Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Black Hole wandered the halls of a mighty building.

Fire extinguishers, life rafts and first aid kits were found where decorations would usually be. The floor was made of soft and sterile cottony material, so if someone were to trip they'd only sink a bit into the ground. Black Hole recognised this place- it was his idea for Death P.A.C.T Ultimate's building. A small part of him knew the building was never made this way, but he wanted to indulge.

The entrances to every room were wide and easily accessible. Hundreds of objects walked from everywhere to anywhere, and none of them were endangered by Black Hole's presence.The ceiling was as high as five Trees stacked on top of each other. 

Speaking of Tree, there he was! Black Hole half-consciously floated over to the small group Tree was in. The rays of the sun fell gently on the group- Pie, Tree, Remote, and Marker. All the other objects in the building started to fade into the white tile. Black Hole wished he hadn't noticed. He urged the moment to go on forever, to stretch just a bit farther. 

Black Hole woke the moment Tree opened his mouth. He was halfway embedded into the ground, in his sleeping spot outside DPU Headquarters. The spot was lined by a small fence to keep people from coming over and endangering themselves via Black Hole.

Black Hole floated up to the building. Few objects were awake at this hour. Black Hole noticed Eject, Shifty and Remote chatting in the cafeteria. The new recruit, Bryce, was mopping the floor. And of course, Robot Flower was in the open park.

Black Hole hovered over to the robot, who he'd been training for the past month. After her untimely death at Black Hole's figurative hands, he'd taken full responsibility and promised to rehabilitate her. He had used every favour he could, lost most of his cash in paying for the damages she'd caused and protested for her to be recovered.

When the Government Of Things finally agreed, Robot Flower's name was put on the recovery list. The backlash from citizens and heroes alike was massive, who'd want that murderous psycho back? But Black Hole promised he'd train her to be less violent. So far, it was going pretty well.

Robot Flower's body was covered mostly by thick glittery wool- half a way to stop her from decapitating people just by bumping into them, and half her wanting Flower's fashion on her body at all times. She was practicing a small exercise Candle had come up with to train patience and precision- inserting string through the eye of a needle. The string was alive.

"cmon -- can -- this!", said the string. Black Hole wasn't close enough to hear their words properly. He floated closer and said, "Hi."

Robot Flower threw the needle she was holding straight at Black Hole, which had the expected effect. "Ugh! This patience thing sucks! It's impossible! Stringy keeps moving around! Why can't I just kill them?"

"If you kill people again, both of us will be in trouble. I'd be contractually obligated to, uh, kill you." Black Hole found those last two words hard to say. "And you'd never be recovered again."

"Ugh."

"Hey, you're getting better at this right? Compared to yesterday?"

"I guess... but I've done enough training for today!"

"The day just started."

"Can't hear you!", Robot Flower exclaimed as she zoomed off to universe-knows-where. Black Hole chatted with Stringy for a little bit and moved over to the main building.

He waited a few metres away. The main doors were too low for Black Hole to pass through without endangering someone, and the windows usually sat next to a desk or workstation, which Black Hole had no intention of destroying.

After a few minutes of waiting, Remote came over and mumbled something, probably an apology for taking long. She tapped a button on her... forehead? and the door opened by itself. The wooden, hinge-based door.

Remote surveyed the empty room so nobody would accidentally bump into Black Hole when trying to enter. With the perimeter secure, Remote stepped aside and let Black Hole enter.

Black Hole always barely fit through the front door, and he always needed to speed through to avoid causing damages. He also had to start his movement high up to avoid absorbing the nailed-on carpet, swing down to pass through the door itself and go back up slightly at the end. It was humiliating.

Once he'd gotten inside, he made his way to his office. The inside of Death P.A.C.T Ultimate's HQ was a cramped maze for him. The doors were all manual and the corridors tiny, and Black Hole had to shout that he was coming just to pass through a room. Remote was kind enough to never complain about helping Black Hole out, but he still felt the tiniest bit of resentment coming from her.

Finally, the two made it to the office of DPU's leader- Black Hole. When designing the building, there weren't enough funds for voice-activated doors so the architect just left one of the office walls unbuilt. Voila, a room-sized entrance for Black Hole. The living printer in the room waved at the two.

The two began to sift through all the paperwork Printer had deposited. Black Hole had mastered his gravity to the point where he could attract a single piece of paper from a stack with extreme caution. Then, once he read one part of the paper, he nudged it against something, usually a wall, to turn it over.

The paperwork was all the usual stuff- an electricity bill, a cipher, a prophecy for the end times, a page of the necronomicon, etc. Black Hole and Remote worked for two hours signing and reading (in that order) various agreements. That was until Black Hole's bracelet rang out. There was hero work for Black Hole to do.

Chapter Text

Getting out of the building was always tougher than getting in, because more objects would be walking round, doing their jobs. Thankfully, no accidental spagghetification happened from office to outside. Remote left Black Hole's side without a word at the front door. Black Hole said thanks at a distance normal objects would be able to hear from.

His bracelet, which was more a massive ring around him than something to wear on a wrist, blinked and materialised a hologram. The hologram showed a building on fire with DPU objects already on the scene and the fire dying. Black Hole hoped the other objects would be enough and said, "next."

More calls to DPU that had already been answered. What call was it that activated his bracelet? After digging some more, a bleak looking situation materialized before him. Black Hole followed the coordinates that came along with the the mission and flew as fast as he could.

Black Hole had a strange relationship with his hero work. It was a welcome excuse to leave the office, and it provided him the opportunity to save others. However, he was very very rarely invited to missions on account of his #1 rank among the S Class and the assorted costs of hiring such a high ranker. He tagged on for free whenever he could, but sometimes he didn't join until it was too late. 

Plus, when half the S Class were decimated by Robot Flower and Evil Computer Supreme some time ago, Black Hole had to work overtime before their recovery. The exhaustion stretched far past the day they were recovered, and seemed to integrate itself into Black Hole's daily routine.

-----

The spacetime puncture arrived punctually at Goiky's pastures. He didn't have to wonder about what caused the devastated landscape he saw for long.

Four had apparently decided to go on a murderous rampage. His eyebrows scrunched in a horrifying way. Well, it probably wasn't horrifying to those who didn't know Four well, but BFB contestants knew it was a sign of oncoming pain and suffering. He tore mountains apart with a tug or simply turned the terrain to lava. Two was nowhere to be found, possibly dead or in hiding. Black Hole saw that evacuation procedures were already underway, so he floated towards Four. 

Hosts. Strange beings with powers well beyond any reasonable limit. Even among other hosts, Four was no flimsy foe for sure. He was one of the only beings who could directly interact with Black Hole.

Four seconds for Four to turn and look at Black Hole. Black Hole faltered for a second, the memories of Four's gaze rushing back into his mind. He gulped as if he had a throat.

Forcing himself to move forward, he spoke, "Hi Four."

Four didn't respond.

"Why are you, you know, doing this?"

"SOMEONE stole X's crayons!"

"...can't you buy new ones?"

"X's crayons were limited edition ones from Yellow Face's warehouse! Those were the only ones they ever made!"

"Okay but can't you just... make new ones?"

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Then, a microwave ding sound effect.

Four stretched his hand out and materialised a set of crayons titled "CHEKHOV BRAND SUPER CRAYONS". A smile came upon his face, and Black Hole swore he felt the entire landscape sigh in relief.

Four then snapped his fingers. Time seemed to reverse for the entire island, negating any damage Four caused. Evacuation ships unloaded screaming objects, who ran backwards to their original spots. Even the sun in the sky moved back by an hour or so.

Four gave a concerned look at Black Hole, perhaps wondering why the time reversal didn't affect him. Black Hole wondered that too. Four then disappeared into nothingness.

Chapter Text

Goiky was a nice enough place. Wide, open fields for all to play around in, objects having the time of their lives, the place radiated comfort.

Yet, Black Hole did not feel the slightest bit at ease. He didn't understand why. No objects were doing anything particularly dangerous at the moment. He'd just prevented a few hundred deaths from ever happening. Why did he feel so... wrong?

He turned to go back to DPU HQ. Thoughts happened. Paperwork and narrow corridors. Taxes and piling complaints about DPU not being competent enough in saving people. Black Hole looked around him at the nostalgic frenzy everywhere.

He remembered the days when Tree, Marker, Fanny and all the Death P.A.C.T members used to hang out as equals. They'd have long chats about the concept of death, about all the little life-saving adventures they went on. They used to smile when Black Hole approached.

Then, the Merge happened. By unanimous vote across all members of DPU, Black Hole had been decided the single most passionate and capable death preventer. At first his friends didn't really care, but his rank came at a steep cost.

Black Hole decided to float to Two's hotel to ask them when the next TPOT episode would be filmed.

His friends slowly began to treat him less like a person and more like an authority. Conversations awkwardly stopped when he came near. People glanced at clocks whenever they spoke with him. The only person who'd kept some interest in him outside of work was Pie.

Two popped out of the building's side, clearly in a very cheerful mood. They noticed Black Hole's presence and began to walk towards him. Black Hole lowered himself so the two could speak, making sure there weren't any recently resurrected beings below him as he did.

"Black Hole! Lovely to see you today! I was just about to call you too!"

"Hi, and why?"

"We're in the middle of filming the new TPOT episode, and it's about time the Death P.A.C.T Again scene is finalised. I've already written the scripts, take a look!"

Two materialised a manuscript, with words written seemingly in crayon. The whole stack was maybe 70 pages tall. They were just about to throw the papers at Black Hole, when his DPA instincts kicked in and he shouted.

"NO!'

Two ceased their toss, leaning back a bit. Their eyes widened. Saw, who was passing by, stopped in her tracks. Black Hole's voice came out shaky.

"Sorry, it's just you were about to you know throw. the paper. at me. And-"

"Oh yeah."

Saw continued walking, eyebrows indicating a state of concern. Two, papers in hand, and Black Hole stood and floated respectively in awkward silence. Two coughed into their fist and began,

"Are things all right, Black Hole? You seem a bit on the edge."

"I'm fine." Black Hole then expertly avoided the topic with a "How about you?"

"Im fine too, but you don't-"

Black Hole saw the opportunity. "You're fine TWO? Hahaha..."

Two went blank for a second, then burst into laughter. "Oh, Black Hole! What a funny guy you are. I forgot what we were talking about!"

Black Hole sighed in relief. Or at least, he made the sigh noise. He didn't exactly breathe in the way normal objects do, but he found others more accepting of him when he acted more... mundane.

"No wait, I remember now! I was just about to ask you how things are back at your organisation!"

"...things are going greaaat. I've just been a little. stressed recently."

"Well, why don't you tell me about those stresses? As a host, I have tons of experience with things like this. I might be able to help you in some way."

Black Hole thought about it for a moment. "Two, I'd love to talk but my responsibilities come first. I need to go do hero work, then paperwork at DPU headquarters, then help with a construction project, then star in an object show to earn money, then...." Black Hole realised what he sounded like.

"It sounds like you've got too much on your hands. Don't worry, I'll make the next TPOT challege be to make you relax, last two teams to do so will-"

"Please don't."

"I was joking", Two said. Black Hole didn't quite believe them. "Anywho, about your hero shenanigans..."

Two reached into hammerspace and pulled out a steel panel. The buttons beeped and booped as Two turned the contraption on.

Golf ball's face appeared on the device. She seemed to be in the middle of tinkering with a nuclear weapon. Black Hole groaned internally. More than once did the launch mechanisms glitch out and send missiles of fiery death at populated cities, and more than once was Black Hole the one they called to destroy the things.

She turned to look at the screen. She didn't seem to be fazed, and mumbled something about a Bone or a similar-sounding word. Black Hole couldn't catch what she said. Then, the volume returned to her voice.

"Two, I assume you have contacted me to talk about Black Hole's mental well-being?"

"Well, that's exactly what I wanted to talk to you about! Here's an award for figuring it out!" Two reached through the screen and placed a rough scribble of an award below her right eye. "Kind of creepy how you know that but yes, he's on edge right now."

"That lines up with the data I've gathered on him so far. He's recently showed very little motivation, joy or any real positive traits."

"Hey. I'm right here.", Black Hole said. Unbothered, Golf ball continued, "Even his leadership skills and hero work have been sloppy lately. If this downward trend continues, he may be unfit for hero work OR leading DPU. It's hard to imagine him being even less competent, but it is possible."

"HEY!"

"As a result, I believe Black Hole needs a day off."

Chapter Text

"A day off?", Black Hole asked. "No I- I've got a lot of work to do and. and I need to be a lot of places I can't really relax and-"

"That is why you need this day off.", Golf ball spoke while sipping some coffee. "We in the Association cannot afford to risk the mental health of one of our biggest assets. You saw what happened to Robot Flower."

Golf ball herself didn't look all that well. Dark circles under quarter-closed eyes and a barrel of coffee grounds next to her gave quite the impression. Her tiredness seemed to quadruple with the mention of Robot Flower's name.

Black Hole said, "You don't look so good yourself. Are you sure I'm the one who needs a break?"

"I am on a break. What does it look like I'm doing?"

"It looks like you're constructing a nuclear weapon."

Golf ball frowned in disappointment. "It's a hobby of mine. Anyways, you have no say in this."

"Uh-"

"TWO!", Golf ball shouted to the host, who had zoned out in the background. In shock, they almost released the script they were carrying.

"Two, I will assign other assets to temporarily take Black Hole's positions in the Association and Death P.A.C.T Ultimate. You handle the rest. Make sure he absolutely, under no circumstances, exerts himself in hero work or death prevention."

A zoop and the panel returned to being an inert gray rectangle. Two turned to look at Black Hole. "Well, it looks like it's your lucky day buddy! No death preventing stress for you!"

"....yayyy...."

"Hmm, but I have tea time with Gaty scheduled for today. What will I do? Oh, I know!"

Two stretched their hand across the landscape and pulled something from beyond the horizon. The thing was dark blue, wierdly shaped and grumpy. Two put Four down next to them.

"Four, my good pal! Black Hole here needs to not do any work whatsoever today, can you enforce that?"

Four's frown turned upside down. Literally. People with faces were wierd, Black Hole thought. Four snapped his fingers and... disappeared?

A booming voice shook the building. "I'll make sure he doesn't do any work whatsoever! If he tries to, I'll kill someone."

Black Hole strangely did not feel very relaxed.

"Don't worry, I'll only be able to monitor you if you have any intention of doing work. As long as you stay relaxed, you'll still have your privacy! Yay!"

Black Hole stayed silent. Two waved goodbye at him and went off to the picnic area, singing along the way.

"Four."

"Yes?"

"If we come across someone in danger, since I can't do any work, could you... help them?"

"Uuuuuugghhhhhhhh fine."

Black Hole began his flight back to DPU headquarters.

Chapter Text

Black Hole floated across the ocean. There was a shakiness in his movement- half of him wanted to take the scenery in and relax as he was on a vacation. The other half wanted to get to the mainland as fast as possible.

When he did reach Death P.A.C.T Ultimate's HQ after half an hour, he felt a bit of relief. The place was more or less his home after all. Dozens of objects worked here tirelessly under Black Hole's guidance... or they used to. Black Hole wondered who Golf ball had appointed to lead in his stead. He began movement towards the building.

Objects changed their paths to avoid him, as they always did. He tried not to take it personally- he was a black hole after all. It's only natural for people to steer clear of him.

Amidst a small crowd by the fountain, Black Hole saw the gang- Tree, Remote and Pie. He wondered for a moment. He probably couldn't relate to whatever the topic of their discussion was. He also doubted that they'd be thrilled to see their boss in the middle of a conversation. Reluctantly, Black Hole counted the seconds and waited for the crowd to disperse a little.

The count reached 2,763 seconds when his friends seperated from the group. Black Hole hovered over. He couldn't wait- well he just did, but he couldn't bear to wait any longer- to tell them he'd be free for today.

"Oh. Hi, boss.", Tree said. He wore a poker face and his posture was stiff. 

"Guys. I'm having a day off. All of today. Free."

Tree, Remote and Pie stared at him. "Does this mean you... aren't going to do death prevention?", Pie asked.

"Well yeah. I didn't ask for this, mind you. Two and Golf ball made it happen. Yay."

Pie seemed disappointed. Remote was uninterested. Tree stealthily glanced at his wristwatch. Black Hole continued, "I'll be free if. you guys. yknow. want to hang out. or something."

"Yeah uh sorry but we have to go do... a mission. Really important.", Tree spoke in an unusually monotone voice. "Maybe Remote could-"

Remote elbowed Tree in the arm. Black Hole felt like he was back in BFB 1, crushed by an impossible force. The burden of conversation seemed to fall back on Black Hole.

"I... good luck on your missions."

"Thanks.", Tree said, followed by some inaudible mumbling. He took Remote's hand and the both of them walked off to universe-knows-where. Pie and Black Hole now stood facing each other. This state lasted a few seconds till Pie sat down.

"It's nice to relax sometimes, Black Hole. We all need rest now and then."

"Pie... I'll be honest with you. I don't feel very relaxed."

"Is it because of all the deaths you could be preventing?", Pie asked. Her eyes betrayed a hint of resentment.

"Well, yeah. I can't help but think of that. I do still want to help out, but..."

Pie didn't respond. Black Hole liked that about her, she was a patient conversation partner. He didn't have to rush his thoughts to get a message across.

"...but Four is monitoring me and if I prevent any deaths, he'll. kill someone."

Pie raised her eyebrow a bit. "How did that even happen?"

"It's a long story."

"Okay then. Hmm.....", Pie said as she stretched her limbs for better comfort. Black Hole had always been jealous of how comfortable normal objects looked when they stretched, or laid down. It didn't help that Pie was the single most comfort-savvy object Black Hole had ever met.

"What if you helped the organisation some other way?", Pie said. Her speech was half-spoken, half-yawned. Oh, how much Black Hole would have liked to pull a blanket over her. He thought it a great shame that she chose to rest in the middle of a field.

"What do you mean by that?", Black Hole said. Other than hero work or leading the organisation, how could the abyss possibly provide?

"You know... do some interviews. Make DPU more popular. I hear Fan's Fantastic Features has wanted to do an interview with you for... for ageeeessss.....", Pie managed before she fully fell asleep in the grass. She snored in that way old objects do, which Black Hole found adorable to no end.

Chapter Text

"Hi, can I talk to Fan?", Black Hole spoke into his bracelet. He waited a few seconds. Fan was a celebrity among object kind, the kind that didn't get involved in much drama. Black Hole never quite had the time to watch Fan's Fantastic Features, but his friends told him the show rocked. Fan even got to interview Loser the other day. With how big the show'd gotten since the Merge, it was unlikely that Fan himself would answer the call.

"Hi. This is Fan, host of Fan's Fantastic Features. What object am I talking to today?"

"My name's Black Hole, and I heard that you've wanted to interview-"

"OH MY GOSH. Black Hole, leader of Death P.A.C.T Ultimate? The strongest hero? THAT Black Hole?" The enthusiasm dripped from the bracelet's speakers. Black Hole didn't have to turn the volume up as he usually did with calls, Fan was practically shouting.

"Yeah.  I was wondering if I could come on the show today... uh, if it's possible."

"It is very much possible! I'll have it arranged... when will you be free?"

"I'm free anytime today."

"Well come over in an hour then! OJ's Hotel, right next to the park. I'll have to gather a few questions you know, do some research and all that, see you in sixty minutes!"

And thus the call ended. Black Hole couldn't rest just yet, because Four had materialised in front of him. He didn't look very amused.

"You're supposed to not do any work."

"Four, an interview isn't work. It's like... a broadcasted therapy session.", lied Black Hole.

Four just stared at him, and he could have just killed Black Hole then and there with a word, it wouldn't be out of the question. Instead, his face reverted to a smile. "I'll let it slide cause you're one of my favourite contestants!"

"I am? But didn't I switch to...", Black Hole began to say, until the rational part of his mind activated. "I mean, that's nice. And. thanks. for letting me do the interview."

"No problem!", Four said before simply vanishing.

-----

Black Hole waited in the park and tried to relax. He hovered several metres above the ground. His position was rather remote and far from the picnic tables with bottles of soda and blueberry pies or the objects who decided to lie on the soft grass. The marker that indicated Black Hole's territory was a large crater on the ground where lightning had struck- Black Hole hoped any who approached his tree-free pen would look under their fannies and see the black hole, and leave with no intention of using ash and soot as pillows.

Half an hour had passed by as Black Hole looked at trees and the shining star above him. His mind wandered from the objects that must be in peril right now while he rested- to who'd been placed in charge of Death P.A.C.T Ultimate in his place. That was all he'd been thinking about till then.

Wow. Black Hole took a massive mental step back. This was a holiday he was on, right? Even if the greenery of the park didn't evoke much in Black Hole, he felt the ambient joy nudge him towards the less stressful parts of existence.

He thought of the great beyond and its free-floating nebulas. He thought of his friends- the Sun, Neptune and even the Earth. Earth could never speak to Black Hole on account of her every word being broadcasted to all living beings on her, but Black Hole still enjoyed her presence as he did Neptune's and the other celestial bodies'. There were his friends, celestial beings or not. He saw them in his mind, crystallized into characters for his fantasies to play with.

He dazed off into a sleep-like state, the scenarios in his mind growing more potent by the second. So, it wasn't very shocking when he found out he was a whole ten minutes late to the interview when he regained awareness of his surroundings.

Chapter Text

There was an object already waiting for Black Hole when he went to OJ's hotel. Judging from the orange juice in the object's glass cup, he assumed this must be the mighty OJ.

Presumed OJ was crossing their arms and looked moderately annoyed. Their expression changed from boredom to annoyance when they saw Black Hole approach.

"Hi. I assume you're the OJ of OJ's Hotel?"

OJ nodded their head up and down, still keeping their eyes on Black Hole.

"Is Fan available?"

A few more nods. Black Hole noticed that the cup of juice had a certain exhaustion to their expression, indicated by a line below their eye. Was every object Black Hole met today going to be this tired?

OJ opened the doors to the hotel and walked in. Black Hole couldn't possibly fit in the entrance, so he just stayed and watched. The hotel owner typed some numbers into a telephone- a regular sized inanimate one- and waited.

CRASH!

Black Hole recoiled without coiling first as the massive fragment of a wall landed next to him. He looked up at the hotel, and it appeared to be undergoing structural collapse, because the outer wall of one of the rooms had just fallen down. Maybe there was an earthquake?

From within the hotel, OJ simply pointed upwards. Black Hole's gaze turned to the room from where the wall dropped from. There was a red handheld paper fan waving at him. Naturally, Black Hole flew upwards.

As he passed by the windows of the hotel, he saw some of his hero friends. Candle was leading a meditation group with.... Fanny? That Lifering guy from the A-Class was eating bagels with a tea kettle.

When he made it up to Fan's floor, he was greeted by a smile that Pillow would be proud of- stretching well beyond the confines of the face. Objects with faces were wierd.

"Oh hello Black Hole! Please, float right in.", Fan said as he gestured to the space behind him. It was a medium-sized room where Black Hole assumed the interrogation- sorry, interview was going to happen. A desk with a cup and a small microphone was assumed to be where Fan would sit. In place of a chair, a circle was drawn on the floor that Black Hole assumed he would be interviewed from. Was that... Test Tube? How popular was Fan's Fantastic Features if one of the greatest scientists of the Hero Association was acting as a camerawoman?

"What... happened here?"

"Oh I'm glad you noticed. There wasn't really an easy way to get you into the building, so I made one! OJ allowed it because he's just that swell of a guy. I also promised him I'd repair it afterwards, dunno how I'll do that but hey! You're here now."

"I... am. Yeah. Here. I'm here."

Black Hole floated over to the spot he assumed was reserved for him. Fan whispered a few words to Test Tube, before suddenly freezing in place.

Black Hole was perplexed, and what Fan was about to say would confuse him for weeks to come.

Fan opened his mouth.

"Oh my fan... the writing style is getting more cryptic... the statements are shorter... implications are being thrown about... dialogue more basic... the chapter's about to end."

Chapter Text

"Did I say that loud enough to hear?"

Black Hole hovered up and down to say, yes, he did. "Fan, what did you... mean by that?"

"Oh you know, typical fanfighjos jhsjihh stttt", was what Black Hole heard as the show host lowered his voice near the end.

"Just before we start, Black Hole. Are there any subjects or topics you don't want to talk about in the interview?"

"... I don't want to talk about the people who betrayed the pact. It's a sensitive topic and. also I don't want to encourage their. behaviour or anything or condemn them publically and. Yeah."

"Got it, anything else?", Fan asked as he took out a handful of papers from hammerspace and threw them to the side.

"No, I think that's all. Let's get the questions started!"

Fan walked over to his desk and threw a few hand signs at Test Tube. The signs were either in a language Black Hole didn't recognise, or Fan really did want Test Tube to "eat four eggs two times". Test Tube gave a thumbs up and pressed a button on the camera. A red light began to glow on the device.

Fan began to speak, "Hello everybody my name is Fan and today we're doing another episode of Fan's Fantastic Features. Now, last time we covered how badly written the finale to the third season was, but today we're going to do an interview! Who better to interview than, dun dun dun..."

Test Tube turned the camera over to Black Hole. He felt a bit uneasy. Hero work sometimes involved being on camera- heck, there were viral videos where he'd goofed up in front of one, but the emphasis was always on the work and not the hero. Black Hole's work spoke for him usually, but now the dynamic had reversed.

"The number one ranked hero and leader of DPU, the main man himself. Known for his pacifism and nigh godlike power, the one above all, the all-in-one, the endless abyss, wow there are a lot of nicknames here, Black Hole!" 

Applause rang out from speakers in the back. Test Tube threw some confetti in front of the camera. It was such a silly gesture that Black Hole felt less intimidated by the interview. Maybe it would turn out okay after all.

"Hi.", Black Hole managed to say.

"Alright, so let's get the interview started. First question, this one's gonna be a bit easy."

"Yeah you have to start out slow haha", the interviewed said and immediately cringed at his delivery. He needed to make people think DPU was cool, right?

"So, Black Hole, what do you think of.... cupcakes?"

"I... I can't eat cupcakes. Can't eat anything really.", Black Hole said, then regretted. He needed to salvage this somehow, if the first answer was this boring there was no way people would see the organisation in a positive light. Before Fan could react or ask the next one, Black Hole added, "I may be friends with Pie as a hole, but I don't have a pie hole!"

Canned laughter erupted throughout the room. Black Hole groaned internally at his own joke. It wasn't funny in the slightest, a travesty of an attempt at humour. He heard a faint but clear knee slap from somewhere in the hotel.

"Sorry to hear that, Black Hole. Next up: who's your favourite artist? Could be musical, digital, graffiti, any type of artist."

"I don't have...", Black Hole began to say before his brain-equivalent turned back on. He'd just announced he was unable to eat, now he was going to reveal he didn't have a favourite artist? His relatability would drop far too low. "...have any artist I don't like, but my favourite is Spoiled Lemon! I like their songs."

"Spoiled Lemon? Why, I also really liked their newest album, Hally Tall was a banger. Which song of theirs do you like the most?"

Crap. Black Hole only knew Spoiled Lemon from the posters scattered around the city. He'd tried to listen to some of their music a few weeks ago, but he didn't even remember the beats, let alone the names.

"I don't memorise the song titles but I liked the one about..." Think, Black Hole, think! What's a thing a normal object would write a song about? What did his friends at DPU talk about back when they were close? "...about the fleeting nature of mortality."

"Oh, you're a fan of Stack Jauber? That was quite the experimental release. Well, ya learn something new every day. Next question, you or Lightning, who would win in a fight?"

"We... don't have. any reason to fight."

"Well, yes, but what if you two were forced to?"

Black Hole surveyed his options. If he said he'd lose, then public perception of him would change for the worse. It would also be a lie, and Black Hole didn't want to lie any more than he had to today. He could say it would result in a tie, but that would also feel like a cop-out. That left one option, but Black Hole didn't want to disrespect Lightning.

"If he used his special ability, So Mad I'l L Explode, then that might give me a little trouble."

"But would you lose?"

There was a period of deliberation. Lightning probably wouldn't mind if Black Hole said yes, right? Black Hole replied, "Nah, I'd win."

"Ooh that's a spicy answer now. Alright, next question, why do you focus on preventing death when recovery centers exist?"

Ugh. The age-old question Black Hole had heard a gazillion times by now, from just about everyone he spoke with at some point. Black Hole groaned in reflex. Maybe if he answered it on this super-popular show people would nag him less about it.

"Death is usually painful for the victim, and the time between death and recovery is lost for the dead. Especially with the Merge, and how recovery times stretch weeks nowadays, death is just inconvenient for everyone.", Black Hole said in an approximation of Pie's neutral tone. "And sometimes, recovery doesn't even work..."

Black Hole stopped there. He hoped Fan would get the gist.

"Alright, that's quite the convincing argument. But, weren't you the one who finished Evil Computer Supreme off on TeeDos a while ago?"

"That was an accident, he came from under me. Plus, the other heroes did far more to defeat him than I ever did."

"Soooo, what you're saying is, you wouldn't have killed him if it was up to you?"

"Well no I wouldn't have killed him. I think everyone deserves a second chance. Look at Robot Flower." Crap. Black Hole had just given Fan a juicy opportunity to segue to asking him about his "disciple". 

"Robot Flower... the machine who slaughtered the S-Class on TeeDos? At least, that's what the newspapers said."

Black Hole sighed. Yet another question, or moreso an accusation that Black Hole heard from others far more than he wished. Sometimes, the object making the accusation would even do so within earshot of Robot Flower, and Black Hole would have to prevent her from damaging anyone.

"The heroes who were present died to multitudes of reasons. Some to Evil Computer Supreme.", Black Hole said. He didn't like calling the antagonist by that name, but that was the name people would recognise the most. He believed that anyone could change for the better if they regretted their actions, and slapping the label "EVIL" next to their name was utterly pointless. Anyone could be better than their previous actions. "Some died to Robot Flower, yes, but they were trying to basically wipe her personality clean. I think that constitutes as self-defence. And some still died to the Computer's underlings."

Fan seemed to rustle through his question cards. "Hmm, that's interesting. Oh, this one should be... interesting. Black Hole, have you any idea about what happened with The Merge? Everyone's itching to know if you have any insights."

Oh. The Merge.

"No."

Fan was staring at him as if he expected a lengthier answer.

"On the day when it happened, I was just... training. It was between TPOT episodes and I liked to hone my skills. To help my team out. Then, I heard the earth crumble and the sky scream, like everyone did. The cosmos irreversibly shifted to what we have now. I may be a singularity, but neither me nor my stellar friends have a clue as to what happened. That's all."

"Well, it was a tough time for all of us. I'll throw some short questions your way now."

"Gender?" "Male."

"Age?" "Not sure but somewhere in the millions."

"Favourite colour?" "Green."

"How are you free right now, yours being an important position in both the HA and the DPU?" "Long story."

"Have you ever wanted to kill someone?" "No."

"Have you ever wanted someone to die?" "...yes."

"Relationship status?", Fan asked with a slight grin. "Single."

"Sexuality? It's alright if you don't wanna answer this one." "Haven't really thought about it yet."

"Alright. One more question and then, the interview will be done. What's it like leading DPU and being the first ranked hero?"

"It's..." Black Hole thought about lying about his job about leading an organisation about preventing death, but he reasoned against it. If he ended the interview with an emotional high, it might be able to connect better with people, making them feel safer with joining or being helped by DPU. "...a lot more stressful. than I thought it would be."

"I have to manage all the little parts of DPU all the time- it's. it's a miracle I can even do this interview. The paperwork, the finances, sure I have my friends and they work so hard. and I appreciate that and they're good. at their jobs. they're amazing and they work well but..."

Black Hole took a moment to gather his thoughts.

"But it gets overwhelming sometimes. And hero work too. Me and my allies, both in the P.A.C.T and in the Association, we try to do our best by people. Sometimes it isn't enough, but we try. Thank you."

Chapter Text

Black Hole looked back at the hotel. OJ's little corner really was a nice place, bar the wall of one room having been broken off so Black Hole could enter.

"Hey. Four. I can't do any work right? Could you just... fix that wall over there?", Black Hole requested of his invisible guardian.

Nothing happened for a few moments. Perhaps Four was pondering whether to kill Black Hole for suggesting the action. It wasn't out of the question for Four, at least from Black Hole's personal experience through the first half of BFB. The contestants of the second half insisted he'd changed a lot, so perhaps Black Hole needed to update his perception of the guy. Then again, their most recent encounter didn't give the best impression.

SNAP!

In a moment, the brick-lined hole was sealed off. The yellowish paint of the rest of the building contrasted quite starkly with the dark blue of the new wall. Black Hole saw a few spoons sticking out of the newborn wall, arranged in the shape of a massive frowny face with angry eyebrow spoons above. Black Hole got the message.

"Alright, what now...", Black Hole said to himself. Where did he want to go, now that he'd finished the interview? He'd just checked the park out. He thought about places other objects went to in their free time, and how he never quite enjoyed them.

Most buildings were too small or too crowded for Black Hole to enter, and that wouldn't change just because it was his day off. Dining locations were utterly pointless to visit without friends. Galleries and museums usually banned him on sight. It seemed to him, the only space he was welcome in was outside. However, his luck was no better when it came to natural locations.

The wonders of the Earth had little effect on the stellar entity. Mountains and hills didn't awe a being who weighed more than the Earth they stood on. Oceans were puddles in comparison to Neptune's great bodies. The clouds that dominated the sky were fleeting nothings to the storms of Jupiter. The splendour of a beautiful sunset was something Black Hole enjoyed until The Merge, after which the Sun grew a face and conversed with the singularity on a weekly basis. To Black Hole, watching the sun set nowadays felt less like a romantic setting for feelings to be shared and more like staring at a person from far away. 

But, there was indeed one place he wanted to go to.

-----

"Oh. It's... it's you. Come in.", said the green striped flag. Black Hole thanked Flaggy and floated over the open gate, past the guardian's post. The bustling of the city faded into a background Black Hole was familiar with. Little gardens lined the sides of the narrow stone path, stone pillows with dirt beds. A few objects, the caretakers, swept leaves off the ground. The objects acted carefully and methodically, and none of them bar Flaggy even noticed Black Hole's entry. 

Black Hole continued into the cemetery. A silence unlike the object world wrapped around Black Hole. There weren't that many graves, a total of 51 was the latest count he remembered. Half of the headstones had a person's name on it, a person who no object would ever see again.

You wouldn't have seen the cemetery if you took a stroll around the city, it being on the outskirts nearby the team apartments. Neither would it reveal itself on any map the average object could access. You only knew about the cemetery if someone you knew had abandoned this world forever. The thick line of trees around the area added to its obscurity. No object wanted to be reminded of the dead, and thus the cemetery stayed hidden.

The graves seemed to cry out that these people used to exist. People who couldn't be recovered. One day, they disappeared and were never found. Or sometimes the object would simply cease to exist by some cosmic happenstance. It all ended the same for the object.

Black Hole saw a familiar face standing in front of a grave. He approached silently from behind, then realised the very likely situation that would arise if he didn't announce his presence.

"...Pie?"

"Oh. Hi. What are you... doing here?", she said. Her eyes gently moved from gravestone to Black Hole to gravestone.

"I go here sometimes. as a retreat."

"Well, so do I.", Pie commented. Her tone had a tinge of emotion to it- just enough to colour her words with some sort of meaning, but not enough for Black Hole to make out the emotion itself.

"Black Hole. Why do you prevent death?"

"I- because it's the right thing to do. Most of the time."

Both objects stayed silent for a good few seconds. Pie's eyes were half-open, pointed at the name on the gravestone.

"I used to have a brother. His name was Dough.", Pie spoke as she picked up a nearby flower. "We were distant for the few years we knew each other. I sent him letters every now and then. Went to a fair with him once."

Pie placed the flower on the headstone. "One day, he stopped living. It was an accident that could have happened to anyone. No recovery machine or host worked."

"I. am so so sorry. for your loss."

"It's okay, Black Hole. I got over it, I had to. I explode when I feel too much emotion.", Pie said. Black Hole noticed that one of her eyes was wet for a moment, till she wiped her hand over it. "We all have our time to go. We other objects aren't invulnerable."

There was a pointedness to those words Black Hole almost missed.

"Pie..."

"You're the only one of us that entropy won't wash away. You'll survive the heat death of the universe.", Pie spoke with her back to Black Hole. Her words had no malice in them, only a particular sadness Black Hole had seen one too many times. "If only we all could be like you. Death is just inevitable for the rest of us objects." Pie, unmoving, stared at the similarly stationary headstone.

"I didn't choose to be like this."

"I know. I wasn't trying to imply you're a bad person for being you."

"I... yeah."

Black Hole continued, "I never knew that. you did this because of your friend- I mean brother I mean because he, because he died, I didn't know... I didn't think you had such a personal reason for this."

A small smile formed on the baked dish's face. "Did you know that you're cute when you stumble like that?"

"....thanks. You too. I mean, the cute part. You don't stumble over your words."

Pie's smile grew a bit wider, then was drowned under her usual poker face. She turned to face Black Hole.

"Do you wanna... go out sometime?"

Chapter Text

Black Hole floated still for a couple of seconds as his mind slowly processed the words he just heard. Every syllable sounded less and less real the more he thought it over.

"Go... out? Like a. date?"

"Yeaaah? It's okay if you don't want to."

If there was a heart somewhere in that infinitely dense mass, then it began to beat.

"I do want... to go out. With you. Sometime. If that's uh okay."

"Good to know.", Pie said with a hint of a smile on her face. She then began walking slowly past Black Hole, towards the exit/entrance (exitrance?) to the graveyard.

Black Hole stayed unmoving like the trees around him. His mind was as still as he was, and perhaps even stiller, for he could not seem to process what had just happened. Had he just... gotten asked out by Pie? In a graveyard? He turned his sphere to face her and saw the foodstuff walking away, a testament to the reality of what just happened.

He entertained the possibility that it wasn't just a very convincing daydream and that Pie had just asked him out. The more he thought, the more excited he got and the more possibilities flooded his mind. The rational part of his mind took a deep breath and resigned for the moment, letting his emotions fill his head with joy unbound.

Why was he so happy? He'd never really thought of Pie in a romantic way before. Did he make the right choice in saying yes? Was the idea of someone liking him... perhaps even loving him so alien, Black Hole so starved for others that he just accepted the first person to treat him with any hint of romantic affection? Would a relationship even work, when the people involved could never touch or when one had nigh infinite power?

He needed an opinion from someone who knew more about relationships. Someone who had experience with the problems he faced. He also needed to go to a more fitting place for romantic conversation. He floated up above the tallest of the trees and voice-activated the bracelet orbiting him.

"Begin a call."

A text-to-speech voice that was suspiciously similar to Remote's spoke, "Name the recipient of this call."

"Cloh-", was all Black Hole managed to say before he was suddenly not in the sky anymore.

Instead, he found himself in a massive hallway. The gold and black of its massive pillars were a jarring change in colour palette from the blue sky. Cathedral-like gilded windows lined the sides of the the great hall of ways. A brown and yellow checkered tile pattern decorated the floor. The height and length of the room easily accomodated Black Hole, though the width was a bit lacking.

"Connection lost.", spoke the bracelet.

A cheery voice called out Black Hole's name from behind him. He turned to look, slowly, for dramatic effect. Very slowly. Veeeeery sloooooooowly. When his very slow turnaround finished, Black Hole saw one of his least favourite objects ever.

Pillow stood a few metres away, holding a large, open, Book-sized book. The tome had a dark cover complete with rough drawings of human skulls and "DO NOT TOUCH" stickers. Where the book's title should have been, there were words clearly written in crayon, saying "COMPLETELY NORMAL BOOK". Black Hole was shocked that Pillow could even lift the thing, considering it sported a thick steel outline with spikes bolted on.

Golden rays fell on the psychopathic Pillow's self. Strangely, the only weapon-adjacent item she carried was the completely normal book, which worried Black Hole. Pillow never went outside without at least three makeshift armaments. Maybe she was planning to bludgeon someone over the head with that massive, completely normal book?

"Do you want to join me?", she said. Her eternal smile did not falter.

"Uh....join you....for what?"

"Having fun!"

"Pillow. Where are we, and how did I get here?"

"I don't know the where, and I don't want to say the how. But I'll tell you why!"

"Uh...."

"Why do you save people, Black Hole?" 

"It's my moral duty as an object-"

Black Hole stopped speaking when Pillow took a massive yawn. For a horrifying moment she reminded him of Pie.

"Do you. not want me to talk? I'm trying to explain myself in a clear way, but I can't do that if you're. this impatient also could you. get me out of here."

Pillow turned to some page in the open completely normal book, pulled out a pencil from that wierd hole pillow covers have and scribbled a bit. Black Hole could see neither what she wrote nor the page she turned to. The moment her writing utensil left the page, though, she underwent some sort of transformation. Usually, Pillow's attention span lasted about as long as it took to count to five. Now, however, her eyes seemed more... focused. Her smile did not change in the slightest, but her beady eyes now stared unwaveringly into Black Hole.

"I'll listen! Try again."

"Okay... it is my moral obligation to do so. Death is something no object should ever have to deal with." Pillow was nodding to every word. Black Hole saw that Pillow, for once in her life, seemed actually interested in something other than murder. Of course, death prevention is only a bit removed from murder, but this greatly unnerved Black Hole.

"Doesn't it ever get boring?"

"I... don't do it to entertain myself. It's for the greater good."

"That's curious. How do you feel about-"

"Pillow. Please, just get me out of here. I just finished an interview, and I don't feel like getting asked so many things. in one day."

"Interrupting people is rude. But I have a deal if you decide to join me."

"I'm not going to accept, but... what is this deal?"

"Swear allegiance and loyalty to my team, and we'll try to get you a normal object body. All you have to do is unleash your true potential as a black hole."

Chapter Text

"Huh-how did you...know..."

"Someone on the team. Now, are you joining, or not?"

"Who's on this 'team'?"

"Not telling unless you join!", she said and promptly stuck her tongue out at him.

Ah, classic Pillow. Knowing something she shouldn't, and taking advantage of that knowledge to her benefit. Black Hole didn't recall telling anyone about how he sometimes wished his body was, say, a handbag or something. It was one of those things you didn't ever speak out loud, an intrusive thought he'd brushed off more than once.

And yet, someone on Pillow's team (which probably consisted entirely of Pillow-adjacent murder machines) had told Pillow about those discarded thoughts, and Pillow then used it to try to recruit him. Black Hole felt exposed, as if his event horizon had disappeared.

"Have you been SPYING on me? Because you're wrong. I'm totally okay with my current body", Black Hole said, his voice slightly risen. Ever since the Golf ball surveillance scandal, he'd grown rather attached to his privacy.

"No. You're just very easy to read. Are you going to join now?"

"Why would I join and lose my... AWESOME powers? It wouldn't make sense hah ha ha..."

"To interact with others like a normal object? To be able to exist without being a threat to everyone around you? For someone determined to prevent death, you sure cause a lot of funerals."

Black Hole did not respond.

"You have so much potential, Black Hole.", she said while scribbling something in the completely normal book. When she finished, a small sphere of ice materialised, and Black Hole could see steam rising from Pillow's pencil. Wait, not a pencil. A crayon, one that was wierdly familiar.

"You try to help others, but your nature is to destroy. You should really give in and join the team, it's so much fun!"

"I. will. not. murder people. for fun. ever. There's your answer. Now could you get me back to the outside?"

Pillow sighed. "You know what they call black holes in space?"

"No?"

Pillow flipped through the pages of the book and read a few lines before continuing, "You have it better than anyone- strength, influence, a whole bunch of cool powers. But you spend all of that helping people instead of doing things for yourself. You've restrained yourself too much, and now your stress got so bad you had to be forced to take a day off."

"....weren't you going to tell me what black holes are called?"

She tossed the ball of ice into him. "They're called frozen stars, Black Hole."

"THERE YOU ARE!", boomed a new voice. Well, new to the conversation, not to its constituents. Two large blue hands phased through the wall.

"Looks like Four's here. Bye bye.", she said, reaching into her pillow cover hole. In an instant, she and her book disappeared.

The blue hands grabbed two pillars and launched the body forwards through the wall. Four landed in front of Black Hole, with a cheerful look on his face to rival Fanny's.

"I looked away for five seconds and you, you TELEPORTED to this abandoned castle?"

"Four, I didn't choose this. It was Pillow. She uh teleported me."

Four's body did a 360° rotation, and he saw no Pillow. "You're lying."

"No no she just... she disappeared too. Maybe she's invisible."

"I'll choose to believe that, but you're on SUPER thin ice."

With a snap of Four's fingers, Black Hole was back in the sky above the graveyard.

This time, however, the quite hustle of the city had stopped entirely. In its place were shrieking sirens and screams, screams Black Hole recognised. Black Hole rushed to where the loud sounds sounded the loudest.

-----

DPU Incident Report 4/6/2763

Report Submitted By: Remote

14:28 - Host "Animatic" begins hostile behaviour.

14:29 - Deaths of thirty three civilians reported.

14:31 - Hero Association authorises several A-class heroes to try to disable Animatic.

14:31 - Death P.A.C.T Ultimate mobilises to prevent casualties.

14:32 - A Class rank 25, "Shifty" arrives at the scene. Begins battle with Animatic.

14:32 - Shifty's form entirely unrecognisable.

14:34 - Deaths of four civilians reported.

14:34 - Sirens Of Unsafe Nefarious Danger system begin relaying evacuation orders.

14:34 - Several A-class heroes and DPU members begin securing perimeter of 500 meters around Animatic.

14:35 - Deaths of seven DPU members and A-class rank 16 hero "Lifering" reported.

14:36 - Hero Association authorises S Class rank 2 to be deployed near Animatic.

14:37 - Deaths of thirteen civilians reported. Several hundred civilians successfully evacuate.

14:38 - S Class rank 1, "Black Hole", arrives at the scene. Appears to argue with unseen entity.

14:39 - Host "Four" materialises next to Black Hole. Appears to argue with Black Hole.

14:40 - Four assaulted by Animatic.

14:40 - Four neutralised.

14:41 - Animatic begins combat with Black Hole. Black Hole appears distressed.

14:43 - S Class rank 2, "Clover", arrives at the scene.

14:44 - Animatic ceases hostile behaviour after attempting to attack Clover. Reason attributed to "Luck".

14:47 - Animatic returns to AyBee Island.

15:57 - DPU report several hundred disappearances from evacuation centers. DPU investigation currently underway.

Death toll (recoverable) : 159

Death toll (special) : 2

Property damages: 57 million Yoylecoin

Missing persons: 312.3

-END- (of report)

Chapter Text

Black Hole could do nothing but stare at Animatic as they flew away, smiling.

Black Hole dragged his gaze around himself, to the all-too-familiar sight of a thousand corpses scattered across a devastated landscape. Each dead object was desecrated in its own, horrifying way. Some spent their last moments being transformed into uncertain shapes and crooked lines. Countless bodies had been torn to shreds, others crushed and some shattered. The few survivors that Black Hole saw and tried to help had limbs stretched to the point of uselessness or entire body parts...gone.

And what had Black Hole done? He'd kept Animatic busy until Clover dealt with the situation. The supposed strongest object had done nothing but play the mouse in a cat and mouse chase. He'd formed an accretion disk to combat Animatic, but it did nothing to the host and only harmed the unfortunate objects nearby.

Over by the small medical encampment DPU had made, Black Hole saw Clover putting her hands on an injured object. Moments later, the object's broken leg suddenly straightened and the object walked off merrily. Black Hole also saw a familiar face amidst the crowds of DPU officers and injured objects. After a period of hesitation where he surveyed the area to make sure nobody needed his help, Black Hole floated over.

The makeshift hospice was a familiar sight- about a dozen white tents laid and flowing with objects who needed medical assistance. Once they were treated physically, a few red tents would provide free counselling and emotional support. Among the DPU members treating the wounded, Black Hole saw her laying on a blue bed.

"Oh my quasar, Pie..."

As if Pie was the one hard of hearing, Black Hole's words elicited no response. Black Hole wasn't even sure she could respond in her current state. Eyes closed and body limp, she laid unmoving on a YellowFace™ medical bed. Her bandaged head had blue foodstuff dripping from between the cloth, and one of her arms had been put in a cast.

"Ahem. Could you move, sir?"

"Oh sorry.", Black Hole said as he floated upwards and let Tree through. Tree was in a doctor's outfit- white coat, surgical mask, a stethoscope and a sterilized chainsaw. Tree slowly walked forward and began to mumble while checking up on Pie. Black Hole thought he looked stunning.

"Tree, how is she doing?"

No response for a few seconds, until Tree glared at Black Hole and spoke.

"Multiple lacerations from your accretion disk thing. Arm broken in four places. She'll make it, but the damage has been done...boss." There was a certain venom to his words, much less Tree-like than the sappy way he usually speaks, no, used to speak around Black Hole.

"I...I'm sorry. I was just- I tried to, I did, I-"

Tree turned his head back to the injured meal. She still wasn't moving, but Tree tightened the cloths around her head to stop the leak of blue bodily fluids.

"I'll leave.", Black Hole spoke to the silence. Once again he floated away from the encampment, past the corpses he didn't help, and the injured he couldn't. He saw someone looking at him and writing things down in an oversized book, but he didn't have the energy to care. He wandered aimlessly outside the camp for a total of thirty seconds until someone called his name.

"Black Hole! Are you doing okay?", spoke Clover from a few meters away. All four of her leaves were wobbling with the wind, her face in the shape of a smile. Judging from her appearance and personality, you'd never guess that she was the second most powerful object... ever.

Black Hole and Clover almost never did missions together- it would be overkill if they did, and the Hero Association's budget couldn't survive sending their two most expensive assets to any single confrontation. Clover also showed up very rarely to training, and so the two never got past the acquaintance phase.

"Well..." Black Hole considered saying the truth. He placed the responsibility of choosing on a nearby blade of grass blowing in the wind- he'd say the truth if the blade turned to the right.

The green blade slowly curved away from Black Hole's left.

"...I've just been having a really. wild day."

Clover began to walk towards Black Hole.

"Well, do you want to talk about it while we go on a walk?", said the plant as she picked a flower nearby. If Robot Flower were here, she'd probably try to kill Clover for that act of wanton disrespect for flower kind.

"I'd like to, but what about all the injured objects?"

"Injured objects?"

Behind Clover, the DPU members were already packing up the tents. The wounded objects Black Hole could have sworn were unconscious a couple dozen seconds ago were now up and about, and looking much better than they had any right to. Even Pie appeared to have regained consciousness because her bed was empty.

"I guess we're going on a walk, then."

"Hooray!", Clover said. "Now, do you wanna talk about y'know, your day and how wild it got? I can't wait to know more about you!"

The two set off for the streets despite Black Hole's insisting it would be too dangerous for him to be at street level. Strangely, the roads were competely devoid of objects or vehicles, bar a few DPU members who knew to avoid Black Hole.

Black Hole gave her a recap of his day so far- he felt strangely safe sharing to her. He vented his frustrations to this woman he hardly knew, and she gave little bits of advice and comments as he did.

"...and then I was in a graveyard and..." Black Hole stopped speaking for a moment. The two had covered a few neighbourhoods by the time he'd gotten to that part.

"And what? Wait, lemme guess. Hmm, did someone ask you out, you accepted and now you don't know how you feel about them?"

"How did you kn- I mean yes, that's what happened."

"Really? I was just guessing. Guess I got lucky", Clover said. "In that case, I think you should try talking to this mystery person more, find out more about them."

"No no, I already know a lot about them, it's just... my powers. She's a normal object and I'm. I'm this."

"I've been there, big guy.", Clover said, her eyes wincing and her smile fading slightly, an expression Black Hole couldn't decipher. "When you've got powers, you can start to feel like they're a curse. Like you're a curse. Like it'd be best for everyone else if you... stopped being around them."

"You've been through this too?", Black Hole said, the relief in his voice clearly showing.

"Yeah, way back, wait- promise not to tell anyone?"

"I promise."

Clover's voice became a bit quieter. "So way back before The Merge, my power accidentally almost killed a frie- acquaintance. He had to be hospitalised, but he's better now."

"Mm-hmm. Go on."

"I beat myself up a lot over it, tried becoming a social outcast. Long story short, that didn't solve anything. My powers were just wasting away, not hurting but also, not helping."

"One day, though, my friends helped me realize that...", she said as a butterfly landed on her finger, "...that I could share the wealth."

"Sharing? You can share your luck?"

"Well yes! It's a bit more complicated. I can give someone a bit of my luck temporarily, it's how I 'healed' those guys back there. But you can't exactly do that with your power, what I mean by 'sharing' is-"

The sound of a laser gun being fired shook the duo. Black Hole instinctively blocked the shot from connecting with Clover's face, absorbing it harmlessly into his mass.

"Muahahaha! I, Cactus, will rule the world with my inventions, and you two will be the first to fall before me! If I kill the two strongest objects, the Hero Association will fall to its knees!"

"Clover, you were saying?", spoke Black Hole.

"By 'sharing' the wealth I mean seeing your privileges as abilities to help others, not-"

The somewhat short scientist Cactus shouted from a few meters away, "Hey! Don't just ignore me!", and threw a nasty looking bomb at Clover's feet. The moment the bomb landed, its fuse simply fell off and the circular explosive harmlessly split open.

"-not as weights you have to get rid of. You're a black hole, and we can't change that, so why not use those innate abilities of yours as best you can?"

Black Hole said, "Yeah... we can't change who I am... about that."

Cactus pulled out a minigun from hammerspace and began to do the things you do with guns. You know, operate the barrel, fire the shells, pull the trigger, etc. She flipped a switch on the machine and steam began to leak from the massive weapon. Her smile was as wide as could be. "Each of these bullets now packs enough kinetic energy to destroy a city!"

Black Hole continued, "after I visited the graveyard, I got teleported to a random cathedral-place? I know it sounds wierd-"

"Oh no worries, a lot of my friends teleport, it's nothing new. Please continue, this is so interesting!"

The gun made a wretched grinding noise and spat thousands of bullets at Black Hole, who didn't really notice them at all. Unfazed, Cactus began to turn the gun towards Clover. At that moment, Cactus simply vanished. The gun fell to the ground and the duct tape connecting the stock to the handle to the barrel to the magazine snapped, flinging gun parts in random directions. None of them went near Clover, but the handle fell into Black Hole.

Black Hole told Clover about Pillow, the team, the temptation. Her poker face evolved into a concerned look. "You didn't accept, right?"

"Yeah. I mean no I- I did not accept."

"That's good to hear."

The two stood in awkward silence for a few seconds.

Black Hole decided to break the silence. His choice of words would leave him cringing at the memory for weeks to come. "Clover... you date people, right?"

Chapter Text

Clover tried her best to suppress a laugh. Unfortunately, her fortune didn't save her from bursting into loud chortling. A leaf fell from a tree nearby and its downward trajectory was just right to wipe the tear that had formed by her left eye. She took a few breaths as the laughter slowed down.

"Sorry, Black Hole, but I can't take you seriously with THAT wording. Oh, yes, I indeed used to... date people." A chuckle tried to free itself from her face. Alas, the prison held. "I've tried dating some people before, but it's a long and sad story. I'm willing to share if you're willing to listen!"

"How did you deal with the... y'know, power imbalance? Between you. and the other person."

"Oh, I usually dated people who my luck couldn't accidentally harm. Durable people. It narrowed my choices by a lot, but I managed."

"That's... thanks."

"Oh, I guess you don't HAVE people like that, except for hosts and..."

"And?"

"And me."

Black Hole stopped in his.... tracks? Air trails?  He stopped.  "Are you saying I could. Never. harm you?"

"Well, I think- I hope my luck could protect me.", Clover said as she shuffled around a bit.

"I.... sorry, I don't want to risk it. I'll take your word for it."

Clover looked relieved. "Well, we know I could never harm you. And my luck would make sure you'd never harm me. But here's a question, how do you feel about me?" Clover said, her eyes wincing as if preparing for something.

Black Hole thought about it. He remembered how... competent Clover was, at least as far as he knew. She'd surely shown herself to be a capable and mature person, maybe even moreso than Pie. Moreso than Pie... Black Hole felt relieved, but he also felt a bit wrong. He'd already agreed to the date, after all.

Oh well, said the rational part of his brain. Clover was a rare find- someone who wasn't threatened at all by his presence, and who could never threaten him with theirs. The relationship with Pie would be doomed from the start. The emotional part of his brain told him he always loved Clover's personality- cheerful and optimistic. Both logic and emotion pointed steadfast in one direction- away from Pie, towards Clover.

"I.... think I like you. I hope I didn't say that in a wierd way...."

"Like me? In what way?" Clover said, giggling.

"You're comp-etent. I like how you, uh, do. stuff."

Clover's giggle threatened to grow into a chuckle or perhaps even a laugh, but she managed to hold it in.

"I'm not just saying that because of your luck, mind. I'm genuinely impressed by all the work. that you do. as a hero."

"Oh, you flatter me too much, tee hee. But about that luck thing... oh fortune, I forgot."

Clover straightened her posture and her face assumed a seriousness to it that hardly fit the woman. She closed her eyes in a slow, almost tired way that didn't remind Black Hole of anyone in particular. Nope, no one at all.

"I allow for Black Hole's thoughts and feelings to be unaltered by my luck in any way whatsoever."

"What?"

After a few seconds, she opened her eyes and looked at Black Hole. There was no smile on her face, not the slightest agitation in her leaves. "So, how do you feel about me now?"

Black Hole tried to think about her again- and he couldn't believe what little he remembered about his thought process from half a minute ago. Those memories of admiration for Clover Black Hole recalled seemed less real by the second, replaced instead by the envy he often felt for Clover's much less lethal and much more helpful gifts. He cringed at the memory of the decision he'd made to abandon Pie for Clover- he'd never do something like that, right?

It was a horrifying situation- Black Hole didn't know how much of his thoughts were truly his, and which were just implanted by Clover's all-altering (alltering?) luck.

"I... I can't... I don't...those thoughts weren't mine..."

"Oh, it looks like my luck was acting up again. I am so sorry, Black Hole, please, let's take a few deep breaths."

"I don't.... breathe."

"Thatsfinethatsallright, but please don't do anything rash now, okay?", Clover said, leaning away from Black Hole and... cowering?

Black Hole moved a meter away from the symbol of good luck. Partly because she looked like she genuinely feared him, partly because he didn't feel great about the luck thing. "Clover. I won't hurt you but. What was that. Why did... why."

The tension in Clover's pose seemed to lighten. She spoke, "I am so so so very sorry for it Black Hole, I really am."

"Sorry for... what exactly?"

"Well, sometimes when I meet a new person, my luck decides- and this is the important part, my luck decides. I don't- decides to make them really want to be friends with me. Sometimes even more than friends." A smile was on her face, but it seemed more one of desperation and less one of joy. Black Hole moved a few inches further away.

"You... really can't control it?"

"YES! I can't andImsorry. I just forgot to tell my luck to stop messing with your mind, that's all! I promise it won't happen again."

"Clover... please, calm down. If you can't control it, I see no reason to condemn you for it."

Clover's shivering stopped. She assumed a more normal stance, her left hand grabbing her right arm as if to apologise via body language. She asked, "Do you mean that?"

"Yes. This is a bit personal, and I'd be totally okay if you don't want to answer, but has this happened, like, before?"

Clover nodded, the look of guilt still plastered to her face. "I don't want to talk about it... if that's fine with you..."

"It's alright, Clover. I do still like you, even without your luck in the way."

Clover blinked a few times. "Really?"

"Yeah. I have genuine... respect. for you. No luck involved!"

Clover mumbled something Black Hole couldn't hear. Her facial expression was beginning to morph into a smile again.

The two strongest objects stood face-to-face, a sort of bond having been formed between them. "Maybe I was overreacting, cause your power is a bit... terrifying when you're fighting. I'd recommend Candle's meditation class."

"It's fine. Say, Clover, speaking of powers and luck, do you have a special technique? I've been trying to harness one for myself. It would uh, help in fights. Not that I want to fight anyone, but I want to- I want to be prepared."

"Oh, a special technique, I have one, but it's not the best for a fight. It's a really good party trick though! Let me just..."

Clover closed her eyes and took a deep breath. As if meditating, she began to hum a little tune. She began to float upwards.

Wait. Was that knife next to Clover's foot always there?

Black Hole couldn't focus on the weapon for long, because Clover's special technique had activated. Her smile had fully returned to her face, which was glowing green with either positive energy or radiation. Her leaves seemed to define themselves against the background over and over, sharpening, curving, until they became unwavering geometric constants of perfection.

In a radius of a few meters around Clover, there was perfection. Pavements lost their age, weeds grew with a new vigour to them, plastic waste turned back into crude oil and the crude oil formed into a wierd lizard-thing which scurried away. 

Black Hole was so amazed by this that when he thought to look at the knife, it had disappeared. Oh well, it was probably a minor hallucination.

Clover opened her eyes and pointed at the sky. Her voice was clearer than any noise Black Hole had ever heard in millions of years when she said, "Fortune Formed: Salvation, Infinity Solved, Transformation Grand."

She then stopped floating, her special technique deactivating and the earthly imperfection returning to her leaves.

"Black Hole, look up!", Clover said with a joy so sincere it almost felt like the past few minutes hadn't registered to her yet.

When Black Hole did look up, the sky was... for the first time, breathtaking. Colours like those of a nebula spread across the vast not-so-empty-anymore emptiness that objects called the sky. Clouds (some living, some not) of such beautiful shapes dotted the sky like constellations at night. The sun's rays shone through the vapours as if pillars holding the stellar object up. For the first time in forever, someplace on Earth had caught Black Hole's admiration.

"It's sooo beautiful!", Clover exclaimed. "Not to brag or anything."

"Oh my spacetime...it's gorgeous."

"If my special technique can change the sky, maybe yours could change.... the world!" She waved her arms outwards to really sell the scale.

"Woah woah hah that'd be unlikely...", Black Hole said, the two still staring above at the canvas of air.

"Well, anything's possible with the right mindset! Toodles!"

On cue, four butterflies flew in and lifted Clover to space-knows-where. And Black Hole stared at the sky until he decided to give a certain wax object a visit.

Chapter Text

Black Hole wondered where he was in the world after roaming about randomly with Clover. He knew his destination- Candle's meditation clinic/shop nearby OJ's hotel. What he didn't know was when it opened or where the building was or if he needed to make an appointment beforehand.

Black Hole turned the corner and there it was, Candle and all. The building had a huge lawn in front, but the structure itself was far too small for Black Hole to enter. It did look nice, though, what with all the charms and strange symbols everywhere. The purple woman was talking on the phone, but quickly hung up when she saw Black Hole approach. She waved at him to come over.

When she was finally in earshot, she began in that divine voice of hers, "Hello Black Hole. I've heard news that you might be in need of my services."

"Hi Clo-I mean Candle. Hi. I uh assume Golf ball told you? Also why didn't you evacuate?"

"Yes, Golf ball.", Candle said a bit too quickly. "About evacuation, I am still an S-Class hero you know. I'm able to fend for myself. I just finished a session with a few other... patients. I was actually closing up."

"Oh, then I'll come sometime else if that's-"

"No no, you see, I was about to prepare the outdoors meditation session you'll be going through. You're quite lucky to have come at this exact time.", Candle said as she picked up a bunch of assorted meditation items- rugs, smaller inanimate candles, the works.

"Wow, I really am.... lucky...."

"Yes. Now-WHOAH!"

Candle tripped and accidentally tossed everything into the air. Like they were being guided by invisible currents, the various trinkets all landed perfectly on the mat- which had somehow unfolded mid-air and had been laid out across the turf.

Candle didn't seem too surprised. "By any twist of fate, have you been near Clover lately?"

Black Hole bobbed up and down to say yes.

"Ah, you're experiencing the residual energies of her special technique. Fortune will favour you for the next ten minutes or so."

"That's... nice. Sweet. So, about the session. Do I have to like pay or-"

"The Association's paying for all the therapy sessions of its members. Ever since Robot Flower's..." Candle winced at the name and ran her hand along her wick. "...spree, they finally took the hint about the mental health of their.... more volatile assets."

Black Hole felt the "volatile" part was a bit pointed- and as a point, he had a feeling about who she was figuratively pointing to. "Robot Flower was just defending herself, you know."

"As her mentor I'm sure you have strong feelings about her... past. But this session is about you.", Candle spoke as she sat down and assumed a meditative position- legs crossed, hands making OK signs. There was probably a name for that pose, but Black Hole had next to no experience with meditation poses, for obvious reasons.

"Where do I ,uh, sit? Float? Where do I go?"

"Over there.", Candle said, pointing to a mushroom ring. The mushrooms were alive and appeared to be screaming inaudibly for their lives. They probably would've run if they had legs, or crawl away if they had arms.

Black Hole floated over, careful to not accidentally add to his kill count. He'd done enough of that for today. When he'd gotten comfortable in the middle of the ring, he asked Candle to start the session.

"Let us connect our minds, and may luck guide us..."

"Wait, are you going to look through my... memories? With your magic, inner flame, telepathy stuff?"

"Yes. I hope this session does not end like Stone's. Are you willing?"

Black Hole hesitated a moment, but he'd already gone this far. He couldn't recall any memories he recently made that would completely destroy him if he relived them. "Yes."

-----

"Where are we, space?", came the soothing voice, from somewhere to Black Hole's left. When Black Hole turned to face her, she was nowhere, unless she was the star-sprinkled void he was staring at. Black Hole recognised this early stage of the universe.

"No no no no no. NO. NO no no no.", said Black Hole, as the memories he'd held funerals for began to reanimate. He pushed with all his might, but for once in his life nothing budged.

"Calm down, you're safe. Your trauma is what we're trying to explore today. This is just a memory. We cannot interact with or change what has already happened, only observe it."

"No, you don't understand. This is.... I don't want this. Please."

Then, the voice came, cheerful and hearty. Somehow, the sound waves coming from Black Hole's "back" travelled through empty space. He never did understand object physics.

Candle spoke, "Black Hole. Is that... your voice?"

The two had turned to the source of the voice- a large, yellowish star that was probably a million kilometers across. "Oh my universe! It's a nice day, whatever that is!"

"Hi Triangulum! And, Hi Messier!", boomed the voice. The star, Starry, had the features of the average object- minus the limbs and a billion times the size. Triangulum and Messier were about the same, bar Messier being the largest and Starry the smallest.

Messier spoke in a calm tone to the young star. "Hi Starry. It is a nice day, though your definition of a day and mine don't match." 

Black Hole could barely get the words out. "I.... I'm seeing them again."

"Black Hole, what memory of yours is this?"

Black Hole didn't respond for half a minute. "It's... my... birth." After that, Candle kept quiet for about the same length.

Starry chatted with two of their pals- pals Black Hole would never see again. Not in this life, at least. The three seemed so happy, playing and talking about the wonders of their friends, the other celestial objects in an early universe.

"Oh, looks like I beat you at SpaceChess, Messier!", Starry said.

"Oh well, you win sun, you lose sun.", he replied. The planet-sized SpaceChess construct he'd made with his mass began to dissolve.

Triangulum inserted herself into the conversation by going between the two, absorbing the construct into herself. "So, who won?"

"I did! Yayyy.....", replied Starry, his face smiling for one of the last times in his million-year life. "Dunno how you didn't hear that, usually I'm the one who's hard of hearing."

"I was just observing the nearby nebulas. The environment is really beautiful round these parts.", Triangulum said. "Maybe one day planets'll have small environments of their own, supported by the heat of stars, and we'd hear stories about all the little beings on them!"

Messier shrugged verbally. He continued in his laid-back voice, "Eh, seems unlikely. What do you think, Starry?"

"I... I don't know. I'll say it's a 50/50. If that environment you mentioned ever came to be, Triangulum, I'd love to see it. We and all our friendos could form an alliance to protect the little guys."

Black Hole had no intention of speaking. His mind was in a daze from the sheer shock of this ancient memory playing out in front of him again. Unfortunately, Candle started again, "Black Hole, which one of these.... star objects were you?"

"I don't know", came the whisper from Black Hole.

Black Hole saw the nebula, a massive wave of space dust approach and surround the trio, who continued their chat. They'd simply consumed nebulas before, why would this one be any different? But oh, how different it was. Starry was in the way and absorbed the main portion of the space cloud, their mass increasing every second by an amount unfathomable to the average object.

Starry began to cough a little. In a voice eerily similar to Black Hole's, they laughed and made a joke about nebulas. The others laughed with them.

The nebula was half-way passed when Starry began to have trouble breathing. They were choking every few words they spoke, and Triangulum tried to check up on them. In doing so, she had to wade through the nebula herself, taking on more mass. Triangulum, always the first to worry about others. One of the best pals Black Hole ever had.

Messier was the last to come over, but his diameter was the largest, so more of the nebula fell into him than Triangulum. He was always so calm no matter the situation.

Starry wasn't doing so well by the time Messier came by. They were now choking out star dust with every breath, and Messier was the first to ask.

Messier's voice- slow, yet confident in its own right- cut through the soft ether. "Starry, what's wrong?"

Starry coughed up more space dust. They were in no condition to speak. Messier and Triangulum exchanged worried glances. Traingulum's voice- as handsome as a voice could be- wavered when she said, "Maybe it's this nebula. We need to get them out of this place."

Messier nodded, noticing how little stress flares were popping up on Starry's skin. The two used their gravity to pull Starry along as they looked for a direction that wasn't completely engulfed by the nebula.

Black Hole and Candle watched as the three shakily travelled along the nebula, getting more and more massive. At one point, Messier was coughing out too much space dust to move, and he and Starry relied on Triangulum until she too succumbed to the nebula. As more of the nebula was absorbed by the three, more of the remaining nebula was attracted towards them.

"No...NO....NO!"

Candle found her voice again. "Black Hole, are you listening?"

"I...I can't... I can't........yeah."

"This is just a memory you have to face. We'll get through it together, and then it'll be over."

The two turned their attention back to the celestial beings.

The three stars writhed in agony, the soul-shattering agony that Black Hole had never felt since. Their faces displayed so much pain they seemed un-objectlike. Black Hole remembered the crushing feel of billions of tons of space matter on his core. It felt like death, and death it was for him. Though he'd had millions of years pass since, the memories never lost their edge.

The last of the nebula's second half fell into the three stars. With no strength left in them to resist gravity, the three fell into each other, screaming out violent sprays of cosmic dust sprinkled with light as they realised their fate. The singular mass they formed shrunk and shrunk in a dying spiral, shaking as three turned into one.

With one last effort, a grand cataclysmic explosion with the strength of a nuclear weapon a trillion times magnified occured with the mass as its center. Candle would have been blinded, fried and her remains spread across several light years if she was actually there. All that was left after the supernova was a small black core, shrinking quicker and quicker into nothingness.

Time quickened. From the depths of space, stars, planets and moons alike came to inspect the mass, staying a safe distance from the amalgamation. They whispered amongst themselves and wept. They mourned- for Starry, for Triangulum, for Messier. A small planet began to approach the newborn Black Hole out of curiosity. The planet's harrowing screams rang in Black Hole's ears long after the vision ended.

-----

Black Hole and Candle were suddenly back in the real world. Black Hole took a few seconds to shake off the disgust he felt. Candle patiently waited for him to speak first.

"I... I hope that wasn't too much to take in..."

"Don't worry about me, Black Hole. This session is about you, after all." Candle took a deep breath. "Your past is... tainted. You must feel guilt, shame even for the process of your creation."

Black Hole hesitated for a moment before he decided to confirm what she said. "I yeah. I do feel that sometimes."

"Like the rest of us, Black Hole, you could not choose the circumstance of your birth. What you did choose however, is to become the being you are today. Now, let us relive that memory."

The words seemed meaningless to Black Hole for a few seconds. Then, his mind began to process information again. "No. No. Please, no."

Candle raised an eyebrow. "I could have worded that better. We aren't going back to your past as we just did, but rather remember it in the present, so as to reflect on the progress you've made. Now, Black Hole, how often did you think of your beginning before you arrived on Earth?"

"A... I... thought of it very often. I-"

"And you don't think about it as often nowadays?"

"Yeah.... but-"

"Then you've made progress. Now we must try to find what kind of progress you require in your current state."

Black Hole felt the last of his senses returning. "I don't really know the progress I have to make..."

Candle smiled again, but there was a hesitation, a slight twitch of indecision to her expression that Black Hole noticed. "Let us look at a collage of your eventful memories, and we'll see what fields you may be lacking in. Now, concentrate."

Black Hole did as he was told, concentrating on the most memorable memories he'd memor'd recently. Suddenly, a large cloud appeared above him, with trails of clouds leading from the mother cloud to Candle's head and Black Hole's point. Memories appeared on the biggest cloud a moment after they did in Black Hole's mind.

Candle spoke without opening her mouth. "Concentrate." The blurry memory of Black Hole working in the office appeared. Then, more work, more shuffling about, more random hero work and leadership. The memories became clearer and clearer, until they reached the day of Evil Computer Supreme's failed conquest of the world.

"On TeeDos island, you arrived too late, did too little. Do you agree, Black Hole?", Candle said in an echoing voice as the hundreds of dead objects clouded Black Hole's imagination.

"Uh.... I..."

The scene in Black Hole's mind switched to that of when he recieved the signal summoning him to TeeDos. Candle watched the scene play out on the cloud.

Black Hole in the memory flew as fast as he could, in the direction his bracelet was pointing. Both he and Candle now knew, it wasn't fast enough.

"Now, Black Hole, what could you have done differently here? We must see where you can make progress.", Candle said with a smile.

"I... I could have flown faster. I could have tagged along on more missions. I..."

Candle said something Black Hole hoped she wouldn't say. "You could have teleported." Black Hole's flight on the cloud was replaced by pitch black.

"I don't want to teleport. I know that- that there are advantages-", Black Hole spoke.

"But you could have reached faster if you did, could you not?"

"It's... complicated..."

"You could have saved lives. Dozens of unneeded fatalities. Because you wouldn't teleport. Let us... explore that."

Black Hole steeled himself, preparing his words and recalling the things he and his team had discussed back in the good old days. "Okay so, you know how... teleportation works right?"

"I am not familiar with the physics behind it, only the concept. I leave the science to Test Tube, she leaves everything it doesn't encompass to me."

"So... when you teleport, your atoms are transferred to information and at the destination, that information becomes mass again. But the mass used to get that information is permanently gone." Black Hole's voice shook a little. "What comes out the other end isn't you, it's a clone of you."

Candle took a sip from a nearby bottle of water. "You worry about the preservation of your soul?"

"I wouldn't say it ,uh, exactly, word it, like that but yeah."

"If you won't teleport, then we must find some other way to solve this speed problem of yours.", Candle said, putting the water bottle down on the soft grass. "Now, what about we try what you suggested in this memory?"

The darkness on the cloud dispersed. Instead, it was Black Hole, floating next to a swing that held every member of the original Death P.A.C.T. What the other members were saying wasn't at all audible, but Black Hole's response to them was.

"Well, I can warp spacetime so hard, time will literally slow down and there will literally be no tomorrow."

Chapter Text

Black Hole deliberated over the idea. Warping space-time so hard time itself slowed to a standstill was a strange concept. Sure, warping the fabric of reality was something Black Hole did just by existing, but this was on another level. Black Hole only said he could because he didn't expect to have to actually do it one day.

He needed a bit more confidence to say what he wanted to say, so he looked up at the scattering perfection the sky held. It was a beauty destroyed by time, was it not? Perhaps stopping time for a moment, just a moment wouldn't be so bad.

He then turned his gaze towards Candle, and his mind towards object-kind. He remembered his talk with Pie - entropy would consume everyone but him at one point. If Black Hole could stop the entropy of the universe itself, and maybe even reverse it, how long could their lives become?

But there was the risk. To stop time was to risk destroying the space-time continuum. Forever. Even if Black Hole had all the time in the world, what use would time be without a world to live in? He decided on a half-measure.

"I... I'll try, a little.", he said to Candle as he ascended to float well above the clouds.

Concentrating, he urged the underlying principles of cause and effect in the universe to slow down, to sway to his will. Cause and effect proved to be tough forces to combat, as it was a black hole of mass in the stellar dozens against a universe practically infinitely more massive. Still, he pushed on. And bend the forces did do, if only slightly.

Returning to the ground, Black Hole felt as if he was holding his breath- at least, what he felt was similar enough to what objects described holding their breath to be like. Instead of air, however, Black Hole held in himself the grasp he held on time. He felt as if he'd have to breathe out at some point, and that the effect would end.

Which was quite the relieving thing, because Black Hole had just realised the terrible implications it would hold if time slowed down permanently.

The clouds moved so slowly they seemed to be more like nebulas than anything bound by the earth's measly pull. Trees that were swaying to the wind became statues now. Candle below was slowly turning her eyes to look at Black Hole. The empty city still looked the same in this warped time, on account of the peculiar lack of objects. Black Hole had to slow his descent so as to let his bracelet catch up to him. It felt... cool.

When he did reach a few feet above ground level again, he released his grip on the universe. The releasing process was so incredibly tiring that for a moment Black Hole worried he was going to pass out while messing with the fabric of the universe, which probably wouldn't have ended well. Fortunately, time sped up proportionally as he released his hold. 

Candle's eyes once again focused on Black Hole. "Was your venture successful?"

"I guess. Time slowed down for everything else, I think. It was really uh, tiring, though."

"For me, it appeared as if you floated upwards, then fell impossibly fast. It would seem speed is a roadblock we can discard of for now."

Black Hole was a bit too sore to respond. It was the first time in a few weeks he'd warped space-time, and the aftereffects were a couple times worse this time.

"Now, let us look through your memories again.", Candle said, her eyes turning to the cloud of thought between them.

After the TeeDos incident on the cloud came the long weeks- work, work, work. Not just for Black Hole, mind, but also for every remaining hero and DPU member as they tried to fill the gaps the dead objects left. Black Hole remembered how stress-filled that whole period was, how many objects stopped being heroes or left DPU as a result. He thought Candle'd stop to talk about it, but all she did was smile as the memories played.

There was another small event- Robot Flower's controversial recovery- that he expected Candle would at least remark on, but she stayed silent through it all. Then, the memories finally reached the modern day, and Candle did not react in any meaningful way, at least until the Pillow scene, when she frowned slightly. At last, they reached the memory of the Animatic battle.

Candle began to speak. "I sense that this was a time that has brought you much turmoil."

"Yeah... I could have done a lot more...to help. And in other areas."

"Let us experience how you decided to combat Animatic.", Candle said. She continued, "We'll be living through it again, together, if that's to your liking."

"It's okay. Yeah. Let's get it over with."

-----

The two were once again ethereal bystanders, but with a blue sky in place of the vast cosmos. It was earlier today, when Black Hole tried to fight Animatic.

Black Hole felt somewhat wierd seeing another of himself enter the battlefield. After all, he'd only ever been a single rarity. The past Black Hole began to speak with Four, who argued that this counted as hero work. Four took on a corporeal form, and thus was visible to the rampaging Animatic. The argument ended since one of the parties involved was obliterated. Past Black Hole tried to diffuse the situation- a futile endeavor as previous Black Hole would find out in a few seconds.

Animatic lunged at Black Hole in that way hosts loved to- extending their bodies beyond any reasonable amount with not a drop of hesitation. Black Hole instinctively flew backwards, directly into a tree which suddenly no longer had to worry about life.

After the lunge had seemingly no effect on Black Hole, Animatic began to chase the other heroes, DPU members and evacuating objects present. Black Hole tried to stop them, and thus began the cat and mouse chase. Candle then began to speak, her voice somewhat drowned out by all the screaming.

"My, so this was what all the ruckus was about... now, why didn't you kill Animatic with your... spaghettification?"

Black Hole shivered a little as he said, "I was scared. I thought they'd actually kill me if we made contact. I mean, you saw what happened to Four, right?"

Candle made a hmm sound, but whether it was a hmm of understanding or one of disappointment would never be found out, because the two were rather invisible at the time.

In the background, Animatic had cornered Black Hole. Black Hole in the past shouted at all the objects present to run for their lives, but a few stayed behind. Maybe to try to help.

Black Hole in the past spoke with confidence, "BACK... OFF... These are MY, fu-, FRIENDS! Everyone, run! Now!"

Memory Black Hole began to form an accretion disk- something he'd learned to do ever since he almost failed for his team by not being able to stack blocks in TPOT.

The whole neighborhood bent and shook and broke to pieces, becoming trapped in a ginormous ring around Black Hole. Entire buildings broke into shrapnel and joined the massive spinning disc. There were still some objects nearby, and a few who'd sadly died due to the formation of the accretion disk. Black Hole charged at Animatic, their form being ripped to shreds over and over by the assorted items.

Well, concrete and rebar only does so much against a host. Black Hole shouted louder at all the objects who were still in his view to get as far away as possible.

In a distorted voice like that of multiple people speaking softly into a bad microphone, Animatic exclaimed, "Huff huff puff! Fly away, ring of death!" Animatic blowed with a mouth they didn't have a moment ago, and the disk went flying into the sky.

Candle broke her silence. "You put up a decent fight against a host, for an object. But is this behaviour worthy of the first rank?"

Black Hole felt that no, it was not. Every piece of shrapnel that fell from the sky was one more piece of evidence against his competence. He grimaced, the assorted tons of material falling onto a couple more evacuating objects and some buildings.

Black Hole continued to try to evade Animatic, who sang an off-tune Spoiled Lemon song while shooting beams of bendy light and trying to turn Black Hole into abstract art. The evasion was half for Black Hole's own safety, and half for Animatic's, though current Black Hole felt it didn't matter anymore.

"I could have... been a lot braver. I'll try harder next time....yeah..."

Another one of Candle's ambiguous "hmph"s filled the empty air. She spoke again, "A plaza near decimated, and not by the enemy. A hero who dares not end the conflict. Ineffective usage of powers and the environment. Is this how a battle that contains the strongest hero should look like?"

Black Hole saw a torn up sign almost impale Pie from the air, and then the memory stopped. The two were back in the real world, Black Hole feeling suddenly empty and tired well beyond what was reasonable.

Candle didn't seem fatigued, which was strange. She'd spent her whole day working as a leader of a meditation group as far as Black Hole knew, but she seemed full of life. And while it was technically Black Hole's day off, the pressure he'd felt only increased by the hour.

"Now, Black Hole, I assume you're feeling tired. Introspection can be exhausting at times, annoying even. But it is a part of life. Now, tell me, what do you want?" Candle pulled out a crystal and a tuning fork.

Black Hole managed to squeeze out a few words. "I want... to sleep..."

Ding. The sound brought an immediate and calming sensation over Black Hole. He felt more sleepy now, but more energetic too. It was like that coffee thing other objects told him about. Candle spoke again, "Look deeper. What do you want?"

"I... I want friends again. It's been-"

Ding. Candle shook her head with a smile.

"I want to... I want to know more about uhh Pie, Clover, my friiiieeendssss", Black Hole said, yawning after the fact.

Ding.

"I want to get stronger....? But I wanna be..." , Black Hole managed to say. Candle finished his sentence with "something else?"

"something else...yeah...wait, nooooo I have to protect my..."

Ding.

"But I... i don't want to-"

Ding.

"What do you want, Black Hole?"

"To... be... something something somethi- uh, something different..."

"You want to be a normal object, don't you?" Ding.

"I... I, yeah, want to be a normal -yawn- object..."

"Correct. That'll be the end of this session."

Ding.

Chapter Text

Black Hole awoke, groggy and uncertain as to what just happened. His mind was fresh with visions of Candle and Animatic, but he lacked the reasoning skills to connect the dots on account of having just woken up.

The grass around him was empty and Black Hole felt surprised there wasn't a mat nearby. Why was he surprised there wasn't a mat nearby?

Black Hole spent a few moments gathering his thoughts. The sky was almost completely back to normal now, Clover's mark on the world dissolving. Black Hole wondered if anyone else would mourn the tapestry's existence. Probably not, right? After all, the sky probably only looked that way to the objects on this island, and Black Hole was one of the only objects who had the privilege of seeing it. The evacuated objects would have been too busy fleeing for their lives, Candle would have been in her shack with her meditation group and the assorted heroes and DPU members would be tending the wounded.

Black Hole saw the last bits of perfection fading into the evening sky.

"I should probably go back to Headquarters...", he said to nobody in particular. His voice-activated bracelet (which miraculously survived everything that happened today) made a beeping sound. Then, the familiar transparent arrow of guidance formed, pointing towards DPU Headquarters.

-----

The way home was surprisingly free of trouble- perhaps Clover's luck was still in effect? When Black Hole did arrive, the realization hit him like a truck- his day off was about to be over, and he'd have to go back to his normal life. To the monotony and guilt, the tedium, the office.

Black Hole slowly lowered himself to the ground, objects moving to avoid him as he descended. He began to float towards a small group of people with great reluctance.

Tree was standing next to a somewhat better Pie and a somewhat normal Remote. Pie's head was bandaged and one eye permanently closed, but no blue food leaked from between the lines, which was a relief. Remote and Tree looked the same as they always did- stunning and energetic.

"Hi...guys..."

The trio turned around, Tree's face taking on a hostile neutrality that even Black Hole could read. Remote moved a foot away from Black Hole, standing shoulder to shoulder with Tree.

"Oh hi BH. We were just talking about the missing objects. Remote did a report and all.", Pie spoke.

Remote grew a smile and exclaimed in her text-to-speech voice, "I did, boss! It was a good report too! But the contents were depressing."

"A report.... you mean, the Animatic battle? The. battle with um, Animatic?"

Pie waited a couple seconds to respond. "Well, according to the report, the evacuation went smoothly, but some of the ships went missing."

"Oh quasar... do we have any leads? Suspects?"

"Nope. Every single ship had its communications cut somehow. All the objects they contained can't be recovered, so they're still alive somewhere."

"That's horrible. Who's been in charge of DPU while I was gone?"

"Liy. She's quite a good leader, boss, no offence.", Tree said with full offending intent.

"I... see. I'll need to have a talk with her about this. Maybe with the Hero Organisation too."

Black Hole expertly changed the topic by saying, "Pie, how are your injuries doing?"

Pie shrugged. "It hurt a lot at first, now it's just another part of me. Don't beat yourself up over it. It's just entropy doing its thing."

Remote spoke, "The fight you were in caused a lot of collateral damage, including the damage on Pie."

Tree added, "If only there was someone who could have won that fight before Clover came in."

Black Hole digested his words. "I'm sorry I couldn't fight them well. I'm not strong enough. at times. and it hurts me too. I've been thinking about... resigning from DPU so I can train and be, y'know, stronger."

Tree seemed unimpressed. He deliberated for a few moments, moments that meant mo' agonising tension for all the objects present. "Black Hole, could we talk in private?"

"Um.... sure...."

-----

They walked five steps away to another empty spot of land. Tree took a deep breath.

"Black Hole. Did you mean to hurt Pie?"

"Why would-  why would I EVER hurt her? It was an accident, I was fighting Animatic. You were there."

Tree continued his silent deliberation streak. "You really didn't mean to hurt her?"

"Yes. Did I not. make that. clear enough."

Tree still looked like he wanted to give Black Hole a good punch to the face. He mumbled a few words, then switched to an audible volume. "I'll trust you on that one, but please, next time you fight someone like Animatic, just finish it."

"Finish it? Tree, the pact."

"The pact left me stuck in a canal for MONTHS. Have you ever experienced that, being 'killed' and revived as a horrific parody of yourself? Unable to move, stuck in a body not yours?", Tree said, his voice shaky.

"If Fanny followed the pact, you wouldn't have died in the first place!"

"That's not the point! The pact only goes so far. You need to know when to prevent death, and when to let it happen.", Tree said, tears forming in his eyes. "Or else you'll just end up hurting everyone around you."

Tree was breathing heavily, a tear having rolled off his bead eye. The two took some time to continue talking again. "Sorry, I got a bit heated there."

"Uh-huh. I could have done a lot more... if only I reached my full potential. Sorry about holding back on Animatic, I really am. I never knew it would lead to... to this."

"Yeah... I also could've been a lot less accusatory towards you. With the Pie thing."

"So, Tree, we cool?"

"We cool."

Black Hole floated silently as Tree made his way back to Remote and Pie, and a certain glittery robot waved at him, showing off a needle with a string through the eye.

What a wild day, he thought, as he practised non-violent word usage with Robot Flower. He'd gotten interviewed, made new friends, fought and mourned. Those memories spun around in his head all the way till night, when he told Liy she could keep the position of leader of DPU.

And thus, Black Hole's day off ended.