Chapter Text
Izuku had rarely ever dabbled in romance. He preferred to love from afar and he was perfectly okay with that. Confessing his feelings would mean that they were tangible, out there, for the recipient to either accept or reject them. Izuku always knew it would be the latter.
It started with his first childhood crush, though Izuku never discovered his true feelings until late middle school. Katsuki Bakugo was his hero. He had always wondered how he’d gotten so lucky with Katsuki. Why did someone as cool as him bother hanging out with Izuku Midoriya? He figured it was by luck. Izuku was next door, both boys were young, so it made sense they would become friends. From then on they were glued to each other. With every hangout, Izuku couldn’t get enough of the blonde. He always took charge, showing Izuku the coolest parts of town. He was courageous, not scared of climbing hills or wandering too far. And on top of that, he was sweet. When Izuku fell Katsuki came running. He held his hand when he was scared.
But one day he just switched. Someone had replaced his Katsuki with a stranger. Someone who looked down on him, hated everything about him, and relished in the hurt on Izuku’s face whenever Katsuki would say something too far. Izuku guessed that was the price to pay for befriending someone popular. Yet no matter how many times Katsuki kicked him down the dying flame in Izuku’s heart burned for the other. He longed that his Katsuki was still there. Courageous Katsuki. Sweet Katsuki. Izuku’s feelings overflowed so he cracked and wrote a letter. Of course, he would never give it to Katsuki, but it helped. He poured everything out. Every memory contributed to Izuku’s feelings for him. Every small act that he remembered while Katsuki forgot. Every comforting word. His feelings of betrayal when Katsuki became mean and how despite that, Izuku still loves him. Then he slipped the letter between two pairs of pants he didn’t wear anymore.
His second crush came in freshman year. Ochako was the first girl that had ever paid attention to Izuku. She had shown him kindness when no one else had, and for that, he was forever grateful. She gave him something to look forward to each day. Her sweetness even reminded him of Katsuki before his switch. She was also incredibly pretty with short brown hair that complimented her face and rosy pink cheeks. Though as the school year progressed Izuku felt swamped with classwork, and too busy to pursue romance (on top of lacking confidence) he never verbalized his feelings to Ochako, instead writing a letter to express how he felt before tucking it between the pair of pants.
He met his third crush in the summer. His mom encouraged him to sign up for a summer camp hosted by UA and neighboring high schools, stating that if Izuku didn’t go he wouldn’t do anything all summer. Because he loved his mom Izuku agreed. There he met Rody. They were assigned to the same cabin, the deers, and quickly became bunkmates and best friends. Rody attended high school in a town hours away, he had two younger siblings who he took great care of, and he was a bit of a kleptomaniac. Izuku discovered that the cookies the camp served for dessert were the greatest thing since sliced bread but each camper was allowed only one per day. One day Izuku had finished his cookie and expressed his desire for more so Rody gave him his. The next day Rody did the same thing and pulled out a third cookie. Every day after Izuku had three cookies. Then Izuku wrote his letter during the last week of camp. Rody was the only crush of his that he considered actually giving the letter to but he chickened out at the last second, waving goodbye and watching the brunette’s school bus drive off.
His fourth crush blossomed in sophomore year. He had shared some classes with Shoto Todoroki in freshman but never became too close with the other. His icy demeanor made it difficult to befriend him but in sophomore year they were seated next to each other. Izuku greeted the other every morning. Eventually the other greeted back. Then the onesided conversations halted and Shoto’s ice cracked. He confided in Izuku about his issues at home and he listened, rubbing his back as he cried. Then they hugged and Izuku felt warm. He was glad that someone had trusted him enough to tell him something so delicate. Izuku introduced Shoto to Iida and Ochako and he became a part of their group. Every day they hung out Izuku felt his feelings grow so in classic Izuku fashion he wrote him a letter and tucked it between the pair of pants.
He broke from his reflection as he crossed the street and into the front entrance of UA for the first time as a junior. He noticed all the new faces as well as some old ones, specifically Ochako. Her smile beamed as always though behind it was a hint of confusion.
“Hey Izuku! How was your summer?” she asked, walking beside him.
“It wasn’t too exciting. Outside of some volunteer work and my job I mainly stayed home. How about yours?”
“Pretty much the same, I made a new friend though!”
“Really? Who is it” he asked. She stopped and dug through her backpack, pulling out a familiar-looking envelope.
“I’ll tell you later since… I actually wanted to talk about this”
It can’t be . Every hair on Izuku stood up, his legs stuck to the floor, and his face paled. With his silence, Ochako continued.
“It was really beautiful and I’m flattered. I actually used to have a crush on you too believe it or not! It’s just… the friend I made over the summer. I think I have feelings for her so I’m not sure how to feel about your feelings—“
“I— I wrote it a long time ago! During freshman year so it's— it doesn’t reflect how I feel right now” he blurted, sounding more like a string of jumbled sounds than actual coherent words.
“Oh phew! But why send it now…?” she questioned, tucking the envelope back in her backpack.
“You’re keeping it— I actually… don’t— I didn’t send it out so I don’t know how you got it—“
Oh god. If Ochako got it does that mean everyone else got their letters? Izuku suddenly felt ill. Too much information bombarded him at once.
“Izuku what’s wrong?”
“I wrote other letters.”
Ochako understood.
“Izuku, what’s your first period?”
“First period…? Algebra 2, why?” he answered. She pulled out her schedule and showed him it, revealing that they had the same class.
“Let’s talk about this in there, okay? A little walk will help”
He nodded, struggling to even take a step forward. His top concern was Katsuki Bakugo. He didn’t care if Rody knew, he was hours away. Todoroki would be awkward but it wasn’t anything he couldn’t handle. But Katsuki Bakugo. How would he react? Would he tell other people? Would he be mad? Every possibility seemed equally as bad.
“So… who did you write the other letters to?” Ochako spoke up. She had wrapped an arm around Izuku’s shoulder to keep him moving, as well as giving him reassuring squeezes.
“A guy… from my summer camp last summer… Shoto… and Bakugo”
She turned to look at him, eyes bulging out of her head.
“KATSUKI BAKUGO?”
Izuku rushed to cover her mouth but people were already staring. His palms connected with her back as he pushed her forward away from onlookers. They finally arrived at their first-period class, ‘Sit wherever’ written on the whiteboard.
“So explain to me why you wrote Bakugo a love letter?”
“It was when we were kids…” he started, “it was the first letter I wrote and I never ever thought anyone would receive them”
“And Shoto hmm?” she asked with a playful smile.
He covered his blushing face as he tried to explain, “I started to like him after we started getting close… he’s my most recent crush”
“Do you still like him?”
Izuku didn’t really know. The feelings were there, though faint, as over the summer he tried to bury them in order to preserve their friendship.
“Ochako, they can’t read their letters. I’d rather die, or move to another country, or join a traveling circus!”
“You will not be joining any circuses on my watch… but hey, my house is one of the first on the mail route! Their letters will probably get delivered later today and we just need to take them back before they can read it!” she plotted.
“You’d do that… with me?”
“Of course, I’ll even invite Tenya”
“I don’t think he could get behind stealing other people’s mail…” Izuku reasoned, “So… who’s this girl you like?”
Ochako suddenly buried her face in her sweater. Luckily for her, the bell had just rung. She gave Izuku a smug grin and pointed to the teacher. He listened, though mainly tuned her out as it was the generic icebreaker and class norm spiel. Ochako’s logic made sense. They most likely haven’t read it and he would swoop in before they could. There wasn’t much he could do about Rody though that was his last priority. His current objective was getting through the school day and stealing back his letters.
The bell rang and Izuku walked briskly to his next period. He felt unfortunate that his next class was all the way across from school and the passing period was only seven minutes.
“Hey Midoriya!” a chipper voice called out to him. Turning his head he watched as Mina caught up to him.
“Hey Ashido,” he greeted her. They weren’t the closest of friends but they were friendly with each other.
“Bakugo’s looking for you right now,” she stated as if it wasn’t the weirdest thing she could say. Why would Katsuki look for Izuku? He hated Izuku and wanted nothing to do with him. Unless he got my letter.
“WHAT? Where— where is he?”
“I don’t really know he kinda came thundering down the halls asking where you were, just thought I’d let you know!” she added before running off, completely unaware of Izuku’s predicament. New objective: avoid Katsuki Bakugo at all costs.
During his second period, Izuku bore a hole through his schedule with his gaze. He reread each class name, teacher, and room number trying to come up with the odds of him and Katsuki sharing a class, even just one. Kacchan isn’t the type to take 3D art. Would he take AP Lang? Probably but there are three AP Lang periods. What type of science would Kacchan take? Would he take an AP? Probably, Kacchan likes to push himself. There are so many AP sciences and I’m taking the general course so I’m fine in that department too.
During the first break of the day, Izuku hid out in the bathrooms meaning he unfortunately wouldn’t be able to greet his friends, though if Shoto was among them that was probably for the best. He scribbled in his notebook when Izuku heard the front door swing open. It startled him, and he would’ve gone back to scribbling if it wasn’t for a familiar raspy voice.
“That fucking nerd’s avoiding me.”
“It’s only the morning Bakugo, it’s not weird that you haven’t seen him,” Kirishima reasoned, “why do you have to talk to Midoriya so badly, anyway?”
“None of your goddamn business Shitty Hair just keep asking if people have seen him”
“Should I say you’re looking for him specifically…?” the redhead asked.
“Fuck no— I don’t want people thinking I’m obsessed with that dipshit, just ask where he is, and if anyone asks why I’ll fucking blow them up!”
“Bakugo— you can’t make those kinds of threats at a school!”
“Watch me.” he growled before the bathroom door swung open once more and the voices retreated. Izuku felt ill. He was holding out that it was all fake, a sick prank Mina decided to play, but Katsuki confirmed it himself that he was on a manhunt for Izuku, and he wouldn’t stop until he found him. He suddenly hopped off the toilet and craned his face over the bowl as waves of nausea began to wash in. He opened his mouth but nothing came out. No amount of calm breathing or happy thoughts could stop his hyperventilating and cold sweating. Then the bell rang. Only five more periods left. He stepped out of the stall and lightly splashed cold water on his face before heading to his third period, 3D art.
Just as he rounded the corner to the hall of the art wing Izuku caught a glimpse of spiky blonde hair entering his classroom. His legs locked. Move Izuku. You have to move . And he did, only backward in the direction of the bathroom. Skipping a period on his first day was not on Izuku’s junior bucket list, or any bucket list of his ever, but he reasoned that the situation called for it, and the art teacher Mr. Toshinori was a pretty lax guy.
Izuku waited almost an hour for the next bell to ring and when it did he carefully traversed through the halls, taking the most traffic-heavy routes to blend into the crowd over other teenagers. During class, he strategized for lunch. I could hide out in the bathroom again but the real issue is actually getting my lunch. Izuku hadn’t packed any, planning on just getting school lunch. I could skip lunch or go in super quickly to get it and run away to the bathroom. Izuku packed up early, watching the clock intently, and as soon as the bell rang he ran towards the cafeteria. He purchased his mediocre food, ready to make his exit, when he stared directly at a pair of scarlet red eyes.
His body moved before he could process who he was looking at, dropping his food and running. Just running. Izuku didn’t have a location in mind all he knew at that moment was the word run. One foot in front of the other at maximum speed. He reached a dead-end hall in the language wing before recognizing there was no place left to run.
“Fucking Deku, STOP RUNNING,” Kacchan yelled behind him. Izuku spun around and observed the other. He was gripping Izuku’s letter as his chest heaved up and down.
“What the hell is this? Some sort of sick joke–”
Izuku’s mouth moved slightly to try to explain himself but he didn’t even know where to start. Kacchan read my letter. He read it. He knows how I feel– how I felt? He knows how much of an obsessive creep I am. He knows that I–
“Fucking tell me what this is.” he marched forward, grabbing Izuku by the collar, “Why the fuck did you send me this shit.”
He moved his mouth once more but could only stare silently at the visceral hate in Katsuki’s eyes, no, his entire face twisted and contorted all saying one thing. I hate you.
Suddenly Katsuki was pulled back, revealing the recipient of his fourth letter.
“What are you doing to Midoriya?” Shoto’s monotone voice questioned, though there was a hint of concern and aggression. He didn’t let Katsuki explain, placing himself between the two. Izuku looked down as Shoto pulled out the letter. His fourth crush’s face starkly contrasted with Katsuki’s. Shoto’s expression grew soft, vulnerable even, with a light blush on his cheeks. He avoided eye contact while his lips upturned ever so slightly in a smile.
“I wanted to thank you for the letter, Midoriya. I was so surprised when I read it this morning– not because I didn’t like it but… I guess I’m flattered? It’s hard for me to express my feelings but you’ve helped me come a long way so I guess I wouldn’t be able to say these words without your help. I’m still not sure exactly how I feel, all I know is that your words touched me Midoriya and I want you to know I’ll have an answer for you soon… if you’re okay with waiting”
Izuku couldn’t even respond as Katsuki shoved Shoto and yelled, “You sent this bastard a letter too?”
He figured it was time to come clean.
“I sent four letters, actually” he watched as Katsuki’s face twitched, “I wrote them awhile ago– I never intended for each recipient to ever receive their letter– I actually don’t know how you guys got them”
He stared at the pair expectantly. Shoto seemed to understand while Katsuki still bore an angry expression. Yet it was more than just anger, Katsuki looked jealous, and annoyed, but also bewildered, and confused. He looked as if everything Izuku said was in another language.
“I understand–” Shoto started before Katsuki cut him off.
“Well, I fucking don’t–”
“I’m guessing you wrote this last year Midoriya, so your feelings are still fresh. I want you to know that I’m not rejecting you, I just need time to understand how I feel. I’ll text you and we can plan something, ” Shoto requested. Izuku gave him a small nod, which was all he could do while feeling overwhelmed. His friend glared at Katsuki before leaving. Izuku and Katsuki stood in silence. Part of him wished that Katsuki would yell at him. Anything to stop the silence. It left him wondering in his mind what Katsuki was thinking– not what he wanted people to think he was thinking but how he honestly felt.
“Your letter was the first one I wrote,” Izuku explained, “so it’s the oldest and my feelings for you are long gone…”
Katsuki was silent before speaking up again, “Who are the other fucks you sent letters to?”
“What–”
“I wanna know what other group of fucks you lumped me together with. Fuck Deku, it’s embarrassing enough that you sent me a letter but fucking humiliating I wasn’t the only one. I wanna know which bastards you think are on my level enough to crush on.”
Izuku blinked, “Well… other than Shoto I sent one to Ochako, and a guy from a summer camp”
Katsuki scoffed, “Great, you just compared me to a fucking douchey stuck-up, bitching and moaning with legs, and some freak who probably smelt like B.O. Thanks, Deku, it’s nice to know how fond you are of me”
“Were.” Izuku corrected him. That seemed to tick Katsuki off as his relaxed sarcasm burned into hate.
“Fuck you Deku, don’t fucking think I like you I’m just here to tell you that you’re fucking weird and to not talk to me you goddamn creep!” he yelled brashly before swiveling around and stomping off.
Izuku carried on the rest of the day somewhat normally. How well Shoto took the confession balanced out Katsuki’s. From the sounds of it, he wouldn’t kill Izuku as long as he didn’t interact with the blonde, wasn’t going to tell anyone, and seemed a little upset that he wasn’t Izuku’s only crush. Out of all possible outcomes, he concluded that this one wasn’t the worst, that was until his last period of the day when he saw Katsuki sitting in the far corner of his history class. I can’t afford to skip two classes, not today. He reluctantly sat on the opposite side of the room.
With his mission of avoiding Katsuki terribly failing and finally confronting most of his past crushes, one final thought lingered in Izuku’s mind. Who sent the letters? Only one person came to mind but Izuku didn’t want to believe it. In simple terms, she screwed him over yet Izuku knew she meant well. What mother wouldn’t send out letters?
As the final bell rang Izuku found himself walking home with Ochako. The summer’s heat persisted with a cool breeze and despite the unexpected events of that day, Izuku found it hard to be upset on such a beautiful day. On most days the students of UA rarely ever went straight home, opting to cause trouble downtown or hop into the designated driver friend's car and cruise, however, after the first day back most tiredly dragged their feet home, unwilling to accept the reality that school had started for another year.
“We missed you at lunch, Izuku” Ochako broke the tired silence. On sunny days, he had relished in the energy the sun gave him but now he felt just plain exhausted.
“I was kind of avoiding all my crushes– not you though, mainly Kacchan and Shoto I guess,” he sighed, “but they found me”
“What happened? I don’t see any bruises so I’m guessing Bakugo didn’t take it that bad?” she gasped. Izuku gave her a half laugh. He knew that others were aware of their strange relationship but completely clueless about the details of their falling out. It upset him when all they saw in Bakugo was a violent bully. Izuku knew there was more to Katsuki’s hatred of him than simply getting a kick out of seeing Izuku’s pained face because, behind his masked hatred, Izuku saw pain as well.
“I mean, it wasn’t as bad as I was expecting but Kacchan pretty much told me what I already knew. He hates me and to stay away. Shoto though–” A small smile formed, “He reassured me that he didn’t hate me, or think I was weird, he told me he just needed time to think about my feelings. It made me feel better”
Ochako squealed, “That’s so romantic! I bet you guys are going to date!”
“Maybe… we’ll see” he replied, “so who’s this girl I’ve been hearing about?”
Her face blushed bright pink. She looked to be deep in thought before finally taking a deep breath, “It’s Himiko Toga”
“Toga?!”
“Yes, yes, don’t be so loud! We both worked at the mall this summer so I saw her a bunch. We ate together during our lunch breaks, she gave me coupons and I gave her mine. She always popped in to visit me too… we just got really close and I think I like her”
“That’s so sweet Ochako! You should start dropping hints”
The pair rounded the corner and came up to Ochako’s house. He walked her to the front gate and waved her off, “You better keep me updated”
“You too!” she replied. Izuku continued walking, choosing to pull out his wired earbuds and listen to music the rest of his walk home. After shuffling his playlist The Promise by When In Rome played. Alone now, Izuku’s cover began to falter. A million thoughts raced through his mind. Why would she send the letters? Why does Kacchan have to tell me things I already know? I know he hates me. I know he wants nothing to do with me. I know he thinks I’m disgusting. He doesn’t have to tell me. Before he realized it salty tears cascaded down his cheeks. Izuku wanted to hold out hope that Katsuki didn’t utterly despise him but the blonde made it hard to hope. He wanted to believe they had just grown apart. Whatever they had now was worse than being strangers. It was worse because he grew up with Kacchan. The pair knew everything about each other; what made them laugh, their favorite food, what they disliked about themselves, what they admired, and their dreams of the future yet now they were reduced to two people who knew each other, one longing for the past and the other running from it. Their shared past kept Izuku wondering if he still liked spicy foods or if he was still insecure about his crooked teeth. His tears faltered finally as he neared his house. Before he could open the front gate a loud car boomed behind him. It pulled into Katsuki’s driveway with music so loud it vibrated the entire car. Out stepped Katsuki, alone, so he figured he had just returned from hanging out with his friends after school. If he had gone straight home Izuku figured that he would’ve been home already. His gaze lingered on the blonde.
“The fuck you looking at creep?” he yelled from afar. Izuku snapped his neck forward and rushed inside, ignoring the other. He took notice of the silence in the house. Mom is still working, meaning he couldn’t confront her, so Izuku walked to his room and slumped onto his bed. His house was only one floor, unlike Katsuki’s, but their rooms were next to each other only Katsuki’s was one floor up. He remembered that when they were younger Izuku and Katsuki would keep their windows cracked, that way they could hear each other if one called out. One night from middle school in particular stood out in his mind.
Izuku had tossed and turned, flipped his pillow several times, and even changed the pajamas he wore yet exhaustion never came. He crawled to his window and looked up into Katsuki’s dark room.
“Kacchan…” he whispered. He expected no response and jolted when the blonde’s head poked out from above him.
“Yeah?”
“I can’t sleep, can you?”
“Not really” the blonde grumbled.
“I wonder why I can’t sleep”
“Are you worried about something?” Katsuki asked.
“I don’t know. Maybe. I feel like something bad is going to happen”
“Like what?”
“I don’t know, I just feel it in my stomach”
“Think about something that makes you happy”
Kacchan came to mind. Izuku felt his body relax. His mind cleared and he grew silent.
“What’d you think about?”
“Us. In the future. We’ll be roommates and attending the same college. We’ll host parties in our apartment, play videogames without my mom nagging, and eat a bunch of junk food”
“I like that”
Both boys drifted off, dreaming about the future. The specifics in each were starkly different except for one factor, they both had each other. That was the night before the switch in Katsuki flipped and he abruptly decided that Izuku was enemy number one.
Izuku looked up from his cracked window, taking notice of Katsuki’s, fully shut with the curtains closed.
“Brat, you have mail,” his mom called out.
“Who the fuck still sends mail?” Katsuki spoke to himself, though it was loud enough for his mom to hear from the kitchen where she sipped a cup of coffee.
“It’s probably your grandma”
He stepped out of the downstairs bathroom and stole a sip from her mug, grabbing the envelope and his car keys. He turned his keys to start the ignition and took notice of the words on the front. It had his address and name, though the I in Katsuki had a heart instead of a dot. What the fuck. The blonde had gotten his fair share of love letters, though they mainly concentrated in February and he had never received one at his actual house. Who the fuck is this freak? He ripped it open, not caring about preserving the envelope, and opened it. The messy handwriting immediately stuck out to him as familiar. Then he read the first two words and his stomach dropped. Dear Kacchan. Only one person had called him that. Fuck no. No. No. No. No. No. His eyes bore through every word, struggling to combine each to form sentences. It was as if he had forgotten how to read. He hadn’t processed anything he read except one phrase. I love you. He tossed the paper and gripped the steering wheel, quickly pulling out of his driveway. He broke several traffic violations as he sped toward UA, drifting into the parking lot and ignoring everyone else. He scanned the sea of people for green hair, finding nothing. He saw some of his friends and marched over.
“Raccoon eyes, where the fuck is Deku?”
“Good morning to you too, Bakugo” she laughed with Denki.
“I’m not fucking playing today where is he?”
“What’d he do this time? Be in your presence too early in the morning?” the electric yellow blonde joked.
“Fuck you guys” Katsuki turned before a hand gripped his arm.
“Ignore them, they missed you. We hardly saw you all summer!” Kirishima reasoned, “None of us have seen Midoriya.”
“FUCK” Katsuki yelled before pulling away and stomping off. The first bell rang and Katsuki grumbled to himself all first and second period. During brunch, he scoured the halls for Izuku, yet he practically fell off the face of the Earth. He stomped angrily into the boy's bathroom, kicking open the door with Shitty Hair right behind him.
“That fucking nerd’s avoiding me.”
That has to be it. The nerd knows he fucked up. He wondered why the hell Izuku would write him a love letter knowing the blonde wanted nothing to do with him.
“It’s only the morning Bakugo, it’s not weird that you haven’t seen him,” Kirishima reasoned, “why do you have to talk to Midoriya so badly, anyway?”
“None of your goddamn business Shitty Hair just keep asking if people have seen him”
“Should I say you’re looking for him specifically…?” the redhead asked.
“Fuck no— I don’t want people thinking I’m obsessed with that dipshit, just ask where he is, and if anyone asks why I’ll fucking blow them up!”
“Bakugo— you can’t make those kinds of threats at a school!”
“Watch me,” he growled before kicking open the bathroom door once more and stomping off. He dreaded third period. UA required each student to take at least one art class, and after putting it off long enough Katsuki decided to take 3D art. The 3D art teacher, Mr. Toshinori, went down the attendance list, causing Katsuki to choke when he called out a specific name.
“Izuku Midoriya?”
Silence.
“Is Izuku Midoriya here?”
Katsuki discretely scanned around the room, no green hair to be seen. That fucker’s definitely avoiding me. The blonde couldn’t wrap his mind around it. Why would Izuku send him the letter? He should be well aware of the nature of their relationship. Aware enough to know to avoid him. Did he have a lapse in judgement? Fuck . The way Izuku went on and on about their childhood in the letter pissed Katsuki off. Was he trying to tug on his heartstrings? Trying to trick Katsuki with nostalgia. Nothing about him makes me feel nostalgic. He’d confront him by the end of the day, break down his front door if he had to, and do whatever it took to lay it down thick that Katsuki wanted Izuku to stay far away.
During lunch, Katsuki scanned the crowd for green hair yet again. It began to irk him how obsessive he felt. He spotted his friends and began to trek over when he finally spotted it. Green hair, a freckled face, and vivid emerald green eyes filled with fear. The nerd dropped his lunch and booked it out of the cafeteria, Katsuki running after him in pursuit. He shoved past people and skidded around corners.
“Fucking Deku, STOP RUNNING,”
The other halted at a dead end and spun around, eyes wide like a feral animal. Fucker’s gonna pay for making me chase after him. He held out Izuku’s letter.
“What the hell is this? Some sort of sick joke,” he shouted, observing as Izuku’s mouth moved without any words coming out.
“Fucking tell me what this is.” he marched closer, grabbing Izuku by the collar, “Why the fuck did you send me this shit.”
The other struggled to speak again, which pissed Katsuki off. Fucker got exposed and now he doesn’t know what to say. I hate people like him. I hate him. This is why I hate him. People who say shit and stay silent when they’re confronted. It’s so pathetic. Katsuki felt himself get pulled back as someone stepped between him and Izuku.
“What are you doing to Midoriya?”
That fucking Icy-Hot bastard. He didn’t even let Katsuki respond before turning his back to him and speaking to Izuku, acting as if Katsuki wasn’t there. He watched as he pulled out a folded piece of paper from his pocket. What the fuck?
“I wanted to thank you for the letter, Midoriya–”
Katsuki hadn’t cared to listen to the rest, trying to process what the fuck was going on. Icy-Hot got a letter? What kind of stunt is Deku trying to play? Trying to increase his odds as if any sorry sack would actually consider dating him. What a sorry piece of–
“I’ll have an answer for you soon… if you’re okay with waiting”
What?
“You sent this bastard a letter too?”
“I sent out four letters, actually”
Four? What.
“I wrote them awhile ago– I never intended for each recipient to ever receive their letter– I actually don’t know how you guys got them”
Four letters? God, this is embarrassing. Deku really thinks I’m on the same level as four other fucks? Icy-Hots considering it? How fucking good was his letter? Fuck this can’t be happening. Deku likes me– no, he loves me. He loved me all that time.
“I understand–”
“Well, I fucking don’t–”
Before he could finish Icy-Hot cut him off, going on about Deku’s fresh feelings for him. Arrogant piece of shit. Why the fuck would Deku crush on this stuck-up bastard. He snapped out of his inner turmoil as Icy-Hot glared at him before walking off. Fuck you. He stared at Izuku who looked calmer than before, but still on edge.
“Your letter was the first one I wrote,” Izuku explained, “so it’s the oldest and my feelings for you are long gone”
Oh wow. Katsuki felt conflicted, for one he was glad that Deku felt nothing for him anymore but also somewhat offended. Of course he liked me I was fucking awesome– why doesn’t he like me anymore? Why does he like Icy-Hot, he’s fucking nothing compared to me.
“Who are the other fucks you sent letters to?”
“What–”
“I wanna know what other group of fucks you lumped me together with. Fuck Deku, it’s embarrassing enough that you sent me that letter but fucking humiliating I wasn’t the only one. I wanna know which bastards you think are on my level enough to crush on”
What am I saying?
“Well… other than Shoto I sent one to Ochako, and a guy from a summer camp”
Katsuki scoffed, “Great, you just compared me to a fucking douchey stuck-up, bitching and moaning with legs, and some freak who probably smelt like B.O. Thanks, Deku, it’s nice to know how fond you are of me”
“Were.” Izuku corrected him. The fuck? Who does he think he is?
“Fuck you Deku, don’t fucking think I like you I’m just here to tell you that you’re fucking weird and to not talk to me you goddamn creep!”
Katsuki stormed off, not caring about what else the nerd had to say. He marched back into the cafeteria and angrily sat at the end of the table where his friends sat. He felt their eyes bore into him, unsure whether to ask what was up. Nobody asked, so Katsuki listened in on their conversations, trying to drown out his overwhelming thoughts.
He took notice of green hair in his final period but Katsuki figured that sharing two classes with the nerd was better than more. He didn’t feel like going home after school. His house was too quiet. He needed to do something spontaneous.
“Yo, Shitty Hair tell everyone we’re going out”
“We are? Oh my god, it’s finally happening!”
“FUCK. Nevermind then”
“Sorry! Sorry– I’ll text them”
The pair headed for the student parking lot and waited outside of Katsuki’s car. The blonde hated how Kirishima always knew when something bothered him. His eyes always studied Katsuki, trying to decipher his expression. He hated it. He hated being perceived as anything other than just awesome, the best, or number one.
“They’re on their way” Kirishima paused, “You wanna tell me what’s bothering you today?”
“No”
“Will you ever tell me?”
“No”
“Will you ever tell anybody?”
“No”
“Can I get a hint?”
“No”
“Is it about Midoriya”
“FUCK. Can you just shut up? For one second? I can’t go five goddamn seconds without someone mentioning that fucking nerd around me”
Kirishima dropped it and they stood in silence, which Katsuki realized he had asked for.
“Can you talk about your day or something, it’s too fucking quiet”
His friend perked up, rambling about his new classes, teachers, and any classmates that stuck out to him. Finally, Raccoon Eyes and Dunce Face appeared.
“Fucking finally” Katsuki growled, “where are the other two?”
“ Kyoka is at band practice and Hanta went home” Mina stated.
“They think they’re better than me, huh? That my invitations don’t mean shit! Fine then I won’t ask those extras to hang out anymore”
Overreaction was an understatement. Katsuki swung open his car door and slammed it, quickly turning on the ignition.
“What’s up with him today?” Denki asked, voice muffled. Kirishima shrugged and hopped into the front passenger’s seat. Before Mina and Denki could hop in Katsuki realized he had thrown the letter back there and knowing Raccoon Eye’s nosiness she would definitely snoop. He leaned over his seat and grabbed the letter, quickly shoving it into his pocket as Mina and Denki hopped in. He felt Kirishima’s eyes again.
Katsuki drove, with no destination in mind, simply cruising downtown. The population of their quaint town wasn’t small enough where everyone knew each other but it also wasn’t a sprawling city, so downtown always felt lively. He watched strangers sit outside coffee shops and ice cream parlors as Shitty Hair’s shitty music played in the background. Eventually, Katsuki got sick of driving and didn’t want to waste any more gas. The extras lived close to downtown so he stopped the car and let them out. Shitty Hair’s shitty music kept playing, forcing Katsuki to listen to How Soon Is Now? By The Smiths.
Simply listening to the music wasn’t enough, Katsuki needed full distraction so he paid attention to the lyrics. I am human and I need to be loved, just like everybody else does.
Fuck. Nevermind then. Katsuki pulled into his driveway, trying his best to ignore that damn nerd opening his front gate, thinking that he couldn’t feel those green eyes on him. Does it seriously take him this long to walk home?
“The fuck you looking at creep?” he yelled from afar. After Deku retreated to his house, Katsuki entered his own. He heard the TV in the living room so someone else was home, probably his dad who always took a nap on his chair after work. Katsuki kicked off his shoes and stomped upstairs to his bedroom. He scrolled on his phone, trying his best to ignore the movement out of the corner of his eye from below. He tried his best to ignore a lot today. I’ll try even harder tomorrow. Being neighbors with your childhood best friend would be a blessing for anyone who wasn’t Katsuki Bakugo. Every day he could see Izuku down below living mundanely. He always did his homework on the floor, sometimes had long phone calls with his friends, and always had to fall asleep to something playing in the background. Recently his favorite thing to listen to had been video essays which he let blast out of his cracked window. Damn nerd should invest in headphones. Katsuki knew it was strange for him to pay so much attention to what Izuku was up to. I shouldn’t care. But he reasoned that Izuku was right there, of course he fucking saw what the other did. The blonde had enough of knowing so he closed his blinds and turned his back to the window.
Izuku had woken up with a dreadful feeling in his stomach. His adrenaline had worked overtime yesterday, causing him to crash soon after he got home, never getting the chance to confront his mom about sending out the letters. Now he could hear the sounds of dishes clattering in the distance, most likely his mom getting in some cleaning before she left for work.
Izuku begrudgingly forced himself up, heading to the bathroom before doing anything else. He wanted to lie to himself, reassure himself that he didn’t look that bad, but his eyebags looked as if they weighed a million pounds. He found it hard to keep his eyes open despite how long he slept last night. After using the bathroom, Izuku entered the kitchen. His mom placed the final dish into the drying rack.
“Good morning, honey, how’d you—“ a concerned look washed over her, “Izuku, you look terrible!”
She rushed over to him, soft fingers brushing over his eyebags.
“Yeah, well. I didn’t have the best day yesterday”
He didn’t mean to sound so pissy. He knew it wasn’t her intention to inadvertently publicly humiliate him, but it was her fault, he couldn’t deny that.
“What happened, ‘zuku?”
“Mom… did you mail out some letters yesterday? They were in my room”
“Yes, I think so. Why?”
He composed himself before responding, “Those were never meant to get sent out… and it was really embarrassing for me when the recipients confronted me.”
“Oh honey, I’m so sorry. They had addresses and stamps and everything! Will you be okay today? Do you want to stay home”
He considered her offer but decided the worst had already come. He grabbed his sneakers and slipped them on.
“Thanks, but I’ll be fine. Just check in with me before mailing out stuff from my room” he finished tying his shoes, “I love you”
“I love you too honey. Call me if you need to get picked up!”
He nodded and locked the door behind him, taking notice of Katsuki’s car still in his driveway. He figured since Katsuki could drive he didn’t need to leave for school so early. The things I could do if I had my license. He knew the basics of driving but hadn’t taken official lessons or even tried taking the test for his permit since the process of getting your license as a minor was expensive. Not the type of thing Izuku or his mom could afford. He got two blocks down when a sleek black car pulled up beside him at a stop sign.
“Goodmorning, Midoriya” a smooth voice called out from beside him. From the rolled down window Izuku spotted Shoto.
“I didn’t know you could drive!” he gasped.
“I learned this summer. Do you want a ride to school?”
That was an offer Izuku would never pass up. He opened the front passenger seat door and got comfortable. Shoto’s car was considerably colder than the warm air from outside. It also smelled of mint and was insanely clean, nothing that you would expect from a teenager.
“Is this your car or do you have to share it with your siblings?” he spoke up.
“It’s my own car. My father got it for me as a birthday gift”
It still baffled Izuku how affluent some of his friends were. As kids, Katsuki’s house was the hangout spot, though they weren’t there often, the pair preferred to roam around town. He hadn’t actually been to Shoto’s house much, they weren’t at that stage of their friendship. Will I have to meet his parents? Tenya was well off as well, so he found solidarity with Ochako as the broke duo in their group.
“I forget how rich you are”
“We’re comfortable”
Yeah he’s totally filthy rich. The route to school passed by a park, so Shoto drove considerably slower due to the influx of kids playing before school started. He stopped at an intersection as a black jeep blasting music pulled up beside them. Izuku immediately recognized whose car it was. He didn’t know whether to hide or see if Katsuki was staring. Shoto couldn’t help but stare though, bothered by the blaring music. Eventually Izuku saw Katsuki’s head drift in their direction, eyes widening at the presence of Izuku in Shoto’s car. Finally the light turned green and Katsuki sped off.
“Any louder and he could go deaf” Shoto joked monotonily.
“You think that’s why he yells all the time?” Izuku joked back, earning a smile from Shoto. They finally settled into a comfortable conversation. Izuku had been on edge, fearing that Shoto would bring up that uncomfortable unfinished conversation from yesterday, but he didn’t, simply talking about how his summer internship went.
“What is your third period, Midoriya?”
“You can call me Izuku… if you want” he added before answering his question, “But— I have 3D Art, why?”
“Can I drop you off to class… Izuku?”
“Sure… Can I ask why?”
“I want to discuss the contents of your letter. I have some club stuff to attend to this morning so we could meet up during the morning break and I can drop you off,” Shoto explained.
Izuku nervously scratched his ear. My letter. Might as well get it over with, he thought. He nodded as his head slowly drifted back forward to gaze out the windshield. Comfortable silence followed. Shoto pulled into the student parking lot and the pair went their separate ways, Shoto to do his club stuff and Izuku to meet up with his friends. Since freshman year, their designated morning meeting spot had always been in the school courtyard, though when mornings grew too cold they met at Ochako’s locker. Luckily, the summer heat persisted into August so Izuku headed to the courtyard. He spotted Ochako who was a blushing and giggling mess with Iida who wore his best interrogation face.
“What’s happening?” Izuku laughed.
“Ochako was just telling me about her blossoming relationship with Toga!” Iida explained. Ochako waved her hands wildly in front of her.
“We’re just friends–”
“For now!” Iida interjected. The ringing of the morning bell saved Ochako from further questions. The broke duo parted ways with Iida and made their way to their shared math class, talking on the way.
“Shoto wants to talk to me today… about my letter”
“Well, whatever he says is gonna be way nicer than however Bakugo put it!”
“Ugh, I just don’t want it to ruin our friendship…or our group!”
“There’s nothing to worry about,” she reassured him, “Remember when Iida and I dated last year? We’re fine now. The groups better than ever!”
“It was obvious you both liked each other,” Izuku rolled his eyes, “I don’t really know how Shoto feels besides… well, besides that he needs time”
“Good luck, okay? If anything, which is unlikely, happens feel free to find me or text me.”
Izuku smiled, grateful he had such a supportive friend, “Thanks Ochako!”
His first period passed quicker than Izuku had wanted. He stopped by his locker during the morning break to switch out notebooks and wait for Shoto. What if he rejects me? No, he WILL reject me. It’s just a matter of t–
A light tap on his back pulled Izuku from his negative thoughts. He whipped around and spotted Shoto, looking a little less indifferent than usual.
“Ready to go?” the other asked. Izuku nodded his head vigorously and walked beside Shoto who talked to him about club stuff. He knew that Shoto was trying to find something to fill the awkwardness between the two. They stopped outside the 3D Art room. Shoto had peeked in and informed Izuku students were already in there so they should talk outside.
“I want to start by restating that I’m really thankful for your kind words in that letter. I’m also thankful for your friendship…”
There it is. Izuku quickly inhaled.
“...which leads me to my answer”
Can he please just get to the point?
“I would like to see where this goes, Izuku. Unfortunately, I can’t promise anything but reading your letter made me see you in a new way… a romantic way,” Shoto clarified.
Izuku blinked once. Then twice. Then he felt lightheaded so he finally exhaled. What?
“Pinch me”
“Excuse me?”
“Sorry– you’re being real? You’re real? This isn’t a joke?”
“Why would it be a joke, Izuku?” Shoto asked seriously. He stumbled forward and hugged Shoto, catching him off guard, though a hesitant hand rested softly on Izuku’s upper back.
“You should get to class,” Izuku smiled, trying his best to hold back tears. His friend smiled softly and walked off. Izuku walked into his class, his newfound happiness now juxtaposed with the peeved face of Katsuki, though it didn’t bother him as much as it usually would’ve. Shoto wants to see where things go!
The high of happiness Izuku ran on the rest of the day quickly crashed during his last period.
“For the start of the year project, you all are going to be paired up to visit three to five historical sites and or interview historical figures of the town. The goal of this project is to revisit the historical thinking skills you learned last year as well as get to know your classmates. There will also be an essay and presentation involved but we can worry about that later. I’ll also add that you get two months for this project, it should take less time but I’m compensating for you procrastinators. Now onto the groups…”
Izuku’s stomach continued to churn as Mr. Aizawa went down the list of partners. The names slowly dwindled and neither Izuku nor Katsuki’s had been called.
“... and finally Izuku Midoriya and Katsuki Bakugo. I’ll give you all ten minutes at the end of class to meet up with your partner to plan accordingly for these next two months. For now, let’s review the historical thinking skills from last year”
Izuku’s head slowly jittered to meet Katsuki’s burning gaze. He looked as if it was Izuku’s fault that they were paired up. He gave him an I don’t want this either look and quickly snapped his head to face Mr. Aizawa. Izuku tried to rationalize his current situation. Two months wasn’t that long. Mr. Aizawa even said the project wouldn’t take that long too. He and Katsuki could hit their three sites over the span of two weeks and be done with each other. I’m sure Kacchan’s also thinking about ways to end our forced time together quickly.
Katsuki didn’t feel like interacting with the world today. He still felt emotionally exhausted from yesterday. But of course, I can’t catch a break. His eye twitched as he caught Shoto’s head poking into the 3D Art classroom from his peripheral vision. Something about him knew. Knew that Izuku was right outside with him. He kept his Airpod in his ear but turned down the volume of his music. I just wanna hear that stupid nerd get rejected, he reasoned.
“I want to start by restating that I’m really thankful for your kind words in that letter. I’m also thankful for your friendship…”
There it is. Katsuki grinned.
“...which leads me to my answer”
I can’t wait to see the look of Deku’s teary-eyed face.
“I would like to see where this goes, Izuku. Unfortunately, I can’t promise anything but reading your letter made me see you in a new way… a romantic way,” Shoto clarified.
Katsuki lightly jolted in his seat. His Airpod fell out of his ear and clattered onto the floor. What? The rest of their shitty conversation was drowned out. After a moment Katsuki picked up his Airpod from the floor and glared at Izuku as he walked in. His eyes did look glossed over with tears, though for a different reason.
Katsuki fell into a slump the rest of the day. An even deeper one than he had started with. His shitty friends noticed, yet no one was brave enough to ask except Shitty Hair.
“Are you gonna tell me what’s up man?”
“I really don’t feel like talking today” he growled, too tired to throw in an insult.
“Bottling up emotions has never done anyone any good”
“Shut up”
“You don’t have to talk now. My ears or my DMs are always open”
“FUCK, you’re really not gonna give up? Fine. Someone wrote some stupid shit and made me think about even stupider things. Then someone else said something stupid and it’s ruining my whole day” he snapped. Kirishima took a moment to respond and Katsuki hated every silent-filled second of it.
“Is someone saying stuff about you?” he finally asked. Katsuki groaned and walked off. Of course, he wouldn’t get it. Of course, he would have to spell it out, except he never could. It was too embarrassing to admit that Izuku’s letter was making him think weird things. Like what would Katsuki think if he read that letter in middle school? What if Katsuki had taken a day to process his feelings like Todoroki? Would he also want to see where things go? Hell no! Stop thinking about that. What does that even mean? Are they dating now?
His sour mood persisted throughout the whole day and worsened during his last class of the day with Mr. Aizawa’s announcement of that cursed start of the year project. Katsuki had already despised partner projects but of course Deku had to be in this class.
“... and finally Izuku Midoriya and Katsuki Bakugo. I’ll give you all ten minutes at the end of class to meet up with your partner to plan accordingly for these next two months. For now, let’s review the historical thinking skills from last year”
Fuck no. Like actually no. I’d take Monoma over him. He glared at Izuku, hoping to intimidate him into asking Mr. Aizawa to switch partners although he already knew that Mr. Aizawa was firm and not willing to make changes over partner preferences. I can just meet up with that shithead for three days and get this whole thing over with.
“As promised, meet with your partner and discuss availability and ways to contact each other”