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We’re thinking around 7:30 tonight, we’ll see you there..
I quickly sent an “okay” to Jake’s message with one hand as my arm tingled under the shoulders of the boy lying next to me. I don’t think I could stir him awake if I moved my arm, to his disagreement he will always be able to sleep in on Friday mornings. They’re the only days where we both don’t have classes and can bask in the morning cold that he believes is caused by my dorm’s heat not working. He scolds at me all the time to tell maintenance, but i just leave it off to keep him cuddled with me under a thick quilt.
My mornings weren’t always blessed with having the cutest boy of our uni in my bed after a late night movie date. I still can’t believe it, even as I'm staring at his somnolence, his plump lips pouting even as he’s asleep, his beautiful eyelashes fluttering as he’s slowly opening his sunburnt eyes gazing back into lucid. His pink lips curve up into a smile and his sunburst eyes hide behind his cheeks as he entices, “good morning.”
I pause taking him in. Almost not believing I have even woken up from my own dreams.
“You’re drooling Sunny.”
Immediately he grows into disarray from his stretching to cover his lips and wipe the corners.
“No I'm not, you liar!”
“No, you weren’t but I’m surprised I’m not.”
He scoffs with humor as he rolls back to the other side of the bed grabbing his phone.
“11:30?! How long have you been awake?”
“Since 7?”
He turned to me, “You what?”
I shrugged, “You’ve been overworking yourself all week, you deserved it.” My arms curved around his hips bringing him closer to my chest once again. Warmth swarming my skin as the sun shone through the blinds.
And in an instant it was gone as his palms were pushing on my chest lifting himself up.
“You’re sweet, but, oh my god I need to get dressed and get coffee. Jungwon texted me like a million times this morning asking me a bunch of questions for the party.”
He moves out of bed, his body and mouth electrified by his energy. Resting my arm that has regained blood flow behind my head, I sit up to watch him in awe. He’s a firecracker. I saw it from the moment I met him, he drew me in like a moth. He was just any other freshman, but when I first saw him at a party with the basketball team that jake dragged me to so that he could later abandon me to hook up with some senior, he was illuminated. The whole room turned dark, and I was mesmerized. He was drinking some fizzy drink laughing at something Jungwon had said.
I’ve liked him ever since.
“I swear Hoon, you would think being the vice-president he could do things himself but the moment I’m not there with him he starts panicking!
“But I guess I can’t be too hard on him, he’s just extremely nervous because Jay-hyung is gonna be there tonight and he wants to impress him enough to end the night with his tongue down his thro- oh shit.”
He stares at me with wide eyes, “You can’t tell anyone I told you that, Wonie would kill me. Like completely murder me, and he’s the type of crazy that no one would bat an eye and he would get away with it.”
His pink polo looked way too big on him, I would’ve almost assumed he put on mine if I didn’t know for a fact I own nothing pink. But his colors have taken up space in my closet. I can’t complain, the color seems like it’s always belonged there. It makes more practical sense too, since it’s become a habit after Thursday classes to order in and have a date in my dorm, leading to the night, and having him stay over. I’ll gladly take these Thursdays over the past ones where Jake would sleep on the couch after drinking his heart away from Heeseung ignoring him again. Contrary to me and Sunoo not having Friday classes, Jake opted to not even go to his morning classes during those times.
Following in Sunoo’s footsteps I get dressed and follow him into the bathroom where he’s finishing up a phone call with his stated hypothetical murderer.
“Yeah Wonie just leave the blue streamers up, it looks tacky but by everyone’s second drink of the night they won’t even remember them.”
Walking around him I prep my toothbrush and begin brushing as my arms cave back into the warmth of Sunoo’s waist, he smiles in response as he’s putting his spot treatment on with his hair slicked back in a headband.
Man, I’m fucked. He’s like a drug, one that makes me tingle and bubble up. One that satiates my entire being.
“Oh right, Ni-ki said his ETA was like !2:15 or something, are you still good at picking him up from the terminal? It’s like terminal 32 or something, I don’t know just check the group chat to be sure”
NI-ki?
“Okay good, thanks Wonie!”
Before I can even ask, he pushes his toothbrush into his mouth and falls back into my chest and all thoughts halt as my body melts.
=========
It took me two years to get Sunoo on a date with me, entirely my fault for taking so long. Jay scolded me after every lecture to just talk to Sunoo but I just couldn’t. He was a complete enigma to me. A beacon of everything I dreamed of. He’s sweet and compassionate, energetically charging, and everything I’m not. And maybe that’s what drew me into him originally, as I seeked him out at every party. Willingly went to parties that Jay and Jake wanted to go to, putting on my sweetest smelling cologne hoping to draw him in like a bee to honey like he did to me. I guess I was a coward for not wanting to make the first big move. Gazes from across the room were exchanged with smiles and grazing against each other as we passed. But when it came to actually talking to him? I was an abyss.
And I became fine with the normal. Admiring him from afar, a crush that only came true in my imagination as I tried to fall asleep. But it didn’t remain that way for long, my fantasies mixed with the flame of reality.
Jay, to which I would never actually give him the credit of this, was the entire reason why the dream of having Sunoo came to be so seamlessly easy to the outside audience. Jay was infatuated with Jungwon, even joined student government as a year ambassador to get closer to him. To Jake and I’s shock, he had succeeded. But maybe he can’t be credited as a hero in his own story, as he is in the exact same boat as I was. Or that’s what he and Jungwon both think. Neither of them realizes that the other has feelings for them, even if it is so blatantly obvious.
I remember the first conversation Sunoo and I shared after the unnecessary introductions from Jay. It was mid-day after classes where Jay invited me and Jake to lunch with “Jungwon and his friend.”
I knew it was gonna be Sunoo, those two are inseparable on campus. The Golden Boys of the university, the president and vice president, the poster boys, and the Moons of the first year pageant for their departments. Our odds were less than slim, let’s be honest. I was just some random philosophy pre-law major with a smaller group of friends and the social skills of a panda.
Sunoo first spoke to me when I sat down at lunch. He asked me how classes were going, what I was majoring in. Asked me about my favorite philosophies and internships I have done. To my surprise, talking to him was more calming than nerve-wracking. I mentally kicked my own ass for not doing it sooner.
But from that day on, Sunoo took the lead. He texted me first, seeking out my number from Jay through Jungwon, and texted me daily, until I was the one who started texting first every morning.
If someone took a gaze into our texts, our meet-ups, and every conversation we had walking from our classes to the canteen, they would think we were the two most boring individuals created. But we were mundane, and honest. He brought out parts of me that I didn’t know I was able to speak about.
I learned about him, saw the person inside of who the poster showed on the outside. As we hung out more and more, I saw his frustrations, the swearing, the crying, the cursing everything that happened when he was dealing with holding the university on his back.
One night three months ago, we were walking back from getting ice cream. Having paused our show, Sunoo insisted on showing me because “it’s a crime, and you aren’t living in modern society if you haven’t seen The Suite Life of Zack & Cody.”
His blonde hair reflected the moonlight, looking neon as the lights of the street melted in. He was babbling about something that I swear I was paying attention to until he distracted me with his beauty, before he turned around and his eyes disappeared into a smile blinding my eyes. Maybe it was the essence of the night, the stress from midterms being lifted, or maybe the moment was just right. But in that moment, I thought I needed to have more in the future, and the confidence fizzled through my veins like they were a straw in an iced cup of soda.
“Sunoo,” he stopped and turned around from in front of me (His little legs can always walk faster than mine, I will never understand how.), “Will you be my boyfriend?”
My eyes squeezed shut, and the nails of my fist clamped into my skin holding onto whatever sweat beaded in. I heard his bubbling laugh, the same laugh I heard when I first saw him. He was laughing at me. Having embraced facing the rejection, I opened my eyes. He was in front of me, looking up with the suns of his eyes outshining the moon.
“You’re so silly Sunghoon, haven’t we been dating this whole time?”
“What?” I was bewildered, we were WHAT and I didn’t know?
“I thought us having dates almost every night for the last month sort of spoke for itself. I’m sorry, I was telling everyone you were my boyfriend already. Even my cousins back home!” He staggered and looked at his feet, “Was I too excited? Did I read this wrong I’m-”
The singular impulse that erupted and left my control was to kiss him. My lips tingled as his plumper gloss melted in my saliva, his small hands chilled by the night burning as they caressed the cheeks of my face. He pulled my head down closer, his toes tired of standing tippy. We molded into each other like we were formed to hold each other like this. I wrapped my arms around his waist, and i was done for. He radiated the bubbling sunwaved heat that shines through his personality, and burned my skin. Fireworks erupted under my skin and danced upon the flames. Our flame kept us warm in that walk back to the dorm.
From that night on, I had Kim Sunoo as my boyfriend.
=======
I’ve gone to parties my whole college career, much to my own distaste. In highschool Jay and Jake never seemed interested in them, but the moment we all became uni students it was like a switch was flipped. Jay just lived to be a socialite, while Jake was just happy to be everywhere like a puppy. While Jay was in the middle of all the drinking and dancing, me and Jake stayed near the walls conversing with one another. At least that was until Jake started hooking up with Heeseung, and went from discreetly running into him and leaving with him, to immediately looking for our senior the moment we got through the doors.
But now, I'm here organizing this broken down rental university house for Sunoo. This party is an unofficial hosting of the student government to raise money for better bleachers in the gym. Sunoo’s been stressed about it for weeks, on phone calls, at meetings, and sending emails. It’s a wonder to me how he gets a kick out of this stuff; throughout all the stress this position puts him through and the pressure he puts upon himself with outdoing each of his events, he loves it. I can tell he does, by the way his eyes go bigger when he loves the look of a certain display, or even in the little hand claps he does when Jungwon and Jay place the keg at just the right inch to the right for the tenth time he’s corrected them. There are moments where I wonder if we’ll really last, if this will feel this right forever. But when he turns to me after every clap and celebration he feels, I increase my suspicion that we will.
As the sunsets and the brisk dew of the night sweeps over the university village, the party erupts. A disco ball of lights that would cause intense migraines if it wasn’t for being under the influence danced off the walls and ceilings reflecting off the many bodies of equally poor dancing drunk twenty year olds. In the middle of the crowd I spot Jungwon and Jay dancing to the music creating their own bubble. What once was Jay who wanted the attention from everyone at these events turned to being satiated by the eyes of one boy.
I sip my beer as I look past to the other side of the poorly furnished living room to see Sunoo welcoming people in, directing them to the kitchen for drinks, and the dining room for fundraising drinking games. He’s greeting people like a King welcoming commoners to a ball, like it's a calculated science. He vaguely knows of everyone of course, he claims his social media stalking of every student and classmate is “important student council research,” and that, “you just don’t understand the importance of this task Sunghoon.” Exchanging pleasantries, asking if their classes are going well, how they’re doing in sports, etc. etc.
I stumble back at first when a newer face walks through the door. No pleasantries. No directing to the kitchen. Just a straight certified Sunoo squeal heard above the music, and in a blink his arms are around the stranger boy’s neck.
He’s on his fucking tippy toes?!
I shuffle my feet a bit on my spot in the wall, I have never seen this boy around campus. He’s taller than Sunoo, probably closer to my height. If I stand tall I could probably be taller, shoulders back. He has black hair parted and swooped to one side exposing his forehead, with sharper features than mine. He’s dressed in a black cardigan over a striped shirt, and baggy cargo jeans. He’s clearly not a man of fashion.
Sunoo breaks the hug first. This is great, he’s going to end the transaction and send him on his way to the kitchen.
Only he doesn’t.
Sunoo stays and says a more sincere “Hello,” to the stranger of the house. Like this random boy has the privilege of getting the rare genuine non-customer service Sunoo smile. Who is this punk?
I finish my drink and toss it in the can with a clang that ricochets throughout my head. I open the cooler and grab another beer, the ice freezing my skin over sending goosebumps infecting every inch of my arms down my spine. I feel nauseous. I am by no means a lightweight, and I nursed my first bottle. What the fuck is wrong with me?
Looking back over to the front of the house, he’s still there. Sunoo’s laughing at something that just has to be the greatest joke made in mankind because he holds onto the boy’s arm while his other hand covers his gorgeous smile.
I have to do something.
And that was all it took for me to slither my way over to the other side of the house. Brushing past Jungwon grinding on Jay, who doesn’t even notice the atrocity that is happening in front of our eyes. How can Jungwon claim to be his best friend when he’s just letting random men hit on him. What the fuck is this guy’s problem?
I’m only ten feet away from latching my fingers onto Sunoo’s sides and taking him away from this peasant when Jake blocks my view.
“What the fuck do you want?” I snip.
“Woah mate, you alright? You look really pale.” His eyes quiver in worry as he puts a hand on my forehead, “You don’t have a fever. How many drinks have you had? You’re shaking.”
“Can you get out of my way?”
“What do you..” He trails off following my sight of vision before chuckling.
Chuckling.
Jake is fucking snickering at the absolute crime that is occuring. Worse, he’s snickering at ME!
“I can’t believe it. Sunghoon. Are you jealous?”
“Jeal-” I scoff, “Jake are you sure you’re not the one who’s drunk, what the fuck are you even saying. I’m not jealous.”
“Really? Because by the way you’re looking at Ni-ki like a lion looking at a piece of meat I would say you’re jealous. But I don’t know why because you know- oh shit you don’t know.”
“Don’t know what? That this fucking kid is hitting on Sunoo, and he’s too sweet of a person to turn him down. I need to save him Jake, he’s obviously uncomfortable. Just,” I move his shoulders to my left, “Get out my way, go find Heeseung’s dick to suck.”
Jake chortles and mumbles a “Fine dumbass go embarrass yourself.” Before walking off. Prick . If no one’s going to do anything about this I’m going to have to take matters into my own hands.
As I close the gap of feet to the scene of the crime I notice the painted black nails of this emo cool-kid wannabe wrapped around the waist of the victim.
“Man, get you’re hands off my boyfriend.” I grip his pale skin to blanched and whip it away.
“Or do you just get off on taking advantage of people’s kindness. Leave him alone.” I hold Sunoo behind me.
“Sunghoon you-” Sunoo tries to interject.
“This bastard is bothering you. Right Sunoo? Just go greet the other guests. I’ll take care of him.”
“ Take care of me? And by what means are you planning on doing that?”
“Any means I can if you don’t apologize for feeling up my boyfriend.”
I look at this fake ass emo in the eyes, he’s taller than me so I stare up a few centimeters. But for what I lack in height I make up for in bulk. He’s a kid, probably a freshman that thinks it’s so cool to hit on cute seniors.
“And who said your boyfriend wasn’t into it?”
“The fuck you say?”
“Who said your boyfriend wasn’t the one who came onto me?”
I go to slam my fist into this kid’s face. My fist feels weak, I’ve never felt so much anger in my shaking body. Like my body couldn’t contain the explosives and fireworks erupted from my heart starting forest fires on my skin. The fire is cold, icy. Snowstorms causing earthquake bumps on my skin. Moments feeling like years as I feel myself arch my arm back to follow through on his face. I’ve never hit someone before, never have I felt this angry in my life.
My blood runs cold as my fist collides into the kid’s face has he leans over holding his cheek.
“Sunghoon!” Sunoo screams and holds onto my arm. The snowstorm instantly melts as heat is brought back rushing into my body. Feeling the heat rush from my chest to my fingertips.
Sunoo rushes past my shoulders and holds the kid’s face with his hands, “Are you okay?” He whimpers.
The punk chuckles.
Why is everyone chuckling.
“Sunoo-hyung, I think you need to properly introduce him. This was one grand way to meet my cousin’s boyfriend.”
Cousin?
Suddenly the glass around my world broke and I realized everyone was looking at us. The music still blares off of the walls, but Jay and Jungwon have rushed closer.
“Sunghoon, what is wrong with you?” Jungwon screams at me.
“I just-”
“Go outside Sunghoon.” Sunoo orders.
“No, I’m sor-”
“GO.” the suns of his eyes bursted into supernovas of anger.
Fuck.
====
The moon reflected onto the street in front of the house, the air is lighter out here. It’s cold. I didn’t realize how drastic it is to go from a house with swarming bodies and eyes to nothing. There’s a group of girls around the corner of the house helping another sober up and vomit onto the patchy grass, but their voices harmonize with the crickets.
I rub my arms and lean back into the concrete steps of the porch. My blood is so cold I’m surprised my breath isn’t visible.
“Sunghoon.”
My ears perked up at the warmth. Sunoo.
He sat down next to me, his body grazing against my shoulders and the nerves of Sunghoon from two years ago erupted back.
We sat in silence for moments that felt like thick chapters of a book.
“Is he okay?”
“He’s definitely going to bruise, and I have to figure out how to explain to Aunty why her only son that she trusted to me for his university visit has to keep frozen peas on the side of his face; but, yeah. He’s okay.”
I nod and mumble. I have no words. Sunoo is always the talker in these moments. I know I need to say something but I just can’t.
“He actually thinks its funny.”
“What?”
“He thought it’s so cool that he has a self proclaimed battle wound.”
He softly giggles, and those chapters of tension rip away and burn.
“Sunoo, I’m sorry. I don’t know what happened, but I was just so angry . And I’ve seen you talk to people at these events before, but it was just so different. I just felt so uncomfortable and”
“Oh my god, Hoonie you were jealous.”
“What? No, I was just mad.”
He giggles again, louder and lighter this time.
“Hoon you were completely jealous.”
“I didn’t know who this guy was!” I reason, “you kept touching him, and it was less customer service-y than the others. And you laughed so hard! I just thought you were going to… I don’t know.”
“Break up with you over a stranger making me laugh?”
“When you put it like that I sound crazy.”
“You are,” He shines his smile that outweighs the moon, “But that’s why I like you.”
“Because I’m crazy?”
“Because you care.”
I shuffle my breath as he continues.
“Sunghoon, we’ve been together for months, and I love- our time spent together. I don’t think I've ever told you, but I’ve liked you longer than you know.”
“What?”
“I first saw you at the first ever college party Jungwon dragged me to. It was some dumb event for the basketball team and Jungwon said it would be a great experience to use for council ideas. But, I was so uncomfortable. We weren’t party people in high school. I felt so aware of myself. Until I saw you. You looked so isolated even though Jake-hyung was right there. You were talking about something holding a beer in your hand, and I just thought ‘I need to know him’. It’s the entire reason why I made Jungwon ask Jay to lunch.”
“You've liked me since your freshman year?”
“I have been infatuated with you since my freshman year. I liked you when I came to know that you knew the real me. Not the student council president. Or the Golden boy or whatever. You knew me- Kim Sunoo. You didn’t care about the other stuff. You saw the whole of me. And I fell so hard for you. Like fuck Hoon, you’re so considerate even without trying. You’re like a big soft giant. Who’s apparently ready to fight even my family for me without a single thought.”
I couldn’t help but laugh.
“God, I’m an idiot.”
“I know.”
I leaned back onto the porch, the cold of the concrete melting from the heat of my back.
“Sunoo.”
“Hmm?” He looked back towards me, his sweet lips curving into a smile.
“I love you.”