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Genya made his way into the house after locking the door. He climbed upstairs to his room, set his backpack on the floor, changed into more comfortable clothes and tucked himself into his bed, not even bothering to fix himself a snack which he usually did.
This week (and even the few weeks prior) hadn't exactly been good for him at school. He didn't know why, but Genya just couldn’t concentrate on any of his work or tasks. He was always distracted by something, whether it was doodling on a page, going on his phone or staring out the window. And even when all those distractions were removed, his mind had plenty of other thoughts that for some reason felt more natural to daydream about instead of what was in front of him.
As a result, Genya started failing tests and assignments. Being the near-perfect student he used to be now completely foreign to him. His mind always felt like it was underwater with thoughts racing a million miles a minute, and he didn’t know why. It was frustrating for him and his teachers, and countless times he got scolded.
Perhaps it was the trauma over his siblings’ and mother's deaths, but that couldn’t be right since it happened so long ago. Surely it was something else?
Or perhaps it was just him that was the problem.
Genya sighed and pulled the sheets over his head. He failed another test-a civics test- and Himejima-san would for sure tell Sanemi about it. As much as Genya like the teacher because he made him feel less lonely, Himejima-san knew too much about him.
Of course, telling Sanemi about Genya’s struggle in school was out of concern and not malice, but Genya still felt uneasy about it.
Sanemi valued education a lot and always told his brother to make sure he did well in school. It was as if not going to school meant that he was worthless. He didn’t want to let his older brother down. He was already so stressed about so much.
But if anything, Genya just wanted a break from it all. From school, from responsibility, from life. His body felt so drained and overworked, and the anxiety over Sanemi finding out that he'd been struggling didn’t help either.
But how could he be successful and make Sanemi proud if he couldn’t finish school? He needed an education to go far in life.
Perhaps the problem was Genya. It’s not like anybody else had these issues.
The teen’s throat felt tight as he hugged one of his pillows and sank into the covers, dreading Sanemi coming home to a disappointment like him.
………………………………………………
“Genya! I’m home.”
Sanemi kicked his shoes off and put them on the rack next to the door. It was later in the day after grading his student’s homework for math class. Genya should be home now, right? School for the kids ended quite a while ago. Usually, he’d see his little brother sitting on the couch in the living room watching TV or at the dining table to finish his homework.
But Sanemi didn’t hear the TV blaring, nor did he see Genya in the kitchen when he peered over to look.
Interesting.
The albino felt a small lump form in his throat. Perhaps he was hiding. Sanemi wouldn’t be surprised if it was because of what Himejima-san told him today.
“Your younger brother has been failing a lot of his tests recently.”
“What?!” Sanemi exclaimed in shock and anger. “That’s not possible! He’s a grade A student!”
“I apologize, Shinazugawa-san, but the proof is right here.”
Sanemi stared at the various documents out in front of him, all marked with red numbers and exes.
His stomach sank as his heart raged. Why was Genya flunking?? Didn’t he study??
“Why is this happening?” he questioned the other older man.
“I think he might have to tell you that.” Gyomei stated.
“But he trusts you the most, doesn’t he?” Sanemi protested and his chest twinged at that truth. He’d seen Genya at break eating lunch with Gyomei, and talking to him like a friend, but it was because Sanemi hadn’t been there to emotionally support his brother. He just couldn't do it after what happened to the rest of their family. He needed to toughen Genya up, because the world was too cruel for him to be soft. And being like Gyomei to him would certainly not prepare him for the real world.
But alas, it might’ve done more damage than good.
Gyomei sighed. “I suggest you talk to him, Shinazugawa-san. He might give you some insight into what he’s thinking.”
“Or not…” Sanemi muttered and sighs as well. “I just hope you’re right.”
Now that the man was home though, he had no idea what to say to his little brother. Should he be angry? Well, he was angry, but concerned too, and Sanemi didn’t know what to do with that concern besides yelling at him for slacking off.
I can’t ease up on him. No, no, I can’t….
Can I?
If Genya trusted Himejima-san because of that softness… maybe Sanemi should try it.
Though he felt nervous about it, he did love his little brother above all else, despite what Genya might have unfortunately thought about him. And he’d try any strategy no matter how hard if it meant Genya would be happy.
Taking a deep breath, he went upstairs.
…………..
There was a knock on the door. Genya froze in his sheets.
“Genya?”
The teen scrambled up in his bed. “The door’s unlocked!” he yelped.
The click of the knob sounded. Sanemi came through and peered into the room, raising an eyebrow at his brother.
“…Can I sit?” Sanemi asked.
Genya was a little confused at that question. Normally, Sanemi wouldn’t ask to be this close to him for a conversation. Instead, he’d just yell at him from his spot. It only made him more nervous.
Genya nodded hesitantly. His older brother came in and sat at the edge of the bed a little away from him.
There was an uncomfortable silence between the two. Genya tried to read his older brother’s face, wondering if he was angry or not. He definitely was, but why wasn’t he scolding him like he usually did? If anything, Sanemi seemed… confused. Unsure. Frustrated.
Genya gulped and clung to the blanket.
Finally, Sanemi opened his mouth.
“How about you take a day off tomorrow?”
All dread and anxiety drained out of Genya at that question only to be replaced by utter confusion.
What? Taking a day off? On a Thursday?
For a moment he stared at his brother in genuine shock. “Nii-chan…?”
Was this really his strict, no nonsense, impatient brother?
“Just you and me,” the albino elaborated, seemingly struggling to say these words effectively. “You can even take a day off after that too. However long you need.”
Genya absolutely did not know what to say. It was hard to believe the stern Sanemi offering such a gentle suggestion like this. Especially a suggestion that involved spending time together, which was sadly odd for them.
He didn’t know how long he was staring before he nodded. “Uh... yeah. I have a few errands to run at the mall. I was planning to go on Saturday but…”
“Good. I’ll take you.” Sanemi offered.
Both nodded awkwardly. Sanemi took that as an indication that the conversation was over, cleared his throat and got off the bed.
“I’ll get dinner ready.” He informed and hastily made his way out of the room.
Genya sat on the bed, staring in shock at the door that his brother had just left from.
Why was Sanemi acting so strange? Why didn’t he yell at him for flunking in school?
Did Himejima-san tell him anything else?
Genya wished he knew the answers to his questions.
But weirdly, Genya was looking forward to spending a day with him and his brother.
It had been a long -far too long time- since they’d done anything together, let alone had a good time. Ever since their family died in a house fire and their father got arrested for causing it, his relationship with Sanemi had been rather… rough. It took a lot of struggling to get themselves just barely financially stable, and it was hard for Genya to stay in school because of it. Every conversation he had with his big brother was either very small or minor that needed to be discussed, or an argument.
And Genya didn’t want that. He didn’t want his big brother to feel like a stranger in his house. At the end of the day, Genya still loved his big brother and always wanted the best for him. He just wished that Sanemi would treat him nicer.
Maybe that was what Sanemi WAS trying to do.
Genya felt a twinge in his heart. A good one. Full of excitement.
Maybe he and his brother could make amends with this day.
…………………
The shoe store wasn’t as busy today, Sanemi thought. Maybe it was because they were here on a Thursday.
Sanemi took his gaze off some of the sportswear to look at Genya, who was a few ways off looking at the brand of shoes he wanted to buy. Genya had told him he wanted to save a bit of money to get new and good ones, which Sanemi understood since he’d been using his old, ragged shoes for a few years now and were in desperate need of replacements.
Sanemi sighed. He didn’t know exactly how to feel about this day off. He didn’t teach on Thursdays anyway, but it was still weird, not because he wasn’t at work right now, but because he was having his day off with Genya . Something he hadn’t done in... oh God, he doesn’t even know how long.
And he felt horrible about it. He recalled Gyomei’s conversations with him a few times before, telling him that he should ease up on his little brother a bit and perhaps be a little more open with him.
But it’s been so long since Sanemi had done that. It was 5 years since their father left and their mother and siblings died. Sanemi had to take care of Genya all by himself, and he didn’t want him to be too soft for the world to hurt him. He had to toughen the kid up.
Sanemi cringed. He hated thinking like that. He sounded like his father, whom he hated so much.
Could he really ease up on Genya now? Could he be less harsh with him and show him how much he cared?
Because Sanemi couldn’t go on like this anymore. He hated seeing that hurt look in Genya’s eyes every time he yelled at him for failing a test or coming to school late.
The man wondered how Genya didn’t even bother to leave the house and go live with Gyomei instead. What did Genya see in him when he was the worst big brother in the world?
Sanemi didn’t know.
But I’ll start making it up to him. Right now. I must fix things.
He saw Genya walk up to the checkout counter with his pair of shoes. He was about to pay but Sanemi intervened.
“That’ll be $60.95, sir.”
“Got it.” Sanemi nodded.
The younger boy watched in surprise as the transaction was completed and packed the shoes into a bag. As the brothers headed out of the store, Genya protested, “Nii-chan, I could’ve bought those shoes.”
“I know.” Sanemi said bluntly and put his card back into his wallet. “Save up that money for college, yeah?”
Genya looked embarrassed. Sanemi knew what he was thinking. You don’t have to spend so much on me.
But Sanemi needed Genya to know how much he cared about him. He didn’t mind spending on him if it meant his little brother would be happy.
“Don’t worry about it, Gen. I may be a math teacher, but I get paid good enough.”
Genya seemed confused, and strangely relieved this time. Sanemi was too.
It’s been a while since he called Genya “Gen”.
.....................................................................................................................
Genya sat on the couch with a bag of potato chips and was watching T.V. Dinner had already been eaten and the sun had long set. It was a little relaxing at least. Sanemi told him to take it easy this evening and leave his homework for when he was recharged, which he supposed was reasonable.
However, it still felt weird that Sanemi was being so... nice to him today. It made the teen curious as to what his older brother was thinking.
He glanced over to Sanemi, who was across from him on the far end of the couch, watching the screen with a distant look in his eyes, like he wasn’t paying attention to the program playing in front of him. He was definitely worrying about something. Genya felt concerned. After a day of his brother acting weird, he needed to know why.
“Nii-chan?” he finally asked.
Sanemi looked in the direction of his brother, instantly alert. “What is it?” he asked curiously.
Genya went silent for a second, trying to word it without it sounding awkward.
“Why... why are you allowing me a day off?”
Sanemi’s shoulders sank. Genya wasn’t sure what he was getting into.
“I just...” he started and even though the T.V was still playing, the atmosphere was weirdly silent.
Sanemi looked at him with a guilty look in his eyes. “Genya, Himejima-san told me you haven’t been... doing the best. That’s why I gave you this day to relax.”
Genya looked at his brother wide-eyed, then looked down to his lap in shame.
“I’m sorry, nii-chan. I know my education is important to you but....” Genya closed his eyes, afraid to see Sanemi’s disappointed expression. He wished he could cover his ears too, so he wouldn’t hear Sanemi’s yelling.
“I just can’t do it anymore. I’m sorry I’m such a disappointment to you...”
Sanemi was taken aback by Genya’s words.
Genya... thinks he’s a disappointment? That I think scum of him?
Suddenly, Sanemi felt like the most horrible human being in the world. Realization hit him.
“Genya, why would you think you’re a disappointment?” he gently asked.
The younger boy fiddled with his hands, and Sanemi felt his heart lurch when he saw his eyes misting over.
“Because I’m failing school, and- and you work so hard every day just for me to attend. I feel like your money is being wasted on me...” tears were running down Genya’s face now.
“You’re always telling me to be good in school. But... I don’t know if I can be anymore. It’s all just so... overwhelming,” Genya wrapped his arms around himself, sobbing. “I’m sorry for being such a burden, nii-chan...”
Now Sanemi wanted to cry too.
Genya thought he wasn’t good enough? Because I yelled at him and pressured him to get perfect scores in school. Because he thought that without them, he would be a burden to me?
I made him feel like this...
“Genya... oh, Genya, you're not a burden...”
He inched closer to his little brother and placed his hands on the sides of his arms. Genya looked up at his brother, his tears streaming down his face.
I need to fix this.
“No, Genya, I should be the one who’s sorry.”
The teen widened his eyes. Those sudden words were something he never expected to hear coming from his harsh brother.
“N-Nii-chan...”
Sanemi felt his eyes fill. This was probably the only chance he had to smooth things over with his little brother.
“I just wanted you to be tough. I didn’t want you to get hurt because I was scared you were too… soft. So that's why I… I yelled at you.” Sanemi cringed. He didn’t want to finish that sentence, but he knew he had to let his little brother know how sorry he was.
Genya didn’t say anything, only listened. It felt like a dream.
The older man shook his head. “But I know that was the wrong way of treating you. I shouldn’t have yelled at you and treated you like dirt. I said some horrible things…. I’m so sorry. None of my explanations are any excuse for what I did to you.”
Sanemi’s voice shook at that last sentence, yet he was brave enough to hold Genya’s gaze.
Genya felt a strange relief creep into his heart. Hearing Sanemi apologize was something he secretly wanted from his brother, because he wanted to be close to him again. He didn’t want to be so distant from him.
But there was also an incredible sadness weighing in Genya’s stomach at hearing those last words.
Sanemi sighed, struggling to hold himself together. “I understand if you don’t forgive me. I’m not expecting your forgiveness at all after how I treated you. If you... if you want to leave me, I completely understand.”
Genya was horrified to hear this.
“Nii-chan!” Genya took Sanemi’s hands off his arms and held them tight. “Nii-chan, no... I don’t want to leave you!”
Sanemi was surprised at Genya’s sudden outburst. Didn’t Genya hate him?
“You’re not a burden to me!” he said, inching closer to his brother.
“But I hurt you , Genya.” Sanemi stated in disbelief.
“But you’re still my brother.”
Sanemi felt a lump in his throat. A horrible brother.
Genya held Sanemi’s hand tighter, an action that hadn’t been done between them for years. “Yes, you did… mistreat me. But I want you back in my life, ‘Nemi. I want to be able to smile with you again and have days just like this. I know you’re sorry now, and I forgive you. I love you and I want to be able to live with you. I don’t want to leave. You’re the only family I have left. Please just… can we be brothers again?”
Sanemi’s tears were free by now. He chuckled tearily and held Genya’s hands with his own and for the first time in a long time gave a genuine smile. “Yeah. Yeah, okay Gen. I’ll make it right this time. I promise.”
Genya smiled too, one of his bright smiles that had never changed since he was a child. Sanemi opened his arms and Genya rushed into them, instantly hugging him. Happy sobs escaped both. Sanemi did the same and hugged him as tight as he could, not wanting to let go.
“I love you, ‘Nemi.” Genya mumbled into Sanemi’s shoulder. Sanemi wanted to cry even more at those words.
His little brother still loved him. And he was going to make it up to him. Everything will be all right now.
Sanemi smiled and kissed the side of Genya’s head, hand gently ruffling his hair. He felt the warmest than he ever did in his whole life.
“I love you too, Gen. I love you.”
…………………………………………
Sanemi said that Genya could take as long of a break from school as he needed and can catch up later when he was mentally ready.
Genya didn’t know how long it would take for him to get better, but he knew that no matter what, his big brother would support him.
That Saturday morning, Genya came downstairs from his bedroom to the kitchen rubbing the sleep from his eyes.
“Had a good sleep? Did you wash up?” Sanemi called from the stove as he flipped a pancake.
“Yeah...” Genya replied blearily.
Sanemi placed another pancake on a plate with 4 others and brought it to the kitchen table. Genya smiled.
“Pancakes?”
“Hm. Eat up and get strong.” Sanemi replied, grinning.
Genya sat at the table and poured some syrup over his breakfast. “You can’t get strong by eating pancakes, ‘Nemi.”
“Aah, don’t try and be smart me with me, you!” Sanemi teased as he ruffled Genya’s mohawk. Genya laughed and Sanemi sat at the table with him, placing down a bowl of cut up strawberries and bananas.
“How are you feeling today?” the albino asked. Genya hummed.
“Right now? I’m feeling very happy.”
Sanemi felt his heart fill with relief and joy. “Yeah. I’m feeling great too.”
Things still might not be perfect, but soon they’ll get to be in a better place.