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Movement from the other side of the bed woke up Philip from his tireless sleep. He didn’t care either way, he was having trouble sleeping anyway, but it still left him annoyed. Turning his head, he saw that the person who was sleeping next to him had already left the room, the living room light already illuminating the hallway.
Philip’s eye catches the beaming light of the digital clock right next to the bed: 3:04
“This is ridiculous.” He groaned to himself, “Adrian can’t keep losing sleep like this.” He really didn’t want to get out of bed, but someone had to drag Adrian back to it.
Philip slugged out of the covers and slowly made his way out of the room. He never got used to the new look that his old home had been renovated to, but at least Miss Noceda was kind enough to take care of it.
He never understood why she let him and Adrian live in the house, not after everything they’ve done. Then again, it’s not like he had problems with that, she certainly had more kindness and humanity than her own daughter ever could.
Philip didn’t want to admit it, but he was grateful to Camila and Adrian for giving him a chance. He wouldn’t be alive without the former coven head’s help, so having him as an ally and partner was the least he could do.
But now he was just starting to act like a pain in the neck with how distant and silent he’s been.
And Philip knows it wasn’t just from his “betrayal”, this had to be something else. After spotting the tailed witch somberly sitting on the living room table, he had only one idea for what that could be.
“Nightmares again, Graye?”
His voice startled Adrian out of whatever train of thought he had. He clearly didn’t expect his roommate to be awake.
“A-ah! L-lord Belos! I thought you were still asleep…”
Philip sighs, “I told you, it’s Philip now…” Adrian blushed in embarrassment. “Ah, right…Philip…still trying to get used to that…”
“We’ve been living here for what, almost a year now? Odd for you to not already be used to that.”
“I-I know, just…a habit of sorts…”
Philip shook his head, now was not the time to deal with that now. “You still haven’t answered my question, Graye.” He said while taking a chair to sit next to the witch. “Are you having nightmares again?”
Adrian stayed silent for a few more seconds.
A part of him didn’t want to look weak and vulnerable in front of the former emperor out of instinct, but a bigger part of him is screaming to open up to him. He had risked everything to find Philip’s remains and revive his body, despite his own justified feelings of hurt and betrayal, and yet he still believed his former leader deserved a chance to live.
Even with that in mind, Adrian felt like a disservice for dismissing any of Philip’s recent attempts to help him.
Adrian took a quick glance at Philip’s worried face, any sign of annoyance no longer there. A ping of guilt reaches his heart.
They have been together for a couple of months now. If they were to be a couple, then it’s important to be open and honest with each other, right?
Finally, Adrian lifted his head up to look Philip in the eye. “Y-yeah…it’s why I woke up…I didn't want to bother you with it.”
Philip hummed at the answer. “You know this is the third time this month alone. I can tell they’re getting worse, and I’d hate to see you losing sleep over it.”
Adrian scoffed, “It’s not like you’re any better. When’s the last time you’ve slept a full night? And don’t tell me you haven’t had nightmares yourself either.”
Philip nearly groaned at the reminder and pinched his nose. He did NOT want to deal with Adrian’s bluntness sass at the moment.
“Okay, okay, look. I’m not in the mood to argue and it’s way too late to start anything. But I also know that this is a problem we both need to sort through.”
Adrian sat up and crossed his arms as Philip continued, “I spoke with Miss Camila earlier about my…nightmares…and how you might be going through the same thing, and she offered to sign us both up for this therapy thing. But only if you want to do it too.”
Adrian raised an eyebrow at such an offer. Sometimes he wondered if reviving Philip did something to mess with his mind and made him much more empathetic and understanding towards witches. It would certainly explain why Philip was suddenly okay with being his boyfriend.
“I tried therapy before, they’re not exactly kind to people like me.”
“This will be different, it’s in the human realm! And it’s one that Miss Camila knows so it has to be good. I trust her on this.”
“If you say so…”
The two went quiet, the awkward silence filling the air. Philip eyes Adrian’s nervous hands on the table.
You should hold his hand. His mind demanded, You need to comfort him.
Philip was never one to initiate any intimacy when it came to romance, not that it was something he experienced in his life. If anything, Adrian was always the first to show physical affection towards him with no shame whatsoever. But now, he needs affection more than ever.
Philip slowly reaches for his hand…then backs out and stands up.
“Tell you what,” he said to break the silence, “Why don’t I make some Chamomile tea to help us sleep? It’s better than staying up all night.”
Adrian barely looked at him and merely nodded with a muffled hum. “Sure.”
With that, Philip quickly made his way to the kitchen to start the tea.
“…Collector.”
His scarred ears barely caught his partner’s mumbling. “What was that?”
Adrian lifted his head to speak more clearly, “The Collector is what my nightmares were about…”
“Ahhh, him again, huh?” Philip puts the tea bag in the boiling pot, not surprised by his roommate’s words. “I’ve been having dreams about him too.”
The witch’s tail perks up in interest. “Is that right?”
“Yes.” Suddenly Philip’s eyes grow dark, a slight growl in his voice. “They’re always the same, with him taunting and tormenting me. I don’t know the full extent of his powers so I can’t even tell if he’s actually entering my dreams just to torture me or if my mind is just playing tricks on me.”
Adrian’s tired eyes widen at his partner’s sudden dark rant.
Then like a switch, Philip reverts back to his calmer, sweeter tone. “Anyway! Enough about all that. I’m sure the Collector wasn’t the only thing you dreamt about.”
Adrian was confused but he answered anyway, “I…suppose you’re not wrong. I had the usual nightmares from my memories, but now that damn illusion brat is part of them too.” He grips the table in anger, his frustration for Gus still burning ever since that incident. “Him making me relive my worst memories was bad enough, getting lectured by you for failing was another, but now every time I think about those horrid moments I see that boy there mocking me and taunting my thoughts. It makes me hate him even more…”
“I see…” Was all Philip could say as he watches the tea boil and simmer in the strong smell of its herbs. “I remember that day quite clearly too. I suppose I may have been too harsh on you after you recovered.”
Adrian shook his head, “No, I was the one who failed to bring your nephew back and deliver those sigils. You had every right to be upset at me.” When he didn’t hear an answer, he continued. “Besides, all of that is nothing compared to being the Collector’s miserable puppet…and the aftermath of it.”
“Is that so? I’ve heard being a puppet was traumatizing for a lot of witches.” Philip felt a little bad for probing a subject like that, but with how much Adrain has been opening up already, it was something he hoped would help him. “I wouldn’t wish such a fate to my worst enemy. Nobody deserves that.”
As he reached up to grab some cups for the tea, he heard a low, unsettling chuckle from Adrian.
“Nobody deserves that, huh?” The dark, almost shaky tone sent a shiver down Philip’s spine. “Tell that to everyone in the Boiling Isles who seem to think otherwise.”
The former witch hunter looks back at his partner and is taken aback by how badly he’s visibly shaking. “G-Graye-“
“And it’s not just me either.” The growling in his voice increased, seemingly ignoring Phillip in a trigger-like state. “Terra, Vitimir, Hettie, Mason, Osran, everyone else who was still loyal to you, we ALL got the exact same treatment! Even the so-called “heroes” and that human brat treats us all like trash!”
“Now hold on, Graye!” Philip quickly turned off the heating teapot and walked back over to Adrian. “Look, I know that it’s mostly my fault that you’re all in this position, and I’m more than aware that everyone in the isles wanted nothing to do with most of the coven heads nowadays-“
“And if you had agreed with my plan to take revenge, we wouldn’t HAVE to be in this position anymore.”
Adrian’s mumbled growl was met with pure annoyance from Philip as he sat back down, and it was not because he was interrupted.
“God, not this again-“
“Yes, this again!-“
“I already told you I have no interest in being emperor again!-“
“But think about the power you could have once you take over again! I can rally Terra and the other loyal ones and we can help you-!”
“My answer is still “No”, Graye! I’m done trying to take revenge on the demon realm! It’s a waste of time and I don’t understand why you’re so eager to commit to this!”
“BECAUSE I’M SICK OF IT!!”
Adrian’s sudden shout stunned Philip in his seat. In all his years of knowing the sophisticated witch, Adrian had never raised his voice at him before, nor has he ever used that tone on anyone.
“S-sick of what…exactly…?” He meekly asked.
Adrian gestures frustratingly with his hands, “Of...everything! I don’t know what you were doing after the Day Of Unity, but you most certainly do not understand the sheer agony and anxiety and FEAR that I had to deal with as a star-forsaken puppet for that star-forsaken child god!”
Before Philip could get a word out, Adrian rambled on, like whatever was keeping him together just upped and cracked.
“You don’t know what it’s like to not move or scream in that form, stuck in a room that was nothing but agonizing silence, waiting for someone, anyone to free you, all while that kid would use you in the most humiliating way possible and all you could do was bear with him and prey you don’t upset him enough to be turned back to a puppet again! Everyone had to be on edge, and it was just exhausting mentally and emotionally and in every other way!”
He then stands up and paces around, his hands now gripping his messy hair.
“A-and then, and then! Just when things couldn’t get any worse! Everyone who was a puppet went through the same trauma and the same stressful fears, so naturally all the common residents get to have all the sympathy and all the comfort from everyone else. But, when it came to us? The remaining heads that didn’t rebel? The ones who went through the exact same thing as everyone else? Nothing! Nothing but scornful sneers and dismissive comments and mockery! Every day it was the same! It didn’t matter if we were just minding our own business or having a traumatic reminder, there was always bound to be a witch or demon spatting words about how we deserved it. That we were horrible people who shouldn’t heal because of what we did in the past, that no matter what, our feelings and fears…don’t matter and will never matter…”
Adrian stopped in front of the table on shaking legs, as if he was moments away from falling apart. His glossy eyes burned with hate and despair and hurt. Philip was at a loss for words. He could only stare as Adrian rested his head and elbows on the table and covered his face with his hands.
“It hurts so much, being affected like this.” His voice now croaked and on the verge of crying, “I wanted the suffering to end, I hate being reminded of those horrible moments in my nightmares, I hate feeling so weak and helpless as everyone pushes me down and kicks me away like dirt and watching my former colleagues go through the same thing.”
Adrian lifts his face up but doesn’t look at Philip. “Some of us even went to that human girl and her damn friends at one point because we were desperate for someone to help us, and what do they do?” He slams his fists on the table. “Turn us away like everyone else! I still remember the smirks and glares they shot at us, how even they believed that we deserved to be puppets and harassed as punishment! So much for being all-loving and understanding! It’s like I’m not even a person to them! I’m sick of being told I deserved this trauma!”
Adrian slams the table again. Tears were now threatening to leave his eyes, deep breaths seething through his teeth, and with a glare sharp enough to cut glass. He finally glances back up at Philip…a sympathetic expression staring back at him. The look softens Adrian a bit. He lowers his head just a little and sniffs.
“…I’m sick of being treated like I deserve to be nothing…”
His heart felt raw and exposed for the first time in years. He never expected to share it with Philip of all people, but then again, not wanting to be alone was one of the main reasons for him to revive the old human. Before he can do anything else, Philip leans forward and gently cups his hands over Adrian’s.
“Adrian…” He softly spoke, words dripping with empathy. “I’m so sorry you had to go through that…” Hearing his partner open up his raw trauma brought back some memories of his own and a familiar feeling. A feeling and memory that Philip did not appreciate remembering…
He opened up Adrian’s hands and intertwined with them.
“I know we’re not good people, and we’ve both done horrible things in the past, but it absolutely sickens me to see you be degraded and harassed by the very people who should have been good, but have instead become no better than we were. You deserve to heal from this, Adrian. You are still a person in the end, and I won’t allow anyone to invalidate your trauma and feelings.”
It took the witch’s vision becoming blurry for him to realize he was crying. Heavy heaves replaced whatever words he wanted to say. Then his whole vision went dark as Philip pulled him in for a tight hug, one that he wasted no time hugging back.
*********
After a while, the couple was now back in bed, 3:46am on the clock and with teacups on hand. Adrian couldn’t help but admit that the tea really did calm his nerves and it actually made him tired. He set down his finished cup on the bedside table, he will clean it tomorrow.
“Do you know why I keep rejecting that revenge plan of yours?” Philip asked as he set down his own finished cup. “It’s because I’m perfectly content with where I am right now.”
Adrian’s tired eyes widened, “Really? You don’t miss the luxurious royal lifestyle? All the power and magic? The fancy benefits and commands? The ability to make witches bow before you?”
“No, never.” Philip did not hesitate in his answer. “I’ve always preferred the humble and hardworking lifestyle.” He takes Adrian’s hand and squeezes it, “That human girl may not see it, but there’s so much to love and appreciate about the human realm. And…I would love nothing more than to share that beauty with you.” As he said that, he turned towards his partner with a soft and loving look. The sight makes Adrian blush, “I-I am honored to have you teach me this world.”
Philip hums at his cute reaction. “You know, there is one aspect of your plan that I agree with.”
Adrian immediately shot up, “Really?”
“The part with reuniting the “loyal” coven heads. Terra, Vitimir, Mason, Hettie, Osran…I’d like to help them live a better life by moving them here in the human realm. I want to help them not suffer in the Boiling Isles anymore.”
Adrian is surprised by Philip’s sudden generosity. He knows his former colleagues had different reactions to humans and the human realm in general, so convincing them to live there would be difficult. “Are you sure? Would that even work? What if the humans don’t like them?”
Philip’s smile doesn’t leave him, “Normally yes, I would feel less confident in them thriving here. But…we made a friend in Miss Camila, and she gave us a chance. We already have one human who tolerates and likes us, who’s to say we can’t find more?”
Adrian softens and relaxes back in the bed, copying the smile of his partner. “Your wisdom never fails to amaze me…Philip.” A yawn escapes his lips, prompting Philip to pull him closer to his chest. “Goodnight, Adrian. We’ll work on that therapy thing tomorrow.”
“Fine by me~”
The couple slept peacefully that night, and have had many more peaceful nights ever since.