Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Charles was seeing red.

No, he was literally surrounded by red.

He blinked and spun around on his heels. One second ago he was in their office, then in less than a second he found himself in this strange room.

"Oh, what do we have here?" A purring voice made him jump. He turned to the place the voice came from to find a figure sprawled on a sofa red like the rest of the room.

"Where – where am I?" Charles squinted, "how did I get here?"

The person laughed. The sound sent shivers down Charles' spine.

"That's somewhat rude, my dear." They stood up and walked closer to him, " you popped into my chambers uninvited."

Charles gasped. His jaw dropped when he took in the entity in front of him.

First thing that caught his attention were the eyes. They were gold . Shining dangerously. After he got over them, the rest of the unearthly beauty was unveiled to him. She…he… they were difficult to look at directly. Not one flaw in sight. Perfect face, perfect straight nose, perfect cherry red lips, perfect blond hair, perfect pearly skin. The way they held their body was seductive in an effortless way. Their attire was revealing but also leaving a lot to the imagination.

Charles gulped. He was sure he could smell peaches. Sweet and warm like the summer. But that should be impossible . Ghosts are unable to smell.

"Who–" he had to clear his throat, "who are you?"

They just smiled and offered no answer. They started circling him, calculating and assessing like a predator.

"Oh, that's sweet. Very, very sweet. Delicious." They murmured, "you're a ghost, hm? Poor little thing, died so young. Still so alive , though…"

"Quit evading my questions!" Charles snapped weakly. "Tell me what do you want from me?"

The creature that Charles couldn't be sure what they were stopped spinning around him and stared at his face directly. Charles suppressed a shudder, regretting the attention.

"I want nothing from you, Charles."

"And you know my name. Well that's brills. And you expect me to believe that you didn't bring me here?"

Their painted fingertips lightly grazed his shoulder. He jumped and his eyes widened. He felt that touch!

"I know everyone, lovely, don't think you're special." They smirked and sauntered back to their seat. The way they lay down and fixed him with their yellow stare was absolutely inappropriate. "Every creature belongs to me and my realm."

Charles remained dumbstruck. "And where's your realm?"

"Welcome to the Threshold Of Desire, sweet cheeks."

Chapter Text

"Wait this is –"

"Welcome back, Charlie dear. Been a while since your last visit."

Charles groaned. He had hoped all that was just his own imagination and weren't real. But he was in that strange place again…

"I need to stop randomly appearing here! What if we're in the middle of an important case?"

The blond entity raised an elegant eyebrow. They didn't even bother to get up this time, sprawled all over a weird coloured bean chair, they looked comfortable and relaxed. They weren't wearing anything too fancy unlike the other time, just a t-shirt and jeans. But even that looked strangely attractive on them.

Charles blinked and forced himself to snap out of it. He didn't like this person's effect on him.

"Alright! Now that you insist, I'll tell you why you're here –"

"So you did bring me here?" Charles interrupted. They rolled their eyes.

"No, don't be silly, sweet cheeks." They sighed and wiggled around to face him. "You grace me with your presence all on your own."

Charles frowned. He wasn't buying it. But what kind of ridiculous kidnapper lies about having kidnapped you?

"Alright then, what's the case here?" He asked, widening his arms.

"I am Desire, and this is my realm, my Threshold."

Those words did not mean anything to him, just like they hadn't the other time. He vaguely remembered hearing them before. Wish Edwin was here to be smart and explain it to him. He probably knew what they meant…

"And you're dead, Charles Rowland, but despite that you haven't stopped wanting. You've caught my interest, you pretty thing!" Desire purred playfully.

"I have no idea what you're talking about." Charles forced out.

Desire's giggle was as enticing as he remembered. They finally got up from their comfy chair and walked towards him. Charles instinctively took a step back.

"Let me tell you why you're here," they murmured. Charles perked up. "You desire something."

A beat. He blinked.

"What kind of vague excuse for an explanation –"

"You desire it so strongly, and for such a long time, that you found yourself in Desire's realm." Desire, who'd leaned towards him, finished without caring about the interruption and straightened up. "Many people find themselves trapped in the Threshold, but not many can see me. Maybe it's your ghostly powers granting you this privilege. But hey, I don't mind you seeing me! So I'll keep letting that happen."

Charles frowned, deep in thought. Desire's words circled around his mind.

"So what do I do for this to stop?"

Desire smirked, which looked mischievous and evil at the same time, and started walking around the enormous room.

"Well of course, you fulfill your desires! You get what you want and be free from this longing."

"But…but I don't –" Charles sputtered.

"You don't know what it is that you want?" Desire finished the sentence for him helpfully. Charles nodded. "Well, you better hurry up and figure it out then."

"What? You mean you don't know what it is?"

"Oh, darling, I know everything ." Desire whispered theatrically.

"Then why won't you tell me?"

"Because where's the fun in that?" They smiled sweetly and tapped their forefinger on their nose.

Charles scowled. "Don't you wanna get rid of me?"

"And why would I want that? You're delightful." They shrugged one shoulder and sat back down, "plus, my threshold is huge . If you spend that entire time you've been dead and twice the amount walking it, you'd still be unable to cross one tunnel. And I'm all alone in this realm. I don't mind the company sometimes, sweetie. I hope you keep coming back."

Charles was seething, but before he could do anything, he was out of that place.

Chapter Text

This time Charles recognized the place, before seeing the owner of it.

He took a careful step forward when long minutes passed but there was no velvety voice greeting him. This room wasn't as red as the other, but he just knew it was the Threshold. It gave him the same uncomfortable tickly feeling.

"Okay…maybe I do get their point, the emptiness is spooky…" Charles murmured to himself. The realm was empty, and it made him even more uncomfortable. He hoped he wasn't going to spend this one trip without finding Desire.

After a few minutes of walking, he knew he'd found something when the room got brighter. And somehow, he could feel their presence before even seeing them.

Then there was Desire, standing there facing away from him.

They were looking out huge windows, so big they made both Desire and Charles look small as ants. Charles found himself hypnotized as soon as he set eyes on the world outside the windows.

"Hello, Charles," Desire acknowledged his presence, "come here."

He kept walking without even blinking, gaping at the unearthly view. Colourful clouds flew before his eyes, the sky purple and pink and every other pastel colour imaginable.

"Do you like it?" They asked, sounding proud.

"Is this –" Charles forced himself to turn his head and look at Desire, "your world?"

"Yeah. It's not always pretty, sometimes it gets dark." They glanced at the world outside again, "I like them both equally, though."

Charles took a moment to take in Desire themself; they were wearing white, matching the room they were standing in. A white suit with nothing underneath the jacket. Charles felt himself blush at the smooth chest and the nipples barely peeking out. He looked away quickly.

Desire's light pink lips curled into a playful smile.

"You didn't find yourself here in the middle of a case , I hope?"

It took Charles a second to connect the words to his own previously stated ones.

"Uh…no, nope. It was uh…night, and nights can be long when you don't sleep." He quickly answered.

"I understand." Desire nodded. It felt off, seeing them solemn, even though Charles didn't know near enough about them. "You and your little friend don't keep each other company?"

"That's what we do, yeah, usually. But we need time for ourselves sometimes." Charles said it in a way that made it obvious those were Edwin's words, not his. "You know about him?"

"I know what he desires," Desire answered simply. Fair enough.

Charled wondered what Edwin might desire. He didn't know why thinking about this topic made him feel some sort of way. He fidgeted in place.

"I take it you haven't figured out the reason behind these trips yet," Desire said when Charles didn't continue the subject.

Charles shook his head. "It's bloody embarrassing."

Desire hummed. "It's okay, sweetie, it can be difficult sometimes. Humans are dumb when it comes to their wants."

"Wow, thanks," Charles glared. Desire grinned.

"Am I wrong? You've wanted something for decades, but you still don't realize it –"

"Wait, decades ?" Charles interrupted, then mumbled to himself, "so it can't be her …"

"I just narrowed it down a lot for you," Desire pretended to be mad at themself for that, "now you're gonna stop coming here!"

Charles rolled his eyes. But he still had no clue. He didn't tell Desire that. Still so embarrassing, even though they didn't really narrow it down. He'd met so many and seen so many throughout the decades, the possibilities were a lot. He had a lot of thinking to do.

Chapter Text

Desire realized that their scrutiny was making the boy self-conscious and squirmy, but their gaze had this effect on everyone, it was nothing new. So they kept watching.

They wondered what their dear older sister was thinking, letting this little one loose on the mortal plane. But looking at him, they kind of understood. Well, not really, nobody actually knew what the oldest three Endless were thinking, like, ever. It was annoying.

Anyway, Charles' longing was delicious. And he was pretty, if Desire was to care about appearances. His love and want and lust were what made him sweet, though.

He was now getting visibly uncomfortable, though, thanks to Desire silently staring at him since he arrived. They finally moved and took another puff of their cigarette.

"You, uh," Charles broke the silence, "you smoke."

"Yeah, I quite like it." Desire said with a little smirk, letting the colourful swirls of smoke leave their peach pink lips.

"Why? Does it affect you?"

Youngsters and their curiosity.

"Sure, if I want it to." They shrugged casually, "I just think it looks cool."

Charles coughed into his fist awkwardly. "It tots does. Yeah."

Desire's smirk grew bigger as they blew out more smoke.

"You know that I find your presence a delight, sweetums," they started, feigning remorsefulness, "I need you to be careful, though, long awaited desires can be dangerous."

Charles' eyes widened. How adorable.

"How so?" He asked in a shaky voice.

"Come sit here, babycakes, let Desire explain it to you." They patted the seat next to them, motioning for Charles to join them. Charles did, making a show of doing so reluctantly, but Desire knew otherwise. He sat close, they started methodically easing him into being touched. "See, not many people keep the same wants and needs for such a long time, because it morphs into…something else."

"Like what?"

"What happens when you desire something for so long, and no matter what you do, how much you try, your dreams –" they made a face at that word, "don't seem to come true?"

"You get sad?" Charles answered helpfully. Desire nodded.

"Yes. You fall into Despair." They dramatically whispered the line. "And we don't want that, do we? Desire and Despair come together. I want to keep you all to myself, yeah, but it also won't be good for you, baby, it would be such a shame if you were lost to despair."

"Wha– what – how haven't I –" he swallowed thickly before starting over, "how haven't I gotten sad about not getting what I want yet? If it's been years?"

Desire blinked a few times. Then giggled.

"Let's make it simple for you, yeah?" They answered with a grin, "you have to be aware of your dead dreams to become disappointed and upset. Do you understand me, cupcake?"

"Oh."

"You weren't aware of the longing." They shook their head, "you wouldn't allow yourself to feel it."

Their fingers were now playing in his curly hair. He leaned into it. He probably missed the feeling of a kind touch dearly, poor little lamb.

"But I am now?" He whispered.

"Are you?" Desire laughed but before Charles could protest they continued, "that's why I'm telling you to be careful. You better hurry up before you turn up at Despair's door instead of mine."

Their lovely twin couldn't have both Dead Boy Detectives, it simply wouldn't be fair!

"But let me guess, you still wouldn't help me." Charles said with a lighthearted eye roll.

"Nope. You need to figure it out on your own." Desire declared and booped his nose.

Chapter Text

The more Desire thought about it, the more convinced they were that Charles absolutely had to figure everything out himself.

Some fears and insecurities don't set you free even in death.

If they were to drop the truth bomb at Charles' feet, there was a high chance Charles would turn tail and run. It would be even harder for him to accept his own nature.

Desire wasn't one to think and plan these things, they trusted their instincts. It was what they were after all, everything that they were made of. So they took the steps the way it naturally came to them; to help this boy along.

They almost scoffed at themself. They were becoming fond of this little ghost. Desire was indeed fond of anyone who was a creature of desire, and Charles was no different. He only had more time to take a leap into their heart and become slightly more special. And above all things Desire enjoyed a finely crafted love story. One had quite literally appeared right at their doorstep. They were gonna have fun with it to its fullest extent.

They watched him long for his adorable prissy friend for a while, so his next appearance wasn't much of a surprise. Yet they did not expect him in their gallery.

"Woah," he exclaimed, "what are all these?"

Desire's eyes widened as they ran towards him, high heels click-clacking on the sleek floor.

"You're not supposed to be here, babycheeks." They sing-songed as they shooed him out, "let's get you out, out out now!"

His eyes remained glued to the sigils until they were out of his sight.

He couldn't have appeared here. The sneaky little baby ghost probably found his way there. Maybe he really was good at his job.

"Never seen that room before," he stated when they were in the big chamber of the heart.

"Nothing for you to worry about, that, sweet buns." Desire answered coolly, "you have bigger concerns, hm?"

The boy turned his face away from them. His pursed lips and knotted eyebrows indicated that he still had no idea. Oh, the way he was in denial was almost comical. Desire held back a giggle.

They started walking backwards. "Let's forget about it for now. Wanna do something fun?"

Charles looked alarmed at Desire's evil grin. Oh, but he needn't worry, Desire wasn't planning on doing anything foul.

He even got more alarmed and wide-eyed when the room shook and the red floors started rising at random spots, creating corridors and blocks between them, much like a maze.

"What are you doing?!" He called out. He probably thought Desire was far since he couldn't see them anymore.

"Hide and seek!" Desire replied cheerfully, "you try to find me as we talk."

Charles huffed. "How would that be hard if I hear you talk?"

Desire chuckled.

"You wouldn't be able to tell where my voice is coming from, sweetie."

"Shit," he mumbled, probably noticing that fact now. He started walking. "What are we gonna talk about?"

"Whatever you like," Desire shrugged as they tiptoed around. Their shoes weren't making any clicking noise anymore. "Tell me about your little friend, hm? Edwin Payne ."

"Uhm," Charles cleared his throat, passing by Desire without noticing them behind a low wall. "What do you wanna know about him?"

"Anything. Did you tell him about me?"

"About you?"

"Yes, did you tell him your desires were so pure they brought you to another plane?"

Charles paused in his tracks. Desire cackled.

"No," came his clipped answer; he restarted his search.

"Keeping secrets from your partner?" Desire made sure to sound scandalized.

"What was I supposed to say, when I don't understand it myself?" Charles defended.

"Mhm, I expected you to use him as a supernatural encyclopedia, to try and learn more about me."

There was a pause.

"Don't need him to," he mumbled, "I know about you."

"That so?" Desire couldn't be seen so they made sure to make their voice sound seductive, "You haven't been trying to get free for a while now, are you perhaps getting fond of me, Charlie?"

"No, don't be daft!" He sounded flustered; then he took a wrong turn and let out a frustrated sigh, "You're like – like Death."

"Like death?"

"Yeah. A personification."

"Interesting." Desire grinned, "and you didn't need your boyfriend to tell you that?"

"He's not!" He gasped, "he's not my boyfriend."

"He's not?!" Desire shouted, "but the way he loves you…"

"Don't–"

Charles yelped when Desire suddenly appeared above him, hanging off one of the walls upside down like a cat. Desire laughed and disappeared again.

"This doesn't count as you finding me by the way!" Desire called, "so, why isn't Edwin yours ?"

"Because he's only my best mate, is all!" Charles replied defensively.

"He could be both." Desire said casually.

Charles remained silent. Desire kept walking in circles.

"No, can't be both…" Charles whispered softly, almost to himself, so Desire pretended not to hear.

"What was that?"

"Nothing!" He huffed, "now that we're asking so many bloody questions, can I ask one too?"

"You can ask me once you find me." Desire sang.

This put him in Serious Mode. A little motivation was all he needed, apparently.

"How do you explain your disappearances, if he doesn't know you come here?" Desire asked once more, laughing at Charles' exasperated sigh.

"I don't know," he said, "I didn't explain . He never asked and I never offered."

Oh, that can't be good. Desire frowned.

"He hasn't noticed?"

"He probably has, he's smart like that." Charles smiled softly to himself, "but he always tries not to pry."

"Aw, you admire that about him."

"Sometimes I wish he would, though." Charles said honestly, "it's hard trying to start a serious conversation on your own."

"Have you told him that?"

"No,"

"Do you even tell him things?"

"Of course I do! We… – he's the person I talk to the most! We tell each other everything."

Desire snorted pointedly. "Sure thing, sweetie."

"What's that supposed to mean?!"

"Charles, baby, just now we pointed out a few things he's not aware of, bet we can come up with more, can't we." Desire had to dodge before Charles could find his way to them, "and I can feel your desire, your need for him to know you."

"He knows me," Charles said weakly.

"You expect him to know and see the deepest parts of you without you ever offering him insight to it." Desire clicked their tongue, "which I don't think is fair to him."

"I don't need you to tell me what's fair and not fair to Edwin!" He snapped.

"So what do you need me to tell you?"

Suddenly he was behind them. Desire jumped and gaped at him. Charles smirked in triumph. His detective skills hadn't failed him.

"I need you to answer my question, now that I've found you."

Cheeky little ghost. Desire laughed and put a hand on their jutted out hip.

"Alright, ask away, sweetie pie." Desire willed the room to go back to normal. It only distracted Charles momentarily.

"Why can I feel and, um, smell you?" Now that he was finally getting to ask, he sounded shy. Desire smiled.

"Not all planes obey the same rules. Realms work differently." Desire actually answered truthfully, then tapped him under the chin with their crooked knuckles, "and mine is all about desire and pleasure, after all."

Charles was flushed. And Desire's smile morphed into a smirk.

Chapter Text

Desire had to interrupt the peaceful trance they were in and open their eyes, because a certain ghost's yearning had brought him to their Threshold once again.

They blinked and stretched, the job was difficult but rewarding. They wiggled around on their soft couch to get comfortable and smiled at Charles.

"Hello, pookie. Welcome back." They drawled.

Charles stood still and kept gaping at Desire. Desire raised a single brow at him.

"What?"

Charles collected himself and coughed. He gestured a finger at Desire's form and said, "you…you have a tail." A beat, "and ears? Two pairs of 'em."

Ah. Unbelievable that it was the first time Charles was seeing them this way. They swung their fluffy black tail in the air for emphasis, and twitched one velvety ear poking out of their white-blond hair. Charles' curious eyes followed the movements.

"I can look however I want." They explained.

"Aces." He then scoffed at himself, "why am I even surprised?"

They smirked and gestured for him to join them. But he started pacing instead of sitting down.

"Tell me, little bee, what have you been up to recently?" They asked once it got clear he wasn't going to sit yet. He kept walking back and forth or around the couch Desire was seated on. Such a restless soul.

"Cases been boring a smidge. Which is a relief after everything at Townsend. But mate, do I wish for some excitement."

"I'm guessing they haven't been enough to keep you busy." Desire sounded casual, but there was a dangerous glint in their golden eyes.

"I suppose," Charles blinked his doe eyes at them curiously, "why?"

"Well, your visits happen within less time than before." Desire shrugged, "you've had more time to ponder and want."

Charles blushed. He was behind them now, obviously checking out Desire's cat ears. Desire paid it no mind.

"What were you doing before popping up here?" They asked, tilting their head back to look at him.

"Just chilling with Edwin," he answered, leaning over the back of the couch with his elbows, "we found some objects, wanted to make sure they were enchanted or cursed. Well, Edwin was. I don't have the ability to discover their function without setting them off and possibly killing us all ." He grinned after mimicking Edwin's accent, "I was just hanging around to keep him safe if something did go off even in his capable hands."

"That it?"

He paused. "Yeah. What else?"

"What were you thinking about?" Desire batted their eyelashes, showing Charles that they were trying to look unthreatening.

Charles stared ahead, thinking back to his last moment on the living plane. Desire realized whatever it had been, Charles was not going to say. Maybe not even to himself. So they looked.

Their eyes bore into his soul.

He saw Edwin. He was out of his pristine outfit, looking comfortable in his loose white shirt. He'd rolled up his sleeves, focusing on the objects with masterful attention. He looked up at Charles, attempting to glare but failed and smiled instead when he saw Charles'. He looked good. Like he belonged there. So attractive with his forearms showing and –

Charles gasped and jumped back a step.

"What did you do?" He asked Desire, breathless and shaking. He looked dizzy when he gazed at Desire, probably still seeing his own desires in them after they drew on them like that.

Desire just watched him. That was sad. Charles didn't deserve to keep his love in a prison like that.

"Charles," they said, and Charles was disoriented by hearing his own name instead of a silly nickname, so he paid attention. "Come here, let me tell you something, hm?"

They tapped their own lap. He looked at it confused, and pointed a finger at it then at himself. Desire rolled their eyes and chuckled.

"Put your head here, silly billy." They explained. He blushed at the indication but he moved towards them anyway.

He wiggled around to get comfortable on the soft sofa, and Desire waited patiently. He cautiously lay down with his head on Desire's lap, looking up at them like he expected this to be a joke and for Desire to throw him away. What Desire did was to comb their fingers through his hair gently. His wide eyes drooped at that, having missed the sensation.

"Do you know how I see things, Charlie?" they started, and he nodded with restricted eagerness, "you need to know that I'm equally made of every intelligent being's desires. Their love, need and lust. They all taste the same, so bittersweet . That means in my eyes, a starving child's need for food isn't any different from a man's need for power and blood."

Charles made a horrified face at that. But Desire put a finger to his lips, silencing him before he could say anything.

"They're both desires . They're all my creatures, before Despair takes them." They continued, "it doesn't matter to me how humans see good and bad. Their minds are tiny and limited to their own small worlds, unable to see the vastness of it. Oh my sweet little, you have no idea how small you all are compared to the diversity of love and want. Every single one of you are free to desire in your unique way, and the beauty is in that freedom. I care for it all, because there's no such thing as right or wrong, you simply want what you want. I'm free of those morals. And Charles, you don't live among them anymore, maybe you should be free too."

"I don't know what you're trying to say…" he mumbled with no actual force.

Desire looked deep into his eyes, but as any other…well, mortal , he wasn't able to hold eye contact with them for long.

"I'm trying to say you don't need to be afraid." They whispered, the hand that wasn't in his hair moved to his chest to press against his heart. "No one can hurt you for seizing what you want. I'll make sure of that."

"I'm not afraid," his eyes dropped to Desire's hand. It felt hot and strange against his chest. Like he actually had a beating heart. "What are you doing? Are you using your powers on me??"

Desire chuckled. The noise went straight to Charles' bones. They brushed their tail against his cheek. He jumped and shivered at the almost-forgotten touch.

"No, but I can help you set your desires free." Their voice and their hand tickled. Charles' hand bravely shot up and grasped Desire's wrist.

"Don't," he choked out, "I'll – I'll try to… I can–"

Desire's smile softened. They moved hand over Charles' forehead to smooth away some unruly curls, then left their fingers buried there.

"I won't manipulate your feelings, my sweet, don't worry about that." They replaced the husky and urgent tone of before with a lighthearted one, "if anything, I'd only make you realize them. But even for that I promised to let you figure it out on your own, yeah?"

He nodded. His eyes looked distant and distracted.

"Are you saying –" he took a breath, "that what I want is terrible?"

Desire raised an eyebrow. "No, what makes you say that?"

"Well, everything you just told me." He deadpanned, "that you felt the need to explain all that to me, mate."

Desire let out the least seductive and elegant laugh of their existence.

"No, no, sweet cheeks, you're far too pure of heart for that. You're just unwilling to accept your love." They answered with a grin.

He sighed in relief.

"So I'm not like the man in need for blood?"

"Far from it, baby. You're more like the child."

"Oh," he sounded choked off, "that still sounds terrible."

Desire rolled their eyes playfully. "Just take my advice to heart, okay?"

"Okay," Charles watched Desire for a few seconds before suddenly asking, "can I touch them?"

Desire's grin grew when they realized he meant the cat ears. They soundlessly lowered their head for Charles to reach. He raised a hand tentatively and brushed his fingertips against the soft furs. Then his fingers gained courage and started rubbing them heartily. He gasped quietly.

"They feel exactly like a cat's!" His voice sounded too strained for all that excitement.

Desire purred for good measure. Charles giggled.

Chapter Text

He found Desire looking out a window.

He slowly approached, taking in the personification themself and the world beyond. It wasn't the same cloudy colourful sky of this realm, he was certain of that, but he couldn't make out anything else from this distance.

"Hello," Charles greeted, Desire hummed in response. He was curious what had them so transfixed.

There were rainbow streaks in their platinum hair, and they were wearing multiple earrings, necklaces and rings. Their suit was flamboyant and their high heel shoes sparkled. Even their makeup was more colourful than usual.

He stopped staring when Desire turned their head and their golden eyes struck him like lightning. Their smile was light reflecting from a mirror stabbing your eyes.

"How have you been, little ghost?" They said with their effortlessly seductive voice.

"Everything's aces." He answered fleetingly, "what's up?"

He pointed to the window with his eyes. Desire turned towards the world outside again and nodded.

"It's June," they said, Charles frowned and tried to see outside, "parades are underway."

"Oh." He saw it then, all the people in rainbows and holding flags, shouting slogans.

Conflicting emotions filled him up. He shoved them away and smiled, trying to absorb the cheerfulness of all those vibrant colours.

"People fighting for love and lust," Desire drawled, "it's my domain. They're my creatures, fighting for the right to be free to desire. I feel empowered in this season."

"That's, er, nice, yeah." Charles immediately regretted saying this, because now he had Desire's undivided attention.

"How do you feel about all of this, Charles?" They asked, smirk tugging at the corner of their blood-red lips.

"It's all chill," he nodded his head casually a few times.

"Oh come on, baby," Desire said in a tone that was infuriatingly pitying, "be honest with me, you do know that I know exactly what's going on in your heart."

"Then why do you have to ask, if you already know?" He looked and sounded angry.

Desire shrugged nonchalantly and went back to watching the marching people.

"I'm not the one who needs to hear it."

Charles started watching the outside world alongside Desire in silence, for a few long moments. A deep frown creased his brows, and his fingers kept drumming on his thigh.

"Being dead sucks," Charles started quietly, "but it's almost worth it, seeing the world progress."

Desire watched him with a sad smile, "if you'd lived, you'd see this in your natural life."

Charles shook his head and shrugged. "What's the point when you're old?"

"It's never late to get what you desire." Desire bit back lightly. After a few seconds, they changed the subject, "would you join them?"

Charles laughed to himself, "probably would be beaten to death by my dad if caught, but sure, I guess."

Desire sighed exasperatedly.

"Think of him as no obstacle. Why would you go?"

Charles blinked, frowning at the scenery.

"Because I think everyone should be free to love who they want. And well, I have friends–"

"Not yourself?"

He blushed. "I don't think so. I've never–"

"Charlie, darling, really? Never ?!" Desire chuckled in feigned disbelief.

"I don't think so," his frown deepened, "never fancied men."

"Oh? Not even beautiful famous people?" Desire wiggled their brows playfully.

"Celebrities don't count!"

"Sure they do," they grinned, "what about gorgeous, gorgeous people you see on the streets, the ones who turn your head and make you look twice? None have been men?"

His adorable blush spread to his ears.

"Yes, but who doesn't want to look at beautiful people?"

"But have you felt particularly close to a bloke? The kind that makes you feel specially comfortable but quickens your heartbeat as well?" Desire grinned at the distant, embarrassed look in his eyes, "you have, haven't you?"

"You'd know better anyway, ain't that right?" He mumbled. Defiant child.

"As a matter of fact, yes, I do know better." That made Charles scoff, "would that be so bad?"

"What would be?"

" Fancying a man ," Desire repeated his words back to him.

"Of course it's not!" He said defensively but then pressed his palms to his eyes. A quiet, distressed, whining noise left him.

Desire approached him slowly, like he was a spooked cat. Charles didn't look up. They gently wrapped their arms around him, he didn't let his face go, but he allowed the embrace. As usual the realness of the touch made him shudder, but after a few seconds he relaxed and hid his face in Desire's shoulders instead of his hands.

"Charles–"

"You know ." He interrupted whatever they wanted to say, "and not once you mocked me for it."

"Mocked you for what, my sweet?" They asked as their fingers started stretching out his curls before letting them snap back.

"For having these – these feelings, thoughts. But not being able to–" he took a shuddering breath, "is it really so?"

"What's so ?" Desire asked again. Charles clenched his jaw; he wanted to be angry at them for feigning ignorance but he guessed it was fair since he was being too vague.

"I thought everyone felt like that sometimes…" he mumbled.

"Felt attracted to a certain gender? They probably do, Charles. But most people go through their whole lives not acknowledging it as well."

That wasn't reassuring.

"How was I supposed to know it's – it's–"

"Queer?"

The bluntness of the word made him shiver. But he mumbled a "yeah" into Desire's neck anyway.

"You just do ," they said, unwilling to go deep into detail about human emotions when it could be that simple. "You were murdered for not being like everyone else, spookie boo, you sure understand being different."

"Oh,"

Charles thought deep about that. He felt less like an absolute bloody idiot for not discovering this fact about himself for so long.

He finally returned the embrace, glad that Desire hadn't let go yet. He put his cheek on Desire's shoulder and wrapped his arms around their waist.

"I always knew, you know," he whispered, "knew many facts about life, but didn't want to accept them. Like how I was too weak to stop my dad from beating me and my mom, or no matter what I did, I could never satisfy him, neither could she. Like how nobody ever actually liked me, whether it was me being half-Indian, or how weird I was, or how I wanted to dress and behave. And –"

He let that hang in the air. Desire smiled at how well he was progressing.

"Because if I actually accepted these facts that I knew deep down, what would that mean for me?" He finished after a few seconds, "what would I live for then? How do I keep smiling through it?"

Desire's painted nails dug into his shoulders as they pushed him back.

"You'd live for you , and smile whenever you mean it." They said in a serious but kind tone. Charles' wet eyes stared desperately into theirs.

They sighed and gave him a moment to gather himself. They both watched the flurry outside. It was beautiful.

"Your father, huh?" Charles was startled at the blunt change of subject, he stared but Desire didn't stop watching the parade. "He'd be proper pissed if he knew you were among these people, wouldn't he? Maybe he'd even have a heart attack and choke on his own tongue and die."

Charles' frown cleared and he laughed.

"That sounds like quite a picture, yeah."

"Would love to see it, yes." They scrunched up their nose in disdain, showing Charles that even a being like Desire didn't like a man like his father. Still it looked adorable on them. "Can't make him proud, better make him so angry he'd go crazy then. Sound like a plan to you, Charlie?"

Charles looked outside for a moment, a small smile formed on his lips.

"Are you saying I should go?"

"And take your friends. Go together, maybe you'd meet other ghosts there, and people who'd be your age, had you lived."

Charles wrapped his arms around himself, making himself look like a scared child. Which, he practically was.

"That would mean I'd have to tell Edwin," he mumbled.

"Why, is that so bad?"

"No, but –" he sighed in exasperation and kept staring ahead, "I don't want to ruin his idea of me."

"Did you think less of him, when he told you how he felt?"

His eyes widened, but not at the fact that Desire knew about this event, at the mere implication that he'd ever think less of Edwin for anything .

"Of course not! Nothing would make me stop seeing him as the best person I've ever known!"

Desire smiled pointedly.

"I know you trust him enough to know this feeling you have is mutual."

"Yeah," he averted his eyes, "I do."

"Well then, nothing to worry about." Desire concluded simply, "and isn't it fantastic to let your best friend in on your desires?"

Chapter Text

Charles was surprised when he saw the sleek red walls again.

But of course he still hasn't found what it is he truly desires, no such luck for him, he thought to himself.

He walked around the red maze, looking for the owner of the place.

Desire was perched on top of a windowsill with their arms crossed, looking out at the vast world outside. There didn't used to be a windowsill, he was sure, but the realm obeyed Desire's wishes and that was clear. They'd lifted one foot up while the other dangled, swinging back and forth. Charles eyed the fishnet stockings and the smooth skin of Desire's hips, against his better judgment. Desire turned to smile at him, it was a strange smile, too soft.

"Hi," he breathed out.

"Hello, Charlie. You showed up again." There was no accusation in their voice, but Charles still felt the urge to defend himself.

"Are you sure you're not the one dragging me here?"

They rolled their eyes. "Don't be silly. You were still longing strongly."

"I did what you asked," he sighed, "went to a pride parade in london."

"Did you have fun?"

"Yeah!" He grinned wide, "and you were right, we did meet some ghosts and old folks!"

"Edwin came too?"

"Of course, I wouldn't go without him."

"How did he feel about it?"

"It felt melancholic, for the both of us –I mean, that was a given– but it was still nice. I could tell he was barely containing himself from bouncing in place."

Desire smiled again, still soft but this time a little smug too. That felt more natural.

"I'm guessing he took the news well about your sexuality?"

This made him blush and avoid eye contact.

"I only told him , even though we asked Crystal to come with, too." He shrugged and looked at the window with a tiny smile, "I was stupid to be afraid of telling him, honestly. It always feels better when I share with him."

Desire nodded. A few seconds passed in silence, before Desire spoke up.

"Charles," they started, and Charles tried not to worry about the seriousness of their tone.

"Hm?"

"You see, sweetie, I had a chat with my sister –"

"You have a sister?!" His eyes comically widened. Having siblings sounded like such a mortal concept.

"Sure I do, sisters , multiple." Desire huffed, "but right now I'm specifically talking about my dear twin, Despair. See, I told her that I've been seeing you, my favorite Dead Boy Detective, she said oh, I saw the other one last night, that sad one, he's my friend. "

"He was in–" he looked pale and horrified.

"In despair, Charles." Desire interrupted, "your little Edwin was sad; my dear Despair was watching him, then he came over to her Gray Realm. Just like you do with mine."

"Why? Why was he – why wouldn't he tell me… why was he in despair?" He stuttered, unable to form a sentence with how his thoughts and emotions were going haywire.

"He realized that you would be attracted to men, just not him. You'd love a boy, just not him." Desire delivered the news somberly.

"But that's not–! I would–! That's not true!" He gasped as the realization dawned on him, " oh ."

Desire nodded sympathetically. Charles grasped at his own heart.

"All this time…him?" He whispered.

"Edwin all along." Desire purred, "you've waited long enough, Charlie, I was worried you'd fall into Despair, but he has. I'm afraid he can't wait any longer…well, he can , and he will, but it will hurt."

"I didn't mean to," he was starting to cry now.

"I know, sweetest, I know. But you need to hurry."

Charles wiped at his eye, and looked at his hand in surprise when it came away smudged with eyeliner. He was not used to having actual mass and material here.

Desire hopped down and stood in front of him. He looked up, taken aback by the serious look in their eyes. They looked terrifying like this.

"I can help you in other ways," they said, "if you can't seize what you've desired all this time, I can make it go away."

"What?!"

"I'm not just the god of love, I'm the god of hatred too, little ghost. I can destroy your desires."

"No! I don't want to stop loving Edwin!" Charles was panting. Desire looked down their nose at him, yellow eyes shining like a cat's in the dark.

"Then I can demolish his love for you."

"No! Please, don't…" the thought of losing Edwin's devotion made his chest squeeze in on itself. It scared him to no end. Made his limbs numb and his eyes burn.

Desire kept staring at him with the same grave expression on their sharp features, nodding to themself after a few seconds.

"So you won't do anything, and you expect me to do nothing as well?"

They'd made him see how much Edwin's romantic love mattered to him, made him see how frightening a (after)life without his love would be. He knew now that he equally reveled in his own love for Edwin, he loved loving him. Desiring him. He'd been stupid, blind, and scared.

He was still scared.

Desire raised their hands slowly, warmly held his upper arms and tilted their head to catch his gaze.

"Why don't you want to tell him? You're already sure he desires you in return, what's there to be afraid of?"

He inhaled shakily, looking down at his own fisted hands.

"What if I– what if I hurt him? I'm– I'm angry, so angry sometimes. And I've already hurt him unknowingly, the last thing I want is to do that…"

Desire shook him by the shoulders, just to snap him out of it.

"Charles," they said firmly, making him wince, "he's smart, your Edwin, isn't he?" They waited for his nod to continue, "he can decide for himself, you can't take that choice away from him."

He pursed his lips as a tear slid down his cheek. Desire's hold softened as did their eyes; they wiped the tear with a thumb and smiled gently.

"And take it from a being who's seen everything, sweetheart, you needn't be afraid of hurting your beloved. You're not the kind, I'm quite familiar with those. Their love never brought them to my realm. You hear me?"

"Yeah," his smile was wobbly, but it was a smile nonetheless. He dried the corner of his eye with his knuckles and straightened his back. "Thank you, Desire. I better go talk to him, I can't stand knowing he'd been upset."

"It's time you save both of you from Despair, lovely…oh, but don't let my dear twin know I said that! She'd be quite hurt."

Charles' eyes widened. "This'll be the last time we meet?"

"Oh, nothing is hundred percent in this universe, baby, so I wouldn't be so sure." They winked, then cupped their hands in the air, closing their eyes in concentration. "I want you to have this with you."

A pocket-sized crystal heart materialized in their palms; it was red and shiny with sharp edges. Charles gingerly took it from them when it was offered to him.

"What's that?"

"A gift from me," they grinned mysteriously, "have this with you at all times, then, you will know its purpose."

"Thanks, that wasn't vague at all."

They giggled and made Charles grin in return.

"It was a pleasure meeting you, Charles Rowland," they whispered lowly before leaning down and pressing a soft kiss to his cheek, "you can always look for me in your heart."

Before Charles could snap out of the strange spell he was put under, Desire snapped their wrist and exclaimed "off you go then!" and he was out of the Threshold in a blink of an eye.

Chapter Text

He always returned to the last place he'd been before going away to the Threshold. This time he was lying on their office's uncomfortable little couch. As soon as he opened his eyes, Edwin appeared a few feet away from him.

Upon seeing him all the overwhelming emotions he'd felt back in Desire's realm rushed back, burning him up from the inside out.

He thought about the terrifying possibility that Edwin didn't love him anymore, about him having been in pain, about how he'd been wanting Edwin so much it moved him across worlds. That he'd made Edwin wait because he couldn't accept what was true.

Tears were welling up in his eyes before he could stop them. He stood up so quickly he almost fell over.

"Oh, there you are," Edwin said, looking worried, "Charles, are you alright–"

Charles was on him before the words could leave his mouth.

"I'm so sorry," he gasped out against Edwin's clothed shoulder, "I'm sorry I took so long to tell you."

"What–"

"Sorry I said I don't love you that way. It wasn't true." He kept whispering without paying Edwin any mind. Edwin froze up, but then relaxed in the hug and tried to push Charles away enough to see his face.

"Wait a tick, Charles." Seeing Charles' damp eyes gave him pause, but he kept going, "you're saying things. What happened to you while you were away?"

Charles swallowed hard.

"I'll – I'll tell you. It's a long story. Just–" he tried to take a deep breath, Edwin noticed and nodded in encouragement, trying to guide him through it. "You need to believe me. Do you believe me?"

"About what?" Edwin asked calmly, kindly, it was driving Charles mad.

"I said I –" he shuddered, for no bloody reason. Why was it so hard? "I'm in love with you too, aren't I?"

Edwin kept staring at him motionlessly. Charles was getting more restless, more fidgety. He'd finally spoken his heart, he needed a reaction.

"Edwin," he rasped out, snapping Edwin out of his shocked stupor.

"Are you sure –?"

"God, can I kiss you? I want to kiss you. I need to. Then you'll believe me!"

His lips were on Edwin's before any of them could rethink it all, and it sent lightning surging through both their bodies, even though it was messy and short.

Edwin's hands cupped the other boy's face, moving him away an inch. Charles was panicking in the first place, and now he thought maybe Edwin didn't want to kiss him. But Edwin smiled; it was soft, and it was happy, but also very gentle.

"I do believe you," he said softly, "you did promise me that we'll figure it out."

Charles was so relieved he melted in Edwin's grasp. He closed his eyes and leaned into the touch of Edwin's elegant fingers. He licked his lips, absentmindedly chasing the taste.

"Calm down, yeah?" There were no tears shed, but Edwin swiped his thumb under Charles' eye anyway, "you are unbelievably tense."

"Okay," Charles breathed out, still shaking. He blinked his pleading, awed eyes at Edwin, "can we do that again?"

Edwin nodded, so Charles tried to charge in again, but the hands on his face tightened and he was stopped a centimeter away from reaching his lips.

" Calmly ," he reminded, and Charles nodded quickly. He gingerly pressed their lips together, waiting patiently before parting his lips to deepen the kiss. Edwin hummed in approval, mumbling against Charles' soft lips, "good, that's it."

It felt right . It felt more right than everything Charles had felt before, even when alive. A missing piece finally slotted in place, a piece he wasn't even aware was missing. He remembered Desire's words; he can be both . This didn't mean Edwin wasn't his best mate anymore. He will always be that, no matter what.

He breathed in an air he didn't need and wrapped his arms around Edwin's neck. The feeling was almost alien in its realness.

They couldn't believe it, they could actually feel each other; the softness, the warmth, the wetness, the taste. Charles gasped, almost vibrating in place trying to stay calm the way his partner wanted. Though, Edwin voluntarily let him into his mouth, inexperienced but eager, so Charles dove in immediately.

It was still slow, and soft, not rushed and panicked like the first one. Charles found himself enjoying this a lot more, couldn't even compare.

"Did you know?" Charles asked between gentle presses of lips (he still couldn't believe he was allowed to do this,) "that I'd get here?"

"I did not." Edwin mumbled, his thumb caressing Charles' smooth cheek, "it didn't matter as long as you were at my side, forever."

Charles kissed him again, and again. He knew that it did matter. It mattered so much that Desire and Despair felt their passion and their pain and stepped up. On the other hand it was true: even though it would pain him to give up kissing Edwin ever again, he knew it wasn't important in the grand scheme of things.

He wouldn't want to spend his afterlife with anyone else.

"Charles," Edwin whispered, head tilted to the side and eyes half-lidded. Charles felt his still heart skip. "How come I can feel the kiss? It is unlikely to –"

"Oh!" Charles gasped. He shoved a hand into his pocket to find the glass heart there. Edwin's eyes widened at the sight, its core was shining red. "This must be it! It's allowing us to feel each other as though we were alive!"

"But…what is it?" Edwin looked away from the heart to set his curious gaze on Charles after asking the question. Charles grinned.

"Let me tell you everything about how I got this gift from Desire."