Archive of Our Own ^beta

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Virgil blankly stared at the trio that sat before him. Logan, Patton, and Roman eagerly stared at him as Virgil fiddled with his hoodie strings. The three men had just confessed their love for him. Not platonically, but the other one. Romantically. That word, any word that had to do with heart felt emotions scared him. Not to mention the trio were married! To eachother! Nevertheless, they had discussed making their marriage open to include Virgil. Virgil sighed softly and looked down at his hands. In all honesty, Virgil had fallen rather hard for Patton when they were in middle school together, but Patton swore that he didn’t like men and turned Virgil down. It was a shock when in their Jenior year, Patton and Logan started dating. Virgil was heartbroken, ofcourse, but respected his bestfriends decision. Logan had encouraged Patton to think bigger when applying to colleges and both had made it into Oxford. The duo then moved to England and started a whole other life. Virgil only saw snippets of them when he scrolled through social media every once and a while.

Through that, he had seen a mysterious third man named Roman. Logan and Patton seemed utterly unthrolled by Roman and invited him into the relationship. Nearly two years later, and after Roman, Patton, and Logan had moved back to the states, Virgil had received a wedding invite to the trios wedding. Virgil agreed to attend to save face to his old highschool friends (and crush). The wedding was breathtaking and Virgil had finally gotten the chance to meet Roman. He was charming, like a prince and yet so frustrating to understand. After the wedding, Virgil had been invited to many of their events. The trio made it a point to include Virgil in everything pratically. Virgil had messed up and started to get comfortable. Virgil hadn’t thought to question when Patton snuggled up to him during movie night. Nor the moments Logan went out of his way to show Virgil his telescope and astrology books. Nor when Roman taught Virgil how to cook comforting home cooked meals. They were his friends. Right? Wrong. Over the course of the two years of the four of them establishing relations, Virgil had confessed to falling in love with the three of them after a night of heavy drinking. The three hadn’t commented on it nor did they bring it up so Virgil hadn’t thought to worry about it. To sum it all up, Virgil was a mess and the three of them should not have much as thought about him in a romantic sense.

Virgil slumped and put his hands in his hair and carefully brushed through it with his fingers. Logan said something, then Roman but Virgil couldn’t make out their words. Virgil stared blankly at the table before a gentle hand rested between his shoulder blades and rubbed calming circles into his back. He looked at who was behind him and saw Patton. He looked worried but was trying to stay calm about the situation happening. Virgil slowly calmed down and a glass of water was placed in his hand. Virgil took a small sip and cleared his throat. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me.” Virgil mumbled.

“Are you alright, Virgil?” Logan asked gently. “We know this is a lot to take in but we would be happy to-”

“Logie, hunny bear, give Virgil a moment.” Roman interjected and carefully took his husbands hand in his own. “This isn’t something we can rush.”

Logan seemed upset at that statement but nodded his head. Patton hummed a soothing song and continued to rub Virgil’s back. Virgil sighed softly and took in deep breaths to help calm himself down. “I need some time to think about this.” Virgil said after a few moments of silence. Roman and Logan nodded solemnly as Patton nodded slowly as if in deep thought.

“No rush, Virigie! I know that this is shocking and honestly, I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable. Would you like some time alone?” Patton asked as he stopped rubbing his back. Virgil looked down and slowly started to nod in agreement. Patton looked sad but then happily nodded. “Okay! We will let you have time to process this and not reach out, but don’t be a stranger. Okay?”

“Okay.” Virgil said as he licked his dry lips to help ease the tension that was in his body. The three husbands smiled and carefully left Virgil’s apartment. Virgil walked after them and felt his words get stuck in his throat. The ugly truth of it was Virgil knew he wanted them, but he didn’t want to be a burden. They had gone out of their ways to invite him into their established relationship and it pained him to not be able to give them a straight forward answer. Virgil looked at his shoes and locked the apartment door.

Two weeks later, Virgil hadn’t reached out to them. He didn’t have it in him to argue into why he was going to turn them down. He also didn’t have the courage to face them again. It was all too much and he couldn’t understand why they wanted him now. They all were more successful then him and the thought of fucking up their lives by being associated with him terrified him. Logan was an astrology professor at their local university. Patton was a proud business owner. Roman was a very sought after actor and model. Here Virgil was, working three part time jobs just to survive. They surely didn’t want him.

He couldn’t help the fact that he didn’t want attention and being with the three of his crushes, who wanted him back, would only bring him unwanted attention. Virgil snapped back from his wandering mind as he heard glass shatter behind him. Virgil jumped and whirled around as his heart and breathing picked up. He saw the other waiter picking up the glass that was dropped and apologized to everyone around him. Virgil looked at the ground and gripped his chest as he tried to calm down. He didn’t have that luxury as the hostess walked up to him.

“Virgil, I sat a table of three people in your section.” She said happily but grew concerned at the sight of Virgil. “Are you okay? I can get Remy if you want to be dismissed for the night.” Virgil shook his head and sucked in a deep breath of air.

“I am fine, Stacey. Thank you for the concern though. I’ll be out in just a sec. “ Virgil said as he threw on a fake smile. Stacey nodded and went back to her stand. Virgil sighed and grabbed his small notebook and pen and made his way to his section. He approached the table with his head down but with the fake smile plastered on his face.

“Hello! Welcome to The Tavern. My name is Virgil and I will be your server tonight.”

“Virgie?” A soft voice said from the table and Virgil felt his blood run cold. He slowly looked up to see Roman, Logan, and Patton staring at him in shock. Virgil gulped and immediately looked back at the ground. This had to be a nightmare.

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Virgil felt his breathing start to speed up but he had to keep a professional demnor since he was at his place of employment. Virgil hadn’t told the trio about his job status and he had hoped that they would have never found out. It was just his luck that this had to happen after not trying to stay in contact with them. He slowly looked back up and flashed his most fake smile he could muster. “Hey guys! Nice to see you, could I start you guys off with some drinks?” Logan looked absolutely pissed, Roman looked sad (was that a hint of disgust?), and Patton looked like he was about to say something. “Can we not talk about this and let me do my job?” The three husbands looked taken aback by that Logan visibly sighed which made Virgil’s heart jump into his throat. Roman looked at the menu and Patton had a sad look in his eyes.

“We will talk about this later. I will take a water. No ice.” Logan mumbled. Virgil quickly scratched that down in case his brain wanted to betray him when he got back to the kitchen.

“I would like a lemonade.” Patton said with a smile. Virgil’s heart fluttered when he caught a glimpse of it.

“I will have a margarita.” Roman tapped his fingers on the table. It was a nervous habit he had and it only confirmed Virgil’s own worries. Virgil scribbled down everything and looked back at them.

“Any appietizers?” Virgil mused. Roman leaned forward and put his elbows on the table and rested his head in his hands.

“Do you have any recommendations?” Roman asked in a soothing tone and Virgil felt his body slowly lose tension. Why was his brain like this? All the anxiety from seeing them was drifting away. Virgil knew it had something to do with the chemicals in his brain. His own body betrayed him. Roman noticed and smiled at that.

“The mozzarella sticks are pretty good. There is also the spinach dip with chips if you want less grease on your fingers.” Virgil rattled off. His fake smile slowly fell and a soft one took its place Logan perked up at that and smiled.

“I think we would all like the mozzarella sticks.” Logan chimed in. “Getting a little messy to enjoy something you love is always worth it.” Virgil swore he could feel his heart stop beating at those words. Were they actively trying to flirt with him? Reassure him of their decision? It was all too confusing to him. Virgil nodded in thought and quickly jotted down the add on to their order.

“I will have those out for you in a minute.” Virgil smiled at them and hussled away. He glanced behind him and saw Roman and Logan talking while Patton caught his eye and waved to him happily. Virgil flushed pink and looked away quickly as he heard a soft giggle from Patton. He heard their voices fading the closer he got to the kitchen and Virgil started to feel heavy all over again. Over the course of their encounters during the evening, Virgil felt himself start to get anxious all over again. Patton, Logan and Roman knew where he worked now. Well, one of the places, and he couldn’t help but feel as if they were pitying him. Especially when their dinner came to an end and they left him a very generous tip. Virgil was shaking from embarrassment and panic at them knowing that he wasn’t well off. Sure he hadn’t lied and said he was, but he hadn’t exactly told them the truth either.

The thought of them looking down on him scared him more so then when the trio had confessed. They all had amazing things going on for them and they had no idea that they had stooped down to Virgil’s level when asking for him to be apart of their lives. Virgil’s shift came to an end and he walked outside to see Patton, Logan, and Roman all standing next to his car. Virgil felt himself freeze and moved to turn around and go back inside.

“Virgil!” Patton called happily. Too late, he had been spotted. Virgil stared at the doors to the restaurant and started to hyperventilate. His whole being shaking. Between having to face them and the wall of stress he had accumilated over the course of last seeing them, he coudn’t move. Virgil felt himself slowly getting tugged onto the ground and cradled in someones arms. Virgil heaved for air and shut his eyes tightly, he heard commotion around him and a soft hum broke through to his racing brain. He was slowly able to take in deep calming breaths and felt himself being rocked. The humming and rocking did stop and he infact snuggled closer to the person holding him. Tears spilled from his eyes and he sniffled a bit.

“Virgie?” A gentle voice asked causing the male to look at who was holding him. Roman cradled him with concern plastered on his normally smug looking face. “Hey, are you doing a bit better?” Virgil sniffled more and nodded as he scrubbed at his face harshly. Two more hands grabbed his own and it caused him to look at who had grabbed him. Logan was there and took in a deep breath.

“Careful now, don’t want you to end up in glasses from rubbing your eyes too hard.” The usually stoic man said in a joking manner. That made Virgil let out a watery giggle as he sniffled a bit more. Patton slowly crouched down next to him and smiled.

“Sorry, we should have just waited for you to come to us.” Patton looked at the ground and adjusted his round glasses carefully. “We just were growing worried. Then, to see you here, it was a shock. It was my idea to surprise you in the parking lot. I’m really sorry VeeVee.” Patton looked back at Virgil. Virgil blinked and looked at the three of them individually.

“How long have you guys been out here?” Virgil croaked out after a few more seconds of silence. Logan looked at his watch and smiled.

“Two and a half hours.” Logan mused as he looked back at Virgil who had a shocked expression on his face. “We will wait for you. No matter what.” Virgil felt his mind start to reel all over again. Virgil started to stammer and the three men waited for him to collect his thoughts.

“Why? Why wait?” Virgil teared up again and Patton gently cupped his face in one of his hands.

“Because we love you. All of you. No matter what.” Patton said gently. Roman cleared his throat and caused everyone to look at him. Roman smiled.

“So, I’ll ask again. Will you be our boyfriend?” Roman asked gently. Virgil felt his mind go silent and before he knew it he was nodding.

“Yes. Yes I would be honored to.” Virgil said before he could stop himself.

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The next two months were bliss. Virgil had lost any sense of time and the anxiety attacks lessened anytime he was around his boyfriends. The four regularly scheduled visits to Virgil’s apartment (despite his hesitation) to help Virgil clean, cook, and make his living situation better. It wasn’t easy learning how to make himself a priority, but his boyfriends were always there and willing to help. Especially after finding all of his different work uniforms. Roman was appalled and demanded Virgil quit all his jobs and move in with them. Patton being the voice of reason objected somewhat and offered that they pay some of Virgil’s bills. Virgil, of course, declined but Logan sat him down and assured Virgil that it wouldn’t be a problem either way. They had more then enough money to support him and honestly would prefer if he just stayed at “home” (referring to their house) to collect his thoughts and make a plan to get ahead in life. Virgil declined again and again until he couldn’t take anymore pressure from the three and quit all of his jobs and moved in with them.

It definitely was a shock and they even had arranged him his own separate room from the three. The life of luxury just handed to him and all he had to do was take a break and plan his future. Virgil felt like he was walking on eggshells most of the time but the others were quick to reassure him and tell him that it was as much as it was their home, it was his as well now. Virgil quickly volunteered to cook all the meals and clean the house top to bottom but Roman quickly shut that thought down. Roman was quick to say “The whole reason we brought you here was to destress and try to get his life back together”. Sure it was in a comforting way but the pressure was on slightly. Logan helped him look for schools that Virgil would qualify for and they settled on a Univeristy that was completely online so Virgil wouldn’t have to deal with panic attacks. In his new environment, Virgil was finally thriving. Patton would bring him sandwiches whenever he decided to take the day off and try to be as supportive as possible. Virgil hated to admit it, but this was what he was missing and wanting. Virgil finally hit the wall and all the anxiety that he had pushed down finally boiled over one night.

It was movie night and after dinner they had a couple drinks. Virgil was in the middle of the three and had his arms around a sleeping Logan when he felt the right side of his body move with the bed. He looked over his shoulder and saw Patton and Roman in a deep kiss. He giggled and that caught the two husbands attention. Roman grinned and moved closer.

“Whats got you all giggly, Mr. Dark and Broody?” Roman asked with a slight slur. Patton and Virgil continued to giggle. Virgil moved as close as he could without waking Logan up.

“Nothing much~ Just noticed my two boyfriends given eachother love.” Virgil whispered. Roman giggled and looked at Logan carefully.

“He really is an old man…” Roman mused to himself and then focused back on Virgil. Virgil stared into his Ember eyes and Roman moved closer. Virgil closed his eyes for a few seconds and opened them when he felt soft lips on his own. Roman was there with his eyes closed and pulled away. “I love you.” Virgil felt as if ice was poured on his head. Roman carfelly peppered kisses all over his face and continued to mumble “I love you” between each kiss. Virgil laid there and tried not to show his panic. Soon Patton and Roman dozed off and there Virgil was with his racing thoughts.

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Virgil slowly started to distance himself from his boyfriends. His thoughts ran wild and had convinced him that his partners were just using him. Why else would they be so adamant about Virgil quitting his jobs? They wanted him to be reliant on them for everything and all he had to do was allow himself to be used. If they loved him they would have left him alone. If they cared for him, they wouldn’t have waited in the parking lot for him to get off of work. If they loved him, they would have respected his boundaries. Virgil locked himself in his room for three days under the excuse of being swamped with homework. Patton was the first to catch on and tried to get Virgil out of his room for dinner or to watch movies with them. Virgil declined and Patton left him alone. Logan was the next one to knock on hs door every thirty minutes and ask Virgil if he needed help with anything. As much as Virgil wanted to scoff at him, he politely declined. Roman was the last one and Virgil finally snapped.

“Fuck! Leave me alone! I need to pass these classes don’t I?! Isn’t that what you want of me!?” Virgil screamed at Roman. Roman stumbled back. He looked scared and confused.

“I…Well of… Well of course. I will tell Logan and Patton to leave you alone as well…” Roman slowly closed the door and Virgil heard shuffling down the hallway. Virgil henched back over his laptop and quickly looked for hotels in the area he could stay at until he was able to find an apartment with what little money he had left in his savings. An hour passed before there was gentle knocking. Virgil glared at the door as it slowly swung open.

“Virgie?” Patton announced as he tiptoed his way into the dark room. Patton looked around and spotted Virgil. His face plastered with concern. “Ro, told us that you wanted to be left alone but I brought you a snack. Do you want it?”

“No.” Virgil growled out. Patton looked taken aback by that.

“No-?” Patton started but Virgil groaned and cut him off. He got off the bed and stalked his way over to the shorter man.

“What part of no don’t you understand? I am trying to study! What part of that don’t you three get!? I need space! I want to be left alone so I can think! I don’t need you three butting in and making a mess of things!” Virgil pointed at the door in which Patton had walked in through. Patton tensed up and was visibly shaking. He looked down at the plate he brought into the room and slowly backed out of the room. Once Patton was out of the doorway Virgil slammed the door shut. Why do they care now? Its not like Virgil wanted their sympathy in the first place. Their “love” that they used to twist and manipulate his emotions. Virgil shuffled back to the bed and flopped down on it face first. He felt his heart pounding in his chest and tried to get his breathing under control. Was this adrenaline or his anxiety rearing its ugly head again. Virgil took in deep breaths to help calm himself down. After a few painful minutes that seemes like an eternity, Virgil managed to calm down. None of his partners had come to bug him either. Virgil sighed and actually started to do his homework now.

The next day, Virgil crept downstairs and to the kitchen. He nearly stopped in his tracks when he saw Logan sitting at the kitchen table. Virgil turned on his heel and sauntered back towards the stairs. “Virgil? Could you come here please.” He heard Logan call. Virgil puffed up his cheeks but did what was asked of him. When he entered the kitchen again, Logan was looking at him rather intently. Virgil looked at the ground and he heard Logan sigh.

“Virgil, what has the last couple of days been about?” Logan asked in a calm tone. Virgil glared up at Logan who in turn was glaring right back.

“Geeze, specs. You tell me. Seeing as I repeatedly said I needed to study and have a little peace. I can’t think when I am around you guys. No offence.” Virgil figdeted with his hoodie sleeves. Logan shook his head and started to lowly chuckle. That sent chills down Virgil’s spine and his glare dropped.

“Do you think I am that fucking dumb? Do you really believe that Roman and Patton bought it either?” Logan slowly stood and went to the coffee marker. Virgil gulped slightly and tried to get his words together. “We know you Virgil. Whether you want to admit that or not. The three of us care about you and want you to succeed. I however don’t appperciate you making my husbands cry.” Logan glared over his shoulder at Virgil. His expression cold and eyes full of fiery anger.

“Thats not…Thats not fair! I just, I was just trying to get my thoughts together and do my homework.” Virgil weakly retorted as he looked at the ground as to not look at Logan anymore. He heard walking coming towards him and that caused him to look up and see Logan in his face. Virgil stumbled back a few steps and looked down at the ground again.

“Really? I have a feeling that you are lying. About the school assignments that is. You are wicked smart and you haven’t struggled this entire time in your studies. Believe it or not, I know you are hiding something.” Logan said coldly while holding out a cup of coffee to Virgil. Virgil shook and took it gently. Logan turned and went back to his seat at the table. Virgil shook and rounded the corner to go back to the stairs when he saw both Patton and Roman staring at him. Virgil looked at his feet quickly after seeing their shocked expressions. Patton reached out a hand but Virgil quickly moved away and then moved around the two. He quickly went upstairs and closed the door gently. Virgil didn’t want to admit it but he always knew that Logan didn’t care for him as much as he did his husbands. A tear slipped from his left eye and soon after the first tear had dropped, Virgil was sobbing.

That evening, Virgil heard a soft knock on the door. He weakly looked over and stumbled off the bed to open the door. All three of them were there and Virgil felt his stomach drop to his feet. Patton was about to say something when Roman loudly cleared his throat. Virgil shifted his attention to Roman.

“Virgil. We want to talk with you.” Roman said bluntly and Virgil nodded. “In your room or our room?” Virgil shook and looked down at the floor. He heard a harsh whisper from Patton but couldn’t make out the words.

“There is also the living room if you feel more comfortable with being there.” Patton said in a calming voice. Virgil looked at Patton and nodded. Logan scoffed and Patton shot him a glare. “Go ahead Vee. We will be down in a moment.” Virgil reluctantly moved downstairs and sat on the reclining chair in the corner of the living room. He then waited as he heard hushed talking. They all sounded angry and that snapped Virgil back to his reality. He looked at the arm chair and slowly started to pick at his fingers. Ringing started to play in his ears along with a chorus of voices screaming in his head that he had messed up. Virgil heaved for air as his vision darkened and he rocked back and forth to ease the tension in his body. He felt strong hands grip his wrist and someone trying to talk to him. Virgil looked at the person to see Logan trying to calm him down. Virgil eventually did calm down and felt a warm substance on his arms. He looked and saw blood and his mind went blank again.

“Virgil. Look at me. Don’t focus on that. Patton is getting the first aid kit, but I need you to calm down.” Logan said as he still held his wrist. His grip loosened and Virgil focused his attention back to Logan. Logan took in deep breaths and nodded his head for Virgil to follow along. Virgil breathed in time with Logan as Patton and Roman came back to bandage up his arms. After a few minutes if silence, Logan finally asked “Virgil, what happened?”

“Um, I, I panicked. I am, I am pretty sure I was having an attack. Everything was going dark, and I, I think I was scratching.” Virgil said and looked at them one at a time to get a better read of their facial expressions. Patton’s face was filled with worry, Roman was neutral, and Logan seemed pissed off but concenrned. Virgil looked down and sniffled as the tears started to roll down his face. Roman gently wiped the tears away.

“Virgil, I don’t want to seem mean here, but stop this.” Roman said in a harsh tone. Virgil felt ice get dumped on his head and looked up at Roman. Patton looked appalled.

“Roman! I won’t stand for this! Stop it! He’s already having a hard time!” Patton said and glared at Roman who in turn glared at him.

“He made you cry, Patton! I knew we should have said nothing! He wasn’t ready and never will be ready!” Roman turned his attention back to Virgil. “You need to get the fuck over yourself! You have got to be kidding me!”

“Roman, please. We agreed to hear him out.” Logan said as he let Virgil’s wrist go so he could grab his husband. Roman swatted his hand away and glared daggers at Virgil who in turn shrank into the seat more.

“That was before I saw that he was looking at hotels. Going to run away? Why are you like this!? We invited you into our relationship, our home, and all you have done is been stand offish. We were making an effort to make you feel loved and feel worthy of being in a relationship and you started to push away after movie night. What happened?” Roman continued. Virgil stammered which in turn made Roman mock him. Virgil bit the inside of his cheek as his eyes darted around the room. Patton and Logan tried in vain to deescalate the situation.

“I got scared…” Virgil mumbled which in turn made the three look at him. “I was scared of being hurt.”

“Well congratulations, you instead hurt us.” Logan said through his teeth. Virgil looked up at them with tears in his eyes.

“Its like you are allergic to success! You always manage to screw things up!” Roman shouted. “First with almost failing highschool, not attending a college, and now with my marriage! I can’t believe this!”

Patton started to shout at his husbands who in turn shouted right back. Virgil hyperventilated and looked at his bandaged arms. The three continued back and forth before Virgil stood up. The attention all landed on him.

“I know! I know I am a fuck up! I know I self sabatoge! I know I can’t ever be enough or do enough to make people want to stay! So thanks for reminding me of that!” Virgil screamed. Any trace of anxiousness was gone, it was pure rage. “If I messed up your life that much, then why would you go out of your way to pressure me to date you three!? All because I got drunk and confessed?! I am not some desprate individual that was looking to date some super smart and well off people! I genuinely love you all but the pressure you put on me was not okay from the start!” Patton flinched away. Logan looked at the ground and shook his head. Roman’s eyes widened.

“Virgil-” Roman started.

“No! Stop it! You already said what you needed to say and now its my turn!” Virgil glared at Roman as his body began to shake. “I never asked for this! I would have been better off dead then ruining your perfect marraige! I was scared because everyone I love leaves me anyway so lets move the process right along! I am sick and tired of you guys trying to fix me! I knew I should have never agreed to this!” His attention turned to Patton. “It was my dream to be with you, Patton, but not like this! Not now! Not after years of being turned down only for you to date Logan! And you!” He looked at Logan. “You knew! You knew I liked him and then you took him! You took him away from me when I needed him most! I was lost without my bestfriend so if anyone is to blame for my lack of education, it would be you!” His eyes then locked onto Roman’s. “Don’t even get me started on you. You lucky bastard! Everything was just handed to you!” Virgil balled his fists up and looked at the ceiling. “You all deserve eachother. So willing to blame me for your lack of self awareness when this all could have been avoided if you had let me be.” Virgil then walked up the stairs, packed a bag, and headed towards the door.

“Virgil wait!” Patton chased after him. He was flushed red as tears streamed down his face. Virgil turned back.

“I hope you figure out what you guys want. Until then, leave me the fuck alone!” Virgil slammed the front door shut and walked down the driveway. It was only after he was in the street did the realization of what he had just done hit him. Virgil wiped away his tears and trudged his way to his friends apartment.

Chapter Text

Virgil knocked softly on a apartment door. He felt his phone buzzing with phone calls that he refused to accept and wouldn’t give them the time of day either. He then jumped as he heard a cheer of victory before a more calm voice telling them to “be quiet” as the door lock clicked. Virgil looked up as the door opened and saw his friend Janus smiling at him welcomingly. Virgil looked down quickly as the tears welled in his eyes again. Janus moved closer and quickly ushered him inside to the noisy apartment.

“Jan-Jan! Come give me a kiss!” A rather loud voice said from the cramped living room. “Oh? It wasn’t the pizza? Who is it? Let me look!”

“Down, boy.” A third voice chimed in. “He looks like he is having a hard time. You can probably meet him tomorrow if he is up for it.”
“Can both of you keep an eye out for the pizza? I am going to talk to my friend for a few seconds.” Janus said as he walked Virgil to a room. He sat Virgil on the bed and carefully took the bag that he was clutching onto for dear life. Virgil looked up at Janus who’s eyes were filled with concern. “Hey. What’s wrong? Do you want to talk about it?”

Virgil sniffled before breaking down into sobs. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and surrendered it to Janus with shaky hands. Janus unlocked it and read the messages that were still rolling in. Janus yelped as the phone started to buzz with a incoming call. Janus showed Virgil the phone and Virgil read the screen. It was a incoming call from Patton which made Virgil sob even harder. Janus frowned and left the room with the phone. Virgil sniffled as he tried to calm himself down so he could listen to the call.

“Hello? Yes, this is still his phone number.” Silence. “I am afraid that he isn’t available to talk right now.” More silence. “No. My friend is in tears right now and I want to keep him safe from whatever you want to say in this moment. I don’t care nor do I know what happened between you and-” Janus was cut off and he let out a groan. “No. He’s safe and I am taking care of him.” Janus re-entered the room and sighed as he turned off the phone. “Man V. You sure know how to pick the worst partners.”

Virgil started to cry harder and nodded. Janus quickly was at his side. “I know Janus. I really screwed up this time.” Janus held him and sighed softly.

“I was joking, but I am sorry. I shouldn’t have said that at this moment. You are already having a hard time.” Janus said softly. “We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to, but I do want to tell you that the guy on the phone sounded really concerned.”

Well…I was..I was living with them.” Virgil croaked out. Janus furrowed his eyebrows.

“Them? Wait a minute. You didn’t tell me that you had moved.” Janus said softly. He sounded a little hurt.

“Yeah..Um…It all just happened so fast. I started dating these three guys.” Virgil started out and Janus nodded in thought. “They, uh they are married and they opened their relationship to include me and I moved in with them about a two months ago.”

“I am happy that you were able to find love V, but what happened?” Janus pried gently. Janus had always been good at getting straight to the point.

“I got scared.” Virgil whispered and Janus nodded in thought. He opened his mouth to say something but Virgil quickly cut him off. “I was scared because I don’t know how to love or accept love. How could they love me, J? I am such a fuck up and I blamed it on them!”

“What do you mean?” Janus rubbed his back in a comforting way.

“I blamed them for rejecting me in middle school, my lack of pursuing a education after highschool and how one of them was just lucky. I didn’t want them to explain themselves. I was just so terrified because how could they love me!? I don’t understand it! They were using me and I know that they were!” Virgil grew angry and his sadness started to dissipate. “I confessed to them while drunk and they waited months before they said anything about it! I spent that time wondering if they had heard me or they didn’t want to ruin their happy marriage! I got my answer today though! How dare he say that! I want to punch him and break his nose!”

“V, its okay. Please calm down a bit. I know this is a lot but I have my partners over and I don’t want them to be worried.” Janus said softly. The door creaked open and Janus and Virgil looked up.

“Too late.” A guy with sunglasses and a iced coffee said. “I am afraid that I am ready to kick someones ass.”

“I want to find out who these pooples are and take em out for making our child cry!” The man with a white streak in his hair and mastache exclaimed.

“Don’t you mean people?” The one with glasses said.

“No, because they are poopy heads!”

“Remy, Remus, please no kicking ass. I don’t want to bail my partners out of jail.” Janus said as Virgil looked at the man, Remus, confused.

“Child?” Virgil said softly and Remus looked at him and grinned. He bounded over and sat on the floor infront of Virgil.

“Yes small potato! I am Remus and I am your father.” He smiled a wide smile.

“Please don’t confuse him. Excuse him, but he basically means that he cares about you because Janus cares about you. Remus, heel!” Remy said as he dragged Remus away from Virgil. Remus pouted and Virgil couldn’t stop a small watery giggle from escaping. Janus noticed and smiled. Remy and Remus continued their conversation but Virgil was still able to hear Remus whining about being pulled away from “his child”. Janus focused his attention back to Virgil.

“V. I don’t know what fully went down or do I know their intentions with inviting you into their relationship, but I do think that they loved you. Even if it was just the idea of you.” Janus mused with a soft sigh. Virgil sniffled a bit more and looked down at his still bandaged arms. Janus noticed and tried to distract him from paying attention to the bandages.

“J, what am I going to do?” Virgil finally whispered after a few minutes. Janus sat silently and shook his head.

“Thats not my call, V.” Janus ran his fingers through his own hair. “You can start by telling me their names and how they hurt you? The most I can be here for is emotional support and try to help you process this.” Virgil nodded slightly and started telling him about Patton and Logan but saw Janus visibly tense up at the mention of Roman. That made Virgil look at his friend with questioning eyes. Janus sighed.

“Whats the last name?” Janus carefully pried.

“Um…They are the Harts.” Virgil mumbled and Janus slumped in defeat. “Why?”

“Well…Roman is Remus’ brother and its safe to say I know why this happened.” Janus looked at the floor and Virgil slowly shifted his full attention to Janus who had a distant look on his eyes.

“Jan, its none of my business but, but I know he has a good heart. He just comes off as rude.” Virgil held Janus’ hand. Janus looked at Virgil and snapped back from his dissociating.

“Damn, I’m sorry. I have just heard a lot and I personally didn’t like how he acted when Remus introduced us to the family.” Janus shook his head and looked at him. “This isn’t about me anyway. Honestly V, how much do you love them?”

“A lot.” Virgil said with no hesitation. Janus smiled.

“Then you guys will get through this. You just all need a break and you are right. They do need to figure out what they want. So give them and yourself time.” Janus said encourgingly and hugged Virgil tightly. Virgil returned the hug just as Remus brought in the pizza. The rest of the night was spent goofing off and generally just trying to keep Virgil happy. Virgil fell asleep cuddled up to Janus and Virgil finally felt at peace but how long would that last?

Chapter Text

Virgil woke up the next morning tucked into Janus’ bed and groaned softly at his head pounding from pain. All the crying from the day before had finally caught up to him and it indeed was not a pleasant experience. He slowly sat up and swung his feet out of the bed before standing with a slight sway. Virgil sighed in soft defeat of all that had happened. His boyfriends were no longer his boyfriends and now he knew what they actually thought of him. Sure he could make the argument that he had secretly wanted the relationship to fail from the start but at the end of the day, he wanted his partners to show him just how much they loved him. Not tell him all the things that he had fucked up on. Virgil made his way to the bedroom door and slowly opened it to hear soft snoring coming from the livingroom. He flinched a bit and tiptoed out of the room and took in the scene before him. Remy and Janus were cuddled up to eachother on the couch and asleep. Virgil felt a small smile grace his lips and he made his way to the kitchen. There he found Remus munching on some leftover pizza.

Once Remus saw him he perked up and excitedly waved at Virgil. Virgil couldn’t help a soft giggle that escaped his lips and waved back. Remus grinned and offered Virgil a slice of the pizza that was on his plate. Virgil shrugged and sauntered over as Remus continued enjoying the leftovers. Virgil sat next to Remus and took a bit only for the pizza to be cold and Virgil looked at Remus with confusion. Remus noticed and looked at his own slice and then back to Virgil who was doing the same.

“Its cold because pizza for breakfast should be cold unless you want to warm it up on a cast iron grill, Virgil. Everyone knows that.” Remus said in a matter of fact way as he dunked his pizza into ranch. Virgil stared at him puzzled but did not question it as he continued to eat. Remus continued dipping his already drenched pizza slice in ranch before looking at Virgil. “So, who are you dating?”

Virgil felt his body tense up and he looked down at his pizza slice. “Its complicated. I’m pretty sure we are either taking a break or broke up.” Remus looked at Virgil and hummed in thought.

“I just want to talk to them. Thats all. What they did to you was unfair but that doesn’t mean you have to be unfair back.” Remus mused as he took a bite of his pizza before continuing with a full mouth. “I should know! I have a lot of unhealed trauma and boy does it get the best of me sometimes! My brother and a rarely talk because he is some famous actor and I am the twin that just fucked up his life and got in his way. I hate him for blaming me for his misfortune but at the same time I crave a relationship. I just know I’m not well of mentally to handle having a relationship with him.” Virgil looked at Remus sympathetically.

“I know what thats like. One of my partners is exactly like that.” Virgil said as he put a hand on Remus’ shoulder. Remus looked at him and shrugged.

“I honestly wish him all the best but fuck him, ya know? Roman is such a inspiration to me and I know my body physically can’t handle putting him first anymore. I mean look at me now! I have two amazing partners who put up with my props taking up a majority of the closet space and I get to do what I love! Dark photography! Sure its not everyones cup of tea, but I found people that would take a whole gallon!” Remus grinned from ear to ear as he spoke rather loudly. Virgil felt his stomach drop to his feet. He was in such grief from the night before that he had totally forgotten that Roman was Remus’ brother. Remus noticed the tension in Virgil’s body and furrowed his eyebrows. “You know my brother.” Virgil hesitantly nodded and Remus let out a deep sigh. “You are dating him.”

“I mean, Janus told me but I was so consumed in my self pity that it slipped my mind until you reminded me.” Virgil whispered out and braced himself for backlash. Remus hummed in thought but then rubbed Virgil’s back.

“Don’t pay his rude comments anymind, kiddo.” Remus smiled at Virgil. “He has zero self restraint when things don’t go how he wants them to go. Hence my low contact with him.”

“I’m not your kid, but thanks Remus.” Virgil looked at the ground. “I just know that I’m not what he wants.”

“Maybe not. I know deep down that you are what he needs though. He wouldn’t have gone out of his way to invite you into the relationship if he didn’t love you. I want you to know that. Roman just also has a tendency of cutting people out too fast without giving them a moment to explain themselves. You could even talk to Janus and Remy about Roman but they are uncomfortable around him for that reason. I hate the fact that he tries to have everything be perfect when in fact he is the most broken of us all.” Remus continued with a distant look in his eyes. “I hate that he wants everything to be perfect and will stop at nothing to get it. No matter who he hurts, who he backstabs, but at the end of the day I love him. I’m his other half for a reason.”

“I feel like I shouldn’t force myself into their perfect little world.” Virgil sniffled as tears started to fall. Remus noticed and quickly hugged him.

“Trust me. We could all stand to be less perfect and learn from the broken. The people who think they aren’t all that and what not. It doesn’t matter if you feel like you don’t belong when they want you to belong. They tried to make life a little easier and you threw it away because you didn’t feel worthy of being loved. You are lovable, even if you don’t see that yet.” Remus said gently yet with a firm undertone. Virgil nodded in slight agreement and sniffled. “You guys just need a minute to collect your thoughts and ask yourself the hard question. You could love him but is it the right time for you to be together. I don’t know the situation and you don’t have to tell me about it, but give yourself and them time and then to meet up when you are ready. Whether that be tomorrow or two months from now. In that time, find something that makes you happy. You are welcome to stay as long as you need to.”

“I- Thank you. You are right. I need to learn how to love myself before I demand that they prove that they love me.” Virgil felt a small smile tug at his lips. Remus grinned and nodded.

“HELL YEAH!” Remus shouted and they heard a small whimper come from the livingroom. Virgil flinched and looked to see Remy sitting up and holding Janus who was still asleep.

“I am glad you two had a heart to heart but Remus we have talked about the shouting.” Remy said in a morning voice that made Remus flush red.

“I’m sorry! Won’t happen again.” Remus walked over and gave both Janus and Remy kisses on their foreheads. Virgil watched the three love birds and smiled.

Chapter Text

It had been nearly a month since Virgil had spoken to the trio. Even if it was for the best, time seemed to drag but Virgil didn’t have much time for self-pity with Remy, Remus, and Janus gently coaxing him into telling them how he was feeling and trying to help him discover what and who he wanted to be. Through the times Virgil spent crying on their bathroom floor or helping him out of his anxiety attacks after receiving messages from Patton and Logan. Healing wasn’t easy but it was better than rotting into the hollow husk he called his life. Virgil wasn’t who he wanted to be or doing what he said he was going to be doing by now and that finally snapped him back to reality. The fact that he had potential that he had wasted simply because some guy didn’t want to be with him back in middle school was childish. The fact that he had made Logan out to be a bad guy simply because Patton had chosen Logan over himself was immature. The fact that he had blamed Roman simply out of envy for Patton falling in love with him was stupid! Virgil had no control over who these people were or how they lived their lives, but the fact that they had still made space for him and embraced him with open arms showed that they had loved him from the start. A deep and kind love that he had thrown away for the simple fact that he was too insecure to accept at the time.

Virgil needed to get it together. He wasn’t even sure where to start. Virgil didn’t even know what he was good at anymore. That’s when Remy stepped in and took him to an art museum that he had gotten tickets for. Sure Virgil had seen art but had he appreciated it? The answer to that is no. Going and experiencing the motions and connecting with the pieces firsthand was an eye-opener for Virgil and Remy noticed the change in his demeanor. After their museum “date”, Remy took Virgil directly to an arts and craft store and let Virgil get anything he wanted. Virgil looked at Remy in shock but Remy had that smirk on his face that he normally ever gave Remus when he begged for new art supplies. “Go ham, V. You deserve this.”

Virgil didn’t hesitate after that. Picking up canvases and paint supplies while trying to mentally keep track of how much money it all was versus what he had left over in his bank account. Virgil nervously walked up to the cash register and watched as the price increased well into the hundreds zone and he felt lightheaded at that before he heard the ding of the kiosk saying that the amount was approved. Virgil spun around and saw Remy putting his credit card away with a smug smile and Virgil’s mouth hung open in shock.

“Remy, you didn’t have to do that.” Virgil whispered and Remy just shrugged.

“No point in arguing now. Let’s go.” Remy grabbed a couple of the bags and started to leave the store. Virgil grabbed the remaining bags and followed quickly. Back at the apartment, Remy helped Virgil set up his little art corner and patted him on the back. Virgil blinked a few times and teared up. Remy smiled softly and left the room and Virgil wiped the tears from his eyes before going to work. He had no idea what he was doing but knew he wanted to convey his gratitude towards the three who had adopted him. He put his earbuds in and put brush to canvas letting the music guide his movements but not his emotions.
The hues blur and connect abstractly. Virgil smiled happily and continued as he added the three to the painting. Remus with his wide toothy grin. Janus with his patient smile. Remy with a neutral expression but his lips in a small smirk. He took a step back and stared at his painting as the brush slipped from his hand and to the floor. His paint-smothered hands covered his mouth in shock of what he had created. The background was a mix of brown, yellow, and green to represent how he saw them. The three portraits stared back and Virgil couldn’t help but feel pride swell in his chest. He quickly took a picture and posted it to his social media account with the caption “These three goofs are the reason I am still alive”. Virgil promptly cleaned up his art supplies and rushed to grab them to show the three what he had done.

Little did Virgil know that Roman, Logan, and Patton had seen the painting and his phone was blowing up with notifications from the three.

Chapter Text

Virgil gleamed as he proudly showed his art to Remus, Janus, and Remy and the three were shocked. For someone who had never painted, his piece was beautiful. The portraits were accurate and even down to the slight red around Janus’ eye from his birthmark was something to be in awe of. Janus knew that Virgil could do drawings but painting a person was a whole other ballpark and Virgil had nailed it. Virgil had a knack for being creative but was encouraged to go into a field that would benefit him in the long run instead of being a broke and struggling artist. Virgil grinned and encouraged the three to pose next to their portraits as he grabbed his phone to take a picture. The blood drained from his face and the phone slipped from his hand and hit the ground with a thud.

Virgil started hyperventilating and pulled his hands close to his stomach as his lunch wanted to reappear on the floor. His ears rang and his vision started to darken. He could feel his knees start to buckle and sway with what he had read on the screen. Virgil looked up at the three who looked back at him with concern. The world was spinning and everything was moving in slow motion as Virgil tried to keep the contents of his stomach down. Janus quickly moved to his side and tried to get him to sit on the floor. Remus picked up Virgil’s phone and his eyes widened in shock before furrowing in rage. Remy ran to the kitchen which was just out of Virgil’s view, presumably to get him a glass of water. Remus was shouting something in anger, Janus was trying to calm both Remus and Virgil down, Remy came back and gently took the phone before anything else could happen. Virgil gulped in what air his lungs would allow him to and grabbed his head. Before Virgil knew it, or the three could stop it, Virgil’s world went black.

Virgil heard hushed panicked whispering from Remy and Janus as he slowly regained consciousness. He tried to make out their words before he heard shouting directed at Roman. Virgil’s eyes flew open and shot into a sitting position, which startled Remy and Janus. The world swayed with his sudden movements but he couldn’t stop now, he had to get his phone back. Janus grabbed him and held him close. Virgil looked at Janus who had tears streaming down his face which had removed the foundation he used to cover his birthmark.

“Virgil. Virgil. Take it easy bud. You just passed out.” Janus said gently. Virgil nodded and carefully wiped Janus’ tears away which caused him to flinch at first. Virgil then heard another scream and his attention turned to where it was coming from.

“Are you guys fucking serious!?” Remus screamed. “Get some fucking balls and own up to what you three did to him! Roman, I swear if I ever see you again I’m going to break your nose!” There was silence and then right back to screaming. “You called him a leech you prick! I spoke highly of you and encouraged Virgil to reach out when HE felt comfortable with it! His grief doesn’t have a timeline! You have always been self centered and I am glad you finally are suffering from the actions you chose! I will choose Virgil over you any day of the week because he cares about me and my partners and it's not some facade for your husbands! GET A FUCKING GRIP!”

Virgil shook as he heard the apartment door slam open and Remy ran out of the room to talk to Remus. “Remus, slow down. Virgil is awake and we-”

“How dare he?! How dare he say those things about him!? About us!?” Remus exclaimed.

“Remus! Please stop!” Remy raised his voice and Virgil could hear the tears in his voice. Virgil shakily stood and walked out of the room to see both Remy and Remus in a tight hug, tears slipping down their faces. Virgil paused before slowly approaching which pulled Remus’ attention to him. Remus started to sob harder and reached a hand out to Virgil. Virgil smiled sympathetically and moved to hug him. Remus hugged him tightly and sobbed into his shoulder and Janus slowly emerged from the room. Rubbing the sides of his arms Virgil took in the scene before him. He let out a deep sigh and slowly pulled away from Remus. The three looked in shambles and Virgil’s eyebrows knit into a tight line as he took a deep breath. He knew what he had to do.

“Remus, can I have my phone back?” Virgil said as he reached a hand out for the device in question. Remus stiffened but slowly nodded as he handed it over. “I have a call to make.” Janus opened his mouth to say something but Virgil shot him a look to stop. “I am sorry. I didn’t want you guys to get involved more than you have. I have to face them eventually.” Virgil took a deep breath and stepped outside to make the phone call. Virgil stared down at Patton’s caller ID as the phone started to buzz in his hand. His mind tried to rehearse how he would answer the phone but his finger moved faster than his thoughts. He raised the phone to his ear and flinched as he heard Roman and Logan yelling at each other in the background.

“Hello…?” Patton carefully asked and Virgil shook as he opened his mouth to answer. He sounded broken.

“Hi.” He said sharply.

“Virgil?” Patton whispered into the phone. Virgil gulped and ran his free hand through his hair.

“You don’t sound too good. I am going to fix this. Okay? Could you three meet me in forty-five minutes at the coffee shop close to your house?” Virgil said quickly. Trying his best to detach from his emotions.

“Yes. Yes, we will be there.” Patton eagerly answered and he heard Patton running. “Logan, Roman! Virgil is on the phone! He wants to talk to us!” He heard the phone get passed to the next person.

“Virgil?” Logan’s voice came through the phone and Virgil quickly hung up. He slowed his quickening breath as another phone call came in from Patton’s phone. He put his phone in his pocket and returned to the apartment. Remy, Remus, and Janus stared at him and Virgil flashed them his best smile that he could muster.

“We are meeting up in forty minutes,” Virgil said as he made his way to get ready. Remus chased after.

“Virgil! Let us come with you. I don’t want you to go alone and feel pressured into feeling like you have to take them back.” Remus said quickly. Virgil faced him and slowly nodded his head.

“That's probably for the best. We are all going.”

Virgil fidgeted with his hoodie sleeves as he waited for Patton, Roman, and Logan to show up. The cup of coffee he had ordered grew colder as time moved slowly around him. His mind was racing into how they would react when they saw him. Sure it’s not like a year had passed but Virgil had changed. Better or for worse. He had grown out his hair, bleached, dyed it, and currently was obsessed with trying to change his style. He had let people dictate who he was for long enough and finally wanted to do what he said he was always going to do. Be himself. The door to the shop swung open and Virgil looked over at it to see Patton frantically looking around the shop. Virgil waved to get his attention but it faltered as Roman and Logan entered. He clasped his hands in front of himself and stared down at the table. He tried to calm his breathing as Janus sat next to him and took his hands in his own. Virgil looked at him and Janus nodded.

“Remy and Remus agreed to stay over at the other table, Vee. I got you though.” Janus tried to hide his fear and Virgil felt guilty for having Janus feel like he couldn’t handle this by himself. Virgil let out a breath he wasn’t sure that he was holding. Patton finally spotted him and rushed over despite the objection from his husbands.
“Virgil!” Patton had tears slipping down his cheeks and guilt was welding inside of Virgil’s chest as he took in the man before him. He was pale and thinner than normal. His normally bubbly personality was gone and replaced with this husk that stood in front of him. Virgil stood slowly and slowly opened his arms to him. Patton threw himself into a tight hug and Virgil hugged right back. Virgil buried his face into Patton’s shoulder as he tried to control his emotions so he didn’t break down. Patton pulled away and cupped Virgil’s face in his hands as his eyes scanned him up and down. Virgil stared at Patton as he watched his eyes frantically look him over and Virgil gave him a soft smile.

“Patton, I’m okay.” Virgil gently removed his hands and Patton wiped his tears harshly.

“You dyed your hair,” Patton said after a moment of silence. “It suits you, VeeVee.”

Virgil smiled warmly at Patton as his eyes slowly drifted over to the door where Roman seemed frozen in place while Logan slowly walked over. Virgil gave Logan his full attention and his smile dropped as Logan looked him over.

“I…Virgi, I’m sorry.” Logan whispered. Virgil blinked in shock and hugged Logan. Logan was trembling and Virgil felt conflicted at the thought of the normally stoic man being weak.

“I don’t know if I forgive you yet.” Virgil mumbled out before he could stop himself. Logan looked at him with shock but slowly nodded. Logan pulled away and grabbed Patton’s hand and held it tightly. Virgil looked over at Roman but Roman was staring at the table where Remy and Remus were sitting. “Roman. You are here for me. Not him.”

Roman snapped his head and looked at Virgil before shuffling over slowly. Virgil crossed his arms in front of his chest as he watched Roman approach. Roman scanned him up and down and Virgil rolled his eyes before putting his hair up into a ponytail. Roman froze slightly and looked Virgil in his eyes. Virgil motioned for him to sit down with cold eyes and Roman’s eyes filled with fear. Virgil took his seat next to Janus who was staring down at the table. Logan, Patton, and Roman sat across from them and Roman stared at Janus. Virgil cleared his throat and grabbed his attention again.

“So. Now that we are here, I would like to start out by apologizing.” Virgil said as he took Janus’ hand into his own and rubbed his thumb over his knuckles. Logan stared at the hands and he paled.

“I feel-” Roman started out before Patton cut him off with a small glare.

“I forgive you, Vee. I just have one question.” Patton looked at Virgil in slight heartbreak.

“What is it?” Virgil asked and looked between the three of them.

“How did you move on so fast?” Logan asked.

Chapter Text

Virgil blinked a few times as the words echoed in his brain. Move on fast? He had panic attacks over the thought of trying to reconnect with his ex-partners and Logan now thought that he had just moved on. Virgil stared at the table before he felt Janus gently place a hand on his shoulder which brought him back from his dissociation. Virgil looked between the three and he felt the anger just beneath the surface. It wasn’t easy for Virgil during this time and he wasn’t the same person that they had been with. He was finally learning how to love himself and he knew what love was from his close friends. Remy, Remus, and Janus gave him a family when he needed one and honestly, Virgil was pissed off that it was misinterpreted as romantic.

“I mean, they adopted me. I didn’t move on quickly. I just have standards of who I will allow into my life now.” Virgil said. Patton audibly gasped at that. Logan tensed up and looked down at the table. Roman stared at Virgil and Virgil in turn stared right back. “What?”

“My brother, he adopted you?” Roman whispered. Virgil looked at him and squinted his eyes.

“Yeah. Remy and Janus did as well. Why?” Virgil looked at Janus through the corner of his eye. Janus shifted uncomfortably at the mention of his name.

“I just thought, I thought you had started dating him to get back at me for being a jerk to you. I am sorry about that Virgil. I just thought you wanted to hurt me.” Roman rubbed his hands together as his eyes shifted over to Janus.

“I am not like that. I didn’t even know that Remus was your brother. Not everyone is out to get you, Roman. Just because we broke up doesn’t mean I would go out of my way to hurt you. Any of you and I want you to know that.” Virgil looked between the three of them. Patton started crying again and wiped his eyes hastily.

“Virgie, I am so sorry. I am. You are right. You have every right to be upset with me alone. I messed up.” Patton sniffled and played with his fingers. “It wasn’t fair. None of what I did to you was fair. I rejected you and claimed that I was straight and then started dating Logan. Who does that to someone they love?” Virgil clenched his jaw and took in a sharp breath. Patton noticed and tensed up. “Vee, I want you to know that I love you. And maybe I didn’t realize how much I did until you left. You were always there for me. Even after I broke your heart the first time. You showed up to our wedding and I fell for you then. I insisted that we invited you over again, and again, and again. I wanted to keep you close. I didn’t want you to be with anyone else. So when you confessed that night, I begged Logie and Ro to open the relationship.”

“What?” Janus whispered. Virgil looked at Janus who looked furious. “You did this! You do know how selfish and narcissistic that is, right? Begging your partners to open the relationship out of what? Pity? Virgil is so much better without any of you and honestly, looking at all three of you disgusts me!”

Roman snapped his attention to Janus. “That's rich coming from you, snake! We broke up at the end of high school and then you went after Remus! After you told me multiple times that you didn’t like him!”

“Roman stop! We aren’t here for Janus, we are here for Virgil!” Logan interjected and glared daggers at Janus who backed down immediately. Virgil balled his hands into a fist and looked at Logan.

“I really can’t believe this. This is starting to sound like a poorly written fanfic subplot and we are living in it. It’s like no matter what we do, it's square one. I am not ashamed to admit that I messed up. From the beginning. I got too comfortable, I got drunk and confessed, I ran away. At the end of the day it all comes back to me and my decisions.” Virgil said as tears started to fall down his face. “I am the problem. I didn’t want it to come to this point. I just wanted to be happy.” Logan, Patton, and Roman all stared at Virgil before looking amongst themselves.

“You are right. We have all been so self-absorbed that it wasn’t fair to any of us.” Patton mumbled.

“Life isn’t fair, Patton. We all know that. I am sorry Virgil, you are right. We held you to a near-impossible standard and expected you to reach it within the time frame that we had set. We didn’t, I didn’t realize the pressure that I had put on you. It wasn’t okay.” Logan looked down at the table.

“I was too harsh. I wanted things to be perfect and I hate to admit it, but I didn’t want you in the relationship to begin with. But you being around made me happy, it made Patton happy, it made Logan happy. You make us better. Whether or not I give you credit. Our relationship went to shit the moment you left. Patton gave Logan and me a dose of our own medicine and I finally understood how you felt. Using our love as a game that you have to play and win to receive love was cruel. We set you up to fail.” Roman looked at Virgil and then to Janus. “You were right about us, we did use you.”

“We were all horrible to each other.” Virgil sniffled and nodded in thought. “I should have tried to talk to you guys about how I was feeling instead of cutting you off and then running. You guys deserve better.”

“I want you.” Patton said quickly and grabbed one of Virgil’s hands but Virgil pulled away.

“I know. I also know you guys need to work out your relationship and want the same things. Whether that includes me or not should be up to your partners as well. You can’t just get what you want all the time when you are in a relationship with three other people.” Virgil said and wiped his eyes. “I love you enough to say that and I want you to respect what I am saying this time around. That’s part of why we got here in the first place.”

Patton looked hurt at the statement and wanted to interject but stopped and looked at his husbands. Logan was rubbing the palms of his hands together as he stared at the table. Roman was bouncing his knee and looking at Janus with a harsh glare. Patton sighed and nodded.

“You are right. We should probably do some marriage counseling. We should have done that before we invited you into the relationship. We were having problems and I thought inviting you would fix it. It was doomed from the start all because I didn't want Logie and Ro fighting before bed each night. I was hopeful when I saw them make an effort to get along when you were around. It made me happy.” Patton sunk into himself as Roman and Logan looked at him.

“What?” Logan said softly. “Is that why you slept on the couch?”

“Patton, you could have told us.” Roman said and rubbed his husband's back.

“Would you have listened? You didn’t when I brought it up the first time.” Patton moved away from Roman.

“I see. I thought it all went to shit because of me.” Virgil whispered and that made Patton look up at him.

“I am sorry. I used you and I am so so sorry about that. I wanted it to be fixed without wanting to put in the work.” Patton said and wiped his tears.

“A month of counseling and then maybe we will see what happens after that.” Virgil said as he stood up. Janus stood with him and they both walked over to get Remy and Remus. Patton stood and chased after Virgil.

“I promise I will go. I would do anything to prove how much I love you.” Patton said as he grabbed onto the hoodie sleeve, making Virgil stop in his tracks.

“Then leave me alone until your marriage is fixed.” Virgil pulled away and walked out of the cafe. Remus, Remy, and Janus followed. Once out of sight from the cafe, Virgil broke down in trembling tears and the three stopped and hugged him until he was calm enough to go home.

Chapter Text

Dear Virgil,

It has been a harsh few weeks since our last conversation. We all kept our word and are trying to make an effort. It should not matter anymore because tonight will be the night I end it all. This isn’t your doing because I know that it's all my fault. I know how selfish and condescending I was to you from the start. You are one of the only people I could ever trust and dare I say love. I don’t believe you should or will ever forgive me and thats okay. Take care of yourself and the others. I love you.

With shaky hands the note was folded and tucked away. The figure moved about the room and began their plan. The pills were hastily gulped down and the world started to spin and darken. They heard screaming and saw flashing lights before everything went to black.

Chapter Text

Virgil hummed softly as he worked on his newest painting. He had taken a liking to painting different types of ducks. Remus had suggested that he could start selling some of his duck paintings and take commissions. It was easy setting up all the relevant accounts however the challenging part was marketing. Paired with the chronic fear of rejection, it was safe to say that knew he was stuck. He had just started taking anxiety medication and thought about putting himself on antidepressants because he saw how better off Remus seemed when he was taking them versus the days when he forgot. It was funny from not caring about himself to actually considering himself as a human being. The thought of him not prioritizing his healing journey made his brain shriek its disgust. For years he had put himself on the back burner when it came to anything and everything he enjoyed or loved but with new-found free time, Virgil could finally progress in his healing journey.

The soft knocking on the door broke him from his thoughts and he looked over to see Remus. Virgil smiled and motioned the man in and he slowly shuffled into the room. He looked at Virgil with tears in his eyes. Virgil frowned and set his paintbrush down. “Hey, what's the matter?” he asked carefully. Remus’ eyes darted to the floor and he gave a heavy sigh.

“I…I just got off the phone with Patton,” Virgil stiffened when he heard that name but as Remus continued he felt his entire being go numb “Virgil, Logan is in the hospital. He just tried to commit suicide.”

“He…What?” Virgil swayed slightly and Remus carefully walked closer and held him. Virgil started to hyperventilate and his mind raced to find a reason as to why the usually stoic man would go to such an extreme length. Virgil stumbled towards the doorway as he tried to leave the apartment. He had to be there for his partner. No matter how bad their “break up” had been, or how the conversation at the cafe had gone, Virgil knew deep down that the love that he had for this man was strong enough to will him past all it. He couldn’t stand the thought that Logan did this for no reason and he needed to get to the bottom of it.

Remus carefully made him sit down on the couch and was saying something to him but the ringing in his ears and racing of his mind blocked out the sound. Virgil looked at Remus who was in tears and Virgil froze as he tried his best to pull himself from his thoughts and focus on what Remus was saying. “Re… I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” Virgil teared up as the gravity of the situation slammed into him. Virgil wiped at his eyes and buried his head into his hands.

“Virgie, they want you to go. They want you to be there if you are feeling up to it.” Remus said softly and rubbed his back. Virgil started to sob at that. Gasping for air and snotty nose sobbing. His whole body trembled and he felt his own fingers slide into his hair and nails dig into his scalp before Remus pulled his hands away and held them in his own. “I know. I know. I’ll drive you there, okay? I’ll be with you the entire time, baby V.”

Virgil nodded and let Remus slowly bring him to his feet and towards the bathroom. Virgil grabbed the toilet paper and blew his nose a few times to make sure all the snot was gone before throwing the used tissue into the trash can. He then washed his hands and saw his reflection in the mirror. He stared at himself for a second and wiped at his eyes frantically. He had to be strong. Not for himself, but for Roman and Patton. Their husband had just tried to commit suicide. He had to be there for them and not be selfish in that moment. He looked at Remus who looked right back at him as he used his hoodie sleeve to wipe the tears off his cheeks. Virgil sniffled and slowly made his way out of the bathroom and Remus followed suit. The two left the apartment after telling Remy where they were going and to tell Janus after he got home from work. With that done, the two got into Remus’ beat-up car and made their way to the hospital.

~

Virgil carefully made his way into the waiting room as Remus tried to find a place to park the car. His nerves had him on edge but he knew that Patton and Roman were dealing with worse. He carefully looked around and saw Roman and Patton sitting at a corner couch together. Roman was rubbing his husband's back with one hand while the other held up his head. Patton had both of his hands covering his face and little gasps of air broke his sobbing. Virgil sucked in a deep breath and walked over slowly to the pair. Virgil carefully started to rub Roman’s back which caused the male to look at Virgil. What Virgil saw was like a gut punch. His eyes were red and puffy from the tears but he also had dark circles under his eyes. Virgil carefully sat down beside him and Roman’s eyes followed his movements as tears threatened to spill from his eyes.

Virgil nodded slightly and offered the hand that he had been using to rub Roman’s back. Roman’s shoulders trembled as he grabbed Virgil’s hand and held onto it tightly. Virgil rubbed his thumb over Roman’s knuckles as the man opened his mouth to say something but no sound escaped him.

“I know. It's okay, Ro. Logan is going to be okay.” Virgil said softly which grabbed the attention of Patton. Patton sniffled and wiped at his eyes desperately. He looked broken and carefully reached into his pocket and dug around for something. He pulled out a wrinkled piece of paper and held it out to Virgil. Virgil felt his heart drop to his feet as he stared at the note.

“Logan wrote it for you.” Patton croaked out after clearing his throat. Virgil stared at it as his brain tried to catch up with what Patton had just said. He carefully reached for the paper and gingerly unfolded it. His eyes scanned the neatly scribbled words and tears were brought to his eyes. He felt the guilt building up in his stomach and the need to scream suddenly entered into his mind. It didn’t make sense. None of what the letter said made any sense to Virgil. Sure he and Logan had their disagreements but this entire situation was entirely his fault and he knew that. Virgil froze as the thought of him being in that hospital bed instead of Logan crossed his mind. Virgil slumped in on himself and his hand clenched around the note as he shivered in his seat.

“Virgil.” Roman said softly and Virgil looked up at him through his bangs. “It's not your fault. It's all of our fault. Logan shouldn’t have done this. It was idiotic and extremely selfish. You couldn’t have prevented this.” He continued and Virgil started crying. Roman pulled both Patton and Virgil into a tight hug and that's where the three of them stayed.

Chapter Text

The three males were still hugging when Remus stepped into the waiting room. Virgil noticed him scanning the room and waved him over, careful not to disturb the other two. Remus sauntered across the room and tried his best to ignore his twin. Virgil sighed softly and carefully took one of his hands. Rubbing a thumb over his knuckles in a reassuring manner. Remus fiddled with his hand absentmindedly and hummed softly. Roman heard the humming and slowly moved his head into the direction of his twin. Roman carefully pulled away from the hug and faced his brother.

“Remus. I would like to apologize. I have been a horrid and vile brother to you for years. I had no intention of getting to know you or love you. Everyone loved me and said that you were the bad twins and for a while I believed them. Then when Janus and I broke up and you two started dating, my insecurities got the better of me. I know we don’t have a relationship and I won’t claim we do nor push you to fix things if you don’t want to.” Roman said with tears forming in the corner of his eyes. Remus blankly stared at him before his face started to twist in anger and disgust.

“This is neither the time or place.” Remus hissed out and then focused his attention elsewhere. Roman shifted uncomfortably in his seat and nodded slowly. Remus balled his fist up and they popped from the movement. His eyes wildly scanned the room and he took in deep breaths. Roman noticed and carefully reached for his twin but stopped short when Patton grabbed his hand.

“Boundries. Respect his boundaries.” Patton muttered and wiped his tears quickly. “We discussed this in counseling.”
“Well, he should know better. He shut me out for years and a simple ‘I’m sorry’ will fix the damage done.” Remus stood and walked away. Roman couldn’t stop the tears that fell after Remus was gone and Virgil felt pity for Roman. He didn’t agree with how he treated Remus but Roman should have known better and done better by his brother if he actually wanted this to work. Virgil let out a sigh as a nurse slowly made her way over to the trio.

“You are here to see Logan Hart, correct.” She asked and looked between the three of them. Patton quickly stood and nodded frantically.

“Yes. Is our husband okay?” Patton asked earnestly and caused Virgil to flinch. He wasn’t married to them but this wasn’t the time to correct him. The nurse smiled sofly and nodded.

“He is expected to make a full recovery. He just woke up and is a bit groggy still but keeps asking for someone named Virgil. Would that happen to be you?” She asked Patton who deflated.

“No. Virgil, Logie wants to see you.” Patton said softly and made his way to sit back down on the couch. Virgil blinked a few times as his eyebrows furrowed. He carefully stood and followed the nurse to a room. The sight knocked the air right out of his lungs. Logan looked so small on that white hospital bed. His eyes were closed but Virgil could see the rising and falling of his chest confirming that he was alive. Virgil sucked in a gulp of air and slowly shuffled over to the bedside. Logan slowly opened his eyes when he heard the movement and tears immediately formed in the corner of his eyes. Virgil looked at the tiled floor and carefully took one of Logan’s hands.

“Virgil. I, I am so very sorry. I-I didn’t mean for this to happen. My emotions got the better of m-” Logan started saying before Virgil cut him off.

“Logan. I am not the one you need to be apologizing to. Your husbands are out there waiting to see you. You asked for me specifically, Why?” Virgil said in a low and cold voice. Logan flinched and looked down at the blankets. He let out a long sigh and looked towards the door.

“I only wrote a note for you. I didn’t want to face them so soon.” He explained as tears slipped down his cheeks. “I didn’t want them to find me either, I wanted for you to be able to marry them. If I had just not said anything to Patton all those years ago, you would be better off.”

“You don’t know that. Trying to kill yourself now doesn’t solve anything.” Virgil felt the anger in his chest rising. “You know damn well that I would probably be the same way I am now! What you did was stupid and selfish.”

“Virgil please.” Logan whispered. Virgil shook his head and rolled up his sleeves. Showing off the healed horizontal lines on his forearms.
“You have so much to live for. So much love to give and be given and you chose the easy way out. I understand where you are coming from but I never attempted.” Virgil harshly wiped his eyes from the tears. “You can get better. You HAVE to. You made a commitment to your husbands. I might not be married to you but that doesn’t change the fact that I loved you. I still do but damnit Lo. You can be such a idiot sometimes. You didn’t have to go to this extreme in order to prove anything!”

Logan blankly stared at Virgil as the tears ran down his face. He looked at Virgil’s arms and flinched at the sight before his eyes shifted over to the door. He gasped which caused Virgil to look over at the doorway. Patton and Roman were standing there, Roman’s hands covering his mouth as tears streamed down his face. Patton slowly walked in and sat on the hospital bed next to Virgil. Patton carefully hugged his husband and cried hard. Roman stumbled into the room and grabbed onto both of his husbands. Virgil stood and watched the three before looking at the doorway again. Remus slowly entered the room and hugged Virgil.

“You are strong, V. I got you.” Remus whispered. Virgil smiled softly and hugged him back.

“I got you as well, Re.” Virgil happened to glance at the hospital bed and caught Roman looking at them longingly. Virgil could also overhear Patton lectering Logan and saying that he would be going to therapy. Sure the situation wasn’t fixed but it was a heck of a lot better then how it was. Maybe things could work out after all.

Chapter Text

The time ticked by as Virgil and Remus visited the trio of husbands. He felt out of place and like he fit in all at the same time. When the visitor's hours came to an end, Patton volunteered to stay with Logan at the hospital and Roman reluctantly agreed. He sauntered over to the pair and tried to talk to Remus but Remus turned away and went towards the elevators. Roman looked down, slightly hurt and then turned to Virgil.

“How are you doing, V?” He asked softly. Virgil nodded and looked between the twins as if asking what happened. Roman sighed and rubbed a hand over his face as tears threatened to leave his eyes. “I fucked up a very long time ago and just now coming to terms with what I did isn’t really the best.”

“Remus just needs time. He cares for you but whatever you did messed him up.” Virgil said softly and Roman nodded in agreement. Virgil gave a small shy smile and held Roman’s hand. “How does a drink sound?”

“That sounds fantastic.” Roman said as he tried to catch up to Remus. Virgil sighed and watched the two interact. More of Roman trying to interact with his twin but nothing seemed to help. Remus looked at Virgil and Virgil half jogged the rest of the way down the corridor. Picking up on the rest of their conversation. “V said something about getting a drink. Do you want to join us?”

Remus perked up slightly and hesitantly nodded. Virgil smiled at Remus and Remus flashed him his wide goofy grin before pulling out his phone and texting his partners that he was going out with Virgil and Roman. The elevator door opened and the three stepped inside. Roman hesitantly reached for Virgil’s hand and Virgil took his hand and gave a reassuring squeeze. Roman smiled and squeezed back gently. Remus bobbed his head to imaginary music and when the door opened to the main floor stepped out quickly. Roman and Virgil followed along until they reached a bar.

The trio sat down and ordered some drinks along with an appetizer. The uncomfortable silence stretched over the table which in turn made Virgil anxious. Remus shoveled the chips and salsa into his mouth in a sloppy manner that made Roman cringe. Remus went through a couple more drinks before he started giggling. Roman looked at Virgil who was just starting on his second drink while Roman had barely touched his first. Remus looked as the bar said that they were going to do some karaoke. He stood and stumbled to the stage.

Virgil giggled at Remus as the latter was belting defying gravity. Roman clenched his jaw and looked down at his drink. Virgil looked at Roman and furrowed his brow. He knew better than to ask him what happened between the two. Roman looked back at the stage and Remus looked directly into Roman’s eyes, fire in his own eyes as he continued singing.

“So if you care to find me, look to the western sky! As someone told me lately! "Everyone deserves the chance to fly"! And if I'm flying solo, at least, I'm flying free! To those who'd ground me, take a message back from me!” Remus stretched his left arm out as tears started to fall down his cheeks. “Tell them how I'm defying gravity! I'm flying high, defying gravity!”

Roman bit the inside of his cheek as tears fell down his own face. Virgil carefully grabbed Roman’s hand as Roman mumbled something under his breath. Virgil looked at him puzzled and Roman sighed.

“I was just finishing the song up with him. The line where Glinda says “I hope you’re happy”. I don’t know what I was expecting from him.” Roman said as Remus sauntered back over and sat down. Remus finished up his drink and looked between the two. Virgil shifted uncomfortably but said nothing as they sat and drank.

A couple of hours later and a few more drinks were shared, Roman covered the entire bill and led the other two towards a car that he called for. Both Virgil and Remus were more intoxicated than he was so it was only natural for him to be the responsible one. Remus started talking about the high school and how he had met Janus, causing Roman to pay attention to what was being said.

“N then Janus said he loved me! He was so charming and gosh! I couldn’t believe it. After all, I was a lot different in high school!” Remus giggled and played with his mustache.

“Remus, please don’t. Not right now.” Roman said and shoved his hands into his pockets. That earned him a glare from Remus.

“Why not?! I am allowed to talk about my partner! Even if he did date you, you cheated on him!” Remus pointed a finger to Roman’s chest. Roman glared and shoved him away. Virgil tried to get in between the two.

“Hey! Hey! Calm down-“ Virgil tried to say before Roman cut him off.

“Back off! Don’t act like you are so high and mighty here!” Roman yelled at Virgil. His attention then turned to Remus. “I didn’t cheat on him! It was a huge misunderstanding but of course both of you would take it out of context!”

“I believe Janus more then I would ever believe you!” Remus yelled.

“Lucinda stop it!” Roman yelled. Remus’s face paled and he took a step back. Roman’s eyes widened and he reached for his twin who swatted his hand away. Virgil tried to hold Remus but Remus started trying to heave for air. Roman shakily took a step back. “Remus… I am so sorry.”

Remus pulled at his hair and hyperventilated. Virgil looked at Roman as he slowly started to realize what happened. “Did… did you just deadname him?”

Roman wiped at his eyes as he looked at Remus and Virgil. “Accidentally….”