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Chapter Text

Buck was happily curled up against Tommy’s side on Tommy’s couch as they watched a movie together, when Buck’s phone started ringing. He wasn’t expecting a call from anyone, it was fairly late already. But after a second he realized it was the ringtone he had set specifically for Christopher. “Sorry Tommy I gotta get this, you can keep watching.” Buck mumbled as he pulled away from Tommy to fish his phone out of his pocket.

“No worries.” Tommy gave his boyfriend an easy smile.

Buck smiled back, then answered the call as he got up off the couch and wandered a few feet away. “Hey Chris-”

“Buck?” Christopher didn’t sound okay in the slightest. His breathing was ragged and it sounded like he had been crying if he wasn’t still shedding tears. “Can you- can you come get me?”

Buck didn’t like leaving Tommy in such a rush, but Christopher clearly needed him, and Christopher would always always come first. Buck and Eddie never talked about it, Buck and Christopher barely talked about it, but Buck loved Christopher far more than he probably ever should have allowed himself too. All because of Eddie’s stupid will, making Buck feel like he had secured a permanent role in Christopher’s life. At least, he thought that role was secure, until recent events made him question Eddie’s decision making skills when it came to his personal life, and Buck had begun doubting how secure his spot was.

“I’m coming Chris, where are you? You at home?” Buck asked as he quickly gathered the few things he had at Tommy’s. The plan had been for him to spend the night there, and as much as he did want to spend the night with Tommy, there was no way he wasn’t going to help Christopher. Something was obviously very wrong.

“Please hurry.” Christopher requested as his voice broke again and he was crying even more now. It sounded, faintly, like there was yelling in the background, but it was hard to be certain.

Buck pushed aside his own feeling of his heart breaking for Christopher. “I promise I’m coming as fast as I possibly can.” He told Chris. It wasn’t going to be as fast as if Buck was at his loft- Tommy’s place wasn’t very far from the harbor station Tommy worked at- and that damn crosstown traffic really was a bitch. “What’s going on?”

“I don’t- Dad and Marisol and-” Christopher stopped and sucked in another breath, still breathing heavy and uneven.

“Okay, Chris, it's gonna be okay. Just take a few deep breaths for me.” Buck requested. “I will be there as soon as I can possibly get there.”

“Okay.” Chris mumbled and ended the call.

Buck frowned as he shoved his phone back into his pocket.

“All good?” Tommy asked, glancing over at Buck with a facial expression far too carefree for the phone call Buck had just had.

“No. Tommy I’m so sorry but I gotta go. Christopher needs me right now.” Buck explained as he grabbed his jacket from the dining table chair he’d draped it over earlier. When Buck and Tommy agreed to a partnership- to actually be boyfriends- Buck made sure to make it very clear to Tommy what exactly Christopher meant to him and that Christopher would always be his top priority. Tommy didn’t necessarily understand but he did respect that. Tommy knew families came in all shapes and sizes and he would never ask anyone to put their family over him.

Tommy paused the show and sat up. “Everything okay babe?” Tommy’s expression shifted, picking up on Buck’s concern.

“I think he’s having a panic attack.” Buck explained as he grabbed his shoes and began pulling them on. “I don’t know where Eddie is, but I think he might be part of the problem.”

“Does that happen a lot? Christopher having panic attacks? He seemed like a pretty happy, carefree kid the few times I met him.” Tommy frowned.

“Pretty sure it’s never happened before.” Buck explained as he pulled the other shoe on. “Raincheck?” He requested hopefully. He knew their schedules didn’t line up well the next week or two, hence why they’d been doing this tonight, but a guy could hope.

“Of course.” Tommy smiled and grabbed Evan’s hand, pulling him in for a quick peck on the lips. “Drive safe please.”

Buck pecked Tommy’s lips back and smiled at him. “Always.” He agreed. Buck’s very own superhero of a boyfriend could get almost anything out of Buck with the right smile and look of affection he was giving Buck right now. But Buck had to get going, so he quickly let himself out of Tommy’s place and raced to his Jeep. He got in and began driving as fast as he could to Eddie’s house.

Buck got a lucky break driving to the Diaz house, making what had to be record time from Tommy’s apartment to Eddie’s house. He saw Eddie’s truck parked in the driveway and Marisol’s vehicle outside Eddie’s house, and then Buck realized he also saw Shannon Doppelganger- Kim - Kim’s vehicle there too. Yeah, Buck knew her car. He had watched her leave the fire station the other day. He had to, he still hadn’t been sure any of that conversation had been real, even with the very real weight of the brownie pan in his hands.

Buck already had a pretty good idea why Christopher was upset now. Buck had been worried about Eddie since meeting Shann- Kim. But now Buck was just angry- pure white hot anger ripped through his chest. It was bad enough of Eddie to cheat, and it was cheating. Even if it wasn’t physical he was having an emotional affair with Sha- Kim. But letting Christopher see Kim? That was a million times worse. That was almost- if not most certainly and entirely- unforgivable.

Buck got out of his Jeep and as he approached the house he could hear yelling. No fucking wonder Chris was having a damn panic attack. Buck didn’t need his key as the door was still open a crack, at least they weren’t yelling so loud he could hear the argument clearly through the walls.

Buck wanted to say a few choice things to Eddie too at the moment, but he didn’t. He was there for Chris right now. He could be pissed at Eddie later, and he most certainly would be.

Buck let himself into the house, where Eddie, Marisol, and Shann- Kim were all standing in the living room and yelling. Marisol was crying, Eddie was crying, Kim looked pissed and maybe even embarrassed or guilty.

“What did you think was going to happen Eddie?” Marisol yelled. “You thought you could get away with this? What was your plan?” She demanded, standing in Buck’s way from getting to the hallway and going to Chris’s room. Chris wasn’t in the living room,- and thank god for that- so he must be in his room.

“Sorry Marisol,” Buck mumbled as he brushed past her to get to the hallway. What he said had- at least- a double meaning. He didn’t have time to dwell on that. Buck knocked on Christopher’s door. “Chris? It’s Buck!” He called out.

In the living room, Eddie’s snap of a response was heard. “I don’t know!”

Buck wanted to yell at Eddie, scream at him, for what a mess he’d made and how upset Christopher was. He also wanted to comfort Eddie and help him and kick Marisol and Sha- Kim out. Buck turned his attention back to Christopher as the door slowly opened, showing Chris standing on the other side, face red and tear stained.

“You came.” Chris mumbled.

“Of course I did.” Buck nodded. He stepped into the room, shut the door behind him and pulled Christopher into a hug.

Christopher clung to Buck for dear life. “Mom’s out there.” Chris whispered, his voice breaking again as he said it. “I don’t understand.”

“I know buddy, I don’t either.” Buck didn’t know what else to say to Chris. He truly didn’t understand what the hell Eddie was doing either to be honest. Buck gently rubbed Chris’ back in a soothing gesture, though he knew there was no way he was actually going to calm Christopher down until he kid was far away from the chaos currently taking place in the living room. “Why don’t we get out of here? You can spend the night with me."

Christopher was fast to nod in agreement.

“Okay.” Buck did his best to give Christopher a reassuring smile. “You wanna pack a bag or should I?” Buck asked.

“I can.” Chris mumbled as he finally pulled away from the hug.

Buck grabbed the backpack that he knew was Chris’ sleepover backpack from where it’d been hanging the back of his bedroom door and handed it to Chris.

“Thanks.” Christopher said quietly and began stuffing things in the bag as fast as he could.

As soon as Christopher’s bag was packed Buck grabbed it and led the way out of Christopher’s room and out of the house. He positioned himself very intentionally as they approached the living room, so that Chris wouldn’t see Sha- Kim’s face again.

Chris didn’t even look at any of them as they passed through the living room and made a beeline for the door.

Buck looked over and shot Eddie a look. He might’ve been trying to portray too many things in one look, but he meant for it to say I’ve got Chris, no need to worry about him, he’ll be okay and also what the hell were you thinking- oh wait no, you clearly weren’t and last but certainly not least I’m worried about you, Eddie, and also so so unbelievably mad at you . Buck didn’t stick around long enough to see if Eddie understood everything the look had portrayed. He instead went and helped Christopher into the Jeep and once Chris was settled, Buck peeled away just a moment before Kim left Eddie’s house. Buck saw it in the rearview mirror. He prayed Chris hadn’t seen it at all.

Christopher said nothing the entire drive back to Buck’s apartment, and Buck didn’t push him to talk either. They parked at Buck’s building and Christopher made no move to get out of the Jeep, he sat there with his seatbelt still on. Buck held off on getting out of the car too.

“That wasn’t really my mom, was it?” Christopher finally asked.

“No, Chris, it was not.” Buck confirmed.

“She sounded just like mom.” Christopher said quietly. “She knew me. She called me Christopher.”

Buck took a deep breath to keep his composure, even if he really, really wanted to yell at someone or break something right now. It was bad enough that Chris had seen Kim, but she spoke to him too? What the actual fucking fuck was wrong with Eddie?

“What’s going on?” Christopher’s voice was so soft it was barely there at all.

Buck pulled together the pieces of him that were falling away from each other as his heart broke for Chris. “I wish I knew, Christopher.”

Chris was quiet for a moment. “Did you know? About her?”

Buck swallowed thickly. He didn’t want to lie to Christopher, but he didn’t know if he should tell Chris the truth either. Would Christopher be upset that Buck knew about this and didn’t say anything to anyone? Or would Christopher be glad that Buck had known about this before tonight meaning Christopher might be able to get answers to at least some of his questions.

“Buck?” Chris prompted.

“I did.” Buck said finally. “She came to the station to see your dad and I spoke to her. I thought she looked and sounded just like your mom too.”

“Why is she here?” Christopher’s voice broke as he started crying again.

“I wish I knew the answer to that Chris.” Buck told him sincerely. He truly had no idea why Kim was there, or why she was still there, or why Eddie had been reckless enough to let Chris see her. And with that haircut- it was bad enough when her hair was slicked back in a ponytail like at the station the other night. Had Kim intentionally gotten bangs- cut her hair - to look more like Shannon? The thought made Buck sick to his stomach.

Chris nodded and said nothing.

“Christopher, can I ask what happened? You don’t have to tell me if you’re not ready, but it’d be helpful for me if I knew.” Buck requested gently.

“Me and Marisol spent the evening together. Getting to know each other more without dad there.” Chris started. “When we got home dad was standing in the living room hugging-” Chris paused.

“Kim.” Buck supplied.

Christopher nodded slightly. “Kim. I got confused and said mom- Buck she looks just like my mom-” Christopher began crying harder.

Buck reached over and wrapped an arm around Christopher. “I know buddy. It’s okay.” He reassured Chris.

“ She said my name, she knew me. ” Christopher mumbled. “Then Marisol asked what was going on and no one said anything and she started getting angry and Kim was just staring at me. Marisol started getting really mad and yelling at dad and that made everything worse.” Christopher paused.

“I bet it did.” Buck couldn’t help but agree. Chris had been getting closer with Marisol over the last couple weeks, like how Eddie had let Ana and Christopher get close. Buck could only imagine how Marisol’s anger might have made Chris feel worse. It was no wonder the poor kid was in such a state. Buck hadn’t thought it possible, but somehow his anger at Eddie- and sorta Marisol and Kim too- was still growing.

“Then my chest started to feel all tight and I didn’t understand and it was just too much and I ran to my room. I don’t think they even noticed I left.” Chris was quiet for another moment. “I don’t think I want to talk about it anymore.”

“Okay, no more talking about it. Have you eaten?” Buck asked Christopher.

“Yeah.” Chris mumbled and nodded.

“Got room for ice cream?” Buck asked enticingly. Personally, Buck would’ve liked a few alcoholic drinks to try and cope with the events of the evening, but he wouldn’t drink while watching Christopher, and he was sure some ice cream would do them both some good.

The edges of Christopher’s mouth twisted up into the smallest smile Buck had ever seen the kid make. “Yes.”

“Alright. Let’s go in and eat some ice cream and we can watch movies or play video games, whatever you want to do.” Buck told Christopher with a smile. His emotions were all over the place right now, but he could put on a fake smile and keep himself together for Christopher. He had to. Eddie and Marisol sure as hell had dropped the ball with Christopher tonight, but Buck wasn’t going to. Christopher was a crystal ball that Buck would handle with the utmost care, not because it was fragile or delicate- though it was to an extent- but because that’s what Christopher deserved; to be cared about and taken care of with the most love and affection Buck could muster up right now.

Unsurprisingly, Chris crashed after one bowl of ice cream and about 25 minutes of the movie he’d picked. Buck carefully removed Chris’ glasses and set them on the coffee table, within Chris’s reach, then rearranged Christopher on the couch so he was sleeping laying down instead of upright. Buck moved Christopher’s crutches so they were laying on the floor in front of the couch and easily accessible, then tucked a pillow beneath Chris’ head, and covered him with a blanket. Buck then turned off the TV and the lights and went up to the loft. 

Buck grabbed his phone and went to his message thread with Eddie. He didn’t know where to start, even if he had a million things he wanted to say to Eddie right now. He was so mad, and so hurt for Christopher having to go through all this, and so confused. Buck had a million questions, but he honestly wasn’t even sure he wanted any answers. It took him a while, but Buck managed to type out a message that he supposed covered all the bases of what needed to be said.

Buck : Chris is spending the night with me. He’s physically fine, but he’s not okay. You really fucked up this time, Eddie. Don’t come here. I’ll update you in the morning.

Buck then checked a message Tommy had sent him, that he was just now noticing.

Tommy : How’s Christopher doing? Any better now? What’s going on with Eddie?

Buck sighed. He hadn’t told Tommy about Kim, even though he wanted to after she’d come to the fire station. After talking with Eddie about it, Buck was worried about Eddie, but he could also tell it was something very deeply personal and hard to talk about. Buck cared about his best friend enough to not flaunt his dirty laundry to anyone, especially someone who knew Eddie.

Buck did manage to feel a little happiness over Tommy just checking in, and being worried about Christopher. It meant a lot to Buck that Tommy cared. Taylor would’ve rolled her eyes when Buck left and while she might’ve asked the same question about Christopher, it wouldn’t have been out of genuine concern like from Tommy, and she sure as hell wouldn’t have asked about Eddie. Natalia would’ve picked a fight with Buck the minute he tried to leave after Chris’ call.

Buck : Chris is better now, asleep on my couch. Long story

Buck : Sorry I had to leave. I promise I’ll make it up to you next time. Night Tommy

Tommy : No worries. Sleep well Evan

Buck smiled at the screen for a moment, then put his phone on the bedside table and got ready for bed. He wasn’t sure how he was supposed to sleep right now, and stared up at the ceiling, replaying the events of the night over and over and over again in his head. Eddie was so so unwell right now, and also so so wrong for letting Christopher see any of that. Buck was mad at Eddie, and scared for him too, and felt so bad for Christopher. Buck wished he could take all Chris’ pain away and bear that weight of all this for the kid, but he couldn’t. 

All Buck could do was try and comfort Chris and be there for him, and hope Eddie would come to his senses soon and wake up and realize what a mess he’d made so he could start working to try and fix it. Buck didn’t even know if this was something that could be fixed, or how the hell Eddie was supposed to fix it. But Eddie definitely needed to wake up and see the fucking mess he’d made of everything. Chris had a panic attack for crying out loud.

Buck shook his head dismissively, as though it was an etch-a-sketch and he could make all the thoughts disappear. It didn’t quite work that way, but it did quiet that train of thought. Buck needed to get to sleep, he needed to be well rested so he could be there for Christopher in the morning. Christopher needed him, and Buck would be there for Christopher for as long as he needed, and would do whatever Christopher asked Buck to do in order to help make any of this mess even a fraction easier to cope with.

Chapter Text

Buck made sure he was up early the next morning. He hadn’t slept well at all, but he didn’t want Chris to wake up first and be alone. Buck didn’t know where Christopher’s head would be at exactly, but he figured he should be prepared for anything. Breakfast seemed like a good place to start- traumatized or not, teenage boys ate a lot. Buck started the coffee marker first and foremost because he was going to need it, then began making an absolute feast for breakfast. He didn’t know what Christopher would want and Buck absolutely did not want to risk not having the right thing. Maybe the amount of food he was making was over the top, but Buck had to put all his anxious energy into something, and breakfast seemed like a much better option than doing one of the reckless and impulsive ideas he’d come up with since last night.

Buck knew he needed to text Eddie sooner rather than later. Even if Eddie had made what was probably the worst mistake of his life, it didn’t mean he shouldn’t be kept informed on where his son was or how his son was doing. It could wait a little while longer though. Buck knew on the rare occasion that Eddie did cry- which he had last night- he crashed hard and slept till pretty late, so Buck had some time before he had to text Eddie.

“Buck?” Chris said groggily from behind him.

Buck turned to see Chris standing near the kitchen table, looking surprised or maybe confused at all the food Buck had on the table. “Morning Chris. How’d you sleep?”

“Fine.” Chris mumbled. “What’s all this?”

“Breakfast. Grab a seat, dig in.” Buck told Christopher casually, trying not to make a big deal of it. Yes, Buck had made a truly ridiculous amount of food because Christopher had been through hell last night, but Buck wasn’t going to tell Christopher that.

“Why is there so much? Is someone else coming for breakfast?” Chris seemed apprehensive as he took a seat at the table.

“Just us.” Buck said. An unless you want to invite your dad was on the tip of Buck’s tongue, but he swallowed it. If Chris asked to see Eddie, Buck could set aside his own anguish and tough through it, but Christopher would have to ask. Buck wasn’t sure he was ready to invite Eddie over so easily, and he didn’t want Chris to think that Buck thought Eddie should be there either. “Apple or orange juice?” Buck offered. Buck knew Christopher liked them both, but Chris preferred one over the other dependent entirely on what he was eating. Buck hadn’t quite managed to memorize the exact system, but he knew there was one and that it meant a lot to Christopher, so he guessed that was something.

“Orange juice.” Chris decided as he slowly began piling food onto his plate.

Buck got Christopher a glass of orange juice, then sat down at the table with Chris and began loading up his own plate. “So Chris, any idea what you wanna do today?” Buck asked.

“I was supposed to go to my friend’s house to do homework and then play video games.” Chris answered, focusing entirely on his food rather than anything else.

Buck couldn’t quite tell what that meant. The tension was palpable, and if Buck didn’t know the actual reason why he wasn’t actually all that hungry at the moment, he’d blame the tension in the air instead. “Do you still want to go?”

Christopher took a moment as he concentrated far more effort than necessary into cutting up a pancake. “Yeah.” He finally said. “It will be nice to not have to think about dad and Kim for a while.”

Buck nodded in understanding, even though Chris wasn’t looking. “I bet.” He agreed.

“Are you mad at dad?” Christopher finally looked up at Buck.

“I’m,” Buck paused, looking for the right words. He was absolutely furious with Eddie. But Chris didn’t need to know that. Christopher had already been exposed to far far too many grown up thoughts, feelings, and promises within the last 24 hours, Christopher did not need anymore. “I’m not happy with him.” Buck said diplomatically. “How are you feeling right now?”

Chris looked back down at his food. “Mad I guess. And confused. I know you don’t have answers, but why did dad do all this? Why was he spending time with someone who looks just like my mom? Why did he have to hurt Marisol? She wasn’t my favourite but she wasn’t a bad person. She was nice.”

“I wish I had the answers for you Chris.” Buck told him sincerely. Buck wanted answers to those questions too.

“Why did he need to try and replace mom? Was he even trying to replace her? If not then why was Kim there? If dad was trying to replace mom, why? Was our family not good enough without her? Was I not good enough?” Tears were welling in Christopher’s eyes.

Buck was quick to put his hand over Christopher’s. “You are more than good enough Chris. Don’t let anyone or anything ever make you think any differently.”

“Really?” Chris sniffled and looked at Buck.

“Really.” Buck nodded. “Christopher, I mean it when I say you are the best thing that has ever happened to me, and you will always be more than good enough just by being yourself.” 

Buck wasn’t going to overload Chris with heavy stuff, so he didn’t say anything right now about it, but Chris had unknowingly saved Buck’s life. After the ladder truck bombing and then the tsunami there were at least a couple days, probably more than that, that Buck had seriously considered ending it all, until Chris was dropped off unannounced by Eddie, stopping Buck’s plans in an instant. Buck was far better now, and he owed Chris- and Eddie by association he supposed- an immense debt that they didn’t even know existed. Buck could never repay them for saving him, ensuring he’d gotten to live long enough to get to experience all the good things he’d experienced since then.

“I love you Buck.” Christopher said after a moment.

“I love you too Christopher.” Buck responded.

Chris gave a small, quick smile, then turned his attention back to his plate. “So I can go to my friend’s house?” He asked after a moment.

“Of course. When are you supposed to go over?” Buck asked as he began eating. He still didn’t have much of an appetite, but he was going to need his strength today.

“Eleven.” Chris answered and took a bite of food.

“Sounds like a plan.” Buck told Christopher.

“Buck?” Christopher spoke suddenly after they ate in a comfortable uncomfortable silence. Things were uncomfortable because they were absolutely not fine and both Christopher and Buck had a lot of feelings at the moment, but it was still comfortable because they were both more than okay with not talking about it at the same time.

“Yes?” Buck looked over at Christopher as he began cleaning up from breakfast.

“Do I have to go back to dad’s house after my friend’s?” Christopher asked as he helped Buck clean up however he could. Buck always cooked and his dad usually cleaned up to make it fair. It wasn’t fair that Buck had to do all of both because his dad decided to do something dumb and wasn’t there to help now.

Buck paused for a moment. It sure as hell sounded like Christopher did not want to go home. “Do you want to?” He asked delicately.

“No.” Christopher decided. “Can I stay with you again?” Chris added.

“Of course you can. You can stay as long as you want to Chris.” Buck promised and he meant it. He wasn’t sure Eddie would like it, but Eddie’s likes and wants were so low on Buck’s list of priorities at the moment that they may as well have not existed at all. Buck was probably only keeping them in mind so he could not only willfully ignore them, but actively go against them for the time being. “But tonight you gotta let me pull the couch out into a bed for you before you fall asleep.” He added. “You shouldn’t be sleeping on the couch like you did last night.”

“Okay.” Christopher agreed.

“If you’re staying another night will you need more stuff?” Buck looked at Christopher. He’d have school the next day, so surely he at least needed his school bag.

“I think so.” Chris sighed as he agreed.

“I can go get it for you while you’re with your friend. Just make a list of what you want and I’ll grab it.” Buck told Christopher.

“Won’t you have to see dad if you go to the house?” Christopher frowned.

“I will.” Buck confirmed.

Chris was quiet for a moment. “What if he asks about me?”

“What do you want me to tell him?” Buck asked in response.

Chris paused and considered. “Can I take a few minutes to decide?”

Buck nodded quickly. “Take all the time you need, Chris.”

Buck pulled out his phone and went to his message thread with Eddie. Eddie had read the message Buck sent last night, but he didn’t respond. Buck didn’t think about it as he typed out his new message.

Buck : I’m coming to get some stuff for Chris sometime after 11. Talk more then

“I’m just gonna shower and get changed and then we’ll probably need to get going.” Buck told Christopher.

“Okay.” Chris mumbled.

Buck got himself ready to leave for the day and when he got back downstairs Chris looked ready to leave the house now too.

“I know what I want you to tell dad.” Christopher announced as Buck descended the stairs from the loft.

“Alright. I’m listening.” Buck told Chris.

“Tell him I’m really mad. And it was really unfair that he brought Kim to our house. I don’t want to go home until things start getting better.”

Buck nodded in understanding. “Anything else?”

“I want dad to go back to therapy.”

Buck chuckled a little. “You and me both, kid.” He agreed.

“I don’t want to go home until dad starts going to therapy.” Chris made it clear he was being very serious about this. Buck didn’t realize a 13 year old could pose such a confident demand, but he was proud as hell of Christopher for it. Christopher sure had far better self awareness and self respect than Buck had at 13. Better emotional regulation too. “And he has to take therapy seriously.”

“I will tell him you said that.” Buck promised. It was a good demand. Buck didn’t really want to let Christopher go home until Eddie took therapy seriously either.

Chris swallowed nervously, then spoke again. “I want to go to therapy too.”

Yeah, no fucking way 13 year old Buck would’ve come up with something like that. Buck didn’t know whether to be impressed with Christopher for asking- for recognizing that he needed more help-, or upset that Christopher was so hurt and traumatized by this that he felt he needed professional help to cope with it.

“I will-” Buck didn’t even know how to respond exactly. “I will get something started for you, I promise.” Buck had no clue how he was supposed to obtain a therapist for a child that he didn’t technically have guardianship over at this point in time, but he’d do absolutely whatever necessary to get Chris the help he needed.

“Good. Let’s go.” Chris announced.

Buck dropped Christopher off at his friend’s house, then drove to Eddie’s place. He parked the Jeep and got out, armed with Christopher’s list of things he needed, the message for Eddie from Chris, and hopefully enough emotional armor to protect his own damaged heart. Buck didn’t think the anger he’d felt last night would come back so hard or as fast as it did while walking up to the front door, but Buck couldn’t ignore it, and this time, he didn’t have to.

Buck knocked on the door loudly, before entering. “Evan ‘Buck’ Buckley entering the house.” He called out. He hadn’t seen any vehicles other than Eddie’s truck there, but he couldn’t be too careful. Eddie was down one nothing in the last twenty four hours when it came to getting walked in on, and Buck wasn’t interested in it becoming a two nothing score.

Eddie came into the living room and he looked like absolute hell. There was no way he’d slept at all and he’d obviously been crying a lot. His knuckles were red and angry, bruises already starting to form, Buck didn’t want to think about the state of the drywall in Eddie’s bedroom right now. He just instinctively knew Eddie’s drywall had been on the other end of those punches. Maybe it wasn’t so much instinct, actually it was a conclusion drawn based on previous experiences. “It’s just me, Buck.” He said quietly.

“Couldn’t be too careful. Wasn’t sure who might be here. Marisol, Kim, goodness only knows who else. Maybe Ana, just to fuck Christopher up more?” Buck said bitterly and pushed past Eddie to make his way to Christopher’s room. He wasn’t exactly in a sit down and discuss mood at the moment.

Eddie visibly cringed at Buck’s words, but he probably deserved that at the very very bottom of the barrel least , so he said nothing about it. “How is he?” Eddie asked, following Buck to Chris’ room.

Buck scoffed and turned back to face Eddie. “How do you think he is, Eddie?” Buck shook his head and grabbed Chris’s school bag from his desk chair and set it on the bed, then grabbed a duffle bag from the closet and began putting things from Christopher’s list into it.

“Look, I know I fucked up-” Eddie started.

“You think?” Buck asked. “Eddie, he’s fucking traumatized. He asked to be put into therapy . I don’t think you were paying enough attention last night to notice, but he had a panic attack.” Buck kept packing as he spoke. “I know you know what that feels like. That’s what you put him through last night.”

“I’m gonna fix this.” Eddie told Buck.

“And how on earth do you plan on doing that?” Buck looked over at Eddie.

Eddie swallowed thickly. “Not totally sure yet.”

Buck shook his head. “Yeah.” He kept packing Chris’ things up. “What happened last night?”

“Look I told Kim the other night about Shannon and I thought that was the last I’d see of her. Then she turned up last night with her hair done like Shannon’s. She thought she could-” Eddie paused. “She thought she could help me get some closure. Say some things I never got to say to Shannon.”

 Buck was beginning to regret asking what had happened. He wished he could go back to a time when Eddie hadn’t just said that, when Eddie hadn’t traumatized his son, when Eddie had never met Kim. “You realize that’s not remotely healthy, like at all, right?” Buck asked.

“I know.” Eddie mumbled.

Buck nodded slowly, even if he didn’t believe Eddie. “Then what?”

“I said some things, then we hugged and that’s when Marisol and Chris got home. Chris thought Kim was Shannon, and she’d seen pictures so she knew who he was. He addressed her first as ‘Mom’ and she responded by asking ‘Christopher’. Marisol got pissed, and Chris got upset and went to his room. I wanted to go to Chris but Marisol was standing right in the way yelling and Chris was supposed to be here all night and Marisol wasn’t and Kim wanted to lay into me for letting all this happen when Chris was able to walk in and she was pissed about Marisol because I didn’t tell her about that part either. Next thing I knew you showed up and took Chris.”

“Yeah well someone needed to be his parent last night because it sure as hell wasn’t you.” Buck told Eddie.

“I know, Buck. Okay? Trust me, I know.” Eddie insisted.

“I’m not sure you do, Eddie. I don’t even have the vocabulary to tell you how pissed I am at you right now, or how worried about you I am. This is- this is some next level shit and this isn’t going to just go away on it’s own.”

“I’m sorry, Buck.” Eddie began.

“Don’t apologize to me.” Buck scoffed. “How about Marisol and Kim? The two innocent women you dragged into this fucking mess because you were selfish and unwilling to let go of the past? And I don’t mean that you need to let go of Shannon or forget her, but you need to let go of what happened with her. You need to move on. It’s been five damn years and you- you what? You’re still hoping for a second chance? Eddie, you dragged a perfect stranger into one of your deepest traumas because you refused to work through it like a normal, healthy person would.”

“Buck-” Eddie started.

“I’m not done.” Buck cut Eddie off. “And what about your son? Who had nightmares for months after Shannon died? Who had to understand what loss was before his tenth birthday? Five years after his mom’s death, he comes home to find his dad hugging a woman who looks just like her, and then she responds with his name when he calls her mom ? What the hell were you thinking?”

“I don’t-” Eddie swallowed thickly. “I don’t know.”

“Chris is gonna stay with me for a while.” Buck explained as he zipped up the duffle bag. “Not sure how long, but I’ve got him until he wants to come home.”

“Buck you don’t have to-”

“No, Eddie. I’m not going to further traumatize our- your son, by forcing him to come home before he’s ready.” Buck didn’t know what the hell his brain was doing calling Chris their son, but he hoped Eddie didn’t think about it too much. “I will bring him back the second he wants to come home, and not a moment sooner.”

“Did he say anything?” Eddie asked after a beat of silence.

“Yeah, he’s mad at you and he thinks it’s unfair that you brought Kim here.” Buck took a breath to try and calm himself. “He’s not wrong about that.”

Eddie just nodded.

“He said he doesn’t want to come home until things start getting better. He wants you to go to therapy and he’s not coming home until you take it seriously.”

“He didn’t really say that,” Eddie started.

“He did. He’s smarter than we give him credit for, Eddie. And I can’t say I’d want anything different to be honest.” Buck had to get out of there. If he didn’t soon he’d say something he really shouldn’t. As angry as he was at Eddie, Buck wasn’t going to intentionally do anything that would make Eddie feel worse without good reason. And if Buck yelled at Eddie, it wouldn’t do Eddie any good, nor Christopher, so Buck would have to get out his own anger some other way. He lifted Chris’ bag and pulled it over his shoulder. “You should get some ice on those knuckles.”

“Right.” Eddie mumbled.

“I’ve gotta tell Tommy at least a bit of what’s going on.” Buck warned Eddie.

“Why?” Eddie asked.

“Because I’m gonna need to be asking for a couple rainchecks on seeing him now that Chris is staying with me. It’s only fair I at least tell Tommy why.” Buck paused. “And frankly? I need to talk about it with someone because if I don’t I’m gonna say the wrong thing to the wrong person, and as mad as I am at you right now Eddie, I don’t want to do anything that would risk making your life any worse right now. You’ve ruined enough recently all on your own.”

Eddie was quiet for a moment, seeming to really take in Buck’s words. “That’s fair. Tell Tommy whatever you need to.”

Buck nodded and made sure he had everything Chris needed. “You should call him, actually. Tommy. I mean he’s pretty good with patching up drywall.” Buck had helped Eddie patch up his wall once before, and if the situation wasn’t what it was, Buck would probably help Eddie again. But Buck couldn’t do it this time. Not for this.

“I’ll keep that in mind.” Eddie nodded.

“You better. I’m telling you that Chris isn’t coming home until your wall is fixed, among other things. And take better care of yourself Eddie. You can’t get Chris back if you can’t even take care of yourself.” Buck told Eddie and left the Diaz house before Eddie could get another word in.

Chapter Text

Buck picked Christopher up later when he was done at his friend’s house. Chris waved goodbye to his friend as they drove off, then turned to Buck. “How did it go seeing dad?” He asked.

“I told him what you said. He does understand that he hurt you and that this wasn’t fair to you. I think he just needs a little to get himself sorted out.” Buck explained.

“But he is going to sort himself out, right?” Chris stared at Buck.

Buck realized he didn’t really have confirmation. Eddie hadn’t said anything indicating that he actually agreed to go to therapy. Buck hoped that didn’t mean anything. “He knows you don’t want to go home until he does.”

Christopher just nodded. “Breakfast for dinner?” He guessed.

“I can make something else if you want.” Buck was quick to offer.  He could eat the breakfast leftovers and make Chris something different if he didn’t want the leftovers.

“No, I want breakfast for dinner.” Christopher told Buck.

Buck smiled. “Breakfast it is.”

After eating they played video games for a while, before it was time to head to bed. Buck pulled out the couch into a bed for Christopher and once he triple checked Chris didn’t need anything and had an alarm set, he went up to the loft to sort himself out.

Buck had a shift for tomorrow, 9am start. He’d have enough time to get Chris to school and get to the station. But Buck really wasn’t sure he was up to going into work. He didn’t know how he was supposed to face Eddie right now, and Buck knew that at work he needed to shut off all his other outside problems before he walked into the fire station and unfortunately Buck wasn’t confident he could do that. He couldn’t risk putting his team in harm's way because he was in a tough spot.

Buck had never actually called in sick. Sure he’d missed work for injuries, but there was no contacting Bobby to say he wouldn’t be in, because all of those times, Bobby was present when Buck was injured and/or brought to the hospital, and then usually the ICU. Outside of that, Buck had never missed a day of work while with the LAFD, even if there were a few times he probably should have. Buck realized he didn’t even know the process for calling in sick. He grabbed his phone and went to his message thread with Bobby.

Buck : Hey Cap, how do I call in for a shift?

Buck set his phone down, he wasn’t exactly tired, it was pretty early for him to go to bed, but he didn’t know what else to do with himself. He had to stay quiet because Christopher was trying to sleep, and he couldn’t get his mind off the mess with Eddie long enough to actually enjoy doing anything else. Not even a good Wikipedia article sounded appealing at the moment.

Buck’s phone buzzed and a notification came through, showing Bobby had responded. Buck grabbed his phone and opened it.

Bobby : You need tomorrow off?

Buck : Yeah, long story

Bobby : Anything you want to talk about?

Buck : Not really

Bobby : Is it something with Tommy?

Buck chuckled a little and shook his head. The fun of his captain also being positioned as a father figure in his life. Of course Bobby was worried that Buck had been hurt by his boyfriend, not because Bobby didn’t trust Tommy, but because that’s just what dads did.

Buck : No, Tommy’s great. How do I call in?

Bobby : You just did. Take care of yourself kid.  Feel better soon.

Buck wasn’t sure it’d be possible to feel better soon about this, but he appreciated the sentiment.

Buck : Thanks Cap

Buck set his phone aside again and slowly got himself ready for another night of laying in bed agonizing over the Eddie-Kim fiasco and what it was doing to Christopher.

In the morning Buck dropped Christopher off at school then went back to his loft. He figured he needed to text Eddie, let him know that no one needed to get Christopher after school, because Buck wasn’t working today. Before Buck could text him, a message came through from Eddie first.

Eddie : I made Chris a therapy appointment with the guy he saw after the tsunami. Tomorrow 4pm, They have all the insurance info so someone just needs to take Chris there, everything else is done. Also have an appointment of my own scheduled

Buck : Great, I’ll be sure to get him there

Eddie : You running late this morning?

Buck : Called out last night. Didn’t tell Bobby anything so you’re good. Not sure if/who was supposed to get Chris after school but I’ve got him so they’re off the hook

Eddie : Okay

Eddie : Thanks again for doing all this

Buck : Don’t thank me, I’m just doing what needs to be done

Buck set his phone down and tried to occupy himself with literally anything else, anything to not think about the situation at hand. He had at least 6 hours with nothing to worry about and he’d been so focused on Chris all this time that he hadn’t really put in a lot of thought into his own feelings about the situation. He knew he was mad at Eddie, and worried about Eddie, and worried about Christopher, and he knew he had some feelings of his own about the whole thing but he hadn’t even begun to consider processing any of them. 

Buck lasted about 45 minutes in his own head before he called Tommy. Buck was fairly certain Tommy wasn’t working right now because Buck was supposed to be. He just hoped Tommy wasn’t trying to sleep. The line rang a couple times and Buck was about to hang up, scared he was going to wake up Tommy.

“Hey babe, I thought you were at work today.” Tommy’s voice came over the phone a second before Buck ended the call. “Is everything okay?”

“I called out for my shift.” Buck told him. Buck wasn’t sure what to say, if he said the wrong thing he’d start spilling his guts out right there over the phone and that was probably the last thing he wanted right now.

“Evan what’s going on?” Tommy asked, clearly able to tell something was wrong.

“You’re not working right?” Buck had to check.

“No, I’m off today.” Tommy confirmed.

“Can I come over?” Buck felt like his thoughts and feelings and emotions had all been walled up behind glass and now the glass was cracking, and it wouldn’t be very long until everything came spilling out, and Buck wasn’t sure he wanted to be alone when that happened. He was nervous to let Tommy see him like that if he was totally honest, but better to let Tommy see him vulnerable like that than be alone when he broke down.

“Of course you can.” Tommy spoke reassuringly.

“Tommy I- I should I should warn you or- well no. I need to ask first, is it okay if I vent to you about some kinda heavy stuff?” Buck wasn’t going to unload all this on Tommy without making sure it was okay first. If Tommy didn’t agree, Buck would figure out dealing with himself on his own or maybe try to find a way to talk to Maddie about it without telling Maddie anything about it.

“What heavy stuff? Ev, I gotta say you’re scaring me a bit.” Tommy admitted reluctantly.

“You remember Chris’ panic attack the other night? It’s related to that, well more like the cause of that.” Buck explained. “It’s kind of a lot and it’s got to do with Eddie.”

“Yeah alright. That’s fine with me. Come over whenever you’d like.”

Buck was already grabbing his keys. “I’m on my way now.”

As soon as Tommy opened the door for his boyfriend Buck fell into Tommy’s arms. Tommy was a little caught off guard by this, but he didn’t let it show. He wrapped his arms around Evan and one of his hands found it’s way to the back of Evan’s head, tangled in his hair, guiding Evan’s head to rest on his shoulder. Tommy was worried about Evan now, and hoped he’d be able to help him.

Tommy had talked with Evan about what name to use. Tommy knew everyone else called him Buck and he knew why they did too. At first Tommy assumed the nickname was only for those close to Evan to use, until Tommy realized everyone used it, and Buck introduced himself as such almost everywhere. Evan explained to Tommy that while most people calling him Evan made him feel uncomfortable, he liked being called Evan by Tommy. Like Tommy was helping Evan redefine how he felt about being called such.

Buck was so relieved to see Tommy. Just seeing him and hugging him helped. Buck had been so focused on Christopher, how Chris was doing, if Chris was okay, how to help Chris, that Buck hadn’t really given himself time to feel any of his own feelings. Buck needed to be the bigger person, the stronger person, he had to be okay, to be the stable one taking care of those who were hurting. Now in Tommy’s arms, Buck didn’t have to be okay and he hadn’t realized how much he needed that until right now. He also, for a moment, thought about how much he liked being wrapped up in someone else’s arms, someone bigger than him. Buck had known he liked hugs from Tommy before but now felt different. Buck felt so safe. He didn’t know if that was the size thing or just specifically Tommy, but Buck hoped other people felt half as safe as this when he hugged them.

“You wanna tell me what’s going on baby?” Tommy asked softly.

“Just so worried about them.” Buck mumbled into the crook of Tommy’s neck.

“About Eddie and Christopher?” Tommy questioned.

“Yeah.” Buck nodded.

“I’m sure they’ll be fine. Chris has got you and Eddie and Eddie’s family and Carla. And Eddie’s tough, he’s been through a lot, I’m sure he can get through whatever this is too.”

Buck pulled away from Tommy so he could look at Tommy as he spoke. “Tommy, Eddie’s been having an emotional affair with a woman who looks just like his late wife.”

Tommy certainly hadn’t been expecting that. He froze for a second. “Like a doppelganger?”

“The first time I saw this woman- Kim- I thought I was seeing a ghost. She looks exactly like Shannon.” Buck told Tommy honestly.

Tommy frowned. “Evan, what happened the other night when Chris called you?” He had a bad feeling that it was all related.

“Kim showed up at Eddie’s house, and then Christopher got home with Marisol and saw her. Chris thought Kim was his mom and ended up having a panic attack. When I got there Eddie, Marisol, and Kim were all in the living room yelling at each other and poor Chris was just alone in his room terrified. The poor kid is traumatized and I can’t decide if I want to pummel Eddie or check him into a psych ward.” Buck felt like he could cry right about now, but no tears fell just yet.

“Shit.” Tommy mumbled. He knew it wasn’t the most elegant response, but it was an honest one. “How’s Chris doing now?”

“Staying with me for the time being. He said he doesn’t want to go home until Eddie starts going to therapy and taking it seriously. Christopher asked to see a therapist too so he’s got an appointment for tomorrow.” Buck explained. “I told Chris he’s got a place with me until he’s ready to go home so I guess this is me saying I’m sorry in advance for not being available as much.”

“You don’t need to apologize for that, Evan. That kid is your family and family comes first. As long as you aren’t using Christopher to avoid seeing me, we’re good.” Tommy reassured.

“What? No. I’d never do that. I’m bummed that I don’t get to see you but-”

Tommy cut Evan off with a mild chuckle as he spoke. “I know you miss seeing me already, Evan. It’s okay.”

Buck nodded and sighed. “I wish I knew how to help Christopher. And Eddie. Chris is- he’s just so upset and hurt and mad at his dad. I don’t think he’s ever felt this way about Eddie before. Sure they’ve fought a little in the past, but this is different.” Buck crossed his arms. “Chris knows he can talk to me but he hasn’t much and he’s just so hurt . He asked me why Eddie was trying to replace Shannon and if it was because he wasn’t good enough, Tommy. Chris is 13 and asking why he isn’t enough to make his dad happy.”

Tommy frowned. He did feel bad for the poor kid. No wonder Evan was so distraught. Tommy pulled Evan back in for another hug seeing as it was pretty clear he needed it. “I think you’re already doing everything you can just by being there for him like you’ve been. You’ve removed him from the situation that was causing him distress, you’ve reassured him that you’re there for him, and you’re taking him to therapy to get him the help that he asked for. I know you like to try and fix things, but baby this isn’t something you can fix on your own.”

Buck clung to Tommy, so grateful for the hug. He liked the physical affection, knowing that someone was right there and not going anywhere for at least a little while. “Appreciate you.” He mumbled.

“I’ve got you, Evan.” Tommy promised, rubbing Evan’s back with a firm, but gentle hand in an attempt to help calm him. “Have you eaten?” He knew they probably weren’t done discussing what was going on with Eddie and Christopher, but he wanted to make sure Evan was okay first and foremost, because Evan was the one standing right in front of him.

“Yeah, cooked a huge breakfast for Chris yesterday and we’ve just been living off the leftovers since.” Buck admitted. “I didn’t know what he’d want to eat so I kinda panicked and made everything.”

“Must’ve been a lot of food to keep feeding you this long.” Tommy commented with an amused chuckle over the thought of his tattooed golden retriever boyfriend doing whatever necessary to make his kid feel better. And yeah, Tommy did think Chris was Evan’s kid, even if Eddie and Evan didn’t necessarily realize it, it was pretty obvious.

“It was.” Buck agreed. “I would’ve invited you if Chris wasn’t in the state he was in yesterday.”

“No worries, maybe next time.” Tommy reassured Evan. “You wanna continue this conversation in the living room?” They were still standing in the entryway, which there was nothing necessarily wrong with, though it probably was not the most comfortable place to chat.

Buck nodded and pulled away from Tommy so he could follow him into the living room. They sat down on the couch and Buck curled himself up at Tommy’s side like he’d been the other night when Chris first called. Buck was quiet for a moment. “I don’t even know what to say or do about Eddie.”

“Yeah, that's a tough one.” Tommy agreed and put his arm around Evan. He was sure there were a lot of important details he was missing, but Evan had said enough to have Tommy concerned about his friend. “Does he know you’re telling me this?”

“Yeah, yeah I asked, he said it was okay.” Buck nodded.

“So you’ve talked with him since you picked Chris up the other night?”

“Yes.”

“How’d that go?” Tommy asked.

“I said some things I probably shouldn’t have. Eddie’s struggling too right now, obviously. But I was just so angry at him for hurting Chris like this. I’m really worried about him, he’s not well.”

“How unwell are we talking? I mean, besides the whole emotional affair with a dead ringer for his late wife, thing.” Tommy asked.

Buck sighed. “Pretty sure he put some holes in the drywall in his bedroom. I didn’t see so I don’t know for sure, but I insinuated that he had and he didn’t deny it. Last time he did that was after he found out all the people he saved, resulting in his silver star, were dead.”

Tommy nodded in understanding as he took this in. “Yeah he told me about that. That’s uh, that’s not good.”

“I helped him patch up his wall that time. I don’t think I can do it again, not for this.” Buck admitted quietly.

“That’s fair, given what’s happened. Last time he didn’t do anything wrong, this time he did and you’re mad at him for it, I can’t blame you for not wanting to help him.” Tommy paused. “Did you call out of work to avoid seeing Eddie?”

“Yes and no?” Buck frowned. “I mean, yeah, I’m not really excited to have to work with Eddie while all this gets resolved, but that’s not why I called out.”

“So why did you call out?”

“Because I knew I was not doing well and I didn’t think I should be at work. I wouldn’t be able to set this all aside and give work my 100% so I called out for everyone’s sake.”

“That’s understandable.” Tommy decided.

“If it weren’t for Chris, I’d just be worried about Eddie. But Chris is a factor. He was there and he did get hurt. I love that kid more than I should and I can’t just ignore what Eddie did.”

“What do you mean more than you should?” Tommy frowned.

“I don’t know how long I’m gonna be mad at Eddie, but it might be a while and Eddie could change his will any time. He’s got every reason to, I said some nasty stuff to him. If he changes his will, I lose my place in Christopher’s life.”

“Evan you have a place in Christopher’s life with or without a will. Now I’m not saying I think Eddie is going to change his will any time soon, if ever, but if he did, do you really think Christopher would just stop wanting to see you?” Tommy looked at Evan, encouraging him to really think about it. He knew Evan was just scared of losing something that meant a lot to him, but he had no reason to be worried.

Buck swallowed thickly as he considered. “I guess not.” He admitted. “He just means so much to me and the thought of losing him is terrifying.”

“I know, baby, but you’ve got nothing to be worried about in that regard. I promise.” Tommy reassured him.

Buck nodded in understanding and agreement. Tommy did have a point. He snuggled closer to Tommy, grateful for Tommy being there for him and letting him talk about all this. Nothing was resolved, he still felt stressed out, but it did feel better to unburden himself a little and be on the receiving end of comfort than the giving end like he’d been since Chris called him.

There was still a lot to sort out, but for now, Buck just let himself relax and feel safe with Tommy holding him. When this was all over he’d have to thank Tommy for being so caring and understanding of this. His previous partners would’ve probably all run for the hills by now. Buck wasn’t sure if that was a reflection of their characters or Tommy’s, but either way, he was beyond grateful for his boyfriend.

Chapter Text

On Wednesday, after getting off a 24 hour shift of his own, Tommy went to Eddie’s- at Eddie’s request- to talk and patch up the drywall. Tommy was a bit tired after his shift, though it’d been a fairly quiet one, and he could only guess how much Eddie needed a friend right now. Not to mention it would reassure Evan to hear that Eddie had reached out for help.

Eddie opened the door for Tommy. “Hey man, thanks for coming.” He said sincerely and held the door open wider for his friend.

“I’m glad you reached out.” Tommy told Eddie. “Evan’s been really worried about you.”

Eddie nodded. “You sure you don’t mind helping with this?” Eddie asked nervously. It was sort of embarrassing to ask for help to patch up the holes in your bedroom wall that you put there because you didn’t know how else to cope with your very complicated emotions.

“Not at all. We all need help sometimes.” Tommy reassured Eddie. He’d honestly been surprised that Eddie had been able to put his pride aside and ask for help with this, but Tommy certainly wasn’t complaining. “I wasn’t sure you’d ask but I’m glad you did Eddie.”

Eddie hummed in a non-committal response and led the way to his room. He’d trashed it the other night after Buck took Chris and then Kim and finally Marisol left. He’d tidied it up since then and had all the supplies out and ready to start patching the drywall. It was pretty bad, far far worse than when he found out about the deaths of everyone he had saved. Eddie was ashamed to say the very least.

Tommy hadn’t been expecting quite so much damage, but he didn’t flinch or react at all. “Could be far worse.” He commented as he grabbed what he needed to start the process of patching all the holes

“You’re sure you don’t mind?” Eddie had to ask again. He was beginning to think he never should’ve asked Tommy for this in the first place. Should’ve done it himself. “I can take care of it on my own.”

“I told you I was going to help with it and I’m going to make good on my promise.” Tommy insisted as he began to stick mesh to the wall over the first of many many holes.

Eddie nodded. “Buck said you were pretty good at patching up drywall, not sure how he knew that but he recommended I ask you for help with it, so.” Eddie had to start some kind of conversation as he put mesh over another hole. He knew Tommy would probably bring up the elephant in the room at some point, but he wasn’t going to dive into that headfirst unless Tommy requested such.

“Yeah, he was there when we damaged some drywall in my room about a week ago and had to patch it up.” Tommy explained as he continued working to cover the holes in the mesh.

“How’d you two damage the drywall in your room?” Eddie gave a confused look to Tommy.

“Headboard hit the wall pretty hard.” Tommy left it at that, hoping it’d be obvious enough what he meant.

Eddie only looked more confused.

“Think about it for a moment.” Tommy implored. He wasn’t sure Eddie wanted to hear about how Tommy had railed Eddie’s best friend so hard that the headboard hit the wall with such force it didn’t just dent but actually broke the drywall. A pillow between the headboard and wall was an absolute necessity now, but it wasn’t Evan or Tommy’s fault they were so good at what they did.

Eddie did, and slowly he began to connect the dots. “Oh.” He paused as he kept thinking about it. “Oh!”

Tommy chuckled. “There ya go.”

“I could’ve gone my entire life without knowing that, Tommy.” Eddie grumbled as he returned his focus to patching his drywall and trying desperately to not think about what Tommy had just told him.

Tommy smirked. “You’re the one who asked.”

“Yeah yeah.” Eddie mumbled.

Tommy and Eddie worked in silence for a few minutes, before Tommy couldn’t help it. “So are we gonna talk about you dating a carbon copy of your late wife?”

“It wasn’t-” Eddie sighed. It was dating which meant it was cheating too, he realized that now. Sure, Eddie never slept with Kim, but that doesn’t mean he hadn’t been emotionally invested in something with her that he absolutely never should’ve been.

“It wasn’t what?” Tommy prompted as he kept his eyes focused on the drywall as he began applying the mud over the mesh.

“I don’t even know what I was about to say. I kept telling myself it wasn’t a relationship, that I wasn’t cheating on Marisol but it was a relationship, and I did cheat, even if everything with Kim was purely emotional, never physical.” Eddie sighed as he kept working on the repairs.

“At least you can admit that now. I think that’s a really important first step.” Tommy told Eddie encouragingly. “Can I ask, any idea why you did it?”

Eddie was quiet for a moment. “I don’t think I ever really appropriately processed what happened with Shannon. So much was going on. It was right around the time that the ladder truck bombing happened, and then there was the tsunami and I was so focused on Chris during all of it I forgot to worry about myself. I think I just repressed everything until I saw Kim and made the very stupid decision that I could try and redo the things that didn’t work with Shannon with Kim instead. And I realize now how messed up that is so please spare me the lecture.”

Tommy nodded in understanding.

“I think that’s why things never got physical with Kim. Besides Christopher the only thing me and Shannon ever got right was sex. I didn’t feel like I needed to redo it or fix it.”

“I guess that would make sense.” Tommy agreed.

“None of what I did makes any sense.” Eddie argued.

“Evan said Marisol was pretty pissed at you?” Tommy commented, asking in not so many words what was happening with Eddie and Marisol now.

“Yeah, she uh she dumped me, and I mean I don’t blame her. If she hadn’t I probably would’ve ended it with her anyway. What I did to Marisol wasn’t fair to her and I have no business being in a relationship right now. I need to get my shit together before I even consider getting involved with someone. I’m honestly not even sure I should ever date again.”

“Hey, just because you’re going through some stuff right now doesn’t mean you shouldn’t get to be happy eventually.” Tommy reminded Eddie.

“Yeah but I mean Tommy I was happy before Marisol was in the picture. Only reason I was even looking for something with someone was because of my tia. She kept setting me up on blind dates. Then Marisol kinda just happened I guess and she was nice and I liked her so I ran with it, but I wasn’t looking for a relationship at the time anyway if I'm totally honest.”

“Makes sense.” Tommy admitted.

“I don’t know what the hell I was thinking man.” Eddie sighed. “I think my therapist is gonna need therapy because of me.”

“Hey, most therapists have to see a therapist of their own.” Tommy told Eddie, trying to make him feel better about the situation.

“Dude, I realize how fucked up the situation was, you don’t gotta try and tell me it wasn’t problematic.”

Tommy looked at Eddie. “Oh it was very problematic.” Tommy paused as he got some more mud. “But I’m saying don’t feel bad for your therapist because of it, it’s their job, and I’m just glad you’re going to therapy.”

“As often as I can until my therapist says I don’t need it so frequently anymore or fires me as a patient.” Eddie confirmed.

“That’s really good, Eddie.” Tommy told him reassuringly.

“Can I ask how Buck is doing? He’s giving me updates on Chris but any time I ask about him he shuts me down. Unless he calls in again we have a shift together tomorrow and it’d be helpful if I knew where his head was at exactly.” Eddie requested.

Tommy considered what to tell Eddie for a moment. He wanted to respect Evan’s boundaries and not tell Eddie things Evan had said in confidence to him. But at the same time, Tommy also knew Evan was putting all his focus into Christopher right now instead of himself, and that Eddie would have a hard time getting Evan to talk about himself.

“Tommy?” Eddie prompted hopefully.

“You really should talk with him about it, Eddie, but I know he hasn’t been very forthcoming with you about how he’s feeling.” Tommy started.

“Yeah.” Eddie agreed.

“He’s hurt, Eddie. I mean, yeah he’s also mad at you and worried about Christopher but he’s hurt. You lied to him and Christopher and Marisol and he’s upset because he wants to just be worried about you and help you but he can’t because he has to prioritize Chris.”

“Wait what?” Eddie looked over at Tommy.

“Eddie, he told me that if it weren’t for Chris getting hurt by all this he wouldn’t be mad at all, just worried about you.”

“Damn.” Eddie mumbled.

“Damn is right.” Tommy agreed. “He’s also told me he’s worried about the security of his role in Christopher’s life. Said he was worried that you were going to change your will to remove him as Chris’ legal guardian because he’s mad at you and said some nasty stuff to you.”

“What? That’s ridiculous. I told him I put him down at Chris’ legal guardian because I know no one would ever fight as hard for Chris as Buck does. I never thought Buck would be fighting me for Chris’ sake, but this is exactly why he’s in the will to begin with.”

“I think he needs to hear you say that.” Tommy told Eddie.

“If he’ll even listen to me.” Eddie sighed.

“Lead by telling him how seriously you’re taking therapy, I think that will really get his attention and make him listen.” Tommy advised.

“Yeah?” Eddie asked.

“Yes.” Tommy confirmed.

“You think he’ll be in for his shift tomorrow?” Eddie asked.

“Can’t help you with that one. Would if I could.” Tommy told Eddie. He knew why Evan skipped out on work the other day, and he wouldn’t blame Evan if he needed more time yet, he simply didn’t know.

Eddie and Tommy made quick work of patching Eddie’s wall and chatted for a while longer before Tommy had to get going.

“Anything you want me to tell Evan? Or anything you told me that you don’t want Evan to know?” Tommy asked.

“Tell him whatever you want about what we talked about. There’s no secrets between us.” Eddie told Tommy. “And maybe if you could tell him that I would like to have a real conversation with him soon, that’d be greatly appreciated.”

“I will pass on the message.” Tommy promised.

“Not gonna lie Tommy, that doesn’t sound too convincing.” Eddie admitted.

“I’ll be sure to tell him, I just don’t know if he’ll listen to it, or if he’s ready to talk.” Tommy explained.

“I guess that’s fair.” Eddie sighed. “Thanks again for your help.”

“Anytime Eddie. Though I do hope this is the last time you put holes in your walls again for at least a little while.”

Eddie chuckled. “I will do my best.”

“That’s all anyone has been asking of you.” Tommy confirmed and left Eddie’s place.

---

“Buck?” Christopher asked as they drove home from school. Chris had been there late for a club meeting, which Buck had no problem accommodating.

“Yes Chris?” Buck glanced over at him.

“Is Tommy still going to come for dinner?”

“I believe so, unless you don’t want him there.” Buck told Chris. Buck of course wanted to see Tommy, but if Chris wasn’t up for it Buck would call Tommy, explain the situation, and then order food to be delivered to Tommy because Buck would feel bad that he’d promised Tommy dinner and then uninvited him.

“I want to see him.” Chris said quickly, not wanting Buck to uninvite Tommy.

“Good. I want to see him too.” Buck agreed. “How was school?”

“Good.” Chris paused. “I have a field trip form I need signed though.”

Buck swallowed thickly. There was a lot he could do for Christopher, but it wasn’t like he had any kind of official temporary custody agreement or anything. He couldn’t sign the form for Chris, Eddie would have to. Buck was in a better place than he’d been the other day, he trusted himself to do his job again. That said, he had also been thinking of calling off work tomorrow again so he could keep avoiding Eddie, but he wouldn’t now. Buck knew avoiding Eddie would only inevitably make the situation worse and now he’d need to talk to Eddie about getting the form signed, if nothing else. Buck guessed he was in fact going to work tomorrow.

“I’ll take it to work with me tomorrow and get your dad to sign it.” Buck promised.

“Okay, thanks Buck.” Chris said sincerely.

It didn’t take them long to get home and shortly after that Tommy arrived. Buck let him into the apartment and stole a quick kiss from Tommy. “Thanks for coming.”

Buck hadn’t spent time with Tommy and Chris together at all before. He knew they’d meet a few times, and Chris seemed to like Tommy but he wasn’t quite sure what to expect from the two of them. Chris liked Tommy, Buck had known that before Tommy ever even kissed him. And Tommy had seemed happy to accept the invitation to come for dinner with him and Chris. However Buck was still worried that it wouldn’t go well for some reason or another.

Tommy reciprocated the kiss then smiled at Evan. “Thank you for having me.”

Chris then came into view from around the staircase. He had been playing video games after explaining he didn’t have any homework. “Hi Tommy.” Chris smiled.

Tommy grinned at Christopher. “Hey Christopher, how’s it going?”

“It’s okay. I think Buck is in a good mood because you’re here.” Chris told Tommy.

Tommy glanced at Evan. “Is that so?” He asked Chris.

“Buck always gets happy when he gets to see you or talk to you.” Chris informed Tommy.

“I see.” Tommy said to Chris, but he looked at Evan, smirking.

Buck could feel his cheeks heating up just as the timer he’d set for the oven went off, meaning he’d been saved by the bell.

Over dinner the three of them chatted about easy stuff. Chris talked about school and video games and asked Tommy if he’d had any cool calls since they last saw each other. Chris also seemed to think every call Tommy responded to was cool, and Tommy was happy to engage Christopher in telling him about every call he could remember from the last several weeks.

After dinner, Chris excused himself to go play video games online with his friends. Soon he had headphones on, and Buck and Tommy were finally able to talk.

“I saw Eddie today.” Tommy told Evan once they knew Chris wouldn’t hear it.

“Oh? How’d that go?” Buck asked curiously.

“Well he asked me to come over and help patch up his drywall, and I agreed.”

“So he did damage his drywall.” Buck stated.

“Yeah, pretty significantly too. It’s a miracle his hand isn’t broken. I don’t think you can find one panel of drywall on that wall that doesn’t have at least one patch in it now.”

“Shit.” Buck mumbled.

“But he seems to be doing okay.” Tommy offered with a hopeful tone. “He says he’s going to therapy as frequently as he can. Sounds like at least once a day unless he’s on a 24 hour shift. He was able to talk about what happened, able to admit that he knew he’d made a mistake and what he did was problematic.”

“That’s good.” Buck nodded. He really was relieved to hear it, however- and not because he didn’t trust Tommy- Buck still wanted to see it for himself.

“He also said you have nothing to worry about in regards to being taken out of his will, so you can stop stressing over that.”

“That is a big relief.” Buck had to admit.

“He wants to talk to you. Like actually seriously talk. I understand why you haven’t been talking with him, and I wouldn’t judge if you needed more time. Just wanted to let you know he does want to talk, he asked me to tell you that.”

“I gotta talk to him at some point.” Buck decided. “The longer I put it off the worse it’ll be.” He added.

“You’re probably not wrong about that.” Tommy had to agree.

Buck sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. “Be honest, do you really think he’s actually trying to get better?”

“I do, Evan. I really do.” Tommy confirmed.

Buck nodded. “Alright. I’ll talk to him.” Buck agreed.

The next morning Buck dropped Chris off at school then made his way into work. He headed to the locker room to get changed like any other morning and was almost done when Eddie came in. Buck half expected Eddie to speak first, but he didn’t, so Buck decided he could be the one to bite the bullet. “Morning Eddie.” He said politely.

Eddie looked a bit surprised, but certainly not upset. “Morning Buck.” He returned the pleasantry.

“According to Tommy, if I asked you to sit down and talk, you’d agree.” Buck commented.

“You did hear that correctly, yes.” Eddie confirmed.

“How about after our shift? We’ll have some time before Chris is done with school.” Buck suggested.

“As long as it doesn’t like more than two hours after our shift.” Eddie agreed. “I got a therapy appointment tomorrow at noon and I'll need time to get there.”

Buck nodded in understanding. “Tommy says you’ve been going a lot?”

“Yeah, I am.” Eddie promised.

Buck gave a small smile. “Good. I’m glad you’re working to get better, Eddie.”