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Cressida didn’t know how she ended up standing in the Bridgerton’s garden behind their townhouse.
Of course, logically, she knew how - her maid had smuggled her outside after her parents went to bed and the coach had done the rest - but what on earth had possessed her to come to this place. Tomorrow her aunt would take her to Wales. Away from everything she knew. From everyone she knew.
She pulled her thin overcoat tighter around her body. This last minute bravery hadn’t come with a pre prepared gown and shawl or something else, more appropriate for this late hour visit. Not talking about her hair just being in a simple single braid over her shoulder. If her parents would notice her absence or see her being outside looking like this , they’d probably chain her up in her aunt’s estate and never let her see the sun again.
The townhouse still seemed to be bustling with life, even at this late hour. The newly wed Lady Kilmartin was probably packing for her departure to Scotland tomorrow. And if her maid’s line of information was to be believed, Eloise was going to join her sister, the Earl and his cousin on their journey.
Cressida wanted to take a step forward, but her feet didn’t move. How was she supposed to talk to Eloise without alerting the whole family of her presence. In their garden. In the middle of the night.
She huffed, annoyed with herself for not thinking this through. Her mother had been right after all, her lack of wit had put her in this ridiculous situation. She just wanted, no, needed to clear the air between them, before they may never see each other again, but how …
Her pulse was thundering in her ears at the shame that was starting to creep through her whole body, a flush of embarrassment dusting her cheeks and shivers making her body tremble all at once. Maybe it was the sensible thing for her to leave these social circles behind. Maybe everyone would be better for it. Even if her extraction was unwillingly, with a hole in her heart and no hope left for a bright future.
She should just go back, turn around and-
So inside her own head, she hadn’t heard the door open, she startled when she noticed a person step outside, and almost tripped into the hedge that encircled the garden, cursing not as softly as itended under her breath.
“Who is there?”
It couldn’t be, could it? Was luck on her side for once?
“Eloise, I’m-,” Cressida straightened, smoothing down her overcoat after the encounter with the branches and leaves to not embarrass herself even further.
“Cressida? What in God’s name are you doing here?” With the light shining out of the windows behind her, Eloise’s form was in shadows. Even as she stepped closer, Cressida couldn’t make out Eloise’s expression. Whether she was furious, or confused, or hap- no, she wouldn’t get her hope up for that option to come to fruition.
Cressida walked slowly forward, eyes turned down, while Eloise stopped at the swing set in the middle of the lawn, and leaned against the tree.
“I should get Gregory and let him chase you off our property with one of his play swords, shouldn’t I?”
Yes, the words stung, but Cressida had missed that sarcastic tone of Eloise’s voice; the slightest of smiles tugged at her lips. Even if she got chased off, at least she had seen and heard Eloise one last time, before everything would change.
“I wouldn’t hold it against you, but I hope you won’t see the need for it.” She took a deep breath, and took the last few steps until she was in front of her former friend. “I came to, well, first and foremost to apologize. And see you off. And wish you a happy and fulfilling life, because we probably won’t see each other again. With you going to Scotland and my aunt taking me to Wales.”
While she rambled, Cressida let her gaze travel up, taking in Eloise’s simple blue gown (always blue), her grey eyes (always so expressive), and her hair still in her usual updo (always so pretty, with her fringe almost falling into her eyes), as if she hadn’t had time yet to undo it.
Eloise just looked at her for long moments, the silence only interrupted by the sound of laughter and conversations coming from inside the house. She curled the hand that was still holding her overcoat tighter into the fabric, pretty sure she was leaving creases in the expensive cloth.
This was pointless, she had said her piece and Eloise clearly didn’t want to talk to her. The night was progressing by the second, the clock ticking against her and in sync with her anxiety for what was to come. Cressida sighed, and began to turn around-
“Thank you for apologizing. I won’t pretend everything is fine, but I don’t necessarily want any ill will between us.” Eloise sucked in a breath then exhaled loudly. “To be honest, I excused worse for the sake of friendship. And I need to apologize as well. Kate talked some sense into me and made me see the desperation the situation must have put you in. I'm sorry for not realizing it myself.”
“Oh. Yes- I-,” Cressida nodded in surprise, “thank you.”
Eloise rightened herself and motioned towards the swings with a nod of her head, before walking around the tree and sitting down on the one closest to her.
A bit hesitant at first Cressida took the swing next to Eloise. It had been a while since she had sat on one. Her parents, and especially her mother had been quick to make her put aside those childish things . Even insofar as to make sure that friends were only met for tea and to forge connections that could be used to further their standing at court.
Her fingers curled around the ropes. She made herself swing a bit back and forth without lifting her feet up. Maybe, in an alternate life, they would’ve run around this same garden as kids, laughing, playing, holding hands. Maybe they would’ve ended up an inseparable trio; Eloise, Penelope and herself. Maybe they would’ve stayed up all night together, trading secrets back and forth. Dealing with people, feelings and life itself.
But her life was this, and this was now.
And right now she was sitting close to Eloise.
What she wouldn’t give for Eloise to reach out, like she had done so many times during the season. Having grown up in such a big family, Cressida imagined small touches like that came naturally. For her it had been a surprise the first time it happened. And then at some point she hoped, even expected Eloise to just put her hand on Cressida’s arm during their conversations. She craved every little touch, after having been starved in a rather loveless home.
And if she was honest with herself, she craved it for a different reason as well.
Just thinking about it made heat dust her cheeks with the slightest of blushes.
“I’m sad you won’t be here anymore if I inevitably return to London. Of course Wales is not at the other end of the world, but I imagine you won’t be attending any royal balls, weddings or whatnot,” Eloise said quietly.
“No, I imagine not. Aunt Joanna probably won’t let me use her carriage quite that frequently.” There was a slight bitterness in her voice. Yes, the ball seasons had been a chore, and sometimes downright boring, but they still made her see and connect with people, even if it was mostly superficial. “Maybe I can steal it during some night or other, and just go wherever the horses want to take me.”
Eloise chuckled. “Oh, I would pay a great sum of money to see the Cressida Cowper ride into the dark of the night like some outlaw on the run.”
“I wouldn’t be opposed to you joining me.” Cressida’s gaze was glued to the ground. She hadn’t planned to insinuate they run away together, not again, after the first attempt had failed so spectacularly.
“I might accept that offer. Lord Kilmartin’s home is supposed to be rather isolated. I’m still very excited to go and leave the ton for a while, but how am I supposed to learn about the world if I just stay in one place once more.”
Cressida could feel Eloise shift and look at her. She swallowed around the knot of feelings that had settled in her throat. After calming down somewhat over the course of their conversation, her heartbeat started to escalate again.
“And it would make for a great story for the adventure novel I will surely write at some point. Two noble ladies, living and surviving in the woods all by themselves and robbing people that want to cross them.”
Cressida snorted unladylike and brought one hand up to hide her laugh. “Yes, absolutely. I can picture us sitting around a campfire, roasting mushrooms and berries.”
“We would probably poison ourselves in the process, or get eaten by a bear,” Eloise joined in, laughing around her own words without abandon.
And there it was. Eloise had reached across the gap and now a warm hand lay on Cressida’s upper arm. It didn’t last all that long, but it felt like a handprint had been left behind. She wished to burn it onto and under her skin, so she wouldn’t have to rely on her memory to remember how it felt.
Cressida dared to look up and saw Eloise wipe away a tear from the corner of her eyes. She itched to touch Eloise’s cheek with her, for once, gloveless fingers, but didn’t want to push her luck.
(Maybe? Could she?)
“But I hope they would have a few fun exploits before you let them die some heroic death or other.”
“Yes, maybe they will travel the world together until they die of old age during a last jewelry heist,” Eloise looked at Cressida with a smile on her lips, but turned her heads towards the house when the sound of piano playing drifted out of a slightly open window. “And maybe they will dance under the stars and perform some pagan rituals.”
“I’m rather sad that we didn’t get the chance to dance with each-,” she cleared her throat, “ next to each other with some suitors this season. I know you’re not fond of dancing, but I think it could have been fun to complain afterwards about our smarting toes.” Cressida ran her fingers over the rough surface of the ropes, not able to look away from Eloise anymore.
“It’s not that I despise dancing per se, it’s dancing with people I don't know that makes me uncomfortable the most. And I don’t necessarily do well with being led.”
Eloise stood up and smoothed her slightly rumpled dress down. Without hesitation she turned to face Cressida and bowed slightly before extending her hand in invitation. Cressida looked at her with wide eyes, just short of staring open mouthed, unable to process what was happening right now.
“If you would be so kind as to join me in this dance, Lady Cowper.”
Cressida’s mouth went dry and she had to gulp down a nervous giggle that threatened to escape. While Eloise looked at her expectantly, she slowly raised her hand, hesitating for just a moment, before she put her hand in Eloise’s and softly got pulled to her feet. ( Oh .)
Eloise guided them a few feet away from the swing set. Meanwhile Cressida was still trying to wrap her head around her hand being held, and her legs still working to follow Eloise to their improvised dance floor.
What Cressida had expected was some turns around each other, barely touching, while swaying to whatever was being played inside. Distanced. Chaste. Proper.
What happened was Eloise not letting go of Cressida’s hand and putting her free hand on Cressida’s waist to pull her closer. Their chests weren’t touching, but Cressida could still feel the warmth that mingled between them.
“Put your hand on my shoulder,” Eloise said quietly, while gazing up at Cressida with a soft smile.
“Okay,” following the instruction, Cressida did as told, and not soon after Eloise began to lead her through the steps she had been tutored to memorize since childhood. She could probably dance in her sleep, if prompted.
Though of course the person leading her was supposed to be taller, bulkier, with a rougher hand and preferably a title to his name.
Eloise was none of that.
And still, Cressida couldn’t help but feel safer and better led than she had ever before. Her heartbeat was thrumming in her ears, almost overpowering the soft music echoing through the garden. With how close they were, she feared Eloise could hear it, too. Could hear how this was affecting her.
“How do you know to be the leading part?” Cressida almost didn’t dare to ask, afraid to break the spell that seemed to have wrapped them up in a little bubble. A little space just for themselves.
“Francesca and Hyacinth were more eager than I was when it came to the art of dancing. And our dear brothers were always quick to flee to whatever Gentlemen’s Club they fancied in that moment.” Eloise rolled her eyes when talking about her older brothers, but still had a fond expression. “I watched the tutor and then danced with Francesca while Gregory did his best with Hyacinth whenever they fancied it.”
They circled each other, while their hands were raised and their palms were touching. Usually they would join another couple, dance as four, switch their partners until they came back together, but it was just them dancing to what was probably Francesca playing the piano.
Eloise brought Cressida back close, and perfectly timed when the song ended, swung Cressida around to dip her carefully.
But all the carefulness in the world couldn’t have prepared her for Eloise Bridgerton holding her like this, their chests touching and Eloise’s face just mere inches from her own. (Just a bit more.)
So, of course, she fumbled.
Spectacularly, while trying to make it easier for Eloise and holding herself and her own weight up some more. But all that did was disturb the balance that Eloise had so perfectly maneuvered them into, and not a moment later Cressida could feel them both fall to the ground.
Cressida hadn’t anticipated the night would evolve into this. Into Eloise landing on top of her with a soft oof and them just lying there for a few agonizing, quiet seconds.
“Well, I don’t imagine the Queen would have liked our attempt to display charm and grace,” Eloise mumbled into Cressida’s shoulder.
“Oh no, now I’m imagining her disapproving glare.”
Cressida started to giggle, then Eloise joined soon after and it didn’t take long until both of them were shaking with laughter.
Eloise propped herself up on her elbows, but didn’t make any attempts to move away any further. She was breathing heavily, little laugh lines crinkling the corners of her eyes and her nose scrunching up adorably.
(Oh no.)
It wouldn’t take much to act on her desire. Just leaning up and she would know how it would feel, at least once, until their ways would part for the foreseeable future.
Her eyes darted down to Eloise’s lips.
(Oh no.)
Their legs were tangled, their bodies touching; Cressida could feel the warmth through the layers of their dresses. Her hands were next to Eloise’s forearms, which were framing her head. She moved her fingers, so she was touching soft skin. A part of Eloise she had touched before, while they were walking around the park and their arms were linked.
But this had been in public, with dozens of people walking around them, watching or ignoring them, and gloves preventing any direct skin contact. This felt special now. It was special. Lying on the cold, hard ground, with no one but them, the moon and the stars to bear witness.
Her fingers wrapped around Eloise’s arm, fingertips pressing a bit harder into the skin. She thought she heard Eloise suck in a breath. She took a breath of her own, two, her chest rising against Eloise’s soft weight on top of her. One more heartbeat.
Cressida gathered her courage, to hell with hesitating, and leaned up. Just a few inches left that separated them. She closed her eyes in anticipation.
And suddenly soft lips were on hers.
Not one to read romance novels or poetry herself, Cressida had always laughed off the tellings of her companions when they sighed and swooned about the dashing men they’ve read about. The butterflies and fireworks. The weak knees, the gasps, and the hunger shared between lovers.
Now Cressida almost wanted to laugh at her ignorant self, as she seemed to experience everything that had been described in hushed voices and accompanied by excited giggles. Her body tingled pleasantly all over from this softest of contacts. And even though the kiss didn’t last longer than a few heartbeats, it still seemed to go on forever.
She didn’t dare to open her eyes; for the first time since she stepped into the garden she was afraid this was all a dream. Eloise moved the slightest bit, shifting her weight, until she was cupping Cressida’s face with one hand. When Eloise let her thumb run over Cressida’s cheek, her eyelids fluttered open.
Eloise was still so close, her breath was puffing against Cressida’s lips and their noses were almost touching. She looked surprised for a moment as they breathed against each other, with each other, but then those laugh lines around her eyes came back and she leaned down to capture Cressida’s lips for another kiss.
Feeling bolder now, Cressida brought her hand to Eloise’s shoulder, running it over the fabric of the dress, until her fingertips found the part of Eloise’s upper back that wasn’t covered, until she could cup Eloise’s neck and hold her close.
Their lips fit together so perfectly, moving softly against each other; Cressida wanted this moment to never end. This closeness, this connection with someone she so deeply cared about.
But of course, their bubble had to burst at some point. One of the windows slammed shut rather forcefully and made them scramble apart. Rather ungracefully, Cressida decided, but their dresses were a bit restricting. And as for Cressida herself, she had to remember how to function for a second.
Eloise was smoothing down her dress, while she looked at the house, but there was no one to be seen.
Cressida pulled her overcoat tighter around he r body again, feeling cold all of a sudden now that Eloise’s warmth wasn’t blanketing her anymore. She cleared her throat, flushed and embarrassed, for the dismissal that surely was about to come.
Eloise looked back at her, and without hesitating stepped closer and grabbed Cressida’s hand with both of her own. “I want you to stay, but,” she swallowed hard, glancing down at Cressida’s mouth, “we’re both leaving the city tomorrow.”
“I know. Us running away together was always a silly fantasy, but I needed to see you again.” Cressida’s heart sank as she said those words. This goodbye had turned even more bittersweet than she had anticipated. “Please write to me, when you arrive in Scotland.”
“I will.” Eloise pulled her closer to place a soft kiss on Cressida’s cheek, the corner of her mouth, her lips. “And maybe we can make this fantasy come true. We have to plan our adventures in the woods after all.”
Eloise bowed down, while Cressida curtsied to signal the end of their impromptu ball.
While Cressida left with a heavy heart and tears threatening to fall, there now was a spark of hope. And the memory of a dance and a kiss under the stars warming her chest.