Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The sun had risen long before he started stirring. Ryal had laid there listening to the faint sounds of the waves crashing onto the shore as he slept rather soundly next to her. He always slept more comfortably when they were staying there she'd noticed many years ago. She liked to think the fond memories they'd created in this home over the years had a hand in helping with that.

"Good morning," she quietly remarked as he reached around her waist and pulled her close.

Garrus kissed the top of her head as he adjusted to the sunlight. The curtains danced in the ocean breeze blowing in off the balcony.

"How long have you been up?"

His talon slid down her side and grazed the trim of her panties; she snickered as he lightly tickled the curve of her hip.

"Up before the sun as usual," she said as she settled her head on his cowl.

The two of them laid there embracing, limbs and sheets entwined, with only the sounds of their heartbeats to be heard.

He swept some curls out of her face and finally broke the silence in the air.

"What's on the agenda for today?"

Ryal hummed and trailed her fingers softly along a ridge in his cowl, "I was thinking I'd start the day doing nothing with you, followed by a little more nothing with you this afternoon, and tonight if we aren't too spent we could end the day doing nothing together."

A small choking sound escaped his throat followed by uproarious laughter. Ryal leaned away, eyebrows furrowed as she glared at him.

"What's so damned funny, Vakarian?"

Garrus rolled onto his back. His chuckling seemed neverending. A few minutes later, he finally caught his breath and managed to speak in actual words instead of garbled noises and laughter.

"In all the years I've known you, you've never been capable of doing just nothing."

Ryal sat up on the side of the bed and began to laugh. "I know! I don't know how people do it. There's always something to do. Always."

She stood and stretched her joints. Each popping noise that crackled eliciting a sigh of relief. Ryal removed her shirt before turning his way with a smile.

"So let's go! Grab the sunscreen cause we're hitting the beach."

Chapter Text

It was war. War was not neat. It was not orderly. War was bloody and complicated and unfair. It was never kind to either side as it took from both, sometimes equally, other times overwhelmingly.

She stood there motionless beneath the shower head as scalding water streamed over her. Thessia was gone. As they boarded the Normandy, all they could do is watch as the Reapers decimated the Asari fighting for their planet and their lives. She wanted to stay, to help, to do something but it would be futile. It would not be the last planet to fall but if they didn’t get out of there, the entire galaxy would meet the same fate.

The cargo bay hatch closed and Joker did what he did best. Ryal could see Liara fighting against Vega and Garrus out of the corner of her eye. She knew what Liara was feeling. She too had wanted to stay on Earth with Anderson to help fight at home. Yet, in her mind she knew for any of them to have a chance, leaving was the best decision for everyone. She knew it but it didn’t make the choice any easier.

They weighed on her and she hurt when she could do nothing. Her resulting yell echoed across the bay followed by the clang of her helmet bouncing off a cargo box in a far off corner. She kept her back to crew as she walked into the elevator. Slumping down to the floor as the door closed, her tears flowed freely as she would no longer contain her heartache.

They’d have to brief Earth and the Council but she needed a moment. She needed to scrub off what she could of it all. It was a loss. A major loss and while it was only one battle lost in the overall scheme, it did not hurt any less. Her tears became one with the water in her steamy bathroom.

They all knew what they signed up for. The skirmishes, the battles, the reconnaissance, the exercises, it was part of military life. It was part of Alliance life. It was part of N7 life. It was definitely a part of her life as Commander Shepard.

The Geth, the Collectors, Cerberus, the Reapers - they all wore away at her each time they came into contact with each other. As she continued to cry there in the shower, she wondered if there would be anything left of her once it all ended. Ryal didn’t know if she could continue to pay the cost of war without losing herself in the process.