Work Text:
Qian was taking one step at a time as he was climbing the stairs and walking slowly towards Yuan's room. His thoughts were still clouded by the conversation he had with San Pang earlier in the day.
After Yuan came back from the USA, it seemed he had moved on. He hasn't once mentioned about what happened before he left infact, he even thanked San Pang, as he felt that because of his meddling, he could go abroad for further studies and do better in his career. That's why today, when Qian and San Pang were having lunch together, his friend brought up Yuan's topic and asked if Yuan was interested he can introduce him to a boy whom san pang knows and who has shown interest in Yuan after finding out he is gay. Qian had quietly agreed to discuss it with Yuan and changed the subject.
The truth was he didn't want to admit not even to himself how hearing san pang suggestion felt like a sudden jab in his heart. He didn't know why exactly he felt so. He should have been happy maybe he can help his brother to find his love but... but something has changed in past few years. Had san pang given this suggestion few years back when Qian was ignorant of Yuan's feelings... when Yuan hadn't confessed would he still feel this uneasiness? And the next moment Qian shook his head. What was he thinking? Is he going crazy?
Of course I am okay with Yuan dating anyone he likes. He should... he needs to have his family his partner with whom he can have a blissful life. Qian thinks and nods to himself.
Soon he find himself infront of yuan's room. He stood there quietly for few minutes. Should he talk to yuan right away or wait till morning? It's already late. Is he sleeping?
With all the thoughts hovering in his mind he knocks at the the door lightly but immediately gets surprised as yuan opens it at the speed of light.
"Were you standing behind the door? Why are you so fast?" Qian asks quizically.
"I just felt you were here." The younger one answers with a sweet smile. "Come in."
Qian just nods slightly and enters the room. His steps feel heavy as soon as he remembers his reason for meeting the other one.
"Is everything okay?" Yuan asks shutting the door behind.
Qian takes a deep breathe before turning around, replying as genuinely as possible "Yes, I just thought it's been a while we had a proper conversation. How have you been yuan?"
Yuan could feel something is off. He could see how hard the shorter one was trying to act cool and had he not known Qian like back of his hand he would have certainly believed his words.
Still the fact he was getting more time to spend with the older one was enough and so he answers "I am good infact really good after coming back... home." He says the last word softly.
Something within Qian melts.This place really meant alot to him but Qian had kept him away from here for so long. Was he too harsh on Yuan? Was there a better way to handle the situation? Maybe but now it was too late, things have happened and Yuan dose'nt li...like him that way anymore so there is nothing to ponder over.
"It's nice to know that." Qian says adjusting his glasses more out of nervousness while still contemplating his next question " So Yuan... Mmmm how are your friends? Your project partners?"
"They are fine. I just had a video call with them regarding our research." Yuan says and gestures Qian to sit however Qian waves in No.
"Oh really. Now that i think i haven't ever spoken to your friends. Next time call them when i am home."
"Why do you need to speak to them?" Yuan asks casually while leaning back to the study table for suppprt.
" Beacause they are your friends?" Qian says as a matter of fact. " I should also know about them just like you know about me and my friends. Isn't that fair?"
"Well they aren't that close to me so I will think about it."
"There is nothing to think or wait.... Don't tell me you found a lover there that's why you are nervous to introduce them to me?" Qian says, eyes widen in surprise as if he has just found out the biggest secret of the world " Who is he? You can let me know Yuan." Qian continues with a mischievous smile but it doesn't reach his eyes.
Yuan notices and wonders why but still decides to play along "And what if I say I have found someone." He says it with a sly smile and walks slowly yet steadily towards Qian who panics at the sudden movement and quickly moves back until his back touches the wall.
Yuan stops too close to Qian's comfort and leans forward "You haven't replied me yet."
Qian blinks once then twice for a moment he forgets everything as if he is under some spell. He could hear his heart pounding like he just ran a marathon. Yuan eyes were fixed on him a faint smile plastered across his face as if he were enjoying whatever was happening. And then it clicked to Qian the close proximity between him and the younger one and instantly he lightly pushes him away while stammering a bit he manages to say "Of course I will be happy for you and would want to meet that person."
Really? A voice within Qian probe him which he sleekly ignores.
Yuan eyes follows Qian he can't help but to laugh inwardly looking at his dreaded condition.
"Don't worry Ge, I am not seeing anyone."
"Really?" Qian asks, eyebrows raised.
Yuan just shrugs his shoulder
"Oh okay." This is the right time to ask him then. "So I was thinking" Qian starts as yuan looks at him keenly "Are you okay if I introduce you to someone for a blind date?"
Before the words could dawn to the taller one Qian explains " San pang knows a boy who likes you. He said the guy is nice and he knows him well. You can atleast meet him once."
For next few seconds there was silence. A silence accompanied with sudden change in atmosphere.
There was an unreadable expression on yuan's face while Qian patiently waited for his reply.
Yuan tries to hold back what he was feeling, trying hard to stay calm. It was all fun and nice until Qian thought that Yuan can date someone else, until he thought Yuan can give his place to anyone in entire world.
Instead Yuan asks "Is this why you came here? This is what you meant by 'proper conversation'?"
"Yuan" Qian could see there's anger in those eyes, but something else too. Something dark and hot, and dangerous.
"If san pang likes him so much ask him to date that guy instead. And now please leave." Yuan says and looks away as he tries hard not to say something stupid.
"Yuan, what's wrong with you?" Qian raises his voice taking a step forward "Don't you want to settle in life? I am not asking you to get married right away just meet him that's all and then decide."
" Then what about you?" Yuan counters getting closer to older one "when will you settle?"
"Why are you bringing me into this? I just want to..."
"You just want to what Ge? Drive me crazy with these plans of yours?" He tries to keep his voice as neutral as possible.
"Yuan"
"Do you..." Yuan closes his eyes for a second. This is not what he wanted, he never imagined he would have to confront those feelings with Qian ever again, then taking a deep breath, he continues, "Do you really don't know why I don't want to date anyone else? Just because i don't say it out loud do you not realize what I feel? Or you just want to act as if nothing ever happened?"
"What are you talking about Yuan?" Qian sighs " I just want you to be happy..."
"....And don't you understand my happiness is with you?" Yuan screams words coming out even before he realises or can think over it.
Eyes filling with tears, pain showing on his face as clear as daylight he immediately diverts his eyes on floor within minutes all his efforts to remain composed infront of Qian came crashing down and the day when he confessed his feelings to him played like a movie in his mind. And soon the pain he was feeling turned into fear, fear of losing Qian, fear that Qian will again push him away. He won't be able to take it, he can't stay away from Qian anymore.
So he meekly says "Let's stop here, I don't want to say anything that will make me lose you once more."
But Qian was too dumbfounded to react. Does that mean Yuan still likes him? Likes him the way he liked him 4 years ago? Qian should be angry right? The same way he was when he first heard the confession so why isn't he scolding Yuan already? What was this feeling? The lightness in his heart? Is he relieved? Relieved about what? That yuan still loves... No No No... it's all wrong. Yuan is his brother how can he...
But not blood related? So what is wrong in it? A voice echoes inside him
Suddenly there were too many thoughts running in his mind that even he felt he wasn't ready to keep the conversation going. Even if he wanted to ask hundred of things from younger one for now he wanted some time alone to organize his thoughts and understand his own sentiments.
So he quietly murmurs more to himself than to the boy standing meters away "I thought your feelings has changed."
It was then when Yuan slowly looks up at Qian who seemed to be lost in thoughts and smiling while a lone tear falls from his eyes says "I wish it was possible. I wish I could do that."
Qian could feel his heart beating faster at the words of other one. He moves his gaze and their eyes meet.
And even if there was complete silence in the room, even when no words came out of their mouth, their eyes spoke louder and clearer than any words. As if for the first time both could understand each other like they hadn't before.
I like you. I have always liked you. Can't you like me back? Can you give me one chance?
Qian could read the earnest plea in Yuan's eyes, the desire to have him but was he ready for this? What about the relation they had until now? Was he ready for the sudden change in their dynamics? And even if they cross the line, what if eventually they break apart? Can they handle it? Can Qian take the risk of losing Yuan?
But he also knew that now that he has subconsciously started thinking about it he couldn't refuse no matter how much he deny or ignore what he felt for Yuan wasn't the same love he had felt before. It was more... more intense more dangerous more deep. But he had to think over it. He needed time.
It seemed as if Yuan was able to acknowledge all his thoughts as he just smiled, a smile which screamed I will wait. A smile that screamed I will be here, I am not going anywhere.
Qian could no longer contain the overwhelming emotions. His lips quiver as he tries to hold back his tears.
Eyes flickering anywhere but on Yuan's face Qian lastly says "Yes let's.... let's talk later."
And with that he rushes out of Yuan's room.
Qian knows as he enters his own room that, with all the immense emotions he is going through, it will take him some time to figure everything out and clearly come to a conclusion. The night is going to be long for him, and maybe... for Yuan too.