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The world spun in daunting circles, breath was coming in a heaving struggle, he's pretty sure he can feel warm tears rushing down his face but he's much more focused on trying to stay silent right now. It's currently lunch hour at Mustafa Private Middle School. The day had already been passing slowly but with graduation coming up and everyone wanting to be a hero he's so unbelievably stressed. When he mentioned wanting to go to UA his classmates laughed at the kid with the useless, boring quirk wanting to be a hero? He may as well be quirkless. His breath shuttered and started to slow as he talked through the panic attack.
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Kirishima took a minute to do a self evaluation, apart from the oncoming stress headache and the residual nausea from the panic attack he seemed to be doing okay. He aggressively wipes his face, hiding the evidence before next class. Taking a deep breath he opens the stall door and looks around, luckily for him, he was alone. Finding himself in front of the mirror he looks at his scrawny form, he feels a lump form in his throat as he feels across his collarbones and down his shirt to where his prominent ribs taunt him. Its hard to eat and take care of yourself when you are constantly so on edge that you feel like vomiting, how the fuck is he supposed to be a hero if he cant even save himself. Before breathing becomes a struggle again he takes a deep breath and exits the bathroom. Math is the next class, then homeroom where they talk about high school - fuck hes so screwed UA is the only school he could ever want to go to if he doesn't get in, if he doesn't get to apply; no stop! He looks up at the door with his class signatory on it and steps through the threshold.
The quiet murmurings of his talking amongst themselves serves to calm him, if only slightly, reminding himself he's one of thousands of kids who want to be a hero. Even without a flashy quirk he's at least smart enough to pass the written exam. At least he hopes he is. ‘Eijirou, Kirishima?’ oh right attendant ‘Present.’ The rest of the class passes as normal, simple, well simple enough to feel confident enough to zone out and skip the main activity. Homeroom was going well as well - at least as well as he thinks it can right now, all he really wants is to go home and not have to think about his future. At this point it's so daunting that maybe it would be easier if he just didn't have to deal with his future, it would sure save him a lot of hassle - ‘Kirishima, stay after class.’ The command makes him jump slightly, reorienting himself with the class ‘Kirishima?’ a more stern voice continues ‘Yes, Sensei of course.’ he replies mostly out of instinct to be honest.
Looking around the room he realises that the majority of the students had already filed out of the room and he was left with his teacher, standing he speaks ‘Sensei, you wanted to talk with me?’ ‘Yes, you’re applying to UA correct? As your first choice?’ ‘uhm- yes? That's right.’ anxiety bleeds into his words and he silently notes the pains in his hand as he uses one quirk enhanced finger to pick at his skin. ‘I'm afraid that's not very realistic for you, perhaps we should look into other schools - or career paths - for you?’ his breath stuttered awkwardly ‘Sensei! This is all I’ve ever wanted, please I can do anything to make it work. What do I have to do?’ ‘I’m afraid it may just not be possible, at least not this late in the year. Your grades are passable but have been slipping the last month or so, your quirk is undertrained and in all honesty not good for hero work at all. The likelihood of me being able to pull enough strings to get you in is impossible, I have to focus my effort on people who actually have the potential to be heroes.’ oh- his composure dropped. Red eyes trained on the floor begging to be swallowed up, hands in fists shaking, body tense ‘that- thanks okay Sensei, I appreciate you trying.’ even with his dream just crushed he can't stand to be impolite. ‘You may go now Kirishima, we will speak later to discuss your options for high school.’ ‘Of course Sensei, thank you for your time.’
This isn't real- it can't be. There is no way he just got rejected from UA without even applying. This has to just be a bad dream, a nightmare, he's going to be a hero, he's going to wake up, he's going to save himself. Sure in truth his grades have been slipping, he hasn't been sleeping and his anxiety is too high on the day to day to be able to focus on doing any work. And everyone knows his quirk sucks for hero work but that's okay- I mean red riot did it didn't he? So could he. There's no way- it's not real, he still has a chance.
He hears the crack of a building from his left. Turning he sees a gigantic towering villain, leaning over to young girls - girls from his school - who are currently stuck under him sobbing too much to reply to the villain's questioning. He freezes, there is no way he can take a villain that strong but if he doesn’t the girls are in real trouble. ‘No, no, no, no, no- please, move!’ he is frozen to the spot ‘no no no no no no no no no,’ he can't just stand by and watch these girls die. A flash of pink, a hero? Mina, everyone knows she's going to be a hero - hell she's basically his hero and of course she's here doing so much better than him. At her intervention the villain turns and leaves ‘OMG! Guys, that way so scary my legs just moved on their own. I didn't even know what I was doing!’ Mina collapses, sobbing and shaking, onto the pavement under them. Showered with praise from the two girls and the strangers around and he's just stuck watching. ‘ I have to focus my effort on people who actually have the potential to be heroes.’ his teacher's words come back to him. Of course, he's focused on Mina. She deserves to get into UA. She is going to be a hero and he isn't. He isn't.
His surroundings blur around the edges fading in and out from grey, he can't even really see where he's going but he has to leave. He can't stand and watch any longer. He can’t be a hero, his dreams gone - it was probably gone the day he got his quirk if he was being honest with himself. ‘Maybe I’ll apply to the famous UA too. Idiot. Becoming a hero is impossible from the start for us normal people.’ not even his friends believed in him, how did it take him so long to realise. His quirk was weak, hardening and barely at that no flashy moves or useful attacks, just a shield. A weak shield, he could never hope to be on the same level as heroes - as Mina. He stops at the door of his apartment, he can't go home - not now his future is gone his parents will be so disappointed in him. He can't stand to watch his parents suffer because of him, all he will ever be is a burden to them.
Moving past the closed door, he enters the stairwell. It's dusk now and the streets are relatively empty and the roof is definitely empty. Approaching the short chain link fence he takes a deep breath, ‘one of my last’ the morbid thought crosses his mind. It doesn't take much to hop over and dangle his feet off the ledge, the wind passes through his hair and his eyes take in the red sunset. Red has always been his favourite colour after all Crimson Riots red and he's always been Kiris' hero. He thinks of writing a note but decides he can't be bothered, the concrete looks too tempting and the idea of death has always scared him. Although it seemed to be comforting him now, the escape from failure, no one will blame the kid who killed themself for being weak. He puts his legs back over the ledge and positions his back towards it. One more deep breath
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He lets go. Tipping backwards off the fifteen story building. The wind picks up drowning out any sounds and pulling his hair and clothes upwards, it would be pretty if it didn’t mean he was about to die. Not that he was having second thoughts, time slowed as he fell. Falling backwards meant he didn't see the pavement zoom forward and into focus as he grew closer and closer and closer. Although his body sensed it. He hardened every part of his body as his body hit the floor. A crack sounds through the silent night, what was meant to be the last noise from him. His eyes open, his body hurts but he's alive. His useless, stupid quirk saved him. He openly sobs, each one more violent ripping and heaving through his body. He can't even kill himself right and now everyones going to know he can never be a hero. He's never going to be a hero.