Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Eloise had always felt alone in her ideals, especially where her family and the ton were concerned. Her ideas were laughed off or ignored. She found solace in few people, but most of the time even with them she felt alienated. Penelope and Benedict could fit in within their society, benedict with his charming smile and witty humour. And he did, he found love and became part of the thing they both originally feared. And Penelope, unlike her, had always wanted to be apart of it but just wasn’t able to. Though her friend believed women were more than home makers, she still happily took on that role when she married Colin. She was happy for her friend, but her revelation just left Eloise feeling more alone. Both of her closest friends had love, and she never even wanted it. She didn’t want to understand why they would sacrifice so much of themselves to society. And on the inside, she was angry at herself because she knew she would never understand – even if she wanted to.

Her mother and brother had been pushing her towards men for years, at balls and sometimes even off season. Her brothers attempts lessened over the years, Eloise knew she had Kate to thank for that. She understood that it wasn’t the life Eloise would ever want. Her mother, however, didn’t stop trying to get her second daughter a match. She couldn’t hate her for it, as she knew how in love her parents were. But after Eloise watched her father die and her mother turn into a shell of a human, she could never want that. Her own mother became a husk, Anthony took over not only the title of Viscount but the title of parent too. She had finally broken from this state not long before Daphne’s presentation to society. And by that point, most of her children were almost adults. Eloise couldn’t understand why her mother wanted that for her. Of course, she was under no assumption the man would die if she were to marry. But her own mother knew what it was to be unhappy, so why would she want Eloise to marry if she knew it wouldn’t make her happy? She didn’t understand.

Apart from Eloise, the only two unmarried children were Hyacinth and Gregory. And they would marry eventually. She didn’t understand why everyone wanted her married too. Was she truly such a burden? They talked of the happiness it brought and the joy they all felt but Eloise had never felt that. Or even wanted it.

She did manage to escape from this sometimes in the friendship she had managed to keep, John still happy to help her on excursions. She was no longer friends with Theo but she still tried to keep updated on rallies and bought leaflets and books on equality and politics. Her and John would often talk of them on her walks in the summer. She had a friend, a real friend, though for his jobs sake she couldn’t talk to him much. And he had duties of his own.

She was tired of how alone she felt but she knew that no marriage could ease it, she wanted friends and understanding. Without borders caused by society’s idea of propriety, and restriction on her conversations. She was rebellious in the eyes of most, but they didn’t seem to understand how oppressive society felt to her. Trapped by others opinions and ideas, stifled by opinions deemed more valuable than her own. Eloise felt as if her life wasn’t hers.

This summer, Eloise couldn’t feel alone within Aubrey Hall. For all of her family were staying there, kids and spouses and all. She had never felt so stifled. Even when they all lived at home you could find peace in some small place. But now? Definitely not. But in a way this was even more lonely, because even though they were all there, she couldn’t truly connect with any of them. Even her friendships in her family she was lonely. Sophie and Benedict, though a lovely couple were so caught up in one another she couldn’t help but feel like a third wheel. Penelope and Colin being much the same. She was unable to connect to them anymore.

Eloise sighed, resigning herself to another summer of isolation. She wandered down the stairs to dinner, book in hand, hoping her younger siblings weren’t going to argue yet again.

She sat next to Kate and Sophie, both women were lovely by Eloise’s standards. And she enjoyed their company a lot when she could talk to them.

As she ate and watched conversations go on around her Colin coughed, looking at Penelope who sighed and shook her head.

He then looked at Eloise and asked “So when are you going to marry?”

Conversation around the two lulled many of her siblings groaning at Colin’s question, Penelope hitting him on the arm, Eloise looks up at Colin.

Sighing, “Never Colin, I do not want to marry. Which I have told everyone here a thousand times before.".

Her exasperation firm in her voice, tiredness seeping from it. Why is this the only question anyone asks of her? Is she not more than her suitors?

Her family look at her, she can feel the disappointment in their looks and irritation on their faces.

“Don’t you think it’s time? You are twenty and two now”

Kate elbows Anthony for his words, trying to keep the peace for Eloise’s sake, but she can see the agreement on many of her family’s faces. Her exasperation grows tenfold.

She laughs “You’ve never understood.”.

“What don’t we understand Eloise?” Daphne asks. Though inquisitive, Daphne’s own irritation clear in the edge of her voice.

“I don’t want to be someone’s. I don’t want my choices taken away from me, I don’t want to fall in love. Men have all the freedom they could want, and I have none. But this is the most free I will ever be.” She replies. Her shoulders now hunched, staring at all of them.

Her family look at her again, their looks lacking any recognition of her words.

“Love doesn’t take away anything from you Eloise. You still have choices when you are married” Violet says, her voice thick with patronisation.

Eloise raises her eyebrow at her mother “You were a husk when father died, you didn’t even raise half of us. You weren’t there, love took you away from us. I needed you, I watched my own father die and I needed you. So did everyone else.”

She paused, looking her mother in the eyes where she had tears down her face. Her siblings struck by her words, but she couldn’t stop. Not now she’d finally opened the dam.

“And don’t talk to me about love and choices. Because if you cared about a love match you wouldn’t force me on every man in the room. If I were to marry I wouldn’t be in love, and I’m pretty sure you’d be okay with that as long as you could pretend I was happy. But I wouldn’t be, And none of you have ever understood that. Am I not enough as I am? Why must I belong to a man?”

Eloise pushes herself up from her chair, her eyes glistening with tears.

“You all lost parts of yourselves to one another. Why would I want anything to do with that?”

She sighs again, wiping her face.

Benedict interjects “you still have us El, I promise”

Trying to smile at her but it never reaches his eyes.

“No I do not, where do I ever talk to one of you without your spouses? Or your spouse without you? Do we sit outside and smoke when you come back? Do I talk to Penelope about politics or gossip as we used to? Do any of you have any interest in what I actually say?”

She questions, so tired of the excuses he tries to make.

“I have one friend left, and the other I lost one to gossip and lies. Do not speak to me of friendship. I am tired of being seen by you all as some heretic each time I speak of my ideas, just because I made different choices doesn’t mean I don’t respect yours. The only time I feel truly able to speak is when I talk to John, who is basically paid out of my pin money to listen.”

She smiles falsely “if that is all, I am going to go read. Please feel free to not speak to me. I do not want you thinking you are welcome to do so.”

And she walks out of the room.

Chapter Text

Eloise's words echo around the dining room like bones in an unfilled grave. Horror explicit on her family’s faces. Her exit brings forth a hollowness in the Bridgerton family name Benedict hadn’t felt before. She was right. He had left her, something he’d promised her seasons ago he would never do. He promised he’d love her no matter what and society had melded a fear of what she stood for in him. Something he didn’t even know was possible until this very moment. The unconventional standards they all set out through marriage were accepted, why wasn’t she? Why wasn’t she?

Sophie looks over at him, her eyes wide with unbridled horror and he places his head in his hands.

He sighs, “she’s right. God she always is.”

How had he forgotten to see her? To see his closest friend and confidant? How could he forget how important she was? He hadn’t just forgotten her for Sophie but in a way through this he had ignored parts of Sophie that were akin to his own sister. 

“Surely she cannot be, to truly want that for herself? To be alone?” Colin tries to intercede Benedict's remorse.

Kate stares at him incredulously, her gaze causing him to shrink in his seat. As does his own wife's, the Viscountess speaks quickly and sharply at the man.

“Before Anthony I was her, I didn’t want marriage or kids. I wanted freedom even if it meant society hating my existence. I knew from the moment I met Eloise she was the same, I knew unlike me she wouldn’t change for anyone. I, for one, think she is the strongest of us all. To brave our society though she knows it will critique her ideas, her voice, her very existence.”

Sophie nods, her own experiences isolating her from society before Benedict. She was exiled from a society that didn’t like who she was, and so was Eloise. Eloise chose freedom, and so did Sophie. Though through two different veins. Both women tried to be more than society told them they could be, through benedict she had done that. But how could Eloise do that on her own? Why was she forced to be a separate entity from the family? And could they not help her wants? Her needs?

All the women could relate to part of Eloise’s experience but why could they not include her?

“Then why have you not tried to rebel? If you disagreed so vehemently, if you understand her experience so well, why have you isolated her too?” Benedict question’s before he can stop himself.

And with that, many of the righteous feelings of wives in the room falls flat.

Their experiences so similar yet escaped through marriage, Eloise didn’t want that. So, she was yet again different, she was still trapped. They could never understand the freedoms of Eloise because that at its heart isn’t what they wanted. That isolated her from all of the women in her life. And they let it.

The men in her life were easily separated from Eloise’s ideas, because Eton taught of heretic women and the delusions of freedom for women. Though they knew this at heart wasn’t true, none of them could deny that they saw Eloise in those ideas. And so they rejected her, without even realising it.

But her ideas weren’t just of her own autonomy, but of her fear too. Of what the trauma of Edmunds death had created for her. Not only through her witnessing of his death but also her mothers reaction, and everyone else’s.

“You know, I never realised I left Eloise with father’s body for what must’ve been almost an hour. Not until now.” Anthony says, his words piercing every single person sat at the table.

Hyacinth and Gregory knew little of their fathers death. They knew what happened, but they had only known that Anthony saw it. Not Eloise too. And to be only nine and to be sat with the dead corpse of someone you love? To see them as nothing more than a shell? The thought of that brought tears to their eyes. They still had the man who raised them, Anthony. Eloise and Anthony had watched the man who raised them die. Nothing could ever truly repair that.

“But even you found love after his death. Did you not dear?” Violet’s tear stained cheeks, and weakened voice still arguing for an idea that would never come to fruition.

Benedict shakes his head, feeling tired within his bones from the circular motion of the conversation.

“Did you not listen to your daughter? She doesn’t want that, why can’t you respect what Eloise wants? You did not listen to any of us either so I cannot be completely surprised. But do you truly not understand that she fears your power over her? She fears part of us, part of you. Because her freedom is tied to the Bridgerton name, and you or Anthony could easily take that from her by marrying her off. And you’d do it in the name of love.”

The distain in Benedict’s voice escaping no one.

Anthony looked horrified at the thought of doing such a thing, but being reminded of Berbrooke made him realise how that would be a plausible idea to Eloise.

He knew their mother could force things, she had good intentions but in reality she loved the idea of love because of her loss. It was people like Daphne and Hyacinth who truly understood the emotions of their siblings. Not their mother.

All the siblings feared their mothers power, especially when they knew she understood so little about them. Her grief took their childhood and her motherhood, something they tried to overlook in the name of their family. But for Eloise they could no longer, Benedict would not let them.

“who is John?” He looks at Penelope, asking her plainly.

Her look towards him tells the rest of the Bridgertons there was a story she probably shouldn’t be sharing.

“He used to be your footman, he’s now a butler I believe. He helped her meet up with Theo, one of the political radicals. I didn’t realise they were truly friends.”

The shame in her last sentence shown through her bunched shoulders, her husband moving his hand to hold hers.

The fact she had befriended a servant wasn’t surprising to anyone at the table, even Hyacinth and Gregory understood that their sister never truly constrained herself to society’s rule.

She was liberated in her mind, in a way the others could only imagine.

Daphne ponders, “How do we know so little about her?”

“when have we truly asked?” Sophie replies, eyebrow arched.

Daphne looks sheepish at her reply, there is little comfort in Sophie’s words. There is little comfort in any of this discussion, breaking the foundations held together by dysfunction and delusion. When has the cracks started? At Edmunds death? Maybe at the first ball? Or, were they always there, before anything? And could they ever repair any of it? Benedict didn’t have the answers, he doubted any of them did.

Francesca laughs in spite of herself, her mouth immediately covered by her hand.

The others turn to her, incredulous looks on their faces.

“what is it sister?” Gregory asks, knowing whatever his quiet sister answers will likely add fuel to the fire of their realisations.

She smiles, “Why aren’t we asking her now? It’s ironic. You are all sitting here talking in circles about her words which she just explained. I mean it couldn’t get any simpler.”

Adding on to her words,

“And before you call me out for perpetuating this system as well, I know. We all do. But instead of asking each other maybe ask her. Aren’t we done not involving her in a conversation about her life?”.

Grumbles and nods of agreement spark between them all, even the in laws.

“Where would she go?” Benedict asks.

“I do not know brother, I doubt any of us do.”

She looks at him expectantly, and realisation hits his eyes.

“John!”

“There we go”.

“also I have to ask you two used to smoke together? When was this-”

The other siblings look at the two, realisation hits them too. They missed how they interacted. As a family. Not just meals, but truly talking to each other. The flow of the three dubbed outcasts had always been enviable to the others. Even if they did not know it. And with a small moment of dry conversation it was back, maybe just maybe they could give Eloise what she wanted. Together.

Chapter Text

Eloise felt as if she could not breathe. Her words taken from her with a gust of wind and then spewed out in front of her siblings. Stripping herself of skin and baring her very soul to them, while also ripping through their walls and doing the very same to them.

God, what had she done?

She couldn’t, she wouldn’t apologise now. Half of her expecting to be carted off and never seen again. The other half hurt. She felt as if she’d been gutted, to be truly so misunderstood by those who claim to know her best? How ironic is that?

She knew she was condemned to this the moment she found out the truth of society. The lying, the greed, the cheating, the abuse. It didn’t stop there, as soon as one horror was unveiled the rest of the polite walls of society fell in front of her eyes. And what she saw? She saw every type of wrong the upper classes said separated them from the working class. They lied. And they saw no wrong with it.

It drove her mad, how happy someone could be in the face of others suffering. She couldn’t stand it. Her anger writhed like a festering wound.

Who reflected her society more than her family? More hypocritical than most, and even with their supposed ‘Liberal’ beliefs her freedom, her expression was a fad to them. Something to be patronised and belittled.

She didn’t know what broke her, but she definitely was broken. Maybe not by her family, but by the belief system they upheld.

She stripped herself of the gown she had been told to wear, and instead chose a simple grey dress. She had gotten it when she first decided to start visiting John, to blend in and she did it well. She enjoyed the time they could spend together as friends instead of as footman and mistress.

She dawned her dark cloak and walked away from the estate, she’d done the walk to the town before. It was miles away but she knew the distance between her and her family was needed. She needed a friend.

—

When she finally arrived near his home what must’ve been over an hour later, she felt a layer of sweat covering her body.

John’s house was at the edge of the town, a small but homely place, with flowers and greenery covering the outside wall. He’d said before to Eloise that his family looked after the flowers, but admitted later on that it was actually him.

She knocked at his door, seeing a small light through the window.

She heard footsteps come towards the door, and there he was.

He frowned on realisation of who she was, ushering her inside.

“Eloise, what’s happened?”

He looked at her again inside, the sweat of her forehead and red rimmed eyes not aiding the concern he felt.

Her lip wobbled, placing a hand over her forehead.

“we argued, but it was worse this time. I couldn’t stop it all from coming out John, oh God what have I done? I’m fucking screwed-”

She pants out. Tears forming yet again.

He shakes his head, immediately pulling her into an embrace. She shudders and wraps herself into him, holding him back.

“Its okay El, you can stay with us. You’ll be okay.”

He brings Eloise to the table, the fire in front of them. Letting her sit down at the kitchen table, she stares at the walls.

He sets up the kettle, placing it to boil for tea.

“You have nothing to fix, nothing. You’ve been isolated from their lives for years, I’ve watched you become a shell of yourself in their presence. I don’t care what you said, you had every right to say it. To be heard for once.”

If she could love him as more than a friend, she would. She liked to joke they were twins separated at birth. Filling in the roles Benedict and Penelope had left in her heart, and expanding on what she ever thought friendship could be.

Her friendship with Theo or Penelope couldn’t compare, especially not when John chose her over other jobs. Saying to her one day after mentioning another offer,

‘We would both be bored if I left, and it’s home. What else could I want?’

They both left the conversation at that, but her heart swelled. She hugged him for the first time that day, and the next day he called her El. It worked for them, they were happy. They’d argue, about politics or stupid things like the best flavour sweet. It didn’t matter to either John or Eloise, all either wanted was a friend. And that’s what they had.

When Eloise admitted she had no interest in romance or marriage, John didn’t try change her mind. He didn’t try and change her. And when he admitted that his romantic feelings didn’t lie with women, she did the same.

They were both unhappy in the roles society laid out for them, but happy with each other.

“oh how I adore you John, truly. Thank you for this.”

She tries to smile, though weakly, as he hands her a cup of tea. He smiles back. Covering his hand over hers, nodding.

They both stare off for a while, John waiting and Eloise thinking.

When she starts speaking again, she angles her chair to face him. He raises his brow and does the same.

“I told them I could never fall in love, I told my mother how she failed me as a mother, and benedict how he failed me as a brother. I’ve never felt angrier and more broken. What is wrong with me?”

Without missing a beat John says,

“Nothing.”

“Absolutely nothing, do you hear me? You are smart, and you know you are right to be angry. I’ve been angry for you, for years. You deserve so much better.”

Her eyes water, again.

“Thank you John, truly. What would I do without you?”

“Die of boredom? Become a recluse who speaks solely to birds? I’ve thought about this a lot actually-”

“-Oh my god, why? Why birds of all things? There are better animals you know?”

“It feels like a thing a rich old coot may do, and I think you were definitely on your way to becoming one.”

“JOHN-”

“My apologies, a poor old coot.”

Eloise stares at him blankly.

And they both then smile widely at one another, and start laughing.

“God Eloise, we both know we’ll be old coots together. Don’t worry.”

He laughs.

“I know, I’ll have you moved into the guest Chambers or something.”

She smiles back, evil glint in her eye.

“I’ve always wanted to be a rich person’s secret lover!”

He claps with false enthusiasm and she huffs, pretending to shudder at the thought.

“Never mind then.”

They both smile at one another again.

John had never expected to tell someone his secrets, especially one that could so easily get him killed. But to share with a Bridgerton? He’d have laughed in his own face if someone had told him that. But Eloise? Eloise was kind. She gave out her pin money to a maid when John made passing comment about the girl supporting her entire family. She protected John when whistledown exposed her secret rendezvous with Theo. She gave John advice about his sisters, and when she could she helped his mother with chores. If he could love her, he would. But in his own way he did, just as she did. And for him? He couldn’t ask for better.

She wiped her eyes, setting her cup down.

“Come on old coot, let’s get you to bed.”

He says, helping her upstairs and into a bed.

“Goodnight John”

She quietly says before falling asleep.

He kisses her forehead.

“Goodnight El”

Walking across to his own room, he wonders, were they both truly condemned to such suffering in society? Were they both truly so helpless to it?

If so, he thought, at least they were in it together.

Chapter Text

John awoke to heavy knocking at the door, rubbing his eyes at what must’ve been barely dawn.

Only having a few hours sleep he wanders down the stairs in his nightgown, opening his door.

His jaw goes slack at the sight of around a dozen Bridgerton siblings outside his door, in clothes from the day before.

“What on earth are you doing here?”

He seethes, anger for Eloise overtaking his propriety. Though fear and recognition does want to take over, John calms himself. His friend was more important than his job right now, later he’d deal with the repercussions of his reaction.

They look shocked at his reaction, offended even, Benedict stands towards he front of the group of siblings, holding his wife’s hand like a lifeline he goes on to say

“We’re here to talk to our sister.”

John raises his brow at the man, obviously unimpressed. Anthony then pushes towards the front of the group, beside his brother, questioning John.

“and why on earth would you let an unmarried woman sleep in your house?”

Anger and self righteousness in his voice, the impropriety of the situation clear in his mind.

John seethes, resenting the man where he stood. Eloise feared such a reaction from her brothers, he wouldn’t allow him to hurt her anymore. Not any of them.

“Well since she showed up crying I thought it best not to turn her away, she slept in my mother’s room, while she’s away visiting my sister, do not worry. And she is never in danger with me, which is more than she can say for any of you”

John hits back, offended by such an assumption.

Kate drags her husband back, scolding him. And the Bridgertons look affronted, saddened by the way they made her feel.

Francesca then asks,

“Can we at least talk to her? Apologise to her for our actions.”

He sighs,

“I’ll see if she’s awake.”

Closing the door, he wanders off.

Kate then slaps her husband round the back of the head.

“Ow!”

“Anthony Bridgerton, do not be stupid! Your sister is hurting, she made it clear John is her friend yesterday. Society’s opinions have no place here, especially when trying to apologise to your sister. She’s here because she feels safe, something she doesn’t with us. Do not take that from her.”

His wife warns, Anthony raises his hands in defeat mumbling apologies. Knowing that fear of society is often what led him to recluse from his family before Kate, how had he never seen himself in her? Was he truly so blind?

Gregory raises his hand and Francesca raises an eyebrow at him, just as John had done moments before.

“how will we all fit inside?”

“why is that your problem right now?”

“I mean I’m not exactly wrong for asking-“

Kate sighs, looking at the two youngest with exasperation “please do shut up”.

“Got it”

“Right okay”

Hyacinth and Gregory both reply to Kate.

She rubs her temple,

“If it feels like it’s a stupid question, don’t ask it. And no passing judgement on anything she has to say or do. None.”

Nods and grumbling acceptance come from the bunch.

She smiles, “Great now please behave”.

—

Upstairs, Eloise is spread out in the covers of the bed. John sighs, sitting at the end shaking her lightly.

A Muffled ‘what’ comes from her.

“Your entire family are at the door, I’m still unsure of how they found my house. It’s actually quite creepy.”

She shoots up,

“WHAT”

Panic floods her, “Oh god, oh GOD-”

John sighs, grabbing her head and pulling it in front of his own.

“Breathe, they aren’t angry. They are here to apologise, and you don’t have to listen. I can make them leave If you’d like.”

“no, it’s okay. I need to talk to them.”

She breathes out, “Go put us on a pot of tea, I’ll be downstairs soon.”.

He smiles at her and kisses her head.

“Alright El, I’ll see you down there.”

Combing a hand through her hair Eloise throws on the dress she’d come in the night before and picks up a hairbrush she’d bought John’s mother, which was silver engraved with poppy’s – her favourite flowers. She insisted on being called by her first name: Gladys. Oh how Eloise missed her, she wasn’t too far yet she missed her nonetheless. She brushed through her hair, allowing herself a semblance of peace before her confrontation with the vivacious Bridgertons. We’re they hers anymore? Could they be again?

Eloise wonders for a moment, are they truly not angry? Or are they just hiding it behind false niceties?

It doesn’t matter now, not really, she’d find out soon enough.

Brushing herself off she stands up and walks downstairs.

John leads the Bridgertons inside so they don’t catch the attention of early risers in the street, his kitchen lit by morning light and the table in the middle of the room only with enough chairs for a few of them.

They stand around awkwardly until Eloise makes her way down moments later, she looked plain. But in a way that suited her, simple beauty. She always looked uncomfortable in makeup and fancy dresses, here? She was beautiful because she didn’t have that, it was like a weight lifted from her, she was happy and many of them saw the beauty of her comfort. Something the Bridgertons weren’t used to seeing. Daphne and Colin look uncomfortable when confronted with this, Eloise notes, but the Duke? Who’d she had a few small conversations with smiled at her. Her eyes brightened at him for just a moment and then she knew, this wasn’t a doomed. Not completely.

She immediately made her way over to John, who had a cup of tea waiting for her.

She looks towards her family and asks,

“would anyone else like some?”

A few brows raise, for Eloise to do the job a servant held?

Anthony sheepishly raises his hand, admitting to her and the siblings next to him “That would be quite nice”. He was trying.

A few others put their hands up in agreement. Eloise and John move around the kettle and kitchen like a well oiled machine, moving around each other with such ease it could easy seem like a dance routine.

Watching in awe, Daphne realises she’s never seen her sister move with such ease. There was no stiff movements, and they didn’t even need to look at one another to predict their movements. She speaks with her mother’s tongue,

“Are you sure you aren’t in love?”

Eloise’s movements stop suddenly. And a moment later so do John’s. She turns around and laughs, not dryly or manically – but she genuinely laughs. It startles Daphne and many others, though Francesca looks thunderously at her oldest sister.

“God no, we would love each other if we could-” she smiles at him, and he smiles back in plain view. Notably the first time any of her siblings see this, it’s tender and feels personal.

“- But we can’t. So me and El care for one another in our own ways.” He replies.

Penelope and Benedict Mouthing at one another “El?” with confused looks, she had always been so proper about the use of her name. But not here.

Pouring out tea and helping Eloise hand it out, in varyingly different tea cups.

Gregory then questions, “why not?”

“Because we don’t. Simple as that, and to ask such an invasive question is rude brother. Do remember your manners.” Eloise replies curtly.

A reminder of her anger forgotten by the monotony of her time with John.

Eloise crosses her arms and pleasantries and questions are forgotten,

“So, you wanted to talk? Then talk.” She couldn’t bring herself to hope when their actions hurt her so callously before.

The group flinch under that glare, the same she’d given them the night before. Silence reigned over them before Kate took the reigns.

“We came to apologise, our actions condemned you to isolation. We have all been so consumed by our own needs we didn’t see we were dismissing yours in the process.”

Benedict adds on,

“-sister you will never have to marry if you do not want. We’ve been rather ignorant to appease society, maybe its because of the scandals we have caused with our love, but it isn’t acceptable. You are family and we love you, nothing could change that.”

Eloise sighs,

“what about the rest of you? How can I trust you’ll truly change?”

Eloise confronts their apology stubbornly, her fear of another cycle of yearning for them but again being left just out of arms reach, holding onto her just as much as she held onto it.

The siblings look between each other unsure, how could they truly assure her? They couldn’t ask her to put faith in promises because, what if they failed? What would be left of their relationships then?

“You cannot. Not entirely, but maybe we can earn it. By giving you the freedom you want.”

Francesca admits, after a moment.

Anthony raises his brow “How would this work?”

“You give her the freedoms she needs, here.”

Colin interjects, “what about when the ton find out?”

“They will not, because no one will tell.” Kate replies, raising her brows at the others.

Anthony nods.

Gregory asks, “will you come back to London with us then sister?”

Eloise gapes, she’d never considered this. What would life look like for her with more freedom? What would she want from society, if it didn’t indeed shun her.

“we will deal with that when it arrives, that’s Eloise’s decision.”

Anthony decides to say, nodding to Eloise. A silent agreement taking place.

“What do you want sister?” Daphne asks, both out of curiosity and her want to show support.

“For all I’ve wanted this- I cannot have that.”

Tears cover her eyes, John squeezes her shoulder.

Anthony and the others look at one another confused, hadn’t they just given her what she dreamed of? What she truly wanted? Freedom within their society. Within their home. To feel like a family.

“Why sister?” Daphne asks, knowing that her answer will never satisfy all the burning questions she has for her sister. She wants to burrow inside her soul, maybe then she could understand. Maybe then.

“I wanted that for so long, but the longer I sat in the confines of our society I realise now i never truly wanted to live inside it.”

She could not live inside rejection, she’d just be accepted but how many hoops had she leaped through to gain just one step forward? Could she devote her entire life to a subpar existence?

She wouldn’t.

She turns to Anthony, “Disown me.”

“What?” He asks, his eyes full of fear. Shocked.

“Sister you cannot-”

“Why would you want that?”

Anthony looks to Kate, his rock, and her eyes are sad but she nods. She knew it would come to this. Kate was the only woman who could truly understand his sister, the girl he’d watched slowly close in upon herself in his family’s presence.

Kate looks at him then at his sister. The only one who he truly shared their fathers death with, the only one who saw their family for what it was. Not even Benedict, nor Daphne could see it. But she could. She did. And she wanted to leave it, Anthony admittedly realised as his wife had, he could not fault her for that when he spent years trying to do the same. He wanted to, but he couldn’t.

He nods amidst the arguing and chaos of their family, and so she smiles. Not small and fake, like they’d all seen so much of since their father had died. She truly smiled. Anthony could not name a more beautiful sight, he knew he’d done right. No matter how much it hurt to do so.

“Would this make you happy?” He asks, to check, though he knows the answer.

His siblings simmer down, the look in Anthony’s eyes proving its a done deal. A silent negotiation already took place, again, and they’d missed it.

“Yes brother, it would.”

He gives her a small smile, and they both know it hurts. There’s no mistaking the tears in both their eyes. They will miss one another.

“Why? How?” Benedict interjects, his tears bounding down his cheeks. Sophie rubbing his arm soothingly to try calm him, but nothing could. This was his sister. They all knew Eloise was his favourite, twin souls they’d joke. And he knew they were right. So how had he got this so wrong?

Eloise shuffles towards him, moving her hand to his, “Because we all know that would be a bandage on a septic wound. You know it too. Do not think this is something you could’ve changed. It isn’t. I love you, so much Ben. But I will not fight our society to exist. I refuse. You have all made great strides, and you’ve come to accept who I am. The rest of them? I will not spend my life telling people I am worthy of more. I already am, and I will not wait for society to understand that. Do not make me, please.”

Eloise knows in her heart that Benedict was one of those she loved the most, and losing what they had hurt. Maybe weeks ago she would have done anything for him to want her back again as he pleaded for now. But she couldn’t keep wanting something that wouldn’t make her happy, she had become bitter and cruel, something she never used to be. She refused to be that anymore. She knows he could convince her to stay, as did he.

They stare at one another. His eyes Pleading, and hers Pleading back. Straining in opposite directions. They’d strayed far from who they used to be. And it was time to let go.

He sobs. Ugly and raw, and not even Sophie can comfort him. Eloise moves towards him, Sophie moves from her seat. All of the siblings watching as Eloise hugs him, kissing his head, not able to offer him words of solace as her tears flow too. They all knew Benedict was Eloise’s favourite, and she was his. Who would he be without her? Who would any of them be?

Benedict felt the world break in two, he didn’t know how loving someone could feel so ugly.

“I love you more than anything Ben, I always will.” She says, her voice shaky. But he knew. Through every note and big rant, he’d known forever. And he’d forever regret letting her down.

His eyes are brimmed red, glossy. He tries to smile, to comfort her. She smiles back, brokenly. He loves her enough to give her what she needs.

“what? No! I will not let this happen. I cannot-”

Colin tries to argue, but Penelope shakes her head.

“oh Colin.” Eloise starts, looking up at her brother. Noticing his glassy eyes, she strides across the room taking his arm, taking Penelope with her. Sitting them down she moves to John’s cupboards, getting a bottle from the back of an old cupboard and pouring out a few glasses.

“Do you remember the first time you let me drink? I think I must have been ten and three, you had just come from Eton for the summer and I blackmailed you into it. You sat with me and Pen, and I was sick in mama’s favourite rose Bush.”

She laughs at the memory, passing around the glasses to her siblings.

“I thought we all might have one last drink.”

Penelope smiles at her, “I’d like that.”

Their relationship hadn’t lasted the test of time, but it had brought her best friend love. It was bittersweet, they’d known so much of each other yet nothing at all. To be loved is to be known, and to be let go is to become a memory.

Penelope knew her old friend, Eloise would be happy away from society. She wished for once, she could be as well. But her husband? His family? They were intrinsically linked to it, and she loved him too much to ever let go.

Colin looked conflicted, drink untouched in his hands. Wishing somehow he could change everything for his sister, yet knowing nothing he could change would make his sister want this anymore.

“Are we not enough for you?”

“I think it’s the very opposite brother, you are my life. I could love you all enough to light one hundred sun’s. Yet I cannot live for myself here. Not truly.” She replies, without a hint of anger.

Colin knows freedom, he has tasted it and all he ever wanted was home, for all of them. But to realise she would never have that freedom he had? Even if she was disowned she could never travel as he did, their letters when he was away always contained a longing he couldn’t understand. He understood now. Why did he have to understand?

Dejectedly, he picks up his drink. Drinking the brown alcohol inside.

“did you truly drink at ten and three?” Hyacinth asks, feeling as if she was seeing Eloise for all she was for the very first time. She was more than Hyacinth expected, a welcome change. Like spring.

She looks at Anthony’s raised brow and laughs.

“absolutely, I truly lived up to my rebellious stereotype. I even went to a few artist parties, and I do have to ask Ben. Why so many naked women?”

The older siblings, and in laws, eyes widen. When did their sister go to a party?

Benedict squawked indignantly as Sophie chuckles.

Simon asks, as his wife will not, “How on earth did you end up at one of those?”

He grins, absolutely delighted by her rebellious nature, as he always had been.

John raises his hand in sheepish admittance, “I accidentally befriended an artist at a pub. He invited me, giving me a plus one. I think this may have been in the year of Francesca’s engagement? And Eloise begged to come with, so we went.”

Anthony gawked at this, making offended noises. As his wife grins, “Do not act as if we have not been to Granville’s before.”

“Does this mean I can go?”

“And I!”

A collective 'no' is told to Gregory and Hyacinth.

But the Bridgertons can finally breathe, tears in their eyes still, but there’s a comfort in seeing Eloise like his. She’s become more than a part of their family, she’s becoming herself. And all they’ve ever wanted for her is happiness.

“Will you both come for dinner, one last time? So we can talk this through properly.”

Anthony looks towards his sister, and her friend.

John looks to her for an answer, and she nods.

“Okay.”