just thought I should have the extra shield spell, but it felt weird to not help everyone else after helping Mira.” He pulls down his hat, “and it's nice having them care about me…”

Loop stares at him before knocking his hat off his head and ruffling their hair while Siffrin was still taken off guard. “They care about you all the time, idiot. But, I understand it'll be nice for you to do this without having to worry about me being a spoilsport.”

“What does that mean???” Siffrin says,  hat still in his lap maybe because Loop's hands were still in his hair. He should really comb it more often but Loop should also redo their braid more often as well. They run their hand through his hair, smiling when he leans into their touch.

“I spent some time with nearly everyone in this loop as well.”

“Nearly?”

“The researcher seemed preoccupied, I'd rather not be in her way.” Also talking to her could be dangerous. Loop didn't need to be kicked off the team for being a changeling today. “It was honestly nice. I understand why you'd do it again.”

“Odile would probably like to talk with you as well-”

“I'll do that after we kill the king again then.” Aka when there's not enough time for her to do anything. “If there's nothing else you want to talk about you should go back and sleep Stardust.”

“... What did you do with Isabeau today?” 

Huh? 

“We talked, I skipped some stones on a lake. Why?” Loop took a good look at their face then let out a dramatic gasp, “Could it be? Stardust, are you jealous that I got to spend time with the fighter?”

“It's not you that I'm jealous of- I mean no of course not why would I be? I was just curious is all. Nothing more.” 

Hm odd. They really shouldn't read into that. It's bad to hold onto false hopes. Siffrin was probably still going to end up in Isabeau's arms at the end of all of this, likely kissing-

Hm! Wow! Considering their reaction to the mere idea of Isabeau kissing Siffrin, maybe they shouldn't be around to see that happening! Jealous, jealous little fae~ 

Unable to handle having their crush kiss someone else~

Pathetic.

Hopefully they simply will never have to see that happen. 

“Hm~ Sure you're not~ now shoo, you know as well as I that they get worried if they don't know where we are in the morning.”

“You could go back inside as well Loop.”

“I don't want to. I like sleeping under the stars. And as far as anyone knows you are supposed to be bunking with someone else right now.”

And it's likely that they'll be up all night, so why spend it indoors?

“.... fine but next time I'll say I'm sharing with you.” Loop smirks at that and Siffrin blushes and quickly gets up, “it's just that he keeps failing at telling me…. Whatever it is that he wants to say. It'll be nice to have a break from that is all.”

Ah, they really don't know? Well at least that means that he probably has no idea about Loop's feelings either. That's comforting. “Sleep tight Stardust, we have a house to go through and a king to kill.”

“As always.” Siffrin says before getting up and going back to Isabeau.

…

“As always,” Loop echoes, watching him leave.

Chapter Text

Loop really was expecting for the snack time on the floor before the king to be different but Siffrin said the same lines and the same conversation as last time followed suit. Maybe their Stardust just wanted to hear it again, the sentimental fool.

Loop had been only half paying attention anyway, thinking about something on the first floor of all places, about newspapers about the king. Siffrin looked relieved to have found the papers for some reason, Loop didn't particularly care to learn more about the man, but still Siffrin seemed fixated on the patterns on the king's armor.

…

Stars is what Siffrin said the patterns on his armor were, Loop knew better, Siffrin was right of course but…

There was just something about the fact that there were drawings of him, of the fae heart he kept trapped in his armor, and that it was unimportant to everyone else. Loop was alone in this knowledge and unable to tell anyone. That the king had more than one star pattern on his armor and Loop didn't know if all of them were hearts or if he imitated the look of them for the rest of them. The one on his chest was a heart, Loop knew that for sure. Logically they knew what would be the worst option, but that doesn't stop the rage bubbling in their chest over the latter idea.

Why? Why kill a fae then keep the heart? Why display it over your own chest? He probably was so heartless that he had to steal one. Yet there feels like there's something missing, something important about a fae heart that Loop is forgetting.

They… they wonder if it was a changeling, if some fae had stolen the king's face and paid dearly for it. 

“Loop?” Mirabelle asks softly, “are you okay?”

They look up, ah they must have finished their little family speech already. “I'm so sorry Plum! I was just…” Thinking about how the king has a fae heart trapped in iron, about how that's a meaningless statement to everyone else.