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Cheris had meant to flirt briefly with Khiruev in order to make a point about her forced loyalty to the Kel—that Khiruev, and all the Kel, deserved better than to have their choice stolen from them. She was unprepared for the sudden surge of attraction as she stood before Khiruev, looking down at her.
Cheris would have found Khiruev attractive even before; a confident and competent older woman, the scar on her face only making her look more distinguished. She wanted to lean in and kiss her, to lose herself in the heat of Khiruev's lips. She thought it was Jedao who wanted Khiruev to press her against the wall and make her forget, who ached for the touch of her hands in Kel gloves. Not that it mattered; the emotions and desires that came with absorbing Jedao's memories were hers now, impossible to disentangle.
Cheris brushed Khiruev's chin lightly with her thumb; she was surprised to feel her hand shaking.
Khiruev remained stubbornly silent and motionless. Cheris could see the answering desire in Khiruev's eyes, but Khiruev did not want to act on the attraction; wouldn't, unless Cheris forced her by a direct order.
Cheris pulled back, made herself sit back down in her chair at a professional distance from Khiruev. It was harder than it should have been. "There are things I will do and things I will not do," she said aloud. To take this further, when Khiruev was bound in loyalty by formation instinct and ignorant of Cheris’s true identity, would be unconscionable. She remembered taking a million lives as Jedao; Cheris's own choices would add significantly to that death toll. But there were lines she wouldn't cross.
And it did matter; she told Khiruev so, fiercely. It mattered for the Kel to be able to choose their loyalty, and not maneuvered like game pieces; it mattered to remember that people were people and not things to be used.
After a moment, Khiruev said sincerely, "Someday I will understand you, sir."
"I hope so," Cheris said with Jedao's crooked smile.
Under formation instinct, Khiruev had no choice but to offer Cheris her loyalty and obedience. Khiruev's formidable intelligence, her experience and talent, were all at Cheris's service; if Cheris were in danger, Khiruev would leap to her defense, throwing her own body between Cheris and a bullet. Cheris would use it, as she was using the forced loyalty of every Kel in the swarm for her own purposes. But she hoped that someday she would be able to face Khiruev without lies, without formation instinct clouding Khiruev’s mind, and simply explain her full plan—and that Khiruev would choose the freedom Cheris offered, of her own free will.