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Edgar Allan Poe can’t be described as a popular guy. Socially awkward and just too nice to be desirable, he has no chance of competing against chads in real life. Girls just don’t like nice guys that treat them well. Boys don’t seem to, either. Poe has never been in a relationship before, his only companion is his pet raccoon Karl.
In the incredible world of the Internet however, Poe is … heh… one could say he’s a big deal. He’s a discord moderator but not of just any server. He is a trusted and reliable moderator of the most popular server dedicated to discussing books and novels, particularly those that thematise crime and mystery. Poe is very proud of this and spends most of his day on his computer.
Right now, he spends a rare moment afk to play with his beloved companion Karl who sweetly cuddles up to him. This moment is soon interrupted by several notification sounds coming from his computer. Poe carefully puts Karl down and then rushes to his desk, letting himself fall into his gaming chair. His eyes immediately fall on the welcome channel.
Because the server is so popular, its heavily regulated and any and all new members have to be closely monitored at first. Poe clicks on the new member going by the name nr1_detect1ve and looks at their profile. The profile picture is a cute drawing of a raccoon with glasses. A fellow raccoon enthusiast, mayhaps? That would immediately earn them some updoots in Poes opinion.
nr1_detect1ve has pronouns in bio, the he/him hinting at the fact that Poe is dealing with a male and not a female. This mysterious boy doesn’t have anything else in his bio so until he finishes with the self assigned roles, Poe has no way of finding more information on him. They don’t share any friends or are in any servers together. The account is also quite new, only a month old. This is a red flag. Poe vows to himself that he will not be swayed by a raccoon profile picture and will ban him immediately, should he threaten the peace of this server. No server under his protection shall be raided by trolls!
Impatiently, Poe waits until finally, nr1_detect1ve finishes the automatic verification process and is allowed to write messages in the public text channels. He starts to type and Poe can feel his heartbeat pick up. Finally, the notification sound announces a new message. Poe reads as quickly as he can, which is quite fast. Due to his high IQ he can process words faster than the average person. A chad could never keep up with him. If only females (or males for that matter) would value that over looks and popularity.
The message reads: „Heyyyy > < a friend recommended this server to me and said some really smart people are on here UwU Let’s see if you can keep up with my intelligence OwO“
Such cocky first words! Hopefully nr1_detct1ve is up to the challenge. Poe has witnessed several people be chased off the server after making similar selfasured remarks. Unsure of what to answer, he decides to look through the roles the new member has given himself.
nr1_detect1ve is male, as Poe had already deduced from the he/him pronouns. He watches anime and reads all kinds of books. The boy is also autistic and has adhd. He’s … Japanese? Poe doesn’t have a preference but some of the guys on the server are a bit fixated on Asian people. Something about them being more submissive than European or American people.
Poe is too smart to believe such stereotypes and wouldn’t want a submissive partner anyway. His ideal partner is someone with a similar IQ, maybe even someone who surpasses him. If someone on the server harasses nr1_detect1ve, Poe would ban them. He is still suspicious of the new member but its his duty as a mod as well as a self proclaimed white knight and nice guy to protect him from injustice.
Poe once again clicks on the text channel and sees that others have started a conversation with nr1_detect1ve. He seems intelligent, his smart and witty answers clearly show a high IQ. This boy was interesting and, if Poe allows himself to dream a little, could have the potential to be a rival. Any good detective needs an equally intellectual opponent and as the best of the server, Poe definitely deserves one.
Poe needs to test this boy himself, see if he is even half as good as he claims. Of course, its unlikely that he’s as smart as Poe himself but he’s excited nonetheless. He closes his eyes for a moment and takes a deep breath. Poe has to calm himself down, lest he accidentally lets his demons out. That… would not be pretty… You don’t want to find out what happens when Poe gets mad…
The server often holds competitions. One person writes a murder mystery and everyone else has to try and solve it. They have to submit their answer as well as a short text explaining why they think that way. The first person to correctly deduce both the culprit and the circumstances wins. Poe, naturally, holds the title and the longest winning streak. He’s quite proud of that. After reigning in his dark side, Poe decides to challenge nr1_detect1ve.
„Welcome @nr1_detect1ve. It seems you think quite highly of yourself. I find your confidence intriguing and would like to see for myself wether or not you’re worthy of this description!“
Before he could think too much about his message, Poe presses the key to send it. Why is he so nervous? He is by far the most intelligent person on the server and hardly has to fear anything from a new member boasting about his skills. Karl, seemingly sensing his nervousness, jumps up into Poes lap. While awaiting his answer, Poe pets the raccoon and feels his nerves settle. He however doesn’t have to wait long.
„@catinthem0rgue are you doubting me???? Mmmmph -_- guess i just have to prove myself! °^°“
Poe smirks and quickly types out his suggestion. This would surely prove to be easy!
„Heh… how daring. May I propose a duel then? A test of intelligence of sorts. Let’s see who solves the next competition first. The winner shall be named the better detective!“
„dfivifnwtdxthsd yessss I’ll accept!!!! May the better detective win ^^“
Now that nr1_detect1ve accepted, Poe can’t wait for the next competition to take place. Due to his considerable influence as a moderator, the date is changed to tomorrow instead of next week. After playing a few games and speaking with his friends from the server, Poe heads off to bed. He feels slightly disappointed that nr1_detect1ve didn’t join them, curious about his voice.
Cuddled up with Karl, Poe falls asleep quickly and wakes up the next day, full of excitement. He feeds Karl and takes some Doritos and Mountain Dew for himself. He starts his computer and decides to hang out in the voice chat until the murder mystery is posted.
After some boring conversations, Poe gets a dm request and clicks on it. To his surprise, its nr1_detect1ve who wants to chat with him. Poe carefully reads the message and can’t help but to smile. Despite the fact that they were currently rivals, the boy was really sweet. He would be the perfect kitten that a lone wolf alpha like Poe would protect with his life.
„Hiiiiii ^^ i hope its ok to message youuuu > < I just wanted to say that its really impressive how you solved the previous mysteries and I really like your own stories UwU I read some last night before I went to bed!“
„Thank you, good sir! I put quite a bit of effort into my stories, I am glad that some likeminded people appreciate them.“
„Hihihi, don’t think ill have mercy with you °^° I‘ll break your winning streak OwO“
Poe couldn’t help but grin, knowing that his loss is highly unlikely. He decides a simple answer will be more than enough.
„Nah, I‘d win.“
Before the conversation between the two could continue, the bot announces that the new murder mystery will be posted soon. Startled, Poe looks at the clock and sees that it truly is about time. He quickly switches to the competition channel and eagerly awaits the post.
The competition is posted exactly 5 minutes later and Poe almost pushes down the strawberry Hatsune Miku figure from his desk in his excitement. It’s been some time since he’s last been this invested in a mystery. Even when this rivalry will inevitably end in disappointment, it will still be worth it.
The mystery is written well but the cause of death quickly becomes clear to him. The victim committed suicide but had many enemies that wanted them dead so a murder seems the most obvious solution. Such a thing might confuse lesser men but Poe has an incredibly high IQ and can’t be fooled so easily. He writes a detailed report of the circumstances and not even an hour later, submits the document. He is about to lean back and enjoy his victory when suddenly he sees the automatic response to his submission.
„Thank you for participating in this months murder mystery, catinthem0rgue . You are the second person to submit your answer. Good job!“
Second person? It can’t possibly be! Surely this is just a coincidence and nr1_detect1ve is still struggling with the mystery. Someone has to have accidentally hit submit and Poe was still the first! Still feeling unsure, Poe decides to crack open another cold Mountain Dew to soothe his nerves.
After returning from the kitchen, Poe sees that new messages were posted in the competition channel. The person who wrote the mystery must have read his response and declared him winner. That is the only logical conclusion. With shaking hands, he clicks on the channel and reads the messages.
„Congratulations to @nr1_detect1ve, you are the winner! Not only were you the first to submit your answer, you were also the only one to correctly guess the murderer! The second place goes to @catinthem0rgue, you were the second person to submit your answer and despite not solving the crime, you came closer than anyone else! Third place is @mushiTaro69. Good job everyone!“
A cold shudder crawls its way down his back. Not only has he lost the duel, he also didn’t even solve the mystery! How humiliating. He might as well just delete Discord and change his legal name. No, that wouldn’t do, nr1_detect1ve won fairly. Poe just isn’t good enough. The boy just seems to be unnaturally smart. That must be it! nr1_detect1ve is a genius and therefore a perfect fit for the role as his rival. The fact that he lost after making such confident statements was still very embarrassing though.
Before he could wallow in his misery, a dm grabbed his attention. nr1_detect1ve sent him a message. Is he making fun of Poe? Rightfully ridiculing him for his overconfidence? With shaky hands he grabs Karl and places the raccoon on his lap for emotional support. Poe opens the chat.
„Aaaaaah that was so interesting! The suicide almost got me but it’s obvious that the victim didn’t die because of their attempt but were murdered before the poison they took could work! °o° Guess im really the number one detective lol! You were great too, a worthy opponent >w<“
Despite himself, Poe smiles and decides he won’t flee the country after this devastating loss. He would much prefer to continue chatting with the genius he now officially declares his rival. Poe thinks he should even give him something for winning the bet.
„You truly are not like other boys. Thank you for complementing me despite my loss. I believe a kind sir such as yourself deserves a gift of sorts. Let me buy you Discord Nitro.“
„Nooooo > < you don’t have to get me anything omggggg if you buy me something everytime I win then you’ll be bankrupt in no time UwU“
„Heh… I won’t let you win without a fight, also lets just say I’m… fairly well off. Consider it your prize.“
Poe goes ahead and pays the Discord Nitro for him, ignoring the protest. If there is one thing he has enough of, it’s money. He gains something much more valuable anyway: A rival.
„Vhjsadbvjks I said noooooo >w< thank youuuuu! You can call me Ranpo by the way…“
Poe doesn’t know why but after reading the name he immediately starts to blush. Ranpo was the name of his new rival and the first person to have bested him. What an honour to get his name so soon.
„A delightful name, please call me Poe.“
Over the next few weeks, all Poe did was chat with Ranpo and nothing else. They got to know each other and were now friends on Steam. Poe is the only one currently in voice chat so he starts to scroll through Ranpos Steam wishlist. There were some expensive games on there that Ranpo really wanted to play so Poe decided to just buy them for him. It’s not like he lacks money and seeing his rival happy gives him a weird but pleasant feeling.
After completing the payment and writing a short message wishing him fun with the games, Poe gifts them to his dear rival. A few seconds later, the sound indicating that someone joined the voice chat bring his eyes away from his second screen back to Discord on his main screen. Before he can see who joined however, his ears are flooded with an unfamiliar voice, beautiful despite the annoyance clear in it.
„How often did I tell you not to buy me so much! That’s so expensive, you can’t just- it’s too much!“ Poe immediately realises who this voice belongs to. Despite chatting nonstop for weeks, this is the first time he hears Ranpos voice. It fits him well, not really what he expected from his writing style but definitely befitting of a genius detective. His chest feels strange again, perhaps something was wrong and a visit to the doctor was in order. Drinking so much Mountain Dew can’t be healthy.
Poe takes a moment to gather his words, hoping he will make a good impression on his rival. „I told you I have a lot of money, some games is nothing. Please just accept it.“ Ranpo is quiet and he begins to fear that he said something wrong or that his voice sounded weird or that he made Ranpo uncomfortable. But after a moment, a quiet „Thank you, Poe“ could be heard. Sadly, his rival immediately flees the voice chat after.
Now that the initial awkwardness of the first time in voice chat with each other is over, they won’t stop. During their calls, Poe starts to notice that Ranpo behaves similar to a cat. Sweet but bratty and confident and very cute. All is fine until one day, the word kitten just slips out of his mouth, Ranpo almost chokes on his Ramune und Poe fears that he will find him creepy. But Ranpo starts to giggle and tease him, making Poe grin so hard it hurts his face.
Over the few weeks they’ve known each other, Poe feels that they build a deeper connection than he ever had before in his life. The word rival might no longer be enough to describe what he feels for the best detective he ever met. The problem is, Poe is no Chad. Surely someone as adorable as Ranpo would prefer a better looking man. He’s the best kitten one could imagine. He may be the moderator of Ranpos favourite server but irl that meant little.
Karl interrupts Poes thoughts with a loud crash. He pulled his empty food bowl from the table and got scared when it loudly hit the ground. Karl runs straight to Poe and hides in his arms. He starts cooing and comforting the poor raccoon, not realising that Ranpo can hear everything. „Who is Karl? A boyfriend?“ Poe must imagine the slight jealousy in his voice.
„What? Have I never introduced you to Karl?“ Such a terrible oversight on his part, especially considering Ranpo has a raccoon profile pic. He immediately sends the cutest fotos he has of Karl. „Awwww, you have a pet raccoon and never told me? How dare you? I demand more pictures!“ That is a request Poe gladly accepted. He proceeds to send him his entire 20 gb folder of Karl pics as well as a few delightful memes. Poe is an edge lord of sorts if he may say so himself. Not everyone can handle or understand his sarcasm but Ranpo has a similar sense of humour.
Ranpo audibly enjoys the raccoon pics and thinks Karl is the best. „He’s so cute! Is it even legal for a living being to be so sweet?!“ He keeps gushing about wanting to sink his fingers into Karls soft fur. That puts a crazy idea in his head and before he can stop himself he asks „Would you like to pet Karl? In person?“
Ranpo laughs it off as a joke, not taking seriously what insane thoughts are brewing in Poes twisted mind. Unaware of the fact that Poe is looking at airplane tickets and 5* hotel rooms in Yokohama, contemplating. It would be possible to surprise him, he has his address from sending American candy to him. He could, but… would Ranpo even want to see him?
Even if he didn’t, he would surly be happy to pet Karl and maybe even willing to spend some time with Poe. He is far from a chad but Karl is a true sigma, greatly improving his chances during social interaction. Making up his mind, Poe asks „Do you have anything planned this weekend? We could do something together.“
Probably assuming he is talking about a chat over discord, Ranpo agrees to keep his calendar open for the weekend. With excitement, Poe books a room and flight as well as expertly dodging questions about his sudden good mood. Ranpo is too smart so lying would be useless. Instead, Poe leaves the gaps for Ranpos brain to fill.
The next day, Poe packs a few bags, grabs Karl and makes his way to the airport. After a bit of a scuffle with the airport staff regarding him bringing a raccoon with him, which was quickly resolved by vaccination certificates and a bit of money, he’s on the plane to the land of anime. After getting settled, Poe starts to second guess himself but calms after Karl comforts him. He falls asleep thinking of Ranpos sweet voice.
Poe is gently shaken awake by a flight attendant informing him they would land soon. The nerves are back with a vengeance and Poe is mentally preparing the words he might say to Ranpo when he sees him for the first time. He realises that he’s spent hours talking with him but has never seen his face. What does he look like? He hasn’t seen him either. Will Ranpo be disappointed in the way he looks? He isn’t a classically handsome, girl stealing chad.
Poe immediately reprimands himself, his genius rival would never be so shallow as to fall for the false glamour of a chad. That, of course, means even more pressure for him. If Ranpo isn’t judging him by his looks he will be judging him by his personality. Poe is a nice guy and will do his best to be a gentleman for Ranpo!
First he takes a taxi to his hotel. He throws his bags on the bed and heads straight to the bathroom. He brushes his hair, washes is face and contemplates putting on a fedora. He decides against it and puts his hair into his usual hairstyle, covering his eyes. After finishing up, Karl jumps up onto his shoulder excitedly, as if sensing that a very important event was about to happen. Gathering confidence, Poe leaves the room and heads out towards Ranpos residence.
The great Edgar Allan Poe, writer and moderator of the most popular mystery novel discord server, standing trembling and scared in front of a closed door. This is the place were his future will be decided. If fate has mercy on him he will leave this place with a beautiful partner. If not, he will leave with his heart crushed and in pieces.
He raises his hand to knock, waiting and listening for the steps approaching the door. Poe goes through the speech again. He uses words to spin tales and write stories every day, but once the door opens, he loses every syllable ever saved in his head. The beautiful creature facing him steals his breath away.
The man standing in the doorway is shorter than him, with black hair and big brown eyes framed by glasses. He opens his delicious looking mouth and the angel like voice he hears makes him freeze. „Poe? What are you doing here?“ Ranpo, definitely identifiable by his voice.
„How…?“ more words won’t escape him. His darling genius doesn’t need any more and answers the question. „It’s quite obvious that you’re Poe. First and most obvious indicator would be the raccoon on your shoulder. I also deduced that you would eventually show up here but I didn’t expect it to be so soon. Then you-“
Before he could continue explaining all the things that gave Poes identity away, Karl jumped from his shoulder and landed in Ranpos arms. He pets him enthusiastically and then raises him up to his face. „I am objectively stating that you’re the most adorable thing I have ever seen!“
Ranpo hugs Karl to his chest and steps back into the apartment. „Come in, sit on the couch. Would you like a Ramune?“ Poe sits on the couch and starts to fidget with his jacket. Now that he’s here, he doesn’t know what to say. He has never had Ramune before but Ranpo really likes it so he’s willing to try. Karl leaves Ranpos arms again and goes to fulfill his roll as an emotional support raccoon.
Ranpo returns with two glass bottles. He places them on the coffee table and flops down onto the couch right next to him. Poe blushes and restrains himself from reaching out. He’s a gentleman and a nice guy, sometimes even too nice. He would never touch someone without permission. But he wants to. He so badly wants to hold his hand, maybe even kiss him.
Suddenly Ranpo touches his hair and starts playing with it. Poe leans in subconsciously and startles when a hand cups his cheek. „Do you want to kiss? I’ve deduced that you do but its better to ask first.“ Of course he does. He nods and takes a deep breath. The kiss is slow and chaste. Ranpo tastes sweet, like a combination of different candy Poe has never tasted before. They separated but pressed their foreheads together. Poe gathered all his courage to ask the one question always on his mind since they met.
„Would you do me the honour and…be my discord kitten?“