Work Text:
Anakin had watched with extremely curious eyes as the nice Kel Dor of the High Council brought a very young Togruta child to the Crèche. Finally, remembering that most of the kids were quite comfortable with him, which was always a good sign in his experience, he approached when he left, hoping to get some answers.
He had trouble getting information from time to time, sometimes people just did not seem to want to talk to him.
"Where does she come from?"
"Little Soka comes from Shili," the Jedi Master answered with patience, "her family entrusted her to the Order so that she could become a Jedi. Hello, young Skywalker."
"Hello," Anakin responded hastily, trying to force the word "Master" out of his mouth but failing, looking down to avoid seeing the annoyance he always saw in the adults around him. "Sorry."
"There is no reason to be sorry, you have only been here for four months, it is completely understandable for you not to be completely accustomed to our ways. I hope your life with us has been a satisfying one."
Anakin nodded, ‘satisfying’ being a far cry from how he felt. For a person who had grown up as a slave and thought he could never hope to be anything else, these few months had already offered him so much! He was receiving an education, food and security, he was training to become someone who would do incredible things and help people like Qui-Gon had helped him, of course he was grateful!
Sure the people around were not exactly nice or welcoming, some were even downright rude, but here no one was going to hit him or risk killing him, and for that alone he felt safe here.
Safety was something he never thought he would know.
"Everything is fine with me, M... Mister."
It was a good compromise, was not it? He would not be offended... would he?
"I'm glad to hear that," the Kel Dor said with a smile in his voice and relaxed attitude. "Qui-Gon would be happy to see that you are trying so hard to adapt and are so diligent."
Where Anakin came from, calling people by their first names was usual, a given, but here things did not work that way. Here people called each other by their family names. For Master Koon to call him that, it could only mean one thing:
"Did you know him?"
"Who, Qui-Gon? I knew him very well yes, we were close friends since childhood."
"Really?"
Master Koon nodded, retrieving something from his pockets before crouching down to his level and showing him a picture.
"Look, here it's me, obviously, and here it's Qui-Gon. Next to us is Micah Giett, another close friend of ours who sadly predeceased Qui-Gon. "
Anakin looked at the Jedi. He had been there for Qui-Gon's funeral on Naboo but he had not thought they were close.
"Are you sad?"
"Why won't I be sad?"
"Because Jedi should not have attachments," Anakin explained with confusion.
"Oh my, young Skywalker... do you think a Jedi can't have a friend close to his heart?"
Anakin looked away, uncomfortable. Was he going to make fun of him too?
"I'm sorry that you understood things that way, a Jedi... a Jedi can be many things, and if you spend an hour with me, an hour with Master Gallia, an hour with Master Yaddle and an hour with Master Windu you will quickly see that we are nothing like each other. We learn a common base of skills but we remain individuals with likes and dislikes, friendships form according to our respective temperaments and affinities and we make choices."
"What kind of choice?"
"Well, for example, on the kind of things you want to learn," the great Jedi explained for him. "For example, one of our most obvious specialties would be healing, some Padawan particularly train to develop healing abilities. Another specialization would be combat. Another could be flying. Another could be research into rare Force-related abilities, there's also negotiation and diplomacy, really, the choice is quite vast as we discover what we like and are passionate about."
"I didn't understand that."
"As you get your bearings, I would recommend that you think about this, as finding a Master with the same interests, or at least the same areas of expertise would be beneficial to your development. Do you already have any ideas?"
"I always wanted to be a pilot," Anakin admitted with a smile, continuing when the other nodded tolerantly. "I was piloting pods in races, I even won my freedom by winning the Bonta Eve!"
"And you distinguished yourself on Naboo,' the Jedi added instead of tearing a strip off him and giving him a hard time about his arrogance, which was really refreshing. I'm a great lover of the discipline myself, and I've even got a ship that's obviously adapted to my body shape. When you're a Padawan, I'm sure you'll be able to sign up for piloting lessons to perfect what you already know."
"Is it true?"
"Of course, there's no reason why you shouldn't be allowed to."
Anakin did not even pay any attention to the other Initiates or to the adults' somewhat sharp remarks over the next few days because he had his head full of wonderful dreams, and on top of that he often met Master Koon who was visiting the Togruta child to make her feel at ease with her new surroundings before leaving her completely to the Masters who were looking after the children, and each time the Jedi welcomed Anakin's presence and questions without ever becoming irritated or impatient.
Eventually, the Kel Dor stopped visiting the Crèche and Anakin would admit at least to himself that he was disappointed by this, immersing himself in his education to catch up and distract himself from his loneliness.
Sometimes they would meet in the corridors and it would seem like it was only yesterday that they were chatting on cushions in a quiet part of the Crèche, but these moments of calm and peace never lasted, and each time they would go their separate ways.
Then came the day when someone asked him to become their Padawan apprentice. Anakin refused. Obi-Wan may have been Qui-Gon's former student and had promised to teach him but... he was not the one Anakin really wanted, he did not think it was a good idea.
Paradoxically, it was by not looking for the Jedi whose presence he longed for that he came to him when he had found refuge on an isolated bench in an unoccupied garden.
"I learned that you had refused Knight Kenobi's offer to become his Padawan," the Jedi Master said, sitting down with concern next to him. "What is going on?"
"I just felt like it wasn't a good idea, that's all," he admitted, shrugging his shoulders before giving him a sideways glance, smiling mischievously. "Hello, Master Koon."
It had become a running joke in their interactions, but usually it was Anakin who was too eager and excited to talk about something to say hello first. It was perhaps even the first time that it had happened this way.
"My apologies, hello Initiate Skywalker."
Anakin did not like the long, awkward silence that fell between them.
"You know, he specializes in diplomacy, politics, that kind of stuff," he continued to justify himself. "He said he didn't particularly like droids or flying, I know everyone thinks I'd make a terrible Padawan and no one really wants me unless it's to fulfil a promise to a dying man, but I... I really want to have a kind Master who really corresponds to me and is not just a fallback solution."
"Do you already have someone in mind?"
"Not someone in my league, that’s for sure," he muttered, looking away. "Maybe you have people to recommend to me?"
"I'm sorry, I... since Obi-Wan was planning to take you, I didn't think that you would want someone else I..."
The Kel Dor sighed deeply.
"I shouldn't have assumed."
Anakin did not blame him, he was probably the most talented child in his age group but he also knew it would be difficult for him to find a Master who wanted him. He was too different, he had special needs and he did not even know if there was anyone else who would be willing to put in the effort to adapt things for him.
In three years he had made spectacular progress but did that mean he was a Jedi now? If I had to be honest, Anakin did not think so. He still had a lot to learn.
"Would you like to... become my Padawan?"
Anakin looked at him blankly.
"Would you take me? "
Someone like him?
"Having a Padawan is not incompatible with my duties, and we get along well, at least from my point of view."
Yes, they did, that was why Anakin had dreamed of hearing that exact phrase from that particular mouth but it was such a big decision, why...
"You're doing this for Qui-Gon," Anakin understood as he stood up, hurt. "I do not-"
"This is not a proposal made out of pity," the Jedi Master interrupted firmly. "I know this comes out of nowhere but I don't think that this is that surprising. Like I said, we seem to get on very well."
"And yet you weren't planning to ask since you were going to leave me with Obi-Wan. Additionally, I believed that the Jedi chose their Padawans by the bonds that the Force created between them."
"These links are also created naturally between Jedi who meet for a certain time," Kel Dor clarified before crossing his arms. "I'm a master enough to choose which links to let grow and which links to let fade, that wouldn't be a problem."
"But you don't even want a Padawan," Anakin accused him without even trying to hide his critical tone.
"I never took on a child but I finished the training of Micah's Padawan, Bultar, when he died. I'm reasonably confident that we would succeed, but I can see that I'm being too pushy, I didn't want to put pressure on you, it was only a proposition, it was just a proposal."
"Could you come back and see me tomorrow?" Anakin asked seeing him bow slightly, ready to take his leave. "It was... I'd like to think about it."
Obviously he accepted and Anakin spent the night thinking about it, unable to get to sleep.
Was the reason he asked really more important than the fact that he asked? It was a serious and fundamental question, Anakin had always had difficulty choosing whether for him noble and moral actions were those which started from a good intention or those which had the most virtuous impact, and it was unfortunately exactly this kind of situation. What was more valuable to him, what really mattered: the reason for doing it or the result?
If you thought about it rationally, pragmatically, things were simple: Anakin needed a Jedi Master, so, in a sense, any Knight or Master could be the one, but... Anakin was not a perfect, purely rational Jedi child. His emotions were always part of the equation. He wanted to be wanted.
Maybe it was pride, but Anakin wanted someone who wanted him for him, not out of obligation or because it was the wish of the only Jedi who truly cared about him when he saved him but out of real interest. That was why things had been so unnatural between him and Obi-Wan, they did not know each other and they did not have much in common, it was not sincere.
It was not for Anakin that he had come but to settle his debt. As a former slave, Anakin understood very intimately the principle of debt and having to repay it, he also knew how important promises were, but that did not change the fact that it just seemed wrong to him right now.
He could not wait to leave the Crèche and the other Initiates who looked at him with even more jealousy and resentment since they learned that a Knight had approached him – fortunately they did not know about Master Koon, really – but it was not to the point of accepting just anything. He was just confused, he was not even thirteen years old and it was a complete life choice that he was asked to make, a choice that was going to change so many things and would determine his entire future...
When Master Koon came to him the next morning, it was too early, Anakin did not have an answer for him yet...and then suddenly, he had one.
"Hello, sorry again for yesterday, I hope you weren't too disturbed."
His whole body posture was slower and gentler, as if he was unconsciously trying not to frighten or worry him.
It was a sign like any other, but... he cared. Among his confused thoughts, that was the only thing that emerged: he cared. He had always spoken to him as an equal, always cared to help him and make his life easier, and was always careful not to cause him distress.
Maybe, just maybe, the Jedi thought he would be happy with Obi-Wan and never considered that Anakin would not want to go with him, thus not thinking that he himself would be able to propose to Anakin to become his Padawan.
"If you are ever interested in a particular Master or Knight, I could find out for you if the interest is mutual if you tell me their name."
"Master Koon."
"What is it?"
"You told me to tell you the name."
The Kel Dor stood up and delicately crossed his arms, looking confused.
"I don't understand, yesterday you seemed rather hostile to my proposal."
"Because I don't understand why you did it," he explained, hoping that the other would understand how unexpected it was for him.
"I did it because I think we could get along well during your training if I were to be your Master, I have never found your company unpleasant and I thought you might think the same."
"I think so," he confirmed with a peaceful smile, "and if the proposal still stands I would like to accept it."
"Of course it still stands, and I am very honoured by your trust. I will take care of everything as soon as possible."
"I know you're busy, I can wait."
"There are some things even a Jedi doesn't want to wait for," the man said with an amused tone before holding out his hand for him to grab it. "See you soon then... Anakin?"
"See you very soon, Master Plo, I will be waiting for your return."
"I'm sure you will," the Kel Dor chuckled before walking away.
When Anakin declared that he would be High Councillors Plo Koon's Padawan, everyone thought he was joking or showing obnoxious ambition and arrogance. Anakin was never more happy and satisfied than when he saw their shared double take when the Kel Dor came for him that evening, thanking them for taking the necessary measures – Anakin knew they would take them urgently – as he took his new Padawan away.
"Sometimes some events are painful," Kel Dor said gently, "but you have to know how to accept leaving them behind without holding grudges against those who let themselves be carried away by their emotions without managing to control them. The important thing is to look to the future because the past can no longer be changed."
Anakin wondered if he understood that he was having problems with his peers, but he did not ask, instead mulling over his words before nodding and following his advice.
Leaving these people and this experience behind him to focus on the future and the Jedi that symbolised it perfectly by walking slightly in front of him thanks to his long legs.
"Yes Master."