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The Unicorn House is a changeling. Though it is ancient and unwavering, built by strong hands out of solid lumber and iron-forged nails, it is not immune to change. The Unicorn House is built on a foundation of love, and as much as a house is able to, it loves its inhabitants. Its inhabitants change it to fit their needs. The garden grows, the stables are built and rebuilt, the henhouse alone has been rebuilt seven times in the course of six generations, as it is bizarrely a magnet for lightning strikes. As for the house itself, its most radical change was in recent years, with the expansion of the guestroom and the replacement of its original bed with a Family XL sized mattress, to accommodate the youngest Samson daughter and her ten foot husband.
Every so often, when the pressures of the 42nd Millennium became too much for the little family to bear, they would seek refuge here. Myrddin was outside, playing with the chickens, while Augusta slept in the cradle at the foot of her parents’ bed. The couple themselves were enjoying the rare moment of quiet and peace. It was early morning, birds singing on the rooftop, golden sunlight filtering in through the windows. The pair was resting face to face, Roboute running his massive hands through her hair.
“Your mother seems fond of me.” He murmured, sleepy and content. “She will always request assistance from me in the garden or around the house, and she always treats me with kindness.”
“That makes me happy.” She smiled. “Her daughters have a track record of awful taste in men. You’re the best guy we’ve ever brought home by a long shot. And she married my dad, so she has high standards.”
“Standards I am honored to meet.” He leaned in closer to her, wrapping his hand around her waist. She drew in closer as well, eager for his touch, hands drifting towards his torso. To her surprise, he made a small noise of discomfort as her hands made contact, and gently pushed her away. It was like a reflex, almost instinctive. Alexis’s smile fell.
“Honey? You okay?” Roboute had a shameful, apologetic look.
“I apologize, love. I…I would prefer not to be touched there.”
“Ticklish?” Her husband was sensitive in a few places, but his stomach had never been one of them. He rolled over, turning his back towards her.
“I’d rather not disclose.”
“Honey.” She put a hand on his shoulder. “You know how I feel about you keeping secrets from me.” His hearts twisted with guilt.
“I…It’s embarrassing. Incredibly so.”
“You trust me with every other embarrassing secret, like how when you were a kid you brought like seven turtles home from the river and tried to keep them under your bed until your mom caught you and made you put them back.” Roboute pouted adorably.
“I liked their shell colors.”
“My point is, you can trust me. I’m your wife.” She rubbed his back tenderly. “I love you, and I don’t want you to bear your secrets all alone.” His posture stiffened, and he muttered out something she couldn’t quite make out. “ Tell me , honey. Is it an old wound acting up? A new one?”
“It is nothing so serious, it’s just…” He blushed, a hand covering his eyes. “It seems I have become complacent and overindulgent.”
“What do you mean?”
“I have developed some… excess adipose tissue , concentrated around my abdomen. I was hoping you would not notice.” Alexis blinked, slowly.
“Honey, that’s what you’re so worked up about?”
“I know, it is childish vanity. But you deserve me at my best, not… this. ” He gestured towards his midsection, where his shirt clung a little tighter than it had in previous times.
“Sweetie, you don’t have to hide it. We’re married, and affectionate. I noticed.” He blushed harder, shifting guiltily like he’d been caught committing some sin.
“Forgive me, I won’t subject you to that anymore. I will learn to control myself.”
“I’m not saying I’m upset by it!” Alexis had seemingly discovered a sore spot, an insecurity that hadn’t come up yet in their relationship. “Roboute, I’m not mad at you for putting on weight.” She ran a hand along his arm. “This is normal. Stuff like this happens all the time.” It was true. People gain weight for many normal, natural reasons, especially new relationships, marriages, aging, and children. There’s a reason the term “dadbod” exists.
“You are far too good to me.”
“I wish you were better to yourself.” He judged himself so severely, held himself up to standards impossible for anyone to maintain. And his standards were inconsistent, too.
“Russ is way bigger than you’ve ever been.” It was true, he was by no means a small or thin man, and never seemed to care. And Roboute admired him.
“That is how he was made. He was born for winter, for warmth. We are not the same.” Alexis rolled her eyes. “I was made for no such purpose. My body was made for physical perfection, I am not meant to grow fat .”
“You weren’t meant to fall in love, either.” She pointed to the ring on her finger. “Or get married, or have sex, or have a baby.” She gestured in the direction of Augusta, who was kicking her little legs and snoring in her crib. “When we decided to make this relationship work, you knew that meant not being who you’re ‘supposed’ to be. Why is this any different?” He opened his mouth, preparing a retort, but could produce none. Alexis gave a sly grin of victory. “Now lie down for me, and let me get a good look at you.” He was obedient, but still tense as his wife ran her hands over his middle. “Sometimes, I worry about you, when you go days without resting, burning the candle at every end you can manage, not taking meals. You have no idea how much it scares me, watching you waste away in front of me.” His belly was soft, the powerful core muscle beneath protected by a layer of fat. “You know what this tummy means?”
‘
“Tell me.” He looked up at her in wonder.
“It means that you’re taking care of yourself, and letting me take care of you. It means that you’re not giving every bit of yourself to your work. That you’re letting yourself be a person. ” She ran a hand across his cheek, morning stubble rough under her palm. “You’re not a god, but you’re acting like you have to be.” He sighed, leaning into her touch, kissing her palm.
“As much as I detest my deification, I appear to have internalized it.”
“You’re just a man, honey. A powerful man, but a man nonetheless. And for the record…” Her eyes darkened with lust, as she gave the softness above his hips a gentle squeeze. “I think you look good.” He blushed like a virgin, but clearly enjoyed the attention.
“Do I, now?”
“Very. I know you don’t feel good about yourself, but you’ve never looked better.” He chuckled softly.
“Even with the gray in my hair?”
“ Especially with the gray. You’re a little softer all over, now. Your cheeks aren’t hollow.” She moved her hands across his form, enjoying the way his breath would hitch in his throat when she touched the more sensitive places. “Your arms are thicker, thighs too. And these .” She grabbed a generous handful of pectoral meat. “I like these . Plus, your ass has never looked better.” He burst into laughter, throwing an arm around her.
“You always know how to lift my spirits, my heart.” She buried her face into his chest, her voice muffled slightly by fabric.
“God, you look so comfortable and happy, it's driving me crazy. This is the body of a man who knows what it means to enjoy barbeque, apple pie, and that olive focaccia I learned how to make.”
“I do love that focaccia.” His mouth watered slightly.
“Good, I’m gonna make some later.”
“I’m glad you enjoy the way my body has changed, dear heart. But I have another worry.”
“Tell me, babe.”
“I…” He awkwardly rubbed the back of his face. “I don’t quite fit in the Armour of Fate anymore.” She lifted her head.
“You what? ”
“It’s nothing serious, really. I can still wear it and be fully functional, but it’s…a bit of a squeeze . I have to hold in my breath while the arming serfs put it on. it ‘s very uncomfortable and I fear it may begin to affect my battle performance.”
“Sweetie, why didn’t you say something sooner!? You’re the Lord Commander, you can get Cawl to resize it for you!”
“He is often busy.”
“Doing what, making another abomination to play with? Look, I’m no techpriest, but a simple size-up shouldn’t be that hard. It’s not like it’s your life support anymore, and regular power armor gets adjusted and refitted all the time. You deserve armor that fits , honey.”
“But I wouldn’t need it if I could just control-”
“Enough!” She grabbed the sides of his face, locking eyes with him in utmost seriousness. “You need to stop talking so bad about yourself. I know it’s hard to love yourself, baby, but I love you, your family loves you. And you love us. You’d never be so hard on us if we were in your place, right?” Roboute pondered. He adored his wife no matter what shape she came in. She’d put on a little weight after Augusta was born, and he didn’t mind at all.
“I wouldn’t.”
“Exactly.” A little fussing noise came from the cradle. Augusta was awake and voicing her dismay about it. “Oh, poor baby. You don’t like hearing Daddy put himself down, huh?” She made her way to her, making a soft gasp as she realized the infant was standing, holding herself upright by clinging to the bars of her cradle. “Auggie, what the hell! Are you standing up already!?”
“I was walking at a third her age.”
“Ugh, you’re growing up so fast! You were inside of me three months ago!” She had tears glittering on the corners of her eyes as she picked up her daughter, ruffling her head of soft curls. “Slow down, sweetness. Give us time to enjoy you being a little baby!” She brought her to the bed, laying her on top of Roboute. She yawned, stretching her tiny limbs across his stomach and chest, falling back into sleep. “I think she prefers you squishy.” Roboute smiled, rubbing her back.
“I will not doubt her expert opinion.” Alexis curled up next to him.
“I’m sorry you feel so terrible about how you look. I wish I could take that pain away from you. I’ve never been the most body confident person, either.”
“It is alright, dearest. I have an idea that might help me, though.” He held Augusta a little closer. “We have two young children, clever, yet impressionable. Myrddin takes after us both already, and Augusta will no doubt be similar. Anything we say or do can be imprinted on them. And I thought of them, learning how I speak about myself. I never want Myrddin or Augusta to hate their bodies, no matter what they look like. So perhaps for their sake, I will learn to speak less harshly about my own.” Alexis smiled, kissing his forehead.
“I’m so proud of you. And I think I’m ready to get started on the focaccia.” Roboute felt his stomach growl at the thought of food. There had been many days when he would have ignored it until he was faint with hunger, but today was not one of them.
“Did your mother ever teach you the recipe for that wonderful banana pudding she made? I’ve been craving it since Christmas.”
“No, but I’ll invite her over and ask her to make it. I doubt she’ll say no to her favorite son-in-law.”
“I’m her only son-in-law.”
“And that’s why you’re her favorite.”