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The light shining through the open window slowly began to wake up the sleeping Skwisgaar. He blinked his eyes a few times, somewhat unaware of his surroundings, when he spotted a lock of light brown hair next to his face. Panning his gaze down, he spotted Toki, still sleeping soundly well past the hour he’d usually have woken and left the room, and, more importantly, still in Skwisgaar’s arms. A smile spread across the blond’s face at this realization, and he leaned slightly to kiss the top of the smaller man’s head, lingering a few seconds to lightly sniff his hair.
The events of the previous night, and day, were still fresh in his mind, and he was embarrassed to admit to himself that he could feel a twinge of excitement every time he thought about it. He still couldn't quite believe that the man in his arms right now, who started out so meek in his early days, had taken charge in such a way and made Skwisgaar the happiest he’d been in years. He could still barely believe the man was in his arms at all. Still somewhat overcome with emotion, he tightened his grip around the guitarist and pulled him a little closer.
Seemingly roused by the man’s bear hug, Toki groaned himself awake and wearily opened his eyes, smiling to himself when he became aware of his proximity to the taller guitarist. He stretched his legs a bit, then wrapped his arms around the other man in reciprocation.
“So, I'm assumings you tooks my announskments well?” Toki asked, his face still buried in Skwisgaar’s chest.
“Ja, I dids. I ams glad you saids whats you dids.” Skwisgaar replied. “Now I gots sometings to says to yous. Dat okays?”
“Ja, of course Skwisgaar.” Toki backed up a bit and shifted his gaze so he was looking at the older man, who he was surprised to see was still looking right at him.
“So, I was thinkings. Two things. Forst, I just wanteds to says…” Skwisgaar paused and took a breath, surprised at how nervous he still was to say this, even after thinking about it practically the entire night. “I wanteds to says dat, if we ams datings now, I wants to be exclusives.”
Toki’s mouth fell open slightly at this statement. “Waits, really? Likes, no more sleepins with other peoples? No mores groupies? No Ethels?”
“Ja, dats what I means.”
Toki knew his partner well enough to realize that this statement needed no explanation. For Skwisgaar to say this, something so seemingly out of character, so alien to the person he used to be, he had to be serious.
“Ja, okays, wow. Ja, we’ll be exclusives. Dat’s...really great, Skwisgaar.” Toki laughed a bit to himself as he spoke, somewhat in disbelief that these words were coming from Skwisgaar’s mouth. “Okays, den what's the second things?”
“You haves to promise mes you won't laughs.” Skwisgaar requested, a slight blush appearing on his cheeks.
“Ja, I promise!”
“Okays...I...wants to goes on a real dates with you. Likes at a place. Sos I ams askins you ons a dates. Ams dat okays?”
“Okays?! Skwisgaar, dat’s awesome!” Toki replied emphatically, causing Skwisgaar to shrink a little at the volume of his voice. “I woulds loves to go on a date.” He asked in a softer tone, “Wheres we gonna gos?”
“Not sures yets.” Skwisgaar said as he nervously played with the ends of a particularly long stand of his hair. “You wants to go gets dinner on Fridays? I tolds you yesterday I don'ts gos on many dates, sos if you gots a better ideas, lets me knows.”
“I knows a nice place arounds here, but since you asked me, you gots to make de call. I gives you de infos laters. Deal?”
Toki looked up expectantly at Skwisgaar, a smirk plastered across his face. The blond nuzzled up to his face before responding.
“Ja. Deals.”
Skwisgaar laughed again as stretched himself out and finally sat up. “Pfft, I feels like I ams fuckins fourteen agains. I don'ts even knows whats I gotta dos in de meantimes.”
Toki sat up beside his partner, grabbing Deddy Bear from the other side of the bed as he rose. “You gots two days, you'll figures it out.”
The brunet scooped up his clothes from the floor and began leisurely dressing himself, still smiling as he pulled his boots over his jeans. He walked around to Skwisgaar’s side of the bed and sat in front of him, seeing that the older man still looked a bit weary. Brushing the wavy blond hair from his face, the smaller man planted a light kiss on his cheek.
“Relax, Skwisgaar. We gonna have fun. I’s gonna go gets breakfast, but I know you wants to sleeps some mores. I'll sees you later.”
Skwisgaar meekly kissed the younger guitarist’s lips, still not completely used to this being their new normal after only one day. He watched the brunet walk out of his room, still contemplating how so much had managed to change in less than twenty-four hours as his head hit the pillow once more. Then again, he thought, it really had been a long time coming, hadn’t it?
***
“The fucks ams I evens supposed to wears on a dates?” Skwisgaar mumbled to himself as he trudged through the crowded mall, not too happy about having to be up and about so early. He knew, though, that he needed time to figure out what he needed for the next day, and he knew that he was completely clueless. Though he rarely ventured into public places on his own, preferring the company of at least one of his bandmates, the situation was too delicate to risk it. He obviously couldn't take Toki, he thought, because it must be breaking some sort of unspoken rule that he shouldn't see what he's wearing before the date. He couldn't take his bandmates; he wasn't quite ready to come out to them, not yet, and a shopping trip for clothes and cologne would certainly tip them off that something out of the ordinary was happening.
He was pulled from the static of his thoughts as he passed a store window with suits in plain view. The place he made the reservation at was pretty nice; did he need a suit? He thought back to the last time he’d worn the suit he had back at Mordhaus, realizing he hadn't ever really worn the outfit for any reason other than a wedding or a funeral, or the occasional event in which Charles had to practically force the bandmates to dress a little nicer. He contemplated whether or not his date with Toki required this level of sophistication; he had a feeling he was overthinking the situation, but couldn't shake the feeling that he needed to impress the man at least a little bit.
“Can I help you with anything, sir?” A small voice spoke from behind him. He snapped out of his thoughts once again to realize that he had wandered into the store in his daze. The small voice revealed herself as a store clerk, looking at the man with a perplexed expression. He wanted to turn away her help and go about his way, but having already admitted to himself that he had no idea what he was doing, he decided he had nothing left to lose.
“Uh, ja, I thinks I do needs some help.” It was clear to Skwisgaar as soon as he opened his mouth to speak that the young clerk was entirely aware of who he was, but was politely trying to hide this fact.
“Oh sure, anything Mr. Skwi- uh, sir!” Skwisgaar let out a small laugh and continued asking the clerk for her assistance.
“I needs some new clothes for a dates, but I gots to admits, I don't gots no idea whats de fuck I’s supposed to wears. You gots any advice?”
The clerk, still concealing her starstruck smile, turned her gaze away from the man. She then quickly looked back at him, a confused expression now appearing on her face. “Wait, a date?” She asked, her voice raising an octave or two at the last word. “Like, you’re seeing someone. Seriously.”
“Ja, just starteds seeing someones, I wants to makes a good impressions.”
“Seriously? Ok, I can help!” She motioned towards the back of the store. “I think you wanna try that section instead. I'm not sure what kind of date you're going on, but typically a suit is a bit...much. But we have some nice button downs over there that you might like!”
Skwisgaar nodded at the clerk to thank her and made his way to the back of the store. He wondered if he’d made a mistake saying that he was seeing someone, knowing that any information about that could end up on the Dethklok Minute by the evening. He was just glad he hadn't slipped and mentioned Toki; that would have been news in mere minutes. Not that the fans hadn't speculated about it for years anyway, but having confirmation of it would cause a media explosion.
He sifted through the various dress shirts on the rack, contemplating exactly what look he was going for. He was more used to shopping for jeans and tank tops, maybe the occasional flannel, but certainly not any “nice” looking clothing. He stopped at a simple black button down shirt, one of the only ones on the rack that didn't feel unbearably scratchy. Fairly confident in his choice, the guitarist slung the shirt over his shoulder and went in search of a fitting room.
Skwisgaar was always annoyed, though admittedly also somewhat amused, at how cramped the fitting rooms in most stores were. Were he to actually stand up in most of these rooms, he’d rise well over the height of the walls, and that certainly wouldn't be the most comfortable situation for anyone involved. Instead he usually opted to lean against the walls or sit on whatever stool was provided, sometimes having to contort himself a bit to see how the clothing actually fit. Luckily, he had noticed a wall of mirrors just outside the dressing room, which meant he could get a look at how the shirt actually fit him for a change.
The tall blond carefully examined his reflection in the mirror, making sure that the fabric laid as perfectly as it could, with as few creases as possible. He looked at the cuffs resting at his wrists, resisting the urge to roll up the sleeves to his elbows, which he assumed would ruin the shirt and his overall look. He still couldn't quite believe how important that even was to him; he’d never put this much effort into his appearance for something like this. But, as he had come to realize that morning, this was a bit of a special case.
Skwisgaar hastily paid for the shirt and left in search of his next destination, wanting nothing more than to be done with his venture and out of the overcrowded mall, always packed with people in the colder months.
He had wanted to pick up some sort of cologne for the occasion, though he knew this was an obstacle in itself. He had always been a bit sensitive to smells, sometimes even feeling dizzy when presented with a strong scent. He figured, though, that it was something Toki might appreciate. As long as he could handle the scent himself, he thought, he might as well go for it.
Merely passing by the many perfume and cologne counters of the department stores proved to be a bad idea. The plethora of scents that wafted through the air mixed in such a way that it began to give Skwisgaar a splitting headache. Not wanting for this attempt to be fruitless, he stuck it out as long as he could, approaching the counters and lingering as long as he could before becoming overwhelmed and fleeing to the safety of the store entrance.
“Ugh, dis ams pointsless.” He mumbled to himself as he ambled dejectedly out of the store. He plopped himself on a bench near the store and absentmindedly went through his FaceFriends feed, trying to come up with a backup plan. Taking a quick glance around the adjacent stores, he noticed a small outlet with candles and lotions, and caught sight of a group of women spraying themselves with something. It didn't appear to him that they were perfume bottles. Curious, he made his way over to the store, hoping whatever they were selling would be an adequate plan b.
The store did have an array of strong scents emanating from it, but not quite to the degree of the department store counters. The blond picked up the bottle he saw the women spraying, finding now that it wasn't exactly perfume, but a lightly scented spray. He sprayed a bit on the sleeve of his jacket, discovering that it definitely smelled like something, strawberries he thought, but it was light enough to not give him a headache. But strawberries aren't brutal, he thought to himself, and continued to search the shelves for something more fitting.
He continued to peruse the shelves until he came upon a collection of scents that made him laugh a little at first. He was greeted by a row of candles labeled as “manly” scents, ranging from bacon to car tires and many places in between. His gaze fell upon a candle with the image of a lumberjack on it, and the various lotions and sprays in that scent scattered around it. He grabbed the bottle and spritzed it on himself, surprised at how pleasant he found the scent. It had layers to it, he could smell wood and a fireplace, and even pine trees. This was the brutal scent he had been looking for. Feeling rather pleased with himself, he considered the shopping trip over and successful, and paid for his item before leaving the shopping center with a bit more confidence than he’d walked in with.
***
Skwisgaar crept through the halls of Mordhaus with his bags, feeling more like a fourteen year old sneaking past his parents with every passing moment. His worst nightmare in that moment would be for his bandmates to spot him with his purchases and start asking questions. Luck seemed to be in his favor though, as the cavernous halls of Mordhaus were completely vacant. Not wanting to chance anything, the guitarist started to sprint towards his room, slamming the door behind himself when he finally whisked himself through the doorway. His belongings were safe on his bed, as the entirety of Mordhaus knew better than to enter his room without his permission. He left them there and walked decidedly much calmer to the main room.
Unsurprisingly, Toki was already wide awake and watching television in the main room, though the others seemed to all be sleeping. Skwisgaar casually walked up to the man and sat beside him, placing a hand around his shoulder. The brunet leaned his weight against Skwisgaar and pulled his legs onto the couch.
“Wow, you’s up early todays.” He said to the blond. “Ands you feels so cold. Dids you go out somewhere?”
“Ja, just went outs to picks up a few things fors myself for tomorrows.”
The smaller man squirmed a little and started to blush. “Don'ts laughs, Skwisgaar, but I ams so exciteds about tomorrow, I can't stops thinking about it!”
Toki had no idea how such innocent words terrified Skwisgaar. The taller man’s mind almost immediately jumped to all the terrible things that could go wrong; he could speak in such a thick accent that they wouldn't be able to order food, he could be wearing a completely inappropriate outfit, or, worst of all, he could screw up so bad that their fledgling relationship would be over before it ever really started. He could feel his heart begin to race at these thoughts, and it certainly didn't help that he was so excited by the idea of their date along with being so anxious.
“Tryings to keep it cool arounds the guys,” Toki continued. “But it's been so hards. I don't thinks they knows about it though.”
This had been Skwisgaar’s biggest worry the past few days. He wasn't ashamed of anything necessarily, he was well past hiding his sexuality and would gladly admit everything if pressed. But he couldn't bring himself to bring it up directly to them, he had no idea how to have a conversation like that. He especially had no idea how to tell them he was dating one of their bandmates. Part of him wondered if they already knew, or if they saw it coming, but he honestly couldn't tell.
And yet, as much anxiety as Toki’s presence happened to be causing, looking at that face of his brought Skwisgaar nothing but joy. He wanted so much to bring a smile to that face whenever he could. He started playing with a lock of brown hair that fell over the younger man’s shoulder as they continued to watch tv.
“Oh fucks!” Toki shouted, sitting up abruptly and turning to face Skwisgaar. “I didn'ts stop to thinks about it, but how ams we getting to the place?”
“We gonna drives, rights? I’s gonna drives us.”
“Ja, but how ams we gonna dos that without the rest of thems knowing? It's a Fridays, they gonna notice when we don'ts go outs with them to a bar or some shits.”
Skwisgaar paused for a moment. With all his doomsday scenarios and planning, he hadn't actually considered the consequences of them not going with the band on their usual Friday night ventures. He had been so caught up in the moment he hadn’t given a second thought to just leaving with Toki that night and going to dinner. The anxiety started welling up again, but he was starting to doubt how much he really cared.
“You know whats, Toki? Fucks it. We gots a right to dos what the fucks we wants. We gonna leaves togethers, if dey gots to says anythings, den fucks dem.”
“But whats about them findings out?”
“Amen'ts ready to talks to dem about it tonights, but I cans after de dates. Beens two days and I ams already sicks of hidings from dem.”
Toki smiled softly, taking Skwisgaar’s hands in his own. “Okays. Whens you ready, I'm ready.”
Skwisgaar cautiously pulled Toki in for a hug, holding him tightly against his chest. The moment was short-lived, however, as both parties noticed Nathan’s lumbering footsteps echoing through the hall. Skwisgaar reluctantly released Toki from his grip, and the two took less conspicuous positions on the couch.
The vocalist lumbered past the two, barely acknowledging their existence as he plodded over to the chair just beyond the couch. He took a newspaper and his glasses from his pockets, and engrossed himself in the periodical.
“Hey, Skwisgaar. Toki.” He mumbled from behind the shield of his paper. “Band meeting Saturday. Just found out. Kind of early, like...noon. We gotta talk about the next recording session or something. Don't be late. Abigail’s coming over and I'm not gonna keep her waiting. Ok?”
“Ja, dat’s fines Nathans.” Skwisgaar replied. “How ams she doings?”
“She’s been much better the past week. She's still gonna work from home for the most part, but she wants to do meetings here when she can. If she’s feeling up to it we might go out tomorrow night. Otherwise, we’ll just hang out here.”
Toki leaned over towards Skwisgaar, and whispered so Nathan couldn't hear him. “Shoulds we tells them ats the meeting? Might go better with Abigails there. She...kinda knows hows I feels about you already.”
Skwisgaar nodded to the young guitarist. The meeting was as good a time as any, and Toki was right; with Abigail present, things would probably go a lot smoother. And he’d already readily told Ethel, a woman he’d only just met, so what was stopping him from telling his friends? He thought back to when he decided to tell them about his diagnosis, and although they hadn't had the most tact upon hearing the news, they quickly came around and had treated him with respect. Hopefully, he thought, this would go at least a little smoother. In the meantime, he still had his date to worry about.
***
Skwisgaar looked himself up and down in the mirror, making absolutely sure that he looked presentable. He’d tucked in the black shirt he purchased the day before, and though he was still wearing his signature gray jeans, he'd traded his boots for dress shoes. He rolled the sleeves up slightly to the middle of his forearms, a little uncomfortable with the fabric resting against his wrists.
He shifted his gaze to his face in the mirror, realizing then just how much hair he had. The long, wavy hair hadn’t been cut in a long while, and took over his thin face. He reached into one of his many drawers for a hair tie in order to tame his wild mane. Looking at himself one last time in the mirror, he felt pleased with his appearance. He grabbed his keys and wallet from the dresser, sprayed a bit of his new scented spray on himself, and, taking a deep, long breath, headed towards the entrance of Mordhaus.
He felt truly blessed the moment he realized Pickles and Murderface had already left for the evening, with Nathan and Abigail headed out soon themselves. He passed through the main room without incident, and waited in the car for Toki. The brunet kept him waiting only a few minutes, and approached the car with a huge smile on his face. Skwisgaar couldn't quite make out how he looked in the darkness, but felt his heart jump a little regardless. The younger man slid into the passenger seat and the two headed off towards the restaurant.
“Sorry I was a few minutes late,” Toki started as they left Mordhaus. “Nathan was askings me where I was goings. He saids he saw you leaves and asked if I was goings with you. Abigails shuts him up though, so don'ts worry, I didn't says anything.”
“Ja, no problems, Toki.” Skwisgaar managed to say through his nervous excitement. Aware that his tone sounded a little off, he turned to the brunet and shot him a quick, soft smile. The younger guitarist giggled to himself and placed a hand carefully on the blond’s shoulder. “Remember, Skwisgaar, we gonna haves fun tonight.” He said lightly into the other man’s ear. “Don'ts be so nervous.” Skwisgaar’s tight shoulders relaxed a bit at Toki’s touch.
The two arrived at the restaurant, and walked as calmly as they could both muster through the front door. Toki reached for Skwisgaar’s hand, and held it tightly as they entered. The taller man could feel the blush appearing on his cheeks, which only intensified once he got a good look at the man in proper lighting. Toki was wearing a blue polo shirt with black jeans, an outfit Skwisgaar had never seen him in, which made him wonder if his partner had gone shopping for the date as well. He thought to himself how good Toki looked in the color blue, how his whole look that evening was actually making his own heart race faster.
He wasn't alone in his ogling. Toki could barely take his eyes off Skwisgaar long enough to confirm the reservation at the front desk. He stared unapologetically at the tall man, admiring his broad shoulders in his new shirt and the way those jeans always seemed to hug him in just the right places. Both men were startled from their stupors as they were lead to a table, towards the back as they had requested.
As the hostess set down the menus, Skwisgaar rushed to Toki’s side and pulled his chair out for him. Toki lightly touched the man’s arm in appreciation as he sat, and watched as Skwisgaar took his own seat, fumbling a little when he tried to grab the armrest. He could tell the blond was still nervous, and was slightly amused at this power he seemed to hold over the man now. The man who was world famous for his powers of seduction was nothing more than a bumbling teenager when it came to dating, and Toki couldn't help but find this absolutely adorable.
“So, how was yours days?” Skwisgaar asked, forcing out each word and not quite making eye contact with the brunet. “Dids you haves a nice day?” He could hear that his voice was shaking slightly, and thought it ridiculous that he was having trouble being himself around a man he's known for over a decade, who he's seen nearly every day during that time. The context may have changed, but this was still Toki he was talking to; why the hell was he still so nervous?
Toki smiled and reached for Skwisgaar’s hand, which twitched at first contact. He started lightly rubbing the shaking hand as he spoke. “My day was goods, Skwisgaar. Thanks for askings. Buts you don'ts have to asks me questions likes that. You already know everythings about me. Just relax, and bes yourself.”
Skwisgaar’s face softened at Toki’s words, though his eyes were still somewhat distant. “Ja, I guess I does.”
“Buts, I don't knows everything abouts you. I mean, I think you tells me more than you tells anyone else, but there ams still a lot I don'ts know about you. We shoulds talk about that.”
The two were interrupted as the waiter walked up to the table. He cheerfully greeted them and welcomed them to the establishment, reading of a series of specials that the men could barely remember by the time the list concluded. He turned to Toki and asked what he would be ordering for the evening.
“I knows what I wants, but my friend here hasn’t even looksed at the menus yet. Coulds you gets back to us?”
“Nos, goes ahead.” Skwisgaar said, surprisingly confident in his tone.
“Um, okays, I wants the rosemarys chickens, thanks.”
Toki looked expectantly over at his partner, who turned himself to face the server directly. “Yes, I will have the miso crusted salmon, thank you.” With that he looked straight back at Toki, sighing in relief. The server took the menus back and walked away.
“Whats was that about?” Toki asked. “You didn'ts even looks at the menu. How dids you know what you wanteds?”
“You gonna laugh, but I tells you. I practiced.”
“Whats you means you practiced?”
“I looksed up whats dey hads on de menu, and I repeateds it out louds a bunch til I could says it withouts messing ups. I hates when I gots to repeats myself, so I avoideds it.”
“Wowee, Skwisgaar, you said its all so wells!” Toki beamed at the man.
“Ja well, dats alls I practiced. I wants anythings else its gonna takes a few tries.”
The pair laughed together at Skwisgaar’s statement. “Buts seriously,” Toki started again. “I wants to talks about you. You knows all the dark stuffs from when I was a kids. I want to knows more abouts you. It ams unsportants to me.”
Skwisgaar swept a stray piece of hair behind his ear and shifted his gaze to face Toki. “Ja, okays.” Skwisgaar replied. “I can tells you abouts dat stuffs. I...don'ts normally talks about dat. But I trusts you.”
Skwisgaar shifted in his seat a bit, leaning one arm against the table and supporting the weight of his head on the other. “Wells, you knows I groweds up in Swedens, just me ands my moms. We never really hads a close relations-ips, buts we gots along. She broughts a lots of mens over though, ands I always felts she paids way mores attentions to dems dildos instead ofs me.”
The blond paused for a moment to look at Toki, making sure he was still paying attention, hoping he wasn't already boring the man. The brunet’s eyes were locked on his own, ensuring him that he hadn't lost his partner’s attention.
“Ja sos, I rans away once. Not for longs, just a days. I saws my moms getting fucksed by dese two guys and I freaksed de fucks out. I rans and fell into a caves. Actually founds my forst guitars dere. It kinda becames my best friends den.”
“Whats you means?” Toki interjected. “You didn'ts have other friends?”
“I was kindsa shys, I didn'ts likes to talks a lot, so I didn'ts haves much to distracts me whens I was at homes. But dat guitars gots me through dose times. I didn'ts even knows how to plays it when I founds it, I just plucksed at de strings and it mades me feels better. Eventuallys my moms actually gots me lessons, and I gots really goods.”
“Wowee, I hads no idea you was likes dat as a kids. I guess we haves more in commons than I thoughts.”
Toki stared at him a moment longer, both bewildered and overjoyed that their childhoods seemed at least remotely similar. For all Skwisgaar’s talent and fanfare, even he had humble beginnings.
“So, you wents to school then, ja?” Toki asked, hungry for more of the Swede’s past. “What kind of students were you? Whats was your favorite subject?”
“I was actuallys a decents students. I gots good grades mostlys, dere were some classes I fuckins hateds but I still dids okays. I loveds maths, I was reallys goods at maths.”
The conversation was once again interrupted by the waiter, who placed their meals down and left them alone again quickly. Skwisgaar continued to gush about his past as they ate, and Toki listened intently to every word. Skwisgaar was very much aware of how much he was talking, but Toki seemed enthralled the whole time, so he continued with stories of his youth, eliciting laughter from the younger man every so often.
Their meals finished and cleared away, Toki scooched his chair closer to Skwisgaar’s, wanting to make the space feel a little more intimate as it got later. Skwisgaar placed a long arm around the man’s waist, and Toki took a deep breath in as he laid his head against his partner.
“Whats you smells like?” He asked as he caught a peculiar, but pleasing, scent wafting off his partner. “You smells really goods, I didn't notice befores.”
“Ams my lumberjacks sprays. I boughts it yesterdays.”
“Your whats?” Toki asked as he chuckled.
“Ams a spray whats hads a lumberjacks guy ons de bottle. You likes it?”
“Ja, you smells really nice!”
Skwisgaar blushed a little and pulled Toki tighter as he paid the check. “I thinks I ams ready to gets back, we been gones almost threes hours. Whats you says?”
Toki nodded at the taller man and rose from his seat. Skwisgaar collected his jacket from the back of his chair, and the two headed out to the car, Skwisgaar’s arm wrapped tightly around the shorter man.
“You know,” Toki started as they left through the doors. “I bets people saws us here tonights. You...okays with that?”
Skwisgaar pulled Toki even closer to him as they approached the car. “Ofs course I ams.”
***
Mordhaus was nearly silent as Toki and Skwisgaar entered through the large front doors. They passed through the main room with ease, walking past the passed out pair of Pickles and Murderface, surrounded by beer bottles. Skwisgaar lead Toki into his room, fully expecting to simply get undressed and spend some time in the bed with him, but Toki meekly grabbed at Skwisgaar’s wrist, hinting to the blond that something else might be on the brunet’s mind.
“Hey, Skwisgaar, cans we tries again?” Toki asked, taking a page from Skwisgaar’s book and looking down when he spoke.
“You means you wants to have sex agains?” Skwisgaar asked. The brunet nodded, sending a small flutter down Skwisgaar’s spine. They’d been intimate in the past quite a few times, but not a single time since Toki’s rescue. No matter how much he had wanted to, he was worried he would upset Toki, that the younger man wasn't ready for that yet. “Ams you sures?” He asked, wanting to make absolutely certain that the man meant what he said.
“Ja, I ams positives. I thinks I can dos it now, I'm ready.”
Skwisgaar smiled softly and kissed the top of Toki’s head, and lead him to the large bed in the middle of the room. He began slowly undressing himself, removing each item of clothing carefully and deliberately. Toki began removing his clothing as well, but hesitated when he attempted to lift his shirt, getting it only about halfway up before nervously pulling it back down. Skwisgaar shot a perplexed look at the guitarist and crawled his way over to him.
“We don't haves to do nothing if you really amen'ts ready.” The blond whispered to his partner, placing a soothing hand on his shoulder.
“It's not dats, Skwisgaar.” Toki started, his voice shaking a bit. “I know you seens my scar before, but nots during sex. I know it don'ts makes much sense, but...I feels ashamed of it.”
Skwisgaar felt his eyes water a little as he looked at the man. He realized he hadn't even seen Toki get dressed up since that terrible day when he was taken from them, and even though he was well on the road to recovery, there were still issues he needed to work through. Skwisgaar rubbed at the skin on his thighs, and decided that perhaps he and Toki needed to have another late night heart to heart.
“Toki, I thinks you shoulds sees someting.” He said softly to the smaller man. He spread his legs a bit apart and cupped his inner thigh in his hand, revealing to the guitarist a series of small red dots sprinkled across the skin. “Whens you was gone, I wasn'ts okays at alls. I crieds every days for a while, but dens, I didn'ts wants to feel nothings no mores. So I gots so fuckins high every days, I couldn'ts remember my own fuckins name. I dids things I wish I didn'ts remembers sos clearly. I wish I could forgets all dose months, buts...dey lefts scars.” Skwisgaar released the flesh from his grip, and placed both hands on Toki’s shoulders, looking him dead in the eyes. “Buts dats was a differentsks times. We ams heres now, togethers. Dese scars might nots fade aways so quicklys...dey mights be dere forevers. Buts we gonna get through dis. We cans keeps movings on, we cans lives better nows. We won'ts forgets, but we ams gonna lives so much longers dats dose months will seems like a lifetimes agos.”
Toki looked up tearfully at his partner, who looked back at him with a longing gaze Toki had rarely seen on the man. With tears streaming down his face, he once again attempted to remove the shirt, sliding it carefully over his skin until he finally yanked it over his head, throwing it triumphantly to the ground. He reached a shaking hand towards Skwisgaar, who grasped it firmly in his own and lightly kissed it. “You gonna be ok.” He said down to the hand. “We boths gonna bes okay.” Skwisgaar’s lips slowly turned to a smile, and he moved his face to meet Toki’s, locking lips with him in passion. He wiped away a tear from the brunet’s smooth face as he dragged his lips away. Toki looked into his eyes with a determined gaze, smiling the confident smile that Skwisgaar had missed so desperately. He dragged the blond back to meet his face as they both slid under the covers. They’d gone through this routine many times in the past, but in that moment, they were both highly aware that this time was different.
***
Skwisgaar knew it was early, but he was more than happy to wake up next to Toki. The clock on his dethphone read 10:30, still later than Toki would typically rise. Yet there he was, still fast asleep next to Skwisgaar, a faint smile crossing his face. The moment was cut short, however, as Nathan’s distinct footsteps could be heard right outside the blond’s door. Skwisgaar froze for a moment, not panicked, but rather unsure what exactly to say if caught with the guitarist in his bed. He still wasn't sure exactly what their situation was, apart from “dating exclusively.” Did that mean they were boyfriends now?
“Hey! Skwisgaar!” Nathan growled from behind the door, while knocking rather loudly. “Meeting at noon. Get your ass out of bed soon! If you're late, I'll actually kill you!”
Without waiting for a reply, the vocalist trudged along down the hallway, probably en route to wake up the next bandmate he came across. Skwisgaar turned his gaze again to the younger man, who was now rubbing his eyes as he sat up, stretching his arms and back. “Dat Nathans?” He asked, his voice raspy from weariness.
“Ja, we gots dat meeting at noons, Abigails ams gonna be dere so he makins it a big deals.”
“We gonna tells dem about us todays, right?” Toki asked, starting to wake up a little more. “You saids we could.”
“Stills de plans, ja.” Skwisgaar responded. “Hey, Toki?” He continued, playing with the fur of the comforter. “Whats exactlys ams we tellings dem? Ams we datings? Or...ams we...boysfriends?”
“Does you wants to be my boyfriend?” Toki asked without missing a beat. Skwisgaar had expected Toki to be as nervous as he had been in the coffee shop when he’d asked if they were on a date, but the man’s brusque response floored him a bit. He began to wonder if he had been too forward, or if he was moving too fast, or if Toki had even lost interest in pursuing a relationship with him.
“Skwisgaar? Does you?”
“Well, ja, I does. Ams dats okay?”
Toki continued to stare intently at the blond, making him wonder if he’d made a mistake in asking at all. Toki suddenly perked up, a huge smile crossing his face. He clasped his hands together in front of his face, his cheeks starting to blush. “I haves a boyfriends!” He squeaked into his hands, eyes shut tightly as his smile grew. Skwisgaar sighed in relief as the younger man beamed at him. He tackled Skwisgaar in a hug, causing them both to fall back down onto the pillows.
“Okays, so den dats whats I tells dem. But I can’ts tells dem nothings if we don'ts gets over dere soons.”
Toki gathered his clothes from Skwisgaar’s floor, putting his pants back on but forgoing the rest of his outfit for the walk back to his own room. “I really gots to start keepings clothes here.” He mumbled to himself as he exited to the hallway. Skwisgaar chuckled in agreement, and got out of bed to get himself ready.
He took his time showering and shaving, contemplating how he was going to breach the subject of his relationship with Toki at today’s meeting. Toki had a good point last night; they were out together in public, where people would have definitely recognized them. There was a chance the band was already aware, though Skwisgaar doubted it. He wasn't really afraid to say anything anymore, not since they got back last night. He had to admit he was still apprehensive about his friends’ reactions, but if all else failed, he thought, at least he had Toki.
He had only just started actually getting dressed when he heard his door creak open again. Toki opened the door just enough to slide himself through the entrance, and closed it carefully before making his way over to Skwisgaar on the bed. Skwisgaar checked his phone again for the time, and saw it was already 11:45. He hastily pulled on his shirt and left with Toki.
Even as they walked through the darkened halls of Mordhaus, Skwisgaar could see that Toki’s confidence had faded a bit, giving way to his anxiety. He was wringing his hands a bit and staring unwaveringly in front of him. Skwisgaar placed a reassuring arm around his waist, and held him tight until they reached the large doors of the meeting room. It was a little intimidating to see that everyone was already there, waiting for them.
The two took their seats on one side of the table, with their bandmates sitting opposite them and Abigail up front. She was busy talking to Nathan about something, and Pickles and Murderface were locked in a conversation of their own. Exchanging a wary glance, Toki and Skwisgaar got up from their seats and pushed the chairs a little closer together so they could talk, seeing as how the meeting hadn't appeared to have gotten started just yet. They began conversing in a hushed tone, laughing and smiling. Abigail shot them a knowing look, which caught Toki’s attention and he nodded back at her.
However, it wasn't just Toki whose attention this gesture managed to capture. Skwisgaar turned his head slightly to see that Pickles was staring at them, an eyebrow raised and his mouth slightly agape. Skwisgaar somewhat mirrored his expression, raising an eyebrow at the Drummer’s look of confusion. The redhead’s eyes suddenly went wide, and almost whispering, he said “Doods. Hold on. Something happened, didn't it. Skwisgaar?”
Skwisgaar looked over at Toki, whose expression told Skwisgaar that it was fine for him to mention it. “Ja, I guess you coulds says dat. We-”
“Oh my gahd!” Pickles shouted as he rose from his seat. “You guys! Oh, wait…” The drummer looked forlornly at the couple, seemingly waiting for permission to explode with their news.
“Ja Pickle, goes ahead.” Skwisgaar said to him, trying not to laugh.
“Oh my gahd! They did it! You guys did it!”
“The fuck are you talking about, did what?” Murderface asked, his hands crossed over his chest. Abigail stifled a giggle at the bassist’s question.
“Don't you guys get it? They had sex! They’re together now! I knew it, I fuckin’ knew it! Natn, you owe me five bucks!”
“Wait. So you two…” Nathan said as he pointed to the guitarists. “You're actually together. Like. You actually are seeing each other.”
“Ja wes ams boyfriends now!” Toki shouted back, grabbing tightly onto Skwisgaar’s arm.
“Oh. Ok. Um. Congratulations, I guess. Fuck, I lost my bet though. Fuck you, Pickles.”
The drummer smirked and snatched the five dollar bill from the man’s hand before he even got it out of his wallet, and sat back down victoriously.
“Fuck, schaw that one coming a long time ago.” Murderface said under his breath. “But yeah, congratulaschions guysch, for real. Schorry if I wasch ever a dick to you about it before now. I mean, I know I wasch. Schorry. We schtill okay?”
“We stills okay, Moidasface.” Skwisgaar answered. “Just don'ts makes no mores comments.”
The bassist smiled and nodded at them, content that he hadn't seemed to have caused too much damage there.
“Dood, Skwisgaar. ‘Tween this and the odder day, da fuck else you have to tell us?”
The band laughed at Pickles’ statement, acknowledging that it had certainly been an eventful few weeks at Mordhaus.
“You guys think you can handle a meeting after this?” Abigail joked, still smiling at Toki. The band mumbled and nodded, and Abigail began speaking to them about their next recording session.
The meeting concluded quickly, and Abigail stayed back with Nathan to have a moment alone. Toki and Skwisgaar left together and headed to the main room, where they had all planned to hang out and watch tv for a while. The guitarists sat together on the couch, Toki leaning against Skwisgaar’s chest. Skwisgaar looked around the room to spot any judging glares, but everyone was preoccupied by the television, not even paying attention to the two of them.
“Oh ja,” Skwisgaar started. “Don'ts be shockeds if you sees us ons de Dethklok Minutes tonights. We wents on a dates last night ands probablys gots spotteds.”
“Hah, looking forward to what they gahtta say about that!” Pickles said from across the room.
Toki settled further into Skwisgaar as Nathan and Abigail entered the room and took the spot on the couch next to them. Skwisgaar looked at how similarly the couple was positioned, and felt thankful he could finally act the way he wanted to around Toki. He placed a hand gently on Toki’s head and ran his fingers through his hair contentedly, happy he could finally, fully, be himself.