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Chapter Text

The rough carved walls of the crypt held and hid the pale moonlight in equal measure. Its rough undulations in contrast to the perfectly cut steps. Many in the school viewed it as some mental test, to ponder paradoxes and contradictions often found in the mystical arts. Several layers of steps went down to a unified floor, almost creating a cage with the great craggy pillars between the stairways. In its center stood a large, shimmering mirror. Why… why was this familiar?

Slowly, the boy walked down the steps, ever further into the darkness of the crypt. The surrounding shadows of the dimly lit crypt made his hair stand on end. Making him question what could be lurking in the dark. This was… so familiar…

It was then that a man came into view. An all too familiar one in wizard robes with a purple turban wrapped around his head. But it couldn’t be. He was… dead…

“Y… You…? But… but you’re…” the boy asked in sheer disbelief.

“Dead? Indeed I am, Mr. Potter. By your hands.” the man’s voice answered.

“You were trying to kill me! I had no choice!” the young, black haired, green eyed boy snapped back.

“Because you couldn’t handle the truth. You never could handle the truth, boy! All you have ever done is run from reality and hide in a delusional fantasy propped up by those that claim to protect you!” The man roared, as the darkness peeled back to fully show his identity. Quirrell.

“You would’ve handed the stone to Voldemort, Quirrell! Used it to bring him back! I did what I had to!” the Potter boy replied, trying to defend his actions.

“Yet you know that isn’t enough. That will not stop him. He is inevitable. You, The Boy Who Lived, should know that of all people.” Quirrel said, slowly beginning to walk towards him. Eyes locked on him.

“He speaks the truth, Harry…!” a raspy, hissing voice said from within the crypt.

Harry looked around in a panic, terror striking his heart. It couldn’t be. He couldn’t be here too…!

“The death of Quirrell… the injuries your friends suffered… you are to blame. You know it. Had you left well enough alone… had you not stuck your nose in where it did not belong… none of this would have happened. But you had to play the hero… didn’t you, Harry…?” the voice rasped, letting out a hissing chuckle.

“N-No! That’s not…!” Harry tried to say, his mind running a kilometer a minute.

“You know it to be true, Potter! Even if your mind cannot accept it… your heart does…!” the hissing voice snapped.

Gripping his wand firmly in his hand, he shakily raises it up at the hissing voice. “then I can accept you out of my mind!” Harry roared.

The voice and Quirrell both chuckled. “Do you really believe it to be so simple, Potter?” Quirrell asked, flying through the air.

Soon the boy's wand began to light up at the tip. “Let’s find out.” Harry coldly said, readying himself to utter an incantation.

However, before he could utter a single word, Quirrell grasped him by the throat, pinning him to the stone steps. Gasping for breath, Harry dropped his wand. Just like the stone had before it, it lay just out of reach. He grasped for it, trying to get to it. But he couldn’t reach. Couldn’t breathe. He had to…

No… not again. He couldn’t do that again. Killing Quirrell once had been bad enough. He couldn’t do it again. But, if he didn’t, Quirrell and Voldemort would kill him…

Seeing no other choice, Harry grabbed Quirrell's hand that was on his throat. Quirrell screamed in pain, as if his hand had been lit ablaze by a fire spell. Pulling back and away from Harry, he looked down at his hand to see it turning to ash and crumbling.

“You would do this to me again, Potter!? You would kill me twice with this strange magic!?” Quirrell wailed in a combination of agony and fury.

“Fool! KIll him!” Voldemort’s voice hissed.

Leaping, Quirrell flew at Harry again in an attempt to finish him. On pure instinct, Harry threw his hands up in defense. The hands made contact with the false professor’s face as he screamed in agony. As if his face were being burned by the flames of hell themselves.

As Quirrell’s body turned to ash, a spectral, smoke-like form burst from it, reducing it to pieces. The form passed through Harry’s body as he screamed in panic. It was then that Harry Potter’s eyes flew open, finding himself in a room shrouded in darkness.

Panting heavily, he gripped his covers in a vain attempt at stability. His mind swimming, his body was cloaked in a cold sweat. It… it felt real. He swore it was real. If he were still at Hogwarts, he could think it was some trick or ancient curse he stumbled upon. But here… back at the Dursley’s… what was that? All of this internal thought was interrupted when he noticed his younger cousin standing there… staring at him. Causing him to jump in sudden surprise.

“Damien, what are you doing!?” Harry snapped in exasperated shock.

“I was watching you sleep. I read, when someone is having a nightmare, you don't wake them.” Damien explained to his cousin. “I wanted to show you something bloody brilliant.”

Letting out a heavy sigh. “Yeah, sure. Go ahead.” Harry said with an air of dismissiveness. However, he was still caught up in whatever the bloody hell just happened.

“Watch, watch, watch!” Damien said as he started getting excited, hopping up and down which caused the desk lamp to flicker with every hop.

“Damien, what is so bloody fascinating about a faulty lamp bulb?” Harry asked in exasperation.

“No, no, no! Just wa-” Damien began to try to explain before, suddenly, a humanoid boar came charging into the room with a miniature boar and a cranky old lady.

“I swear on the queen, what is the bloody racket going on in here?” came the sound of a familiar, very annoyed male voice.

“Did Pissy Potter have a nightmare or something? Or is Damien being a prat again?” a younger male voice asked.

“Dudley. Keep it down. It's too late.” the male voice groaned.

“Yeah. Besides, says the guy who wet the bed until primary school.” Damien said with the smuggest of smirks that which would make his late uncle proud on his face.

“Damien! You said you wouldn’t tell anyone!” The other boy, Dudley, snapped at his younger brother.

“Fingers were crossed.” Damien shrugged in his retort.

“Right, let's all be men and not keep your mother awake any longer. What's bloody going on here, and what is the racket?” The man asked with an annoyed, tired tone.

“I had a nightmare, like Dudley thought, Uncle Vernon. Then I woke up to see Damien staring at me, wanting to show me something.” Harry explained.

“Damien, what did I tell you about knocking?” Vernon asked in a hint of exasperation to his son.

“To do it when I enter Dudley’s room?” Damien answered.

“You always knock on someone's door for a response first. It's polite. We aren’t cavemen.” Vernon explained.

“Have you seen the way Dudley eats, dad?” The youngest dursley retorted.

“Right. Let’s all get back to bed. We can deal with whatever Harry’s nightmare was in the morning.” The woman said finally.

“Right, Aunt Petunia….” Harry sighed, running a hand over his face, past his scar on his forehead.

“I didn’t do nothing wrong though…” Damien grumbled as he walked out of the room.

“Damien, Dudley. Back to bed.” Petunia told the two Dursley boys.

As half of the Dursley’s walked out and Harry attempted to settle himself in, he noticed his Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia still standing in the doorway.

“Just try to get some sleep. You’re not going to solve your problems without it, boy.” Vernon said before heading back to bed.

Harry nodded and turned to look at his aunt. Who, to his surprise, almost looked… concerned. Even worried.

“Are you… alright, Harry?” Petunia asked him.

Harry was a bit unnerved. She was… worried? About him? That wasn’t normal. “Um… yes. At least… I think so…” He replied, unsure of what to say to her at this point.

“Harry… I’m sorry for everything that happened to you here…” His Aunt answered, her voice and lips quivering a bit.

“It’s… alright, Aunt Petunia. I may have lost a mother that night… but you lost a sister…” Harry replied, feeling a bit awkward but trying to be nice.

“Harry, we both lost someone that night. But you lost two people. Try to get some sleep, and don’t hesitate to call me if you need anything.” Aunt Petunia said warmly.

Harry was a bit concerned now, but gave a smile and a nod. “I will. Let’s both try and get some sleep.” He replied.

With a nod, Aunt Petunia quietly closed the door. Harry laid back on the bed with a sigh. Sleep at this point seemed like a very distant concept. Nearby however in the master bedroom, a different conversation was forming between Vernon and Petunia.

“No, Petunia. That is out of the question for the boy. Do I look like I’m made of money?” Vernon groaned, fussing as he tried to get himself ready to sleep again.

“But Vernon, Harry’s nightmares have been getting worse since he got back from that bloody magic school. He needs therapy. Or at least someone to talk to.” Petunia insisted.

“Petunia, I’m going to tell you the same advice my father gave me, and his father before him beyond back through the Dursley family line. A man should be able to work through his own problems in his own way on his own time. Besides, if he’s so bloody rich off in his damn world, he can get magic therapy there. I don’t see why it’s always got to be on my pretty penny.” Vernon explained, somehow rousing a hurricane of breath to perform such a speech.

Petunia sighed. “Alright. But we should still let Harry talk to us if he feels he needs to.” She insisted.

“Well, he’s your sister’s boy. You can handle that. I’ve gotta get up for work tomorrow.” Vernon answered with a roll of his eyes and went back to sleep.

Chapter Text

The Dursley house was never the most active in the morning, few in such a dreary house ever are. Nor really active at any time of the day, but no one was keeping track. However, as the soft, pale and ineffective rays of light nearly choked their way through the misty English air, someone did develop a sudden case of energy in the morning. Bolting straight up in a cold sweat was Harry, as his chest breathed fast and deep after being awoken by another nightmare.

Harry sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “That same nightmare again…” He panted, trying to calm himself down.

“Everyone! Breakfast!” Came the tell tale call from his Aunt. With a sigh, he began to shuffle from his bed to get breakfast.

Heading downstairs, Harry moved like his body was piloting itself. Making it into the dining room, he looked up and was met by the gaze of his uncle. Getting the usual small tilt of the head in acknowledgement from Vernon before the fat Englishman went back to reading his morning paper, Harry sat down in his usual spot. It was then that his two cousins came downstairs, Dudley sitting his portly arse down in his usual spot as the wooden chair almost creaked in protest while Damien sat down between his older brother and older cousin.

“Dudley, what did we tell you about being quieter about sitting in your chair?” Vernon asked in slight annoyance from behind the Times news paper.

“Yeah, that chair isn't all it's cracked up to be. Well, I guess now it's too cracked up with how you use it.” Damien said unapologetically.

“Very funny.” Vernon scoffed out.

“Morning, Daddy. Damien. Potter. Mummy.” Dudley said, stuffing his napkin in the front of his shirt like a bib.

“Morning, Uncle Vernon. Aunt Petunia. Dudley. Damien.” Harry said, sliding his chair in.

“Hey, mum. Did you remember to buy extra food for the walking garbage disposal and dad?” Damien asked.

“Now, now, Damien. Mind your manners, dear.” Petunia told the youngest of the family.

“Damien. There comes a time in every man's life where you understand the value of good food. I’ve learned it. Dudley has learned it. Even Potter’s learned that from that ghastly school of his. It’d do you some good to learn it yourself.” Vernon lectured as he pulled out a pen to begin the crossword.

“Looks like you two know it a little too well, old man.” Damien responded with a grin.

Harry stifled a chuckle only for Dudley to smack him upside the back of his head.

“One of these days, I’ll take my tin opener to that thick skull of yours.” Vernon grumbled as he began thinking of a seven letter word for shrubbery.

“Come on, Dad. You know better than to upset Harry. I'm one of the few here he likes and, with his powers, well…” Damien smugly states.

“I wasn’t talking about the freak.” Vernon grumbled, turning to look at his son.

“It’s fine, Damien. I’m used to it. By the way, Uncle Vernon. Thicket.” Harry replied.

“Ah. Well done, boy.” Vernon replied, jotting the word down in the spot.

“Oh, so now he gets compliments?” Daimen asked in a huff.

“You would too if you helped me out with the crossword every now and again.” Vernon grumbled.

“You never asked for help.” Damien said with a smirk.

“And yet you never stopped to think why?” Vernon asked sardonically.

“Prideful arrogance of the ancient ways, elder.” Damien smiled, getting an eye roll from his father.

“Breakfast is ready, everyone.” Petunia announced, plating everyone up while saving Harry for last.
Meanwhile in London

Hermione sighed as she sat at her desk hard at work. The summer hadn’t flown by like it normally did. Normally that wasn’t a bad thing, but she had a lot of studies to catch up on, or more accurately, get ahead of. As she was about to open another dusty old tome, she sensed something was ary. Turning to look out of the wind, she saw in the distance an owl flying towards her window.

“Oh no not again…” Hermione said as she got up to open the window. She did it just in time.

Barreling down with the speed of a half drunk quaffle, the owl completely missed the open window. Instead it crashed straight through the now doubled up windows, before long darting itself into the opposing wall. When its momentum had been stopped with a thud, it then fell face first into the trash can next to her desk.

“What was that noise, sis?” a young female voice asked

“It's Errol again…” Hermione groaned.

“Hehe, what a silly bird.” the girl giggled as she entered the room.

“I swear, his rates must be cheap. A letter delivered for only a copper.” Hermione grumbled as she pulled the bird out of the trash by its tail feathers.

“I hope my owl is as funny as Errol right big sis” the girl said, showing off for the who knows how many time her Hogwarts acceptance letter.

“If it is, then I hope you got the galleon’s to replace a lot of people’s windows and belongings.” Hermione said as she plucked the message from the owl's beak. “Thank you, Errol…”

“Hoot.” Was all the owl said, before perching itself on the side of her desk.

“Right, what was so important that I needed to clean the glass up from my room? Again.” Hermionie muttered as she opened the letter.

“Think I will battle giant monsters too? Oh, maybe I can ride a horse statue like your boyfriend!” the girl excitedly rambled.

“He is not my boyfriend.” Hermione snapped at her sister. “Can you please let me read this letter?”

“Oh, so the other one is?” the girl asked.

“Alice. Please get out. I’m busy.” Hermione groaned in annoyance.

“Fine, fine. I’ll let yah message your boyfriend in peace.” Alice smirked as she sauntered down stairs.

“I will put a Silencing Charm on you if you don’t leave me now!” Hermione snapped sternly at her sister, glaring daggers at her.

Hermione sat down and read the letter. After reading it, she sighed and got her pink pen and paper. Writing out a letter quickly, as she had to clean up the glass before her parents saw the mess, she soon signed it and began to add a note at the bottom.

‘P.S. Get a different owl,l Ron. That's the 13th window he’s smashed this summer, and I don’t get that much in allowance.’ She wrote to cape off the letter.

“Off with you, you flying rat.” Hermione grumbled as she threw the owl out of the open window.

“Fly, you fool!” Alice called out with glee as the lights around her flickered to match her mood.

Later at The Burrow

Meanwhile, in the home of the Weasley family, a certain redhead and his twin older brothers were planning. Some might even say plotting. For what? Simple: How to spring Harry from his Muggle family’s home and bring him back to their home.

“Alright, Fred, George. Remember the plan?” Ron asked his older brothers.

“Right operation Help Harry…” Fred began.

“From Horrendous Household…” George finished.

“Is a go.” The two twins finished together.

“HHFHH? Who’s the muppet that came up with that?” Came the condescending voice of Percy as he passed by with an early morning mug of tea.

“We did, Percy.” Fred and George replied in stereo with twin grins.

“My mistake. A pair of muppets then.” Percy scowled before walking off.

“Do you wanna help, Percy? We could use the assist.” Ron offered to their prissy older brother.

“What is he sick?” Percy asked in disgust.

“No, but he hasn’t answered Ron’s letters once after 13 trips from Errol…” Fred began.

“Which is really odd for Harry, so we’re getting worried.” George finished, motioning to letter number 14.

Percy looked over his younger siblings to look at the letter and raised his eyebrow. “Are you sure that's that little hellion's address?” Percy asked his brothers snidely.

“He’s not a hellion, Perc! He’s my best friend!” Ron protested.

“Wait, Ron… he’s right! You spelled it ‘Private Drive’, not ‘Privet Drive’!” Fred told their younger brother.

“Maybe he shouldn’t return this year. That way he can’t get you killed, Ron.” Percy said before turning to walk away.

“It was only once or twice, Percy.” Ron replied nonchalantly.

“Little Ron, it was four. I counted.” Percy said, holding up the proper number of fingers.

“Lighten up, Perc. None of that rubbish last year was Harry’s fault.” George replied.

“Besides, if you’re not gonna help, at least distract Dad and Mum so we can get the car.” Fred added.

“You are not taking Father’s enchanted jalopy.” Percy sternly said, turning around to stare at his younger brothers with ice cold daggers.

“You know, if we’re stuck here unable to help Harry…” Fred began with a grin.

“We might have to show Mum those letters you’ve been sending to a certain Ravenclaw girl.” George continued, matching his brother’s smirk.

“... You wouldn’t.” Percy insisted, narrowing his eyes at his twin younger brothers.

“Oh, wouldn’t we?” The twins replied with a smirk.

“... If you’re going to do it, then get out of my sight now. And refill the tank on your way back so it’s less suspicious.” Percy replied with a sigh.

“You’re the best, Perc!” Ron replied with a smile.

“And don’t you forget it.” Percy answered in a huff.

“Dears! Come on down! Everyone’s here!” Molly’s voice rang through the halls.

“YEAH! GET DOWN HERE, YOU LAZY BUMS, BEFORE I COME UP THERE!” a loud female voice shouted

“MAFALDA AMORA WEASLEY!” Molly’s voice called out.

“Sorry, auntie.” Mafalda said sweetly

“You three better hide your plans quickly. With Mafalda snooping around, you three aren’t going to have another chance to keep plotting.” Percy explained to his brothers.

“Why don’t we just take the car now?” Fred asked.

“... Have you gone mad, Fred? Do you remember the last time Mum caught us trying to bail on a family reunion?” George replied.

“Yes. But what if, and this is a big if, we don’t get caught.” Fred explained with whimsy.

“I’m with George on this one, Fred. The last thing we need is Mum sending a steel toed boot flying at us.” Ron replied.

“That's two to one, cuz. Now what aren't we getting caught on?” Mafalda said, having just entered the room, scaring everyone.

“Marshes and Muggle sticks!.” Fred yelped in fright, jumping up and wrapping his arms around his twin brother's head.

“Fred…! Too heavy…! Going down…!” George struggled to say as he and his twin fell to the floor.

“Mafalda. We are seriously going to have to put a bell on you.” Percy said with a groan.

“Didn’t work last time, remember? I took it off and flung it at you, Prissy Percy.” Mafalda sassed her cousin.

“... Why didn’t we think of that?” The twins asked in self-disappointment.

“That’d be a first.” Percy quipped before drinking some tea.

“Mafalda, you’re not coming with us.” Ron replied to his cousin.

“I didn’t even get to ask, but thank you for letting me know you were going somewhere, Ron.” Mafalda answered cheekily, as Ron realized his slip of the tongue.

“Dope…!” Ron grumbled, smacking himself on the forehead.

“Now then, where are we all not going?” Mafalda asked with a smirk.

The twins looked a bit nervous. “Certainly not to pick up Ron’s best friend, if that’s what you’re thinking…” Fred replied nervously.

“And most definitely not in Dad’s flying car.” George added, equally as nervous as his twin.

“Oh you mean Gin-Gin’s boyfriend?” Mafalda said loudly.

“I heard that!” Ginny called out.

“I know! I was quite loud!” Mafalda called back.

“I’d recommend you three shutting your pie holes before you completely sell off the farm.” Percy said to his three younger brothers before taking another sip of tea.

“Mafalda… there’s not enough room in the car for all four of us and Harry.” Ron said, trying to make an excuse.

“I could always sit on his lap.” Mafalda slyly answered.

“YOU DO AND I’LL BAT BOGEY YOU!” Ginny snapped out from downstairs.

“I’ll Bogeddy Woggedy your little tush off to the moors if you try!” Mafalda shot back at her cousin.

“I’d like to see you try, yah discount version of me!” Ginny shot back

“We’re the same age, Gin-Gin! We even share a birthday!” Mafalda replied.

“Yeah, but I'm ten minutes older and ten minutes better!” Ginny calls back

“Ron, what do we do?” Fred whispered to his younger brother.

“I’m thinking, I’m thinking…!” Ron replied.

“Well think faster, Mr. Wizard Chess Champion…!” George whispered harshly.

“Don’t you use my crowning achievement in vain!” Ron snapped quietly back at his buffoon of a brother.

“Then put that squishy glob you call a brain to use and come up with a plan, Ron…!” Fred shot back quietly.

“How about I do it for you?” Mafalda asked.

“... You wouldn’t.” The three told her, their eyes narrowed.

“Oh Auntie Molly!” Mafalda called out in a sing-song way.

“Fine, fine! You can come! Just make sure Mum and Dad don’t find out!” Ron whispered desperately.

At that, the door flung open to reveal Molly Weasley. To her surprise, Mafalda then immediately hugged her.

“I just wanted to hug my favorite auntie.” Mafalda said as she hugged Molly.

“I’m your only auntie, sweetie.” Molly pointed out with a smile.

“Doesn’t change that though.” Mafalda quipped chipperly with a smile.

“Oh, I love you too, dear.” Molly replied, hugging her back.

Privet Drive

Things at the Dursleys were at their usually dull normality. The only real difference was Damien was laying out in the front lawn, staring up at the sky awaiting for the appearance of an owl.

'Come on, come on! Where's my owl? I want my letter for the school Harry goes to! I have his specialness too!' Damien thought, his eyes turning from blue to yellow and back again.

Streaking in from the daytime sky came the form of Errol the owl. After having been finally given the proper address and not breaking glass for the 14th time, he went in for his characteristic dive. However, as he made it into the backyard, a figure from the shadows using a small knife cut a cord. With a whirr and a scamper, a trashcan on a rope flung forward, catching Errol out of the sky as one would catch the quaffle in a Quidditch match. Instead of being able to score a goal however, it slammed into the lid nailed to the neighbors fence. Scampering over to retrieve the trapped owl was the tell tale form of a house elf.

Taking the trash can off the lid, it reached in and plucked the letter from the dazed bird's beak, replacing it with a mouse as a form of apology. Clutching the precious letter, he looked up at Harry’s window.

“Don’t worry, Harry Potter. Dobby will keep you safe.” Dobby said, as he slapped himself, a look of worry and remorse stretched across his face.

MHG: All I got to say is Dobby ain’t no snitch, he ain’t no liar, and he ain’t gonna let no boy get gobbled by a giant snake. No Errol’s were harmed in the making of this chapter.

Uzumaki_Ricky: Hello, everyone! Uzumaki_Ricky here, live from the land of Aloha! This chapter was so much fun to write! Hope you all enjoyed it!

Sharad_the_prototype: hey what's up people hope you enjoy the chaos peace out muggle fluffers

Chapter Text

The sun beat down as the endings of summer still brought the infernal heat. Overlooking a local playground at Privet Drive, Harry laid under a tree. A cool breeze and the shade was the only thing that kept the dark clad youth cool. Off in the distance, Damien hung from the swing bar upside down, his legs wrapped around it like an octopus would a fish. Shaking his head at his cousin’s less than sound idea, Harry was about to doze off. That was until he heard the tell tale sound of Dudley’s annoying voice.

“What are you doing, Potter? Thinking about your freak friends back at your freak school?” His fat cousin’s annoying voice asked smugly.

“You really have a short memory, don’t you Dudley?” Harry sardonically answered, not even bothering to open his eyes.

“What did you say!?” Dudley demanded, his temper getting the better of him.

“Simply reminding you of the last time you decided to deal with my ‘freaky side’.” Harry answered him.

“Oinkity, oink, oink!” Damien, still upside down, called out with a chuckle.

Dudley clenched his hand into a fist as his friends looked at him in surprise. “You’re not gonna let them get away with that, are you Big D?” One of them asked.

“Big D? What's big about it?” Harry chuckled, which got Dudley’s face red with rage.

“Nothing when we were kids. Mum had us bathe together to save money. I can say personally that it ain't big at all.” Damien commented with a grin in his voice

Punching a fist into his palm and cracking his knuckles, Dudley approached his two male family members. “You two think you’re so tough? Why don’t we settle this like men!? Or are you too scared?” He tauntingly shot back.

“Not if you're gonna sit on me. With Harry's private school, we can't afford your fat arse breaking my spine.” Damien retorted as he flipped off the bar, landing between the swings and fumbling slightly.

“That does it! You’re going first, little brother!” Dudley roared out, bellowing at his younger sibling like a rampaging bull.

“Please, ladies first. I mean, they are bigger than mum’s, after all.” Damien said with a mock bow.

With a roar of fury, Dudley charged in like a rhino as he raised his fist and threw a wild haymaker. To his surprise, Damien bent backwards to easily dodge the hit. One of Dudley’s friends rushed in and tried to kick Damien with a sweeping kick only for the younger Dursley to go into a handstand to dodge before pushing off into a backflip. Landing on his feet, Damien bounced back and forth on the balls of his feet like a boxer, using a thumb to swipe the side of his nose with a grin on his face.

With a roar, Dudley charged in with a wild right straight in an attempt to hit Damien. However, the younger Dursley simply slid aside his older sibling’s punch before sliding his hand up his fat brother’s arm to backhand smack him in the face. Staggering back, Dudley shook his head as one of his friends tried to kick Damien in the back, only for the thin Dursley boy to spin around the kick and bump his butt against the unbalanced bully’s back to knock him flat on his face. Snickering, Damien continued to bounce back and forth on the ball of his heels before making a hand motion for the bullies to come at him.

Snarling, the third boy tried to leap at Damien to tackle him to the ground only for the thin Dursley boy to jump over him and springboard himself off of the older boy’s back with a hand. Flipping, Damien landed on his feet again and continued bouncing on his feet, a grin on his face as he swiped the side of his nose with his thumb before putting up his dukes.

“Come on, ‘Mini D’! Is that all you and your mates got?” Damien taunted his brother and his friends.

“I’ll show you who’s a Mini D, Blubber Brain!” Dudley scowled as he lunged forward at his brother.

Going for a wild haymaker, Dudley tried to clock his brother right in the nose. However, Dudley misjudged his speed and position as Damien just spun around the hit, causing Dudley to trip and fall face first into the metal frame of the swing set. With a loud kabong, Dudley’s head hit the swing set as the impact knocked him out. Putting his hands up like a matador, Damien grinned.

“Olé!” He called out with a showmanship bow, snickering a bit as Harry gave his favorite cousin a round of applause.

Meanwhile at the Dursley household

Like nearly everyday during the middle of the day, the Dursley house was near empty, save for one. Petunia sighed as she worked hard cleaning up the dishes. As she did this monotonous task that she had performed for so many years, her mind would wander and stew on many things. On this day, however, it went to a very unpleasant one. One that related to her own youth.

“Lily would have loved how well Damien and Harry get along…” Petunia stated, her mind going back to an ill fated day. “If it wasn’t for that greasy haired git…”

Meanwhile, in Diagon Alley

If there was ever a more active and bustling hive of wizarding activity, one would be hard pressed to top Diagon Alley. Its cobblestone streets, well cut and set by craftsmen of yore, continued to withstand the endless trampling of wizardly and other mystical feet in its cramped streets. The ancient homes and shops stood as they had for time immemorial. Or at least to all those who were currently living. And this time of year was especially busy, as all the students heading back to Hogwarts had to get their supplies.

One such student was a boy of about twelve years old. He was a bit on the short side for his age with bronze-tan skin, wavy dark brown hair with matching eyes, and a slightly toned build for his age, indicating that the young wizard exercised regularly. He also had a scar from a cut on his right cheek. The boy’s dark brown eyes looked over his surroundings, seemingly looking for someone

“Alejandro? Is something wrong, mijo?” A woman with an accent that sounded like a strange mix of British and Hispanic asked the distracted young wizard.

“No, mamá. Nothing’s wrong. Just wondering why I’ve still yet to see Harry come to Diagon Alley.” The boy, now known as Alejandro, told his mother.

The woman identified as Alejandro’s mother shook her head with a smile. “Honestly, mijo. You truly are a Hufflepuff. You worry too much. Maybe your mate Harry decided to have his school supplies delivered to his home this year, wanting to avoid having to sign autographs.” Alejandro’s mother replied as she patted his head.

Alejandro blushed in embarrassment at the gesture. “Mami. Not in public, please…” He replied, pushing her hand away.

Alejandro’s mother frowned at her son at this. “Alejandro Rey Guerrero de Garcia!” She sternly said, making her son flinch.

“But mami…” Alejandro tried to say.

“No buts, mijo! You are still five years off from being a legal adult in the wizarding world! You are still a child, my child, and I will treat you as such!” Alejandro’s mother sternly told him

Alejandro sighed and nodded. “Sí, mami. Lo siento.” He apologetically told her in Spanish.

Alejandro’s mother nodded and kissed the top of his head. “Apology accepted, mijo. Now where have your sister and papi gotten off to?” She said with a smile, looking around.

As he rounded a corner, Alejandro then ran into someone, sending both him and the other person spiraling to the ground in a flurry of black robes. Rubbing his rear from falling on cobblestone, Alejandro’s eyes widened as he saw a distinctive shade of light blonde.

“Hijo de puta! What are you doing here, Malfoy!?” Alejandro demanded, getting slapped upside the head by his mother.

“Alejandro! Watch your language, mijo!” She told her boy.

“Have either of you seen a girl about yay high blonde, constantly talking nonsense?” Draco asked, impatiently tapping his foot.

Alejandro, rubbing the back of his head, glared at Malfoy. However, seeing his mother reach for her slipper, he decided to at least try to be cordial. “No, we haven’t. Why? Is she a friend of yours?” He asked, trying to be helpful.

“Disgusting! The idea of being friends with a crazy girl!” Draco said in a tone that made the line feel rehearsed.

Alejandro was surprised, but shrugged. “I can help you look for her if you want. Mami, do you mind looking for papi and Rosa without me?” He asked his mother.

Alejandro’s mother smiled at that. “Of course, mijo. You go help your little friend find this girl while we shop for Rosa.” She told her son.

“Making a lot of assumptions right now.” The two boys said in response as Alejandro’s mother left to go find her husband and daughter.

“Let's just go and find the kid.” Draco said in a pushy tone.

“Trust me. The less time I spend around you, the better, burro.” Alejandro replied in an equally pushy tone.

The two boys were then off like a broomstick. Weaving and jostling through the streets and alleys, they began the arduous task of searching for Draco’s target. This search did allow for some searches inside the various shops, and inside shops neither of them have been in before. Yet it was when they walked past the pet shop, Draco stopped dead in his tracks, which caused Alejandro to run into him.

“Oi, bastardo! Why did you stop so suddenly!?” Alejandro demanded, looking in the direction Draco was looking in.

In his view was a girl with waist-length dirty-blonde hair, pale eyebrows, and misty eyes. With a far away look in her eyes. Currently following a butterfly down the road a little ways from the pet shop.

“Girl!” Draco called out, trying to get the blonde's attention.

“Honestly, Malfoy. At least try to learn someone’s name when you first meet them.” Alejandro rolled his eyes as the girl looked at them.

“Oh, hello there.” the blonde girl said, hearing the conversation. “What are you doing?”

“Helping the bastardo here look for you, miss…?” Alejandro replied, having not gotten her name.

“Was I lost? I think I know where I am, though.” the blonde responds “I went off to look for nargles I told draco this earlier”

Alejandro raised an eyebrow. “Right. My name is Aljenadro Rey Guerrero de Garcia. But my friends call me ‘Al’. And you are?” Alejandro replied.

“My name is Luna.” the now named Luna responded with a wave.

Alejandro smiled a bit. “What a lovely name. It’s a pleasure to meet you, Luna.” Alejandro replied with a gentlemanly bow.

“So why were you looking for me again? Have we met before?” Luna asks the pair.

“I was simply helping Malfoy here look for you.” Alejandro explained.

“Oh yeah. My dad asked him to escort me around the shops while he and his dad talked. I think I remember hearing something about his dad wanting to buy his son's way on a team or something.” Luna says the comment making Draco visibly uncomfortable with the idea.

Alejandro raised an eyebrow at Draco before nodding. “I see. Well, since mami is looking for papi and my sister Rosa, I suppose I can stomach being in Malfoy’s presence long enough to help you find your way around. Shall we, señorita?” He asked with a smile.

“My name’s Luna” she responds in confusion.

Alejandro rolled his eyes a bit as Draco snickered, leading to Alejandro smacking him upside the head.

Back at the Dursley Lair

Vernon sighed as he parked the car. Turning off the car, he got out as normal and headed for the door. Yet every single part of him knew something had happened today with his family. Whether it was the potter boy or not, something, something always bloody happened. Turning the key, he opened the door to see the three boys in the living room being surprisingly civil. Though Dudley held an ice pack on his head. Raising his eyebrow as he walked in, he got closer to inspect. Much to his surprise, he saw that Dudley had a swollen, purple welt on his forehead the size of a small grapefruit.

“Alright, which one of you boys put a lump on Dudley’s head?” Vernon asked with a sigh.

“None of us, dad. Dudley decided to bang his head into a pole.” Damien said unapologetically

“You caused me to run into it, Damien! You should’ve just stood still and taken your own lumps instead of causing me to get one!” Dudley shot back, flinching and hissing in pain as he pressed the ice pack back to the welt on his forehead.

“If they were mine, why are they on you?” Damien asked in mock curiosity.

“Least Potter didn’t do anything this time. And that we didn’t have to take you to the hospital again, Dudley.” Vernon sighed, a hint of relief in his voice.

“He applauded my matador skills. But, other than that, yeah. Harry wasn't involved.” Damien boasted.

“Dudley, you’ve got two eyes, boy. Use them, please. Petunia! I’m home! What's for dinner!?” Vernon said to his injured son, before immediately turning to the more pressing matter on the Muggle’s mind.

“Cottage Pie!” Petunia called back.

“Haven’t had that a while. ‘Bout time something goes right around here. Boys, clean yourselves up before dinner.” Vernon said as he took off his coat and put away his work suitcase.

Far to the North at Hogwarts

“Thank you, Minvera, for your investigation into the leak in the Gryffindor House roof. Severus, I trust that you will curb such unsafe tampering with school property from now on?” Dumbledore asked, leaning forward on a chair as he looked into the very soul of the Potion’s Master and head of House Slytherin.

“Of course, Headmaster Dumbledore.” Severus Snape drolled out.

“Of course he will. Just like he will curb all the other forms of childish and barbaric practices he allows that den of snakes he calls a House to get away with.” Minerva McGonagall scowled, looking across the giant round table at her “peer.” All the other professors went silent at the giant roundtable, as the serpent and lion were about to clash. Again.

Snape looked at McGonagall sternly. “Do you have a problem with how I run my House, Minerva?” He asked, as if daring her to respond.

“Not at all, Severus. Merely your medieval ideology of favoring those from prominent families over other students.” McGonagall replied, glaring back at her colleague.

“I merely favor those who don’t actively and knowingly break the rules and cause trouble. Unlike your Gryffindors, especially three in particular.” Snape pointed out, glaring back at the cat Animagus.

“A Gryffindor fights for what they know is right, even if it is against the rules themselves, for they are bad rules. The only thing you favor is an elitist attitude that grooms the members of your House into little hellions no better than the dark wizards they are supposed to fight against!” She roared back, the passion in her voice rattling the table before them nearly to splinters.

Snape grit his teeth, ready to fire back with an insult of his own. However, before he could, Dumbledore thankfully intervened. “Now, now. We are here to discuss things civilly and work out this year’s curriculum. Not to sling mud at each other’s methods of running their Houses.” Dumbledore pointed out at the two, subtly telling them both to act like adults.

At that moment, a house elf slipped in, carrying a message. Tugging on Dumbledore’s robes lightly to get his attention, he gingerly took the message from the elf’s bony fingers and read it silently. He then immediately stood up from his chair.

“I have another matter to attend to. We will postpone the rest of this meeting until tomorrow. Dismissed.” Dumbldore said before hurriedly rushing off, likely to his office.

As the other professors and staff made their way out, Snape sat in his chair stewing. Every year McGonagall made a muggle monkey out of him in these meetings, and it made him want to shatter his own teeth in anger. However, he felt a chill enter the room as an eerily familiar voice spoke in a rich, yet plain tone.

“A mighty good thrashing you got there, Severus. Then again, you‘ve never been the best with witty comebacks, have you? Least not when it mattered most.” The voice said, as Snape turned to look at its owner.

He was an average looking man, bald of head and a thick, near pudgy skull. His large nose and ever so slightly pointed ears, to those who may have cared, may have pointed to some non-human ancestry. A strong jaw and chin clad in black stubble, holding aloft lips curved in a smile. The rest of his body was covered up by a typical professor’s uniform of a decidedly old fashion. Though, as he walked towards him, he could hear what were likely traveling boots clattering against the stone floor.

Snape stiffened up at the sight of the man. “Gaunter. Why are you here…?” He asked, a bit concerned about the man’s presence, which never spelled anything good for him.

“Who else in all of Hogwarts would bring me here?” The man asked as he walked behind him, putting his hands on his chair.

Snape sighed. “Let’s continue this discussion in my office, please.” He replied, hoping to keep this conversation private.

“Of course, of course. We wouldn’t want Albus knowing too much about the royal buggery you're going to bring to this school, now would we? Isn’t that right, Death Eater?” Gaunter said, in an almost cheerful and whimsical way. The whole thing sickened Snape.

Snape frowned. “Former Death Eater and you know it. I abandoned the Dark Lord’s side long ago. The moment when she died…” He replied sorrowfully.

“You really still think you have an ephemeral chance of getting out of our deal because of her, don’t you?” Gaunter asked, walking to the right side of Snape and looking away.

Snape grew a bit pale at that and shook his head. “Of course not, Gaunter. There is no magic in this world that can resurrect the dead. At least, none that can be cast by any living witch or wizard.” He replied, both nervously and sadly.

“You are correct. No mere hocus pocus can. But what if I were to tell you there was a way, even if indirectly.” The man answered, his voice trailing off as if to make a dramatic effect.

Snape’s eyes immediately widened in disbelief. If there was a way, then… no. This had to be a trick. An attempt to ensnare him even further.

“What do you say, Severus? After all, you know my price.” Gaunter said, walking over and sitting in Dumbledore's chair before crossing his legs.

Snape took a deep breath. “What do you want in exchange…?” He asked, trying to gauge what he would have to pay in exchange for this deal.

At that, Gaunter smiled ominously in the pale light of the room's candles. “Oh Severus, master of the dark arts. You know what my price is. You just don’t want to admit it.” Gaunter replied, a Cheshire grin across his face.

Snape looked down at that, contemplating it. The last deal had cost him greatly. It had made him cost himself his chance with Lily. To have her back in the world of the living… what price would he have to pay for that…? He looked up to see the look on Gaunter’s face, as if he already knew what the man was to say, before it was to leave his lips.

“Tell me, Severus Snape of the Snape Family… shall we make a deal?” Gaunter asked him, his words hitting Snape greater than any curse ever could.

Taking a deep breath, Snape slowly let it out as he looked up at the… “man” before him. “What would you have me do…?” He asked as Gaunter’s Cheshire grin gained a sinister edge to it.

Sharad: Enjoy the crazy chapter you did

MHG: Oh toss me a coin, you beautiful bastards. As someone who only got up to halfway through the fourth movie, getting to mess with Snape this early is better than playing the Harry Potter Quidditch video game on the Gamecube. I get people like him, but he’s the kind of guy you love to hate as well. But anyways, let's keep the train rolling. Cause I love that train.

Uzumaki_Ricky: Now that was an interesting one. Hope you all enjoyed the show. We sure as hell had fun putting it on. Who is this “Alejandro” and who is the mysterious figure speaking to Snape? Find out NEXT TIME!

Chapter Text

“Okay, you two. What's the plan to get around our angry flamingo aunt?” Ron asked hurriedly to his “genius” twin brothers. Using the general noise of the family reunion to help mask his intent.

“The plan is simple, dear Ronald-” Fred began only to be cut off.

“Call me that one more time, Frederick.” Ron said, whipping out his wand as a threat.

“Now, now, ladies. You both have beautiful names.” George jokingly said. “Besides, we just need to wait ‘til she falls asleep.”

Bill slowly walked up behind them before saying. “Do any of you remember the last time you tried that? She turned you into newts for a week.”

“Right, good point Bill. Plan S it is, then.” Fred replied, a bit disappointed that it wouldn’t be that easy.

“S? What happened to Plan’s B through R?” Mafalda asked, raising an eyebrow.

“We couldn’t find one of those Muggle rubber chickens and Erol doesn’t work as a substitute.” George explained.

“Plan S. In other words, ‘Sneak in and nick the keys’.” Fred elaborated.

“Who distracts the old hag?” Mafalda asked.

Everyone else slowly turned and looked at Percy, who was contemplating who they should choose. They then gave the most innocent of looks, except for Mafalda who had the most wicked smirk on her face. Upon noticing their silence, he looked and saw his brothers and cousin’s looks.

“Oh no. I am not distracting her.” Percy replied, shaking his head.

“Does he remember the deal, Fred?” George cheekily asked his twin.

“I don’t think he does, George.” Fred cheekily replied.

“... I hate you both. So much.” Percy replied bitterly.

“Hippity hop, you're on the clock, Percival.” Mafalda said with a wicked smirk.

Steeling himself, and tempering a shiver down his spine, he made the dreaded journey towards his great great aunt Muriel. Sat in one of the old overstuffed chairs, from a wizarding age long before the concept of lumbar support, was what could best be described as a crooked crone of a woman. Her pink feathered hat, commonly known among the Weasley’s as the death of the flamingos, proudly sat upon her fluffed light gray hair. The stern, implacable face of the old woman soon turned her frigid blue eyes to look at the Hogwarts Prefect.

“Percival. A rare moment of forwardness to come and chat with an old woman. Seems like your mother actually taught you manners.” Muriel said, her voice clattering out the words like a half working chainsaw.

Percy did his best to force a smile onto his face. “Hello, dear great-great aunt Muriel. How are you feeling today? Well, the arthritis aside.” He replied, trying to sound delighted to get to speak to her.

“Lord above, I hate this time of year. Autumn always makes my bones ache worse than a house elf after cleaning a chimney.” She groaned, showing she wasn’t entirely just being a cranky old codger. Which only made it worse in the eyes of Percy.

“That must be so difficult to deal with. I have a recipe for a potion that may help with that. It was recently added to the Potions class textbooks we use for Hogwarts.” Percy offered, still attempting to be nice.

“Is that pale slimy bastard Snape still teaching Potions there?” The old woman asked, as if trying to gauge the option.

“Unfortunately, yes. However, despite his faults, Professor Snape is a marvelous Potions Master. I mean he was able to teach Ron despite his distraction” Percy told her, trying to convince her to leave the room with him.

“I’d trust a recipe from him sooner than that fat old dobber Slughorn. Honestly, it would be better to throw both of them into a troll pit. You can’t ever trust a man who’s that damn pale. Looks like he’d burst into flames going out into the sunlight.” Muriel groaned, leaning back into the chair.

“Right. Allow me to help you up, great-great aunt Muriel.” Percy told her, walking over to help her out of the chair while trying to squeeze past a shelf.

The unfortunate effect of the shelf falling over and smashing down onto Percy’s foot. Crying out in pain, the Weasley boy began trying to lift the shelf off of his foot as he grit his teeth to keep from cursing up a storm. Everyone was frankly shocked and aghast at this from Percy. All except Muriel, who had a shockingly amused smirk on her face. A most horrifying look, anyone in that room would agree.

“Honestly, Percival. You have to stop being so clumsy. I was hoping at least one of you got rid of that trait.” Muriel said as she got out of the chair.

To the dumbfounded shock of everyone, the old crone reached down and easily picked the shelf off the floor, then set it back up. Once it was stable, grabbing onto the far younger man, she threw him into a fireman’s carry over her shoulder.

“Molly, where the hell do you keep the bloody potions’ ingredients around this hole in a wall!?” Muriel asked as she slowly began to carry Percy into the kitchen.

“... How the bloody hell is that old bat so strong…?” Mafalda quietly asked in disbelief.

“I will be honest. I have seen many breeds of dragon, but none scarier than that woman.” Charlie commented

“Let's get out of here while she’s distracted.” Ron whispered hurriedly as Muriel began to make an unholy ruckus in the kitchen, clearly trying to find what she needed instead of waiting for her slack jawed in-laws to get it for her.

Fred and George nodded as they scampered off like gremlins as they heard Muriel from the kitchen say something about Troll clippings. Making their way to the garage, they slowly began rifling through a pile of junk to try and find the infernal car keys. However, their father, Arthur Weasely, poked his head up from an old grandfather clock he was working on.

“What are you boys doing here?” Their father asked, not really that curious.

“Oh, we were just wondering what you were working on, dad.” Fred lied smoothly.

Arthur’s eyes lit up at that, believing it hook line and sinker. “This, my dear boys, is a Muggle grandfather clock. Not sure where the Muggles put one for grandmothers, but considering how backwards they are, they likely haven’t gotten to that level of equality yet.” The man explained.

“Huh. That’s interesting, dad. Say, what's that over there?” George asked, pointing to a peculiar yellow object on the desk as Fred caught sight of the car keys on their dad’s work desk.

“Oh, that's a project for a different date. It’s what Muggles would call a rubber duck. Not quite sure what kind of Muggle engineering they somehow got a hold of for that one, but it will be an interesting inspection. Can you ask Ron to ask what it may be used for if you see him later? His friends live in the muggle world, after all.” Arthur asked his boys.

“I think I can think of a few ways we could use them.” George snidely remarked, wicked thoughts flowing through his half of the brain he and Fred shared.

“Think we can stuff a pineapple in it?” Fred asked curiously, as if trying to mentally measure it as he subtly made his way over to the keys.

“Now, now, boys. How would you even fit a pineapple into a rubber duck without magic? I doubt the Muggles designed it for that purpose.” Arthur replied with a chuckle as he began working on removing one of the gears of the grandfather clock.

“Very carefully and with a stick of butter.” Fred answered, as if taking that as a challenge.

“Focus, dung brain.” George hissed as he saw Fred swipe the keys while their father was distracted, and stuffed them in his pants pocket.

“Well, it's been fun, dad. But George and I have things to do. Pranks and jokes to plan, spells to study. You know how it is.” Fred told their father with a smirk.

“Just don’t provoke the Flamingo.” Arthur sternly said, and the two nodded, both not wanting that.

The two boys then slunk out of the garage with the keys in hand to enact the next stage of the Plot to Rescue Potter. As they did, Arthur looked over at the rubber duck, picked it up, and gave it a look over. “What is your function…?” He quizzically asked the bath toy, as if expecting an answer.

Later: Dinner At The Burrow

Dinnertime at the Weasley’s was always a raucous affair, but with the massive extended family, it was a truly titanic affair. Percy, a favorite in the servers, got a break that year due to a crushed foot, and the fact that he had to take Auntie Muriel's healing potion. Molly smiled at the fact Fred and George stepped up to the plate to help out.

“Thank you so much, boys.” Mother Weasley said with a warm smile.

“Happy to help, mum. We may like a good joke, but we also love our family.” Fred told her with a smile as he plated up his mother’s food while George poured her drink, subtly slipping a potion into it and stirring.

“Here you go, Auntie Muriel.” George said, faking a smile so hard he swore his lips might split open as he handed Muriel a drink as well.

“Scotland Marshwyrm Firewhiskey. I haven’t had this since my anniversary trip to Scotland at 60.” She said before tasting it. “Hm. 1962. Better year, then.”

Muriel then downed it in a single gulp as the other Weasleys began to eat and drink as well. In a shockingly rapid amount of time, nearly the entire stock of Weasleys were face-first into their food, or leaning back on their chairs. All asleep as if a charm had been put on them all. Ron, nearly about to have drunk from his own cup, slowly put it back down.

“Good thinking, slipping the sleeping potions into the drinks.” Ron said, deeply impressed by the ingenuity. “But why did you do it to Percy, Bill, and Charley too?”

“Plausible deniability, Ronald. That way, they can claim they didn’t know anything if we get caught.” Fred told his little brother with a smirk.

“Big if there, Fred. Still, better safe than sorry.” George added with a grin of his own.

“Right, let's go. We gotta get Harry out of that accursed place he calls a home.” Ron said, leaping to his feet.

“Shotgun.” Mafalda added with a smirk.

“No, you're not.” Ron sternly said.

“Oh? Then what will you do if I ‘accidentally’ let it slip to Aunt Molly and Uncle Arthur where you went and took the car?” Mafalda added with a smirk.

“If I’m not in front, and one of the twins needs to drive, then how will Harry know it's not some crazy plot or something by some criminal dark wizards?” Ron asked his cousin.

Mafalda frowned and sighed. “I hate it when you’re right, Ronald. Fine, I’ll get in the back.” She replied, admitting defeat.

“See that you do. To the flying death machine!” Ron yelled, rushing off towards the garage.

“I’ll drive! No, I’ll drive!” Fred and George said at the same time as they rushed off to the car.

“Can you two Muggle brains put a third brain cell in there?” Mafalda asked in annoyance.

“I’m the one who’s got the keys, so I’m driving!” Fred told his twin.

“You drove the last time we snuck out with the car!” George replied back.

“Play ya’ in troll-wizard-werewolf for it.” Fred called out

“You’re on, Freddy boy!” George told his twin with a smirk.

“Troll-wizard-werewolf, go!” The twins said at the same time as they began their little competition.

Privet Drive

Harry found himself running through a darkened corridor in Hogwarts. Looking back in fear, he saw invisible, shadowy figures rounding the corner. Pulling his wand out, he fired an offensive spell in their direction. However, one of the figures, wand in hand, simply deflected the spell, causing it to smash into a nearby wall and crack it.

Firing spell after spell, Harry tried to defend himself only for his attacks to be deflected each time. Beginning to panic, he prepared another only to find himself frozen in place. However, this wasn’t like a Full-Body Bind. No, this was something very different.

“Harry!” He heard Ron’s voice call out from the darkness.

Looking, he saw Ron’s silhouette appear only to be struck down by the green light of a curse. “RON!” The Boy Who Lived called out in concern for his best friend.

“Harry!” He then heard Hermoine’s voice called out.

Turning, Harry then saw Hermoine’s silhouette appear in the light. However, another green lit curse hit her, sending her to the floor in a crumpled heap as her hand hit the floor, peeking just out of the darkness.

“HERMIONE!” Harry called out in concern.

“Harry! Run!” He heard Hagrid’s voice call out.

Turning, he saw Hagrid’s massive frame appear in a silhouette. However, a barrage of green light hit him in the time it took Harry to blink. It was over so fast that the young Potter could barely process it. One moment his massive friend was reaching out to him, the next the ground shook as his body hit the cold stone floor.

“Hagrid! HAGRID!” Harry called out in a panic, reaching out to the gentle giant before he himself was then hit by a flash of green light.

It was this last thing that made Harry awaken in fright, cold sweat coating him in its clammy embrace. Looking around, there was no one in his room this time. Sighing, he slowly got up to try and walk it off a little.

“Come on, Harry. You're better than this. You can’t let these get to you…” Harry grumbled, frustrated at the fact that they were continuing.

Harry was then very confused as he heard… Was that a car? Turning and rushing over to his window, he saw a car door directly outside. With the distinctive grinning smile of Ron waiting for him.

“Evening, Harry. Need a taxi?” Ron asked him, his smile growing ever bigger.

Sharad: Hope you enjoy the inner machinations of our minds. They are an enigma.

MHG: If I had a nickel for every bitchy character I had to write in this story, it’d be like three nickels. Which isn’t a lot, but it's strange it happened thrice. Oh well. Bitchiness aside, as someone recently getting back into the franchise, it's quite the sweet, if incredibly legally questionable, gesture of Ron to go through with this. Oh well. Whelp, catch you all next time.

Uzumaki_Ricky: This was a really fun one to write. Between all of the banter and the nightmare scene, I had so much fun with this. By the way, the thing with Muriel and Percy was my idea.

Chapter Text

Are we there yet?” Harry asked through a groan, lounging in the back seat behind the driver.

“No, we are not, Harry. Why?” Ron asked in confusion, trying to follow the map while holding the map upside down.

“Your cousin keeps poking me.” Harry groaned, referring to Mafalda in the middle of the back seat.

“Don’t make me turn this flying Muggle contraption around!” George called towards the back.

“So I’m between the devil and the deep blue sea, then.” Harry muttered in frustration.

“What does that mean?” Mafalda asked, confused.

“Also, Ron, you’re holding the map upside down.” Harry said to his friend.

Ron looked more closely, then turned as red as an apple in embarrassment before turning the map right side up. He then pokes George to show him the mistake, which got the red head a bonk to the head for his trouble.

“Thanks a lot, Ron. Now we are bingo fuel and got to fill this stupid thing up. Or dad will kill us.” George said, staring furiously at the gas gauge, as if trying to will it to full again.

“Then stop at a petrol station.” Harry said with audible frustration in his voice at the trivial nature of this argument.

“Right. Petro and snack break, here we come!” Fred called out.

“Does anyone have Muggle money?” Mafalda asked, raising an eyebrow.

Harry grumbled and reached into his pockets. “I think I have enough for a full tank and snacks.” He told the present redheads.

“But why do we need the money? This thing has an Invisibility Booster.” Fred said with a mischievous smile.

“Is it a good idea to keep that thing on all night? Even when we’re filling up for petro?” Harry asked worriedly.

“Why wouldn’t it be?” George asked.

“What if the Invisibility Booster goes out mid-flight because it overheated from overuse?” Harry asked back.

“Our dad enchanted this clap trap, and he understands Muggle things pretty well. It will be fine.” Ron said, waving off his friend's concern.

Harry shrugged and pulled out enough money for snacks at the station. “Fair enough.” He replied, handing the money to Fred.

“I see one down there!” Fred called out, pointing down at a speck on the ground.

“Hold onto your trousers!” George yelled as he nose dived the car towards said speck.

Harry screamed in fear, clinging to Mafalda for dear life like he was trying to crush the life out of her. Meanwhile, the Weasley girl was laughing her head off in joy at the experience as Fred held onto his seat.

Back at the Burrow

As the hustle and bustle of the Weasley household dragged on into the night, a petite, flame haired girl clenched her fists in sudden anger. Her normally pale skin turned to match that passionate color of her hair. Molly noticed the girls change, and felt the need to inquire about it.

“Ginny? Is something wrong, dear?” Molly asked in concern.

“I don’t know. I sense a disturbance. A sudden urge to strangle Mafalda, for some reason…” Ginny noted, taking a deep breath to calm herself.

“Well, you two should probably talk about that. I’m sure it's all a big misunderstanding.” Molly said supportively.

Ginny nodded. “Yes, mum.” She told Molly.

“In fact, let’s go up right now and get it out of the way.” Molly suggested.

The two got up and had to maneuver around the pink flamingo demon resting on a hat rack before heading up the stairs to the guest rooms. Molly then knocked on the door once. Then twice. Then thrice. Finally, and somewhat concerned, Molly opened the door to reveal… no one in the room…

“So much for talking. She’s flown the coop.” Ginny scowled, crossing her arms in a huff.

“Well, this is a bit concerning…” Molly noted, a bit worried.

“Where do you think she would be, mum?” Ginny asked her mother.

“She usually wanders off, so she couldn’t have gone far.” Molly answered. “Maybe she’s with the boys. We find the boys, we find Mafalda.”

The two Weasleys split up at that and got looking. Yet, despite their best efforts, they couldn’t find where she went. Worse still, they were finding more people that were missing. Molly checked Fred and George’s room, and it was empty. Ginny checked Ron’s room, which was also empty. This sudden disappearance of a whopping four members of the family soon made Molly Weasely panic.

“No sign of them, mum. Any luck on your end?” Ginny said to the older Weasley woman, a bit concerned.

“None whatsoever. Maybe they’re outside?” Molly suggested.

“Have you checked Percy’s room?” Ginny asked, willing to try anything at that point.

“Why would I do that? We both know they would never go in there.” Molly replied nonchalantly.

“Fair enough. Let’s check outside.” Ginny replied, heading for the door.

Heading out swiftly to the back, they flung open the doors… only to find nothing. The garden was as it always was, the makeshift Quidditch patch was untouched, and they swore they saw two hedgehogs fighting gnomes. It was absolutely as the back should be, which only confused the two even further. However, this silent confusion was soon shattered by the loud, angry noise of Arthur Weasely from the garage.

“WHERE THE BLOODY HELL IS MY CAR!?” Arthur yelled out in fury.

“They didn’t…” Molly muttered.

“... Mum. This is Ron, the twins, and Mafalda we’re talking about here.” Ginny replied in a deadpan tone.

“... Oh lord, they did.” Molly sighed with a face palm.

Meanwhile: Back with the Wayward Weasleys and Harry

Harry sighed and leaned on a post, after an annoying explanation to George on how to actually fill up the petro. He knew he had to go in after the rest of them to pay for snacks. He didn’t want to, but he knew he had to. Shaking his head at having to guide a bunch of madmen around a world they didn’t understand. With another sigh, he went into the gas station store to find Ron, Fred, and Mafalda arguing about which snacks they wanted.

“Harry! What are good muggle snacks!?” Ron asked excitedly.

“Ron, you realize these kinds of snacks will make you fat. Trust me. I know.” Harry said with a sigh.

“Perfect, I can trick Ginny with some when we get home.” Mafalda said with an evil smile.

“Fine.” Harry said in exasperation.

Harry soon went into the aisles and swiped up anything that looked halfway interesting. He wasn’t doing it to sate their hunger, more distract them for the journey. After grabbing an armful of chips and candies, he handed them out to the rest of them. Ron quickly became enamored by a chocolate animal.

“Say Harry you didn’t tell me you had chocolate animals, too” Ron said as he opened the chocolate bunny wrapping,looking disappointed when it didn’t hop away.

“Ron, don't open it! We haven’t paid!” Harry whispered to his friend.

“Right… sorry…” Ron replied sheepishly, quickly closing the box.

Harry sighed and pulled the three along to the counter. Now, your average night shift counter employee is not one to be phased by the oddities that can happen on such a horrible shift. However, even they were forced to raise an eyebrow at the odd assemblage of people before them. Harry soon pulled out of his pocket a staggering amount of British Pounds, and put them on the counter.

“Can I get another chocolate bunny? I think I got a dead one.” Ron quietly asked Harry, who was at the counter.

“That's not how they work out here, Ron.” Harry whispered back at his friend.

“Oh. Well that's frankly lame.” Ron said with a dejected tone.

“Is that everything?” The counter clerk asked, observing the staggering amount of food they had to scan.

“Yes, it is.” Harry said, pushing the large amount of money towards them on the counter.

“Do you want change?” The clerk asked in shock at the amount he was putting forward.

“Um… No. You can keep the change…” Harry said, having not considered that, but at this point just wanting to leave.

The clerk, equally wanting to be done with this situation, ran the transaction through. After that and then paying for the gas separately, Harry rushed the three out and into the car.

“Now I understand why Aunt Petunia gets so annoyed when we take so bloody long.” Harry said with a sigh as he closed the door.

“George, step on the gas! He’s bringing the demon up again!” Ron yelled, shaking his big brother's shoulder.

“Hold on! It’s gonna be a bumpy flight!” George replied as he started up the car.

With that the car roared to life, the poor underpowered engine began to move forward. George, despite putting the pedal to the floor, found that the old car to be sluggish to start from a standstill like this. As he wrangled with the machine to get it up to speed, Ron looked down at the controls. To his horror, they forgot to turn on the invisibility booster.

“George, you forgot to turn on the invisibility booster!” Ron squealed in panic.

As the car began finally getting off the ground, the clerk turned after sneaking a drink from below the counter to see it take off. They blinked once, blinked twice, and blinked thrice. Before then immediately putting the drink down below the counter and swiftly made a call on the counter phone.

“Mum? Yeah, it's me. You can put me down for therapy for drinking. I’m starting to see things.” The clerk said into the phone, honestly unsure what is going on.

Meanwhile at Hogwarts

“Albus, have we still not heard back from the boy back at Privet Drive?” Professor McGonagall asked Dumbledore.

“Unfortunately not, Minerva.” Dumbledore sighed a bit.

“Well, we have to do something about this!” She told him sternly.

“Not to worry, Minerva. I’ll be sending our top man to take care of this.” Dumbledore assured her.

“You don’t mean…?” McGonagall asked in shock.

“Yes. Our top. Man…” Dumbledore replied ominously.

Meanwhile in a Hut Bordering the Forbidden Forest

As this was going on, a veritable mountain of a man with a long, shaggy beard in a truly massive coat was inside the hut. He had his window open and, outside, was a truly enormous, three-headed dog. He smiled and cooed as he pet the gigantic beast on one of its monstrously huge heads, scratching it behind its ear.

“Who’re good boys!? Oh, who's a good three-headed dog!? You are, Fluffy! That’s right, you are!” The man called out as he scratched the back of Fluffy’s ear.

The middle head, the one getting its ear scratched, growled happily and licked Hagrid. It was at that moment that his fireplace glowed brightly, flashing between red and bright green. Soon, Hagrid stopped scratching the back of his massive dog’s ear as he looked ominously at the fireplace.

“I must go, Fluffy. I have been summoned…” Hagrid said seriously as Fluffy threw his three heads up into the sky and howled. “To the Hagrid-mobile!”

Later: Morning Near the Burrow.

“Ron, despite the fact your family has a flying car, this is the slowest trip I’ve ever been on. Are we there yet?” Harry said annoyedly.

Before Ron could say anything, he saw George with a smile on his face. A wonderful smile. An awful smile. He had a wonderfully awful smile.

“Attention, passengers. I got good news and bad news. The good news is we are about to land.” George said in a voice imitating what he thought a Muggle pilot would say.

“About time.” Harry said in relief.

“The bad news is. It's a crash landing.” George said, before taking his hands off the wheel and his feet off the pedals.

As soon as he did this, the car plummeted from the sky. Ron and Harry both screamed in terror as Mafalda and Fred laughed like mad people. Soon, when they got close to the ground, George quickly hit the gas again while gripping the wheel and turning. Just before they hit the ground, the car started back up and sped back into flight. Soon the car then touched the landing strip near the garage, and with a sudden application of the breaks, they finally stopped.

“Okay… after nearly dying… we finally made it.” Ron said, trying to see the bright side.

“Never… do that… again…!” Harry said through fearful pants.

“That was fun.” Mafalda said with a smile.

“Of course you’d say that.” Harry snapped.

“Right. Now then. All we need to do is sneak inside before they all realize that we were gone.” Ron whispered as he slowly began to open the door to the car.

Slowly the five sneaked into the house, slowly and quietly opening the door. Gently shutting it behind them, they all smiled at each other.

“I think we’re in the clear…” The twins said with equally identical grins.

“WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN!?” The voice of the Weasley matriarch screeched out in fury as Percy, Arthur, and Ginny came down having heard the head of the house.

“Oh bollocks…” George and Fred muttered in unison.

Molly was about to continue yelling, until she saw Harry among them. Fast enough to give them all whiplash, she changed her tone and demeanor.

“Oh! Hello, Harry.” Molly said in surprise, but equally not unpleasantly.

“Hello, Mrs. Weasley.” Harry answered, a hint sheepishly.

“Allow me to introduce you to the rest of my family. You already know Percy,” Molly told him, motioning to Percy, who simply nodded his head in greeting. “This is my husband Arthur,” she motioned to Arthur, who gave him an excited smile and waved to him.

“It's a pleasure Mr. Weasely.” Harry said, though he noticed Arthur was more focused on the car.

“What did you boy’s bloody do to my car?” Arthur said, rushing over to look at the car all over.

“Noooooothiiiiing…” The twins said, looking back out of the corner of their eyes suspiciously.

“They nearly gave me and Harry bloody heart attacks is what they did!” Ron snapped out, glaring at his brothers.

“Worry about the car later, Arthur.” Molly sternly told her husband.

“Yes, Molly…” Arthur replied, quickly shutting up.

Turning back to Harry, Molly gave a smile as she motioned to her daughter. “And last, but most certainly not least, this is our dear Ginny.” She told him as Ginny shyly waved at Harry.

“Nice to meet you, Ginny.” Harry replied with an awkward smile.

“Percy, do you mind showing Harry to one of the guest rooms?” Molly said, giving her son a look that told him not to argue with her.

“Right. This way, Harry.” Percy said, with Harry grabbing his luggage to follow him.

Ginny, in a sort of daze, followed the two upstairs. All while the sound of Molly yelling at and lecturing the boys downstairs could be heard.

“HOW DARE YOU FOUR STEAL THAT CAR! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING!? WERE YOU EVEN THINKING AT ALL!? YOU COULD”VE DIED OR BEEN SEEN!” Molly’s voice screeched out at the boys and Mafalda like some sort of enraged, demonic bat.

Uzumaki_Ricky: For thousands of years, we lay dormant! Who has disturbed our… Oh, hello everyone. How’ve you been? We hope you enjoyed the chapter because we most certainly enjoyed writing it. This one was especially fun.

Sharad: Due to unforeseen circumstances, we will only be getting one chapter this month.

MHG: One may wonder how the hell the car survived that. The car survived the scrap yard after a tree smacked it, so this is the least of its concerns. Regardless, after having to pull more than a few British-isms out of the old filing cabinet in my head, it was a fun chapter. With many more to come.

Chapter Text

Night again befell the land of merry old England, embracing it in all its horrible woes. Even Wizarding kind has failed to conquer the night's most daunting foes. Indeed inside the Weasely burrow, all but one member of the expansive family was enjoying the night's most fruitful aspect. Sleep. That one expectation however was poor little Ginny Weasely, who tossed and turned as if she had been afflicted by itching powder. However, inside the confines of her mind… she wished that was only what was afflicting her.

Ginny found herself walking through the long, dark, foreboding halls of a castle’s great hall. Long, almost intimidatingly large tables lined with shadowy students in Hogwarts robes of varying sizes turned to look at her as they began whispering. As she listened closely, she could pick out what they were saying.

“Look… it’s the girl Weasley…” One of them sneered.

“I heard her oldest brother was a Gryffindor Prefect and Head Boy…” Another one sneered.

“I heard her second oldest was captain of the Gryffindor Quidditch team and one of the best players in his year.” Another whispered.

“And her oldest brother currently here, Percy, is one of the current Prefects of Gryffindor…” Another hushed whisper spoke out.

“Let’s not forget the twins, who are two of the most coordinated Beaters the Gryffindor Quidditch team has ever seen…” Someone sneered at her.

“And her last brother, Ron, is supposedly the Best Wizard Chess player this school has ever seen along with being one of the heroes who won us the House Cup last year…” Someone from the Gryffindor table whispered.

“What can she bring to the Weasley Family legacy?” One of them asked.

“Yeah. It’s not like she has any real talent of her own.” Someone sneered.

“She’s just the girl of the siblings. The baby of the family riding on her brothers’ coat tails.” Someone else sneered.

Ginny felt herself shrink more and more in on herself with each snide comment as she passed by. By the time she reached the Sorting Hat, a tattered old wizard’s hat supposedly enchanted by Godric Gryffindor himself, she was afraid to actually sit down and have it put on her head. Gulping, she sat in the chair as the Hat was plopped down on her head.

“SLYTHERIN!” The Hat roared out.

The hall was silent for a moment. But only for a moment. Soon, snickers began to be heard amongst the hushed crowd. Those snickers began getting louder and louder until the entire hall was roaring with laughter. Laughter at her, the only Weasley in her family’s history to not be in Gryffindor. Soon, Mafalda’s voice spoke up as she turned to look at her cousin.

“Tough luck, cousin!” Mafalda sneered before laughing with the others.

The cacophony of laughter was what broke Ginny from the realm of sleep to the realm of the living. Bolting up, she felt as if she was about to jump through the ceiling into the attic. Her heart pounding, cold sweat pouring down her like a tea kettle, and breathing heavily. Placing her heart on her chest, she looked at the slow ticking clock by her bedside. Realizing it was still in the dead of night, she frustratingly laid back on her bed, not bothering with them. She just had to try, and hope she could get some sleep.

Later: Near breakfast time

“Mrs. Weasely, it's alright. I just want to help.” Came Harry’s voice from the kitchen as Ginny very tiredly dragged herself down the stairs.

“Nonsense, Harry dear. You are a guest in this house. I always place a spell on the dishes to make them wash and put themselves away after everyone is done. Honestly, you’ve been pushing for this for the last five days.” The voice of the Weasley patriarch told The-Boy-Who-Lived.

“My Aunt always had me do dishes after meals, so I guess I’m just used to it now.” Harry said with a shrug of his shoulders.

“Well you don’t have to do that here. You’re a guest in our home, Harry. Now go wash up and I’ll have something put together for you once you get back.” Molly told him.

Knowing when he’s beat on stubbornness, Harry gave a nod and left the kitchen. However no sooner had he exited the room, he ran into something. With a tumbling and a shake of his head, he then looked to see what he ran into. To his surprise, opposite of him was Ginny Weasely.

“Oh, I’m sorry, Ginny. I didn’t see you there.” Harry said as he straightened his glasses before dusting himself off. Soon, he then outstretched his hand to pull her up.

“I-It’s alright, Harry…” Ginny nervously but tiredly told him, accepting his offered hand.

With a simple pull, he had her up on her feet faster than expected. “Are you alright, Ginny? You look like you didn’t sleep at all last night.” Harry asked with concern in his voice, which got Ginny to clam up visibly.

“I’ll be fine. Just need to get some food and tea into me to start the morning…” Ginny replied, trying to change the subject.

“Alright. See you at breakfast.” Harry said, respecting her privacy and heading off to go wash up.

With the threat to her blood pressure having been dealt with, Ginny then headed into the kitchen. Molly soon then noticed her daughter's tiredness and soon whipped up a cup of builders tea for her daughter. She then set it down, and Ginny didn’t even notice.

“Ginny, dear. Did you even sleep last night? You look horrid this morning.” Molly said with all the concern of a mother hen.

Ginny yawned tiredly. “I didn’t sleep well last night, mum. But I’ll be fine after I eat and have tea.” She told her mother.

“Well, don’t be afraid to ask for more cups of tea, dear. I made plenty. I heard from Ron that Harry loves tea.” Molly said as she then went back to cooking breakfast.

Ginny nodded. “Yes, mum…” She replied as she grabbed her cup with both hands and began sipping quietly.

As the early morning dragged on, and to be frank the Weaselys were never the swiftest in the morning. Harry, however, was making himself busy. When Ron finally waddled his way into the living room, he saw Harry hard at work sweeping the floor. Which, pun intended, floored Ron at his friend’s early morning antics.

“Morning, Ron.” Harry said with a smile to his best friend.

“Harry, you don’t need to sweep the floors. We’ll handle any and all cleaning later after breakfast.” Ron told his best friend, becoming concerned because Harry was doing it again.

“You will? Huh… back home I always had to do it before.” Harry said with a confused shrug.

“Harry. You are a guest. Go get washed up and then head to the table to relax.” Ron exasperatedly told his friend.

“I already washed up. I was just passing the time.” Harry said, which further frustrated his ginger friend.

“Then go find a book to read or something. Just try to relax.” Ron sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

Harry nodded and put away the broom and dustpan before washing hands again just to be safe. Afterwards he sat down and laid back. Everything was different here… and he wasn’t entirely sure how to handle it. He felt like he should be doing something. Anything. It was at that point Harry noticed one of the moving pictures, one of a valiant knight astride his steed in a stunning landscape, was off kilter just a smidge. Harry then got up from the couch and tried to ever so carefully fix it, which finally had the twins, who just entered the room, take action.

“Harry, you’re a guest…” Fred told him in a deadpan.

“You don’t have to clean or fix anything while you’re here.” George finished for his twin.

“Sorry, I just noticed it was off kilter.” Harry said as he finished.

“Harry. Go and relax until everyone’s here for breakfast.” The twins told him in deadpan stereo.

With that, Harry sighed and nodded and headed off. The twins shook their heads at the boy's antics.

“Blimy George. What has that horrid Muggle household done to him?” Fred asked his twin.

“I don’t know, Fred. But we need to work on undoing it.” George told his twin brother.

“Shame they’re in the Muggle world. We could try those dragon-powder firecrackers in their shorts.” Fred giggled devilishly.

George smirked at his twin. “Who says we can’t sneak over at night and do it while they’re asleep…?” He snickered.

At that the grandfather clock chimed, as if giving them an ominous warning. With a sigh, knowing the damnable clockwork contraption would snitch on them, they also headed into the kitchen for breakfast. Within the next few minutes, the rest of the gargantuan family was finally seated and Molly got to work putting food out. However, everyone but their guest was seated.

“Where’s Harry?” Ginny asked, confused.

“I gave up at this point. Ginny, you track him down.” Ron said with a groan.

With a nod and a sigh, Ginny got up to do it in place of her lazy brother. To her shock, and soon disappointment, it didn’t take her long to find him. She found him hard at work scrubbing the loo in one of the bathrooms. And he didn’t even notice her open the bathroom door.

Sighing, Ginny pinched the bridge of her nose. “Harry? What are you doing…?” She exasperatedly asked him.

“What does it look like?” Harry asked as he kept up his work.

“Harry, I say this because I care. You. Are. A. Guest. You don’t need to clean. Now get up, put away the cleaning supplies, and come have some breakfast before I drag you to the table.” Ginny told him, a bit annoyed.

“I fail to see how you could do that.” Harry said, as if almost daring her.

Inside the mind of the normally eternally kind Ginny Weasely, something snapped. Her fingers gripped Harry's right ear lobe faster than a Leviosa charm can send an apple to the ceiling. The sharp turning pain was immediate as Ginny used it to force him along.

“Ow! Ow! GInny, that’s my ear!” Harry said, dropping the cleaning supplies in pain.

“If you're going to be as stubborn as a troll, then you’re going to get treated like one.” Ginny huffed as she dragged the poor boy along.

The rest of the family was certainly shocked at the sight that they were presented with. Ginny practically threw the poor boy into his chair after pulling it out for him. As Harry sat and rubbed his ear, Ginny soon heard from her mother about it.

“Ginny, what are you doing!? Harry is our guest!” Molly chided her only daughter.

“Mum, he’s been cleaning all morning. If he’s going to be more stubborn than a graphorn-riding troll, then he’s got to be treated like one to get the point.” Ginny huffed before sitting down, conveniently across from the bolt-scarred boy.

Ron sighed. “Don’t be too hard on him, Gin. He was like this in our first year, too.” He told his baby sister.

“Ronny Boy, you haven’t been holding out a good story on us, have you?” George asked, immediately perking up from his half-soggy eggs from that.

“Ronald, don’t you dare!” Harry told his best friend.

“Do it, Ron. Or we’ll put a bullfrog in with your house scarf.” Fred threatened, and Ron was torn.

Finally, after a minute, he looked at his best friend. “Sorry, Harry, but Fred isn’t bluffing. I don’t want to deal with Malfoy making fun of me for smelling like an amphibian.” He told Harry.

“Ron. You are a traitor.” Harry said with disappointment in his voice.

“I’ll make it up to you later.” Ron told his bolt-scarred best friend.

As Harry sank back into his chair with embarrassment in his voice, Ron began. “It all started back at the start of the school year…” Ron started.

Last Year: Roughly First Week of Hogwarts Curriculum

Ron, who was busy stuffing his face at breakfast, turned to see that Harry wasn’t with him. Turning to Neville Longbottom, he swallowed a mouthful of chewed food. “Neville, where’s Harry? I thought he was right behind me.” He asked their roommate.

“He stopped and turned back into the room, Ron.” Neville told him, sounding a bit worried.

Ron sighed and got up. “Make sure no one touches my food, Neville. I’ll be right back.” He told his friend.

“Sure, Ron.” Neville told Ron as the Weasley boy headed back to their room.

Ron made his way swiftly through the halls of Hogwarts, not running, for then he’d get in trouble. Once making it back to the dorms, he heard the sound of movement coming from their room. The door suspiciously was left a crack open. Ron then kicked open the door, startling Harry and making him fall over.

“Harry, it's breakfast time. What are you still doing in here?” Ron asked confusedly as he pulled his friend to his feet.

“Just making the beds.” Harry replied, going back to fixing the beds.

“... What?” Ron said in an utterly flummoxed tone.

“Everyone left their beds unmade, so I figured I’d take care of it.” Harry explained, trying to get a wrinkle out of the blanket of one of the four-poster beds.

“What? Harry, you do realize that the house elves do that right?” Ron asked him.

“... What’s a house elf?” Harry asked in confusion.

Ron sighed, then grabbed him by his robes and began pulling. “I’ll explain on the way to breakfast. Now come on.” Ron said as he pulled his friend out of the dorms.

“But Ron, I need to-” Harry began to protest before he was interrupted.

“No buts except yours sitting down and eating with the rest of us.” Ron replied back to his best friend.

End of Flashback
The room was filled with the wild hyena cackling of Fred and George at that, further embarrassing Harry. The other snickered or tried to hold it in as Molly was starting to get a very stern look on her face. However, it wasn’t the matriarch of the Weasley family who acted against them first…

“Ginevra. We are not cave wizards and witches. We do not put our elbows in the butter.” Percy sighed and told his little sister.

“What?” Ginny asked, confused at what her brother was saying.

Looking down, Ginny saw her elbow in the butter, the creamy dairy product staining the elbow of her shirt. Blushing red, Ginny immediately grabbed the butter and threw it at Percy’s face. Laughing, the twins immediately capitalized on the situation.

“FOOD FIGHT!” THe twins roared out, flinging their breakfast at Ron and Arthur.

Immediately, the situation devolved into mayhem as eggs, butter, sausage, and all other manners of things went flying across the kitchen. All while an outraged Molly tried to get back control of the situation.

“Not in front of Harry! Do you want him all to think we’re savages!” The Weasley matriarch called out, whipping out her wand only for it to be knocked from her hand by a stick of butter of all things.

“Mum, we've done worse at Hogwarts!” Ron said, throwing a tomato into the side of George’s face.

“Excuse me!?” Molly called out indignantly.

“I shouldn’t have told you that…” Ron replied, getting a sunny side up egg to the face.

“Watch yourself, Ronald! Have at thee, yee demons Fred and George!” Arthur called out, lifted up two pieces of buttered toast and flinging them at the twins.

Ginny’s face went bright red at her family’s behavior as she looked across at Harry. He gave a small smirk at the sight, which immediately had Ginny up and running. She soon rushed out of the kitchen to go clean up and changed. Harry, sensing something is wrong with her, rolls down below the table. Then he began to crawl below the table to escape the pureblood warzone.

He stopped briefly, reaching up and catching a piece of buttered and marmalade toast, and snacking on it as he crawled further. Once he reached the end of the table, and finished the toast, he made a break for it, just barely avoiding a mushroom having been curveballed by Mafalda. Once he was free from the kitchen he then walked after Ginny.

“I wonder what's gotten into her?” Harry muttered to himself as he began his way deeper into the house.

Sharad: Welcome to chaos. We have Weasleys.

MHG: Right so as someone who is slowly getting back into the franchise because of this, I honestly forgot how insane the Weaselys can be. Frankly, I love them. Anyways, don’t worry, no frogs were harmed in the making of this. Our Patronus Charms have ensured that.

Ricky: I loved writing this chapter. The nightmare was a bit of a challenge, but the rest of it was fun. I hope you all enjoyed it

Chapter Text

“Wonder where she ran off too…” Harry said, looking around the Burrow for Ginny while walking past the family rat, not noticing the strange look it was giving him.

He didn’t have to go far to find her. Inside her room, he found the Weasley girl scrubbing furiously with a washcloth. Yet, try as she might, no matter how much she scrubbed, it seemed never enough. So distracted by the slippery dairy condiment was she that Harry had to walk in the doorway and knock on the door to get her to notice. When she did, she nearly jumped out of her own skin.

“H-H-Harry!? What are you doing here!? Oh, by the Muggle queen, this is all going wrong!” Ginny squealed in a panic, forcing Harry to put a hand on her shoulder.

“I know how to get butter off. I had to deal with situations like this all the time because of my cousin Dudley.” He told her.

“Y-You do?” Ginny asked in shock, trembling a bit to the touch.

“First, you’ll need to get that shirt off so that we can get it off your elbow.” Harry told her.

This hit Ginny as if the car was slammed into her. Her face went redder than a cherry, and if steam could shoot out of one's head, though there was a charm for that, it would. This immediately caught Harry’s attention, and after thinking for a few seconds, he realized just how catastrophically he worded that.

Blushing as red as Ginny was, Harry turned and looked away. “I-I didn’t mean like that! H-honestly, I didn’t! I-I’ll look away and tell you what to do with my back turned!” He stammered out.

With the boy having mercifully given her some dignity, Ginny rapidly changed. Yet, even as she put on a new shirt, it was… surreal. And she hoped to everything holy that none of her family walked in on them. Once she finally had her shirt on, she finally spoke up.

“O-Okay… I’m changed.” Ginny said, putting her twiddling hands behind her in nervousness.

Turning to look, Harry took a deep breath. “O-okay. F-First, we need to blot or scrape off any excess butter and rub dish soap gently into the fabric.” He told her.

Ginny eased her eyebrow a bit. “How do you know that?” She asked.

“Dudley… had a tendency to smush my face into the butter at breakfast when we were younger.” The-Boy-Who-Left admitted.

“Is that the fat one or the dumb one?” Ginny asked, before she covered her mouth, realizing what she said.

“... You’re gonna have to be a little more specific than that.” Harry told her.

“I-I’m sorry… I shouldn’t have opened my mouth.” She nervously said, turning her head away.

“I’m not offended. Both of my cousins are stupid. Do you mean the one I like or the one I tolerate?” Harry replied, genuinely confused.

“You like one of your family?” Ginny asked, surprised considering what Ron has told her about his family.

“Sure. Damien’s never done anything to me. In fact, he always seemed to like me more than his own brother. Which may be part of why Dudley doesn’t like me, now that I think about it…” Harry admitted nonchalantly.

“Then why didn’t you tell Ron about him? He was ranting and raving about how horrid your family was and why he and the twins went off to go get you.” She explained, which got a further confusing response from Potter.

“I did. He just didn’t pay attention because of how bad the others are.” He replied in a deadpan tone.

“Typical Ron. Two brain cells fighting for fourth place.” Ginny said with a sigh.

“What happened to third place?” Harry asked in confusion.

“They killed him and ate him over tea.” Ginny answered in her own deadpan tone.

Harry chuckled. “Good one. Now let’s get started. I’ll grab some soap, you grab something to blot or scrape the excess butter off.” He told her.

“Why don’t we go get dish soap from the kitchen?” Ginny asked, raising her eyebrow.

Harry gave her a deadpan look. “Ginny… do you want me to die?” He asked her.

“Oh, they're not that bad… oh god, it would be that bad…” Ginny said, before looking away in horror after thinking about it.

“Exactly. Now start looking for something to scrape or blot off the excess butter while I find the soap.” Harry told her.

“I think I got a razor in here somewhere…” Ginny said before rummaging through her toiletries.

As she began throwing things out of what appeared to be an impossibly deep bag, Harry was simply astonished. Never before had he seen, even at Hogwarts, a bag this deep. And with the sheer amount of things she was pulling out, he swore she had more things in there than his family did back home. However, as soon as Ginny found the razor, she turned to find Harry awkwardly staring at her, which immediately got her face blushing deep red again.

“How did you fit all of that in there?” Harry asked in disbelief.

“Um… enchanted holding bag…” Ginny nervously said, though thankful he wasn’t staring at her for… other reasons.

Harry grinned a bit. “I love magic.” He said as he went to the bathroom to search for soap.

Ginny sighed and put the razor next to the bed. Why, of all things, did her family have to fight and leave her alone with Harry. Not to say she was complaining too hard… but she wasn’t ready for this. As Harry rounded the corner back into the room, he saw Ginny yawning very loudly, as if she had been possessed by a lion.

“Tired, Ginny?” Harry asked, a bit worried.

“I just… didn’t get my builder’s tea this morning…” Ginny nervously said, trying to brush off his concern.

“If something’s wrong, you can tell me. Maybe I can help.” He offered.

“It's nothing, just… I had a nightmare last night.” Ginny said, nervously letting out the truth before looking away.

“I know a thing or two about that. Getting sleep when having those is… almost impossible…” Harry nervously admitted.

This surprised the redhead greatly. “Y-You get nightmares too?” Ginny asked in shock.

Harry nodded. “Hermione, Ron, and I… went through a lot last year…” He reluctantly admitted.

“Ron told us a lot about it. I… I have a feeling he didn’t tell everything about what happened.” Ginny said, causing Harry to sigh at hearing that.

“How much did he tell you all…?” He asked, dreading the answer.

Ginny then began to tell him. As she rattled on and on, Harry’s heart sank further and further into the pit of his stomach. It took Ginny nearly ten whole minutes to finish explaining, and by the end of it, Harry looked about as pale as a ghost, impressive considering his usual complexion.

“Um… Harry… are you okay?” Ginny asked, noticing his change in complexion and his nervous aura leaking off him.

Harry sighed. “Damn it, Ron…” He muttered.

“Did he say something he wasn’t supposed to? That's not surprising but…” Ginny said before she was cut off by Harry.

“No… but that means I’ll have to explain more to give you the full context about my nightmares…” He told her.

Granger Household

“Dang it, dang it, dang it…” Hermione grumbled as she stressed about her room, all under the ever observant eye of her little sister.

“What’s wrong, Hermy?” Alice asked her older sister.

“Call me that one more time and I'll put a frog in your throat.” Hermione scolded, not in the mood with the news she had just received.

“That bad, sis?” Alice asked her.

“Do you realize how late it is in the season to get you ready for Hogwarts!? That delivery owl is almost as bad as Ron’s!” Hermione snapped as she started collecting leftover supplies and making a list.

Alice rolled her eyes. “Relax, sis. Don’t get your knickers in a bunch.” She said, trying to calm the older Granger girl down.

“I’ll put yours in a bunch if you keep up this back talk. We are going to have to get you to Diagon Alley asap!” Hermione screeched as she frantically wrote down supplies.

“Hermione. Take a deep breath and calm down. Getting stressed and freaking out won’t solve anything.” Alice said, trying to calm down her big sister.

Hermione sighed deeply and ran her fingers through her bushy hair. Despite how annoying and energetic her little sister could be, she did at least have some level of wisdom. Even if not much intelligence. Composing herself, the soon-to-be second year turned on her heels to face her.

“Right. I’ll get a list made and we will work to get you properly set up for your first year. I refuse to let my baby sister go to Hogwarts unprepared.” She said sternly, but confidently.

Alice smiled at her big sis at that. “Love you too, Hermy-Wormy.” She told her, hugging her sister.

“You get away with that one just this once.” Her big sister said, wagging a finger against her. “But you keep that between the two of us, got it. Especially if we are in the same house.”

Alice grinned. “Understood, sis. “She replied, saluting her sister with a twinkle in her eye.

“You need to be prepared. It's not as simple as saying some funny words or waving a stick about. Magic is serious business that can alter people's lives. And don’t correct people unless you ask if they need help. That’s an easy way to get off on the wrong foot with someone.” Hermione explained to her sister, trying to impart her wisdom as a soon-to-be second year onto her sister.

“... You corrected one of your friends without asking if they needed help, didn’t you?” Alice asked her playfully.

“We are getting off topic.” Hermione simply said, going back to writing things down.

“So yes, then…?” Alice teasingly asked.

“What would you want as a wizard pet?” Hermione asked, ignoring the question outright.

“I’m just gonna wing it and see what I feel like when I get there.” Alice explained.

“You and Ron will get on like a house on fire.” Hermione grumbled. “Right, I think I got everything on the list. Once we have a free day, we will head out and get all your things in one go.”

“Right behind you, Hermy.” Alice told her as the two sisters headed out the door to meet with their parents.

Back at the Burrow

“You're serious? You didn’t get eaten by Fluffy? I always heard he was the meanest guard dog around.” Ginny said, now talking to Harry while sitting on the bed, the shirt long having been cleaned.

“Oh, he was. But, if you play a little music, he apparently falls right asleep. I guess music really does soothe the savage beast…” Harry explained.

“It makes you wonder just how good Hagrid is. It's like he could tame anything.” Ginny said, her words tinged with amazement.

Harry smiled. “I’d believe it. But don’t tell him that or he might actually try it.” He playfully told her.

“And he brought you to Hogwarts?” Ginny asked curiously.

“Yes, he did. And I’m happy he did because I wouldn’t have known what to do in Diagon Alley without him. Hagrid even got me Hedwig as a present.” Harry told her, recalling with joy his trip with the gentle giant.

“Do you have any plans for this second year?” Ginny asked him, which caused Harry to scratch his head a bit.

“Not really. I just want to go through my classes, play Quidditch, and not have to worry about potentially almost dying. Again.” Harry admitted.

“Well, you were taken here by my family, so anything is possible this year I guess already.” Ginny said with a shrug.

“Please don’t jinx it. I want my second year to be at least somewhat normal.” Harry replied with a sigh.

“‘Normal’ is a relative term in the wizarding world, Harry. At least, compared to the one you're from.” Ginny warned the scarred boy.

Harry shrugged. “Fair enough. So what do you have planned for your first year?” He asked her.

“Not letting my brother embarrass me.” Ginny flatly said, as if looking at Ron directly through the walls as she said that.

“I’ve never had siblings, so I don’t know what that’s like.” Harry admitted.

“Take some of mine. They’re on sale and I have plenty to spare.” Ginny said, to which Harry couldn’t tell if she was joking or not.

“Ginny! Harry! It’s safe to come down now, the food fight is finally over! Isn’t that right, boys!?” The distinctive voice of Mrs. Weasley rang through the massive house.

“Yes, dear/mum…!” Arthur and the boys’ voices all rang out sheepishly in unison.

“We are coming, Mum!” Ginny called back to cover for them. “We should probably get back down there.”

“Be careful. Someone might be using a spell to mimic your mum’s voice to lure us back down in a false sense of security.” Harry cautiously told her.

“If they tried, my mum would chew them up and make a casserole out of them. Now come on.” Ginny said before springing to her feet.

“Right behind you.” Harry replied, following behind the fiery redhead with little to no fear at all in his step.

Sharad: Welcome back to insanity.

MHG: Writing Ginny was to me one of the more interesting times I’ve had in a while. Considering how she can be so timid yet also so fiery. However, it is always fun to write opposite Ricky, and writing characters in this world is really growing on me. Tune in next time for more Ministry sponsored madness. Who am I kidding, the Ministry wouldn’t fund us.

Ricky: It’s always fun having MHG bounce off writing characters with me and writing Potter is always a good time. Hope you all enjoyed the chapter. Next time, things are gonna get crazy again.

Chapter Text

“What is your favorite magical creature?” Harry asked Ginny, cocking his head to the side a bit curiously.

“Pygmy puffs. They’re so small and cute and I love them for it.” Ginny told him with a smile.

“Alright. Your turn for a question then.” Harry answered with a nod of his head.

“Same question to you. What’s your favorite magical creature based on your time at Hogwarts?” Ginny asked.

“I like owls. They’re intelligent, dependable… Well, my owl is, anyway. I’m concerned for your family’s owl, honestly.” Harry answered, biting his tongue at remembering the… unfortunate amount of times the Weasely’s owl nearly bashed its brain in on his window.

Ginny giggled at that. “Owls aren’t magical creatures. They’re just birds. Well trained birds, but still birds.” She explained to him.

This made Harry pause for a moment. “Centaurs then. One saved me last year. Story for another time.” Harry said, trying to brush potential concern aside.

Ginny nodded. “Fair enough. Your turn.” She told him.

“What's it like having siblings?” Harry asked.

“I love them, but they’re so annoying sometimes! Sometimes, I wonder if I’m the only one of my siblings who was born with a brain!” Ginny groaned, but with a small smile.

“What about that… What was his name again, Prissy?” Harry asked, though kicking himself for blanking on the name.

Ginny cracked up laughing at that. “Prissy! That’s a good one!” She giggled uncontrollably.

“Wait, that's his name?” Harry asked, a hint surprised.

“Wait… you’re not making fun of him?” Ginny asked, stifling her giggles.

“Should I?” Harry asked curiously.

Ginny began roaring with laughter at that, struggling to not collapse to the floor. “Oh, dear lord! That’s even better! I am definitely going to call him ‘Prissy Percy’ from now on!” She cried out before falling back on her bed.

“Are you okay? Should I be concerned?” Harry asked, looking down at her.

“Prissy fits him so perfectly that I just can’t help but laugh! I think I’m gonna pee!” Ginny roared out with laughter.

“Please don’t do that. You’ll run out of clothes at this rate.” Harry said with a sigh.

Once Ginny finally got her giggle fit under control, she smiled and looked at him. “Next one for you. How did you learn you had magic?” She asked him, trying to keep from bursting into laughter again.

Harry was left a bit surprised she asked that one. “Well, it was at the zoo. We all went to the reptile house and there was a python. The rest of them went on and I was just there talking with it. Then it responded to me and left its enclosure before it slithered off. It scared the folks so bad Dudley and his stupid friend jumped into another snake enclosure. It was quite funny.” Harry explained, which caught Ginny off guard.

Ginny had to visibly hold herself back as she mentally pictured that scene. “You trapped them in a reptile house enclosure…?” She asked, snickering.

“Technically, it was the snake that did that. Though I got blamed for it regardless.” Harry replied.

It was at that moment that Ginny lost it. She broke into a fit of laughter as she slapped her hand on the bed, trying to keep herself under control. “You…! Trapped them…! In a snake enclosure…!” She roared with laughter as she tried to get herself under control.

Harry gulped a bit watching her laugh her head off. “Are you okay?” Harry asked concernedly.

Ginny just laughed even harder as she rolled off the bed to the floor with a loud thud, trying desperately to get her giggle fit under control. “By the Muggle queen, that is hilarious!” She let out, struggling to breathe.

“I think I broke her…” Harry said nervously, rubbing the back of his neck, wondering what to do.

“Dear, I think it came from upstairs.” Came the voice of Arthur Weasely from downstairs.

“Don’t worry, mum, dad! Harry was just telling me a hilarious story!” GInny called out, trying to get her laughter under control.

“You two get down here! Your food is getting cold!” Molly yelled from downstairs. “Or so help me by Griffindor’s Ghost, don’t make me come up there!”

“Coming, mum…!” Ginny giggled as she got back up.

With that, the two rushed back down. The entire family was sitting back at the table when they arrived. Though the stern visage of Molly brandishing a wooden spoon likely contributed to that. The spread before them looked somehow even better than before. Soon ushered back to their seats, the family restarted the breakfast experience. Slowly but surely, they began talking again, as if the food fight had never happened.

“Well, you two were up there for a while.” Ron said to Harry suspiciously before stuffing his mouth with toast.

“Just talking to get to know each other better after I got the butter off my shirt.” Ginny explained with a smile.

Ron raised his eyebrow at that. “Like what? Did he see you indecent?” Ron asked, jumping to conclusions that got both Ginny and Molly on him.

Ginny blushed and glared at him. “Of course not, Ron! Harry was a perfect gentleman!” She snapped at her brother.

“Ron, not at the table!” Molly yelled, brandishing the spoon like a weapon.

“So no blackmail material? Aw crud!” Mafalda said shaking her head

“Mum, you're the one that wanted me to always protect my sister!” Ron yelled at his mother.

“Protect her, not jump to conclusions about your best friend!” Molly snapped back, pointing the spoon in Ron’s face threateningly.

“The sad part is that I’m used to people accusing me of things.” Harry sighed with a shrug.

“I don't know how to respond to that.” Mafalda said, breaking the silence caused by Harry's statement.

“We don’t know how to talk to him when he says things like that…” The twins said in stereo.

“You're not the first.” Harry said to try to comfort them.

“... By the sounds of it, we won’t be the last.” Ron said sympathetically to his best friend.

“Probably not. But that's a problem for Future Harry.” Harry said before biting into an apple.

“Alright, let's all try not to let our guest get the whole mood down.” Percy said, trying to move the conversation along. Only for Ginny to ruin what little good he was attempting.

“Not his fault, Prissy.” Ginny told her older brother with a grin, causing the rest of the men in her family to nearly choke on their food in laughter.

“What did you just call me?” Percy asked in an oh so offended tone.

Ginny giggles. “Prissy. It’s what you are, after all.” She said with a smirk, giggling as she took a bite of her own breakfast.

“Are you making fun of me?” Percy asked, his temper beginning to rise.

“I doubt you’d know if it bit you in your rear.” Ginny answered with a smile, causing veins to pop on Percy’s head.

“You gonna take that, Percy? What do you think, George?” Fred asked, looking between the two male Weaselys expecting an answer.

“I am not prissy. What about me is prissy?” Percy asked, offended.

“If the robes fit, wear ‘em, Prissy.” Ginny sassed her brother.

This caught the family off guard, so bad Arthur snorted into his tea. The twins laughed so hard that they shot hot tea from their noses, leaving them screaming in pain from the boiling hot tea coming out their nostrils. Molly rose from the table to scold them, however she was cut off by other members of the family before she got the chance.

“Okay, now I see the family resemblance! You are definitely my cousin, Ginny-Winny!” Mafalda cackled like a hyena.

Harry smirked and chuckled. “Ginny-Winny?” He asked her, trying to not laugh at the girl’s expense.

“Mafalda, stop embarrassing me!” Ginny wailed, turning to look at her cousin furiously.

“NEVER! TOO FUN!” Mafalda shouts out loud.

“This burns so much…!” George screamed out while still laughing.

“But it’s worth it! I’ve never been so proud of little Ginny…!” Fred screamed with pain and laughter as well, finishing his brother’s sentence.

“Can you all stop!?” Ginny yelled, exasperated by her family’s insanity.

“Pass the Jam, please… Prissy…” George asked his older brother, getting his giggling under control as he tried to cool down his nostrils.

“I think you mean ‘Prissy, please’.” Ron said with a smirk, which got Harry chuckling from his friend's joke.

Percy glared at the spectacled boy at that. “I blame you for this…” He said, passing George the jam.

“What did I do?” Harry asked confusedly.

“I don’t know, but I know you had something to do with this…” Percy grumbled as he buttered his toast.

“Alright. We all had our fun for the morning.” Molly growled at the lot of them.

“Yes, we’ve all had our fun. Especially at Prissy’s expense.” Fred chortled.

“I will end you. And I’ll make it look like a bloody accident.” Percy growled at his brother.

“You’ll die trying, Priss!” Fred laughed out.

“Enough! Finish breakfast and clean up, you lot!” Molly roared, which finally brought the chaos to heel.

“Yes, ma’am!” The rest of the table barked back before working on eating.

Molly let out a sigh. “Thanks for the help, Arthur.” She said, turning to look at her chuckling husband.

“Oh come now, Molly. You have to admit that was funny.” Arthur told her with a grin.

“It would have been if there wasn’t a bloody food fight in my dining room.” Molly said before heading off to do dishes.

As each and everyone of the Weasley’s finished their breakfast, they added their dishes to the growing pile. Molly cast the cleaning charm upon the growing pile to get the process going. Percy walked past Harry as he walked to the sink, giving him a horrid look as he went. Harry knew that look well from his family. Percy wasn’t pleased with him. Once he was done, however, Potter got up and dropped his plates off, before joining Ginny in the living room.

“Your family is pretty funny, Ginny. I thought only Ron could be that funny.” Harry said to her with a warm smile as he sat down on the couch next to her.

“Believe it or not, Fred and George are the funny ones.” Ginny told him with a smile as she made some room for him.

“Though I think Percy doesn’t like me much.” Harry said with a sigh.

“He doesn’t like anyone that much. Even us. He’s always been a weird one, to be honest. And complaining, oh the complaining. Like how we aren’t rich and all that. Gets bloody awful after a while.” Ginny replied with a groan.

“It makes me regret not getting to know the twins more outside of Quidditch. They’re really funny.” Harry said with a smile.

“Don’t tell them that. They’d never shut up about it.” Ginny said with a sigh and a small smile.

“You love them, don’t you?” Harry asked.

“Of course I do. Families bicker and they fight, sure, but you don’t get to choose family. And it's really not that bad. I wouldn’t change them for the world.” Ginny said with a smile, leaning back on the couch.

Harry didn’t say anything further to that. It made him think back to the Dursleys. Damien he liked, but the other three… He figured it was like what Ginny said. He didn’t get to choose them, only figure out how to make it work. All this was broken when the distinct flash of a camera went off. This caused the two to jump slightly, to see Molly in the doorway to the kitchen with the moving picture forming.

“MOTHER!” Ginny yelled embarrassedly, her face turning as red as her hair.

“Oh come now, Ginny! How could I not capture such a precious moment for years to come?” Molly told her daughter with a smile.

“Give me that!” Ginny yelled before rushing off at her mother to get the photo, accidentally knocking Harry to the floor.

Harry couldn’t help but chuckle on the floor at the sight before him. Maybe Ron whisking him away from home wasn’t a terrible idea after all…

Ricky: Well, that was one hell of a fun chapter to write. Hope you all enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. I couldn’t stop laughing the whole time we wrote the “Prissy Percy” scene.

Sharad: I and mhg have nothing to say the chapter speaks volumes

Chapter Text

The Weasley household had remained in an eerie calm. However, Harry was about to learn that just because something is calm in the wizarding world, that merely means you're being set up for a big event. One morning, the entire family is woken up by the house beginning to shake. Rattled, they rush into the hall to immediately smell something most foul. Calling it like an ancient wizard's undergarments would be frankly too kind. All of this horrid, odious malignant stank was coming from, where else, the twins room. As Molly fumed, she soon bashed her clenched fist against the door.

“Fred and George Weasley!! Open this door this instant and clean up this most hideous stench right now!!!” She howled in fury, threatening to bash the damn door off its hinges.

“How can you be so sure it was us?” Fred asked mischievously.

“Who do you bloody think you are, the king of England!? Clean this up now or your buttocks will be wishing you had listened to me. It smells like an old pair of Merlin’s unwashed pants.” Molly roared.

“Our best work yet, eh Fred?” George said with pride a bit louder than he hoped.

“By all that is holy, what is that smell!? It smells worse than the bathroom after Aunt Marge uses it!” Harry cried out nasally, holding his nose.

“Fred and George’s stink prank. It's a Tuesday tradition.” Mafalda explained, crossing her arms as she watched the siege take hold.

“What smells like a landlocked, dead grindylow!?” Ron shouted nasally, holding his nose.

“Well, mum is going to kill them this time at this rate.” Ginny said, holding her nose as well.

“Good lord, they knocked Scabbers out with the stench again! He walked right into the stink zone!” Ron called out nasally, holding up the unconscious rat before laying him down and trying to do chest compressions on him with a finger before breathing air into his nose as the passed out rodent’s legs twitched.

“You have a dumb owl and a dumb rat. What's next, a dumb hellhound?” Mafalda groaned out.

“Please don’t tell me you’re thinking about getting one…” Harry groaned nasally.

“Who do I look like, Hagrid? I don’t have the beard for it.” Ron said, continuing to try and resuscitate his rat. “Come on, Scabbers! Live, buddy! Live!”

It was at that moment when Scabbers squeaked to life before making a run for it, trying desperately to escape the stink zone before he then passed out again, his legs twitching. Malfalda sighed, Ginny face palmed, and Percy got the broom and dustbin and swept up his unconscious form.

“This was our greatest accident ever, considering we were trying to make a knockout gas bomb.” Fred said laughing.

“Me thinks we used too much paprika” George comments mischievously.

“Oh, it’ll knock something out alright!” Harry called out nasally.

“Maybe try black pepper next time.” Ron offered

“Ronald, do not encourage them! Now where’s my bloody wand?! Arthur!? Where did you put my wand!?” Molly yelled back towards her husband.

“Check the bowl near the door, dear! And good lord, what is that bloody stench!? It smells like a dragon with diarrhea!” Arthur called out as he walked into the hallway, pinching his nose shut.

“Bloody hell…!” Molly groaned as she grabbed her wand before casting a charm.

Near instantly, the materials the boys used to make the stench, the stench itself, and any trace of it was gone. Everyone sighed as the twins wailed in mourning, lamenting the loss of their greatest masterpiece. Then, using an Unlocking Charm, Molly was able to swing open the door. Now the boys have nothing standing between her and them.

“Hello, mum…” George said nervously.

“Um… good morning? Please don’t kill us…” Fred added, equally as nervous.

“You two are going to be on trash duty for the next bloody week! Now get in the showers this instant!” Molly yelled at them, pointing to the washroom.

The twins ran to the washroom, fearing the wrath of the beastly woman known as mum.

Five Hours Later

After the early morning, everyone was finally up and at them fully. Breakfast was skipped, as no one really had an appetite. However, things soon became a bit more interesting as one of the things served at this larger than normal lunch was a Dragon’s Breath Tomato Soup and grilled cheese sandwiches. Harry however was confused by the name.

“Why are they called Dragon’s Breath Tomatoes?” Harry asked.

Before he got a chance, Ron took a big spoonful of it. His eyes widened like dinner plates, his face began to turn red, and then let out one of the most guttural, deepest belches he had ever heard. It rivaled that of Uncle Vernon’s after Christmas ham. Fire left the boy’s throat, nearly singeing the hairs off a ducking Fred’s eyebrows. Immediately Ron grabbed the milk carton out of his mother’s hand and began to chug the milk down, desperately trying to stave off the heat.

“I think I will just have the grilled cheese.” Harry said nervously.

Coughing and panting, Ron took a deep breath. “One too many Dragon’s Breath Tomatoes, mum. Also, it needs a little pepper…” He gasped out before gently sipping on the soup.

“I could have sworn I only used two…” She said, looking over the recipe again. “Great. Time to dig up that Recipe Revision Charm…”

“Put some goat cheese in it, Harry. That dulls the heat.” Ginny explained to him, handing him a galleon sized piece of goat cheese.

Nodding, Harry put the cheese inside and watched as it melted into the soup like it was dipped in magma from the earth’s core. Nervously, he tried a bit, and while it was spicy, it wasn’t unbearably or fire breathingly so. In fact, it did taste good. Though Harry didn’t know what Ron meant about needing pepper.

“It's delicious, Mrs. Weasley.” Harry said as he began to dig into the soup.

Molly smiled. “Thank you, Harry. If you need to dull the heat more, feel free to take another piece of cheese.” She told him before going to get more from the fridge.

“Why does goat cheese dull it, though, if it makes you breathe fire?” Harry asked curiously.

“Goats are bad for dragons to eat. They’re more tough and stringy than sheep, and goats also are kept for milk. So, when they get eaten, a milking goat clogs up a dragon's fire organs, temporarily making it so they can’t breathe fire as intensely.” Ginny explained.

“So does that mean dragons are lactose intolerant?” Harry asks, trying to understand.

“Only when it comes to goat’s milk.” Ron told his friend, putting a couple of pieces of goat cheese into his soup.

“Besides, cows are bad for a dragon’s curves.” Mafalda chipped in.

“They usually prefer yaks.” Fred added, putting some goat cheese into his own soup.

“No, they prefer Yeti, Fred. Don’t you remember Care for Magical Creatures class in Fourth Year?” George sternly corrected.

“True, but, if they had to pick a type of four-legged creature, they usually go for yaks.” Fred replied, stirring his goat cheese into his soup.

“Wait, four? I thought Yetis had two legs.” Harry questioned.

“They prefer sheep, you clod! No wonder you failed on your O.W.Ls in that course!” George snapped back at his twin.

“Yetis are facultative quadrupeds…” Ginny whispered to Harry.

“You’re both wrong, they prefer boar meat! I am surrounded by idiots…” Percy groaned.

“Takes one to know one.” Mafalda quipped.

Percy simply glared and added goat cheese to his soup before beginning to stir it in.

“If he doesn't want to be in this family, I will trade places. Damien should be fine.” Harry whispered to Ginny.

“Would your family even like Percy?” Ron whispered.

“Fair. Even I don't like him. Besides Snape, Malfoy, and Voldemort, I like everyone.” Harry said a bit louder than he intended

“SSSSSHHHHH… don’t say the V-word.” Ron harshly whispered.

As the gaggle of red-haired loons finished breakfast, Molly noticed that a few of the tomatoes were missing. Stashing the missing tomatoes in their fanny packs, Fred and George scampered off with them for later. Grins that would make the devil himself fear for his life. However, this led to Harry and Ginny, trying to be helpful by hunting down the missing produce. To pass the time while looking, Ginny finally spoke up.

“So, Harry. How are you liking your stay in the Burrow so far?” Ginny asked him.

“It's certainly more hectic than what I expected, but I can’t say it's not been fun.” Harry said with a small smile.

“I’m glad. How are you liking all of us in the Weasley household?” Ginny replied with a smile.

“Well, I can’t tell if the twins are bloody geniuses or completely mental.” Harry said bluntly.

“None of us can tell that part. The Ministry’s tests helped us none.” Ginny replied with a shrug.

“I don’t hear much good from the Ministry, from everything I can tell. Hermione told me about the whole Werewolf registration thing and it doesn’t make much sense.” Harry answered with a sigh.

“I know, right? They should be working on curing werewolves, not forcing them to register.” Ginny noted in exasperation.

“Better than giving them a silver bullet, I guess.” Harry said to try and make a joke.

“That only works in those old Muggle monster movies.” Ginny explained.

“Huh. Wonder how that got started?” Harry asked himself as he got back to looking.

“Some wizard felt like being a git because his secretly a werewolf wife hated the silver necklace he got her and told an old Muggle author that rubbish.” Ginny told him.

“So the kind of thing the twins would pull then?” Harry asked curiously.

“More or less.” Ginny replied with a giggle.

“How would you describe them then? In your own words.” Harry then bluntly asked her, wanting a direct answer about something.

“Fred and George are usually either bloody brilliant or barking mad. There is no in between.” Ginny told him.

“So how do we find them? If your mother thinks they took the produce, then where would they be?” Harry asked her inquisitively.

Ginny thought for a moment. “I heard about them having a secret base somewhere around here, but I can’t quite remember where they put it…” She told him.

Harry sighed as the two fumbled around the garden trying to find it. They could practically feel the twins laughing at them, even if they couldn’t hear them. However, something else was nagging at Harry’s mind.

“Ginny, what's it like having parents?” Harry asked out of the blue.

“Well… how do I put this…? They’re simultaneously the most caring, loving, and supportive people you’ll ever have in your life… while also being the most annoying and embarrassing.” Ginny explained as best she could. “Wait, what about your aunt and uncle? I heard they were bad, but Ron tends to exaggerate…”

“It's… complicated…” Harry said nervously.

Ginny raised an eyebrow. “How complicated are we talking about here…?” She asked.

“... The scary part is… I can’t put it into words properly.” Harry nervously said. “Until I started primary school I thought my name was ‘Boy’.”

Ginny’s eyebrow twitched as she tried to remain calm. “Come again…?” She asked, a bit of anger at Harry’s aunt and uncle leaking out.

“At least they aren’t Aunt Marge…” Harry muttered.

“You mentioned her earlier. Who is she?” Ginny asked, slowly calming down.

“She’s Uncle Vernon’s Sister.” Harry explained.

“Well, what’s so bad about her? Other than turning your lou into a Muggle war crime…” Ginny asked.

“How does having a huge, fat, ungodly aggressive English Bulldog named Ripper sound?” Harry asked.

“... HOW!? Bulldogs are as soft and cuddly as a Pygmy Puff! They don’t have a mean bone in their Muggle pet bodies!” Ginny yelled out in disbelief.

“Don’t know, but it chased me up a tree as a kid and kept me there for hours.” Harry explained, trying and failing not to worry Ginny.

Ginny clenched her hands into trembling, tightly balled fists. “And just what were your family doing as this was going on…?” She growled out in frustration.

Harry gulped and tried to change the subject. “So how do you feel about Ron?” He asked nervously.

“Don’t change the subject, Harry. What. Did they. Do…?” She asked, enunciating each word with a dangerous edge to her tone.

“Well, Damien tried to scare him off… but he got scared after a few barks. Ripper then ran him down and ate his shorts as he climbed the other tree.” Harry nervously explained.

“... What the bloody hell did that woman raise that dog into!?” Ginny barked in rage.

“I don’t know, but my family found the whole thing funny. They laughed the whole time we were up there.” Harry explained, gulping nervously.

“... I’m starting to wonder if she made a deal with Death himself to breed that thing…” Ginny muttered in anger.

Meanwhile: Random Location In England

An old man sat at a dinner surveying a crowd, as if looking for someone in particular. Suddenly, he had the overwhelming compulsive urge to sneeze. He knew he shouldn’t. It would be bad. However, it overcame him and he sneezed hard.

Back At The Weasley Residence

“So I thought Ron said that he only had one sister…” Harry nervously asked.

“Oh, that’s just our annoying cousin Mafalda. She’s always messing with me.” Ginny grumbled a bit.

“So a pretty version of Dudley, got it.” Harry said absentmindedly.

“Don’t let Mafalda hear you say that.” Ginny replied before, three seconds later, it clicked that he called her cousin pretty. “Wait, pretty?”

“What did I say?” Harry asked, confused at the sudden shift.

“Never mind…” Ginny grumbled.

“What I mean, you two look identical. So that means I’m also calling you pretty right?” Harry asked, confusion further creeping in.

Ginny blushed as red as her hair. “Okaaaay, moving on! Wanna talk about my brothers you haven’t met yet?” She replied nervously.

“Wait, you have another brother?” Harry asked.

“Yeah, Bill. He’s the oldest. He was a Prefect, Head Boy, and became a Gringotts curse breaker.” Ginny told him.

“I heard that, out of all the Weasley’s that went to Hogwarts: One; got into Gryffindor, and two; got Head Boy or Prefect.” Harry asked her.

“Charlie became Quidditch Captain, but more or less.” Ginny explained.

“Really?” Harry asked, immediately hooked by that.

“Yeah, he was Gryffindor’s Seeker before you.” Ginny told him.

“I’m honored and I will do everything possible to live up to his legacy.” Harry said with determination, grabbing hold of both of her hands.

Ginny blushed, but smiled. “I'm sure he’ll be happy to hear that.” Ginny told him.

“One last thing before we get back to hunting down your older twins. Aside from greeting me last year, Percy hasn’t said much to me. He’s even… given me really weird looks while I’ve been here. Do you know anything about that?” Harry asked, keeping hold of her hands.

“Oh, don’t mind him. Percy’s just being an overprotective git because of what happened last year. He’s worried that more trouble will happen around you and put Ron in danger.” Ginny told him.

“Isn’t that like calling a kettle black around here?” Harry asked.

“I suppose it is…” Ginny muttered in reply.

“Now where could the two be?” Harry muttered.

“They have to be around here somewhere…” Ginny noted, continuing to look around.

Meanwhile: With the Twins

“George. What do we do?” Fred whispered inside the closet.

“We sit tight until the coast is clear…” George replied.

“Why didn’t we steal Chinese Chomping Cabbages? Those things at least tire out. Unlike that pyromantic psychopathic produce!” Fred frantically whispered, shaking his twin.

“Relax, Fred! It’ll tire itself eventually! Unless something improperly damages the stem…” George told his twin.

“How do we get to it without it roasting our chestnuts!?” Fred frantically asked.

“We don’t need to…” George replied, pulling out his wand.

The two had to cover their mouths as a vine being dragged by an unseen being moved across the vision slit. A hiss like a leaky gas line was heard around their feet, causing them to sweat. Looking out into the room, the tomato plant they attempted to grow had grown just a hint too much. Only a few too many drops of magical fertilizer had created a monstrous multi-vine horror of flaming breathing fruits. Seeing the main cluster of them on the table, he activated the charm.

Pointing his wand at the tomato, George muttered the incantation. “Diffindo…” He called out quietly, firing an invisible magical blade at the top of the tomato.

However, George’s aim was a bit off. Instead of hitting the top of the tomato and severing it without cutting the stem, he accidentally hit the stem. As soon as the stem was cut, the tomato started hissing like a snake with a megaphone, the hissing getting louder and louder as the tomato began heating up at an alarming rate. The twins both paled as Fred looked at his twin brother in frightened irritation.

“Way to go, Robin Hood…” Fred told his brother.

“You leave my favorite wizard archer out of this…!” George hissed in frantic anger as the two quickly shut the door and took cover.

Meanwhile: With Harry and Ginny

“Now where could those two-” Ginny wondered aloud before being cut off.

The sound of a large explosion rang out. Looking over, Ginny and Harry saw a small mushroom cloud a bit of a distance away from the Burrow. Immediately knowing what that meant, the two gave deadpan looks.

“Found them…” The two said before heading off in the direction of the explosion.

Ricky: Well… that was a blast. YEAAAAAAH!

Sharad: I have no notes, but welcome once more to my brain. Enjoy the butterbeer.

MHG: Well, that was a ride. A fun ride, but a ride. The perfect way to spend a Friday night. Hope everyone enjoys it. See you all next time.

Chapter Text

“Fred, what are we going to do…” George groaned as he rubbed his ear, looking at his twin trickster.

“FREEEED! GEOOORGE!” A familiar feminine voice shrieked in fury.

“Book it, man!! Book it!!” Fred yelled, holding a hand to his own ear as the two rushed off into the woods.

The two swiftly disappeared into the brush and foliage. Granted they made a ruckus going in there, crashing through like elephants. George even tripped over a log and tumbled down an incline. Fred stood over him as he lay in the leaves.

“So graceful. I give it a five.” Fred said with a smirk.

“Are you kidding? That was an eight at least.” George replied as he got up and brushed himself off.

“Keep pushing like that and I’ll give you a four.” Fred said with a hint of sass, which got George’s jimmies rustled.

“Okay, you know what…? What was that…?” George replied as they heard rustling nearby in the bushes.

“Probably a rabbit or a hedgehog, why?” Fred asked with a roll of his eyes.

The rustling became louder as something much bigger than a rodent was heard. However, this rustling was followed by a large explosion. The twin tornadoes were blown back by the force of the blast, sent tumbling across the forest floor.

“What was that about a rabbit or a hedgehog…?” George asked, looking at his twin in disbelief.

“Maybe they farted?” Fred said, trying to play it off.

The two then made their way over to the bushes to check out the cause of the boom. Trudging through the shrubbery, they eventually stumbled upon what appeared to be a camp. A fire ring with ash and burnt wood, some supplies, and a decent sized tent lay in a small clearing. It was further confirmed that this was the source of what they were looking for when they were swept off their feet by another blast, only now they could sense that it was magical in nature.

“What’s a witch or wizard doing out here in the woods near our home?” George asked, confused.

“Well, I mean, it is a good place for a picnic.” Fred said to answer his question.

George shrugged. “Fair point. Let’s check it out.” He replied, heading closer.

The two walked over, looking for anything further out of place. To their astoundment when they opened up the tent, they saw a boy. A boy roughly Ron’s age, he had light skin, dark hair, and hazel brown eyes. His hair was shoulder length, unkempt and magic whipped, not unlike a professor or two at Hogwarts. He wore simple, though dark clothes, with the only thing standing out of his attire were outdoor boots. And staring back at them in fright with a notebook and quill in one hand, the other hand gripping a staff.

“Well, who do we have here?” George asked, trying to give a friendly smile in an attempt to put the kid at ease.

“A new neighbor, perhaps?” Fred added,adopting the same smile as his twin.

“Who are you, what are you, and what are you doing here?” The boy asked in a somewhat rapid pace, they picked out a German accent in his voice.

“In order? I’m George Weasley…” George began.

“And I’m Fred Weasley…” Fred continued.

“We’re wizards, too. Well, in training, at least…” George added.

“And we live nearby and are trying to hide from our mum after an unfortunate mishap with some Dragon Breath Tomatoes.” Fred finished.

The boy blinked once, blinked twice, and blinked thrice. As if he was completely unprepared for, and unable to process what was happening. This further confused the twins. Yes they had caused trouble, yes they got people mad, and maybe a few unconfirmed reports of actual injuries. But they never left someone so… gobsmacked before.

“Can I help you?” The boy asked, a stunned tone still in his voice.

“You can help us by telling our mum that we were never here if she finds you here…” Fred began.

“Since she’s likely still pretty peeved at us for blowing up part of the property. Again.” George finished.

“Your property is near here?” The boy asked, raising his eyebrow a bit at the… absurdity of the tale.

“Yeah, just down the hill there. You can’t miss it.” The twins said together, pointing in the direction they came from.

“I see… I wasn’t aware there was a property near here. The map showed this wood as being in the middle of nowhere.” The boy said, trying to put his feelings into English as best as possible.

The boy pulled it out to inspect it, scratching his head in confusion as the twins looked over his shoulders. “Here’s your problem, mate. That maps out of date, by a few hundred years.” Fred said, pointing at the map to show the outdated landmarks.

“Was zur Hölle!? I spent a pound for that!?” The boy snapped in annoyance

“We know a bloke in town who can give you a more up-to-date one. Just put it on our tab.” George offered, trying to be friendly.

The boy sighed and shook his head. “Nein. It's alright. I’m far enough out. Enough to get away from that city air and Muggle distractions. It stops me from doing my real work, my real passion.” The boy said, looking back down at his notebook.

“And what might that be?” The twins asked, each raising an eyebrow.

The boy froze up a bit, as if not ready to trust them on that. Which the two easily picked up.

“We understand if you don’t feel comfortable with telling us yet…” Fred began.

“So why don’t we start by asking you your name?” George finished.

“Right. Apologies. I am Garrett Becker, Herr Fred and George.” The boy politely responded, bowing his head a bit.

“Nice to meet you, Garrett. You know, we have a brother and sister about your age.” Fred told the boy.

“I’m sure that Ron and Ginny would like to get to meet you some time.” George added.

“Ron and Ginny… you English have a truly bizarre naming convention.” Garrett said, a hint… put off by the candid nature of the two. Though he didn’t find it unpleasant at least.

“We mostly call them that because they don’t like being called ‘Ronald’ and ‘Ginevra’.” Fred began explaining.

“Especially Ginny. You call her ‘Ginevra’, you’d best be prepared to get a broken nose and a Bat Bogey spell to the face.” George finished..

“She can use the Bat Bogey? That is a reasonably advanced spell. Mein gott, it's like Auntie Brun all over again.” Garrett said in shock, as if getting a flashback to his own family event.

“Ginny’s a really talented witch for her age. She’s never actually used the Bat Bogey because she doesn’t have her wand yet, but she can do the motions perfectly.” Fred explained.

“Our little sister is gonna be quite the hellcat some day. I’m so proud…” George replied, wiping away a proud tear.

“I’d advise her not to be too… ‘cavalier’, I believe it is in your language? If you don’t do it right, the consequences can be severe.” Garrett said, his tone turning more somber.

“Oh, we know. Ron tried to use the Bat Bogey once and accidentally hit himself with it…” Fred began, snickering.

“Took him an hour to get to mum and get her to dispel it.” George snickered as well, trying to not laugh at their brother’s expense too much.

The brothers’ cheerful mood on the subject was not shared by Garrett. His face turned to that of a glower. Not at them though. He slowly looked down at his right leg, as if opining for a day long since past. The twins saw the faintest beginning of scars from a gap in his legging. From what little they could tell, the scars were quite severe down his leg. Putting two and two together, the twins immediately stopped laughing.

“Sorry, mate…” Fred began, trying to be more sensitive for once.

“Did we hit a touchy subject?” George finished, hoping they didn’t offend their new neighbor.

“You two didn’t know…” Garrett said mournfully, pulling his legging up fully.

“Still, we shouldn’t have said something so…?” Fred began.

“Insensitive?” George finished, asking his brother.

“Yes, that. Is there any way we can make it up to you?” Fred added.

“Nein, it's not your fault. Why I have these scars is my own fault. I’ve… I’ve always had a passion for making my own spells… sometimes maybe too eagerly.” Garrett said with regret and sorrow pouring from his voice.

“You like making your own spells?” Fred asked with surprised glee.

“That’s bloody brilliant!” George added, matching his brother’s excitement.

“It's not that amazing. I mostly do elemental spells in my free time. I tried curse breaking… well until my parents decided it was time for me to attend a school and they absolutely refused to let me attend Durmstrang.” Garrett explained.

“You could always try Hogwarts…” Fred offered with a smile.

“It’s the best wizard school in England, currently headed by the greatest sorcerer in the world.” George added.

“Yah, Yah I know. I’m heading there this year on transfer from Durmstrang.” He explained.

“Brilliant. Maybe you’ll make some new friends there…” Fred began with a big smile.

“Hell, you already have two.” George added with a smile of his own

“Garrett? Are you alright?” A decidedly feminine, Germanic voice asked from behind the twins.

The two looked behind them to see a woman of nearly their own height, with black hair cascading down her back, and similar eyes and skin tone to that of the boy. Her hazel eyes looked at the two red headed Englishmen, yet could see nothing that could indicate ill intent or malice. Though she also didn’t see much in the way of outward intelligence either.

“Garrett sweety, I didn’t know you invited guests.” The woman said curiously.

“I didn’t mother. They sorta… wandered by.” Garrett explained a hint nervously.

“Greetings, ma’am. We’re Fred and George Weasley, at your service.” The twins said, bowing respectfully.

“Christine Beckett. It is a pleasure to meet you two, Herr Englishmen.” Christine replied politely. “Would you like to join us for lunch?”

Fred smiled. “We’d be honored…” He began.

“After all, who could turn down an offer from Christine the Pristine?” George replied playfully.

Garrett pulled the two close. “It's best not to play jokes with a curse-breaker.” Garrett whispered to them, as if knowing something they didn’t.

“Good to know…” The twins replied nervously.

“Garrett, mein süßer enge. I’m not that ill tempered. Only under a full moon.” she said teasingly before heading over to the campfire. “Do you Englishmen like Sauerkraut un Brats over a campfire?”

“Why so…?” Fred began only for his twin to cover his mouth.

“Don’t go there, Fred. We’d love some, miss.” George replied with a smile.

Meanwhile: Back At the Burrow

“Fred!! George!! Where did you muppets run off to!?” Ginny crowed into the wind.

“They’re probably steering clear of your mum for a while to let her cool down.” Harry noted.

“That doesn’t help find them Potter.” Ginny said, turning to look at him.

“Well, what’s the closest place nearby where they can let her cool off and out of sight?” Harry asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Don’t tell me they went into the woods again… I swear by the Muggle Queen if I get a bunch of ticks and leeches again on me going after them they will really get it.” Ginny said in frustration

“Do I even want to-” Harry began only to be interrupted by the redheaded girl.

“Know what happened last time? No. No, you do not.” Ginny replied, shaking her head.

“Did you get a leech on your butt or something?” Harry asked, raising an eyebrow.

Ginny blushed. “No. It was somewhere… less comfortable…” She explained.

“And Ron laughed?” Harry asked.

“He found it hilarious, so I broke his nose. He still swears it wasn’t fixed quite right.” Ginny replied.

“Have you ever considered going to anger management?” Harry asked as he followed her along a dirt path.

“What’s anger management?” GInny asked, confused.

“You go to a psychologist and they help you work out your problems causing your anger.” Harry explained.

“Right, next question. What’s a psychologist?” Ginny replied, further confused.

“They’re a medical doctor that treats people with mental conditions.” Harry said, trying to hold back a groan.

“Like at St. Mungo’s?” GInny asked, seeming to get it.

“Like what?” Harry asked, now being confused.

“It’s a hospital here in the wizarding world.” Ginny explained.

“Do they have specialists for those kinds of things?” Harry asked, curious about this new tidbit of wizarding knowledge from Ginny.

“They might? I’ve never been to the Mental Health Ward there, so I can’t say.” Ginny replied with a shrug.

“... Oh…” Harry said, the words Mental Health Ward conjuring some thoughts from his past. “Anyway. You know your way around this wood?”

“Of course. I have lived here my whole life, after all.” Ginny replied with a hint of pride.

“Are there any magical creatures?” Harry asked her as they reached the edge of the wood.

“Outside of a few gnomes, not as far as I know. Pesky things are always sneaking into mum’s garden…” Ginny replied and muttered.

“Why do they do that? I never got a good answer from Ron or Hermione.” Harry asked as the two were now enclosed in the canopy of the woods.

“They like to eat the vegetables and fruits mum grows. For some reason, they really like hers.” Ginny replied with a shrug as they kept making their way further in.

“I guess that means that your mom grows really good vegetables and fruits then. Why else would they go through the trouble?” Harry explained, which perked Ginny up a bit hearing that.

“That’s a good point. I’ll have to ask her what her secret is.” Ginny replied as they kept making their way deeper and deeper into the wood.

“Back on the topic of your brothers, why did you want to find those two specifically? You have lots of brothers.” Harry asked her curiously.

“Because, other than Ron who you already know well, they’re the two I’m closest with. Not to mention that they’re the next closest in age.” Ginny explained. ‘That and I don’t wanna deal with Ron’s jealousy or Percy trying to scare you off…’

“Maybe if we tell a joke that will lure them out?” Harry suggested, trying to find some way to find them that didn’t involve searching an entire wood.

“Knowing them, that might actually work…” Ginny groaned in frustration.

“Don’t you mean ‘knowing them, that actually woodwork’?” Harry replied with a smile.

As if on cue, they heard loud snickers coming from up a nearby hill. At that, Ginny rushed up it like a bat out of hell, forcing Harry to follow. To her shock, she saw that Fred and George were sat by a campfire with a woman and a boy about her age. When the twins saw them, they waved to them vigorously.

“Harry, Ginny! Come join us! Mrs. Becker made Sauerkraut and Brats!” Fred told the two.

“By the way, excellent wordplay Harry! ‘Woodwork’, that’s a good one!” George added with a snicker.

“What are you two doing out here!?” Ginny exclaimed.

“Having lunch with our new neighbors while avoiding mum long enough for her to cool down.” Fred replied, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“Which one of you is Ginevra and which one of you is Harry?” Garrett asked, looking between the two of them in confusion.

A vein throbbed in Ginny’s forehead as she glared at her twin brothers. “You told him…!?” She asked her idiot brothers.

“Don’t be too mad at them, Frauline Ginny. My own sister hates being called by her full name Brunhilde.” Christine said with a soft smile.

Taking a deep breath, Ginny looked at her two brothers seriously. “You two had better be back right after lunch or I’m telling mum.” She told them seriously.

“She’s going to pinch our ears again, Ginny…” Fred pleaded.

“I know.” Ginny replied with still a hint of anger.

“Alright… We’ll come back after lunch… Can we at least have dessert?” George said, before looking at Ginny with a pleading look.

“That depends on Mrs. Becker.” Ginny replied.

“Why don’t you two join? I made pineapple-coconut cake with Streusel topping.” Christine said with a warm smile.

“That actually sounds really good.” Harry replied, looking to Ginny to see if she was okay with it.

“It's fluffier than any pillow on the planet.” Garrett said with a small smile.

Thinking for a moment, Ginny smiled before giving a shrug. “Why not? Pass us a plate of Sauerkraut and Brats please, Mrs. Becker.” She replied, walking over with Harry to join in lunch.

With that, Christine got two more plates out of a fanny pack and began to serve the food up for the two new visitors. It was simple, but everyone there from that day on seldom had anything better. And best of all, at least for the twins, it hopefully would save their hides from the storm of wrath awaiting them back home.

Ricky: Well, that was a good time, wasn’t it? And by the way: I’m the one who came up with Harry’s ‘woodwork’ pun. Hope you all enjoyed it.

MHG: Easily one of the hardest chapters I’ve ever had to write. It doesn’t look like it, but Garrett wasn’t my OC. I was writing it for a friend. So I hope I did him justice, and I hope to see you all next time.

Sharad: Welcome back. If there was a delay, apologies. If not, enjoy. Life happened.

Chapter Text

The morning went by in a blur as Potter and the Weasley family enjoyed a lovely fireside meal with their Central European company. As everyone finished eating, simply because there was no food left, Christine used a simple charm to get cleaning up after everyone. Which nearly smacked Ginny on the back of the head.

“Terribly sorry, my dear. That charm always gets a bit too close for comfort.” Christine said, apologizing for her wayward magic.

“It’s alright. I understand.” Ginny replied, looking at the dishes cautiously.

“Well, it's nice of you two to have us. Running scared from our mum worked up quite the appetite.” George said contently, rubbing his now full belly.

“Agreed, George. I couldn’t eat another bite.” Fred replied with a smile.

“Are you sure? Garrett, honey. Can you check the bag for me?” Christine asked, before motioning to her son.

Garrett quickly rummaged around in a bag, quickly producing a wheel of cheese and offering it to Fred.

“Nein! Not the good wheel!” Christine yelled, pointing vigorously at her son.

Garrett nodded softly before quickly swiping the cheese from Fred and putting it back in the bag.

“That did look rather good…” Fred said with a smile, one that Ginny quickly picked up on.

“We’re saving that cheese for a special occasion.” Christine said, smiling softly at Garrett. “It’s celebratory, for when my son gets sorted at Hogwarts.”

“Oh, that does sound special.” George said with a nod.

“You know, we have both a brother and a sister going to Hogwarts as well.” Fred said with a smile.

“And our cousin Mafalda. Don’t forget her.” Ginny pointed out.

“Why would we want to?” The twins asked in unison.

“I’m actually starting my second year alongside their brother Ron.” Harry pointed out.

“Oh, you are? Look at that, Garrett. We found one of your classmates.” Christine said with a smile to her son.

Garrett offered a nervous smile, but otherwise stayed silent. Christine let out a soft sigh at her son’s silence, her eyes had a glint of familiarity to them, as if she had seen Garrett act like this before.

“Well, we can’t thank you enough for your hospitality, Mrs. Christine. It would be rude of us not to invite you and your son over for dinner.” Fred said, extending a generous offer to the pair.

“Oh, most definitely, Fred. The generosity they showed us by having us for breakfast should be repaid in kind.” George replied with a knowing grin.

“Oh, we would be honored to join you. Wouldn’t we, Garrett?” Christine answered with a smile, before looking at her son. As if prompting him to speak.

Garrett still refused to talk, instead offering a simple nod, causing Christine to pat his shoulder consolingly.

“Garrett, my love. I know you don’t like people all that much, but this will help you warm up to them.” Christine said gently, offering her son a smile, which, after a few seconds, he returned.

“They’re not so bad when you get to know them.” Harry explained simply, trying to help explain the… eccentricities of the Weasleys.

“When you get past my brothers’... personalities, most of them are actually pleasant and easy to get along with. Except for Percy. He’s a stick in the mud.” Ginny added, trying to help.

“Garrett, sweetie. Make sure everything is packed up securely. We are going to go to the Weasleys’ today.” Christine ordered, causing her son to jump to action.

In a shockingly quick time, despite his leg and without magic, Garrett had the camp cleaned up and ready for them to leave. With that, Christine put out the fire, and the group of six were off. Once they were on the trail, it was a brisk walk back. Unfortunately for the twins, by the time they reached the garden, Molly was already waiting for them. With a face that could give a giant a heart attack.

“Fred and George Weasley! Where! Have! You! Been!? And why in the bloody hell did your bedroom closet explode!?” Molly shouted, her face redder than her hair in pure rage.

“Um… we found guests?” Fred asked nervously, hoping that would stay the beast.

It was at that moment that Molly calmed down and gave their guests a smile. “Well, hello. I apologize for not noticing you sooner. I’m Fred, George, and Ginny’s mother Molly. And you are?” She said with a pleasant and gentle tone.

“It's lovely to meet you. I am Christine Becker, and this is my son Garrett.” Christine answered with a smile, motioning to her son as she did.

“It’s a pleasure to meet both of you. Would you mind allowing us some privacy so that I can speak to my boys before I make us some tea?” Molly asked with a sickly sweet tone that filled the twins with fear.

“Of course. Take your time.” Christine replied, nodding as Molly soon grabbed the twins.

As soon as the door to the room was shut, Molly’s voice could be heard from through the walls. “FRED AND GEORGE WEASLEY! HOW DARE YOU TWO MUPPETS DESTROY PART OF MY HOUSE!! I SWEAR, I DO NOT KNOW WHERE YOU GET THIS FROM!!! IT'S ALMOST LIKE YOU TWO WERE RAISED BY MONKEYS!!!!” She roared at the top of her lungs like a beast of biblical proportions.

“But mum…” The two tried to say in unison, before Molly cut them off.

“DON’T YOU TWO ‘BUT MUM’ ME!!! THE ONLY BUTTS YOU SHOULD BE WORRIED ABOUT ARE YOURS IF I CATCH YOU DOING SOMETHING LIKE THIS AGAIN!!! AND BRINGING GUESTS HOME WITH THE HOUSE IN THIS CONDITION!?!?!? ARE YOU TRYING TO EMBARRASS OUR FAMILY!?!?!?!? I HAVE HALF A MIND TO REVOKE ALL OF YOUR PRIVILEGES AND GROUND YOU FOR LIFE BETWEEN SCHOOL YEARS!!!! OR, EVEN BETTER, TAKE YOU OUT OF SCHOOL TO HOMESCHOOL YOU AND EXTEND YOUR PUNISHMENT!!!!” Molly shouted at her sons.

“Please, mother!! Spare us!!” The two boys begged.

“IF YOU TWO ARE NOT ON YOUR BEST BEHAVIOR DURING THIS DINNER, BEING GROUNDED FOR LIFE WILL BE THE LEAST OF YOUR WORRIES!!! HAVE I MADE MYSELF CLEAR!?!?” Molly howled in rage.

“YES, MOTHER!!” The two boys yelled in response.

“GOOD!!! NOW GO WASH UP FOR DINNER BEFORE I TAN YOUR REAR ENDS!!!!” Molly yelled at them.

At that, the two boys rushed out of the room, almost taking the door off its hinges. For Ginny, this was frankly about normal. For Harry and the Becker’s, this is greatly surprising. It was so bad Scabbers was shivering in a corner with several pellets having magically formed behind him. All were stunned by the awe inspiring wrath the woman displayed.

With that, the Weasley Matriarch made her way back into the room, a pleasant smile on her face. “My apologies. Shall I make us some tea?” She politely told them, as if she hadn’t just put the fear of Merlin himself into her boys.

“Of course.” Christine said with a nod.

Meanwhile

“So Ginny… why exactly are we doing this?” Harry asked as he sat down next to Ginny and Garrett on the couch.

“Because the twins invited them over and we don’t want my mum’s wrath turned on us.” Ginny grumbled.

“Uh huh. And your brothers are showing up when exactly for this meeting?” Harry asked, raising his eyebrow.

“Did someone say when?” Fred said as he popped his head up from behind the couch.

The three on the couch practically jumped out of their own skins at that. “Fred!? What the bloody hell!?” Ginny screamed in fear.

George then popped up behind the three. “Relax, Gin. We just finished washing up for dinner.” He told them, making them jump in terror again.

“Stop! Doing that!” Ginny screamed again.

“So we shouldn’t get Ron for the triple?” Fred asked, raising an eyebrow.

“NO!” Harry and Ginny yelled at the two.

“Well it appears they have contracted the stick-up-the-bum disease George. A dreadful condition.” Fred said, standing up from behind the couch.

“We can only hope their conditions don’t worsen like poor Percy’s did. The poor sod lost any and all ability to have fun.” George replied with mock sadness, shaking his head.

“And we can’t have that. We can save young Garrett over here from such a tragic fate.” Fred said as he walked around the couch to sit on a chair.

“Indeed we can. Come, young Garrett! Embrace the fun side with us!” George called out in a dramatic fashion, offering his hand to him.

Garrett nodded meekly, before taking the offered hand with a smile.

“We’re gonna do great things together, mate. I can already tell.” Fred replied, walking over and gently clapping the lad on his shoulder.

“Oh, this is exciting! Alright, Ginny, who's on the hit list this year?” George asked, rubbing his freshly washed hands together in glee.

“I’ll need to check. Didn’t your friend Alejandro from Harry and Ron’s year write to you saying that he’d composed a parchment’s list worth of new potential prank spells over the summer?” Ginny replied, a small smile on her face.

“Hang on a second, I think I have it in here.” Fred said, pulling out a bag from under his chair, and reaching in. The first thing coming out was the still moving trunk of an elephant. “I forgot I had that in there.”

“Try looking near the Goo-Spewing Wizard Hat, Fred.” George offered helpfully.

With a nod, he reached into the bag. Only to then pull out a putrid looking griffin egg with several wires sticking out from it.

“So that's where we put the rotten griffin egg bomb. That would have been great at the family reunion.” Fred said, admiring his handiwork.

“Hm… maybe it’s by the head of Biting Gnome Lettuce?” George asked in confusion.

“No, that's the Knob Gobbler 9000, George. Be civil.” Fred said, fakely admonishing his twin.

“Wait, now I remember! I put it right by the fire-spewing broomstick!” George said, finally remembering where he put the letter.

Fred put the bag on the table, before bending his front half down into the bag. After several questionable noises escaped the bag, he finally stood up straight, the list in tow. Closing the bag gingerly before throwing it off into the basement, he then unfurled the parchment scroll. Which soon began to roll on the floor deeper into the house.

“Ginny, are you planning a crusade against the British Isles?” Fred asked his sister.

“No, Fred. I’m not. Just a prank war against the Slytherins.” Ginny explained.

“Why is there a Squiggles on this list three times?” George asked, inspecting the list. “Wait. Make that four.”

“A house elf that helped one of the Slytherins pull a prank on Ron and Harry last year.” Ginny said. “Ron told me about it.”

“Wait… a house elf did that!?” Harry replied in disbelief.

“Ginny. You know that's one of our few rules. No pranking house elves. They are very important and do what they are told.” George explained.

“Fine. Then change it to pranking his mistress Gwendolyne Pryor instead.” Ginny replied, pouting.

“Done.” Fred said, working to change the name.

“Wait… can you put Draco Malfoy on that list?” Harry asked.

“We’ve got him on here twice, mate.” Fred told the Boy-Who-Lived.

“Can you put him on like… two to three more times?” Harry asked.

“Is that for him blabbing to the professors about Hagrid’s dragon to get you, Ron, and Hermoine in trouble?” George asked, raising an eyebrow.

“We had to go into the Dark Forest because of him, which almost got me killed. Of course it is. Wait… how do you even know about that?” Harry replied, starting out bitterly before changing to a surprised tone.

“We have our methods, mate. We have our methods.” Fred replied ominously.

“Besides, the boy does need an attitude adjustment.” George said.

“So, Garrett. Have you got anyone?” Harry asked, looking at the near silent boy.

Garrett took the list, a smile appearing on his lips: “I do like how you have different spells and potions for each person.” he said with a sense of pride.

Fred smirked at that. “Our dear friend Alejandro loves coming up with new ideas for spells and potions despite being in Ron and Harry’s year. Right fascinated with spell and potion experimentation, that one. Remember his Exploding Diarrhea Potion that he had us test on Snape last year?” He said to his twin.

“Only reason we got away with that was because Headmaster Dumbledore found it hilarious!” George cackled in his seat, slapping his knee.

“That and Alejandro somehow found a way to make it scentless and tasteless. Otherwise, Snape would’ve figured it out himself.” Fred giggled, trying to keep from roaring with laughter.

Harry looked at the list. “I noticed Crabbe and Goyle both have Laxative Potions next to their names. Why is that?” He asked, raising an eyebrow.

“We can’t ever tell those two apart. For the entire year, we thought they were duplicates of the same person.” The twins said in unison.

Harry smirked evilly at that. “For Snape this year, why not try combining the Exploding Diarrhea Potion with Laxative Potion?” He asked, snickering a bit.

“We would, but Alejandro said mixing those two potions into one drink or food could have disastrous results.” Fred told him.

“Unless we put one in his drink and sneak the other into his food.” Harry suggested, his smirk growing.

“Oh, Potter. That's so evil I’d swear you were in Slytherin. I love it!” Fred cackled with joy, getting a nervous smile from Harry.

“Remember what happened to Snape at one of last year’s feasts because of the Exploding Diarrhea Potion?” George snickered.

“One of our best works if I do say so myself. I’m so glad we saw Alejandro’s potential last year.” Fred chipped in, rubbing his knuckles against his shirt.

“Wait… you two did that?” Harry asked, amazed at the news.

“Well, who else would be?” Fred asked in kind.

“Snape kept blowing up the lou’s after that feast every time he had to go!” Harry cackled.

“Do you have something in mind, Potter?” George asked.

Harry looked over the list and smirked at Malfoy’s name. “Oh, that looks promising. Look at the first spell Alejandro cooked up for Malfoy for this year.” He replied, putting his name just below the spell next to the blonde Slytherin’s name.

The twins looked at it and grinned. “A ‘Luminating Kick Me Curse’, huh? Causes the words ‘Kick Me’ to appear in glowing letters on the back of the victim that doesn’t show up in mirrors. Not bad, Alejandro. Can’t go wrong with a classic.” Fred said with a grin.

With that the twins smiled before getting to plotting. As they chattered amongst themselves, to everyone's shock, Garrett spoke up.

“Put the curse on a time limit and, if the curse is attempted to be broken before the time is up, the victim breaks out in hives for the remainder of the time. Have it last up to a day.” Garrett finished stroking his chin in thought.

The twins tried not to burst out laughing at that. “Oh, that is even better! Alejandro is going to love that idea!” George snickered, trying to not bust a gut laughing.

“I’ll start penning the letter to send that suggestion to him right after dinner!” Fred added with a grin.

Meanwhile: Malfoy Manor

The vast, brooding gothic manor of the Malfoy estate stood as an imposing edifice of an age long since past, masochistically ignored by its occupants. It was a place that inspired no hope, no joy, nothing that any normal person would consider good things to feel. Which made it the perfect place for Draco, or at least the Draco that Hogwarts knew. Yet as he sat at his desk, a truly gargantuan one made of thrice cursed Black Isis wood, he felt an unholy shudder go up his spine.

“I sense… something wicked…” Draco muttered to himself.

He looked over his shoulder, as if expecting to find some kind of vicious phantom in the room with him. To his relief, there was nothing. But, for some reason, that did little to quell his strange feeling of dread. As if something was coming for him. Something he could not avoid or run from. Something… inevitably evil…

At Hogwarts

Snape sat at his office desk, writing away with his favorite quill. It was the usual thing of preparing for the school year. No doubt in his mind with the many challenges for his position. Yet as he wrote a letter to a potion supplier, he felt a disturbance, as if someone, or even a cabal, was plotting his very downfall…

“That doesn’t narrow it down at all.” Snape said with a shrug, before going back to his work. With a man with a past like his, there were many that would want such a fate against him.

Back at the Burrow

Percy sat at his favorite chair, reading the latest volume of “A Gentleman’s Guide to Political Maneuvering.” He was about to flip the page to a particularly juicy, Machievellian-topic’d chapter, when he was stopped by a familiar horror creeping up his spine. It was one he had had to deal with for 11 whole years of his life…

“No… those two can’t be… but they are… may Merlin protect our souls…” Percy muttered in horror.

Ricky: Well, this was fun to write. Especially the ideas for prank potions and spells. Most of those were admittedly my idea. Hope you all like them.

sharad: Welcome to the new day. Chapters, from now on, will be posted every other Wednesday and or Thursday. I hope you enjoy the insanity coming ☆

Chapter Text

In the blink of an eye, Harry bolted up from sleep to the land of the living.  Breathing heavily, he patted himself down, as if checking to make sure everything was still where it should be. He didn’t remember the dream… nay, nightmare, that caused him such a fright. But, if the previous ones were anything to go by, then it wasn’t worth remembering. Seeing nothing else to do, he put on his glasses, and got out of bed. After swiftly making it, he then headed down towards the stairs.

It wasn’t quite morning yet, as the sun had yet to crest over the foggy, cloudy land called England. The Weasley’s house, while being a very cozy and homey atmosphere, left much to be desired in the lighting department. Few, if any moonlight got in from outside, making his journey as if he had left his glasses on the nightstand. Fumbling about, he miraculously made it to the stairs, trying not to wreck anything or stomp about and wake the family.

Just as he rounded the corner however, he was able to pick out the moving, round frame of Scabbers making his nightly rounds. Harry had to make a quick adjustment with his left foot to stop himself from flattening the poor rodent. However, as much as Scabbers' thanks likely would be, it did little to save his balance. Soon, Harry lost his balance and began to fall face first towards the bottom of the stairs. He shut his eyes, not daring to look. Yet the violent, painful crash he was expecting didn’t happen.

Instead, he landed on what felt like… pillows? Opening his eyes, it was indeed a set of pillows that caught him. Not only that, he hardly felt the floor beneath. He lifted his head off the pillows to see Ginny, Ron and the Twins sitting at the couches and chairs in the living room. All still in their nightgowns and pajamas… and not really surprised to see him.

“Have a nice trip, young Potter?” Fred asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Hope we see you next fall.” George asked as well with his own raised eyebrow.

“Wouldn’t it be this fall since we are about to reach autumn?” Ron asked in confusion.

“We were making puns, Ron.” The twins told their brother.

“Why did you…?” He began to ask only to be cut off by Ginny.

“Are you okay Harry? I hope the pillows weren’t too firm for you.” Ginny asked, concern clear in her voice.

“No, they were fine. But why did you set them up…?” Harry asked, still confused.

“You were moaning like a ghost all night.” Fred told him

“Ghosts don’t always do that. Only when they want to.” Ron said matter of factly.

“So we figured you were having a nightmare and set up the pillows just in case you tripped and fell down the steps.” George added.

“Can you three muppets let him speak?” Ginny harshly hissed out, not trying to raise her voice too much.

“Sorry, Gin.” The three said muppets replied.

“It’s fine, Ginny. Just… more nightmares…” Harry replied, trying to keep it down as well.

“Sound’s like you need to see a doctor. Are you sure you're okay Harry?” Ron asked worriedly.

“My family can’t afford a shrink for me.” Harry responded as if it were a regular thing to say.

“Why’s that?” Fred asked, surprised by that.

“His family are stupid, weird, and horrid even by Muggle standards.” Ron growled, thinly veiling his contempt for them.

“Whoa, Ronald! That sounded a little racist…” Ginny pointed out to her brother.

“Like you weren’t thinking it too, Ginny.” Ron added, giving his sister a look.

“There’s a difference between thinking it and saying it. We hear enough of that coming out of Percy the Worstsea’s mouth. We don’t need it out of you too.” Ginny said, the telltale scolding tone of her mother coming out.

“At least Percy doesn’t say things like that as often as that little git Draco Malfoy.” George pointed out.

“Oh, he really is a fire spitting dragon, ain’t he George?” Fred chipped in.

“That he is, Fred. That he is.” George said with a chuckle.

“Ron, please help Harry off the floor so we can get back to planning?” Ginny asked Ron politely.

Nodding, Ron went and helped his best friend up off the floor. As Harry brushed himself off, he realized their phrasing. “Wait… planning for what?” He asked the Weasley siblings.

“I knew we were missing something. I just couldn’t put my finger on it.” Ron said, feeling dumb. “Fred, this was your idea, you explain.”

“Our parents’ twenty-fifth anniversary is coming up and we want to plan something nice for them. We need your help and Percy’s to commence Operation: Rocky Road Romance.” Fred explained to their guest.

“What was wrong with Operation: Super Secret Surprise again?” Ron asked, raising a skeptical eyebrow.

“It didn’t roll off the tongue as well, Ronald.” George told his brother with a playful grin.

“But you're getting better. Just keep at it.” Fred said with a smile.

“Boys. Focus on explanation.” Ginny sternly said, crossing her arms.

“Right. We wanna plan a really good surprise party for them and need help deciding what to do for it. Are you up for planning the best surprise anniversary party ever, Harry?” Fred asked with a grin.

“Speaking of, where are your parents? Usually, they greet us by now.” Harry asked out of curiosity.

“For one, it's before sunrise. They don’t wake up that early. Secondly, we have our top people covering that during the day. ” George explained with a smile.

“Who?” Harry asked, confused.

“Top. People.” Fred replied mysteriously.

“It's Mafalda…” Ginny groaned. “Oh and Percy too…”

“They’re going along with Mafalda later today to help her pick supplies for her starting Hogwarts with Ginny.” Ron explained.

“How does it feel to go to school with her, Ginny?” Ron asked with a knowing tone, smiling like a Cheshire Cat.

“Watch it, Ronald. Don’t make me Bat Bogey you.” Ginny threateningly told her brother.

“You can Bogey, Bogey, Woogie until your wand breaks, but that spell doesn’t scare me.” Ron said confidently, crossing his arms.

“Oh you will. When you least expect it.” Ginny said ominously. “Anyways, back to the topic at hand. Continue with the explanation, Fred.”

“Right! Our job is to decorate for the party, Ginny’s handling getting the guests here, and Ron is handling the cake.” Fred explained.

Harry looked at his best friend. “Ron, you never told me you could bake.” He said, a bit surprised.

“You don’t know everything about me, Harry.” Ron replied with a playful grin.

“So, Harry. Are you up to help out?” Ginny asked, though internally knowing his answer already.

“I’m in. Just tell me what you need me to do.” Harry replied, a smile on his face.

“Really, there’s only three options. Either help Ron with the cake, help lighten his load by making the rest of the party food, or help with the guests.” Ginny rattled off in quick succession.

“I’ll work on making the rest of the party food. No offense, Ginny, but I think Ron needs my help more. I can help you with the guests afterwards if you need it.” Harry replied, extending an offer to assist her later.

“You're so supportive. Thank you, Harry.” Ginny said with a smile.

“Oh, just kiss already, you two.” George groaned, making the gesture of throwing up.

“Absolutely not.” Ron said, crossing his arms.

“What is with all of you? I can protect myself from boys just fine.” Ginny huffed.

“It's a brother’s job to do that. And you have a lot of brothers.” Fred answered her.

“Boy, don’t I know it…” Ginny grumbled.

As the group of five finished up, the sun just began to rise. Right in time for Molly to wake up. Though she was surprised that so many of them were up so early, she didn’t think anything of it. It's not like they were planning something or anything. No. That would just be ridiculous. Wouldn’t it?

Monsterhuntergod: We are back, just in time to avoid a hurricane. Yes the head author may be facing down the barrel of a hurricane, but let's be fair, what is about to happen for the Weasley’s might as well be a hurricane. Especially if Fred and George are involved. I personally don’t know which is scarier, them pranking you or legitimately trying to help. Regardless, see you all next time, and let the Rock Road adventure begin.

Uzumaki_Ricky: This one may be on the short side, but it’s setting up something good. And I look forward to writing the shenanigans. Hope you all enjoyed this one. Aloha, adieu, and good night all.

Sharad: Sorry for the short chapter, but hey, set ups. What ya gonna do?

Chapter Text

The day went off better than anyone at the Weasley’s would have expected. So much that Molly was initially suspicious. Much to the conspirators’ bowel shifting worry. However, the relief of having a relaxing morning was more than enough to get her off their backs. Thus, they began scurrying like rats about the place, moving and rearranging the place for the party. It was to the point where Molly thought they were actually cleaning the house.

“Hey Gin Gin? Can we invite those Becker chaps? They seemed nice.” Fred asked his younger sister, putting an elbow on her head to get her attention.

Ginny shrugged. “I don’t see why not.” she replied.

“George! Warm up the express typewriter! We need this out stat!” Fred yelled to his twin.

“You warm it up this time! Do you realize how hard that thing is to hand crank!?” George called from one of the closets.

Ginny rolled her eyes. “I’ll crank it this time…!” she called, heading to find the typewriter.

Harry looked at Ron in disbelief. “Why do you lot have a…?” he began to ask before Ron cut him off.

“Dad brought it home after work one day. Something about ‘examining it before going to lockup at the Ministry.’ I think that was like two years ago now.” Ron explained, confusion of his own setting in his voice.

Harry gave a deadpan look to his best friend. “Of course. Will Ginny need any help carrying it?” he replied.

“Carry that monstrosity? It weighs as much as a giant’s belt buckle. That thing isn’t going anywhere.” Ron replied with surety.

“Giants are… never mind. I’m not going to ask another stupid question.” Harry replied in a deadpan tone.

“Right, let's get to it. I think mum’s out of the kitchen finally. I just hope Peevish Percy and the sinister help’s distraction works long enough.” Ron said, as if bemoaning the fact he has to rely on their aid.

“If it doesn’t, we’ll have to work fast.” Harry replied as he and Ron each put on an apron, rolled up their sleeves, and got to work.

As the boys got to work, Arthur himself was hard at work in his garage. Before him lay a great pipe organ that had taken up a full corner of the garage… after some finagling of his already cramped garage. Molly did warn against putting too much in the Gringotts vault. He considered it a wonderful inheritance to his children personally. Even if they didn’t want it, they could sell it for a fortune if needed. It was at that when his watch caught his eye, and specifically the date.

His mind flashed back to the day he met her. At that he reached into his shirt pocket and pulled out a small locket. Opening it, he saw a picture of a far younger Molly and himself, happily wrapping their arms around each other for the photo. It brought a smile to his face as he lovingly closed it and put it in his pocket.

‘No doubt everyone has something planned as always. If not, then the old reliable option is there for later.’ Arthur thought to himself. ‘Now where to put the next part of the charm chain?’

“You can afford your very own pipe organ?” a familiar voice asked from the door of the garage.

“No. It's on loan from the Ministry.” Arthur said without turning to look at who said that.

“What does it do besides play music?” the voice pressed, allowing Arthur to identify the owner of the voice.

Turning around, he saw Harry standing before him, looking over the scene. “Oh, well I am working at creating the world's first automatically playing pipe organ.” Arthur proudly said, finally getting someone around here that was interested in his work.

“But we already have those in the Muggle world.” Harry said, cutting him off.

“Ah, but this one can, through the use of magic, turn that music into a visual story!” Arthur said proudly, in a slightly showman like way.

“… wait… it turns the music into a visual story? Like a tele, but with music?” Harry asked, actually amazed to hear about this.

“Indeed, young Harry, indeed. And dare I say with far better image quality than any Muggle tele.” Arthur answered with a smile. “The trick is just getting the ordering of the charm chain right…”

“Well, I won’t distract you, Mr. Weasley. You’re obviously creating something incredible and I’d hate to interrupt.” Harry replied with a genuine smile.

“Oh, you're no bother at all. Honestly, it's kinda nice to get someone that is actually interested in what I’m doing here.” Arthur answered him, waving off his concern.

“Well, either way, I’d love to see it in use once you finish it. This thing is going to be bloody brilliant, I can already tell.” Harry said, walking up to look the pipe organ over.

“Thank you, young Mr. Potter. I’ll make sure to let you know when I’m done with it.” Arthur replied.

Harry then turned to get back to work with Ron, but then realized something as he looked up at the doorway. “Wait… how did you even get it in here?” he asked, both confused and amazed.

“The Shrinking Charm, of course. You should learn it this year in your Charms class. As long as the curriculum hasn’t changed too drastically since I was there.” Arthur explained with a smile at the boy's naivety.

Harry grinned a bit at that. “I love magic…” he replied happily.

Meanwhile in the garden, Molly Weasely was hard at work in the garden. Days like this at the end of summer, where the sun wasn’t so oppressive and the cool breeze blew, she was at peace. After she pulled a weed from between her roses, she paused as she looked inside with the commotion of activity. She knew the kids were up to something. If they weren’t, then they wouldn’t be doing nearly as much. They all would have scampered off to do something else with their time.

However, as much as she shouldn’t probably have, she feigned ignorance. It warmed her to know her children cared so much to go through the trouble. They probably thought, even if wrongly, that they didn’t do anything on their anniversary. That, however, wasn’t true. Her and Arthur always went to a delightful little dinner club in town for the evening, before returning home to go to bed. It wasn’t fancy, or showy, but it felt right to them. Gone were the days of the endless energy of youth they both had, and the rigors of adult life truly kicked in. But that didn’t change anything between them. They still loved each other the same as they had when they first felt it.

Hours passed, and Percy and Mafalda had been taken by two adults to distract them. Things were going completely without a hitch. The food was nearly ready, the decorations were set up. All owls were wrangled. Nothing could possibly go wrong… until Ginny heard something trying to get through the rat hole. Looking down, she was horrified at seeing a gnome try to force its great, bulbous head through it. With a concerned-looking Scabbers nearby.

“We forgot to De-Gnome the garden!!” Ginny yelled as they all began hearing scratching and clawing at doors and old holes.

“Oh, bugger. I knew we were forgetting something.” George groaned.

“Ron, Harry! To the garden!” Ginny cried as the three rushed off.

“We will hold down the fort here! No Gnome is getting the best of me!!” Fred said, stancing up with his wand at the ready.

“One literally gave you a wedgie when you were six.” George dryly pointed out.

“Justice for my six-year-old britches!” Fred roared, his wand held ready for a gnome to come in.

As the trio of Hogwarts students rushed out into the garden, they saw the gnomes running amok. Eating flowers, trampling bushes, hijacking the wheelbarrow and joy riding it around the garden. They were even bathing in the bird bath. When they saw the three however, they stopped and looked at them, before they all rushed to dive into their Gnome holes.

“CHAAAARGE!” GInny called out, rushing in at the gnomes.

“Let's get them!!” Ron yelled, charging after his sister.

“Why don’t we just use the Leviosa Charm?” Harry asked as the two Weaselys rushed after them.

“They won’t stay still long enough! Just get the Knockback Jinx ready to daze them!” Ron told his friend as he got his wand out.

Harry looked as one of the gnomes got in the hole before him. Pulling out his wand, he made the correct gesture for Leviosa. Like clockwork, the gnome, to its utter shock and horror, began to float on up. Once it was in the air, Harry rotated his wand to spin the terrified Gnome around, before with a simple flick sending it flying. This shocked Ron and Ginny at the ease it worked as Harry went from hole to hole sending the poor things clear into the next county. Or at least that's what it looked like to them.

“... Why didn’t we think of that?” Ron asked, legitimately confused at their lapse in judgment.

“... I don’t know. But let’s get to it! I’ll grab a shovel since I don’t know the Knockback Jinx or the Leviosa spell yet.” Ginny replied, going to grab a shovel to bonk the gnomes on the head.

This change of tactic caused the gnomes in the garden to go into an utter panic. Their one defense was useless against the new charm they faced. Yet, if they tried to stay above ground and run, Ron and Ginny hit them with jinx and shovel. Seeing no other option, the remain unhurled gnomes fled the garden in complete panic, forcing themselves through the hedge in an tide of unwashed masses.

“Good job, Harry! I don’t think I’ve ever seen gnomes so terrified in my life!” Ron cheered with a smile before punching his friend in the shoulder.

“And stay gone, you dirty, little buggers!” Ginny roared after the gnomes, shaking her shovel up and down like a spear.

“Wait… what about the twins?” Harry asked.

“OUT! OUT, YA’ LITTLE GITS!” George’s voice rang out from within the house.

The three realized in an instant that some gnomes got through and rushed inside. What they saw before them… was utter calamity.

Fred and George were taking cover behind an upturned table, like soldiers down in the trenches. The gnomes were launching rapid fire plates, bowls, and utensils of all kinds using rubber bands as a makeshift slingshot. The plates, bowls, and utensils battered the twins’ makeshift wall as they poked their heads up between shots to fire back jinxes and curses at the little beasts. Taking cover to avoid a kitchen knife that was flung at their heads, the twins saw the knife stick into the doorway, missing Ron by a mere centimeter as he yelped.

“BLOODY FUCKING HELL!” Ron screamed in fright.

“TAKE COVER!” Ginny called out as she and the two boys dived to the floor.

“About time you slow little buggers showed up! We’ve been pinned down by these gits the whole bloody time, and they’ve eaten half the snacks already!” Fred yelled as George fired back some red sparks at them, taking pot shots when he could.

“Ron, Harry! Cover me! I’m going in!” Ginny called out, grabbing a pot cover to use as a makeshift shield.

Ron and Harry nodded before starting to fire Knockback Jinxes at the gnomes to cover Ginny as she used her makeshift shield to block fire from the gnomes’ makeshift ballista. Soon, she grabbed a large kitchen knife and began using it as a makeshift combat knife as she dueled with an opposing gnome.

“Back! Back, ya’ little bugger! Get out of our kitchen!” Ginny called out to the sneering gnome, blocking knife slashes with her pot cover while slashing at the gnome’s knife-wielding hand.

“That's it, girl! I’ll give you cover fire! Go for the contraption!!” George yelled, blasting several gnomes with red sparks charm bolts.

“Right!” Ginny called out, blocking a knife slash from the gnome and going for the rubber band ballista.

Letting out a yell, Ginny slashed at the rubber bands keeping the contraption together. The knife scythed through the rubber bands, cutting them and bringing the contraption down. Seeing their main weapon be destroyed, the gnomes took cover before the biggest one let out a loud growl that sounded like a call for retreat. Nodding, the gnomes made a hasty strategic withdrawal out the open door. As this happened, they heard the door get knocked on. Looking out the front door, they saw the Beckers standing there with some food in hand. However, they stood there in shock at what they just witnessed and the utter carnage that laid before them.

“Uuuuuhhhhhhhh…” Garrett said as his mother had to close his mouth for him.

“Did… did you all just go to war with a bunch of gnomes…?” Christine asked in disbelief.

“Yes… yes we did…” Ginny panted, before falling back onto the couch in exhaustion.

“Little gits wrecked the party and ate most of the snacks Harry and I prepared…” Ron grumbled, assessing the damage.

“You all get to work cleaning up. I’ll handle fixing up some snacks to replace them.” Christine said simply as both she and Garrett put the food down on the table.

“You don’t have to do anything…” Harry tried to say, before Christine cut him off.

“Nonsense. You all put a lot of work into trying to make your parents a good party for their anniversary. Garrett, my little strudel. Do help them clean up.” Christine said.

Hearing his mother’s nickname made the boy blush with embarrassment. “... Yes, mother…” Garrett said sheepishly before getting to work.

After several hours passed, Molly and Arthur finally arrived back. Percy and Mafalda kept their nervousness hidden the best they could, as they didn’t quite know what was waiting for them on the other side. Opening the door, to their shock, was a table full of food and drink, streamers, and even a banner wishing them a happy anniversary. All with the kids and the Beckers waiting for them.

“Happy Anniversary!!” The group cheered for them.

“Oh heavens, children. You didn’t have to go through all the trouble.” Molly said, putting a hand on her heart as the couple walked in.

“I am quite tickled by all the effort.” Arthur said with a smile as he took off his hat.

“It’s no trouble at all, Mr. and Mrs. Weasley. We wanted to help you celebrate right.” Harry told them both with a nervous smile, hoping that they didn’t notice the residual chaos from the Battle of the Kitchen.

“Wait a minute… why are there punctures in my table?” Molly said as she ran her finger along a line of them.

“... Mum. You wouldn’t believe us if we told you…” Ron told her sheepishly.

“... You forgot the De-Gnome the garden while setting up the party, didn’t you.” Molly asked with a deadpan look on her face.

“... So you would believe it if we told you…” The twins replied nervously.

“Honey, don’t get too angry with them. They put a lot of effort into this.” Arthur said, putting his hands on her shoulders.

“In retrospect, we probably should’ve had Percy help with the planning and preparations instead of distracting you…” Ginny noted, nervous about their mother potentially getting angry.

“Finally. I get recognition for my planning skills.” Percy said as he closed the door behind them.

“Well. You all set up the party. Let's get this party started!” Arthur called out, getting a massive cheer from everyone else as the party began. The stress and hardship of the day melting away in the matter of moments.

Chapter Text

To say the party was a raucous affair was by anyone's estimation an understatement. Fred and George completely cut off the hook as they turned the remnants of the Gnomes contraptions and a workbench from Arthur's Workshop into a mystical DJ table. Arthur and Molly danced together to the music. Christine had to keep Garrett from running off into some dark corner of the house, away from the party. Percy had slunk off to his room to study, the silence spell he put around his room not working as well as he had desired. And Mafalda had set up a gnome bowling set, with captured gnomes from the garden tied up and set up. With Ginny at the ready with a bowling ball from Arthur’s workshop.

“Not going to lie. This is cathartic.” Harry said with a smile.

“Less talking, more bowling.” Ron replied with a smirk.

“Didn’t you call it Gnowling?” Harry asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Yeah, gnome bowling.” Ron replied with a chuckle.

“Can you two goblin brains shut up!? I’m lining up my shot!” Ginny snapped.

“Don’t want to ruin the artistry.” Mafalda answered with a smile.

With a wry smile, Ginny stepped forward and threw the ball. The first one went wide and nearly took out a cabinet and Scabbers. Nine of the gnomes were petrified by Fred and George after Mafalda caught them. One Gnome, tied up with twine, was in the middle of the stone triangle, quivering in fear.

“You missed on purpose, didn’t you cousin?” Mafalda said with a smirk.

“Maybe…” Ginny said with a sardonic grin.

“Don’t hit Scabbers! He did nothing wrong!” Ron called out in concern for his rat.

However, what caught them off guard was Harry bursting out into a fit of laughter. Once he calmed down, he addressed them.

“This is the best party I’ve ever been to. Then again, it's the only one I’ve ever been to.” Harry said through some pants. “I mean, I was brought to Dudley’s party because they had no choice but to take me to the zoo, but that was more like a punishment. Other than seeing Dudley get trapped behind some glass in the Reptile House…”

“Did he get eaten by a snake?” Mafalda asked, her eyes lighting up at the possibility.

“The snake didn’t die from caloric intake, so no.” Harry replied back sadly.

“Is there literally anyone in your ‘family’ that's even tolerable?” Ron asked with exasperation.

“Damien.” Harry and Ginny replied simply.

“Ginny, have you been stalking the boy again?” Mafalda asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Harry told me about him. And, for your information, cousin, I don’t stalk. I research.” Ginny replied indignantly.

Ron gave Harry a look. A look that Harry didn’t really think about at the time or process. A look that simply said, ‘We will talk about this later.’

Privet Drive: Dursley Residence

The Dursely’s day had gone about as planned for any day of their little brood’s could. Petunia was hard at work around the house doing chores, Vernon was reading a book, and Dudley and Damien were… brotherly bonding. Totally not plotting to usurp the other in the family hierarchy or anything. Not just good, simple bonding between brothers. However, as all this went on, Vernon suddenly got a feeling. A feeling he just couldn’t shake. A feeling he had one year ago.

“Petunia dear!” Vernon called out into the halls from the living room.

“Yes, dear?” Petunia asked from the kitchen.

“Has the boy come back yet?” Vernon asked, bemusement plastering his voice.

“No, Vernon. He’s still at the house of that wizard friend of his. I think his name was Ronald-something…” Petunia replied, the boy’s last name escaping her.

“He probably forgot something that he needs for that stupid school of his. I don’t know dear. I just got a very familiar feeling all of a sudden. Like I’ve had this before almost a year ago, in fact…” Vernon rambled, which caught Petunia’s attention.

Petunia became nervous at that. “Vernon, dear… have you checked if anything has come in the post yet?” she asked, remembering this feeling all too well.

“You know there isn’t any post on Sundays.” Vernon stated firmly.

On cue, the house was rocked by an all mighty crash. Plaster and wood splintered and rocketed through the room, glass crumbled to dust. The drapes were soon on the floor as if they were no better than soiled linens. From the gargantuan hole that had been punched into the wall came the boulder sized form of a man they had seen before. The unmistakable, all encompassing form of Rubeus Hagrid, his large dog Fang in tow, walked through covered in the materials of its construction. Completely unphased by them now covering him.

“We just had that wall painted!” Vernon roared as he hopped to his feet while a terrified Dudley ran upstairs fast as his fat legs could carry him, looking like the boulder from Indiana Jones on rewind.

“How many bloody times do we have to do this, old man?” Hagrid gruffly said as he marched with purpose towards Vernon.

“What the bloody hell do you mean by that?! I sent the damn boy to the school as you asked!” Vernon shot back, trying to at least appear defiant.

“No, you didn’t. He went off with his friends almost a month ago. The Wiselys.” Damien said, pointing out his dad’s blunt lie.

Hagrid turned and gave Vernon a dirty look at that. “Dursley…!” the giant of a man growled out dangerously.

“Before you cave my dad’s skull in, why are you here… um… Hogrid?” Damien asked the towering man.

“Hagrid. Rubeus Hagrid, Keeper of the Keys and Grounds of Hogwarts, at your service.” Hagrid replied, reintroducing himself. “And I’m here for two reasons.”

“You mean aside from destroying my wall?” Vernon asked with annoyance.

“One: To see why Harry hasn’t been replying to my, Ron, Hermione, or Hogwarts’ letters. And two: To give you this lad, since you haven’t been getting this for some reason.” Hagrid replied before reaching into his coat pocket, pulling out an envelope and holding it out to Damien.

Damien looks at his parents “Really? Again? I mean, it was obvious I was gonna go there too, but seriously again?” He questions bluntly.

“We had nothing to do with this, dear. Nothing has been coming in the post for you or Harry.” Petunia explained to her younger son.

“Wait… Petunia! What the bloody hell is everyone going on about with Damien?” Vernon snapped in shock.

“You seriously never noticed weird things around me last year while Harry was at school, dad? Or that, when I got excited, we had power surges?” Damien pointed out, glad he got his mom’s brains.

“Have you seen how bad the power grid is, boy?” Vernon asked, raising an eyebrow.

“How you kept your job with your brain I don’t know, old man. I have magic like Harry. I mean, it was obvious.” Damien groans

“Don’t you talk back to me, Damien!” Vernon roared.

“I believe that’s called a conversation.” Damien remarks.

“Right. So, if you lot didn’t do this, then where did the letters go?” Hagrid asked in confusion.

From the shadows on top of the staircase, a small thin gray creature grimaced at the source of his trouble being such a massive and powerful creature. A normal wizard, maybe he could do something about him. But a half-giant? No potato sack was fitting over his head.

“Dobby would have gotten away with it too, if it wasn’t for that meddling half-giant and his stupid dog…” The creature growled before slinking off further into the house, so not to be found.

“Well, since you're here, here you go boy.” Hagrid said, handing the letter to Damien.

“Dear me, you have been invited to, blah, blah, blah…” Damien zoomed through the letter, remembering it from last year with his cousin.

“Wait… No. No, no, no, no, no! No!” Vernon yelled, his arms flailing about in rage.

“Vernon, calm down! Remember your blood pressure!” Petunia told him worriedly.

“Calm down!? CALM DOWN!? Our own boy! Our own boy is a freak!” Vernon roared, as if he was having a mental breakdown.

“On the inside, where it’s safe. Unlike you and Duds, old man” Damien chided.

“Vernon, compose yourself. Take a deep breath. You’re a calm little leaf, floating in a gentle stream…” Petunia calmly told her husband, trying to get her husband to relax before he gave himself a heart attack.

It was at that moment Vernon realized something, and pointed at Petunia. “You’ve kept this from me.” Vernon said, his voice getting eerily calm all of a sudden.

“Vernon, remember the stream! Remember the stream!” Petunia urged him, beginning to panic.

“Fuck the bloody stream! You have lied to me about my own son!!” Vernon roared, marching towards her.

“Only for eleven years, pops.” Damien interjects.

“Shut up, boy!” Vernon snapped at him, looking like he was going to pop a vein.

“Vernon, I swear I thought that this wouldn’t happen! With how normal you are, I thought that this would be avoided!” Petunia explained, trying to calm her husband’s rage.

“Avoided!? How the hell did you possibly think you could avoid something that's in the boy's blood!?” Vernon asked with a fury, his face as red as a strawberry.

“With how normal you are, I thought that it wouldn’t actually happen twice in the family! And, even if it did, I was going to tell you that he got accepted to a gifted school after seeing him off at the train station!” Petunia said in a panic. “But we never received any post for him, so I assumed he didn’t get into that school!”

Vernon stood there looking at her. For a good while, there was only rage, no thoughts to be had. But then she saw a spark enter his eyes, and the jowls on his face contort into a deep glower. Then his thick lips began to move with purpose.

“You were going to lie to me. To continue to lie to me for the rest of my fucking life.” Vernon coldly said.

“I didn’t want you to hate our son like you hate our nephew…” Petunia replied surprisingly meekly.

“He’s my son, too! I deserve to fucking know, regardless of what I’m going to think! I have done everything to provide for this family, and this is how I get thanked for it!?” Vernon shouted at her.

“Yeah, they’re gonna be at this for a while. Wanna head out, big guy?” Damien asked Hagrid.

“Probably a good idea. Follow me, you can ride in the sidecar with Fang here.” Hagrid told the boy.

“Fang, huh? Weird, he looks more like a Fluffy.” Damien commented.

“Oh, just you wait until I show you Fluffy back home.” Hagrid chuckled as he walked over towards the bike with Damien.

“Oh, the three headed dog? Harry talks in his sleep. Though, sometimes, he hisses. Can’t figure that out.” Damien remarks.

“I shouldn’t have taught him to talk in his sleep.” Hagrid grumbled as he got on the bike. “Hop in the sidecar, boy.”

Damien happily did so with Fang grumbling at having to share his seat. He just got it the way he liked it. As Damien buckled up, he looked through the hole in the wall that was his front door. He could see his parents still arguing, his father furious, his mother afraid and on the verge of tears, and Dudley nowhere to be found. It made his heart ache to have to leave them in such a state… but what could he do? Scarily, it was the words of his father that went through his head. Sometimes, it's better to leave a situation than put yourself through more trouble…

MHG: Why do I enjoy writing both Hagrid and Vernon so much? Hagrid I get, but Vernon? It's weird. Anyways, I hope you all enjoy that.

Uzumaki_Ricky: This was definitely the most fun one to write. The banter, the ridiculousness, Hagrid busting through the wall like the Kool-Aid guy. Poetry in motion and I loved every moment of it. We hope you all had fun. Adieu, aloha, good night, and happy holidays.

Sharad: And I hope you all enjoyed it as we went through this infinite bullshit. And a little heads up: This is the last chapter I had planned out, so I will be going on holiday hiatus to plan out some more chapters. Also, for those who were wondering about Hagrid‘s accent, we don’t typically write accents in our stories unless it’s an integral part of the character where it’s like, you know, when there’s a gag where no one understands them because of their accent.

Chapter Text

“Stupid bird. Maybe Hermione is right…” Ron grumbled as he emerged from his room like a bear in spring. Groggy, grumpy, and hungry.

He did not have long to get adjusted however, as he heard a lot of commotion downstairs. Rubbing his eyes with his pajama sleeves, he made his way down the stairs. As soon as he reached the bottom of the stairs, he heard a familiar chittering noise at his feet. Looking down, Scabbers looked up at him, as if beckoning him to pick him up. A small smile stretched across the boy’s lips as he reached down and gently put him on his shoulder.

He soon rounded the corner into the den, and to his shock, he saw Harry and the Twin’s chatting it up. To the point that he could have sworn they knew each other their entire lives.

“Harry? Fred? George? What’re you three up to?” Ron asked, confused.

“Oh, hello Ron.” Fred answered politely.

“Little early for you, little brother, isn’t it?” George asked.

“Errol came delivering a letter from Hermione. Damn bird woke me up by smacking into my window…” Ron grumbled in annoyance.

“Ah, Errol. You think at some point Mum and Dad would get a new owl out of pity. Poor thing’s gonna conk himself out hitting so many windows.” George said with a sigh.

“I’ve offered to get your family a new owl multiple times, but Ron wouldn’t go for it. He even told me that none of you would agree to it either.” Harry explained with a sigh.

“It's the Weasley pride. At a certain point, though…” Fred started to say thoughtfully, but was soon cut off by Ron.

“Focus, please. What are you three up to?” Ron asked, trying to change the subject from potentially owing Harry for something.

“Should we tell him?” Fred asked, snapping his head to look at his twin.

“I don’t know. He is being a bit snappy today…” George answered, his voice trailing off whimsically.

“We’re planning out this year’s pranks for Fred and George to pull at Hogwarts, Ron.” Harry said with a grin.

Ron frowned at this. “But Fred and George usually ask me to help with that.” He pointed out.

“This is why we always tell you, Ron. Early trickster gets the prank.” George said, raising his finger like a Hogwarts professor.

“Most of them seem to be really focused on Percy, for some reason. I don’t know why they want my help with him…” Harry replied, confused.

“Of course. It’s because he doesn’t like you.” Ron pointed out.

“Wait. He doesn’t?” Harry asked in shock.

“No, he doesn’t.” Ron, the twins, and even a passing Percy said simultaneously.

“Jinx, Ron. You owe us a Butterbeer.” The twins said with grins.

“Wizard snaps…” Ron cursed under his breath.

“Huh. I never noticed.” Harry said, surprised.

“What are you four even doing this early?” Percy asked dryly.

“Planning our pranks for this year, Percy. Wanna help out for once?” Fred offered to the third oldest Weasley child.

“Why bother? I’m the target of most of them anyway.” Percy answered with a roll of his eyes, before slinking off to the kitchen.

“He’s onto us…” George whispered to his twin and Harry.

“You know, if you helped them every once in a while, maybe you wouldn’t be a target as much.” Harry noted, trying to be helpful.

“I really don’t like you.” Percy scowled from the kitchen.

“What did I do…?” Harry asked, legitimately confused.

“Well, you three have fun. I’m going to go see if Ginny needs any help this morning.” Ron said with a deep sigh, looking away.

“Why don’t you join us, Ron? We could use an extra head to put together with ours.” Harry offered to his best friend.

“I don’t really feel like being a third wheel this early.” Ron scowled before heading off.

“Our little Ron is being sassy. I’m so proud…” Fred said with a smile.

“Almost brings a tear to a man’s eye…” George added with mock tearful joy.

Harry did not get to say another word before Ron slammed the door to the garden behind him. Clenching his fists and adding a huff to his step, he marched off to find his sister. Mercifully, he found her, though he was stunned at the situation he found.

Ginny stood at one side of the garden with her wand ready, and at the other side of the garden were gnomes tied to posts. Then with a motion of the wand that looked vaguely like a bat wing, she spoke an incantation.

“Chiroptera Muccus.” Ginny called out as a snot green ball of light shot from her wand.

Soon a flurry of light green energy hits the gnomes, forcing them to sneeze violently. Great streams of mucus came from their little gnome noses, but Ginny frowned and stomped her foot in frustration.

“Failed again! How come I can’t get this to work!?” Ginny growled.

“What’s wrong, Ginny? Practicing your Bat Bogey again?” Ron asked his sister in mild concern.

“Yes! All the effort bribing Percy to get an original page from Miranda Goshawk’s own spellbook, and I can’t get the stupid thing to work.” Ginny huffed.

“What could you possibly have bribed him with to get that from him?” Ron asked her, his eyes widening in shock.

“That's between me and Percy, dear brother. You’ll have to ask him.” Ginny answered cheekily, giving him a wink.

“Send me to the lion’s den, why don’t you…?” Ron muttered under his breath.

“You know I wouldn’t do that, Ron. But I’m still not telling you.” Ginny told him.

“Well, if you need help, I can always try. Though why are the gnomes tied to those posts?” Ron offered hesitantly, slowly looking at the tied-up gnomes.

“Because I’m using them for target practice for the spell.” Ginny told her brother, glaring at the gnomes.

“Isn’t that a bit cruel?” Ron asked.

“They know what they did…” Ginny growled out, glaring daggers at the little gits.

“Okay then, moving on.” Ron said, trying to move the conversation away from the unique form of pest control. “But if you want, I can help you practice.”

“No thank you. Harry offered to help too when he gets done helping Fred and George. Give me a moving target. When I asked why, he told me he’s been feeling a bit stuffy and thought it might help.” Ginny replied, smiling brightly.

“Alright, fine. I understand.” Ron answered with a dour tone, before heading off towards the kitchen.

With a scowl he threw the door open with a crash. Thankfully, the only person in the kitchen was Percy, who merely looked disapproving at him. For once, Ron did not react to him as he went to pour himself some tea from the teapot. This caught Percy’s attention, as if anyone reacted to his disapproving glare, it was always Ron.

“Is everything all right today, Ronald?” Percy asked, masking any concern he may have in a drole monotone.

“Everyone’s been taking up Harry’s time doing things I usually help them with.” Ron said, sipping his tea.

“You're telling me. Mother apparently got him to help me out with organizing my spell books this afternoon. I know mum can be a bit of a fire breathing dragon at times, but he took it on the chin.” Percy answered with a sigh, trying to be a bit sympathetic.

“Doesn’t she usually make me do that with you?” Ron asked, actually sounding a bit hurt.

“Usually yes. Then again, you normally don’t do much worthwhile around here anyway, but that can be our little secret.” Percy replied before sipping his tea.

“But you know that I’m the only one here who knows exactly how you align and alphabetize your spell books. And Fred and George always count on my creativity for punishments for anyone they have a grudge against in school. Not to mention Ginny always comes to me for advice on something.” Ron noted, sounding genuinely hurt by the entire situation.

“Are you starting to see why I hate him so much? Spreads trouble everywhere he goes. Like dear Ginevra’s attempt at spreading butter on toast.” Percy said, leaning forward towards Ron.

“I don’t hate Harry. He’s my best friend. Also, you do realize that Ginny was still dead tired, right?” Ron pointed out.

“Well, as future Head Boy to an incoming Second Year student, why don’t you go clear the air between yourself and Potter?” Percy offered politely.

“You’re just a Prefect this year, Percy. But that is good advice…” Ron noted, thinking about it.

Ron was soon cut off from anything further by Ginny slamming the door open and marching in. The two were stunned as she had a very annoyed look on her face.

“Who among you said my birth name?” Ginny growled.

“... He did it!” Ron said, pointing to Percy before running for the door.

“Wait, wait, wait, wait!” Percy said in a panic as Ginny marched towards him.

As soon as he flung the door open to leave, he ran straight into his cousin Mafalda. Unlike his siblings, Ron’s attempt to run through her was met with stiff resistance. As if repealed by a much greater force, he stumbled back as she raised her eyebrow at him.

“Got a date or something, cousin?” Mafalda asked.

“No, Mafalda. Just running before I get caught in the crossfire of Ginny hexing Percy.” Ron told his cousin, straightening himself out.

“Oh, I thought you were going to write a letter… Herbolony… Hernia… Hermoney… what was her name again?” Mafalda asked.

Ron blushed at that. “Her name is Hermoine, Mafalda! And she’s just a friend!” He told her in frustration.

“Oh, you mean a girl who happens to be a friend. Got it.” She answered with sarcasm, before giving him a wink.

“Don’t make me hex you, Mafalda…” Ron told her, glaring at his cousin with his face as red as a cherry.

“If you're even twice as good at hexing as Ginny, I’m not scared.” Mafalda replied with a smile.

“I HEARD THAT, MAFALDA!” Ginny told her cousin in anger.

“I should hope so.” Mafalda shot back.

“... Moving on. Do you want me to quiz you on material for Hogwarts, Mafalda?” Ron asked his cousin.

“Ginny’s boyfriend beat you to the punch, Ron.” Mafalda replied with a shrug.

“I WILL HEX YOU SO HARD YOUR GRANDCHILDREN WILL FEEL IT!” Ginny snapped out, as red as a stop sign.

“I’m quivering in my boots.” Mafalda answered with a smile.

“Is there literally anything that Harry hasn’t offered to do around here?” Ron asked, frustration painted on his face.

“Well, I would ask you to help with the chores, but Harry offered to help with that too.” Molly said as she walked in.

“Fine, just make me useless in my own house! ARGH!” Ron roared before storming out of the kitchen.

Everyone looked on in shock for a bit before Ginny finally spoke up. “... What’s wrong with Ron?” She asked, concern for her brother dripping from her tone.

“I’ll go talk with him, dear. Don’t you worry. And please don’t kill your brother over your birth name again.” Molly answered before starting to follow Ron.

“No promises, Mum…” Ginny replied, glaring at Percy as he tried to make a break for it.

Meanwhile: Guildford, Surrey

In the quaint English countryside of Surrey, the morning routine of quiet banality was rudely interrupted by a sudden flash of foreign energy. In the home of one Alejandro, his half-English, half-Spanish breakfast was interrupted by a tiny creature known as his sister. He looked down at the seven-year-old girl with hazel eyes looking back through locks of deep brown hair. She hid under the table, only being able to due to her short height even for her youthful age.

“Marisol? What is it, hermana? And can’t it wait until after breakfast?” Alejandro asked his little sister.

“Why do you have to go to Hocuswart? Can’t you skip so we can play wizards and muggles?” Marisol asked.

Alejandro chuckled at that. “It’s called ‘Hogwarts,’ Mari. And yes, I do. If I’m going to learn to use magic and finish my education, I have to. Don’t worry, hermana menor. I’ll be home during the breaks.” He told her with a smile.

“Maybe I can sneak in his suitcase when he isn’t looking.” Marisol loudly whispered.

“No, Mari. Hogwarts is dangerous for people without magic.” Alejandro sternly told his baby sister.

“How did you know my super-secret plan?” Marisol wondered in amazement.

“You weren’t exactly being quiet, Mari. If it makes you feel any better, I’ll entertain you with more new spells when I get home.” Alejandro told her.

“Fun watching magic I can’t do because I was born wrong.” Marisol said glumly.

Alejandro frowned. “You weren’t born wrong, Mari. Just different.” He told her, pulling her into a hug to make her feel better.

“I wish I could be special like you, hermano.” Marisol said sadly, returning the hug.

“You don’t have to be like me to be special, Mari. Just be your best you.” Alejandro told her.

“How can I ever be my best if I can’t do anything?” Marisol answered sadly before storming off.

Alejandro sighed as she left. “Trust me, Mari. If I could give you my magic to make you happy, I would…” He said sadly, watching his baby sister leave.

Chapter Text

The damp, cool autumn weather was clearly on the way, as Alejandro was forced to tighten up his shirt. Shivering from the chill, he and the rest of his family clustered into Diagon Alley. Even such unseasonable weather did not slow or thin the great crowds. As they nearly fought their way through the jostling throngs of Wizards before them, the family did their best to keep the young ones close. Diagon Alley was not known for a fearsome reputation, but getting lost would still be harrowing for anyone. Alejandro turned to take a headcount and sighed deeply at everyone still being there.

“Bueno, we’re all still here.” Alejandro said, visibly relieved that he had not lost track of anyone.

“Brother. When are we gonna get to see some cool wizard stuff?” His younger brother asked him; his face twisted with impatience.

“Patience, Eddy. We need to shop around.” Alejandro told his little brother.

“You said there would be cool wizard things!” Eddy snapped and stomped his foot on the cobble paved road.

“Rey León Eduardo De Garcia!” A feminine voice snapped out at him as an above average height Hispanic woman stepped into view.

“Sorry, Mami…” Eddy quickly replied, sheepishly apologizing.

“It looks like you need to mind your manners like a good Hispanic English gentleman, Eddy.” Eddy’s twin sister smugly snarked.

“Gabriela Emperatriz Serpiente de García, do not even start with me right now.” Mrs. Garcia snapped, her baleful gaze turning to her daughter.

The now named Gabriela blushed at the use of her full name. “Mami, I told you! Call me Gabby in public!” The girl shrieked in embarrassment.

“Then be good enough to allow me to call you that! I want no trouble out of both of you. I cannot handle any Twister Twin nonsense today!” She sternly said to the two.

“Yes, Mami…” The two twins grumbled.

“Now, your Father and I have some errands to run. You go with your big brother and behave. Alejandro, be safe and have fun, my little sugar bomb.” Mrs. Garcia said as she wrapped an arm around her husband, before leaning down to kiss her son on the cheek.

Alejandro now blushed in embarrassment. “Mami, not in public! What if mis amigos from school are here…?” He remarked nervously.

“They will see you have an attentive mother and two troublesome twins at your side. Now, run along and have some fun, mijo. Getting your supplies is half the fun!” Mrs. Garcia said with a big grin.

“Don’t embarrass the boy too much now, Maria.” Alejandro’s father, a dignified looking man of clearly an American background, playfully chided his wife.

“Hush, Felix. Or I’ll be putting in to have another set of twins out of you.” Maria playfully replied, giving him a small slap on his arm.

Felix blushed a bit and chuckled. “Dear, not in front of the children…” He chided nervously.

“We are sending them off to learn about magic and dark creatures, dear. That's the least of their concerns. Have fun, dear!” Maria said with a cheery grin as the two disappeared into the crowd.

Alejandro sighed at that. “Alright, you two. Let’s go and get your wands first. After that, we can hit the bookstore.” He told the two.

“Better here than back home with Abuela. I have to hear one more time how Abuelo died fighting a troll, I’ll lose it.” Eddy said with a deep sigh.

“Be grateful they keep its stuffed head in the attic rather than mounted over the fireplace…” Alejandro grumbled as they stepped into Ollivander’s.

“There hasn’t been a troll attack in over two hundred years in Hogsmeade!” Gabby commented, rolling her eyes.

“Focus, you two. Señor Ollivander is a terribly busy man. So, let's not waste his time.” Alejandro sternly said as he soon rang the bell on the front desk.

With a spring in his step, a wizened, white-haired man came rushing to the front desk. His bushy, frazzled hair was completely at odds with the strong, stone-like features of his face. His brown overcoat was haphazardly opened with multiple layers exposed. He then looked down at them with an inquisitive, observant eye. Around his neck hung a tape measure, let out long and loose.

“Hello there. I am Mr. Ollivander. And whom do I have the pleasure of speaking to today?” He asked curiously.

Alejandro smiled a bit. “Hello, Señor Ollivander. I’m Alejandro Garcia. Do you remember meeting me last year when you helped me get my wand?” He replied with a bit of cheer.

Ollivander smiled at that. “Ah, yes! I remember you well! Yours was an alder and thunderbird tail feather! Sixteen inches, if I remember correctly! One of the few American made wands I had in stock, and a marvelous one at that!” The old man replied with joy.

“That's nearly as long as my arm…” Eddy chuckled under his breath.

Alejandro simply smacked Eddy in the back of his head without looking away from Mr. Ollivander before giving the older man a smile. “That’s right, sir. And I have to say that my wand still handles like a dream.” He replied to the older man.

“Most excellent to hear. And I take it that these two fine prospective wizards and witches are whom I need to work with today?” Ollivander asked, looking at the Twister Twins with an inquisitive eye.

Alejandro nodded in agreement. “Yes, they are. My twin siblings Eddy and Gabby are here for their first wands. Can you help them?” He replied with a smile as the two stepped up.

“Hola, Señor Ollivander!” Eddy enthusiastically greeted the older gentleman.

“Right then. Follow me, children, so that I can get your measurements.” He answered, ushering them into the depths of his shop.

As they followed behind the aged wand master, they walked through tunnel after tunnel of high stacked shelves. Each one is near full to bursting with wands of all shapes and sizes. For little Eddy and Gabby, the mind-blowing amount of them was almost too much. And certainly, too much for them to keep track of where they were going, causing them to run into Alejandro. Their older brother turned to

look at them after feeling the impact.

“Be careful, you two. Stick close to Señor Ollivander. It’s like a maze in here.” Alejandro told his little siblings.

The two nodded as they headed back in with Alejandro in tow to follow behind Ollivander. Soon, he unfurled his tape from around his shoulders and made quick measurements. As soon as he started, he was done, as he then shifted to a thinking pose. This confused the twins, as simply none of this made sense.

“Let's start with the little lady first. It is only polite.” Ollivander said, heading down one of the tunnels to his right.

Gabby nodded and stepped forward. “Thank you, Señor Ollivander. Do you have something in mind for me?” She asked with a smile.

“I believe I do, dear girl.” Ollivander replied, coming out with a wand box. “Here we go. Red oak and dragon heartstring. Thirteen inches, firm but supple. Take it and give it a whirl, my dear.” The old man told her as he opened the box.

Gripping it firmly, Gabby then activated the wand. With a light glow at the end, what happened next, no one expected. A burst of lightning shot from the wand, bouncing about the walls like it were made of silly putty. Bouncing all over the place, knocking wands off the shelves as it went, it then landed squarely in Alejandro’s rear, giving him a sharp jolt of pain to his butt.

“Yowch!” Alejandro cried out in pain.

“Oh dear. Most definitely not.” Ollivander said as Gabby offered him the wand for him to take.

“Do it again!” Eddy cackled.

Alejandro glared at his brother at that. “Eddy…!” He growled out.

“Let’s try… ah, yes. This one.” Ollivander said, pulling another off the nearby shelf. “Pine and white river monster spine. Eleven-and-a-half inches, a bit springy, but firm and strong. Try it, dear girl.” He told her, opening the box and offering her the wand.

With another swing of the wand, she sent out a mist of magic from the other end. Soon however, one of the wand boxes began to float. Turning towards her brothers, it then began to fly towards them, opening and closing like Pacman.

“Get down!” Alejandro called out, diving to the floor.

Eddy, on the other hand, was too slow and got smacked in the face by the box as it snapped down on his face. “Argh! Get it off, get it off!”

He replied, trying to pry the snapping box off his face.

“Oh my! Most definitely not!” Mr. Ollivander called out as he pulled out his wand and, with a flick, summoned the wand and box to him.

Catching them out of the air, he closed the box and set it back on the shelf.

“Since when do boxes try to eat you?” Eddy asked his big brother as he got himself off the floor.

Alejnadro dusted himself off. “It’s magic, Eddy. Don’t think about it too hard, it does what it wants.” He replied, trying to help Eddy nurse his face.

“I believe that this one should do nicely. Rowan and horned serpent horn. Thirteen inches, nice and dense. Try this one, my dear.” Mr. Ollivander told her, opening the box before offering her the wand.

With a hesitant swing, she soon felt a warm glow and an easy feeling. Soon the wand began to gently vibrate, almost as if it were purring like a kitten. Ollivander soon smiled wide at the development.

“There we go. A perfect fit.” Ollivander said with joy.

“Coooool! Me next!” Eddy said excitedly.

“Of course. I think I can get you on my first try, young Eddy. Follow me.” Ollivander said, waving to the young boy as he used his magic to

clean up the mess as they went.

The three followed Ollivander as he led them through the shop. Soon, he found a shelf and, with a flick of his wand, levitated a wand box down from the top shelf. Taking it in hand, he gently opened it to reveal a light-colored wand. “Here we are. Poplar and phoenix feather. Fifteen-and-a-half inches, lightweight and user friendly. Try it, my boy.” He said with a smile as he held the box out for Eddy to take the wand.

Taking it in his hand, Eddy held it out and tapped it against a shelf. Soon, though at first the wand waved about itself, his hand soon was covered in an orange aura as it danced to his movements with sublime ease. Ollivander soon had the biggest smile on his face and snapped his fingers before giving him a small applause.

“Wonderful, my boy! Simply wonderful! I haven’t had the pleasure of handing out a poplar and phoenix feather to a potential first year in years!” Ollivander remarked with joy.

Eddy smiled in response. “Thank you. Honestly, it just feels right in my hand, you know?” He replied, carefully holding his new wand at his side alongside Gabby.

“That is how any wand should be my boy. A wand shouldn’t merely be a tool, although it is, but also an extension of you. The best pairings should always be ones where you don’t even feel the wand. It is in perfect harmony.” Ollivander said with a big smile.

Alejandro gave a big smile at that. “Wand lore sounds so fascinating. Maybe I should study it some time.” He replied with a thoughtful

expression.

“Oh yes, my dear Alejandro. Wand lore is one of the most fascinating and mysterious wizarding arts. Very few have the patience to study it, but many who do find it oh so gratifying.” Ollivander said with a big grin, happy to have inspired a potential new wand master.

Nodding, Alejandro gave a grin of his own. “I’ll keep that in mind, Señor Ollivander. Thank you for my siblings’ first wands.” He replied, giving a light bow in thanks.

“Thank you, Señor Ollivander!” The twins replied, mimicking their brother’s bow.

“Anytime, dear children! Don’t be afraid to come again if you ever need new wands!” Ollivander replied joyfully before beginning to lead them out through the maze of shelves.

Once they were led out and a final goodbye was said, the trio were soon off. Now far more engaged, Alejandro found it far easier to lead them to the other required shops. Both their cauldrons and books went off without a hitch. It was only after the bookshop that they began to have trouble. Try as he might, he could not keep Gabby walking straight. Her nose was firmly buried in a book about broomsticks. Finally, he was forced to grab her by the collar and pull her along like a puppy on a leash.

With sister in hand and a close eye on his brother, Alejandro led them into the Magical Menagerie. A cacophony of noise met them as every kind of common wizarding pet could be found in cages and tanks by the score. A kindly old witch in black robes and a pointed hat came to look at them. With a smile she addressed them.

“Welcome back, young Garcia. How are you today?” The kindly witch asked them.

Alejandro smiled. “Good, Señora Bertha. We’ve already picked up our books and the twins’ wands for Hogwarts this year. Now we just need their pets.” He told her.

“Are you sure I can’t interest you in a nice fruit bat too, dear? I saw you eyeing them last year and we just got a new batch of little ones.” Bertha offered with a smile.

“Don’t they give diseasles?” Eddy asked.

“Not if they’re well taken care of, dear.” Bertha replied with a grin.

Alejandro grinned back. “Perhaps next year. All right, you two. Look around and see if there is anything you like.” He replied, motioning around at the massive shop.

“Let's see…” Eddy muttered as he began to wander.

“Do you have any owls?” Gabby asked Bertha.

“We just got a new batch of owls this morning, dear. Ernest!” Bertha called out towards the back.

As Gabby rushed off to check out the owls, Eddy looked around the existing stock. Newts, toads, bats and so much more were at his disposal. One thing he knew he wasn’t going to get was a cat. He hated the old family cat and was glad it was gone. He eyed a chimpanzee for a moment but decided against it. The same went for a ferret, since he had heard from Alejandro that they tended to steal and hoard their master’s things. Yet, when he got into the rodent section, he stopped. Inside a small cage was a sad, lonely brown rat that soon looked at him.

“Hey there, little guy. What's wrong? Lonely?” Eddy asked.

The rat chittered in a lonely tone, looking at him with big, sad eyes. Eddy put his hand in his cage, looking over the rat.

“Would you like to come with me?” Eddy asked it.

At this, the rat chittered excitedly as it ran around in the cage. Eddy then waved Bertha down as Gabby walked out with a Eurasian Eagle Owl in a cage.

“Señora! I’ll take this rat!” Eddy called out.

Bertha smiled at that. “Excellent choice, my boy. The unfortunate thing has been passed up so many times despite being an affectionate one.” She replied before motioning him over to the counter.

As she went over to open the cage, she soon let it get on her hand. Yet, as soon as the rat was out of the cage, it took one look at Gabby’s gargantuan owl and leapt out of her hand. Soon, it scurried as fast as it could scurry up the multiple levels of shelving. Eddy, without another word, soon leapt up and began climbing like a spider monkey after his rat. Much to the horror and frustration of Alejandro.

“Eddy, be careful!” Alejandro called out in worry.

“I’ll be fine! You worry too much, hermano!” Eddy called back as he climbed ever higher.

“You’re going to get yourself hurt, Eddy! And mami will blame Alejandro!” Gabby called down from beside their older brother.

“Well, it was your fat owl that scared the poor thing!” Eddy shot back as he reached the top shelf.

As soon as he got to the top shelf, he saw the poor rat cowering behind a newt tank. Eddy then tapped the shelf to try and get its attention. Not wanting to scare it.

“Hey there, little one. There's nothing to fear. The owl’s in a cage.” Eddy said, putting his hand out to the rat.

The rat cautiously sniffed his hand before inching closer. Soon, it nuzzled into his hand and let him pick it up.

“I need a good name for you. How about Ágil? Do you like that?” Eddy asked the rat as he kept his hand out.

The rat chittered happily as he held it. The now named Ágil then climbed up onto Eddy’s shoulder and nestled in, relaxing. Soon, he carefully climbed down. He could climb down faster or even jump down, but he wouldn’t do that with his new rodent friend. However, as soon as he reached the floor, Gabby lay on him.

“That was reckless and stupid, Eddy! You could have gotten hurt!” Gabby lectured him.

“I’m not going to just leave Ágil behind like that.” Eddy answered, standing on his ground.

Alejandro smiled. “Ágil, huh? A fine name, Eddy.” He told his little brother.

“Thank you.” Eddy beamed, clearly thinking so himself.

After paying, the trio headed out. With everything they acquired, they then began the search for their parents. Alejandro looked over his siblings. Though they frustrated him so, to see their smiles on their faces now as they walked, he’d go through all that and more again. For today they took an especially crucial step in their lives.

And he was glad to be there to see it.

Meanwhile: At the Burrow

“Okay. What is the average wingspan of an English subspecies of a Hippogriff?” Harry asked, holding a flash card in his lap.

“The northeastern or southeastern English Hippogriff?” Ginny asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Does it matter?” Mafalda asked annoyedly.

“The northeastern English Hippogriff is smaller and has a shorter wingspan, Mafalda. Everyone knows that.” Ginny replied in annoyance.

“Of course. You would know that, nerd.” Mafalda said with a roll of her eyes.

“Who are you calling a nerd, you… you…!” Ginny replied in anger, beginning to turn as red as her hair.

“Rapscallion?” Harry asked, trying his best to help.

“No, but, if I said what I was thinking, mum would tan my hide…” Ginny grumbled.

“How cute. Ginevra’s so sweet she can’t even swear.” Mafalda said with a knowing smirk.

“I'll show you!” Ginny growled out before tackling Mafalda to the ground, grabbing her by the hair.

“Ow-ow-ow-ow-ow!” Mafalda called out as Ginny pulled her hair before grabbing Ginny by her own red locks and pulling hard.

“OW-OW-OW-OW-OW!!” The two Weasley women cried out as they kept pulling on each other’s hair.

“I give up.” Harry muttered as he set the flash cards down.

“Not the hair!?” Ginny cried out in pain.

“Agreed! Let's go on three!?” Mafalda cried out in response as Ginny nodded.

“One!” The two counted.

“Two!” The two continued simultaneously.

“Three!” The two called out as they released each other’s hair before grabbing again with their other hands and pulling hard. “OW-OW-OW-OW-OW!!”

“Can you both stop it?” Harry asked with an exasperated sigh.

“She started it!” The two said simultaneously.

“Well, I’m going to finish it if you two don’t shape up.” Harry sternly said, glaring at the two girls for their childish behavior.

With a sigh, Harry recollected the flash cards and began with a new question. He simply hoped, come schooltime, that things would be easier to deal with than this…

Sharad: FORESHADOWING!!

Monsterhuntergod: You know, for being such a good family, I’m startin’ to think the Weasley’s got a few issues. Oh well. Don’t we all. Anyways, hope you all enjoyed that. Tune in next time for more insanity. See you all then!

Uzumaki Ricky: Well now, this was a fun chapter. Certainly, an entertaining one

Chapter Text

The quaint, multi-story house of the Garcia family stood on the edges of London, no differently than any other. Despite the eccentric and cramped nature of its residents, the family had done a remarkably excellent job of blending in and assimilating into the locality. However, one noon during the middle of the week, as the dregs of summer began to peter out, they violently disturbed the relaxed, blase nature of the area. As the thunderous, wrathful voice of its Matriarch pierced the peace and quiet like a blazing lance.

“ALEJANDRO!!!” Her voice roared out, rattling the entire house.

“Dear… it's too early for yelling…” Felix groaned as he walked out from his study.

“Lo siento, Felix, but it’s important.” Maria told him.

“I’m starting to see what part you got from your mother.” He muttered as he began refilling his coffee from the coffee maker.

Immediately, Alejandro ran into the kitchen to greet his mother. “Y-Yes, Mami?” He asked nervously.

“Why have you been ignoring your sister!? You are not a hermit! You are a Garcia, and Garcia’s spend time with their familia!” Maria scolded, her eyes practically staring into his soul.

Alejandro looked at his mother in confusion. “Who have I been ignoring among my sisters?” He asked, not getting where this was coming from.

From behind Maria’s legs came the form of Mari. As soon as Alejandro looked upon her, he saw a posture of betrayal. Her eyelids quivered, her nose sniffled, and her eyes screamed of pain. Despite the strings of his passionate heart being pulled, it left him more confused than he started.

“Marisol…?” Alejandro asked in disbelief.

“Et tu Alejandro… Et tu?” She sniffled.

Alejandro walked up and knelt to her. “Mari… I haven’t been trying to ignore you. I was so busy because I had to pack, help Eddy and Gabby finish their shopping for Hogwarts, and, today, I have to take Cielo to the vet…” He told her, sounding genuinely regretful. “If you’ve been feeling neglected because I haven’t been able to spend time with you, I’m sorry.”

“You spent all that time with everyone else except me!!” Mari shrieked, flailing her arms about as she did. Which caused confusion in Maria, who only now realized that something was amiss.

“Mari… I’m sorry if I’ve been making you feel ignored. There’s just been so much going on to prepare for the new year at Hogwarts. But just because I’ve been busy doesn’t mean I love you any less.” Alejandro replied, looking genuinely saddened.

“I’m the only one who can’t go. I hate this! I hate all of this!” Mari shrieked out, tears beginning to flow from her eyes.

To her surprise, Alejandro pulled his baby sister into a hug. Though she initially struggled, Alejandro held her gently but firmly until she tired herself out enough to listen. Rubbing her back, he offered his baby sister some comfort as she clung to him and cried.

“Don’t go… please don’t go…” Mari whimpered as she hugged Alejandro.

“I have to go, Mari. If I’m going to earn a living in the wizarding world and bring you back a lot of magical goodies, I need to. Besides, Eddy and Gabby will need me there with them.” Alejandro told her sadly as he rubbed her back.

Mari did not answer with words. All she could do was crumple into her brother’s arms and cry into him. Alejandro did his best, but then he felt another set of arms around him. To his surprise, his parents got down on their knees and pulled them into a hug. It put a smile on his face as they just kneeled there, holding her in their arms. Time did not matter, the impending deadlines they all had did not matter, the entire wizarding world did not matter. Mari mattered.

They only then began to let go of the hug when she finally began to stop crying. Mari looked up at her brother, the edges of her eyes red from crying and her hair a bit frazzled. After a small sniff of her nose, she finally spoke.

“You're coming home for Christmas.” She said sternly, as if making a law of the universe.

Alejandro smiled and patted her head. “Of course, Mari. And I’ll bring you back all kinds of magical treats and gifts.” He told his baby sister firmly.

That did little to dissuade the fierce look Mari gave him, as if she had somehow transmuted into a tiger. However, Alejandro gave a devilish smile as he wiggled his fingers. Being a big brother allowed many avenues to learn the dark sibling arts. And now was the perfect time to use them.

“Does somebody need a visit from the tickle monster?” Alejandro asked playfully.

“You wouldn’t dare.” She hissed, her eyes squinting like a snake's.

“Try me, Mari.” Alejandro replied before beginning to tickle her tummy.

The reaction was instant. Gone was the hardened, distrustful look of Mari’s face, and in its place was one of immense joy. She cackled and flopped about like a fish out of water as Alejandro tickled her. Their parents watched with beaming smiles. Things would only get weirder in this house after this school year. But they would not have it any other way.

Meanwhile: At the Burrow

The living room of the Burrow was consumed in a cloud of negativity as Ron scowled on the couch. From breakfast, he sat there and stewed, staying as motionless as the gargoyles on Hogwarts’ battlements. Ginny and the twins tried to get him to move or speak, but to no avail. Even Percy threw a quip or two that would normally have annoyed Ron, but they did little other than make his nose twitch. Thus, in the beginning of the afternoon he sat, his mind churning and pondering.

‘Why can’t I talk to Harry? Why is he ignoring me?’ Ron thought, barely summoning the strength to blink.

It was at that moment that Ron cried out in pain as he felt a sharp pain in his leg. Looking down, he saw one of the gnomes, having snuck away from Ginny’s spell practice, had waddled up to him without him knowing and bit him. Shaking his leg, he forced the gnome to let go.

“You wanna bite me, ya’ little git!? Then chew on this!” Ron roared before rearing his leg back and punt kicking the poor, hapless gnome through an open window and over the fence.

It was then that, after the quiet returned, he heard a loud, heartfelt laughter from a nearby room. “Oh, that's a good one, Mafalda!” Echoed the distinctive voice of Potter.

“I know, right!? Oh, wait till you hear the one I heard about Malfoy!” Mafalda giddily replied.

Ron did not hear the next part, as his anger boiled over. He stomped out of the living room into the garden, determining in his hazed state that fresh air is what he needed. He did not get the peace he required, however, as he saw a pack of Gnomes rummaging through the garden. HIs eye twitched at the sight of them as he whipped out his wand.

“You know, I never did get to practice that Levitation Charm again.” Ron scowled menacingly. “Wingardium Leviosa!” He replied, swishing and flicking his wand to the motions of the spell at one of the Gnomes.

The nearest Gnome raised its eyebrows before being sent flying over the fence. However, the spell’s near-perfect usage did little to dissuade Ron from using it repeatedly. As Gnome after gnome was sent flying, one tried to exact revenge upon Ron. However, it was stopped by Scabbers, as it bit into its leg with the ferocity of a scorned rat. Little did either of them know, until too late, that soon Ron levitated them.

“Have a nice flight!” Ron called out as he used his wand to begin spinning the gnome. Then, with a flick of his wand, he sent it flying over the fence.

“WAAAAAHOOHOOHOOHOOEEEY!!!” Came a sound from the direction the gnome was flung in.

Ron looked on in disbelief as the yell echoed in the distance. “... Bloody hell, these gnomes just keep getting goofier and goofier…” He muttered in disbelief.

Yet, despite him having violently ejected the gnomes from the garden, it felt hollow. He still lost his friend to his family. And he simply did not know what to do…

Sharad: Sorry, not sorry, for the short chapter. You will deal with it and wait patiently for Chapter 18.

Uzumaki Ricky: We’re back, bitches! Sorry if this took a bit. Things have been hectic. But now we’re back and ready to kick things into high gear. Hope you all enjoyed this one.

Monsterhuntergod: Life happens, but we keep trucking. We will get to the magical pearly gates of Hogwarts eventually. Whether my back will make it is another story…

Chapter Text

“Ginger lips! Where did you put the glitter!?” Mafalda called out to her cousin, as she wrangled desperately with a large balloon.

“It’s Ginny!” Said girl yelled back indignantly.

“Didn’t answer the question, you ginger prat!” Mafalda shot back.

“You’re a ginger too, Mafalda!” Ginny pointed out.

“No, it's rosé! Get it together, gingerbread!” Mafalda replied.

“It’s Ginevra-I mean, Ginny!” Ginny yelled back in frustration.

“That’s your birth name? Sounds kind of cool.” A familiar male voice said from behind Ginny.

“You will not speak of it!” Ginny snapped, turning to look at the source of the voice.

However, when she wheeled around to face who said it, she saw Harry standing in the doorway. Soon her throat closed up and instantly felt a cold sweat fall over her body. Her head began to swim as Potter’s words bounced around her youthful mind. Before a truly bizarre noise escaped the girl's tightening throat.

“Oogh!” Ginny let out, uttering a squeaking gasp of shock.

“Um… was this a bad time?” Harry asked awkwardly.

“N-No! Not a bad time! Not a bad time at all! I completely don’t mind you knowing my embarrassing first name…!” Ginny nervously stammered, trying to find her mental footing.

“Uh huh. I see. Well, if you don’t want me to call you that, I wouldn’t.” Harry replied.

“Hey, Gin Gin, it sounds like you're strangling a Squank in here.” Mafalda asked as she walked up behind. “Oh, hi Potter.”

“Oogh!” Ginny let out again, jumping a bit and turning to look at her cousin. “Mafalda! Don’t do that!”

“Don’t do what?” Mafalda asked, giving her a knowing look.

“Sneak up on people like that! Honestly, it’s like you just Apparate in out of nowhere!” Ginny snapped, trying to get her nerves under control.

“Is there something going on, or are you just fighting?” Harry asked, quirking an eyebrow at the two Weasley girls.

“It’s nothing, Harry! Mafalda’s just looking for the glitter!” Ginny quickly told him, trying to get her cousin to leave.

“Wait…” Mafalda murmured, before stomping her foot. “Blast it! The twins beat us to it!”

“They what!?” Ginny asked in disbelief.

“Can you two give me an explanation already!?” Harry asked frustratedly, causing the two girls to look at him.

“It's an annual prank war between us and the twins. Though those cheating blighters somehow got Ron involved this year.” Mafalda explained.

“That sounds like a big mess to clean up afterwards.” Harry replied, skepticism leaking into his tone.

“It always is. And, per Article B Subsection N Amendment I of the Weasley Family Prank War Bylaws, each team is allowed to bring in one outside member for the war.” Ginny told Harry.

“I wanted to call it ‘phoning a friend,’ but these weirdos said that was too American.” Mafalda chipped in.

“Have you found anyone to help you yet?” Harry asked curiously.

“Not yet. We asked that Garrett boy if he wanted to join, but he didn’t believe he could make it.” Ginny sighed in frustration.

“If only there was another strong, powerful, intelligent young wizard who could help us in our time of need?” Mafalda asked coyly, smiling a sickly-sweet smile.

Ginny growled in anger and grabbed Mafalda by her scruff to pull her back. “What Mafalda is trying to say is… would you be willing to be our third member, Harry?” She asked, looking at him with a smile.

“Um… sure? I finished the chores already.” Harry replied.

“Harry, we keep telling you to stop doing that!” Ginny told him exasperatedly.

“I don’t like doing nothing!” Harry shot back, his hand shaking.

“All right, Cinder-fella. Relax.” Mafalda told him playfully.

“Don’t you mean Cinderella?” Harry asked.

“No.” Mafalda simply replied.

“Okay, what do you need me to do?” Harry asked, steering the conversation.

“Get your hands on some newt tails, a Hippogriff egg biscuit, a box of eagle egg custard pies, and a vial of viper venom.” Ginny told him.

“Okay! … Where do I get that?” Harry asked.

“We know a girl. Let’s just leave it at that.” Mafalda replied mysteriously.

“That doesn’t sound promising…” Harry nervously answered.

“Like Mafalda said, we know a bird. We’ll get our top girl on it.” Ginny replied.

“... Who?” Harry asked, confused.

“... Top. Girl.” Ginny and Mafalda simultaneously said seriously, narrowing their eyes.

“I’m not getting a straight answer from you, am I?” Harry sighed in defeat.

Unbeknownst to the three of them, around the corner someone was listening to them. Ron scowled at everything he heard, and what was about to unfold. Clenching his hands into fists, he frustratedly stomped the ground before storming off towards the twins’ room.

“‘Course you know that this means war.” He muttered as he marched up the stairs.

He stormed up to the twins' door and took a deep breath. Then, with all his might, he kicked at their door. Despite his best effort, he lost his footing when the door didn’t open, and he fell flat on his back. Gritting his teeth in pain, he grabbed his sore foot and ankle. Fred and George opened the door and looked in confusion at Ron lying in the hallway.

“Ron? Is something the matter?” The twins asked, a bit concerned.

“I’m here to enlist!!” Ron roared through the pain.

The twins looked at each other. “Should we let him?” Fred asked.

“Article A Section 6 Subsection Q: ‘Any family member can enlist in another team without being counted as an outside member’.” George pointed out.

“But he tried to kick down our door.” Fred retorted.

“Harry’s been recruited by Mafalda and Ginny!” Ron pointed out.

“Welcome aboard!!” Fred and George said in unison, before pulling Ron into their room.

Meanwhile: At the Lovegood Residence

Luna Lovegood lifted her eyes from the issue of the Quibbler she was ready suddenly. Her silvery eyes darted about the room frantically, as if looking for something. When she didn’t find what she was looking for, she let out a sigh before impatiently tapping on the plush couch she sat upon. Before she could return to the Quibbler issue she was reading, a male voice took her attention away.

“Luna dear! Is everything alright in there!?” The voice asked.

“Yes, daddy! I just got the feeling that someone was vaguely mentioning me! And badly!” Luna replied.

“Don’t worry dear! I understand! I get that feeling so much I just ignore it.” The voice replied.

“Daddy, how is the Nargle search coming?” Luna asked, putting a hand under her chin.

“I’ve called five leads this morning, and not a one replied! The nerve!” The voice replied with great annoyance.

Luna sighed before putting the issue of the Quibbler on a side table. She then walked down the hall towards a small study. Propping the door open with a lead block, she stepped inside. Before her there was a room stuffed to the ceiling with papers, esoteric books, and other scraps of arcane literature. A large, mahogany desk sat at the other side with an old, saggy chair in front of it. A mane of white hair was draped over the edge as she heard furious scribbling with a pen from the other side of the chair.

“Daddy, you should probably take a break. You’ve been up since three AM.” Luna said worriedly, putting her hands on his hunched shoulders.

The man behind the chair let out a deep, exhausted sigh. “I’m sorry for worrying you, my dear. It's just… I felt I was so close this time on the Nargle lead.” The man said, leaning backwards into the chair.

“Not even the great Xenophilius Lovegood gets every Gander.” Luna replied.

“Oh, don’t start using my own sayings against me now.” Xenophilius sighed before beginning to chuckle. “How about some rounds of Exploding Snaps?”

Luna let out a big, toothy grin at hearing that. “That sounds lovely Daddy. I’ll go set it up!” She replied, before nearly leaping out of the study in excitement.

Xenophilius couldn’t help but sit there and smile as he collected himself. His gaze turned to the only part of his desk kept in order, with a small picture frame standing tall. In the frame were the three of them standing, smiling for a photo with a witch standing with them while nine-year-old Luna stood between the two adults. His eyebrows furrowed as he was hit with a rush of sorrow. The witch in the picture looked remarkably similar to his daughter, and he picked up the picture frame, cradling it in his hand.

“Don’t worry Pandora. We are doing fine.” He muttered to himself. “You taught us one thing before you were ripped away from us. Our time in this world is too short to not try and enjoy it.”

Gingerly he set the picture back down and brushed away a few papers from its proximity. Then, with a relieved groan from the old chair, he stood up. Then, just like his daughter, he practically leapt out of the room to go join her.

Back at the Burrow

The guns fell silent as the last of the two side’s pranks ran their course. A fresh coating of glitter sparkled in the afternoon sun from what little came through egg-caked windows. The couch had miraculously, and unplanned, was attached to the ceiling, with no one knowing how to get it down. Several gnomes were pinned across the wall by a storm of pins and needles, while Scabbers had his tail caught in a snare, and dangling over the waste bin. Nothing in the room lay untouched, as Ron and Harry lay in the center of the living room exhausted.

“Is this how it usually goes?” Harry asked Ron, panting heavily.

“Usually there’s more pranks involving toenail clippers.” Ron replied, wiping sweat off his forehead.

“... is that a good or bad thing?” Harry asked.

“Well, it means less things we have to pull out of the walls.” Ron answered.

Before the boys could continue, they were cut off by Ginny and Fred frustratedly coming into the room. They soon heard the echoes of George and Mafalda arguing in the kitchen over both of them having the same idea for a prank.

“Well?” Ron asked.

“Unfortunately, after tallying things up, we have to call it a tie.” Ginny sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose.

“All that… for a tie?” Harry asked dumbfoundedly. “What did we even use the viper venom for?”

“It was for color.” Ginny answered cryptically.

“Well at least this year it didn’t get cut short.” Fred sighed. “If mum caught us, then we’d surely hear it…”

“WOULD ANY OF YOU CARE TO EXPLAIN WHAT YOU DID TO MY HOUSE!?!?!?!?” A voice screamed out from behind them.

To everyone's horror, standing before them was Molly Weasley, with an expression of absolute fury painted across her face. Shivers went down each of their spines, as Fred attempted to smooth over the situation.

“Um… to be fair, mum… we took half of it outside this year…” Fred nervously replied.

“FOR ALL THE BLOODY GOOD THAT DID!!!! YOU SIX ARE GOING TO CLEAN THIS MESS UP!!! AM!? I?!? CLEAR!?!?!?” Molly roared at them with demonic wrath, clearly not in the mood for shenanigans.

In the ensuing silence, they all heard a knock at the door. Ginny rushed over to open it. To everyone’s surprise, Garrett stood in the doorway wearing a face mask and lugging a giant travel bag. He then took a step into the house before speaking.

“Sorry I’m late. I wanted to make sure I had everything… what happened here?”

Ron slowly sat up from the floor. “Run! Save yourself!” He whispered harshly.

Molly glared harshly at Ron before smiling a sickly-sweet smile at Garrett. “Garrett dear. How wonderful of you to join us. Please, come back later. Harry, be a peach and get the cleaning supplies please. You six have a lot of work ahead of you.” She told them with the most disgustingly, sickeningly sweet tone.

Shuddering at the tense atmosphere, Garrett cast an apologetic look to the six before quickly turning in his heel running, his damaged leg doing nothing to slow him down.

“Now then. Get to it!” Molly yelled, causing the six to scramble.

Grabbing cleaning supplies, the six worked for the rest of the day to repair the damage and clean the Burrow without any magic. Despite the hard, backbreaking, and grueling work, Molly knew that it was going to happen again next year. She just hoped beyond hope that they would just tone it down a bit.

Sharad: Hey, guys. This is the brains behind the outlines that made the insanity. I have no author’s note. Wait, I guess this is an author’s note. Never mind.

MHG: Great Galloping Ghost that took some creative juices. Between the Lovegood household, still getting used to them, and the aftermath of the prank war, I had to do some real thinking. And I’m gonna have to get more used to them, cause they're gonna keep showing up. I’m relearning a lot of Potterverse stuff, I’m doing my best. That's why I got the rest of these guys to help. Anyways, hope you all enjoy, and have a great day!

Uzumaki Ricky: Well, this was a fun chapter. What’s gonna happen next? Tune in to find out!

Chapter Text

“Now then, my dear. Which kind of owl is commonly used to deliver the post in Britain?” Xenophilius asked as he leaned back in his chair, shuffling through a small pile of note cards.
Luna rolled her eyes at the question. “Barn owls, Daddy. Are all of these going to be so easy?” she asked with a small smile, her gaze wandering in wonder.
The old journalist chuckled as he shifted about in the plush chair. His eyes darted around the room as he sifted through the stack of cards in his hands. The house never did change. Piles of papers, scrolls, and books on esoteric material lay in heaps and chaotic messes. He smiled, a small warmth rising from the familiarity of it. Shifting his crossed eyes back to the note cards, he smirked as he found a good one.
“Who is the new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor for the 1992–93 school year?” Xeno asked with a smirk.
“Daddy, that isn’t fair!” Luna snapped, jumping a little from her seat in surprise and protest.
“Well, you wanted a harder question, and I gave you one. Besides, the staff list came in the mail yesterday.” Xeno answered with a hint of smugness.
“Well, you didn’t give it to me!” Luna huffed.
“Oh, right…” He spoke in a tone of remembrance. “I knew I forgot something yesterday.”
“Where even is it, Daddy?” Luna asked.
“I had it in the pile on the table.” Xeno said matter-of-factly.
“You mean the one we burned in the fireplace?” Luna asked, her tone souring into “I’m done with you” energy.
Xenophilius gave a small, warm smile to his daughter. “Oh, give it your best try. You might even be right.” His smile grew wider.
“Professor Snape.” Luna answered matter-of-factly.
“You are not correct.” Xeno replied in the same calm tone.
“Well, how was I supposed to know that!?” Luna snapped.
“Honey, if he had been the professor this year, I wouldn’t have let you go.” Xeno answered. “I would have home-schooled you.”
This caught Luna off guard. “Y-you would have?” she asked.
“Of course, dear! You seriously think I’d subject you to that kind of horror?” He replied with a big smile.
This drew a smile out of Luna, and she soon sat back down comfortably. “Alright, Daddy. Give me another question.” she said chipperly.
“Of course. Ah, here’s a good one. What is rumored to live inside the Chamber of Secrets?” Xenophilius asked.

Meanwhile, at the Burrow
Harry cocked his head in confusion at the note card. “The Chamber of what now?” he asked, tilting his head.
“Gin-Gin, why do you love this man?” Mafalda asked confusedly, turning her head to look at her cousin.
“Quiet, you!” Ginny hissed.
“Stuff of nonsense, that’s what it is, Potter.” came Percy’s voice from behind the couch.
Ron, determined to make a statement, piped up. “Treasure troll!” he shouted.
Harry looked back at the card, then at Ron. “No.” he replied simply.
“Oh, Floo Powder!!” Ron groaned in exasperation.
“Those are goblins, Ron. And Percy, sit back down!!” Ginny scolded as her older brother paced the room dreadfully.
“No one really knows. All we know is it’s something the founder of Slytherin had. I think his name was… Saliva Slytherin.” Mafalda droned in a bored tone.
“It’s Salazar, you potato-brained peasant.” Percy scowled, sitting down at the end of the couch.
“You’re one to talk, you posh black leg.” Mafalda shot back.
“Well then… technically Mafalda’s correct, so point to her.” Harry said, jotting it down.
“What are the scores?” Ron asked impatiently.
“In last place, the twins with two.” Harry explained.
“You mean they both have two?” Ginny asked.
“No. Anyway, Ron is second-last with ten.” Harry checked his notebook.
“Better than I thought I’d get. I was sure the Mandrake question would sink me.” Ron sighed.
“It nearly did.” Harry retorted.
“Wait, what?” Ron asked in panic.
“Next up, twelve points to Ginny.” Harry continued.
“Not bad. Could be better.” Ginny said.
“The only reason you’re in third is because your boyfriend decided not to play, knowing he wouldn’t do well.” Mafalda added bluntly.
“He is not my boyfriend!!” Ginny screamed.
“Well, I am a boy. So does that mean we’re still friends?” Harry asked obliviously.
Ginny blushed deeply. “Yes… yes we are.” she replied sheepishly.
Percy scoffed and turned to Mafalda. “You Midland moron, that’s not how math works.”
“What do you mean, Piss-Pants Percy?” Mafalda asked in genuine confusion.
Before Percy could respond, Harry spoke up. “Why do you call him that?”
“According to Charlie, Percy didn’t finish potty training until he was five.” Mafalda laughed.
Harry fought back a laugh, but Percy cut in. “Second place is clearly me.”
“Um… no. Mafalda’s in first with fifteen points. You only have thirteen, Percy.” Harry corrected.
Percy’s forehead erupted with veins, equating to three seconds they all had to live. Before Harry could intervene, Percy exploded.
“How is this big bulbous buffoon winning by two!? I’m only one point ahead of Ginny and three ahead of Ron!! This is a lie! A bold-faced lie, Potter! You’re rigging this for that meat-headed mutton!!” Percy roared, face tomato red as he leapt up.
Harry looked away, desperate to avoid Percy’s glare. From behind a chair leg, he spotted Scabbers. For just a moment, he swore the rat rolled its eyes—something it should not have been able to do. His attention snapped back as a smack rang out. Mafalda had slapped Percy hard across the cheek, leaving a red mark.
“Anyway, next question.” Harry sighed, pulling a card. “How many staircases are in Hogwarts Castle?”
“Sixty-nine.” Fred and George snickered.
“That’s wrong.” Harry replied. The twins snickered harder until Percy glared. “What’s so funny?”
“We’ll explain when you’re older.” George said.
“You always say that.” Ron scoffed.
“’Cause Mum would have our hides.” Fred countered.
“Anyone else want to try?” Harry asked.
“That is easy! It is one hundred and forty—” Percy began, but Mafalda cut him off.
“One hundred and forty-two!” she called.
“Damn it, woman!!” Percy shrieked.
“Correct! Point to Mafalda!” Harry said.
“You should be quicker on the draw, Pissy-Pants Percy.” Mafalda teased.
“Last question. How many players are on a Quidditch team?” Harry asked, pulling the final card.
Percy was about to answer when a chorus drowned him out.
“TEN!” Ginny, Ron, Fred, and George shouted together.
“…Well then. Points for all of you. That puts the twins at three, Ron at eleven, and Ginny tied with Percy.” Harry finished tallying.
Percy sat in stunned silence as Ginny turned to Mafalda. “Why didn’t you answer?”
“You know I never cared about the sport.” Mafalda replied.
“Oh yeah, you’re afraid of heights.” Fred said with a grin.
“Broke the old practice broom, she did.” George added.
“Shut up, you two!!” Mafalda snapped.
“Well, with sixteen points, Mafalda wins.” Harry announced.
Percy began to shake, veins bulging in his face. Without a word, he stood, drawing everyone’s eyes.
“You mean to tell me I lost to Mafalda? Tied with Ginevra? The twins broke the rules for a joke! And Ron—Merlin knows what he did but probably cheated!” Percy raged, face beet-red.
“I didn’t do anything, Percy! I just answered the bloody questions!” Ron shot back.
“Quiet, troublemaker!!” Percy snapped, pointing at him.
“At least it’s not me this time…” Harry muttered.
“That’s it!” Percy roared, grabbing his wand and flipping the coffee table with Wingardium Leviosa. “I quit!!”
Monsterhuntergod: After 10,000 years, we’re free. Time to conquer fanfiction. Or write this one. That works too. Yes, it is a short one, but it was fun to write. I hope everyone enjoys the Percy crash outs. Or don’t. I’m fed either way.

Sharad the hedgehog: WEEEE LIIIIVVVVEEE! Sorry for the long absence, life has been a bit hectic.

Uzumaki Ricky: Sorry. My life is the one that’s been hectic. A lot of stuff has been going on. Thankfully, things should get less hectic now.

Chapter Text

Ron leaned forward over the family Wizard Chess set on the coffee table. His brow furrowed as he looked it over. Both he and Harry have reached a state of parity. The Weasley wracked his brain for a solution as the egg timer ticked down to a minute. It did not help that Percy watched the two from across the couch, staring intently at the game state. Almost like a tiger stalking its prey. Harry however, to Ron’s great worry, sat unperturbed on the other side of the board. Finally, he grabbed for his bishop. 
 
“Bishop to C5. Take the Pawn.” Ron said, causing the Bishop to blast the Pawn away with a blast of fire from its holy book. 
 
“I didn’t expect that one.” Harry said in surprise. 
 
“Good show, Ron. I’ve never seen that move to get out of a certain tie.” Percy said with a smile. The rare bit of praise caught Ron off guard as he gave things over to Harry’s turn. 
 
“Why thank you, big brother.” Ron replied with a smile. 
 
Harry looked over the board; his eyes darting about to try and find a way out. However, to Ron’s surprise half a minute into Harry’s turn, he stopped his timer. It caused Ron’s heart to skip a beat. Harry conceded. 
 
“Your game, Ron. You put a noose around my Gryffindor defense. Good game.” Harry said before reaching out a hand to offer a handshake. 
 
“It’s not like he had much of a challenge, to be honest.” The Posh Priss proclaimed. 
 
Ron shook Harry’s hand before turning to Percy. “And what? You think you can do better?” He growled. 
 
“I know I can, Ronald.” Percy replied with a scoff. 
 
“Then come over here and put your sickles where your mouth is.” Ron demanded, his face going flush in anger. 
 
Percy then walked over and sat down as he pulled out his wand. “Reparo.” He simply said, casting a spell to repair the broken chess pieces. 
 
Ron leaned back in his chair, fingers steepled, his freckles caught in the shaft of light that filtered through the slanted window. Across from him, Percy was rigid. He was gripping the armrests like they were lifebuoys in a stormy sea. 
 
The board looked bleak—for Percy. 
 
Only his King remained in play with a battered rook and a limping Bishop nearby, huddled at the far end of the board. A trio of Pawns stood stranded in the middle, with no hope of salvation. 
 
Ron’s side, however, looked like the aftermath of a well-executed ambush. His twin rooks loomed like gallows on the open files, his knight crouched mid-board, and one of his pawns was quietly ascending toward promotion. 
 
The silence was oppressive. Even the pieces held their breath. 
 
Ron smirked and leaned forward. 
 
“Rook to D8. Check.” 
 
The white Rook roared like a war beast, galloping across the board. The black King, trapped in the corner, flinched as the rook bore down on him. Percy’s bishop sprang forward in desperation. 
 
“Bishop to F8,” Percy said through gritted teeth, his voice brittle. 
 
“Hmm,” Ron said, tapping his chin. “Bold choice. Let’s break it.” 
 
With a swift flick of his finger, he declared, “Rook takes F8.” 
 
The Rook smashed the Bishop to pieces, sending its helm clattering across the floor. 
 
Percy did not blink. “Rook takes F8.” 
 
His remaining Rook stepped forward, avenging the Bishop, but too late. 
 
Ron’s grin widened. 
 
“Knight to F6. Check.” 
 
The Knight snarled and sprang like a silver blur, landing with a clatter beside Percy’s King. The redhead’s eyes darted. The knight was not just checking his king—it was forking his last rook. 
 
“Really, Perce,” Ron said airily. “You should know better than to leave your King and Rook so… close.” 
 
Percy moved his king out of danger, stiff and wordless. 
 
The Knight turned, casually lopping the Rook’s head off. 
 
Now it was over. 
 
Ron pushed a pawn forward, slow and inevitable. One. Then another. He did not even rush it—he savored it. 
 
Piece by piece, he boxed Percy in until his king had nowhere left to run. With a sigh of theatrical finality, Ron advanced a Pawn to the eighth rank. 
 
“Pawn to F8. Queen. Check.” 
 
A new Queen exploded into being—tall, resplendent, and radiating power. The black king staggered backward as if scorched. 
 
“King to H7,” Percy muttered, barely audible. 
 
Ron leaned back, laced his hands behind his head, and called the final shot. 
 
“Queen to H6. Checkmate.” 
 
The Queen glided forward and lowered her staff—light flared, and the black king dropped to one knee with a groan, crown clattering to the ground. Silence. Then, applause—from the white pieces themselves. Ron did not gloat—not exactly. But he did raise his eyebrows and flash a lopsided grin. 
 
“Well,” he said. “I guess pride does go before a fall, eh, Minister?” 
 
Percy’s mouth opened. Closed. Opened again. 
 
“I underestimated you,” He finally admitted, voice like cold tea. 
 
Ron stood, stretching. “You always do.” 
 
He paused at the door, then added with a wink, “Same time next week?” 
 
Percy glared at the board, jaw tight. “I’ll bring a revised strategy.” 
 
Ron was already halfway down the stairs, laughing. 
 
“That was just sad.” Mafalda commented having watched the slaughter fest of a game her cousins just went through. 
 
“Yes, it was. Seriously, did Percy really think he could beat someone who played the, and I quote, ‘best game of Wizard Chess Hogwarts had ever seen?’” Ginny replied with an eye roll. 
 
“Why was he all uppity over the game you helped Harry with, anyway?” Mafalda asked. 
 
“He blames everything on Harry. Saw it all through last year. That and everything is either done his way, or the wrong way.” Ron explained, a mournful look stretching across his face. 
 
“THE RULES ARE THE RULES!” Percy shouts from another room 
 
“And your rules stink worse than the laundry!!” Ron yelled back. 
 
“But not as bad as one of the twin’s stink bombs.” Mafalda commented 
 
“Oh, don’t encourage him…” Ron groaned. 
 
“Surely he can’t get worse this year.” Harry chipped in. 
 
Ron then looked at his friend. “Prissy Percy is fueled by spite. He always can get worse.” He replied. 
 
“Besides, it's not like we are going to be dealing with a death-defying crisis this year. Right?” Ginny asked the room, waiting for a reply that never came. 
 
Meanwhile: Lovegood Residence 
 
The Lovegood Residence lay eerily silent in the afternoon sun, save a tea kettle warming up on the stove. The only noise came from the backyard. Instead of a traditional backyard filled with grass, a tree, and some outdoor furniture, it instead would best be described as a veritable jungle. Flowers, vines, bushes, and hedgerows grew in a haphazard fashion. To any “sane” wizard, it looked as if a chunk of the Amazon was plucked out of the earth and placed in England. Only a few fruit trees grew in defiance of this chaotic order. Yet underneath their smothered heights came a great rustling, as the Lovegoods rushed through their gardens at blinding speeds. 
 
They zigzagged around in an equally haphazard fashion, blazing paths invisible to the eye. All the while their eyes darted about, searching frantically for something. This manic episode continued till the tea kettle let out a violent hiss from inside. The two, still in mid sprint, ran straight into each other at hearing its shrill signal. Yet as the two fell in a heap upon the ground, the first thing that came from their mouths was uncontrollable laughter. 
 
“Oh Luna! That was so refreshing!!” Xenophilus cackled hysterically. 
 
“Yes, it was, daddy! Oh, I wish we could do this more often!” Luna giggled happily. 
 
“Of course, dear. Unfortunately, the world moves regardless of our desires.” Xenophilus replied, before standing up and brushing himself off. “So how many Nargles did you spot today?” 
 
“Unfortunately, none. But I’ll keep looking.” Luna sighed, standing up to brush herself off. 
 
“Well, I’m pleased to say I caught a glimpse of one today.” Her father said with a big smile. 
 
Luna’s eyes widened in awe and rushed to grab hold of her father. “Really!? Where!?” She frantically asked. 
 
To her shock however, her father let out a hearty laugh. “Luna dear. If I told you, what would be the point of a discovery? The true magic in this world is the ones we hold dear in our hearts, and the experiences we can find in this big world of ours.” Xenophilus replied with a smile. 
 
Luna’s face soured at hearing that, till her father ruffled her hair. It got an instant giggle out of her. She was not going to pretend she understood what her father meant, but she was determined to. Just as she was to see a Nargle as they walked inside for tea. Laughing the whole way inside with joy in their hearts. 
 
Sharad: Chapter to Post 20. I would like to call check, but we are only scratching the surface of the game called Life. 
 
Monsterhuntergod: Not gonna lie, it is fun as fuck to write for Luna and Xeno. What is the most bonkers and cooky thing you can think of? Yah there we go. They are so fun to write. And I can’t wait to see her more in Hogwarts.

Chapter Text

Percy awoke exactly as his alarm clock struck six, bolting out of bed like a banshee. Though he never would admit it to his father, he did find the Muggle device quite useful. After making his bed, he then rushed off to the bathroom to freshen up. Swiftly following the meticulous affair, only staying in the bathroom for exactly 16 minutes, he rushed down to the kitchen. It was his morning to be in charge of breakfast, and he would make it exactly to his standard.

“All right, so I need three cups of flour per batch. One and a half eggs. A cup of both blueberries and strawberries. I can’t forget that. Lock up the chocolate chips so the twins can’t get them…” Percy rattled off to himself, before sniffing the air. “Why is bacon being made? It's sausage day.”

Rushing into the kitchen, Percy looked frantically around the room for the culprit. To his shock and horror, however, it was a bright and early Harry working on eggs and bacon. He even had the ingredients for the pancakes out. All the wrong ingredients, but ingredients none the less. Percy’s mind soon was going a mile a minute as Harry turned to see Percy standing in the doorway.

“Morning, Percy. You're up early.” Harry said chipperly as he flipped some scrambled eggs in a skillet.

“What are you doing up? Why are you making bacon? What is all this!?” Percy asked frantically.

“I figured I’d help you with breakfast this morning. You’ve been doing so many chores lately; I wanted to help lighten the load.” Harry answered politely.

Percy pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. “Merlin, give me patience.” He grumbled.

“Don’t you mean give you strength?” Harry asked, confused.

“If Merlin gave me strength, you’d be dead.” Percy scowled.

Harry cocked his head to the side a bit. “You have Disney here?” He asked.

“You bring up that wizarding slander one more time and I will Leviosa you into the next shire.” Percy growled, a vein popping in his forehead.

“Seems a bit violent if you ask me.” Harry remarked.

Percy took a deep breath, as clearly this was getting him nowhere, before rolling up his sleeves. “Move over. I’ve got this.” He grumbled.

Harry backed out of the way as Percy stormed into the kitchen. Grabbing the skillet, he threw all the food Potter made out into the garden before starting from scratch. This caught the young man off guard as Percy worked at a feverish pace to make up for lost time. Soon new eggs were simmering in the skillet alongside sausages, and soon pancakes were cooking on a large griddle.

“Are you sure it's a good idea to throw that food into the garden?” Harry asked.

“Of course, I’m sure. Why wouldn’t it be?” Percy snarled as he kept up his feverish pace. “Besides, you're a guest here, remember? You wouldn’t want Ron and the rest of them to know you’ve been working yourself to the bone again?”

Harry, flinching at the comment, then went and sat down at the table. As Percy worked, the rest of the family began to shuffle in. Finally, Molly and Arthur Weasley joined everyone as Percy began to serve breakfast. Yet, as the two went to the head of the table, Molly stopped and noticed something. A chunk of scrambled egg hung over the edge of the kitchen window closest to the stove. With a huff, she marched over to the window and picked up, displaying it to the entire group.

“WHO THE BLOODY HELL WASTED THIS FOOD BY THROWING IT OUT!?!?” Molly roared with the fury of a demon from the jaws of hell.

“Percy threw it out after he stopped me from cooking breakfast.” Harry replied, causing a host of heads to look at Percy.

“What?” Percy asked in confusion after plating up food for Arthur.

“Perc, that was a waste of good food.” Fred told his brother.

“Yeah, Prissy Percy. Harry was just trying to help.” George added.

“You all kept on him about doing too much, so when I try to help with that, I'm the bad guy now?” Percy groaned.

“Harry asked me if he could help you this morning. He felt bad about how much work you were putting in and wanted to lighten your load to thank us all, so I allowed it.” Molly explained.

“Why did no one tell me?” Percy asked.

“Would that have changed anything?” Arthur asked, raising a suspicious eyebrow.

“I would have been more willing to let him help, but only if he did it my way.” Percy explained.

“So burnt breakfast?” Mafalda dryly comments

“No sausage for you.” Percy replied, taking the sausage off Mafalda’s plate before setting her plate in front of her.

“I like bacon better. Harry had the right idea for Sundays." Mafalda replied wryly before drinking her orange juice.

“Potter, I apologize for not asking you why you were helping. If I had known you had permission, I would have included you.” Percy reluctantly told Harry before placing the Boy Who Lived’s plate in front of him.

“Apology accepted.” Harry replied simply.

“You're too good to him, Harry.” Ron chipped in.

“Let this be a lesson for you, Percival Weasley. Do not jump to conclusions or let frustration control your actions.” Molly lectured Percy.

Percy flinched a bit, before finally sitting down with his own plate of food. “Yes, mother…” He said with a slight groan.

Harry looked down at his plate with a smile. “To be fair, this does look good. You can tell that he took meticulous care to prepare every scrap of food to perfection.” He mentioned before taking a bite.

“Don’t patronize me.” Percy scowled, before grabbing the ketchup bottle, just beating Mafalda to it.

This confused Harry as he chewed before swallowing the bite of food. “I’m not. This looks better than my aunt Petunia’s cooking.” He replied honestly.

“They treat you horribly! Don’t compliment them!” Ron snapped, looking at his friend in disbelief.

“Even if they do, they do have their good points. Aunt Petunia is an incredible cook, Uncle Vernon is a hardworking and successful businessman, and Dudley, despite being a fat dobber, is good in a dust up. Not to mention that Damien is the only legitimately nice one among them, even if he’s… odd…” Harry explained.

“Odd… how?” Ron asked, caught off guard by Harry’s explanation.

“Well, for one thing, he’s the only one in that house who doesn’t care about being ‘normal’ and is legitimately nice to me. Not to mention that, in broad daylight, there are times where his hair looks light brown and others where it looks black.” Harry added.

‘Maybe that means he’s a Metamorphmagus? Or it could just be the light.’ Percy thought but kept it to himself. Potter’s caused him enough trouble for one day for him to try to help him. Even if he did appreciate the compliment.

As soon as Percy put down the ketchup, Harry swiftly grabbed it. Then he poured the red sauce over his eggs in a spiral fashion. Percy flinched a bit at his eggs being sullied by it. He only ever would use ketchup for the sausages, which is proper. However, before he could try to move on from this indignity, he saw Ron, Molly and Mafalda copying their guest's Muggle heathen technique. As Percy’s scowl began to deepen, it drew the attention of his mother, and she swiftly made her displeasure of Percy’s behavior quite known.

“Percival. Let Harry eat his breakfast his way.” Molly sternly told Percy.

“Starting to think bringing him here was a mistake.” Percy muttered to himself.

“What was that, Percy dear?” Molly asked with the most disgustingly, sickly sweet tone with a smile on her face that said, ‘Choose your words carefully, boy.’

“Merely that this tastes like steak.” Percy corrected, motioning to a forkful of sausage in his hand.

‘I thought so.” Molly replied with satisfaction before digging in as well.

After that, Percy remained eerily silent for the rest of the morning meal. It was a merciful relief for everyone else, who quickly filled the vacuum with more chipper and merriful conversation. Finally, once everyone was finished with their meal and the dishes were done, Molly began giving out the daily chores. Starting with Percy.

“Percy, you will be degnoming the garden. Ron, you’ll be helping clean the kitchen. Ginny, clean the living room. Fred, George, clean upstairs.” Molly told them all.

Percy scowled at hearing that. “Mother, you had me on degnoming three times last week.” He grumbled.

“And you will be doing it today. Do you have any objections, Percival?” Molly told him, giving him a stern look.

However, the third Weasley boy took a step forward out of the line. “Yes. I do.” Percy replied, causing the rest of the Weasley's to get nervous. Rare was it for anyone to object to their mother like that.

“I can help Percy out. I actually enjoy degnoming.” Harry offered, trying to defuse the tension.

“Out of the question, Harry. You're our guest. You shouldn’t be doing such hard, physical labor.” Molly sternly replied to Harry.

“He asked to help, mother. Shouldn’t we oblige him if he wishes for permission to of his own free will to repay our kindness?” Percy told her tensely.

“Oh really, Percival? Like how you threw out Harry’s food earlier when he offered to help you with breakfast earlier?” Molly asked him sternly.

The two Weasley's then locked eyes with each other. No one else dared to speak as the room quickly got thick with tension. Though the silence only lasted for two minutes before George finally spoke up.

“I think this is a record. No one has ever stared down Mum for this long…” George muttered.

“May Merlin have mercy on his poor soul.” Fred chipped in. “He’s got one hell of a story to tell Death in the afterlife.”

Finally, after a staggering five minutes, Percy backed down and went to get his wand. That was until he stopped in front of Harry and turned to address him.

“I appreciate the offer, Potter. But Mother is right. You deserve some rest after I ruined your attempt at breakfast.” He said before heading off to his room.

As soon as he left to go up the stairs, Ron, Molly, and Mafalda’s jaws dropped in utter shock. They blinked once, twice, and a third time before finally one of them spoke up.

“... Did Prissy Percy just express gratitude!?” Mafalda called out in disbelief.

“I’m just as surprised, but I’ll take it.” Molly said with a sigh. “Now then. Any further questions on chores today?”

“... Can I please help someone with their chores?” Harry asked meekly.

“Of course, dear. You can help Ron in the kitchen.” Molly explained with a small smile.

“Looks like we’re cleaning the kitchen together, mate.” Ron replied with a smile, happy to finally get to spend time alone with his best friend.

Harry smiled happily at that as everyone got to work. Yet, as they split up, Ginny noticed Percy come back down with not just his wand, but gloves and a face mask.

“Um… Percy? Why are you wearing that?” Ginny asked.

“It's for degnoming.” Percy blankly replied.

“... You do realize that there are going to be more of them because of the food you threw out, right?” Ginny pointed out questioningly.

A small sigh escaped Percy’s lips at that. “Oh, I know. I know…” He replied dejectedly before heading off into the garden.

As he walked out, Molly and Arthur watched him. Arthur took a sip of his tea before speaking to his wife.

“I thought it was the twins’ turn to degnome today.” Arthur pointed out in confusion.

“Oh, I know. I have altered the schedule. Pray I do not alter it further.” Molly replied, before turning to give him a pointed look that screamed, ‘Do you want to be out there degnoming too?’

Arthur flinched at that look, before pouring himself some more tea. Then he stood up and began to walk out of the kitchen.

“I’ll be in the garage.” He said nervously.

“Yes. Yes, you will.” Molly replied in satisfaction.

Yet as soon as Arthur left, the whole house began to hear loud shrieks coming from the garden. Pitching and wailing at the exact volume and tone to make one's blood run cold. Yet no one dared to look outside at what Percy was doing. After the morning they all had, and Percy’s mood, everyone left him to it. Yet, even then, it blanketed the Burrow in a somber mood for the rest of the day. As Percy took out his frustration upon the poor creatures. To what extent, no one to this day knows…

Monsterhuntergod: Back on track. Oh, we are back again. Chosen’s back. We still ain’t dead.

Uzumaki Ricky: We have never been more back! Sorry. My life has been hectic, but things are finally stabilizing a little.

Sharad: Honestly, ‘tis quite surprising at this point. Three in a row. It’s a genuine new record. Let's hope we can go for four.

Chapter Text

Scottish Highlands

To the Wizarding World, the Scottish Highlands are both of the most well-travelled and most mysterious place. For while they lay host to many places of importance, chief among them Hogwarts, equally they were filled with vast stretches of unknown territory. The few holdings of the Wizarding World sprinkled across it like flakes of gold in a mountain seam. Yet half built into one such hillside was a manor. A manor echoing that of one you would expect from the great Wizard Families yet entirely alien to them all the same.

Draped in moss and swirling mists, it was built of dark stone and imported blackened timber. Its outer walls take on sheer and foreboding characters, like an ancient dark beast clawing its way out of the earth's grasp. Yet even through the mist, the vast manor was alive, as the glow of candlelight and burning fire shone into the night. Its labyrinthine halls housing vast trophy galleries, libraries, lounges, and lavish bedrooms, with many of the walls and flooring lined in rivers of gold. As hordes of its occupants went about their active days. Goblins.

In the heart of the massive edifice of Goblin success was its beating heart, vast silver foundries. Row upon row of workshops filled with tools of masterwork craftsmanship wielded by their shrewd and perfectionist masters. One such workshop was the largest and most well stocked, with only two occupants. One, an elderly specimen with a fire singed beard and face, marring the normally sallow face of the goblin with a soot-laden complexion. The other, hard at work at a forge, was almost as tall, yet far younger.

The young lad stood at nearly an impressive four and a half feet tall, with a somewhat crooked nose, semi-pointed ears, and a somewhat inhuman-shaped head cloaked in shaggy red hair. His limbs were stout, working with almost human-like fingers over the silver mold, pouring its molten contents. A pair of black eyes stared through goggles as he then set the mold down on a heavy metal table to cool, before grabbing a hammer. Raising it above a cooled mold, he cracked it open with a set of precise blows. Revealing the form of a simple, silver medallion.

“Here you are, Grandpa. What do you think?” The boy asked, handing the piece of silver craft to the old Goblin.

Said old Goblin looked over the medallion closely, turning it over. As if tracing every little groove, contour, and imperfection with his eyes. With a nod, the elderly Goblin handed the boy back the medallion. “Better, Albert. Not quite there yet, but better. You heated the silver to a slightly too hot temperature and had it in the flame a bit too long. You pounded it into shape correctly but quenched it a tad too soon.” The old Goblin told his grandson.

“Of course, sir. I was too impatient. I’ll… I’ll try again.” Albert replied swiftly, before rushing off to prepare another mold.

However, the attempt did not last long, as the young boy reached too far, causing a quick pillar of flame to come from the forge. As he patted down his hand with icy water, his grandfather sighed and cranked a lever. Soon the forge began to cool to a more manageable level, and he turned to address the boy.

“You’re being impatient again, lad. Is something troubling you?” The elderly Goblin asked, raising a concerned eyebrow.

Albert sighed before leaning against the nearby table. “Its… it’s about the application.” He sighed.

“Ah. To Hogwarts. You wish to study the ways of the witches and wizards to learn more about that side of your heritage as well. Don’t you, boy?” His Grandfather guessed.

“I… I do. Mother helped me with the application. We just got it back today. I… I’ve been accepted.” Albert confirmed nervously.

The old Goblin gave a small smile at that. “Then you should speak to your father about that. He may despise most witches and wizards outside of your mother, but he will listen if you stand your ground. I shall back you on your decision.” He told Albert.

“But… But Father wouldn’t let me go! You know how he is! For a man who’s made his money-making coins for the Ministry, he despises them so!” Albert said, fire and venom leaking from his thin lips as he spoke.

The elderly Goblin playfully bonked Albert on his head. “Which is why you must stand your ground and not give in to his hatred. Open your ears and listen to your elders, boy.” He insisted.

“Yes, Grandpa.” Albert hastily replied, bowing his head respectfully.

“Very good. Now back to your smithy, boy.” His Grandfather urged with a smile.

“Yes, Grandfather!” Albert barked, reverence leaking into words as he leapt to work.

Hours passed as Albert worked harder than ever, shaping silver like his life depended upon it. Each time his work had to be scrapped and smelted by some imperfection his grandfather saw in it. Yet it did not stop Albert. He worked until they all heard a great steam whistle blow, echoing through the workshops like a phantom to end their workday.

“That is enough for now, boy. Go wash up for dinner.” Albert’s Grandfather told him.

“Mother would kill me if I didn’t.” Albert grumbled as he rushed off as fast as his legs could carry him.

After a quick bath, Albert scampered down the halls towards the dining hall. He ran past standing suits of armor that had been forged by his family, which bowed to him as he passed. He then ran past walls stuffed with swords, axes, and other crafts made of their forge. Glittering lines of gold shimmered through black marble floors and expensive fire scorched timber beams. As soon as he opened the great doors to the dining hall, he was hit by the light of a small sun, shimmering through a colossal chandelier made of goblin silver and diamond glassware.

Vast table upon table stretched before him, each with their finely upholstered seats. Each Goblin dined upon a veritable feast from a large goblin silver plate and utensils, and scarfing ale and wine from goblin silver goblets encrusted with gems. Yet he passed all of this by as he headed to the top table. Upon a smaller, yet magnificent mahogany table, and expertly set, was where his grandfather, Grandmother, and his parents already sat. Taking a step up to reach it on the raised floor, he took his seat under the stern gaze of his father.

His father sat on a chair more akin to a throne. He was the epitome of what people expected a goblin to look. Sallow skin draped with black hair expertly combed over. Wearing a fine silken suit and tie, with a black silk top hat and luxurious cane at his side. Sharp teeth bit into a chicken wing as thin lips smacked as he ate. One black eye looked at him as Albert put his napkin on his lap.

“You're late. Again.” Albert's father growled through his food before swallowing. “If I thought apprenticing you to Father would do anything to make you punctual for once.”

“Sorry, Father. I had to wash up.” Albert replied as a spectral servant gave him a plate of food.

“You should have washed up faster, boy. Now eat.” His father told him before ripping another chunk out of a piece of chicken.

“Growlslip. Must you be so harsh on him?” A feminine voice asked him from the shadows.

“Martha, if I’m not harsh on the boy, he won’t last long in Goblin society. Especially with most damnable witches and wizards outside of yourself giving their all to deny us knowledge of Wandlore.” The now named Growlslip grumbled.

“If that's the case, I should have been harder on you.” Albert's grandfather growled in annoyance. “You have more money than any Wizard has ever had, and yet you're gonna bellyache about that still?”

“If they want knowledge of our silvercraft, they need to offer up knowledge of Wandlore first, Father. Give and take. Nothing in this world is free.” Growlslip sneered at his father.

“Growlslip. Lockswitch. Both of you be quiet for once.” Martha boomed with the power to rattle the table and make tapestries behind them flutter.

The two glared at each other before looking towards the source of the voice. Instead of a Goblin, what sat near the head of the table was a witch. Despite sitting down and in darkness, she towered over them with contemptuous ease, easily six feet fully standing. Long locks of red hair cascaded down a fine white and silver dress, and long fingers bearing multiple exquisite rings upon then tapped impatiently at the table. Her eyes, golden and fiery, looked between the two proud goblins.

“Martha. I still don’t know what you saw in that boy.” Lockswitch growled before turning back to his food.

The witch smiled and pinched her husband's cheek. “He’s nicer than he looks.” She replied in a sickeningly sweet tone.

Growlslip flinched and nodded. “Of course, dear. I am merely preparing our son for the world he will inevitably step into upon reaching adulthood. I believe the Muggles in the United States across the sea call it a ‘dog-eat-dog’ world?” He replied, clearly trying to cover his ass.

Albert finished a sip of his drink, non-alcoholic Butterbeer, before finally speaking. “Father. My Hogwarts application came in today. I’ve been accepted.” He said simply.

Growlslip sneered as he tore into a chicken leg. “Are you still going on about that nonsense, boy? We’ve been over this. The witches and wizards won’t accept you due to your half-breed heritage. Why not give up on that hogwash and become a proper Silversmith instead?” He insisted as he ripped the meat and skin off the chicken leg with his teeth.

“You complain about not having Wizard Magic, yet you will not let me go and get the thing you want? All you’ve been is a hypocrite on this!” Albert sneered.

Growlslip glared at his son as he tore the last of the meat off his chicken leg and ate it before growling at his son as he tossed the bone aside. “Choose your words carefully, boy. I am still your father. Besides, even if you did come back with knowledge of Wizard Magic, the damnedable Ministry forbids it from being shared with our kind.” He reminded his son.

To Growlslip’s surprise, Albert slammed his fists onto the table and stood up. The difference between them became stark as standing up; Albert towered over his father. Even upon his throne, Albert’s black eyes looked down on his father as his brows curled.

“It’s the same thing as always! You say one thing and do another! That's all you’ve ever done with me!” Albert snarled. “I’m going, and I’m not taking a no from you, Father! Even if I have to go through you to get there!”

Growlslip’s black eyes widened in surprise. However, for a moment, a ghost of a smile appeared on his face before he frowned and huffed in annoyance.

“Very well then, boy. Do as you please and let no one stand in your way of it.” The Goblin growled out before going back to his meal.

Albert stood a bit in shock at that, before composing himself. “Thank you, Father.” He respectfully replied. Before his stomach let out a fierce growl.

“Dear, please sit back down and eat. Your stomach sounds like a Troll.” Martha said before daintily sipping her drink.

“Of course, mother.” Albert replied before sitting back down.

As soon as he sat down, he frantically began to eat. As if a veneer of civility had been ripped off him, devouring his chicken and sides with ravenous pace. Growlslip and Lockswitch let out a chuckle as the family began to settle back into their meal. A silent understanding has finally been reached.

Sharad: Well, I enjoyed goblin up that chapter. I hope you readers did too… and no, I will not apologize for that joke.

Monsterhuntergod: When our dearest Sharad came to us to make characters to add to the story, I will admit I was always fascinated by the world's Goblins, and the mirror they pose with Wizards. Wanting to shine a light on that, and also have a half breed cast member, thus we have Albert. I hope everyone enjoyed the chapter, and I hope you all have a great day.

Uzumaki Ricky: And, thus, things begin to pick up. I hope you all enjoyed the chapter. Stay safe and have an awesome day.