Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

You are not doing ok right now. It feels like your whole body went through a meat grinder.

Stars you hope Stardust is also in this much pain. They thrashed you pretty well, but you had gotten a few good hits. Given how your face hurts, they might have even just decked you in the face. Would explain the copper taste in… your… mouth?

Your eye snaps open. Singular eye. You have seen this ceiling before. House of Change, snack room #1, north eastern corner.

What.

Softly, on your blind side, you hear the others shifting and whispering. As you stir, taking account of your person, everything appears like “””normal”””. Lightless boots, darkless cloak and hat. One eye, a functioning mouth. This is wild. There is a tingling under your skin. Like the phantom pains of a runner’s high, wish craft. It feels… weak, almost nonexistent. You poke at your teeth to distract you. Or you would, but as you move your hand, the (empty) bottle of wine conks you lightly on the face.

no.no. NO. NO NO NONO ONONONONOOO

THAT WAS NOT JUST ONE DRUNK DREAM. IT COULDN’T BE.

Quick, what’s something that only “””Loop””” would know.

“...Oooodilllle” the word slurs out of you. Ah, not using an actual mouth to talk has had some side effects. Neat. The whispers from your… comrades… stops. Someone stands up and walks up to you.

“Gems Siffrin, I know this is stressful, but did you ha-”
“There is no research, is there?” Battle won against your mouth. You obtained 10 exp and can now speak normally.

The Researcher Odile eyes you. Brushing yourself off and rising to your 5’1 glory, you eye her back. Wonder what she sees in you right now. You’ve forgotten how to fake a smile.

“... correct Siffrin. Did you know all along, or did the wine help?” She’s… studying you. Maybe even worried? It was hard to spot earlier, but weeks of watching “Stardust” fumble his found family has improved your abilities.

You spare a glance at the others. The Kid Bonnie is making something in the opposite corner. Likely Odile told them to, so they didn’t have to see your drunken state. The Housemaiden Mirabelle and The Fighter Isabeau are in the center, ‘subtly’ looking at you.

“How long was I out?”

“I would estimate 8 minutes.”

Hmm, that's 6 seconds per Stardust loop? The universe sure is meticulous with its numbers.

Right, how to do this…  The craft subtly flowing through you is far weaker than ever. Rough estimate, maybe 2 more loops? Discovering you are very very close to being mortal again should not make you smile like this… teehee~

Too bad looping even one more time sounds like a nightmare. Stars dammit, you want your own happy ending. Pulling Odile lightly (or as light as you can manage. Reminder: you are wayyyy stronger than the rest of the party) you go to whisper to her.

“The family tale you are looking for is with the boulangerie’s daughter.” This makes her go rigid. Dots connecting in her head. “Wha… S-Siffrin?”

Oh that’s a good point Odile, do you want to still be Siffrin? Loop would make you too loopy, but your Stardust was Siffrin.

For the first time in actual ages, you could, just, put this off??? Like, if you win, you can figure it out, if not, you’ll be dead. Win / win.

“Eh, for now I guess.” This was not the answer she wanted. “Try to keep up, Odile, if you’ve figured it out once (a few times) you’ll grasp it again.” and with that, you stroll towards the Beauty alliance, Odile left stunned in the corner.

Popping a squat right  in-between them, making certain it’s as awkward as possible, you snag one of the leftover cookies. Stars, actual FOOD. You’ve eaten this exact same cookie like, 300 times, but time as a mouthless star makes you yearn for these things. Everyone is staring at you now, even Bonnie. They look… happy and confused?

“What’s up, Bonbon?” ah wait, how was your relationship with them? It’s been a few months since you’ve spoken to this one. Oh well, what’s done is done.

“...you're eating it now, Frin? 10 minutes ago you said you were full.”

“Things happen, Kid. I’ll make it up to you later.” Opps that cookie was dry, and a forth of it left your mouth as crumbs just now. Chugging your entire canteen is such a rush. Cool water, oh how you missed it so.

Ok so Mirabelle and Isabeau are smart right? The Loop sass is still strong in you though, so what's the best way to break this to them? Isabeau is looking at you with wide eyes, and Mirabelle is taking a sip of tea, NOW!

“So Mira (that’s what you called her, right?). Make any headway on your bonding applications?”

She’s choking now on that tea. “Wha- SIFFRIN HOW DID YOU KNOW?!?!” She’s about 3 seconds from stabbing you, and all you’ve got is a stupidly smug look on your face. Huh, still can’t keep your face in check. Better be careful or they will see what a monster you are. teehee~

Turing towards Isabeau and… C-can you do it? Not going to expose what he told you about his past self, and the big L word is too emotional for your fragile mental fortitude.

“And you Isa, thinking about changing into a smart buff clothing designer? Planning to be a jerd or a nock?” Mmm not as punchy as Mirabelle’s truth, but it will do…

…

There’s a long pause in the air now. More time to eat some plantain chips. Unlike Stardust, you never had to comedically slip a few dozen times.

So… you're going to keep ‘Siffrin’ for the moment, but maybe the they/them part will stick. You could spin that into a joke later, really boggle some minds. The Royal We one would go over their heads….

“What… happened after you drank that wine, Siffrin?” Odile asks. She’s finally out of the stupor. If you give her an inch she will take a mile, you saw her figure Stardust out once or twice, but just how much do you need to give her?

“I became a star and watched myself die a bunch. Would not recommend it. Anyways…” You stand up and rest an arm on Isabeau’s shoulder (giving him a jump, oOooOo how’s that for touch adverse) before spewing the usual speech old Stardust used to say.  “Mira, does the Carrot method mean anything to you? Something about shields or some such?”

Now Mirabelle, confused and flabbergasted, is trying to put together her thoughts. She is talking about how cool it would be to have a shield that prevents The King's Time Craft ability, but panic and anxiety are leached into her voice…

Bonnie snuck over towards Isabeau at some point. They are on your blindside, but you have ears. “Frin’s acting very off right now… He doesn’t usually act like this when he gets drunk…”

“Change happens in mysterious ways, Bonbon.” Isabeau says, there’s some tone in that voice. Is it curiosity? Mirabelle’s almost done with her impromptu shield speech. You're not Stardust, but you just kinda ignored her discovery rather than zoned out. Opsies.

“...The keys and Tears earlier, and the sudden personality shift.” Oh! Odile is doing it! She’s smart! “and the information provided, did-did you actually experience this already?”

You clap. Slow and dramatic.

*clap*        *clap*        *clap*        *clap*        *clap*        *clap*        *clap*        *clap*        *clap*

You kinda want to keep doing this until someone says something. It’s been like, 15 seconds of just you clapping and your palms are starting to sting.

“Stop that” ah Bonnie, good ol’ killjoy Bonnie. Wonder if they will like your new sense of humor, given it’s pun-less. Probably not, but whatever.

Isabeau and Mirabelle whisper below you “...does Time Craft frozen wine do that?” “I doubt it, Siff’s been off since yesterday.” Leave it to a crush to spot the ‘mild’ changes like crippling depression and omniscience.

“Anywho, we’ve got a king to kill. Everyone ready for some regicide?” Strolling towards the door, everyone else scrambles to pack up. You can explain the whole wish business later, maybe around that secret library? You are looking forward to wrapping up this hell for good.

Chapter Text

If you think about it, this is kind of your victory lap. One more run through hell and you’re done.

You get to have a good stretch as everyone else packs up, and really take stock of what's on your person. It appears you already have the garden scissors, so you can pass on that room. You’ll have to swing through the classroom later… How many of those group speeches should you handle? Odile is already looking at you hesitantly, it would be really great if you get through this without any complications.

Welp, the rest are ready, time for a stroll through towards that paper key~

Hmmm~ left path and a sadness, right path and a sad Housemaiden…

Let’s save time, sadness it is~

It’s that annoying group that are all tangled together in a ball.

Oooo idea time!

You charge at it before anyone else can, and go for a Kick

        *SWACK*

                        *Splat!*

That felt GREAT! You haven’t killed a sadness in months, and the first one smooshed against the wall with such an audible goop sound.

Well… best not look behind you. You remember when Stardust went a little crazy on an enemy, and way before that when you did yourself. Not a great feeling, the expressions they showed you.

But if you don’t look at them it can’t hurt you~ teehee~

By the footsteps and whispers behind you, they are still following… Huh, that feels… nice? They still trust you?

Ew emotions. Again, those are things you can put off. Like picking a name or Isabeau’s confession. Wonder if he will still do it. It’s odd, you’ve seen ‘yourself’ get confessed to via Stardust, but can’t picture it happening to you anymore…

Ah, the Head Housemaiden’s office. The one with that blinding pen that always stabbed you when you searched the drawers.

You get the drop on another sadness between you and said office, and this time just attack it normally. It’s that one that ‘protects’ a smaller sadness, so it takes two hits. Annoying, but you finish it off before Odile even rounds the corner.

You give them the benefit of waiting at the doorway. Don’t want any falling rocks to make this a ‘bad run’, that would just Kill you.

Once your following has had a couple minutes to rummage through the room, you pointedly reach under the desk, grab the key, and make a show of it.

Four sets of eyes on you as you pocket the thing, Mirabelle looking a tad pale. Oh she searched the drawer earlier, that’s what you looked like the first time. Stardust tried hard to mask thier face, but she’s an open book.

The 2nd boulder and subsequent locked door also quiets the group.

Ah oops, you tried to have Mirabelle not see any frozen people yet, but here you are, leaning against the frozen Bonding earring person as Mirabelle and Isabeau talk about some romance stuff. They keep it short as they notice you clearly not caring, but you do at least open the mystery person's palm and toss the earring Mirabelle’s way. Another sadness, another wild kick. Take that creepy mask sadness.

Opening the Library door is wild, the smell of books is so foreign to you now. The house overall has a musty scent, and the Favor Tree was woody. Ahhhh, good ol’ book smell….

Ok you're over it now.

Walking deliberately through the room, you make the others notice the fishing book that weirdly glitches out of existence into Odile’s bag. You also smack the wall in the spot Stardust hit dozens of times, and enjoyed the looks that brough when the passage revealed itself. Stepping off to the side, you make sure their jaws are off the floor before reaching into the key book, removing the paper key, and sliding it into your pocket.

There’s… a look in their eyes at you. That's new. Stardust never got this look from all of them… They’re learning~

Before secret library time (just to make sure Mirabelle gets the shield right, not because you’ve never been there before…) you snatch and pass the sparkly diary to the group.

Mirabelle takes it hesitantly. Good, they don’t distrust you (yet~).

When she gets to the Island part, it feels… off. Bonnie tries to get Isabeau to say it (there’s a hint of anxiety when they do, guess they want to lighten the mood…). Instead, you… you remember from when Stardust was reading…

“It’s ☒☒☒☒☒☒…”

Like words dripping with fire, the 4 of them struggle against the mental attack. You said the name in your native tongue, and it still causes headaches? Neat!

Dun dun dun duuuuuun, you learned Powerword: Migraine.

Too bad you don’t really want to use it on these chums, nor give the King the satisfaction. Oh well, another useless memory.

“Siffrin… what the gems was that???” Oh, Odile is talking to you. She has mostly been observant since the snack room. Probably even a little peeved since you were rushing through things.

“That's Trauma, ‘Madam’” Stars, it feels good to be smug. Stardust could only take so much before just walking off. These guys are stuck with you~

…You kind of missed it. A Lot actually. The puns, the jokes…

“Secret Tunnel time!” you bellow out, definitely not thinking about trauma.

The moment you pop in that cramped room, you take the only chair for yourself. It’s going to be awhile, might as well be comfy. Sitting on tree roots and branches gave you the ‘memory of painful seating’, so an actual piece of furniture is amazing.

It catches a side eye from Odile, but she soon becomes enamored with the book list.

Bonnie, Isabeau, and Mirabelle soon look over a book about ‘Colors’, so this gives you some  time to… self reflect?

Gross…

Pulling out your knife, you inspect yourself in the flat of the blade.

Looking tired, haggard even. Darkless like one of Stardust’s ghosts… Shame, you spent days in the sun by that cursed tree. There’s familiar knicks in the blade. Worn over time. Unchanging, like yourself not too long ago. How did Stardust do it? This tool we held all our life, plunged into their neck over and over…

Hope he’s doing ok now…

Oppsies, Odile saw your sad expression…

“Right there towards the end of the book list” She glances over at it, and see’s the familytale. Sliding out of your chair, you grab the Carrot method book, passing it to Mirabelle, and grab the stupid wish craft book.

You know what? Screw this book. You grab one of the pens at the desk, and write (in your own language) ‘BAD IDEA, WILL BACKFIRE’.

…

…

…

Odile and Isabeau definitely noticed… they also see that your handwriting, albeit very sloppy, is in a completely different language…

Bonnie and Mirabelle try to make some claim about defacing books, but that felt great. Plus it might save some poor sap in the future. A two for one special.

You carelessly throw it back on the shelf, wishes won’t help you any more after all, and find the party all looking at you. They must have finished looking over the room.

You… uhhggg… might as well pull the trigger on it. Don’t want to be like poor Stardust and not talk about things.

“Alright, well, any questions?”

        Bonnie puts thier hand up? What? I mean, if… if they’re offering? You give them a high five.

..?

“Pffffffffff Siff, they… Hahahah, B-Bonbon wanted to ask a question.” This feeling you have, seeing Isabeau laugh… Hmm

“Well then ask, you don’t need to high-five me for it.” Must be some weird Vaugarde practice.

You're the one who can’t remember your homeland’s traditions, weirdo. Woops, didn’t repress that thought fast enough~

“You're our Frin, right?” Dang this kid does ask good questions.

“Probably, but stars know how different I am from what you remember just a day ago.”

“As I guessed before, you have experienced all of this” Odile motions with a hand to the House “before, correct? How many times does it take to change this much?” You prefer Bonnie’s questions… Odile’s almost hurt to answer…

“Eh couple hundred, give or take. The wine helped blend them.” Only out of the corner of your eye do you see her expression grow dark. This wall in front of you is very interesting. Haven’t memorized it yet. New… Not the faces of your sad friends companions…

There’s a tug on your cloak..? Turning around (looking down to avoid those faces) you… feel Bonnie hug you…

You can’t quite find the motivation to hug them back…

Chapter Text

The walk back to the main room is uneventful and quiet, save for the soft scraps of boots on ground.

It’s fine NOPE! That’s Stardust’s word….

It’s understandable. Hopefully they don’t leave you after all this garbage. Would be kind of sad, but whatever, you’re sad. How many people can say they’ve seen themself commit to the bit and slip on a banana THAT many times? At one point Stardust woke up, went fishing, and immediately looped again. How are you supposed to handle that? You’re glad they didn’t come to you immediately after that, it would not have been pretty.

Whelp, you’re in the classroom now.

First thing you do is point at that stupid notebook, and say “Bonnie, destroy.”
Your sudden exclamation catches Bonbon Bonnie off guard, but well, a kid given permission to trash a school desk? Priceless.

They’ve seen everyone all-out attack before, so the desk doesn’t stand a chance. Take that Marc, you blinding crab.

The key tumbles out from the wreckage, right in front of Mirabelle, who picks it up.

“This doesn’t fit the theme at all… A mask on the key? Where is this used?”

“3rd floor far west, door to the bathroom hallway.” You say emotionlessly. How… how do you express what you’re feeling? It’s not boredom, you just sicked a preteen on school furniture. Is it melancholy? There’s still a faint tingle under your skin, a phantom fire in your veins, but right now, you can’t seem to grasp it.

The party’s taken your silence as an excuse to look over the room. Mirabelle talking about her time in class and teaching, but again, you’re not paying attention.

Instead you shift over to the student name list.

All these people… you had to pick a name twice now but… both times it felt hollow. Loop was the last bastion of a joke. A façade to cover your personality. What would have happened if Stardust knew you were him from the start… Just like you to hide information from those who could have helped you, huh? Blinding fool…

Odile and… Bonbon found you, while Isabeau and Mirabelle are by the bookcase. You faintly hear them talk about bonding earrings again.

It’s not hard for the Age Alliance to notice whatever emotion you’re feeling. You don’t have the mental energy to mask whatever your face is doing right now…

Bonbon hands you a peach…?

When did they…

Oh! Right, you’ve only ever had it the one time, when you found the key in that notebook and got super depressed…

It’s juicy and sweet and sticky, just like Bonnie.

They offer one to Odile, but she shakes her head. Booo

You eat it in silence, Bonnie is also having a snack. Two hooligans breaking schoolroom rules.

There’s probably a terrible joke or pun a past you would make, but you settle for the quietness of this moment instead.

…

Enough dilly dallying, There’s a sadness to kill. You play along this time. It’s the one with the crest, and experience tells you they are scissor type.

It gets a good hit off on Odile, but you quickly hit her with the done heal. You could just attack it, but you’re not feeling it right now. Maybe kicking enemies made you extra tired. Definitely not the whole emotional thing from earlier, that would be embarrassing.

A good ol’ Isabeau Smash and it goes down. This time you snatch up the crest. Don’t want it to go to waste, that would really suck.

They are… looking at you again?

“What?” nice one, tactful as usual.

“You uhh” Isabeau takes the lead “you have a healing craft now Siff. That’s really useful.”

Oh right. They usually never comment on the new crafts you have. They have long discussions about how multiple craft types in people are rare, but you have the full array of them. Let’s see…

“Oh yeah, I have… 6 types at my disposal.” Not to brag, but the sheer amount of days spent killing should be good for something.

“6 types? Scissor, healing, and the speed buff we’ve seen, and I understand you also have Rock and Paper, but what's the last type?” Odile has her notes out. Looking between her writing and you quizzically. Given enough time she could have grasped it, but why not cut to the chase.

“Time.” You can broach Wish craft later, always later.

“Shouldn’t you be dead then? Time Craft requires such immense-”

“Don’t worry about it. Really.” always later.

Bonnie’s sticky hand is holding your cloak now, partially out of… kindness? The other part is they just wiped peach juice on you, nice. That brings a ‘clean’ breath of air.

Sliding out of the room, Bonbon and Co next to you now, you head toward that dreaded intersection.

The one where they make you choose a side.

Really, how could they force an antisocial person like past you to do that.  Terrible.

You can play ball this time though, lighten your mood a bit?

“Alright, two paths to go, only one crest. Take a guess” That should get them in better spirits.

They are not in better spirits? Instead they are looking at you like you sprouted a second head.

“But… you know which way is correct, right?” Mirabelle softly says, backed with nods from Isabeau and Bonnie.

“... But where’s the fun in that! Don’t you want to guess? See if you would have lived or died?” This is taking the wind from your sails. Nothing? No one wants a good old two way split? Bah, fine.

(gently) Shaking Bonnie off you, you toss the crest at the southern wall of tears, one-hit the stupid cone sadness, and enter the Trap room, party in tow.

Smells like Earth, Wood, and dust. Terrible. They all filter in after you, and look over the room. ‘Normally’ they would follow you around the room, but since you’ve been more lax about all this, they have all taken the initiative. It means you can do some stupid stuff and not be judged too much, you guess…

Your knife leaves a deep gash in one of the boulders. Stupid rock….

You put a few more cuts into them. It feels cathartic? Gross again, emotions.

Slightly winded from carving rocks, you take the only seat in the room, again.

Odile and Isabeau are looking over the book about traps in the house, Mirabelle is looking at the frozen book thief, and Bonnie is sitting on the table, thumbing through their bag. Taking the carved wood in your hand, you judge it. Besides its cold, time-frozen situation, it’s wood from the Favor tree. Days under that Damm tree.

You crush it in your hands, sending out splinters, startling the others. Oopsies~

Pointing at the thief, you call out “Bonbon, frisk ‘em”

“Why? What about that wood?” ah, right. You cannot command your friends/family/companions party members around. Ohhhh kay.

Standing up with a small bit of flair, you reach into his frozen pocket, and take out Mirabelle’s book. Plopping it on the table, and going back to staring at the wood. Pointedly ignoring the following conversation Mirabelle will bring up about the thief while side-eyeing you.

It’s broken now. Just like you, actually. You can tell it was a statue of some kind. Not one of those Change statues, but of a person. Now though? A broken husk of wood. Shattered beyond repair. Hope the creator can forgive a monster-

…forgive you.

But honestly screw the Blinding Favor tree. You sat on its branches for too long. To know its inner secrets, and hate all of them. Bound to be there, day and night, only waiting for Stardust's return, for a copy of yourself to return. 

…

You… haven't heard the others talk in a while actually?

Isabeau and… Bonnie are standing next to you now. Woops, how did they get the drop on your little emotional panic? What do they see, staring at you…

Isabeau is doing the hand thing, hesitant to touch your shoulder, but Bonnie just grabs your knee.

“Hay buddy, doing alright?” Sweet Isabeau. He saw you slice a boulder like it was a mild workout and still thinks you need pampering. Whatever, sure, why not.

“No, I hath become gravely injured” you start in a  playful tone, earning an eye roll from Odile off on the side, “and must be carried from henceforth.” A slight shade on Isabeau’s face.

And with that terrible jest, you grab his arm, startling him in the process, and pull yourself up, 5’1 glory and all. Other hand gently on… Bonnie’s head in reassurance…

Why reassure them? They can see you’re broken. Who knows…….

You swipe the key on the table (did… they not see it?) and make your way back. You have no need for the glass shards after all. You Hate the stars.

Chapter Text

You unlock the door to the 2nd floor boss (for the last time you hope) and before it even appears you mumble

“Stars, this one.”

“Huh?”

        “What was that Siffrin?”

                        “Frin speak up.”

“... Attack the one on the right.”

Moments later, the goop on the walls form up. It’s the long and short hair couple. Your party is making some comment about the two, but whatever, you just [attack] them.
Mirabelle goes next, stabbing the short haired sadness. She seems… more confident? Isabeau on your other side, giving you the go to attack again.

Huh, right. Fighting as a team. Not only that… but they know you pull the damage now.

You hardly look at the long haired one, and do the reliable “Buy One Get One Three” and push the right one into critical condition. Well, it’s reliable to you, but Odile looks at you for a brief moment in the fight, and you can just tell she’s going to write that down later.

Your hit’s cause that gruesome scene you’ve seen a hundred times.
It reminds you of that dream. The one of you eating something small and alive.

~~Fun~~

You have to catch your breath. After Odile slows the solo sadness, you’re up again. Two major attacks in a row took the wind out of you, so you slide back and speed the party up. Mirabelle can rack up the combo for the party for now.

You take this moment to really look at it.

This sadness, some creature that had a partner, all alone now.

By its own making. Gobbled up its only companion.

Just like you did. JUST LIKE YOU.  JUST LIKE YOU.

Did… did Stardust… think of you like this? You did try to figuratively eat them…

To take what they got, and make it your own… You feel the bile in your throat and taste acid.

You miss them.

Gosh what is going on? You were able to mask all this crabbing stuff when watching ‘yourself’ go crazy, but now that you’re here, you can’t keep your blinding crap together?

Your turn came up during that whole mental thing, and after a moment of hesitation (that Odile probably noticed) you just pass your turn to Mirabelle. When this one is alone, and not powered up, it’s pretty easy to handle.

Or… Or it would, but it probably sensed your hesitation. It has just enough intellect to know you are the biggest threat, and you feel your blood cool down. There’s still the tingle in there, but a deeper feeling washes over you. Y-you’re

        no t

                f as t

                                en ou g h…

                      C

                              O

                                      L

                                             D

You see… your…self, grinning?                                                                

‘Warmth’ spreads through you, feeling like a hot shower (despite the House of Change being an absolutely cold time-frozen hell house). You blink a few times, the sludge of a defeated sadness crawls away, and everyone else looks winded and worse for wear from just a few seconds ago.

Huh, This is new-ish. You haven’t felt shame like this in quite some time~!

Siffrin! The time looping savior of Vaugarde, the one who could (almost) solo the King! Frozen in time by this chump of an enemy!

Eyes of… worry are on you right now. Mirabelle is crouched right by you, a soft hand on your shoulder, and faint craft sparkling from her fingertips. She must have (re)learned the moving cure or whatever she called it. Kind of dumb you didn’t think to train her up to it before this fight, but oh well. What’s one more screw-up to add to the pyre?

“Frin!” Bonbon Bonnie comes close to you. Giving you a once over. You didn’t take any real hits from the fight. You’re probably tankier than Isabeau and all, but who’s to argue with the snack master?

“Are you okay Siffrin?” Mirabelle asks, brushing off some of the lingering stiffness inside you.

How… should you respond? Being frozen by an enemy felt like your brain was on ice. It’s the reason it’s not immediately game over like the tears, there is still some hope of being unfrozen. These people haven't experienced it (and hopefully never will).

“Well I’m alive, so that’s… enough.” You settle on enough. A fair word, a lie, but fair.

Bonnie is hovering around you. Oh! They want to know if their sister’s frozen time is nice or not.

A hand on Bonbon’s head, ruffling up their hair. “It’s kind of like a nap. You don’t really feel anything, and sometimes it’s the same as sleeping.” Bonnie looks at you for a moment. Thier worried face slides into a small smile, and you ruffle their hair.

Funny enough, Odile came up behind you, and.. ruffles your hair? WOW!

“To what do I owe the honor, Madame?” You say slowly (part from the lingering time-stop, part for dramatic effect).

“You scared us there Siffrin, make sure to keep your eye on the enemy next time.”...Uh huh, yup, got it.

Don’t screw up or else we have to cover for you.

Well, you know that’s wrong. They like you past you, and haven’t learned new you enough to hate you yet. Yipee~

Just like your eye. Just like those boulders. Trusting the king that one time. Trapping them in a TIME LOOP.

You breathe… in… and… out. Haven’t had to do that in a hot minute. After collecting yourself pathetically, you march to the snack room pt2. There’s a deep exhaustion in your bones and some R'n'R would be nice.

.

.

.

It’s quieter than usual when you all plop down. Bonbon goes to snack up, but Isabeau doesn’t bring up burial rites right away. They seem more anxious. Because of that fight. ..?

“Isabeau, what’s going on?” One thing you learned, can’t find out without asking. Tact is for smart people, and smart people don’t slip on bananas.

“Y-you’ve.. Um…” He glances at Bonnie, that’s the ‘not child friendly discussion’ look.

“Bonnie’s going to hear anyway… Better to accept that and move on.” Rip that bandage off now. You gave Stardust gaff for it, but Bonbon’s rejection that one loop hurt. Just talk normally, and don’t bring attention to it.

“...Your right Siff. Well, here goes nothing. You’ve… have you died before Siff? I-in other… whatever you call them?” Mmm, BIG question! The rock you were fiddling with cracks. The breath you take is hard and forced.

“Time loops, or just loops.” You’re stalling. Maybe he will ask again with the right word. Could buy you a few more seconds. He hasn't said anything, oh no…
NoTimeToThinkAboutIt
“And yes. Alot.”

The silence feels like a ton of bricks. You can’t… look them in the eyes. There’s a ringing in your ears. Death by boulder, death by sadness, death by suffocation, starvation, tears, King, Craft, stars you even fell down the stairs once. Too much of your own blood on your hands. Not only have you seen Stardust’s life slip away, you’ve felt it yourself.

Maybe you should make banana bread for Stardust if you ever see them again. A little payback for the whole knife snafu.

That's SO LIKE you, a MEAN and CRUEL thing to do to basically yourself. Payback to someone who was suffering~

The fake silence you thought was happening shatters when you see Mirabelle and Isabeau close to you. Leaning over you like a strange bug on the floor… N-no, they look… concerned.

“-rin? You in there?” Isa’s concern showed in his hesitant hand.

“...Yeah, what’s up?”

“...Do you want to talk about it? It might help.” She always was your feeling buddy, even if never spoken aloud.

You noticed Bonbon in the back, keeping a distance, and Odile not directly looking at you. What you can glance at from them is… more concern? Stars, you are pathetic huh.

“Nothing a little Craft” You do a little jazz hands, deflection is the best coping mechanism after all, “can’t fix! You would be surprised what an eternity can bring.”

…Couldn’t even reassure your party, could you.

Somehow, you miss that bottle of wine. Maybe when this is all over, the House can gift you one for the road. You might need it to sleep, after all.

The two of them look at each other, and in a surprise event, sit next to you. They leave just enough space so you don’t touch either of them. Well, too bad ! You're a monster now after all. You lean on Mirabell, then, uhh, slightly lean on Isabeau. Can’t… abuse his crush on you. If he leans back, then it’s his decision.

He leans back, but a little too hastily, and you’re knocked into Mirabelle’s shoulder. Before you can even say anything, she knocks back, and you’re ping-ponged between these two.

What.

Are they really this oblivious??? Isabeau is doing it because of some misguided crush on a monster, and Mirabelle thinks it’s all playful fun, not realizing Isa’s feelings???

Not only that, but did Odile and Bonbon just laugh??? It was a brief thing, and easily miss-able, but.. you heard them.

How could you ever give up on these people… crabbing idiot…

Chapter Text

Everyone settles down when Bonbon brings out the snacks.

Eating something like the fish head after that last boss feels wrong, so you pop a madeleine in your mouth. Mirabelle on your left eats one too, while Isa is bravely having said fish head on your right.
He gives a goofy face, but enjoys it in the end. You should know, you can’t look away as he smiles warmly…
Oh, a new challenger approaches. Bonbon squeezes between Isa and yourself, pushing the touch boundary only an oblivious preteen could.

Oooo this could be a group learning activity!

“Odile, could you come over here for a moment?” You ask, to an annoyed grumble of a 45+ year old having to stand up suddenly.

Taking off one of your gloves, you gingerly take one of Bonbon’s pineapple slices with the other.

“Yes, Siffrin? I’m not going to raise my sugar levels just-”
Dripping some pineapple juice on the back of your hand, it only takes seconds to deepen in shade. The darkless skin turning rash like.

Handing the pineapple to Bonbon, you notice the party quiet down at that. Mirabelle pokes at your hand, before using a small craft to heal it.
Sliding your glove back on your hand, you pop another madeleine in your mouth (with the clean glove) and savor the sweet taste. You wish you could experience the spicy taste of pineapple again, but oh well~
The realization eventually reached Bonbon, who scoots away from you. o-oh. Well, there’s always next time. Nope! you have to live with this mistake.

Speaking of living mistakes, you feel better physically now. For all your taunting to Stardust, physical touch is nice. You can have this, at least, right? Played well enough with them all to at least deserve this. The… the talk about staying together can wait always wait, later later later until the 3rd floor snackroom, right?

Pathetic.

...Post-snack you feels better, more energetic. Maybe it’s that blood sugar thing Odile mentioned, whatever.

It’s been too long since you talked to them after snacks. Most of the time you just wanted to go on and die to the King, but now? Why not savor it?

Eenie meenie minie moe.

Isa’s sitting, knees to chest, poking at his remaining snacks. Unceremoniously, you plop down in front of them, “Isabeau, what’s up?” You’ve… forgotten how to talk normally around him, it seems.

“Just… thinking about a few things. How about you buddy? Are you… handling it all?” Booo, too heavy. You steal a madeleine from him, and pop it into your mouth. “Doeths thwat answther yo’th?” you say around the soft goodness. Crumbles spilling out. Bonbon would protest to you wasting so much, but Isa’s light laugh drowns everything out.

“Really Siff? Here to take my last madeleine?” He hands you a cookie too, and who are you to refuse? Just to tease him a little you hamster the cookie away, earning a snicker from him.

See! You can act normal!

You laugh with him, your left hand bounces onto his knee. He… looks at it seriously.

Softly,  he whispers “S-so, Pineapples, huh?” W-what? you were normal just now, right?

“What about them?”

        “Defender training includes first aid stuff, and a rash like that’s not a simple allergy…”

                “Like I said, I’ve been around here a few times…”

                        “And you.. die… in some of them?”

You avoid his eyes, that answers his question, right?

Enough now, you… can’t handle this right now. But if not now, then when? After the King? Those promises never work in the end.

“...I’ve died in pretty much all of them” you whisper out, before taking a swig from your water. It does not quench your dry throat. Wish it was wine.

Odile, who was close to you two, shifts closer. The look she gives, its… concern? Have you been talking too much? Is that OK?

In… and out…  breathe you complicated plant.

“Siffrin, just how much do you know about the next floor?”

That’s an easy question! And you can tie a joke into it!

“Like the back of my hand~” pointing to your pineapple hand. Teehee~

You giggle slightly, careful to cover your mouth. Isa and Odile do not laugh. THAT kills your giggle, and you look between their faces. Concern again?

“Siff that’s kind of sad…”

        “Agreed”

                “What? I can’t have even a little gallows humor? It’s to die for after all.”

…Tough crowd. Bah, Stardust I think I’m funny. You stand and leave them, their stares itch the back of your head.

Let’s go reassure Bonbon. Talk about death usually frazzles them.

“Need any help packing back up, Bonbon?”

“You wouldn’t know where everything goes… I think. I have a system.” True , you never did learn that detail about them.

“How are you holding up?”

        “…I should ask you the same? I’m not too sure what ‘tyme looping’ means, b-but! I-I know you are… different?” Whew, yeah, that obvious?

“Yeah, different. I will still do everything to make sure you all are safe in the end though…” You rest a hand on Bonbon’s head, compressing their hat a little. That’s all you can do. No more playing around, no asking the King questions like Stardust, no trying things that could endanger them. Imagine if that short hair sadness got all of you?

Again, pathetic.

They… turn towards you, and hug you briefly. It’s like being hit with a chair in a storm. One moment their body is wrapped around you, the next they are back to packing.

You… hobble away. Wow. Bonbon.

You spend the rest of the break leaning against the door. Under your robe you practice some Craft. Being a star gifted you with a few hand signs. Maybe you’ll teach Bonbon one of them. Their were a few useless ones, like the pinky, pointer, and thumb one. Others like the middle, pointer, and thumb one confused you.

But this is all just a distraction from thinking about your situation.

.

.

.

The 3rd floor is more back and forth, from east to west. It’s… probably best to engage a few of the sadnesses here, so that the group can be stronger. Stars damm the King, crushing him with group strength is the only thing you can do to spite him. None of Mirabelle’s reflect nonsense. That’s too good for him.

It’s too good for you too, but you’re greedy.

A few busted up sadnesses later, Everyone is in the mirror room. You think back to when Stardust was alone here… You think even further back to when you were here last…

You still cherished every one of those pictures, even if you were drunk off your butt, and looked like death.

It was only spoiled slightly when Stardust figured the King wanted to freeze everything like a picture. a taint on your family’s group’s portrait.

…

Oh, you miss Stardust again. It was really only a brief point in your life, their loops were but a fraction of your own, but you could still feel the warmth they gave off, after kicking your butt, knife to your throat….

You lied to them when they asked if you knew what you looked like, you saw it reflected in their eye, every time they visited…

Isa snapping the picture mid thought catches you off guard slightly. It comes out… nice! Almost like the very first time. Everyone looks a little more on edge and you still look half dead, but there’s something unique about it all. It sits in your pocket like a piece of home.

Chapter Text

Before making your way westward, why not go see the secret room one last time. This is a victory lap, right?

The tension in the group snaps when they all see the dog. It’s wild. One minute they are whispering about the chill in the air or the distant sounds of sadnesses, next they are all crowded around this frozen person and their dog. Well, Bonbon, Isa, and Mirabelle are at least. Odile is taking in the room and letting the young ones have fun. She… uh… is flipping through the Craftonomy book… and glancing at you. Wha-oh… is what you would have thought, but like, you told her already??? “Big Bow” you hear from behind you, they just got to that part? It feels… shorter than usual. Maybe you just skipped by it too many times, even when Stardust was listening in. Hmmm,  speaking thinking of Stardust, let's go share their secrets with the class. “Whooo wants to see a secret passage!” You say with a bit of flair. It feels forced, and you partially cut off their conversation, but the mention of secrets does put some light in their eyes.

‘Carefully’ shifting the barrels (as in tossing one against the wall) out of the way, you stretch your arms out, showing off the hole in the wall. Odile is already groaning, and Isa is calculating if he could even fit, but a ‘well’ placed smash against the wall and you’ve upgraded it from a hole to a doorway.

“...Siffrin, don’t cause too much destruction here. Once everything’s unfrozen someone will have to clean it up…” Ahh woops. Optimism. You’ve forgotten about that.

“Sorry Mirabelle.”

You haven’t… apologized in a long time… interesting.

Anyways, the funny noise squad chimes in with a “Secret tunnel!” You would chime in, but that feels… wrong to you. Maybe it’s because after seeing this tunnel 100s of times, ‘secret’ is a bad word for it.

Or maybe it’s because you don’t feel a part of them anymore.  Haha WOOPS! Emotions AGAIN! 

In the secret room you, once again, take the sole chair. Not for any particular reason. Yeah sure, your shoulder hurts a tad from smashing it into the wall earlier, but it was better then having to hear Odile’s back crack as she scoots through the passageway again.

Bonnie’s raiding the small end table, aghast with a *urgh* along with Odile when Isa and MIrabelle start talking about books. Ah the romance novel talk.

… You wouldn’t even know if you had fallen in love before. Can’t be too important if you can forget it. These feelings you and Stardust held for Isa, were they love? Those stories Mirabelle always talked on ends about always had big confession moments, or talked about hearts racing and whatever else. But right now, you don’t really… feel much. Sure a spike in heart rate with his smile or giggle, but…

“My heart has been good to me though…”

pfffFFFFF HA HAHA WOW ISA! OH! WOW!

You… you can’t contain the laughter at that. It’s just TOO FUNNY!

“Frin what?” is all you can hear. The others are looking at you, Odile has a mild glare, Mirabelle is looking confused, and Isa is blushing. You laugh enough to start coughing. It’s a sickly laugh, probably since you haven’t laughed properly in a long time. Well with that out of your system, the conversation dies down shortly after. Maybe you will tear out the feeling of crushes later. There’s probably a way to do it, Body Craft or otherwise.

Bonnie finds the notes of the person who ran from home. Right, the secret of Stardust’s (since you can’t really remember it yourself) that you were going to share. Since you can’t remember happening to yourself, it’s not embarrassing, right?

“‘I’ (you say with emphasis, since it wasn’t you, teehee~) ran from home once…” They are all around you, partially because the chair is near the desk.

“Why?” asks… Odile? Huh, Mirabelle asked last time, no biggie.

“Something about not wanting to eat my veggies.” Ok, try to be aloof with it. It’s not your story after all.
“And so I took our boat out, and rowed to sea a bit. It started as a sort of prank. Too bad.”

“Too bad? W-what happened?” Mirabelle looks almost panicked. Hmm, you don’t want her to be stressed too much, but oh well.

“Don’t you know? No one remembers that country anymore. No matter what you do, you’ll never get to it once you leave.”

You can almost feel the other shoe drop in their minds. It’s funny, seeing the reactions from that! You only vaguely remember the early days of washing up on shore. Memories can’t hurt you if they are dead and buried~

Softly, you hear Odile whisper “...gems Siffrin.”  Hehe, it’s kind of fun making Odile shocked.
It’s… not fun though, seeing Isa, Mirabelle, and Bonbon’s faces. Bonbon starts it off first, slowly hugging you. It’s… odd, being hugged while sitting in the chair, but somehow they do it. You’re not going to say no to this, but it certainly is awkward when Mirabelle joins in too. And Isa three… And Odile is butting a hand on your head four???

Eghh ew gross, a full party hug??? All because of a story Stardust told? Like sure, you remember parts of your country and language, but not the original instance. Just overheard from a clone of yourself.
…It’s nice though. Like a monster taking in their prize. You are greedy after all, why not cherish this before it’s gone. You try not to no wet ts on your robe, nor the teary eyes of the others.

A few moments later, Bonbon shuffles out of the hug. Restless from staying still, and this gets everyone to take a step back. Wordlessly, you all exit the room and head westward.

It’s a long route over there. Even with skipping the earring / pottery room (Mirrabelle can give it to them later, you’re not feeling it right now…) you fight a good amount of enemies. The big hands one, the crouched down ones, even the bomb one. Every loop these monsters get more sporadic with their locations.

Mira’s room is now on the left. You just had an emotional moment with your Stardust’s past, why not Mirabelle? Sauntering into her room, you… pop a squat at the end of her bed. No better place to sit in here than the foot of a frozen cold bed. This earns a “hrmm” from Mirabelle. She’s showing signs of worry. Huh, sneakily pulling open her drawer without her looking, you gently toss her the bottle of anti anxiety meds she keeps in there, making sure to throw out a ‘quick, catch’ her way, just so it doesn’t bounce off her face.

She’s… confused. Her expression is shifting though. A little disturbed you opened her drawer, followed by joy from having her meds back on her person, confused again you were able to snag them without ever looking in said drawer, and perplexed that you knew she even had them. You are getting better at reading faces!

It doesn’t last long before Isa calls out “Was your roommate making a bomb?!?”
“No? I don’t think so?? Maybe???”

You’ll have to break it to them later that you cannot get the Long bit. Probably a fuse but that word escaped you. Only the Universe’s help gave you that word…

It’s nice in this room. Mira’s bed smells like plums. And the faint smell from the other corner is of chemicals. At this point anything is good enough for you. Nose blind to sugar, and sick and tired of woody nature. You… rest your head against the wall, and let the passive noise of the others fill the air.

It’s… different. When you watched Stardust do the exact same thing, and heard every word, it felt foreign and wrong, but actually being here?

…

Whatever your feeling, it’s masked just by how tired you feel. Welp, better finish the job before taking a 6ft under nap!

They all take notice now of when you stand up. Guess sitting so often in every room is starting to become a habit.

“We missed the chance for a long thingy for the bomb, unfortunately.” It’s almost robotic how little expression you put into it…

Hmmm… what’s… something you Stardust would have said to lighten it? Think you stupid space rock…

“...sorry to cross your wires on that.” Erm, not… great..

      “Za, don’t encourage this.”

            “...h-hee, Siff, that was bad.”

                      “Crab Siffrin, even Isa thought that was terrible… No bad puns in my room.”

Odile just looks out distantly.

Honestly this sort of reaction works too. It’s almost better than any punchline you’ve made. Snickering to yourself, you await the party at the door, and head over to the key room.

Wait… you… remember. It’s the Body Craft room. Too many times of not caring about anything but the key can do that, you guess… Maybe one day you can try that out. When you were Loop, the height felt like a nice… change…

Worst part about this room though is there’s nothing really important here.. You don’t want to blinding hear about how someone cared about you for your robe and hat, you don’t want to be ridiculed for not remembering the… fake animal filled with fluff, and you certainly don’t want anyone bringing up questions about the Change God statues.

That prick can shove off. Unhelpful louse…

You basically swing through the room, faster than Odile has ever gone, and snatch the key and make it out before any questions can be raised. There’s a worried look in your party’s eyes though…

“I just… don’t want to deal with that right now…” A non-answer. They accept it, oddly enough.

Weirdly though, you do want to see behind that Locked door East of here. Another secret room Stardust ‘found’, why not make it your own.

Chapter Text

You translate the openphrase riddle for the others. Reading your own language is both fun and depressing. Would they just tear this door down if no one was able to get in? How many years had it sat here, untouched? Mirabelle said they had never seen it, despite it being right across from their room right now. Must be one of the Houses renovations from the King’s curse…

“I’m a follower, not a chief, with a glow that brings night relief.”

There’s… no way they will get this. They hardly remember the stars exist, let alone their names. Bonbon makes the most guesses, followed by Mira, but Isa and Odile only make one, and you suspect it’s because they know they don’t know the answer.

“Polaris” You say in both languages, one for the others, one for the door.

The others grip their heads, a small headache? Oh so not just the name of your country but also the words are toxic to the mind. Great, no one will ever be able to revive it then.

As the door opens, spewing dust everywhere, Isa asks “What…what is Polaris?” He’s relieved the ‘normal’ word does not hurt to say. You wish he could say it in your native tongue. Opps, that's greedy…

“The brightest star in the sky… If you can see it, you know which way is north.” You repeat from a distant memory… The details are all but gone, like a bust whose whole face was removed with sandpaper.

“Oh, I think I heard a sailor mention something like that a long time ago, when I sailed here from Ka Bue…” Of course the others don’t know why she sailed to Vaugarde, but your knowing look meets her stone glare.

“Ahh, should have guessed it was stars. Frin you always liked those specs in the sky.”

“Haha, well, don’t worry. I don’t anymore.”

That… caused a sad look in Isa’s eyes… Oh. Right. The… starlight picnic idea… The happiest point you’ve ever seen Stardust. Lucky bastard. All you ever got was depression, anger, and pity.

… Yet you still miss them, but only slightly.

Anywho, a new room! You almost skip inside.

Too bad that orrery reminds you of your stardom. Well, you might as well look at some of those books in the back.

With how giddy you are about the new information, you could be considered a scholar. The first book you pick up is… ‘The Art of Speed Fishing: Eyes on the Prize’ Wow! Boring! You toss it to the side. It basically turns to dust upon impact, and earns a look from the others. Well, others besides Mira. She’s looking over the star book, speed reading it while Odile is distracted by your shenanigans. Before you can snag the next book you remember the passage Mira is about to read.

“If I’m doomed to never be truly seen by another… yada yada… then, couldn’t I create another self?”

Mira finishes “‘Another me?’ Siffrin, have you heard this one before? It’s a sad-”

She stops when noticing you are laughing.

Oh, you’re laughing again! Some fool in the past made a tale about Wish Crafting a clone, and here you are~! Did Stardust ever think you were a clone of him? YOU certainly did! The first time that passage was read you almost fell out of the tree! His first thought was he needed to talk to you about Wish Craft, while you were cursing his (and your own) existence!

It takes you a couple seconds to straighten up, catch your breath.

“You… uh… doing alright over there Siff? Kind of gives us a scare when you suddenly laugh like that. Think of any new puns?” STARS Isa is cute sometimes. Puns? You feel like drowning and he thinks it’s because of puns?

Fine, a pun. You can be a jokester.

“When I figured out the secret of cloning, I was beside myself.” Hhaa, that’s a good one. I should tell it to Stardust Nope, they are gone now.

Isa cracks at that. loud booming laugh echoing off the stone walls. He tries to rest his arm on the orrery, only for the mechanisms to shift with the weight. Bonbon, who was about to criticize the amazing pun, instead looks at the movement with wonder.

“W-Wha! What is this thing anyway!” Bonbon asks the room, but everyone knows they are asking you.

“An Orrery, used to show positions of astrological bodies” Again it’s robotic. ground into you from years you can’t even remember. It feels like when the Universe talked through you to Stardust. Forced out of your lunges by invisible hands. Choked out.

The others look closer at it, Bonnie poking at the sun, Mira and Isa calling the smaller planets cute, and Odile looks closely at your planet. A mini globe, but a fully detailed one no less. It’s… off putting how she seems to be staring directly at the blank spot scratched out above Vaugarde. You need a distraction. The drawer on your side pops open with a little force, and you rescue the Starry hat inside.

“Hay Isa, look.” You slide the 2nd hat on top of your first. A double hat, if you will.

He claps jokingly “Hat’s off to you, Siff!”

NICE! 

You laugh again. A bit more restrained, a bit more sane. Groans from the others, but nothing else comes of it…
When you look down into the drawer again, you can spot it. It was covered by the hat before, but now it’s exposed plain as day. A large glass bottle. Sealed and full of clear liquid. Hesitantly you pick it up and read the label. It’s… booze. High grade, never opened, perfectly preserved. That's all good and fine, but…

IT’S WRITTEN IN YOUR LANGUAGE! CRABBING STARS!!!

You… slide it into one of your pockets delicately before the others can see. Maybe you can offer some to the group after it’s all over. Maybe you’ll die for good before tasting it. Who knows…

The walk back to the tear-pendant-sugary sadness is uneventful. Smack some enemies, raise the group's fighting ability, get to the ‘sugar’ room. 3rd times the charm for everyone though, as it goes down fast.
The trek back is a little more… depressing for you. The same bland lighting, the same shade of walls, the same enemies as usual. It… bites at you. Gnaws on your mind. Sure the party might have some idea about what you’re dealing with, but that does not change the fact you want everything to end, one way or the other. You hurt, you're hungry, exhausted, tired, and very thirsty. The lights are starting to give you a headache. For the first time in awhile, that bathroom up ahead is starting to feel like an actual reprieve. Sliding past the last few sadnesses, you remove the tears in the way and quickly go to the door.

Now… where is that key…

Where…where?

You… you did grab it right? You pat your pockets more. 2 mask keys, but not the third. It’s not on the ring from the last floor.

STARS… STARS!!!
BLINDING FUCKING STARS! aAa AAAAH HH HH !!!!!!!

Mira is reading the note on the door while you are having a hidden panic attack.
“Oh… this is the key from the school room on the 2nd floor. You said ‘Third Floor West’ back then…” And she takes the key out of her pocket.

PHEWW!!

That would have been the end. AGAIN! Saved from the brink of insanity, again…
Isa’s hand gently comes down on your shoulder. You lean into it by accident.
“Good going buddy, this place does not like backtracking.”
There’s the hidden message of ‘If we didn’t grab it we would be screwed’... yippee…

“Yes… Curious how it wound up on the second floor, and the note telling us where it is… Were they trying to lock the King in?”
You stop paying attention to this discussion. It’s a repeat of a repeat. Instead… breathe in and out. You feel weak from that ordeal. Now you really want that 15 minute bathroom break.

Unfortunately, something crabbing obvious happens instead. Stardust encountered this in the hall after, but you don’t get to be that lucky!

It’s you… or the ghost of a ghost of maybe you from another time. Screw wishes, this is too much.

You go up to the specter. The others are very… cautious right now, worried looks and all, but you stroll right up and turn around.

“See? Besides myself~” That earned a chuckle, nice! But… wait… Isa’s not… laughing…

The… ghost… turns to you.

Nothing could describe the feeling going down your back, when its eye meets yours… The face, oh stars…… T-there’s

        W av e s   cr a shi ng

                                                i n     y  ou r    e  ars

You wake up, back to the cold wall. This is…. Hallway in front of the bathroom. Every joint in your body creeks as you shift to sit upwards. Mira and Isa are looking you over, Odile is reading, and Bonbon is looking through their pack. You feel a weird sensation like you’ve been drowned for an hour.

“Wooah there Siff, careful. You, uh, suddenly collapsed next to… in the hall by the…”

“By what looked like a ghost of yourself.” Odile chimes in without looking.

“That was FREAKY! The House has ghosts! I’ve slept in a ghost house for years and never knew! It’s like how in ‘The Cursing of…’” Ok you zone out this time actually. Horror or romance book talk is bleh.

You can still faintly hear that crashing noise, but hopefully that's just tinnitus.

“Any possible explanation for why we saw what we saw, Siffrin?”

You just give a painfully fake smile her way. She’s smart, I’m sure she can put 2+2 on this one.

“..Right…” Cool! Problem avoided.

You shake the dizziness off, and stick a thumb towards the restroom. They all look confused for a moment, then actually realize there is a restroom there. You’re the one with an eyepatch, but they're all just blind???

Shuffling into a stall is somehow freeing. Confined in the box, mild lighting, a porcelain throne.

So why do you feel so star’s damned terrible???
You pull your canteen out, and take a swig. It does nothing for you. You try cracking your bones, and despite a few pops, it does not do the trick. You could… think about your feelings? No, not that. Hard pass. Horror ghosts knocking you out is enough right now.

While contemplating, you fiddle with your pockets, and your hand grazes the bottle. Hmmmm.

Well… it can’t… hurt?

The cork pops off loudly, wOOPS! You smack the flush to cover the noise… and no one notices (or at least says anything). It smells strong. This stuff is usually odorless, but some combination of age, Time Craft, and your country’s brewing method made this unique. Like toffee. Down the hatch!

The swig burns, and your skin feels alive with it. You can hardly feel the constant Wish Craft flowing in your veins. The headache slips away. That is good! You take a second swig before capping it back up. You don’t have an empty stomach, so it should not affect you too strongly. Most sadnesses are still non threats, and since you’ve trained with only one eye you have no difficulty walking slightly drunk.

The after taste is somewhat salty, like the sea air… That… reminds you of… home? You're glad that headache is gone, because thinking of ‘home’ feels wrong. Like you’ve lost it. It’s gone forever. Can it really be home if you don’t know it?

If knowing a place makes it home… which would you rather have, the House or the Favor Tree?

The party or Stardust?

Chapter Text

When you look at yourself in the restroom mirror, it’s… off putting.

Stars, it’s like looking at three of you. Two shots should not have this much impact on you. And that look in Stardust’s YOUR eye… No wonder you’ve been sitting so much… The exhaustion is as clear as day. Draping your lightless glove over the reflection of yourself, the calmest thought crosses your mind.

It will all be over soon.

Not like what you and Stardust thought when fighting the king for the nth time, but an actual end. Come hell or high water, a finale for… what did you and Stardust always think of this as? The final scene? A play?

Gross.

Blinding idiots, the both of you. All you had to do was slightly deviate from the ‘script’ and everything changes, but noooo that would be too easy. You contemplate punching the mirror, but… you don’t want the questions that would bring from the others. You take a quick swig from the bottle, then stow it back in a pocket, wash your face in vain to mask the depression, and rejoin the others.

It’s a short walk to the next little distraction, but that doesn't mean you can’t screw it up~
“Siffrin, you, uh, are you feeling okay?” Oh Mira’s looking you over… that’s concerning?

“Lllike a peach tree in spring” Oh uh, whoops… slurred that one a little.

“...gems Siffrin, when did you…” Tuning that out Odile, sorry.

Or you would… but they all stop behind you..?
You turn to look at them, and in turn they are looking at you… worry in their eyes.

“Siffrin, we cannot afford you being out of commission when we face the King.” Oh how much you wish hope she’s saying this because she cares about you. Maybe she does, but… does she care about you? 
“You can tell us if anything's bothering you, Siffrin...” Can I Mira? You saw how they all looked at Stardust when he went crazy, and he was, in a sense, you.

…Are you even yourself?

Months on top of months, repeating, rehearsing, regurgitation the same thing. Followed by Stardust rehearsing, recalculating, repeating what you went through. Only better.

Now you are doing the same, riding the coattails of a greater person. Stealing success from others' mistakes.
What did the King say once? Something about how many times he should have won?
“You don’t need me to defeat the King you know, as long as you block (you nod at Mira) his first attack, he’s easy.” Wasn’t easy for you. Never easy. The one time you actually beat him yourself it was some combined power of friendship or some junk. Stardust on the other hand crushed the King. STARS you wanted to snap his neck the first time he did so, and the next… and the next…

But every time he came back, a little more of you him was gone…
Stars, you miss him. You would take a swig if the party wasn’t here.

“Come on, this will distract you.” You somehow say without any noticeable drunkenness. Oh wait, you weren’t supposed to say ‘distract’ out loud. teehee…

Somehow a not-destroyed statue doesn’t really take away from your oddities, as Odile Isa and Mira are still stealing glances at you in between praying at the Change God statue.
You on the other hand are trying extra hard to mask your emotions. You have choice words for this scum. Avoiding looking directly at it helps. The torches in this room are the only ones not frozen. The flickering light is unique enough for you. How they are still alight given this place has not been maintained in several months is beyond you, but it’s still a nice glow.
The sudden flash of light is still off-putting, despite seeing it hundreds of times. The only real difference is… it’s not in your hands?

The KeyKnife floats in front of you… Your hands were grasping your own knife and the bottle (under your cloak) respectfully.

“A KNIFFEEE!!!” is yelled out loud, and you take a step back. You only need it for the hair/threads covering the door, but seeing it float like that is weird. Mira cautiously grabs it, and before she can offer it to you, they vanish…?????

Another flash of light marks the 4 of them returning to the lobby, leaving you stunned slightly in the wake.

All this time you and Stardust backtracked to get back here, and all you really had to do was take a step back? What, did this god not have the power to move someone if they were 2 feet back???
Well, you can satisfy a different desire, now that you are alone. Always alone, alone alone alonealonealonealonealoneALONE!
Another swig, probably the last you should do for now. Won’t get another chance… or will you?

You could… they could… they could defeat the boss on this floor now. You raised them up this last leg. A couple minutes here and then you can join them at the snack room. They won’t miss you. They… would, but… should they?

This blinding stupid god in front of you… How hard would it have been?
‘oh as long as someone’s changing teehee~’
Bastard. Bastard. This is why you hate the stars, hate the universe, hate yourself. WHY must these ‘higher powers’ screw you so much?
You raise your knife, ready to strike the ugly statue… but… you can’t. It’s Mira’s, and eventually she would be sad…
You settle on a different form of sacrilege, and pour the remaining bottle over its head. ‘Give the time looping child a knife, that will help them change’ Bah. Anyone can wield a knife.
Heck, a nobody like you can, Bonbon tried, and Mira can use a freaking sword!
All your dumbass can do is ruin things. Stardust fixed everything, and while you started out the same person as them, the Universe showed just how much you differed in the end.

You raise the bottle up high, the light does not shine off of it. A weird ability of TIme frozen glass, only reflecting what it saw before being stopped in time. This one showed only darkness. Like a cloudy night sky…

            *CRACK*

 You smash it, hard as you can over the statue. Thousands of glass pieces scatter. Some stuck to the Change god, others flitter away. Here you go again, always resorting to violence. You raise the bottle's remains and bring it down again.
                               *Crunch*

Not as impactful as the first time, but it still hit true. The remains of the bottle in your hand crumbles, and you let it and the last remains of the drink spill out.

What's the point… what was the point of keeping this drink? No matter what you did, no one will remember your native country. Unless you are directly with them, do people even remember you? Stardust still has your coin, and you theirs, but would they still feel the same about you now?

Hatred, regret, pain, kinship, depression, guilt, GUILT, GUILT?

You punch the statue. Not enough to break anything, just a light bruise on it. Unfortunately you feel the light pricks of a wound, masked by the alcohol and exhaustion. Whoops again, a piece of glass pierced your glove. Pulling out the now blood covered glass piece, you look at it. You look around you too. Hundreds of glass shards, all dark, litter the ground around you. Like the opposite of stars, specs of darkness all over this torch-lite room. You feel sick. You feel angry. THIS is what you earned for all your suffering? Standing alone, next to this chump of a deity, drunk, tired, still a little spooked by that ghost, and sad? …You can almost see that weird shade in the blood, but it's gone, just like your thoughts...

You take one of the torches off the wall. The warmth penetrates your glove and masks the pain from the cut. It’s the only warmth you’ve felt in a long while. Lighting the remains of the booze causes no damage, but you stare into those flames a bit longer then you should. The phantom warmth almost draws you in, but that would be too good for you…

The walk back is slow. No need to rush, it will take longer for them to beat the weird hand boss.

The sadnesses avoid you, or you avoid them, it’s hard to tell right now. What… are you going to tell them? You had an anger session with a rock? You destroyed the only gift you could share with them from your home? You don’t value them enough to help them fight sadnesses? Stars, you are pathetic. And that’s not the alcohol talking despite you wobbling down the halls.
Stars, the first thing you did getting back here was kicking a sadness, then cut up a rock, had furniture destroyed, and now you vandalized your friend’s party member’s statue… and got drunk…

“-iffrin!” you hear echo off the wall.
O-Oh? Did they… did they come back for you?!? F-for all of Odile’s ‘we don’t have time’ speeches, Mira’s ‘I want to beat the King now’ moments they still went all the way back here? You watched Stardust stab himself over a 20 second walk to a tear and you’re him! 
You round the corner with a little spring in your step, and as you see the others, they… are… looking… at… your ghost.

…

…

It’s like ice in your veins. Like deja vu. You watch them all around another. You want to scream. ‘Look at me!’ ‘I’m the real one!’ ‘WHY!’
None of them notice you at the end of the hall. All of them are too focused on the spector. Faintly you can hear them asking it questions, but it does not answer. All it does is stand there, and after a few moments, it slooowly meets your gaze.

You… just saw what you looked like in the mirror earlier, but this… this is…
The ‘eyes’ are not right, something deeper in them, both of them. You cannot breathe, not for lack of trying. The emotions you thought you could read are not there. Something you’ve never felt, and it
HURTS.

WHY

W   H   Y

WHYwhyWHYwhyWHYwhyWHYwhyWHYwhyWHYwhyWHYwhyWHYwhyWHYwhyWHYwhyWHYwhyWHYwhyWHYwhyWHYwhyWHY
WHYwhyWHYwhyWHYwhyWHYwhyWHYwhyWHYwhyWHYwhyWHYwhyWHYwhyWHYwhyWHYwhyWHYwhyWHYwhyWHYwhyWHY.

THIS IS SOMETHING YOU SHOULD REMEMBER BUT YOU CAN’T!
THERE IS BUT A FAINT WHISPER OF SOMETHING, AND IT’S SLIPPING LIKE GRAINS OF SAND.

The others look from fakerin to you, and are startled. Isa tries to touch the ghost’s shoulder, only for the whole creature to vanish in a spray of specs. The choking feeling lets up, there is a ghost of tightness on your throat as you struggle to refill your lungs.

Great, the mysterious ghost scared the buzz out of you.

“S-Siffrin!” Mira calls out, rushing to your slowly crouching form as you struggle. One hand on your knee, your other hand clenching the torch with darkless knuckles. Unlike Stardust/past you, you graciously take her hand in standing back up. Bonbon is checking you over, poking your sides, but you can see the faint panic on their face wear off slightly after confirming you’re real.

You take long shaky breath as the others filter in around you now. Looking around to make sure no other oddities sneak up.
It’s then that they all talk, over each other, asking you variations of ‘what the gems/crab/heck was that all about’.

How do you answer? Humor? Actual feelings? No answer at all?

“Looks like I should stop drinking…”
A combination of all three…

“Siff! That was not okay! W-we were so very worried about you…” Oh Isa… You cock an eyebrow at him. It’s less effective since it’s a solo eyebrow, but still. Raising your Craft hand to the injured one, you Done Heal the glass cut, straighten up, and walk back to the lobby. You couldn’t really explain it anyway.

No use looking back… that’s where the ghosts are now…

It’s the last stretch before the King, so on the return to the lobby, you had the others flesh out their skills. One last ‘good omen’, and you light the hair on fire. Mira and Isa squeak in shock at that, but Bonbon looks like… well a kid staring at burning property. There's an exhaustion in Odile, you’ve seen a heavier version in Stardust’s eye.
Soon, Odile, soon.

Boss time, woohoo.
If you didn’t say you were tired before, it’s evident now. Not enough to slow you down by any measure, but it’s just the sameness of it all. After a [just attack], Mira has you drink that one elixir that reduces craft cooldown. Never bothered with potions after awhile.Tastes like ash, and the name escapes you. Your water tasted bland too recently…

Another [just attack] after Isa passed to you, and now the boss is alone. You were never able to zone out during a fight proper, but this is the closest you’ve gotten. When it falls, you are still in a battle position for a couple seconds longer than normal.

They worried the drunkenness would be an issue, but here you are, the MVP, again, again, againagainagainagainagainaga-

Ohh stop that. You are right before the snack room, tired, and you still have not thought about what to tell the party. Stardust had to be pulled out of godhood to finally admit it, and you're worse better than that…
You walk past Mira’s roommate purely by accident, they might as well be a pillar to you, and enter the snack room. They can still see you as you sit down, so they don’t rush to you and instead talk around the frozen person. You will have to apologize, if the time comes.

You plop down against a wall. Good… good… you need a breather. What.. happened back there? You smashed it, that bottle, and then a ghost ‘attacked’ you? It sort of did that before too?? AND you forgot the key earlier???
You pull out the KeyKnife, Mira gave it to you earlier, even though you didn’t plan on using it.
It’s so… brittle looking. Sharp as stars, but like a glass blade…
Stardust used it a few times to restart a loop or two… The tool was given by Change God themself and he sliced his own neck with it. You can almost see the shades of blood on the blade. Can imagine how it looked, knife to neck as they tugged.

Gross.

You’ve heard of those… uuhhhh… small creatures that supposedly threw themselves off cliffs, but for a monster person like yourself? How many loops would it take to break you like that? You were more depressed than suicidal, so you have that going for you…
But here you are, craving the next buzz, alone, and wishing for it all to end.
You stab the blade into the ground. It buries a few inches easily, but the moment you try to put any more force into it, it snaps violently.
“Ohhh Siffrin, why did you do that…”
!!!
Mira scared you just then. How… How lost in thought were you? You look where she’s looking, the broken handle, the one you got from her god. Good going their chief, breaking something new every time you have a slight issue.

“An accident” you sigh out. It’s… somewhat true…

Seems like Isa did the thing to calm Mira down, which is good. The party only really needs one emotionally dysfunctional person, and you’re barely a person!

This… might be the most painful snack time you’ve had, and you remember when Bonbon told you to die~ You remember eating pineapple, and when Stardust did the same~ Stars you remember when you were so plastered on House wine you passed out for hours! That was GREAT! TO WAKE UP ALONE, ONLY TO FIND THEM FROZEN IN THE NEXT ROOM!

Your head hurts again. It’s still too much for you. Why did you think you could just pop back into this and do it in one go? It took months to beat the King once. Stardust took months too! But nooooo, ‘Victory Lap’ you said, ‘it’ll be easy’ you claimed.

STUPID STAR’S DAMNED IDIOT!

 Mira… sit’s down next to you… Her shoulder tapping against your own. She’s humming, nervously to herself, but it’s nice.

Remember Siffrin… do it for them… You can find a bog to crawl into later.
Bonnie takes the other side, rummaging through their pack for the predetermined snacks.
Maybe you should ask if they have any cooking wine in there… Might help telling them you, ehhh, like them and stuff...

Chapter Text

Frin’s being weird, but like, SUPER weird. They hardly touched their breakfast (sure, fluffy pancakes are boring sometimes, but they didn’t even eat any of the sausage!) and have this darkness around their… eye…
You think it reeaaalllyyy stuck out in the House kitchen. No one else noticed it, but when they swiped that bottle of ‘juice’ (you know what cooking wine and vodka is, why did Dile bother masking this?) you saw them take large sips. Za said one should always have food before drinking stuff like that, but Frin just… didn’t seem to care.

You don’t know how to feel about them… You… want to worry about him, but… Ugh.

It was really cool when he woke up and kicked crab, but then he would say things? That doesn't really make sense?
It feels right to hug him sometimes now. The others said something about Frin not liking touch, but they must have been wrong.

Like right now, he’s smushed against you and Belle. Maybe he got over it, like Nille and Olives.
The way he sits is different too. Just like, last week, he would slouch against walls and steal naps during the breaks. That or drool over my bag… Now though? He looks… stiff…. Stiffrin. There’s this fake grin on his face. He thinks he’s sooo good at hiding it, but you all have seen what a really happy Frin looks like.

Oh, Belle just asked to comb his hair???

OH HE JUST SAID YES??? New Frin is odd! He turns so his back is to Belle, that makes sense… but now he’s facing you. His smirk gets a little more genu- uh, real.

You do what you know, and start poking his knees. He starts poking your knees back. Nice.

“Hey Bonbon,” You like that he’s gone back to calling you that, you still want to crabbing (lightly) punch him for getting hurt, but still… ah he leaned in and wants this part to be quiet.  “want to learn a secret technique?”

You have never not wanted to learn the secrets of the world. So of course you nod, almost too hard. Ouch.

He pulls his hands out from inside his cloak (you see the cut on his glove, also ouch) and he… moves his craft hand is a weird motion. He faces the back of his hand towards you.

“So when we see the King, and I do this, I want you to do it too.” He raises his middle finger up. A craft hand using only 1 finger? Usually rock types have a hard time with individual fingers, but something about this one works for you. Some part of you resina- uhh, likes this one. Given the secrecy of it (and Frin) it must be super special…

You won’t be able to throw a bomb at the King, but something tells you this might be funnier…

Holy CRAB! Siffrin actually said yes to combing his hair! OH how you wanted to try undoing the rat’s nest that is his head. That one hair care class taught you of the dangers of split ends and unmanaged follicles. You do not want a bald Siffrin in 10 years.

You… you will still see them in 10 years right? Siffrin always had confidence before, but recently they have shown extreme confidence in winning. Plus you saw them do really cool poses and defeat sadnesses alone recently.

He… must have changed alot. From what he’s said and the small amount you’ve gleaned off of Odile’s theory, Siffrin’s gotten involved in Time Craft somehow. Makes sense on how they knew about all of the group's secrets. You would have guessed Time Wine did something, but Bonnie brought up a good point before, on that spooky walk back to the statue, about how Siffrin’s been different since earlier. If you had to guess, maybe that nap in the fields?

Ohhh, your good friend was going through something like that and you didn’t even notice!

        *snag*

Woops, well Siffrin doesn’t seem to notice you just tugged on a bad knot just now…
It's nice he and Bonnie are back to goofing around. He's showing Bonnie something secret, and Bonnie's grinning, so it must be going well...

…You hope his change goes well for him later. He’s partially in the destruction portion of it, but you will still care about him after everything. Just have to separate him from the bottle though…

How did you find yourself taking care of such a group of miscreants? First a Change god favored anxiety prone women with a sword, then a head-over-heels brick house of a sweet man, an actual preteen, and a ‘mysterious’ time repeating(?) depressed rogue.
What odd… companions? Not friends, too stiff. Allies is too formal… later.

You figured it was just nerves he grew yesterday that made him not eat so much, and the stress that led to his haggard state. Well, stress was right you guess. Gems alive how you wish you were wrong.

Time Craft! And Wish Craft too? Suddenly gaining knowledge far exceeding Siffrin’s personality (...sorry); theoretical craft is the leading answer. Plus they keep bringing you to those tomes that also describe in detail how it works.

Siffrin’s similar to you in the whole… emotions business. How many time recursions would it take to make you like this? If it was an indefinite recursion, no way out, could you reach this stage of grief in around 10? 20? Sure you could spend hours researching (ha, maybe then Horology would become your study) how to undo the Craft, but Siffrin’s not that studious (you think). Day after Day, what… what would happen?
Going about Siffrin’s day… so wake up at 11am, eat the same brunch over and over, talk to the group, have the same conversations, grab the same items as yesterday, eat the same dinner, and sleep.

No matter what you did the day before, it’s undone the next day. Well, besides whatever information you discover. But that can only hold you over for a few days. Siffrin had to find secret libraries and hidden passageways to get this far...

There’s something deeply unsettling about all this now too. His missing country, missing memories, the tell-tale sign of an alcoholic. Did he say he died a few times too?

Uhhgg, your back hurts from sitting on the ground. You can see he’s entertained with Boniface and Mirabelle. At least he seems to enjoy being with us all. Maybe something changed and he… is out of the Time Craft now? You should look into your notes more on it. Maybe you could influence it.
Gems Siffrin, one world-ending catastrophe is enough for today. Let's get this sorted out.

Siff’s so different! It’s… it’s a lot of emotions right now. Sorting through them is the only reason you didn’t sit right next to them all. Totally not because you are a coward with your feelings. You thought cute mysterious Siff was good. Like half your height, dangerous, and corny puns. But serious and a little unhinged Siff? One that can just kick a sadness to smithereens and has brooding energy? Ohhh you want to help him. Ohhh your still down bad for him.

Wonder what he would look like if you swapped his shade palette… Lightless hat, lightless cloak, darkless under shirt… He would be your brooding little edgefrin.

But still, you want him to be happy. Change should be done with that in mind. Right now? He’s goofing off with your friends, sure, but… he got into the sauce again, and that weird ghost thing before.. And the emotional rock carving he did… and the ‘subtle’ hints he’s from that missing country…

He knows about your goals for the future, something about a jerd or a nock? Is that something like a nerdy jock or a jockey nerd? That's bad, Siff, nice.
If… he knows about that, and is in a time paradox like Odile said on your way back to the statue, then could he know more about you? All of you? But you don't know much more about him...

You could see his eye screw up when he thought too hard about stuff, and it’s constantly doing that today. What's the point of being the big strong one if you can’t even protect your…. Loved ones…

You should tell him. He may already know, but still, it’s only fair. You can even grab his hand and… and…
Ohhh change, crab, stars, gems, whatever. C-can you? Look into his eye and tell him??????

Besides you quietly telling Bonbon how to use this new form of power, It’s nice in this snack room. Gentle sounds of Mira humming and combing your hair, Odile turning pages, and Isa’s fixing a few seams on a shirt. Too bad you are all stuck in this hellscape of a house… but not for long.

You’ve been… delaying this for awhile. Telling them the finer point. If you do it before the food, it might… sit better with you. Tough questions might make you nauseous. Plus the food is a good out if you want to… no, you shouldn’t try to run from this. From them.

Mira finishes combing your hair, muttering to herself something about giving it a trim, and all you can do is mildly smile at that. Bonbon tugs at your robe, their face looks serious? Huh?
   “Yeah Bonnie?”

        “Are… Can you tell us more?”

Ooofph, they read you like a cooking book. You almost instinctively reach for the missing bottle, but only air is there now. Bonbon’s question does draw everyone’s attention to you. GREAT. You went from sweating under Stardust’s eye in the past to sweating under 8 eyes in the present.

"U-um, so... can..." Your mouth is dry, you don't have a crutch to make this easy.

aaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA LIKE PULLING THE KNIFE OUT OF A WOUND! JUST. SAY. IT!

“Can-” you cringe, you are going to look pathetic, but anything is better than this hell. You… crumple in on yourself a little. Good thing the robe hides the fact you are hugging yourself…

    “Can.” The first time you were crushed by a rock. You spent alot of loops finding that switch…

         “we.” The first Fritters were after a couple dozen loops, a false promise of good times.

             “stay.” The way Stardust’s eye looked sooo full of love at the end, without you.

                   “Together. After…?” The first, and last, time you stabbed yourself, forgotten expect for the ghost pains.

Each word brings a singe to your tongue. The feeling under your skin squirms louder with each syllable.

There’s a stagnant pause, you can feel the sweat drip from your temple. You will tell others it’s sweat, not a tear. Your breathing gets more… heavy. The air is sweet, you haven’t noticed anything like this in a while. Gotten use to it, but it’s choking now.

Good thing you didn’t eat yet.

There’s a shuffling of bodies now. Your eye is too unfocused to see properly right now (from exhaustion, not because you're panicking). You almost flinch when a hand touches your shoulder.

Faintly… you hear… “it’s ok, Siffrin.”

Another hand pats your head. That definitely isn't you crying now.

Smaller hands wrap around you, and you can feel their head press into your side.

Oh you are crying now. No denying it. It’s like the Craft under your skin is being smothered.

Someone big hugs your front, letting you bury your head in their chest. Tough luck for them, it’s not wet with your tears.
You get why Stardust’s eye looked tender before, it hurts how much you’re crying.

You just, you want to be with them sooo much!
AaaaaaaAAAAAHHHHH!!

Every loop as Loop, you just watched them in the distance. Every time it felt like a nail being driven deeper inside.
Sure you wished for help, but did the Universe have to strip you of your… family???

“Shhh, it’s, it’s going to be Okay Siff…” You can feel that one rumble from his chest! aaaAAAA!
You can blame being this emotional on the alcohol, but that won’t fool any of them.

You try to sob out “I-I l-l--love y-you a-a-aAaaaAAa-” but it devolves into more wailing.

Great, even Bonbon is crying a little. And the beauty alliance. Under the right light someone might risk saying Odile is teary eyed, might.

But you? You’re just an inconsolable mess, being consoled by all of them.

Chapter Text

You are… not proud of just how much you cried. Like wow.
It feels like you were there for hours. Just… balling your eye out. You think you might have passed out a little too. Cried yourself a quick nap. Hard to tell, because when you open your eye, they are still ‘hugging’ you.

No, hold it in, you… you can’t cry anymore. Right now you have a country to save.
(That and you think you are dehydrated.)

Shifting a little bit, just so they know they know THEY KNOW(woops yeah they know, you told them dumbo…) that you’ve… collected yourself enough, they slowly peel off of you. It’s full of hesitance and care. Stars dammit hold the tears in Sniffrin. (Don’t forget that one, Isa might like it…)

It’s low and quiet, but close enough you can hear it. Stardust heard it too, so you could have expected it, b-but still… you’re not him. Right?

“I was thinking we could travel more after…” Odile ponders. She’s an arm’s length away. You know it’s an arm’s length, because she is still messing with your hair.
Swear to stars not a wish you will get her back. She cannot stop you from hugging her eventually.
“YEAH, I would l-love to keep traveling together. Of course after we crush the King and go see Bonbon’s sister.” Isa emphasizes the crush by punching his hand, but the wording still sends a shiver up your spine. Stupid Stardust… 

“Crab YEAH! I can show you all off to Nille! And show her all the food I’ve made! And bring her with! And tell her about all the cool stuff! And-” Bonnie’s cut off there by Isa laughing wholeheartedly. Bonbon’s laughing too now.
…And you make three. Something something high emotions. Mira would know more, but she’s stifling a giggle herself. You’ve missed them sooooo much. It just, never felt real, like you were watching Stardust’s little ‘play’, a side character without an epilogue. Or if there was one, it would just be like “And Loop went off into the stars, the end.”... But ‘The ends’ don’t justify being mean… (That’s another good one. Note to self: figure out how to use it.)
You still remember (for now!) how it felt, attacking Stardust… being attacked by them…
Stars you are an emotional wreck sometimes aren’t you? Two crying buffoons battling it out under a tree.

“Once we get the house sorted out, a-and I check up on my friends, I would love to continue. I was thinking about doing a sort of pilgrimage…”

That sparks a small discussion about Mira’s travel plans, but right now you are trying to collect yourself. You’re not sure when’s the last time you’ve felt like this. It’s… a long forgotten feeling…
Was it… was it when you ate those fritters the first time? One of those Starlit nights on the road? Whenever Isa looked at you like that (woah hold off on that until it’s over), …when… when you beat the King that one and only time? That must be…

The smile on your face is genuine. You don’t need a mirror, Stardust looked like this in the end, after all…
You forgot what it meant to be truly happy like this, but as usual, your family helped you remember…

“But really Siffrin, want to tell the class what’s really going on?” Oh Odile, you gave us me a few heart attacks. This time though… ugggghhhhh.
How do you explain this…

“Uhhh short version or long version?”

“How…” She eyes Bonnie real quick “How PG can you make it?”

“Short it is.”

She gives you a ‘long version later’ glare, sure.

“Wishes are real, and mine was something along the lines of ‘Save Vaugarde and stay with everyone’. Both of these were hard for me but ‘I’ got better.” The others perk up a little at that. Bonbon at the wishes part, Mira at the ‘Save Vaugarde’, Isa at ‘stay together’, and good ol’ Odile at the ‘were’.
“‘I’ would, well, ‘loop’ back to that meadow whenever either of those were impossible.”

If you think hard enough, you can remember back when you cared… Back before you got super depressed… Sometimes you would accidently say just one word wrong and loop back… Later on you would screw it all up only to loop back with the crush of your skull.

Fun memories~

“.. so the need to ask if we will… keep traveling? Aww Siffrin, you… wished to stay with all of us?”  Mira’s looking at you with those deep emotional eyes.
You’re blushing, you haven’t even beaten the King, but it feels so… right right now.
“Well, we will talk about this later, but is there anything we should know when we battle the King?”

      “As long as Mira shields us, he’s a Rock Craft type, so spam paper… and don’t listen to his words… He’s just an evil… monster.” You knew he was a monster, given how many times you’ve been splattered across the walls… Should have told Stardust…

“...Fair enough” Thank ‘gems’ Odile does not press further yet.
Why does the end of something always feel the most tiresome…

Come on Siffrin, you… oh stars you thought that already.

As you all approach the King, you feel like you should say something to him. This will be the last time you see them, but also screw this guy.
The party takes your advice, and instead of listening to the King moan and groan, all of you just start combat.

It’s… mind numbing fighting him now. Dodge to the left, wide range attack him and the tears, speed up, shield up, yadda yadda yadda. The best part of it was when Bonbon smacks him with the pan.
Unfortunately, you are feeling off. Like majorly. Every swing of the blade is slower than the next, like your energy is mixed with the King’s blood. Every attack is more consuming than the last, until you have to speed yourself up to match the pace. A few missed dodges have left you bruised, but everyone is topped off eventually.

It’s only during the second big attack you put two and two together. Beating him will end the Wish Craft, for both of you. Yours ends with his death, while his was sustained because of your loops. You burned a lot of it recently, after all. Stardust became a pseudo-god, and you… traveled dimensions??? The fact you even had some left is a miracle. It’s unmistakable if you know the signs, since it smells like the walls are covered in burnt frosting.

Oh, Mira’s doing the speech part now.

“Bonbon, NOW!”

You both use the Craft sign on the King, somewhere in the void of your head you think it was called ‘The Bird’; it feels great…
It doesn’t actually do anything, but it still felt good.

Your arms hurt now though, your knees are sore, and your knife feels like it needs one more hit. You oblige during your little part, and it glides through him. It’s…

It’s
     a
        tug

But not one that pulls you back.
It’s more like, you were held back by a lone strand, only for it to be cut loose.
Whatever’s on the other side escapes free, and you're left kneeling on the ground.
Despite that feeling almost like a weight off your shoulders, it also feels like the sole power of the cosmos that kept you going is gone now.

“...-fin!”   Ah someone’s call for you.
“Frin! Here!” Bonbon passes you some of the left over potions. They taste bland and ashy, but drink them anyways, to the benefit of Bonbon smiling at you.
Unfortunately it does not improve your situation. Huh, this is a deeper exhaustion that cannot be placated.

“Up you go, buddy.” Isa helps you up, his massive hand under your shoulder, blushing slightly. Either from exertion in the battle, or…

“Siffrin, did… did we do it?” You give Mira a nod, and she cheers in joy.

Now that gives you a little bit of energy. At least enough to smile and cheer with the others. The others are all bouncing off of each other, either passing comments about the fight, or litterally. They don’t try that with you, as it looks like you could collapse at a stiff breeze, but they do hug you. Nice~

You’ve personally done this walk once before. It was an incredibly happy moment then, but right now? Indescribable. All four of them are huddled around you, Isa on your left holding you up, Bonbon on your right holding onto your robe, Odile behind you, pointedly not looking at the heights, and Mira pulling your free hand forward. The smile plastered on your face is real this time, not an attempt to hide your feelings like before.

It feels… nic- wait…

What happened to Stardust here again? On that last run? That was weird, right? The shade of them that walked behind him.
You turn to look behind Odile, Your previous comment about ghosts behind you flash through your mind, but… you don’t think you see anything. Time returning causes some issues with the lighting, but some of the shadows look almost too long… The halls aren’t corrupted, and birds are singing in the distance, but, it… it still smells like caramel…

The head housemaiden looks the same as you remember. You should Body Craft eventually, this height difference is absurd. Look at you, planning for the future.
Everyone seems to want to split up for this part, or at least the memory you have of them doing that for you and Stardust sticks with you, so when you actually get in front of her, you make sure to not let go of the others. There’s something nice about being able to hold onto them and have it mean something…

She’s saying something, but it’s hard to keep focus. She’s said these things before, and Isa’s warm hand is on you. Too bad your back feels freezing…

She’s… SHE’S GASPING??? LIKE WHEN THE LOOPS????

Panic soars through you. Ragged breathing, the works.
You don’t feel any Wish Craft though??? Why? WHY!? WHYWHYWHY
The cold behind you feels like a knife to your side…

Oh wait, that's an actual knife in your back. Huh…

Staggering forward, body slouched against your family, you reach for your own knife, but it slips and tumbles to the ground… and you join it shortly.
The last thing you hear is the cry’s of the others, and the tell-tale sound of battle craft spinning up…

Chapter Text

Another loop, another fight against the King.

Unfortunately you didn’t do anything new in this loop. Last loop you were incredibly drunk, and so when this one started it was a blur.

Blah blah blah ‘bright one’ something something down with the king… It.. feels like you were missing something, but whatever.

What’s another drop of blood in the bucket…

[Battle Start] means you go, then the… Curly haired one, the tall buff one, and the old one.
Swipe, swipe, defense boast, Enemy slow.
They’ve done it so many times you could almost play every part.
Had you cared more, you could have bursted him down fast enough so he avoids doing the first attack… Maybe when you feel up to it, you could do the same for the last big one.
That one has killed you more times than you can count, it’s actually the reason why you’ve forgotten how many deaths you have!

This time though, he hits.

The… Housemaiden (right!), the… Fighter(?) and the old one goes down, but not you (yet~). Huh…

Looking at yourself, you are hurt, but maybe… maybe all the loops hardened you. You stopped feeling pain a long time ago, but you are still bloodied.

Too bad you don’t have enough time to get everyone up, The King just kills you all before that happens…

This leaves the next bit to, uhh, clear your head. just attack the King, get attacked. He’s humoring you right now, but still, it feels, well not good, but it feels like something.

You completely forgot that a kid was in the wings. Not until you see them drag away The Fighter. It won’t do anything, but it’s better to have less people to trip over.

Opps, speaking of, the King has you in his grasp~ Welp, time to be squished.
..? Why, why does that send a shiver up your spine? Squishing is better than when he beats you against the wall, but worse than being frozen. There’s a tingle in the back of your head… something… something about root vegetables?

The King brings you close, his breath feels cold on your skin. You feel cold all over, actually, but that’s probably just blood loss.
His eyes… are    deep     pools    of    sorrow...
Kind of like….

        “You Should Be Dead”

..huh?

                  “You Should Be Dead”

                                   “You Should Be Dead!”

“You Should Be DeadYou Should Be DeadYou Should Be DeadYou Should Be DeadYou Should Be Dead”

W-what? Why does h-he? I-it’s a deep stabbing feeling, a-almost l-like…

That last jolt pry’s your eye open, Hous- Mirabelle’s Heal Craft flows through you. She looks tired and pale, like she’s been repeatedly using craft…
“Belle! Here!” B-Bonnie… right… passes her another cool down elixir thing, and she takes it. Faintly you can hear Isabeau and… Odile asking if you are alright, and the Head Housemaiden is muttering something incoherent.

What… what just happened?

You feel like you’ve been tossed down a cliff. These are definitely not wounds just from a knife to the back, but… then what?

Odile blasts off a Rock Craft at whatever they are fighting, the smell of mud and moss is there, amongst the sugar.

Unfortunately for you, you go skidding across the ground???

OW! What the heck Odile? Or you would say that, but instead you cough out some more blood as your back collides with something.

          “Siffrin! M-Madam, stop that! I-It looks like…”
                       “Hurting that thing hurts Siffrin? Great.” You distantly hear, she sounds as exhausted as you feel, but hers is probably from constant action rather than yours.

Now that you have some distance, with your back against the wall, you see what stabbed you.

Ha, HA! IT’S YOUR GHOST! Here to take a pound of flesh?!? It’s the reverse shaded one, but you can’t mistake that dead soulless eye roguish looks…

Isa decides attacking his buddy is a bad idea, and opts to instead (somehow) shove the specter away. This, in turn, makes you feel like the pillar on your back is crushing you. That's a familiar pain~

     “What do we do! Hurting it hurts Frin! And… and why does it smell like all those other sadnesses??”

               “Boniface, what do you mean? The ones that give the emblems? Do you think it’s similar to them?”

                        “It smells like all of them combined!”

Huh… you don’t… smell it way over here. Climbing to your feet, you… look around. The area around not-you is frozen, you think. Everywhere else though, looks… normal?

Wait, what bird just jumped back? O-oh, it… looped back…. Mira’s next to you, but she’s more focused on you than all of this.
That’s weird, sure you are nose blind to it, but it’s still noticeable when you can’t smell sugar…

You stagger towards the fight, and the two of you get back into position.

“What is going on with the birds…” you choke out, giving Odile the idea to look at them. She… glares at them as they ‘warp’ backwards, then looks at you… almost apologetically?

The specter moves, and casually flings Isa away, and slowly approaches you.

Wuh oh.

You would craft something, but you can’t. Not for lack of trying or anything, but the singes of craft just… leaves you entirely.

Almost like they are being siphoned out.

You shove Mira out of the way of an attack, barely missing you as well. Odile tries to slow the creature down, but that also makes your bones feel like lead.
You shakily reach for your knife, but uhh…
You dropped it before…
Feeling around in your pockets for something… anything to help, your hand grazes over something… round, and familiar…
Ahh, right… Stardust…

Mira casts a shield on all of you, which shakes off the slowness.
Right, the carrot shield… Another Stardust gift…

This blood loss is no joke. Despite the healing, everything still has a fog around it.

Distantly, you hear a ragged Head Housemaiden, finally coming too.
“It’s a creation of Wish Craft! I-I can feel the King's Craft in it, along with someone else’s! But something w-wrong with it now!”
        Odile looks between you, the birds, …Euphrasie (took some time, but that’s her name, right?), then the specter. You can see the gears turning.

Welp, you have to do something, it is your ghost, and it is standing directly in front of you.
Thanks to the shield, you take less hits then normal, as it tries to open your guts, again. On its third swing, its free hand snags you, and holds you tight, no matter how you struggle. It stares deeply at you, with those dead eye(s), and in the King’s voice it whispers
“You Should Be Dead”

There’s a chill around your shoulder, where its hand strangles the warmth out of.
“YOU SHOULD JUST DIE” but you don’t want to!!! The coldness spreads from your shoulder, and it feels WRONG, WRONG, WRONG!

What can you do, your brain is going a mile an hour, slowed by the blood loss, sped up by the adrenaline.

There’s a screaming in your head, like something smashing against the walls of your skull. All you’ve fought for, all you’ve died for… You gave it up once…

Oh how easy it would be to just croak right here… You're finally out of the loop, this would be very poetic. Maybe a play will be written…
You’re… out of the loops…?
Yes, that feels… about right…
Would be a shame if you were to…

You feel the coin in your pocket again,
Maybe… instead…

You shakily raise your free hand to your face, one finger at your mouth, the other to your ear.

Stars, you're pathetic…

“...S-Stardust…?”

…

…

…

   [...L-loop?]

        “H-hey S-stardust… h-how’s it going?”

   [...I’m glad you're still alive Loop! Just yesterday-]
                “H-hay Stardust, h-how did you do it again? I-I’ve f-forgotten…”

The creature hisses out a “Something Rotting” right next to your face. You could choke on the burnt sugar, and you gag as the chill spreads across your chest.

   [Loops? W-what’s going on?? You went off into the sky and I haven’t heard from you in.. uhh]

You cough as a sudden chill hits your lung. There’s definitely still some of that stab wound left too…

   [L-Loop? What's happening?!? ..huh? Odile? Loops on the other end, it sounds like… yeah they are in a… pickle? …Pass the what??]
Sounds like Odile noticed the little interaction… You hear her faintly as Stardust… what?

   [“””Loop”””] you hear her voice, clearly pretending you are not Siffrin, [What’s going on? Who- ] It breaks up somewhat as another voice chimes in [Kick their Crabbing butts Loop!!!] [Give them Hell!!] [G-go for it!]

 Oh, they all…

It feels nice, all of not-your-party… cheering for you. You suspect your origin might have been spoiled, but whatever… Stardust talking about you… you’d smile if your chest didn’t feel like a freezie pop.

Behind you, you hear your own… family…

    “Leave Frin alone!!”

            “Siff! here!” Isa’s craft flows through you for defense.

                    “Siffrin, get out of there!” Mira looks so worried…

“You won’t be taking him that easily!'' Odile uses.. something on the ghost-frin. The chill slows down, but it’s still there…
Maybe the combination of the King and your time craft is stronger than she expected…

There's wrestling sound from the Craft sign, it’s somewhat playful, but Stardust wrangled their hand back.

   [...Pass me to it… I think I remember what you're dealing with.]

So you do. It’s a wild experience, passing your hand off to the ear of the ghost.

“It’s for you…” You mutter out, the chill spreading in your hand as it gets close to the creature, but who are you to argue, when others offer to help…

You can’t hear what’s being said to the specter, honestly you can’t hear much at all. It’s not unlike being frozen by Time Craft.

Stars, all this time without stabbing yourself, and a ghost of you does it instead. There’s a pun in there somewhere.
Is this what it’s like for the party when you talked to Stardust? Just waiting as distant whispers flow from a hand?

…

…When are you supposed to put it back to your ear?

You do so, it’s slow and your muscles feel atrophied, but when it gets close you hear

   [...and we all love him! So get your crummy hands off Sif-Loop!] ahh Bonbon.

Speaking of which!

“Let HIM GO!” Your own Bonbon smacks the ghost with his pan. Ouch! but also not really. You’ll take it to see Bonnie angry for you.

    “Bonnie that doesn’t… oh well…” Mira heals you again. Both of them are standing next to you and the not-you.

        “Hay pal, I don’t think THIS is a good idea.” Isa is trying to pry you free from its grasp, determined look on his cute face.

            “I’ve had enough of these sorts of things, Siffrin, gems you’ve given me a workout…” Odile is applying the new Craft again, standing next to Ghostfrin. You can tell she’s talking to it as well as you.

   [...Come on Me, you… have your family to save!] Stars, we are such an emotional wreck, aren’t we?

It’s like a sudden Crashing sound, as all 10 people… (10? oh the Head Housemaiden’s joined in, cheering with the others) yell things that definitely make you blush. The warmth spreading from your face is immense.

So strong that it actually spreads through you.
You dropped suddenly, the ghost of you fading in a spectacular fashion. Orbs and Stars of different shades tearing off of it with each friendly shout, some of which you could swear look like that wrong shade Stardust made at the end. The other shade looks wrong too, but less of a violent shade, more of a… sad shade…
Shade’s probably the wrong word, but it’s what you remember so…

The wind hits you on your sore face. It’s refreshing, but more than that, you can feel it.
Trapped in that house, or trapped in a numb body, you can feel the wind now…

You’re also lying on your ass, but… time is moving now…

You’ve never been dog-piled before, or at least that you remember, so this is a new experience!
It started as just Bonbon hugging you, but they tripped… then Mira got into the action, sitting next to the two of you, gently patting the both of you.
Isa though… Isa just sort of tackles all three of you in a hug!

It’s a little gross, rolling around on the ground, all grimey from fighting… but still…

Odile stands at the edge, just close enough, smirking. She would.
You stick your tongue at her. If she’s going to pretend to be an adult in this situation, you might as well make her feel silly by association.

Isa helps you all up to your feet, which is good, since you feel like collapsing any minute.

“Well!” Euphrasie claps, a little too loudly for your tired ears, “Now that that's sorted out, let’s get a good look at all of you!

You suddenly realize you relaxed your hand, and at some point ended the craft with him… You… can always try later…
It might have been the last remains of Wish Craft, when you asked for help, but still, you can hope now, right?

The Head Housemaiden gives her speech about how the King is defeated and everything feels right, which you nod tiredly through. You vaguely pick up Odile asking if the fake you was some combination of wish crafts, and that sounds smart enough it’s probably true, but right now… you wish want a change of scenery…

After a quick power nap, resting in Isa’s arms while Bonnie hugs you (gosh, has he never seen you be stabbed before?) You have enough energy to do one final walk.
Passing by all the smiling people… Stars it almost makes you… sick? No, there’s a different emotion there, but if you address it you’ll have to address the fact you're smiling too…
All these days (months? years?) seeing these people’s stories and now they can all blinding go away. You no longer have to care about the castle book or the location of Marc’s whatever.

Making your way to that cursed? blessed? tree, you run your hands across it’s bark one last time… No offense to Mira, but if you never saw Dormont again it would be pretty cool.

..?

There’s a glint on the root you both sat on…

It’s a silver coin, holding down a… flower?

Well… maybe one day you will come back… just for a visit. Nothing too emotional.